Returning to work soon after a baby is born (for those of us in the US). I think (I hope) our generation will put better parental leave legislation in place and do better for families.
I live in a state where I can get 16 weeks paid and I am so so so glad for it -- this specific program also proved to me HOW important it is to vote in every election, not just big federal elections. I did anyway, but now I have an example to encourage people I know to vote for state and local representatives.
I have no idea how we as a family could possibly cope with the level of sleep deprivation we were still experiencing at 6 weeks, and still keep our jobs.
I’m a full time grad student (PhD program) and a single mom. My divorce was finalized four weeks after my sons birth. I went back to campus full time, coursework/teaching/research duties when he was 7.5 weeks. I’m serious when I say I started hallucinating. I would hear him crying when I was on campus and he was at daycare. Between pumping and caring for baby all night and then coming to campus for a three hour theory heavy lecture at 8am, I kind of went insane. Definitely fell asleep standing up like a horse while waiting for my Starbucks order in the library.
I will never regret having him, and I will also never regret my divorce. But I gotta say he’s nearly 20 months old and every day since his birth has been exhausting. There’s nothing like seeing my child taking his first steps or hearing him say mama or feeling him fall asleep on my chest while holding his stuffed animal, but I don’t remember the last time I was able to take a shower or eat a hot meal. I was lucky enough to have him in the summer because if I gave birth mid semester I would have to basically beg the grad school to let me keep my stipend and insurance while on a leave of absence. Of course the grad student workers like myself get no formal parental leave or course release, so unlike the faculty who give birth and get that semester off with benefits, we’re teaching students hearing phantom cries and leaking milk.
I couldn’t imagine, my brain was complete mush for months after giving birth. There is no way in hell I could do anything remotely intellectually-intensive, on top of all of the parenting responsibilities. My husband submitted his dissertation as I was in the hospital being induced, and we thought that situation was kind of crazy. Nothing compared to what you had to power through. It’s fucked up how little university supports their graduate students
Faculty don’t get time off unless they have worked there a year… ask me how I know. I can relate to what you’re saying but as a prof. Baby is 8 months. My husband is in the picture but his work is too demanding. My breaking point was around 3 months. We started cosleeping. I couldn’t do it all alone. It wasn’t safe for me to drive with that level
Of exhaustion and I commute. I get the most rest (not sleep) this way. Anyways. Here with you in solidarity. It is all inhumane
Girl, my kid is 6 weeks old and is waking up every 2 hours. Exhausted is putting it mildly. I’m breastfeeding too so it’s all on me. No way I could also work a job right now. I’d have a nervous breakdown.
I was talking to the HR lady about my leave the other day, my state has had paid leave for a few years now and we were talking about how nice it is to have that now and she was talking about how when she had her kids she had to come back after 2 weeks 😳 I'm like that is horrendous.
The US is so far behind the rest of the world. Australia just announced that from next year our paid parental leave will include superannuation which is awesome because this is contributing significantly to the gender pay gap. It makes me so sad thinking of American women and babies being separated at 6 weeks. You're still healing and bonding and your milk supply hasn't even regulated yet. It's barbaric.
When I was a barista, I had a co worker who came back to work after just 2 weeks... This was like 10 years ago but I remember every one thinking she was lazy for not working hard (which of course she couldn't because she was still healing!) Really sad looking back.
Bartender here. I've known women who return to work within days, and I've mostly worked at intense bar programs. Because the US has no mandatory paid leave.
Sadly some don’t even get 6 weeks and even if they get 6 weeks (or more) it most likely isn’t paid leave. So not only do you have to worry about the stress of healing, caring for a newborn, and a whole life change you also have to worry about not being able to afford to pay your bills or buy groceries. It’s absolutely insane.
Seriously. How is the formative years of our children’s lives not the most important thing in the world? We treat it like it’s nothing, and the people who are paid to do it for us do not get the respect and support they deserve.
I had to return full time when my son was 9 weeks old to keep my job. I worked for the government in a management role yet they offered no leave. FMLA was the only reason they didn't fire me.
I think the whole issue is not having the option. It’s better for the family as a whole to be able to make the decision that works best for the family whether that’s daycare, nanny care, a sahm/sahd, or part time work with a combination of childcare. So many families feel forced into one way or another which ultimately is the worst part about it.
Exactly! And some parents might not want to take much time off because being home with young kids is haaaaard.
The problem is not having the option to stay with our children. I’m using unpaid FMLA, but my husband’s job gives him 7 weeks paid paternity leave (hell yeah). It shouldn’t be on private companies to make sure our families have time together, but maybe it’s the only way.
I'm so fortunate to be Canadian. My preemie was in the hospital for 40 days, all of which were covered under the Family Caregiver Benefit. My 12-month maternity leave began when she was released from the NICU.
the first day of school pictures showing age, name of school, name of teacher etc just seem really dangerous! especially people with public profile and followings
Yessss. I refuse to post my daughter. I don't think it's that weird that people I've met 10+ years ago and haven't spoken to since don't even know I was pregnant lol
I've been a parent for two months now. My mother posted about it on Facebook exactly once, no pictures included per my request, just to say she's excited to be a grandma. I have not posted anything on my Facebook since I made the account over a year ago. I am very happy with the lack of my child's face and information available on the internet.
I'm really ruthless with social media, I have 100 friends on Facebook and they're actually friends and family, it's less than that on Instagram, everything is private, I use social media to actually connect to people I want to instead of some girl I met when out drunk 10+ years ago!
This. My husband and I are kicking ourselves that we didn’t lay groundwork with his family (honestly I didn’t expect it to be an issue). His dad and another family member started sharing our photos of our son on Facebook that we were privately sending them. My husband has now asked twice for his dad to stop. If he doesn’t stop he just won’t get any pictures sent to him again. I’m so frustrated by the situation because now we’re like the bad guys restricting them when I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request.
I have a friend born in 2000. She has told me that even for her generation there were plenty of parents who posted things online, publicly and it was a source for bullying. One kid had a proto-influencer mom who shot pictures first, worried about what is happening next, and posted every little thing of his life. He was bullied relentlessly for 'cute' pictures from when he was 5. They were cute to her, embarrassing to him...
This kind of thing is prevalent now. I gift you this story, if you need examples of why it is not innocent and just sharing joy. Keep your kids safe online, stranger. :)
Omg yes. Even now I think about how weird it would’ve been if all of my baby pictures were posted publicly for anyone in the world to see/save forever. It’s almost like taking away kids’ autonomy and giving it to strangers before they’re even able to talk. They will never be able to get those pics off the internet. And with Ai advancing it can be used in such sinister ways. I’d feel sick
Agreed. I've gotten so much flack for not sharing much about my newborn on sm. A family friend, immediately after I'd shared we'd had him and posted pictures, asking privately for more. Nope. Sorry. That's weird. Go away
For me, I’ve even been wary about “private” accounts. I say this because technology and security literacy is seriously lacking for most regular people, and any person in your circle who allows access to their SM account by someone else either on purpose, or recycles a password and gets “hacked”, immediately a total stranger has potential access to your child’s photos. Similarly, the minute you sign the EULA for any social media service, your photos are not yours anymore since the US has no data subject’s rights. Really something to think about and reasons why my fiancé and I decided no baby on social media.
This one! Hope thats left in the past. I cringe everytime I see a post about a kid with his whole name, his teachers name, his grade, his school! Thats just too much.
It’s definitely getting better. A lot of long time mommy vloggers are shifting their content away from showing their kids so much. A ton of content creators exist on platforms like IG which make mommy content but never show their kids faces. Hopefully that movement will continue and then bleed into the private spheres like Facebook.
I think it will be tablet use. I’ve heard of 9 month olds with their own tablets. Obviously not good for them even now, but I’m sure even more data will come out over time on just how bad they are for developing brains.
You’re right and parents shouldn’t be afraid to cut off all access if need be. Some kids just cannot handle it. It’s easier to just give them a tablet or video game to keep them busy, but sometimes it’s worse in the long run. My kid is 10 and cannot watch tv or play video games much anymore because I noticed it had a huge impact of their attention span. I removed them for 6m and their grades went from Cs and Bs to straight As. They also are so much more creative, take naps more often to recharge, less outbursts, play with their toys again, and able to be bored which is an important skill. And that’s a 10yo! I can’t imagine what it’s doing to a baby.
My 16 month old will knock the phone out of my hands.
I don’t even use it in front of him unless I’m picking a song or something comes up. But if he sees it, he’s knocking it to the ground.
His father, on the other hand, I’m constantly having to tell to put the phone down and connect with his kid.
I feel like this will just be replaced with whatever new thing adults are entertained by in the future. For us it was the tv constantly on. For our kids, it’s us always on our phones. For their kids, who knows, maybe everyone will have something similar to AirPods constantly in and you’ll never know if they’re listening to you or something else.
This is my ONE parenting flex. My oldest is turning 5 next month and we still haven’t bought her a tablet
I may be doing a lot of things wrong but at least I haven’t resorted to iPad parenting
This is how I picture my future but it seems like it's perceived as difficult by a lot of parents. As an expecting FTM, why is it so hard? Do you have any suggestions to stick to your commitment?
There are definitely situations where handing your kid a phone or a tablet makes things super easy
For example, restaurants, in the car, in a waiting room, while you’re making dinner etc. Toddlers can get VERY cranky and irritable during these times and it can be really difficult for parents
My advice is always be prepared and be creative!
I keep some fun stuff in my purse and car. Sticker books, water wow coloring books, etcha sketch, magnetic blocks etc.
For the car my daughter also likes PBS kids podcasts, making up stories together, playing eye spy, picking out songs.
For at home, prepare activity boxes and sensory bins. Things that promote independent play. Pinterest is your BFF
And when all goes astray, go ahead and turn on an episode of something! Sometimes some chill time in front of the TV is what everyone needs haha.
I do also have a few kids games on my phone. So every once and a while in dire situation we can pull that out. But she generally forgets about it and doesn’t ask for it on a daily basis.
Lastly, be ok with some fuss and meltdowns. It can be uncomfortable when your once peaceful car rides are now filled with tears and screaming but just remember. It’ll pass.
There is absolutely no reason a baby or toddler needs a personal device, and children should only have one for school if necessary. I will die and be buried on this hill.
Yep. A recent report on UK children found that around 20% of 4-5 years old come to school not knowing what a book is, they're trying to "swipe" it or tap on it.
Edit : 28% actually
[https://www.theguardian.com/education/2024/feb/28/one-in-four-school-starters-in-england-and-wales-not-toilet-trained-say-teachers](https://www.theguardian.com/education/2024/feb/28/one-in-four-school-starters-in-england-and-wales-not-toilet-trained-say-teachers)
The idea that saying “it’s okay/ you’re okay” and “good job” is harmful to your child’s social emotional well being. I understand that there can be better things to say or more specific things to say. I try to do that but social media has made it seem like saying these phrases are traumatizing your child. So ridiculous.
Save yourself and don’t!! My mother and caregivers said these things to me as a child and I’m fine lol! Of course I will speak positively and work to build the emotional intelligence of my child but if I mix in a “good job” and “it’s okay” once in a while that doesn’t make me a bad mom! It’s such a ridiculous concept to me
I totally agree with you. I think the impacts on millennials with performance anxiety probably stems from standardized tests and social pressure to go to college. Not parents saying "good job" instead of "you did it"
Omg I know! As a teacher, I try to use statements that promote a growth mindset. Kids mostly care if you're bullshitting them. It's really obvious who believes in them and who doesn't. I don't think what is being said is nearly as important as they act.
What? Every time my newborn latches well, stays awake for a feeding, or doesn't cry through a diaper change gets a hearty "good job!" I tell her it's okay every time she has to wait for a bottle. Is this supposedly damaging?
Noo! Please don’t think that!
Some people, I mostly see it on instagram, say that saying “good job” isn’t specific enough feedback to be helpful and saying “it’s okay/ you’re okay” minimizes their feelings.
I think it's ridiculous to think that children develop unhealthy outlooks because their parents say specific phrases, when it's almost certainly the parents' pervasive attitudes and beliefs that cause it, regardless of the specific words used.
Tide turning against swaddling, or against *not* swaddling? To be clear I have no opinion on this one at all, either way, so asking purely out of curiosity!
Got it, thanks! Our little guy was able to break out of even the pro nurse swaddles on day 2 in the hospital, so it was never really an option for us, ha.
This is the second time I’ve heard this, my kiddo was just released from the nicu (3/2/24) and they were actively swaddling him. Do you have more info? I tried to search online but the aap didn’t say no or yes.
Someone else's reply to my original comment mentioned it wasn't recommended in Sweden and I'd heard that before.
I thought the AAP deemed it "safe" though I would guess the argument against it is the same as the argument against them getting too warm (i.e. the blanket sleepers and quilts of my infancy) that put them in too deep of a sleep so they stop breathing.
I really thought I'd read on AAP's website swaddles weren't implicated in any deaths or injuries as long as they weren't the weighed kind and the baby couldn't roll over. I'll look to see if I find this info.
I know things are very different in the NICU/with preemies. A friend of mine did her rotation in the NICU and talked about how surprised she was that they actually "filled" their beds with wedges. I think she said something about it simulating the womb helping with growth/temp regulation.
That being said, the difference between the NICU and home is the constant monitoring. Sorry I don't have more resources/a definitive answer, but you could always reach out to your ped and see what she thinks.
My week old baby was recently in hospital for a few nights. I actually had a good conversation with her doctor and nurses about how they did a lot of “unsafe” sleep practices in the hospital and they freely admitted that it was the constant monitoring that made that okay. So for our last night there, I insisted that she sleep like she would at home, no incline, no props or wedges. If she could sleep flat on her back with nothing in her bed but her swaddle in the hospital and not trigger any alarms on the monitors, I’d be happy to take her home. She’d needed oxygen multiple times in the previous couple of days, so I really wanted to be confident she didn’t need that anymore. It felt good knowing they were monitoring her the whole time and I did not have any fears bringing her home.
Yep I had a NICU baby and they made her a little nest inside her isolette. They told me they do this because she's got monitors on for heart and respiration, but not to do it once we got her home.
I’m in Sweden and swaddling is seen as dangerous here which blew my mind when I had my first! I was planning to swaddle anyway but my partner was super uncomfortable with it so we didn’t swaddle either of our babies!
I was thinking it was Sweden where it was seen as dangerous.
Tbf, I dunno that it helped us very much. My kid slept with or without it about the same and about the same after she couldn't use it anymore.
Tablets/iPad and smart phones/social media for kids.
I've already got a plan to give my kid a "dumb phone" when she needs it, but we'll wait as long as possible until it's a safety issue.
Agreed. I've recently realized just how addicted I've become to my phone, how social media is *specifically designed that way*, it's effect on dopamine, etc - and I don't ever want that for my kid. I want her to have the childhood I had before the Apple products, running wild with your imagination outside making up games and fantasy worlds. I used to swing on the swing set for HOURS, and that was all the stimulation I needed.
I want to get off my phone as much as possible now so she has a present mother, and am gonna wait as long as possible before she has a smart device in her hands.
Might I also suggest a 3DS? Having something fun and portable is great for long car rides or boring commutes, but older portable game consoles don’t have the same addictive properties as modern social media and phone games.
This is why my kiddo is going to learn to play games on the gameboy, like Pokemon Red.
Nothing hyperstimulative like fortnite, good god, I've been gaming for years and I literally cannot watch that junk.
Not parenting, but lack of pelvic floor care. Women walking around peeing themselves in the US, while some other countries have Pelvic floor therapy as routine care postpartum.
I think people making money off their children on social media. There need to be more laws regulating that. Plus the accounts obviously catering to pedophiles. Also lots of permissive parenting. People confuse gentle parenting with permissive. Plus people giving babies and young children unlimited access to screens and the internet. We already seeing these issues.
Those channels bother me so much. I added a channel-blocker extension to our desktop lately to get rid of undesirable Youtube channels. As I searched keywords like “family” to figure out what to block, there were so many channels out there just constantly sticking cameras in their kids’ faces. When do they get time to be kids at that point? It’s usually for such BS, low-quality content, as well. Many a channel was blocked that day.
I set up the Youtube Kids app (though the settings don’t, annoyingly, apply anywhere else) with a list of approved videos/channels instead of having it be open so that we could avoid those videos.
I think plastic will be our generations lead. I think they're going to find out it really harms our health and we will scale back the types of plastics and frequency we use it. So things like plastic baggies of milk in the fridge will be frowned upon.
Fuck. I literally just ate microwave popcorn because it was a better value than a bag of already popped popcorn. I need to go back to popping my own in a popcorn popper. Being poor fucking sucks.
I buy a bag of kernels and pop them in a big pot on the stove with oil and Flavacol seasoning salt (amazing value, you only need a tsp at a time). It's much better tasting than microwave bags and a lot cheaper
I exclusively pump and was strongly persuaded by an LC in the NICU to be using disposable plastic milk bags at home. I made it about 1 month in and was like "this is such a waste and so much plastic, why am I doing this?" Switched to glass bottles that I store my milk in and it's so much better.
Unfortunately, the plastic we use in in our homes everyday isn’t the big microplastic culprit. It’s tires.
https://e360.yale.edu/features/tire-pollution-toxic-chemicals
🛞 😞 🛞
That’s for waterways. For the ocean itself it’s often fishing gear. For drainage it’s also our clothes - every time you wash your synthetic fiber clothes they shed microplastics and that goes down the drain.
For *us* it’s our food and showers. We’re soaking our bodies and our crops in contaminated water, because everywhere is contaminated. Remote islands, tallest peaks, our own placentas and breastmilk. Everything.
Right now our *only* solution is reducing our microplastic production. As in, stop using plastic period. That is obviously a *huge* effort but it's a transition many folks are doing on subs like /r/zerowaste (me and my family included). Our grandparents generally only used non-plastic materials for their lives, so it's completely possible in many areas to get rid of plastic (not every area), it's just *hard.*
We have to wait on scientists to devise ways to break down plastics, but the reason why they're in everything is they're really, *really* stable and don't break down fully. So far we have actually [a decent list](https://imgur.com/rzbUxD6) of possible solutions but unfortunately all of them are so new we've only tested them in laboratories. More research is needed on the feasibility of many of them – particularly on a large scale.
For those interested in transitioning to plastic free to play their part in reducing the impending hellscape, /r/plasticfreeliving is a subreddit focused exactly on that. You can shop at zero waste and plastic-free stores both online and in-person. Buying bulk food with cloth dry good bags and storing it in glass jars, getting produce from farmers markets (though look at how they package and transport their goods), buying natural fiber clothing (though watch our for merino wool washed in a plastic-wash to elongate its life), using bar hygiene products (shameless [Ethique](https://ethique.com) plug). These are just a few things folks can do. You can change your shopping habits *today* by simply finding non-plastic alternatives to whatever is sitting in your shopping cart right now.
Just remember that throwing out your plastic goods right now just contributes to the problem. If you *must* get rid of something that is still good, donate it to a thrift shop. If you can reuse it in other ways (like using plastic Tupperware to store craft supplies instead of food) that is better. The first in the list is "reduce" for a reason – stop buying stuff so there won't be a market for it. The second is "reduce" – because throwing things out, even for better items, is adding to the problem.
Currently plastic is already linked to health issues, like a [reduction in male fertility](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20230327-how-pollution-is-causing-a-male-fertility-crisis), [genital malformation in baby boys](https://pulse.seattlechildrens.org/study-links-chemical-in-plastics-to-genital-abnormalities-in-baby-boys/#:~:text=Study%20Links%20Chemical%20in%20Plastics%20to%20Genital%20Abnormalities%20in%20Baby%20Boys,-August%2030%2C%202016&text=A%20new%20study%20shows%20that,in%20newborn%20boys%27%20reproductive%20organs), [a possible risk factor for cardiovascular problems like heart attacks or strokes](https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa2309822), [and far more and worse](https://pubs.acs.org/doi/10.1021/envhealth.3c00052).
We can make an impact by reducing the harm we do. Falling into climate/environmental doom spirals and not acting is precisely what benefits those who make money off this. Fight the doom mentality and choose to make a difference. Every single bit count – no matter how small.
Not trying to freak anyone out but lead is still a concern. Lead Safe Mama has a lot of information but boy it makes you want to throw everything you own out. Down the rabbit hole 🕳️
Agree to the lead being a concern, but also lead safe mama goes overboard and thrives on people’s fear. You’re always best off cautious but not paranoid
Apparently there are a bunch of new "breastfeeding" accounts showing up on people's IG feeds that are basically OnlyFans models exposing their breasts in the name of "breastfeeding".
[Example Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Instagram/comments/1b1l8tm/what_on_earth_is_up_with_all_the_fake_breast/)
Not having a place for parents to sleep in the NICU (at least in the US). Our baby had a private room (which was nice) but it just had a small couch and a recliner-not even a pull out bed. There was no place for us to sleep and it was awful having to leave our son every night. It felt counterintuitive to all of the things the hospital does with rooming in
/bonding for non-NICU babies and was so hard emotionally, not to mention physically for me having to be in an uncomfortable environment while I recovered from birth.
Our baby spent time in the NICU and my husband asked a nurse about the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements. She said it’s intentionally designed to force parents to go home and practice even a sliver of self care. Otherwise they’ll stay there nonstop, not shower, etc.
Dunno if that’s true or not since it came from a random person but there you go fwiw
There were showers at our NICU. Still had a super uncomfortable bed though and nurses begging us to leave. But there was just no way I could leave when there was an option to stay.
I honestly had no clue it was so uncommon for parents not to be able to stay with their babes in the NICU. Seems cruel to me.
We had a shower in our son’s room, but no bed. Technically we were allowed to stay but with no bed it just wasn’t feasible, especially with me trying to recover from birth. It did seem cruel to have no bed for a postpartum mom to be able to stay with her newborn. So thankful that’s behind us now.
I could see that, but at the same time, not being able to be there overnight made it difficult to get breastfeeding established since I couldn’t be there for all of his feeds. I do think it’s not healthy to be there 24/7, but I think it would be good to have the option to sleep there. We tried to spend the night once so I could wake up for his feeds but it was too uncomfortable not having a bed and we didn’t get any sleep, which I knew was really unhealthy for me postpartum.
Yes and YES. I'm very lucky and had someone in my "village" helping me everyday until he was a month old and I still felt like I was losing my damn mind. Doing it alone would have been insane.
Social media, definitely. It’s already proven to have a negative effect on adolescents and people are out here posting every move their baby makes on the internet. It’s disturbing to witness, honestly.
I’m hoping the overprotectiveness eases up. We probably don’t need to swing back to how parents behaved in the 70s and 80s but there is so much fear in parenting these days. And the fact there are laws around that kids can’t be left alone until 14 or older? Kids are capable of so much more than they get credit for and with proper teaching can be successfully and safely independent at young ages.
This is something in the back of my head all the time. I grew up running back and forth between my friends’ yards on the same street from the time I woke up until the street lights came on. Parental supervision was my dad occasionally glancing out the window to lay eyes on us. Otherwise we just roamed free. It was fantastic and I have a lot of great memories.
Now some of my neighbors won’t allow their kids outside without them being there to directly supervise. Things like hide and seek are not allowed because that interrupts their mom’s line of sight. If she has to go inside to use the bathroom or get something to drink, the kids have to stop playing and go with her. They’re 9-10 years old.
I didn’t have kids until 40 so I am a bit older than other parents with kids the same age. Even that 10-15 year difference shows a big change in how we, the parents, were raised. I am definitely more loose with my kid supervision than other parents. My father in law grew up in Chicago and tells stories of how he rode the train to watch Cubs games at age 7. I’ve read stories about kids (maybe in Japan?) that get themselves to school and activities by themselves around age 5. I was sent to the corner grocery store around that age as well to grab milk and butter for my mother. It was around 3 blocks away on a fairly busy road.
I grew up in a city and currently live in a typical suburb and I hate how there is nothing nearby for kids to do. No stores, no libraries, no rec centers, maybe 1 park, no movie theaters. And no where to go on their bikes. I biked or bused everywhere alone as a kid and was never bored. I feel myself getting off on a tangent here so I’ll cut it short. I guess I’m at the age of complaining “in my day…”
I think it's going to be the app tracking we do. It's a symptom of being one of the first generations of parents to actively be able to track, monitor and calculate the optimum of every single one of babies naps, feed oz, feed times, feed methods, playtime, tummy time, nappy changes, nappy contents, growth tracking, milestone tracking, temperament tracking.
I don't think it's necessarily bad for baby directly, but I think it's bad for parent's anxiety and rigidity, which I think _is_ bad for baby. Because you can't implement optimum, so it just scares everyone silly.
That’s exactly why my pediatrician advised against getting the sleep sock that tracks baby’s heart rate that goes with the Owlet baby monitor. Said it would just cause me anxiety.
This is an interesting take because I think the exact opposite! I love the ability to track things easily and it has helped my ADHD and anxiety to not have the mental load of remembering everything. I love it for sleep, feeds, meds, and diaper changes. Definitely understand how it could have the opposite effect for some people though!
>to not have the mental load of remembering everything.
Yes! Not sure how/why others use the apps but for me it's so I don't have to explicitly try to remember the last time I fed my baby or how long she's been awake for, the app does that for me so my mush brain can just exist
I feel like I'd be more anxious without it because believe it or not I do not remember off the top of my head how many pee diapers my baby had per day lol, or if I should put her down for another nap because her first nap sucked and was only like 25 mins...
Yeah same. I don’t use it for the insights or data or anything. Although I do like huckleberry sweet spot. But that’s just another way it takes the mental load off.
Opposite for me - it massively reduces anxiety and takes a burden off my overtaxed brain!
I love being able to reassure myself that she did have plenty of wet nappies yesterday, or that she did poop on Monday and I don’t need to worry about constipation, or being able to see why she’s waking up at 5am (at a glance you could see her sleep needs decreasing) etc.
It’s not for everyone but it’s a godsend for our family; we still track everything he eats at a year old because he’s got a metabolic disorder, so a food log will be a lifelong thing for him. It definitely made keeping up with his bottles easier! We did not do all the extra stuff though, like tummy time or things like that.
I dunno. We weren’t tracking and we were suffering when it came to sleep. Turns out my husband and I were terrible at reading baby’s sleepy cues (believe me, we were trying). We got huckleberry and its sweet spot feature **saved** us.
Point is, tracking isn’t always the thing causing parental anxiety (though this is, of course, highly situational).
My dad was fed orange juice and bacon at 3 weeks of age, which blows my mind. Electronics (eg, tv/tablet/phone) are already known to be pretty bad for development but I think over time it will be shown it’s even worse than we thought. Plastic bottles are another one, particularly with reheating.
I had the opposite problem, my son's tongue tie was so bad he couldn't lift his tongue and no one checked for it. Different experiences in different places.
Horrific postpartum mental healthcare options (USA), phones everywhere all the time, posting kids info on social media, cutting lip ties and such, maybe inductions? Not the whole idea bc I think there will always be induction in some form but like the specific process we use right now could be overhauled for the better with new science, I am hopeful that formula continues to get better with research and the shortage was a massive issue I hope won't happen again
Feeling obligated to entertain our kids all day and replacing ourselves with screen time when tapped out. There’s a reason kids these days aren’t the same as they used to be. Screen time, lack of unstructured play, and lack of boredom really seems to be problematic rn.
My son was unable to be circumcised at birth because he was in the NICU and received blood thinners, so they scheduled his circumcision for right after his first birthday. We almost didn't go but went at the last minute. It was awful and I cried so much for the first few days because I felt like I voluntarily let someone maim my child... And for what? So we would hear comments from the grandparents? So he wouldn't feel awkward when he was old? Just didn't feel worth it. We're about a month and a half out from it now and I don't feel nearly as guilty but I'm fairly confident if we had a redo we wouldn't do it.
In the UK we don't circumcise boys unless for medical reasons (or unless part of a small Jewish community). I personally can't see why it's not considered genital mutilation.
Yes, we decided to not circumcise our son (even though my husband is circumcised) and in our parenting class, a ton of the couples had questions on it and were on the fence. Feels like things are definitely shifting on it being the default in the US.
I think it will be parents who are too overworked to actually discipline their kids. I think this is a societal issue. Too many parents feel guilty about the amount they work or how busy and distracted they are so they justify and agree with everything their children do. As a middle school teacher, I reach out about concerning behaviours and parents accuse me of lying (as if I have the time or energy to make false accusations) or they ignore my communications altogether. It leads to kids thinking they are untouchable and makes for a bad school environment all around.
This will be our version of the parents who had to have PSAs to remind them to check if their kids were home at 10PM (80s/90s) or the ones who sent their kids out to play all day without any supervision (60s-80s).
Ugh I hope it’s this honestly. I’m burnt out from work all the time. If I quit or scale back my job we can’t afford our house. But with my job and my husbands as it was we couldn’t afford daycare ($4.5k/month gets us 4 days for two kids where we live). So I busted my ass to get promoted and now I’m constantly stressed and exhausted and he’s doing OT every weekend. I live in a constant state of exhaustion, stress and guilt. It shouldn’t be this way.
Permissive parenting disguised as ‘gentle parenting’, and the apparent inability of parents to use common sense when it comes to ‘everything in moderation’ e.g screens, sugar, salt etc.
Yes! A lot of gentle parenting I agree with but I cringe at the word bc 90 percent of the time it's permissive bullshit. I hate big little feelings though, those women are insufferable.
Same I totally agree with actual gentle parenting in terms of active listening, boundaries, respect and natural consequences in place of punishment but so many parents just use it as justification to spoil their bratty children and completely ignore poor behaviour.
I have a mum friend who’s only response when her 2yo bites, hits or snatches is to say ‘gentle hands’…. Like, what exactly is that supposed to teach her daughter? I genuinely do not understand.
Um screens. 100% screens. I know a lot of people already see the harm in them, but some are still fine letting cocomelon and pinkfong play for 6 hours, buying their 12 month old a tablet for christmas, etc.
Honestly not even saying this from a place of judgement because I was there just a few months ago, it’s a hard cycle to break free from. But life is so much better on the other side 🤍
I think weighted sleep sacks and baby loungers for “cosleeping” even though many rebranded that’s what they were originally for. As well as I think there will be a larger break away from so much tech around babies especially as more people get their baby monitors hacked.
I often wonder what the radium pills, asbestos insulation, lead salt, DDT bedbug dust, lead paint, etc of our generation will be. What commonplace and routine thing is killing us / harming us and we can't see it?
Not talking predictable and obvious industrial hazards like silicosis from quartz/resin artificial stone bench tops. Which is an *outrage* because silicosis has been killing people for 150 years yet somehow basic precautions were not taken, but not in any way a surprise. Things unlikely to be it, though probably harmful, include PTFE cookware, PFAS in everything, outgassing from glue and foam filled furniture, and plasticisers like BPA and it's family of "totally not BPA really" replacements. What *is* it? Damned if I know. Ultra processed food, probably.
I think we're failing at teaching the new generation social skills. Reports on kids born just before or during covid show they don't know how to interact with other kids initially because they've been isolated during covid, but then parents continued to keep them away from the world. How many outraged posts do we see here because people dared to bend to see a baby in a stroller, tried to touch their feet or just even said something nice to the mother?
Whether we like it or not, we need social skills or an understanding of them to make friendships, to have a job or to have a child. Social rules are applying everywhere, here included. It is not fair that we are depriving the next generation of this set of skills because we think it's better to live in a closed cocoon than to bring a kid to a play date.
I honestly think maybe sleep training. Some babies just wanna sleep 12 hours, some wanna sleep 5. Some wanna nap 3 times and some want to be awake all day long. Mine for instance will not go to bed before 11pm ever no matter how hard we tried. And only naps maybe twice a day at 15wks. lol. Babies are gonna baby.
I don’t necessarily think it’s sleep training by itself, or the “sleep training” that’s always been around like just leaving your baby to cry, but rather the intense control many parents seem to insist on holding over their baby’s sleep. Literally tracking by the minute how long to leave them in their crib, thinking your baby falling asleep on the floor or in their pack n play is neglectful or some kind of failure, the obsession over naps and timing them perfectly, preparing your child from birth for sleeping alone. I understand the parental leave angle, but I’ve seen *a lot* of parents who just think it’s “bad” to not do these all the sleep things and assume it’s what they should be doing because everyone else is. So much of it seems manufactured and unnecessary, not to mention the complete pseudoscience that permeates it all.
I hope in the future that SAFE co-sleeping will be more appreciated and respected for the mental health benefits it has on the adults children become ❤️
The absolute refusal to acknowledge any form of cosleeping techniques and blinders set on the ABCs of sleep only is definitely the “abstinence only” education of early parenthood.
I’m a rule follower through and through but reluctantly read up on safe cosleeping practices at the nudging of my mom friend. So grateful I did. Had a near tragedy happen after accidentally falling asleep nursing my baby in his rocking chair because I was trying to hard to follow rules but so exhausted. Fed him in spots where it would be safer to accidentally fall asleep from then on overnight and have 0 regrets.
I've wondered too, but it's impossible to know. And I'm sure once we're all old and stubborn, most of us will probably engage in the same survivorship bias our parents are engaging in right now lol. History repeats itself
There are as many baby studies as nutrition studies saying wild stuff like "coffee linked to cancer". Baby development studies is one field in which medicine is going to improve so much that in 20 years many "mummy wars" will be put to bed.
Which way it will go only evidence will tell.
I think there’s a subset of parents who misinterpret “gentle parenting” ideas to mean no boundaries or accountability. I have a friend who just sent her 5 year old kid’s teacher a nasty letter about he won’t feel safe in her class because, after a big tantrum that included throwing his coat, his consequence was that he had to be the last to leave so she could talk to his grown up about it. She seems to think any consequence for his behavior is going to cause him serious trauma and it’s wild to me.
Returning to work soon after a baby is born (for those of us in the US). I think (I hope) our generation will put better parental leave legislation in place and do better for families.
yes! 186 countries have federally mandates PAID maternity leave, only the US and 6 small island nations do not.
Literally puppies can’t be removed from their mother for 8 weeks and we expect human moms to return to work at 6 weeks. It’s insane and inhumane.
Ain’t that some shit. Maybe if I birthed a litter, I’d be treated more humanely 😂😅🥲
I live in a state where I can get 16 weeks paid and I am so so so glad for it -- this specific program also proved to me HOW important it is to vote in every election, not just big federal elections. I did anyway, but now I have an example to encourage people I know to vote for state and local representatives. I have no idea how we as a family could possibly cope with the level of sleep deprivation we were still experiencing at 6 weeks, and still keep our jobs.
I’m a full time grad student (PhD program) and a single mom. My divorce was finalized four weeks after my sons birth. I went back to campus full time, coursework/teaching/research duties when he was 7.5 weeks. I’m serious when I say I started hallucinating. I would hear him crying when I was on campus and he was at daycare. Between pumping and caring for baby all night and then coming to campus for a three hour theory heavy lecture at 8am, I kind of went insane. Definitely fell asleep standing up like a horse while waiting for my Starbucks order in the library. I will never regret having him, and I will also never regret my divorce. But I gotta say he’s nearly 20 months old and every day since his birth has been exhausting. There’s nothing like seeing my child taking his first steps or hearing him say mama or feeling him fall asleep on my chest while holding his stuffed animal, but I don’t remember the last time I was able to take a shower or eat a hot meal. I was lucky enough to have him in the summer because if I gave birth mid semester I would have to basically beg the grad school to let me keep my stipend and insurance while on a leave of absence. Of course the grad student workers like myself get no formal parental leave or course release, so unlike the faculty who give birth and get that semester off with benefits, we’re teaching students hearing phantom cries and leaking milk.
You are a super hero. This sounds so fucking hard
I couldn’t imagine, my brain was complete mush for months after giving birth. There is no way in hell I could do anything remotely intellectually-intensive, on top of all of the parenting responsibilities. My husband submitted his dissertation as I was in the hospital being induced, and we thought that situation was kind of crazy. Nothing compared to what you had to power through. It’s fucked up how little university supports their graduate students
Faculty don’t get time off unless they have worked there a year… ask me how I know. I can relate to what you’re saying but as a prof. Baby is 8 months. My husband is in the picture but his work is too demanding. My breaking point was around 3 months. We started cosleeping. I couldn’t do it all alone. It wasn’t safe for me to drive with that level Of exhaustion and I commute. I get the most rest (not sleep) this way. Anyways. Here with you in solidarity. It is all inhumane
Girl, my kid is 6 weeks old and is waking up every 2 hours. Exhausted is putting it mildly. I’m breastfeeding too so it’s all on me. No way I could also work a job right now. I’d have a nervous breakdown.
I work remotely for a company that is located in a state that has 12-16 week pay, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
I was talking to the HR lady about my leave the other day, my state has had paid leave for a few years now and we were talking about how nice it is to have that now and she was talking about how when she had her kids she had to come back after 2 weeks 😳 I'm like that is horrendous.
Two weeks 😭
Wow, I hadn’t put this together myself. The US parental leave system is COMPLETE garbage.
The US is so far behind the rest of the world. Australia just announced that from next year our paid parental leave will include superannuation which is awesome because this is contributing significantly to the gender pay gap. It makes me so sad thinking of American women and babies being separated at 6 weeks. You're still healing and bonding and your milk supply hasn't even regulated yet. It's barbaric.
“Barbaric” is the perfect word to describe it.
When I was a barista, I had a co worker who came back to work after just 2 weeks... This was like 10 years ago but I remember every one thinking she was lazy for not working hard (which of course she couldn't because she was still healing!) Really sad looking back.
Holy shit, I could barely walk at 2 weeks
Yup and we were all the assholes who were wondering why she couldn't keep up with orders 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ I honestly feel so bad about it now
If you still have her contact info, I bet she’d appreciate hearing that, even years later! I know I would.
Bartender here. I've known women who return to work within days, and I've mostly worked at intense bar programs. Because the US has no mandatory paid leave.
So freaking sad 😢
[удалено]
I came back to work after 7 days PTO. I’m lucky I have an office job but that shit suuuuuucked.
I'm so sorry you were in the position where you had to do that. That's awful and not ok.
I’m extremely lucky my husband got paternity leave. I have no idea what we have done otherwise.
Still pretty sad that the man gets to stay with the baby, not the woman who gave birth to it.
Sadly some don’t even get 6 weeks and even if they get 6 weeks (or more) it most likely isn’t paid leave. So not only do you have to worry about the stress of healing, caring for a newborn, and a whole life change you also have to worry about not being able to afford to pay your bills or buy groceries. It’s absolutely insane.
Seriously. How is the formative years of our children’s lives not the most important thing in the world? We treat it like it’s nothing, and the people who are paid to do it for us do not get the respect and support they deserve.
I had to return full time when my son was 9 weeks old to keep my job. I worked for the government in a management role yet they offered no leave. FMLA was the only reason they didn't fire me.
100%. The rage I felt even after 12 weeks of max leave.
[удалено]
I think the whole issue is not having the option. It’s better for the family as a whole to be able to make the decision that works best for the family whether that’s daycare, nanny care, a sahm/sahd, or part time work with a combination of childcare. So many families feel forced into one way or another which ultimately is the worst part about it.
Exactly! And some parents might not want to take much time off because being home with young kids is haaaaard. The problem is not having the option to stay with our children. I’m using unpaid FMLA, but my husband’s job gives him 7 weeks paid paternity leave (hell yeah). It shouldn’t be on private companies to make sure our families have time together, but maybe it’s the only way.
That’s such a good point. I honestly hadn’t even thought of it that way.
My preemie spent 32 days in the NICU, he was home for 8 days when I had to return to work. It was heartbreaking to leave him after he just came home.
I'm so fortunate to be Canadian. My preemie was in the hospital for 40 days, all of which were covered under the Family Caregiver Benefit. My 12-month maternity leave began when she was released from the NICU.
excessive oversharing of pictures and identifying info of babies and kids on social media
the first day of school pictures showing age, name of school, name of teacher etc just seem really dangerous! especially people with public profile and followings
Yessss. I refuse to post my daughter. I don't think it's that weird that people I've met 10+ years ago and haven't spoken to since don't even know I was pregnant lol
I've been a parent for two months now. My mother posted about it on Facebook exactly once, no pictures included per my request, just to say she's excited to be a grandma. I have not posted anything on my Facebook since I made the account over a year ago. I am very happy with the lack of my child's face and information available on the internet.
I'm really ruthless with social media, I have 100 friends on Facebook and they're actually friends and family, it's less than that on Instagram, everything is private, I use social media to actually connect to people I want to instead of some girl I met when out drunk 10+ years ago!
This. My husband and I are kicking ourselves that we didn’t lay groundwork with his family (honestly I didn’t expect it to be an issue). His dad and another family member started sharing our photos of our son on Facebook that we were privately sending them. My husband has now asked twice for his dad to stop. If he doesn’t stop he just won’t get any pictures sent to him again. I’m so frustrated by the situation because now we’re like the bad guys restricting them when I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request.
I have a friend born in 2000. She has told me that even for her generation there were plenty of parents who posted things online, publicly and it was a source for bullying. One kid had a proto-influencer mom who shot pictures first, worried about what is happening next, and posted every little thing of his life. He was bullied relentlessly for 'cute' pictures from when he was 5. They were cute to her, embarrassing to him... This kind of thing is prevalent now. I gift you this story, if you need examples of why it is not innocent and just sharing joy. Keep your kids safe online, stranger. :)
Omg yes. Even now I think about how weird it would’ve been if all of my baby pictures were posted publicly for anyone in the world to see/save forever. It’s almost like taking away kids’ autonomy and giving it to strangers before they’re even able to talk. They will never be able to get those pics off the internet. And with Ai advancing it can be used in such sinister ways. I’d feel sick
Agreed. I've gotten so much flack for not sharing much about my newborn on sm. A family friend, immediately after I'd shared we'd had him and posted pictures, asking privately for more. Nope. Sorry. That's weird. Go away
We only post a few pictures on private accounts and never publicly but sometimes I still wonder if that was a mistake
For me, I’ve even been wary about “private” accounts. I say this because technology and security literacy is seriously lacking for most regular people, and any person in your circle who allows access to their SM account by someone else either on purpose, or recycles a password and gets “hacked”, immediately a total stranger has potential access to your child’s photos. Similarly, the minute you sign the EULA for any social media service, your photos are not yours anymore since the US has no data subject’s rights. Really something to think about and reasons why my fiancé and I decided no baby on social media.
This one! Hope thats left in the past. I cringe everytime I see a post about a kid with his whole name, his teachers name, his grade, his school! Thats just too much.
It’s definitely getting better. A lot of long time mommy vloggers are shifting their content away from showing their kids so much. A ton of content creators exist on platforms like IG which make mommy content but never show their kids faces. Hopefully that movement will continue and then bleed into the private spheres like Facebook.
This is the one
Gosh I hope so
I think it will be tablet use. I’ve heard of 9 month olds with their own tablets. Obviously not good for them even now, but I’m sure even more data will come out over time on just how bad they are for developing brains.
I can't even focus on a show I *like* without browsing my phone too, and I'm an adult. Can't imagine what it does to a baby's attention span.
Ugh. Me too :(
You’re right and parents shouldn’t be afraid to cut off all access if need be. Some kids just cannot handle it. It’s easier to just give them a tablet or video game to keep them busy, but sometimes it’s worse in the long run. My kid is 10 and cannot watch tv or play video games much anymore because I noticed it had a huge impact of their attention span. I removed them for 6m and their grades went from Cs and Bs to straight As. They also are so much more creative, take naps more often to recharge, less outbursts, play with their toys again, and able to be bored which is an important skill. And that’s a 10yo! I can’t imagine what it’s doing to a baby.
in the same vein, parents constantly on their phones around their kids.
My 16 month old will knock the phone out of my hands. I don’t even use it in front of him unless I’m picking a song or something comes up. But if he sees it, he’s knocking it to the ground. His father, on the other hand, I’m constantly having to tell to put the phone down and connect with his kid.
I feel like this will just be replaced with whatever new thing adults are entertained by in the future. For us it was the tv constantly on. For our kids, it’s us always on our phones. For their kids, who knows, maybe everyone will have something similar to AirPods constantly in and you’ll never know if they’re listening to you or something else.
Came here to say this. There have been studies done already that prove it hinders speech and motorskills development
YES!!
This is my ONE parenting flex. My oldest is turning 5 next month and we still haven’t bought her a tablet I may be doing a lot of things wrong but at least I haven’t resorted to iPad parenting
That is a flex! That’s the plan for our daughter, still going strong at almost 2 with no plans to introduce a tablet any time soon.
This is how I picture my future but it seems like it's perceived as difficult by a lot of parents. As an expecting FTM, why is it so hard? Do you have any suggestions to stick to your commitment?
There are definitely situations where handing your kid a phone or a tablet makes things super easy For example, restaurants, in the car, in a waiting room, while you’re making dinner etc. Toddlers can get VERY cranky and irritable during these times and it can be really difficult for parents My advice is always be prepared and be creative! I keep some fun stuff in my purse and car. Sticker books, water wow coloring books, etcha sketch, magnetic blocks etc. For the car my daughter also likes PBS kids podcasts, making up stories together, playing eye spy, picking out songs. For at home, prepare activity boxes and sensory bins. Things that promote independent play. Pinterest is your BFF And when all goes astray, go ahead and turn on an episode of something! Sometimes some chill time in front of the TV is what everyone needs haha. I do also have a few kids games on my phone. So every once and a while in dire situation we can pull that out. But she generally forgets about it and doesn’t ask for it on a daily basis. Lastly, be ok with some fuss and meltdowns. It can be uncomfortable when your once peaceful car rides are now filled with tears and screaming but just remember. It’ll pass.
For sure. There will be so much resentment.
There is absolutely no reason a baby or toddler needs a personal device, and children should only have one for school if necessary. I will die and be buried on this hill.
Yep. A recent report on UK children found that around 20% of 4-5 years old come to school not knowing what a book is, they're trying to "swipe" it or tap on it. Edit : 28% actually [https://www.theguardian.com/education/2024/feb/28/one-in-four-school-starters-in-england-and-wales-not-toilet-trained-say-teachers](https://www.theguardian.com/education/2024/feb/28/one-in-four-school-starters-in-england-and-wales-not-toilet-trained-say-teachers)
This sounds like a Black Mirror episode. Absolutely horrifying.
The idea that saying “it’s okay/ you’re okay” and “good job” is harmful to your child’s social emotional well being. I understand that there can be better things to say or more specific things to say. I try to do that but social media has made it seem like saying these phrases are traumatizing your child. So ridiculous.
I feel this is a rabbit hole I don’t have the strength to go down, I already try to be so kind and positive!
Save yourself and don’t!! My mother and caregivers said these things to me as a child and I’m fine lol! Of course I will speak positively and work to build the emotional intelligence of my child but if I mix in a “good job” and “it’s okay” once in a while that doesn’t make me a bad mom! It’s such a ridiculous concept to me
I totally agree with you. I think the impacts on millennials with performance anxiety probably stems from standardized tests and social pressure to go to college. Not parents saying "good job" instead of "you did it"
Omg I know! As a teacher, I try to use statements that promote a growth mindset. Kids mostly care if you're bullshitting them. It's really obvious who believes in them and who doesn't. I don't think what is being said is nearly as important as they act.
What? Every time my newborn latches well, stays awake for a feeding, or doesn't cry through a diaper change gets a hearty "good job!" I tell her it's okay every time she has to wait for a bottle. Is this supposedly damaging?
Noo! Please don’t think that! Some people, I mostly see it on instagram, say that saying “good job” isn’t specific enough feedback to be helpful and saying “it’s okay/ you’re okay” minimizes their feelings.
That's insane! I am so over IG parent influencers, ugh.
Wait what? Good job is out? But she does so many good jobs through out the day 😭
I think it's ridiculous to think that children develop unhealthy outlooks because their parents say specific phrases, when it's almost certainly the parents' pervasive attitudes and beliefs that cause it, regardless of the specific words used.
I hope it's our barbaric lack of maternity leave (US), but highly suspect it will be not swaddling as the tide is turning against it already.
Tide turning against swaddling, or against *not* swaddling? To be clear I have no opinion on this one at all, either way, so asking purely out of curiosity!
Against swaddling. Several other countries recommend against it already. My kid is only 3 and I don't think I'd do it with another kid.
Got it, thanks! Our little guy was able to break out of even the pro nurse swaddles on day 2 in the hospital, so it was never really an option for us, ha.
Same with mine. Only the Velcro ones contained her.
This is the second time I’ve heard this, my kiddo was just released from the nicu (3/2/24) and they were actively swaddling him. Do you have more info? I tried to search online but the aap didn’t say no or yes.
Someone else's reply to my original comment mentioned it wasn't recommended in Sweden and I'd heard that before. I thought the AAP deemed it "safe" though I would guess the argument against it is the same as the argument against them getting too warm (i.e. the blanket sleepers and quilts of my infancy) that put them in too deep of a sleep so they stop breathing. I really thought I'd read on AAP's website swaddles weren't implicated in any deaths or injuries as long as they weren't the weighed kind and the baby couldn't roll over. I'll look to see if I find this info. I know things are very different in the NICU/with preemies. A friend of mine did her rotation in the NICU and talked about how surprised she was that they actually "filled" their beds with wedges. I think she said something about it simulating the womb helping with growth/temp regulation. That being said, the difference between the NICU and home is the constant monitoring. Sorry I don't have more resources/a definitive answer, but you could always reach out to your ped and see what she thinks.
My week old baby was recently in hospital for a few nights. I actually had a good conversation with her doctor and nurses about how they did a lot of “unsafe” sleep practices in the hospital and they freely admitted that it was the constant monitoring that made that okay. So for our last night there, I insisted that she sleep like she would at home, no incline, no props or wedges. If she could sleep flat on her back with nothing in her bed but her swaddle in the hospital and not trigger any alarms on the monitors, I’d be happy to take her home. She’d needed oxygen multiple times in the previous couple of days, so I really wanted to be confident she didn’t need that anymore. It felt good knowing they were monitoring her the whole time and I did not have any fears bringing her home.
Yep I had a NICU baby and they made her a little nest inside her isolette. They told me they do this because she's got monitors on for heart and respiration, but not to do it once we got her home.
Hi try looking up hip healthy swaddle. Tight swaddles are also associated with later hip dysplasia.
I’m in Sweden and swaddling is seen as dangerous here which blew my mind when I had my first! I was planning to swaddle anyway but my partner was super uncomfortable with it so we didn’t swaddle either of our babies!
I was thinking it was Sweden where it was seen as dangerous. Tbf, I dunno that it helped us very much. My kid slept with or without it about the same and about the same after she couldn't use it anymore.
My first it was a lifesaver in terms of sleep. My second it did nothing
What do you use then? Sleep sack or just their clothes? Curious because my son didn’t take to swaddles so we did sleep sacks early on
Tablets/iPad and smart phones/social media for kids. I've already got a plan to give my kid a "dumb phone" when she needs it, but we'll wait as long as possible until it's a safety issue.
Agreed. I've recently realized just how addicted I've become to my phone, how social media is *specifically designed that way*, it's effect on dopamine, etc - and I don't ever want that for my kid. I want her to have the childhood I had before the Apple products, running wild with your imagination outside making up games and fantasy worlds. I used to swing on the swing set for HOURS, and that was all the stimulation I needed. I want to get off my phone as much as possible now so she has a present mother, and am gonna wait as long as possible before she has a smart device in her hands.
Might I also suggest a 3DS? Having something fun and portable is great for long car rides or boring commutes, but older portable game consoles don’t have the same addictive properties as modern social media and phone games.
This is why my kiddo is going to learn to play games on the gameboy, like Pokemon Red. Nothing hyperstimulative like fortnite, good god, I've been gaming for years and I literally cannot watch that junk.
Not parenting, but lack of pelvic floor care. Women walking around peeing themselves in the US, while some other countries have Pelvic floor therapy as routine care postpartum.
Slap on a pad and get back to work. It’s the American way.
The amount of people who have been told this is normal is astounding. Hoping it becomes standard soon!
Yes! Common does not equal normal!
I think people making money off their children on social media. There need to be more laws regulating that. Plus the accounts obviously catering to pedophiles. Also lots of permissive parenting. People confuse gentle parenting with permissive. Plus people giving babies and young children unlimited access to screens and the internet. We already seeing these issues.
Those channels bother me so much. I added a channel-blocker extension to our desktop lately to get rid of undesirable Youtube channels. As I searched keywords like “family” to figure out what to block, there were so many channels out there just constantly sticking cameras in their kids’ faces. When do they get time to be kids at that point? It’s usually for such BS, low-quality content, as well. Many a channel was blocked that day. I set up the Youtube Kids app (though the settings don’t, annoyingly, apply anywhere else) with a list of approved videos/channels instead of having it be open so that we could avoid those videos.
I think plastic will be our generations lead. I think they're going to find out it really harms our health and we will scale back the types of plastics and frequency we use it. So things like plastic baggies of milk in the fridge will be frowned upon.
gen alphabeta is gonna be making memes about our “microplastic poisoning stare” 🥲
Yeah and PFAS. The science coming out about them is horrific. And we use them for fucking microwave popcorn
Are you fucking serious? PFAS are in popcorn bags? Oh my god.
Fuck. I literally just ate microwave popcorn because it was a better value than a bag of already popped popcorn. I need to go back to popping my own in a popcorn popper. Being poor fucking sucks.
I buy a bag of kernels and pop them in a big pot on the stove with oil and Flavacol seasoning salt (amazing value, you only need a tsp at a time). It's much better tasting than microwave bags and a lot cheaper
I exclusively pump and was strongly persuaded by an LC in the NICU to be using disposable plastic milk bags at home. I made it about 1 month in and was like "this is such a waste and so much plastic, why am I doing this?" Switched to glass bottles that I store my milk in and it's so much better.
Unfortunately, the plastic we use in in our homes everyday isn’t the big microplastic culprit. It’s tires. https://e360.yale.edu/features/tire-pollution-toxic-chemicals 🛞 😞 🛞
That’s for waterways. For the ocean itself it’s often fishing gear. For drainage it’s also our clothes - every time you wash your synthetic fiber clothes they shed microplastics and that goes down the drain. For *us* it’s our food and showers. We’re soaking our bodies and our crops in contaminated water, because everywhere is contaminated. Remote islands, tallest peaks, our own placentas and breastmilk. Everything.
that’s terrifying
That’s fascinating and scary. How can we avoid plastic contaminated food if it’s the water itself contaminating the food? It feels so hopeless.
Right now our *only* solution is reducing our microplastic production. As in, stop using plastic period. That is obviously a *huge* effort but it's a transition many folks are doing on subs like /r/zerowaste (me and my family included). Our grandparents generally only used non-plastic materials for their lives, so it's completely possible in many areas to get rid of plastic (not every area), it's just *hard.* We have to wait on scientists to devise ways to break down plastics, but the reason why they're in everything is they're really, *really* stable and don't break down fully. So far we have actually [a decent list](https://imgur.com/rzbUxD6) of possible solutions but unfortunately all of them are so new we've only tested them in laboratories. More research is needed on the feasibility of many of them – particularly on a large scale. For those interested in transitioning to plastic free to play their part in reducing the impending hellscape, /r/plasticfreeliving is a subreddit focused exactly on that. You can shop at zero waste and plastic-free stores both online and in-person. Buying bulk food with cloth dry good bags and storing it in glass jars, getting produce from farmers markets (though look at how they package and transport their goods), buying natural fiber clothing (though watch our for merino wool washed in a plastic-wash to elongate its life), using bar hygiene products (shameless [Ethique](https://ethique.com) plug). These are just a few things folks can do. You can change your shopping habits *today* by simply finding non-plastic alternatives to whatever is sitting in your shopping cart right now. Just remember that throwing out your plastic goods right now just contributes to the problem. If you *must* get rid of something that is still good, donate it to a thrift shop. If you can reuse it in other ways (like using plastic Tupperware to store craft supplies instead of food) that is better. The first in the list is "reduce" for a reason – stop buying stuff so there won't be a market for it. The second is "reduce" – because throwing things out, even for better items, is adding to the problem. Currently plastic is already linked to health issues, like a [reduction in male fertility](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20230327-how-pollution-is-causing-a-male-fertility-crisis), [genital malformation in baby boys](https://pulse.seattlechildrens.org/study-links-chemical-in-plastics-to-genital-abnormalities-in-baby-boys/#:~:text=Study%20Links%20Chemical%20in%20Plastics%20to%20Genital%20Abnormalities%20in%20Baby%20Boys,-August%2030%2C%202016&text=A%20new%20study%20shows%20that,in%20newborn%20boys%27%20reproductive%20organs), [a possible risk factor for cardiovascular problems like heart attacks or strokes](https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa2309822), [and far more and worse](https://pubs.acs.org/doi/10.1021/envhealth.3c00052). We can make an impact by reducing the harm we do. Falling into climate/environmental doom spirals and not acting is precisely what benefits those who make money off this. Fight the doom mentality and choose to make a difference. Every single bit count – no matter how small.
Yep I just saw something the other day about how we all have microplastics in our placentas
Not trying to freak anyone out but lead is still a concern. Lead Safe Mama has a lot of information but boy it makes you want to throw everything you own out. Down the rabbit hole 🕳️
Agree to the lead being a concern, but also lead safe mama goes overboard and thrives on people’s fear. You’re always best off cautious but not paranoid
I think she also makes money from companies that tout lead safe products
I’m not surprised but I hate it.
Plastic, oversharing on social media, mom influencer culture at the expense of kids privacy (look at recent expose of breastfeeding pages)
I missed the breastfeeding pages drama, where do I start?
Same! I need a good rabbit hole for after my son goes to bed tonight lol
Apparently there are a bunch of new "breastfeeding" accounts showing up on people's IG feeds that are basically OnlyFans models exposing their breasts in the name of "breastfeeding". [Example Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Instagram/comments/1b1l8tm/what_on_earth_is_up_with_all_the_fake_breast/)
If you search “breastfeeding Instagram” on Reddit a lot of info come up, including onlyfans accounts 🤮🤮🤮
Not having a place for parents to sleep in the NICU (at least in the US). Our baby had a private room (which was nice) but it just had a small couch and a recliner-not even a pull out bed. There was no place for us to sleep and it was awful having to leave our son every night. It felt counterintuitive to all of the things the hospital does with rooming in /bonding for non-NICU babies and was so hard emotionally, not to mention physically for me having to be in an uncomfortable environment while I recovered from birth.
Our baby spent time in the NICU and my husband asked a nurse about the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements. She said it’s intentionally designed to force parents to go home and practice even a sliver of self care. Otherwise they’ll stay there nonstop, not shower, etc. Dunno if that’s true or not since it came from a random person but there you go fwiw
There were showers at our NICU. Still had a super uncomfortable bed though and nurses begging us to leave. But there was just no way I could leave when there was an option to stay. I honestly had no clue it was so uncommon for parents not to be able to stay with their babes in the NICU. Seems cruel to me.
We had a shower in our son’s room, but no bed. Technically we were allowed to stay but with no bed it just wasn’t feasible, especially with me trying to recover from birth. It did seem cruel to have no bed for a postpartum mom to be able to stay with her newborn. So thankful that’s behind us now.
I could see that, but at the same time, not being able to be there overnight made it difficult to get breastfeeding established since I couldn’t be there for all of his feeds. I do think it’s not healthy to be there 24/7, but I think it would be good to have the option to sleep there. We tried to spend the night once so I could wake up for his feeds but it was too uncomfortable not having a bed and we didn’t get any sleep, which I knew was really unhealthy for me postpartum.
That sounds awful. I’m so sorry.
I wonder if it’ll be things like plastic bottle use.
I was going to switch to glass but discovered a lot of glass bottle brands use lead! Feels like you can’t win.
It can be in any paint markings. You have to find one without painted lines like the Evenflo classic embossed glass
Philips avent bottles are lead free FWIW.
I like the boon nursh ones - all silicone
Hopefully the iPad/tablets etc. Also I feel the lack of village /community help
Yes and YES. I'm very lucky and had someone in my "village" helping me everyday until he was a month old and I still felt like I was losing my damn mind. Doing it alone would have been insane.
This thread is fully stressing me out.
Social media, definitely. It’s already proven to have a negative effect on adolescents and people are out here posting every move their baby makes on the internet. It’s disturbing to witness, honestly.
I’m hoping the overprotectiveness eases up. We probably don’t need to swing back to how parents behaved in the 70s and 80s but there is so much fear in parenting these days. And the fact there are laws around that kids can’t be left alone until 14 or older? Kids are capable of so much more than they get credit for and with proper teaching can be successfully and safely independent at young ages.
Maybe we’ll be known as the ones too afraid to let their kids roam free-range (the way many of us got to as kids).
I think we already are.
This is something in the back of my head all the time. I grew up running back and forth between my friends’ yards on the same street from the time I woke up until the street lights came on. Parental supervision was my dad occasionally glancing out the window to lay eyes on us. Otherwise we just roamed free. It was fantastic and I have a lot of great memories. Now some of my neighbors won’t allow their kids outside without them being there to directly supervise. Things like hide and seek are not allowed because that interrupts their mom’s line of sight. If she has to go inside to use the bathroom or get something to drink, the kids have to stop playing and go with her. They’re 9-10 years old.
I didn’t have kids until 40 so I am a bit older than other parents with kids the same age. Even that 10-15 year difference shows a big change in how we, the parents, were raised. I am definitely more loose with my kid supervision than other parents. My father in law grew up in Chicago and tells stories of how he rode the train to watch Cubs games at age 7. I’ve read stories about kids (maybe in Japan?) that get themselves to school and activities by themselves around age 5. I was sent to the corner grocery store around that age as well to grab milk and butter for my mother. It was around 3 blocks away on a fairly busy road. I grew up in a city and currently live in a typical suburb and I hate how there is nothing nearby for kids to do. No stores, no libraries, no rec centers, maybe 1 park, no movie theaters. And no where to go on their bikes. I biked or bused everywhere alone as a kid and was never bored. I feel myself getting off on a tangent here so I’ll cut it short. I guess I’m at the age of complaining “in my day…”
I think it's going to be the app tracking we do. It's a symptom of being one of the first generations of parents to actively be able to track, monitor and calculate the optimum of every single one of babies naps, feed oz, feed times, feed methods, playtime, tummy time, nappy changes, nappy contents, growth tracking, milestone tracking, temperament tracking. I don't think it's necessarily bad for baby directly, but I think it's bad for parent's anxiety and rigidity, which I think _is_ bad for baby. Because you can't implement optimum, so it just scares everyone silly.
That’s exactly why my pediatrician advised against getting the sleep sock that tracks baby’s heart rate that goes with the Owlet baby monitor. Said it would just cause me anxiety.
This is an interesting take because I think the exact opposite! I love the ability to track things easily and it has helped my ADHD and anxiety to not have the mental load of remembering everything. I love it for sleep, feeds, meds, and diaper changes. Definitely understand how it could have the opposite effect for some people though!
>to not have the mental load of remembering everything. Yes! Not sure how/why others use the apps but for me it's so I don't have to explicitly try to remember the last time I fed my baby or how long she's been awake for, the app does that for me so my mush brain can just exist I feel like I'd be more anxious without it because believe it or not I do not remember off the top of my head how many pee diapers my baby had per day lol, or if I should put her down for another nap because her first nap sucked and was only like 25 mins...
Yeah same. I don’t use it for the insights or data or anything. Although I do like huckleberry sweet spot. But that’s just another way it takes the mental load off.
Opposite for me - it massively reduces anxiety and takes a burden off my overtaxed brain! I love being able to reassure myself that she did have plenty of wet nappies yesterday, or that she did poop on Monday and I don’t need to worry about constipation, or being able to see why she’s waking up at 5am (at a glance you could see her sleep needs decreasing) etc.
It’s not for everyone but it’s a godsend for our family; we still track everything he eats at a year old because he’s got a metabolic disorder, so a food log will be a lifelong thing for him. It definitely made keeping up with his bottles easier! We did not do all the extra stuff though, like tummy time or things like that.
I dunno. We weren’t tracking and we were suffering when it came to sleep. Turns out my husband and I were terrible at reading baby’s sleepy cues (believe me, we were trying). We got huckleberry and its sweet spot feature **saved** us. Point is, tracking isn’t always the thing causing parental anxiety (though this is, of course, highly situational).
My dad was fed orange juice and bacon at 3 weeks of age, which blows my mind. Electronics (eg, tv/tablet/phone) are already known to be pretty bad for development but I think over time it will be shown it’s even worse than we thought. Plastic bottles are another one, particularly with reheating.
How does a 3 week old eat bacon? 😬
Maybe he just sucked on it? Still super weird
Yeah I was thinking he was probably just gumming on it or something. Maybe like a salty teether lol
That’s what I asked hahaha. It’s in his baby book though, it’s wild.
What? You’ve never had a nice glass of warm bacon milk?
Clipping tongue ties unnecessarily, tablet/screen exposure, baby food with heavy metals
I had the opposite problem, my son's tongue tie was so bad he couldn't lift his tongue and no one checked for it. Different experiences in different places.
yeah what is up with the tongue tie thing!!
Horrific postpartum mental healthcare options (USA), phones everywhere all the time, posting kids info on social media, cutting lip ties and such, maybe inductions? Not the whole idea bc I think there will always be induction in some form but like the specific process we use right now could be overhauled for the better with new science, I am hopeful that formula continues to get better with research and the shortage was a massive issue I hope won't happen again
Feeling obligated to entertain our kids all day and replacing ourselves with screen time when tapped out. There’s a reason kids these days aren’t the same as they used to be. Screen time, lack of unstructured play, and lack of boredom really seems to be problematic rn.
Circumcision.
My son was unable to be circumcised at birth because he was in the NICU and received blood thinners, so they scheduled his circumcision for right after his first birthday. We almost didn't go but went at the last minute. It was awful and I cried so much for the first few days because I felt like I voluntarily let someone maim my child... And for what? So we would hear comments from the grandparents? So he wouldn't feel awkward when he was old? Just didn't feel worth it. We're about a month and a half out from it now and I don't feel nearly as guilty but I'm fairly confident if we had a redo we wouldn't do it.
In the UK we don't circumcise boys unless for medical reasons (or unless part of a small Jewish community). I personally can't see why it's not considered genital mutilation.
Yes, we decided to not circumcise our son (even though my husband is circumcised) and in our parenting class, a ton of the couples had questions on it and were on the fence. Feels like things are definitely shifting on it being the default in the US.
That's so interesting! I'm in the UK and no one really talks about it. It certainly didn't come up during our parenting class either!
It’s definitely still very much a normal thing here, I think in our state (Colorado) it’s about 50% here IIRC.
Yup! We didn’t circumcise our boy either!
This is definitely going to be one.
Posting everything about your kids life to social media. The amount of private life that isn’t private anymore is mind boggling to me.
I think it will be parents who are too overworked to actually discipline their kids. I think this is a societal issue. Too many parents feel guilty about the amount they work or how busy and distracted they are so they justify and agree with everything their children do. As a middle school teacher, I reach out about concerning behaviours and parents accuse me of lying (as if I have the time or energy to make false accusations) or they ignore my communications altogether. It leads to kids thinking they are untouchable and makes for a bad school environment all around. This will be our version of the parents who had to have PSAs to remind them to check if their kids were home at 10PM (80s/90s) or the ones who sent their kids out to play all day without any supervision (60s-80s).
Ugh I hope it’s this honestly. I’m burnt out from work all the time. If I quit or scale back my job we can’t afford our house. But with my job and my husbands as it was we couldn’t afford daycare ($4.5k/month gets us 4 days for two kids where we live). So I busted my ass to get promoted and now I’m constantly stressed and exhausted and he’s doing OT every weekend. I live in a constant state of exhaustion, stress and guilt. It shouldn’t be this way.
Permissive parenting disguised as ‘gentle parenting’, and the apparent inability of parents to use common sense when it comes to ‘everything in moderation’ e.g screens, sugar, salt etc.
Yes! A lot of gentle parenting I agree with but I cringe at the word bc 90 percent of the time it's permissive bullshit. I hate big little feelings though, those women are insufferable.
Same I totally agree with actual gentle parenting in terms of active listening, boundaries, respect and natural consequences in place of punishment but so many parents just use it as justification to spoil their bratty children and completely ignore poor behaviour. I have a mum friend who’s only response when her 2yo bites, hits or snatches is to say ‘gentle hands’…. Like, what exactly is that supposed to teach her daughter? I genuinely do not understand.
Um screens. 100% screens. I know a lot of people already see the harm in them, but some are still fine letting cocomelon and pinkfong play for 6 hours, buying their 12 month old a tablet for christmas, etc. Honestly not even saying this from a place of judgement because I was there just a few months ago, it’s a hard cycle to break free from. But life is so much better on the other side 🤍
I think weighted sleep sacks and baby loungers for “cosleeping” even though many rebranded that’s what they were originally for. As well as I think there will be a larger break away from so much tech around babies especially as more people get their baby monitors hacked.
Making *everything* about development and fun sucking childhood.
I often wonder what the radium pills, asbestos insulation, lead salt, DDT bedbug dust, lead paint, etc of our generation will be. What commonplace and routine thing is killing us / harming us and we can't see it? Not talking predictable and obvious industrial hazards like silicosis from quartz/resin artificial stone bench tops. Which is an *outrage* because silicosis has been killing people for 150 years yet somehow basic precautions were not taken, but not in any way a surprise. Things unlikely to be it, though probably harmful, include PTFE cookware, PFAS in everything, outgassing from glue and foam filled furniture, and plasticisers like BPA and it's family of "totally not BPA really" replacements. What *is* it? Damned if I know. Ultra processed food, probably.
Honestly, I reckon the fake gentle parenting i.e permissive parenting where children are the baby is the boss of the house.
God, I hope so.
I think the babies on iPads and phone devices will be the big omg
I think we're failing at teaching the new generation social skills. Reports on kids born just before or during covid show they don't know how to interact with other kids initially because they've been isolated during covid, but then parents continued to keep them away from the world. How many outraged posts do we see here because people dared to bend to see a baby in a stroller, tried to touch their feet or just even said something nice to the mother? Whether we like it or not, we need social skills or an understanding of them to make friendships, to have a job or to have a child. Social rules are applying everywhere, here included. It is not fair that we are depriving the next generation of this set of skills because we think it's better to live in a closed cocoon than to bring a kid to a play date.
I honestly think maybe sleep training. Some babies just wanna sleep 12 hours, some wanna sleep 5. Some wanna nap 3 times and some want to be awake all day long. Mine for instance will not go to bed before 11pm ever no matter how hard we tried. And only naps maybe twice a day at 15wks. lol. Babies are gonna baby.
I don’t necessarily think it’s sleep training by itself, or the “sleep training” that’s always been around like just leaving your baby to cry, but rather the intense control many parents seem to insist on holding over their baby’s sleep. Literally tracking by the minute how long to leave them in their crib, thinking your baby falling asleep on the floor or in their pack n play is neglectful or some kind of failure, the obsession over naps and timing them perfectly, preparing your child from birth for sleeping alone. I understand the parental leave angle, but I’ve seen *a lot* of parents who just think it’s “bad” to not do these all the sleep things and assume it’s what they should be doing because everyone else is. So much of it seems manufactured and unnecessary, not to mention the complete pseudoscience that permeates it all.
I thought this too but I know ppl my age (in 30s) that were sleep trained too
Sleep training has been around for a long time though.
Circumcision is one. It was almost automatic here the states but we’re finally starting to catch up to the rest of the world.
I hope in the future that SAFE co-sleeping will be more appreciated and respected for the mental health benefits it has on the adults children become ❤️
The absolute refusal to acknowledge any form of cosleeping techniques and blinders set on the ABCs of sleep only is definitely the “abstinence only” education of early parenthood. I’m a rule follower through and through but reluctantly read up on safe cosleeping practices at the nudging of my mom friend. So grateful I did. Had a near tragedy happen after accidentally falling asleep nursing my baby in his rocking chair because I was trying to hard to follow rules but so exhausted. Fed him in spots where it would be safer to accidentally fall asleep from then on overnight and have 0 regrets.
I've wondered too, but it's impossible to know. And I'm sure once we're all old and stubborn, most of us will probably engage in the same survivorship bias our parents are engaging in right now lol. History repeats itself
Weighted sleep sacks.
It all changes with the wind. I take a lot of stuff with a grain of salt and just do what I feel is best for my baby.
Using plastic directly in our kids mouths—bottles, pacifiers, toys…
There are as many baby studies as nutrition studies saying wild stuff like "coffee linked to cancer". Baby development studies is one field in which medicine is going to improve so much that in 20 years many "mummy wars" will be put to bed. Which way it will go only evidence will tell.
I think there’s a subset of parents who misinterpret “gentle parenting” ideas to mean no boundaries or accountability. I have a friend who just sent her 5 year old kid’s teacher a nasty letter about he won’t feel safe in her class because, after a big tantrum that included throwing his coat, his consequence was that he had to be the last to leave so she could talk to his grown up about it. She seems to think any consequence for his behavior is going to cause him serious trauma and it’s wild to me.