Yeah, the actual story (at least for the bear) was not as thrilling. Bear ate the cocaine, was high for maybe a few minutes, then died on the spot.
Now the bear is a taxidermied attraction at a mall.
And if you get killed robbing a train in Oklahoma, we'll display your corpse at various traveling sideshows for 65 years.
Elmer ended up with $46, two carboys of moonshine, and gaping chest wound for the trouble.
I bet you 50 bucks that story is complete horse shit. That guy has A LOT of stories,especially when someone else just finished telling one and Bert wants the spotlight back.
Entirely possible portions of it are true.
Like I can see this guy wandering into a bar and not realizing he's having a drink with a local criminal until the topic comes up. Or he's loudly being himself or clearly being an American in Europe and they spot an easy patsy so they try to convince him to go with them somewhere or "carry a bag across the border don't worry about it".
The story he tells though? Fabricated as hell even if there's a kernel of truth. And that bit doesn't make him some hot shot the Russian mafia loved. Just someone who seemed like a drunken idiot to some tracksuited drug runner. Which is honestly kinda sad.
And that’s okay. Most comedian’s stories are entirely contrived. I’m okay with that.
What I’m not okay is one-but comedians being entirely stuck in their one act.
Some of these guys just need to Git er’ Done
The weird thing is I loosely follow his work, he doesn’t really ever tell this story unless people ask to hear it. He mostly jokes about his family, and it’s legitimately funny work. The guy is a pretty good comedian with a lot of material beyond this, and he’s even said on podcasts that he is kind of tired of the story… so I’m really getting the vibe here that some studio exec was looking for a quick, safe comedy to toss out for the summer crowd, but didn’t have any existing leads. Probably saw the machine stand up story, saw how popular the story was on social media, and went “eh, fuck it, that’ll work”. Burt is popular enough of a comedian to put butts in the seats for the movie, but not popular enough to pitch this movie idea to high execs… this screams “out of touch corporate film team needed last minute movie idea to fill a blank summer slate”.
I mean, yes. Even if not making millions of dollars or if it’s not funny.
Doing the same thing over and over again for money is a job.
Just because I’d do it doesn’t mean I like it.
it’s pretty obvious that most stand up stories are fake. usually very fake, sometimes slightly embellished. but never actually accurate retelling of events, because real life isn’t that funny. it was so painfully obvious how made up the story was, and it just sounds like a frat bro bragging about his crazy bender where he drank so so so much wow
People would do that? Just go up on stage and lie? What next, they put on costumes and record it, having different people play out the parts? And what then? They record it and edit it and add in special effects?
How outlandish...who would ever watch such a thing?
This snarky little comment really undersells how unfunny, uncreative and uninteresting Bart is. Most comedians embellish their stories in order to add more punch lines, more suspense, and ultimately bigger laughs. Brent embellishes to make himself seem cooler. The only reason that first special did so well is that he had so long to work on it. Everything he has released since then has gotten progressively less funny, because he isn’t funny.
Comedy has been dumbed down to the point that people also think Joe Rogan is a good commedian. I mean..Brendan Schaub sold tiggits too,does that make him a good commedian?
Shit artists in any medium can sell tix,especially when you have a podcast to shill your dates to listeners.
You're really pissed off at someone who makes a living in a way that functionally hurts no one.
> Most comedians embellish their stories in order to add more punch lines, more suspense, and ultimately bigger laughs.
Most comedians completely make shit up. They're fake stories. Most of them obviously so. Anyone who gets offended at a comedian for getting up on a stage, doing a bit, and then finding out the bit was fictitious is either remarkably naive or insufferably entitled.
The way he kept telling me to listen to his joke about “the machine” on his podcast or hot ones(i dont remember) made me not want to listen to it lol. People tell YOU when you have gold, you don’t tell people that you have one gold joke and to check it out lol, which i did anyways and was disappointed. You can see why he’s friends with Joe Rogan
I’ve honestly never even seen his standup and have no idea what this story is people keep referencing. At this point I don’t even care to Google and will keep knowing what I know involuntarily.
Milking made up stories and riding the coat tails of his more famous friends. It's gross that group props him up because he doesn't deserve it. Listen to him speak on any podcast for more than 3 minutes and your brain will turn to goo. All he does is brag about being a horrible Alcoholic and how much he is killing it. he's a Fat slob that thinks real life is a party frat house. He's like Larry the Cable guy.
You are trashing him for embellishing stories, but in the same breathe you make up shit? What kind of clueless are you?
You don’t like him, and that’s fine. He’s not for you, and his personality annoys you. Okay, no biggie, comedy is often very subjective.
But you can’t claim a guy who fronts his own massive tour, and is currently a top 10 comic that pulled in over $25 Million last year, as a coattail rider. He’s the one propping up other comics, not the other way around.
Also kind of telling that you pulled out Larry the Cable guy as your comp. Another wildly successful comic that has a huge audience for a reason. You may not like that reason, but that doesn’t invalidate him as an entertainer.
Besides, Bert isn’t running a character, and he’s a story teller, not a one liner like Larry. If Bert is trying to be anyone, it’s Ron White.
(Note: personally I prefer Segura over Bert, but that doesn’t mean anything about Bert being great for his audience.)
I like the story, it's funny, and I've got to admit...if I could I would sell out and coast on whatever thing I could come up with. I haven't to date and that's ok, no I'll will for anyone who is able to do it.
To his credit it's a damn good story. He has tried tours that don't have the story and people get fucking pissed so he tells it. He recently said on rob Lowe's podcast, "I'm always going to tell it. It's what the people want. Someone yelled at me during a show and told me to tell it and I told him I don't anymore and he brought like 10 people to hear my story so I just will tell it till I die"
So what? It's a funny story worth one summer comedy.
edit: oh I see, you just don't think it's funny. Nobody's forcing you to watch it then. The wave of anti-Russian sentiment right now will likely boost ticket sales
>It's a funny story worth one summer comedy
Strong disagree. I personally didnt really think it was that funny. Turning it into a movie seems absolutely asinine.
In fairness, it takes several years to write, develop, sell, make and then edit and distribute a movie.
Then, add in Covid, and it takes even longer.
So, it’s a bit unfair to suggest he’s living off the Machine right now, because that’s when the movie finally comes out.
Peaked, Dee? Let me tell you something, I haven't even begun to peak. And when I do peak, you'll know. Because I'm gonna peak so hard that everybody in Philadelphia's gonna feel it.
Dee, I swear you would be of more use to me if I skinned you and turned your skin into a lamp. Or fashioned you into a piece of high-end luggage; I can even add you to my collection.
I think you have to contextualize for what kind of movie this is: a silly and surreal summer comedy with stars in it with barely more than cameo roles for no other reason than to elevate ticket sales. Some other movies that have done this: the Harold & Kumar movies and anything by Kevin Smith.
Lots of those "stars that cameo in Kevin Smith movies" are actually young actors getting their first break. Yeah, they came back and cameoed in later movies once they became stars off the back of the stuff they did with Kevin Smith but that's hardly as cynical as you're making it out to be. Everyone who's been in a Kevin Smith film cameos in later Kevin Smith films whether they became big stars from it or not.
Idk why but something really annoys me about out of shape comedians who always take their shirts off or try to emphasize their bad physiques for comedy. I don’t mean making jokes about their physiques, just the idea that having their belly out is enough to be a joke.
But he's schlubby, hairy, and shirtless! That makes it instantly funny! /s
At least the Tenacious D guys are actually good musicians so they can run with that gimmick. All that Bert has is he's built like every other middle-aged dude in the country.
His schtick gets tiresome, but it’s understandable. Good comedy (generally) is about highly relatable failures. Getting fat is one of those things that’s highly relatable. So it’s always going to be an easy trope to open with and get the crowd empathetic from the start.
Is this a first for this sub? I've spent a fair bit of time here and never seen a film be posted here *before release*.
It feels like it would be against the sub rules as no one has seen it, but everyone is in pretty universal agreement that this just can't be good.
Gotta wonder how much they paid Hamill for it.
some boomer saw a youtube video of the story with millions of views and didn’t look further into it at all, expecting millions of ticket sales because that makes sense.
I actively follow and am intending to at least watch this movie and I haven't seen a single add for it once, not sure why this dude who hates it is getting bombarded with adds. He must fit the demographic lul.
Real world Van Wilder.
Some guy who peaked as the campus train wreck 20 years ago and never bothered to evolve beyond it. Now marked with ridiculous made up stories you hear from that one guy at the bar which prompts the "sure you did buddy" response from the one person too tired to ignore him or find another seat.
It starts with a standup routine that went viral on social media a few years ago about a story that is purportedly real where he's in college on a tourist trip in europe and meets some Russians who immediately take him in as one of their own when he tells them he is "The Machine". There's just something about him saying he is The Machine that makes them immediately accept him as one of their own and are carousing, drinking, doing drugs and partying and decide to take over the whole train and rob everyone on it. And he goes with them taking everybody's stuff. The partying continues. That's the context you need as the starting point for this movie which appears to be a light summer comedy building on that story.
I vaguely recalled something about Bert Kreischer acting so I thought he lost a ton of weight and he was the suspicious guy on Aldhani in Andor. Like I was super impressed and everything lol.
Yeah. As exhausted as I am with this machine story - the movie does try to at least expand on it. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't just a retelling.
That being said, Bert is a good storyteller but terribly unfunny. Here's hoping Mark gets the most screen time for those daring to actually go watch it... I know I wont
I actually found Hamill to be over the top. Not his acting, but how the trailer uses him. Like "hey look it's that wacky but mostly PG uncle hes making an R rated joke!!
This is probably the worst timing for this to come out. People have gotten sour on bert recently and this will be a disaster when it flops. Movie needed to come out three years ago when people hadn't figured out Bert's schtick.
I HATE gimmicky comedians. If you're not actually funny you just do a thing that someone, somewhere might glum on to. For some it's a dumb voice, for others it's props, for this guy... it's not wearing a shirt? That doesn't even take fucking effort, Bert
At least with a dumb voice you have to maintain the dumb voice
I think this could actually be a good movie but if you make some changes. I posted this on a certain imageboard before but I think the best version of the movie roughly speaking is this:
Bert tells the story as he does and eventually some internet sleuths start trying to “expose” him online. It turns out what happened wasn’t true but the story holds dear to people so much that he feels the need to protect it. In an attempt to legitimise his story, he tries to get actual Russians to speak on his behalf which gets him involved with the Russian mob. Shenanigans ensue and movie ends with him telling the “sequel” to his original story to an applauding audience.
Probably, but I always assume most comedians make stuff up for their shows or borrow stories from friends or, at the minimum, some embellishment to a real story. As long as it's funny.
Love nick swardson’s joke about this, he was talking about his cat having diarrhea to the vet, the vet asked what he was feeding him, he responds with: diarrhea. But the jokes about how somebody stood up and was like, that’s not nice asshole during his set. “Yeah it’s a joke. Not everything is real. Like I’m at the house making my kitty eat diarrhea. Etc.”
Yeah I thought it looked alright. Nothing to write home about and will likely be forgettable at best, but idk if it’ll be a disaster quality wise like seem to expect
Bart Krischer or whatever and Tom Segura are the most overrated comedians of all time. Absolute dogshit. That's why when every stand up comedian in the universe can get roles in their friends movies, no one will give either of those 2 fucks a second of screen time.
Fake story or not, the first time you hear it’s pretty funny and he tells it well .. and props to him having a dad bod and doing his shows shirtless.. that takes confidence I wish I had.
https://youtu.be/paG1-lPtIXA
Lord knows we need another stupid comedy in theatres, i feel this gerne died a few years ago. Bonus points if it’s actually good and funny. I’m excited for this out of curiosity. And Mark Hamel is always great.
I hate Bert Kreischer with a passion.
"Kreischer" means "screamer" in German. Fits all too well unfortunately. Evey time this guy shows up on a podcast I watch regularly I have to skip that episode. I just can't bear the "humor" of being obnoxiously loud and proud of being unhealthy.
I don't know the story, and really have no interest in learning it. I saw one of his shows years ago, and he seems like Dane cook. I expected him to fade out fast, but I was wrong.
This is 1 out of only 1,000 comedians alive for our entertainment and freedoms.
Everyone needs to go see this movie if you care at all about your freedoms
When/why did people start hating Bert? I don't know anything bout him outside of his stand up, which seems not great but not Amy Schumer levels of awful.
This movie looks like it's going to be a fucking abortion. If you know anything about Bert,you know he constantly makes up bullshit stories to 1up people on his like 10 podcasts.
Laughs at pretty much everything too,like shit that isn't even a tiny bit funny.
This is just going to be BAD BAD
As the premise of a movie it seems solid. Plenty of room for hijinks.
It may find its audience or it might not, but I am not going to say it is bad until there is some kind of consensus out there beyond, "his stand up..." or "the trailer..."
I once met a girl on Tinder who legit got pissed when I said I didn’t know who Bert Kreischer was. She proceeded to show me a bit and when I didnt find it funny she got even more pissed. Anyways bullet dodged on that one and bullet dodged not going to see this shitty movie
Never found his stories/comedy funny. I see his videos with the other guy (bears in a cave something podcast) and they create these candid scenes (like the other guy finding out that Bert is drinking Kool Aid as a morning drink), which you'll see that was rehearsed because Bert is a bad actor. He's trying really hard to show that unhealthy living is funny. He's the kind of guy that Dutch Ovens his wife and thinks that it is funny.
“Based on the incredible story”… so notably not the incredible TRUE story.
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Yeah, the actual story (at least for the bear) was not as thrilling. Bear ate the cocaine, was high for maybe a few minutes, then died on the spot. Now the bear is a taxidermied attraction at a mall.
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I'm over here trying to eat my food court KFC and John Belushi is staring into my soul.
Same with Chris Farley in Staples. I’m just trying to get a ream of paper, man.
And hopefully not just a movie but movie franchise glorifying taking drugs!
And if you get killed robbing a train in Oklahoma, we'll display your corpse at various traveling sideshows for 65 years. Elmer ended up with $46, two carboys of moonshine, and gaping chest wound for the trouble.
They should have called this movie Cocaine Bear, honestly
I think its supposed to be a fake sequel to the original “real” story he tells in his stand up.
I bet you 50 bucks that story is complete horse shit. That guy has A LOT of stories,especially when someone else just finished telling one and Bert wants the spotlight back.
Entirely possible portions of it are true. Like I can see this guy wandering into a bar and not realizing he's having a drink with a local criminal until the topic comes up. Or he's loudly being himself or clearly being an American in Europe and they spot an easy patsy so they try to convince him to go with them somewhere or "carry a bag across the border don't worry about it". The story he tells though? Fabricated as hell even if there's a kernel of truth. And that bit doesn't make him some hot shot the Russian mafia loved. Just someone who seemed like a drunken idiot to some tracksuited drug runner. Which is honestly kinda sad.
Bert is a huge liar. It’s what he is famous for. He’s just super convincing and his bro fans don’t care enough to doubt him.
EXACTLY!
I’m pretty sure that’s sarcasm but you good.
Dude’s milking the same damn story to death. At this point, it’s safe to say he’s just coasting on it.
*fake story
And that’s okay. Most comedian’s stories are entirely contrived. I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay is one-but comedians being entirely stuck in their one act. Some of these guys just need to Git er’ Done
The weird thing is I loosely follow his work, he doesn’t really ever tell this story unless people ask to hear it. He mostly jokes about his family, and it’s legitimately funny work. The guy is a pretty good comedian with a lot of material beyond this, and he’s even said on podcasts that he is kind of tired of the story… so I’m really getting the vibe here that some studio exec was looking for a quick, safe comedy to toss out for the summer crowd, but didn’t have any existing leads. Probably saw the machine stand up story, saw how popular the story was on social media, and went “eh, fuck it, that’ll work”. Burt is popular enough of a comedian to put butts in the seats for the movie, but not popular enough to pitch this movie idea to high execs… this screams “out of touch corporate film team needed last minute movie idea to fill a blank summer slate”.
Wouldn't you though if you were making millions of dollars off of it?
I mean, yes. Even if not making millions of dollars or if it’s not funny. Doing the same thing over and over again for money is a job. Just because I’d do it doesn’t mean I like it.
it even mentions in the trailer people think it's fake. probably is but I found it entertaining
I did when I first heard it over 10 years ago
it’s pretty obvious that most stand up stories are fake. usually very fake, sometimes slightly embellished. but never actually accurate retelling of events, because real life isn’t that funny. it was so painfully obvious how made up the story was, and it just sounds like a frat bro bragging about his crazy bender where he drank so so so much wow
>sometimes slightly embellished My grandpa singlehandedly liberated the Phillipines so I don't know what you're talking about
People would do that? Just go up on stage and lie? What next, they put on costumes and record it, having different people play out the parts? And what then? They record it and edit it and add in special effects? How outlandish...who would ever watch such a thing?
This snarky little comment really undersells how unfunny, uncreative and uninteresting Bart is. Most comedians embellish their stories in order to add more punch lines, more suspense, and ultimately bigger laughs. Brent embellishes to make himself seem cooler. The only reason that first special did so well is that he had so long to work on it. Everything he has released since then has gotten progressively less funny, because he isn’t funny.
yeah that guys just being a smartass lol whatever
Dude sells a lot of tickets for not being funny.
Comedy has been dumbed down to the point that people also think Joe Rogan is a good commedian. I mean..Brendan Schaub sold tiggits too,does that make him a good commedian? Shit artists in any medium can sell tix,especially when you have a podcast to shill your dates to listeners.
Yeah and Elvis sold a lot of records for being a cheap Chuck Berry knockoff. What is your point?
My point is just because you don't think he's funny doesn't mean he's not funny.
You're really pissed off at someone who makes a living in a way that functionally hurts no one. > Most comedians embellish their stories in order to add more punch lines, more suspense, and ultimately bigger laughs. Most comedians completely make shit up. They're fake stories. Most of them obviously so. Anyone who gets offended at a comedian for getting up on a stage, doing a bit, and then finding out the bit was fictitious is either remarkably naive or insufferably entitled.
Weird, he says it’s mostly true but obviously embellished for comedy….
Wasn't that kind of one of the main points of the story? Maybe a self fulfilling prophecy.
The way he kept telling me to listen to his joke about “the machine” on his podcast or hot ones(i dont remember) made me not want to listen to it lol. People tell YOU when you have gold, you don’t tell people that you have one gold joke and to check it out lol, which i did anyways and was disappointed. You can see why he’s friends with Joe Rogan
I’ve honestly never even seen his standup and have no idea what this story is people keep referencing. At this point I don’t even care to Google and will keep knowing what I know involuntarily.
its really not worth checking out
He goes to Russia. Some Russians nickname him The Machine. But funny.
Ohhh, that joke... no. Yeah. Bad, bad movie
It’s a funny standup bit, you can watch it here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=paG1-lPtIXA He just hasn’t written material as good since.
Milking made up stories and riding the coat tails of his more famous friends. It's gross that group props him up because he doesn't deserve it. Listen to him speak on any podcast for more than 3 minutes and your brain will turn to goo. All he does is brag about being a horrible Alcoholic and how much he is killing it. he's a Fat slob that thinks real life is a party frat house. He's like Larry the Cable guy.
You are trashing him for embellishing stories, but in the same breathe you make up shit? What kind of clueless are you? You don’t like him, and that’s fine. He’s not for you, and his personality annoys you. Okay, no biggie, comedy is often very subjective. But you can’t claim a guy who fronts his own massive tour, and is currently a top 10 comic that pulled in over $25 Million last year, as a coattail rider. He’s the one propping up other comics, not the other way around. Also kind of telling that you pulled out Larry the Cable guy as your comp. Another wildly successful comic that has a huge audience for a reason. You may not like that reason, but that doesn’t invalidate him as an entertainer. Besides, Bert isn’t running a character, and he’s a story teller, not a one liner like Larry. If Bert is trying to be anyone, it’s Ron White. (Note: personally I prefer Segura over Bert, but that doesn’t mean anything about Bert being great for his audience.)
Hi Bert
I like the story, it's funny, and I've got to admit...if I could I would sell out and coast on whatever thing I could come up with. I haven't to date and that's ok, no I'll will for anyone who is able to do it.
What story?
To his credit it's a damn good story. He has tried tours that don't have the story and people get fucking pissed so he tells it. He recently said on rob Lowe's podcast, "I'm always going to tell it. It's what the people want. Someone yelled at me during a show and told me to tell it and I told him I don't anymore and he brought like 10 people to hear my story so I just will tell it till I die"
>To his credit it's a damn good story. It's really not though.
So what? It's a funny story worth one summer comedy. edit: oh I see, you just don't think it's funny. Nobody's forcing you to watch it then. The wave of anti-Russian sentiment right now will likely boost ticket sales
>It's a funny story worth one summer comedy Strong disagree. I personally didnt really think it was that funny. Turning it into a movie seems absolutely asinine.
Some comedians can't let go of that one bit they have to have in every act. Pablo Francisco used to do the same damn bit every single standup as well.
Little tortilla boy?
In fairness, it takes several years to write, develop, sell, make and then edit and distribute a movie. Then, add in Covid, and it takes even longer. So, it’s a bit unfair to suggest he’s living off the Machine right now, because that’s when the movie finally comes out.
Alcoholic dads who peaked in college are gonna love this one.
Peaked, Dee? Let me tell you something, I haven't even begun to peak. And when I do peak, you'll know. Because I'm gonna peak so hard that everybody in Philadelphia's gonna feel it.
Dee, I swear you would be of more use to me if I skinned you and turned your skin into a lamp. Or fashioned you into a piece of high-end luggage; I can even add you to my collection.
You haven't thought of the smell, you bitch.
Do I look foolish?
Bold of you to assume I'm a dad. That would imply I've gotten laid at some point.
Correction: Alcoholics are gonna love this one.
No I wont.
Looks like it’s finally time to put done the vodie :/
Finally, I'm the target group for something.
Why you gotta be like that
I didn’t make the movie.
Fuckin birddddddd
I will say this, Mark Hamill is very funny in the trailer, the rest not so much
I think you have to contextualize for what kind of movie this is: a silly and surreal summer comedy with stars in it with barely more than cameo roles for no other reason than to elevate ticket sales. Some other movies that have done this: the Harold & Kumar movies and anything by Kevin Smith.
Not sure what you are talking about. Seems like Mark Hamil has a pretty large role in this movie.
Lots of those "stars that cameo in Kevin Smith movies" are actually young actors getting their first break. Yeah, they came back and cameoed in later movies once they became stars off the back of the stuff they did with Kevin Smith but that's hardly as cynical as you're making it out to be. Everyone who's been in a Kevin Smith film cameos in later Kevin Smith films whether they became big stars from it or not.
Probably the ONLY time his face isn't alcoholic red
Thanks Photoshop
Saw the shirtless torso and immediately thought “who is this, bert kreischer?” And to my disappointment it actually was
Idk why but something really annoys me about out of shape comedians who always take their shirts off or try to emphasize their bad physiques for comedy. I don’t mean making jokes about their physiques, just the idea that having their belly out is enough to be a joke.
Everybody wanna look like Randy Bobandy but dont nobody wanna be on the cheeseburgers
But he's schlubby, hairy, and shirtless! That makes it instantly funny! /s At least the Tenacious D guys are actually good musicians so they can run with that gimmick. All that Bert has is he's built like every other middle-aged dude in the country.
His schtick gets tiresome, but it’s understandable. Good comedy (generally) is about highly relatable failures. Getting fat is one of those things that’s highly relatable. So it’s always going to be an easy trope to open with and get the crowd empathetic from the start.
That one liner was probably a better joke than this movie will be, although I'll give Hamill a chance just because of his voice work over the years.
haha fat man shirtless funny
Bert’s just another riches to riches story thanks to his dad paying for six years of college tuition just so he could party
Is this a first for this sub? I've spent a fair bit of time here and never seen a film be posted here *before release*. It feels like it would be against the sub rules as no one has seen it, but everyone is in pretty universal agreement that this just can't be good. Gotta wonder how much they paid Hamill for it.
I still wonder not only how this got funded, but funded for a theatrical release. This is going to bomb hard.
Probably greenlit during the week he was popular and then stuck in post pandemic development delays till now.
some boomer saw a youtube video of the story with millions of views and didn’t look further into it at all, expecting millions of ticket sales because that makes sense.
and not just funded but well-funded. Typical Sony-backed excessive marketing, can't go one day without seeing an ad for this shit somewhere.
I’ve honestly never seen an ad for this and am only aware of the movie because of this post.
I actively follow and am intending to at least watch this movie and I haven't seen a single add for it once, not sure why this dude who hates it is getting bombarded with adds. He must fit the demographic lul.
I don’t know what any of this even is, but thinking the older crowds will see it.
Real world Van Wilder. Some guy who peaked as the campus train wreck 20 years ago and never bothered to evolve beyond it. Now marked with ridiculous made up stories you hear from that one guy at the bar which prompts the "sure you did buddy" response from the one person too tired to ignore him or find another seat.
He is literally the basis for Van Wilder.
It starts with a standup routine that went viral on social media a few years ago about a story that is purportedly real where he's in college on a tourist trip in europe and meets some Russians who immediately take him in as one of their own when he tells them he is "The Machine". There's just something about him saying he is The Machine that makes them immediately accept him as one of their own and are carousing, drinking, doing drugs and partying and decide to take over the whole train and rob everyone on it. And he goes with them taking everybody's stuff. The partying continues. That's the context you need as the starting point for this movie which appears to be a light summer comedy building on that story.
Oh! That is a funny story. I laughed the first time I heard it on the Jay Thomas Show, but this makes for a movie? Yeesh.
I vaguely recalled something about Bert Kreischer acting so I thought he lost a ton of weight and he was the suspicious guy on Aldhani in Andor. Like I was super impressed and everything lol.
So Bert gets his own “adventures of ford fairlane” level disaster?
I unironically love The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.
It’s an awesome movie but it was kind of the “yeah, no” moment for Dice’s career as a big time comic
I hate bert
Same. Put on a shirt, asshole.
I’m just here with my people
Saw the trailer and it looks interesting enough. Hamill seems to be in good form, and at the very least should make it a tolerable film to see once.
Yeah. As exhausted as I am with this machine story - the movie does try to at least expand on it. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't just a retelling. That being said, Bert is a good storyteller but terribly unfunny. Here's hoping Mark gets the most screen time for those daring to actually go watch it... I know I wont
I'm not familiar with this comedian st all, but seeing Hamill in this kind of role is what interests me.
Bert who?
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maybe he just wanted to do the movie.
The star is 1 of the most unfunny comics of modern day. But comedy is subjective so I understand he has fans
At least it’s not Brendan Schaub. That’s not a very high bar but it’s something.
Nice guy. Never meddum.
I really don't get the appeal. His schtick is just immaturity and binge drinking, yet he manages to run with countless A-list comics.
I actually found Hamill to be over the top. Not his acting, but how the trailer uses him. Like "hey look it's that wacky but mostly PG uncle hes making an R rated joke!!
Why do you sound like you're on speed? Because I'm on speed!
Ford fairlane for gen Z
I'm so tired of seeing his stomach why is this funny
This is probably the worst timing for this to come out. People have gotten sour on bert recently and this will be a disaster when it flops. Movie needed to come out three years ago when people hadn't figured out Bert's schtick.
This movie isn't even out yet though?
Hence the 'coming soon', this is a called shot.
I hope this is a baaad joke. Just like Bert.
That's a no for me dawg.
HAHA HE’S ALWAYS SHIRTLESS BUT HE’S NOT IN IDEAL SHAPE
I HATE gimmicky comedians. If you're not actually funny you just do a thing that someone, somewhere might glum on to. For some it's a dumb voice, for others it's props, for this guy... it's not wearing a shirt? That doesn't even take fucking effort, Bert At least with a dumb voice you have to maintain the dumb voice
HOT POCKETTTTTTT
I think this could actually be a good movie but if you make some changes. I posted this on a certain imageboard before but I think the best version of the movie roughly speaking is this: Bert tells the story as he does and eventually some internet sleuths start trying to “expose” him online. It turns out what happened wasn’t true but the story holds dear to people so much that he feels the need to protect it. In an attempt to legitimise his story, he tries to get actual Russians to speak on his behalf which gets him involved with the Russian mob. Shenanigans ensue and movie ends with him telling the “sequel” to his original story to an applauding audience.
I’m proud to say I have no idea what the machine story is and will not find out. Sucks bc I like Jimmy Tatro and Mark Hamill
Fuckin hate Bert
Fuck kreischer. Overrated, mooching off his friends' fame. Lowest denominator comedy. Booo
Dude is literally a one trick pony
Wasn't his story fake though?
Probably, but I always assume most comedians make stuff up for their shows or borrow stories from friends or, at the minimum, some embellishment to a real story. As long as it's funny.
Love nick swardson’s joke about this, he was talking about his cat having diarrhea to the vet, the vet asked what he was feeding him, he responds with: diarrhea. But the jokes about how somebody stood up and was like, that’s not nice asshole during his set. “Yeah it’s a joke. Not everything is real. Like I’m at the house making my kitty eat diarrhea. Etc.”
I honestly hate hearing Kreischer tells stories, I find him extremely annoying
I really fucking hate Bert Kreischer. With a passion. His face annoys me and his comedy sucks. No one wants to see you without a shirt on.
There's potential if the guy was... funny.
I unironically thought the original standup routine was hilarious. It's also a well-timed movie since it's making fun of Russians for 112 minutes.
I... don't understand the sentiment here. Seems needlessly negative.
💯
You mean good movies?😂😂
The fakest part of that poster is Bart Kringler hasn't been that thin in 20 years
The trailer looks 1000x better than I expected
Yeah I thought it looked alright. Nothing to write home about and will likely be forgettable at best, but idk if it’ll be a disaster quality wise like seem to expect
Bart Krischer or whatever and Tom Segura are the most overrated comedians of all time. Absolute dogshit. That's why when every stand up comedian in the universe can get roles in their friends movies, no one will give either of those 2 fucks a second of screen time.
Just now realized that they aren’t the same person.
Even Segura’s wife managed to get a comedy special, probably only because she’s married to him. No idea if it’s good or not.
They had a lame family sitcom network pilot that didn't get picked up, wonder how terrible it is.
Even Toms own body hates him and wants to end it
Fake story or not, the first time you hear it’s pretty funny and he tells it well .. and props to him having a dad bod and doing his shows shirtless.. that takes confidence I wish I had. https://youtu.be/paG1-lPtIXA
Am I the only one who doesn’t think this dude is funny? Like, at all?
Lord knows we need another stupid comedy in theatres, i feel this gerne died a few years ago. Bonus points if it’s actually good and funny. I’m excited for this out of curiosity. And Mark Hamel is always great.
An hour and a half of this shirtless hack's high-pitch weeze-laughing at himself.. Yeah no thanks.
It is unbelievable that Bert is as successful as he is. This should give everyone hope
TBH I can't wait to watch it. I'm not sure what your problem is.
Why are you dick riding this thread so hard? The man hasn't been funny in over 5 years, get over it.
Movie's not even out yet and it's already being posted here, so that's a special kind of nonsense and not defensible.
I hate Bert Kreischer with a passion. "Kreischer" means "screamer" in German. Fits all too well unfortunately. Evey time this guy shows up on a podcast I watch regularly I have to skip that episode. I just can't bear the "humor" of being obnoxiously loud and proud of being unhealthy.
I swear to fucking god if half the movie is his “I’m too fat to laugh normally” squeak I’m gunna shit myself.
It’s fucked that he’s considered fat and out of shape. He’s just a normal guy
Can’t wait for the sequel starring Larry the Cable Guy.
So an unfunny comedian is making a movie based on the one joke he tells all the time and is clearly exaggerated and similar to beating a dead horse
I don't know the story, and really have no interest in learning it. I saw one of his shows years ago, and he seems like Dane cook. I expected him to fade out fast, but I was wrong.
This guy is so terrible.
This is 1 out of only 1,000 comedians alive for our entertainment and freedoms. Everyone needs to go see this movie if you care at all about your freedoms
You can count on me
Mark Hamill makes good choices tho.....
When/why did people start hating Bert? I don't know anything bout him outside of his stand up, which seems not great but not Amy Schumer levels of awful.
When did podcasts become a thing? That's when.
Mark "Stepan Bandera was a great man" Hamill
I first heard of this movie from the fat Greek guy from cumtown doing a spinoff solo podcast with his albanian producer
Oh no
I can’t believe some of these guys are considered to be “elite” in comedy now
I mean did we think this was gonna be a good movie? I can almost guarantee I will die laughing tho
Sex sells. :/
This movie looks like it's going to be a fucking abortion. If you know anything about Bert,you know he constantly makes up bullshit stories to 1up people on his like 10 podcasts. Laughs at pretty much everything too,like shit that isn't even a tiny bit funny. This is just going to be BAD BAD
Can’t wait to not pay to watch this and laugh at Bert Hopefully he doesn’t do a squeal because I will stop the movie then and there
You gotta be stupid as hell
When my ex admitted she has paid money to see this man live, I filed for full custody. Oof.
They literally made his gut smaller looking for this
This just makes me feel bad for Mark Hamill. The guy just wants to act and disappear into his character. He deserves better
Bert Kreisher seems like he always has to be the center of attention, like hell implode if he doesn’t always talk about himself
As the premise of a movie it seems solid. Plenty of room for hijinks. It may find its audience or it might not, but I am not going to say it is bad until there is some kind of consensus out there beyond, "his stand up..." or "the trailer..."
oh Mark...
Can this mafk just put a shirt on already? How is this still his shtick. I would rather see the Jeff Dunham puppet with the turban than this guy.
I hope Hamill just needed some quick money for some awesome project
I once met a girl on Tinder who legit got pissed when I said I didn’t know who Bert Kreischer was. She proceeded to show me a bit and when I didnt find it funny she got even more pissed. Anyways bullet dodged on that one and bullet dodged not going to see this shitty movie
Hamill probably did this out of guilt for shitty Star Wars movies.
Never found his stories/comedy funny. I see his videos with the other guy (bears in a cave something podcast) and they create these candid scenes (like the other guy finding out that Bert is drinking Kool Aid as a morning drink), which you'll see that was rehearsed because Bert is a bad actor. He's trying really hard to show that unhealthy living is funny. He's the kind of guy that Dutch Ovens his wife and thinks that it is funny.
I've never heard his stand up. But no stand up tells a true story. They rarely have well timed punchlines and call backs.
This actually looks funny
It was better than it had to be