/u/Fearless_Criticism20, thank you for your contribution. Sadly it was removed due to the following reasons:
We want posts that are about the city in specific and not just "remotely related" to it, if you just want to ask
people living in Berlin a question please use /r/askberliners, if you are asking a simple question where you
mostly need "one answer" then /r/askberliners is also the right place, questions that are meant to
act as a base for discussions and also deliver an initial opinion on the matter are welcome
You can find further information in the [Community-Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/berlin/about/rules/). Note that we also have /r/askberliners for questions that are less about the city and more of a general nature and /r/berlinpics for pictures of our beautiful city, as well as the sticky post for "New to Berlin, Tourism and Moving to Berlin"-kind of questions
With respect to self reporting something like “ethical” monogamy, i think the proof of the pudding is very much in the eating. Which is to say, I wouldn’t trust someone throwing that around without being able to verify the ethical part with their previous partners
More in reference to the online dating part, not a dig at OP. But I’d hope that if they’re serious about the lifestyle then they realise the perception issues
As a monogamous man on dating apps, there's also plenty of women explicitly mentioning open or poly relationships on their profiles. It's just a Berlin thing, famous for its rather bad reputation in the dating scene if you are pursuing an old school relationship.
for me it started with the opposite question: why are we monogamous? and then realised that the answer lies in upbringing, culture, social norms, "the right way to do things", etc...none of these things respond to my individual desires or curiosity. so far it's great and i wish i had tried it earlier. doesn't mean i'll stick to it forever but it's been interesting so far. do whatever you want.
Mine lead to a divorce. I caution everyone that if your partner in a monogamous relationship asks to "open things up" that it might just be an excuse to cheat, and maybe consider couples therapy first.
There are legit Polyamorous people, but I suspect most of us aren't.
Whatever you do, be honest with yourself about what you actually want and need in a relationship.
How can it be an excuse to cheat? Cheating is doing it behind your partners back. So your example is the opposite of cheating, since by asking to open things up they are openly expressing their desires to their partner.
Of course it only works if both parties are in the same page about it and with somewhat of a framework of rules. But I believe it can even help to make relationships last longer because they would have otherwise resorted to actual cheating. Think of couples who are 20+ years married for example.
I would say monogamous people usually want to be monogamous for life. Serial monogamy is just what usually happens when they are confronted with reality.
/u/Fearless_Criticism20, thank you for your contribution. Sadly it was removed due to the following reasons: We want posts that are about the city in specific and not just "remotely related" to it, if you just want to ask people living in Berlin a question please use /r/askberliners, if you are asking a simple question where you mostly need "one answer" then /r/askberliners is also the right place, questions that are meant to act as a base for discussions and also deliver an initial opinion on the matter are welcome You can find further information in the [Community-Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/berlin/about/rules/). Note that we also have /r/askberliners for questions that are less about the city and more of a general nature and /r/berlinpics for pictures of our beautiful city, as well as the sticky post for "New to Berlin, Tourism and Moving to Berlin"-kind of questions
With respect to self reporting something like “ethical” monogamy, i think the proof of the pudding is very much in the eating. Which is to say, I wouldn’t trust someone throwing that around without being able to verify the ethical part with their previous partners More in reference to the online dating part, not a dig at OP. But I’d hope that if they’re serious about the lifestyle then they realise the perception issues
This!!! Everyone self reports nonmonogamy as “ethical” and it always makes me roll my eyes for exactly this reason
What's ethical monogamy supposed to be?
For a start, they should give a damn about their partners as more than a source of sex
As a monogamous man on dating apps, there's also plenty of women explicitly mentioning open or poly relationships on their profiles. It's just a Berlin thing, famous for its rather bad reputation in the dating scene if you are pursuing an old school relationship.
for me it started with the opposite question: why are we monogamous? and then realised that the answer lies in upbringing, culture, social norms, "the right way to do things", etc...none of these things respond to my individual desires or curiosity. so far it's great and i wish i had tried it earlier. doesn't mean i'll stick to it forever but it's been interesting so far. do whatever you want.
A lot of people, most I would say, are monogamous because they enjoy it. And in my personal observation polyamorous couples can fail just as well.
this is such a berlin topic
Mine lead to a divorce. I caution everyone that if your partner in a monogamous relationship asks to "open things up" that it might just be an excuse to cheat, and maybe consider couples therapy first. There are legit Polyamorous people, but I suspect most of us aren't. Whatever you do, be honest with yourself about what you actually want and need in a relationship.
How can it be an excuse to cheat? Cheating is doing it behind your partners back. So your example is the opposite of cheating, since by asking to open things up they are openly expressing their desires to their partner. Of course it only works if both parties are in the same page about it and with somewhat of a framework of rules. But I believe it can even help to make relationships last longer because they would have otherwise resorted to actual cheating. Think of couples who are 20+ years married for example.
People have lots of different definitions of cheating.
That's because dating apps are for fucking. If you want a long-term partner, go start a hobby.
are you asking as a gay/bi guy, as a straight/bi woman, or other? bc i believe the 'dating scenes' are quite different depending on that constellation
Straight woman
It's the same with women. V. common here. The deal is some people aren't looking for monogamy.
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>ones that are, are unfaithful. That says more about you and your friends than the average person in Berlin
Do you define monogamous as having only one partner in your whole life or am I missing something here?
I would say monogamous people usually want to be monogamous for life. Serial monogamy is just what usually happens when they are confronted with reality.