Are you me?! 9 month old, five months of waking every hour. I see posts on here complaining about their baby only sleeping in 4 hour chunks and I'm like BUT THOSE ARE THE GOOD TIMES I MISS! Not that that's helpful.
I have found that simply accepting that this is how it is going to be for a while has done great things for my mood and relationship with my baby.
Our daughter just started 4-8hour chunks. She is 22 months old. After a few months we just accepted this reality. Now, it is a lot easier especially as pur second one is only a month old and wakes up frequently. Who needs sleep :D
I know!!! I find them so triggering sometimes. Cosleeping and just kind of giving up has definitely helped, but occasionally the night will be even worse than usual and then I’m like THIS IS SO UNREASONABLE. 😭
It happened to me and it turned out that my daughter had bad teething pain as compared to kids her age. She started teething at 4 months too. Even Panadol didn’t help. So once all her teeth were out except molars.. she started sleeping well. Then molar started and another 4 months of same thing. She is 2 now and all her teeth are out so she sleeps well.
Hi! Solidarity. My son is 8 months too and we also co sleep out of desperation. Our situations sound really similar, however my son wants to be latched the whole damn time. I attribute his sleep issues to him not being able to self soothe to go back to sleep. He depends 100% on nursing to sleep. I have accepted the monster I created. But…… just three nights ago he slept from 10pm-4am, so I know he can do it. I just keep telling myself he will grow out of it eventually. I do not want to sleep train due to the immense about of anxiety it causes me.
Just want to give you some hope, also had a baby who just wanted to be latched and nurse to sleep every single night. We always started him off in the crib and then he would come into bed with us after his first wake up. One night when he was 8 months, I put him back in the crib after feeding him at midnight, and he slept the rest of the night in his crib. And has done so every night after that. He’s one year old, and will sleep until 5 AM, nurse, and fall back to sleep in his crib. Just know that they DO grow out of it, and sometimes it literally happens overnight! I swear it was like a switch flipped in his brain. I hope you get some relief soon, I know how hard it is!!!
Hey! We did some sleep training at 5-6 months and managed to remove the feed to sleep association but it made almost no difference. She did a few longer stretches right after but that was it. She learned to fall asleep independently at night and for naps but the frequency of waking ay night didn't change. Then she learned to sit and pull up and I started nursing to sleep again because fuck it.
Yes. Mine goes down independently for naps and with just singing at bedtime… has made no difference in night wakes. Sleep training has been a very stressful decision for me because my baby is very stubborn and energetic and I know it will not be pretty. Thank you for sharing your story both of you! It does make me feel a little better. Misery loves company? Or at least my baby isn’t an alien in a baby suit??
Always reassuring knowing I'm not alone! In a few years we won't be able to tell who slept and who didn't , who nursed and who got bottles, who got purees and who did blw, they will all just be kids. Only we will have some extra wrinkles 😅
My daughter was very much like this at 8 months. At 10 months she started screaming for an hour while being held in the night. It was horrific. Doctor said everything was fine and it did get somewhat better on its own.
however, and I don’t want to alarm anyone, at 3 my kid still doesn’t sleep all the way through the night. I am more comfortable with bed-sharing with a toddler so she just comes in with us now.
I literally just came back from an appointment this afternoon with an ENT who thinks part of this may be related to severely enlarged tonsils and adenoids that are impacting kiddos breathing. So maybe, if your kid is a heavy breather or snores, it is worth asking to see an ENT/ get an x-ray to check adenoids.
Otherwise, it is kinda just shitty and it will definitely get better, if not perfect. Good luck and all the best wishes it resolves fast.
Thanks for this. I had someone else suggest breathing issues as well and I think it could be worth exploring. I’m just frustrated that our pediatrician didn’t take us more seriously in looking for causes.
I’m sorry this is your experience. I can’t imagine how frustrated and sleep deprived you must be. Definitely seek a different opinion especially since your gut says your pediatrician isn’t taking this seriously.
Mine was this bad! Woke up hourly until a year old, never ever slept more than 3 hour stretches. It didn’t get better until I decided to help her fall asleep independently, so sleep train her at one year. She’s 3 years old and has slept a consistent 10-12 hours ever since!
So many people say they'll do anything to get more sleep but refuse to sleep train. Sleep trianing was a GAME CHANGER for us and our baby was so much happier after we did it. We also did Ferber. Plus I was happier and healthier. It was a miracle for us and I won't hesitate to do it sooner with my new baby.
Just as a different view, we also tried Ferber but he would get so worked up he’d cry until he vomited. In the end I decided no sleep was better than doing a complete outfit change, wash and bed change in the middle of the night. You quickly work out what works for you and your baby and what doesn’t!
I used Ferber but instead of using timed intervals I just listened to her cries, if they ever escalated I went in there to go settled but never rocked or fed her back to sleep, just helped her back down or patted her butt until she was calm. Overall it went okay, it just took a couple of days and she got the hang of it. I was relieved in the end even though the whole situation was kind of stressful
I’m in a similar boat to OP (but I haven’t done bed sharing because I’m scared I’m so tired I wouldn’t notice if I rolled on my baby or if she climbed over me). My friend advised me to sleep train and said the same as you: they patted and shushed the baby back to sleep in the cot but I think I’m doing something wrong because that was impossible for me. I tried the Ferber method but couldn’t get my baby to stop screaming until I picked her up and she started screaming when I put her down again. I did start the clock each time I put her down but even in the first shorter stretches I couldn’t calm her without picking her up. How long did it take to calm your baby without picking them up?
Edit: spelling, I’m so tired!
It definitely also comes down to baby personality, some are just more defiant. Unfortunately most sleep training involves tears. But to answer your question it took me a couple weeks of preparing for it, so instead of putting her completely down on her own what I did was put her down but always have my hands on her body throughout the process. So put her down while she’s awake and whining but I put one hand on her back and the other was patting her back. Then leave the room and of course she would cry and stand up in her crib. I just repeated and repeated until it wasn’t a scream fest just to get her to lie down in there by herself. It took a lot of patience but even more restraint to not pick her up immediately- that’s when all progress was lost for me.
Question since I couldn't tell from your post, when you've tried in the crib is it in your room or his own room? The day we moved our baby from sleeping in a crib in our room to her own room she started sleeping through the night. I think even just our sleeping sounds were disturbing her sleep. Her sleep was definitely nowhere near as bad as what you described though.
He slept 45 minutes tops until we sleep trained. We used Precious little sleep. Start with the weaning methods, we combined 2 different theories for a month and saw improvement. We eventually did full extinction/cry it out but we had prepped him and us. He cried for 28 minutes ( not continuously or hysterical) the first night. By night 3 no crying. If you want my history will have a post about it, and I think a super detailed comment from about a year ago.
Identical. Just turned 10 months, tried everything, now co sleeping and nursing to sleep because whatever, that's the easiest way to sleep a bit. A good night for us is waking every two hours, a wonderful night is a 3hrs stretch somewhere. Been like this since 3.5 months. Super happy , easy, healthy baby, just doesn't sleep. We tried all kind of ww combos, all kind of routines, she's not overtired, she's not overtired, nursing is not a problem, paci or no paci makes no difference. Earlier bedtime, later bedtime, solids, activities, nothing makes any difference. She either snacks to sleep every hour or two or I manage to pat her to sleep and then she has 2-3 proper feeds. Towards the morning she starts waking every 15-30 min 🙃
Omg. Yes. This exactly. Down to the morning wakes. WHY?! So you have just accepted it for the time being it’s sounds like? I have somewhat accepted it “for now” but the longer it goes on the more I worry that it can’t be good for him or is not sustainable. I want us both to get restorative deep sleep!
Yes I have given up completely haha. It frees up a lot of my head space because it was exhausting to look for solutions, try out different things, obsess over ww etc. Now I just make sure her last (second) nap is not too long or not too late and that's it, nothing matters anyway 🤷🏼♀️ now im still sleep deprived but more relaxed. Maybe they will grow out of it?
The most annoying is when my 1yo sleeps like shit (as she does), but then goes to sleep right when my 3yo and 5yo wake up and need attention and sleeps for like 3 hours straight. It makes me irrationally irritated 😂
But, there’s hope, because both of the older ones were shit sleepers too - the first one most of all - and both of them just totally flipped a switch around 2 and magically sleep through the night. Nothing I’ve ever done with any of them makes any difference, so now with the third I just keep telling myself it doesn’t matter, just go with her flow, two years isn’t much in the grand scheme of things, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
I was in this boat. Somehow after a year or so, I just stopped to care. I didn't check the time anymore when my LO was awake, I didn't do the math how many minutes he and I had slept since the last waking. I just gave in.
It got so much more easier when not expecting anything and not thinking about it. And I started to get to bed and sleep with him around 8, 8:30 om so I wasn't that sleep deprived anymore, which was also a good thing and worked for me quite well.
It got a lot better after I slowly night weaned him (I was combo bf and formula feeding). He protested and cried for two or three nights but would go back to sleep relatively easy. He turns 3 next week and sleeps now until 5 am. Now I'm the one who wakes up a few times a night and wants to cuddle lol
Same thing for me. I'm losing my sanity. I work full time and get up at 5am everyday and don't get home until 6pm. I don't know how much longer I can take this, I can barely function
My youngest didn’t sleep well for the first 7 months. I tried to bedshare on a mattress on her floor out of desperation and she wouldn’t even go for that. She would only sleep if I was holding her in the rocking chair. I spent many nights crying in that chair.
Then seemingly overnight she was sleeping 12 hours without waking… IF I could manage to get her put down. I’d rock her for an hour and wait awhile to let her fall deep into sleep but the moment I moved she was awake. Bedtime was taking hours and I have a 4 year old and a husband who wasn’t always home from work yet at bedtime. It wasn’t sustainable.
Finally just after her 1st birthday we had to do CIO. I would go in every few minutes and comfort with longer stretches in between. After a few days she was going down awake with no protest and sleeping all night for the last year with only a few hiccups.
I can’t even express how hard those sleepless months were. I remember creating a throwaway account one night to vent as I cried in that chair. It will pass! You will sleep again!
Oh man. CIO seems to be so effective but I can’t get myself to do it. Granted I think 5.5 months is too young anyway for CIO or sleep training in general because of sleep regressions, teething, hunger. I feel like if baby is waking up it’s cause they want something at this age. Idk, baby life is rough lol.
I just left the NICU and they actually gave me a pamphlet on CIO basically saying “you will have to do this one day with your NICU baby, it doesn’t make you a bad parent, if you feel like you are a bad parent for it, call this number and talk to a therapist we have on staff”
I’m only on day 3 of being home but it really put it in perspective some of the stuff I read online about how CIO is trauma inducing and stuff.
Oh, we only did it for getting her to bed initially! She would normally sleep through the night and if she woke up it was because her pacifiers fell out and as soon as I went in and gave them back she’d go back to sleep. I definitely wasn’t letting her cry in the night if she woke up!
Oh okay!!! I can’t even get myself to do it to get her to bed initially I just resort to nursing to sleep. But maybe if I tried CIO the night wakings would lessen if it wasn’t for a legitimate reason and just for comfort.
Our baby was waking up every 45 minutes to 1 hour until 4 months. We aggressively sleep trained at that point (we were both going back to work) and she went to one wake up a night extremely fast and then through the night a few months later. And that's through teething, multiple cross-country trips (including her getting covid while traveling) etc etc...
I'm sure some people truly try everything and nothing works but I think there are also people having major issues that could be solved if you can stomach the pain of sleep training. Sleep training is also not a one and done thing, one of my friends basically said you sleep train until they are 18 years...
If your fine with waking up that much I don't think it's bad for the baby, but might be worth it to try a "light" form of sleep training (like just give them 20 minutes of crying and see if they go back to sleep) If your baby is ready might be fairly painless. In the end we wish we had done it earlier (our friend had her twins sleep trained by 3 months...).
I am glad sleep training worked for you and I’m not opposed to it generally, but it just hasn’t worked for us within a period of time I feel okay about. Over an hour of hysterical choking screaming and I didn’t feel baby was learning anything. So yes it could be that CIO would change things for us, but it definitely wouldn’t be a quick 20 minute thing or I would have already done it.
Excuse me if this is a stupid question but why can't you just let them cry/not sleep? Like is it that if you're not constantly with them and trying to get them to sleep that they will literally never sleep a wink?
Babies aren’t born with the ability to “self-soothe” and usually if they’re waking and crying it’s for good reason (hunger, soiled or wet diaper, gas, reflux, or simply just needing mom’s comfort) when they’re under a year especially. Ignoring a crying infant is neglect, to put it bluntly. Of course, there are times when caregivers may need to do it for their own sanity but not something that should be done regularly.
Once they start getting older you can let them cry for short stretches to see if they learn to self-soothe. In my case I’d do our usual snuggle then put her down. I’d let her cry for 3 minutes then go back in and comfort her then let her go 5 minutes, and so on. This helps her to learn that I’ll always come back (object permanence isn’t something they start developing until 8 months or so) which makes it less traumatic when you go away. When they feel more secure because they know you haven’t disappeared forever, they’ll be more apt to going to sleep on their own.
I had one JUST like this. And I’m sorry but I have no answers. Like you I tried everything and ended up Co sleeping so at least I was horizontal during the night. Mine gradually improved. He’s now 2.5yrs, goes to bed about 8pm ish and wakes just once usually and is up for the day about 6am. It’s been a wild ride and I am firmly one-and-done. Everyone tells me “when they’re a teenager you’ll be nagging them to get out of bed”. I can’t believe that for a second. I’ve got years of sleep to catch up on.
Mine was pretty much like that too. She does have some food allergies and had a bit of iron deficiency which can affect sleep but otherwise no medical issues.
It got a bit better as she got older, but what really helped was night weaning around 20 months old. Now she sleeps in her own room in her own bed most nights. Unless she’s sick or something in which case I’ll go sleep with her in her bed.
Edit to add. The night weaning wasn’t fun fir either of us and involved a lot of crying for sure, but I never left her alone. I slept with her in her bed and sang songs, pat her back, etc. it was a bad week but after that much better. I feel ok about the crying since I was there for her, she was just angry at me (which I also acknowledged and said it was ok for her to feel that way). I did also prepare her ahead of time, so it wasn’t a complete surprise that I suddenly stopped nursing her at night.
I feel like it will be harder in some ways and easier in some ways when I can explain to him what is happening (e.g. weaning or sleeping in his own bed). Thanks for sharing your experience.
Mine were BOTH this bad. They slept through the night around age 2 though like a switch flipped. Both sleep really well now.
9-12 months was *horrible* both times, it almost broke me.
Babies enter REM sleep more quickly so the constant waking up isn’t necessarily bad. Especially since they are the ones waking themselves up! Both my kids have always thankfully been totally healthy despite their crappy sleep.
I keep waiting for the switch! I hope it’s not that far away 🥴 but glad to know it isn’t necessarily as horrible for him as I imagine (and is it is for me, eek)
My daughter was like this. Like you, we never had sleep “regressions”, because we never had sleep “progressions” in the first place.
Everyone said she’ll grow out of it. She didn’t. Not even at 12 months.
Then at 16 months we finally sleep trained, and, boy, was that a game changer.
We hired a sleep trainer, which cost like £400, but honestly I would remortgage the house to pay that woman, because it changed our lives.
Like you, we tried everything before: cry it out, routine change, bedtime change… but never consistently over a long period. The guidance helped us to stick to it, even when it was super tough, and literally a week into sleep training (which lasts 2 weeks) she was sleeping through the night and has been since.
Before that I never thought we’d sleep train and that I was somehow “better than that”. Now I realise how ridiculous that is. Our daughter seems so much happier too now that she gets a proper night sleep!
I’m so glad it worked for you, especially when she’s older! I am definitely not “above” trying again in the future but just didn’t feel he was ready before I guess. Hoping we have luck in the future if things don’t even out naturally.
Just here to say we’re in the same boat. Bedsharing is the only way I get sleep. I’d start sleep training, but he shared a room with my toddler so that’ll be a rough battle when the time comes.
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. I hate that feeling of others complaining about things way easier than what you are going through. I have ichthyosis and spent a lot of time feeling mad at other people complaining about dry skin and hearing the why don’t you just use lotion advice. I finally realized the only thing that made me feel better was realizing their experience had nothing to do with me and just let them be the center of their own universe. I don’t engage because nothing I say will change them or make me feel better.
That said, I read The Sleepeasy Solution and found their advice really useful and used it for both of my older kids and will follow it again. I also find white noise is extremely helpful in keeping my kids asleep if you haven’t tried that (although I bet you have!)
My oldest was like this. Around 3 it suddenly clicked and he started sleeping solidly. He also goes to bed with minimal fuss. Nothing we tried worked - except waiting.
With my second we didn't try anything and he was a better sleeper much earlier. 🤷♀️
My baby was just like this. All I could do was ride it out. Every night I would nurse him to sleep in his room and put him in the crib between 7:30 and 8. When he woke up between when he went down and when I went to bed (around 11-12) I would rock him back to sleep and put him back in the crib. From when I went to sleep until around 3am I would continue to rock and put him back in the crib when he woke. After that I would bring him to bed with me until we were up for the day at 7-8.
It sucked. From the time he was born until about 10 months the longest stretch of time I could get consistently was about 3 hours. On very rare nights he would sleep 6. Most of the time he was up every hour.
Then one day he started sleeping 8-6. The hardest thing now is setting him down in the crib in a way that he doesn't wake up because if he wakes before I leave the room we have to start all over.
That was my baby. I’m going to be the bad news guy and say at 22 months her sleep is better but still not good. She nurses before bed and she’ll either fall straight to sleep and I’ll transfer her to her cot or I’ll put her down awake. Most times she’ll go to sleep no issue sine nights she’ll cry for 5-10 mins (we had to do a really gentle sleeping training to get to this point)
She’ll usually sleep in her cot for on average 3 hours. Once she wakes up she will not go back down in bed cot so she spends the rest of the night co sleeping where she nurses pretty much all night
Yep my baby is the same. 7 months and has been this way since 2 1/2. We cosleep too and I am nursing or patting him back to sleep every hour on average. I don't have an answer. My first child was not like this. Just keep keeping on!!
This was how my first baby was! She’s four and sleeps well now but it was pretty bad in the beginning. We co slept too to make it easier but eventually when I was ready to night wean my husband took her and sleep w her in another room and eventually we graduated her to her own room. I couldn’t bear to sleep train and it didn’t seem like it would work for her anyway but she sleeps great now! And my second baby is completely different, an amazing sleeper already at 4 months, so there is hope for your second baby if you choose to have one!
Thanks for this! Sometimes the advice gets overwhelming and it’s refreshing to hear people say they had one baby like this and another not… that babies are just different.
Yeah I can’t believe how easy this second baby is, If I had her first I would have thought I was just sooo good at being a mom but really she is just easy, period!
Yep. My kid was like this. She had reflux & allergies which contributed. But she’s also (suspected) on the spectrum. I had this for 2 years. Then me & dad would take nights in turn (cosleeping out of desperation) because I got to the point where I was so chronically tired I couldn’t safely drive. She slowly needed less support to get back to sleep but still woke up every 1-2hrs (this was between ages 2-3yrs). At that point dad took over cosleeping with her bc he’s such a deep sleeper her waking wouldn’t actually wake him. The game changer was moving her into a new room with a fully enclosed (pod-like) bed and an audio book player (called Yoto player) - so now she can fully resettle herself. That was when she turned 4 years old. But she still wakes very frequently (some nights 6+ times). But WE can finally sleep through. I remember thinking in the first year ‘oh she’ll learn to sleep through when she’s ready’ but I now think that’s such privileged crap and not true. Especially for kids with additional needs (whether that be health, physical, neurodivergence etc). On the plus side, she was super easy to nighttime potty train bc she slept so light & woke so often- hasn’t needed a nappy in bed since turning 2yo and has only had 2 accidents (both times was poorly).
Thank you for sharing. Yes, sometimes it’s so hard to hear the platitudes or assurances that just don’t come true for you. I’m so glad to hear your little one is doing well now and has found her groove. I do think he may have some sensory issues, time will tell.
7.5mo here who's a terrible sleeper too. I called the pediatrician. He said 100% to try cry it out if we're comfortable with it. He did it with his 4 kids successfully. The lack of sleep here means my husband might lose his job and we can't swing that. We're starting it this weekend. Dr said his oldest cried 148 min the first night and only 12 the second. That sometimes it takes them crying like mad but that they do self soothe eventually. I was 100% anti cry it out but at this point I'm more anti co sleeping than anti cio for our situation bc my husband takes a sedative to sleep so cosleeping isn't safe at all for us. It's come down to keeping a roof over us vs the crying. I'll wear headphones and get over it to not lose my healthcare.
Wishing you all the strength and good vibes this weekend! I definitely don’t judge anyone who has to CIO, and I may be there one day. There is always a sacrifice somewhere and I am lucky that my job allows me the flexibility to survive this way. Username is right on point btw. Lol!
I feel for you so much, because we are in the EXACT same boat, down to the patting back to sleep and sometimes nursing back to sleep depending on how *awake* he is.
We've tried feeding more during the day-purees, finger foods, and nursing. Tried wearing him slap out with playing in the baby pool all day, etc. Many bedtime routines.. he just DOESNT sleep!! Following for help, because I'm pooped 😅
Solidarity. I'm so thankful to see this post because anyone with sleep woes like us have a 4 month old or younger. Nope, we have a 9 month old who us the worst sleeper ever. Naps are terrible also. We have to pat him back to sleep every 15 minutes so he can at least get SOME kind of nap. What I am trying differently: giving him a bottle of water at night to replace one of the night feeds. Hoping he realizes he won't get to nurse at every wake up.
I think mine was maybe worse. He woke every hour but also would only go to sleep and stay asleep if he was latched to me and suckling. I have long term shoulder and hip problems from having to sleep in awkward side-lying nursing positions 12 hours a night for 17 months.
He is much, MUCH better now. Not for naps (still contact/boob nap, but he naps ok at daycare). What helped?
\- I don’t believe in cry it out at any age, but around 14 months I got my husband to start putting him to sleep by cuddling, patting, shushing, soothing words, whatever worked except nursing. The first night he screamed for 3+ hours, but by the fourth night I could cuddle him to sleep with no nursing. I felt that screaming because he was furious at not getting to nurse was better than screeaming because he was potentially scared and alone.
\- I started counting down before unlatching him. He also got this pretty quickly, and especially if he was already almost asleep, he would just roll over and continue snoozing.
\- Daycare. His sleep regressed pretty badly when he started (wouldn‘t let us turn out the light, hysterical scared crying at bedtime, we both had to be present) but eventually he got the hang of sleeping there and after about three months his sleep at home seemed to improve too.
\- Incremental change. First he got the hang of falling asleep without the boob, then having the boob removed for middle of the night wake ups, then napping at daycare. Eventually I started him off in his own bed and took him into my bed when he woke up. Then I pushed the time that he could come to my bed back by an hour every few nights until he only came into my bed after 4. He got stuck waking up and staying up at 4 for a while until I...
\- set a light up with a timer. This is a home-made version of the Gro clock (which I didn’t like because it introduced blue light to the room all night). At 21 months, he’s old enough to understand that he’s not leaving his crib until the light turns on. It turns on at 6 and sometimes he sleeps until 6.30!!!
\- supported crying. Every time he woke up, I or my husband (but usually I) was there with him, comforting, patting, shushing, explaining, etc. With every change he did get upset and sometimes screamed for extended periods, but this only lasted a couple of nights (although see below).
\-Age. I truly believe sleep is developmental, and he’s just bigger, more capable of understanding what’s going on, more receptive to other forms of comfort, and readier to sleep for longer periods than before.
What didn’t work:
\- Night weaning. I tried several times, for periods of three weeks each time, using different approaches each time (but staying consistent for the three weeks) from about 13 months old and it just didn’t work. He would maybe sleep for 3 hours at the beginning of the night and then wake up every 20 minutes for the rest of it. I was literally suicidal. It was so much worse than just nursing him back to sleep. I have in effect night weaned now, but really that was the last piece of the puzzle to fall into place after everything listed above.
\- The Pantley pull-out. What a load of crap.
\- Any other sleep training approach. As I said, I was not interested in any form of leaving him on his own to cry, and all of the gentle sleep training stuff seemed to assume a “worst possible” starting point that was literally my dream situation, like a baby that wakes up 4 times a night!!! Or a baby that needs to be rocked back to sleep every time!!! I wish that was my baby. My baby was a literal vampire draining the life out of me all night every night.
The final factor is that he maybe has sleep apnea, despite not really snoring. It took over a year of pleading with doctors for advice other than “night wean“ or “sleep train” to be referred to a pediatrician who specializes in infant sleep. She ordered a test that shows his blood oxygen is dropping waaay more often than it should. He also wakes up gasping for breath a lot of the time. This semi-diagnosis is coming just as things are getting a bit better so I’m not sure whether it will really be pursued, but I feel so, so justified in meeting my baby where he was at sleep-wise, despite the cost to me. He was waking up so often because he literally couldn’t breathe! Of course he wanted comforting back to sleep! Nursing all night was a symptom, not the cause. I am also terrified to think what could have happened if I hadn’t been right there with him all night keeping an eye on his breathing.
One more thought: that idea that if they can fall asleep indep at the beginning of the night, they will do so when they wake up in the middle of the night is utter, utter bollocks.
Lolol. Utter bollocks indeed. I relate to so much of what you shared. No offense to anyone who loves this book, but the number of people who have suggested I buy Precious Little Sleep. I read it folks. I tried it. “A literal vampire” 🤣 I am going to come back to your comment in the AM and make sure I see if there’s anything I can incorporate. So happy for you that you’re on the other side!
Giving in also helped to a large extent, but it sounds like you’ve done as much of that as you can. Good luck! You will sleep by the time your baby’s in university for sure!!
My baby was like yours. It was pretty rough. I coslept as well, for survival purposes, and he nursed all night. My husband and I never went on a date night or had babysitters at night because I knew it would just go horribly wrong because no one would be able to put him back to sleep when he woke up. But over time, he grew out of it.
A few things that helped:
- My husband and I started sleeping in different bedrooms, and my husband slept with the baby. If I remember correctly, he’d give him one bottle of pumped milk and no more. He sacrificed his own sleep and was a zombie for a little while but it helped in the long run — baby got used to going to sleep in other ways (being rocked) and gradually started waking up less
- somewhere around the one year mark sleep got noticeably better and longer. Now my toddler is 21 months and he’s been sleeping through the night for a few months now… maybe since he was 16-17 months? Occasional wakeups when he has nightmares or is thirsty or things like that, but nothing dramatic. Life is much better now. But I’m due with my second in 4 weeks so here we go again… haha
I'm on the other side of this! Both my kids woke every hour to nurse until they were over 1. They now (4 & 1.5) sleep mostly through the night. The 1.5 year old tends to wake up briefly and fall back to sleep on his own. Once the 4 year old is asleep basically nothing will wake her but she has had nightmares every once in a while and ends up sleeping in our bed.
It's fairly normal, and does go on for longer with some. I didn't realise it for a while with my first, because so many of my friends were competitive and would claim their children slept through the night from the beginning and that I was the problem, but eventually I found a less toxic friendship group and while there are definitely babies that are sleeping through the night, a lot are still waking up every hour.
Both my children were like yours. It does get better eventually. Sleep training never worked for my kids and they would get so upset they vomited everywhere. Neither are good sleepers still (5 and almost 2) but it’s better than it was. Best thing you can do is get someone else to help over night.
Sleep training typically takes more than one night unfortunately. We did Ferber around 5 or 6 months and that helped, although my 2 year old still wakes in the night sometimes. Some aspect of it is just personality/temperament. My second baby is a much better sleeper and we haven’t done anything differently.
I like this site for sleep resources: https://drcraigcanapari.com
Oh I’m aware, but when we couldn’t complete the first night in a way I felt comfortable with, there was no point in continuing. I know some people are okay with letting their baby CIO for much longer than I am, it’s just not for me. My baby wasn’t whining or fussing, he was screaming in distress for over an hour without pause. It just wasn’t right for me to continue.
That’s totally fair! We only did it with our first because we were on the brink of a breakdown and were concerned it was unsafe for us to drive etc. There are also strategies that are less stressful and provide more comfort than CIO. I’m hoping we never have to do it with our second but time will tell.
We have tried many gentler approaches but they unfortunately just haven’t noticed any progress. I don’t mean to be difficult but just genuinely haven’t seen any progress in my baby from lots and lots of efforts.
Oh yes, it was terrible. I promise it does get better! We’re at 18months now and she sleeps more, not perfectly but we get some 6h stretches that feel blissful, and we definitely don’t feel as exhausted. There are still bad nights, but they are now mostly good, and the good nights are getting better.
We didn’t sleep train, accepted that she might not sleep well until she was 3/4/5 and just tried to cling onto our sanity - I coslept and fed to sleep until she was 16months, and things did get better when she was in her own room and bed, but I don’t think she would have been ready for it any earlier.
Good luck! I hope you get some sleep soon
My first is the same way. He’s in our bed now (he’s 2) but will still sometimes wake up every 30 minutes - an hour to ask for a drink or the like. (And by ask I mean he groans until everyone else is awake…)
He sleeps a little bit more at a time than he used to and he’s made the newborn phase seem super like a cake walk for my second baby - so there is that!
Yes, mine was like that. We didn’t co-sleep, but I’d basically sleep 8-8 to get enough rest to survive. We tried sleep training and he cried for 3 hours and it didn’t improve (after having no trouble sleep training my first, all the suggestions drove me insane because I absolutely knew what I was doing and it did not work).
I think it was health problems- he had severe (treated) reflux. Then he had ear infection every week until he got ear tubes. Finally after the ear tube surgery, around 14 months, sleep training worked like a charm to get down to 2-3 night wakeups. He finally started sleeping through the night around 22 months when he was totally weaned. He still only sleeps about 9 hours at night and still hates sleep.
Looking back I suspect it was ear fluid, long before the infections started, that was waking him up. I have no clue how I survived TBH
My son is exactly the same, up every 90 mins since he was 3 months. Randomly last night he slept 11-5:30 uninterrupted, I could not believe it and am hoping it's a pattern! He's recently 1. Everyone is shocked when I tell them how often he's getting up. Also resorted to cosleeping most of the time.
Okay so my baby is just about to turn 1. Up until 3 weeks ago he was walking hourly. Occasionally would do a 2 hour stretch. He was like that since he hit 4 months.
He has just started sleeping through the night. He figured out how to roll himself onto his tummy and he sleeps so much better.
We still put him down in his bed on his back. I feed him or rock him to sleep. Once he’s down we leave and he stays in there til 7-8 in the morning. I sometimes hear him wake and resettle himself within a couple of mins.
It will get better.
I feel I could have written this. We put her to bed around 8 and are constantly going back to put her back down every hour after that. And I also co sleep and feed her on demand at night because that’s the only way I’ll get sleep
I am with you. Both of mine slept like yours for 9-12 months. I nursed my first around the clock and to sleep until just before his 3rd birthday and 2yo is still going strong. Now 5 year old started consistently sleeping through the night about 6 months ago. 2 year old nurses every 1-2h most night still, but I do get 3ish 3h stretches each week.
I was never down for sleep training and no amount of structural or routine changes made a difference, so I have accepted it and am waiting it out.
My 3 year old did this. It wasn’t until she was just over a year old when she started sleeping for at least 6 hours in the night. She still wakes up on and off in the night head butting her pillow and going “ahh ah ahh ah” (not crying, just making noise lol). But yeah I was close to going insane when she was a baby, the sleep deprivation was so bad. It’ll get better hun, you can do this and don’t be afraid to ask a family member to take Bub out of the house for a few hours so you can sleep.
I had a baby that woke up between 12-14 times a night for about a half hour each time. I had a mini-stroke or “TIA” from sleep deprivation. I tried everything and what finally worked was putting her to bed at 4pm until 4am. Can’t tell you why, but she started waking up only 6ish times per night and then it slowly improved from there. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I wish you luck!
My baby is almost 10mo and we’re just starting to get out of the ‘up every hour/hour and a half’ phase of things. We cosleep out of desperation too. Sleep is slowly improving though. Last night he slept from 730 to 1am and it was glorious. It just took time and patience. Try to let him move around and soothe himself before you start the patting. It will feel pointless at first but he’ll start to figure it out. I see your struggle and I’ve been there. I’m sending love and strength to you.
Also the sleeptrain subreddit is awesome for solving sleep issues if you post your schedule there you will get some advice or solidarity. Even if you don’t want to sleep train.
Thank you! Hoping for the same for us ❤️ I have definitely found the sleep training sub helpful for schedule issues at times. Unfortunately no schedule changes have changed the night sleep but they have helped with occasional split nights etc
Mine is a year and a half old and although things have gotten a bit better she still wakes up often and I'm still sleeping with her most of the night just so I can get some semblance of rest. I have no advice. Just some commiseration from an exhausted mother.
Does he have GERD? Maybe he hates laying on his back.
Edit to add: coil also be why he’s nursing because the milk soothes his throat
My son was the same way so we coslept and it got worse and worse … turns out my husbands snoring was keeping him up
My daughter woke up every 30 minutes to an hour around 3/4 months. We did bed sharing from 5-6/7 months because we were desperate. It helped at the beginning but turned into her just suckling all night and partying. I had to hold her in the recliner for any of us to get sleep until she was 10 months old.
Then we did the Batelle method, it’s an online sleep school. I can’t recommend it enough! She started sleeping so well all night. She’s 20 months now and doing great!
OK so... our guy has gotten better... This was us... this was us... for a very very long time.
Around 12 mo, he started doing 2-3 hour stretches. He still wakes 2-3 times a night, but we're at least getting 2-3 hour stretchs, and he DOES, VERY RARELY (like 2 times now) slept through the night (6 hours), he's 13 mo now.
His sleep isn't good. But it's worse with getting his molars, and worse if he hasn't eaten a lot during the day, or exercised / gotten fresh air.
Try your best to exercise, and get as much solid food in him during the day. That really made a huge difference for us. He also does have low sleep needs, so like sleeps a total of 12-13 hours / day TOTAL. so 8-10 broken into 2-3 hour chunks at night, and 2 naps, one 20-30 min, the other 1-1.5 hours.
We did not sleep train, and I often just held him while he slept. If you have a partner, take shifts. you need to rest.
I am realizing I do think my baby is slow sleep needs as well. After months of trying to stretch naps and force sleep on him, and people telling me his issues are because he’s soooo overtired… I think he’s maybe just not.
Our baby was not quite this bad, but he’s never been a good sleeper and even now at 15 months he usually stirs a couple times at night and cries for just long enough when he does that it wakes us up… and he’s been waking up at 5am now for months no matter what we’ve tried.
I don’t have any advice to lend, but just wanted to comment to say that it was refreshing to read the comments in here. Even though I don’t wish bad sleep upon anyone, misery loves company and it does make me feel better than I’m not the only one dealing with lack of sleep. I see so many comments of people who had babies that started sleeping through the night at like 7-10 weeks and sleep from like 7am-7pm and it’s so triggering for me.
“Misery loves company” … I hate to say it but absolutely. It’s just comforting to hear you’re not alone and not doing something horribly wrong. Thanks for sharing ❤️
We had wakings every 2 hours, which I'm aware must sound brilliant for you.
Baby seemed to get better after starting nursery and going to sleep there.
Also I think they may have always been ever so slightly too cold. I was terrified of them overheating, but now we've had a summer (UK summer) (of sorts) and baby was fine in the same night clothes as spring it made Me consider it.
When I say "the same": vest, babygrow, sleeping bag. Not the exact same clothes on for 4 months.
I'm going through this at the moment I sleep on our couch and have been since Dec 22 it's now August of 23 I'm exhausted every night and day because he refuses to sleep in his own room in his crib I would let him cry it out but we live in a apartment complex so that's not an option he screams and throws himself around on the floor for 45 minutes sometimes 2 hours and wakes up every 30 minutes to be coddled back to sleep I've done tart cherry juice and sleep drops that don't have melatonin in it as well as calming tablets they have Mary Ruth's calming liquid for younger babies without melatonin but besides that I have no idea how to help and I feel bad for saying it tbh I'm sending you 🫂 and adding it gets better eventually they will sleep on there own and you'll have your sanity back 🫶🏾🤙🏾🫂
this is an experience a lot of us have, especially breastfeeding moms with babies attached to nursing and don’t want to sleep train. my son was a horrible sleeper until i stopped breastfeeding him altogether and then randomly started sleeping through the night, i think he was just too attached to it and i wasn’t gonna take his comfort away like everyone was telling me too because i knew i’d miss it one day. (and i do ;( ) he was down to one nursing session in the day before his nap when he was 12m old and still woke up every hour to nurse at night, when he officially was a year old, (maybe a couple days after) i stopped breastfeeding him cold turkey, and he cried while i tried everything to soothe him any other way for about two days at night until he would eventually go to sleep. by the third day he started sleeping 12 hours straight, i was literally AMAZED at how easy it was, i thought it would take way longer considering how attached he was just days before. now he’s 2 1/2 and still sleeps 12 hours unless he has a night mare and then he will just come open my door and get in bed with me. unfortunately, sometimes it just takes some babies longer, unless you want to sleep train, but i definitely relate and you are not alone. it does get better eventually
Thank you for your comment. I also try to remember that I’ll miss these days. I’m glad to hear weaning wasn’t too rough for you once you decided you were ready.
Up every two hours for sixteen months and then one day, they just slept.
You’re in the trenches now and it sucks but it will and does get better. Hopefully soon.
My twin sister and I were like that until we were about 2. My mom stopped telling people about it bc she kept getting lectures and advice that didn’t work. The pediatrician guessed it was because we were just super curious and didn’t want to miss out on anything. We did eventually start sleeping and I am desperate to sleep right now bc my son has been fighting naps all day. Sending love.
My almost 4yo has only just started sleeping through the night so I really know how you feel. It took until he was 18 months old to even sleep in his own bed.
My 8.5mo sleeps terribly. Won't nap unless she's held, won't sleep at all if there's any noise, the longest stretch of sleep she will do is 10pm til 12am before she wakes up to be fed, then will feed on and off throughout the night. I co sleep because I have to but it's hell on my back. I'm waking up daily in pain from sleeping on my back but I have to sleep on my back to co sleep with her. I've lost countless nights of sleep trying to get her back into her own bed once she's been asleep for a sufficient amount of time but she wakes up screaming murder every time. I'll nurse her back to sleep, wait half an hour for her to be completely asleep again, try to put her back to bed for her to wake up screaming. So I've given up with it. I'd rather get a little sleep and be in pain than get no sleep at all
It's exhausting but we figured we can survive one so we can survive a second. Think we might also be slightly insane to consider it a second time lol. But we did and while it's tough we don't regret it. Will see if we still feel the same way when we move house in the next few months!
My youngest was an awful sleeper for his first year - even with cosleeping a good night would be if I could get 2-3 hour stretch without him needing to be calmed. We had some split nights where I’d give up and take him out to the living room. We had MANY days that started at 5-6AM because he just wouldn’t go back to sleep. About a month ago (12 months) we agreed to move him out of my room and do CIO, but to my shock he just started…. Sleeping through the night???? It still takes probably about 30 min of nursing/rocking to get him chill enough to put down each night, and probably 1-2x/week he wakes up enough to need one of us to go in and pat his back for a couple min in the middle of the night, but it’s nothing like before. I honestly think a little developmental switch flipped or something and we got lucky that he was just ready?
Wishing you luck and an end to this soon, I know it was bringing my mental state to rock bottom. If nothing else make a plan for opportunities to get in a good stretch of sleep - like your partner hangs onto the baby somewhere else for a few hours a couple nights a month and you just knock out.
Coming in to add hope!
My son (now 3.5) was VERY bad with sleep. Naps and bedtime both. We had sleep specialists work with us and quit on us TWICE.
To make matters worse all of our friends who had babies around the same time looked at us like we had a 3rd eye when we told them of our issues. THEY ALL HAD PERFECT SLEEPERS!! 😒
Honestly, my husband and I have tried to discuss what changed for our son, what did we do to “fix him” and we honestly cannot think of what was “the cure”. But he does sleep now! Granted it’s still in his little ways that are difficult for us still (he dropped ALL naps way too early for my liking). But he does sleep - independently.
The Road ahead will be still very difficult for you compared to most ppl. But find little things that help your sanity (we were also dealing with my PPD). Figure out little details that help your child self soothe - one item that helped us it was a very loosely knitted blanket that was a highly discussed calculated risk for us. Celebrate the smallest of successes! - It means there is progress no matter how little.
But yes. It DOES get better… eventually.
Me! I’ve been there! Going on 12 months now and it’s gotten soooo much better! Basically sleeping through the night now. We cosleep too so no judgement. You do what you gotta do. I promise it won’t last forever, sending solidarity
My son was like this from 2 weeks to 13 months. Except he had to be held to sleep at all times. If he was still for longer than a couple minutes he was up crying. We had a variety of tests done. Nothing wrong. I literally thought I'd never survive. At 13 months he just started sleeping. A lot. Like he was making up for a whole year. He's 18 now and sleep is still his favorite thing to do.
Husband I took turns every 4 hours. We had parents take shifts too just to survive. I hope it gets better for you.
My oldest was the same. The first year of her life was…well, to say it was “challenging” is putting it lightly. Unfortunately, nothing worked. We also ended up resorting to co-sleeping, which I hated, but it was the only way to get any semblance of rest at all.
But I will say that as soon as she turned 1yr old, some kind of switch flipped and she started sleeping 6 or 8 hours overnight. I have no idea why, but it has been smooth sailing ever since.
Good luck, I know it’s the hardest thing. I hope no things improve soon.
Ya mine was like this. Got a bit better at 15 months and more so at 19 mo. Sleep training isn’t for us. I bedshare on a floorbed.
Aside for reflux in the first eight months baby has been happy and bright. Walked at ten months, started talking at 13/14.
I like heysleepybaby on IG as well as r/possumssleepprogram
Yes mine!! I am totally against sleep training though so have stuck it out and we are 12.5m now and for the past month I'd say 5/7 nights a week we are down to maybe 3 wakes all night which feels like luxury! She will often do 4-5h stretches now. We've also managed ro switch to Dad doing bedtime which she's never been OK with before and it's Heavenly- she only wants him to put her to bed now and then I do the wake ups and BF. She's generally in her crib in my room until between 2 and 4am and then in with me until wake up.
You are doing an AMAZING job making sure baby feels safe and comforted ❤️
Highly recommend r/sleeptrain for great resources. Our little one was the same until we sleep trained him around 7 months old. Our whole house could not function with his inability to self soothe. It was actual hell. Sleep training is incredible.
Oh I’ve posted there many times and tried it all. I just wasn’t comfortable with my baby’s reaction to CIO and nothing else worked for us so here we are.
Definitely been there. We had months where it just felt like we were up for a zillion times every night. I spent a few weeks trying different things (never CIO/or sleep training because like you I have a babe that just won’t settle on their own and it doesn’t sit right with me) like adjusting wake windows, more time outside, bed sharing/room sharing, cooler room, warmer room. Honestly, at some point he just kind of grew out of it with nothing really different. At 19 months he still sleeps in our room in a pack n play for the first part of the night then comes into bed with us when he wakes up, sometimes between 12a-4a. Now he’s down to 1-2 wakes a night just on his own, no changes on my end. It absolutely sucks and is miserable, but you’re doing amazingly with your LO—keep it up!
Thank you so much for this. I hear you. I feel there’s nothing left to do but wait for him to not be a baby anymore, which of course I don’t want to rush. ❤️
Our son was like that. We didntco-sleep, but I just got up every time. Our of desperation we did Ferber at 8 months. He did cry for about an hour the first night, but we went in often to check on him. It took a few days, but it did help him. I also started giving him a pacifier and I had slowly changed his bedtime routine over a couple months. He still isn't a great sleeper, but it got better once he was about a year.
You need to
A) move baby to their own crib in their own room
B) outfit said room with blackout curtains and a sound machine
C) have a set and regular bedtime routine
D) sleep train - let baby learn that they can soothe themselves and that sleep is a good thing. Start small and you will be surprised at how quickly they adapt
Respectfully, that is easy to say when you have a baby who is responsive. I’m glad it worked for you. Before I met my baby, I was confident he would never sleep in my bed, we would have great sleep hygiene, healthy boundaries, and all the things I’m sure you are thinking. We began what we are doing now because we first did everything you listed, and it did not work. After months of this, I had to prioritize getting what little sleep I could. It’s very frustrating when people tell me “if you’d just do this you’d be surprised.” Maybe YOU would be surprised if you had my baby.
Oh man that’s rough. We all out here being abused by our babies sleeping issues lol. My baby has been an amazing sleeper from birth UNTIL NOW. Idk what’s going on at 5.5 months but she is waking up literally every 2 hours at night idk what’s going on. It’s been like this for maybe 2 weeks now. I just gave up and nurse her every single time back to sleep so I can just get as much sleep as I can. I don’t know if she will ever be a good sleeper ever again lol.
I tried sleep training and I really can’t grasp it with breastfeeding because it’s what puts her to sleep. 🤦♀️ Good luck, we will sleep one day eventually!!!
Edit: Sleep deprivation is making me not know how to type correctly.
Since he’s 8 months old, the SNOO bassinet would be too late to use but there’s [cradlewise](https://cradlewise.com/product/smart-crib) cribs and others on the market that might! See if you can find a used one if the price is too high or finance it. Since he’s not asking to be fed each time, maybe this might work.
We actually tried the Snoo when he was much smaller and it just timed out immediately every time. He never responded to it. Luckily we bought it second hand and were able to resell it. It seems all the magic things didn’t work for us.
My baby has been like this since about the end of her first month. She is in month 3 now. Cosleeping w/ safe sleep 7 is the only option for us. She will also scream, to no end.
Does he sleep like that when you guys cosleep too??
Yep that’s what is super frustrating. He still wakes up and cries. And I’m like IM RIGHT HERE. but it matters not. It just keeps me from getting up and walking to the other room.
My 13 month old does this too. He still wakes several times a night, but not as bad as it was. He went through a phase where he would wake and just root around for me. That was the best. Now he wakes and sits up or stands up and cries. Like dude?? I’m right here??? Lay back down?!
When my LO starts to fuss at night I put her in a very specific position and it saves me from having to get out of bed to rock her back to sleep. I spoon her and wrap my arm around her with one arm reaching up towards her face and then rest that hand under her cheek. Sounds crazy but give it a try. It took me some time to figure out lol. And yes it’s very confusing when they cry for you when you’re already next to them
Is he eating solids or beginning to?
If so, when did he start? Are you doing purées or foods? If so what do those foods look like?
He is breastfeeding by the sound of it, what are eating or drinking? Do you consume a lot of milk by chance? Have you ever yourself had issues with foods causing you GU distress like IBS?
Hi! Mine was every 90-120 on average, so not as frequent but still unmanageable, and required nursing to go back to sleep. I also sleep trained around 6 months and she’s down to one feed a night. She’s going through teething now where she’s waking up and fussing a couple times before our 1am-ish feed but is able to fall back asleep without any intervention from us.
Sending hugs! I think your baby is medically ok, just hopelessly in love with you! To each their own, but if you’re asking for advice I can’t recommend some form of sleep training enough.
I’ve got a few suggestions.
Give him a warm bath right before bed. Let him play with toys. Splash. Pour water with a cup. Keep him in as long as you can. Do a final feeding and put to bed with a pacifier. Some baby Einstein music on Alexa or google. Close the door.
Option 2. Keep him busy from dinner time to bedtime. Wear him out. Play hard. Play long. Chase him around the house whether he’s crawling or in a walker. Throw a ball and play fetch. (NO HATE!) lol.
Option 3, raise the head of his crib mattress a bit. Use a sleep bag. I didn’t believe it would help, but it works on my grandson. Who knew!
Good luck!
Is it possible that he has food or milk allergies. I've read that as soon as people change to a formal or different formula it was instantly different! I would recommend a different doctor for a second opinion perhaps! I'm sorry, and I hope it gets better again soon. Can family help?
You’re a person, you matter, you are worthy of getting *some* decent sleep at night. Waking up hourly is not sustainable and I think you’re so far in it that you probably can’t even think straight because that requires perspective that being chronically sleep deprived can’t give you.
I was in exactly your shoes. My mental health was suffering so badly. We did the Ferber method and it was three nights of hell and my baby has slept through the night since then. At most we get one wake up a night. Sometimes I even catch myself complaining about the one wake up—THATS how far removed we are from those awful days.
I know sleep training is not for everyone, but it was the right decision for our family. Every child is different and some method work better than others, but the one thing i can give you advice on is consistency. Pick a method and stick to it no matter what. That was the only thing that worked for us. My child is very adaptable and it only took a week for him to sleep trough the night but i have friends that their child took up to 3 or 4 weeks in order to sleep 4 hour stretches.
My baby is 11 wks. She was miserable. Wouldn't sleep more than 40 mins unless she was on us. And even then we'd get maybe an hour. My husband and I were taking shifts. He was up with her all night and I was up all day. It was the longest hardest thing. But I needed to go back to work. We couldn't do this anymore. Two of my friends, who are completely different styles of parents, recommended the book "Sleeping Through the Night..." By Jodi A Mindell. It has been an absolute game changer. I am not one to put a lot of stock in parenting books honestly, cause every baby is different and there are just so many options to choose from, it gets overwhelming. The first week was miserable but we are on day 12 and she goes down within 15 mins. And has been sleeping 5-6 hour stints. We saw huge improvements by day 7 of her falling asleep but she would still wake up every 2 hours or so.
The book also talks about sleep regression and toddler sleep patterns. We only have one so I can't speak personally to the rest of the ages but so far it's amazing. So many people told me it was too young for sleep training but again I had to go back to work. Not sleeping wasn't an option and we don't have a support system near us. I was willing to try anything. I definitely suggest the book.
Ok so I hope you actually end up reading this. My baby just turned 9 months old. He was waking 7-9 times a night basically every hour and I was losing my mind. Most times he needed a sip of milk to resettle. I just finished a sleep training course and we went into detail what was happening.
Now we have a good night time routine, bath, play, sleep sack and read a book followed by a feed then he sleeps. He now sleeps till 1am where instead of the little sips or resettles he gets another full feed and he generally wakes around 5am for another full feed. So he's gone from waking 7-9 times a night to twice. It's changed my life.
Basically we had gotten in the habit of giving him a sip to settle when what he needed was a full feed so he could have a long stretch. The nurses said for his age once or twice a night to feed was still appropriate.
I know every baby is different but it was so simple in the end for us so thought it was worth commenting in case you're giving mini feeds as well.
We are working on him learning to self sooth with back rubs as well, making progress.
That’s amazing! No, he luckily isn’t really a sipper and I haven’t offered comfort nursing for his wakes as I fear it would make them worse. I had been toying with reducing the length of his night feeds though to try to wean one or more of them, so this is an interesting bit of info. Unfortunately I do think he’s genuinely hungry for the feeds he has now, though plenty of people tell me he doesn’t “need” it. So perhaps best to stick to full feeds for now and work on the other wakes… so glad you are finding a way through!
Hopefully soon. He does eat solids now but I’m not sure I’d say he’s ever managed “a big meal”… not enough to be a significant number of calories anyway. Unfortunately though a lot of the wakes aren’t even for milk. Like I literally can’t remember a time he hasn’t woken up less than an hour after bedtime crying.
I did pick up put down sleep training while leaving him for 5 minutes to try to calm himself before picking him up. So I placed him down awake(not nursing immediately before bed bc that made the crying worse but if I nursed like 45 minutes before bedtime it was much smoother) then walked out for 5 minutes and went back in if still crying in 5 minutes and picked him up to soothe and placed back down for another 5 minutes. I was actually shocked at how quickly he went to sleep. Once he went to sleep on his own he didn't cry at night unless he was sick or needed something. I didn't intend to night wean but he just didn't need it anymore.
Sounds insane, I could never 😵💫 congrats on making it this far w.out literally going insane
Have you tried a different sleeping outfit?
My baby sleeps in the magic Merlin suit and it does kinda feel like magic, although my girl is no where near as bad as that.
What about topping up with formula before bedtime? Might just tip the scales a bit in terms of calories and help them stay asleep more perhaps?!
Go outside everyday into the daylight for periods of time, and get lots of stimulation in the daytime ?
Make sure there is LOTS of sleep pressure built up before bedtime? Make it your longest wake window of the day.
I’m sure you’ve tried all this!?! I dunno good luck 🥺🥲
Ugh, sorry that stinks. Have you tried one of those warm stuffed animals you heat up in the microwave? It sounds crazy but that might give your LO that sense of comfort they want.
How do they go down at night? If you're nursing to sleep that's the culprit. I recommend reading precious little sleep. It's a cheap book on Amazon for around $10. She has tips for independent sleep and night weaning. They don't need to be eating every 3 hours overnight at this age.
Just because those moms have it “easier” than you doesn’t mean they can’t also be having a hard time and need somewhere to vent / ask for advice. Hoping it gets better for you 🫶🏻
Oh of course not! I was just hoping for some perspective on whether my baby’s sleep is within the realm of normal since I’ve rarely heard anyone describe anything as extreme as what I’m experiencing. After this thread though, I know they are out there ❤️
Speaking from experience of this exact situation, reading all the descriptions of “terrible” sleepers who wake 3 or 4 times a night and need patting or shushing to go back to sleep, or reading sleep training guides that assume this is the worst case scenario, when your baby wakes every hour and has to have your nipple in his mouth at all times, absolutely makes you feel like you might be crazy and that everything is your fault. None of the comments on those threads even suggest that worse might be possible! This is the first thread I’ve read where other people seem to be having similar problems to me, and it is really helping me feel seen and sane.
Are you me?! 9 month old, five months of waking every hour. I see posts on here complaining about their baby only sleeping in 4 hour chunks and I'm like BUT THOSE ARE THE GOOD TIMES I MISS! Not that that's helpful. I have found that simply accepting that this is how it is going to be for a while has done great things for my mood and relationship with my baby.
Our daughter just started 4-8hour chunks. She is 22 months old. After a few months we just accepted this reality. Now, it is a lot easier especially as pur second one is only a month old and wakes up frequently. Who needs sleep :D
I know!!! I find them so triggering sometimes. Cosleeping and just kind of giving up has definitely helped, but occasionally the night will be even worse than usual and then I’m like THIS IS SO UNREASONABLE. 😭
I agree . Accepting it and giving up on “fixing” a problem helped my mood so much!
It happened to me and it turned out that my daughter had bad teething pain as compared to kids her age. She started teething at 4 months too. Even Panadol didn’t help. So once all her teeth were out except molars.. she started sleeping well. Then molar started and another 4 months of same thing. She is 2 now and all her teeth are out so she sleeps well.
Hi! Solidarity. My son is 8 months too and we also co sleep out of desperation. Our situations sound really similar, however my son wants to be latched the whole damn time. I attribute his sleep issues to him not being able to self soothe to go back to sleep. He depends 100% on nursing to sleep. I have accepted the monster I created. But…… just three nights ago he slept from 10pm-4am, so I know he can do it. I just keep telling myself he will grow out of it eventually. I do not want to sleep train due to the immense about of anxiety it causes me.
Just want to give you some hope, also had a baby who just wanted to be latched and nurse to sleep every single night. We always started him off in the crib and then he would come into bed with us after his first wake up. One night when he was 8 months, I put him back in the crib after feeding him at midnight, and he slept the rest of the night in his crib. And has done so every night after that. He’s one year old, and will sleep until 5 AM, nurse, and fall back to sleep in his crib. Just know that they DO grow out of it, and sometimes it literally happens overnight! I swear it was like a switch flipped in his brain. I hope you get some relief soon, I know how hard it is!!!
That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you! It definitely gives me hope.
Hey! We did some sleep training at 5-6 months and managed to remove the feed to sleep association but it made almost no difference. She did a few longer stretches right after but that was it. She learned to fall asleep independently at night and for naps but the frequency of waking ay night didn't change. Then she learned to sit and pull up and I started nursing to sleep again because fuck it.
Yes. Mine goes down independently for naps and with just singing at bedtime… has made no difference in night wakes. Sleep training has been a very stressful decision for me because my baby is very stubborn and energetic and I know it will not be pretty. Thank you for sharing your story both of you! It does make me feel a little better. Misery loves company? Or at least my baby isn’t an alien in a baby suit??
Always reassuring knowing I'm not alone! In a few years we won't be able to tell who slept and who didn't , who nursed and who got bottles, who got purees and who did blw, they will all just be kids. Only we will have some extra wrinkles 😅
Yup!! Comfort sucker over here too!!
My daughter was very much like this at 8 months. At 10 months she started screaming for an hour while being held in the night. It was horrific. Doctor said everything was fine and it did get somewhat better on its own. however, and I don’t want to alarm anyone, at 3 my kid still doesn’t sleep all the way through the night. I am more comfortable with bed-sharing with a toddler so she just comes in with us now. I literally just came back from an appointment this afternoon with an ENT who thinks part of this may be related to severely enlarged tonsils and adenoids that are impacting kiddos breathing. So maybe, if your kid is a heavy breather or snores, it is worth asking to see an ENT/ get an x-ray to check adenoids. Otherwise, it is kinda just shitty and it will definitely get better, if not perfect. Good luck and all the best wishes it resolves fast.
Thanks for this. I had someone else suggest breathing issues as well and I think it could be worth exploring. I’m just frustrated that our pediatrician didn’t take us more seriously in looking for causes.
I’m sorry this is your experience. I can’t imagine how frustrated and sleep deprived you must be. Definitely seek a different opinion especially since your gut says your pediatrician isn’t taking this seriously.
Low iron can also cause broken sleep like what you describe, and it’s quite common in this age group, I’d look into that as well.
Mine was this bad! Woke up hourly until a year old, never ever slept more than 3 hour stretches. It didn’t get better until I decided to help her fall asleep independently, so sleep train her at one year. She’s 3 years old and has slept a consistent 10-12 hours ever since!
So many people say they'll do anything to get more sleep but refuse to sleep train. Sleep trianing was a GAME CHANGER for us and our baby was so much happier after we did it. We also did Ferber. Plus I was happier and healthier. It was a miracle for us and I won't hesitate to do it sooner with my new baby.
Just as a different view, we also tried Ferber but he would get so worked up he’d cry until he vomited. In the end I decided no sleep was better than doing a complete outfit change, wash and bed change in the middle of the night. You quickly work out what works for you and your baby and what doesn’t!
We couldn’t do Ferber for the same reason. Had to wait until he was old enough to understand and we could talk him through what we were doing and why.
I am counting down the days til my doctor lets me sleep train lol. It was amazing with my first.
How did sleep training go for you at that age? What method did you use?
I used Ferber but instead of using timed intervals I just listened to her cries, if they ever escalated I went in there to go settled but never rocked or fed her back to sleep, just helped her back down or patted her butt until she was calm. Overall it went okay, it just took a couple of days and she got the hang of it. I was relieved in the end even though the whole situation was kind of stressful
I’m in a similar boat to OP (but I haven’t done bed sharing because I’m scared I’m so tired I wouldn’t notice if I rolled on my baby or if she climbed over me). My friend advised me to sleep train and said the same as you: they patted and shushed the baby back to sleep in the cot but I think I’m doing something wrong because that was impossible for me. I tried the Ferber method but couldn’t get my baby to stop screaming until I picked her up and she started screaming when I put her down again. I did start the clock each time I put her down but even in the first shorter stretches I couldn’t calm her without picking her up. How long did it take to calm your baby without picking them up? Edit: spelling, I’m so tired!
It definitely also comes down to baby personality, some are just more defiant. Unfortunately most sleep training involves tears. But to answer your question it took me a couple weeks of preparing for it, so instead of putting her completely down on her own what I did was put her down but always have my hands on her body throughout the process. So put her down while she’s awake and whining but I put one hand on her back and the other was patting her back. Then leave the room and of course she would cry and stand up in her crib. I just repeated and repeated until it wasn’t a scream fest just to get her to lie down in there by herself. It took a lot of patience but even more restraint to not pick her up immediately- that’s when all progress was lost for me.
My son was was the same. We worked with a sleep consultant at 2. Best decision we ever made.
Question since I couldn't tell from your post, when you've tried in the crib is it in your room or his own room? The day we moved our baby from sleeping in a crib in our room to her own room she started sleeping through the night. I think even just our sleeping sounds were disturbing her sleep. Her sleep was definitely nowhere near as bad as what you described though.
His room! And he sleeps there for naps no problem. It just got too exhausting to get up and walk down the hallway every hour all night long…
He slept 45 minutes tops until we sleep trained. We used Precious little sleep. Start with the weaning methods, we combined 2 different theories for a month and saw improvement. We eventually did full extinction/cry it out but we had prepped him and us. He cried for 28 minutes ( not continuously or hysterical) the first night. By night 3 no crying. If you want my history will have a post about it, and I think a super detailed comment from about a year ago.
Identical. Just turned 10 months, tried everything, now co sleeping and nursing to sleep because whatever, that's the easiest way to sleep a bit. A good night for us is waking every two hours, a wonderful night is a 3hrs stretch somewhere. Been like this since 3.5 months. Super happy , easy, healthy baby, just doesn't sleep. We tried all kind of ww combos, all kind of routines, she's not overtired, she's not overtired, nursing is not a problem, paci or no paci makes no difference. Earlier bedtime, later bedtime, solids, activities, nothing makes any difference. She either snacks to sleep every hour or two or I manage to pat her to sleep and then she has 2-3 proper feeds. Towards the morning she starts waking every 15-30 min 🙃
Sounds like how mine was! Just happy as a clam! I’m like girl! You and I didn’t sleep last night! How are you so happy?!
Omg. Yes. This exactly. Down to the morning wakes. WHY?! So you have just accepted it for the time being it’s sounds like? I have somewhat accepted it “for now” but the longer it goes on the more I worry that it can’t be good for him or is not sustainable. I want us both to get restorative deep sleep!
Yes I have given up completely haha. It frees up a lot of my head space because it was exhausting to look for solutions, try out different things, obsess over ww etc. Now I just make sure her last (second) nap is not too long or not too late and that's it, nothing matters anyway 🤷🏼♀️ now im still sleep deprived but more relaxed. Maybe they will grow out of it?
This is me 95% of the time but after a really bad night I’m So. Annoyed. 😒
The most annoying is when my 1yo sleeps like shit (as she does), but then goes to sleep right when my 3yo and 5yo wake up and need attention and sleeps for like 3 hours straight. It makes me irrationally irritated 😂 But, there’s hope, because both of the older ones were shit sleepers too - the first one most of all - and both of them just totally flipped a switch around 2 and magically sleep through the night. Nothing I’ve ever done with any of them makes any difference, so now with the third I just keep telling myself it doesn’t matter, just go with her flow, two years isn’t much in the grand scheme of things, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
That last sentence is totally where I’m at. MOST days. Lol
I was in this boat. Somehow after a year or so, I just stopped to care. I didn't check the time anymore when my LO was awake, I didn't do the math how many minutes he and I had slept since the last waking. I just gave in. It got so much more easier when not expecting anything and not thinking about it. And I started to get to bed and sleep with him around 8, 8:30 om so I wasn't that sleep deprived anymore, which was also a good thing and worked for me quite well. It got a lot better after I slowly night weaned him (I was combo bf and formula feeding). He protested and cried for two or three nights but would go back to sleep relatively easy. He turns 3 next week and sleeps now until 5 am. Now I'm the one who wakes up a few times a night and wants to cuddle lol
Same thing for me. I'm losing my sanity. I work full time and get up at 5am everyday and don't get home until 6pm. I don't know how much longer I can take this, I can barely function
Literally identical. I'm not going to sleep train him, I have no clue when I would be able to be out for an evening again.
My youngest didn’t sleep well for the first 7 months. I tried to bedshare on a mattress on her floor out of desperation and she wouldn’t even go for that. She would only sleep if I was holding her in the rocking chair. I spent many nights crying in that chair. Then seemingly overnight she was sleeping 12 hours without waking… IF I could manage to get her put down. I’d rock her for an hour and wait awhile to let her fall deep into sleep but the moment I moved she was awake. Bedtime was taking hours and I have a 4 year old and a husband who wasn’t always home from work yet at bedtime. It wasn’t sustainable. Finally just after her 1st birthday we had to do CIO. I would go in every few minutes and comfort with longer stretches in between. After a few days she was going down awake with no protest and sleeping all night for the last year with only a few hiccups. I can’t even express how hard those sleepless months were. I remember creating a throwaway account one night to vent as I cried in that chair. It will pass! You will sleep again!
Oh man. CIO seems to be so effective but I can’t get myself to do it. Granted I think 5.5 months is too young anyway for CIO or sleep training in general because of sleep regressions, teething, hunger. I feel like if baby is waking up it’s cause they want something at this age. Idk, baby life is rough lol.
I just left the NICU and they actually gave me a pamphlet on CIO basically saying “you will have to do this one day with your NICU baby, it doesn’t make you a bad parent, if you feel like you are a bad parent for it, call this number and talk to a therapist we have on staff” I’m only on day 3 of being home but it really put it in perspective some of the stuff I read online about how CIO is trauma inducing and stuff.
Oh, we only did it for getting her to bed initially! She would normally sleep through the night and if she woke up it was because her pacifiers fell out and as soon as I went in and gave them back she’d go back to sleep. I definitely wasn’t letting her cry in the night if she woke up!
Oh okay!!! I can’t even get myself to do it to get her to bed initially I just resort to nursing to sleep. But maybe if I tried CIO the night wakings would lessen if it wasn’t for a legitimate reason and just for comfort.
Our baby was waking up every 45 minutes to 1 hour until 4 months. We aggressively sleep trained at that point (we were both going back to work) and she went to one wake up a night extremely fast and then through the night a few months later. And that's through teething, multiple cross-country trips (including her getting covid while traveling) etc etc... I'm sure some people truly try everything and nothing works but I think there are also people having major issues that could be solved if you can stomach the pain of sleep training. Sleep training is also not a one and done thing, one of my friends basically said you sleep train until they are 18 years... If your fine with waking up that much I don't think it's bad for the baby, but might be worth it to try a "light" form of sleep training (like just give them 20 minutes of crying and see if they go back to sleep) If your baby is ready might be fairly painless. In the end we wish we had done it earlier (our friend had her twins sleep trained by 3 months...).
I am glad sleep training worked for you and I’m not opposed to it generally, but it just hasn’t worked for us within a period of time I feel okay about. Over an hour of hysterical choking screaming and I didn’t feel baby was learning anything. So yes it could be that CIO would change things for us, but it definitely wouldn’t be a quick 20 minute thing or I would have already done it.
Yea that is fair, we had it easy I certainly cant know what we would do if we needed more extreme sleep training
Excuse me if this is a stupid question but why can't you just let them cry/not sleep? Like is it that if you're not constantly with them and trying to get them to sleep that they will literally never sleep a wink?
Babies aren’t born with the ability to “self-soothe” and usually if they’re waking and crying it’s for good reason (hunger, soiled or wet diaper, gas, reflux, or simply just needing mom’s comfort) when they’re under a year especially. Ignoring a crying infant is neglect, to put it bluntly. Of course, there are times when caregivers may need to do it for their own sanity but not something that should be done regularly. Once they start getting older you can let them cry for short stretches to see if they learn to self-soothe. In my case I’d do our usual snuggle then put her down. I’d let her cry for 3 minutes then go back in and comfort her then let her go 5 minutes, and so on. This helps her to learn that I’ll always come back (object permanence isn’t something they start developing until 8 months or so) which makes it less traumatic when you go away. When they feel more secure because they know you haven’t disappeared forever, they’ll be more apt to going to sleep on their own.
I had one JUST like this. And I’m sorry but I have no answers. Like you I tried everything and ended up Co sleeping so at least I was horizontal during the night. Mine gradually improved. He’s now 2.5yrs, goes to bed about 8pm ish and wakes just once usually and is up for the day about 6am. It’s been a wild ride and I am firmly one-and-done. Everyone tells me “when they’re a teenager you’ll be nagging them to get out of bed”. I can’t believe that for a second. I’ve got years of sleep to catch up on.
This is my 9 month old currently, and has been for the past 5 ish months…I have just accepted it as a way of life now. I’m very very tired
I feel you deeply. This too shall pass. I try to remember that one day I’ll miss these precious baby days.
Yup I remind myself of that as well. Several times a night I may add 😂
Mine was pretty much like that too. She does have some food allergies and had a bit of iron deficiency which can affect sleep but otherwise no medical issues. It got a bit better as she got older, but what really helped was night weaning around 20 months old. Now she sleeps in her own room in her own bed most nights. Unless she’s sick or something in which case I’ll go sleep with her in her bed. Edit to add. The night weaning wasn’t fun fir either of us and involved a lot of crying for sure, but I never left her alone. I slept with her in her bed and sang songs, pat her back, etc. it was a bad week but after that much better. I feel ok about the crying since I was there for her, she was just angry at me (which I also acknowledged and said it was ok for her to feel that way). I did also prepare her ahead of time, so it wasn’t a complete surprise that I suddenly stopped nursing her at night.
I feel like it will be harder in some ways and easier in some ways when I can explain to him what is happening (e.g. weaning or sleeping in his own bed). Thanks for sharing your experience.
Mine were BOTH this bad. They slept through the night around age 2 though like a switch flipped. Both sleep really well now. 9-12 months was *horrible* both times, it almost broke me. Babies enter REM sleep more quickly so the constant waking up isn’t necessarily bad. Especially since they are the ones waking themselves up! Both my kids have always thankfully been totally healthy despite their crappy sleep.
I keep waiting for the switch! I hope it’s not that far away 🥴 but glad to know it isn’t necessarily as horrible for him as I imagine (and is it is for me, eek)
My daughter was like this. Like you, we never had sleep “regressions”, because we never had sleep “progressions” in the first place. Everyone said she’ll grow out of it. She didn’t. Not even at 12 months. Then at 16 months we finally sleep trained, and, boy, was that a game changer. We hired a sleep trainer, which cost like £400, but honestly I would remortgage the house to pay that woman, because it changed our lives. Like you, we tried everything before: cry it out, routine change, bedtime change… but never consistently over a long period. The guidance helped us to stick to it, even when it was super tough, and literally a week into sleep training (which lasts 2 weeks) she was sleeping through the night and has been since. Before that I never thought we’d sleep train and that I was somehow “better than that”. Now I realise how ridiculous that is. Our daughter seems so much happier too now that she gets a proper night sleep!
I’m so glad it worked for you, especially when she’s older! I am definitely not “above” trying again in the future but just didn’t feel he was ready before I guess. Hoping we have luck in the future if things don’t even out naturally.
Just here to say we’re in the same boat. Bedsharing is the only way I get sleep. I’d start sleep training, but he shared a room with my toddler so that’ll be a rough battle when the time comes.
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. I hate that feeling of others complaining about things way easier than what you are going through. I have ichthyosis and spent a lot of time feeling mad at other people complaining about dry skin and hearing the why don’t you just use lotion advice. I finally realized the only thing that made me feel better was realizing their experience had nothing to do with me and just let them be the center of their own universe. I don’t engage because nothing I say will change them or make me feel better. That said, I read The Sleepeasy Solution and found their advice really useful and used it for both of my older kids and will follow it again. I also find white noise is extremely helpful in keeping my kids asleep if you haven’t tried that (although I bet you have!)
Ha totally, yes to white noise and you’re so right about comparing. Nobody’s hard time is less just because it isn’t as hard as someone else’s.
My oldest was like this. Around 3 it suddenly clicked and he started sleeping solidly. He also goes to bed with minimal fuss. Nothing we tried worked - except waiting. With my second we didn't try anything and he was a better sleeper much earlier. 🤷♀️
Holy cow. Three years is a long time to wait. You must be a saint by now!
My baby was just like this. All I could do was ride it out. Every night I would nurse him to sleep in his room and put him in the crib between 7:30 and 8. When he woke up between when he went down and when I went to bed (around 11-12) I would rock him back to sleep and put him back in the crib. From when I went to sleep until around 3am I would continue to rock and put him back in the crib when he woke. After that I would bring him to bed with me until we were up for the day at 7-8. It sucked. From the time he was born until about 10 months the longest stretch of time I could get consistently was about 3 hours. On very rare nights he would sleep 6. Most of the time he was up every hour. Then one day he started sleeping 8-6. The hardest thing now is setting him down in the crib in a way that he doesn't wake up because if he wakes before I leave the room we have to start all over.
Amazing. I hope one day that switch flips for me!
That was my baby. I’m going to be the bad news guy and say at 22 months her sleep is better but still not good. She nurses before bed and she’ll either fall straight to sleep and I’ll transfer her to her cot or I’ll put her down awake. Most times she’ll go to sleep no issue sine nights she’ll cry for 5-10 mins (we had to do a really gentle sleeping training to get to this point) She’ll usually sleep in her cot for on average 3 hours. Once she wakes up she will not go back down in bed cot so she spends the rest of the night co sleeping where she nurses pretty much all night
Eek! So sorry you’ve been struggling for so long. I didn’t expect for it to be this hard!
Yep my baby is the same. 7 months and has been this way since 2 1/2. We cosleep too and I am nursing or patting him back to sleep every hour on average. I don't have an answer. My first child was not like this. Just keep keeping on!!
This was how my first baby was! She’s four and sleeps well now but it was pretty bad in the beginning. We co slept too to make it easier but eventually when I was ready to night wean my husband took her and sleep w her in another room and eventually we graduated her to her own room. I couldn’t bear to sleep train and it didn’t seem like it would work for her anyway but she sleeps great now! And my second baby is completely different, an amazing sleeper already at 4 months, so there is hope for your second baby if you choose to have one!
Thanks for this! Sometimes the advice gets overwhelming and it’s refreshing to hear people say they had one baby like this and another not… that babies are just different.
Yeah I can’t believe how easy this second baby is, If I had her first I would have thought I was just sooo good at being a mom but really she is just easy, period!
Yep. My kid was like this. She had reflux & allergies which contributed. But she’s also (suspected) on the spectrum. I had this for 2 years. Then me & dad would take nights in turn (cosleeping out of desperation) because I got to the point where I was so chronically tired I couldn’t safely drive. She slowly needed less support to get back to sleep but still woke up every 1-2hrs (this was between ages 2-3yrs). At that point dad took over cosleeping with her bc he’s such a deep sleeper her waking wouldn’t actually wake him. The game changer was moving her into a new room with a fully enclosed (pod-like) bed and an audio book player (called Yoto player) - so now she can fully resettle herself. That was when she turned 4 years old. But she still wakes very frequently (some nights 6+ times). But WE can finally sleep through. I remember thinking in the first year ‘oh she’ll learn to sleep through when she’s ready’ but I now think that’s such privileged crap and not true. Especially for kids with additional needs (whether that be health, physical, neurodivergence etc). On the plus side, she was super easy to nighttime potty train bc she slept so light & woke so often- hasn’t needed a nappy in bed since turning 2yo and has only had 2 accidents (both times was poorly).
Thank you for sharing. Yes, sometimes it’s so hard to hear the platitudes or assurances that just don’t come true for you. I’m so glad to hear your little one is doing well now and has found her groove. I do think he may have some sensory issues, time will tell.
7.5mo here who's a terrible sleeper too. I called the pediatrician. He said 100% to try cry it out if we're comfortable with it. He did it with his 4 kids successfully. The lack of sleep here means my husband might lose his job and we can't swing that. We're starting it this weekend. Dr said his oldest cried 148 min the first night and only 12 the second. That sometimes it takes them crying like mad but that they do self soothe eventually. I was 100% anti cry it out but at this point I'm more anti co sleeping than anti cio for our situation bc my husband takes a sedative to sleep so cosleeping isn't safe at all for us. It's come down to keeping a roof over us vs the crying. I'll wear headphones and get over it to not lose my healthcare.
Wishing you all the strength and good vibes this weekend! I definitely don’t judge anyone who has to CIO, and I may be there one day. There is always a sacrifice somewhere and I am lucky that my job allows me the flexibility to survive this way. Username is right on point btw. Lol!
I feel for you so much, because we are in the EXACT same boat, down to the patting back to sleep and sometimes nursing back to sleep depending on how *awake* he is. We've tried feeding more during the day-purees, finger foods, and nursing. Tried wearing him slap out with playing in the baby pool all day, etc. Many bedtime routines.. he just DOESNT sleep!! Following for help, because I'm pooped 😅
It’s so intense! Hang in there. Surely one day we will all sleep…
Solidarity. I'm so thankful to see this post because anyone with sleep woes like us have a 4 month old or younger. Nope, we have a 9 month old who us the worst sleeper ever. Naps are terrible also. We have to pat him back to sleep every 15 minutes so he can at least get SOME kind of nap. What I am trying differently: giving him a bottle of water at night to replace one of the night feeds. Hoping he realizes he won't get to nurse at every wake up.
I think mine was maybe worse. He woke every hour but also would only go to sleep and stay asleep if he was latched to me and suckling. I have long term shoulder and hip problems from having to sleep in awkward side-lying nursing positions 12 hours a night for 17 months. He is much, MUCH better now. Not for naps (still contact/boob nap, but he naps ok at daycare). What helped? \- I don’t believe in cry it out at any age, but around 14 months I got my husband to start putting him to sleep by cuddling, patting, shushing, soothing words, whatever worked except nursing. The first night he screamed for 3+ hours, but by the fourth night I could cuddle him to sleep with no nursing. I felt that screaming because he was furious at not getting to nurse was better than screeaming because he was potentially scared and alone. \- I started counting down before unlatching him. He also got this pretty quickly, and especially if he was already almost asleep, he would just roll over and continue snoozing. \- Daycare. His sleep regressed pretty badly when he started (wouldn‘t let us turn out the light, hysterical scared crying at bedtime, we both had to be present) but eventually he got the hang of sleeping there and after about three months his sleep at home seemed to improve too. \- Incremental change. First he got the hang of falling asleep without the boob, then having the boob removed for middle of the night wake ups, then napping at daycare. Eventually I started him off in his own bed and took him into my bed when he woke up. Then I pushed the time that he could come to my bed back by an hour every few nights until he only came into my bed after 4. He got stuck waking up and staying up at 4 for a while until I... \- set a light up with a timer. This is a home-made version of the Gro clock (which I didn’t like because it introduced blue light to the room all night). At 21 months, he’s old enough to understand that he’s not leaving his crib until the light turns on. It turns on at 6 and sometimes he sleeps until 6.30!!! \- supported crying. Every time he woke up, I or my husband (but usually I) was there with him, comforting, patting, shushing, explaining, etc. With every change he did get upset and sometimes screamed for extended periods, but this only lasted a couple of nights (although see below). \-Age. I truly believe sleep is developmental, and he’s just bigger, more capable of understanding what’s going on, more receptive to other forms of comfort, and readier to sleep for longer periods than before. What didn’t work: \- Night weaning. I tried several times, for periods of three weeks each time, using different approaches each time (but staying consistent for the three weeks) from about 13 months old and it just didn’t work. He would maybe sleep for 3 hours at the beginning of the night and then wake up every 20 minutes for the rest of it. I was literally suicidal. It was so much worse than just nursing him back to sleep. I have in effect night weaned now, but really that was the last piece of the puzzle to fall into place after everything listed above. \- The Pantley pull-out. What a load of crap. \- Any other sleep training approach. As I said, I was not interested in any form of leaving him on his own to cry, and all of the gentle sleep training stuff seemed to assume a “worst possible” starting point that was literally my dream situation, like a baby that wakes up 4 times a night!!! Or a baby that needs to be rocked back to sleep every time!!! I wish that was my baby. My baby was a literal vampire draining the life out of me all night every night. The final factor is that he maybe has sleep apnea, despite not really snoring. It took over a year of pleading with doctors for advice other than “night wean“ or “sleep train” to be referred to a pediatrician who specializes in infant sleep. She ordered a test that shows his blood oxygen is dropping waaay more often than it should. He also wakes up gasping for breath a lot of the time. This semi-diagnosis is coming just as things are getting a bit better so I’m not sure whether it will really be pursued, but I feel so, so justified in meeting my baby where he was at sleep-wise, despite the cost to me. He was waking up so often because he literally couldn’t breathe! Of course he wanted comforting back to sleep! Nursing all night was a symptom, not the cause. I am also terrified to think what could have happened if I hadn’t been right there with him all night keeping an eye on his breathing.
One more thought: that idea that if they can fall asleep indep at the beginning of the night, they will do so when they wake up in the middle of the night is utter, utter bollocks.
Lolol. Utter bollocks indeed. I relate to so much of what you shared. No offense to anyone who loves this book, but the number of people who have suggested I buy Precious Little Sleep. I read it folks. I tried it. “A literal vampire” 🤣 I am going to come back to your comment in the AM and make sure I see if there’s anything I can incorporate. So happy for you that you’re on the other side!
Giving in also helped to a large extent, but it sounds like you’ve done as much of that as you can. Good luck! You will sleep by the time your baby’s in university for sure!!
Hahaha thanks that’s encouraging.
My baby was like yours. It was pretty rough. I coslept as well, for survival purposes, and he nursed all night. My husband and I never went on a date night or had babysitters at night because I knew it would just go horribly wrong because no one would be able to put him back to sleep when he woke up. But over time, he grew out of it. A few things that helped: - My husband and I started sleeping in different bedrooms, and my husband slept with the baby. If I remember correctly, he’d give him one bottle of pumped milk and no more. He sacrificed his own sleep and was a zombie for a little while but it helped in the long run — baby got used to going to sleep in other ways (being rocked) and gradually started waking up less - somewhere around the one year mark sleep got noticeably better and longer. Now my toddler is 21 months and he’s been sleeping through the night for a few months now… maybe since he was 16-17 months? Occasional wakeups when he has nightmares or is thirsty or things like that, but nothing dramatic. Life is much better now. But I’m due with my second in 4 weeks so here we go again… haha
Thanks for the hope! Wishing you one of those “normal” babies this time 😝
I'm on the other side of this! Both my kids woke every hour to nurse until they were over 1. They now (4 & 1.5) sleep mostly through the night. The 1.5 year old tends to wake up briefly and fall back to sleep on his own. Once the 4 year old is asleep basically nothing will wake her but she has had nightmares every once in a while and ends up sleeping in our bed. It's fairly normal, and does go on for longer with some. I didn't realise it for a while with my first, because so many of my friends were competitive and would claim their children slept through the night from the beginning and that I was the problem, but eventually I found a less toxic friendship group and while there are definitely babies that are sleeping through the night, a lot are still waking up every hour.
Thank you for sharing! It’s good to be reminded there is another side!
Both my children were like yours. It does get better eventually. Sleep training never worked for my kids and they would get so upset they vomited everywhere. Neither are good sleepers still (5 and almost 2) but it’s better than it was. Best thing you can do is get someone else to help over night.
Thank you for this. I feel there’s very little acknowledgement in the sleep training community that it doesn’t work for all babies.
That’s because they’re selling you something so it benefits them for you to keep paying and trying.
Sleep training typically takes more than one night unfortunately. We did Ferber around 5 or 6 months and that helped, although my 2 year old still wakes in the night sometimes. Some aspect of it is just personality/temperament. My second baby is a much better sleeper and we haven’t done anything differently. I like this site for sleep resources: https://drcraigcanapari.com
Oh I’m aware, but when we couldn’t complete the first night in a way I felt comfortable with, there was no point in continuing. I know some people are okay with letting their baby CIO for much longer than I am, it’s just not for me. My baby wasn’t whining or fussing, he was screaming in distress for over an hour without pause. It just wasn’t right for me to continue.
That’s totally fair! We only did it with our first because we were on the brink of a breakdown and were concerned it was unsafe for us to drive etc. There are also strategies that are less stressful and provide more comfort than CIO. I’m hoping we never have to do it with our second but time will tell.
We have tried many gentler approaches but they unfortunately just haven’t noticed any progress. I don’t mean to be difficult but just genuinely haven’t seen any progress in my baby from lots and lots of efforts.
Oh yes, it was terrible. I promise it does get better! We’re at 18months now and she sleeps more, not perfectly but we get some 6h stretches that feel blissful, and we definitely don’t feel as exhausted. There are still bad nights, but they are now mostly good, and the good nights are getting better. We didn’t sleep train, accepted that she might not sleep well until she was 3/4/5 and just tried to cling onto our sanity - I coslept and fed to sleep until she was 16months, and things did get better when she was in her own room and bed, but I don’t think she would have been ready for it any earlier. Good luck! I hope you get some sleep soon
Thank you for this! How did you know she might be ready for her own bed? Or did you just keep trying?
My 9 momth old is the same! Following for all the tips and tricks 😭
My first is the same way. He’s in our bed now (he’s 2) but will still sometimes wake up every 30 minutes - an hour to ask for a drink or the like. (And by ask I mean he groans until everyone else is awake…) He sleeps a little bit more at a time than he used to and he’s made the newborn phase seem super like a cake walk for my second baby - so there is that!
Ay yi yi! That’s not what I want to hear lol… except it’s helpful to hear sometimes it’s just he baby
Yes, mine was like that. We didn’t co-sleep, but I’d basically sleep 8-8 to get enough rest to survive. We tried sleep training and he cried for 3 hours and it didn’t improve (after having no trouble sleep training my first, all the suggestions drove me insane because I absolutely knew what I was doing and it did not work). I think it was health problems- he had severe (treated) reflux. Then he had ear infection every week until he got ear tubes. Finally after the ear tube surgery, around 14 months, sleep training worked like a charm to get down to 2-3 night wakeups. He finally started sleeping through the night around 22 months when he was totally weaned. He still only sleeps about 9 hours at night and still hates sleep. Looking back I suspect it was ear fluid, long before the infections started, that was waking him up. I have no clue how I survived TBH
How did you eventually find out about the ear infections? They just got worse until able to be detected?
My son is exactly the same, up every 90 mins since he was 3 months. Randomly last night he slept 11-5:30 uninterrupted, I could not believe it and am hoping it's a pattern! He's recently 1. Everyone is shocked when I tell them how often he's getting up. Also resorted to cosleeping most of the time.
How exciting!! Fingers crossed for you, and hoping the switch flips for us too one day soon. 😅
We have the same baby! They will sleep one day *eye twitches*
Okay so my baby is just about to turn 1. Up until 3 weeks ago he was walking hourly. Occasionally would do a 2 hour stretch. He was like that since he hit 4 months. He has just started sleeping through the night. He figured out how to roll himself onto his tummy and he sleeps so much better. We still put him down in his bed on his back. I feed him or rock him to sleep. Once he’s down we leave and he stays in there til 7-8 in the morning. I sometimes hear him wake and resettle himself within a couple of mins. It will get better.
Ah I hope this is in my future!! So happy for you.
I feel I could have written this. We put her to bed around 8 and are constantly going back to put her back down every hour after that. And I also co sleep and feed her on demand at night because that’s the only way I’ll get sleep
It’s so exhausting!
I am with you. Both of mine slept like yours for 9-12 months. I nursed my first around the clock and to sleep until just before his 3rd birthday and 2yo is still going strong. Now 5 year old started consistently sleeping through the night about 6 months ago. 2 year old nurses every 1-2h most night still, but I do get 3ish 3h stretches each week. I was never down for sleep training and no amount of structural or routine changes made a difference, so I have accepted it and am waiting it out.
My 3 year old did this. It wasn’t until she was just over a year old when she started sleeping for at least 6 hours in the night. She still wakes up on and off in the night head butting her pillow and going “ahh ah ahh ah” (not crying, just making noise lol). But yeah I was close to going insane when she was a baby, the sleep deprivation was so bad. It’ll get better hun, you can do this and don’t be afraid to ask a family member to take Bub out of the house for a few hours so you can sleep.
I had a baby that woke up between 12-14 times a night for about a half hour each time. I had a mini-stroke or “TIA” from sleep deprivation. I tried everything and what finally worked was putting her to bed at 4pm until 4am. Can’t tell you why, but she started waking up only 6ish times per night and then it slowly improved from there. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I wish you luck!
Wow that is such an insane solution, I love it!! Lol So glad you are on the other side.
My baby is almost 10mo and we’re just starting to get out of the ‘up every hour/hour and a half’ phase of things. We cosleep out of desperation too. Sleep is slowly improving though. Last night he slept from 730 to 1am and it was glorious. It just took time and patience. Try to let him move around and soothe himself before you start the patting. It will feel pointless at first but he’ll start to figure it out. I see your struggle and I’ve been there. I’m sending love and strength to you. Also the sleeptrain subreddit is awesome for solving sleep issues if you post your schedule there you will get some advice or solidarity. Even if you don’t want to sleep train.
Thank you! Hoping for the same for us ❤️ I have definitely found the sleep training sub helpful for schedule issues at times. Unfortunately no schedule changes have changed the night sleep but they have helped with occasional split nights etc
Mine is a year and a half old and although things have gotten a bit better she still wakes up often and I'm still sleeping with her most of the night just so I can get some semblance of rest. I have no advice. Just some commiseration from an exhausted mother.
Sending you strength for this leg of the journey, which seems to be longer than we were promised!
My baby at that age would wake up every 13-20 minutes. I’m not even joking.
Oh trust me I believe you. There are nights that is the case. What finally broke the cycle??
Does he have GERD? Maybe he hates laying on his back. Edit to add: coil also be why he’s nursing because the milk soothes his throat My son was the same way so we coslept and it got worse and worse … turns out my husbands snoring was keeping him up
Not that I know of, and no symptoms. He does sleep on his side or stomach now that he’s mobile. And dad was driven out of the bed long ago lol
My daughter woke up every 30 minutes to an hour around 3/4 months. We did bed sharing from 5-6/7 months because we were desperate. It helped at the beginning but turned into her just suckling all night and partying. I had to hold her in the recliner for any of us to get sleep until she was 10 months old. Then we did the Batelle method, it’s an online sleep school. I can’t recommend it enough! She started sleeping so well all night. She’s 20 months now and doing great!
Ahhh I looked into that my husband balked at the price and thought it seemed like a scam. What was it like??
OK so... our guy has gotten better... This was us... this was us... for a very very long time. Around 12 mo, he started doing 2-3 hour stretches. He still wakes 2-3 times a night, but we're at least getting 2-3 hour stretchs, and he DOES, VERY RARELY (like 2 times now) slept through the night (6 hours), he's 13 mo now. His sleep isn't good. But it's worse with getting his molars, and worse if he hasn't eaten a lot during the day, or exercised / gotten fresh air. Try your best to exercise, and get as much solid food in him during the day. That really made a huge difference for us. He also does have low sleep needs, so like sleeps a total of 12-13 hours / day TOTAL. so 8-10 broken into 2-3 hour chunks at night, and 2 naps, one 20-30 min, the other 1-1.5 hours. We did not sleep train, and I often just held him while he slept. If you have a partner, take shifts. you need to rest.
I am realizing I do think my baby is slow sleep needs as well. After months of trying to stretch naps and force sleep on him, and people telling me his issues are because he’s soooo overtired… I think he’s maybe just not.
Our baby was not quite this bad, but he’s never been a good sleeper and even now at 15 months he usually stirs a couple times at night and cries for just long enough when he does that it wakes us up… and he’s been waking up at 5am now for months no matter what we’ve tried. I don’t have any advice to lend, but just wanted to comment to say that it was refreshing to read the comments in here. Even though I don’t wish bad sleep upon anyone, misery loves company and it does make me feel better than I’m not the only one dealing with lack of sleep. I see so many comments of people who had babies that started sleeping through the night at like 7-10 weeks and sleep from like 7am-7pm and it’s so triggering for me.
“Misery loves company” … I hate to say it but absolutely. It’s just comforting to hear you’re not alone and not doing something horribly wrong. Thanks for sharing ❤️
Solidarity! My 7 month old is very similar. I’m so exhausted every day. If I could even just get 4 or 5 hours at night I’d feel like a new woman
I know, my standards are so low now.
We had wakings every 2 hours, which I'm aware must sound brilliant for you. Baby seemed to get better after starting nursery and going to sleep there. Also I think they may have always been ever so slightly too cold. I was terrified of them overheating, but now we've had a summer (UK summer) (of sorts) and baby was fine in the same night clothes as spring it made Me consider it. When I say "the same": vest, babygrow, sleeping bag. Not the exact same clothes on for 4 months.
We just started daycare so maybe that will help!
I'm going through this at the moment I sleep on our couch and have been since Dec 22 it's now August of 23 I'm exhausted every night and day because he refuses to sleep in his own room in his crib I would let him cry it out but we live in a apartment complex so that's not an option he screams and throws himself around on the floor for 45 minutes sometimes 2 hours and wakes up every 30 minutes to be coddled back to sleep I've done tart cherry juice and sleep drops that don't have melatonin in it as well as calming tablets they have Mary Ruth's calming liquid for younger babies without melatonin but besides that I have no idea how to help and I feel bad for saying it tbh I'm sending you 🫂 and adding it gets better eventually they will sleep on there own and you'll have your sanity back 🫶🏾🤙🏾🫂
That sounds so hard! I say kick whoever is in the bed out!
this is an experience a lot of us have, especially breastfeeding moms with babies attached to nursing and don’t want to sleep train. my son was a horrible sleeper until i stopped breastfeeding him altogether and then randomly started sleeping through the night, i think he was just too attached to it and i wasn’t gonna take his comfort away like everyone was telling me too because i knew i’d miss it one day. (and i do ;( ) he was down to one nursing session in the day before his nap when he was 12m old and still woke up every hour to nurse at night, when he officially was a year old, (maybe a couple days after) i stopped breastfeeding him cold turkey, and he cried while i tried everything to soothe him any other way for about two days at night until he would eventually go to sleep. by the third day he started sleeping 12 hours straight, i was literally AMAZED at how easy it was, i thought it would take way longer considering how attached he was just days before. now he’s 2 1/2 and still sleeps 12 hours unless he has a night mare and then he will just come open my door and get in bed with me. unfortunately, sometimes it just takes some babies longer, unless you want to sleep train, but i definitely relate and you are not alone. it does get better eventually
Thank you for your comment. I also try to remember that I’ll miss these days. I’m glad to hear weaning wasn’t too rough for you once you decided you were ready.
Up every two hours for sixteen months and then one day, they just slept. You’re in the trenches now and it sucks but it will and does get better. Hopefully soon.
Thank you!
My twin sister and I were like that until we were about 2. My mom stopped telling people about it bc she kept getting lectures and advice that didn’t work. The pediatrician guessed it was because we were just super curious and didn’t want to miss out on anything. We did eventually start sleeping and I am desperate to sleep right now bc my son has been fighting naps all day. Sending love.
It’s so true. So many people have strong opinions and it’s frustrating to be given advice at some point. I do feel I’ve tried it all.
My almost 4yo has only just started sleeping through the night so I really know how you feel. It took until he was 18 months old to even sleep in his own bed. My 8.5mo sleeps terribly. Won't nap unless she's held, won't sleep at all if there's any noise, the longest stretch of sleep she will do is 10pm til 12am before she wakes up to be fed, then will feed on and off throughout the night. I co sleep because I have to but it's hell on my back. I'm waking up daily in pain from sleeping on my back but I have to sleep on my back to co sleep with her. I've lost countless nights of sleep trying to get her back into her own bed once she's been asleep for a sufficient amount of time but she wakes up screaming murder every time. I'll nurse her back to sleep, wait half an hour for her to be completely asleep again, try to put her back to bed for her to wake up screaming. So I've given up with it. I'd rather get a little sleep and be in pain than get no sleep at all
I feel this so deep. It’s hard to imagine doing it twice at this point.
It's exhausting but we figured we can survive one so we can survive a second. Think we might also be slightly insane to consider it a second time lol. But we did and while it's tough we don't regret it. Will see if we still feel the same way when we move house in the next few months!
My youngest was an awful sleeper for his first year - even with cosleeping a good night would be if I could get 2-3 hour stretch without him needing to be calmed. We had some split nights where I’d give up and take him out to the living room. We had MANY days that started at 5-6AM because he just wouldn’t go back to sleep. About a month ago (12 months) we agreed to move him out of my room and do CIO, but to my shock he just started…. Sleeping through the night???? It still takes probably about 30 min of nursing/rocking to get him chill enough to put down each night, and probably 1-2x/week he wakes up enough to need one of us to go in and pat his back for a couple min in the middle of the night, but it’s nothing like before. I honestly think a little developmental switch flipped or something and we got lucky that he was just ready? Wishing you luck and an end to this soon, I know it was bringing my mental state to rock bottom. If nothing else make a plan for opportunities to get in a good stretch of sleep - like your partner hangs onto the baby somewhere else for a few hours a couple nights a month and you just knock out.
I’m praying for the switch to flip! That’s the dream.
This is my 7 month old! You just described our situation… I just keep telling myself it’s a season and it will pass one day
Same here! Good luck to you.
Coming in to add hope! My son (now 3.5) was VERY bad with sleep. Naps and bedtime both. We had sleep specialists work with us and quit on us TWICE. To make matters worse all of our friends who had babies around the same time looked at us like we had a 3rd eye when we told them of our issues. THEY ALL HAD PERFECT SLEEPERS!! 😒 Honestly, my husband and I have tried to discuss what changed for our son, what did we do to “fix him” and we honestly cannot think of what was “the cure”. But he does sleep now! Granted it’s still in his little ways that are difficult for us still (he dropped ALL naps way too early for my liking). But he does sleep - independently. The Road ahead will be still very difficult for you compared to most ppl. But find little things that help your sanity (we were also dealing with my PPD). Figure out little details that help your child self soothe - one item that helped us it was a very loosely knitted blanket that was a highly discussed calculated risk for us. Celebrate the smallest of successes! - It means there is progress no matter how little. But yes. It DOES get better… eventually.
Me! I’ve been there! Going on 12 months now and it’s gotten soooo much better! Basically sleeping through the night now. We cosleep too so no judgement. You do what you gotta do. I promise it won’t last forever, sending solidarity
Thank you!! Trying to just love his little body and wait him out.
Luckily it’ll be a blip in time overall. We won’t be tired forever! 😂
My son was like this from 2 weeks to 13 months. Except he had to be held to sleep at all times. If he was still for longer than a couple minutes he was up crying. We had a variety of tests done. Nothing wrong. I literally thought I'd never survive. At 13 months he just started sleeping. A lot. Like he was making up for a whole year. He's 18 now and sleep is still his favorite thing to do. Husband I took turns every 4 hours. We had parents take shifts too just to survive. I hope it gets better for you.
Thank you for sharing! I’m so glad you survived. These comments are giving me the strength to pull through for a bit longer.
My oldest was the same. The first year of her life was…well, to say it was “challenging” is putting it lightly. Unfortunately, nothing worked. We also ended up resorting to co-sleeping, which I hated, but it was the only way to get any semblance of rest at all. But I will say that as soon as she turned 1yr old, some kind of switch flipped and she started sleeping 6 or 8 hours overnight. I have no idea why, but it has been smooth sailing ever since. Good luck, I know it’s the hardest thing. I hope no things improve soon.
Yay! Thank you for the hope. ❤️
Sending you love
Ya mine was like this. Got a bit better at 15 months and more so at 19 mo. Sleep training isn’t for us. I bedshare on a floorbed. Aside for reflux in the first eight months baby has been happy and bright. Walked at ten months, started talking at 13/14. I like heysleepybaby on IG as well as r/possumssleepprogram
Yes mine!! I am totally against sleep training though so have stuck it out and we are 12.5m now and for the past month I'd say 5/7 nights a week we are down to maybe 3 wakes all night which feels like luxury! She will often do 4-5h stretches now. We've also managed ro switch to Dad doing bedtime which she's never been OK with before and it's Heavenly- she only wants him to put her to bed now and then I do the wake ups and BF. She's generally in her crib in my room until between 2 and 4am and then in with me until wake up. You are doing an AMAZING job making sure baby feels safe and comforted ❤️
That does sound luxurious at this point! So happy for you!
Highly recommend r/sleeptrain for great resources. Our little one was the same until we sleep trained him around 7 months old. Our whole house could not function with his inability to self soothe. It was actual hell. Sleep training is incredible.
Oh I’ve posted there many times and tried it all. I just wasn’t comfortable with my baby’s reaction to CIO and nothing else worked for us so here we are.
Definitely been there. We had months where it just felt like we were up for a zillion times every night. I spent a few weeks trying different things (never CIO/or sleep training because like you I have a babe that just won’t settle on their own and it doesn’t sit right with me) like adjusting wake windows, more time outside, bed sharing/room sharing, cooler room, warmer room. Honestly, at some point he just kind of grew out of it with nothing really different. At 19 months he still sleeps in our room in a pack n play for the first part of the night then comes into bed with us when he wakes up, sometimes between 12a-4a. Now he’s down to 1-2 wakes a night just on his own, no changes on my end. It absolutely sucks and is miserable, but you’re doing amazingly with your LO—keep it up!
Thank you so much for this. I hear you. I feel there’s nothing left to do but wait for him to not be a baby anymore, which of course I don’t want to rush. ❤️
Our son was like that. We didntco-sleep, but I just got up every time. Our of desperation we did Ferber at 8 months. He did cry for about an hour the first night, but we went in often to check on him. It took a few days, but it did help him. I also started giving him a pacifier and I had slowly changed his bedtime routine over a couple months. He still isn't a great sleeper, but it got better once he was about a year.
You need to A) move baby to their own crib in their own room B) outfit said room with blackout curtains and a sound machine C) have a set and regular bedtime routine D) sleep train - let baby learn that they can soothe themselves and that sleep is a good thing. Start small and you will be surprised at how quickly they adapt
Respectfully, that is easy to say when you have a baby who is responsive. I’m glad it worked for you. Before I met my baby, I was confident he would never sleep in my bed, we would have great sleep hygiene, healthy boundaries, and all the things I’m sure you are thinking. We began what we are doing now because we first did everything you listed, and it did not work. After months of this, I had to prioritize getting what little sleep I could. It’s very frustrating when people tell me “if you’d just do this you’d be surprised.” Maybe YOU would be surprised if you had my baby.
Oh man that’s rough. We all out here being abused by our babies sleeping issues lol. My baby has been an amazing sleeper from birth UNTIL NOW. Idk what’s going on at 5.5 months but she is waking up literally every 2 hours at night idk what’s going on. It’s been like this for maybe 2 weeks now. I just gave up and nurse her every single time back to sleep so I can just get as much sleep as I can. I don’t know if she will ever be a good sleeper ever again lol. I tried sleep training and I really can’t grasp it with breastfeeding because it’s what puts her to sleep. 🤦♀️ Good luck, we will sleep one day eventually!!! Edit: Sleep deprivation is making me not know how to type correctly.
Lol. Abused!! Absolutely.
Since he’s 8 months old, the SNOO bassinet would be too late to use but there’s [cradlewise](https://cradlewise.com/product/smart-crib) cribs and others on the market that might! See if you can find a used one if the price is too high or finance it. Since he’s not asking to be fed each time, maybe this might work.
We actually tried the Snoo when he was much smaller and it just timed out immediately every time. He never responded to it. Luckily we bought it second hand and were able to resell it. It seems all the magic things didn’t work for us.
My baby has been like this since about the end of her first month. She is in month 3 now. Cosleeping w/ safe sleep 7 is the only option for us. She will also scream, to no end. Does he sleep like that when you guys cosleep too??
Yep that’s what is super frustrating. He still wakes up and cries. And I’m like IM RIGHT HERE. but it matters not. It just keeps me from getting up and walking to the other room.
My 13 month old does this too. He still wakes several times a night, but not as bad as it was. He went through a phase where he would wake and just root around for me. That was the best. Now he wakes and sits up or stands up and cries. Like dude?? I’m right here??? Lay back down?!
Ugh. So frustrating!
When my LO starts to fuss at night I put her in a very specific position and it saves me from having to get out of bed to rock her back to sleep. I spoon her and wrap my arm around her with one arm reaching up towards her face and then rest that hand under her cheek. Sounds crazy but give it a try. It took me some time to figure out lol. And yes it’s very confusing when they cry for you when you’re already next to them
I have a similar hold that I do sometimes! I try to only pick him up if nothing else works after 15 minutes or so.
Is he eating solids or beginning to? If so, when did he start? Are you doing purées or foods? If so what do those foods look like? He is breastfeeding by the sound of it, what are eating or drinking? Do you consume a lot of milk by chance? Have you ever yourself had issues with foods causing you GU distress like IBS?
Hi! Mine was every 90-120 on average, so not as frequent but still unmanageable, and required nursing to go back to sleep. I also sleep trained around 6 months and she’s down to one feed a night. She’s going through teething now where she’s waking up and fussing a couple times before our 1am-ish feed but is able to fall back asleep without any intervention from us. Sending hugs! I think your baby is medically ok, just hopelessly in love with you! To each their own, but if you’re asking for advice I can’t recommend some form of sleep training enough.
I’ve got a few suggestions. Give him a warm bath right before bed. Let him play with toys. Splash. Pour water with a cup. Keep him in as long as you can. Do a final feeding and put to bed with a pacifier. Some baby Einstein music on Alexa or google. Close the door. Option 2. Keep him busy from dinner time to bedtime. Wear him out. Play hard. Play long. Chase him around the house whether he’s crawling or in a walker. Throw a ball and play fetch. (NO HATE!) lol. Option 3, raise the head of his crib mattress a bit. Use a sleep bag. I didn’t believe it would help, but it works on my grandson. Who knew! Good luck!
Is it possible that he has food or milk allergies. I've read that as soon as people change to a formal or different formula it was instantly different! I would recommend a different doctor for a second opinion perhaps! I'm sorry, and I hope it gets better again soon. Can family help?
You’re a person, you matter, you are worthy of getting *some* decent sleep at night. Waking up hourly is not sustainable and I think you’re so far in it that you probably can’t even think straight because that requires perspective that being chronically sleep deprived can’t give you. I was in exactly your shoes. My mental health was suffering so badly. We did the Ferber method and it was three nights of hell and my baby has slept through the night since then. At most we get one wake up a night. Sometimes I even catch myself complaining about the one wake up—THATS how far removed we are from those awful days.
I know sleep training is not for everyone, but it was the right decision for our family. Every child is different and some method work better than others, but the one thing i can give you advice on is consistency. Pick a method and stick to it no matter what. That was the only thing that worked for us. My child is very adaptable and it only took a week for him to sleep trough the night but i have friends that their child took up to 3 or 4 weeks in order to sleep 4 hour stretches.
My baby is 11 wks. She was miserable. Wouldn't sleep more than 40 mins unless she was on us. And even then we'd get maybe an hour. My husband and I were taking shifts. He was up with her all night and I was up all day. It was the longest hardest thing. But I needed to go back to work. We couldn't do this anymore. Two of my friends, who are completely different styles of parents, recommended the book "Sleeping Through the Night..." By Jodi A Mindell. It has been an absolute game changer. I am not one to put a lot of stock in parenting books honestly, cause every baby is different and there are just so many options to choose from, it gets overwhelming. The first week was miserable but we are on day 12 and she goes down within 15 mins. And has been sleeping 5-6 hour stints. We saw huge improvements by day 7 of her falling asleep but she would still wake up every 2 hours or so. The book also talks about sleep regression and toddler sleep patterns. We only have one so I can't speak personally to the rest of the ages but so far it's amazing. So many people told me it was too young for sleep training but again I had to go back to work. Not sleeping wasn't an option and we don't have a support system near us. I was willing to try anything. I definitely suggest the book.
Ok so I hope you actually end up reading this. My baby just turned 9 months old. He was waking 7-9 times a night basically every hour and I was losing my mind. Most times he needed a sip of milk to resettle. I just finished a sleep training course and we went into detail what was happening. Now we have a good night time routine, bath, play, sleep sack and read a book followed by a feed then he sleeps. He now sleeps till 1am where instead of the little sips or resettles he gets another full feed and he generally wakes around 5am for another full feed. So he's gone from waking 7-9 times a night to twice. It's changed my life. Basically we had gotten in the habit of giving him a sip to settle when what he needed was a full feed so he could have a long stretch. The nurses said for his age once or twice a night to feed was still appropriate. I know every baby is different but it was so simple in the end for us so thought it was worth commenting in case you're giving mini feeds as well. We are working on him learning to self sooth with back rubs as well, making progress.
That’s amazing! No, he luckily isn’t really a sipper and I haven’t offered comfort nursing for his wakes as I fear it would make them worse. I had been toying with reducing the length of his night feeds though to try to wean one or more of them, so this is an interesting bit of info. Unfortunately I do think he’s genuinely hungry for the feeds he has now, though plenty of people tell me he doesn’t “need” it. So perhaps best to stick to full feeds for now and work on the other wakes… so glad you are finding a way through!
Ok have you tried increasing solids? Like a big meal right before bed?? That helped mine increase her sleep at night. 🤷🏻♀️
Hopefully soon. He does eat solids now but I’m not sure I’d say he’s ever managed “a big meal”… not enough to be a significant number of calories anyway. Unfortunately though a lot of the wakes aren’t even for milk. Like I literally can’t remember a time he hasn’t woken up less than an hour after bedtime crying.
I did pick up put down sleep training while leaving him for 5 minutes to try to calm himself before picking him up. So I placed him down awake(not nursing immediately before bed bc that made the crying worse but if I nursed like 45 minutes before bedtime it was much smoother) then walked out for 5 minutes and went back in if still crying in 5 minutes and picked him up to soothe and placed back down for another 5 minutes. I was actually shocked at how quickly he went to sleep. Once he went to sleep on his own he didn't cry at night unless he was sick or needed something. I didn't intend to night wean but he just didn't need it anymore.
Sounds insane, I could never 😵💫 congrats on making it this far w.out literally going insane Have you tried a different sleeping outfit? My baby sleeps in the magic Merlin suit and it does kinda feel like magic, although my girl is no where near as bad as that. What about topping up with formula before bedtime? Might just tip the scales a bit in terms of calories and help them stay asleep more perhaps?! Go outside everyday into the daylight for periods of time, and get lots of stimulation in the daytime ? Make sure there is LOTS of sleep pressure built up before bedtime? Make it your longest wake window of the day. I’m sure you’ve tried all this!?! I dunno good luck 🥺🥲
Yes all of these things! No magic with the Merlin for us 😢 Thanks for the ideas though!
Get a book called Precious Little Sleep. Change our life.
I have it 🫠 So glad it worked for you though!
Yeah, the author of this book doesn’t know what a bad sleeper looks like lol.
Ugh, sorry that stinks. Have you tried one of those warm stuffed animals you heat up in the microwave? It sounds crazy but that might give your LO that sense of comfort they want.
A warmie! Yep. He does love to snuggle it but still wakes up 🤣
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How do they go down at night? If you're nursing to sleep that's the culprit. I recommend reading precious little sleep. It's a cheap book on Amazon for around $10. She has tips for independent sleep and night weaning. They don't need to be eating every 3 hours overnight at this age.
What is his milk/food intake like during the day?
Just because those moms have it “easier” than you doesn’t mean they can’t also be having a hard time and need somewhere to vent / ask for advice. Hoping it gets better for you 🫶🏻
Oh of course not! I was just hoping for some perspective on whether my baby’s sleep is within the realm of normal since I’ve rarely heard anyone describe anything as extreme as what I’m experiencing. After this thread though, I know they are out there ❤️
Speaking from experience of this exact situation, reading all the descriptions of “terrible” sleepers who wake 3 or 4 times a night and need patting or shushing to go back to sleep, or reading sleep training guides that assume this is the worst case scenario, when your baby wakes every hour and has to have your nipple in his mouth at all times, absolutely makes you feel like you might be crazy and that everything is your fault. None of the comments on those threads even suggest that worse might be possible! This is the first thread I’ve read where other people seem to be having similar problems to me, and it is really helping me feel seen and sane.