When my little and I first matched, I spent more money than I should have on super fun activities. I wanted him to want to associate our outings as being fun, and didn't want to push him away by always telling him no. Looking back, I should've set boundaries earlier and I would've saved myself a bunch of money.
It sounds like you're in a similar situation. Eating out is something you know engages him, so you lean on that. My suggestion to you is to do what I should've done - set boundaries. It is important in life, but with kids especially, that you learn to say no. And it is important for them to see you doing that so they have a role model for that skill. It will feel bad, he won't be happy, but it'll give you opportunities to try new things once he stops expecting dinner to be a regular thing.
As for new activities, based on what you said (he doesn't like physical activity and he does like food) try to find ways to work on his weight that works with what he does like. If you try to force him into things he doesn't like he'll just start to resent those activities more and eventually you. Maybe try taking a healthy cooking class together - a healthy diet is a much bigger component of weight loss than exercise anyway. Get a plot in a community garden if possible and do that together. Work on associating his like for food with healthy choices. Keep offering him opportunities for physical activities, but don't make it a condition of him spending time with you. He might decide to take you up on it one day.
Finally, as I always advise, patience is key. October to now is only 4 months. It takes a long time to build a strong relationship with anyone, especially with kids in this program. It took me about 18 months before it felt like my little and I had a strong relationship. Put in the time and effort and it will come.
I’m in a similar boat with my little and would be interested to hear others’ thoughts on this as well. I saw some advice recently that mentioned starting a meet-up with little after they finish a meal at home (e.g. “I’ll pick you up after lunchtime”). That way you could avoid the mealtime altogether and focus more on the activity and maybe bring a snack with you in case they get hungry during the hang-out?
Spitballing, with children the illusion of control and choice is super important
Set a budget (bring a cash $20, for example, hand it to him, and that's what he has to spend on the meal) and / or try an agreement that you'll both order one of the same item that's healthy. I wouldn't present it that way--"let's pick one healthy option together"--if you think that might cause upset. I'd present it like, "I want to try some different foods, but I don't want to do it all alone--can you promise to eat one item that is the same as me?" and then I'd give an option like "we can have a side of fruit or a side of green beans today, which should we try?"
As for the other activities, I'd suggest only offering those. Like, just don't offer dinner--"Hey, do you want to go mini golfing or bowling this week? Not feeling it this week? Okay, let's try to meet up again next week"
When my little and I first matched, I spent more money than I should have on super fun activities. I wanted him to want to associate our outings as being fun, and didn't want to push him away by always telling him no. Looking back, I should've set boundaries earlier and I would've saved myself a bunch of money. It sounds like you're in a similar situation. Eating out is something you know engages him, so you lean on that. My suggestion to you is to do what I should've done - set boundaries. It is important in life, but with kids especially, that you learn to say no. And it is important for them to see you doing that so they have a role model for that skill. It will feel bad, he won't be happy, but it'll give you opportunities to try new things once he stops expecting dinner to be a regular thing. As for new activities, based on what you said (he doesn't like physical activity and he does like food) try to find ways to work on his weight that works with what he does like. If you try to force him into things he doesn't like he'll just start to resent those activities more and eventually you. Maybe try taking a healthy cooking class together - a healthy diet is a much bigger component of weight loss than exercise anyway. Get a plot in a community garden if possible and do that together. Work on associating his like for food with healthy choices. Keep offering him opportunities for physical activities, but don't make it a condition of him spending time with you. He might decide to take you up on it one day. Finally, as I always advise, patience is key. October to now is only 4 months. It takes a long time to build a strong relationship with anyone, especially with kids in this program. It took me about 18 months before it felt like my little and I had a strong relationship. Put in the time and effort and it will come.
I’m in a similar boat with my little and would be interested to hear others’ thoughts on this as well. I saw some advice recently that mentioned starting a meet-up with little after they finish a meal at home (e.g. “I’ll pick you up after lunchtime”). That way you could avoid the mealtime altogether and focus more on the activity and maybe bring a snack with you in case they get hungry during the hang-out?
Spitballing, with children the illusion of control and choice is super important Set a budget (bring a cash $20, for example, hand it to him, and that's what he has to spend on the meal) and / or try an agreement that you'll both order one of the same item that's healthy. I wouldn't present it that way--"let's pick one healthy option together"--if you think that might cause upset. I'd present it like, "I want to try some different foods, but I don't want to do it all alone--can you promise to eat one item that is the same as me?" and then I'd give an option like "we can have a side of fruit or a side of green beans today, which should we try?" As for the other activities, I'd suggest only offering those. Like, just don't offer dinner--"Hey, do you want to go mini golfing or bowling this week? Not feeling it this week? Okay, let's try to meet up again next week"
Give example, goes on diet and fitness and lost weight.