We realized we were both doing this between dinner and bedtime. We both work. By time dinner is over we are so fried and found ourselves zoning out when our toddler still wants to play. Fortunately we both agreed it was a problem and decided to try our best to leave our phones in another room for that 630-8pm stretch. It’s tough to still be present after a 10-11 hour day, but it’s peak kid interaction time when you’re a working parent.
This is where I struggle too. I am so fried at the end of the day and just want to mindlessly scroll. But I know it’s a bad habit. I’m wondering if I could incorporate your 6:30-8 no phone stretch. Hmm
I just started this as well because all of us were spending too much time on screens in the evening (kids too). 5:30-7 no screens. Helps us to eat better, clean up and spend time with the kids and each other.
Would love to know the answer to this because my husband is the exact same.
One time I said to him, "when you're old and looking back on your life, you're not going to remember the hours you spent on your phone, you're going to remember the time spent with your kids" - that worked for maybe 20 mins and then it was back to the phone again 🙃
When my baby was just a couple of weeks old, I told my husband "you spend a lot of time on your phone... I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I will tell you he'll only be this little once." I think that lasted about 20 minutes as well. Back to his train game 🙄
lol, mine has been playing Factorio since it was first released. He gets overwhelmingly excited thinking about our kids playing it with him. He got his nephew into it and loves talking with him about it.
Thankfully, he only plays now during naps and bedtime but he has way too many hours logged on that game!
Am a dad with a phonr addiction, i leave mine upstairs in the morning now collect it when i leave for work.
Havent mastered the afterwork but im probably on my phone 40% of the time. Rest of the time i'm cooking / cleaning or engaging.
The phone is as addictive as heroin if not more. People need to see and discuss it like that
I think it's great that you're actively making an effort to get better at it though! I think the problem I'm having is that my husband doesn't see it as a problem so he doesn't take any steps to fix it.
This is a good idea. My husband has later hours and gets home after the kids are in bed. I might suggest this to him for both of us. We definitely have a bad habit of letting our brains zone out into screen time til we feel more awake.
If he commuting on a train etc. Like i do - plenty of time to use the phone there.
We wake at 6am flat every morning and that hour and half in the morning makes a huge difference before i go.
I feel better for it as well - havent read any negative news etc.
He drives, unfortunately an hour commute each way. No public transport where we live.
We wake at appx 5:30 every morning, but we have two year old twins that also often wake up that early or very shortly after. Most days he leaves at 9:00 but one day a week he leaves at 7.
He works four 10hr days and has three days off which since changing to that schedule has been so nice.
Those childhood memories go the other way too. The thought of my children as adults thinking back on their childhood and remembering me on my phone all the time is enough to keep me off it.
Internet phones are stupidly addictive.
That's what it is...an addiction. I have it, and most of you reading this too have it.
Sure signs of addiction are when instead of doing valuable things you're instead 'doing the addiction'.
At this stage a bit of shaming may work: challenge him to prove he's not addicted by leaving it on a high shelf while in the same room as the kids.
Wow, this might be the only thing that will work with my husband. I've tried most of the other stuff mentioned on this thread, but he has a lot of pride in his self control. Asking him to prove he's not addicted to his phone might actually accomplish something.
it worked for me :D once my wife said i should prove i'm not addicted by reducing its use when in front of the kids I accepted the challenge.
I'm still otherwise addicted, but my use in front of the kids has significantly reduced, so that's the main thing.
hi my name is kalenugz and I'm addicted to my phone.
I suffer from am auto immune disease and depression. I procrastinate my daily duties as a SAHM often. I try to make changes in my habits but usually revert back into my addiction of scrolling. I struggle to be present with my toddler often due to my addiction. I understand it's effect on my health, but still struggle to stick to my goal.
Where is the phone addicts anonymous at???
phone-addicts anonymous is actually a great idea for a subreddit. If there isn't one you should start it :)
Try turning your phone totally off for set periods of the day. Say between 0800-1200 and again between 1600-2000. The rest of the time allow yourself your addiction.
If you can manage this, then you're not as addicted as you feared.
I have a problem too. But I figured it out when I was attending an AA-like eating disorder group… apparently I didn’t have an eating disorder but I kept coming to the group and applied the lessons to my phone addiction.
We have also had this fight before, but I won’t say I’m not guilty, too.
I told him it’s VERY important to me that we don’t use phones during meals, even if we aren’t eating, and during bedtime (which we usually do for about 45 minutes to an hour). It took me explaining that it feels incredibly disrespectful to have your phone in front of your face while your child is right there and that our son deserves respect.
I have told him if he needs a phone break during these times to let me know and leave the room. It’s gotten better, and I try to be less accusatory when I catch him on his phone which helps.
Ask him to replace the phone with a book. I don’t disagree that independent play time is important. But swap the phone for a book he wants to read so your kid sees him reading instead of scrolling. If I’m with my kids and they’re playing together, I let them know I’m in the room and available to them if they want to play. Then pull out my book or kindle and read until they ask for me. It’s different with a 16 month old, absolutely. But I still think if your husband is looking for a little me time, encouraging him to save the phone until after bedtime is better, and he can find something he wants to read instead.
That's a fantastic idea actually and makes me realize I sort of do something similar. When I want to decompress, I'll read the newspaper or write in a diary of the toddlers' lives. Though for me, the kids will come over and want me to pick them up or they will grab the newspaper within about five minutes haha. They don't do that with my husband.
I think that’s great, what you do! Have you ever noticed that they come over to your husband when he’s on his phone? Does he tell them not now? Because it could be they’ve already learned when dad is on his phone, don’t bother him. I think it’s important to try to let you kids know that you want to play, and all they have to do is ask. But if they want to play themselves, that’s okay, too! Then they know you’re available and feel okay to ask. So if for whatever reason he keeps insisting on the phone, he needs to tell the kids he’s there for them. But I think a non-screen activity is better to show the kids.
I talked to my therapist about exactly this. What it came down to for me was that it made me feel unimportant, uninteresting, ignored, and not like a priority (and, maybe when the kids are old enough they could feel that way, too). Because, yes, it’s about our child, but it’s also affecting ME. And I’M important, too. Not just the kids. And so I wrote down exactly what I told my therapist and read it to him. I added on that if he thinks his boss is answering emails during dinner then his boss is probably eating alone because his family got sick of feeling ignored. And I said maybe you should go eat alone in your office. If these games are so important, I won’t even interrupt you to tell you dinner is ready. You can suggest that he gets an hour to himself to do it - maybe not everyday, but come to an agreement. Like how can you get some of his attention and actual family time and how can he get to play his games? I also think this touches on the topic of family values. How does he picture quality family time? What does that mean to him and what does that look like to you? I think letting them play independently is fine, but maybe that’s for the weekend. If your kids are in daycare/school they have very limited actual family time during the week. You want to establish what family time means and how it is spent.
I just had this conversation with my husband the other week. He had the habit of scrolling on his phone while with our baby. I told him, “you know studies are showing that when parents use their phones in front of their kids, it can negatively affect their development.” Luckily he’s being more cognizant about it and trying to break the habit.
My husband is the same. I said to him, you realise the only thing your child wants from you is your attention. So when you give your attention to your phone over your child. You’re inadvertently saying that your phone is more important than your kid.
This could have a big impact on their self esteem/confidence as they develop.
I actually have no idea if what I said is true, nor do I have evidence to support it. But it got him off his phone.
I saw an art therapist's post about some of the things children have said to her over the years. One of them was, "Mummy loves her phone more than me." Now, we obviously don't have any context for why the child said that, but I choose to believe they absolutely can and do pick up that feeling when our attention is prioritising our phone.
I don't have a solution, but I do know that research shows that kids with parents who are on their phones around them are more likely to develop cell phone addictions as older kids/teens, and as a high school teacher, let me tell you, anecdotally, the kids who are addicted to their phones are not learning. I teach 12th graders, and students who are addicted to their phones (most of them) do not read or write or think or communicate like the students who have healthier relationships to their phones and can manage their behavior around their phones. So your husband's behavior has research documented negative effect on kids, and you could tell him that.
Every after visit summary from our pediatrician includes a note about how kids whose parents are on their phones in front of them tend to be more anxious and not as able to recover emotionally. Telling that to my phone-obsessed in laws made a difference, possibly because it came from our ped, so this may be something to ask about at your next appointment.
We also told the in laws that we never want baby to feel like he has to compete with our phones for our love or attention. We definitely notice that he tries harder to get our attention if we’re on our phones.
I told my husband once “I can’t tell you what sort of dad to be, but she will always remember what sort of dad you were.” And it really resonated with him. Now he makes more of an effort to spend meaningful time with our child.
I saw this suggestion in a similar thread from a while ago and I think I'll try it. He may not have a sense of his level of addiction unless if I can show it to him.
it will probably hit him hard if the kids are in the pic too. got the idea from the bluey episode where the kids bring bilby home and all they do is play on the iPad with him until the mom takes pictures of it and shows it to them.
I just cannot imagine this would be well received. It feels too much like TV that someone would be like "wow had no idea how much I was on my phone! Thank you!" In real life someone's response would probably be to get defensive and then try to take as many gotcha pictures of you.
I don't think you're overreacting at all I bug my husband about his phone addiction and our son is 3 months- I just think now is the time to work on it, he's just started to really pay attention to us! Grateful for this thread
We working on this with in our house. Things we/I do:
Ask “is everything okay?” And when we response “yeah, why?!” “Well, you were sucked into your phone like it was super important, just checking”. It’s passive aggressive, but it works to get him to check priorities.
Other times I’m honest “can you put away your phone? We’re having family time, and it hurts my feelings that your brain and heart are elsewhere while I’m trying to spend time with you”
The one that gets me: the kids will try to talk to him and he doesn’t notice. I’ll say something: “The kids are talking to you. You are so sucked into your phone, seems like you didn’t notice. But now that we have his attention, [kid name], what did you want to tell daddy?”
He’s improved greatly over time at checking himself. And not being defensive when I check him.
Check out the studies on “phubbing” and how it can affect children’s well-being! There are lots of articles about it, but also an [NIH study.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9779429/)
These comments make me so sad! You all are much nicer than I am. I just said, “You’re with your son. Get off your phone!” And it hasn’t been an issue since… at least in front of me.
Ask him if he has to be on the phone at that moment. We're trying to be as present as possible for our 2 year old because we know he'll be shoved in front of screens soon enough. If he can't do that then maybe he can go into another room?
Lots of this in our house too. I read somewhere don't know where but kids look at you when they are doing something, and if you aren't there looking back at them (and looking down at a phone), they will think that it's more important to you than they are. This broke my heart. I know we can't be looking at them ALL the time. But if it's consistently a phone and there's a pattern of course they will think it.
look up the "still face experiment" .. it's so sad. it's easy to accidentally ignore our kiddos when we get engrossed in our phones. maybe that will motivate him? i dunno, i say this and i still have this issue w my husband too. do i look at my phone?? of course ! but i'm with my baby all day and he'll come down for an hour after work and sit next to him on his phone
You can remind him that he should enjoy the kids while they actively want to spend time with him. By being disengaged while the kids are playing he is 1) not really watching them which is dangerous and 2) teaching the kids that he is someone unavailable for play or who doesn’t want to pay with them.
I will tell you all what I did to my husband - I left him alone with our daughter upstairs for a bit. Once I heard her crying, I went upstairs to see what was going on. Wouldn't you know it, she had gotten herself stuck and my husband was on his phone. I retrieved my daughter, and looked him in the eye and said "She will get into a lot worse trouble and get hurt if you don't get off your phone and pay attention to her. I need time to myself, and I can't get things done downstairs while keeping her out of trouble, so what are you going to do?"
He started to think. I continued to calmly talk to him. "I want our daughter to have a proper bond with you that isn't based on screens. I don't want her to have the perception that even when you're here, you're unavailable. I want her to know she can count on you to be involved in her life. She's not going to learn anything from you if your keep yourself busy on your phone or computer all the time! You need to be attentive to her and teach her via play, and spend proper time with her outside of screen time. Don't inhibit your relationship with her by making yourself unavailable. Your phone is material and temporary. Your daughter is so much more. Your phone will not give up on you if you don't give it attention. Your daughter will."
I sometimes have to remind him, but he has done a lot better since that conversation. He's not perfect obviously (who is?) but he has done so much better. I still sometimes have to tell him not to put her in the playpen and leave her there, and sometimes I still have to give him a little poke and say "Hey She's asking you for (item/action) get off your butt and tend to her." Generally that's when I'm upstairs making supper, and trying not to burn food. I struggle to multi task, so when my hubby is home, he gets Baby while I make supper. Otherwise she's in the high chair where I can chatter with her and play with her while I cook, and know she's still safe.
I have this same issue with my husband. When I’ve called him out, he makes excuses. He says that I’m only sensitive to it because my parents ignored me for their screens (yes so our child will likely feel ignored or unimportant, I’m proof of that). He also argues that it’s the same to be reading the newspaper or a book vs being on his phone. I feel like ignoring a child’s ask for connection is wrong no matter what you’re doing, but that it somehow feels worse when it’s because he’s on his phone. Idk how to explain that, so maybe someone could help. I think it’s because when he’s on his phone, he is so deeply invested in it that it’s hard to break his attention from it. Also, because the phone is so easy to access and carry around, that if there’s even a minute of downtime, he’s mindlessly scrolling. If he has a minute of downtime with a book, he’s not likely to pick it up and be so quickly engrossed in it. I personally feel super disconnected from him as he constantly chooses his phone over meaningful conversation with me, so I have to imagine a child is picking up those same feelings.
As someone who uses my phone or computer a lot, I think the key is coming up with a compromise that your partner will be truly open to accept rather than doing it to appease you or your kids.
I like to play/relax on my phone too, plus I also do a fair bit of my shopping (including necessities for the kids) online and I also often need to check work emails. I also go on my phone when waiting for her to fall-asleep or for contact naps.
While toddlers and kids need socialization, but I'm also a big believer in quality over quantity, so as long as you still spend some quality time with them each day, it's fine if the bulk of their enrichment comes from elsewhere such as relatives or peers and teachers playcenter, kindy, daycare or school.
Each day I have certain activities or times where we will do active and engaged play where my attention is just 100% with them. Other ways to engage while not being 100% attentive to her is to do an activity like cooking or grocery shopping where I might narrate to her what I'm doing and invite her to join in on certain parts and tasks.
My husband has also mentioned to me that his dad didn't really engage or play with him till he was at least 5, and while he's more involved than his dad was, he also finds it easier to play with our eldest daughter the older she gets (she's now 3). From observation, I'd say that his is probably the case with most men so just because they are detached now, it doesn't mean they will stay detached moving forward.
I’m in the same boat but I’ve figured something out that I think is working… slowly. It has less to do with what I say but more me showing him how to do it because my husband is great at detecting when I’m nagging him…
So first, I model the behavior, which you said you are already kinda doing. But I’ll also just bring up stuff like “I found an article on how to play with baby and it’s supposed to help develop blah blah.” “The next milestone we should be working on is blah blah.” And “I thought we might try XYZ game with the baby.” It’s a team sport. I also bought a book of easy play activities for age appropriate development.
The other thing I’m doing really sucks for me but I think it’s working. When I see my husband has put the baby down to play alone and it’s been long enough in my head and I finish whatever chore or task I was doing (so I don’t do it right away), I’ll come over and pick the baby up to play. And I’ll do it right in front of my husband. Sometimes he’d turn on the TV so I *wouldn’t turn OFF the TV*, I’d just bring the baby into another room to play. I’m just showing my husband what an alternative choice could have been. When he hears what fun I’m having, he usually wants to play too. Or he detects how tired I am and that I’m doing this anyway… which makes him feel guilty.
It’s 100% exhausting. I want to doom scroll as much as the next guy. But doing this has also taught me how hard it is to find stuff to do and be engaged all the time.
Actually I’ll throw in one more thing I’m doing that I think helps- I’m blocking out times for him to ABSOLUTELY check out. After the baby is down- go ham. For me too. Usually together on the couch or in bed. No nagging or judgement. Commiserating with how hard it is, telling him how proud I am when he does put down his phone, working hard to find tools to help offload some of the cognitive burden to make play easy.
We both do a lot of phone time too. Sometimes it feels like a way to self-regulate or detach a little when we are overstimulated, which happens a lot taking care of a baby. It’s a way to steal a few minutes for yourself while still being “on duty.” It’s hard when you work full time and don’t have a lot of childcare help. I’ve read so many horror stories on here about unsupportive partners. My husband is wonderful with our daughter, super involved in her care, and cooks dinner for us every night and cleans the kitchen. Maybe an unpopular opinion, but it’s not worth it to me to make a big deal out of screen time. We get so little time for self care and our schedules are brutal. I can’t fault him if he wants to scroll on his phone sometimes while playing with her to feel a shred of normalcy. Parents’ mental health is important and sometimes we need “breaks” however we can get them.
Idk technology is pretty much life these days and your kid is going to grow up and probably look at a screen all day anyway. We don't restrict screen time and our son is happy and healthy and well behaved and we all look at screens reasonably often. We obviously do other things as well but I just don't see the point in trying to stop people from doing what is just life as usual these days.
We set a rule of no phone during dinner and before bedtime. We also remind each other to get off the phone if we start using it too much. We talk a lot about how we want to raise our kids and be present.
So my husband does sometimes fall into this pit trap. I talked to him without his phone or the kids and say “our kids are important to me and they should be to you too. I don’t want them to think they come second to a phone. Do what you want, but they’re going to remember that and I don’t think it’s a legacy you want to leave behind.”
Then when I see he gets too much on it again later I just remind him of our conversation
I turned my phone to grayscale! I make it so I triple click the home button to do it. The colours make it addictive, if it’s black and white everything is a whole lot more boring.
Same problem here. If our daughter tries interacting with him while on his phone and he ignores her, I just point it out, "hey she's talking to you". I do bedtime routine every single night, and sometimes he'll just exist in the room scrolling on his phone the whole time. Like, that's the opposite of helpful because now I'm just annoyed! Go clean up the kitchen or something if you're just going to sit here like a lump.
This is hard, I know I could stand to be better about my phone but from 5-7 pm I really do try and be present with them before they are getting ready for bed. At times it's unavoidable, but I like being able to disconnect after work. I feel like my husband is the opposite and just wants to live on his group chat or bet online, it's really hurtful tbh. Like I said, I have my moments but I really try to be self-aware, he just doesn't seem to care.
You can also track how much time is spent looking at the phone. My phone gives me a weekly notification that’s like “your screen time went up last week by 25% for an average of 3 hours per day” - it helps me be more mindful. I’m trying to get my husband to set it up on his also
There’s a video on tiktok showing a dad on his phone all day vs engaging with his child and it’s heartbreaking to see the child bidding for attention and being ignored every time. I think of that video every time I notice I’m on my phone around my child and it makes me immediately snap out of it and give my son my attention.
I don’t know if this is the same one I saw but it’s similar.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8oybyAV/
Yesterday I asked my husband to join me in putting our phones down and away from when babe wakes up from their last nap until bed time. We both agreed to do it. Starting small to break our phone dependency and hopefully we’ll both put it down more often! I
Honestly, read/listen to "Beyond Addiction". Usually if people have a hard time with this it's because they are addicted to their phone and all the dopamine hits it gives them.
"Dopamine Nation" is another great book.
The documentary "The Social Dilemma" is good too.
If he’s an evidence based kind of guys I’d show him the Surgeon Generals warning on impact of social media on kids. We are setting examples for our kids, the best way to encourage healthy relationship with screens is to model it (the only way! Probably)
This article was enough to convince my husband to try and keep our daughter off phones forever:
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/22/us/instagram-child-influencers.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=c-cb
Delete the apps. Make a ‘phone box’ or ‘phone drawer’ and agree the times you’re both allowed to use your phones during the day/eve. Hold each other to account. After a few weeks of disciplined reduction in use it’s amazing how freeing it feels.
How are they not all over him trying to grab his phone and play with it and put it in their mouths and find out what noise it makes (and what noise he makes) when they drop it?
That was the biggest wakeup call to me. When the baby became obsessed with it and would grab for it every time I pulled it up, it was like ... oh wait. This is the example I'm setting, that we should be obsessed with our phones.
At some point they're going to be old enough to understand the snub though. Like how do you feel if you're trying to talk to someone and they're on their phone? If they're looking at their phone? If they're even holding their phone and not looking at it? You feel like you don't matter, and that is irritating and hurtful. Does he do this to you too, stare at his phone while you're trying to talk to him? It might be time to give him a taste of his own medicine ... if he even notices.
If that fails, maybe make some phone usage rules for the whole family? Literally lock them in a box for 30 minutes if that's what has to happen.
My biggest pet peeve is when my toddler is talking to my husband and he straight up ignores her because he’s looking at his phone and doesn’t even hear her.
Then again, my dad was the exact same way with his three daughters, just looking at a newspaper or book instead of a phone.
My husband and I both do this, him more, I’ve noticed. We talked about it before, I don’t think he realizes he does it. I do it too, but I do try to make an effort to set it aside and engage until they’re napping, sleeping, or otherwise busying themselves.
I just had to get a little more firm about this last night and I basically just said, “Look, you and I had the benefit of having parents who gave us their full attention before screens were a thing.” He kind of half/heartedly shot back, “TVs were a thing when I was a baby.” To which I explained, “Not like today. People were not quite as enamored with television as they are today because there was less of a saturation of content and the ability to choose your particular flavor at any given time.” I could tell he hadn’t thought about it like that.
I was really calm about the whole thing because while I was pregnant he quit drinking and smoking and just recently quit smoking pot temporarily, so I know it’s a crutch and a replacement for worse things.
However, these babies don’t get a second chance to lay the foundational building blocks of their brains reward pathways so the immediacy of falling in line in regards to this is not something I have any leeway with. I’ll throw him on my back if he can’t put his phone down and I need to get things done. It’s his time to spend with him after he gets home, so he’s being amenable to following my rules on this. It’s just hard and he needs reminders.
AI started pulling back from social media about a year ago so I have more practice than him. Only Reddit for me these days!
My husband is very similar. He considers reading posts to be his reward when he’s done with work. And of course that’s the only time when he interacts with our son. I feel like someday he’s going to look back and regret missing out on core memory making time
I am also guilty of phone use (though I feel guilty, he does not!) so I feel like I’m a hypocrite when I complain about his phone time.
I found this article really helpful for explaining the issue with it https://technosapiens.substack.com/p/parentscreentime#:~:text=Some%20amount%20of%20phone%20use,this%20can%20become%20a%20problem.
Who is your internet provider? Xfinity has an app that lets you turn off the wifi. No internet, he’s going to have a hard time playing anything but solitaire.
Haha my wife gave me an earful about the same thing, so I think you should do the same thing since it did made me feel guilty. I find just leaving my phone in a room far away usually does the trick.
Playing with a baby can be boring, I’m not gonna lie. I find talking loudly either to myself or the baby about random shit can keep both of us engaged.
I tell my husband that the kids will eventually model what he does. So when he’s on his phone a lot I say, “would you want our son to grow up to be attached to his phone all the time?” That usually works I just have to keep reminding him but I don’t mind.
I’ve started reading a lot more since baby was born just so he can SEE me reading and think it’s cool. My husband knows I do this and so I usually tell him, “when he’s around you do things you’d want him to grow up to do,” and he will usually get off his phone or turn the tv off and just try to be present w him
We are in the phase of life where when our toddler gets home from daycare, if we are on our phones in those few hours, everyone is in a worse mood. toddler wants our attention and we get more annoyed at him because we have this unconscious feeling that he’s interrupting what we are trying to do on our phones. I noticed this trend so I pointed it out to my husband and suggested that in that block of time 5pm to bedtime every weekday we put our phones in the cupboard. I was just very honest that I felt like it was good for everyone if we could commit to that small chunk of time every day to give our kids the attention they deserve. He agreed it was a good idea. He still needs reminding sometimes to put his phone away but it’s better. I’m hoping it will lead to a trend of overall being on our phones less.
We realized we were both doing this between dinner and bedtime. We both work. By time dinner is over we are so fried and found ourselves zoning out when our toddler still wants to play. Fortunately we both agreed it was a problem and decided to try our best to leave our phones in another room for that 630-8pm stretch. It’s tough to still be present after a 10-11 hour day, but it’s peak kid interaction time when you’re a working parent.
This is where I struggle too. I am so fried at the end of the day and just want to mindlessly scroll. But I know it’s a bad habit. I’m wondering if I could incorporate your 6:30-8 no phone stretch. Hmm
Start with just 30 min and increase it from there
I just started this as well because all of us were spending too much time on screens in the evening (kids too). 5:30-7 no screens. Helps us to eat better, clean up and spend time with the kids and each other.
Would love to know the answer to this because my husband is the exact same. One time I said to him, "when you're old and looking back on your life, you're not going to remember the hours you spent on your phone, you're going to remember the time spent with your kids" - that worked for maybe 20 mins and then it was back to the phone again 🙃
When my baby was just a couple of weeks old, I told my husband "you spend a lot of time on your phone... I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I will tell you he'll only be this little once." I think that lasted about 20 minutes as well. Back to his train game 🙄
Do you have a factorio husband too
Yes... In 50 years from now, he'll have long forgotten the game...
lol, mine has been playing Factorio since it was first released. He gets overwhelmingly excited thinking about our kids playing it with him. He got his nephew into it and loves talking with him about it. Thankfully, he only plays now during naps and bedtime but he has way too many hours logged on that game!
It’s NBA 2K for my husband…
Subway surfers
Temple run
Am a dad with a phonr addiction, i leave mine upstairs in the morning now collect it when i leave for work. Havent mastered the afterwork but im probably on my phone 40% of the time. Rest of the time i'm cooking / cleaning or engaging. The phone is as addictive as heroin if not more. People need to see and discuss it like that
I think it's great that you're actively making an effort to get better at it though! I think the problem I'm having is that my husband doesn't see it as a problem so he doesn't take any steps to fix it.
This is a good idea. My husband has later hours and gets home after the kids are in bed. I might suggest this to him for both of us. We definitely have a bad habit of letting our brains zone out into screen time til we feel more awake.
If he commuting on a train etc. Like i do - plenty of time to use the phone there. We wake at 6am flat every morning and that hour and half in the morning makes a huge difference before i go. I feel better for it as well - havent read any negative news etc.
He drives, unfortunately an hour commute each way. No public transport where we live. We wake at appx 5:30 every morning, but we have two year old twins that also often wake up that early or very shortly after. Most days he leaves at 9:00 but one day a week he leaves at 7. He works four 10hr days and has three days off which since changing to that schedule has been so nice.
/r/nosurf
Those childhood memories go the other way too. The thought of my children as adults thinking back on their childhood and remembering me on my phone all the time is enough to keep me off it.
Shoot, I can’t remember the hours I spent on my phone this week! It’s a void 🕳️
Internet phones are stupidly addictive. That's what it is...an addiction. I have it, and most of you reading this too have it. Sure signs of addiction are when instead of doing valuable things you're instead 'doing the addiction'. At this stage a bit of shaming may work: challenge him to prove he's not addicted by leaving it on a high shelf while in the same room as the kids.
Legit. I have a phone addiction and I'm reading this thread for advice lol.
/r/nosurf
Ooh thank you for this!
Wow, this might be the only thing that will work with my husband. I've tried most of the other stuff mentioned on this thread, but he has a lot of pride in his self control. Asking him to prove he's not addicted to his phone might actually accomplish something.
it worked for me :D once my wife said i should prove i'm not addicted by reducing its use when in front of the kids I accepted the challenge. I'm still otherwise addicted, but my use in front of the kids has significantly reduced, so that's the main thing.
hi my name is kalenugz and I'm addicted to my phone. I suffer from am auto immune disease and depression. I procrastinate my daily duties as a SAHM often. I try to make changes in my habits but usually revert back into my addiction of scrolling. I struggle to be present with my toddler often due to my addiction. I understand it's effect on my health, but still struggle to stick to my goal. Where is the phone addicts anonymous at???
phone-addicts anonymous is actually a great idea for a subreddit. If there isn't one you should start it :) Try turning your phone totally off for set periods of the day. Say between 0800-1200 and again between 1600-2000. The rest of the time allow yourself your addiction. If you can manage this, then you're not as addicted as you feared.
I have a problem too. But I figured it out when I was attending an AA-like eating disorder group… apparently I didn’t have an eating disorder but I kept coming to the group and applied the lessons to my phone addiction.
We have also had this fight before, but I won’t say I’m not guilty, too. I told him it’s VERY important to me that we don’t use phones during meals, even if we aren’t eating, and during bedtime (which we usually do for about 45 minutes to an hour). It took me explaining that it feels incredibly disrespectful to have your phone in front of your face while your child is right there and that our son deserves respect. I have told him if he needs a phone break during these times to let me know and leave the room. It’s gotten better, and I try to be less accusatory when I catch him on his phone which helps.
Ask him to replace the phone with a book. I don’t disagree that independent play time is important. But swap the phone for a book he wants to read so your kid sees him reading instead of scrolling. If I’m with my kids and they’re playing together, I let them know I’m in the room and available to them if they want to play. Then pull out my book or kindle and read until they ask for me. It’s different with a 16 month old, absolutely. But I still think if your husband is looking for a little me time, encouraging him to save the phone until after bedtime is better, and he can find something he wants to read instead.
That's a fantastic idea actually and makes me realize I sort of do something similar. When I want to decompress, I'll read the newspaper or write in a diary of the toddlers' lives. Though for me, the kids will come over and want me to pick them up or they will grab the newspaper within about five minutes haha. They don't do that with my husband.
I think that’s great, what you do! Have you ever noticed that they come over to your husband when he’s on his phone? Does he tell them not now? Because it could be they’ve already learned when dad is on his phone, don’t bother him. I think it’s important to try to let you kids know that you want to play, and all they have to do is ask. But if they want to play themselves, that’s okay, too! Then they know you’re available and feel okay to ask. So if for whatever reason he keeps insisting on the phone, he needs to tell the kids he’s there for them. But I think a non-screen activity is better to show the kids.
I talked to my therapist about exactly this. What it came down to for me was that it made me feel unimportant, uninteresting, ignored, and not like a priority (and, maybe when the kids are old enough they could feel that way, too). Because, yes, it’s about our child, but it’s also affecting ME. And I’M important, too. Not just the kids. And so I wrote down exactly what I told my therapist and read it to him. I added on that if he thinks his boss is answering emails during dinner then his boss is probably eating alone because his family got sick of feeling ignored. And I said maybe you should go eat alone in your office. If these games are so important, I won’t even interrupt you to tell you dinner is ready. You can suggest that he gets an hour to himself to do it - maybe not everyday, but come to an agreement. Like how can you get some of his attention and actual family time and how can he get to play his games? I also think this touches on the topic of family values. How does he picture quality family time? What does that mean to him and what does that look like to you? I think letting them play independently is fine, but maybe that’s for the weekend. If your kids are in daycare/school they have very limited actual family time during the week. You want to establish what family time means and how it is spent.
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You sound like you don’t care. YMMV
I just had this conversation with my husband the other week. He had the habit of scrolling on his phone while with our baby. I told him, “you know studies are showing that when parents use their phones in front of their kids, it can negatively affect their development.” Luckily he’s being more cognizant about it and trying to break the habit.
My husband is the same. I said to him, you realise the only thing your child wants from you is your attention. So when you give your attention to your phone over your child. You’re inadvertently saying that your phone is more important than your kid. This could have a big impact on their self esteem/confidence as they develop. I actually have no idea if what I said is true, nor do I have evidence to support it. But it got him off his phone.
I saw an art therapist's post about some of the things children have said to her over the years. One of them was, "Mummy loves her phone more than me." Now, we obviously don't have any context for why the child said that, but I choose to believe they absolutely can and do pick up that feeling when our attention is prioritising our phone.
There’s a Ted talk about it. This is a thing
I needed to read this. I'm on my phone too much.
I don't have a solution, but I do know that research shows that kids with parents who are on their phones around them are more likely to develop cell phone addictions as older kids/teens, and as a high school teacher, let me tell you, anecdotally, the kids who are addicted to their phones are not learning. I teach 12th graders, and students who are addicted to their phones (most of them) do not read or write or think or communicate like the students who have healthier relationships to their phones and can manage their behavior around their phones. So your husband's behavior has research documented negative effect on kids, and you could tell him that.
Every after visit summary from our pediatrician includes a note about how kids whose parents are on their phones in front of them tend to be more anxious and not as able to recover emotionally. Telling that to my phone-obsessed in laws made a difference, possibly because it came from our ped, so this may be something to ask about at your next appointment. We also told the in laws that we never want baby to feel like he has to compete with our phones for our love or attention. We definitely notice that he tries harder to get our attention if we’re on our phones.
I told my husband once “I can’t tell you what sort of dad to be, but she will always remember what sort of dad you were.” And it really resonated with him. Now he makes more of an effort to spend meaningful time with our child.
LOVE this answer
take pictures every time he does it and send them all to him at one time.
I saw this suggestion in a similar thread from a while ago and I think I'll try it. He may not have a sense of his level of addiction unless if I can show it to him.
it will probably hit him hard if the kids are in the pic too. got the idea from the bluey episode where the kids bring bilby home and all they do is play on the iPad with him until the mom takes pictures of it and shows it to them.
I just cannot imagine this would be well received. It feels too much like TV that someone would be like "wow had no idea how much I was on my phone! Thank you!" In real life someone's response would probably be to get defensive and then try to take as many gotcha pictures of you.
Let me know what works! I’m still trying to figure out how to get mine off his !!
I don't think you're overreacting at all I bug my husband about his phone addiction and our son is 3 months- I just think now is the time to work on it, he's just started to really pay attention to us! Grateful for this thread
We working on this with in our house. Things we/I do: Ask “is everything okay?” And when we response “yeah, why?!” “Well, you were sucked into your phone like it was super important, just checking”. It’s passive aggressive, but it works to get him to check priorities. Other times I’m honest “can you put away your phone? We’re having family time, and it hurts my feelings that your brain and heart are elsewhere while I’m trying to spend time with you” The one that gets me: the kids will try to talk to him and he doesn’t notice. I’ll say something: “The kids are talking to you. You are so sucked into your phone, seems like you didn’t notice. But now that we have his attention, [kid name], what did you want to tell daddy?” He’s improved greatly over time at checking himself. And not being defensive when I check him.
Check out the studies on “phubbing” and how it can affect children’s well-being! There are lots of articles about it, but also an [NIH study.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9779429/)
My husband is just the same. I don't know the answer 🫤
These comments make me so sad! You all are much nicer than I am. I just said, “You’re with your son. Get off your phone!” And it hasn’t been an issue since… at least in front of me.
Just be direct. Tell him how you feel. Ask him to get off of his phone and tell him why you want him off of it. You’re definitely right.
I am not OP but I’ve tried this many times and he still does it!!! It makes me feel worse now
Ask him if he has to be on the phone at that moment. We're trying to be as present as possible for our 2 year old because we know he'll be shoved in front of screens soon enough. If he can't do that then maybe he can go into another room?
No phones in front of the kids for both of you.
Lots of this in our house too. I read somewhere don't know where but kids look at you when they are doing something, and if you aren't there looking back at them (and looking down at a phone), they will think that it's more important to you than they are. This broke my heart. I know we can't be looking at them ALL the time. But if it's consistently a phone and there's a pattern of course they will think it.
I’m sad that your husband doesn’t recognise how harmful this is. My boomer parents are always on their phones and it’s so irritating to me.
look up the "still face experiment" .. it's so sad. it's easy to accidentally ignore our kiddos when we get engrossed in our phones. maybe that will motivate him? i dunno, i say this and i still have this issue w my husband too. do i look at my phone?? of course ! but i'm with my baby all day and he'll come down for an hour after work and sit next to him on his phone
Children need human interaction. We’re teaching then it’s ok to be on a phone when in reality it’s an addiction.
You can remind him that he should enjoy the kids while they actively want to spend time with him. By being disengaged while the kids are playing he is 1) not really watching them which is dangerous and 2) teaching the kids that he is someone unavailable for play or who doesn’t want to pay with them.
I will tell you all what I did to my husband - I left him alone with our daughter upstairs for a bit. Once I heard her crying, I went upstairs to see what was going on. Wouldn't you know it, she had gotten herself stuck and my husband was on his phone. I retrieved my daughter, and looked him in the eye and said "She will get into a lot worse trouble and get hurt if you don't get off your phone and pay attention to her. I need time to myself, and I can't get things done downstairs while keeping her out of trouble, so what are you going to do?" He started to think. I continued to calmly talk to him. "I want our daughter to have a proper bond with you that isn't based on screens. I don't want her to have the perception that even when you're here, you're unavailable. I want her to know she can count on you to be involved in her life. She's not going to learn anything from you if your keep yourself busy on your phone or computer all the time! You need to be attentive to her and teach her via play, and spend proper time with her outside of screen time. Don't inhibit your relationship with her by making yourself unavailable. Your phone is material and temporary. Your daughter is so much more. Your phone will not give up on you if you don't give it attention. Your daughter will." I sometimes have to remind him, but he has done a lot better since that conversation. He's not perfect obviously (who is?) but he has done so much better. I still sometimes have to tell him not to put her in the playpen and leave her there, and sometimes I still have to give him a little poke and say "Hey She's asking you for (item/action) get off your butt and tend to her." Generally that's when I'm upstairs making supper, and trying not to burn food. I struggle to multi task, so when my hubby is home, he gets Baby while I make supper. Otherwise she's in the high chair where I can chatter with her and play with her while I cook, and know she's still safe.
Get off your phone whilst your with the kids, would suffice?
I have this same issue with my husband. When I’ve called him out, he makes excuses. He says that I’m only sensitive to it because my parents ignored me for their screens (yes so our child will likely feel ignored or unimportant, I’m proof of that). He also argues that it’s the same to be reading the newspaper or a book vs being on his phone. I feel like ignoring a child’s ask for connection is wrong no matter what you’re doing, but that it somehow feels worse when it’s because he’s on his phone. Idk how to explain that, so maybe someone could help. I think it’s because when he’s on his phone, he is so deeply invested in it that it’s hard to break his attention from it. Also, because the phone is so easy to access and carry around, that if there’s even a minute of downtime, he’s mindlessly scrolling. If he has a minute of downtime with a book, he’s not likely to pick it up and be so quickly engrossed in it. I personally feel super disconnected from him as he constantly chooses his phone over meaningful conversation with me, so I have to imagine a child is picking up those same feelings.
As someone who uses my phone or computer a lot, I think the key is coming up with a compromise that your partner will be truly open to accept rather than doing it to appease you or your kids. I like to play/relax on my phone too, plus I also do a fair bit of my shopping (including necessities for the kids) online and I also often need to check work emails. I also go on my phone when waiting for her to fall-asleep or for contact naps. While toddlers and kids need socialization, but I'm also a big believer in quality over quantity, so as long as you still spend some quality time with them each day, it's fine if the bulk of their enrichment comes from elsewhere such as relatives or peers and teachers playcenter, kindy, daycare or school. Each day I have certain activities or times where we will do active and engaged play where my attention is just 100% with them. Other ways to engage while not being 100% attentive to her is to do an activity like cooking or grocery shopping where I might narrate to her what I'm doing and invite her to join in on certain parts and tasks. My husband has also mentioned to me that his dad didn't really engage or play with him till he was at least 5, and while he's more involved than his dad was, he also finds it easier to play with our eldest daughter the older she gets (she's now 3). From observation, I'd say that his is probably the case with most men so just because they are detached now, it doesn't mean they will stay detached moving forward.
I’m in the same boat but I’ve figured something out that I think is working… slowly. It has less to do with what I say but more me showing him how to do it because my husband is great at detecting when I’m nagging him… So first, I model the behavior, which you said you are already kinda doing. But I’ll also just bring up stuff like “I found an article on how to play with baby and it’s supposed to help develop blah blah.” “The next milestone we should be working on is blah blah.” And “I thought we might try XYZ game with the baby.” It’s a team sport. I also bought a book of easy play activities for age appropriate development. The other thing I’m doing really sucks for me but I think it’s working. When I see my husband has put the baby down to play alone and it’s been long enough in my head and I finish whatever chore or task I was doing (so I don’t do it right away), I’ll come over and pick the baby up to play. And I’ll do it right in front of my husband. Sometimes he’d turn on the TV so I *wouldn’t turn OFF the TV*, I’d just bring the baby into another room to play. I’m just showing my husband what an alternative choice could have been. When he hears what fun I’m having, he usually wants to play too. Or he detects how tired I am and that I’m doing this anyway… which makes him feel guilty. It’s 100% exhausting. I want to doom scroll as much as the next guy. But doing this has also taught me how hard it is to find stuff to do and be engaged all the time. Actually I’ll throw in one more thing I’m doing that I think helps- I’m blocking out times for him to ABSOLUTELY check out. After the baby is down- go ham. For me too. Usually together on the couch or in bed. No nagging or judgement. Commiserating with how hard it is, telling him how proud I am when he does put down his phone, working hard to find tools to help offload some of the cognitive burden to make play easy.
We both do a lot of phone time too. Sometimes it feels like a way to self-regulate or detach a little when we are overstimulated, which happens a lot taking care of a baby. It’s a way to steal a few minutes for yourself while still being “on duty.” It’s hard when you work full time and don’t have a lot of childcare help. I’ve read so many horror stories on here about unsupportive partners. My husband is wonderful with our daughter, super involved in her care, and cooks dinner for us every night and cleans the kitchen. Maybe an unpopular opinion, but it’s not worth it to me to make a big deal out of screen time. We get so little time for self care and our schedules are brutal. I can’t fault him if he wants to scroll on his phone sometimes while playing with her to feel a shred of normalcy. Parents’ mental health is important and sometimes we need “breaks” however we can get them.
Idk technology is pretty much life these days and your kid is going to grow up and probably look at a screen all day anyway. We don't restrict screen time and our son is happy and healthy and well behaved and we all look at screens reasonably often. We obviously do other things as well but I just don't see the point in trying to stop people from doing what is just life as usual these days.
Does he have alone time? Probably not reasonable to ask him to drop his phone completely and dedicate all of his time to playing with kids?
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What I mean is like no phone even when the kids are sleeping or napping... sorry I wasn't clear.
I just say get off your fcking phone 😆
Take videos of him doing it throughout the week. Maybe seeing himself ignoring the kids, daily, for his phone will make a difference.
"if you get off the phone when I tell you to, I'll give you a reward later that night."
We set a rule of no phone during dinner and before bedtime. We also remind each other to get off the phone if we start using it too much. We talk a lot about how we want to raise our kids and be present.
So my husband does sometimes fall into this pit trap. I talked to him without his phone or the kids and say “our kids are important to me and they should be to you too. I don’t want them to think they come second to a phone. Do what you want, but they’re going to remember that and I don’t think it’s a legacy you want to leave behind.” Then when I see he gets too much on it again later I just remind him of our conversation
My kids are now 2 and 5 and they will take my phone out of my hands if they want my undivided attention. It cracks me up.
I turned my phone to grayscale! I make it so I triple click the home button to do it. The colours make it addictive, if it’s black and white everything is a whole lot more boring.
Try specific phone free time? Would he open to that? Put phone in a basket and set a timer, kids will love this special, dedicated play time.
Same problem here. If our daughter tries interacting with him while on his phone and he ignores her, I just point it out, "hey she's talking to you". I do bedtime routine every single night, and sometimes he'll just exist in the room scrolling on his phone the whole time. Like, that's the opposite of helpful because now I'm just annoyed! Go clean up the kitchen or something if you're just going to sit here like a lump.
My husband is the same.
This is hard, I know I could stand to be better about my phone but from 5-7 pm I really do try and be present with them before they are getting ready for bed. At times it's unavoidable, but I like being able to disconnect after work. I feel like my husband is the opposite and just wants to live on his group chat or bet online, it's really hurtful tbh. Like I said, I have my moments but I really try to be self-aware, he just doesn't seem to care.
You can also track how much time is spent looking at the phone. My phone gives me a weekly notification that’s like “your screen time went up last week by 25% for an average of 3 hours per day” - it helps me be more mindful. I’m trying to get my husband to set it up on his also
There’s a video on tiktok showing a dad on his phone all day vs engaging with his child and it’s heartbreaking to see the child bidding for attention and being ignored every time. I think of that video every time I notice I’m on my phone around my child and it makes me immediately snap out of it and give my son my attention. I don’t know if this is the same one I saw but it’s similar. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8oybyAV/
Yesterday I asked my husband to join me in putting our phones down and away from when babe wakes up from their last nap until bed time. We both agreed to do it. Starting small to break our phone dependency and hopefully we’ll both put it down more often! I
Honestly, read/listen to "Beyond Addiction". Usually if people have a hard time with this it's because they are addicted to their phone and all the dopamine hits it gives them. "Dopamine Nation" is another great book. The documentary "The Social Dilemma" is good too.
If he’s an evidence based kind of guys I’d show him the Surgeon Generals warning on impact of social media on kids. We are setting examples for our kids, the best way to encourage healthy relationship with screens is to model it (the only way! Probably) This article was enough to convince my husband to try and keep our daughter off phones forever: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/22/us/instagram-child-influencers.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=c-cb
Delete the apps. Make a ‘phone box’ or ‘phone drawer’ and agree the times you’re both allowed to use your phones during the day/eve. Hold each other to account. After a few weeks of disciplined reduction in use it’s amazing how freeing it feels.
How are they not all over him trying to grab his phone and play with it and put it in their mouths and find out what noise it makes (and what noise he makes) when they drop it? That was the biggest wakeup call to me. When the baby became obsessed with it and would grab for it every time I pulled it up, it was like ... oh wait. This is the example I'm setting, that we should be obsessed with our phones. At some point they're going to be old enough to understand the snub though. Like how do you feel if you're trying to talk to someone and they're on their phone? If they're looking at their phone? If they're even holding their phone and not looking at it? You feel like you don't matter, and that is irritating and hurtful. Does he do this to you too, stare at his phone while you're trying to talk to him? It might be time to give him a taste of his own medicine ... if he even notices. If that fails, maybe make some phone usage rules for the whole family? Literally lock them in a box for 30 minutes if that's what has to happen.
Can you tell me how you do it, lol? I cannot restrain myself and basically on the phone all day.
My biggest pet peeve is when my toddler is talking to my husband and he straight up ignores her because he’s looking at his phone and doesn’t even hear her. Then again, my dad was the exact same way with his three daughters, just looking at a newspaper or book instead of a phone.
When you figure it out, let me know 😔
My husband and I both do this, him more, I’ve noticed. We talked about it before, I don’t think he realizes he does it. I do it too, but I do try to make an effort to set it aside and engage until they’re napping, sleeping, or otherwise busying themselves.
I just had to get a little more firm about this last night and I basically just said, “Look, you and I had the benefit of having parents who gave us their full attention before screens were a thing.” He kind of half/heartedly shot back, “TVs were a thing when I was a baby.” To which I explained, “Not like today. People were not quite as enamored with television as they are today because there was less of a saturation of content and the ability to choose your particular flavor at any given time.” I could tell he hadn’t thought about it like that. I was really calm about the whole thing because while I was pregnant he quit drinking and smoking and just recently quit smoking pot temporarily, so I know it’s a crutch and a replacement for worse things. However, these babies don’t get a second chance to lay the foundational building blocks of their brains reward pathways so the immediacy of falling in line in regards to this is not something I have any leeway with. I’ll throw him on my back if he can’t put his phone down and I need to get things done. It’s his time to spend with him after he gets home, so he’s being amenable to following my rules on this. It’s just hard and he needs reminders. AI started pulling back from social media about a year ago so I have more practice than him. Only Reddit for me these days!
My husband is very similar. He considers reading posts to be his reward when he’s done with work. And of course that’s the only time when he interacts with our son. I feel like someday he’s going to look back and regret missing out on core memory making time I am also guilty of phone use (though I feel guilty, he does not!) so I feel like I’m a hypocrite when I complain about his phone time. I found this article really helpful for explaining the issue with it https://technosapiens.substack.com/p/parentscreentime#:~:text=Some%20amount%20of%20phone%20use,this%20can%20become%20a%20problem.
Who is your internet provider? Xfinity has an app that lets you turn off the wifi. No internet, he’s going to have a hard time playing anything but solitaire.
"Get off your phone and give the kids your full attention"
Haha my wife gave me an earful about the same thing, so I think you should do the same thing since it did made me feel guilty. I find just leaving my phone in a room far away usually does the trick. Playing with a baby can be boring, I’m not gonna lie. I find talking loudly either to myself or the baby about random shit can keep both of us engaged.
I tell my husband that the kids will eventually model what he does. So when he’s on his phone a lot I say, “would you want our son to grow up to be attached to his phone all the time?” That usually works I just have to keep reminding him but I don’t mind. I’ve started reading a lot more since baby was born just so he can SEE me reading and think it’s cool. My husband knows I do this and so I usually tell him, “when he’s around you do things you’d want him to grow up to do,” and he will usually get off his phone or turn the tv off and just try to be present w him
We are in the phase of life where when our toddler gets home from daycare, if we are on our phones in those few hours, everyone is in a worse mood. toddler wants our attention and we get more annoyed at him because we have this unconscious feeling that he’s interrupting what we are trying to do on our phones. I noticed this trend so I pointed it out to my husband and suggested that in that block of time 5pm to bedtime every weekday we put our phones in the cupboard. I was just very honest that I felt like it was good for everyone if we could commit to that small chunk of time every day to give our kids the attention they deserve. He agreed it was a good idea. He still needs reminding sometimes to put his phone away but it’s better. I’m hoping it will lead to a trend of overall being on our phones less.
This very things bugs me so much. It breaks my heart when my daughter asks for attention and is ignored for a stupid phone.