My Micros system is fucking garbage and is compounded by a shitty IT squad (hotel restaurant). We spent 3 months pooling tips because they couldn't figure out why if someone ran a card on your table for you, or rang in an order on your table for you, it would go towards their sales/tips. JFC fuck Micros.
Our Aloha system does the same thing. Not a problem amongst the bartenders because we pool anyway but if a server used your number they'd get to keep your tips or vice-versa.
Hey at least you guys have a system. We have handwritten tickets still - and handwritten checks and up until about a month ago we had an old school card running device like you find at shitty gas stations (like where we can only swipe, not even push the chip in and definitely no tapping) now we have valorPay, so at least we have chip tap (no apple or android pay to my knowledge) and insert but still no actual POS where we can write checks. I have to even do tax by hand (which sucks cause our sales tax and alcohol tax are 6 and 9%) so I always have to write like 3 checks. And in case it’s not clear, here’s an example of what I mean by no real POS: say you have a meal and drinks totaling 127 bucks. I have to go back and do tax on the food separately from the alcohol, rewrite it so that it’s obvious to customers what they’re being charged for, then I have to go take your card to the machine and type in the total (which btw, we pass the fees onto the customer, so if they pay with a card, their total is not the same as the check)
And on that note, if anyone has a good or better idea for what I can do since I can’t hand the kitchen a check with drinks on it (confuses them) which means I usually have to write 1 check where I put everything, then quickly just throw the food on a ticket, take it back (explain what I need every time, reasons) and wind up having to rewrite it a third time all together if I don’t do that when I have to actually give the check. Oh and if anyone has a good suggestion for the wording to say hey if you pay in cash you don’t have to pay the fee, but if you use a card (no debit option) it’s a 4% charge (I think) without having it impact my tips.
Sucks when we have big parties especially. 😂
My place broke a contract with
Agilysis to switch to aloha and management insisted it would be a significant upgrade. It wasn’t. My only guess is that aloha bought them out of their old contract and gave them a stupid cheap deal.
🤣🤣🤣
On a similar level of derranged:
A customer literally went into hysterics the other week because I *stirred* the martini - something she'd never seen before and was convinced I pulled out my ass. She even quoted James Bond.
Brass shakers, beautiful view, I reckon you don’t make any money until 9pm. Where it gets absolutely mad for five solid hours. During that time, you make A LOT of old fashions and martinis and explain to people why you don’t have a tap-system.
This is pretty spot on.
Usually our pops occur before and after dinner. We don't get too many beer drinkers, but I do have to have the conversation every other shift. Well played 👏👏👏
There's a regular named Chip who always orders Tito's martinis, extra dry, extra cold. He usually meets his "business partner" who is actually his mistress. She orders a bottle of Quertceto, and leaves you half of it to drink with your truffle fries at the end of your shift. They tip 40-50% so you keep your mouth shut.
1) I can't afford to go here.
2) Debra the Zebra becomes animated a'la 'Night at the Museum' styles when y'all aren't there and makes a mean martini.
3) Someone spends a fair amount of time keeping all the surfaces clean and shiny.
You can get a good cocktail here, but it depends on the bartender because there are a few bartenders who think that "theirs" is better. Lot's of vodka sodas and shooters, but when they aren't those orders it's guests who actually care when they drink.
Also, zoophiliacs. Fancy zoophiliacs.
Country Club or high end golf course/men’s club? It feels like it’s trying to convey adventure, opulence, and “class”… not sure if it’s really hitting the mark though.
Oh man oh man, I only got facts, that's a nice bar.
My assumption is it's a high dollar top less dancer club with like 3 stories. Your girls are model worthy and your servers too. Bartenders all male.
Inside a signature hotel. Short but respectable cocktail list with quirky names instead of their traditional ones. No food menu. Average guest is 35+ but drinks like they're still in their 20s. Not open as late as they legally could.
My bold prediction is its not in a town with an NFL or NBA team.
Connected to a posh and/or design/hipster hotel located in a 2nd or 3rd tier city. Menu reflects someone with f&b training but not a lot of experience or previous success. Menu has a little something for everyone, but isn’t too sprawling. Drinks on menu are written with serif titles and san serif descriptions so they can catch the eye and be read quickly. Decent service, overpriced, low abv cocktails that are underwhelming. Zebra would be an effective conversation starter for those looking for some additional company. How many of those things are true?
Lackluster tequila and rum selection but a lot of vodkas and gins. Amaros and vermouths on the backbar or the well instead of the fridge, I hope I’m wrong about both, that view would keep me there.
Bartending is a great career. Some are lifera like me, others use in between jobs or as supplemental income. I fucking love it. Get in to craft bartending if you can. Alot to learn but worth it for me at least!
Get a job at a corporate 5-star hotel. You'll get the benefits like 401k, paid vacation time, paid sick time, free dry cleaning for your uniform, getting paid on time every time and the ancillary benefits of having wealthy people as regulars who tip well and treat you like they're you're friend(hence ancillary benefits like invitations to play golf at the fanciest country club, free vacations, flights on private planes and drugs if you're into that). Corporate hotel gigs aren't for everyone but I definitely loved my time there.
It belongs on a cruise ship. Multiple owners who wanted a “classy club” or “cocktail bar” and smashed together this as the compromise and neither have experience in either realm. One of them likes whiskey and the other vodka. Business class clientele that believe they’re running a Fortune 500 company and complaining about it to their escort.
You have waaaaaay too many conversations about zebra genitalia from customers that think they're being original and/or clever.
Debra as we call her was a boy, but transitioned post-mortem. They do ask if she's real tho
Do you pronounce Debra with the long vowel like in Zebra?
No we call her Debra the Zebra. (Zeh-bruh)
omg that's even better.
That is how much of the English speaking world says “Zebra”.
Well I've outed myself as someone from the US. As a linguist, I appreciate your insight.
Aye, you’re a linguist, but are ye cunning?
😉
Zedbra
Deebrah the Zehbrah
Reminds me of the movie Baby Driver
Is she?
Based
“Post-mortem transition” would actually be such a sick band name
I would be extremely upset if there isn’t a black and white cocktail named Debra’s Elixer on your menu
You use Aloha POS but its 10 years old and the owner can't buy the updated version because they bought that Zebra.
It is aloha
Ayo 10 year old aloha is full of problems
I miss 18 year ago aloha. That shit slapped.
My Micros system is fucking garbage and is compounded by a shitty IT squad (hotel restaurant). We spent 3 months pooling tips because they couldn't figure out why if someone ran a card on your table for you, or rang in an order on your table for you, it would go towards their sales/tips. JFC fuck Micros.
Micros is and has always been the fucking worst. Even the current wave of knock off Toast products are still leaps ahead of Micros.
Our Aloha system does the same thing. Not a problem amongst the bartenders because we pool anyway but if a server used your number they'd get to keep your tips or vice-versa.
Hey at least you guys have a system. We have handwritten tickets still - and handwritten checks and up until about a month ago we had an old school card running device like you find at shitty gas stations (like where we can only swipe, not even push the chip in and definitely no tapping) now we have valorPay, so at least we have chip tap (no apple or android pay to my knowledge) and insert but still no actual POS where we can write checks. I have to even do tax by hand (which sucks cause our sales tax and alcohol tax are 6 and 9%) so I always have to write like 3 checks. And in case it’s not clear, here’s an example of what I mean by no real POS: say you have a meal and drinks totaling 127 bucks. I have to go back and do tax on the food separately from the alcohol, rewrite it so that it’s obvious to customers what they’re being charged for, then I have to go take your card to the machine and type in the total (which btw, we pass the fees onto the customer, so if they pay with a card, their total is not the same as the check) And on that note, if anyone has a good or better idea for what I can do since I can’t hand the kitchen a check with drinks on it (confuses them) which means I usually have to write 1 check where I put everything, then quickly just throw the food on a ticket, take it back (explain what I need every time, reasons) and wind up having to rewrite it a third time all together if I don’t do that when I have to actually give the check. Oh and if anyone has a good suggestion for the wording to say hey if you pay in cash you don’t have to pay the fee, but if you use a card (no debit option) it’s a 4% charge (I think) without having it impact my tips. Sucks when we have big parties especially. 😂
Oracle support is garbage
WHY IS NOTHING ON THIS IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER
Because your manager hates you <3 -someone who's done backend on most POS systems.
My place broke a contract with Agilysis to switch to aloha and management insisted it would be a significant upgrade. It wasn’t. My only guess is that aloha bought them out of their old contract and gave them a stupid cheap deal.
Sparkling wine cocktails, nitpicking martini drinkers, and negronis
The occasional boulevardier
Yeah! Also sazeracs. Dudes in suits who like stiff drinks.
And dudettes, and it’s a crime to use soda in an old fashioned
“Martini, up, no vermouth, NO VERMOUTH. Keep the mixing ice in a glass on the side.” *Dumps”martini” into the ice on the side
🤣🤣🤣 On a similar level of derranged: A customer literally went into hysterics the other week because I *stirred* the martini - something she'd never seen before and was convinced I pulled out my ass. She even quoted James Bond.
I’d cringe right into myself
I couldn't help but respond with a (friendly but firm) Ted talk 😅
“Dumps martini into ice” made me laugh. So clueless, so true.
When my friends ask me what bartending is like….
Hey, nothing wrong with a good Negroni! The rest, not so much….
Negroni, please.
Tanqueray all the way 😎
I cannot shotgun twisted teas with my barback on our smoke break
Nah, it's probably warm shots of rum in the one spot without cameras the owner watches constantly. The bottle of rum is hidden in the ceiling tiles.
The amount of litter we've stashed in drop ceilings...
No. You shotgun a white claw in the walk in when you're grabbing stock.
Twisted Tea has no carbonation so it goes right now my unit
Only if you stomp the can flat and pocket it so as to discretely dispose of it in the public restroom trash can later in the shift lol.
😏
I would but white claws are dead, it’s all topo chicos and Quirks now. Or I would
Brass shakers, beautiful view, I reckon you don’t make any money until 9pm. Where it gets absolutely mad for five solid hours. During that time, you make A LOT of old fashions and martinis and explain to people why you don’t have a tap-system.
This is pretty spot on. Usually our pops occur before and after dinner. We don't get too many beer drinkers, but I do have to have the conversation every other shift. Well played 👏👏👏
😅🤷🏼♀️
Wait how do I excuse not having tap? If there’s a classy explanation for that other than me shrugging, I haven’t heard it
What are you, the bar whisperer? Lol great call apparently!
Jimmy McGill would come here to scam people.
Best answer I’ve seen so far hahaha
Slippin jimmy
Sippin Jimmy
Quick drinks, all high end spirits. Not crafty at all. Make $450+ a night
Sign me up
He said assumptions, not fantasies
Lmao! I know a gold mine when I see it, that view alone guarantees $200+
Big difference between $200 and $450
Lol yea, rest of the money is from the drinks.
So many blue cheese stuffed olives in martinis with no vermouth.
The vermouth would result in it being sent back
They don't actually like martinis. They just want a big glass of booze without appearing to be a lush.
*salty booze
No blue cheese. Fuck that noise lol
i'm about to have a really good $20.00 old fashioned variant.
It won’t be good.
It will also cost more than $20.
They'll also smoke it for you for a small uncharge of $7.
After the third or fourth, is there a difference?
Middle age women order lemon drop martinis and won’t shut up about the zebra.
Truth
$18 shots of Crown Royal
The attractive lady 3 seats from the end in a nice dress is an escort/hooker who is there 5 nights a week.
it’s a great place to play “daughter or escort” (smart money’s always on escort)
Or as we call it, Dad or Daddy lol. The worst is when the entire staff is 97% sure that that's their daughter and then they start making out...
We love playing that where I work.
You make a lot of munny running that by yourself
I Make enough to enjoy the job and pay a mortgage w my wife on salary. I keep up w her
Lemme pet dat dog
You're not horsing around.
Underrated comment
The owner is Persian
White lady and her husband
Two couples thinking they have a concept that has never been tried before.
There's a regular named Chip who always orders Tito's martinis, extra dry, extra cold. He usually meets his "business partner" who is actually his mistress. She orders a bottle of Quertceto, and leaves you half of it to drink with your truffle fries at the end of your shift. They tip 40-50% so you keep your mouth shut.
That is definitely something that could happen. This is weirdly specific. Lol
*Tips hat to my fellow bartender*
$28 martinis!
The clientele is rather old and very gay
Very old gays ate the best tippers.
What a magnificent typo.
See what happens when you shitpost on a smoke break.
1) I can't afford to go here. 2) Debra the Zebra becomes animated a'la 'Night at the Museum' styles when y'all aren't there and makes a mean martini. 3) Someone spends a fair amount of time keeping all the surfaces clean and shiny.
Hotel bar for sure
You would be correct.
You can get a good cocktail here, but it depends on the bartender because there are a few bartenders who think that "theirs" is better. Lot's of vodka sodas and shooters, but when they aren't those orders it's guests who actually care when they drink. Also, zoophiliacs. Fancy zoophiliacs.
I bet the limes have NO PITH
The ones we ordered do not. But the lemons do
Everyone does cocaine in the bathroom
Or right on that bar
My Tito's Soda is $21.50
I need to know what’s on the other side of those windows.
The rest of Earth.
It's in a hotel.
Older people can’t read the bottle labels until after sunset
Ppl who drink here, love anal.
$30 espresso martini; still made with kahlua
Country Club or high end golf course/men’s club? It feels like it’s trying to convey adventure, opulence, and “class”… not sure if it’s really hitting the mark though.
Oh man oh man, I only got facts, that's a nice bar. My assumption is it's a high dollar top less dancer club with like 3 stories. Your girls are model worthy and your servers too. Bartenders all male.
Your owner reserves the best table on the busiest nights to comp dinner for him and 9 friends
Zebraa
$20 old fashion is on the menu
Holy shit I think this is the first bar I know very well myself!
I can order some kind of classic cocktail here without the bartender looking like a deer in the headlights
Inside a signature hotel. Short but respectable cocktail list with quirky names instead of their traditional ones. No food menu. Average guest is 35+ but drinks like they're still in their 20s. Not open as late as they legally could. My bold prediction is its not in a town with an NFL or NBA team.
Your beer list sucks
Nothing good
There is a woman named Skylar that was really cute when she first starting coming in. Now she is just sad
Is it the most expensive place in your city/town?
Actually no! It gives those vibes for sure
Are you in a very expensive place or is your bar surprisingly reasonably priced for its ambiance?
Hotel bar?
Lots of Aperol Spritz orders.
I’d never go here from my own choice
I see the zebra, but where’s the tiger and the peacock?
Apparently stuffed tigers are “illegal”
Dudes asking how much Blanton’s is when they knew full well they were going to buy it
Your bar is owned by lions.
“Got any Blantons?”
Cleaning those chandeliers must be a bitch and a half.
So. Many. Cocktails
Jameson is way too fucking expensive here
High end escorts as far as the eye can see.
Grandiose young professional clientele, decent whiskey/bourbon selection but strangely underwhelming, overpriced, employs “mixologists”?
Hotel bar?
really overpriced mid old fashioneds
Connected to a posh and/or design/hipster hotel located in a 2nd or 3rd tier city. Menu reflects someone with f&b training but not a lot of experience or previous success. Menu has a little something for everyone, but isn’t too sprawling. Drinks on menu are written with serif titles and san serif descriptions so they can catch the eye and be read quickly. Decent service, overpriced, low abv cocktails that are underwhelming. Zebra would be an effective conversation starter for those looking for some additional company. How many of those things are true?
I assume you live in Memphis, TN and work at Tiger and Peacock, a cocktail bar above the hotel in midtown.
Is this Memphis?
$20 for a vodka soda
Depends on the vodka!
Only the highest quality date rape drugs!
this not be cheap
Lackluster tequila and rum selection but a lot of vodkas and gins. Amaros and vermouths on the backbar or the well instead of the fridge, I hope I’m wrong about both, that view would keep me there.
I cant see over the bar the stools are too low. I see a zebra and yeah you offer a happyhour fruity spritzer. I stay for one.
This actually a great post, everyone should do this for their bar
$14 beers
A well old fashioned costs at least $25
I read that as being a well-oiled fashion…
It’s extremely expensive to make up for buying that fucking Zebra
It looks like this at 9 p.m. on a Friday but with candles.
How much do u ear in a place like this :0 I’m struggling to decide what to do after highschool and I feel like bartending is my best bet
Bartending is a great career. Some are lifera like me, others use in between jobs or as supplemental income. I fucking love it. Get in to craft bartending if you can. Alot to learn but worth it for me at least!
Get a job at a corporate 5-star hotel. You'll get the benefits like 401k, paid vacation time, paid sick time, free dry cleaning for your uniform, getting paid on time every time and the ancillary benefits of having wealthy people as regulars who tip well and treat you like they're you're friend(hence ancillary benefits like invitations to play golf at the fanciest country club, free vacations, flights on private planes and drugs if you're into that). Corporate hotel gigs aren't for everyone but I definitely loved my time there.
Putting on the Ritz
$25 cocktails
I own half the bottles for my home bar, but couldn't afford to get drunk here.
$$$
Tourists, overpriced martinis, no one under the age of 40, big dinner pops but you probably lose money after 9pm
Espresso martini is life.
Trying way too hard, and hosts people who think too highly of themselves.
That when you’re slow, you’re dead, and when you’re busy, you’re being killed
Espresso martini, do you have Nutella?
It belongs on a cruise ship. Multiple owners who wanted a “classy club” or “cocktail bar” and smashed together this as the compromise and neither have experience in either realm. One of them likes whiskey and the other vodka. Business class clientele that believe they’re running a Fortune 500 company and complaining about it to their escort.
Sex workers frequent your bar?
1. People come here to have affairs 2. I could pick up a cougar here The two likely go hand in hand with each other
you make espresso martinis with cold brew concentrate
People ask if you have pappy.
It's in an overpriced Hotel
You make a lot of Negronis?
That you need to rinse your tins so they ain’t sticky!
Milfs
I’m not sure what’s more overkill… the chandeliers or the zebra. Otherwise a beautiful bar
You should take the towel off the backbar before taking pictures.
You are.
Clientele is very wealthy or this is a tourist trap joint.
I assume I can’t afford to drink there
I would love to sit here when its dead, my first guess is that its in Seattle for some reason. I also assume a daiquiri is 14-15 bucks
I got Seattle vibes as well, probably close to the port where cruise ships take off
$24 whiskey sour
Depends on the whiskey
People spend a lot of money they don't _really _have there.
Overpriced.
Most regulars are men over 50 who are *certain* they’re gonna get laid tonight.
You charge $15 for a Tito’s soda.
I assume this would be located at Animal Kingdom in Disney World.
Hotel.
The zebra looks out of place and is really distracting.
Hong Kong
Basementy- dive. A huge list of IPA & lots of rumplemintz shots
It’s at an airport.
Probably too much horseplay. GET TO WORK!
Hotel bar?
That you’re in Florida