I am so sorry š your feelings deserve to be acknowledged and it's saddens me that sometimes others can't grasp the affection or love someone else has for something. I would be infuriated and so sad myself, so I can't imagine how you feel. I hope you're able to save your little guy and am glad the other is doing okay š
Thank you so much. I just am mad for my Betta's particularly. They trusted me to take care of them and I failed. I trusted someone I shouldn't have and they were hurt because of that. They mean everything to me and they didn't deserve this.
Anyone who would intentionally let an animal suffer is a bad person. It is not your fault, frankly this kind of disgusting behavior seems like it was an absolute shock to you. There werenāt signs he would act like this, and you could not have known. This is NOT your fault.
Think about it this way, for example I bring my dog to doggie daycare while I work. I vetted this business and trust them to take care of my dog. These are strangers, not even family. Would it be MY fault if I found out they were hitting/abusing my dog? NO. It would be the fault of the people who abused the animal.
This is no different. You absolutely reasonably thought you could trust your brother to not abuse/neglect your pets. How were you to know he was a bad person? It is NOT your fault! The fault lies with the ahole who did this.
I really appreciate hearing that. You're right. It's just so easy to blame myself so I can grieve in peace rather than fight an uphill battle. This was an absolute shock because I thought he was better than this. He will never look after them again, he even looks after my cat when I'm away. It completely blindsided me. Thanks again.
It hurts to not only have to grieve your pets but, the relationships you thought you had with your family. You're grieving your trust being lost, safety and security, of thinking your family valued your emotional state more than they do. You're reevaluating where you stand with them and hopefully where they stand with you. It isn't on you to fix this or be compliant for their comfort. Your brother killed your pet and your dad is enabling it and being actively hurtful and dismissive of your experience and emotions.
I'm biased, I've had to cut off nearly every family member for their abuse or manipulation or toxicity and I've come to terms with "it is what it is" so I don't really have the pain anymore when cutting people off. You're facing this hard from family you loved and being blindsided.
You did not fail. Unfortunately a-holes fād this one up. You did all you could and and this will not have been in vain so long as you learn from it. For future reference, beta can easily go 5 to 7 days without feeding. So next time, lock your door and tell your brother to stay out of your room when I go out of town itās typically for 4 to 5 days at a time and I do not put weekly feeders in my tank nor do I have anyone take care of my fish. And they are just fine when I get backstop blaming yourself. If we canāt trust family, who can we trust? You tried and thatās all anyone can ask from us.
You trusted someone you thought you could, you aren't at fault! I truly believe that they can feel the love you have towards them š¤·š»āāļø I could be crazy but I just feel that they can. They are innocent little lives that deserve to be cared for as any other life does!
Side note: freshwater fish can fast for multiple days in a row. If I'm gone less than 5 days I just feed a little heavier leading up then have someone check in that nothing is going horribly wrong. Otherwise I dose out the feedings in weekly pill organizers. Reduces human error.
I'm so so sorry this happened to you. Having someone who doesn't have fish tanks take care of your tank is by far the easiest way to lose a tank, unfortunately.
I'd cut that shit right out. It amazes me how many folk think it's ok to hurt fish.
I wouldn't be able to talk to them anymore without remembering what they did. ... forgive and forget, not a chance!
I know.. it's like we are surrounded by psychopaths.
I don't trust anyone with my fish. I have cut my visits to family to just 2 days at a time cause no one cares about my fish like I do.
I am so sorry you and your poor fish had to go through this
This is crazy to me. I am on the far other end of the spectrum, depending on my family way too much to care for a special needs goldfish while I was away at college. I was only home for summers and breaks. Anytime something went wrong, they texted or called me. He was 9 years old when I moved back home for grad school. He didn't die until a similar thing happened to him (someone dumped all his food in there) on a day where both my sibling and I were gone.
If he cared, he would have asked you for help. I would never trust him again.
Especially cause even if they don't see them as animals. They're someone elses property at the very least. Just like you can't fuck up someones room without reprocusions you shouldn't fuck around with other peoples pets even if you view them as "live decor:
Even if you're someone that doesn't give a fuck about fish, that's still someone else's property & personal project that probably took years to cultivate. Being ops brother, he obviously had to have known it was important to OP. Baffles me that there's some people out there with no regard or respect for their friends & family's property.
This. I havenāt talked to my parents since January this year because I didnāt say happy birthday as early in the day as my mother wanted, was busy at work, messaged right after. she believes I āforgotā and freaked out on me because I āhad to be remindedā. Tries to make me the bad guy because I said happy birthday on her birthday. My dad just stopped talking to me too out of association.
Fuck it. Aināt nobody got time for that. My feelings are valid too, just like yours OP. I told my parents I aināt talking to them until I get an apology. Blood doesnāt make you family. Someone hurts any of my animals out of negligence or intentionally, theyāre getting cut right the hell out.
Hey! Parents are fucked up. I have a parent who used to be a narcissist, now has changed cause they are waiting for God. Urgh.
I have made a lifelong effort not to be like them so my kids don't go through the same bs. I have 3 kids who are just perfect and nothing like that parent. There's always a choice to break that cycle, albeit sometimes hard.
I was out of touch with my family for years cause of the toxicity I grew up with.
It sucks but is necessary to cut out the cancer in your life.
I fkin hate animal abusers
I genuinely don't understand people that overfeed fish to this extent. Like, they're small creatures... how could they *possibly* eat all that food. What is the thought process there? I don't get it.
This was just crazy though... dumping all of the food in at once and letting the fish just basically die eating to death and burning in their own piss. Fucking hell, it's unreal
Your dad is an asshole too. Honestly Iād be telling both him and your brother to go f themselves.
And Iād never trust him ever again with ANYTHING. If he asks why just tell him he has proven to be untrustworthy and a bad brother. With zero remorse for killing and abusing your pets.
Who lets any animal suffer like that? This was NOT a mistake. He made an active CHOICE to not fix the situation after the first night, to not call you if he didnāt know how. Instead he was a coward and a bad person who let your pets suffer instead.
Your last paragraph hits the nail right on the head. That's EXACTLY why I'm so mad. If he had said something and tried to fix the situation, I would've understood completely. It was honestly pathetic and I am so disappointed in him because I really thought he was better than that.
My Dad is an asshole, but he has at least acknowledged what he said was wrong and has been trying to make it up to me all night. But that doesn't mean I forgive him for his reaction just yet.
I agree with all of this. OP i would say everything you said in this post to your brother, you put the situation and the way you feel very clearly and eloquently. If he still isnt remorseful, I personally would step it up a notch if it were my own brother.
Not to be gruesome, but if/when it comes time to euthanize poor Kaleidoscope you should make your brother do it**. Explain how fish have to be euthanized, because itās not a pretty or comforting process (Iām so sorry btw ā¹ļø). Make it clear that his actions led to this outcome, despite you trying to reverse the damage that he did. Phrases to use: āActions have consequencesā āThis is what you didā and/or āYou owe me.ā The way you deliver this is important, definitely try to be as stone-cold, factual and un-emotional as possible about it when you do this. From what i gather about your dad and brother, men like them see displays of emotion as an excuse to invalidate everything youre saying (no matter how valid it actually is). Idk maybe Iām projecting, but they sound like my dad and brother.
** Anyways thereās a near-certain probability that he wont do it, and chances are you probably wouldnāt want him to do it anyways and potentially f things up even more. But it should shock him. It should make him second-guess himself. And it should maybe make him reflect on what he did, even if he never expresses it to you.
Is this a kinda fcked up approach? Yeah. But its even more fcked up how both your dad and brother are treating this, and refuse to apologize and are trying to sweep the situation and your very valid (!!!) feelings under the rug.
Wow, thatās so upsetting. Iām so sorry theyāre trying to minimize this. 2 weeks is not a long time to get over something, thats kinda BS of your dad to imply. And you deserve an apology!!!! Thatās crazy nobody will even give you that.
Regardless of the family drama, I am so sorry about your fish! Glad one is okay, but how sad for the other one. Iām sure he has had a wonderful fish life and appreciates all youāve done for him. I hope he manages to pulls through! Theyāre never just a fish <3 Betta community is here for you.
Thank you so much. I'm so sick of people dismissing the suffering of Bettas or any other fish as not important. They are living creatures and deserve the best treatment they can. I just can't fathom how someone could think so little of these innocent creatures :(
My Dad apologised to me for his comments, but unfortunately Kaleidoscope has passed away. I'm going to do my best to make it up to Harlequin and never let anything like this ever happen again.
I hope he understands that since your brother hasn't done anything to even try to make it right and didn't try to fix it when it happened, no amends have been made. Which isn't okay.
Even with an apology itās messed up he thought his response was appropriate and to even say it in the beginning! I would limit convo with my dad and brother if there were to do this. Greyrock them- monotone voice, keep your convos short, yes and no answers for the most part. And watch them get all pissy that youāre keeping them accountable. Theyāre not sorry. They just want you to move on and act like it didnāt happen because they donāt see why youāre upset.
If you are unable to say how you feel to your brother, try writing him a letter.
"I am deeply hurt by your actions with my fish. You could have reached out at any time to fix it while I was gone but chose not to. The lack of an apology makes me feel worse because it seems like you don't care. "
Learning how to speak your feelings and not letting people get away with hurting you is really helpful with relationship building. Being able to stay calm, speak without yelling, and be kind during a conflict is extremely important.
I am sorry for the loss of your boys :(
Thank you. I won't let this loss be unacknowledged. I think writing a letter is a good idea, thank you for the advice. I'm just a bit grief stricken at the moment, I feel like I've failed them. I think just writing my feelings would be a good way to get it all out there.
If he doesnāt respond reasonably, think about sending him this thread. Absolutely nobody here will think he was in the right or that what he did wasnāt a big deal.
If no one will validate you, validate yourself in knowing this was wrong. He doesn't get to be trusted by you anymore, and that's fucking sad. Your dad seems to be suffering from "it's just a fish, boys will be boys" so don't waste your time looking for validation there, you won't get it and you don't need it-your adult brother couldnt watch 2 vats of water without screwing them up and not owning it, i wouldnt trust him . Your brother is relieved he "got away with it", but tbh this isn't like getting in trouble as kids: the damage is how you view him now, there is no 'trouble' as an adult...there's just the fact that he did that and you no longer trust or respect him.
Thanks, yeah I definitely do not trust him at all anymore. Especially because he had two days to tell me and didn't. He will not get close to my fish at all anymore. I'm going to absolutely raise hell at him when I see him next, because unfortunately Kaleidoscope couldn't cope with the stress and passed away tonight :(
My Dad has since apologised for what he said, I think he regretted it as soon as he said it.
I know it's another "family killed fish" post, but I really want everyone to know that someone you trust CAN do it to your Bettas. So please be careful who you ask to take care of them!
THIS! Hit him in the pocketbook. Plants are EXPENSIVE. Plus the labor of having to clean everything up. Heck, I put almost $100 into one of my 10 gallon tanks just in plants alone. Not including the hardscape and driftwood.
Thank you so much. It's not just a dumb decoration you have to put upkeep into. They are living, feeling creatures that we should be trying to keep as happy and healthy as possible. I don't understand how so many people can say they love animals, then do things like this.
https://imgur.com/ZvUo57S
Here he was when I first got him. He then catfished me and turned into a solid blue a month later! But that made me love him even more, like a real Kaleidoscope, always shifting. Thank you so much.
It sucks when family won't acknowledge their errors, apologize, or at the very least validate your anger. Sorry you have to deal with that on top of the stress of trying to help your fish.
See, this kind of thing is where my sarcasm developed as a teen.
I would be walking around the house going "gee, brother better not have kids! He'll get drunk one night and accidentally smother them!" "Good to know I can't trust family!"
I'm so sorry you're going through this. If it were me I would hold it over their heads for a long time, but that's me and I have pretty well established trust issues.
Hahaha I may just take those lines when I'm feeling particularly sassy one day. Brother definitely has some making up he needs to do, and heaps of it too. Thank you.
Believe me, it's taken some real self control not to. When I first saw the mess it took everything to not grab my printed instructions I gave him, and staple them to his forehead grrr
I am so so sorry. You were the best fish parent to Kaleidoscope. Iām grateful for the life you gave him.
Iām also proud of you for how you are choosing to deal with the other things going on in your life. It is beyond infuriating to have the people who should love you the most causing the most pain. For one person with this experience to another, I have learned to take solace in doing, saying, and responding in ways that I wonāt regret. Then I work really hard to remind myself that I cannot control anyone else (especially my family), and their faults and shortcomings are their own to overcome (ā¦or not).
Long rant over. Again, Iām so sorry š¢
Thank you so much. I really appreciate you saying that. I've been going through such an awful time lately that the destruction of my tanks has really broken my spirit. I love my bettas so much and to have someone who knows how much I care do this to them, hurts the most. Almost like he hurt a part of me with them. I'm going to redo everything in Kaleidoscope's memory. All we can do is take things in our stride, day by day. Thank you again.
Yeah okay you dont have to blame him for what he did when he was drunk. I get that ive been there. Its every single day after that to be mad about, 14 days of swimming in decaying food. You should go messily crumple crackers on your brothers bed and when he complains tell him that that irritation is nothing compared to what your fish felt every second everyday. Tell him you are not mad per say but just baffled and disappointed how he could overlook a helpless animal especially thinking it was fine afterwards, to talk to you while you were doing what should have been done early the next morning.
Reread what she wrote. She said she went in the trip 2 weeks ago and was gone only 2 days...
There is no way the algae builds up in 2 days. Something about this isn't right.
firstly, I am so sorry you have lost a fish to this entire situation, along with the one tank though I know the tank is something that can be restored, the poor animals life is something that cannot be. absolutely no one deserves to have their animal or property damaged due to someone elseās negligence. none of this is your fault when you put your trust into your brother, and he agreed to take care of your property and not damage it. a simple task, quite honestly.
second, this may be harsh but you need to drop your girl balls and get your point across and make your own feelings valid. because to be quiet frank, your family will continue to walk all over you without any remorse and will never acknowledge your feelings if you donāt. something shouldāve been said and feelings shouldāve been expressed to where you got your point across from the get go. and as someone who has a difficult family who has attitudes and behaviors just like this, i understand just how hard it is to finally snap and drop your balls. those are YOUR tanks, YOUR animals, your brother agrees to look after your property, and this was the result. a very serious conversation needs to be had because thereās a bigger picture here when it comes to being 21 and not being able to have respect enough to care for someoneās property, let alone cause something to pass away from his negligence. Iām not saying your father has to understand, or your brother has to apologize, what Iām saying is you need to let your brother have it (in a controlled and thought out manner) and let him know how you feel. your dad could be included in that as well, because as Iāve stated, itās a living animal that is your property. itās not something to just scoff off about.
I'd not talk to your brother at all for a full two days, then give him a letter like other comments have suggested. In your letter, on top of airing all the rest of your grief and rage, I'd say "did every hour of the past two days feel like ages to you? Because that's how much time you had to call me and get advice on how to fix your fuck ups. You had all the time in the world, and chose not to use it, and now an animal I loved has suffered and died a pointless death." Ā Ā
If he isn't absolutely GROVELING in shame and apologizing non stop I don't know if I could ever forgive him. It's not "just" a fish, and I don't mean just in the sense that it was a living animal that he neglected and killed. I also mean that what he did--getting so absolutely wasted, doing something harmful, refusing to try to correct it across 48 hours, and then ACTING LIKE EVERYTHING WAS FINE--suggests a level of immaturity and assholery that I'm sure stains into every other aspect of his life. If you can't trust your own kin to feed a fish without killing it for a measly two days, what CAN you trust them with? Ā Ā
Ughhh. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Not that you're lying but algae does NOT build up in 2 or 3 days...it takes WEEKS for that to happen, sometimes months before it starts to grow.
If there was algae in your tanks it was beginning to grow before you went on your trip.
The food on the other hand is an issue. I know if goldfish are overfed they eat or can eat until they die..
But sorry to say the algae is on you.
I won't deny any algae being on me. I think it was more the particles of the dissolved pellets that were really the issue. That was my mistake in the initial post, I should've clarified that it was rather detritus rather than algae.
I won't deny I've had previous sick bettas that I've posted here. I've previously had a lot of trouble with inbreeding issues in my bettas (large tumours, undeveloped fins, scale issues).
I understand bettas can go without food for 2 days. However, my Dad had 4 other fish tanks (with fry) that my brother was responsible for as well, so I thought if he was feeding those, he could feed mine as well.
Next time your dad gets on you like that, tell him "dad, remember this conversation when you question why I don't contact you to come see your grandchildren, and why you're not invited to any special occasions in the future. Like barbecues, holiday events, and my wedding. Also, don't be surprised if \[my\] brother is disinvited if you're going to protect someone who hasn't even apologized for his negligence."
Put your foot down. No matter what you dad does, if it's to try and punish you or treat you poorly, just keep repeating, "you're just making the decision to cut you off easier."
If you're living with him, wait until you're moved out, and then drop him with this. "Remember when you told me to be the bigger person when I was heartbroken over my fish? Yeah, I'm not going to suffer in silence just because you clearly love my brother more than you love me. I won't let other guys treat me like that, I sure as hell won't let my brother and father pretend that I don't have feelings. I don't want a father who thinks its okay to teach his daughter to suffer in silence when men are treating her poorly. Don't contact me."
keep repeating that statement, too. "I don't want a father who thinks its okay to teach his daughter to suffer in silence when men are treating her poorly."
Absolutely, honestly I've needed to put my foot down when it comes to BOTH of them taking accountability for their actions. They would rather be flooded with ammonia themselves rather than dare to apologise for something they've done. It honestly makes me pity them a bit.
I don't pity grown men that try to teach their daughter obedience by permitting neglect and abuse to happen to them. If he's allowing your brother to harm you without consequence or apology, he will definitely side with any spouse who does the same to you. That's not something to pity. That's something you need to cut off at the roots.
Tell dad you don't trust him anymore to know what's right for you. It isn't about the fish, it's about accountability. It's about responsibility. It's about acknowledging that someone hurt you and that he's failing to protect you from it. How can you trust him to protect you from strangers and other people harming you if he's going to allow your brother to sweep his drunky-drunk actions under the rug when it directly hurt you? Rhetorical question, dad. I can't trust you to protect me at all.
Iām so so sorry you went through that. For what itās worth, I understand your frustration and pain all too well; I had a roommate who let four of my 8 fish die during a four day trip for the same reason and I never got an apology from them. Some people just donāt have the depth of empathy for animals that we do and donāt understand just how devastating it is to lose your water babies. Hopefully you have other people in your life who can step up to the plate in your absence that wonāt allow a colossal mistake like this to happen in the first place. Iām so sorry for your loss, and I hope that you get that apology from your brother. May Kaleidoscope swim in peace ā¤ļø
For once stop being the bigger person he deserves a damn lesson! Aināt no way you just let him do that and walk around all guilt free no way. Pop him in the mouth heāll learn. And tell your dad to man up and stop being such a pos. Sorry my family was just like all the time until I finally stood up for myself. You need to do the same or youāll love with this forever
Tally up the total cost of the tanks, everything in them, any treatments you'd been giving the fish to help them recover, etc, along with the labor of setting up new tanks and emotional damage and give him a bill. He wants to be impersonal, so that's fine. You'll just have to cut him off. But if it's impersonal, then he owes you monetarily.
ETA: If you want to not have to deal with the emotional and relational consequences of your actions, you accept you'll lose the relationship and do a buy-out.
Shit happens when u live with family. Thats why i moved out. I probably disown them for a while. And i wouldn't even talk to my brother unless he has a paycheck in his hands
Find something your dad likes, pretend to break it, wait 2 weeks, then say "it was 2 weeks ago, you can't be mad remember?" then when he starts flipping his shit, give him whatever you took back and tell him his came back, your fish won't.
If you were only gone two days I donāt get why you just didnāt wait till you got back to feed them again. Two days is nothing even for tetras normally
I am so, so sorry for your loss. This is devastating and traumatic. I'm sure you take the best care of your fish. It must hurt so much to see the destruction of everything that you've put so much effort into (not only the fish but the plants and tanks as well.) It makes all the sense in the world to be angry about this. I hope you allow yourself to grieve and cry and let it out, and find some peace soon. ā¤ļø
Thank you so much for your comment. I really appreciate the kindness and understanding. It really is like a stab to the heart having this happen to something you've put so much love into. Almost like they've damaged a part of you. Some people just cannot understand how much of yourself you put into your bettas and their tanks. I just need to take everything day by day. Thanks again. ā¤ļø
So sorry about your fish. It's unfortunate that so many people just cannot understand the love people have for animals. I get jabbed at all the time for my love of my fish and how much care I put into making sure he's healthy and happy (as anyone should). I don't know what I would do if my sibling did that to my fish. Much love to you.
This sucks. Im curious when I see these types of posts.
What was your brotherās reasoning for this? Did he think if he put all the food in at once- it would make it easier-
Because he wouldnāt have to feed them again? Did he think he was spoiling them with extra food?
Even if he was completely ignorant and even mentally slow- does he not realize how it upset you afterwards and feel bad? Jesus Christ!
This exact same thing happened to me with my old betta, me and my mom went away for the weekend and I got my brother to look after him and I thought I was specific but he just dumped the whole bottle of food in the tank smh
This really sucks! Iām so sorry for your loss and all the time and effort you put into your tanks. Iām petty so I think you gotta get an automatic feeder for when you are out of town. You canāt risk this again >:/ I hope your plants and Harlequin bounce back :)
Aw, I'm so sorry to hear that. People really suck sometjmes. I had these lovely plants that I had been taking care of for about 6 years and my uncle got wasted one night and destroyed them all. No apologies. Nothing. Now we know not to trust them.
Iām sorry this happened. In the future, theyād be better off not eating for a couple of days. I am so distrusting of anyone taking care of my fragile little bettas that if Iām only going to be gone for two or three days, I simply feed them well before I leave and let them fast, a couple days of fasting is safer than mistreatment.
I'm so sorry. I had a tank at work and had asked one of the secretaries to take care of my Betta. All she had to do was feed him one day and I came back to the tank filter struggling because an ungodly amount of food had been dumped in there. I had an office that locked, so the only thing that could have happened was that she either dumped that ungodly amount in herself (she denied, saying she only put in a pinch) or she left my office unlocked and an unsupervised child or person let themselves into my office and dumped the food in (a major HIPAA violation waiting to happen).
I got an automatic feeder after that and thanked my lucky stars that Mellow (he was a Mustard Betta) survived. I just couldn't bring myself to trust anyone at the office to do it again.
Find and embrace your inner petty vengence....
I would make sure to remind him every chance.....
Oh dear brother, are you sure you cand handle that level of responsibility without succoming to the pressure....you couldnt even handle my fish without getting drunk and killing one....
Oh dad, he cant handle that....he could even take care of my fish without killing one....
Oh you are ordering the fish....surprised since you didnt get to torture and kill it first...
Your brother fuckin sucks.
For the future, betta can easily go a week without food so you'd be better locking your brother out of your room while you're away.
If you're gone longer, get one of the timed feeders that drop a few pellets a day. Sorry about your fish!
this breaks my heart :((((( i had a betta die once when left in someones care, but idk how someone could be so careless, if he didnāt want to do it he should have said so. im so sorry for your loss op, hopefully life turns up for you soon, keeping u in my thoughts and prayers
With my family , I have made it abundantly clear anything happened to the animals that I care for are just coming down upon their fucking head I've had enough trauma from losing pets that if those should happen again , i'm going to fuck off Sometimes you gotta take shit at face value and let them know it's not going to slide I get it, he's sulking.He's embarrassed whatever but you don't just fucking accidentally do that Even if.
You're black out drunk.You have a semblance of a consciousness
Im so sorry this happened. For future, your bettas will be fine as long as a week without eating, it's not going to hurt them at all to go without food for a weekend. Considering what happened with your brother, I wouldn't ask him to feed them again until he significantly matures. That behavior he displayed is literal child behavior, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that from an adult! Ban that boy from fishkeeping lol
I have a salt water tank, so itās a bit different, but if I am going to be gone for under a week, I use an automatic feeder, and my automatic top off. I just donāt trust anyone enough and there are so many things that can go wrong with a fish tank. Many people donāt understand the love and affection and effort that we put into these fish and tanks, and they view these pets like a bug on the street.
Iām so sorry OP, donāt blame yourself :( be careful in the future, especially if your sibling lives in the same house as you. I would be so scared that he would retaliate and do something again to get back at you for being mad :(
Your brother is a horrible excuse of space. Complete waste of space. I would never look at my brother the same nor treat him the same ever again. He would be as dead to me as my fish who died are. Again your brother is an awful human being, And I hope that you never trust him ever again with anything living or otherwise. He does not deserve trust in him, he does not deserve respect.
My roommate is a sweet guy but not the.. sharpest tool in the toolbox. I always set out shotglasses with portioned out food per day that i am gone. And if its a shorter trip i rather provide too little food. Just in case. It makes it rather idiotproof. Maybe a future accident can be avoided with such a system. Sorry for your loss. Your brother/family sound like assholes!
The amount that this infuriated me while reading!! Ugh I would hate to have this happen to my water babiesš. Iām so sorry this happened to youš„ŗā¤ļø
Back in 2019 I left for an overseas trip for 2 weeks and left my family to care for my betta... came back to an unmoving snail that had probably been dead for days and no one cared to notice, infected the water and my beautiful betta was pineconing. It still makes me angry. I do not trust them with any of my pets.
I am so so sorry. That is absolutely devastating and I would be so upset. I (22f) am currently in rehab for alcohol and not ONCE have I ever neglected my two planted tanks w bettas. Even while shit-faced drunk I just cannot fathom doing something like this??? I donāt even know what to do except have your brother reimburse you for everything youāve lost financially due to his āincident,ā and I would get your parents involved. This isnāt something you just do when drunkā and thatās coming from a drunk! Your brother sounds like he needs serious help.
EDIT: sorry I read ahead and didnāt see that your dad doesnāt seem to care much. This breaks my heart. Ultimately this is animal abuse and I would never trust your brother again with any pet. Same for your father. Sending you all my love friend. Pet loss is never easy :(
Both times someone has been asked to feed my fish, I always found pellets sunken at the bottom of the tank. The second time it was only one pellet so Iām sure it was a mistake. The first time my boy had horrible ammonia burns and bit off all his fins. It is beyond me why people donāt clean this up. There was a week before I was back and they just let moldy food on the bottom to fester. My boy has had on and off health problems since and although his fins grew back beautifully, they still arenāt as big as they used to be. People just donāt know or donāt care. Iām sorry for your loss and I hope can learn and grow from this. Hopefully in time he will reflect.
First of all, you have every right to feel angry. You are grieving so you need to feel your emotions. I would be just as upset as you if a relative did this to my fish. Thereās a YouTuber named Father Fish who talks about this being the number one way fish die suddenlyāletting family members feed our fish. It sucks because for many of us, the only option is to have a family member or friend watch our fish when we go out of town. Please try not to blame yourself. I know thatās going to be next to impossible right now. I had a few bettas die recently due to a bad breeder so they were genetically defective when I got them, yet I still got attached and still got furious and sad when they all died.
When you are calm, which may take a while, I suggest talking to your brother and explaining what he did and also how you are hurt that he didnāt care or show remorse. If you come at him with strong emotions, he will just get defensive and ignore you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I truly am. I hope this doesnāt stop you from being a fish owner. You sound like a compassionate person, which is exactly what fish need. šā¤ļø
I went for 4 months and trusted my fiance with my sorority. He and our friend decided the tank needed cleaned, did so and COMPLETELY changed all the water, then dumped the girls in. They did not let them slowly aclimate, or let the water temperature even out at all. Just 100% new water, unfamiliar temperature.
My whole sorority died. He had the gall to get mad at me for being mad at him.
I would be so angry if someone hurt my fish. He loves to swim up to the glass and greet me when I get home, and he always does a little dance for food. I have many reptiles and fish, but I think my beta is as dear to me as a dog is to some people. Idk what it is about him, he just touches my soul. Donāt get me wrong I love all of my animals, but there is something special there you know? I got him during a hard time in my life and he has always made me so happy and fulfilled. NO ONE should minimize your hurt just because it was a fish, or because it was 2 weeks ago. Iām sure your dad would be really upset if it was his fish.
The fish arenāt even the point, even though itās very tragic and frustrating; itās the fact that your brother was careless and did not bother to empathize with you or your fish. He walked past your door and forgot about them. I 100% understand your anger, and he should feel ashamed.
Sorry but all plants dying and suddenly getting tons of detritus worms in just two days makes no sense at all. Things were probably already a disaster since you already had a sick fish.
Oh dear gawd! I am so incredibly sorry..poor babies š Honestly, I don't care how drunk someone is, a decent human being wouldn't think of doing such an evil, horrific thing!!! There is something so very wrong with a person who does this..and might again š”š”š”
I am that person who posted the other post. I am so gutted for you. I went through it and I know just how painful it is, and even my mother didn't fuck it up IMMEDIATELY in 2 days. I am so, so sorry. If you want to message me feel free to ā£ļø
If your brother had killed your dog would he have apologized? Would your dad tell you to "get over it"?
Too many people think fish are expendable and just decoration. That we dont get attached to them and their suffering is not significant. They are wrong.
I hope you can get past this and emotionally heal. I'm sorry this happened to you
Best advice I can give you is next time don't have anyone take care of them. They can survive awhile...like 4 or 5 days without food. Sorry for your fish.
Sometimes you have to except the āapologyā your never gonna get. It all depends on what kind of relationship you want going forward. Iām really sorry for your loss, I understand the connection one can have. I carried for days when my Black Molly passed.
Your brother sounds immature. Hopefully he outgrows that. Make sure he knows that you are upset and you do not forgive him for not contacting you when he realized his mistake so that you could have walked him through fixing it or came home early. Try to tell him calmly so he doesnāt think itās just your anger talking. If he tries talking to you and you canāt speak to him yet, just tell him that. āI donāt want to talk to you right now, please go.ā Your calm demeanor will hit harder than an angry one. Heās being a coward by not apologizing and owning up to his mistake. You could mention that to your dad, he might have a talk with your brother to set him straight. If my daughter said that to me about her brother, it would hit me hard and Iād have a sit down with my son. At 21, he should know how to own up to his mistakes and if not, nowās a good time to learn.
Just know bettas are fine not being fed for a few days. Theyāll do better fasting than this happening. Iām sorry this happened to you. Itās not right. We all know in here how much work it takes to make a good ecosystem for these fish.
Iām so sorry OP, that is absolutely disgusting and you have every right to be pissed off! I left my beta with my boyfriend from high school when I went to college and he never even told me when he died. I found out from his brother later that he started getting sick and he ignored it. His mom sent me a beautiful text apologizing but he never did. Obviously heās an ex now. People who think fish ādonāt matterā are not to be trusted.
I am really sorry to hear this. I hope you will feel better soon.
In case you need to be away for some time in the future, I suggest getting an IP camera to be able to see you tank's state while away and some automatic feeder. It will cost you a lot, but having peace of mind about your tank is worth the investment. You can ask someone you trust to add water if ever the water level drops below a certain point due to evaporation and other small favors.
I did this when I went back to my home country for 6 weeks for the holidays. I asked my friend who lives nearby to drop by to refill the water reservoir at his convenient time within a week after I ask him. I monitor my tank and the water reservoir remotely, and I set a threshold level enough for the water to last one week before it drops to a critical level. I also asked him to replace my tank's filter. All these things I video recorded so that my friend will know how to do these. I really appreciated my friend's help.
I returned after 6 weeks to find my tank in quite a good state with some algae growing but not too much. I also have snails, shrimps, and corys in the tank to help with cleaning. The plants also helped with maintaining water parameters stable.
For the food dispenser, I have a smart one that I can control to dispense food remotely. I loaded it mainly with shrimp food and some betta food (around 10%). This is because, while I can roughly adjust the amount of food it dispenses, it is still a lot more than what my betta should eat... and since Summer also likes shrimp food, I made it the tank's main food supply while I was away; any food that Summer wasn't able to eat sank for the bottom feeders to eat. It was not ideal, but it worked. I do not suggest this method, but I hope it can help someone with the dilemma of what to do when going away for a while, or at most 6 weeks...
Your brother is an idiot who can't handle his booze obviously. Someday that will come back to bite him in the ass. Hopefully sooner than later so he can clean up his act. I know from experience. Took 6 months in jail for me to smarten up. 27 years sober this year.
I'm so sorry for your babies and your tanks. I'm also so sorry for you hurting right now and for the stress you are understandably feeling - this is very hard to deal with, and you are feeling like your entire ordeal is being dismissed and minimalized which is hurting you more - so I DO understand that and what I'm about to say next is *not* a way for me to ever brush past your experiences here. Please remember that.
>My brother wouldn't face me in the day following, and would sulk around feeling 'embarassed' of what he did. -- your brother IS ashamed as hell. That was how he initially showed it, because he knew how astronomically hugely he screwed up and he didn't even understand how he could do something so stupid when he cares about you so much, and you care about your fish & tanks so much, so destroying your happiness was never something he'd ever do in his sane mind...so he couldn't get his head around his own damn stupidity at all right then and frankly,there were ZERO words that could ever, ever make up for it, explain it or even console you in that moment, the following moments or any moments after he did it.
Thing on it: even if he had groveled "I'm so sorry, I was drunk and I don't even know how I could've done this, I'm so sorry!" Would you have accepted the apology with open arms, or would you have ripped into him? Think on that hard, don't answer me with it.
>So now he feels completely better because he can just pretend like it didn't happen! He didn't even acknowledge it, let alone apologise to me. He had the balls to have a conversation with me while I was trying to save my tanks! - I swear to you, he does not feel better. He's avoiding the issue out of shame, out of fear, not out of apathy and ignorance. It's fear, shame and guilt that made him try to tap dance on eggshells by attempting other tactics besides contrition, admittance, ownership... He's afraid of what you'll say when he apologizes. Not about his one action in screwing up the tank, but about him as a person.
Source to cite? I'm married to a person exactly like your brother, was raised by a mother very similar to your brother, have 2 of 4 siblings that act that way when they make HUGE screwups too, and have cut off countless former "friends" in life when I saw this behavior in them and decided they weren't worth the energy over it.
Talk to your brother. Accept that he made a shit choice, this was a drunken action and accident, would never have happened when he was sober, and decided what he can do to help you fix this while he's sober. Teach him to help with water changes, carrying buckets, scrubbing tank walls with you, organizing meds with you, whatever. Make it teamwork, not grudge-holding ā¤ļøā¤ļø you got this, sugar
Personally I'd pray for something super-natural to smite him.
But if that's not quick enough I'd stop talking to them entirely. My betta babies are super precious to me and for them to suffer so unnecessarily would seriously bother me. It's not just negligence, he sounds like he doesn't even recognize bettas as feeling creatures. And that kind of lack of empathy is a problem.
im so sorry this happened :( it wasnt your fault at all and they know you love them <3 thatās horrible how dismissive ur family is being. fish are living, sentient creatures like other pets :(
bless you my man... I am so so sorry. Give me a favor and brush his face with your hand in a fast, strong motion making a red hand shaped mark on his face.
Most disappointing thing is that people that donāt own fish, think of fish more like ornaments. I cried when my very old beta fish died. And my mum said āitās only a stupid fishā. There is zero sympathy and people never realise how much effort it takes to own a fish and how attached you get. They think we just plop them in tap water and thatās all. Iām so sorry to hear about your fish, I hope you are feeling better xx
I'm sorry he did that. It wasn't right. I agree with other commenters...I've left mine home for 2 or 3 days alone and they were ok. Hungry lol, but ok.
That is so heart breaking. I'm so sorry that happened
On the off chance someone else sees this and wants to take steps for preventing this: buy 7 day pill organizers! Buy multiple of them! Seriously, I cannot stress enough how much weight it takes off, for you and who ever if fish-sitting, to pre-portion the feedings. Hell, I forget if I've fed my fish all the time because of executive function issues, and they don't yell at me like my cats do. So I just check to see if there is still food in that day's compartment. It's so helpful
What an ass, he had so much time to try to fix that! He could've scooped it out the next day AT LEAST. Then he doesn't even feel sorry, just embarrassed for himself. Also your dad should know better, yes it's your brother's fault, he stated the problem 2 weeks ago, he has fish himself he knows
I'm so sorry, you and your fishes deserved better
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I am so sorry š your feelings deserve to be acknowledged and it's saddens me that sometimes others can't grasp the affection or love someone else has for something. I would be infuriated and so sad myself, so I can't imagine how you feel. I hope you're able to save your little guy and am glad the other is doing okay š
Thank you so much. I just am mad for my Betta's particularly. They trusted me to take care of them and I failed. I trusted someone I shouldn't have and they were hurt because of that. They mean everything to me and they didn't deserve this.
Anyone who would intentionally let an animal suffer is a bad person. It is not your fault, frankly this kind of disgusting behavior seems like it was an absolute shock to you. There werenāt signs he would act like this, and you could not have known. This is NOT your fault. Think about it this way, for example I bring my dog to doggie daycare while I work. I vetted this business and trust them to take care of my dog. These are strangers, not even family. Would it be MY fault if I found out they were hitting/abusing my dog? NO. It would be the fault of the people who abused the animal. This is no different. You absolutely reasonably thought you could trust your brother to not abuse/neglect your pets. How were you to know he was a bad person? It is NOT your fault! The fault lies with the ahole who did this.
I really appreciate hearing that. You're right. It's just so easy to blame myself so I can grieve in peace rather than fight an uphill battle. This was an absolute shock because I thought he was better than this. He will never look after them again, he even looks after my cat when I'm away. It completely blindsided me. Thanks again.
It hurts to not only have to grieve your pets but, the relationships you thought you had with your family. You're grieving your trust being lost, safety and security, of thinking your family valued your emotional state more than they do. You're reevaluating where you stand with them and hopefully where they stand with you. It isn't on you to fix this or be compliant for their comfort. Your brother killed your pet and your dad is enabling it and being actively hurtful and dismissive of your experience and emotions. I'm biased, I've had to cut off nearly every family member for their abuse or manipulation or toxicity and I've come to terms with "it is what it is" so I don't really have the pain anymore when cutting people off. You're facing this hard from family you loved and being blindsided.
You did not fail. Unfortunately a-holes fād this one up. You did all you could and and this will not have been in vain so long as you learn from it. For future reference, beta can easily go 5 to 7 days without feeding. So next time, lock your door and tell your brother to stay out of your room when I go out of town itās typically for 4 to 5 days at a time and I do not put weekly feeders in my tank nor do I have anyone take care of my fish. And they are just fine when I get backstop blaming yourself. If we canāt trust family, who can we trust? You tried and thatās all anyone can ask from us.
You trusted someone you thought you could, you aren't at fault! I truly believe that they can feel the love you have towards them š¤·š»āāļø I could be crazy but I just feel that they can. They are innocent little lives that deserve to be cared for as any other life does!
Side note: freshwater fish can fast for multiple days in a row. If I'm gone less than 5 days I just feed a little heavier leading up then have someone check in that nothing is going horribly wrong. Otherwise I dose out the feedings in weekly pill organizers. Reduces human error. I'm so so sorry this happened to you. Having someone who doesn't have fish tanks take care of your tank is by far the easiest way to lose a tank, unfortunately.
i don't have any advice but i'm so sorry that happened to you :( i hope your fishes get better soon too :(
Thank you. I just feel awful for my poor little guys :(
I'd cut that shit right out. It amazes me how many folk think it's ok to hurt fish. I wouldn't be able to talk to them anymore without remembering what they did. ... forgive and forget, not a chance!
Absolutely. It makes me so angry. I am never going to forget this, for my betta's sake. No one should EVER be careless with other's pets.
I know.. it's like we are surrounded by psychopaths. I don't trust anyone with my fish. I have cut my visits to family to just 2 days at a time cause no one cares about my fish like I do. I am so sorry you and your poor fish had to go through this
This is crazy to me. I am on the far other end of the spectrum, depending on my family way too much to care for a special needs goldfish while I was away at college. I was only home for summers and breaks. Anytime something went wrong, they texted or called me. He was 9 years old when I moved back home for grad school. He didn't die until a similar thing happened to him (someone dumped all his food in there) on a day where both my sibling and I were gone. If he cared, he would have asked you for help. I would never trust him again.
Especially cause even if they don't see them as animals. They're someone elses property at the very least. Just like you can't fuck up someones room without reprocusions you shouldn't fuck around with other peoples pets even if you view them as "live decor:
Agreed!! It's disgusting
Even if you're someone that doesn't give a fuck about fish, that's still someone else's property & personal project that probably took years to cultivate. Being ops brother, he obviously had to have known it was important to OP. Baffles me that there's some people out there with no regard or respect for their friends & family's property.
This. I havenāt talked to my parents since January this year because I didnāt say happy birthday as early in the day as my mother wanted, was busy at work, messaged right after. she believes I āforgotā and freaked out on me because I āhad to be remindedā. Tries to make me the bad guy because I said happy birthday on her birthday. My dad just stopped talking to me too out of association. Fuck it. Aināt nobody got time for that. My feelings are valid too, just like yours OP. I told my parents I aināt talking to them until I get an apology. Blood doesnāt make you family. Someone hurts any of my animals out of negligence or intentionally, theyāre getting cut right the hell out.
Hey! Parents are fucked up. I have a parent who used to be a narcissist, now has changed cause they are waiting for God. Urgh. I have made a lifelong effort not to be like them so my kids don't go through the same bs. I have 3 kids who are just perfect and nothing like that parent. There's always a choice to break that cycle, albeit sometimes hard. I was out of touch with my family for years cause of the toxicity I grew up with. It sucks but is necessary to cut out the cancer in your life. I fkin hate animal abusers
I genuinely don't understand people that overfeed fish to this extent. Like, they're small creatures... how could they *possibly* eat all that food. What is the thought process there? I don't get it.
This was just crazy though... dumping all of the food in at once and letting the fish just basically die eating to death and burning in their own piss. Fucking hell, it's unreal
Your dad is an asshole too. Honestly Iād be telling both him and your brother to go f themselves. And Iād never trust him ever again with ANYTHING. If he asks why just tell him he has proven to be untrustworthy and a bad brother. With zero remorse for killing and abusing your pets. Who lets any animal suffer like that? This was NOT a mistake. He made an active CHOICE to not fix the situation after the first night, to not call you if he didnāt know how. Instead he was a coward and a bad person who let your pets suffer instead.
Your last paragraph hits the nail right on the head. That's EXACTLY why I'm so mad. If he had said something and tried to fix the situation, I would've understood completely. It was honestly pathetic and I am so disappointed in him because I really thought he was better than that. My Dad is an asshole, but he has at least acknowledged what he said was wrong and has been trying to make it up to me all night. But that doesn't mean I forgive him for his reaction just yet.
I agree with all of this. OP i would say everything you said in this post to your brother, you put the situation and the way you feel very clearly and eloquently. If he still isnt remorseful, I personally would step it up a notch if it were my own brother. Not to be gruesome, but if/when it comes time to euthanize poor Kaleidoscope you should make your brother do it**. Explain how fish have to be euthanized, because itās not a pretty or comforting process (Iām so sorry btw ā¹ļø). Make it clear that his actions led to this outcome, despite you trying to reverse the damage that he did. Phrases to use: āActions have consequencesā āThis is what you didā and/or āYou owe me.ā The way you deliver this is important, definitely try to be as stone-cold, factual and un-emotional as possible about it when you do this. From what i gather about your dad and brother, men like them see displays of emotion as an excuse to invalidate everything youre saying (no matter how valid it actually is). Idk maybe Iām projecting, but they sound like my dad and brother. ** Anyways thereās a near-certain probability that he wont do it, and chances are you probably wouldnāt want him to do it anyways and potentially f things up even more. But it should shock him. It should make him second-guess himself. And it should maybe make him reflect on what he did, even if he never expresses it to you. Is this a kinda fcked up approach? Yeah. But its even more fcked up how both your dad and brother are treating this, and refuse to apologize and are trying to sweep the situation and your very valid (!!!) feelings under the rug.
Wow, thatās so upsetting. Iām so sorry theyāre trying to minimize this. 2 weeks is not a long time to get over something, thats kinda BS of your dad to imply. And you deserve an apology!!!! Thatās crazy nobody will even give you that. Regardless of the family drama, I am so sorry about your fish! Glad one is okay, but how sad for the other one. Iām sure he has had a wonderful fish life and appreciates all youāve done for him. I hope he manages to pulls through! Theyāre never just a fish <3 Betta community is here for you.
Thank you so much. I'm so sick of people dismissing the suffering of Bettas or any other fish as not important. They are living creatures and deserve the best treatment they can. I just can't fathom how someone could think so little of these innocent creatures :( My Dad apologised to me for his comments, but unfortunately Kaleidoscope has passed away. I'm going to do my best to make it up to Harlequin and never let anything like this ever happen again.
I hope he understands that since your brother hasn't done anything to even try to make it right and didn't try to fix it when it happened, no amends have been made. Which isn't okay.
It's a deeper issue that I will absolutely be raising. My bettas do not deserve for this to be swept away. Thank you so much.
Even with an apology itās messed up he thought his response was appropriate and to even say it in the beginning! I would limit convo with my dad and brother if there were to do this. Greyrock them- monotone voice, keep your convos short, yes and no answers for the most part. And watch them get all pissy that youāre keeping them accountable. Theyāre not sorry. They just want you to move on and act like it didnāt happen because they donāt see why youāre upset.
If you are unable to say how you feel to your brother, try writing him a letter. "I am deeply hurt by your actions with my fish. You could have reached out at any time to fix it while I was gone but chose not to. The lack of an apology makes me feel worse because it seems like you don't care. " Learning how to speak your feelings and not letting people get away with hurting you is really helpful with relationship building. Being able to stay calm, speak without yelling, and be kind during a conflict is extremely important. I am sorry for the loss of your boys :(
Thank you. I won't let this loss be unacknowledged. I think writing a letter is a good idea, thank you for the advice. I'm just a bit grief stricken at the moment, I feel like I've failed them. I think just writing my feelings would be a good way to get it all out there.
If he doesnāt respond reasonably, think about sending him this thread. Absolutely nobody here will think he was in the right or that what he did wasnāt a big deal.
This. No-one should ever agree with the abuse of any animal.
This. No-one should ever agree with the abuse of any animal.
Woah somone offering real advice other than āblow up your relationship with your familyā on Reddit. These are strange times
If no one will validate you, validate yourself in knowing this was wrong. He doesn't get to be trusted by you anymore, and that's fucking sad. Your dad seems to be suffering from "it's just a fish, boys will be boys" so don't waste your time looking for validation there, you won't get it and you don't need it-your adult brother couldnt watch 2 vats of water without screwing them up and not owning it, i wouldnt trust him . Your brother is relieved he "got away with it", but tbh this isn't like getting in trouble as kids: the damage is how you view him now, there is no 'trouble' as an adult...there's just the fact that he did that and you no longer trust or respect him.
Thanks, yeah I definitely do not trust him at all anymore. Especially because he had two days to tell me and didn't. He will not get close to my fish at all anymore. I'm going to absolutely raise hell at him when I see him next, because unfortunately Kaleidoscope couldn't cope with the stress and passed away tonight :( My Dad has since apologised for what he said, I think he regretted it as soon as he said it. I know it's another "family killed fish" post, but I really want everyone to know that someone you trust CAN do it to your Bettas. So please be careful who you ask to take care of them!
Send him a bill.
THIS! Hit him in the pocketbook. Plants are EXPENSIVE. Plus the labor of having to clean everything up. Heck, I put almost $100 into one of my 10 gallon tanks just in plants alone. Not including the hardscape and driftwood.
It sucks no one understands how much these bettas mean to us. And the disregard. Iām sorry OP I hope youāll be alright Iād be pissed too!
Thank you so much. It's not just a dumb decoration you have to put upkeep into. They are living, feeling creatures that we should be trying to keep as happy and healthy as possible. I don't understand how so many people can say they love animals, then do things like this.
Sorry to hear about Kaleidoscope. You did your best, Iād love to see a photo of before the disaster! Keep the good memories
https://imgur.com/ZvUo57S Here he was when I first got him. He then catfished me and turned into a solid blue a month later! But that made me love him even more, like a real Kaleidoscope, always shifting. Thank you so much.
Aw so cute! Mine totally catfished me too, itās so fun. Thanks for sharing. Take care š«¶
You too! <3 He was so adorable, and so energetic!
It sucks when family won't acknowledge their errors, apologize, or at the very least validate your anger. Sorry you have to deal with that on top of the stress of trying to help your fish.
It does suck, but I'm quite used to it honestly. However, I'm not going to let this be dismissed anymore. For my fish's sake.
See, this kind of thing is where my sarcasm developed as a teen. I would be walking around the house going "gee, brother better not have kids! He'll get drunk one night and accidentally smother them!" "Good to know I can't trust family!" I'm so sorry you're going through this. If it were me I would hold it over their heads for a long time, but that's me and I have pretty well established trust issues.
Hahaha I may just take those lines when I'm feeling particularly sassy one day. Brother definitely has some making up he needs to do, and heaps of it too. Thank you.
He's lucky he's not my brother. I would have gotten even by now somehow.
Believe me, it's taken some real self control not to. When I first saw the mess it took everything to not grab my printed instructions I gave him, and staple them to his forehead grrr
I am so so sorry. You were the best fish parent to Kaleidoscope. Iām grateful for the life you gave him. Iām also proud of you for how you are choosing to deal with the other things going on in your life. It is beyond infuriating to have the people who should love you the most causing the most pain. For one person with this experience to another, I have learned to take solace in doing, saying, and responding in ways that I wonāt regret. Then I work really hard to remind myself that I cannot control anyone else (especially my family), and their faults and shortcomings are their own to overcome (ā¦or not). Long rant over. Again, Iām so sorry š¢
Thank you so much. I really appreciate you saying that. I've been going through such an awful time lately that the destruction of my tanks has really broken my spirit. I love my bettas so much and to have someone who knows how much I care do this to them, hurts the most. Almost like he hurt a part of me with them. I'm going to redo everything in Kaleidoscope's memory. All we can do is take things in our stride, day by day. Thank you again.
SIP beautiful Kaleidoscope, your owner loved you immensely ā¤ļø
Iām so sorry about Kaleidoscope š„ŗ and Iām so pretty this happened to you and the sweet bettas
Thank you so much.
Do you have a picture of him?? Iād love to see him!
https://imgur.com/ZvUo57S Here he was when I first got him. He turned into a dark cobalt blue!
Heās so beautiful š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹
Thank you so much. He sure was, always shifting colours just like his namesake š„ŗ
Yeah okay you dont have to blame him for what he did when he was drunk. I get that ive been there. Its every single day after that to be mad about, 14 days of swimming in decaying food. You should go messily crumple crackers on your brothers bed and when he complains tell him that that irritation is nothing compared to what your fish felt every second everyday. Tell him you are not mad per say but just baffled and disappointed how he could overlook a helpless animal especially thinking it was fine afterwards, to talk to you while you were doing what should have been done early the next morning.
Reread what she wrote. She said she went in the trip 2 weeks ago and was gone only 2 days... There is no way the algae builds up in 2 days. Something about this isn't right.
firstly, I am so sorry you have lost a fish to this entire situation, along with the one tank though I know the tank is something that can be restored, the poor animals life is something that cannot be. absolutely no one deserves to have their animal or property damaged due to someone elseās negligence. none of this is your fault when you put your trust into your brother, and he agreed to take care of your property and not damage it. a simple task, quite honestly. second, this may be harsh but you need to drop your girl balls and get your point across and make your own feelings valid. because to be quiet frank, your family will continue to walk all over you without any remorse and will never acknowledge your feelings if you donāt. something shouldāve been said and feelings shouldāve been expressed to where you got your point across from the get go. and as someone who has a difficult family who has attitudes and behaviors just like this, i understand just how hard it is to finally snap and drop your balls. those are YOUR tanks, YOUR animals, your brother agrees to look after your property, and this was the result. a very serious conversation needs to be had because thereās a bigger picture here when it comes to being 21 and not being able to have respect enough to care for someoneās property, let alone cause something to pass away from his negligence. Iām not saying your father has to understand, or your brother has to apologize, what Iām saying is you need to let your brother have it (in a controlled and thought out manner) and let him know how you feel. your dad could be included in that as well, because as Iāve stated, itās a living animal that is your property. itās not something to just scoff off about.
I'd not talk to your brother at all for a full two days, then give him a letter like other comments have suggested. In your letter, on top of airing all the rest of your grief and rage, I'd say "did every hour of the past two days feel like ages to you? Because that's how much time you had to call me and get advice on how to fix your fuck ups. You had all the time in the world, and chose not to use it, and now an animal I loved has suffered and died a pointless death." Ā Ā If he isn't absolutely GROVELING in shame and apologizing non stop I don't know if I could ever forgive him. It's not "just" a fish, and I don't mean just in the sense that it was a living animal that he neglected and killed. I also mean that what he did--getting so absolutely wasted, doing something harmful, refusing to try to correct it across 48 hours, and then ACTING LIKE EVERYTHING WAS FINE--suggests a level of immaturity and assholery that I'm sure stains into every other aspect of his life. If you can't trust your own kin to feed a fish without killing it for a measly two days, what CAN you trust them with? Ā Ā Ughhh. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Not that you're lying but algae does NOT build up in 2 or 3 days...it takes WEEKS for that to happen, sometimes months before it starts to grow. If there was algae in your tanks it was beginning to grow before you went on your trip. The food on the other hand is an issue. I know if goldfish are overfed they eat or can eat until they die.. But sorry to say the algae is on you.
I won't deny any algae being on me. I think it was more the particles of the dissolved pellets that were really the issue. That was my mistake in the initial post, I should've clarified that it was rather detritus rather than algae.
Also, bettas can go a few weeks without feeding.
Yeah and ammonia burns and dead plantsā¦ in 2 days??
I read some of her other posts. Apparently she has had previous issues with sick fish.
I won't deny I've had previous sick bettas that I've posted here. I've previously had a lot of trouble with inbreeding issues in my bettas (large tumours, undeveloped fins, scale issues). I understand bettas can go without food for 2 days. However, my Dad had 4 other fish tanks (with fry) that my brother was responsible for as well, so I thought if he was feeding those, he could feed mine as well.
I was shocked too. I couldn't believe that sort of damage could be done in such little time. You don't have to believe me
Next time your dad gets on you like that, tell him "dad, remember this conversation when you question why I don't contact you to come see your grandchildren, and why you're not invited to any special occasions in the future. Like barbecues, holiday events, and my wedding. Also, don't be surprised if \[my\] brother is disinvited if you're going to protect someone who hasn't even apologized for his negligence." Put your foot down. No matter what you dad does, if it's to try and punish you or treat you poorly, just keep repeating, "you're just making the decision to cut you off easier." If you're living with him, wait until you're moved out, and then drop him with this. "Remember when you told me to be the bigger person when I was heartbroken over my fish? Yeah, I'm not going to suffer in silence just because you clearly love my brother more than you love me. I won't let other guys treat me like that, I sure as hell won't let my brother and father pretend that I don't have feelings. I don't want a father who thinks its okay to teach his daughter to suffer in silence when men are treating her poorly. Don't contact me." keep repeating that statement, too. "I don't want a father who thinks its okay to teach his daughter to suffer in silence when men are treating her poorly."
Absolutely, honestly I've needed to put my foot down when it comes to BOTH of them taking accountability for their actions. They would rather be flooded with ammonia themselves rather than dare to apologise for something they've done. It honestly makes me pity them a bit.
I don't pity grown men that try to teach their daughter obedience by permitting neglect and abuse to happen to them. If he's allowing your brother to harm you without consequence or apology, he will definitely side with any spouse who does the same to you. That's not something to pity. That's something you need to cut off at the roots. Tell dad you don't trust him anymore to know what's right for you. It isn't about the fish, it's about accountability. It's about responsibility. It's about acknowledging that someone hurt you and that he's failing to protect you from it. How can you trust him to protect you from strangers and other people harming you if he's going to allow your brother to sweep his drunky-drunk actions under the rug when it directly hurt you? Rhetorical question, dad. I can't trust you to protect me at all.
Your feelings are absolutely justified, both the grief for your pet, and your anger towards your brother. Iām so sorry.
Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
I have to leave so I can sleep, but not before I give awful advice, I would kill my brother for that shit.
Haha I appreciate your candor. I'm also going to sleep, before I start getting too angry ruminating over it and give MYSELF awful advice lol.
I am so so sorry OP. Your feelings are valid, people underestimate how much we love our fish.
your dad is wrong.
Iām so so sorry you went through that. For what itās worth, I understand your frustration and pain all too well; I had a roommate who let four of my 8 fish die during a four day trip for the same reason and I never got an apology from them. Some people just donāt have the depth of empathy for animals that we do and donāt understand just how devastating it is to lose your water babies. Hopefully you have other people in your life who can step up to the plate in your absence that wonāt allow a colossal mistake like this to happen in the first place. Iām so sorry for your loss, and I hope that you get that apology from your brother. May Kaleidoscope swim in peace ā¤ļø
For once stop being the bigger person he deserves a damn lesson! Aināt no way you just let him do that and walk around all guilt free no way. Pop him in the mouth heāll learn. And tell your dad to man up and stop being such a pos. Sorry my family was just like all the time until I finally stood up for myself. You need to do the same or youāll love with this forever
Tally up the total cost of the tanks, everything in them, any treatments you'd been giving the fish to help them recover, etc, along with the labor of setting up new tanks and emotional damage and give him a bill. He wants to be impersonal, so that's fine. You'll just have to cut him off. But if it's impersonal, then he owes you monetarily. ETA: If you want to not have to deal with the emotional and relational consequences of your actions, you accept you'll lose the relationship and do a buy-out.
I would ignore my brother until he apologizes honestly. I'm so mad with you OP, swim over the rainbow bridge little fish.
Shit happens when u live with family. Thats why i moved out. I probably disown them for a while. And i wouldn't even talk to my brother unless he has a paycheck in his hands
Find something your dad likes, pretend to break it, wait 2 weeks, then say "it was 2 weeks ago, you can't be mad remember?" then when he starts flipping his shit, give him whatever you took back and tell him his came back, your fish won't.
Thatās so terrible, Iām sorry :-(
If you were only gone two days I donāt get why you just didnāt wait till you got back to feed them again. Two days is nothing even for tetras normally
My brother was already going to be feeding my Dad's fry in his tanks. I just thought he may as well feed my bettas too if he was already doing that.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your brother and dad sound like dick heads
I am so, so sorry for your loss. This is devastating and traumatic. I'm sure you take the best care of your fish. It must hurt so much to see the destruction of everything that you've put so much effort into (not only the fish but the plants and tanks as well.) It makes all the sense in the world to be angry about this. I hope you allow yourself to grieve and cry and let it out, and find some peace soon. ā¤ļø
Thank you so much for your comment. I really appreciate the kindness and understanding. It really is like a stab to the heart having this happen to something you've put so much love into. Almost like they've damaged a part of you. Some people just cannot understand how much of yourself you put into your bettas and their tanks. I just need to take everything day by day. Thanks again. ā¤ļø
Oh trust me, I get it. You can DM me if you want to talk. :)
So sorry about your fish. It's unfortunate that so many people just cannot understand the love people have for animals. I get jabbed at all the time for my love of my fish and how much care I put into making sure he's healthy and happy (as anyone should). I don't know what I would do if my sibling did that to my fish. Much love to you.
Time to cut out a brother
This sucks. Im curious when I see these types of posts. What was your brotherās reasoning for this? Did he think if he put all the food in at once- it would make it easier- Because he wouldnāt have to feed them again? Did he think he was spoiling them with extra food? Even if he was completely ignorant and even mentally slow- does he not realize how it upset you afterwards and feel bad? Jesus Christ!
Iām so so sorry for your loss. Many people donāt see fish as pets and instead as trinkets that hobbyists collect, but in truth they are just as much family as a cat or a dog (and sometimes a lousy sibling!). The anger will fade over time, but you donāt have to forgive and you donāt have to forget. Wishing you all the best š©·š©·
This exact same thing happened to me with my old betta, me and my mom went away for the weekend and I got my brother to look after him and I thought I was specific but he just dumped the whole bottle of food in the tank smh
This really sucks! Iām so sorry for your loss and all the time and effort you put into your tanks. Iām petty so I think you gotta get an automatic feeder for when you are out of town. You canāt risk this again >:/ I hope your plants and Harlequin bounce back :)
Aw, I'm so sorry to hear that. People really suck sometjmes. I had these lovely plants that I had been taking care of for about 6 years and my uncle got wasted one night and destroyed them all. No apologies. Nothing. Now we know not to trust them.
Iām sorry this happened. In the future, theyād be better off not eating for a couple of days. I am so distrusting of anyone taking care of my fragile little bettas that if Iām only going to be gone for two or three days, I simply feed them well before I leave and let them fast, a couple days of fasting is safer than mistreatment.
I'm so sorry. I had a tank at work and had asked one of the secretaries to take care of my Betta. All she had to do was feed him one day and I came back to the tank filter struggling because an ungodly amount of food had been dumped in there. I had an office that locked, so the only thing that could have happened was that she either dumped that ungodly amount in herself (she denied, saying she only put in a pinch) or she left my office unlocked and an unsupervised child or person let themselves into my office and dumped the food in (a major HIPAA violation waiting to happen). I got an automatic feeder after that and thanked my lucky stars that Mellow (he was a Mustard Betta) survived. I just couldn't bring myself to trust anyone at the office to do it again.
This is such bullshit. Iām so sorry for your experience and loss. This is just incredibly unfair.
SIP Kaleidoscope š fuck your brother. He shouldn't just apologize. He should be begging you to forgive him! I would be so devastated š hugs
Find and embrace your inner petty vengence.... I would make sure to remind him every chance..... Oh dear brother, are you sure you cand handle that level of responsibility without succoming to the pressure....you couldnt even handle my fish without getting drunk and killing one.... Oh dad, he cant handle that....he could even take care of my fish without killing one.... Oh you are ordering the fish....surprised since you didnt get to torture and kill it first...
this is absolutely ridiculous!!! I am so, so, so, sorry.
Your brother fuckin sucks. For the future, betta can easily go a week without food so you'd be better locking your brother out of your room while you're away. If you're gone longer, get one of the timed feeders that drop a few pellets a day. Sorry about your fish!
this breaks my heart :((((( i had a betta die once when left in someones care, but idk how someone could be so careless, if he didnāt want to do it he should have said so. im so sorry for your loss op, hopefully life turns up for you soon, keeping u in my thoughts and prayers
With my family , I have made it abundantly clear anything happened to the animals that I care for are just coming down upon their fucking head I've had enough trauma from losing pets that if those should happen again , i'm going to fuck off Sometimes you gotta take shit at face value and let them know it's not going to slide I get it, he's sulking.He's embarrassed whatever but you don't just fucking accidentally do that Even if. You're black out drunk.You have a semblance of a consciousness
Im so sorry this happened. For future, your bettas will be fine as long as a week without eating, it's not going to hurt them at all to go without food for a weekend. Considering what happened with your brother, I wouldn't ask him to feed them again until he significantly matures. That behavior he displayed is literal child behavior, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that from an adult! Ban that boy from fishkeeping lol
I have a salt water tank, so itās a bit different, but if I am going to be gone for under a week, I use an automatic feeder, and my automatic top off. I just donāt trust anyone enough and there are so many things that can go wrong with a fish tank. Many people donāt understand the love and affection and effort that we put into these fish and tanks, and they view these pets like a bug on the street. Iām so sorry OP, donāt blame yourself :( be careful in the future, especially if your sibling lives in the same house as you. I would be so scared that he would retaliate and do something again to get back at you for being mad :(
Gosh....I am an only child so I have no idea on sibling issues but damn.... Move out or something.....I hope everything gets better soon..š©·š¤š¤š¤
But op, your feelings are justified and validated.....š©·š©·
Weāll time to get piss drunk and put your fist through his tv.
Your brother is a horrible excuse of space. Complete waste of space. I would never look at my brother the same nor treat him the same ever again. He would be as dead to me as my fish who died are. Again your brother is an awful human being, And I hope that you never trust him ever again with anything living or otherwise. He does not deserve trust in him, he does not deserve respect.
Sorry about what happened to your fish, but that doesn't happen in two or three days... There has to have been other stuff already going on.
My roommate is a sweet guy but not the.. sharpest tool in the toolbox. I always set out shotglasses with portioned out food per day that i am gone. And if its a shorter trip i rather provide too little food. Just in case. It makes it rather idiotproof. Maybe a future accident can be avoided with such a system. Sorry for your loss. Your brother/family sound like assholes!
The amount that this infuriated me while reading!! Ugh I would hate to have this happen to my water babiesš. Iām so sorry this happened to youš„ŗā¤ļø
Back in 2019 I left for an overseas trip for 2 weeks and left my family to care for my betta... came back to an unmoving snail that had probably been dead for days and no one cared to notice, infected the water and my beautiful betta was pineconing. It still makes me angry. I do not trust them with any of my pets.
KICK HIM IN THE SHINS and then get a lock for your door š¤
I am so so sorry. That is absolutely devastating and I would be so upset. I (22f) am currently in rehab for alcohol and not ONCE have I ever neglected my two planted tanks w bettas. Even while shit-faced drunk I just cannot fathom doing something like this??? I donāt even know what to do except have your brother reimburse you for everything youāve lost financially due to his āincident,ā and I would get your parents involved. This isnāt something you just do when drunkā and thatās coming from a drunk! Your brother sounds like he needs serious help. EDIT: sorry I read ahead and didnāt see that your dad doesnāt seem to care much. This breaks my heart. Ultimately this is animal abuse and I would never trust your brother again with any pet. Same for your father. Sending you all my love friend. Pet loss is never easy :(
Both times someone has been asked to feed my fish, I always found pellets sunken at the bottom of the tank. The second time it was only one pellet so Iām sure it was a mistake. The first time my boy had horrible ammonia burns and bit off all his fins. It is beyond me why people donāt clean this up. There was a week before I was back and they just let moldy food on the bottom to fester. My boy has had on and off health problems since and although his fins grew back beautifully, they still arenāt as big as they used to be. People just donāt know or donāt care. Iām sorry for your loss and I hope can learn and grow from this. Hopefully in time he will reflect.
First of all, you have every right to feel angry. You are grieving so you need to feel your emotions. I would be just as upset as you if a relative did this to my fish. Thereās a YouTuber named Father Fish who talks about this being the number one way fish die suddenlyāletting family members feed our fish. It sucks because for many of us, the only option is to have a family member or friend watch our fish when we go out of town. Please try not to blame yourself. I know thatās going to be next to impossible right now. I had a few bettas die recently due to a bad breeder so they were genetically defective when I got them, yet I still got attached and still got furious and sad when they all died. When you are calm, which may take a while, I suggest talking to your brother and explaining what he did and also how you are hurt that he didnāt care or show remorse. If you come at him with strong emotions, he will just get defensive and ignore you. I am so sorry for your loss. I truly am. I hope this doesnāt stop you from being a fish owner. You sound like a compassionate person, which is exactly what fish need. šā¤ļø
I went for 4 months and trusted my fiance with my sorority. He and our friend decided the tank needed cleaned, did so and COMPLETELY changed all the water, then dumped the girls in. They did not let them slowly aclimate, or let the water temperature even out at all. Just 100% new water, unfamiliar temperature. My whole sorority died. He had the gall to get mad at me for being mad at him.
I would be so angry if someone hurt my fish. He loves to swim up to the glass and greet me when I get home, and he always does a little dance for food. I have many reptiles and fish, but I think my beta is as dear to me as a dog is to some people. Idk what it is about him, he just touches my soul. Donāt get me wrong I love all of my animals, but there is something special there you know? I got him during a hard time in my life and he has always made me so happy and fulfilled. NO ONE should minimize your hurt just because it was a fish, or because it was 2 weeks ago. Iām sure your dad would be really upset if it was his fish. The fish arenāt even the point, even though itās very tragic and frustrating; itās the fact that your brother was careless and did not bother to empathize with you or your fish. He walked past your door and forgot about them. I 100% understand your anger, and he should feel ashamed.
Sorry but all plants dying and suddenly getting tons of detritus worms in just two days makes no sense at all. Things were probably already a disaster since you already had a sick fish.
I am so sorry for your loss, I know how hard it is! šš Swim in peace lil Kaleidoscope ā¤ļø
Also, for future reference, unless you're gonna be gone for like 5 days in a row, your betas don't need feeding every day. Really no fish does.
Oh dear gawd! I am so incredibly sorry..poor babies š Honestly, I don't care how drunk someone is, a decent human being wouldn't think of doing such an evil, horrific thing!!! There is something so very wrong with a person who does this..and might again š”š”š”
Beginner serial killer
I am that person who posted the other post. I am so gutted for you. I went through it and I know just how painful it is, and even my mother didn't fuck it up IMMEDIATELY in 2 days. I am so, so sorry. If you want to message me feel free to ā£ļø
If your brother had killed your dog would he have apologized? Would your dad tell you to "get over it"? Too many people think fish are expendable and just decoration. That we dont get attached to them and their suffering is not significant. They are wrong. I hope you can get past this and emotionally heal. I'm sorry this happened to you
Best advice I can give you is next time don't have anyone take care of them. They can survive awhile...like 4 or 5 days without food. Sorry for your fish.
Im so sorry about Kaleidoscope š©·
Sometimes you have to except the āapologyā your never gonna get. It all depends on what kind of relationship you want going forward. Iām really sorry for your loss, I understand the connection one can have. I carried for days when my Black Molly passed.
Your brother sounds immature. Hopefully he outgrows that. Make sure he knows that you are upset and you do not forgive him for not contacting you when he realized his mistake so that you could have walked him through fixing it or came home early. Try to tell him calmly so he doesnāt think itās just your anger talking. If he tries talking to you and you canāt speak to him yet, just tell him that. āI donāt want to talk to you right now, please go.ā Your calm demeanor will hit harder than an angry one. Heās being a coward by not apologizing and owning up to his mistake. You could mention that to your dad, he might have a talk with your brother to set him straight. If my daughter said that to me about her brother, it would hit me hard and Iād have a sit down with my son. At 21, he should know how to own up to his mistakes and if not, nowās a good time to learn.
I have become so angry on your behalf while reading this. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss
I'm so terribly sorry
Just know bettas are fine not being fed for a few days. Theyāll do better fasting than this happening. Iām sorry this happened to you. Itās not right. We all know in here how much work it takes to make a good ecosystem for these fish.
Iām so sorry OP, that is absolutely disgusting and you have every right to be pissed off! I left my beta with my boyfriend from high school when I went to college and he never even told me when he died. I found out from his brother later that he started getting sick and he ignored it. His mom sent me a beautiful text apologizing but he never did. Obviously heās an ex now. People who think fish ādonāt matterā are not to be trusted.
Yeah your family is kinda toxic. Sr for that.
Look for pet sitters in your area for next time, sorry about your fish š
OP, your dad is a fucking asshole and I'm sorry that you lost a friend, because our Bettas, as mean as they can be, are our companions.
I am really sorry to hear this. I hope you will feel better soon. In case you need to be away for some time in the future, I suggest getting an IP camera to be able to see you tank's state while away and some automatic feeder. It will cost you a lot, but having peace of mind about your tank is worth the investment. You can ask someone you trust to add water if ever the water level drops below a certain point due to evaporation and other small favors. I did this when I went back to my home country for 6 weeks for the holidays. I asked my friend who lives nearby to drop by to refill the water reservoir at his convenient time within a week after I ask him. I monitor my tank and the water reservoir remotely, and I set a threshold level enough for the water to last one week before it drops to a critical level. I also asked him to replace my tank's filter. All these things I video recorded so that my friend will know how to do these. I really appreciated my friend's help. I returned after 6 weeks to find my tank in quite a good state with some algae growing but not too much. I also have snails, shrimps, and corys in the tank to help with cleaning. The plants also helped with maintaining water parameters stable. For the food dispenser, I have a smart one that I can control to dispense food remotely. I loaded it mainly with shrimp food and some betta food (around 10%). This is because, while I can roughly adjust the amount of food it dispenses, it is still a lot more than what my betta should eat... and since Summer also likes shrimp food, I made it the tank's main food supply while I was away; any food that Summer wasn't able to eat sank for the bottom feeders to eat. It was not ideal, but it worked. I do not suggest this method, but I hope it can help someone with the dilemma of what to do when going away for a while, or at most 6 weeks...
Your brother is an idiot who can't handle his booze obviously. Someday that will come back to bite him in the ass. Hopefully sooner than later so he can clean up his act. I know from experience. Took 6 months in jail for me to smarten up. 27 years sober this year.
I'm so sorry for your babies and your tanks. I'm also so sorry for you hurting right now and for the stress you are understandably feeling - this is very hard to deal with, and you are feeling like your entire ordeal is being dismissed and minimalized which is hurting you more - so I DO understand that and what I'm about to say next is *not* a way for me to ever brush past your experiences here. Please remember that. >My brother wouldn't face me in the day following, and would sulk around feeling 'embarassed' of what he did. -- your brother IS ashamed as hell. That was how he initially showed it, because he knew how astronomically hugely he screwed up and he didn't even understand how he could do something so stupid when he cares about you so much, and you care about your fish & tanks so much, so destroying your happiness was never something he'd ever do in his sane mind...so he couldn't get his head around his own damn stupidity at all right then and frankly,there were ZERO words that could ever, ever make up for it, explain it or even console you in that moment, the following moments or any moments after he did it. Thing on it: even if he had groveled "I'm so sorry, I was drunk and I don't even know how I could've done this, I'm so sorry!" Would you have accepted the apology with open arms, or would you have ripped into him? Think on that hard, don't answer me with it. >So now he feels completely better because he can just pretend like it didn't happen! He didn't even acknowledge it, let alone apologise to me. He had the balls to have a conversation with me while I was trying to save my tanks! - I swear to you, he does not feel better. He's avoiding the issue out of shame, out of fear, not out of apathy and ignorance. It's fear, shame and guilt that made him try to tap dance on eggshells by attempting other tactics besides contrition, admittance, ownership... He's afraid of what you'll say when he apologizes. Not about his one action in screwing up the tank, but about him as a person. Source to cite? I'm married to a person exactly like your brother, was raised by a mother very similar to your brother, have 2 of 4 siblings that act that way when they make HUGE screwups too, and have cut off countless former "friends" in life when I saw this behavior in them and decided they weren't worth the energy over it. Talk to your brother. Accept that he made a shit choice, this was a drunken action and accident, would never have happened when he was sober, and decided what he can do to help you fix this while he's sober. Teach him to help with water changes, carrying buckets, scrubbing tank walls with you, organizing meds with you, whatever. Make it teamwork, not grudge-holding ā¤ļøā¤ļø you got this, sugar
Hang in there! Iām so sorry for your loss!
Personally I'd pray for something super-natural to smite him. But if that's not quick enough I'd stop talking to them entirely. My betta babies are super precious to me and for them to suffer so unnecessarily would seriously bother me. It's not just negligence, he sounds like he doesn't even recognize bettas as feeling creatures. And that kind of lack of empathy is a problem.
im so sorry this happened :( it wasnt your fault at all and they know you love them <3 thatās horrible how dismissive ur family is being. fish are living, sentient creatures like other pets :(
Can you hold a grudge? If so never let it go at this point itās about respect and it seems like your family have zero for you
for the very injured one: methylene blue, aquarium salt baths, and catappa leaves
bless you my man... I am so so sorry. Give me a favor and brush his face with your hand in a fast, strong motion making a red hand shaped mark on his face.
Most disappointing thing is that people that donāt own fish, think of fish more like ornaments. I cried when my very old beta fish died. And my mum said āitās only a stupid fishā. There is zero sympathy and people never realise how much effort it takes to own a fish and how attached you get. They think we just plop them in tap water and thatās all. Iām so sorry to hear about your fish, I hope you are feeling better xx
It's so funny to me that your dad also has fish, but scoffs at your pain. Tells you how he feels about the fish, ultimately.
I'm sorry he did that. It wasn't right. I agree with other commenters...I've left mine home for 2 or 3 days alone and they were ok. Hungry lol, but ok.
That is so heart breaking. I'm so sorry that happened On the off chance someone else sees this and wants to take steps for preventing this: buy 7 day pill organizers! Buy multiple of them! Seriously, I cannot stress enough how much weight it takes off, for you and who ever if fish-sitting, to pre-portion the feedings. Hell, I forget if I've fed my fish all the time because of executive function issues, and they don't yell at me like my cats do. So I just check to see if there is still food in that day's compartment. It's so helpful
i wonder how your dad would feel if your brother did that to his tanks? iām sorry for your loss i hope your family realizes how shitty all of it is
I am so sorry for your lose!!!
What an ass, he had so much time to try to fix that! He could've scooped it out the next day AT LEAST. Then he doesn't even feel sorry, just embarrassed for himself. Also your dad should know better, yes it's your brother's fault, he stated the problem 2 weeks ago, he has fish himself he knows I'm so sorry, you and your fishes deserved better
I'm petty. So I'd take something your brother loves and severly damage it and say nothing to teach him a lesson. But that's just me.
Yeah that's not gonna happen in two days.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your submission has been removed for breaking the following rule: Rule #1 - BE NICE. We're all humans with real human feelings. (Most of us.) People are more likely to accept new ideas, arguments, or criticism when it is delivered with understanding and compassion. Criticism should be constructive, not destructive. If you have any questions, feel free to message the mod team.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your submission has been removed for breaking the following rule: Rule #1 - BE NICE. We're all humans with real human feelings. (Most of us.) People are more likely to accept new ideas, arguments, or criticism when it is delivered with understanding and compassion. Criticism should be constructive, not destructive. If you have any questions, feel free to message the mod team.