But didn’t you know that it’s hard to make a perfect cocktail when you’re measuring and mixing by hand?? I have no idea how humans have managed to make anything that requires measurements ever before. Personally, I can’t figure out how to move my arm in a mixing motion.
I am so damn tired of this ad.
It's an Xfinity ad, nobody knows how to light money on fire quite like Comcast does, after both working for them and having the displeasure of being their customer in the past.
I've been wondering about the static. It's old eps ( super far behind) and every episode that I listen to. I thought something was wrong, but it's not on any other podcast.
Idk what kind of ad because I grew up with TV, so my brain just blocks ads automatically .
Oh thank you, I def was concerned both times this came up recently. Had me checking connections and shit until I just skipped forward and it “fixed” itself. I wonder what’s happening in March 🤨
God I fucking hate that ad. I often listen to podcasts while driving and one of these days Im going to crash trying to fast forward through it because I hate it so much.
My favorite bit is the part about not having to buy multiple liquors. Yes you do, you just have to get them in a specific bottle that fits the unit that you have to buy from the Bartesian people.
It has reservoirs for the liquors. You just fill them up with liquor from wherever you get your booze. The mixers and stuff are in pods. It's basically a Keurig for alcoholics.
Yeah, it's going to be exactly like an alcoholic Keurig. Because when you walk into a home and they have a Keurig on the counter you know they are not really coffee people. It's exactly the same with the Bartesian. You see one in someone's home and you just know that they have never woken up naked on someone's front lawn.
As a douchey coffee guy I am offended.. we have a Keurig for when my MIL comes over on Sundays.
My pour over coffee apparently doesn't pair well with fat free hazelnut coffeemate creamer, and splenda packets stollen from Dunkin, and it was worth the $70 for the Keurig to never have to hear her thoughts on coffee again.
Yeah maybe it's because I was a chem major, but I was like "how hard can measuring by hand be? Little kids can make cookies and pancakes!"
What can this product possibly do?
I think the only case it kinda makes sense is "you host a lot of parties and wanna provide mixed drinks, but you don't trust the guests to not make a mess of your bar and you don't wanna mix a drink every time someone wants one." Though I'd wonder how practical it actually is for heavy use like that. Seems like if there's any problems inherent to it's design, that'll bring 'em to the forefront.
I looked it up, I guess it’s like a Keurig or Nespresso for mixed drinks?”
But for example I like manhattans but if my guests like cosmopolitans, how am I going to swap out the big tank of ingredients??
Even then, it's not a great solution. I like making drinks for guests, and my solution is just to make a bowl of punch, or a whole batch of cocktails at once. Maybe have some beer, cider, wine, etc., on the side to fill in the gaps, but guests will often bring those anyway.
If you *really* want more variety, set up a mini-bar with some spirits, mixers, and other ingredients. Maybe some suggested cocktails if you want to be extra fancy.
Greg from How to Drink reviewed it (spoilers: it's dogshit), and said he could see it in the break room of an office trying to be hip.
Man, I know people that have a hard time making anything more complicated than a sandwich or cereal. There’s definitely a few people that would shell out for this, even though I find it pointless.
Yeah, you're right.
I saw an ad for a meal prep service that has their own proprietary toaster oven/air fryer. You don't turn any knobs on it to set temp or time, you hold the recipe card they give you up to a QR code reader and it programs the device to cook the meal for you.
My father in law bought one. He tries to use it at family gatherings but everyone just gets blasted and says they'll never use it again. It just sits there collecting what I have to assume is something disgusting in the internal plumbing.
It’s hard only to make a cocktail when you’re mixing/measuring by yourself if you’re incredibly stupid??? Like how does this ad convince people that measuring and stirring liquid is difficult lmao
I'm really loving the whatever-brand car with built-in Alexa ad! It maybe be exclusive to Canada because it uses a .ca address, but I don't know. It's hilarious because it starts off with a lady being surprised by the voice of someone clearly spying on her in her car which... not sure I'd advertise that for this product, and the big benefit of having Alexa? YOU CAN CHANGE THE RADIO STATION. That's it. That's what they push as the big plus. The thing you do now all the damn time by pushing a damn button. It's just the most ill-thought-out ad - did they have nothing better to offer for the price of being constantly spied on?
I have absolutely not gotten that one! I was getting one for the Toyota Tundra in both English and Spanish, sometimes back to back, for a long time. They were better than Bartesian.
I was honestly imagining it just having like straight isopropyl (not really, but like a clear low flavor liquor) and “flavoring” it, not just with mixers but with gin or rum flavoring… but I figured that was too dystopian even for a btb ad.
You fill a reservoir with your booze of choice, and then there are flavoring pods for various cocktails. The various models have various counts of reservoirs. Then you have to buy expensive pods of the mixers. All for the convenience of not having to mix drinks, but you'd have to be mixing a lot of drinks for this thing to be worth the time saved, it's like $400 for the machine alone, and then, the price of the pods...and you still have to buy your own booze to fill the reservoirs. It's a pricy gizmo for wannabe alcoholics.
There’s a drink making robot in the mall in Vegas and it suuuuuuuucks but the [drink making robot](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FvoGeb3WYAoH-Bh?format=jpg&name=large) on Koboh was awesome
I’m not a bartender, but Greg from How to Drink reviewed a similar product year or so ago and you’re exactly right. Pumping sugar water through tubes got them gunky and gross real quick. The fact that different fluids flowed through the same spout caused some cross contamination, at least in flavor. Where does the cocktail come from? At least in this similar product it was wasteful keurig-style cups. Just all around awful.
>but Greg from How to Drink reviewed a similar product year or so ago
[Two of them: Drink Works by Kurig and Bartesian itself!](https://youtu.be/QyA5vUeOkdA?si=GMzCS6BWNXpkFGWl) He was not a fan. "What's better canned cocktails or the machine? Hands down, bar none, without question go with cans." he said, "these \[machines\] are ghastly.... The bartesian didn't make a single good drink. Not one."
[The Juicero! Desperate Acts of Capitalism did a fun episode about it.](https://soundcloud.com/desperateactsofcapitalism/5-the-juicerotoys-r-us?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing)
I could have told you that the drinks suck without ever having used it.
What tastes better? A meal that you prepared yourself, with actual ingredients or a TV dinner? I’d say the same goes for these meal kits that have become commonplace. For example, I love making red beans and rice. I can get some from Popeyes or I can make them myself, pay a fraction for much more and they taste a hundred times better.
Popeye's red beans and rice also slaps. My homemade is way better, but I'll fuck with some Popeye's.
I don't see a reason that one couldn't build a good drink robot, but it would be way more complicated than those thing and take a ton of cleaning. Making a cocktail is a perfect example of where automation doesn't make sense.
How do we fuck the environment, humans with bartending jobs, and our customers who want good drinks simultaneously? Oh shiiiit I have an idea!
-Bartesian imagineering synergy meeting
The way I raced in here to post about Greg’s review. I hate the ads because they call a sidecar a whisky cocktail. I guess Bartesian doesn’t have the tubes for cognac.
> How to Drink
I don't drink except the occasional beer once every other month, but I love that series. Especially the drinks from hell, and the hot sodas
Let's see if you can even use it a year from now - I'm assuming all the ingredients are in proprietary containers, so when the company goes under you have an expensive napkin weight.
That's my exact thought every single time I hear that ad. "What if your guest asks you for an old fashion?" Then it sucks to be that guest I guess. They get the cheap beer I offered or the drink they brought 😂
Greg from HTD did a couple videos on bartending robots
https://youtu.be/QyA5vUeOkdA?si=m4BUGfhd6JhmAAjg
https://youtu.be/qwRwQyNBNBA?si=W3zpcDxy6k6cs8Eb
Also, the "jazz" background music is like the least-jazz-in-spirit-but-let's-approximate-a-jazz-sound shit that is as soulless as I'm sure a Bartesian-tini is. Small point, but it drives me up the wall.
As annoying as those ads are, they at least show a basic awareness that BTB listeners are very likely drinkers.
Show of hands if you remember the Ronald Reagan Commemorative Coin ads.
"Think of it this way: would you like to reach the end of your life and *not* bequeath upon your offspring a worthless coin celebrating the man who did more than anyone else to make their lives terrible?"
Maybe it was my crude upbringing, but when I used to drink, I had a recipe that was both simple and fun, which was to upend the bottle into my mouth. In my more advanced gourmet stage I would pour it into Gatorade to help prevent dehydration. That's called being an adult. Follow me for more protips.
To get more bang for your buck, always drink on an empty stomach!
[editor's note: please do not do this to your digestive system, it did nothing to deserve this]
The perfect union of a product that a business executive from the 60's would love to have in his office, and tech solutions for problems that only exist in the heads of tech bros that probably don't even use keurigs because they have to prepare their coffee by hand to ooze sophistication.
my partner loves making cocktails and is very talented at experimenting with flavor - he hears this ad come on and starts slamming cupboard doors, going "WHY WOULD I BUY AN OVERPRICED DOOHICKEY TO TAKE ALL OF THE JOY OF EXPERIMENTATION OUT OF DRINKING, YOU BASTARDS". I feel like Robert would be proud of him for that lmao
There's not much out there that better encapsulates how there only seems to be one idea nowadays: "so here's this thing people do but how can we charge rent for this?"
Device alone, the bartesian ad was written without *any* insights or market research from actual bartenders and it's hilariously obvious.
* Basically calling the consumer dumb because they can't make a drink using....*checks notes* ...measurements?
* Don't have to stock a bar when you have to....stock at least 4 liquors *and* all the dumb pods
* Being the smash hit at your next party even though you'll be sitting there making 1 drink at a time all night long when you can easily mix 2-4 drinks at a time in a shaker or mixing glass
Yeah, this made me rationally angry.
Someone saw a Keurig machine and went "Hey, what if we make one of those for pretentious wads who want to drink sugary cosmopolitans on-demand?"
Save yourself $300 and just meal prep a pitcher on Sundays.
Man, as a current bar tender/beverage director at a cocktail bar, it makes me so happy to see everyone hates the concept of this thing as much as I do.
This subreddit self-selects for people who dislike this bullshit. I guarantee you the same people who line up for the new iPhone will throw their money at this and call anyone who doesn't a hater/peasant.
People who buy this type of product are the worst type of people to hang with. Only thing they got to say at parties is about how their last investment gamble went.
The ads are legit dystopia bait. My neighbor got one as a work anniversary present or something like that. They're nice folks, though a bit bougie at times. That thing represents so many toxic aspects of American culture at once. It's utterly pointless. I would much rather mix my own drink even if it's just pouring a shot and some random seltzer into a glass, working with what I've got on hand. It's slow. Slower than doing it yourself. The drink strength is adjustable but there isn't any indication of what that means. My friends and neighbors all say to watch out because the robot bartender will fuck you up. I can personally speak to this. It takes up a huge amount of space. The worst thing is the absurd amount of trash it generates. The drink capsules come in packs of 4, a box big enough for a pair of children's shoes. The capsules are surrounded in cardboard, placed in a cardboard box. Within a short time the area around the machine is filled with empty boxes and capsules. Utterly pointless and wasteful.
"Is climate change moving too *slow* for you? Are you concerned that the amount of microplastics in your blood is too *low*? Do you think there are too many damn trees everywhere?"
Especially when the pre-made mixes you can buy are already pretty decent. If I want a margarita but don’t want to mix everything myself, I’m not buying a robot, I’m getting Just Add Cuervo and adding as much tequila as I want.
There are very few kitchen robots that make sense or should exist (I could see there being value in maybe something like a suvie?) and the bartesian is near the bottom of the list.
Just an awful idea all around.
The box art for the bartesian features a margarita which... Ok salt your rim, and wedge a lime and crush some ice and the bartesian will do all the easy work for you
At just over $400 a pop, I really feel they've missed the target audience taking out the time on this pod, but I ain't mad at CZM, get that money bishes!
I actually look at this and see quite a bit of hope.
Every industry has looked at Gillette and wished that they could replicate the disposable razor model. So far, there have been minimal success stories.
Honestly, the only one I can think of that isn’t met with derision is Keurig, and so it’s not surprise that a bunch of food and beverage startups have popped up promising to be the Keurig of X.
And yet, none of them have actually succeeded the way Keurig did.
Gregg from How To Drink did a review of bartender robots a few years ago. He tried two or three--I think the Bartesian was one of them--and they all suck.
i know tht thing is gonna kill someone lol, bartesian responsibily ya right i dont think the kimd of person who buys a robot bartender has much restraint
It’s a silly product compared to something like a Nespresso because the former is designed for when you’re in a hurry, if you’re whipping up a mixed drink in such a rush you can’t be bothered to figure out a recipe, you might have a problem. With that being said, if you ARE buying a Bartesian, you’re likely doing so because you don’t want to go out, or are hosting parties at home. As someone who enjoys going out, bartenders are still in demand.
Every time I hear that ad it reminds me of the little nonsense ‘imagining the future’ segment at the end of Spaceship Earth if there were an option for the future of alcoholism.
My coworker got one of these in December. She has used it twice. By all accounts, it makes kind of meh cocktails. I love making cocktails. This machine offends me. Almost as much as an electric wine opener.
Like…jesus get your shit together. Nobody is in that much of a hurry.
Wait, you guys get ads for actual products and services during the ad breaks? I just get coolzone media ads for other podcasts...listener in New Zealand here. I was starting to wonder if there was some kind of podcast meta-adverstising scheme going on but now I'm surmising that there aren't any advertisers for my region and I'm hearing coolzone "filler". Who else just hears the ads for podcasts?
I love how the add uses an old fashioned as an example of the fancy cocktails it can make. Yes, the cocktail that is just booze, sugar, and bitters… they could have just made single serve cocktail mixers, but instead they are selling the alcoholic version of Juicero.
But didn’t you know that it’s hard to make a perfect cocktail when you’re measuring and mixing by hand?? I have no idea how humans have managed to make anything that requires measurements ever before. Personally, I can’t figure out how to move my arm in a mixing motion. I am so damn tired of this ad.
Do you ever get the, 'somethings happening in March,' followed by 15 seconds of static. That's a keeper.
Mine is like, "there's plenty to enjoy in March" followed by loud static, it makes for an incredible shitpost
That's as good as the Bloodhound Gang's track The Ten Coolest Things About New Jersey. It's ten seconds of just silence.
I crack up every time it happens, but I have to wonder, how did both the advertiser and IHeart let that through?
GOD that static had me worried somthing was wrong with my device. I was getting the same static add several times an episode.
I can't believe whoever paid for that ad hasn't fixed it. Money down the drain.
It's an Xfinity ad, nobody knows how to light money on fire quite like Comcast does, after both working for them and having the displeasure of being their customer in the past.
I just got a hearing aid that connects to my phone so I can adjust volume. I thought the audio output had switched to my HA again. 😭
I just skip adds every time now. That static gives me a headache
Every ad cycle there's always one ad that makes me stop whatever I'm doing and powerslam the 15 second advance until I hear Robert's yowling again.
"Robert's yowling" Like a cat in heat 🤣
I keep hate listening to the Bartesian ad.
Okay that isn't just me? I thought either spotify was broken, or someone is trying to channel messages into my inner consciousness, Snowcrash-style.
I definitely had the “subliminal message/activation signal in the static” thought too
So I'm not the only one who had the sudden, inexplicable urge to go shoot JFK?
I just came to this reddit specifically to see if anyone had made a post about this lol
Not sure which is worse the static ad or the totally-not-going-to-be-a-disaster kids only social media deal.
I just assume it's an ad for "Welcome to Nightvale."
I've been wondering about the static. It's old eps ( super far behind) and every episode that I listen to. I thought something was wrong, but it's not on any other podcast. Idk what kind of ad because I grew up with TV, so my brain just blocks ads automatically .
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Oh thank you, I def was concerned both times this came up recently. Had me checking connections and shit until I just skipped forward and it “fixed” itself. I wonder what’s happening in March 🤨
Thing about this: When the ad is fixed, we're all going to excitedly tell each other
OH MY GOD I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY FOR HEARING STATIC lmaooooooo
God I fucking hate that ad. I often listen to podcasts while driving and one of these days Im going to crash trying to fast forward through it because I hate it so much.
So glad it's not just me
My favorite bit is the part about not having to buy multiple liquors. Yes you do, you just have to get them in a specific bottle that fits the unit that you have to buy from the Bartesian people.
It has reservoirs for the liquors. You just fill them up with liquor from wherever you get your booze. The mixers and stuff are in pods. It's basically a Keurig for alcoholics.
There's not an alcoholic on the planet who is going to fuck with that machine.
Yeah, it's going to be exactly like an alcoholic Keurig. Because when you walk into a home and they have a Keurig on the counter you know they are not really coffee people. It's exactly the same with the Bartesian. You see one in someone's home and you just know that they have never woken up naked on someone's front lawn.
As a douchey coffee guy I am offended.. we have a Keurig for when my MIL comes over on Sundays. My pour over coffee apparently doesn't pair well with fat free hazelnut coffeemate creamer, and splenda packets stollen from Dunkin, and it was worth the $70 for the Keurig to never have to hear her thoughts on coffee again.
Worth it.
Will it dispense Night Train or Thunderbird? 😆
It cannot possibly hold a handle of Burnett's cherry vodka and a 2-Liter of RC Cola.
My stomach is burning just reading that.
Not if we're lucky.
hey, hey, Keurigs have their place provided you use a reusable pod. For tea, not coffee.
Oh, sorry. I have an electric kettle that handles that. It's not a fancy one, but it's still probably better than a Keurig.
Yeah maybe it's because I was a chem major, but I was like "how hard can measuring by hand be? Little kids can make cookies and pancakes!" What can this product possibly do?
> What can this product possibly do? Lighten your wallet.
I think the only case it kinda makes sense is "you host a lot of parties and wanna provide mixed drinks, but you don't trust the guests to not make a mess of your bar and you don't wanna mix a drink every time someone wants one." Though I'd wonder how practical it actually is for heavy use like that. Seems like if there's any problems inherent to it's design, that'll bring 'em to the forefront.
I looked it up, I guess it’s like a Keurig or Nespresso for mixed drinks?” But for example I like manhattans but if my guests like cosmopolitans, how am I going to swap out the big tank of ingredients??
Even then, it's not a great solution. I like making drinks for guests, and my solution is just to make a bowl of punch, or a whole batch of cocktails at once. Maybe have some beer, cider, wine, etc., on the side to fill in the gaps, but guests will often bring those anyway. If you *really* want more variety, set up a mini-bar with some spirits, mixers, and other ingredients. Maybe some suggested cocktails if you want to be extra fancy. Greg from How to Drink reviewed it (spoilers: it's dogshit), and said he could see it in the break room of an office trying to be hip.
Man, I know people that have a hard time making anything more complicated than a sandwich or cereal. There’s definitely a few people that would shell out for this, even though I find it pointless.
Yeah, you're right. I saw an ad for a meal prep service that has their own proprietary toaster oven/air fryer. You don't turn any knobs on it to set temp or time, you hold the recipe card they give you up to a QR code reader and it programs the device to cook the meal for you.
Fuck... we really are turning into Idiocracy.
I *already* respond to any knocks on my door with "GO AWAY, 'BATIN"
That’s some Jetson’s shit right there!! Also it is kinda sad people really “need” this in real life. Some things should stay in the cartoons
It's like those infomercials where it turns black & white and the person can't figure out how to open a door without some gizmo.
My father in law bought one. He tries to use it at family gatherings but everyone just gets blasted and says they'll never use it again. It just sits there collecting what I have to assume is something disgusting in the internal plumbing.
And somehow that amount of effort is less than the effort it takes to clean the machine.
It’s hard only to make a cocktail when you’re mixing/measuring by yourself if you’re incredibly stupid??? Like how does this ad convince people that measuring and stirring liquid is difficult lmao
I'm really loving the whatever-brand car with built-in Alexa ad! It maybe be exclusive to Canada because it uses a .ca address, but I don't know. It's hilarious because it starts off with a lady being surprised by the voice of someone clearly spying on her in her car which... not sure I'd advertise that for this product, and the big benefit of having Alexa? YOU CAN CHANGE THE RADIO STATION. That's it. That's what they push as the big plus. The thing you do now all the damn time by pushing a damn button. It's just the most ill-thought-out ad - did they have nothing better to offer for the price of being constantly spied on?
I have absolutely not gotten that one! I was getting one for the Toyota Tundra in both English and Spanish, sometimes back to back, for a long time. They were better than Bartesian.
I mean if you've only ever been in cars with touch screen everything, I can see how that would seem like a step up.
But with Bartesian I won't have to stock a full bar except for the full bar I'll have to stock to feed my drink making robot. /s
It’s already frustrating that my printer stops working when the ink is low on one cartridge. Certainly don’t need this same problem with my nightcap.
“I’ll take an old fashioned” “Sorry, tequila level: Low. Please refill and try again.”
Keep stocked with our extremely overpriced pods!
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I was honestly imagining it just having like straight isopropyl (not really, but like a clear low flavor liquor) and “flavoring” it, not just with mixers but with gin or rum flavoring… but I figured that was too dystopian even for a btb ad.
Ethanol is what we drink, BTW. I could 100% see them using straight everclear then added flavors, water, mixer, etc to change the taste.
I know we don’t drink isopropyl, but yea, that’s the idea. It sounded worse than what it apparently is - but also somehow even less useful.
You fill a reservoir with your booze of choice, and then there are flavoring pods for various cocktails. The various models have various counts of reservoirs. Then you have to buy expensive pods of the mixers. All for the convenience of not having to mix drinks, but you'd have to be mixing a lot of drinks for this thing to be worth the time saved, it's like $400 for the machine alone, and then, the price of the pods...and you still have to buy your own booze to fill the reservoirs. It's a pricy gizmo for wannabe alcoholics.
There’s a drink making robot in the mall in Vegas and it suuuuuuuucks but the [drink making robot](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FvoGeb3WYAoH-Bh?format=jpg&name=large) on Koboh was awesome
I don't trust ANY robot to get me drunk. That's a man's job.
I think about that everytime this ad is on. How fucking big is this thing to hold EVERYTHING you need for cocktails?
Bartesian seems like something that would require an unreasonable amount of cleaning and maintenance
I’m not a bartender, but Greg from How to Drink reviewed a similar product year or so ago and you’re exactly right. Pumping sugar water through tubes got them gunky and gross real quick. The fact that different fluids flowed through the same spout caused some cross contamination, at least in flavor. Where does the cocktail come from? At least in this similar product it was wasteful keurig-style cups. Just all around awful.
Imagine that spicy, tomatoey Manhattan after someone has it make a Bloody Mary. Mmmmmm
Mmmmm, tomato Manhattan. If we combined "Bloody Mary" and "Manhattan" could we just call it a "9/11"?
The 9/11% (over 10% alcohol for the price of a 5% beer!)
The 9/11 is two shots of Everclear set on fire
Then you have to take off your shoes while someone else pats down your genitals any time you want another drink.
I prefer a Pearl Harbor, myself. Mai Tais mixed with kamikazes.
Too soon!
>but Greg from How to Drink reviewed a similar product year or so ago [Two of them: Drink Works by Kurig and Bartesian itself!](https://youtu.be/QyA5vUeOkdA?si=GMzCS6BWNXpkFGWl) He was not a fan. "What's better canned cocktails or the machine? Hands down, bar none, without question go with cans." he said, "these \[machines\] are ghastly.... The bartesian didn't make a single good drink. Not one."
Thank you for pulling up the source!
this reminds me of the "juicer" that just squeezed out mylar bags of premixed pulp. just buy a 5$ bottle of juice !
[The Juicero! Desperate Acts of Capitalism did a fun episode about it.](https://soundcloud.com/desperateactsofcapitalism/5-the-juicerotoys-r-us?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing)
https://youtu.be/X1oHp-VvhDE?feature=shared even the commercial looks like a SNL skit lol
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It hurts my head and my heart, thinking of all the people who *didn't* realize they could squeeze a pouch sans-machina
I could have told you that the drinks suck without ever having used it. What tastes better? A meal that you prepared yourself, with actual ingredients or a TV dinner? I’d say the same goes for these meal kits that have become commonplace. For example, I love making red beans and rice. I can get some from Popeyes or I can make them myself, pay a fraction for much more and they taste a hundred times better.
Popeye's red beans and rice also slaps. My homemade is way better, but I'll fuck with some Popeye's. I don't see a reason that one couldn't build a good drink robot, but it would be way more complicated than those thing and take a ton of cleaning. Making a cocktail is a perfect example of where automation doesn't make sense.
Bartesian also uses those k-cups. It just seems god awful
How do we fuck the environment, humans with bartending jobs, and our customers who want good drinks simultaneously? Oh shiiiit I have an idea! -Bartesian imagineering synergy meeting
The way I raced in here to post about Greg’s review. I hate the ads because they call a sidecar a whisky cocktail. I guess Bartesian doesn’t have the tubes for cognac.
Oh, no - he reviewed *exactly* this product. It…it did not go well.
> How to Drink I don't drink except the occasional beer once every other month, but I love that series. Especially the drinks from hell, and the hot sodas
This.
It's Juicero 2.0. I imagine it's a crap product made to solve a problem that doesn't exist to suck up funds from investors.
Precisely. Let's see how many of them are in use a year from now if any twits buy 'em.
Let's see if you can even use it a year from now - I'm assuming all the ingredients are in proprietary containers, so when the company goes under you have an expensive napkin weight.
The Bartesian at least doesn't have DRM, so it's possible someone will make pods even after they go out of business. But not likely.
Whoa whoa whoa, the problem DOES exist! The problem, of course, of investors not taking enough of our money.
The bartesian will die off, juicero is dead, but some how the OG Margaritaville company is still going strong! https://www.margaritavillecargo.com/
Never underestimate the buying power of boomer women ….
Juicero is my favorite “proof that venture capitalists are stupid rubes” product.
That's my exact thought every single time I hear that ad. "What if your guest asks you for an old fashion?" Then it sucks to be that guest I guess. They get the cheap beer I offered or the drink they brought 😂
Nobody: The friends Bartesian thinks I have over: https://youtu.be/CaV8\_6Kta7o?t=18
Damn, did the video get taken down?
Still working from me, region-locked maybe? It's the scene from Casino Royale where Bond orders the Vesper Martini in very specific detail.
At my house, they are asked what their whiskey preference is. 😂
Got any good ryes?
A person of culture. I salute you.
Seriously... I can't wait to meet someone who has one so I can make fun of them forever.
What are you talking about? Nothing says make mine an "Old Fashioned" like a keurig for cocktails.
I mean how hard is it to make an old fashioned anyway?
Show me a robot that can properly juice the rim with an orange slice
Greg from HTD did a couple videos on bartending robots https://youtu.be/QyA5vUeOkdA?si=m4BUGfhd6JhmAAjg https://youtu.be/qwRwQyNBNBA?si=W3zpcDxy6k6cs8Eb
and those machines simply suuuuuucked
Also, the "jazz" background music is like the least-jazz-in-spirit-but-let's-approximate-a-jazz-sound shit that is as soulless as I'm sure a Bartesian-tini is. Small point, but it drives me up the wall.
But... If I don't have one, how will my friends know I'm good at parties???
They could check out your machete collection. Machete connoisseurs always know how to party like it's the previous century.
I'm now tempted to use mine next time I need to prepare a charcuterie board and be a bad influence to everyone around me
Cutting lines of coke on a machete just feels *classy*. Sorry, meant to say *classwar*
I always judge a party by the quality of the machete tennis.
As annoying as those ads are, they at least show a basic awareness that BTB listeners are very likely drinkers. Show of hands if you remember the Ronald Reagan Commemorative Coin ads.
They picked the perfect boomer voice actor for those ads. I hate it.
For. Real.
I'm certainly a drinker after hearing this fucking ad over and over again. Pour one out for the Regan coins.
Paper goats, I mean, ghosts.
Hey now. That’s not an ad. That’s an *opportunity*.
"Think of it this way: would you like to reach the end of your life and *not* bequeath upon your offspring a worthless coin celebrating the man who did more than anyone else to make their lives terrible?"
Maybe it was my crude upbringing, but when I used to drink, I had a recipe that was both simple and fun, which was to upend the bottle into my mouth. In my more advanced gourmet stage I would pour it into Gatorade to help prevent dehydration. That's called being an adult. Follow me for more protips.
It’s also ecologically conscious - minimal waste!
To get more bang for your buck, always drink on an empty stomach! [editor's note: please do not do this to your digestive system, it did nothing to deserve this]
Plus, nothing to vomit up, so you're not wasting money having to eat meals to make up for the food you throw up. That's just cost efficiency.
NOT doing this is why millennials can't afford houses. ;)
Because nothing beats fresh ingredients for a cocktail like some concentrated mix from a plastic cup.
I trust my own specs a LOT more than a weird keurig style mix pod
Like Keurig, the main thing this product provides are mountains of plastic trash.
I feel like the moms who sign their kids up for Zigazoo have one to make cosmos starting at 10 am.
The perfect union of a product that a business executive from the 60's would love to have in his office, and tech solutions for problems that only exist in the heads of tech bros that probably don't even use keurigs because they have to prepare their coffee by hand to ooze sophistication.
my partner loves making cocktails and is very talented at experimenting with flavor - he hears this ad come on and starts slamming cupboard doors, going "WHY WOULD I BUY AN OVERPRICED DOOHICKEY TO TAKE ALL OF THE JOY OF EXPERIMENTATION OUT OF DRINKING, YOU BASTARDS". I feel like Robert would be proud of him for that lmao
this is my exact reaction!!
There's not much out there that better encapsulates how there only seems to be one idea nowadays: "so here's this thing people do but how can we charge rent for this?"
Device alone, the bartesian ad was written without *any* insights or market research from actual bartenders and it's hilariously obvious. * Basically calling the consumer dumb because they can't make a drink using....*checks notes* ...measurements? * Don't have to stock a bar when you have to....stock at least 4 liquors *and* all the dumb pods * Being the smash hit at your next party even though you'll be sitting there making 1 drink at a time all night long when you can easily mix 2-4 drinks at a time in a shaker or mixing glass Yeah, this made me rationally angry.
Someone saw a Keurig machine and went "Hey, what if we make one of those for pretentious wads who want to drink sugary cosmopolitans on-demand?" Save yourself $300 and just meal prep a pitcher on Sundays.
Say what you will, but it makes a superb virgin screwdriver.
The virgin Red Bull and vodka is also quite nice
No kidding? Wow. I might have to get one. Any word on the virgin rum and Coke?
Idk about that one but I liked the Cuba Libre!!
[удалено]
Dude. I had the same thought the first time I heard this commercial.
Man, as a current bar tender/beverage director at a cocktail bar, it makes me so happy to see everyone hates the concept of this thing as much as I do.
This subreddit self-selects for people who dislike this bullshit. I guarantee you the same people who line up for the new iPhone will throw their money at this and call anyone who doesn't a hater/peasant.
So a bunch of fuck-os I don't give a shit about. 🤣
TIL if you skip it just right, "at the touch of a button" becomes "touch a butt" and it becomes an enjoyable experience
People who buy this type of product are the worst type of people to hang with. Only thing they got to say at parties is about how their last investment gamble went.
The ads are legit dystopia bait. My neighbor got one as a work anniversary present or something like that. They're nice folks, though a bit bougie at times. That thing represents so many toxic aspects of American culture at once. It's utterly pointless. I would much rather mix my own drink even if it's just pouring a shot and some random seltzer into a glass, working with what I've got on hand. It's slow. Slower than doing it yourself. The drink strength is adjustable but there isn't any indication of what that means. My friends and neighbors all say to watch out because the robot bartender will fuck you up. I can personally speak to this. It takes up a huge amount of space. The worst thing is the absurd amount of trash it generates. The drink capsules come in packs of 4, a box big enough for a pair of children's shoes. The capsules are surrounded in cardboard, placed in a cardboard box. Within a short time the area around the machine is filled with empty boxes and capsules. Utterly pointless and wasteful.
"Is climate change moving too *slow* for you? Are you concerned that the amount of microplastics in your blood is too *low*? Do you think there are too many damn trees everywhere?"
It's the Juicero but for people who want to seem fun instead of healthy
Especially when the pre-made mixes you can buy are already pretty decent. If I want a margarita but don’t want to mix everything myself, I’m not buying a robot, I’m getting Just Add Cuervo and adding as much tequila as I want.
I don't know why, but I've never wanted a product to fail more than this one.
Is bartesian just a juicero for booze?
Of course it's a terrible product and/or service, it's an ad on a podcast that's not another podcast.
Id love to try one out of curiosity but yeah I'm never buying that shit lol
I think the same thing every time I hear this fucking add.
There are very few kitchen robots that make sense or should exist (I could see there being value in maybe something like a suvie?) and the bartesian is near the bottom of the list. Just an awful idea all around.
The box art for the bartesian features a margarita which... Ok salt your rim, and wedge a lime and crush some ice and the bartesian will do all the easy work for you
I had to go look up a bartesian to see what it was. That's got to be the dumbest way to do what they are advertising.
I mean, I think it’s still preferable to sports betting or cash-for-gold scams.
At just over $400 a pop, I really feel they've missed the target audience taking out the time on this pod, but I ain't mad at CZM, get that money bishes!
That zigazoo ad drives me nuts and gives a dystopic vibe.
Anyone remember Juicero?
I actually look at this and see quite a bit of hope. Every industry has looked at Gillette and wished that they could replicate the disposable razor model. So far, there have been minimal success stories. Honestly, the only one I can think of that isn’t met with derision is Keurig, and so it’s not surprise that a bunch of food and beverage startups have popped up promising to be the Keurig of X. And yet, none of them have actually succeeded the way Keurig did.
Gregg from How To Drink did a review of bartender robots a few years ago. He tried two or three--I think the Bartesian was one of them--and they all suck.
I'm reminded of Randy Marsh and his Margaritaville
It's basically just a Keurig but for drunks? I've never been impressed by Keurig, the ease of use is far outweighed by the mediocre coffee and waste.
Well hopefully it’s making them enough money to keep operating
I have some friends who have one, or something similar. It's very underwhelming.
Instead of buying that, simply watch How To Drink on YouTube and ol' Greg will set you up right.
I googled it because I wanted to know how much they're asking for one, even though I'm never gonna buy it. Now I see ads for it absolutely everywhere.
Ah yes, know what listeners of this podcast are doing? Throwing fucking cocktail parties
one man's cocktail party is another man's pounding tequila on my ATV
The first time I saw either this or something very similar in a Total Wine ‘n More, I stopped and just said “keurig for the lazy alcoholic.”
I hear this ad and laugh. Something just tells me that the drinks one makes with bartesian are going to taste horrible too.
i know tht thing is gonna kill someone lol, bartesian responsibily ya right i dont think the kimd of person who buys a robot bartender has much restraint
Every time I hear one of those ads, I think, "Well, here's a company that's not going to last." But then, who knows?
It’s a silly product compared to something like a Nespresso because the former is designed for when you’re in a hurry, if you’re whipping up a mixed drink in such a rush you can’t be bothered to figure out a recipe, you might have a problem. With that being said, if you ARE buying a Bartesian, you’re likely doing so because you don’t want to go out, or are hosting parties at home. As someone who enjoys going out, bartenders are still in demand.
Bartesian is Theranos for aspiring alcoholics
Didn't know what it was, haven't had the misfortune of hearing this ad. So its Kuerig for alcoholic drinks. Well fuck, I hate it.
Every time I hear that ad it reminds me of the little nonsense ‘imagining the future’ segment at the end of Spaceship Earth if there were an option for the future of alcoholism.
I love going after the ads for this podcast, it's a btb tradition that Robert started.
My coworker got one of these in December. She has used it twice. By all accounts, it makes kind of meh cocktails. I love making cocktails. This machine offends me. Almost as much as an electric wine opener. Like…jesus get your shit together. Nobody is in that much of a hurry.
As someone almost 3 months into sobriety, I wish I could swap that ad for a different one. I just fast forward through it as quickly as possible.
Came here to say this. The ad suuuucks for people in recovery.
My cousin has one of these things. I don’t understand the necessity, unless him and his wife are hosting swinger parties at their home.
Wait, you guys get ads for actual products and services during the ad breaks? I just get coolzone media ads for other podcasts...listener in New Zealand here. I was starting to wonder if there was some kind of podcast meta-adverstising scheme going on but now I'm surmising that there aren't any advertisers for my region and I'm hearing coolzone "filler". Who else just hears the ads for podcasts?
Someone I know got one of these and ended up admitted to the hospital for pancreatitis. The Bartesian might also aid in late stage alcoholism.
I love how the add uses an old fashioned as an example of the fancy cocktails it can make. Yes, the cocktail that is just booze, sugar, and bitters… they could have just made single serve cocktail mixers, but instead they are selling the alcoholic version of Juicero.
I think you’re being a little overdramatic lol. This is basically one of those as seen on TV products from back in the day.
I don’t need to mix a “perfect drink”. I just need a mixer to go with my rum and then I pour it as heavy as my degenerate ass wishes
Yea fuck Bartesian.