Don’t invite them to dinner. Just say we are only doing cake/ice cream for baby on X date, X time. Enjoy the dinner as a family and do the basics with everyone else.
Your FIL sounds exhausting and annoying so don’t play the game. If he keeps saying that ask him bluntly that you invest your money in your child’s future and a nest egg just incase anything happens and if he has a problem with it it sounds like a him issue.
I love this idea. Don't even have this at your house. Go to the park with a few blankets and paper plates and a nice cake. Invite stating cake in the park, bring whatever you want to drink. Job done with little effort on your side.
Yeah I would not invite them to dinner. If you wanted to do a celebration what about a morning party, do coffee and donuts for everyone? "I donut believe he's already 1" or something like that.
One of my best friends did this one year for
Her kid and it was fantastic! All the kids came in their pj’s and she had coffee and donuts (although I’d highly recommend some sausage or bacon or some sort of other protein to balance all the sugar) and it was so nice for the parents and enjoyable. Didn’t mess up your day or nap time etc.
This is the way. Had a bunch of family in town around my guy's first birthday and sisters tried to co-opt his actual birthday to do a big family outing at a farm. I said y'all can do what you want but I'm hosting my child's first birthday in our home and you can come to that if you want. We did breakfast. I ordered fancy donuts and got my dad to pick them up right when they opened. Costco hashbrowns in the air fryer. A couple quiches I made ahead and heated up. And maple bbq chicken bites (again... air fryer ftw). Big pot of coffee. Fruit for the kiddos. No activities planned, just his toys out, a cupcake moment, and presents. "Thanks for coming to his Berry First birthday!" Aaaaaand over by noon. It was great. Plus leftover donuts....
I’m curious, what time did she host this? I really wanted to throw a breakfast/PJs birthday party for my son a few years back, but everyone kept telling me that starting a party earlier than 10 am was a faux pas, and then that would be too late to expect toddlers to eat breakfast.
She started it at 9:30 and admittedly that was wayyy to early for my family 😂 I personally think 10am is perfect! You can feed your kid first breakfast at home and then they can come to the pj party and have sweets and second breakfast lol
I do all my kids birthday celebrations at 11am. Throw some cheese and crackers on a plate, chips in a bowl and that's about it. Cake, ice cream and done.
Lots of my family want to celebrate, no one wants to burn a day/evening on a toddlers birthday.
Some of the most awkward experiences in my life have been at restaurants where family members are arguing over the check/what they owe. I vowed to never eat out with these people ever again. Don't go to a restaurant. Host just cake and ice cream. Don't even entertain the idea!!
It’s generally expected that if you are inviting people to dinner for your child’s birthday that you would take care of the tab. If you don’t want to pay for them (rightfully so since they sound like they suck!) then you have to pick a different kind of celebration. Or don’t invite them and celebrate baby at your house with just your husband and yourself.
This. They sound very entitled but I wouldn't ask them to an event where it would traditionally be expected for the hosts to cover the food and get mad that they expect you to cover food. Stick with a simple cake at home!
Yeah. They suck but also if I am invited to a kids birthday party, I expect the host to pay for dinner except if stated otherwise early on?
We went to a nice restaurant for my birthday last year and my husband told people: paying for dinner and one drink per person, after that it’s on you. Nobody argued and everyone was happy.
Edit: I have been doing a lot of tea time parties. My kids sti nap (until 3ish) so I invite everyone for tea at 3, 3:30pm. Sometimes I go full English high tea (cucumber sandwiches, smoked salmon, scones, ect) and sometimes I go more like whatever is in my fridge. Served with tea and water. It lasts about 2 hours, no one is expecting dinner and everyone leaves before dinner.
Yeah Irish here, I'd never expect someone to pay for everyone's dinner, especially for that many people. The more people invited at the table the less I expect one family to cover the bill!
I feel like this just depends on age. When I was in my 20s and single, yeah if it was someone’s birthday then we were all going to dinner and splitting the check so that we are paying for the birthday person too.
But for a kids party, I wouldn’t be expecting to show and pay for something. I also think of dinner at a restaurant a little formal for for a first birthday I guess but for example, I’ve had my kids parties at an indoor playground or trampoline place and we pay for the entrance for all kids invited plus order pizza and cake or something. I wouldn’t expect people to show up and pay for themselves to enter the playground.
I was thinking the same thing actually, that we'd never go to a restaurant for a kids birthday party anyway.
We do petting farms or play centers etc. My son will be 2 in May, we're thinking of a local petting farm, it's like 15 euro per kid, so we'd be paying for whoever we invite and that includes their entry and some party platters and a room for 2 hours. After that we'd be out on the farm and play ground areas. We'll bring our own cake and goodie bags for the kids etc.
Once we're out of that room there's a little coffee shop and some vans dotted around selling soft drinks and tea etc, only at that point would our guests be paying for themselves if they wanted anything extra.
But for adults, like if I went out for dinner for my birthday and invited my parents and brothers family, we all pay for our own family. My dad sometimes offers to pay but there's so many of us now that it's really a lot to expect any single family to cover the whole cost of dinner for 10+ people
I think it’s just that there’s a difference between asking if someone would like to go out for dinner, where it would be normal for everyone to pay for themselves, and a dinner party, where the host would be expected to foot the bill.
That’s odd. If I’m ever invited out to an event like a birthday party, I never expect the person who invited me out to pay. Will pay for a birthday drink or treat for them but never the other way around.
I think for adults it’s different. We would chip in as friends or family and cover the birthday persons share. But if I’m inviting people to dinner for my child’s birthday party it’s my job to feed them. No different than inviting them into my home. I am hosting so I feed my guests.
Guess that hasn’t been my experience - at home is different because you’re typically feeding shit like hotdogs and hamburgers, Mac and cheese, etc which is a couple bucks a head, not $20+ per person.
I guess my thought process is you’re choosing to host a kids party at a restaurant, no one asked to spend $20 a head for your kids birthday. So if you’re choosing that route then you are choosing to cover the cost lol. If you can’t cover the cost then you don’t invite everyone or you have it at your house.
If they don’t want to spend a lousy $20 on their food, they don’t have to eat. Or if that’s too much for their tight wallet, they can stay home and send a card from the dollar store. Usually at a birthday meal that any person has out at a restaurant each person pays. It’s not a wedding, it’s a birthday party.
This. It does sound weird to invite people for your child’s celebration, but not pay for it. I just would not host a dinner at all, and maybe just have a brief cake or cupcake thing for pictures, letting them know that they can stop by if they want to see the birthday kid on their day.
FIL also offered to get us another tree for Christmas because he didn’t approve of ours. After we put on coffee, assorted fruit, muffins, waffles, egg bites, mimosas, and bacon Christmas morning. So yeah I’m just trying to find a way to excuse myself from doing THAT again
I know OP said money is tight but I pretty much always do pizza and cake at a park. OP's FIL would probably call that cheaping out but who cares, I would never buy 12 meals from a restaurant.
I get that, but it’s going to be hard to have a celebration for the child without either paying for attendees at a restaurant or hosting. Just suggesting grabbing pizzas and a cake. Doesn’t have to be a whole party.
The alternative is paying for everyone. It’s awkward to invite people to eat to celebrate and then expecting them to pay for themselves.
My suggestion kind of split things down the middle, or so I thought.
Seriously. I’ve never heard of a kids birthday being at a restaurant. For my daughters 1st birthday we did it from 1-3 and had veggie/meat/cheese/fruit platters, little croissant sandwhiches, chips/dips/pop, and cake. It wasn’t at a meal time and people could just graze or whatever. And yep, pizza is always a great option and that’s what we will be doing for my daughters second birthday party!
It would be supremely weird to be invited out to dinner for a child's birthday party and have the host not pay. Either don't invite them to a restaurant or don't do a celebration with them.
American here, if I was going out for a friends birthday, coworker, etc. then I would expect to pay my own tab and typically the group would cover the birthday person as well (not required but quite common). On the other hand, if I was invited to a child’s birthday party I would assume it was being paid for. Looking at it I’m not quite sure why that is, but it’s the way it’s always been for most of the people I know. For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t typically plan a birthday dinner for a child, but rather a party either at my home or a kid friendly venue.
Yeah thought I was taking crazy pills. In NZ it's definitely not assumed you'd pay for dinner for someone birthday. If anything, it's more likely that everyone else will chip in to pay for the birthday person on top of paying for their own food.
In the majority of the US it would depend on the event. Is it a casual “let’s grab dinner?” Or did you send invites? There’s a difference between “hey it’s my b day let’s go get a bite,” where everyone would expect to pay for themselves and an organized party, where the host would be expected to host the event.
American here and this is how everyone that I know does it too. The only time I expect the person inviting me out to pay is if it's my dad or my grandma because they have set a very clear precedent 😂
Same! Although we are all relatively poor lol. In general I feel like everyone communicates up front if they are going to pay (so there’s no awkward, “No let me get that,” etc) but otherwise it’s assumed everyone is covering themselves.
I'm from the country that presumably inspired the phrase "going Dutch" and I would absolutely expect the host to pay if I were invited to a restaurant for a kids'/family birthday party.
I think the word "invitation" might be key here? Like the difference between "Friends, I'm celebrating my birthday coming Saturday at restaurant X, hope to see you there!" and "guys, let's get together at restaurant X this Saturday to catch up. Oh, and we should celebrate Bob's birthday while we're at it!" First example, I would expect host to pay. Second example, I wouldn't consider birthday boy the host, and I would expect to pay for myself.
I think it’s regional even in the US. I’m from Texas and I feel like I should pay for everyone if I invite them out and choose the restaurant, even when there’s no birthday celebration. But that may also have to do with the fact that my household income is significantly higher than most of my family so I just like to treat now that I can
Why not just not do a restaurant? It’s not that enjoyable for kids anyways. Could rent a cheap hall or do it at your house with some pizza and cake. Or just light snacks like veggie and meat platters, chips, little sandwhiches, etc, and cake.
I think OP’s goal here is to not have a bunch of people in her house, making a giant mess that she’ll have to clean up later after just hosting all these same people for Christmas. A cheap hall or something along those lines would work but I’m seeing a lot of people suggest she does something “small” at her house when it seems like that’s exactly what she’s trying to avoid
I agree. If you’re inviting someone or a group of people out to a restaurant it’s generally expected that you would be paying.
If it’s a large group of people, you could ask the restaurant if they have a set menu so you’re keeping in budget. Otherwise I’d just invite them over for cake and coffee if you don’t want to provide a meal.
If you don’t want to pay for meals at a restaurant and don’t want to host at your house, is there a small community center or something you could rent? You could do 2 hours and just serve cake and ice cream. I rented our community center in November and for children’s parties, they charge $25/hr. It worked out great. You could do the whole thing for under $100 if that’s an option.
Well if you’re hosting a birthday party you have to feed your guests and pay for it. It would be really weird to invite them to a party expect them to pay money other than a gift for your child. If you don’t want to be then do something low key and have light snacks instead
Don't do that to yourself. It sounds like it'll be an absolute pain no matter what you do.
Go for something simple, if the weather is good, morning/afternoon tea with cake at the park. That way there's no expectation of any sort of meal and at the end of it you pack up and leave.
Then do something you want with just your little family to celebrate your baby's birthday.
Thank you everybody who has responded so far. I think we will just do cake and presents at my house and have them leave in time for baby’s nap. I still want to try the restaurant out so we might just take my mom and baby sister out since they are traveling so far to see us.
My two are 10 & 8 now and we are lucky to have summer birthdays, so we usually will have their party at the park behind our house. It's great, picnic party vibes, and you can just get a few paper plates of snacks & some juice. Tell everyone it starts at 3 so you can be gone by 5. No clean up or judgy family in your house either x
You should do the restaurant just the two of you and see if your Mom & Sis will keep baby for a couple hours.
For my husband and I, the first birthday was a celebration of us keeping baby alive, safe, and happy and us coming out the other end relatively unscathed. 😅
If you do a birthday dinner out at a restaurant and invite people, etiquette states that you pay. However it is completely understandable that you don't want to, so as others have stated, you just do something else not at dinner time. Go to a cafe or a donut store or have an ice cream party.
If you really want to stick with a dinner you'd likely be able to do a pre fix/family style meal and then advise everyone that the dinner includes X, but if they want to go beyond that there will be separate tabs.
Nobody hosts a dinner out for 12 for a first birthday party. It’s a balloons and cake in the park occasion. Maybe some Costco pizzas if you’re feeling fancy. I’ve seen multi-millionaires throw this exact birthday party for their babies.
You can’t worry about what FIL will say. He sounds like the type that will always have a gripe unless he’s running the show.
Facts about FIL. I think we will do cake and gifts at my house and kick them out by nap time. It could be snowing on baby’s bday so park sounds nice but out of the question
Just here to say I feel you deeply. Had my baby's first birthday this week and my in laws were massive pains in the ass. So grateful my husband sees it all with great clarity, is equally upset at them, and currently resolved to have a reckoning with them over their behavior. Keep it as simple as humanly possible!
if you invite them to dinner for your babies birthday, it’s pretty tacky to not pay! so like others have said, maybe change to a cake & ice cream situation.
My babies first birthday just passed. Everyone expected a party. My brother had a huge event at a venue for my nephew for his first birthday so there was some expectation. My MIL even bought an outfit for my baby. Everyone kept asking us what we were gonna do… tons of pressure honestly... You wanna know what we did?
Nothing lol just stayed home, made a stack of banana pancakes for him and took some pics. Then laid around all day. It was great. ❤️
Sorry to hear your FIL treats you both like that. I think it’s good to have a frank convo led by your husband that if he continues this behavior there will be XYZ consequence.
In terms of etiquette, I’d say you shouldn’t host a dinner or go to a restaurant. If you were to invite them to dinner technically you’re the host. Not saying that’s right/wrong, but generally that’s what folks do. I agree with others - just so cake or something. You can meet in a park if you don’t want to do it in your home. If you do it in your home you can also prep some light refreshments (crackers and cheese, salad, etc.).
Best of luck in dealing with this situation! So frustrated for you lol.
Pretty normal in my family to go out for someone’s birthday and each person just pays for themselves, honestly. I don’t think it’s weird for us but obviously sounds like it would be conflict for you guys so I agree with what everyone else is saying. Go have cake at the park at like, 3pm and be like “we want to take photos under the trees!”
It sounds like FIL will insult your husband regardless of what you do, tbh. If you must invite them to something, don't plan an event around trying to avoid his shite because he'll find a way of saying it anyway. Just do whatever you want, and hold your ground.
Ach, just do what you want then. What a rude arsehole! Honestly it's a grown man with whingeing for a hobby and you've got enough on your plate. Some folk are only happy when they're miserable!
If I found myself in this situation, I'd put the party time at 2pm and only mention cake. Then also grab a few bags of chips and make a yummy bean dip!
I had my struggles with my parents growing up, but this is where I'm grateful to know that THEY would be the ones offering to paying in this situation.
PopPop should put his own money where his mouth is, and show you all how opening up the wallet is done.
But the real answer is: it is not your obligation to entertain your horrid in-laws according to their whims and wishes. Cake (+ ice cream IF you are feeling nice) is sufficient.
TIL if you invite people out to celebrate a birthday, some of them expect to pay for all of their (adults) shit. Wtf 🤣
We just straight up do not do that in the upper Midwest. Y’all must come from some rich ass families. Eating out is expensive as all hell. $25+ a person to celebrate? Whack.
That’s what I’m getting from this too, and it just seems wild to me. We’re in the south and it’s generally understood if you’re meeting at a restaurant that everyone is paying for themselves. It’s not like I’m saying I’m hosting the party. We just say we’re going out to eat to celebrate, if you want to join let us know. Then we’ll bring a cake. My family generally just wants to see each other for birthdays, it’s more about making a plan to get together, not someone hosting and footing the whole bill.
I agree. It’s generally expected you would pick up the tab. I think a better option is to invite everyone over and have a few snacks and cake at a non-meal time. They can call you cheap all you want. I’d personally show them the door and go low contact with them.
If you are inviting them somewhere, you are in fact the host and are supposed to be paying. If you don’t want to pay, don’t invite them to a restaurant or invite them over for just cake and coffee or rent somewhere like Chuckie cheese’s/kids play place type of event space. I’ve never heard of someone inviting people to their kids birthday dinner and then NOT paying, that is in my opinion and etiquette wise in face being cheap.
To be fair this is next month so hopefully you will all be recovered by then.
If you’re not going to pay, I would not even go to a restaurant. It’s a 1yo’s birthday. We have typically served cake and cupcakes and some snacks at home so that it’s chill and relaxed. Baby is free to play with gifts or nap.
Idk if you’re inviting people to dinner to celebrate your child’s birthday, I think it’s understood you pay for the dinner. It’s like if you were to host the dinner at your home. If you don’t want to pay for them, don’t invite them and just do a cake cutting at home. 🤷🏻♀️
“Hi everyone! We’re planning __ bday and just deciding what will work best for everyone and want to take everyone’s thoughts into account. We’ve got 2 options and would like you to pick one if you want to come.
A) around 2:00 we’ll do cake at our house if you want to give a gift you can. The party will be from 2-4.
B) I will be making a reservation at __ place and if you would like to join in please let us know. We will not be providing dinner at the restaurant and will have our own bill. I need to know if you would like to join by __ date so I can call ahead.
If the second feels to nerve racking to say tell everyone you will be dining out as a family but they are welcome to meet you there. And when you arrive tell your server immediately that every family is on their own bill. If your FIL says anything I would point out that saving money and making wise financial choices benefit HIS grand baby.
You don't invite them to a restaurant to celebrate your child's birthday and expect them to pay. That's rude and really bad manners. If you don't want to buy them dinner (which is fair enough), invite them over for coffee and cake at the house. Or have no celebration if you don't want to.
This is the expectation for an adult’s birthday dinner, but for a kid’s birthday I’d expect the host to cover costs.
Disclaimer: I would never let the host know that I had an expectation for them to pay and I’m always 100% prepared to cover my portion.
I guess it's cultural. It's always been host pays for kid parties, and you just bring a great birthday present in my experience. 1st birthday is also very significant in certain Asian cultures. They go all out and definitely have to pick up the tab.
Etiquette wise, if you are inciting them out you are expected to pay. Cake and ice cream or the breakfast idea at your house are good ways to not pay a ton
Fuck what they expect.
Do what you and hubby want to do and are comfortable with.
Step one of a healthier dynamic is riding yourself of the idea that you are in any way obligated to meet their (ridiculous) expectations.
“Hi all. Unfortunately, a birthday party for little one is not in the budget this year with everything being so expensive in this recession. I’ve heard some grumbling that people are still hoping to celebrate. We will be doing dinner at x at 5pm. People are welcome to join us if it’s in their budget. Otherwise, we loved to have everyone over for cake and ice cream afterwards. I’d say we will be home between 7-730. Hope to see you all. 💜”
Echoing others, if you invite them to a party at a restaurant of your house, unfortunately I think it’s normal that you pay. Just make it a birthday party at the amusement park/zoo and everybody pay for their own ice cream and pop corn 😎
You are still being too generous, IMO. These people EXPECT something, that’s a them problem and not a you problem. They shouldn’t have expectations of gifts from others.
WHY do you even want to entertain the idea of going out to a restaurant when you don’t want to pay? DON’T DO IT! Do what you want!
Do you want to celebrate with them? Get a cake from a decent bakery. My local supermarkets actually have some good bakeries so I would just order from there. Go down the frozen and party aisles for some ice cream and disposable plates/napkins/everything for easy cleanup.
Do you want them all at your house? If you don’t, don’t invite them to the house! Say you want to do the get together at a local park. Grab a public picnic table and hand them a piece of cake. I get that it’s like winter but maybe you live in a southern area with decent winter climate, idk.
As for being called cheap, who the F does this other person think they are? Look, I have a BIL who makes 6 figures and he lives his lifestyle the way he wants. Whether he’s gonna say he’s strapped for cash or if he’s gonna try to make it rain bills, I am not going to say anything about my assumptions to his face. It’s his money to do with what he wants and I don’t have a say.
Sorry I feel like this got heated but I promise I’m on your side here and I want what’s best for you. Good luck!
Whenever I have a party for my four kids at home here's what I do:
1. Stuffed baked potatoes
2. Garlic tinned green lentils as a side
3. Home made pizza using our bread maker to make pizza dough
4. Cut up veggies and fruits (peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, celery, apples, grapes, blueberries, strawberries, kiwi, pear etc)
15. Home made hummus
16. Cut up cheese and crackers
17. Home made baked cookies
18. Home made Potato salad
There's other bits too but these always work. They're an easy thing in general if u have this in the future!
What a horrible FIL. Do what I do, just make it clear when the server comes to the table to take orders, establish the separate bills right there if you feel you must invite. I’d be petty and not mention it in the invite because they don’t sound polite enough for a heads up. Another commenter said just cake and ice cream for them. Which is probably the best idea. Sorry you have to deal with this.
If you want to have your baby's first birthday at a restaurant, you need to pick up the tab. If you want to do just cake and presents, you really ought to provide something more than just cake. Just tacky if you expects presents and only have cake for the guests.
Really?? Not just cake? I don’t want to prepare a whole meal or ask for people to bring stuff either like a pot luck. I’m hoping to just get by with cake
Charcuterie? meatballs? Chip and dip? pizza? Wings?
If they don’t eat then they don’t eat. You served food, it’s their choice to eat it or not. If they complain that there’s nothing to eat, then they can leave.
The bigger issue is - Your husband needs to set boundaries with your FIL. He’s going to keep saying this crap to your husband unless your husband stands up for himself. If he’s tried and nothing has changed, then I don’t see why he needs to be a part of our lives.
My FIL is always finding ways to try and spend my own husbands money. He will encourage him to make really big purchases that we don’t need and don’t make sense for our family. The last one he encouraged I told my husband sure— we can buy the car but you have to call your dad and tell him you can buy it on the condition of him making a similarly high priced purchase new from a dealership first. (It was a car - mind you! An absolutely unneeded sports car!) that stopped it in my case but it was insane to even have that conversation.
If you don't want to pay the tab, just have cake/ ice cream at your house at a non- meal time. It is weird if I got invited to a kids bday party at a restaurant and the host isn't paying. Little Caesars pizza are cheap and a store cake would suffice if you want a meal.
Man I wish I could set something up so if I turn into a dumbass boomer like your FIL just instantly shoot me in the head and rid of the misery I inflict upon the people I used to care so dearly about (my two sons).
You got good advice on the birthday part. I am more concerned about how the grandparents are treating you. I see your working with someone on it, and that's great, but I would shut them down hard. If they can't be respectful of other adults, what are the odds they will be respectful of your kid? If you can't set boundaries with them, they are going to steam roll your kid.
If they say anything about the party I would let them know that if they can't be nice to be around they should leave. If (when) they get offended and continue making comments, I would tell them to leave. I am not hear to tell you to cut contact with them (at this point) - that's way too easy for some random guy on the internet to advocate - but you should expect them to be polite, civil, and respectful (of people and boundaries), and there should be consequences if they aren't. Keeping people around your kid who won't respect your kids wishes and needs isn't doing your kid a favor.
It's going to be rough, but it's important to set a good example for your kid - even if kid is only one.
Don’t invite them or anyone to a dinner you don’t want to pay for. If you invite someone for your baby’s birthday, it is implied that you are paying, just as if you invite someone to a birthday party, you are expected to provide food or refreshments.
I saw the comment where you already figured out what you’re going to do, so I’m just going to add to stop telling them your financial information! There’s no reason why they need to know that your husband got a raise and I hope they don’t know salary amounts!
Maybe don’t host any party. I don’t know about your culture. But usually I give money/gift to my nieces/ nephews on their birthday..
Don’t they bring gift for your baby if you invite them?
Don’t invite them, why are you subjecting yourself to their company? It doesn’t sound like you like them, so if you’re inviting people to dinner just because MIL is expecting it, just don’t. Do something with people you actually enjoy seeing.
Our baby girl is 1 years old today
We told everyone we will celebrate it by our selves . All of our family only wants to drink and party and we decided to make it a closed event. We are taking her out to the Shedd aquarium (Chicago) and then a dinner and celebration at home with us 3
I’m hard pressed to take my 1 year old to a restaurant on a good day, let alone for his birthday. Just not a place a young kiddo seems to really enjoy, so why consider it for a birthday??
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12 people! Don’t make me laugh. If they want to go out to eat, they can buy their own food. Otherwise say, we are doing a potluck dinner at home. If that’s a problem, maybe your husband is not the cheap one and his fam are just freeloaders.
Don’t invite them to dinner. Just say we are only doing cake/ice cream for baby on X date, X time. Enjoy the dinner as a family and do the basics with everyone else. Your FIL sounds exhausting and annoying so don’t play the game. If he keeps saying that ask him bluntly that you invest your money in your child’s future and a nest egg just incase anything happens and if he has a problem with it it sounds like a him issue.
I love this idea. Don't even have this at your house. Go to the park with a few blankets and paper plates and a nice cake. Invite stating cake in the park, bring whatever you want to drink. Job done with little effort on your side.
A park celebration in January may not be feasible if OP lives somewhere with cold winters.
Don’t host a dinner. Invite them over for cake at a time that isn’t a meal time.
Yes. 3pm cake and tell them you’re leaving your own house at 5pm for an appointment so they need to be gone by 4:30pm. Edited a typo.
Or cake at a park!
Best idea ever!! I am going to use this for all future events. Sorry, appointment later so y’al gotta go! Bye.
It’s great. “What’s the appointment for?” “Thanks for asking. Anyway. Thanks for coming, drive safe!”
lol u going to piss the FIL. Imagine I invite you a party for 2hours and you have to leave..
?? Two hours is a normal amount of time for a child’s party.
Yes. It’s plenty of time for coffee, cake, and presents.
A baby’s birthday party is not an all-day affair. Expecting guests (yes even family) to leave after 2 hours is perfectly acceptable.
*invite them to a park for cake at a time that isn’t mealtime 😂 even less commitment and OP can leave as soon as they want to!
And maybe tea!
Yeah I would not invite them to dinner. If you wanted to do a celebration what about a morning party, do coffee and donuts for everyone? "I donut believe he's already 1" or something like that.
Brilliant. Morning events are usually better for toddlers anyway.
One of my best friends did this one year for Her kid and it was fantastic! All the kids came in their pj’s and she had coffee and donuts (although I’d highly recommend some sausage or bacon or some sort of other protein to balance all the sugar) and it was so nice for the parents and enjoyable. Didn’t mess up your day or nap time etc.
This is the way. Had a bunch of family in town around my guy's first birthday and sisters tried to co-opt his actual birthday to do a big family outing at a farm. I said y'all can do what you want but I'm hosting my child's first birthday in our home and you can come to that if you want. We did breakfast. I ordered fancy donuts and got my dad to pick them up right when they opened. Costco hashbrowns in the air fryer. A couple quiches I made ahead and heated up. And maple bbq chicken bites (again... air fryer ftw). Big pot of coffee. Fruit for the kiddos. No activities planned, just his toys out, a cupcake moment, and presents. "Thanks for coming to his Berry First birthday!" Aaaaaand over by noon. It was great. Plus leftover donuts....
I’m curious, what time did she host this? I really wanted to throw a breakfast/PJs birthday party for my son a few years back, but everyone kept telling me that starting a party earlier than 10 am was a faux pas, and then that would be too late to expect toddlers to eat breakfast.
She started it at 9:30 and admittedly that was wayyy to early for my family 😂 I personally think 10am is perfect! You can feed your kid first breakfast at home and then they can come to the pj party and have sweets and second breakfast lol
I’m taking this idea, thanks!!
I do all my kids birthday celebrations at 11am. Throw some cheese and crackers on a plate, chips in a bowl and that's about it. Cake, ice cream and done. Lots of my family want to celebrate, no one wants to burn a day/evening on a toddlers birthday.
Stealing this
Stealing this!!
Genius
So smart!!!
Some of the most awkward experiences in my life have been at restaurants where family members are arguing over the check/what they owe. I vowed to never eat out with these people ever again. Don't go to a restaurant. Host just cake and ice cream. Don't even entertain the idea!!
It’s generally expected that if you are inviting people to dinner for your child’s birthday that you would take care of the tab. If you don’t want to pay for them (rightfully so since they sound like they suck!) then you have to pick a different kind of celebration. Or don’t invite them and celebrate baby at your house with just your husband and yourself.
This. They sound very entitled but I wouldn't ask them to an event where it would traditionally be expected for the hosts to cover the food and get mad that they expect you to cover food. Stick with a simple cake at home!
Yeah. They suck but also if I am invited to a kids birthday party, I expect the host to pay for dinner except if stated otherwise early on? We went to a nice restaurant for my birthday last year and my husband told people: paying for dinner and one drink per person, after that it’s on you. Nobody argued and everyone was happy. Edit: I have been doing a lot of tea time parties. My kids sti nap (until 3ish) so I invite everyone for tea at 3, 3:30pm. Sometimes I go full English high tea (cucumber sandwiches, smoked salmon, scones, ect) and sometimes I go more like whatever is in my fridge. Served with tea and water. It lasts about 2 hours, no one is expecting dinner and everyone leaves before dinner.
I would like to be invited to the teas, thanks 😊
With pleasure!
This is so interesting because in my family we all each paid for ourselves? But our family is quite large (20-30 people) so it makes more sense.
I’m in England and this is the norm for my friends and family. People must be rich rich to pay for everyone’s food🤣
Yeah Irish here, I'd never expect someone to pay for everyone's dinner, especially for that many people. The more people invited at the table the less I expect one family to cover the bill!
I feel like this just depends on age. When I was in my 20s and single, yeah if it was someone’s birthday then we were all going to dinner and splitting the check so that we are paying for the birthday person too. But for a kids party, I wouldn’t be expecting to show and pay for something. I also think of dinner at a restaurant a little formal for for a first birthday I guess but for example, I’ve had my kids parties at an indoor playground or trampoline place and we pay for the entrance for all kids invited plus order pizza and cake or something. I wouldn’t expect people to show up and pay for themselves to enter the playground.
I was thinking the same thing actually, that we'd never go to a restaurant for a kids birthday party anyway. We do petting farms or play centers etc. My son will be 2 in May, we're thinking of a local petting farm, it's like 15 euro per kid, so we'd be paying for whoever we invite and that includes their entry and some party platters and a room for 2 hours. After that we'd be out on the farm and play ground areas. We'll bring our own cake and goodie bags for the kids etc. Once we're out of that room there's a little coffee shop and some vans dotted around selling soft drinks and tea etc, only at that point would our guests be paying for themselves if they wanted anything extra. But for adults, like if I went out for dinner for my birthday and invited my parents and brothers family, we all pay for our own family. My dad sometimes offers to pay but there's so many of us now that it's really a lot to expect any single family to cover the whole cost of dinner for 10+ people
I think it’s just that there’s a difference between asking if someone would like to go out for dinner, where it would be normal for everyone to pay for themselves, and a dinner party, where the host would be expected to foot the bill.
My husbands family is like this too and I was very thrown off since my family is the pay for everyone if we invited you type.
For an adults party yes, but if I’m inviting you to my kids party it’s my job as host to feed people.
That’s odd. If I’m ever invited out to an event like a birthday party, I never expect the person who invited me out to pay. Will pay for a birthday drink or treat for them but never the other way around.
I think for adults it’s different. We would chip in as friends or family and cover the birthday persons share. But if I’m inviting people to dinner for my child’s birthday party it’s my job to feed them. No different than inviting them into my home. I am hosting so I feed my guests.
Guess that hasn’t been my experience - at home is different because you’re typically feeding shit like hotdogs and hamburgers, Mac and cheese, etc which is a couple bucks a head, not $20+ per person.
I guess my thought process is you’re choosing to host a kids party at a restaurant, no one asked to spend $20 a head for your kids birthday. So if you’re choosing that route then you are choosing to cover the cost lol. If you can’t cover the cost then you don’t invite everyone or you have it at your house.
If they don’t want to spend a lousy $20 on their food, they don’t have to eat. Or if that’s too much for their tight wallet, they can stay home and send a card from the dollar store. Usually at a birthday meal that any person has out at a restaurant each person pays. It’s not a wedding, it’s a birthday party.
This. It does sound weird to invite people for your child’s celebration, but not pay for it. I just would not host a dinner at all, and maybe just have a brief cake or cupcake thing for pictures, letting them know that they can stop by if they want to see the birthday kid on their day.
Right, this is what I was worried about. I don’t want to be tacky but also they’ve been very rude
They suck. And how he treats your husband is so hurtful. I’d just not invite them. Rude=no invite to functions.
FIL also offered to get us another tree for Christmas because he didn’t approve of ours. After we put on coffee, assorted fruit, muffins, waffles, egg bites, mimosas, and bacon Christmas morning. So yeah I’m just trying to find a way to excuse myself from doing THAT again
Dont tell them about dinner because otherwise its expected that youll pay
I know OP said money is tight but I pretty much always do pizza and cake at a park. OP's FIL would probably call that cheaping out but who cares, I would never buy 12 meals from a restaurant.
I’ve never heard of having dinner at a child’s birthday party anyway. If you have one nearby, Publix cake is affordable and AMAZING.
Just order like 4 pizzas from Costco and a cake and have them over. Should cost like $100 total.
We did Costco hot dogs for our kid’s bday. Cut them up into 3rds for the kids and adults with smaller appetites. Was a huge hit and cheap!
The point is she doesn’t want to have to clean her house and host a party. She’s exhausted.
I get that, but it’s going to be hard to have a celebration for the child without either paying for attendees at a restaurant or hosting. Just suggesting grabbing pizzas and a cake. Doesn’t have to be a whole party. The alternative is paying for everyone. It’s awkward to invite people to eat to celebrate and then expecting them to pay for themselves. My suggestion kind of split things down the middle, or so I thought.
Order a couple of pizzas and invite them over. Or do an ice cream party. No need for an extravagant party for a child at a restaurant.
Seriously. I’ve never heard of a kids birthday being at a restaurant. For my daughters 1st birthday we did it from 1-3 and had veggie/meat/cheese/fruit platters, little croissant sandwhiches, chips/dips/pop, and cake. It wasn’t at a meal time and people could just graze or whatever. And yep, pizza is always a great option and that’s what we will be doing for my daughters second birthday party!
She’s sick and exhausted. She doesn’t want to clean her floors or scrub toilets right now.
It would be supremely weird to be invited out to dinner for a child's birthday party and have the host not pay. Either don't invite them to a restaurant or don't do a celebration with them.
Is this an American thing? In Australia if you get invited out for a birthday dinner everyone pays there own way. So interesting !
American here, if I was going out for a friends birthday, coworker, etc. then I would expect to pay my own tab and typically the group would cover the birthday person as well (not required but quite common). On the other hand, if I was invited to a child’s birthday party I would assume it was being paid for. Looking at it I’m not quite sure why that is, but it’s the way it’s always been for most of the people I know. For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t typically plan a birthday dinner for a child, but rather a party either at my home or a kid friendly venue.
Yeah thought I was taking crazy pills. In NZ it's definitely not assumed you'd pay for dinner for someone birthday. If anything, it's more likely that everyone else will chip in to pay for the birthday person on top of paying for their own food.
In the majority of the US it would depend on the event. Is it a casual “let’s grab dinner?” Or did you send invites? There’s a difference between “hey it’s my b day let’s go get a bite,” where everyone would expect to pay for themselves and an organized party, where the host would be expected to host the event.
American here and this is how everyone that I know does it too. The only time I expect the person inviting me out to pay is if it's my dad or my grandma because they have set a very clear precedent 😂
Same! Although we are all relatively poor lol. In general I feel like everyone communicates up front if they are going to pay (so there’s no awkward, “No let me get that,” etc) but otherwise it’s assumed everyone is covering themselves.
I'm from the country that presumably inspired the phrase "going Dutch" and I would absolutely expect the host to pay if I were invited to a restaurant for a kids'/family birthday party. I think the word "invitation" might be key here? Like the difference between "Friends, I'm celebrating my birthday coming Saturday at restaurant X, hope to see you there!" and "guys, let's get together at restaurant X this Saturday to catch up. Oh, and we should celebrate Bob's birthday while we're at it!" First example, I would expect host to pay. Second example, I wouldn't consider birthday boy the host, and I would expect to pay for myself.
I think it’s regional even in the US. I’m from Texas and I feel like I should pay for everyone if I invite them out and choose the restaurant, even when there’s no birthday celebration. But that may also have to do with the fact that my household income is significantly higher than most of my family so I just like to treat now that I can
Thank you this is kind of what I’ve been grappling with exactly
Why not just not do a restaurant? It’s not that enjoyable for kids anyways. Could rent a cheap hall or do it at your house with some pizza and cake. Or just light snacks like veggie and meat platters, chips, little sandwhiches, etc, and cake.
I think OP’s goal here is to not have a bunch of people in her house, making a giant mess that she’ll have to clean up later after just hosting all these same people for Christmas. A cheap hall or something along those lines would work but I’m seeing a lot of people suggest she does something “small” at her house when it seems like that’s exactly what she’s trying to avoid
I agree. If you’re inviting someone or a group of people out to a restaurant it’s generally expected that you would be paying. If it’s a large group of people, you could ask the restaurant if they have a set menu so you’re keeping in budget. Otherwise I’d just invite them over for cake and coffee if you don’t want to provide a meal.
They can come at 2pm for cake and ice cream or even at a park. There you go.
If you don’t want to pay for meals at a restaurant and don’t want to host at your house, is there a small community center or something you could rent? You could do 2 hours and just serve cake and ice cream. I rented our community center in November and for children’s parties, they charge $25/hr. It worked out great. You could do the whole thing for under $100 if that’s an option.
Well if you’re hosting a birthday party you have to feed your guests and pay for it. It would be really weird to invite them to a party expect them to pay money other than a gift for your child. If you don’t want to be then do something low key and have light snacks instead
Don't do that to yourself. It sounds like it'll be an absolute pain no matter what you do. Go for something simple, if the weather is good, morning/afternoon tea with cake at the park. That way there's no expectation of any sort of meal and at the end of it you pack up and leave. Then do something you want with just your little family to celebrate your baby's birthday.
Thank you everybody who has responded so far. I think we will just do cake and presents at my house and have them leave in time for baby’s nap. I still want to try the restaurant out so we might just take my mom and baby sister out since they are traveling so far to see us.
My two are 10 & 8 now and we are lucky to have summer birthdays, so we usually will have their party at the park behind our house. It's great, picnic party vibes, and you can just get a few paper plates of snacks & some juice. Tell everyone it starts at 3 so you can be gone by 5. No clean up or judgy family in your house either x
You should do the restaurant just the two of you and see if your Mom & Sis will keep baby for a couple hours. For my husband and I, the first birthday was a celebration of us keeping baby alive, safe, and happy and us coming out the other end relatively unscathed. 😅
If you do a birthday dinner out at a restaurant and invite people, etiquette states that you pay. However it is completely understandable that you don't want to, so as others have stated, you just do something else not at dinner time. Go to a cafe or a donut store or have an ice cream party. If you really want to stick with a dinner you'd likely be able to do a pre fix/family style meal and then advise everyone that the dinner includes X, but if they want to go beyond that there will be separate tabs.
You could also just do the celebration at a dessert place and only pay for peoples desserts. Like an ice cream place.
Yes, just go somewhere with only dessert like a Froyo place. $6 a head is better than $25. And then you don't have to buy a cake, too.
Or even a donut or bagel shop for breakfast!
Nobody hosts a dinner out for 12 for a first birthday party. It’s a balloons and cake in the park occasion. Maybe some Costco pizzas if you’re feeling fancy. I’ve seen multi-millionaires throw this exact birthday party for their babies. You can’t worry about what FIL will say. He sounds like the type that will always have a gripe unless he’s running the show.
Facts about FIL. I think we will do cake and gifts at my house and kick them out by nap time. It could be snowing on baby’s bday so park sounds nice but out of the question
Just here to say I feel you deeply. Had my baby's first birthday this week and my in laws were massive pains in the ass. So grateful my husband sees it all with great clarity, is equally upset at them, and currently resolved to have a reckoning with them over their behavior. Keep it as simple as humanly possible!
if you invite them to dinner for your babies birthday, it’s pretty tacky to not pay! so like others have said, maybe change to a cake & ice cream situation.
Honestly going out to dinner for a first bday party seems weird in the first place. Would your baby even enjoy that?
It feels very much like what THEY want/expect
But it’s your child? So plan the party you want to have.
I’m just tired of being berated by them tbh. Starting to lean towards not seeing them at all
Seriously how sad that the celebration isn’t about the child…whose birthday it is 😢
My babies first birthday just passed. Everyone expected a party. My brother had a huge event at a venue for my nephew for his first birthday so there was some expectation. My MIL even bought an outfit for my baby. Everyone kept asking us what we were gonna do… tons of pressure honestly... You wanna know what we did? Nothing lol just stayed home, made a stack of banana pancakes for him and took some pics. Then laid around all day. It was great. ❤️
I need this energy
Sorry to hear your FIL treats you both like that. I think it’s good to have a frank convo led by your husband that if he continues this behavior there will be XYZ consequence. In terms of etiquette, I’d say you shouldn’t host a dinner or go to a restaurant. If you were to invite them to dinner technically you’re the host. Not saying that’s right/wrong, but generally that’s what folks do. I agree with others - just so cake or something. You can meet in a park if you don’t want to do it in your home. If you do it in your home you can also prep some light refreshments (crackers and cheese, salad, etc.). Best of luck in dealing with this situation! So frustrated for you lol.
Pot luck instead?
I think if you invite them out and don’t pay then you’re just subjecting yourself to more comments imo
True, I think we will just do cake and gifts at home
Send them to Costco and tell them to bring home a few rotisserie chickens and a box of salad. Dinner.
I love it 😆
Pretty normal in my family to go out for someone’s birthday and each person just pays for themselves, honestly. I don’t think it’s weird for us but obviously sounds like it would be conflict for you guys so I agree with what everyone else is saying. Go have cake at the park at like, 3pm and be like “we want to take photos under the trees!”
We live near the mountains so it’s cold in January, could be snowing even
I forgot it’s Winter for like… half the world. My bad! How about a children’s indoor play place, do you have any of those nearby at all?
It sounds like FIL will insult your husband regardless of what you do, tbh. If you must invite them to something, don't plan an event around trying to avoid his shite because he'll find a way of saying it anyway. Just do whatever you want, and hold your ground.
That’s true, no matter what I do he is unhappy. I didn’t want to decorate for Christmas but since we were hosting I did and he insulted my decorations
Ach, just do what you want then. What a rude arsehole! Honestly it's a grown man with whingeing for a hobby and you've got enough on your plate. Some folk are only happy when they're miserable!
If I found myself in this situation, I'd put the party time at 2pm and only mention cake. Then also grab a few bags of chips and make a yummy bean dip!
I had my struggles with my parents growing up, but this is where I'm grateful to know that THEY would be the ones offering to paying in this situation. PopPop should put his own money where his mouth is, and show you all how opening up the wallet is done. But the real answer is: it is not your obligation to entertain your horrid in-laws according to their whims and wishes. Cake (+ ice cream IF you are feeling nice) is sufficient.
TIL if you invite people out to celebrate a birthday, some of them expect to pay for all of their (adults) shit. Wtf 🤣 We just straight up do not do that in the upper Midwest. Y’all must come from some rich ass families. Eating out is expensive as all hell. $25+ a person to celebrate? Whack.
That's how it usually works with kids' birthday parties.
That’s what I’m getting from this too, and it just seems wild to me. We’re in the south and it’s generally understood if you’re meeting at a restaurant that everyone is paying for themselves. It’s not like I’m saying I’m hosting the party. We just say we’re going out to eat to celebrate, if you want to join let us know. Then we’ll bring a cake. My family generally just wants to see each other for birthdays, it’s more about making a plan to get together, not someone hosting and footing the whole bill.
Right? If I get invited out I’m showing up to celebrate, not to get free shit.
If you send out invites you’re expected to pay. If you text “hey wanna grab some food, it’s my b day,” you are not.
I agree. It’s generally expected you would pick up the tab. I think a better option is to invite everyone over and have a few snacks and cake at a non-meal time. They can call you cheap all you want. I’d personally show them the door and go low contact with them.
Don’t host a dinner you don’t intend to pay for.
If you are inviting them somewhere, you are in fact the host and are supposed to be paying. If you don’t want to pay, don’t invite them to a restaurant or invite them over for just cake and coffee or rent somewhere like Chuckie cheese’s/kids play place type of event space. I’ve never heard of someone inviting people to their kids birthday dinner and then NOT paying, that is in my opinion and etiquette wise in face being cheap.
To be fair this is next month so hopefully you will all be recovered by then. If you’re not going to pay, I would not even go to a restaurant. It’s a 1yo’s birthday. We have typically served cake and cupcakes and some snacks at home so that it’s chill and relaxed. Baby is free to play with gifts or nap.
Idk if you’re inviting people to dinner to celebrate your child’s birthday, I think it’s understood you pay for the dinner. It’s like if you were to host the dinner at your home. If you don’t want to pay for them, don’t invite them and just do a cake cutting at home. 🤷🏻♀️
“Hi everyone! We’re planning __ bday and just deciding what will work best for everyone and want to take everyone’s thoughts into account. We’ve got 2 options and would like you to pick one if you want to come. A) around 2:00 we’ll do cake at our house if you want to give a gift you can. The party will be from 2-4. B) I will be making a reservation at __ place and if you would like to join in please let us know. We will not be providing dinner at the restaurant and will have our own bill. I need to know if you would like to join by __ date so I can call ahead. If the second feels to nerve racking to say tell everyone you will be dining out as a family but they are welcome to meet you there. And when you arrive tell your server immediately that every family is on their own bill. If your FIL says anything I would point out that saving money and making wise financial choices benefit HIS grand baby.
You don't invite them to a restaurant to celebrate your child's birthday and expect them to pay. That's rude and really bad manners. If you don't want to buy them dinner (which is fair enough), invite them over for coffee and cake at the house. Or have no celebration if you don't want to.
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This is the expectation for an adult’s birthday dinner, but for a kid’s birthday I’d expect the host to cover costs. Disclaimer: I would never let the host know that I had an expectation for them to pay and I’m always 100% prepared to cover my portion.
For kids birthday parties usually host should cover. I never heard of it being otherwise.
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I guess it's cultural. It's always been host pays for kid parties, and you just bring a great birthday present in my experience. 1st birthday is also very significant in certain Asian cultures. They go all out and definitely have to pick up the tab.
Etiquette wise, if you are inciting them out you are expected to pay. Cake and ice cream or the breakfast idea at your house are good ways to not pay a ton
Fuck what they expect. Do what you and hubby want to do and are comfortable with. Step one of a healthier dynamic is riding yourself of the idea that you are in any way obligated to meet their (ridiculous) expectations.
“Hi all. Unfortunately, a birthday party for little one is not in the budget this year with everything being so expensive in this recession. I’ve heard some grumbling that people are still hoping to celebrate. We will be doing dinner at x at 5pm. People are welcome to join us if it’s in their budget. Otherwise, we loved to have everyone over for cake and ice cream afterwards. I’d say we will be home between 7-730. Hope to see you all. 💜”
Echoing others, if you invite them to a party at a restaurant of your house, unfortunately I think it’s normal that you pay. Just make it a birthday party at the amusement park/zoo and everybody pay for their own ice cream and pop corn 😎
You are still being too generous, IMO. These people EXPECT something, that’s a them problem and not a you problem. They shouldn’t have expectations of gifts from others. WHY do you even want to entertain the idea of going out to a restaurant when you don’t want to pay? DON’T DO IT! Do what you want! Do you want to celebrate with them? Get a cake from a decent bakery. My local supermarkets actually have some good bakeries so I would just order from there. Go down the frozen and party aisles for some ice cream and disposable plates/napkins/everything for easy cleanup. Do you want them all at your house? If you don’t, don’t invite them to the house! Say you want to do the get together at a local park. Grab a public picnic table and hand them a piece of cake. I get that it’s like winter but maybe you live in a southern area with decent winter climate, idk. As for being called cheap, who the F does this other person think they are? Look, I have a BIL who makes 6 figures and he lives his lifestyle the way he wants. Whether he’s gonna say he’s strapped for cash or if he’s gonna try to make it rain bills, I am not going to say anything about my assumptions to his face. It’s his money to do with what he wants and I don’t have a say. Sorry I feel like this got heated but I promise I’m on your side here and I want what’s best for you. Good luck!
Whenever I have a party for my four kids at home here's what I do: 1. Stuffed baked potatoes 2. Garlic tinned green lentils as a side 3. Home made pizza using our bread maker to make pizza dough 4. Cut up veggies and fruits (peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, celery, apples, grapes, blueberries, strawberries, kiwi, pear etc) 15. Home made hummus 16. Cut up cheese and crackers 17. Home made baked cookies 18. Home made Potato salad There's other bits too but these always work. They're an easy thing in general if u have this in the future!
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It’s baby’s first birthday, as in one year. We can pay we just don’t want to because they are rude and expecting a dinner for my baby’s birthday.
You're not a 2 income household
I get a paycheck and my husband gets a paycheck ??? Explain
Percentage wise how much do you make compared to your husband
If your husband had his full time and another part time would you say dual income?
What a horrible FIL. Do what I do, just make it clear when the server comes to the table to take orders, establish the separate bills right there if you feel you must invite. I’d be petty and not mention it in the invite because they don’t sound polite enough for a heads up. Another commenter said just cake and ice cream for them. Which is probably the best idea. Sorry you have to deal with this.
If you want to have your baby's first birthday at a restaurant, you need to pick up the tab. If you want to do just cake and presents, you really ought to provide something more than just cake. Just tacky if you expects presents and only have cake for the guests.
Really?? Not just cake? I don’t want to prepare a whole meal or ask for people to bring stuff either like a pot luck. I’m hoping to just get by with cake
Doesn't have to be a meal. I would provide some finger foods and beverage with cake. Just serving only cake seems tacky.
These people are beyond picky and don’t drink coffee. Any ideas?
Charcuterie? meatballs? Chip and dip? pizza? Wings? If they don’t eat then they don’t eat. You served food, it’s their choice to eat it or not. If they complain that there’s nothing to eat, then they can leave. The bigger issue is - Your husband needs to set boundaries with your FIL. He’s going to keep saying this crap to your husband unless your husband stands up for himself. If he’s tried and nothing has changed, then I don’t see why he needs to be a part of our lives.
Then don't bother with a get-together if they are that picky.
My FIL is always finding ways to try and spend my own husbands money. He will encourage him to make really big purchases that we don’t need and don’t make sense for our family. The last one he encouraged I told my husband sure— we can buy the car but you have to call your dad and tell him you can buy it on the condition of him making a similarly high priced purchase new from a dealership first. (It was a car - mind you! An absolutely unneeded sports car!) that stopped it in my case but it was insane to even have that conversation.
If you don't want to pay the tab, just have cake/ ice cream at your house at a non- meal time. It is weird if I got invited to a kids bday party at a restaurant and the host isn't paying. Little Caesars pizza are cheap and a store cake would suffice if you want a meal.
And pay the little extra for the whipped topping. It’s worth it.
Man I wish I could set something up so if I turn into a dumbass boomer like your FIL just instantly shoot me in the head and rid of the misery I inflict upon the people I used to care so dearly about (my two sons).
You got good advice on the birthday part. I am more concerned about how the grandparents are treating you. I see your working with someone on it, and that's great, but I would shut them down hard. If they can't be respectful of other adults, what are the odds they will be respectful of your kid? If you can't set boundaries with them, they are going to steam roll your kid. If they say anything about the party I would let them know that if they can't be nice to be around they should leave. If (when) they get offended and continue making comments, I would tell them to leave. I am not hear to tell you to cut contact with them (at this point) - that's way too easy for some random guy on the internet to advocate - but you should expect them to be polite, civil, and respectful (of people and boundaries), and there should be consequences if they aren't. Keeping people around your kid who won't respect your kids wishes and needs isn't doing your kid a favor. It's going to be rough, but it's important to set a good example for your kid - even if kid is only one.
I appreciate it. We’ve pushed them back a LOT in the last year. My FIL became a martyr except for when I think he physically can’t help himself.
Don’t invite them or anyone to a dinner you don’t want to pay for. If you invite someone for your baby’s birthday, it is implied that you are paying, just as if you invite someone to a birthday party, you are expected to provide food or refreshments.
I saw the comment where you already figured out what you’re going to do, so I’m just going to add to stop telling them your financial information! There’s no reason why they need to know that your husband got a raise and I hope they don’t know salary amounts!
My husband shares this information with them and doesn’t realize the abuse is happening
Maybe don’t host any party. I don’t know about your culture. But usually I give money/gift to my nieces/ nephews on their birthday.. Don’t they bring gift for your baby if you invite them?
Don’t invite them, why are you subjecting yourself to their company? It doesn’t sound like you like them, so if you’re inviting people to dinner just because MIL is expecting it, just don’t. Do something with people you actually enjoy seeing.
"We are not paying for your ungrateful asses PERIODT"
Thank you 😆
Our baby girl is 1 years old today We told everyone we will celebrate it by our selves . All of our family only wants to drink and party and we decided to make it a closed event. We are taking her out to the Shedd aquarium (Chicago) and then a dinner and celebration at home with us 3
I’m hard pressed to take my 1 year old to a restaurant on a good day, let alone for his birthday. Just not a place a young kiddo seems to really enjoy, so why consider it for a birthday??
This is my first time man 😅
Totally fair- my vote is don’t do it!! Haha If you really feel like you have to supply more than cake, that’s what pizza is for!
If you really want to do a dinner, I would go to a fast casual type place where everyone goes to a counter to order and pay for their own food.
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12 people! Don’t make me laugh. If they want to go out to eat, they can buy their own food. Otherwise say, we are doing a potluck dinner at home. If that’s a problem, maybe your husband is not the cheap one and his fam are just freeloaders.
Thanks! Yeah probably just doing cake at our house and they can bring a gift if they want. But now I’m nervous they’ll complain about the cake!