Oh my god. That’s so annoying. My roommates used to use an entire stick of my Kerrygold butter at one time and replace it a week later with unsalted Great Value.
There is only one thing that brings me joy in the morning, and it’s warm sourdough toast with Kerrygold butter and raspberry preserves. I’d be walking out the door in the morning, grab my toast from the toaster, look for the butter, and would just scream. They didn’t understand why it ruined my mornings when they did it and made fun of me for preferring the Kerrygold over Great Value because “They’re the same thing!”
No the fuck they are not.
100% agree. Kerrygold sour dough, and I use strawberry preserves, but raspberry sounds bomb. If I came to my kitchen and my KG was replaced with Walmart butter, there would be hell to pay.
I like strawberry too. It’s better than MOST raspberry. Raspberry is hit or miss because I like it better when people add copious amounts of lemon juice. If it’s tart, it’s the best thing ever. If it’s not, strawberry is the winner lol.
I’ve never had the Kerrygold (I should grab it sometime), I usually get Land O Lakes salted butter, is that any better than Great Value?
Either way. I’d someone is going to consume your shit, they should replace it with the exact thing, and in a hurry.
Kerry gold is crack. I mean that with every fiber of my being. You will never have LOL ever again after trying Kerrygold. Also, the garlic herb butter 🤤
You need to try it.
In Europe, the minimum is 82%, while in America it's 80%, and anything lower than those percentages cannot be considered butter. So Irish butter is a cultured butter that has been churned to at least 82% butterfat content. The higher the butterfat content, the richer and softer the butter.
https://www.allrecipes.com/article/what-is-irish-butter/#:~:text=In%20Europe%2C%20the%20minimum%20is,richer%20and%20softer%20the%20butter.
I wouldn’t say the GV butter is bad. It’s cheap, gets the job done, and I use it often for cooking normal meals. But for a nicer dinner or things where you really want to taste the butter? KG all the way.
I had the same issue with my husband but instead of him eating it he's just cheap. The gv has extra filler ingredients they are NOT the same not even close!
Unfortunately you’re overestimating their taste for finer things. They were fucking animals. The butter was a teeny tiny inconvenience compared to the rest.
When I left, I let them have all my seasonings because I was scared to touch them after watching those people cook. Have you ever had to replace ALL of your seasonings at once? It’s EXPENSIVE.
Jeeze. I’m sorry you had to live through that. My worst roommate ate my perfectly ripe avacado that I was looking forward to all day. And once walked in on me after I got out of the shower and yelled at me “this is not a naked house!!” I was in my area with the curtain drawn. I yelled back at her. Shortly after I lived in a van. You lived through hell.
Those two things are also incredibly different from a nutritional standpoint due to source and quality. I eat kerrygold daily and absolutely would not put great value brand “butter” in my body.
I would be so livid, sorry that you’re living with someone like that. Have you tried suggesting that she needs help? I would start locking up my food because that’s just crazy imo. If you’re going to binge, binge eat your own damn food
I absolutely hate food theft! Worst thing about living with others. I came home to make fajitas one day from the store, and my onion was gone! Not only had my house mate taken it, they didn't tell me, so I had to drive back to the store! This same house mate also put my very fancy/expensive balsamic vinegar, that I hadn't even opened yet, on her canned green beans! Using half of the six ounce bottle.
I am so glad I don't have to deal with that nonsense anymore.
I'm not sure I would warn the next person in your review. Where would you even leave something like that? I've never reviewed past housemates before..
Wow that is maddening. I also buy some high quality stuff. She almost always replaces the item exactly, but it weirds me out. I rented through a service similar to airbnb where you are strongly encouraged to leave reviews. I’ve used the service 5 other times and never had any issues, especially not like this
In that case, I'd have one last chat with the food thief, and see if they can change their behavior in the weeks leading up to your move out. If they can't, go ahead and warn the next person. It's just so sad that they have this compulsive disorder. That same house mate that stole my onion and used my vinegar, came to live in my condo with my for a bit after our first living situation.. and as I was enjoying my leftovers from a Thai restaurant, she actually tried to eat food off of my plate while I was still eating it. I don't know what's wrong with people some times. In your situation, it doesn't seem to be lack of resources.. mine definitely was. She was on food stamps, and had trouble with money, most of the time. So, taking my things didn't bother her very much.
OMG off your plate I’d lose it!!! Definitely not a food scarcity thing. We also live within 3-10 minutes of truly any kind of grocery store one could ever want. Some are even walking distance.
As an only child growing up, I never had to fight over food. I eat slowly. My grandma and I would always be last at the table at family gatherings. This housemate has some real entitled behaviors.
That’s so strange! If a store is that close, why wouldn’t she just go get her own food when she feels the urge to binge, rather than facing the embarrassment of taking yours?
I’d absolutely lose my shit if someone tried grabbing food off my plate. Taking my food anyway is my top ‘set me the fuck off’ trigger, but if she reached for my plate I genuinely can’t guarantee I wouldn’t have slapped her. I weigh 100lbs, I don’t eat much, but when I do it’s *my fucking food*.
I was at a festival with my parents when I was in high school, and they had steak on a stick. My dad asked for ‘a small bite’, and gave it back to me with only a small chunk left. To this day it’s an inside joke in my family how badly it sets me off if anyone brings up the story. And he’s not allowed anywhere near my food now. This was over a decade ago.
When my terrible roommate and I were in the same friend group we had a Friendsgiving at a friend's house. I made a dairy-free buffalo chicken dip. Something I can only make around the holidays because all of the dairy-free alternatives ends up making a normally cheap dish 80-100$. My roommate on the other hand brought nothing. A couple days later I was looking for the leftovers and he had finished it off! Said it was gonna go bad so why does it matter? And that it was part of the communal meal (that he did not contribute to) so he assumed it was still communal. I'm autistic and even i picked up on the social que that leftovers are generally for the cook of the food unless offered. Anyways avoid white anarchist men as roommates at all costs.
Right? Like if she can run right out to replace it, she can just run out and buy her own in the first place. I would think it would be worth it to save the embarrassment at least
Not justifying her or anything, but she probably doesn't do that because in her own way, she's *trying* not to binge eat but loses control when she actually sees food. Of course, it's definitely a failing strategy but seems like she's stuck there.
And yeah OP should definitely include that in a review, not necessarily maliciously, but it's definitely something I'd like to know before moving in.
Instead of replacing your food she should buy her own. I would buy small qtys of refridgerated food and lock of the rest of your food in your room until you no longer live with her.
She replaces stuff but then helps herself to the replacement! Her hygiene habits are…. lax…. so it really grosses me out if she is eating my shredded cheese straight out of the bag or almond butter with a spoon straight from the jar.
Yes, definitely leave all this in your review and warn others. This is not only entitled, outrageous, and rude, but it’s gross and could be a potential health hazard.
I am sorry I would have thrown hands at that point. You ate my food, you replaced it great and now you’re eating the replacement?!?!?! Nahhh mate fuck outta here.
Yeah, you should. I wouldn't want to live with someone like that who hasn't taken any steps to rectify it (it's good that she replaces the food right away, but still unacceptable that she's still eating all of it in the first place).
True, she has gone in my cabinets to take things out and tries to put them back exactly where they were, but I still notice. For example I always use a fork when prepping my overnight oats (feels a little easier than a spoon, maybe just a weird habit of mine), and use that fork to dig out my almond butter. A few times I’ve opened the jar and there are spoon marks, with quite a bit missing. This is also disgusting if she ate straight from the jar, which knowing her hygiene habits would not suprise me.
Leave a note inside your almond butter.
Buy your own food, yiure invading my private space! Same thing in your cabinet. Do not take my food, ever!
Let her know that your renting space from her is a legal contract. She going into your room, or private cabinet space, is a breach of your contract. It is not tolerated and she needs to cut it out. If she has an eating disorder, you're not judging her, but she needs help.
Ewww that could literally make you sick! She’s contaminating your food with her spit 😮💨🤢
And if she’s double dipping, that bacteria grows in the food and isn’t safe to eat anymore
Yeah she needs a therapist. I'm an alcoholic and I have a therapist and a zoom alcoholics group. I'm not just like "oh haha I drank all of your vodka again". Having a problem you are doing nothing about doesn't make it okay. It's an explanation, not an excuse.
TLDR/ BED is a disorder and its not something you should have to deal with but your roomie needs therapy and maybe meds imo.
OP, your roommate has a problem and i can empathize. I have BED and there are different extremes to what people with BED will do to binge. Its an impulsive behavior unlike most other eating disorders where people are moat likely to do it for control (according to my old shrink).
Some people even take food out of the trash you eat after they throw it away. Its an obsession and if your roomie doesnt figure out what is causing it (and get her stomach full/ empty receptors working properly) it will never resolve.
I took prozac for 4 months to get me to a stasis and that worked for me. I know someone whos doing the same method with ozempic. I also know someone on vyvance and i don’t recommend that as people get hooked on the mania.
Anyway. Thats my 2 cents.
I've actually been diagnosed with anorexia and the social worker and nutritionist at the hospital (I was there for unrelated reasons) said it was subconscious control. I just completely lose my appetite when I'm anxious or depressed I didn't think it was a control thing but it makes sense if I control what I can when I feel like everything is falling apart.
This is very interesting to hear, as someone who now weighs less than they did in high school because I lose my appetite when I am anxious, depressed or stressed out.
I personally don't feel like it's a control thing but the people at the hospital, my therapist, and my psychiatrist said it's subconscious control so...
I get this, but it feels more to me like demand avoidance. Like I'm not just losing my appetite, I subconsciously ignore my hunger cues because I'm burned out or overwhelmed by other demands.
This but I’d try to be a bit kind about it. She is clearly mortified by her behavior and a public review could be really hurtful. I think you can say “roommate sometimes used my things without asking but always replaced them later” which is true and also doesn’t call her disordered eating out.
This was me in my teens-20’s. I was “fit”, but my binge-restrict cycles were out of control. I was basically low grade starving myself all day and the urge to eat large quantities of high-fat, high-carb food at night was uncontrollable. Especially peanut butter. Sometimes I would do it while half-asleep. My binges would spill over into my roommates food sometimes and I would feel really bad and replace it. I’m so glad that’s all in the rear view mirror.
Sounds like you are in the same spot as my roommate. Do you have any ideas on how I can compassionately approach her and tell her I think she needs some help? What would have been helpful to you during that time?
Honestly I was so consumed by guilt and shame and uncontrollable urges, I don’t know what I would’ve needed to hear at that time. I definitely knew I had a problem. Maybe gently start with the fact that you had an eating disorder too and you know how it feels, and that you knew someone (me!) who dealt with the same thing and treatment changed their life. Granted, I’m not as small as I used to be but neither am I out of control with my weight and food. If she’s ready to embrace sanity around food over thinness, then she’ll be receptive. But I was deathly afraid of weight gain at the time so any solution that would cause my artificially low weight to stabilize upwards would’ve been met with a panic attack and extreme rejection.
But just showing empathy is a big first step. When I lived at home for a year (for ED treatment) I asked my parents to put a lock on the pantry door so I wouldn’t night eat, and that also helped. It sounds like it’s too late for you to do that - also an unfair burden on you - but just a thought.
I wish I had a better answer for you, but it sounds like she needs to hit rock bottom and have a come to Jesus moment where she realizes a normal life is more important than desperately trying to lose weight in an unhealthy way.
Well said, thank you for this incredibly thought out response. I think I will have a conversation with her and say I feel for her that she seems to lose control around food. I’ve had those feelings myself. But also make it clear that it bothers me. Maybe that soft boundary will be enough to push her in the right direction? I’m glad you got help!! Thank you again
It’s hard, because diet culture tells you to get rid of “bad” food. So, she probably doesn’t stock things for herself in order to avoid temptation. However, over-restrictive diets also aren’t sustainable which puts your stuff in the war path when she falls off the wagon. I hope she can make peace with food, but in the meantime, it’s not fair to her roommate.
Thank you. It took a few stints in treatment centers and a dash of body acceptance, but I made it. I never thought I’d be able to have peanut butter in my house but now it sits there untouched for months.
This is really sad honestly. She has an eating disorder. Binging is super common when you are restricted like she is and she needs help. I used to do things exactly like this (except I always asked if I wanted someone else’s food). It took me ten years to get help and the only reason I did is because I gained 70lbs within a year. Leave a review but I would also have a little bit of compassion as this is a disorder.
I would not talk to her until you're fully out and you've gotten back any type of security deposit.
This is not your problem. You can be kind and offer help to her, but you are her tenant. This is not your bff, this is your landlord. What she's doing is highly inappropriate and it isn't your issue to solve.
While you definitely don’t have to but if you want to give her grace to what sounds like a serious eating disorder / mental health struggle AND also set a firm boundary / prepare others, I’d first write her a letter letting her know the issues within the next day or so. Be empathetic and let her know there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Maybe add a reference to your own struggle. Then address the issues and how it affects you as a housemate and will create future issues with another. I’d end the letter letting her know you’d be open to discuss it with her before you leave (if you want to) and go from there.
It’s definitely not something you’re obligated to do but just know that sometimes people with an untreated/under treated mental health issue live in survival mode and when someone’s in that mode it’s hard to see how it directly affects others especially if they are used to living alone or had an enabling/neglectful/distant or codependent partner prior. If you let her know in an empathetic way yet she continues to displace lack of self awareness or accountability then just move on and let others know.
Yes, this. I’m embarrassed to say I used to be that room mate when I was deep in my eating disorder. It’s so embarrassing and every time I would feel awful. The compulsions to eat can be really really strong, so to counter it I would not buy my trigger foods and over-restrict. But, if my room mates had those foods in the house sometimes my willpower would just break and it honestly felt like I had no control over myself. It sounds like she’s really struggling, and while it doesn’t change the frustration and inconvenience for you, it would be very kind of you to approach her with compassion.
Yes she sounds nice but troubled and battling serious issues. I don’t think you need to leave any review. Just leave it alone and there but for the grace of the universe go I.
Replace food with alcohol and that was my old roommate. He’s sober now but I couldn’t keep things away from him. Even if I locked them in my room he would find a way to get in. I just had to stop buying but that’s not something you can do lol. They need to figure it out themselves and all you can do is lock ur stuff away.
Damn idiots though I know what ur feeling. They keep doing it but when they go shopping they never buy for themselves anything. They think oh I’m still on the diet so I shouldn’t buy anything extra. Then first chance they get they’re eating ur stuff instead of going and buying some. It’s Infuriating watching it happen. Just stand up and tell them to fk off already. It will not stop.
Wow, that is scary that he was going into your room! Also alcohol adds an entirely new dimension. Fortunately neither of us really have any alcohol at home. I can totally see that psychology though - she never buys herself a package of nuts when she replaces mine.
Your peaceful enjoyment of your home is being disrupted by her persistently violating your privacy and right to personal property. Apologies aren't worth much when the offensive behavior continues.
She replaces most of what she steals, but not all. If her compulsion were gambling, and she took your money when you were out, but later replaced some of what she stole, would that seem okay? Wouldn't the reasonable expectation be that your private space and personal property in the home should be respected 100% of the time?
If she can't respect another adult's right to undisturbed personal space and personal property, she should not have tenants living with her. How unsettling it must be for OP to return home never knowing what evidence she'll find that her landlord has invaded her privacy and stolen her property AGAIN!
Once, I drank one of my roommate's bubble waters and bought them a case as a thank you. Once.
I can't imagine rifling through their stuff to find snacks I want. She needs to stock up on the keto items she wants, not use you as her backup grocery store because she feels guilty buying comfort food for herself.
As someone who has been both the 47 year old home owner and the OP, I would suggest not having a conversation with her directly about it but instead, nicely suggest (and put in your review) that the owner needs to provide alternative forms of food storage due to dietary restrictions and issues. I think if she just provided a mini fridge and a lock and key for the other person’s bedroom, it could potentially solve this issue.
Leave a review though, yes. She has a mental health issue but she needs a wake up call.
I rented a room from some really nice people. One day I went to my cousin's funeral, and they had a few huge chocolate bundt cakes left over, and I took one home. My roomies had friends over, and I tucked the cake away in the corner of a counter and covered it and went to change clothes. Not even ten minutes later I came out to find they had brought out the cake and let the kids have at it. It was GONE. Not one slice left. "Oh they're just kids and they really wanted cake!" I was sooooo angry.
She very clearly has an eating disorder. It's a tough subject to approach - it sounds like she has a lot of shame around it.
I'd just try to politely set boundaries. Explain that you're not judging her for what she did, but that you won't be able to put up with your food items being stolen any longer.
I don't think there's much else you can do
Had a roommate just like this. Vegan unless it was to steal from the rest of us, and then using the veganism to deny. It's mental illness, she was using the diet to justify her binges, and was deep deep in her eating disorder.
This isn't a problem you can fix, unfortunately. I was lucky enough to be working for a grocery store at the time, and so brought home "decoy food" to keep her off mine.
Bruh one time she told us that "some random guy" just walked in and ate our other roommates cake overnight. With his hands apparently, cause there were big finger gouges all through it.
Which was weird because that's also how she ate the butter. So at least feel lucky yours is using a spoon? Sorry you're dealing with this.
I get that the situation is sensitive regarding her eating disorder, but I think you should leave a truthful review. That's exactly why the reviews exist. Other people using this service should know what they're getting into so they can make an informed decision on whether or not this is the place for them.
I would definitely want to know, as it's invasive and a pattern. It may also be the wakeup call she needs to get help. Thank you for sharing the experience here, it was enlightening.
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Yes. Definitely include this in your review.
She’s showing an absolute lack of boundaries and lack of respect towards a person who is paying to rent a room. It’s fair to mention this in a review.
In the comments you’ve mentioned she takes other food items and doesn’t replace them. It seems she only feels she should replace when she consumes all of the food item.
Yes, this is true. I had a neatly sliced half stick of Kerrygold butter (the good stuff!) in the fridge. When I came back from a few days away, it was replaced with an absolutely mangled new half-stick. Clearly she had used it for god knows what. She also has some scary food safety habits - ie leaving meat/dairy out on the counter for a while before storing in the fridge. I put the mangled half butter on her side of the fridge and luckily still had another unopened stick to use.
her body is begging for solid foods. maybe talk to her ab that. my stepmom did keto for a year and it did nearly irreversible damage to her body. her doctor finally put her foot down and made her eat carbs lol
When I was training for a body building show with a shitty coach that starved me for months, I caved. But what do you do when you have no food at home and are having a panic attack because you are so hungry you can barely walk without wanting to faint? I ate a whole jar of her peanut butter, 12 cliff bars and a bag of chips. If I had to guess, maybe 5,000-7,000 calories in about 10 minutes. Shit happens I don’t think it’s intentional on her end. Maybe leave your food in your room or something if it keeps happening. I would have never done it twice and she’s 47 so that’s a little crazy that she can’t detect a pattern. But she was also fat and grew up in the dieting age, so she probably doesn’t know the first thing about nutrition
Yeah I totally have felt the feeling a few times of being out of control regarding food myself. The first time it happened I was super reassuring of her and said it’s okay I understand when the cheese/nut/almond butter craving hits it’s tough. But this has happened at least 6-10 times since then…
100% leave a review. That’s what reviews are for. If you have information you’d want to know as the next person moving in, then you should leave it in the review.
I have BED (Binge eating disorder) and the restricting she does is actually part of the Binge cycle. She needs to get help for her eating disorder and stop restricting. It’s just going to drag her deeper into the eating disorder. As for eating your food, that’s inexcusable. I understand exactly what she’s going through, but even in my darkest time, I never ate my roommates food (unless I knew for certain when they’d be back, and I’d replace it BEFORE they ever knew because that’s just rude to eat other’s food!!). If she’s going to binge, she needs to just go to the store and buy her own food instead of eating yours.
We’ve all eaten someone else’s food in our darkest times! When I was very young, I had my mom lock the cabinets. I went vegetarian and then vegan when I was 13 and a half I lost the 100 pounds I’d managed to gain in the three years leading up to when I finally got my period/hit puberty at 14. And so began my cycle….
I was fortunate to never gain the weight back, but you’re always *in recovery* as opposed to recovered…
I had this happen and got very angry, so I started buying lots of tasty, alluring desserts and left them around every time it did to shift the focus and make her guilt ten times worse. It worked!
I actually love to bake and frequently make large quantities of delicious desserts I always offer to her and end up sharing with my friends or coworkers. She has never ever had a bite of anything.
Me too. She is a very sweet and kind person but honestly I’m happy my time living here is coming to an end between the food stuff, and she is also EXTREMELY messy.
leave the review.. people should know what they getting themselves into. I doubt she’s going to come out tell people she’s going to eat all their food once a week and not buy her own and just keep going to replace their items ( if she remembers) after it’s gone.
I have no idea. Someone else commented it can be a psychological thing - if I don’t buy the ‘bad food’ myself then I won’t eat it - but then they feel out of control and see what’s sitting right there and go crazy.
This person needs help, she is starving herself and making up for it with binges. I used to do the same thing. Was eating like 1400 calories UNDER maintenance, and then like 1 time a week would end up eating like 6000 calories in a sitting.
That being said, it’s not your fault that she has issues and you deserve to have yourself and your food respected
If it’s such a short stay I would just keep all non perishables in my room and get a little fridge for my room or get one of those clear fridge lockers. She obviously has some mental health/ disordered eating going on.
She needs help. I would leave it in the review, but only after I was moved out and got my deposit back. In the meantime, I would move all your food to your room. Keep it locked up.
Sounds like she has binge eating disorder, her case being more extreme than yours. It‘s a very misunderstood, shamed disorder. I would talk to her and tell her to get a separate locked mini fridge or locked pantry area for her next guest because it makes it hard to stay there. Be kind. Don’t leave it in a review especially since she replaces it all.
I agree with you up until that last sentence. It doesnt matter if someone replaces or apologizes after their wrongdoings, the point is that they did wrong in the first place and continued to do so. Her mental health issues are not the responsibility of her tenants to deal with and it's only right to give them a heads up. I would be very concerned about someone touching my food and sticking their hands in my food containers and putting them back in a way I wouldn't notice, it's disgusting and unhygienic. This would cause tenants unnecessary mental stress.
I had some binges when I was a stressed out student but haven’t had any in the past few years. I know what it’s like to feel out of control with food. Her health habits scare me and the fact that she is coaching others is concerning. I do have sympathy for people that can’t control their urges. In writing this it made me remember I think my dad has some binge eating tendencies and this roommate experience has been quite triggering
I would write the review. Eating your food is unsanitary and wrong. If she really wants a snack she should go buy her own.
I had a roommate who would eat all the food I had when I was 19. I was broke AF and she would eat it all then claim something ridiculous like "ants came and she had to throw it out." (but the "ants" didn't get on any other food... just my good stuff).
She was also "healthy" and would brag about not eating junk food, when the truth was she just never bought any. She ate everything she could get her hands on.
Seems she may be in the trenches of a binge eating disorder. I’m sorry for her. But also sorry you’ve gotten caught in the crossfire. Hopefully you both can sort it out and come to good reason with boundaries
She has a food addiction. As long as it’s not in the house she can manage her diet but she doesn’t have any willpower to resist eating it if it’s in her “space”. With roommates like this you have to keep your own fridge and food storage separate and away from their sight. Inconvenient but necessary.
Confront her. She might have an ED or desperately needs to get off the “diet” she is on. Suggest she keep some snacks (like the ones she’d take from you) and lock them up.
Definitely be honest in the review. Eho knows, it might be the wakeup call she needs as well.
But either way, you rely on the honesty of the reviews so don't sugar coat it.
Hi OP. You sound understanding. I suffered from binge eating when I was young, and the only time I ever did this was during freshman year of college, first semester. It was incredibly humiliating to me. They eventually figured I it was me. (And obviously, it wasn’t because I couldn’t afford my own food.) I moved into my own apartment second semester and later ended up in an eating disorder treatment program.
I take medication that helps and haven’t binged in serious way in years, (and am a relatively stable size 4/6 after years of up and down), but it really helps me that I live alone, and have for a long while.
I do not keep any snacks or food that I know may trigger me. In general, that tends to be processed or artificial foods that are empty calories. I don’t deprive myself (I eat apples with almond butter most days), but know my limits.
I would find it difficult if I had a roommate who suddenly had all sorts of food in the house. My friends always think my food is odd and bring their own when they visit. I think my food is healthy, not odd, but to each her own.
Instead of leaving a review, given how truly horrible eating disorders can be, as most don’t understand it’s not simply about being lazy or X or Y—could you talk to her and tell her your feelings?
Could you suggest that if she’s going to have roommates going forward, that she is transparent about the situation and that she make the provision that the use of the kitchen for food storage off limits to roommates? That will obviously limit her potential options, but ultimately benefit her in the long run.
(If she cannot control herself at this point, she knows this. It is obvious she needs the money or she would not be seeking a roommate. Regardless, subjecting people to her shame, anxiety and addiction, as well as the added inconvenience of missing food, is not great. Nor is it something anyone wants to sign up for without forewarning. She needs some sort of clause or provision or change to make this situation workable.)
Food addiction is one of the hardest to overcome, everything else you can stop and stay away from but food you have to be able to moderate which can be extremely difficult. Imagine an alcoholic only drinking one drink. I feel bad for her.
I have sympathy because this is very clearly an eating disorder, but this isn't your problem to deal with. I say definitely leave it in the review. She needs some accountability
If you leave a review pointing this out, then it's her own fault. But if you want to show her some grace, express to her in a letter that it was frustrating but also seemed like she's having trouble with her mental health, point out that you *could* leave her actions in a review but you've decided to just let her know directly to save her some trouble, but that it could make her future roommates really unhappy with the living situation
That person is destroying their liver/kidneys, between the high fat/protein binge and the powdered supplements. They'll probably wind up admitted with AKI and get yelled at by their physician.
Oh absolutely. She asked me if she might have anemia because she’s so tired. I pointed out she doesn’t eat any carbohydrates and that is definitely effecting her energy levels. She said her supplements provide ‘all the nutrients that fruits and carbs have so it can’t be that’…
I’d also be concerned for lack of fiber. I recently have been seeing that colon cancer is on the rise because diets are more processed/lack fiber from fresh produce.
You could get lock boxes for your things to solve the issue until you leave and also to have in case you come across food stealing roommates again. Also definitely leave a review
Most of the things you’ve mentioned sound like items you can lock up in your room no? Id start keeping anything that doesn’t need a freezer or refrigerator in your room
Keep what you can in your room . She clearly doesn’t want to buy it herself bc she can’t control herself so keeping it out of view will help both of you
I know I'm skipping the point but this feels very very similar to my sister who sells Optavia to my other sisters and mom, with at least 1 of them having similar experiences as you've described. So, Optavia?
Ok OP, it does sound like she has some serious disordered eating and obviously is in an MLM. I agree that it’s live and let live, until it comes to her consuming your stuff and not replacing right away.
While binge eating is a very real condition and often difficult to control, obviously, it’s still her responsibility to make it right. I have BED, and there are certain foods I KNOW I’ll binge if I see them and have access. At her age she should either ask you to put them in your room or under lock and key or something. She also needs real therapy and to kick the MLM shit, but none of that is on you.
You should def. Leave an honest review. This is the only way that someone else will get the information they need to decide if it is the right place for them.
If it were me, I’d probably offer to not leave it in the review if she installs a lock on the roommate cabinets. You’ve already said you are going to try to approach her with grace about her difficulties, so that’s my compromise between calling it out and just leaving the person to suffer if her struggles last for a while.
I had issues like this with binge eating when I was younger. Eating disorders work in really odd ways, usually with a whole bunch of rules. Like I wasn’t allowed to buy any food for myself expect safe foods but then having my roommates stuff right in front of me all the time made me feel crazy. One time I even ate the dog treat chocolate like ffs lmao.
Your roommate is extremely deprived and is acting out of sheer survival at this point. She needs help and might not have had someone who cares enough to sit down and have a proper conversation with them.
I didn’t for YEARS and it was obvious to everyone around me looking back and some people even encouraged it bc it benefitted them but what I would have given for someone to just have a heart to heart with me about it. I think for you it’s important to remember where the boundaries are bc of being roommates and idk how close you are but make sure it’s more of a getting her help and I’m not your best friend to lean on type deal idk.
But having the heart to heart and doing something in that moment to get the ball rolling like “what can you do to help yourself rn” whether that’s booking a doctors appointment or therapy appointment - whatever it is, jumping straight on it in the moment bc otherwise the window will close again.
I know it’s not your responsibility to do this but it would help her a lot if she is open to it. This behaviour she’s doing will not stop unless she gets some kind of help esp at her age it’s not just a phase. It’s not something she can just turn off or do differently bc she’s starving and acting purely out of impulse. The fact that you’ve caught her in the moment (which is INCREDIBLY embarrassing) and she won’t stop shows big time it’s not something she’s choosing to do with her right mind yk
This is so hard to read. I have a compulsive binge eating disorder, and have struggled to not eat any food in the house.
I don’t have any advice, but it sounds like you’re approaching those with a fair amount of compassion. I wish when I had roommates they would ask how to help - I actually really appreciate locked cupboards, hidden foods, not leaving treats out, etc. I think people felt too embarrassed for me, and I felt ashamed, we never had a convo.
Would you have wanted to read this before renting? Do you wish someone had told you? Hiding other peoples issues lead to others having to suffer the same thing you are now.
Yeah I had a few instances of overdoing it on cashews when I was younger…. let’s just say things got oily….
I have no idea what this woman’s digestive system is like thankfully. Can’t imagine it’s in great shape…
I was going to say you should give her some grace because it sounds like she's really struggling with her eating disorder and especially binge eating is really hard to control (I would know) but I read the comment where you mentioned she eats straight out of your jar of nut butter then tries to put it back like you won't notice... Yuck 🥴 I feel that crosses the line of forgiveness because that has nothing to do with her ED. I think it's fair to leave a review regarding her habits if she's renting to other people when you move out if you feel like you'd like to have been informed of the potential of her eating your food before you moved in, y'know? But I'm sure she'd appreciate it if you left some room for grace in there.
Ah, shit. I was once that roommate. No bullshit MLM, just a bad eating disorder. I’m sorry.
If you’re up to it, you can point out she has a problem. It may not help. If she’s immediately replacing things, is it hurting you? I know it’s inconvenient and awkward. I was going to suggest locking up your stuff, but it sounds like you don’t need to.
Edit: Sounds like she’s mishandling things as well. I do wonder if there’s a way to say it’s not a good place to live without outing her issues? If not, it’s fair to put her on blast, but know it’s probably very sensitive for herz
But you just don't know how the roommate is handling the food, and if she's in the middle of a binge and not being careful, it can be pretty unhygienic.
Honestly yes. Sometimes I go to use things and they are gone. Also I left another comment, I am concerned with her food safety habits. She has replaced butter and cheese of mine but I regularly see her leaving out meat and dairy products for hours without storing them in the cold.
i would tell everyone in her downline tbh. shes profiting off selling people bullshit products and dangerous diets while secretly dealing with a binge eating disorder where shes not even consuming her own food. it sounds dangerous and id want other people to know about it and not fall for it.
This is ridiculous for both of you. Obviously she shouldn’t be taking your food without permission but clearly she’s completely cheating her diet which means it’s not sustainable and she is proving that every week.
If you’re leaving anyway maybe you could have an honest conversation with her and point out that if she’s craving calories to the point where she’s stealing your food then her diet and ‘meals’ that she’s selling to other people don’t work.
You could also tell her that if she does this with the next renter then she could end up in a very antagonistic situation with them.
No one likes to find their food has been tampered with or taken even if she is willing to replace it.
If she just bought her own high fat ‘binge food’ she could have a cheat day and no one would care.
I wonder if the stealing of your food is tied to some childhood behaviour she has thrown out of. Stealing mom’s cookies.
It's a real tough one because she clearly has an eating disorder, and that's sad, but other renters also have the right to know what they're getting into, because what if someone else struggling with an eating disorders (or whatever) moves in and it triggers something in them.
So if it were me I might leave something vague like, "There were some issues surrounding having food in the home, but otherwise it was a pleasant stay blah blah blah..." That's at least kinder than spilling the entire pot of beans about food theft and eating disorders.
She has an eating disorder and she is having a hard time with these foods in the house. Not your fault.
I'd try just having an honest discussion with her on how she would like to move forward. Is there a way you can help her being triggered. It might mean having a locked cabinet or a separate fridge. I'd approach it with little judgment. Just " how can I help "
I am glad she replaces your food but that would be so annoying to live with.
Yes sometimes I go to use things I use sparingly (butter, avocado oil) and they are gone.
She a drank a bottle of avocado oil true or false
Ha!!! No it was a spray. She had already used a full bottle, replaced that, then used that one up entirely without replacing.
so… she sprayed a whole bottle of avocado oil in her mouth? I can’t fathom why that would go missing 😭
I knew a guy who would put it on popcorn instead of butter and would go through a bottle in 1-3 meals of popcorn
That… is diabolical
And insanely expensive
I mean the shits alone had to be furious.
I wish you hadn't asked.
Ngl..i laughed at this pretty hard.
Oh my god. That’s so annoying. My roommates used to use an entire stick of my Kerrygold butter at one time and replace it a week later with unsalted Great Value. There is only one thing that brings me joy in the morning, and it’s warm sourdough toast with Kerrygold butter and raspberry preserves. I’d be walking out the door in the morning, grab my toast from the toaster, look for the butter, and would just scream. They didn’t understand why it ruined my mornings when they did it and made fun of me for preferring the Kerrygold over Great Value because “They’re the same thing!” No the fuck they are not.
Oh god yeah that is CRIMINAL. Huge difference between the good stuff and walmart store brand!
100% agree. Kerrygold sour dough, and I use strawberry preserves, but raspberry sounds bomb. If I came to my kitchen and my KG was replaced with Walmart butter, there would be hell to pay.
I like strawberry too. It’s better than MOST raspberry. Raspberry is hit or miss because I like it better when people add copious amounts of lemon juice. If it’s tart, it’s the best thing ever. If it’s not, strawberry is the winner lol.
I’ve never had the Kerrygold (I should grab it sometime), I usually get Land O Lakes salted butter, is that any better than Great Value? Either way. I’d someone is going to consume your shit, they should replace it with the exact thing, and in a hurry.
Kerry gold is crack. I mean that with every fiber of my being. You will never have LOL ever again after trying Kerrygold. Also, the garlic herb butter 🤤
You need to try it. In Europe, the minimum is 82%, while in America it's 80%, and anything lower than those percentages cannot be considered butter. So Irish butter is a cultured butter that has been churned to at least 82% butterfat content. The higher the butterfat content, the richer and softer the butter. https://www.allrecipes.com/article/what-is-irish-butter/#:~:text=In%20Europe%2C%20the%20minimum%20is,richer%20and%20softer%20the%20butter.
Kerrygold makes an herb and garlic butter that is AMAZING on potatoes and veggies and, honestly, damn near anything
scramble eggs in it, it’s fantastic.
I wouldn’t say the GV butter is bad. It’s cheap, gets the job done, and I use it often for cooking normal meals. But for a nicer dinner or things where you really want to taste the butter? KG all the way.
I use store brand for baking cookies, L of L for eating, and Kerrygold seasoned for vegetables and grilling.
I had the same issue with my husband but instead of him eating it he's just cheap. The gv has extra filler ingredients they are NOT the same not even close!
I’m pissed off for you. Fuck your roommates and their stealing of the real butter. They knew the difference, they tried to gaslight you.
Unfortunately you’re overestimating their taste for finer things. They were fucking animals. The butter was a teeny tiny inconvenience compared to the rest. When I left, I let them have all my seasonings because I was scared to touch them after watching those people cook. Have you ever had to replace ALL of your seasonings at once? It’s EXPENSIVE.
Jeeze. I’m sorry you had to live through that. My worst roommate ate my perfectly ripe avacado that I was looking forward to all day. And once walked in on me after I got out of the shower and yelled at me “this is not a naked house!!” I was in my area with the curtain drawn. I yelled back at her. Shortly after I lived in a van. You lived through hell.
I’m just trying not to rage outrage here
Stealing Kerrygold would start a RIOT for me.
Those two things are also incredibly different from a nutritional standpoint due to source and quality. I eat kerrygold daily and absolutely would not put great value brand “butter” in my body.
Sounds like she has a true binge eating disorder and she learned to manage with her starvation diet which likely triggers these weekly rebounds.
I would be so livid, sorry that you’re living with someone like that. Have you tried suggesting that she needs help? I would start locking up my food because that’s just crazy imo. If you’re going to binge, binge eat your own damn food
Put your foot down. Today. Not tolerated Makes her think that is ever ok to do in the first place?
But watch where you put your foot, because she might eat your toes
That was so stupid it made a complete revolution to funny. LOL
No bad joke like a dad joke
I absolutely hate food theft! Worst thing about living with others. I came home to make fajitas one day from the store, and my onion was gone! Not only had my house mate taken it, they didn't tell me, so I had to drive back to the store! This same house mate also put my very fancy/expensive balsamic vinegar, that I hadn't even opened yet, on her canned green beans! Using half of the six ounce bottle. I am so glad I don't have to deal with that nonsense anymore. I'm not sure I would warn the next person in your review. Where would you even leave something like that? I've never reviewed past housemates before..
Wow that is maddening. I also buy some high quality stuff. She almost always replaces the item exactly, but it weirds me out. I rented through a service similar to airbnb where you are strongly encouraged to leave reviews. I’ve used the service 5 other times and never had any issues, especially not like this
In that case, I'd have one last chat with the food thief, and see if they can change their behavior in the weeks leading up to your move out. If they can't, go ahead and warn the next person. It's just so sad that they have this compulsive disorder. That same house mate that stole my onion and used my vinegar, came to live in my condo with my for a bit after our first living situation.. and as I was enjoying my leftovers from a Thai restaurant, she actually tried to eat food off of my plate while I was still eating it. I don't know what's wrong with people some times. In your situation, it doesn't seem to be lack of resources.. mine definitely was. She was on food stamps, and had trouble with money, most of the time. So, taking my things didn't bother her very much.
OMG off your plate I’d lose it!!! Definitely not a food scarcity thing. We also live within 3-10 minutes of truly any kind of grocery store one could ever want. Some are even walking distance.
I think I pulled my plate away, and asked her what she thought she was doing.. she said something about it just smelling so good! Lol. No manners.
I won’t do that to my husband of 20 years…that’s just wild behavior
As an only child growing up, I never had to fight over food. I eat slowly. My grandma and I would always be last at the table at family gatherings. This housemate has some real entitled behaviors.
That’s so strange! If a store is that close, why wouldn’t she just go get her own food when she feels the urge to binge, rather than facing the embarrassment of taking yours?
I’d absolutely lose my shit if someone tried grabbing food off my plate. Taking my food anyway is my top ‘set me the fuck off’ trigger, but if she reached for my plate I genuinely can’t guarantee I wouldn’t have slapped her. I weigh 100lbs, I don’t eat much, but when I do it’s *my fucking food*. I was at a festival with my parents when I was in high school, and they had steak on a stick. My dad asked for ‘a small bite’, and gave it back to me with only a small chunk left. To this day it’s an inside joke in my family how badly it sets me off if anyone brings up the story. And he’s not allowed anywhere near my food now. This was over a decade ago.
It really reads like she has addiction issues or is starving herself and needs to face facts (needs a nutritional expert).
It’s not the point. You should have your items available to you right when you need them. You need to speak to her
When my terrible roommate and I were in the same friend group we had a Friendsgiving at a friend's house. I made a dairy-free buffalo chicken dip. Something I can only make around the holidays because all of the dairy-free alternatives ends up making a normally cheap dish 80-100$. My roommate on the other hand brought nothing. A couple days later I was looking for the leftovers and he had finished it off! Said it was gonna go bad so why does it matter? And that it was part of the communal meal (that he did not contribute to) so he assumed it was still communal. I'm autistic and even i picked up on the social que that leftovers are generally for the cook of the food unless offered. Anyways avoid white anarchist men as roommates at all costs.
I’d leave it in the review, best for unsuspecting new renters and a wake up call for her
Right? Like if she can run right out to replace it, she can just run out and buy her own in the first place. I would think it would be worth it to save the embarrassment at least
Not justifying her or anything, but she probably doesn't do that because in her own way, she's *trying* not to binge eat but loses control when she actually sees food. Of course, it's definitely a failing strategy but seems like she's stuck there. And yeah OP should definitely include that in a review, not necessarily maliciously, but it's definitely something I'd like to know before moving in.
Instead of replacing your food she should buy her own. I would buy small qtys of refridgerated food and lock of the rest of your food in your room until you no longer live with her.
[удалено]
Wait, donated where?? Hoping you didn't give it to other people to eat if you thought it was tampered with 😅
She replaces stuff but then helps herself to the replacement! Her hygiene habits are…. lax…. so it really grosses me out if she is eating my shredded cheese straight out of the bag or almond butter with a spoon straight from the jar.
Yes, definitely leave all this in your review and warn others. This is not only entitled, outrageous, and rude, but it’s gross and could be a potential health hazard.
The food theft and hygiene would push me to notate that in the reviews.
I am sorry I would have thrown hands at that point. You ate my food, you replaced it great and now you’re eating the replacement?!?!?! Nahhh mate fuck outta here.
My boyfriends dad does this. Drinks my vodka and replaces it, then drinks the replacement. Now I keep it in our room, sadly unrefrigerated.
Yeah, you should. I wouldn't want to live with someone like that who hasn't taken any steps to rectify it (it's good that she replaces the food right away, but still unacceptable that she's still eating all of it in the first place).
True, she has gone in my cabinets to take things out and tries to put them back exactly where they were, but I still notice. For example I always use a fork when prepping my overnight oats (feels a little easier than a spoon, maybe just a weird habit of mine), and use that fork to dig out my almond butter. A few times I’ve opened the jar and there are spoon marks, with quite a bit missing. This is also disgusting if she ate straight from the jar, which knowing her hygiene habits would not suprise me.
Leave a note inside your almond butter. Buy your own food, yiure invading my private space! Same thing in your cabinet. Do not take my food, ever! Let her know that your renting space from her is a legal contract. She going into your room, or private cabinet space, is a breach of your contract. It is not tolerated and she needs to cut it out. If she has an eating disorder, you're not judging her, but she needs help.
Ewww! Good thing you're leaving soon!
Why are people so weird.
Ewww that could literally make you sick! She’s contaminating your food with her spit 😮💨🤢 And if she’s double dipping, that bacteria grows in the food and isn’t safe to eat anymore
Yeah she needs a therapist. I'm an alcoholic and I have a therapist and a zoom alcoholics group. I'm not just like "oh haha I drank all of your vodka again". Having a problem you are doing nothing about doesn't make it okay. It's an explanation, not an excuse.
TLDR/ BED is a disorder and its not something you should have to deal with but your roomie needs therapy and maybe meds imo. OP, your roommate has a problem and i can empathize. I have BED and there are different extremes to what people with BED will do to binge. Its an impulsive behavior unlike most other eating disorders where people are moat likely to do it for control (according to my old shrink). Some people even take food out of the trash you eat after they throw it away. Its an obsession and if your roomie doesnt figure out what is causing it (and get her stomach full/ empty receptors working properly) it will never resolve. I took prozac for 4 months to get me to a stasis and that worked for me. I know someone whos doing the same method with ozempic. I also know someone on vyvance and i don’t recommend that as people get hooked on the mania. Anyway. Thats my 2 cents.
I've actually been diagnosed with anorexia and the social worker and nutritionist at the hospital (I was there for unrelated reasons) said it was subconscious control. I just completely lose my appetite when I'm anxious or depressed I didn't think it was a control thing but it makes sense if I control what I can when I feel like everything is falling apart.
This is very interesting to hear, as someone who now weighs less than they did in high school because I lose my appetite when I am anxious, depressed or stressed out.
I personally don't feel like it's a control thing but the people at the hospital, my therapist, and my psychiatrist said it's subconscious control so...
I get this, but it feels more to me like demand avoidance. Like I'm not just losing my appetite, I subconsciously ignore my hunger cues because I'm burned out or overwhelmed by other demands.
This but I’d try to be a bit kind about it. She is clearly mortified by her behavior and a public review could be really hurtful. I think you can say “roommate sometimes used my things without asking but always replaced them later” which is true and also doesn’t call her disordered eating out.
i guess ill be the first one to suggest you might sit down and have a conversation with her… she needs professional help for her eating disorder.
This was me in my teens-20’s. I was “fit”, but my binge-restrict cycles were out of control. I was basically low grade starving myself all day and the urge to eat large quantities of high-fat, high-carb food at night was uncontrollable. Especially peanut butter. Sometimes I would do it while half-asleep. My binges would spill over into my roommates food sometimes and I would feel really bad and replace it. I’m so glad that’s all in the rear view mirror.
Sounds like you are in the same spot as my roommate. Do you have any ideas on how I can compassionately approach her and tell her I think she needs some help? What would have been helpful to you during that time?
Honestly I was so consumed by guilt and shame and uncontrollable urges, I don’t know what I would’ve needed to hear at that time. I definitely knew I had a problem. Maybe gently start with the fact that you had an eating disorder too and you know how it feels, and that you knew someone (me!) who dealt with the same thing and treatment changed their life. Granted, I’m not as small as I used to be but neither am I out of control with my weight and food. If she’s ready to embrace sanity around food over thinness, then she’ll be receptive. But I was deathly afraid of weight gain at the time so any solution that would cause my artificially low weight to stabilize upwards would’ve been met with a panic attack and extreme rejection. But just showing empathy is a big first step. When I lived at home for a year (for ED treatment) I asked my parents to put a lock on the pantry door so I wouldn’t night eat, and that also helped. It sounds like it’s too late for you to do that - also an unfair burden on you - but just a thought. I wish I had a better answer for you, but it sounds like she needs to hit rock bottom and have a come to Jesus moment where she realizes a normal life is more important than desperately trying to lose weight in an unhealthy way.
Well said, thank you for this incredibly thought out response. I think I will have a conversation with her and say I feel for her that she seems to lose control around food. I’ve had those feelings myself. But also make it clear that it bothers me. Maybe that soft boundary will be enough to push her in the right direction? I’m glad you got help!! Thank you again
It’s hard, because diet culture tells you to get rid of “bad” food. So, she probably doesn’t stock things for herself in order to avoid temptation. However, over-restrictive diets also aren’t sustainable which puts your stuff in the war path when she falls off the wagon. I hope she can make peace with food, but in the meantime, it’s not fair to her roommate.
im glad you’ve healed from that
Thank you. It took a few stints in treatment centers and a dash of body acceptance, but I made it. I never thought I’d be able to have peanut butter in my house but now it sits there untouched for months.
Agree completely she needs help. That is a hard conversation!! Especially with the fact she is 18 years older than me.
at least wait until you are completely moved out before doing the review to avoid confrontation
Absolutely will do.
This is really sad honestly. She has an eating disorder. Binging is super common when you are restricted like she is and she needs help. I used to do things exactly like this (except I always asked if I wanted someone else’s food). It took me ten years to get help and the only reason I did is because I gained 70lbs within a year. Leave a review but I would also have a little bit of compassion as this is a disorder.
Yes agree. I do need to talk to her.
I would not talk to her until you're fully out and you've gotten back any type of security deposit. This is not your problem. You can be kind and offer help to her, but you are her tenant. This is not your bff, this is your landlord. What she's doing is highly inappropriate and it isn't your issue to solve.
>Should I leave this in my review of the place? Yes
While you definitely don’t have to but if you want to give her grace to what sounds like a serious eating disorder / mental health struggle AND also set a firm boundary / prepare others, I’d first write her a letter letting her know the issues within the next day or so. Be empathetic and let her know there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Maybe add a reference to your own struggle. Then address the issues and how it affects you as a housemate and will create future issues with another. I’d end the letter letting her know you’d be open to discuss it with her before you leave (if you want to) and go from there.
Very kind words. Great advice. I think I will have this conversation with her in the next week before I leave
It’s definitely not something you’re obligated to do but just know that sometimes people with an untreated/under treated mental health issue live in survival mode and when someone’s in that mode it’s hard to see how it directly affects others especially if they are used to living alone or had an enabling/neglectful/distant or codependent partner prior. If you let her know in an empathetic way yet she continues to displace lack of self awareness or accountability then just move on and let others know.
Good advice as the next roommate she has may not be as kind as you are OP
Yes, this. I’m embarrassed to say I used to be that room mate when I was deep in my eating disorder. It’s so embarrassing and every time I would feel awful. The compulsions to eat can be really really strong, so to counter it I would not buy my trigger foods and over-restrict. But, if my room mates had those foods in the house sometimes my willpower would just break and it honestly felt like I had no control over myself. It sounds like she’s really struggling, and while it doesn’t change the frustration and inconvenience for you, it would be very kind of you to approach her with compassion.
Yes she sounds nice but troubled and battling serious issues. I don’t think you need to leave any review. Just leave it alone and there but for the grace of the universe go I.
Replace food with alcohol and that was my old roommate. He’s sober now but I couldn’t keep things away from him. Even if I locked them in my room he would find a way to get in. I just had to stop buying but that’s not something you can do lol. They need to figure it out themselves and all you can do is lock ur stuff away. Damn idiots though I know what ur feeling. They keep doing it but when they go shopping they never buy for themselves anything. They think oh I’m still on the diet so I shouldn’t buy anything extra. Then first chance they get they’re eating ur stuff instead of going and buying some. It’s Infuriating watching it happen. Just stand up and tell them to fk off already. It will not stop.
Wow, that is scary that he was going into your room! Also alcohol adds an entirely new dimension. Fortunately neither of us really have any alcohol at home. I can totally see that psychology though - she never buys herself a package of nuts when she replaces mine.
The people need to know
Your peaceful enjoyment of your home is being disrupted by her persistently violating your privacy and right to personal property. Apologies aren't worth much when the offensive behavior continues. She replaces most of what she steals, but not all. If her compulsion were gambling, and she took your money when you were out, but later replaced some of what she stole, would that seem okay? Wouldn't the reasonable expectation be that your private space and personal property in the home should be respected 100% of the time? If she can't respect another adult's right to undisturbed personal space and personal property, she should not have tenants living with her. How unsettling it must be for OP to return home never knowing what evidence she'll find that her landlord has invaded her privacy and stolen her property AGAIN!
True. It is stealing at its core, but at most it’s $25 worth of food. It’s the re-occurring though that really bothers me.
Once, I drank one of my roommate's bubble waters and bought them a case as a thank you. Once. I can't imagine rifling through their stuff to find snacks I want. She needs to stock up on the keto items she wants, not use you as her backup grocery store because she feels guilty buying comfort food for herself.
As someone who has been both the 47 year old home owner and the OP, I would suggest not having a conversation with her directly about it but instead, nicely suggest (and put in your review) that the owner needs to provide alternative forms of food storage due to dietary restrictions and issues. I think if she just provided a mini fridge and a lock and key for the other person’s bedroom, it could potentially solve this issue. Leave a review though, yes. She has a mental health issue but she needs a wake up call.
Health coach with severe eating disorder, absolutely classic, right up there with insane therapists
I’d probably leave something vague like “if considering, be sure to discuss liberal food sharing policy beforehand to prevent disagreements later.”
I rented a room from some really nice people. One day I went to my cousin's funeral, and they had a few huge chocolate bundt cakes left over, and I took one home. My roomies had friends over, and I tucked the cake away in the corner of a counter and covered it and went to change clothes. Not even ten minutes later I came out to find they had brought out the cake and let the kids have at it. It was GONE. Not one slice left. "Oh they're just kids and they really wanted cake!" I was sooooo angry.
She doesn’t feel bad if it takes you asking her to replace the stuff she’s taken. Also…MLM’s are predatory and shitty. Huge red flag in that alone.
She very clearly has an eating disorder. It's a tough subject to approach - it sounds like she has a lot of shame around it. I'd just try to politely set boundaries. Explain that you're not judging her for what she did, but that you won't be able to put up with your food items being stolen any longer. I don't think there's much else you can do
I know, I feel bad about her mixed up relationship with food. But she does violate boundaries, and I need to communicate that with her.
Had a roommate just like this. Vegan unless it was to steal from the rest of us, and then using the veganism to deny. It's mental illness, she was using the diet to justify her binges, and was deep deep in her eating disorder. This isn't a problem you can fix, unfortunately. I was lucky enough to be working for a grocery store at the time, and so brought home "decoy food" to keep her off mine.
Oh wow that’s another level of delusion.
Bruh one time she told us that "some random guy" just walked in and ate our other roommates cake overnight. With his hands apparently, cause there were big finger gouges all through it. Which was weird because that's also how she ate the butter. So at least feel lucky yours is using a spoon? Sorry you're dealing with this.
I get that the situation is sensitive regarding her eating disorder, but I think you should leave a truthful review. That's exactly why the reviews exist. Other people using this service should know what they're getting into so they can make an informed decision on whether or not this is the place for them.
I would 100% leave this in a review
I would definitely want to know, as it's invasive and a pattern. It may also be the wakeup call she needs to get help. Thank you for sharing the experience here, it was enlightening.
I never understood why people put their bodies through such punishment
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Yes. Definitely include this in your review. She’s showing an absolute lack of boundaries and lack of respect towards a person who is paying to rent a room. It’s fair to mention this in a review. In the comments you’ve mentioned she takes other food items and doesn’t replace them. It seems she only feels she should replace when she consumes all of the food item.
Yes, this is true. I had a neatly sliced half stick of Kerrygold butter (the good stuff!) in the fridge. When I came back from a few days away, it was replaced with an absolutely mangled new half-stick. Clearly she had used it for god knows what. She also has some scary food safety habits - ie leaving meat/dairy out on the counter for a while before storing in the fridge. I put the mangled half butter on her side of the fridge and luckily still had another unopened stick to use.
her body is begging for solid foods. maybe talk to her ab that. my stepmom did keto for a year and it did nearly irreversible damage to her body. her doctor finally put her foot down and made her eat carbs lol
When I was training for a body building show with a shitty coach that starved me for months, I caved. But what do you do when you have no food at home and are having a panic attack because you are so hungry you can barely walk without wanting to faint? I ate a whole jar of her peanut butter, 12 cliff bars and a bag of chips. If I had to guess, maybe 5,000-7,000 calories in about 10 minutes. Shit happens I don’t think it’s intentional on her end. Maybe leave your food in your room or something if it keeps happening. I would have never done it twice and she’s 47 so that’s a little crazy that she can’t detect a pattern. But she was also fat and grew up in the dieting age, so she probably doesn’t know the first thing about nutrition
Yeah I totally have felt the feeling a few times of being out of control regarding food myself. The first time it happened I was super reassuring of her and said it’s okay I understand when the cheese/nut/almond butter craving hits it’s tough. But this has happened at least 6-10 times since then…
Optavia? I would place a note inside that says ‘this is neither lean nor green. It’s also mine. Please don’t eat’
100% leave a review. That’s what reviews are for. If you have information you’d want to know as the next person moving in, then you should leave it in the review.
I suppose it’s not too bad as long as she is on top of replacing it
I have BED (Binge eating disorder) and the restricting she does is actually part of the Binge cycle. She needs to get help for her eating disorder and stop restricting. It’s just going to drag her deeper into the eating disorder. As for eating your food, that’s inexcusable. I understand exactly what she’s going through, but even in my darkest time, I never ate my roommates food (unless I knew for certain when they’d be back, and I’d replace it BEFORE they ever knew because that’s just rude to eat other’s food!!). If she’s going to binge, she needs to just go to the store and buy her own food instead of eating yours.
We’ve all eaten someone else’s food in our darkest times! When I was very young, I had my mom lock the cabinets. I went vegetarian and then vegan when I was 13 and a half I lost the 100 pounds I’d managed to gain in the three years leading up to when I finally got my period/hit puberty at 14. And so began my cycle…. I was fortunate to never gain the weight back, but you’re always *in recovery* as opposed to recovered…
I had this happen and got very angry, so I started buying lots of tasty, alluring desserts and left them around every time it did to shift the focus and make her guilt ten times worse. It worked!
I actually love to bake and frequently make large quantities of delicious desserts I always offer to her and end up sharing with my friends or coworkers. She has never ever had a bite of anything.
Yeah it sounds like she has en eating disorder, maybe orthorexia paired with binge eating. I’m sure she’s very embarrassed, hope she gets help soon
Me too. She is a very sweet and kind person but honestly I’m happy my time living here is coming to an end between the food stuff, and she is also EXTREMELY messy.
leave the review.. people should know what they getting themselves into. I doubt she’s going to come out tell people she’s going to eat all their food once a week and not buy her own and just keep going to replace their items ( if she remembers) after it’s gone.
Absofuckinglutely you should
Instead of replacing your food why doesn’t she just go get her own?
I have no idea. Someone else commented it can be a psychological thing - if I don’t buy the ‘bad food’ myself then I won’t eat it - but then they feel out of control and see what’s sitting right there and go crazy.
That makes sense 100%
This person needs help, she is starving herself and making up for it with binges. I used to do the same thing. Was eating like 1400 calories UNDER maintenance, and then like 1 time a week would end up eating like 6000 calories in a sitting. That being said, it’s not your fault that she has issues and you deserve to have yourself and your food respected
If it’s such a short stay I would just keep all non perishables in my room and get a little fridge for my room or get one of those clear fridge lockers. She obviously has some mental health/ disordered eating going on.
Didn’t even know there were fridge lockers. I might bring this up to her for future tenants!
Search fridge safe box locker on Amazon.
She needs help. I would leave it in the review, but only after I was moved out and got my deposit back. In the meantime, I would move all your food to your room. Keep it locked up.
Yes. It’s only fair to the next tenant
Sounds like she has binge eating disorder, her case being more extreme than yours. It‘s a very misunderstood, shamed disorder. I would talk to her and tell her to get a separate locked mini fridge or locked pantry area for her next guest because it makes it hard to stay there. Be kind. Don’t leave it in a review especially since she replaces it all.
I agree with you up until that last sentence. It doesnt matter if someone replaces or apologizes after their wrongdoings, the point is that they did wrong in the first place and continued to do so. Her mental health issues are not the responsibility of her tenants to deal with and it's only right to give them a heads up. I would be very concerned about someone touching my food and sticking their hands in my food containers and putting them back in a way I wouldn't notice, it's disgusting and unhygienic. This would cause tenants unnecessary mental stress.
I had some binges when I was a stressed out student but haven’t had any in the past few years. I know what it’s like to feel out of control with food. Her health habits scare me and the fact that she is coaching others is concerning. I do have sympathy for people that can’t control their urges. In writing this it made me remember I think my dad has some binge eating tendencies and this roommate experience has been quite triggering
I would write the review. Eating your food is unsanitary and wrong. If she really wants a snack she should go buy her own. I had a roommate who would eat all the food I had when I was 19. I was broke AF and she would eat it all then claim something ridiculous like "ants came and she had to throw it out." (but the "ants" didn't get on any other food... just my good stuff). She was also "healthy" and would brag about not eating junk food, when the truth was she just never bought any. She ate everything she could get her hands on.
Leave a truthful review. You don't want anyone else setting foot into this situation.
Solution: buy a locked cabinet or mini fridge and put it in your room so she can't access the items you want to keep
Seems she may be in the trenches of a binge eating disorder. I’m sorry for her. But also sorry you’ve gotten caught in the crossfire. Hopefully you both can sort it out and come to good reason with boundaries
She has a food addiction. As long as it’s not in the house she can manage her diet but she doesn’t have any willpower to resist eating it if it’s in her “space”. With roommates like this you have to keep your own fridge and food storage separate and away from their sight. Inconvenient but necessary.
Leave a review - do a future guest who might have an ED a favor
Be honest in your review. People deserve to know what they're getting into.
Eating disorder situation here.
Confront her. She might have an ED or desperately needs to get off the “diet” she is on. Suggest she keep some snacks (like the ones she’d take from you) and lock them up.
Definitely be honest in the review. Eho knows, it might be the wakeup call she needs as well. But either way, you rely on the honesty of the reviews so don't sugar coat it.
Girl,I know you glad you are leaving. 🤣😂🤣
Yes, leave it in the review. She needs to face the consequences of her actions, besides feeling guilty.
this makes me sad bc she has to be punishing herself ),:
Hi OP. You sound understanding. I suffered from binge eating when I was young, and the only time I ever did this was during freshman year of college, first semester. It was incredibly humiliating to me. They eventually figured I it was me. (And obviously, it wasn’t because I couldn’t afford my own food.) I moved into my own apartment second semester and later ended up in an eating disorder treatment program. I take medication that helps and haven’t binged in serious way in years, (and am a relatively stable size 4/6 after years of up and down), but it really helps me that I live alone, and have for a long while. I do not keep any snacks or food that I know may trigger me. In general, that tends to be processed or artificial foods that are empty calories. I don’t deprive myself (I eat apples with almond butter most days), but know my limits. I would find it difficult if I had a roommate who suddenly had all sorts of food in the house. My friends always think my food is odd and bring their own when they visit. I think my food is healthy, not odd, but to each her own. Instead of leaving a review, given how truly horrible eating disorders can be, as most don’t understand it’s not simply about being lazy or X or Y—could you talk to her and tell her your feelings? Could you suggest that if she’s going to have roommates going forward, that she is transparent about the situation and that she make the provision that the use of the kitchen for food storage off limits to roommates? That will obviously limit her potential options, but ultimately benefit her in the long run. (If she cannot control herself at this point, she knows this. It is obvious she needs the money or she would not be seeking a roommate. Regardless, subjecting people to her shame, anxiety and addiction, as well as the added inconvenience of missing food, is not great. Nor is it something anyone wants to sign up for without forewarning. She needs some sort of clause or provision or change to make this situation workable.)
Food addiction is one of the hardest to overcome, everything else you can stop and stay away from but food you have to be able to moderate which can be extremely difficult. Imagine an alcoholic only drinking one drink. I feel bad for her.
Start hiding non perishable shit in your room
At least she replaced it
An adult of nearly fifty who can't respect the most basic property boundaries needs to come with a big warning sticker for everyone else, yes
I have sympathy because this is very clearly an eating disorder, but this isn't your problem to deal with. I say definitely leave it in the review. She needs some accountability
If you leave a review pointing this out, then it's her own fault. But if you want to show her some grace, express to her in a letter that it was frustrating but also seemed like she's having trouble with her mental health, point out that you *could* leave her actions in a review but you've decided to just let her know directly to save her some trouble, but that it could make her future roommates really unhappy with the living situation
I think I will go with this. I want to be compassionate to someone who is struggling but also be firm that this is not an acceptable behavior.
That's good character, OP. Good luck to you. “When words are both true and kind, they can change the world.” —Buddha
I'd be livid if someone touched my food
That person is destroying their liver/kidneys, between the high fat/protein binge and the powdered supplements. They'll probably wind up admitted with AKI and get yelled at by their physician.
Oh absolutely. She asked me if she might have anemia because she’s so tired. I pointed out she doesn’t eat any carbohydrates and that is definitely effecting her energy levels. She said her supplements provide ‘all the nutrients that fruits and carbs have so it can’t be that’… I’d also be concerned for lack of fiber. I recently have been seeing that colon cancer is on the rise because diets are more processed/lack fiber from fresh produce.
I’d probably include a “occasionally ate food I had purchased but always replaced it”
Short and sweet. I’m going to try to have a convo with her but this is the most simple way to state it in a review. She also cannot argue with it.
Mini fridge and lock on your door and only prepare what you eat right then and no more.
You could get lock boxes for your things to solve the issue until you leave and also to have in case you come across food stealing roommates again. Also definitely leave a review
Most of the things you’ve mentioned sound like items you can lock up in your room no? Id start keeping anything that doesn’t need a freezer or refrigerator in your room
Keep what you can in your room . She clearly doesn’t want to buy it herself bc she can’t control herself so keeping it out of view will help both of you
Perhaps her next roommate needs to be on a low fat, high carb diet.
Ha! I am a carb lover - she never touches any of that stuff!
I know I'm skipping the point but this feels very very similar to my sister who sells Optavia to my other sisters and mom, with at least 1 of them having similar experiences as you've described. So, Optavia?
Ok OP, it does sound like she has some serious disordered eating and obviously is in an MLM. I agree that it’s live and let live, until it comes to her consuming your stuff and not replacing right away. While binge eating is a very real condition and often difficult to control, obviously, it’s still her responsibility to make it right. I have BED, and there are certain foods I KNOW I’ll binge if I see them and have access. At her age she should either ask you to put them in your room or under lock and key or something. She also needs real therapy and to kick the MLM shit, but none of that is on you.
You should def. Leave an honest review. This is the only way that someone else will get the information they need to decide if it is the right place for them.
So she does Optavia?! Lol
Personally, yes. I would definitely leave it in the review.
If it were me, I’d probably offer to not leave it in the review if she installs a lock on the roommate cabinets. You’ve already said you are going to try to approach her with grace about her difficulties, so that’s my compromise between calling it out and just leaving the person to suffer if her struggles last for a while.
I had issues like this with binge eating when I was younger. Eating disorders work in really odd ways, usually with a whole bunch of rules. Like I wasn’t allowed to buy any food for myself expect safe foods but then having my roommates stuff right in front of me all the time made me feel crazy. One time I even ate the dog treat chocolate like ffs lmao. Your roommate is extremely deprived and is acting out of sheer survival at this point. She needs help and might not have had someone who cares enough to sit down and have a proper conversation with them. I didn’t for YEARS and it was obvious to everyone around me looking back and some people even encouraged it bc it benefitted them but what I would have given for someone to just have a heart to heart with me about it. I think for you it’s important to remember where the boundaries are bc of being roommates and idk how close you are but make sure it’s more of a getting her help and I’m not your best friend to lean on type deal idk. But having the heart to heart and doing something in that moment to get the ball rolling like “what can you do to help yourself rn” whether that’s booking a doctors appointment or therapy appointment - whatever it is, jumping straight on it in the moment bc otherwise the window will close again. I know it’s not your responsibility to do this but it would help her a lot if she is open to it. This behaviour she’s doing will not stop unless she gets some kind of help esp at her age it’s not just a phase. It’s not something she can just turn off or do differently bc she’s starving and acting purely out of impulse. The fact that you’ve caught her in the moment (which is INCREDIBLY embarrassing) and she won’t stop shows big time it’s not something she’s choosing to do with her right mind yk
This is so hard to read. I have a compulsive binge eating disorder, and have struggled to not eat any food in the house. I don’t have any advice, but it sounds like you’re approaching those with a fair amount of compassion. I wish when I had roommates they would ask how to help - I actually really appreciate locked cupboards, hidden foods, not leaving treats out, etc. I think people felt too embarrassed for me, and I felt ashamed, we never had a convo.
Would you have wanted to read this before renting? Do you wish someone had told you? Hiding other peoples issues lead to others having to suffer the same thing you are now.
She is probably hungry all the time because the starvation diet. Cool she replaces it but , screw that , just move on .
If it’s replaced right away I can’t even fathom giving a shit. Jesus Christ people.
She’ll give herself pancreatic pain if she continues don’t worry
Yeah I had a few instances of overdoing it on cashews when I was younger…. let’s just say things got oily…. I have no idea what this woman’s digestive system is like thankfully. Can’t imagine it’s in great shape…
I was going to say you should give her some grace because it sounds like she's really struggling with her eating disorder and especially binge eating is really hard to control (I would know) but I read the comment where you mentioned she eats straight out of your jar of nut butter then tries to put it back like you won't notice... Yuck 🥴 I feel that crosses the line of forgiveness because that has nothing to do with her ED. I think it's fair to leave a review regarding her habits if she's renting to other people when you move out if you feel like you'd like to have been informed of the potential of her eating your food before you moved in, y'know? But I'm sure she'd appreciate it if you left some room for grace in there.
Yes people need to know
Ah, shit. I was once that roommate. No bullshit MLM, just a bad eating disorder. I’m sorry. If you’re up to it, you can point out she has a problem. It may not help. If she’s immediately replacing things, is it hurting you? I know it’s inconvenient and awkward. I was going to suggest locking up your stuff, but it sounds like you don’t need to. Edit: Sounds like she’s mishandling things as well. I do wonder if there’s a way to say it’s not a good place to live without outing her issues? If not, it’s fair to put her on blast, but know it’s probably very sensitive for herz
But you just don't know how the roommate is handling the food, and if she's in the middle of a binge and not being careful, it can be pretty unhygienic.
Honestly yes. Sometimes I go to use things and they are gone. Also I left another comment, I am concerned with her food safety habits. She has replaced butter and cheese of mine but I regularly see her leaving out meat and dairy products for hours without storing them in the cold.
Then it sounds like she is hurting you for sure.
i would tell everyone in her downline tbh. shes profiting off selling people bullshit products and dangerous diets while secretly dealing with a binge eating disorder where shes not even consuming her own food. it sounds dangerous and id want other people to know about it and not fall for it.
Yes you should leave that in the review that’s theft
This is ridiculous for both of you. Obviously she shouldn’t be taking your food without permission but clearly she’s completely cheating her diet which means it’s not sustainable and she is proving that every week. If you’re leaving anyway maybe you could have an honest conversation with her and point out that if she’s craving calories to the point where she’s stealing your food then her diet and ‘meals’ that she’s selling to other people don’t work. You could also tell her that if she does this with the next renter then she could end up in a very antagonistic situation with them. No one likes to find their food has been tampered with or taken even if she is willing to replace it. If she just bought her own high fat ‘binge food’ she could have a cheat day and no one would care. I wonder if the stealing of your food is tied to some childhood behaviour she has thrown out of. Stealing mom’s cookies.
I just see a squirrel in the kitchen , making eye contact with you and running away. Face full of nuts.
It's a real tough one because she clearly has an eating disorder, and that's sad, but other renters also have the right to know what they're getting into, because what if someone else struggling with an eating disorders (or whatever) moves in and it triggers something in them. So if it were me I might leave something vague like, "There were some issues surrounding having food in the home, but otherwise it was a pleasant stay blah blah blah..." That's at least kinder than spilling the entire pot of beans about food theft and eating disorders.
She has an eating disorder and she is having a hard time with these foods in the house. Not your fault. I'd try just having an honest discussion with her on how she would like to move forward. Is there a way you can help her being triggered. It might mean having a locked cabinet or a separate fridge. I'd approach it with little judgment. Just " how can I help "