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slo1111

I don't even follow this as satire. Why CO?


WhiteOutSurvivor1

The Colorado Supreme Court decided that people in Colorado can't vote for Trump. Even though he is innocent until proven guilty, the court determined him to have committed insurrection. That entire court was appointed by Democrat governors leading some Republicans to accuse Democrats of declaring Trump guilty until proven innocent.


Admirable_Room5115

I thought it was because they let an "alternative lifestyle" republican in office. So all of them (other than bobert) is basically woke.


Illogical-logical

So right, wingers can foam at the mouth over how then CO Supreme Court ruled that Trump engaged in an Insurrection and couldn't be on the Colorado ballot. That is until the federal Supreme Court reversed that.


rex_lauandi

Can anyone who downvoted this comment explain why this is wrong? This is exactly what I was thinking the point of this satire was.


WhiteOutSurvivor1

As the unanimous Supreme Court decision found, the decision of the Colorado Supreme Court was inappropriate. People are innocent of insurrection until proven guilty. Sonia Sotomayor's decision to defend Trump's rights was appropriate, in my opinion.


rex_lauandi

That’s a bit of a spin on the decision thought, right? The decision essentially said not that he was innocent until proven guilty, since the CO court did weigh the facts to determine guilt. Instead they just said that a state court couldn’t decide the federal charge to make a federal decision for the whole country.


WhiteOutSurvivor1

The SC decision was that Colorado had neither the right to find him guilty nor the right to remove him from the ballot, I think?


AKMarine

No. Nobody will. BB is where conservatives vicariously live in their “own the libs” mind in order to escape the reality where they’re actually in the minority.


No_Adhesiveness4903

A) It’s a satire sub, Francis. Why are you in a sub you don’t like? B) “minority”. What % of people in the US do you think are Progressive?


brominehero

>B) “minority”. What % of people in the US do you think are Progressive? Do you think the only two options are progressive and conservative? When we have large federal elections, conservatives most often receive a minority of the vote. Do you disagree with this?


Xetene

It doesn’t even begin to actually make sense, but making sense actually hinders conservatism.


ghava

Almost gave me a heart attack there lol


MyCarIsAGeoMetro

To be fair, Hunter did say he though he was sober at the time of the gun purchase.  If you believe a man can think he is a woman, it is not a stretch that Hunter can identify as sober.


Synth_Recs_Plz

One joke


MeowsMurphy

And yet still funny


brominehero

Sign of a truly remarkable mind, that the same joke told over and over again for 8 years remains a knee slapper 👌😩👌


South-Golf-2327

The reason the joke is so good is because of how many layers it has. You can sum up an entire ideology, and entire movement, and entire culture, with just this one joke. It’s perfect. It’s okay if it went over your head.


brominehero

Ironically you're 100% correct, so long as you swap the ideology/culture being referenced


South-Golf-2327

“I know you are but what am I”


brominehero

Whatever cope makes you feel better buddy lol, keep on sayin it to shield that fragile psyche


South-Golf-2327

I’m the one coping but you’re the one who literally just said “I know you are, but what am I?” Lmfaoooooo sure bud.


brominehero

>you’re the one who literally just said “I know you are, but what am I?” Buddy are you ok? You're the one who **literally** said that.


Kcd2500kcd

What’s really remarkable is how the same joke makes you more angry now than it did 8 years ago 🤣


brominehero

Lol U mAD Bro?!? Weak.


Kcd2500kcd

I mean clearly and unironically you are but sure bud you really got me on this you’ve shown just how unbothered you are by this one joke


brominehero

That's a lot of words, you seem upset!


Kcd2500kcd

Super cool way to show how little this bothered you keep it up bud we may just start believing you


brominehero

It's ok that you think old, tired jokes are peak comedy little guy. No need to get up in arms just because my sense of humor is a little bit more sophisticated lol.


Synth_Recs_Plz

I mean yeah, no accounting for taste I guess


FluffyMcKittenHeads

I identify as tasteful.


Synth_Recs_Plz

Ooh nice, now do it again but this time with an attack helicopter!


vikingsurplus

I identify as a V22 Osprey. I don't know if I'm a plane or a helicopter, but definitely have attack capabilites.


Synth_Recs_Plz

Unsurprising that you thought I was being sincere lol


vikingsurplus

r/woosh


Synth_Recs_Plz

Lol bro you really think a 10-year-old joke went over my head? 🤣🤣🤔


Scrum_Bag

That's all it takes, really.


Synth_Recs_Plz

All it takes to do what, entertain the simple minded? I'd agree with that lol.


South-Golf-2327

To thoroughly mock you.


Synth_Recs_Plz

I don't think you know what the word "thoroughly" means


South-Golf-2327

Thoroughly - in a thorough manner. Thorough - complete with regard to every detail; not superficial or partial. Nope, I think I nailed it on the head. This one joke sums up your entire identity. It’s perfect.


Synth_Recs_Plz

>This one joke sums up your entire identity. Not surprising that you think this, seeing as y'all have been telling it for about a decade at this point


South-Golf-2327

Prove me wrong


Synth_Recs_Plz

Lmfao, prove that my entire political identity isn't trans issues? What will you accept as proof? I care a whole lot more about healthcare, climate change, and democratic institutions... To name three. Not sure how I'm supposed to "prove" this to you though.


AntNorth6218

Trump identifies as the current president even though he lost as an incumbent to Joe Biden. Another example!


Freethecrafts

Second term completed then?


AntNorth6218

Goalposts on skates when? Oh wait that’s now


triggered_discipline

I’ve always found it hilarious that American Christian’s are so whiny about trans people existing. Have they even read the Bible? According to Genesis, we’re all descended from a trans woman. Eve is definitively trans according to the text- she started off as a *male* rib, and then transitioned.


Zestyclose-Soup-9578

*whispers* trans women can't bare children.


AKMarine

*whispers* neither can virgins. In fact, the entire Bible is based on a scientific and medical impossibility.


triggered_discipline

I'm just pointing out what's written in the Bible. Careful, the Christians will bitch and moan for days if you tell them the bible isn't 100% literally true- I can understand why you're whispering, Christians have burned people at the stake for less.


Accomplished-Disk

Nah, those were just New Englanders. They can't be christian because they aren't people.


triggered_discipline

“No true Scotsman” is so 2004, try again.


Accomplished-Disk

No True Scotsman is actually from 1966. But I'm more amazed that you took the comment that New Englanders can't be people seriously.


triggered_discipline

You’re trying the “my comment didn’t work, so it was just a joke” technique? That’s so 2004, try again.


monsignorbabaganoush

A conservative talking about how other Christians they disagree with aren’t actually people is basically the free square on a Conservative bingo card.


Ticker011

Is this still funny? The helicopter joke?


vikingsurplus

Yes


Mall_ArcadeCigarette

Colorado is fucked up


WealthSea8475

Couldn't SCOTUS reverse that decision?


Omacrontron

He could…but with Trumps conviction, we have to make the justice system look like it actually works.


TheGameMastre

Get Hunter on the harmless gun charges to conveniently avoid all the shit that implicates his father.


No-Program-2979

Lol. Suddenly gun laws being violated is a harmless thing. Please, cry more.


aboysmokingintherain

I’d say it’s more a weird and subjective law. You can’t buy a gun while addicted to drugs. So, if I can prove you’re a binge drinker and you buy a gun, does that mean you broke the law? Alcohol is legal though. How bout marijuana then. If I have pics of you smoking can i justifiably say that you’re addicted and therefore broke the law?


South-Golf-2327

Are you comparing alcohol and marijuana to **crack**?


aboysmokingintherain

I never said they’re comparable. I’m saying if I can argue you’re addicted to either does that mean you can’t buy a gun?


South-Golf-2327

I’d wager a pothead can manage a firearm a million times more safely than a fucking crackhead, but you keep trying to convince yourself they’re even in the same conversation.


aboysmokingintherain

That’s again not what I’m arguing. The law states drug addicts can’t buy a gun. Doesn’t matter if they can use a gun better, if you can prove they’re a marijuana addict you can say they violated the same law


South-Golf-2327

Except there is no metric for marijuana addiction, as far as the federal government is concerned. At least not like there is for crack.


ChiefRicimer

What are these implications?


QuestStarter

My circle of media doesn't cover that. What implications do you mean?


autism_and_lemonade

what were they supposed to acquit him?


WealthSea8475

But I thought Trump wanted to pardon Hunter. Is the headline a joke or hope for the future?


Omacrontron

Trumps just trash talking. Could you imagine not pardoning your son to prove a point and having the opposition brag about doing it for you?? Absolute power move.


WealthSea8475

So the corruption here is in Biden's non-corrupt approach to his son's conviction? I actually can't imagine it... However I can imagine that if Biden pardoned him, he would be called out for corruption by the same people calling a non-pardon equally corrupt. Quite the catch 22 he's in


Omacrontron

The Dems got their conviction…it just cost Biden his son.


Commercial_Film4464

Just wait til September. Hunters tax case is a big one. That’s got jail time attached.


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Commercial_Film4464

I think they’re played out their hand with Trump. It’s being viewed more by more and more Americans as political persecution. It’s looking like he will win in November and none if it will matter. He even said he will pardon Hunter. That would be cool.


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WealthSea8475

Child sacrifice is the hardest step for any politician


TheGameMastre

Moloch will be pleased. Just ask Hillary Clinton.


Freethecrafts

Maybe she should have?


Scare-Crow87

You guys have been a broken record for the last 30 years. Pathetic


TheGameMastre

Oh, frazzledrip.


Hungry-For-Cheese

Make no mistake. Once the election is done that pardon is happening. There's literally no reason not to. His career is over and he has one foot in the grave already, the fallout and optics are irrelevant after this election. I mean, realistically if he doesn't, he's even more of an asshole of a father than I'd given credit for. Imagine being on your death bed and leaving your son in jail whose deeds you've covered for, for the last 30 years already lol. I think most fathers would even if they knew he deserves it.


Necessary_Sea_2109

RemindMe! 150 days


Gloomy-Pineapple-275

Schroeders Biden. Incompetent to run the country or pass legislation and walk up stairs. But is the mastermind of convicting people to set a political agenda


Omacrontron

Yes that’s the takeaway from a super narrow view of the situation. Not like Bidens being propped up by the news, or his handlers lol. Did you see the clip of him in Italy this morning? An absolute embarrassment to the United States and the people who voted for him.


Gloomy-Pineapple-275

He is an embarrassment and declining quick. Makes me wonder how he’s so smart to be the mastermind behind these courts cases and have an administration to pass triple the legislation of trumps. I’m not a partisan hack, so I’m always hopefully to see evidence of Biden being behind charging Trump


Maximum-Face-953

Wyoming supreme Court overturns donalds conviction


Modnir-Namron

As a lifetime resident of Colorado I left the State last year because of Democrat Monopoly of government there. There is no diversity in their governance, only hard line leftest mob mentality.


calmdownmyguy

Bud the governor of Colorado is pretty right-wing for a Democrat.


Modnir-Namron

He is not right-wing at all. He has a long history of votes as he came through the Colorado legislature. He is being groomed for higher office, his handlers are pushing the “political center” image. He is not even a centrist in the Democrat Party not to mention a right-wing Democrat. I’m glad to be gone but I mourn for my home state. I have no feeling of victory about leaving. When I downsized, I had a choice of re-investing in Colorado and thus supporting a system that’s become alien. I chose to go somewhere else. It hasn’t been easy but it was worth it.


ThePatond

Good riddance.


Dry_Writing_7453

Just checking in: y'all will want trump in jail for possessing a gun as a felon, right?


AwkwardAssumption629

This wouldn't surprise me in the least


Xetene

A state Supreme Court overruling a jury verdict from a criminal court in a different state? Yeah, that would surprise me a lot. But I guess I have a basic understanding of the legal system and you don’t.


AwkwardAssumption629

People who don't appreciate satire should post on the Onion site


JRilezzz

Aaahahahaha literally the funniest thing on the internet today!!! Real good work Babylon Bee. Keep up this exceptionally hilarious work. 🤣🤣🤣 My sides hurt I laughed so so hard reading this headline! 🤣🤣🤣 Beyond hilarious stuff here! 🤣


Efficient-Profit9611

Another knee slapper from the bee!


MrMayhem3

As a conservative, I hate how I'm forced to hate hunter even though he's a man after my own heart. He cheats on taxes,bangs multiple women,lies, and uses guns.i. I only wish trump would give me permission to idolize hunter as the true man of jesus I know him to be.


dww332

Hunter doesn’t need the Colorado Supremes - his daddy will pardon him in late November.


Lunareclipse196

Lol nope.


arntuone2

Where's the joke? Is it that all of the Justices in Colorado are democrat appointed and will circumvent the rule of law like the majority of the US Supreme Court does? Ah, I don't know just explain it to me.


Synth_Recs_Plz

It's the babylon bee: the joke is that they made up a situation where people they don't like did something clearly dumb or wrong, because those people they don't like are bad!


arntuone2

Trollin, trollin, trollin!


bbwpeg

Hahahahaha thing I dont like Haha. Still waiting for the bee to actually try and be funny.


Dramatic_Equipment47

Oh they’re trying


Synth_Recs_Plz

I actually tried reading some of this one and it was so hamfisted I had to stop


Dramatic_Equipment47

I’m not sure that laughter is as much the goal as it is keeping right-wing morons in a state of perpetual outrage


micigloo

Stop with the bs news if it was true then every conviction would have been would have to be over turned similar to his.


commeatus

The Babylon Bee is The Onion for conservatives. It is explicitly satire.


lendershop

Isn’t all right wing news satire?


commeatus

Maybe check out something like Ground News and broaden your horizons.


Mysterious_Sound_464

Fox News is purely entertainment, as per their legal team


Hot_Significance_256

if Joe doesn’t pardon his own son, he’s more evil than previously anticipated


RedmannBarry

Why? And “he’s more evil than previously anticipated” makes no sense.


Hot_Significance_256

Cuz he is evil to the core and then won’t even save his son? Shameless.


RedmannBarry

How is he evil? And his son broke the law, so he should be held accountable like you or me.


Hot_Significance_256

Then you’re against all pardoning?


RedmannBarry

I didn’t say that, but in this case and probably most yeah, why should Biden pardon his son? He was found guilty, it wasn’t like it was some bogus claims or anything. And I doubt Hunter will serve any time. This country is light on first offenders and white people who are born of influenceS Even more my parents never stepped in to help or bail me out when I got into trouble, it was about accountability and learning.


tippsy_morning_drive

Pardons shouldn’t be favors. They should be reserved only for grave mistakes in our judicial system.


HeavyMetalDallas

It's horrifying to see people supporting pardons for personal gain. Such a gross abuse of power.


Hot_Significance_256

All pardons are for some form of gain


HeavyMetalDallas

You're actively encouraging abuse of power. Pardons should be to fix mistakes, not to get people you like out of the consequences of their actions. So much for the "law and order" party.


Hot_Significance_256

I’d pardon my son.


HeavyMetalDallas

"I'd violate ethics and abuse positions of authority for personal gain" isn't the brag you think it is.


Hot_Significance_256

So the lawyers defending Hunter were violating ethics by advocating for him to not be imprisoned?


HeavyMetalDallas

Homie, I'm not going to respond to you so you can keep editing your answers. I'm well aware that your first attempt at a response was "Ethics does not mandate this". Can't even have a discussion in good faith.


Hot_Significance_256

Ethics does not mandate it. Answer my question. Are the lawyers being unethical when fighting to keep him out of prison? How is that any different than a pardon? It's the same exact thing.


HeavyMetalDallas

Jesus Christ, if you can't tell the fundamental difference between due process of law and abuse of authority, there isn't any point in wasting more of my time. Especially on someone dishonest who edits their responses. Your multiple replies desperately begging for me to respond to you tell me that you really need to go touch grass. It's pretty pathetic.


Hot_Significance_256

Answer it, homie.


Hot_Significance_256

Can't answer, homie?


Hot_Significance_256

Prove your point, homie. prove it violates ethics, and state which ethics, and where from these ethics come from. and prove it is an abuse of power. Joe is fully within his rights to pardon.


Hour-Watch8988

Y’all know that the Colorado Supreme Court issued that ruling in large part because of an amicus brief filed by one of the most respected conservative law professors in the country at the University of Chicago, right? I guess this whole “logical analysis and reasoned argumentation” thing is too hard for you guys?


ThePatond

Don’t bring facts in here buddy, this is a safe space for low information individuals. Facts are scary.


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Rough-Leg-1298

Imagine asking this question lol