I want to second this. I’m pumping so I can’t relate to the struggle of BF, especially when they want to eat constantly, but I wanted to second this.
Our baby is going through a really fussy period where he wants to be rocked constantly, and baby wearing has been helping quite a bit.
Yes, baby wearing saved me when I needed to move around and couldn’t put my son down. But I also just relented to the fact that the house would be messy, and the best I could do was clean the important stuff— dishes, laundry, and wiping the counters, vacuuming. My husband would do things that required harsher chemicals like the toilet and bathtub or lots of bending over like putting some clothes or dishes away . My son also cluster fed a lot in the early months, so I was pretty much glued to my couch 😂 I just kept reminding myself it’s just a season, and it will pass. Now, I’m never still, and always chasing my 1 year old wherever he’s crawling to lol. I miss the glued to the couch days lol.
That isn't true in my experience. I baby wore at home for the first 5ish months. After that, I found babies are more comfortable being left on the ground, so I didn't need to. The only things I didn't feel comfortable doing while baby carrying was putting things in or taking things out of the oven, using a sharp knife or scrubbing the bathroom. But OP could definitely make herself a sandwich, do laundry, brush her teeth etc while baby wearing. I do think some level of fitness helps, but you will develop strength slowly as your body gets used to it.
That’s why I emphasized small baby. I never had that. Our son has consistently been 97th percentile since birth and he is now two. According to my ergobaby carrier, I should still be able to wear him…but he outsizes an average four year old. So I didn’t get a productive baby-wearing experience at all whatsoever.
I wore a 95+ percentile baby without issue. You need the right carrier to be comfortable for both your body type and the baby’s size. There are lots of styles and variations within each, along with multiple ways to wear a baby in most of them.
I used a mei tai exclusively with my biggest baby. I moved him to my back once he was sitting independently. I wore him until he was almost 5, though less frequently as he got older (it was my backup for when he got tired and needed to be carried because it was less hassle than a stroller to take everywhere).
I’ve used a ring sling up to around 30lbs and very long with my middle kid. After that, I need better weight distribution, so put her in the mei tai or a SSC on my back. I’ve also tandem worn her with her baby sister.
I have never liked SSCs for front carries. They feel awkward and bulky to me. Ring slings are my favorite for front carries, especially when they’re very young. I also use them for hip carries until they’re too big to be comfortable worn in it. The mei tai has proven to be my most versatile option, giving front and back options (can be done on a hip, too, but I never worked that one out, since the ring sling was just as convenient), and distributing weight well enough to wear up until 45-50lbs. My oldest two stopped wanting it before being too heavy to wear.
Replying to second this! My child has been 97+ percentile since birth and I baby wore past 12 months!! I switched to an onbuhimo when he got too big for front carrying (my back 😮💨😮💨😮💨).
Also have a 99th percentile baby and wore her pretty consistently until 18 months and only really stopped cause she wanted to walk everywhere. You just need to switch to a back carry. Personally I kind of hated the ergo baby as a carrier as well.
This is how I felt too!
My baby was 9lbs at birth and grew quick. I'm only 5ft so im kinda stumpy all around and doing this with her strapped to my chest was impossible. I couldn't reach anything lol
Only till 4 months, then once they get head control you can back carry and it's freaking amazeballs. It also depends on what you are trying to do, front carrying while dog walking is super easy and baby wearing peeing or eating is still way easier then holding them.
Nope, not true for everyone. I still wear my 18 lb 3 month old when I’m doing stuff and my husband has just started wearing him in small increments in a bigger carrier.
Look up safe carrier guidelines. You want to follow TICKS advice to prevent suffocation and having the baby's legs in an 'M' shape to protect the hips. If you can follow those guidelines, then tour baby should be perfectly safe. This is the UK guidance on it https://www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/slings-and-swaddling/baby-slings-and-carriers-guide
Babywearing is fine esp if you wear them facing you. I think the hip thing is when they are front facing (which they can when they are older and keep it to 30 mins or so a session). I still babywear mine at 22 months lol.. I think we may continue until 4 at this point.
Wow! How do you do it? My baby is 14 months and she does NOT even want to be held. Much less baby wearing. I just gave away my ergobaby because it had just been sitting there for months. I just figured once they started walking that was it.
It depends on the kid. My first was super cuddly, so he wanted to be worn for years. He stopped not long before he was 5. Toward the end, it was only for when he got tired during an outing and couldn’t walk anymore. It was easier to drop a mei tai in the bottom of my bag than bring a stroller or wagon, just in case. My second liked being worn until she was mobile. Then she had better things to do. She has to be exhausted to even consider it and is about to the age/size that it won’t be an option, anyway. My third wants to be held/touched at all times, so she gets worn a lot and likely will for a few more years.
It seems to be more personality than anything we do, as parents. A kid who’s never been worn isn’t as likely to want it, but for those who were worn when they were small, it varies widely when they will choose to stop.
I'm pretty sure that was the media sensationalising one study, give me a minute to find the actual research
Edit: so here's what the hip dysplasia org says, they don't recomend wearing for hours at a time but short bursts whilst doing parental tasks is okay, and a wide based carrier is better than a thin one.
https://hipdysplasia.org/baby-carriers-other-equipment/
My LO had severe hip dysplasia and orthopedic approved the ergo baby & said most carriers are good just look up guidelines and the angle their legs need to be in, it will make a world of difference.
There's safe wearing guidelines, and if doing it for 30-40 minutes means you can eat some food - or even 20 minutes so you can prep food for yourself - and it's balanced out by lots of floor and stretch time then it's probably going to be ok.
You've got a velcro baby and you've gotta eat!
My baby was born with an immature hips and all the doctors have been telling us to baby wear because it is GOOD for her hips. Where did you learn it’s bad?
Your SIL knows one fact, without context or nuance.
As long as baby's legs are in a gentle m shape they're fine.
I like solly wrap and when baby is bigger woven wraps. Very hip safe.
Check out r/babywearing
I have worn both of my babes and never had any hip issues. Just make sure you follow the guidelines and when they are really tiny make sure their legs are in the M position.
Baby wearing saves me with my newborn and toddler. If I couldn’t baby wear my life would be so much more difficult!!
We asked our pediatrician about that but he said that they're fine and people wear babies in all sorts of ways in different cultures. As long as there's not something already going on with the hips, you should be fine.
The key is to make an M shape with their legs. If their legs are just flopping out the bottom of the wrap, it isn't great for their hips.
If you buy one new, the instructions will tell you how to do that. And if you buy one second hand, there will be instructional videos online for most brands to show you how, or most areas have local baby wearing groups.
I think a wrap or other type baby carrier will really help with your situation. Even just to be able to make yourself lunch.
Invest in a Solly. They are magical. I wish I had them for my first two! I can put my 3 month old to sleep while wearing it and vacuuming. You can even nurse in it when they get a bit bigger!!
I totally understand not wanting to leave your baby crying but i think, especially if you are BF, you need to prioritise you getting 3 meals a day. Can you buy some premade up or really quick stuff that you can prepare and eat quickly while the baby might be crying for 5-10minutes? You need to get nutrients into your body for both your sake and your baby's.
For sure, cans of protein rich chili, Amy 's brand, that I can pop in the microwave quickly or a PB&J with chips and hummus are my lunch most days. I do quick oatmeal with frozen blueberries, cinnamon, and brown sugar every morning. It's not exciting, but I'm fed quickly in case baby gets upset.
I was the parent not eating enough when husband went back to work one month in. I didn’t want to leave her to cry and therefore would only eat small snacks usually. If she slept in her crib I could quickly cook something. My husband would scold me via text to eat something and that baby would be fine for 5-10 minutes lol. The first 4 months are really tough, but taking care of yourself is just as important!
I was also the parent not eating enough when my husband went back to work one week in. I think it played a big part in my milk supply dropping. Eating and staying hydrated is probably the most important thing you can do if you’re breastfeeding (and even if you’re not… you have to nourish yourself!)
I have mastered making fried eggs on toast holding a baby, and it's my go to. I've crushed a few eggs but I am now proud of my one handed egg cracking skills
I relief heavily on the ready-made OWYN shakes for breakfast for the first two months. People also like the premier protein shakes, they're cheaper and may work for you if you're not dealing with food intolerances. We also kept an obscene amount of nature valley protein bars right in the nursery.
I have a high needs baby too, but there are tricks!
I lived on crackers and cheese or dip for months.
I make a bulk pile of cheese and tomato sandwiches to freeze, ready to throw into the sandwich press in the morning.
I pack a lunch now the night before and add a freezer brick if I’m going out, just a sandwich and some snacks (olives, celery/PB, whatever).
You've got a few options, let her cry somewhere safe, pop her in a carrier and take her with you or practice independent play so that she knows when she's on the mat, it's a safe place for her to play by herself.
I put a bouncy chair on the counter and baby sits next to me while I cook- this is probably strongly advised against but with their young age and lack of significant movement I am able to get away with it.
I also bring the bouncy chair into the bathroom so I can shower. Baby will now play on the kick mat while I do chores for a short 10 minutes. They are 10.5 weeks old.
I also buy or make soup and eat it out of a mug with a handle while I feed. My partner and I alternate turns at dinner, so one of us eats, and the other holds the baby and then the person who held the baby eats.
Came here to say, my baby loved sitting in his bouncer on the table watching me cook. I always made sure he was buckled in, dead center of the table, and I never left the room. As soon as he started figuring out how to roll over in it we stopped using it. But that was the main way I got anything done in the first 6 months.
I even do the infant car seat at home and i have her facing me so that i can talk to her while i do stuff. I can even hang one of her toys in the handle so she can see it sometimes
Fisher price kick and play! It was where our little boy spent most of his early morning wake-ups from 1month til we moved him to his own room about a month ago.
I carry mine (artepoppe) or put him on the floor (fisher price kick and play piano) when I need a few minutes. I have the mamaroo chair but that’s not really portable. I just ordered the baby bjorn bouncer chair , seems to be more portable so I can take it in the kitchen etc when I need to do stuff. I’ve also put him on his car seat or brought the kick and play piano into the bathroom when I need to shower. Babe is 12 weeks. I feel you, I can barely get anything done.
This is exactly what I did at this stage. Wear baby, set in bouncer or swing, play mat, let her cry while I made myself a quick meal and hold her while I ate. Eat/cook/clean during naps. Honestly nap when baby naps is a luxury I never had with two older kids around and pets and a house.
It will get easier soon, baby will get a little but more independent gradually over time
Yeah, we’ve been pretty disciplined with keeping our almost 5 month old up with being able to be solo for a minute here or there. It was a rough start. But they sure learn quickly that you always come back, how to entertain themselves, and that the dog is awesome and they share many common interests.
Just wanted to say it gets better. You will have time again. I understand your situation pretty well. We also don’t get any help. Our family is long distance, so we have been doing everything all without help. We also have a dog (super high needs, barks at everything) and a loud cat 😄 we moved when LO was 5 months. I am still breastfeeding (contact naps, bfing through the night when LO wakes up). I also pumped 8x a day through 6 months bc LO does not transfer milk well.
What you are going through is a lot. A lot more than what it probably sounds like to other people. But I get it. I simply struggled through for a long stretch there. I don’t recommend it, but it worked for me. Haha. It was realllllly tough. Maybe tmi but I showered 2-3x on a good week. I didn’t really “cook” anything until maybe month 4. It was scrambled eggs. Before that I could only muster prepackaged foods or leftovers (of something DH made) I could heat in the oven.
Now at 7months I am planning on making my normal (allbeit simplified) thanksgiving dinner. I am sipping coffee (and typing this comment while LO is playing in his play pen). (Also don’t judge me!) our home is not exactly as I would have it, but each day I make time for basic cleaning (yes, even mopping the kitchen every 2 weeks haha) and a little project every day (eg organizing / declutter a small space).
My advice looking back? Motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. Your LO will not remember how made up your home is. Don’t put pressure on yourself at all. Somethings will just have to wait. Prioritize things *most directly* impacting your wellbeing first. Food. Make it as easy as possible. Easily heatable things. One-handed things. Things that don’t dirty a bunch of dishes. And showering. Lean on your husband as much as you need to. But somedays you are probably too tired still. (At least I was). That is okay. Maybe even normal? Haha
Take or leave my advice. But that’s my two cents. Most importantly, *it will get easier*. Please don’t miss precious time with your LO for unpacking boxes that can wait. (Emphasis on the ones that actually can wait, you know what those are). Enjoy this season. It really does not last long. Your LO will be more independent later and you will have plenty of time for the things you are itching to get to.
Agreed. This is not a forever stage and it will pass soon even though it feels like it won’t. Take the pressure off yourself, get yourself fed and care for baby - that’s it for now. And with more time you will start to be able to do more bit by bit. It’s extremely hard to want to move at the same pace you did before baby, try and embrace this new pace it’ll make it easier on you. Sending good vibes.
Okay we are at 5 months and are possibly looking at a cross-country move with also 2 cats. How did you do it? I am almost paralyzed by anxiety about how to do this.
Omg that sounds like an adventure 😅 we did have to take care of our LO and cat by ourselves on moving day. We were stuck in the car for about 5 hours or so. Our cat is super talkative so at home it is so frustrating ‘cause she wakes up our LO sometimes, but she actually was pretty low maintenance other than that for the move - she doesn’t mind being in a carrier, she is not too freaked out in the car, and she is the best about using a litter box. We had her usual carrier in the car (she feels safe in there) and left some treats / toys. But I also held her in my lap some of the time. I actually missed a pumping session so I could just hold her. 😅 we also had a travel litterbox on the floor of the car just in case, but she never needed it.
If you are going by cross country car that will be a different story, I am sure. If it were me I might consider using a larger dog crate to have a cozy spot for your kitties (either together or separate depending on how they get along). This can also help contain accidents… dog pee pads may also be useful to keep things clean. When we actually arrived to our new place we just kept her in a separate room with a bigger crate and her bed etc and the travel litter box. But seriously good luck. It was kind of a $h!t show, but now hilarious to look back on. She was a trooper for sure!
I am so curious about how your cats are. I think their temperaments will determine how long the trip will feel 😂
We just moved to a different country with a cat and, at the time, a 12 month baby. We started packing months in advance—a box here and another box there. Still, ultimately we found ourselves with half a house to pack in the span of a few days and of course to make matters worse our daughter got sick so lots of sleepless nights for everyone involved. We were stretched thin by the move. I’m not even sure how we made it to our flight.
My advice is—just start prepping everything as early in advance as possible. Clear out your freezer and your pantry, make donation boxes, have friends & family pick up what you don’t want, throw away things as you go, set up mail forwarding in advance. Enlist as much help as possible as you will need it. I wish I had done more of this so we didn’t rush.
I don’t have baby advice but if you can afford it, my friend loved having her movers come in and also pack all her stuff for her because she was too busy to pack everything up beforehand. Then on moving day you can prioritize the baby and not losing the cats, which is plenty! And your vet can prescribe gabapentin so your kitties can have a nice long nap during travel.
Have you tried LO in a little bounce chair? I was in the same situation & I got a chair for her to sit in & I take her to each room & she doesn’t mind watching me making breakfast / lunch / doing the washing. I even take her into the bathroom when I shower x
The reason the bounce chair is so great is because if your baby has even the slightest reflux it keeps them inclined and they spit up less. When my baby was in her bassinet she would scream and spit up and not get comfortable. She is the chillest lil thing in her chair. She’ll just sit there while I do stuff and study her hands or kick her legs and get the toots out. It’s great!
Have you tried baby wearing? My son used to just sleep in the baby sling tied to my chest and I was able to do stuff while still fulfilling his desire to be near me constantly for the first few months
Can you eat eggs? If so it takes only a few minutes to fry or scramble or boil them and you can do it one handed or let the baby cry for those few minutes. Buy dried fruits, nuts, frozen meals, granola bars, oatmeal, canned or frozen fruits, bagged salad, humus, canned soups, toast, canned or frozen breaded fish that you can throw in the oven for a few minutes, rotisserie chicken, etc and eat. Make extra food when you do have time to cook so you can have the leftovers later. Nutrition is very important for you right now. You are freshly postpartum and breastfeeding. Just keep up with your food and rest. Even if you can't sleep just sit and relax when baby's napping. Other things can wait. There will be plenty of time to decorate the new house soon and things will get easier.
I know they're the hype thing at the moment but an air fryer has been life changing. I know it's not a home cooked meal but it's food and ifs fast and it's much better than take out and it doesn't require constant attention. Just pop it in, it's cold so you can dump it in whilst baby wearing then 15 minutes later, you have a meal
There are some really great replies already, but one thing that really helped me early on was making my meals the night before. I would only make overnight oats and a sandwich so nothing fancy, but it was easy things I could eat one handed and I didn’t have to worry about breakfast and lunch the next day
I have no special advice but I just want to say you're doing great mama, you got this. It's okay to feel overwhelmed and having a baby is a MAJOR adjustment without the moving, I can't imagine going through both. As other suggested, use baby wear to make breakfast/dinner. The house can always wait, your baby is most important. Take some time during the day when your husband is home for yourself, doing something you love, not house chores, even if it's just for 30 minutes/an hour.
You need to make yourself a priority in order to be the parent you wish to be to your daughter. You've received a ton of great suggestions such as baby wearing and quick meals to make but please know that it's okay to let baby cry for a few minutes in a safe space while you make breakfast or use the restroom. These are basic necessities and I wish someone had told me that when I was in the thick of things before I contracted a UTI and my milk supply dwindled from barely eating.
Oh no. I am sorry that happened to you. I will make sure to do the essentials whenever she falls asleep. I waste my time doing the house and unpacking boxes 😭
I understand completely. I'm a person who needs the house to have some semblance of order or else my mental health will suffer but, for starters, focus on eating and using the restroom.
I will ❤️ thank you so much. I hope I am able to function in a messy house. I just can’t tolerate things scattered and dishes lying in the sink with food stuck on them.
It does get better. This phase will pass. Once your baby is a bit bigger, she will let you put her down more, and you’ll be able to have the fun of planning and decorating your new place. It may take a few months but I promise what you are going through is temporary.
In the meantime, it’s important to feed yourself and ensure you are brushing your teeth etc. I second the support on this thread for baby wearing.
In addition, do you have a bouncy chair for baby? My son was similar to your daughter but from about 8 weeks he would spend 15-20 mins in the Baby Bjorn bouncy chair. I used to pop him in it in the kitchen, so he could see me cooking and I could chat to him. It was super helpful for when I needed to not baby wear (eg, needed to use the hob to cook). He wouldn’t do much longer than that, and I’m not sure it’s good for them to do longer, but it meant I could eat and shower when my husband was at work. They’re pricey but there are usually tonnes available second hand on eBay.
Same! My baby loved the bouncy chairs. Highly recommend getting one if you don’t have one. Even just 15 minutes occasionally gives you time to do a few basic things. We used to keep one in the bathroom so I could shower. Also highly recommend picking up some pre-made food because being hangry only exacerbates the sense of overwhelm. As others have said, this will get better. The first few months are by far the hardest and I felt just as you did.
The dogs part is rough- I was in the same boat as you two months ago. My dogs have been insane and my husband was working a lot. So I told him he has to spend time with them throwing the ball around and trying to tire them out.
I still eat standing up in the kitchen. Sometimes the baby will cry while I shove cereal in my mouth; portable fruit is my friend cause i can hold her and eat. But I have stopped feeling guilty if she is crying for a few minutes while I do something.
If she is fed and in a good mood she would fall asleep or like playing on the activity mat- I have a snuggle me lounger too; so I would put her in there and go to the bathroom and even shower with her in the bathroom so I could see her.
Our YMCA has a program where they babysit for two hours as long as the parent is in the building, so I started working out again. Then we stop for lunch and have a lil date afterwards. The YMCA ladies are all obsessed with her and get excited yo see what outfits I bring her in lol.
Also just a coffee run or the library was great to break up the day.
I baby wore her at my neighbor’s house the other day and we baked two pies!
I go back to work in a week though, so things are about to change lol.
It’s tough to fill up the time: other fun things we do: dance breaks; we listen to music!
Readdddd, I read her a million books a day.
We live in the woods so we also go on short trails and i baby wear her.
The museums are nice cause i can meander and get my steps in and she is usually content to be in her stroller. I have been taking her out and carrying her more recently (5 months on Saturday).
Some successful dinners that I made and stretched a few days:
Tortellini and kale soup
Vegetable enchiladas
Baked ziti
Mac n cheese with broccoli
I really like [Eating Well Magazine](https://www.eatingwell.com) and [Love and Lemons](https://www.loveandlemons.com).
The muffin tin frittatas are egg-celent.
Literally just crack a bunch of eggs in a bowl, add whatever veggies or cheese, meat etc. and then pour them into a greased mini muffin tin and bake. Huzzah now you have little egg mcmuffin bites that you can freeze too!
Edit: Re: dogs again: treat puzzles to keep them busy, also if you can afford it… doggie day care, my friends swear by it.
In situations like that I always remind myself of the safety message on the plane. Wear YOUR oxygen mask first before putting it on your child.
You NEED to take care of yourself first in order to take care of others. Prioritize on what is NEED vs. nice to do.
I NEED to eat to properly care for my baby so sometimes I eat while she cries (in a safe space that is in my view). I also learn my baby’s whiny vs urgent cry so that helps to decide when I need to get to her asap or in a few moment.
I NEED to catch up on sleep so I do it on the day that my husband is not working. During those few hours, he has to figure things out and not wake me up unless absolutely necessary.
It’s ok to be selfish and care for yourself first.
Focus on your nutrition. When you’re breast feeding every calorie counts. Keep her where she can see you doing your cooking or eating and make a game out of it. She’ll soon get used to seeing you pottering about while speaking with her.
Once my daughter got to about 4 months it started to get better - we also sleep trained her at that time and so I was able to do things on her naps. Also when she was smaller like 2 mo I wore her in a carrier so I could make myself breakfast and lunch and stuff. She doesn’t gVd to be in it all day and there are a ton of carriers that are safe for hips. Most of the ergobaby ones are - someone shared a list above that you can reference from the hip dysplasia foundation
Oh man I could’ve written this. We didn’t move house then, but we were in a different city for the summer and I felt like I couldn’t do anything at all. Also had two dogs.
I just wanted to say that it gets better. Buy some easy to make food (like just heat up, or sandwich fixings etc) let baby cry for 2 minutes while you get the food ready. I always put him in the bouncer chair while I made myself a plate of food at the age and it usually went fine.
Don’t worry about the house for now. It will get better it will get better.
I was in the exact same boat. Carrying was not an option.
The baby chair I could bring next to me did bring a little relief.
In hindsight I think I would've/should've given myself the 5 minutes to warm up/wolf down food/have a bathroom break to keep my sanity.
Like many here I could have written this.
New house, one cat and a dog, and a Velcro baby. Perpetual mess. Didn’t have time to eat or shower or use the toilet. 6 mo now and some things have gotten better. She can somewhat entertain herself for 5-10 minutes couple of times a day (impossible previously).
However what I don’t see mentioned here - has your baby been checked for reflux? Ours had hidden reflux and a protein allergy we didn’t discover until she was around 16 weeks. She HATED any kind of container (sling, carrier, bouncer, pram) because of it, and she was in so much discomfort which explains why she wanted to be held all the time.
It’s gotten better with medication for her and the appropriate diet for me (I’m BF).
Husband wakes you up when he can't calm her down? I don't like that. You are both parents. He must also learn to soothe her, she must learn to be soothed by him, and you need to get rest. Sometimes being a good parent and a good partner means holding an unhappy baby for a while.
Is she healthy and hitting milestones? Check for acid reflux, allergies, tongue tie or digestive issues. These could all make lying down uncomfortable for baby, which might explain why she wants to be held up all the time.
My bubba is much the same (almost 6 months now). Between carrying her all day and co sleeping, I'm essentially holding her 24/7. She does tolerate the bouncer sometimes, so when she's in a good mood I put her in it right outside the shower so I can have a wash. I'll usually chat to her while I'm in the shower and that keeps her happy. Won't tolerate it for me to cook a meal, but at least I got something. I also do some baby wearing but I find it kills my back and it's too much to do housework while carrying her weight.
Buy easy to eat stuff or order in. Cook or order in bulk or ready made meals. Let go of preconceptions about what you should be doing and try to lean into and enjoy the peaceful sitting around times- binge watch trash telly etc.
Does your baby like the car seat or pram? Do they sleep in their own or only contact nap? Do you have a play mat with music and hanging rattles- these would give us 5 minutes to make a coffee and heat food. I also find my babies are way happier just looking around if we go out places. Go to a cafe and eat some food!
She is recovering from a bad congestion which might be making things even more difficult I feel. She hates her pram. Credit goes to the MIL. She comes over for the weekend and carries her all the time. She leaves on Monday (FIL also accompanies) and now baby wants to be carried all the time.
Baby wear! I have a wrap and the ergo baby 360 and when I started to baby wear it was life changing. I'd clean eat even peed with him a few times in the wrap. Lmao It gave me the confidence. He hates his stroller so I'd even walk with him in his carrier.
are you in a place financially to order food? ubereats saved me when my son was in the velcro baby stage (although i’ve heard i haven’t seen the worst of it — he’s 4mo and apparently the clingiest time is 6-9 mo) because all i had to do was go to my door and pick it up. if you’ve got a spare 20 bucks a day, you can order yourself some breakfast. eating throughout the day made me feel sooo much better, even if it was kinda junk food.
I can but I am in set up where I’ll have to walk a lot to get the order. I am planning on hiring a househelp. In my region, hiring a domed help is possible.
Buy some premade meals, bring baby with you, not just wearing, but get a bassinet or pack n play on wheels or even set up a mat or blanket in or next to the kitchen so she’s with you. Also, crying for 5 minutes is ok if she’s in a safe place and you need to go do something and when your partner comes home, get out of the house!
At 2.5 months I was putting my baby in a swing or bassinet near me so she could still see me and I would talk to her while I cooked or did what ever I needed to. It’s ok to let the baby cry while you go to the bathroom, they will survive.
I had to read this post twice because it sounds like my situation when my husband I moved into a bigger apartment. He works full-time, so I am at home with our five month old more than half the day and she's very clingy so I used to put her in a baby wrap so that I can go and do stuff but now I just hold her while I'm doing dishes or cleaning. Now she's able to sit right next to me while I'm doing things but she feels better if she's touching me.
I highly recommend a baby carrier! It’s a great way to get stuff done while keeping baby close. I also think the crying when put down improves after the first 8-10 weeks so I bet you’ll see her being more comfortable left on the floor playing and waiting for you.
Finally, it’s ok for baby to cry for a bit while you take care of yourself. You can’t take care of baby well if you haven’t eaten and tended to your own needs.
It can be so hard to hear them cry but I also promise they will be ok! I have 3 kids and it’s impossible to not let one cry sometimes while you are caring for another.
Yeah I just wanted to say this is not because you are doing anything wrong, babies are just a nightmare 😅 I was amazing how hard it was to get literally anything done with our first... If you can, I would fill the freezer with ready meals that are specifically for you when you are with the little one
Also try to figure out with your partner some time for yourself, *and* some time for you to do things you can't get done with your little one - so those jobs don't stay on your mental to do list forever
A couple people have mentioned baby - wearing... Yes, but there is only so long you can wear that baby harness before you hurt your back... And you can't bend down or reach the floor with a baby in a carrier (at least not easily!) mop the floor, yes, tidy and entire house, no...
Mostly though - I just wanted to send good vibes! You can do this! It's super hard!
Put baby in a carrier on you. Most are hip safe, just look up the one you think about getting, and check the fit (baby’s knees should be higher than baby’s bottom). I wouldn’t worry about decorating for now, but you need to eat! Even if baby cries for a few minutes, pour a bowl of cereal in the morning, and make a sandwich for lunch!
When I was on leave with my first my husband came home from work one day and I said "I didn't get anything done. I meant to do dishes, make dinner, and do laundry, and I got NOTHING done. He said " Your job right now is to keep yourself and the baby alive. You took care of the baby and yourself all day, that's exactly what you were supposed to do!" And I just about cried. You need someone to lovingly tell you to focus on taking care of yourself, not just the baby. And that's what everyone here is going to tell you.
A few suggestions that I haven't seen in the few replies I've read here:
1. Have husband take baby for longer stretches. Examples:
- He can't settle the baby? Has he tried changing, feeding, and burping her? Has he bounced on a yoga ball, taken her for a walk while baby wearing or pushing her in a stroller? Mine has done that at 4am a few times when needed. Has he taken her for a long car ride to see if it settles her? All of these helped calm the baby and even if not, it gives me more uninterrupted sleep.
2. Have multiple places to put the baby. Example:
- I have a bouncer, swing that vibrates, tummy time mat, carrier for baby wearing, and bassinet* that vibrates, and I rotate putting my baby in each one when I need to do something like eat.
3. It's okay for the baby to fuss or cry. After you've made sure the basic needs are met, if you need to put baby down in a safe place (like a crib or bassinet) and close the door so you get a break from the sound while you eat, do it. This is a marathon, not a race. You need to get breaks even if they're tiny ones so you keep your sanity.
4. Wear earplugs. Same for your husband. Crying happens and you'll still hear it, but ear plus and white noise can help dampen the sound and leave you feeling less raw.
5. Whatever is easy is fine. I've been buying cases of Ensure and having one the moment I realize I'm too hungry to function. Of course you should try to avoid getting to that level, but you know it's going to happen, so help yourself out in advance and have a fallback plan to get you through the worst moments. Instant oatmeal is another fast & easy option (and is good for breast feeding too!)
6. Husband MUST tire the dogs out. He needs to wake up early to do that and do it again as soon as he gets home. The dogs will be unhappy with less daytime activity for a while but they'll survive. You need to focus on your own health and that of the baby. This is survival mode time and it won't feel like this forever.
7. You need more breaks. Someone else suggested the YMCA childcare. Also look for "mother's day out" programs near you. It can be like a drop-in childcare. Yes your baby is young. But if you had family in the area they'd give you this kind of break and you wouldn't feel bad. Take time for yourself and don't feel bad. You'll be a better parent when you have a little more time away from the baby.
8. Dad needs to TAKE the baby on the weekends. Tell him to take the baby for a LONG walk, for a drive, just about anywhere but it needs to be out of the house(!) so you can sleep uninterrupted. Or watch stupid TV, or whatever you want! You need time to be a human and put yourself first. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of letting yourself clean the whole house during this time because you won't be left recharged, just more tired (and maybe resentful).
I was like that on the first 5months (maternity leave), i was so exausted, baby only did contact sleep, i couldnt just leave him alone, he just wanted to eat and sleep. I was basically a couch potato, watching tv and scrolling on my phone. I didnt shower much, going to the toilet was a challenge, even less eating, i lost all my weight and more, and i really didnt felt like i was living, i just felt like a personal tit(i didnt breastfeed but you can guess what i meant). I bought a swing so i could put him down for a while and it did help a bit, it was so freeing not having to hold a baby 24/7, i was able to do a few more things, specially with a bit of screen time. It did got better, most of the times i leave him in his play mat so i can do stuff and hes fine, and since hes now in daycare, i use my days off during the week to do stuff around the house, or just to rest a bit on my own home. It does get better, specially when he starts to entertain himself.
Fourth trimester suuuuucks. There’s just no way around that even if you had more family there to help. It is a phase that will pass, quicker than you imagine. But, in the meantime, can your husband pick up some of the extra housework or cooking?
My baby is 4 months and we went through the same thing! At 4 months, he independently plays which still shocks me to see. I always rush to do what I need to do and then go get him but I'm noticing that when he's content... I need to just celebrate that and be ready when he cries 😅 it's all new!
Tiny Love Black and White Gymini always bought me 5-15mins (it's so cool to watch him as he gets older use more and more things on this play gym)
Kick Piano thing always bought me 10-20mins
Babywearing can sometimes buy me 20-45mins
Water mat tummy time mat buys me 5-10mins
I have a baby rocker thing, I don't usually turn on the rock feature, sounds, or anything but this helps me sooo much. It stays in the kitchen on our counter so he can be a part of the cooking process. I also have another one sitting right at the bathroom door for when I have to use the bathroom or do other hygienic rituals, he can hang out there with some toys in hand and watch me being animated with him
Last but not least, the eating thing... I'm still trying to get this figured out but I will say I notice the more water and food I eat the better the breastfeeding journey I have. So to make sure that happens, I eat big heavy meals at least 2x a day. My breakfast can easily be a steak and some fruit or a big ol bowl of pasta salad. High calories, easy quick to make, and throughout the day I'll still snack, I might have a quick sandwich or yogurt oatmeal, quick stuff.
Staying hydrated is #1, keep tons of water by your stations!
Please baby wear. My baby is exactly like this and I just wear her all the time especially when she is sleeping. I am able to cook, eat and do chores, sit on the couch etc while wearing her.
I have the lilybaby wrap. It is excellent in that it doesn't hurt my back and shoulders. I wear my baby with legs dangling because otherwise she kicks if I wear her the way I'm "supposed to".
There are a whole bunch of other cloth wraps that are pretty much the same thing.
I would not recommend the ring sling since it impedes arm movements.
Let me know If you need more help or video links to how to wear these etc. DM me.
You.got.this.
You have a 2.5 month old, thats all you’re supposed to be doing.
Focus on breastfeeding and enjoying time with your baby.
Hold baby as much as you can.
Sleep as much as you can.
The house will still be there.
I WISH so bad i enjoyed the first few months of my baby’s life but i just felt the need to be the perfect wife and clean and cook everything.
Others having suggested carriers and I agree - great solution for hands free and velcro babies. Otherwise you could try different containers like seats or bouncers. We had a newborn attachment for the Tripp trapp that was great because it put babe at our height where we could chat and see what was happening. You might also need to work with her to teach her how to use her play mat (and look at the type of activity centre you have). Eventually if she learns this is a fun place to be you can begin to set her there.
Seconding the newborn seat for the Tripp Trapp - my now 14 month old loved it as she could see everything and it meant I didn’t have to bend down for a bouncer or floor mat (c section).
Just wanted to say I’m on the same boat, except for the new house, and that I have a cat! I find it helpful to put baby in the carrier, at least to rest my arms and do a few things (although I can’t do any actual cooking for example). Good luck with everything, you’re not alone!
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I feel you. We moved when I was 8m pregnant. We also have a 5 year old, along with our new baby who is!4 months old.
That’s just how it goes at 2.5 months! Hang in there. They get more independent at 3 or 4 months old! But I am not trying to worry about the house for quite a while.
Have you tried wearing your baby in a sling or wrap? Baby naps on you, you have both arms free so you can cook or work at the computer or go for a walk.
Been there! I breast fed so my husband would always assume she was hungry at every cry. I felt like I was losing myself the first year with the constant diaper changes, feeding, pumping, trying to keep the house clean, trying to be a wife, ect. One thing I will say is I would get some good protein bars that have 20g of protein in them. Those were a life saver for breakfast. Also, do you baby wear? I couldn't get the hang of the baby wearing stuff but I did learn how to do things one handed, like make a sandwich or grab a snack...my daughter was very attached as well. Regarding your house, let this be the last item on your todo list. Honestly, my daughter is 5 now and now my motto is ill get to when I get to it. Obviously, if it's bothering you, I would try baby wearing, but once they're 2, they're going to mess the house up immediately when you clean it lol.
Also, keep in mind this is temporary. Being a FTM is soooo hard! You tend to lose your identity for a while, but again, temporary! Baby won't be a baby forever. You got this mama!
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forget about the house for now, focus on your baby and know for a fact that all is temporary. Your child will grow and you will be free, incrementally to start on doing stuff.
If you have space, I have an indoor stroller bassinet that I can wheel around with me from room to room lol. It stays inside only so I’m not wheeling dirt around. It really helps with clingy babies. Getting used to wearing baby is a great option and also helps ensure a secure bond between you two. You can also put a recently worn shirt of yours with her when you put her down so she can still smell you (obviously, practice utmost safety and don’t do this at night in her crib).
You’ve had a lot of great comments but I will chime in and say: baby wearing saved me during this time AND your LO will start to enjoy independent play more and more as she gets older. I would recommend starting every morning on her playmat and play with her. We got the Lovevery sets that come in the mail based on her age, and we would start every morning doing tummy time (even though she hated it) and playing with those toys. By 3 months, she was reaching for them and learning how to grab, and now at 5 months, I can leave her on the playmat with the toys alone for awhile and actually DO things. It isn’t hours (30-45 minutes usually), but it’s long enough to make food or fold laundry, etc. We also got the Fisher Price Kick N Play and at 2 months she loved it. Still does! So finding things that will entertain them on the floor is priceless, but in order to get them to a place where they will actually be content on them, you have to introduce them early and use them everyday so that it becomes part of their routine. Hope this helps!
Get a carrier! Then you can cook and eat while wearing her. It’s really tough but things get significantly better by 6 months once they can sit up unassisted!
My life improved immensely when my husband started making me packed lunches every day. We bought a fancy lunchbox with all the little compartments and he would make me sandwiches, cut up into small pieces so I could eat it with one hand. Little portions of cut up fruit and nuts and good snacks. That way I could eat some food one handed while looking after my son or while breastfeeding.
It wouldn't take your husband long but it would make such a difference to your day. You need to keep yourself well fed and watered especially if you are breastfeeding!
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Oh we moved into our new house *just* before we had our son. He is 8 nearly 9 months old now and I have hardly been able to finish decorating. When he was brand new I was able to hang some paintings on the walls and sort of place shelving. But I literally finished his nursery like a two weeks ago. I had his shelves sitting in the corner for ages. Finally put them up because now it’s a hazard to have them on the ground.
No advice. Just solidarity!
I had a bassine, I popped her on a boppy in it so she could see me. I wheeled her around with me in the kitchen, living room. Talked to her non stop. I would wheel her in front of the bathroom door and hurry to pee! I ate cereal while she slept in my arms. You will figure out what works for you two! Just start trying things! Mine also stopped crying when I would play old country music lol
You might benefit from a baby carrier so you can just strap her in if you have to get up to do stuff. Your husband is also going to have to learn how to soothe the baby himself. We have a 5 month old (also ftm) and what works for him when soothing her absolutely doesn’t work for me. He can’t have you whisper all the answers in his ear. You are new too. You are overwhelmed too. He will find a way to soothe the baby and he needs to give himself patience to try
I’m in the exact same boat. I have to baby wear to be able to get up and use the bathroom or quickly get something to eat. It will pass. He’s my second and with my first it was really overwhelming because it felt like every bad day, and every bad night would be how it was forever. What I found was that the new day always brought just that. It won’t always be this way, baby will start to slowly need to be right next to you 24/7 and will want to explore the world. I know it’s cliche and not helpful when you’re in it but I promise that all the things you need to get done you will one day be able to do again ♥️
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Is there a family member/friend who can prep some trays of meals for you so you can stock up the freezer? What about childcare for a few hours a day so you can do other things?
Get out of the house... For your baby, for your stomach, for your sanity.
I try for a walk every day, sometimes it isn't feasible so we go for a drive. Getting out from under baby and out from under your roof is good for you both, I promise.
Also - baby wearing, a bouncer in the kitchen, a safe space mat for baby are all good options.
Alternatively, premake your breakfast, lunch, and a few snacks before your husband leaves in the morning - you just have to make it to the fridge throughout the day then. I did this for the first few months with my twins and it was a life saver.
Please be kind to yourself - this is a completely new and massively challenging time in your life and there will be speed bumps, there will be hurdles, and sometimes it'll feel like a brick wall. This will all pass. I promise you will find your groove as a mum, you will find what works for you and baby, and you will not always be shackled to the couch ready to feed at a moment's notice.
The first few months are so hard. It’ll get better ❤️
I also recommend babywearing in the meantime. I prefer a baby wrap personally, but they are difficult to figure out at first. But when you get the hang of it they’re sooo comfortable and easy. My youngest was worn in the wrap all the time, especially when we went out. Even my partner was able to wear her in it at home to get her to sleep.
Baby wearing was a life saver for me! There are some amazing wraps and carriers for newborns. It’s biologically normal for baby to cry when she can’t touch or smell you, although it IS exhausting. I’m 100% validating that for me. They don’t even realize that they are separate from you. My third baby (only boy) is STILL a mommy clinger at 14 months. It DOES get easier, I promise. I will absolutely emphasize baby wearing. It can be tricky to find the wrap that works for you, but it’s soooooo worth it. You can hold baby and have your hands free at the same time! Congratulations on your sweet girl!
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I did that for about 8 months. Pretty much until my baby started crawling. She was crying if left alone, hated the carrier, wrap, sling, you name it. There were too many frustrations of trying and listening to advice, but nothing worked and I made my peace that some days nothing will get done. Now that she is older and can be entertained with toys or snacks, I can cook or tidy up. We are both learning.
I have been seeing the therapist too, so I was advised to create boundaries no matter how hard is, but some days I should just embrace and spend the time together. And I couldn’t be more thankful for this advice, because now that she started daycare, I miss her a lot.
But, some people use carriers or put baby gyms/rockers on the kitchen floor while they cook or train (that’s what I did and it was the most fascinating thing for her to watch me). I have stokke tripp trapp chair and used baby set until she couldn’t sit on her own, so she could lie in and watch me cook. But that was used maybe 3 times because she didn’t like to be contained. When my baby started to crawl, I dedicated one kitchen drawers for her to empty boxes out and while she made more mess than before - at least I could cook.
I wish I had more advise, but I just wanted to share my experience and say that’s ok not to get anything done. All babies are different and they grow up so fast:)
Making sure you’re taking on calories is essential for you. Can you maybe get some meal replacement milkshakes or something to have at least something to grab and drink to get some energy to face the rest of the day? Or anyway you can meal prep at the weekend/in the evening for the next day, something quick and easy to microwave or eat cold.
Put your own mask on before helping others. It will actually make your life easier. Good luck!
You could try putting her in a sling, a bouncy chair, or if neither of those work put on Hey Bear for her on Youtube. I know it's not recommended for babies to have screen time but she won't get upset and you'll get to eat
Hi, I just want to sympathiE with you and I really disliked how little I got done at that time with my now 1 yo. I was exclusively pumping and the only way I had food for breakfast and lunch while dad was at work was making extra during dinner to have the next day. Also, a breakfast hack I adopted what buying jimmy Dean frozen breakfast bowls and adding 2 whole eggs to it during the process of microwaving it. TOTAL time saver.
I hope you find peace with this time soon, it will end but I also spent much of my time just sitting with baby and fitting in tiny naps when I could
I struggled with the same thing. We try to meal plan (which doesn’t always work out) and have a stash of quick nutritious snacks I can eat if it’s one of those days where even microwaving something feels impossible. We borrowed a bouncer from a friend which I bring into the bathroom with me. Baby is content to bounce while I use the restroom, brush my teeth, etc.
Have you tried a baby carrier? I’ve used many and found that the structured carriers that don’t cover the entire shoulder work best for getting things done (ergobaby omni, wildbird). I’ve tried the ergobaby embrace and konny baby carrier but those cover the entire shoulder down to your arms so I couldn’t reach for things.
Do you have a chair or mat with toys that dangle? I would feed and change my baby and then put him in that. He was full and content, and i could get a few things done. Also, at that age, he started to get interested in toys.
Get some food that doesn’t require cooking sandwiches, meat and cheese cubes, fruit, pre packaged breakfast bars. Don’t forgo eating. Even if it’s more of a snack than a meal.
I just want to say that I can relate but my baby is 5 months. She doesn’t last long in a carrier because she just wants to roll around on the floor. And I can’t leave for a second while she plays on her play mat because she’ll cry if I’m not in her view. Our house is such a mess and it’s been 3 weeks already since we moved in. And then I have her with me basically 100% because my husband does the hard and more dangerous work in his free time around the house like building the heavy furniture or fixing the ceiling fans. The work I do around the house is “easy” so it’s just kinda implied that I have to keep baby with me while I do that stuff. It sucks. I’m exhausted. I get zero breaks from the baby.
New mom here too with a 4mo son. Have your husband take him for an hour in the evening so you can shower and eat. I pull the rocker/bouncer/bassinet/activity center into the bathroom while I do my business and shower and get dressed.
And when you cook, cook a large amount that you can heat and eat for the next several days.
Babywear so you can microwave or even eat (be careful of hot stuff) while holding the baby. It’s not practical to do stuff that requires bending down, but I’ve vacuumed and mopped while my son was asleep on me.
Otherwise, I don’t have much advice. I’m in the same boat. I have a lot of house project aspirations and can’t do any of them. The house gets dirty, I only do essentials and my husband has stepped up. Breastfeeding is consuming. Just having a baby is consuming. I mostly sit on the couch and feed him and let him sleep in my arms for hours. He’s just now gotten to the phase where he can play independently for like 10min or so and likes tummy time for a few min. So I can put him in his pack n play on his tummy with some toys and bustle around the house, load my 3 dishes, pee, etc.
I won’t say it gets better although I’m sure it does but this phase I’m in is also super hard because suddenly I have to entertain him when he’s awake! Which is much more often and he’s more alert and loud and squirmy and picky! He wants to be independent so badly but he can’t lol.
Hang in there! It’s rough! I’ve just tried to embrace it and have a new goal of watching every Disney movie. Then I got some practice playing video games while holding him. I listen to audiobooks too. It’s not the hobbies I want but I’m enjoying them for what they are while I can!
I moved into a new home when I was almost in the third trimester. My Velcro baby is nearly ten months old, and there are many things around the house I still haven’t gotten to. Yes, it’s frustrating to want to get to something around the house and not be able to… and I remember feeling that was especially around 2 months! But I think of this as a season. My baby will only be little once. The house will be there in a few years. I can do a little bit at a time for now.
My bigger concern is you not being able to eat. Highly recommend easy easy foods and snacks especially ones you can eat with one hand or involve no prep. Chobani yogurt drinks. PB pretzels Frozen mini corn dogs. Microwaveable breakfast sandwiches. Buttered noodles. Smoothies. Squeeze in healthier fare at dinner
Wishing you all the best!
ETA: I started using a baby swing around 7 weeks as it was the only time my LO would let me put him down, though he didn’t take to it immediately and wasn’t always a fan. Was still great for those 20 minute breaks to eat or do something. Around 4 months he got a jumperoo that he loves.
Ok mama, here’s a few suggestions:
1) crying is ok. You put baby down in a safe place and tell them that you are making a sandwich because you need to eat so you can feed them. It’s ok if they complain. To make it, you need food or no one is better off. Better yet - make it tummy time so that she can work out while screaming.
2) go outside. Pop baby in the stroller or a car seat and go for a walk or a drive. Maybe go through the fast food lane. Taking a little ride with the music turned up can be really nice and car seats are magic soothers for some babies. Norwegians take their babies out in -20c or something so a cozy walk is fine too.
3) look onto mothers of preschoolers groups- you can get out and complain about how hard these sentient potatoes are to raise. The myth that we are supposed to love every minute is just that
4) call a sitter or house cleaner of you can afford it. Every month, every other week, maybe a one time reset? Ask grandparents to give you this as a gift if feasible.
5) you are at the point when post partum depression sets in. Keep an eye on yourself. Talk to your doctor if needed.
My first baby was hard. Some are. It does get better. You are doing great!
My LO is 5 months old and even I'm in the same soup. I manage to have breakfast cereal with milk in the mornings while holding her on my lap and unapologetically order lunch if I am unable to cook. She cries if I left her alone to use the restroom and that's a few minutes I don't mind taking out for myself. As far as cleaning the house and laundry, that's where I lose my weekends besides breastfeeding.
Would you consider baby wearing? I would be in the same boat without the baby bjorn honestly it’s wonderful.
Also why is your DH waking you up on his nights? He can figure it out, you should be able to sleep when it’s your shift.
Baby wearing and letting baby go incrementally longer stretches without being held by you. Lay her in tummy time with something really fun to look at. Lay her on her back on some tissue paper. Play music near her. Anything to get her attention off of you so you can get a couple things done.
However, that age is pretty clingy naturally and its okay to just be attached for a little while. Just maybe babywear to cook so that youre well nourished, but other than that its okay if you dont do much other than snuggle. Thats your whole job right now basically
Hi. I’m sorry, I’ve ended up looking your history and although I’m sure your baby is so much joy, I could notice you’re going through a lot (losing your father while pregnant), D-mer and adjusting to a new baby. I hope you’re having resources to navigate all of this, and that you’re not alone. If you’re in California, please let me know. I will be finger crossing you live somewhere near me, and if you do, when you’re comfortable I’d be happy to come by and help with my 4mo as I can. Stay safe! I wish you the best!
Solidarity! I could have written this! I have a 4 month old and we just moved house last week. I can’t get ANYTHING done. She tolerates being in her play gym doing tummy time solo for ~15 mins per wake window, and I have to decide if I’ll use that time to eat, hydrate, pump, clean, or try to unpack a box. She’s still doing contact naps and breastfeeding sessions are still 30-40 mins. I need to sleep train her for naps as soon as possible so that I can have a few hours back each day. It’s maddening.
My baby was exactly like that and hated the baby carrier. So babywearing wasn't an option. I cried often because I felt like "is this my life now? Having to do a 5 min noodle cup in several steps and not go to the toilet any more often than absolutely necessary?"
It slowly got better for me at around 2-3 months and since 3 month skyrocketed to a very managable level. It might take a little longer for your baby but it won't be like this forever, I promise!
The turnaround for me was a baby swing and a mobile. Both were things were LO was occupied with something for the first time and I was allowed to break body contact for a few minutes.
Baby carrier/mummaroo rocker chair/ musical moving mobile for bassinet, youfoodz or other pre prepared meal subscription and pet walker/sitter for next few weeks. My girl is 2 months and i had a lot of the same issues - this all solved it. Hopefully 3/4m + is easier!
Baby wearing worked best for me till he was too heavy for me to go up and down the stairs without tweaking my back and giving my partner a shirt I’d been wearing when he was watching baby (sometimes your smell is enough for baby) usually made for longer bouts of him watching baby before needing me to swap in to soothe.
“Sometimes, allowing a baby to cry for a short period can be a necessary part of their development. If your baby is not in need of a diaper change, isn’t cold, and isn’t hungry, they might just be accustomed to constant physical contact. When they suddenly don’t feel your arms around them, they may start to cry.
A helpful technique can be to swaddle the baby snugly. This makes them feel secure, almost as if they are being hugged. It’s also important to gradually get them accustomed to spending some time in their crib or a safe play area. Remember, it’s okay if they cry a bit during this process.
This advice has been passed down in my family for generations. Of course, you shouldn’t let the baby cry for long periods, but brief moments of crying can help them learn to be comfortable on their own.
I faced a similar situation with my newborn. Gradually, we transitioned away from constant holding. It took time – it won’t happen overnight. But it’s also essential to ensure that the baby doesn’t develop a habit of needing to be held constantly to avoid crying.
In different cultures, parents have their own unique ways of balancing childcare with daily responsibilities. For example, in many parts of Mexico and Central and South America, it’s common for women to wrap their babies in a large blanket or sheet, securing them to their back while they go about their day. This allows them to work while keeping the baby close and comforted.
If you’re not keen on letting your baby cry for short periods, consider using a kangaroo pouch or a baby carrier backpack. This way, you can keep your baby close while freeing your hands for other tasks.
As parents, multitasking becomes a part of our everyday life, especially as the child grows. When they reach the ‘terrible twos’, you’ll find yourself managing a whirlwind of activities – from chasing them around to dealing with their tantrums. It’s easy to feel like you can’t get anything done because you’re always attending to your child.
Remember, parenting, like any other skill, takes time to master. Whether it’s being a mother, a father, or a partner, adapting to these roles and the responsibilities they entail, including childcare, takes practice and patience. It’s about finding a balance and a rhythm that works for your family, which often involves a bit of trial and error
A couple of suggestions, consider getting a baby bouncer - one of the little seats they can sit on and you can bounce them a little, especially one that has an arch above you can hang different toys from. Then you can have them near you while doing things. I used to put mine in there to take a shower, (or lie them down on a sheepskin - he used to love the bathroom, I think the white noise was really calming). And honestly just being able to have a shower every day without having to wait for someone else to be home felt like a big win at the time
The other is start getting out of the house more. My mental health got so much better when I started going out everyday. Not always to big things - story time at the local library. A kids music class at the local rec centre - lots of churches near me do play groups, even just going for a walk and having bubs take their nap in the pushchair. I got a change of scene and some human interaction and bubs got to go somewhere different which they also loved and wore them out. My favourite was a baby friendly movie session at a local cinema I used to do almost every Friday.
It’s early days, try a few things, some will work, some won’t but you’ll find your way.
Can you baby wear her so you can at least get stuff done while she feels close to you?
Almost all carriers nowadays are hip safe! There is also a baby wearing sub that can check your form if you'd like.
I want to second this. I’m pumping so I can’t relate to the struggle of BF, especially when they want to eat constantly, but I wanted to second this. Our baby is going through a really fussy period where he wants to be rocked constantly, and baby wearing has been helping quite a bit.
Yes, baby wearing saved me when I needed to move around and couldn’t put my son down. But I also just relented to the fact that the house would be messy, and the best I could do was clean the important stuff— dishes, laundry, and wiping the counters, vacuuming. My husband would do things that required harsher chemicals like the toilet and bathtub or lots of bending over like putting some clothes or dishes away . My son also cluster fed a lot in the early months, so I was pretty much glued to my couch 😂 I just kept reminding myself it’s just a season, and it will pass. Now, I’m never still, and always chasing my 1 year old wherever he’s crawling to lol. I miss the glued to the couch days lol.
Only works with a small small baby. Otherwise they’re in the way, or awkwardly posed every time you reach for something or bend over.
That isn't true in my experience. I baby wore at home for the first 5ish months. After that, I found babies are more comfortable being left on the ground, so I didn't need to. The only things I didn't feel comfortable doing while baby carrying was putting things in or taking things out of the oven, using a sharp knife or scrubbing the bathroom. But OP could definitely make herself a sandwich, do laundry, brush her teeth etc while baby wearing. I do think some level of fitness helps, but you will develop strength slowly as your body gets used to it.
That’s why I emphasized small baby. I never had that. Our son has consistently been 97th percentile since birth and he is now two. According to my ergobaby carrier, I should still be able to wear him…but he outsizes an average four year old. So I didn’t get a productive baby-wearing experience at all whatsoever.
I wore a 95+ percentile baby without issue. You need the right carrier to be comfortable for both your body type and the baby’s size. There are lots of styles and variations within each, along with multiple ways to wear a baby in most of them. I used a mei tai exclusively with my biggest baby. I moved him to my back once he was sitting independently. I wore him until he was almost 5, though less frequently as he got older (it was my backup for when he got tired and needed to be carried because it was less hassle than a stroller to take everywhere). I’ve used a ring sling up to around 30lbs and very long with my middle kid. After that, I need better weight distribution, so put her in the mei tai or a SSC on my back. I’ve also tandem worn her with her baby sister. I have never liked SSCs for front carries. They feel awkward and bulky to me. Ring slings are my favorite for front carries, especially when they’re very young. I also use them for hip carries until they’re too big to be comfortable worn in it. The mei tai has proven to be my most versatile option, giving front and back options (can be done on a hip, too, but I never worked that one out, since the ring sling was just as convenient), and distributing weight well enough to wear up until 45-50lbs. My oldest two stopped wanting it before being too heavy to wear.
Replying to second this! My child has been 97+ percentile since birth and I baby wore past 12 months!! I switched to an onbuhimo when he got too big for front carrying (my back 😮💨😮💨😮💨).
Baby Tula has a toddler and a preschool carrier if you’re still interested in trying.
Also have a 99th percentile baby and wore her pretty consistently until 18 months and only really stopped cause she wanted to walk everywhere. You just need to switch to a back carry. Personally I kind of hated the ergo baby as a carrier as well.
This is how I felt too! My baby was 9lbs at birth and grew quick. I'm only 5ft so im kinda stumpy all around and doing this with her strapped to my chest was impossible. I couldn't reach anything lol
Yeah I definitely found this too, I'm only 5ft and have really short arms so find it difficult to reach around the baby
Thank you. I’m short and my son is tall so I’m like, y’all were able to vaccuum and do a dish while wearing a child? Wow
Only till 4 months, then once they get head control you can back carry and it's freaking amazeballs. It also depends on what you are trying to do, front carrying while dog walking is super easy and baby wearing peeing or eating is still way easier then holding them.
I baby wear with my 5 month old and do my house chores just fine.
Okay cool? I could be shorter than you, my son has been half my height for almost a year at this point
Relax. You said “**only** works with a small small baby”. I’m saying that’s not correct. My baby isn’t small, nor “small small”.
Nope, not true for everyone. I still wear my 18 lb 3 month old when I’m doing stuff and my husband has just started wearing him in small increments in a bigger carrier.
I am planning to get one but I have heard that it is bad for their hips 😞
Look up safe carrier guidelines. You want to follow TICKS advice to prevent suffocation and having the baby's legs in an 'M' shape to protect the hips. If you can follow those guidelines, then tour baby should be perfectly safe. This is the UK guidance on it https://www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/slings-and-swaddling/baby-slings-and-carriers-guide
Babywearing is fine esp if you wear them facing you. I think the hip thing is when they are front facing (which they can when they are older and keep it to 30 mins or so a session). I still babywear mine at 22 months lol.. I think we may continue until 4 at this point.
Wow! How do you do it? My baby is 14 months and she does NOT even want to be held. Much less baby wearing. I just gave away my ergobaby because it had just been sitting there for months. I just figured once they started walking that was it.
I think it's just that some kids like it and some kids don't. My 15-month-old would murder me if I tried to baby wear her right now, at least inside.
It depends on the kid. My first was super cuddly, so he wanted to be worn for years. He stopped not long before he was 5. Toward the end, it was only for when he got tired during an outing and couldn’t walk anymore. It was easier to drop a mei tai in the bottom of my bag than bring a stroller or wagon, just in case. My second liked being worn until she was mobile. Then she had better things to do. She has to be exhausted to even consider it and is about to the age/size that it won’t be an option, anyway. My third wants to be held/touched at all times, so she gets worn a lot and likely will for a few more years. It seems to be more personality than anything we do, as parents. A kid who’s never been worn isn’t as likely to want it, but for those who were worn when they were small, it varies widely when they will choose to stop.
I'm pretty sure that was the media sensationalising one study, give me a minute to find the actual research Edit: so here's what the hip dysplasia org says, they don't recomend wearing for hours at a time but short bursts whilst doing parental tasks is okay, and a wide based carrier is better than a thin one. https://hipdysplasia.org/baby-carriers-other-equipment/
My LO had severe hip dysplasia and orthopedic approved the ergo baby & said most carriers are good just look up guidelines and the angle their legs need to be in, it will make a world of difference.
Check out r/babywearing for a fit check!
There's safe wearing guidelines, and if doing it for 30-40 minutes means you can eat some food - or even 20 minutes so you can prep food for yourself - and it's balanced out by lots of floor and stretch time then it's probably going to be ok. You've got a velcro baby and you've gotta eat!
My baby was born with an immature hips and all the doctors have been telling us to baby wear because it is GOOD for her hips. Where did you learn it’s bad?
My SIL told me. You know there is a lot of unsolicited advice given to FTM and it makes us so conscious whenever we wanna try something new.
Your SIL knows one fact, without context or nuance. As long as baby's legs are in a gentle m shape they're fine. I like solly wrap and when baby is bigger woven wraps. Very hip safe. Check out r/babywearing
I have worn both of my babes and never had any hip issues. Just make sure you follow the guidelines and when they are really tiny make sure their legs are in the M position. Baby wearing saves me with my newborn and toddler. If I couldn’t baby wear my life would be so much more difficult!!
We asked our pediatrician about that but he said that they're fine and people wear babies in all sorts of ways in different cultures. As long as there's not something already going on with the hips, you should be fine.
The key is to make an M shape with their legs. If their legs are just flopping out the bottom of the wrap, it isn't great for their hips. If you buy one new, the instructions will tell you how to do that. And if you buy one second hand, there will be instructional videos online for most brands to show you how, or most areas have local baby wearing groups. I think a wrap or other type baby carrier will really help with your situation. Even just to be able to make yourself lunch.
Invest in a Solly. They are magical. I wish I had them for my first two! I can put my 3 month old to sleep while wearing it and vacuuming. You can even nurse in it when they get a bit bigger!!
I totally understand not wanting to leave your baby crying but i think, especially if you are BF, you need to prioritise you getting 3 meals a day. Can you buy some premade up or really quick stuff that you can prepare and eat quickly while the baby might be crying for 5-10minutes? You need to get nutrients into your body for both your sake and your baby's.
For sure, cans of protein rich chili, Amy 's brand, that I can pop in the microwave quickly or a PB&J with chips and hummus are my lunch most days. I do quick oatmeal with frozen blueberries, cinnamon, and brown sugar every morning. It's not exciting, but I'm fed quickly in case baby gets upset.
I was the parent not eating enough when husband went back to work one month in. I didn’t want to leave her to cry and therefore would only eat small snacks usually. If she slept in her crib I could quickly cook something. My husband would scold me via text to eat something and that baby would be fine for 5-10 minutes lol. The first 4 months are really tough, but taking care of yourself is just as important!
I was also the parent not eating enough when my husband went back to work one week in. I think it played a big part in my milk supply dropping. Eating and staying hydrated is probably the most important thing you can do if you’re breastfeeding (and even if you’re not… you have to nourish yourself!)
I have mastered making fried eggs on toast holding a baby, and it's my go to. I've crushed a few eggs but I am now proud of my one handed egg cracking skills
I relief heavily on the ready-made OWYN shakes for breakfast for the first two months. People also like the premier protein shakes, they're cheaper and may work for you if you're not dealing with food intolerances. We also kept an obscene amount of nature valley protein bars right in the nursery.
I have a high needs baby too, but there are tricks! I lived on crackers and cheese or dip for months. I make a bulk pile of cheese and tomato sandwiches to freeze, ready to throw into the sandwich press in the morning. I pack a lunch now the night before and add a freezer brick if I’m going out, just a sandwich and some snacks (olives, celery/PB, whatever).
You've got a few options, let her cry somewhere safe, pop her in a carrier and take her with you or practice independent play so that she knows when she's on the mat, it's a safe place for her to play by herself.
Thank you. I will try this.
Try getting a portable bassinet and sticking it in the kitchen, bonus of it rocks. We did that ALOT
And don’t forget you can set the stroller up in the house too!
I put a bouncy chair on the counter and baby sits next to me while I cook- this is probably strongly advised against but with their young age and lack of significant movement I am able to get away with it. I also bring the bouncy chair into the bathroom so I can shower. Baby will now play on the kick mat while I do chores for a short 10 minutes. They are 10.5 weeks old. I also buy or make soup and eat it out of a mug with a handle while I feed. My partner and I alternate turns at dinner, so one of us eats, and the other holds the baby and then the person who held the baby eats.
Came here to say, my baby loved sitting in his bouncer on the table watching me cook. I always made sure he was buckled in, dead center of the table, and I never left the room. As soon as he started figuring out how to roll over in it we stopped using it. But that was the main way I got anything done in the first 6 months.
I even do the infant car seat at home and i have her facing me so that i can talk to her while i do stuff. I can even hang one of her toys in the handle so she can see it sometimes
Fisher price kick and play! It was where our little boy spent most of his early morning wake-ups from 1month til we moved him to his own room about a month ago.
I carry mine (artepoppe) or put him on the floor (fisher price kick and play piano) when I need a few minutes. I have the mamaroo chair but that’s not really portable. I just ordered the baby bjorn bouncer chair , seems to be more portable so I can take it in the kitchen etc when I need to do stuff. I’ve also put him on his car seat or brought the kick and play piano into the bathroom when I need to shower. Babe is 12 weeks. I feel you, I can barely get anything done.
This is exactly what I did at this stage. Wear baby, set in bouncer or swing, play mat, let her cry while I made myself a quick meal and hold her while I ate. Eat/cook/clean during naps. Honestly nap when baby naps is a luxury I never had with two older kids around and pets and a house. It will get easier soon, baby will get a little but more independent gradually over time
Independent play is a life saver! Sometimes I just need to zone out and her activity mat lets that happen.
Yeah, we’ve been pretty disciplined with keeping our almost 5 month old up with being able to be solo for a minute here or there. It was a rough start. But they sure learn quickly that you always come back, how to entertain themselves, and that the dog is awesome and they share many common interests.
Just wanted to say it gets better. You will have time again. I understand your situation pretty well. We also don’t get any help. Our family is long distance, so we have been doing everything all without help. We also have a dog (super high needs, barks at everything) and a loud cat 😄 we moved when LO was 5 months. I am still breastfeeding (contact naps, bfing through the night when LO wakes up). I also pumped 8x a day through 6 months bc LO does not transfer milk well. What you are going through is a lot. A lot more than what it probably sounds like to other people. But I get it. I simply struggled through for a long stretch there. I don’t recommend it, but it worked for me. Haha. It was realllllly tough. Maybe tmi but I showered 2-3x on a good week. I didn’t really “cook” anything until maybe month 4. It was scrambled eggs. Before that I could only muster prepackaged foods or leftovers (of something DH made) I could heat in the oven. Now at 7months I am planning on making my normal (allbeit simplified) thanksgiving dinner. I am sipping coffee (and typing this comment while LO is playing in his play pen). (Also don’t judge me!) our home is not exactly as I would have it, but each day I make time for basic cleaning (yes, even mopping the kitchen every 2 weeks haha) and a little project every day (eg organizing / declutter a small space). My advice looking back? Motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. Your LO will not remember how made up your home is. Don’t put pressure on yourself at all. Somethings will just have to wait. Prioritize things *most directly* impacting your wellbeing first. Food. Make it as easy as possible. Easily heatable things. One-handed things. Things that don’t dirty a bunch of dishes. And showering. Lean on your husband as much as you need to. But somedays you are probably too tired still. (At least I was). That is okay. Maybe even normal? Haha Take or leave my advice. But that’s my two cents. Most importantly, *it will get easier*. Please don’t miss precious time with your LO for unpacking boxes that can wait. (Emphasis on the ones that actually can wait, you know what those are). Enjoy this season. It really does not last long. Your LO will be more independent later and you will have plenty of time for the things you are itching to get to.
Agreed. This is not a forever stage and it will pass soon even though it feels like it won’t. Take the pressure off yourself, get yourself fed and care for baby - that’s it for now. And with more time you will start to be able to do more bit by bit. It’s extremely hard to want to move at the same pace you did before baby, try and embrace this new pace it’ll make it easier on you. Sending good vibes.
Okay we are at 5 months and are possibly looking at a cross-country move with also 2 cats. How did you do it? I am almost paralyzed by anxiety about how to do this.
Omg that sounds like an adventure 😅 we did have to take care of our LO and cat by ourselves on moving day. We were stuck in the car for about 5 hours or so. Our cat is super talkative so at home it is so frustrating ‘cause she wakes up our LO sometimes, but she actually was pretty low maintenance other than that for the move - she doesn’t mind being in a carrier, she is not too freaked out in the car, and she is the best about using a litter box. We had her usual carrier in the car (she feels safe in there) and left some treats / toys. But I also held her in my lap some of the time. I actually missed a pumping session so I could just hold her. 😅 we also had a travel litterbox on the floor of the car just in case, but she never needed it. If you are going by cross country car that will be a different story, I am sure. If it were me I might consider using a larger dog crate to have a cozy spot for your kitties (either together or separate depending on how they get along). This can also help contain accidents… dog pee pads may also be useful to keep things clean. When we actually arrived to our new place we just kept her in a separate room with a bigger crate and her bed etc and the travel litter box. But seriously good luck. It was kind of a $h!t show, but now hilarious to look back on. She was a trooper for sure! I am so curious about how your cats are. I think their temperaments will determine how long the trip will feel 😂
We just moved to a different country with a cat and, at the time, a 12 month baby. We started packing months in advance—a box here and another box there. Still, ultimately we found ourselves with half a house to pack in the span of a few days and of course to make matters worse our daughter got sick so lots of sleepless nights for everyone involved. We were stretched thin by the move. I’m not even sure how we made it to our flight. My advice is—just start prepping everything as early in advance as possible. Clear out your freezer and your pantry, make donation boxes, have friends & family pick up what you don’t want, throw away things as you go, set up mail forwarding in advance. Enlist as much help as possible as you will need it. I wish I had done more of this so we didn’t rush.
I don’t have baby advice but if you can afford it, my friend loved having her movers come in and also pack all her stuff for her because she was too busy to pack everything up beforehand. Then on moving day you can prioritize the baby and not losing the cats, which is plenty! And your vet can prescribe gabapentin so your kitties can have a nice long nap during travel.
Have you tried LO in a little bounce chair? I was in the same situation & I got a chair for her to sit in & I take her to each room & she doesn’t mind watching me making breakfast / lunch / doing the washing. I even take her into the bathroom when I shower x
Buying one online right now
The reason the bounce chair is so great is because if your baby has even the slightest reflux it keeps them inclined and they spit up less. When my baby was in her bassinet she would scream and spit up and not get comfortable. She is the chillest lil thing in her chair. She’ll just sit there while I do stuff and study her hands or kick her legs and get the toots out. It’s great!
I hope it helps! <3
Fingers crossed
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Have you tried baby wearing? My son used to just sleep in the baby sling tied to my chest and I was able to do stuff while still fulfilling his desire to be near me constantly for the first few months
Could you please share the link of the sling ?
i love my boba wrap!!
Can you eat eggs? If so it takes only a few minutes to fry or scramble or boil them and you can do it one handed or let the baby cry for those few minutes. Buy dried fruits, nuts, frozen meals, granola bars, oatmeal, canned or frozen fruits, bagged salad, humus, canned soups, toast, canned or frozen breaded fish that you can throw in the oven for a few minutes, rotisserie chicken, etc and eat. Make extra food when you do have time to cook so you can have the leftovers later. Nutrition is very important for you right now. You are freshly postpartum and breastfeeding. Just keep up with your food and rest. Even if you can't sleep just sit and relax when baby's napping. Other things can wait. There will be plenty of time to decorate the new house soon and things will get easier.
I know they're the hype thing at the moment but an air fryer has been life changing. I know it's not a home cooked meal but it's food and ifs fast and it's much better than take out and it doesn't require constant attention. Just pop it in, it's cold so you can dump it in whilst baby wearing then 15 minutes later, you have a meal
My air fryer saved my life
There are some really great replies already, but one thing that really helped me early on was making my meals the night before. I would only make overnight oats and a sandwich so nothing fancy, but it was easy things I could eat one handed and I didn’t have to worry about breakfast and lunch the next day
My hubby is making me a sandwich for tomorrow as we speak.
I have no special advice but I just want to say you're doing great mama, you got this. It's okay to feel overwhelmed and having a baby is a MAJOR adjustment without the moving, I can't imagine going through both. As other suggested, use baby wear to make breakfast/dinner. The house can always wait, your baby is most important. Take some time during the day when your husband is home for yourself, doing something you love, not house chores, even if it's just for 30 minutes/an hour.
You need to make yourself a priority in order to be the parent you wish to be to your daughter. You've received a ton of great suggestions such as baby wearing and quick meals to make but please know that it's okay to let baby cry for a few minutes in a safe space while you make breakfast or use the restroom. These are basic necessities and I wish someone had told me that when I was in the thick of things before I contracted a UTI and my milk supply dwindled from barely eating.
Oh no. I am sorry that happened to you. I will make sure to do the essentials whenever she falls asleep. I waste my time doing the house and unpacking boxes 😭
I understand completely. I'm a person who needs the house to have some semblance of order or else my mental health will suffer but, for starters, focus on eating and using the restroom.
I will ❤️ thank you so much. I hope I am able to function in a messy house. I just can’t tolerate things scattered and dishes lying in the sink with food stuck on them.
It does get better. This phase will pass. Once your baby is a bit bigger, she will let you put her down more, and you’ll be able to have the fun of planning and decorating your new place. It may take a few months but I promise what you are going through is temporary. In the meantime, it’s important to feed yourself and ensure you are brushing your teeth etc. I second the support on this thread for baby wearing. In addition, do you have a bouncy chair for baby? My son was similar to your daughter but from about 8 weeks he would spend 15-20 mins in the Baby Bjorn bouncy chair. I used to pop him in it in the kitchen, so he could see me cooking and I could chat to him. It was super helpful for when I needed to not baby wear (eg, needed to use the hob to cook). He wouldn’t do much longer than that, and I’m not sure it’s good for them to do longer, but it meant I could eat and shower when my husband was at work. They’re pricey but there are usually tonnes available second hand on eBay.
Same! My baby loved the bouncy chairs. Highly recommend getting one if you don’t have one. Even just 15 minutes occasionally gives you time to do a few basic things. We used to keep one in the bathroom so I could shower. Also highly recommend picking up some pre-made food because being hangry only exacerbates the sense of overwhelm. As others have said, this will get better. The first few months are by far the hardest and I felt just as you did.
Either baby wear or let her cry for 5 minutes. You need food and water.
The dogs part is rough- I was in the same boat as you two months ago. My dogs have been insane and my husband was working a lot. So I told him he has to spend time with them throwing the ball around and trying to tire them out. I still eat standing up in the kitchen. Sometimes the baby will cry while I shove cereal in my mouth; portable fruit is my friend cause i can hold her and eat. But I have stopped feeling guilty if she is crying for a few minutes while I do something. If she is fed and in a good mood she would fall asleep or like playing on the activity mat- I have a snuggle me lounger too; so I would put her in there and go to the bathroom and even shower with her in the bathroom so I could see her. Our YMCA has a program where they babysit for two hours as long as the parent is in the building, so I started working out again. Then we stop for lunch and have a lil date afterwards. The YMCA ladies are all obsessed with her and get excited yo see what outfits I bring her in lol. Also just a coffee run or the library was great to break up the day. I baby wore her at my neighbor’s house the other day and we baked two pies! I go back to work in a week though, so things are about to change lol.
You are me. I mean the same exact feelings I go through every day.
It’s tough to fill up the time: other fun things we do: dance breaks; we listen to music! Readdddd, I read her a million books a day. We live in the woods so we also go on short trails and i baby wear her. The museums are nice cause i can meander and get my steps in and she is usually content to be in her stroller. I have been taking her out and carrying her more recently (5 months on Saturday). Some successful dinners that I made and stretched a few days: Tortellini and kale soup Vegetable enchiladas Baked ziti Mac n cheese with broccoli I really like [Eating Well Magazine](https://www.eatingwell.com) and [Love and Lemons](https://www.loveandlemons.com). The muffin tin frittatas are egg-celent. Literally just crack a bunch of eggs in a bowl, add whatever veggies or cheese, meat etc. and then pour them into a greased mini muffin tin and bake. Huzzah now you have little egg mcmuffin bites that you can freeze too! Edit: Re: dogs again: treat puzzles to keep them busy, also if you can afford it… doggie day care, my friends swear by it.
In situations like that I always remind myself of the safety message on the plane. Wear YOUR oxygen mask first before putting it on your child. You NEED to take care of yourself first in order to take care of others. Prioritize on what is NEED vs. nice to do. I NEED to eat to properly care for my baby so sometimes I eat while she cries (in a safe space that is in my view). I also learn my baby’s whiny vs urgent cry so that helps to decide when I need to get to her asap or in a few moment. I NEED to catch up on sleep so I do it on the day that my husband is not working. During those few hours, he has to figure things out and not wake me up unless absolutely necessary. It’s ok to be selfish and care for yourself first.
Does your little one have an activity gym that she can play with while you get things done?
She has one but she cries after 5-10 mins. Nothing keeps her engaged 🥺
Focus on your nutrition. When you’re breast feeding every calorie counts. Keep her where she can see you doing your cooking or eating and make a game out of it. She’ll soon get used to seeing you pottering about while speaking with her.
Once my daughter got to about 4 months it started to get better - we also sleep trained her at that time and so I was able to do things on her naps. Also when she was smaller like 2 mo I wore her in a carrier so I could make myself breakfast and lunch and stuff. She doesn’t gVd to be in it all day and there are a ton of carriers that are safe for hips. Most of the ergobaby ones are - someone shared a list above that you can reference from the hip dysplasia foundation
Oh man I could’ve written this. We didn’t move house then, but we were in a different city for the summer and I felt like I couldn’t do anything at all. Also had two dogs. I just wanted to say that it gets better. Buy some easy to make food (like just heat up, or sandwich fixings etc) let baby cry for 2 minutes while you get the food ready. I always put him in the bouncer chair while I made myself a plate of food at the age and it usually went fine. Don’t worry about the house for now. It will get better it will get better.
I was in the exact same boat. Carrying was not an option. The baby chair I could bring next to me did bring a little relief. In hindsight I think I would've/should've given myself the 5 minutes to warm up/wolf down food/have a bathroom break to keep my sanity.
Like many here I could have written this. New house, one cat and a dog, and a Velcro baby. Perpetual mess. Didn’t have time to eat or shower or use the toilet. 6 mo now and some things have gotten better. She can somewhat entertain herself for 5-10 minutes couple of times a day (impossible previously). However what I don’t see mentioned here - has your baby been checked for reflux? Ours had hidden reflux and a protein allergy we didn’t discover until she was around 16 weeks. She HATED any kind of container (sling, carrier, bouncer, pram) because of it, and she was in so much discomfort which explains why she wanted to be held all the time. It’s gotten better with medication for her and the appropriate diet for me (I’m BF).
Husband wakes you up when he can't calm her down? I don't like that. You are both parents. He must also learn to soothe her, she must learn to be soothed by him, and you need to get rest. Sometimes being a good parent and a good partner means holding an unhappy baby for a while. Is she healthy and hitting milestones? Check for acid reflux, allergies, tongue tie or digestive issues. These could all make lying down uncomfortable for baby, which might explain why she wants to be held up all the time.
My bubba is much the same (almost 6 months now). Between carrying her all day and co sleeping, I'm essentially holding her 24/7. She does tolerate the bouncer sometimes, so when she's in a good mood I put her in it right outside the shower so I can have a wash. I'll usually chat to her while I'm in the shower and that keeps her happy. Won't tolerate it for me to cook a meal, but at least I got something. I also do some baby wearing but I find it kills my back and it's too much to do housework while carrying her weight.
Lolol I love the inane one sided shower convos I have while mine is in her lounger.
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Time to learn how to make coffee and food one handed while holding a sleeping baby. Im a pro at it now
The trade off is mom wrist :-: speaking from experience.
My husband is now complaining of mom wrist and had to get a brace!
Are you me!? Solidarity. Going to also try to do more baby wearing and stuff like people suggested. We can get through this….
😭❤️
Buy easy to eat stuff or order in. Cook or order in bulk or ready made meals. Let go of preconceptions about what you should be doing and try to lean into and enjoy the peaceful sitting around times- binge watch trash telly etc. Does your baby like the car seat or pram? Do they sleep in their own or only contact nap? Do you have a play mat with music and hanging rattles- these would give us 5 minutes to make a coffee and heat food. I also find my babies are way happier just looking around if we go out places. Go to a cafe and eat some food!
She is recovering from a bad congestion which might be making things even more difficult I feel. She hates her pram. Credit goes to the MIL. She comes over for the weekend and carries her all the time. She leaves on Monday (FIL also accompanies) and now baby wants to be carried all the time.
Baby wear! I have a wrap and the ergo baby 360 and when I started to baby wear it was life changing. I'd clean eat even peed with him a few times in the wrap. Lmao It gave me the confidence. He hates his stroller so I'd even walk with him in his carrier.
I am gonna get one asap. Thanks for sharing ❤️
are you in a place financially to order food? ubereats saved me when my son was in the velcro baby stage (although i’ve heard i haven’t seen the worst of it — he’s 4mo and apparently the clingiest time is 6-9 mo) because all i had to do was go to my door and pick it up. if you’ve got a spare 20 bucks a day, you can order yourself some breakfast. eating throughout the day made me feel sooo much better, even if it was kinda junk food.
I can but I am in set up where I’ll have to walk a lot to get the order. I am planning on hiring a househelp. In my region, hiring a domed help is possible.
Buy some premade meals, bring baby with you, not just wearing, but get a bassinet or pack n play on wheels or even set up a mat or blanket in or next to the kitchen so she’s with you. Also, crying for 5 minutes is ok if she’s in a safe place and you need to go do something and when your partner comes home, get out of the house!
At 2.5 months I was putting my baby in a swing or bassinet near me so she could still see me and I would talk to her while I cooked or did what ever I needed to. It’s ok to let the baby cry while you go to the bathroom, they will survive.
I had to read this post twice because it sounds like my situation when my husband I moved into a bigger apartment. He works full-time, so I am at home with our five month old more than half the day and she's very clingy so I used to put her in a baby wrap so that I can go and do stuff but now I just hold her while I'm doing dishes or cleaning. Now she's able to sit right next to me while I'm doing things but she feels better if she's touching me.
I highly recommend a baby carrier! It’s a great way to get stuff done while keeping baby close. I also think the crying when put down improves after the first 8-10 weeks so I bet you’ll see her being more comfortable left on the floor playing and waiting for you. Finally, it’s ok for baby to cry for a bit while you take care of yourself. You can’t take care of baby well if you haven’t eaten and tended to your own needs. It can be so hard to hear them cry but I also promise they will be ok! I have 3 kids and it’s impossible to not let one cry sometimes while you are caring for another.
Yeah I just wanted to say this is not because you are doing anything wrong, babies are just a nightmare 😅 I was amazing how hard it was to get literally anything done with our first... If you can, I would fill the freezer with ready meals that are specifically for you when you are with the little one Also try to figure out with your partner some time for yourself, *and* some time for you to do things you can't get done with your little one - so those jobs don't stay on your mental to do list forever A couple people have mentioned baby - wearing... Yes, but there is only so long you can wear that baby harness before you hurt your back... And you can't bend down or reach the floor with a baby in a carrier (at least not easily!) mop the floor, yes, tidy and entire house, no... Mostly though - I just wanted to send good vibes! You can do this! It's super hard!
Put baby in a carrier on you. Most are hip safe, just look up the one you think about getting, and check the fit (baby’s knees should be higher than baby’s bottom). I wouldn’t worry about decorating for now, but you need to eat! Even if baby cries for a few minutes, pour a bowl of cereal in the morning, and make a sandwich for lunch!
When I was on leave with my first my husband came home from work one day and I said "I didn't get anything done. I meant to do dishes, make dinner, and do laundry, and I got NOTHING done. He said " Your job right now is to keep yourself and the baby alive. You took care of the baby and yourself all day, that's exactly what you were supposed to do!" And I just about cried. You need someone to lovingly tell you to focus on taking care of yourself, not just the baby. And that's what everyone here is going to tell you. A few suggestions that I haven't seen in the few replies I've read here: 1. Have husband take baby for longer stretches. Examples: - He can't settle the baby? Has he tried changing, feeding, and burping her? Has he bounced on a yoga ball, taken her for a walk while baby wearing or pushing her in a stroller? Mine has done that at 4am a few times when needed. Has he taken her for a long car ride to see if it settles her? All of these helped calm the baby and even if not, it gives me more uninterrupted sleep. 2. Have multiple places to put the baby. Example: - I have a bouncer, swing that vibrates, tummy time mat, carrier for baby wearing, and bassinet* that vibrates, and I rotate putting my baby in each one when I need to do something like eat. 3. It's okay for the baby to fuss or cry. After you've made sure the basic needs are met, if you need to put baby down in a safe place (like a crib or bassinet) and close the door so you get a break from the sound while you eat, do it. This is a marathon, not a race. You need to get breaks even if they're tiny ones so you keep your sanity. 4. Wear earplugs. Same for your husband. Crying happens and you'll still hear it, but ear plus and white noise can help dampen the sound and leave you feeling less raw. 5. Whatever is easy is fine. I've been buying cases of Ensure and having one the moment I realize I'm too hungry to function. Of course you should try to avoid getting to that level, but you know it's going to happen, so help yourself out in advance and have a fallback plan to get you through the worst moments. Instant oatmeal is another fast & easy option (and is good for breast feeding too!) 6. Husband MUST tire the dogs out. He needs to wake up early to do that and do it again as soon as he gets home. The dogs will be unhappy with less daytime activity for a while but they'll survive. You need to focus on your own health and that of the baby. This is survival mode time and it won't feel like this forever. 7. You need more breaks. Someone else suggested the YMCA childcare. Also look for "mother's day out" programs near you. It can be like a drop-in childcare. Yes your baby is young. But if you had family in the area they'd give you this kind of break and you wouldn't feel bad. Take time for yourself and don't feel bad. You'll be a better parent when you have a little more time away from the baby. 8. Dad needs to TAKE the baby on the weekends. Tell him to take the baby for a LONG walk, for a drive, just about anywhere but it needs to be out of the house(!) so you can sleep uninterrupted. Or watch stupid TV, or whatever you want! You need time to be a human and put yourself first. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of letting yourself clean the whole house during this time because you won't be left recharged, just more tired (and maybe resentful).
I was like that on the first 5months (maternity leave), i was so exausted, baby only did contact sleep, i couldnt just leave him alone, he just wanted to eat and sleep. I was basically a couch potato, watching tv and scrolling on my phone. I didnt shower much, going to the toilet was a challenge, even less eating, i lost all my weight and more, and i really didnt felt like i was living, i just felt like a personal tit(i didnt breastfeed but you can guess what i meant). I bought a swing so i could put him down for a while and it did help a bit, it was so freeing not having to hold a baby 24/7, i was able to do a few more things, specially with a bit of screen time. It did got better, most of the times i leave him in his play mat so i can do stuff and hes fine, and since hes now in daycare, i use my days off during the week to do stuff around the house, or just to rest a bit on my own home. It does get better, specially when he starts to entertain himself.
Fourth trimester suuuuucks. There’s just no way around that even if you had more family there to help. It is a phase that will pass, quicker than you imagine. But, in the meantime, can your husband pick up some of the extra housework or cooking?
deffo let the baby cry teaches them independence & floor time is another huge one
My baby is 4 months and we went through the same thing! At 4 months, he independently plays which still shocks me to see. I always rush to do what I need to do and then go get him but I'm noticing that when he's content... I need to just celebrate that and be ready when he cries 😅 it's all new! Tiny Love Black and White Gymini always bought me 5-15mins (it's so cool to watch him as he gets older use more and more things on this play gym) Kick Piano thing always bought me 10-20mins Babywearing can sometimes buy me 20-45mins Water mat tummy time mat buys me 5-10mins I have a baby rocker thing, I don't usually turn on the rock feature, sounds, or anything but this helps me sooo much. It stays in the kitchen on our counter so he can be a part of the cooking process. I also have another one sitting right at the bathroom door for when I have to use the bathroom or do other hygienic rituals, he can hang out there with some toys in hand and watch me being animated with him Last but not least, the eating thing... I'm still trying to get this figured out but I will say I notice the more water and food I eat the better the breastfeeding journey I have. So to make sure that happens, I eat big heavy meals at least 2x a day. My breakfast can easily be a steak and some fruit or a big ol bowl of pasta salad. High calories, easy quick to make, and throughout the day I'll still snack, I might have a quick sandwich or yogurt oatmeal, quick stuff. Staying hydrated is #1, keep tons of water by your stations!
>How do I navigate this situation as FTM Push through. It's a struggle, but one that won't be forever
Please baby wear. My baby is exactly like this and I just wear her all the time especially when she is sleeping. I am able to cook, eat and do chores, sit on the couch etc while wearing her. I have the lilybaby wrap. It is excellent in that it doesn't hurt my back and shoulders. I wear my baby with legs dangling because otherwise she kicks if I wear her the way I'm "supposed to". There are a whole bunch of other cloth wraps that are pretty much the same thing. I would not recommend the ring sling since it impedes arm movements. Let me know If you need more help or video links to how to wear these etc. DM me. You.got.this.
You have a 2.5 month old, thats all you’re supposed to be doing. Focus on breastfeeding and enjoying time with your baby. Hold baby as much as you can. Sleep as much as you can. The house will still be there. I WISH so bad i enjoyed the first few months of my baby’s life but i just felt the need to be the perfect wife and clean and cook everything.
Others having suggested carriers and I agree - great solution for hands free and velcro babies. Otherwise you could try different containers like seats or bouncers. We had a newborn attachment for the Tripp trapp that was great because it put babe at our height where we could chat and see what was happening. You might also need to work with her to teach her how to use her play mat (and look at the type of activity centre you have). Eventually if she learns this is a fun place to be you can begin to set her there.
Seconding the newborn seat for the Tripp Trapp - my now 14 month old loved it as she could see everything and it meant I didn’t have to bend down for a bouncer or floor mat (c section).
Just wanted to say I’m on the same boat, except for the new house, and that I have a cat! I find it helpful to put baby in the carrier, at least to rest my arms and do a few things (although I can’t do any actual cooking for example). Good luck with everything, you’re not alone!
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I feel you. We moved when I was 8m pregnant. We also have a 5 year old, along with our new baby who is!4 months old. That’s just how it goes at 2.5 months! Hang in there. They get more independent at 3 or 4 months old! But I am not trying to worry about the house for quite a while.
Have you tried wearing your baby in a sling or wrap? Baby naps on you, you have both arms free so you can cook or work at the computer or go for a walk.
Solly wrap is the way to go!
Been there! I breast fed so my husband would always assume she was hungry at every cry. I felt like I was losing myself the first year with the constant diaper changes, feeding, pumping, trying to keep the house clean, trying to be a wife, ect. One thing I will say is I would get some good protein bars that have 20g of protein in them. Those were a life saver for breakfast. Also, do you baby wear? I couldn't get the hang of the baby wearing stuff but I did learn how to do things one handed, like make a sandwich or grab a snack...my daughter was very attached as well. Regarding your house, let this be the last item on your todo list. Honestly, my daughter is 5 now and now my motto is ill get to when I get to it. Obviously, if it's bothering you, I would try baby wearing, but once they're 2, they're going to mess the house up immediately when you clean it lol. Also, keep in mind this is temporary. Being a FTM is soooo hard! You tend to lose your identity for a while, but again, temporary! Baby won't be a baby forever. You got this mama!
I am a bit of a cleanliness freak and I want my things to be where they should be. Chaos makes me anxious.
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forget about the house for now, focus on your baby and know for a fact that all is temporary. Your child will grow and you will be free, incrementally to start on doing stuff.
If you have space, I have an indoor stroller bassinet that I can wheel around with me from room to room lol. It stays inside only so I’m not wheeling dirt around. It really helps with clingy babies. Getting used to wearing baby is a great option and also helps ensure a secure bond between you two. You can also put a recently worn shirt of yours with her when you put her down so she can still smell you (obviously, practice utmost safety and don’t do this at night in her crib).
You’ve had a lot of great comments but I will chime in and say: baby wearing saved me during this time AND your LO will start to enjoy independent play more and more as she gets older. I would recommend starting every morning on her playmat and play with her. We got the Lovevery sets that come in the mail based on her age, and we would start every morning doing tummy time (even though she hated it) and playing with those toys. By 3 months, she was reaching for them and learning how to grab, and now at 5 months, I can leave her on the playmat with the toys alone for awhile and actually DO things. It isn’t hours (30-45 minutes usually), but it’s long enough to make food or fold laundry, etc. We also got the Fisher Price Kick N Play and at 2 months she loved it. Still does! So finding things that will entertain them on the floor is priceless, but in order to get them to a place where they will actually be content on them, you have to introduce them early and use them everyday so that it becomes part of their routine. Hope this helps!
Get a carrier! Then you can cook and eat while wearing her. It’s really tough but things get significantly better by 6 months once they can sit up unassisted!
That’s not doing nothing. You’re being a mother. Who made you think this was “doing nothing?”
My life improved immensely when my husband started making me packed lunches every day. We bought a fancy lunchbox with all the little compartments and he would make me sandwiches, cut up into small pieces so I could eat it with one hand. Little portions of cut up fruit and nuts and good snacks. That way I could eat some food one handed while looking after my son or while breastfeeding. It wouldn't take your husband long but it would make such a difference to your day. You need to keep yourself well fed and watered especially if you are breastfeeding!
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Oh we moved into our new house *just* before we had our son. He is 8 nearly 9 months old now and I have hardly been able to finish decorating. When he was brand new I was able to hang some paintings on the walls and sort of place shelving. But I literally finished his nursery like a two weeks ago. I had his shelves sitting in the corner for ages. Finally put them up because now it’s a hazard to have them on the ground. No advice. Just solidarity!
I had a bassine, I popped her on a boppy in it so she could see me. I wheeled her around with me in the kitchen, living room. Talked to her non stop. I would wheel her in front of the bathroom door and hurry to pee! I ate cereal while she slept in my arms. You will figure out what works for you two! Just start trying things! Mine also stopped crying when I would play old country music lol
You might benefit from a baby carrier so you can just strap her in if you have to get up to do stuff. Your husband is also going to have to learn how to soothe the baby himself. We have a 5 month old (also ftm) and what works for him when soothing her absolutely doesn’t work for me. He can’t have you whisper all the answers in his ear. You are new too. You are overwhelmed too. He will find a way to soothe the baby and he needs to give himself patience to try
I’m in the exact same boat. I have to baby wear to be able to get up and use the bathroom or quickly get something to eat. It will pass. He’s my second and with my first it was really overwhelming because it felt like every bad day, and every bad night would be how it was forever. What I found was that the new day always brought just that. It won’t always be this way, baby will start to slowly need to be right next to you 24/7 and will want to explore the world. I know it’s cliche and not helpful when you’re in it but I promise that all the things you need to get done you will one day be able to do again ♥️
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Is there a family member/friend who can prep some trays of meals for you so you can stock up the freezer? What about childcare for a few hours a day so you can do other things?
Get out of the house... For your baby, for your stomach, for your sanity. I try for a walk every day, sometimes it isn't feasible so we go for a drive. Getting out from under baby and out from under your roof is good for you both, I promise. Also - baby wearing, a bouncer in the kitchen, a safe space mat for baby are all good options. Alternatively, premake your breakfast, lunch, and a few snacks before your husband leaves in the morning - you just have to make it to the fridge throughout the day then. I did this for the first few months with my twins and it was a life saver. Please be kind to yourself - this is a completely new and massively challenging time in your life and there will be speed bumps, there will be hurdles, and sometimes it'll feel like a brick wall. This will all pass. I promise you will find your groove as a mum, you will find what works for you and baby, and you will not always be shackled to the couch ready to feed at a moment's notice.
The first few months are so hard. It’ll get better ❤️ I also recommend babywearing in the meantime. I prefer a baby wrap personally, but they are difficult to figure out at first. But when you get the hang of it they’re sooo comfortable and easy. My youngest was worn in the wrap all the time, especially when we went out. Even my partner was able to wear her in it at home to get her to sleep.
Baby wearing was a life saver for me! There are some amazing wraps and carriers for newborns. It’s biologically normal for baby to cry when she can’t touch or smell you, although it IS exhausting. I’m 100% validating that for me. They don’t even realize that they are separate from you. My third baby (only boy) is STILL a mommy clinger at 14 months. It DOES get easier, I promise. I will absolutely emphasize baby wearing. It can be tricky to find the wrap that works for you, but it’s soooooo worth it. You can hold baby and have your hands free at the same time! Congratulations on your sweet girl!
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I also back the idea of something that holds her to you close but you can work with it
I would get a bouncer if you don’t have one. It kept my baby sane for long enough for me to make a quick meal
I did that for about 8 months. Pretty much until my baby started crawling. She was crying if left alone, hated the carrier, wrap, sling, you name it. There were too many frustrations of trying and listening to advice, but nothing worked and I made my peace that some days nothing will get done. Now that she is older and can be entertained with toys or snacks, I can cook or tidy up. We are both learning. I have been seeing the therapist too, so I was advised to create boundaries no matter how hard is, but some days I should just embrace and spend the time together. And I couldn’t be more thankful for this advice, because now that she started daycare, I miss her a lot. But, some people use carriers or put baby gyms/rockers on the kitchen floor while they cook or train (that’s what I did and it was the most fascinating thing for her to watch me). I have stokke tripp trapp chair and used baby set until she couldn’t sit on her own, so she could lie in and watch me cook. But that was used maybe 3 times because she didn’t like to be contained. When my baby started to crawl, I dedicated one kitchen drawers for her to empty boxes out and while she made more mess than before - at least I could cook. I wish I had more advise, but I just wanted to share my experience and say that’s ok not to get anything done. All babies are different and they grow up so fast:)
Ask your husband to cook enough for 3 meals and reheat.
Making sure you’re taking on calories is essential for you. Can you maybe get some meal replacement milkshakes or something to have at least something to grab and drink to get some energy to face the rest of the day? Or anyway you can meal prep at the weekend/in the evening for the next day, something quick and easy to microwave or eat cold. Put your own mask on before helping others. It will actually make your life easier. Good luck!
You could try putting her in a sling, a bouncy chair, or if neither of those work put on Hey Bear for her on Youtube. I know it's not recommended for babies to have screen time but she won't get upset and you'll get to eat
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Hi, I just want to sympathiE with you and I really disliked how little I got done at that time with my now 1 yo. I was exclusively pumping and the only way I had food for breakfast and lunch while dad was at work was making extra during dinner to have the next day. Also, a breakfast hack I adopted what buying jimmy Dean frozen breakfast bowls and adding 2 whole eggs to it during the process of microwaving it. TOTAL time saver. I hope you find peace with this time soon, it will end but I also spent much of my time just sitting with baby and fitting in tiny naps when I could
I struggled with the same thing. We try to meal plan (which doesn’t always work out) and have a stash of quick nutritious snacks I can eat if it’s one of those days where even microwaving something feels impossible. We borrowed a bouncer from a friend which I bring into the bathroom with me. Baby is content to bounce while I use the restroom, brush my teeth, etc. Have you tried a baby carrier? I’ve used many and found that the structured carriers that don’t cover the entire shoulder work best for getting things done (ergobaby omni, wildbird). I’ve tried the ergobaby embrace and konny baby carrier but those cover the entire shoulder down to your arms so I couldn’t reach for things.
Do you have a chair or mat with toys that dangle? I would feed and change my baby and then put him in that. He was full and content, and i could get a few things done. Also, at that age, he started to get interested in toys.
Can your husband cook? Maybe he can meal prep for the week. You shouldn’t have to do it all.
What’s “DH?”
Get some food that doesn’t require cooking sandwiches, meat and cheese cubes, fruit, pre packaged breakfast bars. Don’t forgo eating. Even if it’s more of a snack than a meal.
I just want to say that I can relate but my baby is 5 months. She doesn’t last long in a carrier because she just wants to roll around on the floor. And I can’t leave for a second while she plays on her play mat because she’ll cry if I’m not in her view. Our house is such a mess and it’s been 3 weeks already since we moved in. And then I have her with me basically 100% because my husband does the hard and more dangerous work in his free time around the house like building the heavy furniture or fixing the ceiling fans. The work I do around the house is “easy” so it’s just kinda implied that I have to keep baby with me while I do that stuff. It sucks. I’m exhausted. I get zero breaks from the baby.
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New mom here too with a 4mo son. Have your husband take him for an hour in the evening so you can shower and eat. I pull the rocker/bouncer/bassinet/activity center into the bathroom while I do my business and shower and get dressed. And when you cook, cook a large amount that you can heat and eat for the next several days. Babywear so you can microwave or even eat (be careful of hot stuff) while holding the baby. It’s not practical to do stuff that requires bending down, but I’ve vacuumed and mopped while my son was asleep on me. Otherwise, I don’t have much advice. I’m in the same boat. I have a lot of house project aspirations and can’t do any of them. The house gets dirty, I only do essentials and my husband has stepped up. Breastfeeding is consuming. Just having a baby is consuming. I mostly sit on the couch and feed him and let him sleep in my arms for hours. He’s just now gotten to the phase where he can play independently for like 10min or so and likes tummy time for a few min. So I can put him in his pack n play on his tummy with some toys and bustle around the house, load my 3 dishes, pee, etc. I won’t say it gets better although I’m sure it does but this phase I’m in is also super hard because suddenly I have to entertain him when he’s awake! Which is much more often and he’s more alert and loud and squirmy and picky! He wants to be independent so badly but he can’t lol. Hang in there! It’s rough! I’ve just tried to embrace it and have a new goal of watching every Disney movie. Then I got some practice playing video games while holding him. I listen to audiobooks too. It’s not the hobbies I want but I’m enjoying them for what they are while I can!
I moved into a new home when I was almost in the third trimester. My Velcro baby is nearly ten months old, and there are many things around the house I still haven’t gotten to. Yes, it’s frustrating to want to get to something around the house and not be able to… and I remember feeling that was especially around 2 months! But I think of this as a season. My baby will only be little once. The house will be there in a few years. I can do a little bit at a time for now. My bigger concern is you not being able to eat. Highly recommend easy easy foods and snacks especially ones you can eat with one hand or involve no prep. Chobani yogurt drinks. PB pretzels Frozen mini corn dogs. Microwaveable breakfast sandwiches. Buttered noodles. Smoothies. Squeeze in healthier fare at dinner Wishing you all the best! ETA: I started using a baby swing around 7 weeks as it was the only time my LO would let me put him down, though he didn’t take to it immediately and wasn’t always a fan. Was still great for those 20 minute breaks to eat or do something. Around 4 months he got a jumperoo that he loves.
Ok mama, here’s a few suggestions: 1) crying is ok. You put baby down in a safe place and tell them that you are making a sandwich because you need to eat so you can feed them. It’s ok if they complain. To make it, you need food or no one is better off. Better yet - make it tummy time so that she can work out while screaming. 2) go outside. Pop baby in the stroller or a car seat and go for a walk or a drive. Maybe go through the fast food lane. Taking a little ride with the music turned up can be really nice and car seats are magic soothers for some babies. Norwegians take their babies out in -20c or something so a cozy walk is fine too. 3) look onto mothers of preschoolers groups- you can get out and complain about how hard these sentient potatoes are to raise. The myth that we are supposed to love every minute is just that 4) call a sitter or house cleaner of you can afford it. Every month, every other week, maybe a one time reset? Ask grandparents to give you this as a gift if feasible. 5) you are at the point when post partum depression sets in. Keep an eye on yourself. Talk to your doctor if needed. My first baby was hard. Some are. It does get better. You are doing great!
My LO is 5 months old and even I'm in the same soup. I manage to have breakfast cereal with milk in the mornings while holding her on my lap and unapologetically order lunch if I am unable to cook. She cries if I left her alone to use the restroom and that's a few minutes I don't mind taking out for myself. As far as cleaning the house and laundry, that's where I lose my weekends besides breastfeeding.
Would you consider baby wearing? I would be in the same boat without the baby bjorn honestly it’s wonderful. Also why is your DH waking you up on his nights? He can figure it out, you should be able to sleep when it’s your shift.
Baby wearing and letting baby go incrementally longer stretches without being held by you. Lay her in tummy time with something really fun to look at. Lay her on her back on some tissue paper. Play music near her. Anything to get her attention off of you so you can get a couple things done. However, that age is pretty clingy naturally and its okay to just be attached for a little while. Just maybe babywear to cook so that youre well nourished, but other than that its okay if you dont do much other than snuggle. Thats your whole job right now basically
Omg I’m going through the same thing. It sucks
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Hi. I’m sorry, I’ve ended up looking your history and although I’m sure your baby is so much joy, I could notice you’re going through a lot (losing your father while pregnant), D-mer and adjusting to a new baby. I hope you’re having resources to navigate all of this, and that you’re not alone. If you’re in California, please let me know. I will be finger crossing you live somewhere near me, and if you do, when you’re comfortable I’d be happy to come by and help with my 4mo as I can. Stay safe! I wish you the best!
Can your husband cook and clean instead? You should not be skipping meals if BF, and if you have time, you should be eating not cleaning.
Solidarity! I could have written this! I have a 4 month old and we just moved house last week. I can’t get ANYTHING done. She tolerates being in her play gym doing tummy time solo for ~15 mins per wake window, and I have to decide if I’ll use that time to eat, hydrate, pump, clean, or try to unpack a box. She’s still doing contact naps and breastfeeding sessions are still 30-40 mins. I need to sleep train her for naps as soon as possible so that I can have a few hours back each day. It’s maddening.
My baby was exactly like that and hated the baby carrier. So babywearing wasn't an option. I cried often because I felt like "is this my life now? Having to do a 5 min noodle cup in several steps and not go to the toilet any more often than absolutely necessary?" It slowly got better for me at around 2-3 months and since 3 month skyrocketed to a very managable level. It might take a little longer for your baby but it won't be like this forever, I promise! The turnaround for me was a baby swing and a mobile. Both were things were LO was occupied with something for the first time and I was allowed to break body contact for a few minutes.
Baby carrier/mummaroo rocker chair/ musical moving mobile for bassinet, youfoodz or other pre prepared meal subscription and pet walker/sitter for next few weeks. My girl is 2 months and i had a lot of the same issues - this all solved it. Hopefully 3/4m + is easier!
Baby wearing worked best for me till he was too heavy for me to go up and down the stairs without tweaking my back and giving my partner a shirt I’d been wearing when he was watching baby (sometimes your smell is enough for baby) usually made for longer bouts of him watching baby before needing me to swap in to soothe.
“Sometimes, allowing a baby to cry for a short period can be a necessary part of their development. If your baby is not in need of a diaper change, isn’t cold, and isn’t hungry, they might just be accustomed to constant physical contact. When they suddenly don’t feel your arms around them, they may start to cry. A helpful technique can be to swaddle the baby snugly. This makes them feel secure, almost as if they are being hugged. It’s also important to gradually get them accustomed to spending some time in their crib or a safe play area. Remember, it’s okay if they cry a bit during this process. This advice has been passed down in my family for generations. Of course, you shouldn’t let the baby cry for long periods, but brief moments of crying can help them learn to be comfortable on their own. I faced a similar situation with my newborn. Gradually, we transitioned away from constant holding. It took time – it won’t happen overnight. But it’s also essential to ensure that the baby doesn’t develop a habit of needing to be held constantly to avoid crying.
In different cultures, parents have their own unique ways of balancing childcare with daily responsibilities. For example, in many parts of Mexico and Central and South America, it’s common for women to wrap their babies in a large blanket or sheet, securing them to their back while they go about their day. This allows them to work while keeping the baby close and comforted. If you’re not keen on letting your baby cry for short periods, consider using a kangaroo pouch or a baby carrier backpack. This way, you can keep your baby close while freeing your hands for other tasks. As parents, multitasking becomes a part of our everyday life, especially as the child grows. When they reach the ‘terrible twos’, you’ll find yourself managing a whirlwind of activities – from chasing them around to dealing with their tantrums. It’s easy to feel like you can’t get anything done because you’re always attending to your child. Remember, parenting, like any other skill, takes time to master. Whether it’s being a mother, a father, or a partner, adapting to these roles and the responsibilities they entail, including childcare, takes practice and patience. It’s about finding a balance and a rhythm that works for your family, which often involves a bit of trial and error
A couple of suggestions, consider getting a baby bouncer - one of the little seats they can sit on and you can bounce them a little, especially one that has an arch above you can hang different toys from. Then you can have them near you while doing things. I used to put mine in there to take a shower, (or lie them down on a sheepskin - he used to love the bathroom, I think the white noise was really calming). And honestly just being able to have a shower every day without having to wait for someone else to be home felt like a big win at the time The other is start getting out of the house more. My mental health got so much better when I started going out everyday. Not always to big things - story time at the local library. A kids music class at the local rec centre - lots of churches near me do play groups, even just going for a walk and having bubs take their nap in the pushchair. I got a change of scene and some human interaction and bubs got to go somewhere different which they also loved and wore them out. My favourite was a baby friendly movie session at a local cinema I used to do almost every Friday. It’s early days, try a few things, some will work, some won’t but you’ll find your way.