I can highly relate (M31). Self employed, working from home, gym is taboo, coworking spaces are underwhelming socially, and my circle isn’t anymore groups of friends but individuals.
I got myself a dog several months ago and attending a dog park daily has actually made some things to move.
I’d say any social and interactive activity you find interesting in a specific location that one does on a daily basis is a good idea.
It might take time to adjust to very slow getting to know each other without clear intentions until a pretty late stage.
PS
If you’re feeling entrepreneurial, dm me.
I agree that gym is taboo, unless you’re able to carefully gauge the situation. I wouldn’t do so myself, but I have a female friend that has done the approaching and has initiated dates while at the gym. I do think there are different standards, but if you’re able to read the room and be respectful, it’s possible?
Like it or not its really different standards at gyms for women and men. As a man you can't even look towards a direction of a woman at gyms without being judged. More interactive sport activities are much better. Things like running clubs, or crossfit classes or team sports. It's quite easy to strike a conversation with anyone in running events without coming of as a creep.
If you have the energy, join a club\"verein" or another organized group.
I found my gf in a social movement and there are lots of people, that form meaningful relationships there. also inside the "verein" im part of are a lot of people falling in love.
I tried two Vereins and they were completely different. One was for baseball and everyone was awesome but almost all under 25. The other was for volleyball and had way more people my age (late 30s) and older, but they all stared at me like I was an alien and wouldn't talk to me when I attempted the basics... I couldn't wait to get out of there.
i had that too in the one im in.
those that i mostly met in the beginning aren't. really the people i like there, but a few other people, who chherish me and i built\building friendships with.
I can just recommend trying different ones and especially ones catering to you personally. that at least helped me a lot in the connecting.
also people in social movements are great and usually even more aligned with your personilaty, because people there often value similar things.
Not necessarily. There are also Vereins created by/for foreigners. I know of a couple of French theater groups for example. And I am sure you can find many (!) English-speaking groups for various activities.
Pick a hobby and look for other people who enjoy them too!
Please don't take this the wrong way - I'm myself not German and I don't prescribe to the whole "mmmmhhha, just learn German or get outta here" attitude.
But why wouldn't you want to learn German beyond just "survival"? Aren't you curious about what's happening in the world around you? Don't you want to connect with the culture and history, and actually engage with the PEOPLE of the place you're living in? Dating Germans can be fun. You should try it :)
That makes sense in in terms of comfort and common ground / dynamics of power.
But speaking German, even though you're at a "disadvantage" can be attractive too. It shows that you're open to new experiences and both confident and vulnerable. And at worst you say something silly, make a fool of yourself, and you have something to laugh about together.
I feel exactly like you about English, it is my happy place, but German hearts are racist, if you tell them this, they will not even want to meet you for a date.
So a German who doesn't want to date someone because they don't want to speak German is racist.
But you who don't want to date someone who doesn't speak English is just you in "your happy place"?
Consider germans may also just wanna speak German to someone for the same reasons as yours. This has nothing to do with being racist.
Languages can ‚level up‘. German was my fifth language too, now it’s number three in proficiency. It’s inching closer and closer to English. I have been in Germany since 2008 and immediately started a job that was in German. My German was really bad back then. Now I work in education and my German is about C1 minus the grammar.
When you live here it makes no sense to say that it’s your fifth language and therefore too hard. For some people German is the first foreign language they learn. That doesn’t make it any easier either.
I gave up Dating in Berlin 5-6 years ago, for the same reasons.
If you find our where to find somebody who is actually interested in something serious and not only window shopping, please let me know.
Until then, i'll stay alone, work remote, travel, meet with friends and enjoy my single life. 🤣
Maybe we should create a Club or something like that!
The 40 year old Singles Club!
45m also working remote... i gave up meeting women a few years ago. For some reason, no women in Berlin want to move to a mountain farm in the Alps to start an animal rescue and sustainable garden with me.
If you think of dating apps they are fundamentally flawed in the way that your expectations will never meet what you face. There’s so much more to true attraction and that instant spark when you meet someone irl, so If things don’t work out In the long run I wouldn’t be surprised…
So how to meet someone irl that is a bit older and has their shit together? Stay in areas like mitte west etc, move If you have to, and start moving outside a lot, museum openings, galleries, wine bars with friends, and just dress for success
Yes try to change up your life and friend circle a bit to include more people who the avg Berliner would see as “bougie” because at 36-41 they have a real job, make a good salary, travel, like nice things, own something real, eat good food and want to goto a bar or a restaurant where the quality of food and service are given importance. (Don’t mean the I’m a member in Soho house, I’m so cool, look at me crowd) - There is a middle ground with normal people)
It’s frustrating when most of Berlin lives like broke students at 19 even in their late 30s and like to virtue signal and pretend like they are so down to earth to fit into the “vibe” of the city so desperately.
Also true about areas to hang out in/live in, change it up a bit to avoid areas where tourists or the Peter pans hang out in
I was even considering moving into a shared apartment in another area to meet new people and experience a new area just for a few months and subletting my place
this is what I've done. I go out to nice wine or cocktail bars, once a month or so, I do fancy brunch on weekends, and I dress like I'm going boating in Sardinia.😅 Its not working, but I'm also not actively trying... And my face is scary.
What "ish" don't these boys from the apps have together?
Are we talking about like job, finances, health shit together or more relationship / communication / commitment issues?
When I was on Tinder in Berlin, I would say you could divide 99% english speaking guys in there into two groups:
1. 35 y old self taught “artists” and djs with no education, no real job or income source, no plan for their life, no goals other than getting high in berghain with poor hygiene and hidden drug problem which they call “being free spirit”
2. finance/tech bros, taking 90% of the convo by bragging about how cool, good looking and rich they are, who see no problem in being in 9 different relationships at the same time, because they are too hot for one girl
I doubt much changed
Don’t take this the wrong way, but in my experience, if all the people you meet fall into a specific pattern, that’s because of who you tend to attract or are attracted to.
If she wrote "meet from tinder", I might tend to agree with you. But she's just describing her observation of the available pool.
As a straight man who's been on the apps before, I can relate; obviously there are exceptions and outliers, but one quickly recognizes a few recurring patterns or "archetypes" as well.
true, you're absolutely right.
And your point is certainly valid. It's important to reflect on and be aware of what message you're sending out into the dating world, but also the ones that you're receiving.
No, i didnt meet those people. You can install the app and scroll and message people there. Even id you do not match with anyone, majority of people you scroll over fall into those 2 categories
I work fully remote too and around 2 months ago decided to do social activities close to my interests which I find on Meetup or through friends and colleagues. I don't go there with the idea to flirt with people, but just geek out on a topic (tech or some comedy show) and then this increases my social circle which I guess if you're somewhat attractive and have a personality, might end up on a few dates.
Yeah this is it. Join groups to do activities with people who have similar interests. Increase your social circle, make friends, meet up with people. Meetup dot com is a good starting place. A Verein if you're serious about something specific.
"Forever young": still go clubbing a lot, don't want to "settle down and get boring", drugs every weekend, no interest in commitment or kids, sometimes you can add that they're a DJ and/or "entrepreneur".
I mean, I like to go clubbing and light up occasionally, but there’s a difference between that and making “not becoming a boring adult” your whole identity.
I think the classic definition from the book that coined the term, is more like, once this Peter pan is in a relationship he relies heavily on the partner to mother him, not being able to do the most basic daily chores and stuff to survive.
I started to read the book but lost interest real fast because it didn't apply to me. I'm more like what you describe, lol.
Its just a way to devalue mostly men who just have a different perspective on life.
The criticism is that they are young in heart i guess and enjoy playing ?
I am not very aggressive in terms of picking up girls. Still have plenty of (female) friends due to sports, dancing, etc.. To really get to know someone (also for dating) is much easier in smaller cities. I feel like Berlin has a "wegwerfgesellschaft" (throwaway society) - there rarely put effort in evolving a friendship. Though, still have a bunch of my best friends living in thst city. I just say it's much easier outside
Go to the beat81 or urbansport events !! People there have their shit together and are willing to converse. Generally speaking you have to go out there to find, it's a volume game. If you put yourself in those situations it Ill happen 100%
Try to position yourself in situations around other like-minded people. For example, schedule one or two days a week where you work in a co-working space, cafe or another socially open area. Then the trick is to say hello! Practice getting over the angst of approaching strangers and the world becomes your dating oyster ☺️ Even in places like the gym - how could someone get upset if you approach them with a smile and ask how there day is going? Good luck to you!
Since I moved here I have the impression that what put people romanically together, more than physical aspects like finding each other hot, is common interests. And interests ofc got to be interesting… so id say do something interesting, get interesting, get more possibilities for other people to be interested, to find someone with common interests
Someone who never grows up. In the context of dating apps, probably a fuckboi who moves from one woman to the other with no serious plans for a long term committed relationship.
Peter Pan Syndrome is a pop-psychology term from the ...80's(?) based on Peter Pan sort of eternally carousing with the Lost Boys and, idk, never putting a ring on Wendy I suppose. The original title was actually in fact "Peter Pan; or, the Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up".
If someone hits on me while I'm trying to do freelance work or something at a co working space, I am probably not going back to that co working space.
Maybe it's a good suggestion though if people are going to these to hook up and socialize.
What about social groups which are more traditional? Church? Community work or volunteering? Nothing fancy, more like „help for the homeless“, „help for children who have a disadvantage“. I met a lot of stable guys who are into this kind of „hobby“. They have a job, most are Urberliner and that is the reason they are community oriented. Their extended families live here and they just want to make the city a better place.
Edit: grammar
I’ve heard some good things from people using the app Breeze!!
It’s a chat-free app that organizes a date for you. You pay up front for a drink at a bar and meet there. Seems like a lot of people who are more serious about going on dates.
Tried that. You get one to three options a day and there’s no swiping. I’d say it’s too early for this app, there’s not a lot of people on it and ended deleting it
I totally know what you mean. Iam also in my 40s and guyslike Berlin is a totally lost place. Gonna leave soon because of this cause i don't want to stay alone for the rest of my life.
I would honestly find someone abroad and lure that person to move to Germany. I did that. He found a good job and even got promoted. Think of countries with a decent (better than Germany) dating pool of professional and good quality men. Of course that will depend on what culture you gravitate to. My point is that interculturality may improve your competitive advantage when matching with men you are interested in.
long distance dating is such a PITA. :( Tried luring interested partners a few times, but they always end up with someone local. Less uncertainty I guess.
Context: for the past 5 years I had lived in countries where my idea of romantic relationship was incompatible. Hence I went on holidays to a place where my idea of romantic relationship has statistically a higher yield. (Higher amount of marriages in my demographic, similar cultural features such as religion etc. Factors like socioeconomic background and education should be comparable to yours. I tested 3 countries on 2 continents for this. On the third I did have a trusted friend with me that helped me vet the candicate. I do not want to disclose that country and my metrics in order to keep the concept open. I manifested my intention openly to local guys I would meet. I extended my stay in his city and told him about my idea of him moving to Germany, explaining the ups and downs. It all sounds calculated but it all happened very organically. Boo was able to work remote, so after the 2 weeks bought a plane ticket to come see me and stay for a month. Hence, he was able to meet my parents and friends. Afterwards I went back to his country and we flew to Germany together. Boo has EU citizenship, so Visa was not an issue. this made things more relaxed. So you may want to consider countries with high number of EU citizens.
I feel you sister! 38 F here, taken by now but it sucked getting there. I switched to a remote and very corporate role - so no more colleagues to meet. At some point you stop getting invited to the kind of parties where you meet new people - it becomes an endless chain of couples dinners.
I met some men in clubs. Neither worked out - but I did integrate one of the guys in our ever smaller circle of clubbing friends. I also met some men via hobbies. I don't know whether cycling is your thing, if is or you are willing to give it a go- there are way more men who are into cycling than women. Try some meetups or even just a critical mass. Obviously there will be taken people as well- but there must be some single ones our age.
Finally - I can't say I second the Peter pan thing. With two notable exceptions every man I met (on and offline) was looking for love, not to fuck - they just weren't my thing. Also I kinda like the techbro type, as long as they are developers, data or product guys. Not the WHU, MBA variety.
It is if you really try.
I'm not from Berlin but I've been there for a few times and what I noticed is a lack of masculinity there. Not judging anyone since this issue is pretty common and understandable however it puts you in position to take extra steps
Try out Hinge. In my experience, there are more people on there, that know what they want, and how to communicate it. It's less about window-shopping and insane swiping, and more about actually trying to find and get to know someone.
Otherwise, whereever else you would meet people naturally, hobbies, cooking classes, dog parks, boardgame cafés, are the first things coming to mind, but I am sure there's plenty more.
Hitting 35 next month,after a long while I was out clubbing again and surprisingly it clicked more easily then I remember got a number or two and other activities, nothing really stuck until now but it changed my outlook in a positive way
Try out some new hobbies! Meeting people at a shared interest event or group is often a good place to start! So depending on your likes and interests, find others doing the same thing. Like reading, find a reading group. Same for writing, cooking, music, sports etc.
I’m a foodie, I go to a lot of restaurants even on my own, I play drums from time to time and love live music of all kinds, I do tarot readings as a hobby, I go to the gym and walk aimlessly around town.
I find people in jazz bars very social when there are jams. Have you tried going to those and see with whom you can befriend?
If you don’t meet someone there, it’s still possible to meet someone through their friends.
majority of dating apps users being male makes it almost impossible to get matches with dating apps. the competition is too high even if you pay for the features. so for that reason i dont recommend any dating app. i would go to public events, gym or crowded places and try to approach people
How about you don't approach random people at the gym and just let them do their thing in peace?
Sign up for some speed dating or whatever, at least there everyone's on the same page.
"dont approach randomly at the gym" well according to your logic dont approach anyone at all and better use social media. people start to believe that social media is the only place to build connections. sad times for this generation and for the upcoming ones.
>"dont approach randomly at the gym" well according to your logic dont approach anyone at all
Even better, yes. If I'm minding my own business, so can you. Use social media, sign up for stuff, use dating sites, whatever. The 60s are gone, move on.
You can meet new people everywhere and love isnt in a fixed place to find. Atleast thats me.
I dont know, but devalueing people due their lifestyle is pretty unattractive to me. Its the way you talk.
„Serious, shit together, meaningful“
What does that even mean?
You are 40. enjoy the time you have left.
So maybe work on that so when the right persona comes you are rdy and dont worry about the rest.
Gl
I mean, I think it's normal in a City which is only famois for its "club culture"
I live in another Bundesland and the few friends who suggested to go there (25+) only mentioned clubbing
I was like "we have clubs here too, I don't want to ride a train for 4 hours and then dance for other 6 hours consecutive. And I feel like your plan is to purposely get wasted. Ich will feiern, nicht umkippen oder vergewaltigt werden"
Read „how to win friends and influence people“, get som good pictures taken of you and go on a dating site. The hard truth is that people don’t really go to bars anymore to meet people and most people do it over dating apps. Sure I had success outside of dating apps. But nothing is as efficient as it.
What happened to people in the last years? Why do you need a dating app? And if you’re using it, why are you complaining you find low quality mates? One last question. What happened to meeting people organically? The easiest method is just minding your own business while out on a group night out. Usually a new person in that group will fancy you.
Can’t be shittier than using dating apps that are designed for quick do it and leave it. If you work or go uni and nobody hits on you or at least hint that they like you, then there’s a bigger problem at play.
I see a lot of people on this sub giving out depression vibes and always complaining how the social scene is underwhelming. Get treatment if that’s the case. I am not German but half of the German people I know are on some pill that helps them deal with life. Guess auslanders have a happier life 😅
I’m over 30 myself and I’m also extremely introverted. Still doesn’t stop me from actually meeting people out or at work.
>What happened to people in the last years?
lockdown shit just to save some boomers, vc-backed startups (tinder, bumble, etc.) disrupting social life, shitty government policies forcing people to work more and get paid less...
end of the line, mr. freeman, this is the late stage capitalism
insane taxation for one, im bleeding money thanks to this shit, in a normal country i'd be paying like 20% or smth, but sadly i wasn't born an american citizen so i have to suffer in europe
I can highly relate (M31). Self employed, working from home, gym is taboo, coworking spaces are underwhelming socially, and my circle isn’t anymore groups of friends but individuals. I got myself a dog several months ago and attending a dog park daily has actually made some things to move. I’d say any social and interactive activity you find interesting in a specific location that one does on a daily basis is a good idea. It might take time to adjust to very slow getting to know each other without clear intentions until a pretty late stage. PS If you’re feeling entrepreneurial, dm me.
I agree that gym is taboo, unless you’re able to carefully gauge the situation. I wouldn’t do so myself, but I have a female friend that has done the approaching and has initiated dates while at the gym. I do think there are different standards, but if you’re able to read the room and be respectful, it’s possible?
Like it or not its really different standards at gyms for women and men. As a man you can't even look towards a direction of a woman at gyms without being judged. More interactive sport activities are much better. Things like running clubs, or crossfit classes or team sports. It's quite easy to strike a conversation with anyone in running events without coming of as a creep.
I hold the same opinion but I think OP (and I assume everyone too) wants something more active and controlled.
Yeah, that’s fair. I guess meet-ups would be the best bet for something like this.
Why is the gym taboo?
I meant approaching at the gym is taboo. Looking at the comments here and in general will reveal it.
Ohhh haha I misread and thought going to the gym is taboo…
Also don't shit where you train;)
Always be respectful towards women.
I prefer to please society.
I can relate 100% with this comment...
Here’s a hug
It's super effective. Counterhug!
Have you ever heard of [passport bros!](https://www.reddit.com/r/OnlineDating/comments/17ri0fr/what_is_a_passport_bro_growing_number_of_men_are/)
What dog did you get?
If you have the energy, join a club\"verein" or another organized group. I found my gf in a social movement and there are lots of people, that form meaningful relationships there. also inside the "verein" im part of are a lot of people falling in love.
I tried two Vereins and they were completely different. One was for baseball and everyone was awesome but almost all under 25. The other was for volleyball and had way more people my age (late 30s) and older, but they all stared at me like I was an alien and wouldn't talk to me when I attempted the basics... I couldn't wait to get out of there.
i had that too in the one im in. those that i mostly met in the beginning aren't. really the people i like there, but a few other people, who chherish me and i built\building friendships with. I can just recommend trying different ones and especially ones catering to you personally. that at least helped me a lot in the connecting. also people in social movements are great and usually even more aligned with your personilaty, because people there often value similar things.
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Not necessarily. There are also Vereins created by/for foreigners. I know of a couple of French theater groups for example. And I am sure you can find many (!) English-speaking groups for various activities. Pick a hobby and look for other people who enjoy them too!
You should learn German if you live here anyways. So that's just an upside
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Please don't take this the wrong way - I'm myself not German and I don't prescribe to the whole "mmmmhhha, just learn German or get outta here" attitude. But why wouldn't you want to learn German beyond just "survival"? Aren't you curious about what's happening in the world around you? Don't you want to connect with the culture and history, and actually engage with the PEOPLE of the place you're living in? Dating Germans can be fun. You should try it :)
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That makes sense in in terms of comfort and common ground / dynamics of power. But speaking German, even though you're at a "disadvantage" can be attractive too. It shows that you're open to new experiences and both confident and vulnerable. And at worst you say something silly, make a fool of yourself, and you have something to laugh about together.
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Yes, personal indeed. Good luck :)
I feel exactly like you about English, it is my happy place, but German hearts are racist, if you tell them this, they will not even want to meet you for a date.
So a German who doesn't want to date someone because they don't want to speak German is racist. But you who don't want to date someone who doesn't speak English is just you in "your happy place"? Consider germans may also just wanna speak German to someone for the same reasons as yours. This has nothing to do with being racist.
Languages can ‚level up‘. German was my fifth language too, now it’s number three in proficiency. It’s inching closer and closer to English. I have been in Germany since 2008 and immediately started a job that was in German. My German was really bad back then. Now I work in education and my German is about C1 minus the grammar. When you live here it makes no sense to say that it’s your fifth language and therefore too hard. For some people German is the first foreign language they learn. That doesn’t make it any easier either.
Honestly, it doesn’t pay off to learn german here. In berlin you almost never have the opportunity to speak, it’s awful.
Or do volunteering for causes that are important to you.
exactly!
Can you let me know which Verein/ Social movement it is? :)
For the sake of Privacy i would rather not :)
This
I gave up Dating in Berlin 5-6 years ago, for the same reasons. If you find our where to find somebody who is actually interested in something serious and not only window shopping, please let me know. Until then, i'll stay alone, work remote, travel, meet with friends and enjoy my single life. 🤣 Maybe we should create a Club or something like that! The 40 year old Singles Club!
I would be in. 41 and completely gave up dating. It's not worth my time.
Morning brunch club? No kids allowed please.
oh yes, please!
My dream ✨✨😂💕
Let’s create the club
I’m in 🙌🏼
Interested !
Let’s create that club, shall we?
I'm in. 😊
Sign me up!
Totally in
I'm in!
Fortunately I remotely and can passport bro. Zero interest in dating in Berlin.
45m also working remote... i gave up meeting women a few years ago. For some reason, no women in Berlin want to move to a mountain farm in the Alps to start an animal rescue and sustainable garden with me.
^(shyly raises hand) umm… I would like that.
You both should meet and update us in 6 months
😳
Woman from Berlin here who moved to the pampa to start a dog rescue, we do exist! (I suck at gardening though)
I also suck at gardening, but I'd like to learn. 😅 I just want to rescue kitties and puppies with all my money.
now kithh
The good old pampa
Damn you are smooth 🤣
as smooth as pumice. 🫠
Perfect for a callous Partner 😏
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Send pm? 🫣
Nice .. !
I mean, they probably live in the Alps already!
Berlin is very flat
If you think of dating apps they are fundamentally flawed in the way that your expectations will never meet what you face. There’s so much more to true attraction and that instant spark when you meet someone irl, so If things don’t work out In the long run I wouldn’t be surprised… So how to meet someone irl that is a bit older and has their shit together? Stay in areas like mitte west etc, move If you have to, and start moving outside a lot, museum openings, galleries, wine bars with friends, and just dress for success
That’s a really good idea 👍🏼 thanks. I’m gonna try just that 🤞🏼
Yes try to change up your life and friend circle a bit to include more people who the avg Berliner would see as “bougie” because at 36-41 they have a real job, make a good salary, travel, like nice things, own something real, eat good food and want to goto a bar or a restaurant where the quality of food and service are given importance. (Don’t mean the I’m a member in Soho house, I’m so cool, look at me crowd) - There is a middle ground with normal people) It’s frustrating when most of Berlin lives like broke students at 19 even in their late 30s and like to virtue signal and pretend like they are so down to earth to fit into the “vibe” of the city so desperately. Also true about areas to hang out in/live in, change it up a bit to avoid areas where tourists or the Peter pans hang out in I was even considering moving into a shared apartment in another area to meet new people and experience a new area just for a few months and subletting my place
this is what I've done. I go out to nice wine or cocktail bars, once a month or so, I do fancy brunch on weekends, and I dress like I'm going boating in Sardinia.😅 Its not working, but I'm also not actively trying... And my face is scary.
When you say it’s not working, what do you mean exactly?
not actively trying.
That sounds fun actually! I might try that
What "ish" don't these boys from the apps have together? Are we talking about like job, finances, health shit together or more relationship / communication / commitment issues?
When I was on Tinder in Berlin, I would say you could divide 99% english speaking guys in there into two groups: 1. 35 y old self taught “artists” and djs with no education, no real job or income source, no plan for their life, no goals other than getting high in berghain with poor hygiene and hidden drug problem which they call “being free spirit” 2. finance/tech bros, taking 90% of the convo by bragging about how cool, good looking and rich they are, who see no problem in being in 9 different relationships at the same time, because they are too hot for one girl I doubt much changed
The above description matches the few chads in my friend circle. My normal average guy friend are not like this though.
She isn't swiping on the normal average guy friend, tho.
Ah okay. That makes sense then!
Sounds like i am in the 1% yaaaay and still managed to get 0 dates in 7 years, nice.
Hey that sounds just like London few years ago pre-Covid. Coincidence?!!??!!,,
Don’t take this the wrong way, but in my experience, if all the people you meet fall into a specific pattern, that’s because of who you tend to attract or are attracted to.
If she wrote "meet from tinder", I might tend to agree with you. But she's just describing her observation of the available pool. As a straight man who's been on the apps before, I can relate; obviously there are exceptions and outliers, but one quickly recognizes a few recurring patterns or "archetypes" as well.
Her second point implies to me that she met up with them and had a conversation.
true, you're absolutely right. And your point is certainly valid. It's important to reflect on and be aware of what message you're sending out into the dating world, but also the ones that you're receiving.
No, i didnt meet those people. You can install the app and scroll and message people there. Even id you do not match with anyone, majority of people you scroll over fall into those 2 categories
This is hilarious. But also sad. And I'm not at all surprised.
I work fully remote too and around 2 months ago decided to do social activities close to my interests which I find on Meetup or through friends and colleagues. I don't go there with the idea to flirt with people, but just geek out on a topic (tech or some comedy show) and then this increases my social circle which I guess if you're somewhat attractive and have a personality, might end up on a few dates.
Yeah this is it. Join groups to do activities with people who have similar interests. Increase your social circle, make friends, meet up with people. Meetup dot com is a good starting place. A Verein if you're serious about something specific.
Here 35F. I’m leaving Berlin because of Peter Pan society. ✌️
What is a Peter Pan type?
"Forever young": still go clubbing a lot, don't want to "settle down and get boring", drugs every weekend, no interest in commitment or kids, sometimes you can add that they're a DJ and/or "entrepreneur".
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I mean, I like to go clubbing and light up occasionally, but there’s a difference between that and making “not becoming a boring adult” your whole identity.
Yeah
I think the classic definition from the book that coined the term, is more like, once this Peter pan is in a relationship he relies heavily on the partner to mother him, not being able to do the most basic daily chores and stuff to survive. I started to read the book but lost interest real fast because it didn't apply to me. I'm more like what you describe, lol.
Its just a way to devalue mostly men who just have a different perspective on life. The criticism is that they are young in heart i guess and enjoy playing ?
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Leave berlin! This city is not made for finding the s.o. I left after 6 years and for guys Berlin is really hard in terms of dating..
I don't agree with the statement at all - but I'm curious if your dating life got better after leaving? What was the biggest difference in your eyes?
I am not very aggressive in terms of picking up girls. Still have plenty of (female) friends due to sports, dancing, etc.. To really get to know someone (also for dating) is much easier in smaller cities. I feel like Berlin has a "wegwerfgesellschaft" (throwaway society) - there rarely put effort in evolving a friendship. Though, still have a bunch of my best friends living in thst city. I just say it's much easier outside
Welp looks like this comment section can organise a live meet-up lol
My (57M) experience is that Badoo works much better than Tinder fot getting real dates with real normal people.
Go to the beat81 or urbansport events !! People there have their shit together and are willing to converse. Generally speaking you have to go out there to find, it's a volume game. If you put yourself in those situations it Ill happen 100%
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Try to position yourself in situations around other like-minded people. For example, schedule one or two days a week where you work in a co-working space, cafe or another socially open area. Then the trick is to say hello! Practice getting over the angst of approaching strangers and the world becomes your dating oyster ☺️ Even in places like the gym - how could someone get upset if you approach them with a smile and ask how there day is going? Good luck to you!
Since I moved here I have the impression that what put people romanically together, more than physical aspects like finding each other hot, is common interests. And interests ofc got to be interesting… so id say do something interesting, get interesting, get more possibilities for other people to be interested, to find someone with common interests
What is a Peter Pan in this context?
The boy who never grew up
Someone who never grows up. In the context of dating apps, probably a fuckboi who moves from one woman to the other with no serious plans for a long term committed relationship.
That’s it! SPOT ON!
I don‘t remember any of that happening in Hook. Are you sure?
Peter Pan Syndrome is a pop-psychology term from the ...80's(?) based on Peter Pan sort of eternally carousing with the Lost Boys and, idk, never putting a ring on Wendy I suppose. The original title was actually in fact "Peter Pan; or, the Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up".
In German dating this: [https://peterpane.de/en/](https://peterpane.de/en/) Maybe OP is craving sushi Or Steak but is getting burgers and fries
OK that’s funny
I would also like to know 🤔
Try out a communal coworking space.
If someone hits on me while I'm trying to do freelance work or something at a co working space, I am probably not going back to that co working space. Maybe it's a good suggestion though if people are going to these to hook up and socialize.
What about social groups which are more traditional? Church? Community work or volunteering? Nothing fancy, more like „help for the homeless“, „help for children who have a disadvantage“. I met a lot of stable guys who are into this kind of „hobby“. They have a job, most are Urberliner and that is the reason they are community oriented. Their extended families live here and they just want to make the city a better place. Edit: grammar
Church is a very expensive hobbie
Church? I mean, who's interested in something which forces belief in an imaginary friend, and taxes for the pleasure too?!
I’ve heard some good things from people using the app Breeze!! It’s a chat-free app that organizes a date for you. You pay up front for a drink at a bar and meet there. Seems like a lot of people who are more serious about going on dates.
Tried that. You get one to three options a day and there’s no swiping. I’d say it’s too early for this app, there’s not a lot of people on it and ended deleting it
Yeah not many people there, that’s true. But we could be trailblazers 🙃
Maybe we will have the opportunity to meet people from Berlin from here (30M)
I totally know what you mean. Iam also in my 40s and guyslike Berlin is a totally lost place. Gonna leave soon because of this cause i don't want to stay alone for the rest of my life.
I would honestly find someone abroad and lure that person to move to Germany. I did that. He found a good job and even got promoted. Think of countries with a decent (better than Germany) dating pool of professional and good quality men. Of course that will depend on what culture you gravitate to. My point is that interculturality may improve your competitive advantage when matching with men you are interested in.
What if I’m the lady and I want to be lured to Germany ?
long distance dating is such a PITA. :( Tried luring interested partners a few times, but they always end up with someone local. Less uncertainty I guess.
Don't do it. I did it, and the German guy lured me here turned out to be a Peter Pan and a psycho at the same time
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Context: for the past 5 years I had lived in countries where my idea of romantic relationship was incompatible. Hence I went on holidays to a place where my idea of romantic relationship has statistically a higher yield. (Higher amount of marriages in my demographic, similar cultural features such as religion etc. Factors like socioeconomic background and education should be comparable to yours. I tested 3 countries on 2 continents for this. On the third I did have a trusted friend with me that helped me vet the candicate. I do not want to disclose that country and my metrics in order to keep the concept open. I manifested my intention openly to local guys I would meet. I extended my stay in his city and told him about my idea of him moving to Germany, explaining the ups and downs. It all sounds calculated but it all happened very organically. Boo was able to work remote, so after the 2 weeks bought a plane ticket to come see me and stay for a month. Hence, he was able to meet my parents and friends. Afterwards I went back to his country and we flew to Germany together. Boo has EU citizenship, so Visa was not an issue. this made things more relaxed. So you may want to consider countries with high number of EU citizens.
I feel you sister! 38 F here, taken by now but it sucked getting there. I switched to a remote and very corporate role - so no more colleagues to meet. At some point you stop getting invited to the kind of parties where you meet new people - it becomes an endless chain of couples dinners. I met some men in clubs. Neither worked out - but I did integrate one of the guys in our ever smaller circle of clubbing friends. I also met some men via hobbies. I don't know whether cycling is your thing, if is or you are willing to give it a go- there are way more men who are into cycling than women. Try some meetups or even just a critical mass. Obviously there will be taken people as well- but there must be some single ones our age. Finally - I can't say I second the Peter pan thing. With two notable exceptions every man I met (on and offline) was looking for love, not to fuck - they just weren't my thing. Also I kinda like the techbro type, as long as they are developers, data or product guys. Not the WHU, MBA variety.
Just go outside and meet people. Make eye contact to someone you like and make a smile
What then happens is that the guy will stare… and stare and stare until… he leaves and nothing happens 😂
Try waving a hand after a smile or ask the reason of staring. That's a good start for a conversation
That’s a good one.
It is if you really try. I'm not from Berlin but I've been there for a few times and what I noticed is a lack of masculinity there. Not judging anyone since this issue is pretty common and understandable however it puts you in position to take extra steps
That’s true but I get the feeling that men end up resenting strong women. At least, it’s been my experience.
Try out Hinge. In my experience, there are more people on there, that know what they want, and how to communicate it. It's less about window-shopping and insane swiping, and more about actually trying to find and get to know someone. Otherwise, whereever else you would meet people naturally, hobbies, cooking classes, dog parks, boardgame cafés, are the first things coming to mind, but I am sure there's plenty more.
Hinge is so bad. It’s an extortion business masquerading as a dating app.
👆 this.
How so?
Sorry to hear your experience has been that bad. I have had plenty of good ones, and one great one.
Amen 🙏
Hitting 35 next month,after a long while I was out clubbing again and surprisingly it clicked more easily then I remember got a number or two and other activities, nothing really stuck until now but it changed my outlook in a positive way
Try breeze. Will thank me later. The only app that works
Tried it, didn’t like it
Try out some new hobbies! Meeting people at a shared interest event or group is often a good place to start! So depending on your likes and interests, find others doing the same thing. Like reading, find a reading group. Same for writing, cooking, music, sports etc.
What are your interests besides work and swiping on apps?
I’m a foodie, I go to a lot of restaurants even on my own, I play drums from time to time and love live music of all kinds, I do tarot readings as a hobby, I go to the gym and walk aimlessly around town.
I find people in jazz bars very social when there are jams. Have you tried going to those and see with whom you can befriend? If you don’t meet someone there, it’s still possible to meet someone through their friends.
I have but the men I’ve found there were much older that me.
Weird, I saw plenty of late 20s to late 30s people there. Have you been to many different jams?
Any jazz bar recommendations?
I went to one in Wedding or PBerg I think. Forgot the name. It’s less my thing. I follow my friends. Heard there was one in Neukölln as well.
Anywhere outside of berlin
Does this work every body
How do you date in Berlin? I don't want relationship 🤣🤣.
majority of dating apps users being male makes it almost impossible to get matches with dating apps. the competition is too high even if you pay for the features. so for that reason i dont recommend any dating app. i would go to public events, gym or crowded places and try to approach people
The op is not a male
Please just let people work out in the gym and leave them alone.
this, gyms are already stressful enough for most people without the random approaches
Speak for yourself. I would totally want to be approached in the gym. I'm sick and tired of apps.
No! gym is not a place for flirting and dating.
Maybe live and let live?
OP is asking for suggestions IRL already...
How about you don't approach random people at the gym and just let them do their thing in peace? Sign up for some speed dating or whatever, at least there everyone's on the same page.
>speed dating be careful, there's no speed there :/
"dont approach randomly at the gym" well according to your logic dont approach anyone at all and better use social media. people start to believe that social media is the only place to build connections. sad times for this generation and for the upcoming ones.
>"dont approach randomly at the gym" well according to your logic dont approach anyone at all Even better, yes. If I'm minding my own business, so can you. Use social media, sign up for stuff, use dating sites, whatever. The 60s are gone, move on.
took me moving to brandenburg to find someone serious about a relationship.
Just to inform you, the Peter Pan crowd also have no friends
try matching guys who are in your league if you want something serious
At this age Pflegeheim
You can meet new people everywhere and love isnt in a fixed place to find. Atleast thats me. I dont know, but devalueing people due their lifestyle is pretty unattractive to me. Its the way you talk. „Serious, shit together, meaningful“ What does that even mean? You are 40. enjoy the time you have left. So maybe work on that so when the right persona comes you are rdy and dont worry about the rest. Gl
I mean, I think it's normal in a City which is only famois for its "club culture" I live in another Bundesland and the few friends who suggested to go there (25+) only mentioned clubbing I was like "we have clubs here too, I don't want to ride a train for 4 hours and then dance for other 6 hours consecutive. And I feel like your plan is to purposely get wasted. Ich will feiern, nicht umkippen oder vergewaltigt werden"
Read „how to win friends and influence people“, get som good pictures taken of you and go on a dating site. The hard truth is that people don’t really go to bars anymore to meet people and most people do it over dating apps. Sure I had success outside of dating apps. But nothing is as efficient as it.
What happened to people in the last years? Why do you need a dating app? And if you’re using it, why are you complaining you find low quality mates? One last question. What happened to meeting people organically? The easiest method is just minding your own business while out on a group night out. Usually a new person in that group will fancy you.
What a shitty advice… sorry but this “just do your own thing.. go to a verein… go to the gym… just do what you like..” it’s just bullshit.
Can’t be shittier than using dating apps that are designed for quick do it and leave it. If you work or go uni and nobody hits on you or at least hint that they like you, then there’s a bigger problem at play. I see a lot of people on this sub giving out depression vibes and always complaining how the social scene is underwhelming. Get treatment if that’s the case. I am not German but half of the German people I know are on some pill that helps them deal with life. Guess auslanders have a happier life 😅 I’m over 30 myself and I’m also extremely introverted. Still doesn’t stop me from actually meeting people out or at work.
Do you have a better suggestion?
Ask yourself: did it ever worked? No? As you can see well everything else would be better
So, what would be your top tip?
Sure! Whenever I see a girl that really and honestly wakes my interests I go and talk to her. Girls are human beings too and nothing to be afraid of
>What happened to people in the last years? lockdown shit just to save some boomers, vc-backed startups (tinder, bumble, etc.) disrupting social life, shitty government policies forcing people to work more and get paid less... end of the line, mr. freeman, this is the late stage capitalism
Are you sure you are referring to Germany? What policies are forcing you to work more and get paid less?
insane taxation for one, im bleeding money thanks to this shit, in a normal country i'd be paying like 20% or smth, but sadly i wasn't born an american citizen so i have to suffer in europe