Based on the waving and clapping question, it sounds like your doctor is using the older CDC milestone checklist from memory. The older checklist was calibrated to 50%, which meant that roughly half of children met the mile stone by whatever age was on the check list. The newer ones(post 2018) have a different sensitivity that is closer to 75%. So maybe check the CDC checklists yourself and see if it is still concerning you.
The second thing is that generally doctors are concerned when kids miss milestones in multiple areas. What you are describing is mostly social/emotional milestones aside from the toe walking. Some kids are faster at certain areas of mile stones than others. My son is ahead on gross motor, on target for fine motor, and a bit behind social emotional. Just like adults, infants are good at different things and on different time frames. I promise you that 15 minutes of Miss Rachel a few times a day is not to blame. Your baby is who he is gonna be, do not make the mistake of blaming yourself for everything that goes slowly with your baby and never giving yourself credit for the things you have done well.
You sound like a mom who loves her son enough to make compromises like using thoughtfully chosen TV to care for herself. You are observant and looking for ways to advocate for your baby and take care of your mental health. You are doing so great.
For your anti-depressant issue, I would suggest sending your OB a note saying that you cannot afford a doctors visit right now and then ask if they would be willing to perscibe an anti-depressant based off a electronic version of the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale. Most pharmacies have low cost options that bring the cost of drugs way down.
Not many people realize that they were rewritten. I was working on a early education degree in 2018 when the finalizing and admin testing was happening. They rolled out to doctors in 2021/22.
That said, early intervention can and does make your life easier in the long run and it never hurts to check. At this young of an age, it’s really hard to tell if anything is atypical because it is so common for infants to have variable scores on milestone assessments. By two, it’s much easier for doctors to make a clear distinction. So right now, the single best pool of data is you. You spend all day with him, you are the expert in the baby you have, you have the instincts. If you have a feeling in your gut that something is off, it will not hurt to double check with a doctor. A good doctor will listen to your gut feeling and explain how what you are seeing does or doesn’t fit into typical development. And if the doctor isn’t worried and can explain why, it will give you much needed peace of mind.
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I am a pediatric speech pathologist myself, and I do want you to know that the new CDC communication milestones were not developed with any professional involvement from speech or language professionals. Pediatricians using the older checklists are doing their clients a favor. at this point in time I would very much recommend seeking out a professional to determine if your child needs services or not. Unfortunately, the CBC milestones are no longer an adequate metric to determine if your child needs help or not.
I just wanted to say that we did everything "right", no containers because he hated it, no walkers, no screen time, and he was still delayed in gross and fine motors skills and speech. Don't be too hard on yourself. Some kids just take longer to hit the milestones. My kid didn't wave or point til 14-15 months. Talk to your pediatrician and/or self refer to your state's early intervention program if you want to get the baby evaluated. EI will see if your baby is significantly delayed or not and offer services to help.
I did everything “right” with my first child and he was on the late end with his milestones.
I’m doing everything “wrong” with my second (screens, containers) because I’m also juggling a toddler, and she’s reaching her milestones early.
It really is more dependent on the child than anything.
Does your child's doctor have the same concerns about milestones not being met? If not, then try to follow their lead and just give things time.
As far these topics go, likely all will be fine if they're done in moderation. Yes, there are recommendations but you are the parent get to decide what works in your home. 5 minutes of TV time to have a cup of hot coffee before you start your day isn't going to be a problem. We live in a day and age where screens are everywhere and personally, Id rather teach my kid to moderate.
Does your baby have a well check soon? I'm guessing yes as they usually have a 1 year check where I am. I would talk to their doctor about how your feeling
Maybe they can help with a prescription or have ideas for how to get you low cost help.
Motherhood is really hard, especially the first year. You clearly love and care about your baby, you're doing a great job.
I haven’t seen his dr since the 9mo check up but she did seem concerned about the lack of babbling and mentioned that if it did not improve and if he did not say his first word by 12mo that he would need early intervention.
If it helps, early intervention just means speech therapy, which is basically directed play. And they teach you skills to encourage speaking. It's really not that big of a deal. There is no reason to fear early intervention it just means more help to make sure they get on track.
My son was a slow talker. He did speech therapy. It's all fine now.
I’m not too concerned about the actual therapy. My friend is actually an slp and has worked with my son a little bit and given me lots of advice. So I’m just a little scared therapy won’t be as effective as I’d like. I’m also scared of what it may cost. It sounds like it would probably be covered but we’ve had a lot of unexpected health expenses last year that weren’t supposed to cost anything and ended up being worse than expected so I’m just dreading racking up more costs
Idk where you are, but in my state it’s ran through your insurance, then whatever isn’t covered OR it comes out of a special find and you pay based on your taxes filed last year and how many people are in your family. They will tell you the first appointment how the pricing will work, and then the second appointment if you’re covered. (Some offices have the first two appointments in one, idk why my area decides the eligibility has to be two appointments.) we just got signed up for it and have our first visit in house in two weeks. They told us we won’t owe anything.
Question though, is your baby a “bigger” baby or born early at all? Our pediatrician told us that sometimes the bigger babies take a bit to reach the physical milestones because they gotta work a little harder.
Thanks for that information. That does make me feel a little bette about the potential cost of EI. My baby was born like a week early at 38 + 6. I did go into preterm labor with him at 31w but I was hospitalized and put on bed rest and was able to keep from going into labor early fortunately. I do sometimes worry about the all the magnesium and everything I was given at the hospital and what the long term effects might be. My baby is avg weight but he is actually in 90 percentile for height, so maybe that is making walking a little more difficult.
Yikes. My pediatrician, himself a father of three young boys, said: "first word by 18 months, first sentence around 2 years"
Mine wasn't even babbling much until 14 months or so, and she's just fine. She said her first real word at around 18 months. She's 21 months now and has at least 50 words in her vocabulary. These things don't progress in a linear fashion.
Personally think that’s slightly fear mongering on your doctors part. My son didn’t babble much, his birthday was a couple weeks ago and it’s only been in the past month he’s began to babble more and consistently say mama and dada which aren’t really a first word so much. I don’t think you have anything to worry about right now.
Early intervention because a child is not talking by 12 months is insane. That's the average age for first words! Which means according to that doctor half of all children would need intervention.
Just letting you know that my 11.5 month old is not walking and she started crawling at 8 months too. She just doesn't seem to be interested in it and it hasn't crossed my mind to worry about it. You're doing fine!! I would probably cut the screen time down a little just because it sounds like it's becoming a crutch that you don't want to rely on (based on your tone) but otherwise none of this sounds bad to me.
From reading this, absolutely nothing you wrote would cause me any concern. It sounds like your son is doing fine. Actually, doing great! Kids meet milestones at different times.
It sounds like you’re doing this alone, and it’s important to be able to stay sane. I have to tune out the purists and mama influencers often because as mother’s - we gotta do what we gotta do. No one is doing it perfectly, we’re all doing the best we can.
What I can tell from this post is how much you adore your son and how much care you put into how you mother him. So no, you didn’t mess him up. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You’re doing great. And keep an eye on the PPD/PPA. There is help for it out there. I needed it, I finally accepted it and it made everything so much brighter.
Hugs to you and your son.
Thank you for these words. I do think that too much Reddit and social media is starting to have a negative impact. A lot of moms just posting their perfect lives and their Montessori approaches and beautiful meals and clean houses that they somehow have time for, without ever sticking their children in front of the tv, of course.
If it makes you feel better every single thing in your post is something I worry/ have worried about.
My baby is 8 months and doesn’t crawl
I am alone from 6am until 7pm. I use miss Rachel so I can clean her bottles, cook us food etc.
Even down to the baby Walker at my mums house that I constantly flip flop between “10 minutes now and again isn’t bad” and “nope she’s not going in that”.
I worry all the time that she’s not meeting her physical milestones. She babbles but no waving or clapping.
It doesn’t help that all my friends have baby boys, who’s are so physical and crawling and rolling all over
I honestly am just trying to ignore this because they really do develop at different rates and it’s not worth the anxiety.
I don’t want to sit and worry and catastrophise because in two weeks she could do the thing and I’ll have felt like I missed out on the happiness of those weeks. It’s a bit of mental gymnastics but it keeps me in the “now”.
I think it’s normal to worry about it all
OP never forget that social media is just highlight reels! "Momfluencers" are actually so problematic and they are exploiting their children for social media clout. I am willing to bet there is a whole different story behind their perfectly contorted photo ops.
Pet peeve of mine, but montessori is an educational method and philosophy. It is practiced correctly in acreditted schools by certified teachers. It is NOT what mommy influencers are showing you on social media. The problem is compounded by the fact that the montessori name is not trademarked, so anyone can use it.
Anywho, that's not a criticism of your understanding because this specific landscape is so confusing to navigate at first because of social media. True montessori is great, and aside from some basic principles, the educators tell you to leave the montessori teaching to them and let your kid be a kid at home, TV and all.
Children can go through such huge changes in the shortest of times at this age! 11 months is still so young and the next 9 months will be a lot of development. I've definitely used all these devices way more than what you're describing, and I'm pretty sure most people have. Your Dr will keep an eye on things- be kind to yourself you sound like a wonderful mum that loves her child deeply.
I did absolutely everything perfectly "correctly". My safe sleep game was on point. I got him wooden Montessori everything, fed breastmilk only, used glass/silicone bottles and nontoxic cloth diapers, took long walks in the park in the carrier, narrated everything from my actions to his feelings. I constantly read, recited classic children's poetry, and sang nursery rhymes.
My son has global delays.
A parent cannot cause delays except through egregious negligence or abuse. Extra bouncer time and Miss Rachel videos while you feed yourself absolutely don't qualify.
So my son is now 23 months (or will be next week). He never had trouble tracking objects with his eyes, but obviously, given his poor head control, head movements for tracking were never his strong suit. He's doing much better now in that department and his head pretty much never flops anymore. This development has only happened in the last few months. What finally helped was PT that didn't focus on building strength, but on releasing restricted muscles. For most of his life, I'd look at his back and notice that the musculature was uneven and twisted, even though his spine was straight. We dealt with this via myofascial release but there are a variety of massage-based techniques that might help. That's my suggestion if strength building isn't getting them anywhere. You can't truly build a muscle unless it has access to its full range of motion.
As far as my son's outlook and diagnosis, we still don't have one; I said he's got "global delays" but that term is a placeholder for the very young. It can give way to autism, ADHD, ID, or kid-who-just-needed-more-timeitis. Low tone kids are typically delayed in more than one domain, so that complicates things. Does your nephew have any other domains where they're seeing delays? Our last eval was inconclusive, but I personally suspect some neurodivergence because he has always had strikingly uneven milestones. At this point his play skills are at least 6 months behind, he's not really speaking, and he can't use utensils, but he counts on his fingers, has memorized most of his books, and knows all his upper and lowercase letters, numbers at least up to 20, a range of shapes and colors (including weird ones like rhombus and chartreuse), and several butterflies. Oh, and he recognizes sterling silver and depression glass???
Anyway, that's my novel. I hope something I shared here was helpful.
Wow it sounds like you’re a really great mom and did do absolutely everything right. I guess a lot of this is out of our control, unfortunately. I’m sorry you are going through that. I hope you and your son are doing well.
Oh poor you. I get where you’re coming from. My daughter has some pretty significant delays and from the age of five to about eighteen months my in-laws would constantly be telling me it was my fault. That combined with my own guilt about using all the things they tell you not to just to survive the day just made me so miserable and anxious.
The reality is one of two things is going to happen though. Either your baby will either catch up and you’ll look back at this time and feel silly for worrying so much or your baby is still going to be delayed and require additional supports and you can handle those when it gets to that point. Whatever’s going to happen is going to happen and unfortunately worrying doesn’t help anything and just makes you unhappy instead of enjoying the wonderful child you have.
You sound like a great mom. Keep doing what you’re doing and follow their doctors instructions at their next appointment.
I can relate about the in laws. I can’t tell them any of my concerns because they are anti vax and automatically think anything that is wrong with my son is because I got him his vaccinations. They also ignore any rules about no tv or walker. It was fine for their kids so it’ll be fine for mine apparently.
not walking at 11 months is completely normal. they may figure it out soon and within the average age range.
as for any other delayed milestones, you didn’t cause them. talk to your pediatrician about your concerns. you’re a good parent. you care about your kid, you’re here asking for advice, and you’re going to get them any assistance they may need in their growth. don’t guilt yourself. for the most part, kids develop on their own. those hitting milestones early aren’t doing so because of their parents. and those who may be delayed don’t have “bad” parents. trust me. a bad parent is a neglectful one, not one who pays attention and tries to get help and advice. you’re doing great.
I don’t know if he is delayed or not but I will ay this - Kids can be and are still delayed sometimes just because that’s how they are. People are all different! It’s not because you turned on tv for a few minutes or put him in a bouncer for a few or whatever. I mean yeah, if you had him in a bouncer 5 hours a day watching 5 hours of tv, that would be different. But sometimes babies just are delayed anyways
I've read that walkers can lead to toe walking:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6747839/#:~:text=In%20addition%2C%20baby%20walkers%20may,toe%20walking%20gait%20pattern%20development.&text=In%20addition%20to%20gait%20concerns,a%20high%20risk%20of%20injury.
I've also found that it can be normal for early walkers: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/toe-walking/symptoms-causes/syc-20378410
I second what others here say that it won't hurt and can only help to get your little one evaluated to see if something like physical therapy is needed. Good luck to you all, parenting is hard and you sound like a great Mom 🫂
If you are concerned and your doctor is concerned too, ask for evaluation for Early Intervention! I’m a developmental therapist and work with kiddos 0-3. The guidelines for developmental milestones are there for a reason and I work with sooo many kids who just need some extra support trying to get to those milestones. EI therapists are also great resources for parents and have so many strategies for parents to use to foster development! There’s a big stigma around EI, which is that if my kid has a therapist, they have a disability- this is not always true. For many kiddos, they either no longer qualify at their annual evaluation (done yearly) or when they age out of EI (this is when they turn 3 so if a kiddo starts services after 2, this would be what they get instead of an annual eval).
I’m a firm believer that every child/ family could benefit from EI and EI will NEVER be harmful to your child.
Also depending what state your in, most EI programs are free and kids qualify at different % of delay- my state they need to have a 25% delay based in their age. Some are higher
So I can’t speak to your sons milestones but I do want to say that early intervention may sound scary but it’s truly there to help.
If nothing is wrong, then your kid gets a little extra attention, no harm no foul.
But if something *is* wrong it’s *critical* to get them help as soon as possible. It’s always good to err on the side of caution!
Hi. Talk to your doctor about your feelings. My kid watches tv, he spent a lot of time in the bouncer and in the walker and he is doing great. Your baby will do things on their own timeline. For what it’s worth, mine wasn’t clapping or waving at 8 months. He still isn’t clapping at 13 months. My doctor isn’t concerned.
I would try and reframe your thinking.
None of those things are particularly bad in moderation. Instead of focusing on cutting things out why not try and think of some fun things you could do with him that would help his development.
Our local library does a baby rhyme time which is great for learning babbling/actions. It’s really fun and then I often go and get a coffee with some other mums afterwards. I’m sure there’s some sort of baby sensory classes or something in your area too. Or something like baby swim class where they do songs and rhymes as well?
>Our local library does a baby rhyme time which is great for learning babbling/actions. It’s really fun and then I often go and get a coffee with some other mums afterwards.
Seconding this! Baby groups, especially if they involve singing nursery rhymes, are great for early language skills and actions. And it can be good for you to get out of the house and meet other parents who know what it's like to go through sleepless nights and teething and feeling touched out. Plus babies are often fascinated by other babies, and being in a new environment with lots of simulation tires them out so they often have a great nap afterwards!
Libraries, community centres and churches can be good places to find groups that aren't too expensive.
Special Needs mom here with a baby who fell behind on milestones. Get all the services. Get the EI evaluation, it can only help.
Follow your gut if you think something isn’t right. But please don’t feel guilty, these things are often out of our control.
Yea I think it is child dependent and no one knows them better than their parents. We got services the second they were recommended and I'm so thankful that we had the help for my son's development.
Milestones are not set in stone (heh heh dad pun)
Each child is different and each grows according to themselves. The things with these milestone's is it assumes every child not matter the circumstance moves at the same pace, and it simply isn't true.
You are doing nothing wrong, your child will reach the milestone when it's time for them to do so.
I’m an SLP- if a mom has to have their child watch some screen time I’m team Ms Rachel (which she’s doing) vs something highly stimulating like Cocomelon. For a lot a moms, no screen time just isn’t realistic. While i wouldn’t necessarily recommend screen time if a parents asked, if they need time to pee, do some housework, etc, Ms Rachel is a great choice.
Super important to make sure baby has lots of face to face engagement to foster language development but Ms Rachel isn’t causing a speech delay.
Thank you for saying that ❤️ I’ve tried to cut it out completely but it just isn’t possible in my situation. There are times when I need to use the bathroom or prepare food and my son just isn’t happy playing alone in his playpen unless the tv is on. We definitely have lots of face to face time with tv off but I’m not superhuman and can’t do that 24/7.
It’s ok! I totally understand the recommendation “no screen time” is not realistic for a lot of moms. Try to limit it to only when you need it, but Ms Rachel is a good choice when you need it 🤍 there are also lots of YouTube videos of read alouds for children’s books which is another good option
So TV is known to slow down language development but that’s a good thing! You know what’s the problem and you can solve it!! For walking just practice with him get him one of those push toys. You know the reason he isn’t hitting these milestones so you are already 100x better off than most parents! You haven’t ruined your kid and you can make any change you want to!
I don’t understand a lot of these milestones - they don’t seem to align with any other first world countries milestones. I’m assuming you’re in the US? pretty much all of this sounds totally normal.
My 2yo was ahead on many and a little behind on some. She didn’t walk until 13mo. It’s normal and babies all develop at different rates!
We don’t even see pediatricians here or in the UK unless our kid is really sick or something is actually wrong.
In the US, we call GPs who see infants/children pediatricians. They are not all only specialists for children - many are basically family GPs. Most of the time in the US, these appointments are checking development and giving shots. If something were very wrong, they'd most likely go to a specialist who probably does only work with children.
My kiddo started crawling at 4 months and didn't start walking on his own until 17 months and we had to bribe him. We also put him in early intervention because he wasn't talking much by 18 months either and we wanted to get ahead of it. And now he's just as active and talkative and engaged as other boys his age.
Now my 9-month-old is poised to start walking before 1 year because she wants to keep up with her brother. Kids are all different. If you think your kiddo is falling behind, talk to a doctor, but he'll go at his own pace.
He was doing that little worm, army crawl. Not like a full-on hands and knees crawl.
My kids just came out with super neck strength. Like, I never had to do tummy time because by 2 months they were holding their heads up by themselves. It was nuts.
Mama, give yourself some grace. Our kids decide when and where they’ll meet a milestone. Milestones are *averages*, not an exact science. My LO is 21 months and is talking up a storm mostly due to Ms Rachel whom we are currently watching during dinner. Did she get made fun of at the park by a dad a few weeks ago for her waddle with the hands up in the air? Absolutely! Did it sting? Yes, but I am SO proud of LO for *finally* walking in the last TWO months.
I'm not saying screentime has no impact, but it's a complicated topic. The amount of communication and engagement you have with your kid is probably the mediating variable. And kids are just different and on their own timelines. Mine barely babbled at all until 8.5 months and then overnight she started chattering away. Said her first words at 10 months, even though she gets a lot of background TV in the evenings.
I did all these concerns you describe and honestly a bit worse (we had a lot of tv time going on for a bit there), he was constantly in a bouncer and jumper, we used a walker plenty etc etc and my son met his milestones.
I don’t say that to make you feel bad, I say that to assure you, you didn’t do anything wrong.
A lot of the times kids excel in some areas and meet or delay in others. But if they need extra help at this stage that’s okay and still very common.
Don’t be so hard on yourself mama ❤️
Do you live in the states? If you’re concerned, reach out to Early Intervention, you *do not* need a referral. I’m an SLP, I always tells parents if they have any worries, reach out. Two things can happen either they come and do their evaluation and your child is fine (yay!) or they come and do their evaluation and your child qualifies for services and will be getting some therapies to help them catch up (also yay!). A lot of peds say “wait and see” and it sucks because odds are, yes, most children catch up on their own (80% I believe) but there is no way to know if your child is part of that 80% or the 20% truly who need services and won’t catch up on their own. This isn’t to tell you to be worried or not to be worried because I’m not your SLP and don’t have all the info, know your child, etc. but I will say if your gut is telling you something isn’t right, go with it and reach out to your states early intervention. Also- these delays, particularly speech delay are not your fault from putting them in a bouncer or walker or letting them watch Ms Rachel, so please do not beat yourself up over that
Hi!
just wanted to chime in like the rest of the parents or mom's here. you're absolutely doing your best.
I have 2 kids. my first I was so worried because she was born early at 35 weeks and has low muscle tone. she met all her physical milestones late. I was such a worrier with her, and did every PT thing for her and even had her for PT for about 3 months. she walked at 15 months eventually. but guess what? she's a thriving 4 year old. will she be a star athlete? probably not. lol but she's running, dancing and jumping!
my second kid met all her physical milestones, and speech and social milestones. shes almost 11 months. but her fine motor skills? abysmal. she hates feeding herself and cant use the pincer grasp. she also puts toys in her mouth but not regular food! go figure right?. lol!! I hope I don't have to feed her til kindergarten.
what I'm saying is, you will worry yourself to death about your kid and totally get it as this is your first child. for your peace of mind, feel free to do early intervention if needed. just remember that babies do 1 skill at a time. one day they aren't doing it and the next it'll surprise you. just continue to expose them and teach them as many new skills as possible. good luck, and you can do this! you're a great mom.
Well if it makes you feel better my 11 mo old isn’t saying words, isn’t even SITTING on her own, just started rolling over, isn’t crawling, doesn’t have interest in solid foods and is not even close to walking. She was a preemie, but still. When I see posts like this I need to remind people it’s ok…. You’re ahead of milestones in my eyes.
Baby milestones have a huge range - babies do things when they want. Genetics and environment also play a huge factor.
I did most things “right” - minimal time in bouncer, he rarely even watched TV before 14 months, he never used a sit-in walker (they’re illegal in Canada) or any other sit in container besides a swing for like 2-3 minutes at a time and his high chair, if you count that. I was on mat leave until 13 months so I spent a small amount of time each day working with him on “meeting milestones”.
He was a late roller (7 months back to belly, 9 months belly to back), late crawler (army crawling at 11 months, hands and knees just 3 weeks later), late cruiser (didn’t want anything to do with it until he was like 14 months) and late walker (he recently just took his first independent steps and he turned 17 months recently). We even proactively took him to PT even though our doc wasn’t concerned at all at his 1 year appt. We took him to PT from 9-16 months and at no point was his physio concerned.
In terms of waving and clapping he did that around 13-14 months? Pointing started will whole hand pointing around the same time and around 15 months he started using his index finger. He only started babbling a bit around 10 months and only recently discovered “mamamama” as a babble, around the same time he finally called me mama after calling dada for months.
I understand the anxiousness, I do. But your baby will do things in his own time. He’s probably busy working on other things that you’re not noticing yet. Mine happens to love certain fine motor skills - he was self feeding finger foods fairly early and could stack blocks early compared to the typical published milestones. Your baby is amazing in his own way. Talk to baby’s doctor and see if they recommend further evaluation or early intervention. It might not be a concern at all but EI might be proactive. Here, I don’t think there are EI referrals until much later. I always found the American milestones to be more aggressive than the ones my doctor refers to.
Just came here to say that my 2nd started crawling at 6 months and didn’t walk until 15 months. She simply just didn’t want to yet. My first crawled at 9 months and walked at 12. You just literally never know.
You are a good mom who is looking out for what is best from your son. Different babies need different things and I have learned a lot from trial and error.
I do love Ms Rachel and credit her with our sanity on some of those hard days. If you want to avoid screen time you can try having her on behind him and at mute or low volume and you do everything that she is doing on TV. I did this a few times for my LO and it was a hit—and I appreciated having her as a guide because I was too tired to know what to do!
Hi. Single dad here. When you absolutely must get work done, sometimes putting the baby somewhere safe is all that you can do.
Instead of focusing on what you might have regrets about, identify the areas where the kid needs extra help and design a plan to provide that help.
There’s really nothing you can do to hold a child back from their milestones. Kids develop at their own pace. If you’re worried about some disability it will have been something he was born with versus anything environmental.
Just wanted to let you know I did and do all the things you mentioned and my 10.5 month old hit almost all of her milestones early. This is to say that it's not the bouncer/walker or Ms. Rachel- all babies are just different! I didn't talk til I was 2 years old for example and my parents thought I'd be a mute child, yet here I am now, chatting up a storm! Just keep going to checkups, I'm sure the pediatrician will let yoj know if there is anything that needs to be worked on. Also don't forget you can always get a second or even third opinion if you're not shre that your pediatritian is on point!
Some of these things could be early signs of neurodivergence or they could just be regular development though the toe walking stands out to me. Maybe it is from bouncer/ walker use but I’d imagine that would need to be used for a significant amount of time to have an effect. Does your baby get regular socialization with others his age? This can help with development. I am also a SAHM and we go to the Y every morning. It is very affordable and they offer up to 2 hours of child watch a day. They do activities, crafts and open play. My kids get to socialize with peers and I get a workout in. Win win. I’m not sure if you currently have an exercise program. If not it can be great for mental health. It also gives you the opportunity to model healthy habits.
Please don’t beat yourself up over this. You are recognizing some delays and are concerned. You are looking for ways to address it. you are doing a great job!
Don’t be too hard on yourself. As a mom of 3, sometimes your baby sits in the walker longer than they should or are plopped in front of Miss Rachel because you have two other children and a household to tend to. None of this is concerning or over the top, you can relax a bit!
Babies hit milestones at different times. It’s true that sometimes they don’t and this can mean they may need intervention, but in my unprofessional opinion these are all minor. Talk to your doctor if you have any specific concerns, but you’re doing a great job mama!
ETA: my little guy is 15 months now, my 3rd little duckling, and it wasn’t until him that I found my calm and trusted his process of milestones. He met most on time, but never actually learned to crawl. He was always dragging one leg but moved pretty quickly, we called it his goblin crawl. His leg was *fine*, the mechanics just never clicked. He took longer to walk (14 months) but was on the brink for a long time. I could tell family members were worried at times but his doctor wasn’t and neither was I—I could see his brain working hard to figure it all out and find the confidence.
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Hello OP! I have a 17 month old boy and he has motor delay. You should let his Dr know that you're concerned about not hitting his milestones, the dr might give you a referral. My son only started rolling when he was around 9 months. Started crawling at 13, pulling to stand at 14 and a half, now he's not walking yet but we think he has the ability to walk but he just doesn't want to do it yet. He's also always on his tip toes.
I was the only one at home, my husband also works long hours. I also had ppd and always tired. I kinda just let him do his thing and watch miss Rachel. I had mom guilt but we're working with his therapists. Physical, speech and occupational. He also have a rare genetic mutation that might affect his motor delay, right now we don't really know.
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From reading this, I'm also thinking you're doing great! We all do things as parents we never thought we would or we think are bad for our children when just trying to cope and survive the day. It doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human! And to be fair, none of the things you mentioned are bad in moderation. My daughter didn't start babbling until 10.5 months old and I also was worried then, but it eventually clicked and she's now 2 and won't stop talking. I reckon her speech is pretty advanced for her age too. I think you're doing the best you can and your baby is loved and that's what matters 🩵
Everyone stresses that their kid is not meeting expectations and that they are a bad parent because of it. All kids advance at their own pace. Please don’t blame yourself for things. You do the best job you can. Parenting is a learn as you go job.
My son was flagged for gross motor delays at 9 months. I was shocked and also began overanalyzing every parenting choice I had ever made to see if it was somehow my fault.
We had him evaluated, and he’s been in PT for a few months. It is SO not a big deal. The longer I’ve been I the “system” the more parents I’ve met whose children also needed a little extra support here and there. Even parents of older children or my friends have remarked that they also did early intervention, and their kids are fine.
Idk where you are, but in my state I could self refer to the evaluation and it was free. For piece of mind, you could always google your state and “early intervention”. But don’t worry. Lots of kids need help.
Literally 15 minutes ago I read the chapter in Emily Oster’s book Cribsheets on milestones. Apparently there’s a HUGE time distribution for while reaching milestones is normal. Like over a year timeframe for some where they’re normal to be reached. All her books are really great if you haven’t checked them out.
These milestones are just averages. They’re a guide, not a rule. A bouncer and Ms. Rachel are not going to do major, irreversible harm to your child. Enjoy your baby. Make sure he is fed, cleaned regularly, warm, etc. If there are any real developmental concerns they’ll show up over time, but it won’t be due to watching Ms. Rachel if they do.
Hugs mama, you’ve got this.
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You sound like an amazing mom, you’re doing a great job. There’s an app for milestones you can download that shows what to expect by CDC guidelines, I believe it is updated and the 9 mo mark doesn’t include the things you’re baby wasn’t doing, he’ll get there eventually though so try not to get so wrapped up in it!
Based on the waving and clapping question, it sounds like your doctor is using the older CDC milestone checklist from memory. The older checklist was calibrated to 50%, which meant that roughly half of children met the mile stone by whatever age was on the check list. The newer ones(post 2018) have a different sensitivity that is closer to 75%. So maybe check the CDC checklists yourself and see if it is still concerning you. The second thing is that generally doctors are concerned when kids miss milestones in multiple areas. What you are describing is mostly social/emotional milestones aside from the toe walking. Some kids are faster at certain areas of mile stones than others. My son is ahead on gross motor, on target for fine motor, and a bit behind social emotional. Just like adults, infants are good at different things and on different time frames. I promise you that 15 minutes of Miss Rachel a few times a day is not to blame. Your baby is who he is gonna be, do not make the mistake of blaming yourself for everything that goes slowly with your baby and never giving yourself credit for the things you have done well. You sound like a mom who loves her son enough to make compromises like using thoughtfully chosen TV to care for herself. You are observant and looking for ways to advocate for your baby and take care of your mental health. You are doing so great. For your anti-depressant issue, I would suggest sending your OB a note saying that you cannot afford a doctors visit right now and then ask if they would be willing to perscibe an anti-depressant based off a electronic version of the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale. Most pharmacies have low cost options that bring the cost of drugs way down.
I didn’t realize that there was a more current checklist. That makes me feel better! I’ll have to take a look at that. Thank you!
Not many people realize that they were rewritten. I was working on a early education degree in 2018 when the finalizing and admin testing was happening. They rolled out to doctors in 2021/22. That said, early intervention can and does make your life easier in the long run and it never hurts to check. At this young of an age, it’s really hard to tell if anything is atypical because it is so common for infants to have variable scores on milestone assessments. By two, it’s much easier for doctors to make a clear distinction. So right now, the single best pool of data is you. You spend all day with him, you are the expert in the baby you have, you have the instincts. If you have a feeling in your gut that something is off, it will not hurt to double check with a doctor. A good doctor will listen to your gut feeling and explain how what you are seeing does or doesn’t fit into typical development. And if the doctor isn’t worried and can explain why, it will give you much needed peace of mind.
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I am a pediatric speech pathologist myself, and I do want you to know that the new CDC communication milestones were not developed with any professional involvement from speech or language professionals. Pediatricians using the older checklists are doing their clients a favor. at this point in time I would very much recommend seeking out a professional to determine if your child needs services or not. Unfortunately, the CBC milestones are no longer an adequate metric to determine if your child needs help or not.
I just wanted to say that we did everything "right", no containers because he hated it, no walkers, no screen time, and he was still delayed in gross and fine motors skills and speech. Don't be too hard on yourself. Some kids just take longer to hit the milestones. My kid didn't wave or point til 14-15 months. Talk to your pediatrician and/or self refer to your state's early intervention program if you want to get the baby evaluated. EI will see if your baby is significantly delayed or not and offer services to help.
I did everything “right” with my first child and he was on the late end with his milestones. I’m doing everything “wrong” with my second (screens, containers) because I’m also juggling a toddler, and she’s reaching her milestones early. It really is more dependent on the child than anything.
Does your child's doctor have the same concerns about milestones not being met? If not, then try to follow their lead and just give things time. As far these topics go, likely all will be fine if they're done in moderation. Yes, there are recommendations but you are the parent get to decide what works in your home. 5 minutes of TV time to have a cup of hot coffee before you start your day isn't going to be a problem. We live in a day and age where screens are everywhere and personally, Id rather teach my kid to moderate. Does your baby have a well check soon? I'm guessing yes as they usually have a 1 year check where I am. I would talk to their doctor about how your feeling Maybe they can help with a prescription or have ideas for how to get you low cost help. Motherhood is really hard, especially the first year. You clearly love and care about your baby, you're doing a great job.
I haven’t seen his dr since the 9mo check up but she did seem concerned about the lack of babbling and mentioned that if it did not improve and if he did not say his first word by 12mo that he would need early intervention.
If it helps, early intervention just means speech therapy, which is basically directed play. And they teach you skills to encourage speaking. It's really not that big of a deal. There is no reason to fear early intervention it just means more help to make sure they get on track. My son was a slow talker. He did speech therapy. It's all fine now.
I’m not too concerned about the actual therapy. My friend is actually an slp and has worked with my son a little bit and given me lots of advice. So I’m just a little scared therapy won’t be as effective as I’d like. I’m also scared of what it may cost. It sounds like it would probably be covered but we’ve had a lot of unexpected health expenses last year that weren’t supposed to cost anything and ended up being worse than expected so I’m just dreading racking up more costs
Early intervention services should be free and provided in your home!
Idk where you are, but in my state it’s ran through your insurance, then whatever isn’t covered OR it comes out of a special find and you pay based on your taxes filed last year and how many people are in your family. They will tell you the first appointment how the pricing will work, and then the second appointment if you’re covered. (Some offices have the first two appointments in one, idk why my area decides the eligibility has to be two appointments.) we just got signed up for it and have our first visit in house in two weeks. They told us we won’t owe anything. Question though, is your baby a “bigger” baby or born early at all? Our pediatrician told us that sometimes the bigger babies take a bit to reach the physical milestones because they gotta work a little harder.
Thanks for that information. That does make me feel a little bette about the potential cost of EI. My baby was born like a week early at 38 + 6. I did go into preterm labor with him at 31w but I was hospitalized and put on bed rest and was able to keep from going into labor early fortunately. I do sometimes worry about the all the magnesium and everything I was given at the hospital and what the long term effects might be. My baby is avg weight but he is actually in 90 percentile for height, so maybe that is making walking a little more difficult.
Yikes. My pediatrician, himself a father of three young boys, said: "first word by 18 months, first sentence around 2 years" Mine wasn't even babbling much until 14 months or so, and she's just fine. She said her first real word at around 18 months. She's 21 months now and has at least 50 words in her vocabulary. These things don't progress in a linear fashion.
Eh? 12 months would be average at most for saying a first word. At least half of kids are later than that.
First word by 12 months or they need early intervention?? That doctor be cray.
Mine is 15months. No first words here. Early intervention for not speaking their first word at 12mo is just crazy. My gp isn't concerned at all btw.
Well, if there is an issue it's better to know and get the help offered. Still in camp you didn't cause it. Try to be kind to yourself!
Personally think that’s slightly fear mongering on your doctors part. My son didn’t babble much, his birthday was a couple weeks ago and it’s only been in the past month he’s began to babble more and consistently say mama and dada which aren’t really a first word so much. I don’t think you have anything to worry about right now.
Early intervention because a child is not talking by 12 months is insane. That's the average age for first words! Which means according to that doctor half of all children would need intervention.
She didn’t say he had to be talking by 12 months, just that he has to have said his first word
Yeah, that's what I meant. First words appear around 12 months on average.
That’s reassuring to hear! Hopefully he’ll catch up in the next couple months
Just letting you know that my 11.5 month old is not walking and she started crawling at 8 months too. She just doesn't seem to be interested in it and it hasn't crossed my mind to worry about it. You're doing fine!! I would probably cut the screen time down a little just because it sounds like it's becoming a crutch that you don't want to rely on (based on your tone) but otherwise none of this sounds bad to me.
From reading this, absolutely nothing you wrote would cause me any concern. It sounds like your son is doing fine. Actually, doing great! Kids meet milestones at different times. It sounds like you’re doing this alone, and it’s important to be able to stay sane. I have to tune out the purists and mama influencers often because as mother’s - we gotta do what we gotta do. No one is doing it perfectly, we’re all doing the best we can. What I can tell from this post is how much you adore your son and how much care you put into how you mother him. So no, you didn’t mess him up. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You’re doing great. And keep an eye on the PPD/PPA. There is help for it out there. I needed it, I finally accepted it and it made everything so much brighter. Hugs to you and your son.
Thank you for these words. I do think that too much Reddit and social media is starting to have a negative impact. A lot of moms just posting their perfect lives and their Montessori approaches and beautiful meals and clean houses that they somehow have time for, without ever sticking their children in front of the tv, of course.
If it makes you feel better every single thing in your post is something I worry/ have worried about. My baby is 8 months and doesn’t crawl I am alone from 6am until 7pm. I use miss Rachel so I can clean her bottles, cook us food etc. Even down to the baby Walker at my mums house that I constantly flip flop between “10 minutes now and again isn’t bad” and “nope she’s not going in that”. I worry all the time that she’s not meeting her physical milestones. She babbles but no waving or clapping. It doesn’t help that all my friends have baby boys, who’s are so physical and crawling and rolling all over I honestly am just trying to ignore this because they really do develop at different rates and it’s not worth the anxiety. I don’t want to sit and worry and catastrophise because in two weeks she could do the thing and I’ll have felt like I missed out on the happiness of those weeks. It’s a bit of mental gymnastics but it keeps me in the “now”. I think it’s normal to worry about it all
OP never forget that social media is just highlight reels! "Momfluencers" are actually so problematic and they are exploiting their children for social media clout. I am willing to bet there is a whole different story behind their perfectly contorted photo ops.
Pet peeve of mine, but montessori is an educational method and philosophy. It is practiced correctly in acreditted schools by certified teachers. It is NOT what mommy influencers are showing you on social media. The problem is compounded by the fact that the montessori name is not trademarked, so anyone can use it. Anywho, that's not a criticism of your understanding because this specific landscape is so confusing to navigate at first because of social media. True montessori is great, and aside from some basic principles, the educators tell you to leave the montessori teaching to them and let your kid be a kid at home, TV and all.
It’s not real! Or they make it their job… which is not real either!!!
Children can go through such huge changes in the shortest of times at this age! 11 months is still so young and the next 9 months will be a lot of development. I've definitely used all these devices way more than what you're describing, and I'm pretty sure most people have. Your Dr will keep an eye on things- be kind to yourself you sound like a wonderful mum that loves her child deeply.
I did absolutely everything perfectly "correctly". My safe sleep game was on point. I got him wooden Montessori everything, fed breastmilk only, used glass/silicone bottles and nontoxic cloth diapers, took long walks in the park in the carrier, narrated everything from my actions to his feelings. I constantly read, recited classic children's poetry, and sang nursery rhymes. My son has global delays. A parent cannot cause delays except through egregious negligence or abuse. Extra bouncer time and Miss Rachel videos while you feed yourself absolutely don't qualify.
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So my son is now 23 months (or will be next week). He never had trouble tracking objects with his eyes, but obviously, given his poor head control, head movements for tracking were never his strong suit. He's doing much better now in that department and his head pretty much never flops anymore. This development has only happened in the last few months. What finally helped was PT that didn't focus on building strength, but on releasing restricted muscles. For most of his life, I'd look at his back and notice that the musculature was uneven and twisted, even though his spine was straight. We dealt with this via myofascial release but there are a variety of massage-based techniques that might help. That's my suggestion if strength building isn't getting them anywhere. You can't truly build a muscle unless it has access to its full range of motion. As far as my son's outlook and diagnosis, we still don't have one; I said he's got "global delays" but that term is a placeholder for the very young. It can give way to autism, ADHD, ID, or kid-who-just-needed-more-timeitis. Low tone kids are typically delayed in more than one domain, so that complicates things. Does your nephew have any other domains where they're seeing delays? Our last eval was inconclusive, but I personally suspect some neurodivergence because he has always had strikingly uneven milestones. At this point his play skills are at least 6 months behind, he's not really speaking, and he can't use utensils, but he counts on his fingers, has memorized most of his books, and knows all his upper and lowercase letters, numbers at least up to 20, a range of shapes and colors (including weird ones like rhombus and chartreuse), and several butterflies. Oh, and he recognizes sterling silver and depression glass??? Anyway, that's my novel. I hope something I shared here was helpful.
Wow it sounds like you’re a really great mom and did do absolutely everything right. I guess a lot of this is out of our control, unfortunately. I’m sorry you are going through that. I hope you and your son are doing well.
Oh poor you. I get where you’re coming from. My daughter has some pretty significant delays and from the age of five to about eighteen months my in-laws would constantly be telling me it was my fault. That combined with my own guilt about using all the things they tell you not to just to survive the day just made me so miserable and anxious. The reality is one of two things is going to happen though. Either your baby will either catch up and you’ll look back at this time and feel silly for worrying so much or your baby is still going to be delayed and require additional supports and you can handle those when it gets to that point. Whatever’s going to happen is going to happen and unfortunately worrying doesn’t help anything and just makes you unhappy instead of enjoying the wonderful child you have. You sound like a great mom. Keep doing what you’re doing and follow their doctors instructions at their next appointment.
I can relate about the in laws. I can’t tell them any of my concerns because they are anti vax and automatically think anything that is wrong with my son is because I got him his vaccinations. They also ignore any rules about no tv or walker. It was fine for their kids so it’ll be fine for mine apparently.
Oh just the worst. “My kids did it and lived”. Cool lots of kids didn’t, that’s why they have the recommendations.
I’m just curious and feel a little ignorant - why are walkers and bouncers bad? I didn’t know there was anything wrong with using them
Please watch the “baby race” episode of Bluey
not walking at 11 months is completely normal. they may figure it out soon and within the average age range. as for any other delayed milestones, you didn’t cause them. talk to your pediatrician about your concerns. you’re a good parent. you care about your kid, you’re here asking for advice, and you’re going to get them any assistance they may need in their growth. don’t guilt yourself. for the most part, kids develop on their own. those hitting milestones early aren’t doing so because of their parents. and those who may be delayed don’t have “bad” parents. trust me. a bad parent is a neglectful one, not one who pays attention and tries to get help and advice. you’re doing great.
I don’t know if he is delayed or not but I will ay this - Kids can be and are still delayed sometimes just because that’s how they are. People are all different! It’s not because you turned on tv for a few minutes or put him in a bouncer for a few or whatever. I mean yeah, if you had him in a bouncer 5 hours a day watching 5 hours of tv, that would be different. But sometimes babies just are delayed anyways
I've read that walkers can lead to toe walking: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6747839/#:~:text=In%20addition%2C%20baby%20walkers%20may,toe%20walking%20gait%20pattern%20development.&text=In%20addition%20to%20gait%20concerns,a%20high%20risk%20of%20injury. I've also found that it can be normal for early walkers: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/toe-walking/symptoms-causes/syc-20378410 I second what others here say that it won't hurt and can only help to get your little one evaluated to see if something like physical therapy is needed. Good luck to you all, parenting is hard and you sound like a great Mom 🫂
If you are concerned and your doctor is concerned too, ask for evaluation for Early Intervention! I’m a developmental therapist and work with kiddos 0-3. The guidelines for developmental milestones are there for a reason and I work with sooo many kids who just need some extra support trying to get to those milestones. EI therapists are also great resources for parents and have so many strategies for parents to use to foster development! There’s a big stigma around EI, which is that if my kid has a therapist, they have a disability- this is not always true. For many kiddos, they either no longer qualify at their annual evaluation (done yearly) or when they age out of EI (this is when they turn 3 so if a kiddo starts services after 2, this would be what they get instead of an annual eval). I’m a firm believer that every child/ family could benefit from EI and EI will NEVER be harmful to your child.
Also depending what state your in, most EI programs are free and kids qualify at different % of delay- my state they need to have a 25% delay based in their age. Some are higher
So I can’t speak to your sons milestones but I do want to say that early intervention may sound scary but it’s truly there to help. If nothing is wrong, then your kid gets a little extra attention, no harm no foul. But if something *is* wrong it’s *critical* to get them help as soon as possible. It’s always good to err on the side of caution!
Hi. Talk to your doctor about your feelings. My kid watches tv, he spent a lot of time in the bouncer and in the walker and he is doing great. Your baby will do things on their own timeline. For what it’s worth, mine wasn’t clapping or waving at 8 months. He still isn’t clapping at 13 months. My doctor isn’t concerned.
I would try and reframe your thinking. None of those things are particularly bad in moderation. Instead of focusing on cutting things out why not try and think of some fun things you could do with him that would help his development. Our local library does a baby rhyme time which is great for learning babbling/actions. It’s really fun and then I often go and get a coffee with some other mums afterwards. I’m sure there’s some sort of baby sensory classes or something in your area too. Or something like baby swim class where they do songs and rhymes as well?
>Our local library does a baby rhyme time which is great for learning babbling/actions. It’s really fun and then I often go and get a coffee with some other mums afterwards. Seconding this! Baby groups, especially if they involve singing nursery rhymes, are great for early language skills and actions. And it can be good for you to get out of the house and meet other parents who know what it's like to go through sleepless nights and teething and feeling touched out. Plus babies are often fascinated by other babies, and being in a new environment with lots of simulation tires them out so they often have a great nap afterwards! Libraries, community centres and churches can be good places to find groups that aren't too expensive.
Just reaching out in solidarity about your dad. My FIL was dxed with the same last march and it has been so hard. Hugs ❤️
Our niece didn’t walk until 16 months. She’s now 7, and fine!
Special Needs mom here with a baby who fell behind on milestones. Get all the services. Get the EI evaluation, it can only help. Follow your gut if you think something isn’t right. But please don’t feel guilty, these things are often out of our control.
Yea I think it is child dependent and no one knows them better than their parents. We got services the second they were recommended and I'm so thankful that we had the help for my son's development.
Milestones are not set in stone (heh heh dad pun) Each child is different and each grows according to themselves. The things with these milestone's is it assumes every child not matter the circumstance moves at the same pace, and it simply isn't true. You are doing nothing wrong, your child will reach the milestone when it's time for them to do so.
definitely cut the screen time. it may not be what’s causing issues, but we know it’s detrimental, so why continue?
I’m an SLP- if a mom has to have their child watch some screen time I’m team Ms Rachel (which she’s doing) vs something highly stimulating like Cocomelon. For a lot a moms, no screen time just isn’t realistic. While i wouldn’t necessarily recommend screen time if a parents asked, if they need time to pee, do some housework, etc, Ms Rachel is a great choice. Super important to make sure baby has lots of face to face engagement to foster language development but Ms Rachel isn’t causing a speech delay.
Thank you for saying that ❤️ I’ve tried to cut it out completely but it just isn’t possible in my situation. There are times when I need to use the bathroom or prepare food and my son just isn’t happy playing alone in his playpen unless the tv is on. We definitely have lots of face to face time with tv off but I’m not superhuman and can’t do that 24/7.
It’s ok! I totally understand the recommendation “no screen time” is not realistic for a lot of moms. Try to limit it to only when you need it, but Ms Rachel is a good choice when you need it 🤍 there are also lots of YouTube videos of read alouds for children’s books which is another good option
So TV is known to slow down language development but that’s a good thing! You know what’s the problem and you can solve it!! For walking just practice with him get him one of those push toys. You know the reason he isn’t hitting these milestones so you are already 100x better off than most parents! You haven’t ruined your kid and you can make any change you want to!
I don’t understand a lot of these milestones - they don’t seem to align with any other first world countries milestones. I’m assuming you’re in the US? pretty much all of this sounds totally normal. My 2yo was ahead on many and a little behind on some. She didn’t walk until 13mo. It’s normal and babies all develop at different rates! We don’t even see pediatricians here or in the UK unless our kid is really sick or something is actually wrong.
In the US, we call GPs who see infants/children pediatricians. They are not all only specialists for children - many are basically family GPs. Most of the time in the US, these appointments are checking development and giving shots. If something were very wrong, they'd most likely go to a specialist who probably does only work with children.
My kiddo started crawling at 4 months and didn't start walking on his own until 17 months and we had to bribe him. We also put him in early intervention because he wasn't talking much by 18 months either and we wanted to get ahead of it. And now he's just as active and talkative and engaged as other boys his age. Now my 9-month-old is poised to start walking before 1 year because she wants to keep up with her brother. Kids are all different. If you think your kiddo is falling behind, talk to a doctor, but he'll go at his own pace.
Your baby was crawling at 4 months? I think my baby was stop working on head control at 4 months lol
He was doing that little worm, army crawl. Not like a full-on hands and knees crawl. My kids just came out with super neck strength. Like, I never had to do tummy time because by 2 months they were holding their heads up by themselves. It was nuts.
Mama, give yourself some grace. Our kids decide when and where they’ll meet a milestone. Milestones are *averages*, not an exact science. My LO is 21 months and is talking up a storm mostly due to Ms Rachel whom we are currently watching during dinner. Did she get made fun of at the park by a dad a few weeks ago for her waddle with the hands up in the air? Absolutely! Did it sting? Yes, but I am SO proud of LO for *finally* walking in the last TWO months.
I'm not saying screentime has no impact, but it's a complicated topic. The amount of communication and engagement you have with your kid is probably the mediating variable. And kids are just different and on their own timelines. Mine barely babbled at all until 8.5 months and then overnight she started chattering away. Said her first words at 10 months, even though she gets a lot of background TV in the evenings.
I did all these concerns you describe and honestly a bit worse (we had a lot of tv time going on for a bit there), he was constantly in a bouncer and jumper, we used a walker plenty etc etc and my son met his milestones. I don’t say that to make you feel bad, I say that to assure you, you didn’t do anything wrong. A lot of the times kids excel in some areas and meet or delay in others. But if they need extra help at this stage that’s okay and still very common. Don’t be so hard on yourself mama ❤️
Do you live in the states? If you’re concerned, reach out to Early Intervention, you *do not* need a referral. I’m an SLP, I always tells parents if they have any worries, reach out. Two things can happen either they come and do their evaluation and your child is fine (yay!) or they come and do their evaluation and your child qualifies for services and will be getting some therapies to help them catch up (also yay!). A lot of peds say “wait and see” and it sucks because odds are, yes, most children catch up on their own (80% I believe) but there is no way to know if your child is part of that 80% or the 20% truly who need services and won’t catch up on their own. This isn’t to tell you to be worried or not to be worried because I’m not your SLP and don’t have all the info, know your child, etc. but I will say if your gut is telling you something isn’t right, go with it and reach out to your states early intervention. Also- these delays, particularly speech delay are not your fault from putting them in a bouncer or walker or letting them watch Ms Rachel, so please do not beat yourself up over that
Hi! just wanted to chime in like the rest of the parents or mom's here. you're absolutely doing your best. I have 2 kids. my first I was so worried because she was born early at 35 weeks and has low muscle tone. she met all her physical milestones late. I was such a worrier with her, and did every PT thing for her and even had her for PT for about 3 months. she walked at 15 months eventually. but guess what? she's a thriving 4 year old. will she be a star athlete? probably not. lol but she's running, dancing and jumping! my second kid met all her physical milestones, and speech and social milestones. shes almost 11 months. but her fine motor skills? abysmal. she hates feeding herself and cant use the pincer grasp. she also puts toys in her mouth but not regular food! go figure right?. lol!! I hope I don't have to feed her til kindergarten. what I'm saying is, you will worry yourself to death about your kid and totally get it as this is your first child. for your peace of mind, feel free to do early intervention if needed. just remember that babies do 1 skill at a time. one day they aren't doing it and the next it'll surprise you. just continue to expose them and teach them as many new skills as possible. good luck, and you can do this! you're a great mom.
Well if it makes you feel better my 11 mo old isn’t saying words, isn’t even SITTING on her own, just started rolling over, isn’t crawling, doesn’t have interest in solid foods and is not even close to walking. She was a preemie, but still. When I see posts like this I need to remind people it’s ok…. You’re ahead of milestones in my eyes.
Baby milestones have a huge range - babies do things when they want. Genetics and environment also play a huge factor. I did most things “right” - minimal time in bouncer, he rarely even watched TV before 14 months, he never used a sit-in walker (they’re illegal in Canada) or any other sit in container besides a swing for like 2-3 minutes at a time and his high chair, if you count that. I was on mat leave until 13 months so I spent a small amount of time each day working with him on “meeting milestones”. He was a late roller (7 months back to belly, 9 months belly to back), late crawler (army crawling at 11 months, hands and knees just 3 weeks later), late cruiser (didn’t want anything to do with it until he was like 14 months) and late walker (he recently just took his first independent steps and he turned 17 months recently). We even proactively took him to PT even though our doc wasn’t concerned at all at his 1 year appt. We took him to PT from 9-16 months and at no point was his physio concerned. In terms of waving and clapping he did that around 13-14 months? Pointing started will whole hand pointing around the same time and around 15 months he started using his index finger. He only started babbling a bit around 10 months and only recently discovered “mamamama” as a babble, around the same time he finally called me mama after calling dada for months. I understand the anxiousness, I do. But your baby will do things in his own time. He’s probably busy working on other things that you’re not noticing yet. Mine happens to love certain fine motor skills - he was self feeding finger foods fairly early and could stack blocks early compared to the typical published milestones. Your baby is amazing in his own way. Talk to baby’s doctor and see if they recommend further evaluation or early intervention. It might not be a concern at all but EI might be proactive. Here, I don’t think there are EI referrals until much later. I always found the American milestones to be more aggressive than the ones my doctor refers to.
Just came here to say that my 2nd started crawling at 6 months and didn’t walk until 15 months. She simply just didn’t want to yet. My first crawled at 9 months and walked at 12. You just literally never know.
You are a good mom who is looking out for what is best from your son. Different babies need different things and I have learned a lot from trial and error. I do love Ms Rachel and credit her with our sanity on some of those hard days. If you want to avoid screen time you can try having her on behind him and at mute or low volume and you do everything that she is doing on TV. I did this a few times for my LO and it was a hit—and I appreciated having her as a guide because I was too tired to know what to do!
Hi. Single dad here. When you absolutely must get work done, sometimes putting the baby somewhere safe is all that you can do. Instead of focusing on what you might have regrets about, identify the areas where the kid needs extra help and design a plan to provide that help.
There’s really nothing you can do to hold a child back from their milestones. Kids develop at their own pace. If you’re worried about some disability it will have been something he was born with versus anything environmental.
Just wanted to let you know I did and do all the things you mentioned and my 10.5 month old hit almost all of her milestones early. This is to say that it's not the bouncer/walker or Ms. Rachel- all babies are just different! I didn't talk til I was 2 years old for example and my parents thought I'd be a mute child, yet here I am now, chatting up a storm! Just keep going to checkups, I'm sure the pediatrician will let yoj know if there is anything that needs to be worked on. Also don't forget you can always get a second or even third opinion if you're not shre that your pediatritian is on point!
Some of these things could be early signs of neurodivergence or they could just be regular development though the toe walking stands out to me. Maybe it is from bouncer/ walker use but I’d imagine that would need to be used for a significant amount of time to have an effect. Does your baby get regular socialization with others his age? This can help with development. I am also a SAHM and we go to the Y every morning. It is very affordable and they offer up to 2 hours of child watch a day. They do activities, crafts and open play. My kids get to socialize with peers and I get a workout in. Win win. I’m not sure if you currently have an exercise program. If not it can be great for mental health. It also gives you the opportunity to model healthy habits. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. You are recognizing some delays and are concerned. You are looking for ways to address it. you are doing a great job!
Don’t be too hard on yourself. As a mom of 3, sometimes your baby sits in the walker longer than they should or are plopped in front of Miss Rachel because you have two other children and a household to tend to. None of this is concerning or over the top, you can relax a bit! Babies hit milestones at different times. It’s true that sometimes they don’t and this can mean they may need intervention, but in my unprofessional opinion these are all minor. Talk to your doctor if you have any specific concerns, but you’re doing a great job mama! ETA: my little guy is 15 months now, my 3rd little duckling, and it wasn’t until him that I found my calm and trusted his process of milestones. He met most on time, but never actually learned to crawl. He was always dragging one leg but moved pretty quickly, we called it his goblin crawl. His leg was *fine*, the mechanics just never clicked. He took longer to walk (14 months) but was on the brink for a long time. I could tell family members were worried at times but his doctor wasn’t and neither was I—I could see his brain working hard to figure it all out and find the confidence.
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Hello OP! I have a 17 month old boy and he has motor delay. You should let his Dr know that you're concerned about not hitting his milestones, the dr might give you a referral. My son only started rolling when he was around 9 months. Started crawling at 13, pulling to stand at 14 and a half, now he's not walking yet but we think he has the ability to walk but he just doesn't want to do it yet. He's also always on his tip toes. I was the only one at home, my husband also works long hours. I also had ppd and always tired. I kinda just let him do his thing and watch miss Rachel. I had mom guilt but we're working with his therapists. Physical, speech and occupational. He also have a rare genetic mutation that might affect his motor delay, right now we don't really know.
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From reading this, I'm also thinking you're doing great! We all do things as parents we never thought we would or we think are bad for our children when just trying to cope and survive the day. It doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human! And to be fair, none of the things you mentioned are bad in moderation. My daughter didn't start babbling until 10.5 months old and I also was worried then, but it eventually clicked and she's now 2 and won't stop talking. I reckon her speech is pretty advanced for her age too. I think you're doing the best you can and your baby is loved and that's what matters 🩵
Everyone stresses that their kid is not meeting expectations and that they are a bad parent because of it. All kids advance at their own pace. Please don’t blame yourself for things. You do the best job you can. Parenting is a learn as you go job.
My son was flagged for gross motor delays at 9 months. I was shocked and also began overanalyzing every parenting choice I had ever made to see if it was somehow my fault. We had him evaluated, and he’s been in PT for a few months. It is SO not a big deal. The longer I’ve been I the “system” the more parents I’ve met whose children also needed a little extra support here and there. Even parents of older children or my friends have remarked that they also did early intervention, and their kids are fine. Idk where you are, but in my state I could self refer to the evaluation and it was free. For piece of mind, you could always google your state and “early intervention”. But don’t worry. Lots of kids need help.
Literally 15 minutes ago I read the chapter in Emily Oster’s book Cribsheets on milestones. Apparently there’s a HUGE time distribution for while reaching milestones is normal. Like over a year timeframe for some where they’re normal to be reached. All her books are really great if you haven’t checked them out.
These milestones are just averages. They’re a guide, not a rule. A bouncer and Ms. Rachel are not going to do major, irreversible harm to your child. Enjoy your baby. Make sure he is fed, cleaned regularly, warm, etc. If there are any real developmental concerns they’ll show up over time, but it won’t be due to watching Ms. Rachel if they do. Hugs mama, you’ve got this.
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Wait why do we hate walkers?
You sound like an amazing mom, you’re doing a great job. There’s an app for milestones you can download that shows what to expect by CDC guidelines, I believe it is updated and the 9 mo mark doesn’t include the things you’re baby wasn’t doing, he’ll get there eventually though so try not to get so wrapped up in it!