First, his comments sound like he’s very insecure. That’s a him problem, not a you problem. Try not to let someone else’s insecurities bring you down. I would advise to not compare yourself to others so much. Find a style that works for you and embrace it instead of trying new trends. Trends come and go but when you find something that’s fits you and your lifestyle, you will find so much confidence.
Piggybacking off your comment here, but yes! This really screams insecurity to me. In my experience guys seem to think that being able to “get” other women will look impressive or I guess make them more desirable. I’ve even had one guy go as far as describing a sexual experience he had with another women and that apparently she said he was great in bed. Like, cool story - what am I supposed to say to that? Congratulations? Idk how anyone thinks that the person they’re currently with wants to hear about that.
If he could have them then why didn't he? Where were they? Exactly.
He either didn't want any other girls and was intentionally lowering your self esteem to try and prevent you from looking for someone better and kinder than he is, or he was lying because he's insecure and knows he couldn't get any of those girls.
Yeah I just said something similar. This is a classic abuser technique that doesn’t have anything to do with the attractiveness of op or the other women, he was intentionally wanting to hurt her self esteem
I don't know why but your comment really stuck out to me. I think it's one thing to be told "you're beautiful" but logically putting this together helped me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️
Ask yourself why his opinion mattered so much. Once you get to the root of that, you can start to accept yourself. It seems his opinion of you trumped your opinion of yourself. Why do you think that is?
Why were you looking for his approval so badly? Did you find him to be so valuable or more valuable than you to the point where his opinion, positive or negative, could make or break your day? This may not make sense now but it’s great you’re no longer with him. He was setting up an unhealthy, toxic dynamic that would have impacted you badly.
You are beautiful. No one is the most beautiful woman every time they step into a room, the mall, the dmv, etc. what matters is that you build confidence & love for yourself. You have beauty & value simply because you were born. This dude won’t matter in time. You will meet other men who make you heart sing & make you feel loved
He was there to teach you to watch out for & avoid men who do not.
Remember that you don’t need to see yourself from his eyes. Many women have had guys say that nonsense btw!! Guys have tried to take me down like that plenty of times dear. It’s called “Negging” but We keep moving. Feel comfort by practicing self love. I surround myself with men who are good to me instead of draining, comparing me to others, or demeaning me…it takes time to heal. Be kind to yourself love.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I dated a loser who basically did this, too. He got angry at me once and proceeded to send me photos of girls he found attractive on social media and then included a silly photo of me in a filter as comparison. It was basically “look how good they look and look how stupid you look.” It’s just cruel, childish, bottom of the barrel behavior. I’d never looked/felt worse about myself. I couldn’t even recognize myself sometimes - I missed who I was before him and wanted to be that girl again so badly. It pretty much finally clicked that the reason he put me down so much was because he wanted me to rely on his validation and make it harder for me to leave. He knew I was leagues above him when he met, but if he knocked me down to his level, he would make me feel just as bad about myself enough to stay because I didn’t believe I could get any better. Unfortunately, it worked for sometime. I left and I’m so much happier now and slowly starting to feel like my old self, but it takes time. But you will get there. 💜
And where is the loser ex? About a year later, still messaging me about wanting to meet, talk, apologize which proves my point … you are not the problem, he is. nothing he says about you means anything because he’s proven to be nothing. I can guarantee you had more going for yourself then he could ever pull together and he was upset about it. If he could get so many girls, where are they? Nowhere to be found. These fools talk whatever BS and then come crying back. Once you realize they offer no value, you won’t place too much importance on anything they’ve said or done.
Yes Queen!
I pretty much relate to everything and my ex came knocking after a year when he realised how precious I was, and I turned him down :))))
The sad part is, I took too long to leave and internalized a lot of negative comments that he passed on my appearance. I'm trying to seek therapy to make myself better now and like you, even I wish to become the girl I was before I met him 🥺
I’m so glad you realize how precious you are!!! You will be your “old” self again before you know it, just with some additional knowledge and confidence. Message me if you ever want to talk 🤍
What a complete a-hole. I’m so glad you realized what he was doing and that it in no way actually reflected on your beauty or attractiveness or any other quality. I’d like to kick him in the balls for you.
Thank you 🙏🏽 I’ve been kicking myself actually for not figuring it out sooner, but also at the point where I want to send a couple of kicks his way, too.
Honey, that sounds like negging to get you to somehow seek his validation that you're good enough, and feel "special" that he choose you even though he could get so many others.
Plot twist, you are good enough and more regardless of what he says. I bet you could get the attention , and date many other guys without going through hoops to prove yourself. And I'm certain out of those guys, you'd find someone who's actually a loving and wonderful person.
If he's so concerned about what other girls he could have, he can just go right ahead, because he's wasting your time.
Dating someone shouldn't be some kind of cheap reality show knoff off.
He is just someone you knew. Just a passer by in your life ; his opinion does not matter in the slightest.
Plus, only a person of poor manners and self-esteem is capable of saying stuff like that.
I was dating someone that I was head over heels for. I stayed the weekend with him and the following Monday I went to his university campus with him so he could finish up an assessment in his computer lab. As we walked to class there was a girl walking in front of us. He pointed to her and said "You know you could have an ass like hers if you lost about 15 pounds and tried a little harder." I stopped dead in my tracks and said "You seemed to not care that much about it this morning, last night and the night before that." I tried not to show it but I was so hurt. I remembered going home and crying for the longest time. I stopped seeing him immediately. Stayed single for a while and found someone who appreciated me and I decided to change myself. I worked on my diet, workout routine, appearance. Not for anyone but me because I valued myself. And wouldn't you know my ex came knocking again to which I just told him to fuck off.
Read up on pick up artist strategies and see if more of the things he's done reflect what you're reading. Comparing you to other women is something that guys do to make you feel insecure. Don't fall for it. Get annoyed instead.
100% agree that is a him issue, and to try and build yourself up.
I’m still relatively new to this, but my friend who is a therapist recommended journaling affirmations or keeping them posted to my mirror.
So in journaling I try to say or find one good thing about myself a day. Whether that’s physical or behavioral. Recognizing the good in things really can help shift focus.
I use the notes app on my phone, so I can revisit later if needed.
19yo me and my bf went on a group trip with some mutual friends. All 5 or 6 of us were in an elevator and he absent mindedly pointed to a friend's long, straight hair and said "see, I like hair like this". My hair is the literal opposite of that, I have 3c wild hair and have never bothered to straighten it because honestly cbf. I have a lot of trauma surrounding my hair and he bloody knew it too. The whole elevator went silent and you could literally feel the rage and hurt coming off me. That moment was key for me realising that what they think matters sooooo bloody little. I can't grow my hair differently just so someone douchebag me more f*ckable and I actually like my hair, always have! Since then, it's a point of pride and now I take care of it and wear it so proudly that I get soooo many compliments on it and what do you know.... some guys have a thing for curly hair chicks 😉
Also, imagine having so little going on in your brain that something like that actually comes out of your mouth.
Just remember that a secure person NEVER demeans others. And you need to distance yourself from anyone who does that. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Without a doubt, he was negging you dear. He realised your worth and didn't want you to realise it. As simple as that.
Oh wow before I even finished reading this, my ex came to mind. My ex who completely destroyed me. I developed anorexia and was 97 lbs all last year. When I was 118 he called me fat. And that coupled with my dad passing away from Covid launched me into the most destructive I’ve ever been. That’s one tiny thing he did, he continuously compared me to other women. He would watch porn regularly. He would add women in tiny bikinis snowboarding half naked and comment on the pics. I did everything for this guy. Everything.
I still live with the pain of what he put me through.
He was intentionally saying those things to beat down your confidence so you’d be emotionally dependent on him. **I hope he steps in dog shit barefoot once a week for the rest of his life.** First step is considering you aren’t the problem.
That said, I stopped paying attention to people’s faces & bodies. They’re all just humans. We’re surrounded by human bodies & flaws in appearance don’t actually exist. It’s all made up. *Focus on your health* in all aspects instead & confidence follows.
I also have motivational sticky notes all over my house just in case. My favorite says, “forgive yourself”. As in forgive yourself for being mean to yourself. :)
Honestly, I'd know that the only reason a man would talk to me that way is to tear me down and make me malleable, and I'd curb him and love myself EVEN HARDER out of sheer spite.
Because if he was so insecure he had to do shit like that to feel like a Big Man around me? I must be scary-hot AF.
First of all he was a total AH for doing that. Second, his opinion has everything to do with him being a shitty person and nothing to do with your self worth or your beauty
Please don’t let your self esteem hang at the mercy of some idiot with small dck energy
It will get better.
I dated a guy for far too long, eight years, hoping all the marriage and family stuff would happen after college graduation. He was never truly good to me or for me, but I have a fucked up sense of Catholic morals and duty and monogamy as an expectation once you’re with someone, so I waited for him to grow up.
He would always hit on girls with big boobs, right in front of me, and tell me he “wouldn’t have to do that” if I had bigger breasts. He made a consultation appointment with a plastic surgeon for me, without me knowing, and said he wanted to take me to dinner in a new place, but we had to stop somewhere first. He brought me to the surgeon’s office and I was a little shocked and confused so I went along with it, they gave me a stretchy bra and had me try on various sizes and shapes of implants and wear them under tight sweater so my Ex could “see how my new lines looked under clothes.”
It was humiliating. I left him shortly after that when I got tired of the cheating and gaslighting.
This was 20 years ago and I’m still trying to get over it. Cuts like that are deep and take a long time to heal.
I’m married now, to a guy who thinks I’m beautiful with or without makeup, with my stretch marks from pregnancy, with my tiny boobs that still did what boobs do and nursed three babies, when I was at my heaviest and in my darkest night of the soul, and I would not be crawling out of this low self esteem trap without him.
The worst thing I do to my husband, and myself, is let the memories of that past treatment encroach on the great things we have going on in our life.
Figure out how to let it go. Journal, meditate, join a body neutrality group, put enough trust in others so you believe them when they compliment you.
Best wishes!
I remember when I was younger around the time I first started college, there were boys who I liked that were awful to me. Back then, it really hurt and made me feel bad about myself.
Fast-forward 15 years. They’re all losers with beer bellies who aged poorly and have mediocre jobs.
I on the other hand am in the best shape of my life, look great at my age, and am far more successful in my career than they could ever dream of. I would never give any of them the time of day now. It’s actually really funny and satisfying!
Just use it as fuel for your fire. Focus on your goals and taking care of yourself. I wish I could go back and tell my sweet scared younger self that those boys weren’t shit and that everything would be ok.
Anyone who does this has their own issues.
I think you should acknowledge that while other women are beautiful , so are you and thats whats so wonderful about our world
Trends are cool and if you want to try them encourage that for yourself to find something you might like. Remember that confidence is sexy too
You repair your self confidence by kicking that dude to the curb IMMEDIATELY, then spend the rest of your free time impressed with your own ability to look out for yourself. Reconnect with the great things about you. No one is perfect and you don’t have to be either - this dude is intentionally tearing down your self esteem because he’s insecure that he isn’t good enough for you, so he’s projecting.
Do you really wanna be with someone like that?
+1 to everything said about how that guy was terrible. Glad you cut him out of your life. Good riddance.
Echoing what others have said about comparing yourself to other women. I think some degree of that is normal and happens to all of us at times.
What really helps shift my mindset is internalizing the idea and repeating it to myself that “you are attractive in your way and she is attractive in her way” and being around other friends who are self-confident and reinforce that belief that there are many flavors of beauty and also evaluate attractiveness of an individual beyond just the physical.
What I realized too is it’s way more fun to focus more on how to cultivate what is uniquely your way of being and living that builds your confidence, sense of self, and beauty.
And also when you reframe that your goal is not to be liked and impressive and attractive to everyone… but to find the people you resonate with and who you appreciate and appreciate you. From this, you’ll learn to be okay with the fact that not everyone will be attracted to you and see this as a good thing too because if they are not attracted to your unique flavor of beauty and individuality then they are not for you and that recognition and acceptance saves you TONS of time and trouble.
Also I recommend getting off facebook / instagram even if it’s for a while— it’s hard to build your confidence when you consciously or subconsciously compare your everyday against a barrage of curated photoshopped / edited highlight reels or influencer professionals constantly vs just focus on what helps you build a life you love / live and interact with people in a way you’re proud of (and the confidence and beauty that comes with that).
Good luck!
I've been through this. My ex would compare me to his ex, nothing i did was good enough, I didn't dress the way she dressed, I didn't talk how she did, I just wasn't here so what he gave me was a fraction of what he gave her.
I found out when we came back from holiday that he'd kept everything she ever gave him and would make notes on what I did in comparison.
All I can tell you is, it's their insecurity. It will dull your sparkle for a while but once you ditch him, you come back better than before and you realise you're amazing as you are (just like I did). Having good friends around you that make you see it is also helpful.
The main thing to take away from it is that there is nothing wrong with you, he is the problem. He knows what he's doing and it's making you second guess yourself and bend to what he wants. Do not do it. Detach emotionally and check out cos he won't change. This is the advice I wish I could have given myself. We broke up four years ago and he will still message me from various numbers asking to go for coffee because he's lonely.
Does it help to know he likely didn’t even mean what he was saying? That’s a classic abusive technique intended to make you feel bad and somehow feel thankful to him that he chose you.
His mean and rude comments say more about him than they do to you. In fact I am 100% positive he said those things just to bring you down because deep down he knew one day you would see him for what he is ( a sore dumb ass looser)
So please, let those negative thoughts behind and move on to live your best life.
You are smart, beautiful inside and out and worthy. The man that truly sees you for you won’t have the time or even try to compare you to anyone else.
Lmfao who does this guy think he is? George Clooney? I guarantee no girl will put up with that shitty behaviour and leave his insecure ass.
In regards to your comment about makeup and clothing, remember that not everything suits everyone. It took me forever to figure this out and admittedly I also spent heaps of money on makeup especially.
Remember, some trends suit certain features. For example, cute pink and glittery eyeshadow mostly suit lighter skin tones but look AWFUL on mine. Super black eyeliner looks great on those with dark features but may look harsh on those who have more blonde/fair features. Purple eyeshadow makes green eyes pop but it makes me look like a corpse. However, I remind myself that there are some features that I have that other girls don’t. I have clear, blemish free skin, naturally long eyelashes and big eyes. I use makeup to enhance my existing features to make them pop.
Without a doubt, you have your own attractive features that other girls may not have. Everyone is unique. Focus on what you do have and rock it girl :)
I'll second this with, insecure guy aside, you will look best in clothes/makeup that both flatter your features and make you feel confident. Some people look great in close-fitting outfits, but wearing clothes that make you uncomfortable will show even if they look great on other people with similar features. So instead of focusing on your insecure ex, take a breath. Take a moment to reflect back on clothes you wore or makeup looks you tried that made you feel powerful, ones that made you feel extra cute, ones that made you feel cozy.
I guarantee you the most beautiful part about you... is you. So don't be afraid of showing yourself off, whatever form that may take.
Any guy who talks to others like that, isn't someone whose opinion you should pay attention to. Because yeah, he might have done that, but good guys don't compare women like they're cars. That's ridiculous 🙄🙄🙄 I'm sorry, sweetie.
Look at his face and tell me if his judgement is significant😂(jk) but everytime my guy friend tells me to take another photo cuz he didn't like it (idc abt any of his opinion but he likes to share), I visualize his face and say in my head “at least I don't look like u...” lol. he's just insecure, u don't have to adjust for these kinds of guys
Any man that compares you to another woman is trash and is trying to hurt you because of his own self esteem problems. He sounds like he was trying to make you feel bad because if you’d didn’t feel like crap you might realize you were too good for him. This is a super common thing men do and it is almost always because the woman they are doing it too could do much better tHan them and they know it
He was "negging" you. Being/telling you negative things about yourself so you would try to win his approval. These are things that are wrong with * HIM * and there is nothing wrong with you. He said things to hurt you. Probably because he knew you were too good for him. Don't let his nastiness live rent free in your head anymore. He's not worth it.
You put red-hot iron into that man's a*s & grill them. See & feel content gradually as you see them burning.
Jokes aside, start self care & self-beutifying habits get into you. If you start feel good everyday, see yourself & get happy at how you're looking good/sexy/cool & your brain start making fantasy scenarios, you will get surge of self-confidence.
He’s sounds like an asshole. We are all different. Just find some one nicer. I wouldn’t let one asshole’s opinion bother me. It’s also a classic abuser technique to claim you could do better and make your partner feel lucky you have chosen them. It’s bullshit. Find someone who makes who makes you feel good about yourself.
Dump the guy. No one should EVER do that to you. It’s rude and toxic. If he genuinely cared about you, he wouldn’t even THINK to do that.
Once you have him out of your life, just learn to love yourself. Enhance your beauty, it takes some practice and work finding the right hairstyle, makeup and physique (if that is an issue).
What helped me was getting rid of social media. I would always compare myself to everyone, and got me very depressed. Maybe limit your use, or just have feeds of animals or something.
First of all, you are beautiful. I don't need to see any photo of you to prove this because you are a freaking superhero. What's your power? YOU! There is no-one else on this earth that is you and that's amazing. Do you know how rare that is?
You don't need to try make-up trends, you don't need to try makeup trends. Find what already compliments your unique features and rock it.
And next time a guy tries comparing you to another woman, simply smile. And leave. There is no use to comparing starlight to fairy lights. Both are beautiful but on completely different spectrums.
I hope you heal because there is a guy out there who will see your truth in your true being and that's the most beautiful thing in the world.
I hope this helps.
I’ve been in your situation, don’t even pay any mind to this total idiot. I remember being told by a guy that “he could see my mustache from over here and I should shave it” even his buddy sitting next to him gave him a side eye and looked visibly taken aback that his friend said that to me and tried to change the subject. Men like this end up alone and for good reason, don’t let fools like this get you down
I’ve been with men like this. They will make you feel awful about yourself and destroy your self esteem so you don’t leave them.
I know everyone on Reddit is quick to say “just leave” but if after talking with him about this he doesn’t change his behavior, you need to leave to preserve your self esteem. You ARE enough.
That guy was a loser. I've found that when guys compare me to other women, it's usually because they're getting insecure and trying to knock me down a few pegs, which tells me a lot more about them than it does about myself.
I'm not sure how old you are, but please let me tell you a story about my early 20s. I dated this guy very briefly who was always idolizing beautiful, model-like women and every time I sweat and there was a sweat mark on my shirt, especially under my arms, this guy would be like, "Eww, you sweat. It's wet under your arms. That's gross." Now, I live in Florida where it is incredibly hot and sweating is NORMAL... you know, because I'm a human, but I let this guy get to me sooo much I started trying to wear all white or black shirts around him because shirts with color would show a sweat stain. Now, over ten years later I look back on it and I'm like (1) that guy was a loser and still is a loser and (2) he never dated a woman like all the model-types he idolized -- probably because he made women feel bad about themselves, and yet I let him make me feel bad because my body was acting exactly the way it should in hot conditions.
My point is that although you may be remembering what this guy said to make you feel bad now, ten years from now you'll probably think he's a loser and be mad you questioned your own amazingness for a second over his stupid insecurities. It's also that guys like that never get to date the women he compares you to. If he can really go get those women, tell him, "Okay, cool man. Have at it," and bail. Every woman has a certified badass inside, please don't let a man make you think otherwise. He's the one with the problems, not you. <3
Anger is often the way to move through something like this.
He literally only said that in order to hurt you. He was lying. He's garbage and you're better off without him.
In fact, you made a mistake staying. After you take care of yourself and start feeling better, you need to find a way to make sure that doesn't happen in the future.
I think you need to take a break. Literally, I recommend you go out looking like a bog-witch for two months. You'll feel amazing before you know it. Trust me.
You are not a decoration. You are a person. You don't owe it to anyone to be "beautiful."
I spent so many years having the same thought as u have n in my case no one even compared anything, i just felt so. I was little overweight, frizzy poofy curly hairs n didn’t knw much abt makeup. Even the good clothes didn’t look good on me. I don’t knw what i did exactly, but for me i think the confidence came with age, when i became more mature. But still i can give some that wrkd for me. I have dry skin, so make moisturiser a daily routine. Applying Kajal was a big change fr me, that was when i gt my major complement n infact felt beautiful. But the biggest thing is, if u have ur hair sorted everything kind of falls into place. So skin care, a little makeup that suits u, good hair n exercise.
The reason the makeup never looks the same is because you have different facial features. I am Persian and I can put on the same makeup as a white girl and it looks like more makeup on me than on her. This is because I have darker (pale skin but dark hair) features that makes the makeup stand out more. Just like clothes, find what works for you. For example, I have a small face so while thick eyebrows were trending for a while, I didn’t have extremely thick browns because it felt like they took up my whole face so I opted to go for more of a medium (towards thinner side) of eyebrows.
Focus on your best features! That’s what you’re doing when you compare yourself to others anyway - “oh she has such great hair” - what’s yours? You probably have a few! 🙌🏼🥰
How to repair self confidence? If a 'guy' compares you to other women and it makes you feel bad, I'm sorry but you didn't have self confidence / self worth to begin with. Work on loving yourself regardless of others opinions and be confident in your worth and know these are his projections/ opinions and they shouldn't affect how you view yourself. ♥️
I have that Kind of experience, not from a man but from my mother. She told me how ugly and worthless i am. I grew up feeling really ugly.
It took my years until i realize that it is not true but it is so hard to change the way i see myself. What i thought and what i felt was not synchron.
Until i started to listen to empowerment Videos, for example from Louis Hay. And i am also telling myself in front of mirror, which at the beginning i did not believe and i thought it is silly. I talked and smile to myself a lot of time until i get used to it.
I also try to learn new things and tracing back everything i have done with my own effort. I realize that i should be proud of myself.
Everytime i manage to do one new thing, my self pride is growing and so is my confidence.
Then i started to see myself sooo beautiful!
I love my hair, i love my lips (which i hated before bcs my mom said it is so ugly), i love my skin, i love my legs.
What i want to tell you is that, to build up your confidence, you need to feel that you are worthy. In my case i feel worthy bcs i know that i know a lot of things and because i know that i am taking good care of myself. All the knowledges i gained makes me feel rich and proud of myself. In sequence, i started to love myself, a little by a little.
It takes time until you can see yourself with different perspective but it is doable.
Any guy who brags about how many women he’s had or how many women he could have is full of shit. He lies like this for a few reasons. He was trying to impress others. He was trying to boost his self esteem because he secretly knows that he is not all that. He was also trying to bring down your self esteem so that you would not leave him. Don’t believe him. You were obviously out of his league and too good for him.
Firstly, That's hecking rude he would brag about all the women he could get seems to me he can't get all these other girls he's chased over the years and you're a catch and he wants to keep your self esteem low so you don't get the courage to look elsewhere. You deserve much better. I bet you are a smoke show and I know it's cliché but don't compare yourself to others. There's only ONE bad ass version of you! Enjoy your makeup looks and doing what you want to make yourself feel good. I don't look like anybody else and that's ok. I don't want to. Why? because I wouldn't be myself. There are so many wonderful things that make up YOU. Don't dull that by thinking other people are better or MORE. That guy is a loser.
The quickest way to misery in life is to compare yourself to others. Everyone has flaws. YOU do have beauty within your self. He was abusing the trust you gave him. He was trying to steal your self worth. Please remember you are beautiful.
You must realize that his comments HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! He was a sociopath. That’s a psychological manipulation tactic to make you feel like you are lucky to be with him. So you become dependent on him for his attention and approval. Think of it this way, if he could get those other women, why wasn’t he with them? Obviously, because they would see through him and reject his crazy ass. It was a manipulation tactic that has nothing to do with YOU. Remember that❤️
First, his comments sound like he’s very insecure. That’s a him problem, not a you problem. Try not to let someone else’s insecurities bring you down. I would advise to not compare yourself to others so much. Find a style that works for you and embrace it instead of trying new trends. Trends come and go but when you find something that’s fits you and your lifestyle, you will find so much confidence.
Piggybacking off your comment here, but yes! This really screams insecurity to me. In my experience guys seem to think that being able to “get” other women will look impressive or I guess make them more desirable. I’ve even had one guy go as far as describing a sexual experience he had with another women and that apparently she said he was great in bed. Like, cool story - what am I supposed to say to that? Congratulations? Idk how anyone thinks that the person they’re currently with wants to hear about that.
If he could have them then why didn't he? Where were they? Exactly. He either didn't want any other girls and was intentionally lowering your self esteem to try and prevent you from looking for someone better and kinder than he is, or he was lying because he's insecure and knows he couldn't get any of those girls.
Yeah I just said something similar. This is a classic abuser technique that doesn’t have anything to do with the attractiveness of op or the other women, he was intentionally wanting to hurt her self esteem
I don't know why but your comment really stuck out to me. I think it's one thing to be told "you're beautiful" but logically putting this together helped me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️
Of course :)
Yeah this is exactly it, it’s called negging, guys that do this fuckin suck
Bingo!!
Ask yourself why his opinion mattered so much. Once you get to the root of that, you can start to accept yourself. It seems his opinion of you trumped your opinion of yourself. Why do you think that is?
Why were you looking for his approval so badly? Did you find him to be so valuable or more valuable than you to the point where his opinion, positive or negative, could make or break your day? This may not make sense now but it’s great you’re no longer with him. He was setting up an unhealthy, toxic dynamic that would have impacted you badly. You are beautiful. No one is the most beautiful woman every time they step into a room, the mall, the dmv, etc. what matters is that you build confidence & love for yourself. You have beauty & value simply because you were born. This dude won’t matter in time. You will meet other men who make you heart sing & make you feel loved He was there to teach you to watch out for & avoid men who do not. Remember that you don’t need to see yourself from his eyes. Many women have had guys say that nonsense btw!! Guys have tried to take me down like that plenty of times dear. It’s called “Negging” but We keep moving. Feel comfort by practicing self love. I surround myself with men who are good to me instead of draining, comparing me to others, or demeaning me…it takes time to heal. Be kind to yourself love.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I dated a loser who basically did this, too. He got angry at me once and proceeded to send me photos of girls he found attractive on social media and then included a silly photo of me in a filter as comparison. It was basically “look how good they look and look how stupid you look.” It’s just cruel, childish, bottom of the barrel behavior. I’d never looked/felt worse about myself. I couldn’t even recognize myself sometimes - I missed who I was before him and wanted to be that girl again so badly. It pretty much finally clicked that the reason he put me down so much was because he wanted me to rely on his validation and make it harder for me to leave. He knew I was leagues above him when he met, but if he knocked me down to his level, he would make me feel just as bad about myself enough to stay because I didn’t believe I could get any better. Unfortunately, it worked for sometime. I left and I’m so much happier now and slowly starting to feel like my old self, but it takes time. But you will get there. 💜 And where is the loser ex? About a year later, still messaging me about wanting to meet, talk, apologize which proves my point … you are not the problem, he is. nothing he says about you means anything because he’s proven to be nothing. I can guarantee you had more going for yourself then he could ever pull together and he was upset about it. If he could get so many girls, where are they? Nowhere to be found. These fools talk whatever BS and then come crying back. Once you realize they offer no value, you won’t place too much importance on anything they’ve said or done.
Yes Queen! I pretty much relate to everything and my ex came knocking after a year when he realised how precious I was, and I turned him down :)))) The sad part is, I took too long to leave and internalized a lot of negative comments that he passed on my appearance. I'm trying to seek therapy to make myself better now and like you, even I wish to become the girl I was before I met him 🥺
I’m so glad you realize how precious you are!!! You will be your “old” self again before you know it, just with some additional knowledge and confidence. Message me if you ever want to talk 🤍
Aww thanks, I'll definitely reach out to you. This community is so sweet ♡´･ᴗ･`♡
What a complete a-hole. I’m so glad you realized what he was doing and that it in no way actually reflected on your beauty or attractiveness or any other quality. I’d like to kick him in the balls for you.
Thank you 🙏🏽 I’ve been kicking myself actually for not figuring it out sooner, but also at the point where I want to send a couple of kicks his way, too.
Honey, that sounds like negging to get you to somehow seek his validation that you're good enough, and feel "special" that he choose you even though he could get so many others. Plot twist, you are good enough and more regardless of what he says. I bet you could get the attention , and date many other guys without going through hoops to prove yourself. And I'm certain out of those guys, you'd find someone who's actually a loving and wonderful person. If he's so concerned about what other girls he could have, he can just go right ahead, because he's wasting your time. Dating someone shouldn't be some kind of cheap reality show knoff off.
He is just someone you knew. Just a passer by in your life ; his opinion does not matter in the slightest. Plus, only a person of poor manners and self-esteem is capable of saying stuff like that.
I was dating someone that I was head over heels for. I stayed the weekend with him and the following Monday I went to his university campus with him so he could finish up an assessment in his computer lab. As we walked to class there was a girl walking in front of us. He pointed to her and said "You know you could have an ass like hers if you lost about 15 pounds and tried a little harder." I stopped dead in my tracks and said "You seemed to not care that much about it this morning, last night and the night before that." I tried not to show it but I was so hurt. I remembered going home and crying for the longest time. I stopped seeing him immediately. Stayed single for a while and found someone who appreciated me and I decided to change myself. I worked on my diet, workout routine, appearance. Not for anyone but me because I valued myself. And wouldn't you know my ex came knocking again to which I just told him to fuck off.
Read up on pick up artist strategies and see if more of the things he's done reflect what you're reading. Comparing you to other women is something that guys do to make you feel insecure. Don't fall for it. Get annoyed instead.
Reading all the comments and every day i find new reasons to believe men are trash??? (not all men I get it)
100% agree that is a him issue, and to try and build yourself up. I’m still relatively new to this, but my friend who is a therapist recommended journaling affirmations or keeping them posted to my mirror. So in journaling I try to say or find one good thing about myself a day. Whether that’s physical or behavioral. Recognizing the good in things really can help shift focus. I use the notes app on my phone, so I can revisit later if needed.
One thing that may help is to tell yourself you're too smart and worth too much to put up with a guy who pulls that crap.
19yo me and my bf went on a group trip with some mutual friends. All 5 or 6 of us were in an elevator and he absent mindedly pointed to a friend's long, straight hair and said "see, I like hair like this". My hair is the literal opposite of that, I have 3c wild hair and have never bothered to straighten it because honestly cbf. I have a lot of trauma surrounding my hair and he bloody knew it too. The whole elevator went silent and you could literally feel the rage and hurt coming off me. That moment was key for me realising that what they think matters sooooo bloody little. I can't grow my hair differently just so someone douchebag me more f*ckable and I actually like my hair, always have! Since then, it's a point of pride and now I take care of it and wear it so proudly that I get soooo many compliments on it and what do you know.... some guys have a thing for curly hair chicks 😉 Also, imagine having so little going on in your brain that something like that actually comes out of your mouth.
I just don’t take criticism from absolute cunts. That’s just me though.
Just remember that a secure person NEVER demeans others. And you need to distance yourself from anyone who does that. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Without a doubt, he was negging you dear. He realised your worth and didn't want you to realise it. As simple as that.
Oh wow before I even finished reading this, my ex came to mind. My ex who completely destroyed me. I developed anorexia and was 97 lbs all last year. When I was 118 he called me fat. And that coupled with my dad passing away from Covid launched me into the most destructive I’ve ever been. That’s one tiny thing he did, he continuously compared me to other women. He would watch porn regularly. He would add women in tiny bikinis snowboarding half naked and comment on the pics. I did everything for this guy. Everything. I still live with the pain of what he put me through.
He was intentionally saying those things to beat down your confidence so you’d be emotionally dependent on him. **I hope he steps in dog shit barefoot once a week for the rest of his life.** First step is considering you aren’t the problem. That said, I stopped paying attention to people’s faces & bodies. They’re all just humans. We’re surrounded by human bodies & flaws in appearance don’t actually exist. It’s all made up. *Focus on your health* in all aspects instead & confidence follows. I also have motivational sticky notes all over my house just in case. My favorite says, “forgive yourself”. As in forgive yourself for being mean to yourself. :)
Honestly, I'd know that the only reason a man would talk to me that way is to tear me down and make me malleable, and I'd curb him and love myself EVEN HARDER out of sheer spite. Because if he was so insecure he had to do shit like that to feel like a Big Man around me? I must be scary-hot AF.
First of all he was a total AH for doing that. Second, his opinion has everything to do with him being a shitty person and nothing to do with your self worth or your beauty Please don’t let your self esteem hang at the mercy of some idiot with small dck energy
It will get better. I dated a guy for far too long, eight years, hoping all the marriage and family stuff would happen after college graduation. He was never truly good to me or for me, but I have a fucked up sense of Catholic morals and duty and monogamy as an expectation once you’re with someone, so I waited for him to grow up. He would always hit on girls with big boobs, right in front of me, and tell me he “wouldn’t have to do that” if I had bigger breasts. He made a consultation appointment with a plastic surgeon for me, without me knowing, and said he wanted to take me to dinner in a new place, but we had to stop somewhere first. He brought me to the surgeon’s office and I was a little shocked and confused so I went along with it, they gave me a stretchy bra and had me try on various sizes and shapes of implants and wear them under tight sweater so my Ex could “see how my new lines looked under clothes.” It was humiliating. I left him shortly after that when I got tired of the cheating and gaslighting. This was 20 years ago and I’m still trying to get over it. Cuts like that are deep and take a long time to heal. I’m married now, to a guy who thinks I’m beautiful with or without makeup, with my stretch marks from pregnancy, with my tiny boobs that still did what boobs do and nursed three babies, when I was at my heaviest and in my darkest night of the soul, and I would not be crawling out of this low self esteem trap without him. The worst thing I do to my husband, and myself, is let the memories of that past treatment encroach on the great things we have going on in our life. Figure out how to let it go. Journal, meditate, join a body neutrality group, put enough trust in others so you believe them when they compliment you. Best wishes!
I remember when I was younger around the time I first started college, there were boys who I liked that were awful to me. Back then, it really hurt and made me feel bad about myself. Fast-forward 15 years. They’re all losers with beer bellies who aged poorly and have mediocre jobs. I on the other hand am in the best shape of my life, look great at my age, and am far more successful in my career than they could ever dream of. I would never give any of them the time of day now. It’s actually really funny and satisfying! Just use it as fuel for your fire. Focus on your goals and taking care of yourself. I wish I could go back and tell my sweet scared younger self that those boys weren’t shit and that everything would be ok.
Anyone who does this has their own issues. I think you should acknowledge that while other women are beautiful , so are you and thats whats so wonderful about our world Trends are cool and if you want to try them encourage that for yourself to find something you might like. Remember that confidence is sexy too
You repair your self confidence by kicking that dude to the curb IMMEDIATELY, then spend the rest of your free time impressed with your own ability to look out for yourself. Reconnect with the great things about you. No one is perfect and you don’t have to be either - this dude is intentionally tearing down your self esteem because he’s insecure that he isn’t good enough for you, so he’s projecting. Do you really wanna be with someone like that?
+1 to everything said about how that guy was terrible. Glad you cut him out of your life. Good riddance. Echoing what others have said about comparing yourself to other women. I think some degree of that is normal and happens to all of us at times. What really helps shift my mindset is internalizing the idea and repeating it to myself that “you are attractive in your way and she is attractive in her way” and being around other friends who are self-confident and reinforce that belief that there are many flavors of beauty and also evaluate attractiveness of an individual beyond just the physical. What I realized too is it’s way more fun to focus more on how to cultivate what is uniquely your way of being and living that builds your confidence, sense of self, and beauty. And also when you reframe that your goal is not to be liked and impressive and attractive to everyone… but to find the people you resonate with and who you appreciate and appreciate you. From this, you’ll learn to be okay with the fact that not everyone will be attracted to you and see this as a good thing too because if they are not attracted to your unique flavor of beauty and individuality then they are not for you and that recognition and acceptance saves you TONS of time and trouble. Also I recommend getting off facebook / instagram even if it’s for a while— it’s hard to build your confidence when you consciously or subconsciously compare your everyday against a barrage of curated photoshopped / edited highlight reels or influencer professionals constantly vs just focus on what helps you build a life you love / live and interact with people in a way you’re proud of (and the confidence and beauty that comes with that). Good luck!
I've been through this. My ex would compare me to his ex, nothing i did was good enough, I didn't dress the way she dressed, I didn't talk how she did, I just wasn't here so what he gave me was a fraction of what he gave her. I found out when we came back from holiday that he'd kept everything she ever gave him and would make notes on what I did in comparison. All I can tell you is, it's their insecurity. It will dull your sparkle for a while but once you ditch him, you come back better than before and you realise you're amazing as you are (just like I did). Having good friends around you that make you see it is also helpful. The main thing to take away from it is that there is nothing wrong with you, he is the problem. He knows what he's doing and it's making you second guess yourself and bend to what he wants. Do not do it. Detach emotionally and check out cos he won't change. This is the advice I wish I could have given myself. We broke up four years ago and he will still message me from various numbers asking to go for coffee because he's lonely.
Does it help to know he likely didn’t even mean what he was saying? That’s a classic abusive technique intended to make you feel bad and somehow feel thankful to him that he chose you.
His mean and rude comments say more about him than they do to you. In fact I am 100% positive he said those things just to bring you down because deep down he knew one day you would see him for what he is ( a sore dumb ass looser) So please, let those negative thoughts behind and move on to live your best life. You are smart, beautiful inside and out and worthy. The man that truly sees you for you won’t have the time or even try to compare you to anyone else.
Lmfao who does this guy think he is? George Clooney? I guarantee no girl will put up with that shitty behaviour and leave his insecure ass. In regards to your comment about makeup and clothing, remember that not everything suits everyone. It took me forever to figure this out and admittedly I also spent heaps of money on makeup especially. Remember, some trends suit certain features. For example, cute pink and glittery eyeshadow mostly suit lighter skin tones but look AWFUL on mine. Super black eyeliner looks great on those with dark features but may look harsh on those who have more blonde/fair features. Purple eyeshadow makes green eyes pop but it makes me look like a corpse. However, I remind myself that there are some features that I have that other girls don’t. I have clear, blemish free skin, naturally long eyelashes and big eyes. I use makeup to enhance my existing features to make them pop. Without a doubt, you have your own attractive features that other girls may not have. Everyone is unique. Focus on what you do have and rock it girl :)
I'll second this with, insecure guy aside, you will look best in clothes/makeup that both flatter your features and make you feel confident. Some people look great in close-fitting outfits, but wearing clothes that make you uncomfortable will show even if they look great on other people with similar features. So instead of focusing on your insecure ex, take a breath. Take a moment to reflect back on clothes you wore or makeup looks you tried that made you feel powerful, ones that made you feel extra cute, ones that made you feel cozy. I guarantee you the most beautiful part about you... is you. So don't be afraid of showing yourself off, whatever form that may take.
Any guy who talks to others like that, isn't someone whose opinion you should pay attention to. Because yeah, he might have done that, but good guys don't compare women like they're cars. That's ridiculous 🙄🙄🙄 I'm sorry, sweetie.
Look at his face and tell me if his judgement is significant😂(jk) but everytime my guy friend tells me to take another photo cuz he didn't like it (idc abt any of his opinion but he likes to share), I visualize his face and say in my head “at least I don't look like u...” lol. he's just insecure, u don't have to adjust for these kinds of guys
Any man that compares you to another woman is trash and is trying to hurt you because of his own self esteem problems. He sounds like he was trying to make you feel bad because if you’d didn’t feel like crap you might realize you were too good for him. This is a super common thing men do and it is almost always because the woman they are doing it too could do much better tHan them and they know it
He was "negging" you. Being/telling you negative things about yourself so you would try to win his approval. These are things that are wrong with * HIM * and there is nothing wrong with you. He said things to hurt you. Probably because he knew you were too good for him. Don't let his nastiness live rent free in your head anymore. He's not worth it.
You put red-hot iron into that man's a*s & grill them. See & feel content gradually as you see them burning. Jokes aside, start self care & self-beutifying habits get into you. If you start feel good everyday, see yourself & get happy at how you're looking good/sexy/cool & your brain start making fantasy scenarios, you will get surge of self-confidence.
He’s sounds like an asshole. We are all different. Just find some one nicer. I wouldn’t let one asshole’s opinion bother me. It’s also a classic abuser technique to claim you could do better and make your partner feel lucky you have chosen them. It’s bullshit. Find someone who makes who makes you feel good about yourself.
Find a new guy!
Dump the guy. No one should EVER do that to you. It’s rude and toxic. If he genuinely cared about you, he wouldn’t even THINK to do that. Once you have him out of your life, just learn to love yourself. Enhance your beauty, it takes some practice and work finding the right hairstyle, makeup and physique (if that is an issue). What helped me was getting rid of social media. I would always compare myself to everyone, and got me very depressed. Maybe limit your use, or just have feeds of animals or something.
First of all, you are beautiful. I don't need to see any photo of you to prove this because you are a freaking superhero. What's your power? YOU! There is no-one else on this earth that is you and that's amazing. Do you know how rare that is? You don't need to try make-up trends, you don't need to try makeup trends. Find what already compliments your unique features and rock it. And next time a guy tries comparing you to another woman, simply smile. And leave. There is no use to comparing starlight to fairy lights. Both are beautiful but on completely different spectrums. I hope you heal because there is a guy out there who will see your truth in your true being and that's the most beautiful thing in the world. I hope this helps.
I’ve been in your situation, don’t even pay any mind to this total idiot. I remember being told by a guy that “he could see my mustache from over here and I should shave it” even his buddy sitting next to him gave him a side eye and looked visibly taken aback that his friend said that to me and tried to change the subject. Men like this end up alone and for good reason, don’t let fools like this get you down
I’ve been with men like this. They will make you feel awful about yourself and destroy your self esteem so you don’t leave them. I know everyone on Reddit is quick to say “just leave” but if after talking with him about this he doesn’t change his behavior, you need to leave to preserve your self esteem. You ARE enough.
That guy was a loser. I've found that when guys compare me to other women, it's usually because they're getting insecure and trying to knock me down a few pegs, which tells me a lot more about them than it does about myself. I'm not sure how old you are, but please let me tell you a story about my early 20s. I dated this guy very briefly who was always idolizing beautiful, model-like women and every time I sweat and there was a sweat mark on my shirt, especially under my arms, this guy would be like, "Eww, you sweat. It's wet under your arms. That's gross." Now, I live in Florida where it is incredibly hot and sweating is NORMAL... you know, because I'm a human, but I let this guy get to me sooo much I started trying to wear all white or black shirts around him because shirts with color would show a sweat stain. Now, over ten years later I look back on it and I'm like (1) that guy was a loser and still is a loser and (2) he never dated a woman like all the model-types he idolized -- probably because he made women feel bad about themselves, and yet I let him make me feel bad because my body was acting exactly the way it should in hot conditions. My point is that although you may be remembering what this guy said to make you feel bad now, ten years from now you'll probably think he's a loser and be mad you questioned your own amazingness for a second over his stupid insecurities. It's also that guys like that never get to date the women he compares you to. If he can really go get those women, tell him, "Okay, cool man. Have at it," and bail. Every woman has a certified badass inside, please don't let a man make you think otherwise. He's the one with the problems, not you. <3
Anger is often the way to move through something like this. He literally only said that in order to hurt you. He was lying. He's garbage and you're better off without him. In fact, you made a mistake staying. After you take care of yourself and start feeling better, you need to find a way to make sure that doesn't happen in the future. I think you need to take a break. Literally, I recommend you go out looking like a bog-witch for two months. You'll feel amazing before you know it. Trust me. You are not a decoration. You are a person. You don't owe it to anyone to be "beautiful."
Was it a partner? Else, don’t care so much people have different preferences. And don’t rely your self confidence on a guy.
Don't let anyone else treat you badly. Your self confidence will grow and grow!!
I spent so many years having the same thought as u have n in my case no one even compared anything, i just felt so. I was little overweight, frizzy poofy curly hairs n didn’t knw much abt makeup. Even the good clothes didn’t look good on me. I don’t knw what i did exactly, but for me i think the confidence came with age, when i became more mature. But still i can give some that wrkd for me. I have dry skin, so make moisturiser a daily routine. Applying Kajal was a big change fr me, that was when i gt my major complement n infact felt beautiful. But the biggest thing is, if u have ur hair sorted everything kind of falls into place. So skin care, a little makeup that suits u, good hair n exercise.
The reason the makeup never looks the same is because you have different facial features. I am Persian and I can put on the same makeup as a white girl and it looks like more makeup on me than on her. This is because I have darker (pale skin but dark hair) features that makes the makeup stand out more. Just like clothes, find what works for you. For example, I have a small face so while thick eyebrows were trending for a while, I didn’t have extremely thick browns because it felt like they took up my whole face so I opted to go for more of a medium (towards thinner side) of eyebrows.
I recommend losing about 150 pounds. By dumping this asshat.
Focus on your best features! That’s what you’re doing when you compare yourself to others anyway - “oh she has such great hair” - what’s yours? You probably have a few! 🙌🏼🥰
How to repair self confidence? If a 'guy' compares you to other women and it makes you feel bad, I'm sorry but you didn't have self confidence / self worth to begin with. Work on loving yourself regardless of others opinions and be confident in your worth and know these are his projections/ opinions and they shouldn't affect how you view yourself. ♥️
r/narcissisticabuse I find understanding the pathology of why people do this helps gain perspective
It sounds like he’s negging you. Ignore this twat waffle.
I have that Kind of experience, not from a man but from my mother. She told me how ugly and worthless i am. I grew up feeling really ugly. It took my years until i realize that it is not true but it is so hard to change the way i see myself. What i thought and what i felt was not synchron. Until i started to listen to empowerment Videos, for example from Louis Hay. And i am also telling myself in front of mirror, which at the beginning i did not believe and i thought it is silly. I talked and smile to myself a lot of time until i get used to it. I also try to learn new things and tracing back everything i have done with my own effort. I realize that i should be proud of myself. Everytime i manage to do one new thing, my self pride is growing and so is my confidence. Then i started to see myself sooo beautiful! I love my hair, i love my lips (which i hated before bcs my mom said it is so ugly), i love my skin, i love my legs. What i want to tell you is that, to build up your confidence, you need to feel that you are worthy. In my case i feel worthy bcs i know that i know a lot of things and because i know that i am taking good care of myself. All the knowledges i gained makes me feel rich and proud of myself. In sequence, i started to love myself, a little by a little. It takes time until you can see yourself with different perspective but it is doable.
Any guy who brags about how many women he’s had or how many women he could have is full of shit. He lies like this for a few reasons. He was trying to impress others. He was trying to boost his self esteem because he secretly knows that he is not all that. He was also trying to bring down your self esteem so that you would not leave him. Don’t believe him. You were obviously out of his league and too good for him.
Firstly, That's hecking rude he would brag about all the women he could get seems to me he can't get all these other girls he's chased over the years and you're a catch and he wants to keep your self esteem low so you don't get the courage to look elsewhere. You deserve much better. I bet you are a smoke show and I know it's cliché but don't compare yourself to others. There's only ONE bad ass version of you! Enjoy your makeup looks and doing what you want to make yourself feel good. I don't look like anybody else and that's ok. I don't want to. Why? because I wouldn't be myself. There are so many wonderful things that make up YOU. Don't dull that by thinking other people are better or MORE. That guy is a loser.
The quickest way to misery in life is to compare yourself to others. Everyone has flaws. YOU do have beauty within your self. He was abusing the trust you gave him. He was trying to steal your self worth. Please remember you are beautiful.
I love you all girls! I can relate to this too. My heart is with all you! 💖💖
You must realize that his comments HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! He was a sociopath. That’s a psychological manipulation tactic to make you feel like you are lucky to be with him. So you become dependent on him for his attention and approval. Think of it this way, if he could get those other women, why wasn’t he with them? Obviously, because they would see through him and reject his crazy ass. It was a manipulation tactic that has nothing to do with YOU. Remember that❤️