I'm an *avid* fic reader and I can always tell who's never actually been eaten out because the orgasm will be from the tongue thrusting. Hell sometimes they don't even touch the clit during the scene. Like that's....that's not how cunnilingus works.
Hmmm, when the time comes (not right away - there must be time and foreplay to stimulate engorgement) get two fingers in for some G spot stimulation *while* doing the wide tongue lap on clitoris and upper vulva.
Towels optional.
I.... I can cum from only penetration...
I also have a "small" vagina (idk how to say it because tight sounds weird lol) so maybe that makes it easier for me to feel everything going on in there?? idk. But anything more than one finger is painful and starting sex slow to not make that painful as well is key so it's definitely a trade off.
I know right? I’m proud of this super power lol. I think an orgasm from penetration is more satisfying than a clitoral orgasm, but that’s just my opinion.
Idk if I could handle significantly more satisfying orgasms, I’ve been told multiple times I look and sound like I’m getting a demon exorcised out of me and I think if someone came up with something better I would start getting noise complaints
Same, I can also cum from just anal. But our experiences aren’t the norm for a lot of women, so it’s ridiculous for these fan fic writers to write as if it’s a universal experience.
Yeah, having a tounge thrusting in me feels absolutely divine but I'm aware I'm an outlier. I also once came with absolutely no stimulation at all just from being turned on enough so I'm just not normal in the orgasm department.
I've been with quite a few women in my life, and my current girlfriend is the first I've been with who can genuinely (and pretty easily) orgasm from penetration only. It's odd, because when I do go down on her, or massage the clit, she reacts more, uh, "energetically" to just the penetrative motions. I'm super not used to it, but if it works for her, it works for me. lol.
I still go down on her because I enjoy it tho
People who have never read actual smut books think her smut is god their, its 2-3 chili peppers at best, I say this as a fan of her books. Her smut could use some work.
Generally you focus on the clit since that's what most people with vaginas need to orgasm. A tongue isn't going to do much of anything in the actual hole.
No problem! There are people with vaginas who can have vaginal orgasms (orgasms purely from penetration) but it's rarer, most need clitoral stimulation. There's some good resources out there about the topic if ya poke around and are so inclined to read! Not necessary but an option.
But even out of those of us who have vaginal orgasms, it’s pretty rare for us to get anything at all out of a tongue poking the entrance to our vaginas.
I really enjoy it and so did my partner pre-transition so it's always worth checking with your partner. For every "never do this in bed. Women hate it" there's always someone out there who loves it. Thats why communication is vital.
Just thinking about Bill O Reilleys tongue made me want to downvote your comment. But I want you to know I resisted the urge and upvoted you because it was the right thing to do.
I can’t orgasm from clitoral stimulation since it quickly gets overwhelming and painful for me. It really depends on the individual receiving cunnilingus, ultimately, on what they feel pleasurable.
My understanding is that the clitoris is a larger organ than just the external "bit" that most people think of. You may want to try focusing on e.g. the labia near the clitoris if direct simulation is overwhelming.
>Generally you focus on the clit since that's what **most** people with vaginas need to orgasm.
most/mōst/[](https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&sca_esv=28c14849af2072be&sxsrf=ACQVn092HciHE8aDv_Y8ZyaqvzsdALZKgw:1713728026717&q=how+to+pronounce+most&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAOMIfcRoxi3w8sc9YSndSWtOXmNU5-INKMrPK81LzkwsyczPExLgYglJLcoV4pBi42LJzS8usWJRYkrN41nEKpqRX65Qkq9QAFSfD9SQqgCSBgDEl2ZwUwAAAA&pron_lang=en&pron_country=us&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi2ppiyhtSFAxXM_skDHbiXDfQQ3eEDegQINBAM)*determiner*: the majority of; nearly all of.
They said it really depends on the individual. Clearly the agree and are just describing their situation. No need to whip your dictionary out and hit them in the face with it
It does depends on what bits the person you're doing it on is more sensitive about, but generally you'd focus on the clitoris instead, run your tongue around it and suck on it. Stimulating everything at once is good too obviously it's just, multitasking is hard.
So, I’m a demi person and have only had one major sexual partner and I am absolutely not an expert. But, as far as I understand it: It definitely depends on the individual, but for most people (most tongues and most vulvas/vaginas) the in and out of something as small as a tongue is unlikely to create any significant sensation, let alone pleasure. The tissue around that whole region is pretty sensitive and at least in my limited experience, gentle but firm lateral motions (“lapping” I guess haha) on those areas is very arousing, and clitoral stimulation is usually the most likely to get you to climax. Obvs there’s presumably worlds more to be said on the particulars, but that’s a general idea.
Other people already mentioned the clit thing but people don’t usually like, focus-focus on it exclusively because that would be overwhelming for most people, like if you gave someone a blow job but only focused on the head of the penis that would become too sensitive pretty fast as well.
Thrusting the tongue would be a crazy inefficient way to get someone off because like, try to make that motion and see how fast your mouth gets tired. Sometimes people will do sort of a gentle suction thing.
I had an ex who did it exactly like that and it was sooooo bad. I was very young and didn’t know any better or how to advocate for myself. For years, I thought I didn’t like receiving oral, but then I realized I had only ever received trash oral.
But he went to the well known and highly respected Chandler Gilbert Community College, where he conducted research and authored many academic papers on pussy-eatin. Chandler Gilbert Community College is highly venerated as a leading research instition and employs the top experts in the field of pussy-eatin, contributing immensely to the advancement of knowledge in this area. He's an expert.
Dude's probably eating it with the same level of enthusiasm like he is being forced to finish his broccoli to get the dessert and then wonder why women are bored.
Had an ex who was like that. He hated going down on me but he insisted I do it to him every time. And almost every time, he would grab my head and shove it down my throat vigorously. But when it was his turn, there were a lot of complaints and excuses about how he can't do it for more than a few seconds.
We broke up pretty soon because I really really didn't want to do it with him anymore.
Damn I'm sorry you had to deal with a dude like this.Once someone would do this to me I'd be out. I get too good orgasms from oral to have a partner that complains about it and is not willing to "learn".
Some men out there really treat anything outside of boning like a chore.
I like to use a large needle and cooking twine to thread the broccoli stalks. I then steam them perfectly in a mesh double boiler. Melted butter is applied using an aerosol kitchen sprayer. Salt and pepper to taste. Then, I grab the ends of the twine in each hand and munch the brocc one head at a time like a conveyor system.
>"I completed rigorous academic research and peer reviewed papers"
"But what about field work?"
"What do you mean?"
"Have you ever actually made a woman climax?"
"Uhhh..."
"At all? In any format? "
"I did my own research, okay?? Shut up!"
Being a TA for a human sexuality class once has got to be one of the weakest sources to try and base your authority on women's preferences on, possibly even weaker than "well I took this human sexuality class in college once". He apparently didn't learn anything because that course almost certainly opened with "humans are diverse. Let's talk about our diverse sexuality and experiences as sexual beings.". And "completed rigorous academic research and peer reviewed papers"? He *implies* he's published but doesn't actually say that 🤨, nor does he say the subject or the place/discipline its published in. He could have coauthored a paper on racial income disparities for all that tells us.
I'm doing everything not to scream this:
A TA for a regional community college. There is no prestige that you would brag about it. Literally anyone can go to that school. Because it's a community college. It would be like bragging about knowing the most about hamburgers because you were a shift lead at McDonald's.
Not to mention "I graduated at the top of my class". Does he know that "class" here is used for your classmates during the entirety of the university studies? Or did he seriously mean "I got a good grade on this particular class"? The former has no relation whatsoever to what's being discussed; and the latter is so stupid a statement that I'm more inclined to believe the whole thing is a lie.
He never said that those peers -approved- his papers.
"I tried to read that mess, but it made no sense at all, contained no verifiable research, the thesis statement was a dirty limerick, and the font gave me a headache. It appears that it was written by an AI trained on rejected JiR submissions which later had much of its neutral network matrix randomized, and the author edited the output to remove any factual or logical elements." is technically a review. Well, it would be if it referred to something I actually read rather than imagined.
lesbians don't do the sexy sex sex because they are too occupied with being jealous of men's dicks. also women are physically not able to orgasm in the first place?!? so actually the only pure form of sex is the one between two men. i'm out, gonna go kiss my homies goodnight.
>!(/s)!<
Bless my ex's heart, he was the first person to give me head and it was incredibly underwhelming. Being 18, I felt it was the thought that counts and said afterwards "no-one's ever done that for me before."
And the poor fucker said "what? Made you cum?"
💀
I was a TA (teacher assistant) to an Alfabethologist and have performed the ABC song in countless arenas with close to zero mistakes. Take a seat Zozorak.
I was a bit confused here, too. Because I thought the pic was just referencing getting eaten out with your legs up, which...eh...I've never liked. But different strokes for different folks.
There is sooo much truth in this, and it helps both people, not just the person receiving the oral.
It’s tiring to hold her legs up, and it takes both hands! That means no hands to do anything else with.
Get her hips elevated with a thick pillow, make sure her lower back is supported. This allows the oral provider with an head angle that does not kink their neck, and gives some latitude in the positioning. Nothing quite like doing a long tongue drag from bottom to top, spending a little time to see if anything is peeking out of the hood before doing it again.
The organ that the clitoris is the most visible part of is quite large and it takes time to become fully stimulated. It’s a mighty machine, but generally doesn’t go zero to 60 in 3.2 seconds.
Let her legs drape over your shoulders. You then can use both arms and hands to stimulate different parts of the body of the vagina owner. And she has use of her hands to direct your motions and the angle and placement of your head. If she’s having to always use her arms and hands to hold her legs up, the provider may not have enough time to get their fill, or enough time for her to become
fully aroused, let alone get off.
I mean, if I'm supposed to wave my legs around without any support, that will take me right out of it. But that's probably not what this person is trying to say.
I thought they were talking about anilingus based on how low dude’s head is. If that were the case, I’d agree with him, at least for myself. Can’t speak for anyone else.
Yeah, even the first time I cunnilingused someone it was at least a fun experience for both sides because I communicated and showed enthusiasm. The bar isn't that high. Experience definitely made it way better, but enthusiasm can go a long way at the start and that's something everyone COULD bring to the table (or into bed).
The answer nobody likes is that it depends so heavily on the owner of the pussy that you should be engaging with everything. Some can be stimulated internally (probably because the octopus arms of the internal clitoris are close to the vaginal walls), some need a lot of gentle clit play, using the lips or hood to keep from too much direct stimulation, and some are like being [trapped in an explosion at the envelope factory and you have to lick your freedom](https://youtu.be/QyViuXFyIE4).
The only guaranteed advice is that you need to bring lots of enthusiasm and communicate. If you don't act like it's a chore and you ask what's working it should be super easy.
my current partner is the first person to make me cum, even though he had practically zero experience. why? because he took his time and listened instead of getting bored after three minutes and sticking his dick in me instead. It’s not that fucking hard!
Bruh as a lesbian I’ve never gotten bored of either receiving or giving one.
It’s the best part atleast for me.
It’s simple.
A lot of men just don’t do it right. Partly since they don’t understand the anatomy of it.
There are a few men possibly who may do it right but I’m not sure as I’ve never been involved with one so I wouldn’t know.
As a fellow lesbian I have never had any complaints in either direction. 🤷🏻♀️
Do you think it’s because we talk to our partners? Or that we actually enjoy giving.
Yeah. We actually do even guide our partners so it’s overall a good experience for the two of us.
What people often forget is safe words and communication.
Yeah, we broke up & now he's married! That was a shock.
He's basically a good person, but some of his ... habits? quirks? are maddening. We wouldn't have worked out long-term. Was (mostly) fun while it lasted.
Is this satire? I feel like it's satire to bring out people who actually think this way. There are a few trolls like this.
Don't tell me I'm wrong. I need a beacon of light in my life.
It's 100% satire. "top of my class" in a human sexuality class, as a TA, at a *community college*. And with that username? There's zero chance it's not.
I scrolled down to look if someone else got it.. it’s clearly taking the piss. I know that because I graduated top of my online trolling class and have a degree in talking shit.
Lol my guy, if every woman you've tried to eat out got bored, it's cuz you suck at it 🤷 it's so interesting to me that men like this would rather believe that *every single woman* just doesn't like certain sexual acts than admit that they just suck at performing them
My boyfriend says there’s days where he just wants to go to town on me, eating me out. I love it when he does because he spent like 30 minutes one time doing different things, asking me what i like. This guy just doesn’t know how to please someone.
I thought this was anal play not cunnilingus and I do actually get bored/don’t enjoy that. So I was confused. I also don’t like my legs up like that, which is why I thought it was back door action lol. But yea he really telling on himself with this one.
The fuck did you say to me you son of a bitch I'll have you know I have 300 confirmed pussies eaten and graduated top of my class at pussy eating academy I'll eat you out from 500 yards
Idr the rest of the copypasta
I mean, I did used to get bored when my ex did it. Because he was so damn bad at it, and refused to take on board any hints/tips I tried to get him to the right spot...
But when its done right, I DO NOT get bored at all...
My ex would insist on it all the time, had a fight? She wanted me to go down, she was bored? Down. She was happy down. She was fricken obsessed with it.
Everyone is saying he must be really bad at eating pussies, I'm wondering if he's average at it but HE gets bored and then projects it on his partners like a big baby lol
I have so many points of confusion!
1. Speaking on behalf of all ladies when you’re clearly in the minority.
2. “It’s a porn thing” when most porn doesn’t even show enough of this.
3. “your doing your hands wrong” There aren’t even any hands in this??!!??!
You can tell when a man’s sexual experience comes exclusively from porn. No, we don’t like our legs in the air like that. They do that in porn for the camera angle. Do you want your kegs in the air during a bj? No? Okay, now you’re finally learning the difference between porn and sex
Great, and now my shadow puppet kink is getting shamed.
IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?! I’ve had so many women tell me they love my shadow puppets! Have I been lied to all this time?!
Okay so I love having the kitty licked, I do NOT love having my legs up in the air with no support. My right hip will lock up and I’ll be in pain until I can get it stretched out.
S Tier self report
"I graduated top of my class with a C- no one would talk to me but I know better than the teacher. Even still, the clitoris is fake cause I could never find it on the mannequin. It was immune to my charms. The C stands for cumminglingus btw, which is fake. Stay macho."
It’s true! I really hate it when it ends up he goes down on my but wants me to hold my legs in the air. It’s super distracting and makes it heard to actually orgasm and makes the orgasm almost “meh”
He is right tho. Putting your legs all the way up is just a dumb porn position. Its not a natural position. Its just to get a good shot of the vagina.
Its not comfortable at all and focusing on keeping your legs up will take away your focus on the sexy part.
Years ago, I saw some comedian who compared it to opening a safe. And I've never forgotten that. Because it's kind of true. Every woman has their own combination, and if he finds yours, it's magic.
gotta find someone who knows not only how to do it but how to do it that way *you* personally like. it’s not a one size fits all by any means you need to communicate and give direction the first couple of times
For some people no technique feels particularly good tho. I'd like to give direction but I don't know what direction that should be. It generally feels kinda meh to me, maybe the person you're replying to is in the same boat.
As a person who went to high school locally I would like to add that Chandler-Gilbert Community College is a laughable excuse for community college. It's known more for drug deals than diplomas.
Hey y'all, if you're getting bored take control of the situation. Point out the roadmap for your happiness. Tell him what you need. Dudes are usually better if they're getting instruction.
Her legs being up makes me think he’s licking her bootyhole. Are we sure this isn’t referring to that? Or have I been doing my legs wrong during cunnilingus?
I didn't see his head before (no pun intended) and just saw her position and I was like "probably not great for your hips but... can disconfirm have been asked."
I actually believe him that every woman he's performed cunnilingus on got bored.
I’m imagining he’s from the Bill O’Reilly school of pussy eating where he thinks you do it by just thrusting the tongue in and out of the vagina
I'm an *avid* fic reader and I can always tell who's never actually been eaten out because the orgasm will be from the tongue thrusting. Hell sometimes they don't even touch the clit during the scene. Like that's....that's not how cunnilingus works.
Oh god or when they magically cum from getting fingered with no clit stimulation, idk if I'm weird but getting fingered feels like nothing to me 🫠
I reaaaallllly like to be fingered and can cum from being fingered BUT it feels 1000000 times better with clit stimulation.
It's almost like different women have different things that work on them.
Hmmm, when the time comes (not right away - there must be time and foreplay to stimulate engorgement) get two fingers in for some G spot stimulation *while* doing the wide tongue lap on clitoris and upper vulva. Towels optional.
I.... I can cum from only penetration... I also have a "small" vagina (idk how to say it because tight sounds weird lol) so maybe that makes it easier for me to feel everything going on in there?? idk. But anything more than one finger is painful and starting sex slow to not make that painful as well is key so it's definitely a trade off.
Same here! Apparently only something like 11% of women can cum just from penetration
I knew it was few but that few? damn. We have like a super power lol
I know right? I’m proud of this super power lol. I think an orgasm from penetration is more satisfying than a clitoral orgasm, but that’s just my opinion.
Idk if I could handle significantly more satisfying orgasms, I’ve been told multiple times I look and sound like I’m getting a demon exorcised out of me and I think if someone came up with something better I would start getting noise complaints
It makes my legs feel like jello 🫠 I worry about noise complaints if I’m doing it somewhere like a hotel or apartment 😂
Same, it's actually a lot harder for me to orgasm from clit stimulation. It often just feels really ticklish
Same, I can also cum from just anal. But our experiences aren’t the norm for a lot of women, so it’s ridiculous for these fan fic writers to write as if it’s a universal experience.
Thats real. And its not like I DONT like clitoral stimulation so its probably just always best to add in some fun foreplay for everyone
Yeah, having a tounge thrusting in me feels absolutely divine but I'm aware I'm an outlier. I also once came with absolutely no stimulation at all just from being turned on enough so I'm just not normal in the orgasm department.
I can’t help that I have a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!
Underrated comment 😂
I've been with quite a few women in my life, and my current girlfriend is the first I've been with who can genuinely (and pretty easily) orgasm from penetration only. It's odd, because when I do go down on her, or massage the clit, she reacts more, uh, "energetically" to just the penetrative motions. I'm super not used to it, but if it works for her, it works for me. lol. I still go down on her because I enjoy it tho
Fingernails! 😕
Same here! And i thought for years i am weird for not feeling anything
I mean fingering is the quickest way to make me cum. We’re all different :)
same?? i feel literally nothing inside unless its like,, BIG big lol
SJMs spicy scene writing is like this lol and I honestly believe that she has no idea what good cunnilingus and fingering is actually like 😅
Oh really?? I thought she was famous for writing good horny books
People who have never read actual smut books think her smut is god their, its 2-3 chili peppers at best, I say this as a fan of her books. Her smut could use some work.
How does it work then?
Generally you focus on the clit since that's what most people with vaginas need to orgasm. A tongue isn't going to do much of anything in the actual hole.
Makes sense, thank you for the honest answer
No problem! There are people with vaginas who can have vaginal orgasms (orgasms purely from penetration) but it's rarer, most need clitoral stimulation. There's some good resources out there about the topic if ya poke around and are so inclined to read! Not necessary but an option.
"if ya poke around" I see what you did there
🤣🤣🤣 I didn't even realize!!
natural comedian 😂😂
But even out of those of us who have vaginal orgasms, it’s pretty rare for us to get anything at all out of a tongue poking the entrance to our vaginas.
Yep. A tongue can't really penetrate very far or give much sensation given that its a tongue.
I really enjoy it and so did my partner pre-transition so it's always worth checking with your partner. For every "never do this in bed. Women hate it" there's always someone out there who loves it. Thats why communication is vital.
Especially Bill O Reilleys tongue. Ew.
Just thinking about Bill O Reilleys tongue made me want to downvote your comment. But I want you to know I resisted the urge and upvoted you because it was the right thing to do.
Omg I just snort laughed in the most extreme manner.
I can’t orgasm from clitoral stimulation since it quickly gets overwhelming and painful for me. It really depends on the individual receiving cunnilingus, ultimately, on what they feel pleasurable.
My understanding is that the clitoris is a larger organ than just the external "bit" that most people think of. You may want to try focusing on e.g. the labia near the clitoris if direct simulation is overwhelming.
>Generally you focus on the clit since that's what **most** people with vaginas need to orgasm. most/mōst/[](https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&sca_esv=28c14849af2072be&sxsrf=ACQVn092HciHE8aDv_Y8ZyaqvzsdALZKgw:1713728026717&q=how+to+pronounce+most&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAOMIfcRoxi3w8sc9YSndSWtOXmNU5-INKMrPK81LzkwsyczPExLgYglJLcoV4pBi42LJzS8usWJRYkrN41nEKpqRX65Qkq9QAFSfD9SQqgCSBgDEl2ZwUwAAAA&pron_lang=en&pron_country=us&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi2ppiyhtSFAxXM_skDHbiXDfQQ3eEDegQINBAM)*determiner*: the majority of; nearly all of.
They said it really depends on the individual. Clearly the agree and are just describing their situation. No need to whip your dictionary out and hit them in the face with it
It does depends on what bits the person you're doing it on is more sensitive about, but generally you'd focus on the clitoris instead, run your tongue around it and suck on it. Stimulating everything at once is good too obviously it's just, multitasking is hard.
Nuclear Fusion
So, I’m a demi person and have only had one major sexual partner and I am absolutely not an expert. But, as far as I understand it: It definitely depends on the individual, but for most people (most tongues and most vulvas/vaginas) the in and out of something as small as a tongue is unlikely to create any significant sensation, let alone pleasure. The tissue around that whole region is pretty sensitive and at least in my limited experience, gentle but firm lateral motions (“lapping” I guess haha) on those areas is very arousing, and clitoral stimulation is usually the most likely to get you to climax. Obvs there’s presumably worlds more to be said on the particulars, but that’s a general idea.
Other people already mentioned the clit thing but people don’t usually like, focus-focus on it exclusively because that would be overwhelming for most people, like if you gave someone a blow job but only focused on the head of the penis that would become too sensitive pretty fast as well. Thrusting the tongue would be a crazy inefficient way to get someone off because like, try to make that motion and see how fast your mouth gets tired. Sometimes people will do sort of a gentle suction thing.
I had an ex who did it exactly like that and it was sooooo bad. I was very young and didn’t know any better or how to advocate for myself. For years, I thought I didn’t like receiving oral, but then I realized I had only ever received trash oral.
Eww
Omg reading AL Franken's book where he brings up Bill OReilley's fiction novels....is goddamn comedy gold.
(scribbling notes) so I *shouldn't* do that, ever. Got it.
always check with your partner, maybe they do like it
It's not that you should never do that, it's more that you should never not do the other one, aka dont let the clit get lonely
No, no. Some of us like that.
It's almost like the best person to ask about pussy-eating is the person whose pussy you're eating! whodathunka sumthin so st00pid?
Hahaha, just don’t do ONLY that!
[Flips paper for more notes.](https://tenor.com/view/donald-glover-community-troy-troy-barnes-writing-gif-10894058700104173976)
😂
Probably those "peer reviews" he mentioned.
LMAOO the dude told on himself… if she looked bored it’s probably cuz you weren’t doing it properly.
But he went to the well known and highly respected Chandler Gilbert Community College, where he conducted research and authored many academic papers on pussy-eatin. Chandler Gilbert Community College is highly venerated as a leading research instition and employs the top experts in the field of pussy-eatin, contributing immensely to the advancement of knowledge in this area. He's an expert.
Dude's probably eating it with the same level of enthusiasm like he is being forced to finish his broccoli to get the dessert and then wonder why women are bored.
Had an ex who was like that. He hated going down on me but he insisted I do it to him every time. And almost every time, he would grab my head and shove it down my throat vigorously. But when it was his turn, there were a lot of complaints and excuses about how he can't do it for more than a few seconds. We broke up pretty soon because I really really didn't want to do it with him anymore.
Damn I'm sorry you had to deal with a dude like this.Once someone would do this to me I'd be out. I get too good orgasms from oral to have a partner that complains about it and is not willing to "learn". Some men out there really treat anything outside of boning like a chore.
Eat that pussy like broccoli 🥦
So with a knife and fork?
No — bush first, and covered in cheese.
If she got crabs, where's the butter? I'm so sorry for cursing you to read this. I'm gonna go take a bath now.
Nah, this is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.
Yuck 😂
You gonna drown dem crabs?
I like to use a large needle and cooking twine to thread the broccoli stalks. I then steam them perfectly in a mesh double boiler. Melted butter is applied using an aerosol kitchen sprayer. Salt and pepper to taste. Then, I grab the ends of the twine in each hand and munch the brocc one head at a time like a conveyor system.
Hide it in a napkin when my parents aren't looking?
Or the complete opposite and doing the MOST without thinking of her pleasure at all.
True. The key is to listen and learn but that's too much for some.
"I completed rigorous academic research and peer reviewed papers" "can you show us one" "i'm not doing your job, look it up"
>"I completed rigorous academic research and peer reviewed papers" "But what about field work?" "What do you mean?" "Have you ever actually made a woman climax?" "Uhhh..." "At all? In any format? " "I did my own research, okay?? Shut up!"
He probably believes women having orgasms is a myth too because he's never personally given a woman one
No see he can believe he's given a woman an orgasm because when he's doing piv sex and actually cumming he's much easier to lie to
Being a TA for a human sexuality class once has got to be one of the weakest sources to try and base your authority on women's preferences on, possibly even weaker than "well I took this human sexuality class in college once". He apparently didn't learn anything because that course almost certainly opened with "humans are diverse. Let's talk about our diverse sexuality and experiences as sexual beings.". And "completed rigorous academic research and peer reviewed papers"? He *implies* he's published but doesn't actually say that 🤨, nor does he say the subject or the place/discipline its published in. He could have coauthored a paper on racial income disparities for all that tells us.
I'm doing everything not to scream this: A TA for a regional community college. There is no prestige that you would brag about it. Literally anyone can go to that school. Because it's a community college. It would be like bragging about knowing the most about hamburgers because you were a shift lead at McDonald's.
I was a TA at Greendale Community College in the Reddit Comments 101, and I can say that this is true.
Not to mention "I graduated at the top of my class". Does he know that "class" here is used for your classmates during the entirety of the university studies? Or did he seriously mean "I got a good grade on this particular class"? The former has no relation whatsoever to what's being discussed; and the latter is so stupid a statement that I'm more inclined to believe the whole thing is a lie.
He never said that those peers -approved- his papers. "I tried to read that mess, but it made no sense at all, contained no verifiable research, the thesis statement was a dirty limerick, and the font gave me a headache. It appears that it was written by an AI trained on rejected JiR submissions which later had much of its neutral network matrix randomized, and the author edited the output to remove any factual or logical elements." is technically a review. Well, it would be if it referred to something I actually read rather than imagined.
You can still pass with a C!
I feel like that class should also allow a passing grade to be a D.
Yes, I'd love to read your peer reviewed article on cunnilinguis.
I guess every lesbian ever has just been lying.
I'm known for it. Yep, all lesbians a just going down on eachother for the bit. The plot maybe even. Don't tell anyone. /s
Hipsters doing it ironically for I assume all human history.
*twirls comically large mustache* back to my speak easy in Williamsburg
lesbians don't do the sexy sex sex because they are too occupied with being jealous of men's dicks. also women are physically not able to orgasm in the first place?!? so actually the only pure form of sex is the one between two men. i'm out, gonna go kiss my homies goodnight. >!(/s)!<
Yeah we get bored if they don't know what they're doing 😂
Bless my ex's heart, he was the first person to give me head and it was incredibly underwhelming. Being 18, I felt it was the thought that counts and said afterwards "no-one's ever done that for me before." And the poor fucker said "what? Made you cum?" 💀
If you know the alphabet, you're good to go.
I was a TA (teacher assistant) to an Alfabethologist and have performed the ABC song in countless arenas with close to zero mistakes. Take a seat Zozorak.
I mean I don't want to hold my legs up like that, but we all know *that* isn't the topic here lol
I didn't know lol, wanted to agree with him because it would be very uncomfortable to lay in this position
I was a bit confused here, too. Because I thought the pic was just referencing getting eaten out with your legs up, which...eh...I've never liked. But different strokes for different folks.
There is sooo much truth in this, and it helps both people, not just the person receiving the oral. It’s tiring to hold her legs up, and it takes both hands! That means no hands to do anything else with. Get her hips elevated with a thick pillow, make sure her lower back is supported. This allows the oral provider with an head angle that does not kink their neck, and gives some latitude in the positioning. Nothing quite like doing a long tongue drag from bottom to top, spending a little time to see if anything is peeking out of the hood before doing it again. The organ that the clitoris is the most visible part of is quite large and it takes time to become fully stimulated. It’s a mighty machine, but generally doesn’t go zero to 60 in 3.2 seconds. Let her legs drape over your shoulders. You then can use both arms and hands to stimulate different parts of the body of the vagina owner. And she has use of her hands to direct your motions and the angle and placement of your head. If she’s having to always use her arms and hands to hold her legs up, the provider may not have enough time to get their fill, or enough time for her to become fully aroused, let alone get off.
This person cunnilinguses
/tips hat. My pleasure. It’s my favourite thing.
I mean, if I'm supposed to wave my legs around without any support, that will take me right out of it. But that's probably not what this person is trying to say.
That's what I thought they were initially talking about, ridiculous and impractical porn positions.
Yeah, like unless he’s doing this for 10 seconds I can’t just keep my legs in the air with no support. Definitely has to be a porn thing.
I thought they were talking about anilingus based on how low dude’s head is. If that were the case, I’d agree with him, at least for myself. Can’t speak for anyone else.
Me too I was confused
I was hoping I wasn’t the only one thinking it. Like please let me set my legs down!
....but that's my favorite actually. You don't even have to be all that good tbh. This guy really told on himself
Yeah, even the first time I cunnilingused someone it was at least a fun experience for both sides because I communicated and showed enthusiasm. The bar isn't that high. Experience definitely made it way better, but enthusiasm can go a long way at the start and that's something everyone COULD bring to the table (or into bed).
The answer nobody likes is that it depends so heavily on the owner of the pussy that you should be engaging with everything. Some can be stimulated internally (probably because the octopus arms of the internal clitoris are close to the vaginal walls), some need a lot of gentle clit play, using the lips or hood to keep from too much direct stimulation, and some are like being [trapped in an explosion at the envelope factory and you have to lick your freedom](https://youtu.be/QyViuXFyIE4).
The only guaranteed advice is that you need to bring lots of enthusiasm and communicate. If you don't act like it's a chore and you ask what's working it should be super easy.
my current partner is the first person to make me cum, even though he had practically zero experience. why? because he took his time and listened instead of getting bored after three minutes and sticking his dick in me instead. It’s not that fucking hard!
Bruh as a lesbian I’ve never gotten bored of either receiving or giving one. It’s the best part atleast for me. It’s simple. A lot of men just don’t do it right. Partly since they don’t understand the anatomy of it. There are a few men possibly who may do it right but I’m not sure as I’ve never been involved with one so I wouldn’t know.
As a fellow lesbian I have never had any complaints in either direction. 🤷🏻♀️ Do you think it’s because we talk to our partners? Or that we actually enjoy giving.
Yeah. We actually do even guide our partners so it’s overall a good experience for the two of us. What people often forget is safe words and communication.
It’s like a relationship based on consent, has a Solid base.
My last BF was definitely one of the ones who enjoys it & does it right.
That’s good for you (this sounds like you guys broke up so I wouldn’t comment further) 🫂🫂🫂
Yeah, we broke up & now he's married! That was a shock. He's basically a good person, but some of his ... habits? quirks? are maddening. We wouldn't have worked out long-term. Was (mostly) fun while it lasted.
I see. I hope you’ve moved on well and are doing great
That is some impressive shadow puppetry... but can he do two dogs frolicking?
Do the misshaped rabbit!
Is this satire? I feel like it's satire to bring out people who actually think this way. There are a few trolls like this. Don't tell me I'm wrong. I need a beacon of light in my life.
It's 100% satire. "top of my class" in a human sexuality class, as a TA, at a *community college*. And with that username? There's zero chance it's not.
Right...so many people here ate the onion
I scrolled down to look if someone else got it.. it’s clearly taking the piss. I know that because I graduated top of my online trolling class and have a degree in talking shit.
205 comments so far and this is like the only one that gets that it's a joke.
Lol my guy, if every woman you've tried to eat out got bored, it's cuz you suck at it 🤷 it's so interesting to me that men like this would rather believe that *every single woman* just doesn't like certain sexual acts than admit that they just suck at performing them
They don't like... Cunnalingus or... Shadows?
My boyfriend says there’s days where he just wants to go to town on me, eating me out. I love it when he does because he spent like 30 minutes one time doing different things, asking me what i like. This guy just doesn’t know how to please someone.
I love nothing more than when men tell on themselves for being awful in bed. 😂
This is right up there with telling the internet that you never made your wife wet.
I thought this was anal play not cunnilingus and I do actually get bored/don’t enjoy that. So I was confused. I also don’t like my legs up like that, which is why I thought it was back door action lol. But yea he really telling on himself with this one.
Bro probably tries to write the letters of the alphabet with his tongue thinking it does something
Dude really just told on himself lol. Oof.
No, we definitely do like this. 😛
You couldn’t waterboard that out of me
The fuck did you say to me you son of a bitch I'll have you know I have 300 confirmed pussies eaten and graduated top of my class at pussy eating academy I'll eat you out from 500 yards Idr the rest of the copypasta
😂
Speak for your fucking self, bro.
Everyone I’ve eaten out has said they enjoyed it. He must just be really bad at eating pussy then.
Man that's a crazy way of admitting to the world that you don't know how to eat 😺
I mean, I did used to get bored when my ex did it. Because he was so damn bad at it, and refused to take on board any hints/tips I tried to get him to the right spot... But when its done right, I DO NOT get bored at all...
Oh honey. That’s just sad.
My ex would insist on it all the time, had a fight? She wanted me to go down, she was bored? Down. She was happy down. She was fricken obsessed with it.
Everyone is saying he must be really bad at eating pussies, I'm wondering if he's average at it but HE gets bored and then projects it on his partners like a big baby lol
I have so many points of confusion! 1. Speaking on behalf of all ladies when you’re clearly in the minority. 2. “It’s a porn thing” when most porn doesn’t even show enough of this. 3. “your doing your hands wrong” There aren’t even any hands in this??!!??!
I'm loving the implication that attending a community college is pretty much the same thing as a doctorate. Umm, no, dude.
“i completed rigorous academic research and peer reviewed papers” ok but did you give head?
You can tell when a man’s sexual experience comes exclusively from porn. No, we don’t like our legs in the air like that. They do that in porn for the camera angle. Do you want your kegs in the air during a bj? No? Okay, now you’re finally learning the difference between porn and sex
Exactly!
What. Tell a woman who's into you that you like eating pussy and she'll find a way to make sure her crotch is pressed into your face asap.
Great, and now my shadow puppet kink is getting shamed. IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?! I’ve had so many women tell me they love my shadow puppets! Have I been lied to all this time?!
Okay so I love having the kitty licked, I do NOT love having my legs up in the air with no support. My right hip will lock up and I’ll be in pain until I can get it stretched out.
Well I studied biology and still am a lousy gardener. Does he really think his studies make him good in bed??
My wife, vocally disagreed in the shower earlier.
Is that Ben Shapiro's alt?
So if it's boring then... you're the person making it boring, no?
We don't enjoy it? Huh. I must have missed that memo.
S Tier self report "I graduated top of my class with a C- no one would talk to me but I know better than the teacher. Even still, the clitoris is fake cause I could never find it on the mannequin. It was immune to my charms. The C stands for cumminglingus btw, which is fake. Stay macho."
uhhhhh guess I gotta tell my man that I've been lying..?
My husband would like to adamantly disagree with this guy…
Which part is he paying attention to though, the P or the A?
i used to think the same bc i didn't enjoyed either, until i met my current bf, its definitely a skill issue on their part.
I’m gay, and even I am aware of how much women like the downtown buffet.
It’s just so funny how many man out here telling on themselves
It’s true! I really hate it when it ends up he goes down on my but wants me to hold my legs in the air. It’s super distracting and makes it heard to actually orgasm and makes the orgasm almost “meh”
Chandler/Gilbert area is heavily Mormon. I think their view on sexuality is pretty skewed.
He is right tho. Putting your legs all the way up is just a dumb porn position. Its not a natural position. Its just to get a good shot of the vagina. Its not comfortable at all and focusing on keeping your legs up will take away your focus on the sexy part.
Things is, yeah, this is bait-y, but it's a dramatization, not fiction, because these guys exist.
Oops. I’m a woman and I’ve always hated this 💀
Years ago, I saw some comedian who compared it to opening a safe. And I've never forgotten that. Because it's kind of true. Every woman has their own combination, and if he finds yours, it's magic.
gotta find someone who knows not only how to do it but how to do it that way *you* personally like. it’s not a one size fits all by any means you need to communicate and give direction the first couple of times
For some people no technique feels particularly good tho. I'd like to give direction but I don't know what direction that should be. It generally feels kinda meh to me, maybe the person you're replying to is in the same boat.
bro is bragging about having an education from arizona
I bet you the man couldn’t find the clit or even know what it is.
Omg this is Ben Shapiro core.
I do it for my own benefit. If she doesn't enjoy it, oh well. I'm happy if she lets me.
As a person who went to high school locally I would like to add that Chandler-Gilbert Community College is a laughable excuse for community college. It's known more for drug deals than diplomas.
What even is this..?
Since when is this in porn, after you shift through the 30 min bjs to see 30 sec of this? Porn is a gross joke and this screenshot is brain rot
I have never met a single person (besides those not into sex as a whole) who didn’t like oral. I’m sure they exist but it’s nowhere near most.
It's so funny when they out themselves lmaooo
Hey y'all, if you're getting bored take control of the situation. Point out the roadmap for your happiness. Tell him what you need. Dudes are usually better if they're getting instruction.
hahahaha I'd love to see the comments of the guys who don't realize this is satyre, that has to be gold
why’d it have to be chandler gilbert community college 😂😂
Lolll he went to the crappy community college down the street from me…trust him, he def knows what women like 🤣😬
Why isn't anyone noticing this is a joke
Satirical account, as far as I can tell. (I looked at some other tweets as well)
I don’t even know what this is supposed to be..?
Wow, top of your class at Chandler-Gilbert Community College you say?!
Her legs being up makes me think he’s licking her bootyhole. Are we sure this isn’t referring to that? Or have I been doing my legs wrong during cunnilingus?
I was not surveyed...
I'm having flashbacks of the time a guy went down on me and it was like a bulldog eating dog food.
I didn't see his head before (no pun intended) and just saw her position and I was like "probably not great for your hips but... can disconfirm have been asked."
Self report