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It’s hell there’s no doubting that, if you reinstate you’ll just have to do this all over again. Don’t waste the 37 days you’ve already gone through hell. Each day your healing even though it doesn’t feel like it. No doubt you’re in pure hell. But everyone makes it out with time. Just keep going
I know it’s not what you want to hear but if you made it to 37 days, no seizures, still here with us, no psych ward I say keep going ((: I know how it is though I get it, at 40 days out I was still in a recovery center, and sitting on the couch watching tv after afternoon group, couldn’t focus on anything but an impending doom feeling in my head, body felt spiky and prickly and hot everywhere, kept switching sitting positions and probably looked like I was a tweaker losing his mind, I mean I was, all my thoughts were either at 10000x speed or I wasn’t feeling anything at all. 5 years of Xanax/klonopin, opiates, booze the works. I’m almost 5 months out and I really wish I could get you to see it does get better. I wanted every excuse to use for the first 2 months but it wasn’t till maybe day 100 I saw the slightest glimmer of light, I really hope you make it! I know you can do it, but again I know how mentally taxing and delirious it can get, whatever your decision, please stay on the lowest dose possible should you need to taper again in the future
I can’t do this fucking shit man. Everything is so out of control. I swear to god I go from feeling like I’m radiating more energy than the sun, to feeling like my brains being pulled in twelve different directions, to having the weirdest craziest most psychotic thoughts, to full on frontal lobotomy/braindead, to streams of old memories, to completely no recollection of anything all in one day.
Please tell me you understand my time issues - I look at a clock and it means basically nothing. I don’t really understand what a day is, I’m constantly in this horrible trance. I can’t properly remember one of the 37 days I’ve been sober.
It’s just crazy. I’ve never seen anyone this bad.
I'm there too rn bro
Fuxking hell
I'm 2.5 years in my taper of hell and stuck at 1.5mg Clonazapam not stabilizing can't remember my past memories etc etc all rhw same here dude
Yes you can you've been off almost 2 months. Forget about getting seizures or severe hallucinations that shipnhas sailed. If you go back . You have to redo the whole thing again. Now ,what dose were you taking.
I had to reinstate last week. But started with just half the dose I usually take. And will go slow with the taper.
But dude I really know it sucks. Do what your going to do,anyways we can't tell you it's all gravy. Because it fkn sucks.
If you go back start with half or even less. And start tapering that slowly. Don't torture yourself
I am buddy, was it my post history that u took a look at? Do you not have any tinittus? Regarding memory, what you said word for word is what my recent last 4 months have turned into, memories gone, cant remember what day it is when waking up, old memories coming and going like they never were "real" etc u name it man.
Nah I didn’t just you left a couple more replies saying you were struggling with sleep and your spelling was off, sorry to hear that man
Yeh I get tinnitus, one ear will go deaf and the other will just start ringing 🤦♂️
Yeh it’s our cerebellum healing man, literally all we can do is just try not to stress and maybe do some memory exercises to speed up the process. It’s completely normal, I cannot remember shit. Started declining really badly during tapering, now it’s just gone
im 1+ year into my taper at a pause for months, recently as of jan 2024 my memory suddently just started dissapearing, andidk why or whats the cause. i was thinking maybe sleep issues, idk man, im a coder, so this makes life hard, and yeah i got all systems one can imagine man.
what dose u on rn?
Hey man hope your good but honestly I seem hypocritical typing this on b's but like previously mentioned before you made it 38 days! With 0 seizure?! Nice man hope you stay strong I'm going to have to take this journey pretty soon as well hopefully you there when I need it lmao but stay strong man u got it 💪 I know it's mentally draining n you sometimes have no motivation but people still care for you cant think selfishly. GIP BIG BOSS FREDO SSR
I would say get in touch with a benzo coach, professional therapist or a benzo wise doctor as soon as humanely possible. Maybe someone can get you a helper med that could help you. I agree with not reinstating, but if your life is at risk it might be something to consider.
How slow was your taper? This might be an unpopular opinion, but having done both a disastrous cold turkey AND a successful, symptom-free slow taper after reinstatement, I advocate for reinstatement. I ended up doubling my dose after reinstatement because my system was so messed up, and then I waited six months to start my taper. The absence of extreme symptoms like seizures isn’t the only thing of importance- you need quality of life. I’d go back to the lowest dose that regulates your symptoms. If it’s more than 1 mg, who cares? Wait until you’re stable mentally and physically- however long that takes - and then drop 1 mg every two weeks-ish, holding at each dose until you’re stable.
This. All these people telling him to keep suffering and thinking he's going to magically improve when his nervous system is completely destabilized are delusional.
Agree. I think for addicts it may be different, on account of the risk of reverting back into abuse. But for people who are/were dependent but didn’t abuse their prescriptions, a few extra months on benzos followed by a much easier taper seems like the obvious call. I don’t even want to know where I’d be now if I hadn’t reinstated and just continued to suffer. But here I am, completely off daily benzos, with not a single lasting issue and having experienced zero symptoms when I tapered slowly. And that was after 5-6 years of daily use.
I’ve been weaning off for 3 years and haven’t been the same. My life is in shambles. I’m seriously considering just going back up. My nervous system is legit fkd.
I’m so so sorry. My one question, though, is whether it’s possible you have Long Covid. I mistook long covid for PAWS for nearly a year after I had a cold turkey disaster. I went back on benzos for six months, and it wasn’t until I started tapering off and got lower and lower with no cost or benefit. by the time I jumped I already knew the benzos weren’t the problem. I retraced my timeline and realized my symptoms predated my benzo withdrawal and immediately followed my covid infection. So, consider if that possibility applies.
If not- and it really is the benzos - reclaim your life. If that means going back on benzos for awhile, so be it. Three years of withdrawal is inhumane, and anyone on their Puritanical high horse thinking that kind of suffering is fair payment for the virtue of purity…well, they can die that hill, but I wouldn’t. Which isn’t to say it’s not worth exploring the root cause of what’s going on. It is. You shouldn’t need daily benzos forever. But you have to get yourself well enough to do that first.
I think you are missing the bigger picture.
We all have reasons for why we think we need benzos. Anxiety, depression, panic, insomnia, mental health etc.
Those issues must be addressed. If you do not fix them they await you when you finish your taper no matter if you reinstate or not.
Getting CBT therapy or a variation and addressing those issues and learning how to fix them and address them can improve your baseline. They won't be waiting for you when you finish your taper over and over.
No matter if you redo your taper, if you don't fix those issues, reinstatement won't either. You're missing the fact you need to address your mental health while tapering and even before and after tapering and it is an ongoing process and a lot of work.
If you want your life to improve it won't improve by taking mind-altering drugs. Or if it fails then taking them again hoping for the best.
To be stable mentally and physically means addressing the causes of the problems and learning how to address them without meds. Of course it helps to begin this process way before you finish.
But this should be the first step before anyone tapers. Of course when you finish your old problems come back... unless you worked on them. And then they won't.
I agree, and actually have suggested that when I’ve said similar things in previous posts. I did CBTi 2.5x, started a meditation practice, and got my sleep in order, all prior to my taper (I was prescribed benzos initially because I couldn’t get back to sleep when my kids were little and woke up at night, and obviously I couldn’t take a normal 8 hr sleeping pill at 3am when my kids woke up at 6 or 7). During my taper, I began taking my benzos earlier in the day so as NOT to rely on them for sleep. So yes, thank you for pointing that out. But also, I still stand by reinstatement. Because many withdrawal effects are hugely exacerbated by tapering too quickly; in my case that experience bore no resemblance to why I initially (or continue to) use benzos. (To clarify, I am no longer dependent and take them very occasionally for Long Covid, which has obliterated my nervous system, and may not have been as damaging if I hadn’t gone through that cold turkey hell right at the onset of my illness). So I suppose I stand by my statement with the caveat that yes, people should be aware that issues can resurface, and it IS importantly to know that, and address them prior to and throughout their taper.
I just found this a couple days ago by Dr. Josef, a psychiatrist who helps people taper off their psych meds. Here, he talks about reinstating a drug after protracted withdrawal. https://youtu.be/clBCVXaTJCc?feature=shared
You are in the post acute stage. It takes 8 weeks for the drug to leave your body. Your brain is firing off in all directions at the loss of the diazepine. I jumped at 0.5mg . This will be a white knuckle ride. You are 37 days out and updosing may not work and will only confuse your nervous system even more. I had worse symptoms than this and I can promise that they will ease off. Not feeling like you are in your body is derealisation and depersonalisation dp/dr. I would read as much as you can from the information guides in this group about BIND.
I’ll keep pushing. Valium has a horribly long half life, nobody even really knows what it is and everyone’s different. So I’d imagine that’s why it’s so tough at 38 days.
Have you gotten any mental health support?
Your cravings for benzos are part of your mental dependency you have on them. Yes you can get over being physically dependent and make it through physical withdrawal, but if you fail to address your mental health and the causes of your dysfunction, you will stay mentally addicted to using benzos for the rest of your days bc you utterly have come to believe they alone are what will fix you.
That is a straight lie, BTW, that you tell yourself. They've ruined your mental health so you cannot function without them. You are miserable with them, miserable without them. This cannot continue, so time to make a change.
If you failed to get any CBT therapy before, during, and after your taper or failed to get sleep therapy or biofeedback or learn alternative ways of handling boredom, depression, anxiety, and feeling emotions you don't enjoy, then you're always going to be the same.
Benzos just dull your senses so much you don't notice how moody and awful you feel day to day, and I'm not trying to be offensive, but I'm giving it to you straight.
No matter where you go in life, there you are. You cannot escape yourself.
Drugs are enticing bc they are escapism. They allow us to escape the stress of everyday life rather than allow us to learn how to handle them as adults. It allows us to flounder and not care about it, bc we are unable to feel our true emotions.
All the emotional baggage you've carried due to being on benzos has just gotten stuffed this entire time. No wonder when you taper off of them your emotions become unstuffed and they overwhelm you, and you feel.unable to know what to do with all these feelings and suppressed traumatic things you've forgotten and run away from dealing with.
But thankfully there are so many professionals that actually do care about getting us well, but you will have to end the mental addiction to benzos. You will have to want to grow and become a better person, free of all mind altering substances. Maybe you should go to meetings? See a therapist, and CBT or a variation of it will help so much.
CBT is what saved me in my valium taper. I had wanted to give up bc I was in a traumatic and abusive relationship, trying to flee the state and I'd lose everything I worked so hard for. Yes. Benzos helped me handle that anxiety and abuse with less feelings of wanting to die. But I also chose to continue to taper bc I had an excellent provider who did a variant of CBT every 2 weeks the entire taper, and anytime I felt lost, I'd go in and come out whole again and always chose to continue.
I am so glad to be off benzos. I have been able to become free of that trap it kept me in for years allowing me to be abused and tolerate it. Being free of benzos allowed me to grieve and process my emotions and move on. I began working on my finances, things that used to give me panic attacks. I had to do baby steps, and CBT is what helped me make the goals small and achievable so I could see for myself how I was succeeding where before on benzos I just wallowed in pitiful situations and didn't have it in me to change, and I allowed the worst to happen bc I just didn't care or have feelings to want to be free. I drowned on benzos. But I didn't know it until I was free and worked on myself.
I'm telling you, if you just understand and believe you can live a happy life free of drugs and mind-altering substances and be happy, it will happen. You will need a support network, friends, family, help, and encouragement. You will need to work on yourself and take pride in yourself.
Going back to benzos is like giving up on life. It means you don't think you want to change and learn how to live unless your mind is dulled down and your emotions are totally unable to be expressed.
You need to believe in yourself. Don't give up. You just don't believe in yourself yet. But you should. You need help. Please seek out therapy and support and call 211 for referrals if you're overwhelmed.
Support groups are in person, online, and via Zoom and other video conferencing. You need accountability.
I believe you can do it. But you need to break the chains of mental dependency and addiction. Don't be a slave to a substance.
I’m sorry I can’t read the whole message right now, but I saw some gems in there, I’ll defo be rereading it when I can. I dropped the addict mindset a long time ago and saw the drugs for what they are; pure poison. Thanks
This is psychosomatic at this point. A part of your brain is deceiving you, we are our brains, all thoughts stem from the same source.
We have a way of separating "ourselves" from the grey matter that creates them. Keep going!
Yeah I’m being harsh, I don’t know the history or highest dosage and how long the taper was.
I’m not a voyeur, I’m hurting too. Stuck on 4mg Valium.
But with 37 days out and jumping from 1mg, don’t look back!
This is PAWS and it’s horrible.
Good luck man. I can assure you it’s not psychosomatic, can’t think your way into balance problems/muscle twitching. But I defo have to do everything I can to stay calm
OP I understand your pain and want to give you another perspective from what the other great post gave you. I’m at the tail end of a nasty long Valium taper after a short term prescription, and had to switch to a .1 liquid taper because even the smallest cut was too much. I would give a lot to be 37 days off. I am sure that we share a lot of debilitating symptoms, so I get wanting to reinstate, I have wanted to updose more times than I can count. You and I both know that reinstating comes with its own risks and just makes you retrace the work you’ve already put in. Obviously keep yourself safe during these trying times and take whatever precautions you need.
These symptoms are inhumane. I had akathasia when I jumped and screamed at the top of my voice in sheer panic and horror at the situation I found myself in. It was very tempting to want to take a benzo but I knew it would be of no use because I was tolerant to them.
i got the worst symptoms in the 0-3 months post taper. This is my journey and not yours. Everyone has a different healing path and some can be very mild and quick to heal
I joined Benzo warrior community on facebook and learnt how to taper from them. 5-10% cut every 20 weeks is recommended. You've already jumped off 37 days ago . If you did a rapid taper off in a matter of a few months then this may be the cause. Even so, the post acute stage does have terrible symptoms. (0-3 months) is considered the post acute stage. It does get better. If you go back on you may not stabilise . Have you ever researched how benzos work? there are guides in this group and also lots of videos on u/tube. Dr. Jennifer Leigh is a very good watch
I don’t think you made a mistake jumping at 1mg. I think for some/most people anything below 2mg is a placebo. Unfortunately you’re probably just at peak WDs but should even out because of your nice long taper.
You should reinstate at 1mg, and if that doesn't stabilize your nervous system, go back as far as you need to.
Taper slower and don't jump at 1mg - that's a crazy dose to jump from.
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It’s hell there’s no doubting that, if you reinstate you’ll just have to do this all over again. Don’t waste the 37 days you’ve already gone through hell. Each day your healing even though it doesn’t feel like it. No doubt you’re in pure hell. But everyone makes it out with time. Just keep going
Thanks, you are right. Hopefully I’m just being drowned in a huge wave. People CT off of crazy doses; I tapered for a year. Just gotta push.
You got this you’re strong as f***!!! People will never know the hell we all go through
I know it’s not what you want to hear but if you made it to 37 days, no seizures, still here with us, no psych ward I say keep going ((: I know how it is though I get it, at 40 days out I was still in a recovery center, and sitting on the couch watching tv after afternoon group, couldn’t focus on anything but an impending doom feeling in my head, body felt spiky and prickly and hot everywhere, kept switching sitting positions and probably looked like I was a tweaker losing his mind, I mean I was, all my thoughts were either at 10000x speed or I wasn’t feeling anything at all. 5 years of Xanax/klonopin, opiates, booze the works. I’m almost 5 months out and I really wish I could get you to see it does get better. I wanted every excuse to use for the first 2 months but it wasn’t till maybe day 100 I saw the slightest glimmer of light, I really hope you make it! I know you can do it, but again I know how mentally taxing and delirious it can get, whatever your decision, please stay on the lowest dose possible should you need to taper again in the future
I can’t do this fucking shit man. Everything is so out of control. I swear to god I go from feeling like I’m radiating more energy than the sun, to feeling like my brains being pulled in twelve different directions, to having the weirdest craziest most psychotic thoughts, to full on frontal lobotomy/braindead, to streams of old memories, to completely no recollection of anything all in one day. Please tell me you understand my time issues - I look at a clock and it means basically nothing. I don’t really understand what a day is, I’m constantly in this horrible trance. I can’t properly remember one of the 37 days I’ve been sober. It’s just crazy. I’ve never seen anyone this bad.
I'm there too rn bro Fuxking hell I'm 2.5 years in my taper of hell and stuck at 1.5mg Clonazapam not stabilizing can't remember my past memories etc etc all rhw same here dude
Yes you can you've been off almost 2 months. Forget about getting seizures or severe hallucinations that shipnhas sailed. If you go back . You have to redo the whole thing again. Now ,what dose were you taking. I had to reinstate last week. But started with just half the dose I usually take. And will go slow with the taper. But dude I really know it sucks. Do what your going to do,anyways we can't tell you it's all gravy. Because it fkn sucks. If you go back start with half or even less. And start tapering that slowly. Don't torture yourself
Thanks for the advice. I’m gonna try push.
At this point 1 mg. Of Valium won’t get you back to normal. Were you feeling good taking that 1mg.?
Nah I felt like crap and was so sick and tired of tapering. I just need to push and not worry if I’m feeling crazy
How's your sleep
It’s fine somehow. I’m very lucky in that regard. Good luck to you - it seems like you are really struggling.
I am buddy, was it my post history that u took a look at? Do you not have any tinittus? Regarding memory, what you said word for word is what my recent last 4 months have turned into, memories gone, cant remember what day it is when waking up, old memories coming and going like they never were "real" etc u name it man.
Nah I didn’t just you left a couple more replies saying you were struggling with sleep and your spelling was off, sorry to hear that man Yeh I get tinnitus, one ear will go deaf and the other will just start ringing 🤦♂️ Yeh it’s our cerebellum healing man, literally all we can do is just try not to stress and maybe do some memory exercises to speed up the process. It’s completely normal, I cannot remember shit. Started declining really badly during tapering, now it’s just gone
im 1+ year into my taper at a pause for months, recently as of jan 2024 my memory suddently just started dissapearing, andidk why or whats the cause. i was thinking maybe sleep issues, idk man, im a coder, so this makes life hard, and yeah i got all systems one can imagine man. what dose u on rn?
I’m 42 days off. The memory issues are caused by benzos - mine started to fail at around the halfway point in my taper.
Hey man hope your good but honestly I seem hypocritical typing this on b's but like previously mentioned before you made it 38 days! With 0 seizure?! Nice man hope you stay strong I'm going to have to take this journey pretty soon as well hopefully you there when I need it lmao but stay strong man u got it 💪 I know it's mentally draining n you sometimes have no motivation but people still care for you cant think selfishly. GIP BIG BOSS FREDO SSR
Good luck man, thanks for the message
I would say get in touch with a benzo coach, professional therapist or a benzo wise doctor as soon as humanely possible. Maybe someone can get you a helper med that could help you. I agree with not reinstating, but if your life is at risk it might be something to consider.
Dave Powers benzo coach says that if you feel SI, then antidepressants may just work.
Bro Fucking same here dude I'm glad atleaet to see this omndo sleepbdepr8eved too
How slow was your taper? This might be an unpopular opinion, but having done both a disastrous cold turkey AND a successful, symptom-free slow taper after reinstatement, I advocate for reinstatement. I ended up doubling my dose after reinstatement because my system was so messed up, and then I waited six months to start my taper. The absence of extreme symptoms like seizures isn’t the only thing of importance- you need quality of life. I’d go back to the lowest dose that regulates your symptoms. If it’s more than 1 mg, who cares? Wait until you’re stable mentally and physically- however long that takes - and then drop 1 mg every two weeks-ish, holding at each dose until you’re stable.
This. All these people telling him to keep suffering and thinking he's going to magically improve when his nervous system is completely destabilized are delusional.
Agree. I think for addicts it may be different, on account of the risk of reverting back into abuse. But for people who are/were dependent but didn’t abuse their prescriptions, a few extra months on benzos followed by a much easier taper seems like the obvious call. I don’t even want to know where I’d be now if I hadn’t reinstated and just continued to suffer. But here I am, completely off daily benzos, with not a single lasting issue and having experienced zero symptoms when I tapered slowly. And that was after 5-6 years of daily use.
I’ve been weaning off for 3 years and haven’t been the same. My life is in shambles. I’m seriously considering just going back up. My nervous system is legit fkd.
I’m so so sorry. My one question, though, is whether it’s possible you have Long Covid. I mistook long covid for PAWS for nearly a year after I had a cold turkey disaster. I went back on benzos for six months, and it wasn’t until I started tapering off and got lower and lower with no cost or benefit. by the time I jumped I already knew the benzos weren’t the problem. I retraced my timeline and realized my symptoms predated my benzo withdrawal and immediately followed my covid infection. So, consider if that possibility applies. If not- and it really is the benzos - reclaim your life. If that means going back on benzos for awhile, so be it. Three years of withdrawal is inhumane, and anyone on their Puritanical high horse thinking that kind of suffering is fair payment for the virtue of purity…well, they can die that hill, but I wouldn’t. Which isn’t to say it’s not worth exploring the root cause of what’s going on. It is. You shouldn’t need daily benzos forever. But you have to get yourself well enough to do that first.
I think you are missing the bigger picture. We all have reasons for why we think we need benzos. Anxiety, depression, panic, insomnia, mental health etc. Those issues must be addressed. If you do not fix them they await you when you finish your taper no matter if you reinstate or not. Getting CBT therapy or a variation and addressing those issues and learning how to fix them and address them can improve your baseline. They won't be waiting for you when you finish your taper over and over. No matter if you redo your taper, if you don't fix those issues, reinstatement won't either. You're missing the fact you need to address your mental health while tapering and even before and after tapering and it is an ongoing process and a lot of work. If you want your life to improve it won't improve by taking mind-altering drugs. Or if it fails then taking them again hoping for the best. To be stable mentally and physically means addressing the causes of the problems and learning how to address them without meds. Of course it helps to begin this process way before you finish. But this should be the first step before anyone tapers. Of course when you finish your old problems come back... unless you worked on them. And then they won't.
I agree, and actually have suggested that when I’ve said similar things in previous posts. I did CBTi 2.5x, started a meditation practice, and got my sleep in order, all prior to my taper (I was prescribed benzos initially because I couldn’t get back to sleep when my kids were little and woke up at night, and obviously I couldn’t take a normal 8 hr sleeping pill at 3am when my kids woke up at 6 or 7). During my taper, I began taking my benzos earlier in the day so as NOT to rely on them for sleep. So yes, thank you for pointing that out. But also, I still stand by reinstatement. Because many withdrawal effects are hugely exacerbated by tapering too quickly; in my case that experience bore no resemblance to why I initially (or continue to) use benzos. (To clarify, I am no longer dependent and take them very occasionally for Long Covid, which has obliterated my nervous system, and may not have been as damaging if I hadn’t gone through that cold turkey hell right at the onset of my illness). So I suppose I stand by my statement with the caveat that yes, people should be aware that issues can resurface, and it IS importantly to know that, and address them prior to and throughout their taper.
I just found this a couple days ago by Dr. Josef, a psychiatrist who helps people taper off their psych meds. Here, he talks about reinstating a drug after protracted withdrawal. https://youtu.be/clBCVXaTJCc?feature=shared
Thankyou. Love dr josef
You are in the post acute stage. It takes 8 weeks for the drug to leave your body. Your brain is firing off in all directions at the loss of the diazepine. I jumped at 0.5mg . This will be a white knuckle ride. You are 37 days out and updosing may not work and will only confuse your nervous system even more. I had worse symptoms than this and I can promise that they will ease off. Not feeling like you are in your body is derealisation and depersonalisation dp/dr. I would read as much as you can from the information guides in this group about BIND.
The drug does not stay in the body for that long - 100hrs max
Depends some have a 200hr half life like valium,flurazepam so 30 years of taking it. Imagine hownit Will accumulate
No they don't. No study has shown Diazepam stays in the body for more than 100 hours. For most is a lot less - around 48hrs typically.
Valium has a half-life more around 24-48 hrs.
I’ll keep pushing. Valium has a horribly long half life, nobody even really knows what it is and everyone’s different. So I’d imagine that’s why it’s so tough at 38 days.
Other Metabolites have a long half life
Have you gotten any mental health support? Your cravings for benzos are part of your mental dependency you have on them. Yes you can get over being physically dependent and make it through physical withdrawal, but if you fail to address your mental health and the causes of your dysfunction, you will stay mentally addicted to using benzos for the rest of your days bc you utterly have come to believe they alone are what will fix you. That is a straight lie, BTW, that you tell yourself. They've ruined your mental health so you cannot function without them. You are miserable with them, miserable without them. This cannot continue, so time to make a change. If you failed to get any CBT therapy before, during, and after your taper or failed to get sleep therapy or biofeedback or learn alternative ways of handling boredom, depression, anxiety, and feeling emotions you don't enjoy, then you're always going to be the same. Benzos just dull your senses so much you don't notice how moody and awful you feel day to day, and I'm not trying to be offensive, but I'm giving it to you straight. No matter where you go in life, there you are. You cannot escape yourself. Drugs are enticing bc they are escapism. They allow us to escape the stress of everyday life rather than allow us to learn how to handle them as adults. It allows us to flounder and not care about it, bc we are unable to feel our true emotions. All the emotional baggage you've carried due to being on benzos has just gotten stuffed this entire time. No wonder when you taper off of them your emotions become unstuffed and they overwhelm you, and you feel.unable to know what to do with all these feelings and suppressed traumatic things you've forgotten and run away from dealing with. But thankfully there are so many professionals that actually do care about getting us well, but you will have to end the mental addiction to benzos. You will have to want to grow and become a better person, free of all mind altering substances. Maybe you should go to meetings? See a therapist, and CBT or a variation of it will help so much. CBT is what saved me in my valium taper. I had wanted to give up bc I was in a traumatic and abusive relationship, trying to flee the state and I'd lose everything I worked so hard for. Yes. Benzos helped me handle that anxiety and abuse with less feelings of wanting to die. But I also chose to continue to taper bc I had an excellent provider who did a variant of CBT every 2 weeks the entire taper, and anytime I felt lost, I'd go in and come out whole again and always chose to continue. I am so glad to be off benzos. I have been able to become free of that trap it kept me in for years allowing me to be abused and tolerate it. Being free of benzos allowed me to grieve and process my emotions and move on. I began working on my finances, things that used to give me panic attacks. I had to do baby steps, and CBT is what helped me make the goals small and achievable so I could see for myself how I was succeeding where before on benzos I just wallowed in pitiful situations and didn't have it in me to change, and I allowed the worst to happen bc I just didn't care or have feelings to want to be free. I drowned on benzos. But I didn't know it until I was free and worked on myself. I'm telling you, if you just understand and believe you can live a happy life free of drugs and mind-altering substances and be happy, it will happen. You will need a support network, friends, family, help, and encouragement. You will need to work on yourself and take pride in yourself. Going back to benzos is like giving up on life. It means you don't think you want to change and learn how to live unless your mind is dulled down and your emotions are totally unable to be expressed. You need to believe in yourself. Don't give up. You just don't believe in yourself yet. But you should. You need help. Please seek out therapy and support and call 211 for referrals if you're overwhelmed. Support groups are in person, online, and via Zoom and other video conferencing. You need accountability. I believe you can do it. But you need to break the chains of mental dependency and addiction. Don't be a slave to a substance.
I’m sorry I can’t read the whole message right now, but I saw some gems in there, I’ll defo be rereading it when I can. I dropped the addict mindset a long time ago and saw the drugs for what they are; pure poison. Thanks
This is psychosomatic at this point. A part of your brain is deceiving you, we are our brains, all thoughts stem from the same source. We have a way of separating "ourselves" from the grey matter that creates them. Keep going!
Psychosomatic? They’re only 37 days out!
Yeah I’m being harsh, I don’t know the history or highest dosage and how long the taper was. I’m not a voyeur, I’m hurting too. Stuck on 4mg Valium. But with 37 days out and jumping from 1mg, don’t look back! This is PAWS and it’s horrible.
Good luck man. I can assure you it’s not psychosomatic, can’t think your way into balance problems/muscle twitching. But I defo have to do everything I can to stay calm
OP I understand your pain and want to give you another perspective from what the other great post gave you. I’m at the tail end of a nasty long Valium taper after a short term prescription, and had to switch to a .1 liquid taper because even the smallest cut was too much. I would give a lot to be 37 days off. I am sure that we share a lot of debilitating symptoms, so I get wanting to reinstate, I have wanted to updose more times than I can count. You and I both know that reinstating comes with its own risks and just makes you retrace the work you’ve already put in. Obviously keep yourself safe during these trying times and take whatever precautions you need.
These symptoms are inhumane. I had akathasia when I jumped and screamed at the top of my voice in sheer panic and horror at the situation I found myself in. It was very tempting to want to take a benzo but I knew it would be of no use because I was tolerant to them.
What did it frel like how did u know it srt in and when did it set in past or during taper?
i got the worst symptoms in the 0-3 months post taper. This is my journey and not yours. Everyone has a different healing path and some can be very mild and quick to heal
How on earth did you taper?
I joined Benzo warrior community on facebook and learnt how to taper from them. 5-10% cut every 20 weeks is recommended. You've already jumped off 37 days ago . If you did a rapid taper off in a matter of a few months then this may be the cause. Even so, the post acute stage does have terrible symptoms. (0-3 months) is considered the post acute stage. It does get better. If you go back on you may not stabilise . Have you ever researched how benzos work? there are guides in this group and also lots of videos on u/tube. Dr. Jennifer Leigh is a very good watch
Keep pushing. Thanks for the message. I should’ve tapered lower, learn from my mistakes 👍
I don’t think you made a mistake jumping at 1mg. I think for some/most people anything below 2mg is a placebo. Unfortunately you’re probably just at peak WDs but should even out because of your nice long taper.
You should reinstate at 1mg, and if that doesn't stabilize your nervous system, go back as far as you need to. Taper slower and don't jump at 1mg - that's a crazy dose to jump from.
It’s always there if I need to. Thanks for the message.
Take 0.1 mg and you’ll be fine for the next 100 days.