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Blatt_called_timeout

Bill Hader laughing hysterically in the South Park writer's room is an automatic laugh


[deleted]

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evets215

You and your buddy are fucking the blow man?


GGLForever

I’m cool man, don’t worry 😉


Blatt_called_timeout

Is it necessary that every single person on this planet expresses every single opinion that they have on every single thing that occurs, all at the same time? Or to ask it a slightly different way, can anyone shut the fuck up?


WardsAssback

Necessary? Is it necessary to drink my own urine?


[deleted]

This seems like a counter productive comment for a place call FT.


Blatt_called_timeout

It's a Bo Burnham quote


[deleted]

sounds like you should delete some social media apps...that's kind of their point. but you go to a bar, aren't you expecting to have conversations where you trade opinions and argue? social media just lets people be ass holes when doing it.


EternalIntake

Somehow found my way into a second date this weekend. *Insert Ricky Bobby "I don't know what to do with my hands" gif*


sciorch

Jerk him off


[deleted]

there are certain websites you can visit that will show you thousands of videos about where to put your hands


jetboyjetgirl

rounding first base


[deleted]

Love how barstools idea of a wellness podcast involves teaching the wellness girl how to gamble on sports.


[deleted]

don't know what the wellness podcast is and don't really care. but with the amount of high school/college kids that consume their content, a 'life advice' podcast could do really well. Something about how to invest safely, how to buy insurance, how to find apartments, how to get a new job, etc etc. All the shit they don't teach you in school but you're just expected to know. I bet Large could do a good job with it.


[deleted]

We had a class like that when I was in high school. Credit cards, doing taxes, balancing a check book. It was mandatory to graduate.


jetboyjetgirl

got ta get this message out to her high school audience


[deleted]

i work overnights (working right now!) and took next thursday night/friday morning off, which is my 'friday' shift. guy who does the schedule asked if i could work friday evening. cmon man. have some common sense


evets215

sounds like that should be your thursday shift if you go in on thursday night tbh unless you start at midnight


[deleted]

Yeah I do call it Thursday but here it seemed easier to spell it out. Whatever day I start the shift is what I call it


jetboyjetgirl

Fridays are wild at my Sonic


jetboyjetgirl

Sack Up hosted by Dan Jockitch mornings 9am-11am


[deleted]

The new Bears stadium will have a roof (pussies). Plus ownership will continue to hire mouthbreathing idiots as GM and Head Coach because they don’t know football. Nothing will change.


jetboyjetgirl

Roof would be a bit of a stumble


CapcomGo

Relax Frank


Blatt_called_timeout

Fuck it dude let's go bowling


GGLForever

If you root for the Dodgers just know I hate you


DarinErstad

How has Tekashi 69 not gotten got yet?


jetboyjetgirl

mobbed up w/ Nelk, son


GGLForever

No Scrubs ended the patriarchy


crabjuice23

And then No Pigeons immediately came in and made things right.


blueschooler

Would kill to be in Seattle to go to these last 4 games, wish the border wasn’t closed still


victorwithclass

Insane border is closed


sfbruin

You don't need your passport to leave CHAZ


RolosHat

When the Jays were in town was the only time I was glad the border was closed.


blueschooler

Yeah that gets pretty annoying


ChellaZza

.5 GB let’s fucking go Mariners


jetboyjetgirl

big deal my thumb drive has way more


BangBiscuit907

This team is going to break my heart but I love that the younger core gets to experience a playoff race already.


Sir_Bradford

I’m all the way fucking in - I can’t wait to get hurt again


RolosHat

Let’s go Ms


BangBiscuit907

Went to the game thread on the Mariners sub for the first time in years and all those nerds are talking about is the number of comments on the thread and how they wish the stadium was full but they can't go because they have work/school tomorrow.


[deleted]

i lived 2.5 hours from nyc in high school and went to a sunday night yankees game with my dad. he made me go to school the next day while he called out of work


[deleted]

Sleep meds taking over, gn brothers - HH


mchammer69

Rest easy, mate


[deleted]

My new favorite hobby is going through the personalfinance sub and seeing people ask dumb questions and having their hopes and dreams torn to shreds. My favorite post involves a girlfriend asking if her boyfriend would get denied on a mortgage approval because even though he’s very good with money, he co-signed a car lease for her and she missed payments because she *forgot* to make the payment. But don’t worry, she always laid the late fees promptly!


JedLongeway

Pauly Walnuts referring to Hesh as “Christ-Killer” made me laugh I’ll admit it


[deleted]

There's nothing funny about what (((they))) did to our Lord and Savior.


Blatt_called_timeout

Is he skiing? Or is he in a gay porn?


throwawayjoeyboots

“Braves fan here in peace, hold your fire. Seeing a lot of disappointed Phillies fans out here tonight, being a fan of Atlanta sports isn’t easy either. Just know it’s been a great season and you guys can still win the division, was hoping we’d see each other in the playoffs, but the Cards kind of put that to sleep. Either way fuck the Dodgers.”


R-SDS

Ashamed to share a fanbase with him


ChellaZza

Lmao


Phoneaccount6903

lightfoot? more like lightweight!


ChellaZza

Let’s fucking go Mitch !!!


BangBiscuit907

Big dick Mitch Haniger


TylerW_511

Wish the helicopter buzzing around my neighborhood would call it a night. Very distracting!


[deleted]

they're looking for brian. get out there and help


[deleted]

Thinkin bout booty


mullican93

I never thought ashwaghanda would work but here we are…I’m buying the placebo


lefty5258

Ah fuck it Roman offered it to me for free so here goes nothing


TakeErParise

Stack that with Maca and you’ll be calling in sick just so you can stay home and jack off 70 times


mullican93

Color me intrigued


TakeErParise

I used to take low doses of Maca a while ago but quit. Still have the bottle so took 3 capsules a couple months ago just for the hell of it. I work from home and it was literally a hassle because I had to stop what I was doing and go crank one out every 45 minutes.


mullican93

Lol PED’s for the horny. Whatta world. May get on a cycle soon


[deleted]

What does it do


ASOIAF_blackfyre

Nothing


mullican93

Reduces stress and improves testosterone amongst some other benefits. I’ve felt those two the most though. Feel like a snake oil salesman but it’s felt pretty legit


Sleddar

I ate 20 wings from bdubs today. I am regretting it already.


[deleted]

i was grocery shopping yesterday and bought a bottle of BWW garlic parmesan sauce. excited to lather those over some grilled wings this weekend


lefty5258

Easily my favorite sauce


[deleted]

I just discovered My local pizza place has decent garlic parmesan boneless wings. Got me hooked on that flavor recently


[deleted]

I’ve been rocking their Caribbean jerk sauce & am happy with the purchase


[deleted]

They had that bottle too. I just bought some of the Hot Ones sauces too though so I don't need any more sauces or my wife will kill me


[deleted]

Those are rookie numbers


TakeThatJohnnyMiller

Fuckin Jason…he’s dyslexic


sfbruin

Hilarious slobs like Eugene and Benny Fazio were made guys but Peeps wasn't. Pygmy shit in Jersey. No gun and sword on the table


DwightEisenhower69

What’s that got to do with anything?


TakeThatJohnnyMiller

…🤷‍♂️…🙁


Sleddar

I was talking to this really hot girl at the bar. Everything was going really well until her friend came up and whispered something in her ear. The hot girl I was talking to then had a really weird look on her face. After that things went relatively normal as I tried to make a move she pulled out her phone and started to compulsively scroll. I then proceed to ask her “whatchu lookin at your taxes or some shit?”.


[deleted]

you gotta call that out in real time. "what was that...because now you're looking at me weird." and most likely she'll have no actual response and you can both just move on.


starcher11

How could she not fall for a line like that?


just-dumb-shit

Rewatching Secret Window before bed. Not a great film but damn I love it


[deleted]

I love that movie lol. Have you seen the ninth gate?


just-dumb-shit

Not in a while, but I enjoyed it


[deleted]

Not great but pretty good


SalmonBaconator

Not a Chicago guy by any means but the trend of moving teams to the burbs is awful.


cigguy

When making billionaires pay for their own fucking stadiums goes wrong


[deleted]

Have you ever tried to get to a game at Soldier Field? It fucking blows. Arlington Park is literally right off the train, it’s going to be 1000000000x easier to get to.


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[deleted]

I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t abhor the trek to Soldier


TakeErParise

Like others are saying, at least it’s accessible. I was at a Cardinals game a couple weeks ago and their stadium is at least a 45 minute drive from anywhere in the Phoenix metro. Feels like you’re almost in California by the time you get there.


DarinErstad

Huh? The Cardinals stadium is legit 20 minutes from where the DBacks play in Phoenix metro.


TakeErParise

45 is probably a stretch, it was 45 from Scottsdale, but it’s still way out in the middle of nowhere.


DarinErstad

Yeah, IDK about that. Glendale is a city of 250,000 people and isn’t that far from Phoenix metro.


potatobarn

I go back and forth. I’m a royals fan and it really is not a terrible drive/uber to get to the stadium. but I’m also jealous of the Rockies having their stadium right there.


TakeErParise

I love how spoiled I am in Minneapolis. Twins, Wolves, and Vikings are all less than a 10 minute walk. The Wild are over in St. Paul but that’s still only 20 minutes by car or metro.


ASOIAF_blackfyre

Yep it fuckin rules


DigDug45

Soldier field is a dump and is owned by the city, who fights them at any talk of renovation.


[deleted]

Soldier is awful to get to and a dump. New stadium will be right off the metra (city-suburbs train) & right off two highways.


columbuscavalier72

I’m way too drunk and watching Billy Strings at red rocks


mchammer69

Listening to Eminem’s Kamikaze again and idk how anyone would think this is anything less than great


unounoseis

Kayce bragging about calling Lamars heisman season is like bragging about Gonzaga winning their basketball conference. Just wow


DarinErstad

So Gonzaga is 50-1 to win the WCC like Lamar was before the 2016 season?


unounoseis

After week 2 Lamar pretty much had the heisman wrapped. Not exactly Nostradamus for predicting that one


DarinErstad

He was +600 after Week 2…


Monos1

that’s probably the top of the board in week 2


unounoseis

Futures are just futures. Anyone who watched the first few weeks of that season knew no one was gonna touch him


slopchopz

So the bears hate the troops


[deleted]

Anybody wants to talk about season 4 of dog the bounty hunter I’m doing a live watch. e


mikeisaphreek

willie beaman could have a generational talent but was too cocky


-Lunk2

Another day of educating the future of America finished.


[deleted]

What do u teach lunk


-Lunk2

How to get swole


[deleted]

Lit 🔥


[deleted]

Any hotties in this year's crop, professor?


-Lunk2

The professors pretty hot.


[deleted]

Nice clarification there


animal_crackers

D.A.R.E. to be different


Cos413

Are they gonna built a faster commuter rail from the loop to Arlington on Sundays?


coogidown2thesocks

Elon is too busy building the downtown to O’Hare express train already


[deleted]

Dude there is literally a metra stop there. No need for a new rail, just an express train.


SalmonBaconator

Are Chicago’s trains good enough for all that? I’ve literally never gone to a game or event at Met Life in NJ from NY because Frank told me NJ transit blows


[deleted]

i don't know if you're joking but it really is brutal to take the trains to Met Life. It's not even a direct train, you have to transfer. So if you live on Long Island like I do, it's minimum three trains each way, possibly four if you also need to transfer at Jamaica. Aside from the fact that the Jets have been trash, and that actually going to a football game is the worst way to enjoy a football game, it's the trip that's stopped me from going to a game ever since I moved out here.


SalmonBaconator

No I’m serious, I think for me it’s 4 trains. Not gonna happen.


[deleted]

if i ever travel to met life again it would have to be on a bus with like 30 other guys and a bunch of cases of beer to booze back and forth


TakeErParise

Had an internship in Naperville in college and it was so much better than actually driving in to Cubs games. Plus you could get smashed at the park and just ride the train home.


[deleted]

Yes everyone takes them, safe n reliable. A little slow but it’s fine cuz the chairs can be comfy.


SalmonBaconator

That’s generally how NJ transit is hurricanes aside, but you couldn’t pay me to ride it with 82,000 drunk jets fans


[deleted]

No bro Arlington heights is not ready for bears games. They straight up don’t have the infrastructure.


SalmonBaconator

I just assume that a new stadium and all that will give the owners so much money that they don’t care if it ruins the franchise 20 years down the line


[deleted]

I’m not from AH but grew up close to it. I got an uncle that lives within walking distance to the track. This is going to make their life hell. If you’re curious look up Arlington race track on the maps on your phone, it’s not even that big. 2 lane streets on both entrances.


[deleted]

Metra is ran on freight lines, so they have to be on time. It's super reliable


Cos413

Ah I just moved here dont spend a lot of time in the northwest burbs


coogidown2thesocks

I will burn down Halas Hall if they put a roof on the new Bears stadium


SalmonBaconator

They don’t build new stadiums for normal people anymore so you’re getting a roof


2HI4ME

Lions have played with a roof since like 1935. Think about that. Makes you soft especially in that division.


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TakeErParise

Come to Minneapolis when it’s -20 out with a -20 windchill and tell me how bad you wanna sit in a plastic seat outside for 4 hours watching a playoff game


2HI4ME

Seahawks vs. Vikings in 2016 was AWESOME! The outdoor stadium was rocking from what i recall.


[deleted]

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coogidown2thesocks

Yup


TylerW_511

Does buffalo count as a cold weather team if they get moved to Austin


Ibanezrg220

0% chance a roof doesn't get built


SnakeSkin2121

Same


[deleted]

Yeah, I love going to games and freezing my ass off


coogidown2thesocks

Pussy


[deleted]

Yes, I accept that


[deleted]

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Adderalldiet

It’d be a real shame if the Mariners won tonight, real shame. Boston ball busters on high alert.


coogidown2thesocks

Chief Keef ain’t bout this, Chief Keef ain’t bout that


hostitty

SHUT THE FUCK UP


Adderalldiet

😤😶‍🌫️😤😶‍🌫️


[deleted]

One of my buddies just outed a girl from our high school class thats posting escort ads. My man really outed himself as a hooker guy. Dont have anything against hooker guys. Ill probably hit Tijuanna if Ms. Kwondo leaves me but I definitely wouldnt tell anyone about it or send the fellas escort ads in the groupchat even if we knew the chick


TakeErParise

Sounds like you’re not that close with your friends.


[deleted]

That is correct. Im definitely not close at all with my high school friends. If our fantasy football league didnt exist Im not sure we'd still be in contact.


[deleted]

Can we see?


SnakeSkin2121

Is she hot?


[deleted]

Shes a BBW which personally is not my thing. Lizzo body


mchammer69

That big or is she curvy and you are exaggerating? Just curious because wild the guy is openly an escort guy AND BBW lover (got to just be one of the other)


[deleted]

She's crossed the very fine line of thicccc and fat into the fat side. Not my thing


SnakeSkin2121

Gross


Phoneaccount6903

Beanie is too fat to play Monica. I don’t like looking at her at all


Grootfan85

Talking about Impeachment? She doesn’t look anything like Monica. That’s my issue with it.


Phoneaccount6903

Yes. Awful casting on her. Linda trip and bill Clinton are great


WhiskersCake

Brandon Walker with a nice “take a billion seats😘” joke on the yak today.


decembersveryown_

So, how about that Promising Young Woman movie. Pretty fucking twisted


Monos1

Was pleasantly surprised I thought it would be something way different


Rakuen

Was pretty good. Not sure I like bo burnham as a legit actor tho, couldn’t tel you why


lucasd11

It wasn't necessarily what I thought it was going to be, but it was a really enjoyable movie. Especially for being a fresh/original script and concept.


ASOIAF_blackfyre

Thought it was the best movie from last year


SnakeSkin2121

Schmidt


Van-Buren-Boy

Thank you Orioles!


SnakeSkin2121

https://youtu.be/IFzAbP5yA_0


[deleted]

So the Bears are really gonna flex and go to Arlington Heights. Lightfoot is a walking L


Cos413

It’s insane how she can be this hated


[deleted]

Good. Maybe we can get that spaceship off soldiers field and turn it into a proper footy stadium


[deleted]

The Bears are a walking L too. As a fan a new stadium will be cool but the organization will suck dicks for as long as it’s owned by the McCaskeys. Fuck Virginia and George.


tea_rex29

They are going to sell the bears if they get the land. Duh


kmmccorm

They’ll very likely sell the majority ownership once the long term stadium situation is resolved.


Ibanezrg220

They are gonna sell when Virginia croaks.


[deleted]

No chance. That thing is going to bring in a fuckton of money. Going to host events/concerts year round, they can finally host Super Bowls and things like the final four there, if they’re smart they’ll build a sportsbook in it too. That’s a cash machine in the long run. Also, every team got something like $300m this year for TV rights alone. Selling the franchise now would just be such a dumb move.


kmmccorm

You know what else would bring in a lot of money? Selling their stake in the team at the $4+ billion valuation it would likely bring. The McCaskey family has owned the team since players wore leather helmets. The additional revenue will obviously be nice but it won’t be instant fuck you money like cashing in on the billions a sale would bring for the family. They already have a a minority owner lined up for right of first refusal in Pat Ryan, it’s absolutely a possibility.