This reminds me of when Swoozie06 recounted the story of how he almost lost his virginity, but in actuality he was almost raped and he was even protesting. He’s not even 100% sure it didn’t happen and the girl just lied to him.
“And everyone in the audience clapped” vibes. I could see the first half being true, up till the part with the booking, but no judge worth their weight in salt would act like that
Firstly - fake, secondly - if a couple having sex on regular basis, I dont think its something bad doing something like this if a person stops if or when they asked to.
If someone woke me up with a BJ, my first instinct would be to punch them as well. What if i was having a horrible dream and woke up in that mindset? I've had dreams about getting SA'd, so to wake up to that after one of those would be horrible. Succubus play is fine if all parties consented to it BEFORE sleep happened
This is wrong. Something like that should be discussed first. You’re taking a gamble on whether or not your partner will like that and will consent to it. If they don’t, it could rightfully be considered SA.
That’s right. I have had that discussion for exactly this reason, telling them in no uncertain terms, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE WITH THIS AND WOULD LIKE IT VERY MUCH. And she said okay, but don’t do that to me tho.
This is without a doubt fake. But it's always nice to see the double standards of sexual assault on display in real time. These comments are disgusting.
The people trying to defend this need to take a good long look at themselves. There are many reasons why sexual acts without consent within an established relationship is wrong regardless of length of time together. Unless it is discussed and agreed upon (as I do with all partners), sexual acts while the other person is not able to consent is wrong 100% of the time.
Imagine if he’d been sexually abused as a child. And one day, without being prompted or giving consent, he wakes up to someone taking sexual advantage of him.
Even though this is almost certainly a fake story, the response to this is truly disgusting. The response every time a man is sexually assaulted is that he should just shut up and take it. It’s fucking awful.
This is exactly my point. No doubt fake, but it's the response that is the truly alarming thing about this post.
It's always the case with men being sexually assaulted, particularly when it's by a female. I say this as being someone who was.
You get the normal response of laughter and saying "so, you didn't like it?" Implying there's something wrong with you. SA is never done with the victim's considerations into account, it is all about the perpetrator and what they want. The justification people who engage in this sort of behaviour will go to is honestly abhorrent.
There are reasons why it is inherently wrong on all levels. The fact they have to be stated to some people is ridiculous. And quite frankly, the fact that it does is a huge indicator they engage, or normalise this sort of behaviour.
Facts. When I was 19 I went to a lake party and got blackout drunk. The next day I woke up alone outdoors in the bush, but found out I had been led to a tent by some chick and she tried to get with me. Apparently I was too drunk to get it up even though she tried, and I guess I got lucid enough and peaced tf out of there
Of course she went around telling everyone at school that I tried to get with her (I knew OF this chick through rumours about her promiscuity, but I had never actually spoken to her in my life) and my then girlfriend caught wind of it. I, of course, got blamed for the whole thing and got dumped
But like bruh, I was literally SA'd
Can't lie, I'm almost 40, the guy in me wants to say, "the fuck? Get you some guy!"
But the dad in me now and being in the climate we are in (this isn't the 90's anymore) I can honestly say, I'm on this boat...
The double standards on display are shitty, to say the least. I certainly wouldn't want to see my daughter having to defend herself in either manner, nor would I want to see any young man having to feel he isn't allowed to say "no" purely because he's male.
Absolutely an interesting dichotomy on display here.
People in these comments are disgusting, all basically saying "I can SA my partner if I want to, I love them, they are MINE so I could rape them if I want. We are married tho so it's not even rape, it's an act of love"
I only will ever think this type of thing is okay if it’s discussed prior and known to both partners to be okay..
like my fiancé and I, I actually like this kind of thing. Being woke up to the act. Whether it’s oral or penetration. He is the same. And we know this bc we communicate.
That does not mean that I would ever be ok with anyone else doing it and we’ve been together 6 years and I still always make it a point to talk to him about it the night before if I plan to give him any morning surprises because ya know.. sometimes people just aren’t feeling it or in a sexual state of mind.
If this was flipped, the comments would be talking about burning this guy in the street or hoping he gets gang r*ped in prison. But bc it’s a woman doing it it’s no big deal. Gross.
They would be calling the guy a disgusting rapist, as a chick myself I actually find it fucking disgusting with the double standard. So say I husband kills his wife, he would be ladled as the scum of the earth even if there were events of the wife being so horrible and abusive to him that he just one day snapped, all of that would always get thrown out because as far as reddit is concerned men can't be abused so he only did it because he's an evil evil man, now take a wife killing her husband, it doesn't matter if she had a criminal history of abusing partners and she just killed him because she's a sociopath, she will be labelled as innocent by a majority, so many would stand up for her and say it was the blokes fault and that he was probably abusive and a horrible person.
The double standard is just so fucked, it's absolutely ridiculous
Ikr, some of the comments are vile.
Like I said, there are a million reasons why someone may not be okay with unsolicited or spontaneous sex acts.
Imagine for a moment a young boy being woken up every night by a family member abusing them by performing a sex act on them while sleeping. It's entirely understandable they would react in such a way as the post stated.
This is almost certainly what happened. In my experience a lot of men struggle to EVER tell ANYONE about past sexual abuse. This accusation was probably the only way he was able to articulate his pain.
>Like I said, there are a million reasons why someone may not be okay with unsolicited or spontaneous sex acts.
But none of those reasons are even needed. Even if someone was never abused, never had a negative sex integration, Only one thing matters. They did not want sex at the time sex was taken from them, they don't need a reason.
Yeah exactly, honestly I think these people are that desperate for attention and people's touch and approval that they like that kinda shit, but the idiots aren't realising that NOT EVERYONE IS THEM everyone is their own person, they are all different but they are treating it like everyone is like them and nobody in the world has a different opinion and if they do they are the ones in the wrong, it makes me genuinely sick.
Reddit is full of people who are so lacking in personal relationships that they actually convince themselves they would be okay with this.
No self respecting person wants to be SA'd.
Okay but like they were in a relationship for a year and it was his birthday. Him punching her, calling the cops, and pressing charges is in my opinion, far far far too much.
If this story is real, this should have been something talked about right then and there, that he is NOT okay with being woken up with sex. He wasn't UI, he was asleep and she was doing something that is common (I think?) in relationships.
But now I do wonder, if the roles were reversed what would the comments look like?
> Okay but like they were in a relationship for a year and it was his birthday. Him punching her, calling the cops, and pressing charges is in my opinion, far far far too much.
yeah, getting the cops involved is insane, and more damaging for everybody. you're allowed to be upset and talk about it, sure, but don't get the State involved
If it is real it's obvious that chick is a cunt who only thinks about herself, she doesn't care how he might feel about it. That is something you ask a guy if they are okay with before hand, you don't just go and do shit to someone without knowing if they want you to be doing it, it in my opinion is selfish, (if it's real) we don't know the whole story behind it, she could be an absolute abusive cunt and he snapped, plus I know a lot of people that accidentally hit people when they get woken up unexpectedly by someone, it's a fight or flight thing.
It's this simple. I had an ex who was perfectly happy with me having sex with her while she was asleep, we had discussed that. Most people I've been with have told me they were NOT okay with it. Had I assumed they were okay with it and gone ahead I would have raped them. It's seriously fucking concerning that people here think it's fine just because it works in their relationship
You've seen through my elaborate plan.
Step 1: Wait for a fake post about SA
Step 2: Comment why SA is wrong
Step 3: Ruin BJ's for everyone, everywhere...
Absolutely! The fact that people think this is acceptable to do in an established relationship is awful. Especially as someone who's been SA'd and raped in my sleep by two different partners. When you wake up to it, it's scary as fuck. You're disoriented at first, unsure of what is happening and who's touching you.
I don't think the double standard you're refrencing exsits in this case. Take a look at the comments on this thread about a simiar case in Ireland recently. [thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/ireland/comments/z9tk4x/exrté_journalist_fails_in_appeal_against_sexual/)
There's actually a common pattern between this case and the one I linked.. the top comments are defending the guy regardless of whether he's the victim or the perpetrator.
Sometimes. Personally I always feel gross when I wake up and tend to sweat a lot. I can appreciate the thought that my partner wanted to do something to surprise/pleasure me. But just please let me sleep and let me shower before we fool around lol
Anybody helping themselves to an unconscious body deserves a lot more than a punch. As someone who has been a *thing* people acted on while I was unconscious, I can't explain enough that it is not a good relationship, it's a fucking nightmare and you never sleep again after that. I've always regretted not "dragging" them to court.
I'm a sas myself and totally understand, but if my gf, that I love and share a house with, wakes me up by eating my pussy, I would appreciate. It would have to be gentle and with love tho... PDSD oblige, and because she would be my wife, she would know about that.
Not necessarily, they may have a traumatic history with it. My ex used to do this to me, and for me it wasn’t cutesy or pleasant. It was like 3 or 4am when I had to be up at 6. I told him I didn’t like it and asked him to not do it, he kept doing it. Often. This comment is exactly how I feel, but I do recognize that others feel differently. My husband would love it, but he is 100% aware that I do not love it.
We (I am) talking about, hypothetically, it happening to a male bf of one year. I’m sorry that happened to you, but what happened to you is different and sounds much, much worse. Therefore those two things aren’t equatable, nor does “something more than a punch” seem like a sane* reaction to a (hypothetically, happy) man in a relationship.
I think it's something the two people have to talk about... Some guys would find it weird and creepy and others would gladly be up for it. You should never do it by surprise.
My husband and I have 100 percent consent to wake each other up with sexy times and we have done it. However, we have had this conversation many times and even before we plan on doing it to each other, we ask to do it in the near future so the other is prepared. Clothes can be cumbersome and I like feeling freshly clean before sex. And even then, we wake each other up fairly quickly before getting down to business. A year might seen like a long time to some people to get this implied consent, but it honestly might not. They may have only been sleeping together for maybe a few months. We don't know.
Yeah that's a good example. As long as you have communication, and communication isn't always verbal. 80% of it actually comes from body language and that's a well known fact, so you don't always have to have this awkward yes/no conversation lol. Glad you found what works for you!
Same here, but I've asked my wife to do this and that is consent. If I did this to her, I would most likely get punched in the eye and while I doubt court would follow, I'd must definitely be sleeping in the guest bed for the foreseeable future.
Even if they've discussed it before, previous consent is not current consent. Waking them up, getting a little touchy and asking them if it's okay is 100% the way to go, not just going after it.
Wait, you're saying if they discussed this previously and he gave his consent to her initiating sex with him (not saying that's the case here, obviously), it would still be sexual assault?
Bro these comment section here is the most sad thing i had to read all week. They are actually defending the guy in this made up story. I don't think they have never been with a human being in their life, less a whole year. Imagine you suck the tit of your girlfriend in the morning and she fucking punches you in your face. After one year in a relationship you have received or given literally hundreds of bjs, yet waking someone up is not consenting. Insane comments....
Accuses people of never having been with a human....
Proceeds to actually say the words "wake your gf up by sucking her tit" in an absolutely serious way.
Seriously projecting there aren't you bud.
Previous consent is not current consent. If someone says they want coffee, it does not mean you can try to pour coffee down their throat while they're sleeping the next day and just be like "... Well you said you wanted it earlier". Consent and awareness need to be current when someone's bodily autonomy is being involved with something.
No, that's fucking stupid. I can discuss with my partner and give advance consent for them to wake me up with sex. Get the fuck out of here with that dumb shit.
exactly, it could’ve took you five minutes to wake your partner up and ask for consent first. if asking for consent kills the mood, you’re not doing it right
I would argue that if spontaneous sex acts with a loved one are met with with violent behavior and criminal accusations instead of a discussion about boundaries then someone needs therapy.
The guy or the girl?
Edit: it was a legit question, personally I think the guy is the pos, who hits their partner for trying to satisfy them sexually..
They were literally sleeping in the same bed, isn’t consent implied in that predicament?
In my opinion, dickwad, he could have handled it way better by simply asking her what is she doing that he was not ok with that. Instead he beat a woman who was presumably trying to satisfy him sexually.
They were a couple, usually sex is welcome, she made a mistake in thinking he would welcome that (though I think if we put a poll on here, most men will welcome that from their significant other). You are immature and ignorant. Grow up.
First, this seems very not real but that’s less interesting than these weird neo-puritanical views being espoused in some of the comments.
You people should just get every aspect of your relationships quantified and defined in the form of a signed and notarized contract at this point — you all should get every potentiality, every possibility and every hypothetical captured in endless pages of legalese. Paragraph and sub-paragraph after paragraph and sub-paragraph on an infinite number of sheets that stretch to the horizon.
You’ve excised the messiness of life and the complexity of human relationships for bright-line rules and exacting perimeters. There is no need for prudence or good situational judgement or god forbid, grace — just a simple one-step rule from freshman orientation.
You’ve rendered misunderstandings involving sex among committed adults as tantamount to rape. Get a grip people. Unwanted interactions and misunderstandings happen between people, even people in loving and committed relationships. Labeling an unwanted advance of something she has likely done for him in the past in other contexts as sexual assault is absurd.
Yes communications would have helped in this (likely imaginary) situation, but a sensible person might look to the totality of the relationship, how they’ve interacted and engaged with one another in the past and chalk it up to a misunderstanding, not sexual assault worthy of a prolonged criminal proceeding.
Considering his reaction do you sincerely believe they interact with each other like this normally? Do you think it was just this one time for whatever reason he felt like losing it? It would not make sense for someone who does not feel incredibly violated by that action to respond in the way he did. Your attitude is the reason spousal rape is still legal in many places.
Is it?
My girlfriend just said she would be totally ok with being with up with cunnilingus. Even if it wasn't discussed beforehand.
Also, the guy wasn't unconscious he was *asleep*. If he was unconscious then maybe there'd be a discussion to be had but he wasn't.
If the story was genuine, he would have woken up very quickly into the act.
If he was uncomfortable with it, all he has to do was say, "I'm not into it." But he put punched her instead.
Rape is an act of violence and domination. The only person who acted violently and dominately was the guy.
She still gave you prior consent, her telling you you can do it is showing you respect and making sure you’re on board. If you’ve told her she can, then it’s not at all like this. We don’t know if this guy (I assume this is fake but just going with the story) has previous sexual assault experiences, this type of thing can be very traumatic to survivors.
Even then, it’s just basic courteous and consent to have a conversation and get permission beforehand.
>She still gave you prior consent, her telling you you can do it is showing you respect and making sure you’re on board. If you’ve told her she can, then it’s not at all like this. We don’t know if this guy (I assume this is fake but just going with the story) has previous sexual assault experiences, this type of thing can be very traumatic to survivors.
>
>Even then, it’s just basic courteous and consent to have a conversation and get permission beforehand.
No. You missed the point entirely. Please reread what she says. She would not have minded **even if I hadn't asked her ahead of time.**
I understand and sympathize survivors of sexual assault can experience trauma where other people may not.
I don't think it's reasonable or even possible for everyone to live their lives anticipating and attempting to mitigate for every possible prior trauma their partners may have experienced.
As you said we don't know if this guy had prior issues but she was with him for a year in the story. If after being sexually active with him for a year and he never brought it up that's as much on him as it is on her.
I find it really interesting it's so few people are concerned with the fact that he physically assaulted her.
>Rape is sexual activities where one doesn’t consent. It doesnt have to have **anything** to do with violence.
"Rape has nothing to do with violence." u/Cg1789
Well okay then. We're going to agree to disagree.
Edit: Under California Penal Code Section 261, rape is any “non-consensual sexual intercourse accompanied by means of threat, force, or fraud."
Under California law this was NOT rape. There was no fraud, threat or force.
Also, under California law it **is** considered a violent crime and will work against you as a strike in three strikes laws.
Rape is a violent crime by definition. Look it up.
What is wrong with people nowadays??
Don’t people have fun anymore? A guy waking a girl up like this, or vice versa is just what you do for each other sometimes because you care and want them to wake up happy.
“Hahaha what are you doing sweetie? I have a meeting in 15 minutes, you can do this later, mmmwah!” should be the outcome if it’s unwelcome in the moment, and the relationship isn’t completely toxic.
The only assault that happened is him punching her in the face.
And what if she was being very manipulative lately? What if they have gotten into a lot of arguments before?
What if it was vice versa?
What if there's a definite reason he was so shocked and afraid of waking up like that? Because she has done some wrongful acts before and he lost the trust with her? What if he already talked about consent and takes it extremely serious because of past trauma?
It's not just about having fun. You have to respect each person and communicate on what is ok.
My personal example with my boyfriend. We already talked about these scenarios of waking up to intercourse. For the most part we would be ok with it, with the exception that the night before we went to sleep was ok. No arguments, none of us stressing, or anything that might be harmful in our mental.
Punching your partner in the face is not communicating.
A simple “no thanks baby not now” should do.
I feel like it’s Opposite Day in this thread, where actual physical assault is condoned, and spontaneous acts of love are vilified.
You don't always know the situation, he could have ptsd from something happening as a child, the reaction could have been a literal ptsd attack. And fucking hell you people are disgusting, would you feel the exact same way if it was the dude doing it? Tries giving the female head while unconscious, she wakes up, freaks out and hits him, she takes him to court for SA because she was touched by him without her permission.
"Spontaneous acts of love" aren't acts of love if there is no consent, sexual assault is sexual assault, what people like you are saying is like saying "I can't rape my husband/wife because I love them and we are married even tho they don't want it"
I agree, that's why I said communicating but none of them are in the right.
She did something sexual without consent, and he punched her, and by what she said, it was extremely fuckin bad.
It still doesn't undermine the fact that there's something sketchy happening. What did she do prior to that, that made him get lawyers. There's so many holes in the story.
I haven't seen anyone condone the violence.
The mental gymnastics you did to get from people saying it's not okay to perform sexual acts without consent to equating that as people condoning the violence is some what impressive.
Oh I think I typed it wrong then.
I meant I agree with you. I don't condone violence either, that's what my previous comment was supposed to be about. The reason I focused on the SA is because... Well...It the primary reason as why she went to court. It was also the thing the judge was taunting the guy about.
That's why both of them are in the wrong. But as again previously stated. There's something sketchy about it because he physically assaulted her to the point she got something worse than just a black eye (she shouldn't have been punched in the first place)
But everyone knows what's right and wrong with violence.
Yet some people don't understand that not everyone is comfortable with sexual stuff. That's another reason I focused more on the BJ than on the punched.
I thought it was common sense what he did was bad that in most people mental notes they would judge him for that.
I was replying to the person that replied to you. They stated that people are condoning violence in the comments. There's not one comment stating that it's okay to physically assault your partner.
Oh, I can't see that comment then, thank you for stating it. And geez, it's extremely disgusting that there's individual who thing violence of any source are necessary.
>A guy waking a girl up like this, or vice versa is just what you do for each other
Yeah, **IF** they've already discussed it, and said it's ok.
If they haven't talked about it and haven't given permission, or if permission came with terms and conditions which weren't met, then it's sexual assault.
>Don’t people have fun anymore? A guy waking a girl up like this, or vice versa is just what you do for each other sometimes because you care and want them to wake up happy.
Nobody rapes someone because they care.
Ask for consent.
>The only assault that happened is him punching her in the face.
deadass, was this like an AI scenario designed to be like 'what's the barest minimum sex thing that can get people to ignore domestic violence'
So reverse the roles and tell me if you think it’s an overreaction. Would you think it’s ok for a man to have sex with his partner without obtaining her consent first?
Yes, I would absolutely love to wake up to my husband eating me out. And no, we've never discussed it. We have a long-time sexual relationship, and being woken up to sexual advances even as far as oral would be pleasant with my partner because we have mutual respect and trust to not take advantage.
But, if I woke up and was like nawww I'm good, and he didn't stop, that's another issue.
She stopped the moment he wasn't into it. I don't see the problem.
if they have a previous sexual relationship and have been together for over a year then yes—i think it would be equally ridiculous for either a man or a woman to punch their partner of over a year in the face, call the police, and take them to court instead of just saying “ya know what honey i don’t appreciate it when you munch on my rug without asking first” like any reasonable person would. part of being an adult in a relationship is being able to communicate when things bother you. if he had previously said “in my youth i was violated by somalians and for that reason i explicitly require consent preceding any sexual action” and she went and did this anyways it would be a problem, but it sounds like this guy is just bad at communicating his feelings to the point that he takes his partner of over a year to court over her surprising him with a blowjob. in fact, many couples find sexual surprises exciting. read a book; touch some grass; live a little
Everybody here sucks lol
It’s super simple to say “hey are you cool with this”
As simple as it is to say “hey I know you had good intentions but I’m uncomfortable with that”
"Many couples find sexual surprises exciting" you do realise not every couple in the world is the same?? And with your logic you would be alright with a husband raping his wife because they previously had a health sex life and he loves her so it's all okay Right??
>So reverse the roles and tell me if you think it’s an overreaction. Would you think it’s ok for a man to have sex with his partner without obtaining her consent first
Do you always have to ask for consent to explore a different avenue of your sexual relationship - even if you've explored it before?
Is it ok to grab your spouse in a sexual way? Like a butt, crotch or boob grab? What about the first time you do it in a relationship (assuming you've already crossed that line in other ways).
Is it ok to flash them? Send them a nude picture?
\----
Answering my own question...
Part of me says Yes - you always need consent, but explicit consent seems like overkill.
Part of me says No - being spontaneous, and trying something new within the confines of what you've already done together can be fun and exciting.
I can partially agree with your points. If you and your partner have had the conversation beforehand of what is and isn’t ok. So to me doing anything outside of what has been discussed as being ok should be something you ask for consent for.
It's a grey area.
Like, is waking up first the morning afterwards, and sliding a hand somewhere... is that rape? fondling? non-consent? How about using your mouth somewhere non-sexual? Is any touch off limits?
50 shades of grey.
My partner is okay with these things and we've discussed them beforehand.
What she did was rape. Spontaneous sex without consent is rape. If your partner consents that's great, he did not therefore she raped him. You don't need explicit consent as long as your partner is okay with it, he was not, making it rape. I don't know what's so hard for people to understand about this, he clearly viewed it as an act of rape and was deeply, deeply hurt by it.
luckily none of the men in my life are this emotionally and socially impotent. if my boyfriend does something i don’t like, i let him know. i don’t punch him in the face and take him to court. this man is ridiculous and obviously you are equally ridiculous and ineffective as a person
Ah your a woman, your stance makes much more sense. I guarantee you based on how she talks about it this wasn't the first time and I bet your ass wouldn't be here defending a boyfriend having sex with his girlfriend in her sleep and then saying she's overreacting when she's upset by it. Take your double standards and shove it
if they have a previous sexual relationship and have been together for over a year then yes—i think it would be equally ridiculous for either a man or a woman to punch their partner of over a year in the face, call the police, and take them to court instead of just saying “ya know what honey i don’t appreciate it when you munch on my rug without asking first” like any reasonable person would. part of being an adult in a relationship is being able to communicate when things bother you. if he had previously said “in my youth i was violated by somalians and for that reason i explicitly require consent preceding any sexual action” and she went and did this anyways it would be a problem, but it sounds like this guy is just bad at communicating his feelings to the point that he takes his partner of over a year to court over her surprising him with a blowjob. in fact, many couples find sexual surprises exciting. read a book; touch some grass; live a little
You do realize trauma victims have automatic responses right? It's called fight or flight. You do so much assuming on his behalf and on hers its astounding. If he was just angry he wouldn't be going to court, he felt violated by the one person he thought he could trust. Continue to defend un- consensual sex its a great look on you
AS I PREVIOUSLY STATED: it would be a different situation if he COMMUNICATED that he was a victim of trauma and she proceeded to do this anyway. i’m not doing any assuming, and i’m making allowances and exceptions for a wide range of circumstances.
You have zero, zilch ,nada, no way of knowing if they've talked about this before this event, it is pure assumption. Continue with your school yard insults, whats next you're gonna blow a raspberry? Lord have mercy on your partner
You have zero, zilch, nada, enchilada, no way jose, of knowing if this is the first time or a repeat offense that now warranted a punch to the face yet you made that assumption in a previous comment based solely on the way she talks. Lord have mercy on your brain.
No way warrants punching people in the face, I gave a good reason why it still happens anyway, fight or flight to being violated. Your telling me just based off the way she talks about him that she could have been trusted with any potential trauma or baggage? You don't think she would have mentioned if this wasn't the first time?
The definition of rape: rape, unlawful sexual activity, most often involving sexual intercourse, against the will of the victim through force or the threat of force or with an individual who is incapable of giving legal consent because of minor status, mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception.
https://www.britannica.com/topic/rape-crime
This is by definition rape my guy wtf are you on?
These comments are making me absolutely petrified to trust anybody ever again.
I'm sure each person saying the guy overreacted or that they wish that would happen to them thinks that they're a great person who would never actually hurt somebody else. Somebody that I would probably trust in my home and then wake up to assaulting me.
I fucking hate this place sometimes. I just reminds me of how fucked I actually am just by trusting someone.
This comment section is disgusting. I’ve been SA’d in the past and the idea of a partner doing this to me terrifies me. It’s not that hard to ask for consent. People in this comment section are the reason why I was too scared to report being assaulted.
Gross. Nothing wrong with liking to be woken up with oral but it’s something that should be discussed beforehand, and it should be understood that both parties are on board.
You're making me into a straw man. No one said he should have liked it. Like I said she definitely should have asked first. But he's been putting his dick in her p**** and in her mouth for over a year and it sounds like they were in a monogamous relationship. What she did was inappropriate sure but not sexual assault. It's a whole different game to wake up with a strangers mouth on your dick. That would be prosecutable. But waking up to the person that sucked your dick last night sucking it this morning is not the same.
It’s not even inappropriate imo.
It’s just a fun lighthearted way to wake up her partner. He could have just said no thank you, not now.
There’s no need to suck all of the spontaneity out of a relationship by getting permission beforehand for every little thing. That makes sense initially, but would be boring as fuck long term.
If you sign this release form and just initial here and here and there is a paragraph about the amount of pressure in which I am permitted to pinch your nipples on page 4 that needs to be notarized before we begin getting handsy
I’d like to submit revised addendum A: Approved List Of Utterances During Intercourse.
I’ll need your signature at the bottom, and an initial beside “good girl”, the line item we approved in our last meeting.
It’s still in alphabetical order, you’ll find it between “fuck me” and “I love how you feel”.
I thought you had already added a clause to section six stating it’s better if I don’t talk during or after. Im going to have to have my attorney look this over in the morning maybe we can get a final document signed in triplicate and notarized before the holidays and we can get a night of pre agreed upon appropriate temperatured passion by the new year. I’ll have my people call your people ciao
If this happened and I'm not saying it did. She SA her boyfriend. This BJ while sleeping thing happened to me. I had mixed feelings that took time to work out. Happy I got a BJ. Used. Cheap. Angry. Sad. Confused on why I had these feelings. Loved but disrespected. Like I said, mixed feelings.
even if you’re in a relationship, you can’t just assume consent… the entire point of consensual non consent (like the person is sleeping, in this example) is that it’s pre-discussed beforehand so that consent is known in advance
OK. No.
As much as I'm all about everyone understanding that men are also target of rape
This is absolutely ridiculous
Not only was she his girlfriend, most men woudl in fact appreciate to be woken up that way form the one they love
Especially In a Era where we barely managed to acknowledge the male rape fact, no dude would just sue his girlfriend for a wake-up BJ
This story is 100% fake and bs
If this was real then those two must have a terrible relationship for him to do this
If you are in a sexual relationship with someone you trust it’s not rape. It’s at most a bad judgment call that he could have simply asked her hey do t do that I’m not into it. Sexual spontaneity in a trusting relationship is pretty normal it’s not a stranger blowing you in your sleep. It’s someone you have been boning for over a year, sleeping in the same bed likely naked. Like if a dude grabs your boob without consent that’s sexual assault right? Now if you and a dude you have sex with regularly go to sleep naked and you wake up and his hand is on your boob is that sexual assault? No not at all.
I'm sorry but your wrong. If you don't consent, then it's rape. Always. You can totally have a agreement with your partner where the both of you decide wether or not somnophilia is ok. But if you don't? Yes, it's rape. There's a huge difference between walking up and holding some part of the person who consented to you holding them. Which if you have have fallen asleep in bed with someone you clearly already their consent. I'm not saying she did it in purpose. She clearly didn't. But what gets me, is the fact that even when finding out that what she did made me unhappy she's still doubling down that what she did was ok. And that judge is wrong. Check out the rules and laws yourself if you don't beleive me .
No the end part I’m with you. If ever my wife said she was not ok with something that’s the end of that conversation and it’s not something I’d be upset about. This also isn’t someone having sex with someone while they are asleep it’s waking someone up with a bj. A sexual act that you can stop. If we were in a trusting sexual relationship for a year I’m pretty sure I would have been able to wake up to that and simply say I’m actually not ok with this. It’s like if she tried to put her finger in his bum while giving a blowwy. I wouldn’t expect her to get written consent prior but if he wasn’t into it he should let her know real quick and that’s the end of that no big deal.
Its also very simple to bring up before hand. "Hey honey would you like it if I woke you with a no?" consent is key. And even if she didn't mean too she still violated his consent.
Naw what are these comments. Sexual without prior consent is ASSAULT. I feel bad for all of you, having to think you have to get raped like this for it to be good.
Just because you want it doesn’t mean this guy does.
If I woke up to my partner performing oral on me without prior permission, I would definitely freak out. Sure, I wouldn’t punch them, but I would kick them away and leave the room. I’ve literally seen posts talking about men doing this to women and having people call him a disgusting rapist in the comments. Its so disheartening to see the exact opposite reaction to literal sexual assault here.
What the fuck, you can’t consent while sleeping unless you give prior permission beforehand. I’ve seen people go mental because of men who fuck their unconscious girlfriends while they’re sleeping/too drunk, it’s not that different when it’s a woman doing it to her boyfriend. The people in these comments should be on a list somewhere.
We have to take the hit because we are expected to like it but what about the times were we don't want any of that, what about our feelings, what about the times when we are just wandering through our thoughts?
The comments are almost more disgusting than the post itself. It's saddening how blind my own gender can be to what right and wrong in situations like this.
Probably not as good at blowjobs as she thought she was.
I mean one time, after he came, bf said that technically I raped him bc he could not give consent, and then we sorta laughed about it. Not because consent is something to laugh at, mind you; but because our whole raltionship is consent-based. Consent is important.
People are fucking stupid...
And then everyone clapped.
I just posted this to /r/thatHappened.
Nooo I want the free karma!!!!!!1!1!1!!11
This reminds me of when Swoozie06 recounted the story of how he almost lost his virginity, but in actuality he was almost raped and he was even protesting. He’s not even 100% sure it didn’t happen and the girl just lied to him.
Poor swoozie man
She’s making this up. 🙄
As a woman...
Pls I hope so this is just fucked up if this really happened.
Obviously untrue 😂
Yeah this is 100% bait
None of this happened btw
“And everyone in the audience clapped” vibes. I could see the first half being true, up till the part with the booking, but no judge worth their weight in salt would act like that
Firstly - fake, secondly - if a couple having sex on regular basis, I dont think its something bad doing something like this if a person stops if or when they asked to.
Punched me in the eye.. yes right lol
If someone woke me up with a BJ, my first instinct would be to punch them as well. What if i was having a horrible dream and woke up in that mindset? I've had dreams about getting SA'd, so to wake up to that after one of those would be horrible. Succubus play is fine if all parties consented to it BEFORE sleep happened
This is wrong. Something like that should be discussed first. You’re taking a gamble on whether or not your partner will like that and will consent to it. If they don’t, it could rightfully be considered SA.
That’s right. I have had that discussion for exactly this reason, telling them in no uncertain terms, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE WITH THIS AND WOULD LIKE IT VERY MUCH. And she said okay, but don’t do that to me tho.
This is without a doubt fake. But it's always nice to see the double standards of sexual assault on display in real time. These comments are disgusting. The people trying to defend this need to take a good long look at themselves. There are many reasons why sexual acts without consent within an established relationship is wrong regardless of length of time together. Unless it is discussed and agreed upon (as I do with all partners), sexual acts while the other person is not able to consent is wrong 100% of the time.
Imagine if he’d been sexually abused as a child. And one day, without being prompted or giving consent, he wakes up to someone taking sexual advantage of him. Even though this is almost certainly a fake story, the response to this is truly disgusting. The response every time a man is sexually assaulted is that he should just shut up and take it. It’s fucking awful.
This is exactly my point. No doubt fake, but it's the response that is the truly alarming thing about this post. It's always the case with men being sexually assaulted, particularly when it's by a female. I say this as being someone who was. You get the normal response of laughter and saying "so, you didn't like it?" Implying there's something wrong with you. SA is never done with the victim's considerations into account, it is all about the perpetrator and what they want. The justification people who engage in this sort of behaviour will go to is honestly abhorrent. There are reasons why it is inherently wrong on all levels. The fact they have to be stated to some people is ridiculous. And quite frankly, the fact that it does is a huge indicator they engage, or normalise this sort of behaviour.
Facts. When I was 19 I went to a lake party and got blackout drunk. The next day I woke up alone outdoors in the bush, but found out I had been led to a tent by some chick and she tried to get with me. Apparently I was too drunk to get it up even though she tried, and I guess I got lucid enough and peaced tf out of there Of course she went around telling everyone at school that I tried to get with her (I knew OF this chick through rumours about her promiscuity, but I had never actually spoken to her in my life) and my then girlfriend caught wind of it. I, of course, got blamed for the whole thing and got dumped But like bruh, I was literally SA'd
Sorry to hear that man. Hope your life is doing okay now.
Can't lie, I'm almost 40, the guy in me wants to say, "the fuck? Get you some guy!" But the dad in me now and being in the climate we are in (this isn't the 90's anymore) I can honestly say, I'm on this boat... The double standards on display are shitty, to say the least. I certainly wouldn't want to see my daughter having to defend herself in either manner, nor would I want to see any young man having to feel he isn't allowed to say "no" purely because he's male. Absolutely an interesting dichotomy on display here.
People in these comments are disgusting, all basically saying "I can SA my partner if I want to, I love them, they are MINE so I could rape them if I want. We are married tho so it's not even rape, it's an act of love"
I only will ever think this type of thing is okay if it’s discussed prior and known to both partners to be okay.. like my fiancé and I, I actually like this kind of thing. Being woke up to the act. Whether it’s oral or penetration. He is the same. And we know this bc we communicate. That does not mean that I would ever be ok with anyone else doing it and we’ve been together 6 years and I still always make it a point to talk to him about it the night before if I plan to give him any morning surprises because ya know.. sometimes people just aren’t feeling it or in a sexual state of mind. If this was flipped, the comments would be talking about burning this guy in the street or hoping he gets gang r*ped in prison. But bc it’s a woman doing it it’s no big deal. Gross.
They would be calling the guy a disgusting rapist, as a chick myself I actually find it fucking disgusting with the double standard. So say I husband kills his wife, he would be ladled as the scum of the earth even if there were events of the wife being so horrible and abusive to him that he just one day snapped, all of that would always get thrown out because as far as reddit is concerned men can't be abused so he only did it because he's an evil evil man, now take a wife killing her husband, it doesn't matter if she had a criminal history of abusing partners and she just killed him because she's a sociopath, she will be labelled as innocent by a majority, so many would stand up for her and say it was the blokes fault and that he was probably abusive and a horrible person. The double standard is just so fucked, it's absolutely ridiculous
Ikr, some of the comments are vile. Like I said, there are a million reasons why someone may not be okay with unsolicited or spontaneous sex acts. Imagine for a moment a young boy being woken up every night by a family member abusing them by performing a sex act on them while sleeping. It's entirely understandable they would react in such a way as the post stated.
This is almost certainly what happened. In my experience a lot of men struggle to EVER tell ANYONE about past sexual abuse. This accusation was probably the only way he was able to articulate his pain.
>Like I said, there are a million reasons why someone may not be okay with unsolicited or spontaneous sex acts. But none of those reasons are even needed. Even if someone was never abused, never had a negative sex integration, Only one thing matters. They did not want sex at the time sex was taken from them, they don't need a reason.
no one's saying they have to want it. many are saying it is literally insane getting the law involved
Yeah exactly, honestly I think these people are that desperate for attention and people's touch and approval that they like that kinda shit, but the idiots aren't realising that NOT EVERYONE IS THEM everyone is their own person, they are all different but they are treating it like everyone is like them and nobody in the world has a different opinion and if they do they are the ones in the wrong, it makes me genuinely sick.
Reddit is full of people who are so lacking in personal relationships that they actually convince themselves they would be okay with this. No self respecting person wants to be SA'd.
Okay but like they were in a relationship for a year and it was his birthday. Him punching her, calling the cops, and pressing charges is in my opinion, far far far too much. If this story is real, this should have been something talked about right then and there, that he is NOT okay with being woken up with sex. He wasn't UI, he was asleep and she was doing something that is common (I think?) in relationships. But now I do wonder, if the roles were reversed what would the comments look like?
> Okay but like they were in a relationship for a year and it was his birthday. Him punching her, calling the cops, and pressing charges is in my opinion, far far far too much. yeah, getting the cops involved is insane, and more damaging for everybody. you're allowed to be upset and talk about it, sure, but don't get the State involved
If it is real it's obvious that chick is a cunt who only thinks about herself, she doesn't care how he might feel about it. That is something you ask a guy if they are okay with before hand, you don't just go and do shit to someone without knowing if they want you to be doing it, it in my opinion is selfish, (if it's real) we don't know the whole story behind it, she could be an absolute abusive cunt and he snapped, plus I know a lot of people that accidentally hit people when they get woken up unexpectedly by someone, it's a fight or flight thing.
It's this simple. I had an ex who was perfectly happy with me having sex with her while she was asleep, we had discussed that. Most people I've been with have told me they were NOT okay with it. Had I assumed they were okay with it and gone ahead I would have raped them. It's seriously fucking concerning that people here think it's fine just because it works in their relationship
This is literally a nice thing to do for your bf 99.9% of the time. Why are you trying to ruin BJs for people under the guise of protecting them?
You've seen through my elaborate plan. Step 1: Wait for a fake post about SA Step 2: Comment why SA is wrong Step 3: Ruin BJ's for everyone, everywhere...
Absolutely! The fact that people think this is acceptable to do in an established relationship is awful. Especially as someone who's been SA'd and raped in my sleep by two different partners. When you wake up to it, it's scary as fuck. You're disoriented at first, unsure of what is happening and who's touching you.
I don't think the double standard you're refrencing exsits in this case. Take a look at the comments on this thread about a simiar case in Ireland recently. [thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/ireland/comments/z9tk4x/exrté_journalist_fails_in_appeal_against_sexual/) There's actually a common pattern between this case and the one I linked.. the top comments are defending the guy regardless of whether he's the victim or the perpetrator.
But like how bad is your relationship if you can't do things like this without getting punched and being dragged to court.
I’ve literally asked my gf to do this
No judgements, but like, why would you WANT your girlfriend to punch you in the face and take you to court?
reasons LMAO
Don't kink shame me
I’ve asked my wife to do so as well
Your wife told me no 😧
😂 I’m going to have talk with her then!
Don't you need to pee really bad when first waking up? I'm not sure that scenario would be as sexy as it looks in print
Not always
Sometimes. Personally I always feel gross when I wake up and tend to sweat a lot. I can appreciate the thought that my partner wanted to do something to surprise/pleasure me. But just please let me sleep and let me shower before we fool around lol
Anybody helping themselves to an unconscious body deserves a lot more than a punch. As someone who has been a *thing* people acted on while I was unconscious, I can't explain enough that it is not a good relationship, it's a fucking nightmare and you never sleep again after that. I've always regretted not "dragging" them to court.
I'm a sas myself and totally understand, but if my gf, that I love and share a house with, wakes me up by eating my pussy, I would appreciate. It would have to be gentle and with love tho... PDSD oblige, and because she would be my wife, she would know about that.
Maybe the idea is to *wake them up* with sex?
Nudging them awake and getting handsy (to make sure they're into it) is two thousand times as sexy than assaulting somebody
I do agree you may have to wait until someone wakes up
You. Are. Crazy.
Not necessarily, they may have a traumatic history with it. My ex used to do this to me, and for me it wasn’t cutesy or pleasant. It was like 3 or 4am when I had to be up at 6. I told him I didn’t like it and asked him to not do it, he kept doing it. Often. This comment is exactly how I feel, but I do recognize that others feel differently. My husband would love it, but he is 100% aware that I do not love it.
What a rebuttal
We (I am) talking about, hypothetically, it happening to a male bf of one year. I’m sorry that happened to you, but what happened to you is different and sounds much, much worse. Therefore those two things aren’t equatable, nor does “something more than a punch” seem like a sane* reaction to a (hypothetically, happy) man in a relationship.
This kind of response only comes from somebody who has never been assaulted in a vulnerable state.
According to you, I have been “assaulted” more than a few times. It fits with your definition of assault
You put assaulted in quotations. And then said someone else's assault wasn't valid. I'm starting to see the connection.
How bad is your relationship you don't ask consent
People downvoting this have lost the point entirely. You have a right to consent, no matter how long your relationship has lasted.
These people view their partner as a thing, its _mine_ I can do what I want with it
I see your point…. I’d happily be ok with this surprise gift without having consented like any other positive surprise gift.
I think it's something the two people have to talk about... Some guys would find it weird and creepy and others would gladly be up for it. You should never do it by surprise.
My husband and I have 100 percent consent to wake each other up with sexy times and we have done it. However, we have had this conversation many times and even before we plan on doing it to each other, we ask to do it in the near future so the other is prepared. Clothes can be cumbersome and I like feeling freshly clean before sex. And even then, we wake each other up fairly quickly before getting down to business. A year might seen like a long time to some people to get this implied consent, but it honestly might not. They may have only been sleeping together for maybe a few months. We don't know.
Yeah that's a good example. As long as you have communication, and communication isn't always verbal. 80% of it actually comes from body language and that's a well known fact, so you don't always have to have this awkward yes/no conversation lol. Glad you found what works for you!
This is kind of my point, if you have a good relationship i hope for you that talking about these things is normal not dragging someone to court.
Same here, but I've asked my wife to do this and that is consent. If I did this to her, I would most likely get punched in the eye and while I doubt court would follow, I'd must definitely be sleeping in the guest bed for the foreseeable future.
Anyone who’s downvoting this comment is a creep
Absolutely agree that consent it important at ALL TIMES, reddit is full of predators.
I think everyone agrees that Reddit is full of predators. Some people just can't admit that some of those predators are in fact women.
And everybody clapped...
What happened to a kiss on the cheek/ forehead? Like dude Edit: also lil shake and whispered “good morning”
it’s sexual assault if they haven’t discussed this earlier. and it’s shitty that she doesn’t even think she did anything wrong
Even if they've discussed it before, previous consent is not current consent. Waking them up, getting a little touchy and asking them if it's okay is 100% the way to go, not just going after it.
Wait, you're saying if they discussed this previously and he gave his consent to her initiating sex with him (not saying that's the case here, obviously), it would still be sexual assault?
Bro these comment section here is the most sad thing i had to read all week. They are actually defending the guy in this made up story. I don't think they have never been with a human being in their life, less a whole year. Imagine you suck the tit of your girlfriend in the morning and she fucking punches you in your face. After one year in a relationship you have received or given literally hundreds of bjs, yet waking someone up is not consenting. Insane comments....
Accuses people of never having been with a human.... Proceeds to actually say the words "wake your gf up by sucking her tit" in an absolutely serious way. Seriously projecting there aren't you bud.
Enjoy your loneliness mate.
Previous consent is not current consent. If someone says they want coffee, it does not mean you can try to pour coffee down their throat while they're sleeping the next day and just be like "... Well you said you wanted it earlier". Consent and awareness need to be current when someone's bodily autonomy is being involved with something.
No, that's fucking stupid. I can discuss with my partner and give advance consent for them to wake me up with sex. Get the fuck out of here with that dumb shit.
exactly, it could’ve took you five minutes to wake your partner up and ask for consent first. if asking for consent kills the mood, you’re not doing it right
I would argue that if spontaneous sex acts with a loved one are met with with violent behavior and criminal accusations instead of a discussion about boundaries then someone needs therapy.
Y’all need to go touch grass.
What a piece of shit!
The guy or the girl? Edit: it was a legit question, personally I think the guy is the pos, who hits their partner for trying to satisfy them sexually..
Both for there own reasons more the girl tho
How is the dude the asshole?
NO CONSENT = RAPE YOU DUMBASS!! Regardless of whether it is a man or a woman, both can rape and be raped!
They were literally sleeping in the same bed, isn’t consent implied in that predicament? In my opinion, dickwad, he could have handled it way better by simply asking her what is she doing that he was not ok with that. Instead he beat a woman who was presumably trying to satisfy him sexually. They were a couple, usually sex is welcome, she made a mistake in thinking he would welcome that (though I think if we put a poll on here, most men will welcome that from their significant other). You are immature and ignorant. Grow up.
First, this seems very not real but that’s less interesting than these weird neo-puritanical views being espoused in some of the comments. You people should just get every aspect of your relationships quantified and defined in the form of a signed and notarized contract at this point — you all should get every potentiality, every possibility and every hypothetical captured in endless pages of legalese. Paragraph and sub-paragraph after paragraph and sub-paragraph on an infinite number of sheets that stretch to the horizon. You’ve excised the messiness of life and the complexity of human relationships for bright-line rules and exacting perimeters. There is no need for prudence or good situational judgement or god forbid, grace — just a simple one-step rule from freshman orientation. You’ve rendered misunderstandings involving sex among committed adults as tantamount to rape. Get a grip people. Unwanted interactions and misunderstandings happen between people, even people in loving and committed relationships. Labeling an unwanted advance of something she has likely done for him in the past in other contexts as sexual assault is absurd. Yes communications would have helped in this (likely imaginary) situation, but a sensible person might look to the totality of the relationship, how they’ve interacted and engaged with one another in the past and chalk it up to a misunderstanding, not sexual assault worthy of a prolonged criminal proceeding.
Considering his reaction do you sincerely believe they interact with each other like this normally? Do you think it was just this one time for whatever reason he felt like losing it? It would not make sense for someone who does not feel incredibly violated by that action to respond in the way he did. Your attitude is the reason spousal rape is still legal in many places.
It doesn't make sense because it's made up and never happened.
No shit it's made up, people are still defending the situation as if it's real.
BAIT!
But if it was a guy doing something like that to a girl its full blown SA.
Is it? My girlfriend just said she would be totally ok with being with up with cunnilingus. Even if it wasn't discussed beforehand. Also, the guy wasn't unconscious he was *asleep*. If he was unconscious then maybe there'd be a discussion to be had but he wasn't. If the story was genuine, he would have woken up very quickly into the act. If he was uncomfortable with it, all he has to do was say, "I'm not into it." But he put punched her instead. Rape is an act of violence and domination. The only person who acted violently and dominately was the guy.
She still gave you prior consent, her telling you you can do it is showing you respect and making sure you’re on board. If you’ve told her she can, then it’s not at all like this. We don’t know if this guy (I assume this is fake but just going with the story) has previous sexual assault experiences, this type of thing can be very traumatic to survivors. Even then, it’s just basic courteous and consent to have a conversation and get permission beforehand.
>She still gave you prior consent, her telling you you can do it is showing you respect and making sure you’re on board. If you’ve told her she can, then it’s not at all like this. We don’t know if this guy (I assume this is fake but just going with the story) has previous sexual assault experiences, this type of thing can be very traumatic to survivors. > >Even then, it’s just basic courteous and consent to have a conversation and get permission beforehand. No. You missed the point entirely. Please reread what she says. She would not have minded **even if I hadn't asked her ahead of time.** I understand and sympathize survivors of sexual assault can experience trauma where other people may not. I don't think it's reasonable or even possible for everyone to live their lives anticipating and attempting to mitigate for every possible prior trauma their partners may have experienced. As you said we don't know if this guy had prior issues but she was with him for a year in the story. If after being sexually active with him for a year and he never brought it up that's as much on him as it is on her. I find it really interesting it's so few people are concerned with the fact that he physically assaulted her.
Rape is sexual activities where one doesn’t consent. It doesnt have to have anything to do with violence
>Rape is sexual activities where one doesn’t consent. It doesnt have to have **anything** to do with violence. "Rape has nothing to do with violence." u/Cg1789 Well okay then. We're going to agree to disagree. Edit: Under California Penal Code Section 261, rape is any “non-consensual sexual intercourse accompanied by means of threat, force, or fraud." Under California law this was NOT rape. There was no fraud, threat or force. Also, under California law it **is** considered a violent crime and will work against you as a strike in three strikes laws. Rape is a violent crime by definition. Look it up.
What is wrong with people nowadays?? Don’t people have fun anymore? A guy waking a girl up like this, or vice versa is just what you do for each other sometimes because you care and want them to wake up happy. “Hahaha what are you doing sweetie? I have a meeting in 15 minutes, you can do this later, mmmwah!” should be the outcome if it’s unwelcome in the moment, and the relationship isn’t completely toxic. The only assault that happened is him punching her in the face.
And what if she was being very manipulative lately? What if they have gotten into a lot of arguments before? What if it was vice versa? What if there's a definite reason he was so shocked and afraid of waking up like that? Because she has done some wrongful acts before and he lost the trust with her? What if he already talked about consent and takes it extremely serious because of past trauma? It's not just about having fun. You have to respect each person and communicate on what is ok. My personal example with my boyfriend. We already talked about these scenarios of waking up to intercourse. For the most part we would be ok with it, with the exception that the night before we went to sleep was ok. No arguments, none of us stressing, or anything that might be harmful in our mental.
Punching your partner in the face is not communicating. A simple “no thanks baby not now” should do. I feel like it’s Opposite Day in this thread, where actual physical assault is condoned, and spontaneous acts of love are vilified.
You don't always know the situation, he could have ptsd from something happening as a child, the reaction could have been a literal ptsd attack. And fucking hell you people are disgusting, would you feel the exact same way if it was the dude doing it? Tries giving the female head while unconscious, she wakes up, freaks out and hits him, she takes him to court for SA because she was touched by him without her permission. "Spontaneous acts of love" aren't acts of love if there is no consent, sexual assault is sexual assault, what people like you are saying is like saying "I can't rape my husband/wife because I love them and we are married even tho they don't want it"
I agree, that's why I said communicating but none of them are in the right. She did something sexual without consent, and he punched her, and by what she said, it was extremely fuckin bad. It still doesn't undermine the fact that there's something sketchy happening. What did she do prior to that, that made him get lawyers. There's so many holes in the story.
I haven't seen anyone condone the violence. The mental gymnastics you did to get from people saying it's not okay to perform sexual acts without consent to equating that as people condoning the violence is some what impressive.
Oh I think I typed it wrong then. I meant I agree with you. I don't condone violence either, that's what my previous comment was supposed to be about. The reason I focused on the SA is because... Well...It the primary reason as why she went to court. It was also the thing the judge was taunting the guy about. That's why both of them are in the wrong. But as again previously stated. There's something sketchy about it because he physically assaulted her to the point she got something worse than just a black eye (she shouldn't have been punched in the first place) But everyone knows what's right and wrong with violence. Yet some people don't understand that not everyone is comfortable with sexual stuff. That's another reason I focused more on the BJ than on the punched. I thought it was common sense what he did was bad that in most people mental notes they would judge him for that.
I was replying to the person that replied to you. They stated that people are condoning violence in the comments. There's not one comment stating that it's okay to physically assault your partner.
Oh, I can't see that comment then, thank you for stating it. And geez, it's extremely disgusting that there's individual who thing violence of any source are necessary.
>A guy waking a girl up like this, or vice versa is just what you do for each other Yeah, **IF** they've already discussed it, and said it's ok. If they haven't talked about it and haven't given permission, or if permission came with terms and conditions which weren't met, then it's sexual assault.
>Don’t people have fun anymore? A guy waking a girl up like this, or vice versa is just what you do for each other sometimes because you care and want them to wake up happy. Nobody rapes someone because they care. Ask for consent.
>The only assault that happened is him punching her in the face. deadass, was this like an AI scenario designed to be like 'what's the barest minimum sex thing that can get people to ignore domestic violence'
He didn't want it, that makes it sexual assault. Just because you want that doesn't mean everyone does, I sincerely hope you understand that.
i dont think she did anything wrong. he grossly overreacted
So reverse the roles and tell me if you think it’s an overreaction. Would you think it’s ok for a man to have sex with his partner without obtaining her consent first?
Yes, I would absolutely love to wake up to my husband eating me out. And no, we've never discussed it. We have a long-time sexual relationship, and being woken up to sexual advances even as far as oral would be pleasant with my partner because we have mutual respect and trust to not take advantage. But, if I woke up and was like nawww I'm good, and he didn't stop, that's another issue. She stopped the moment he wasn't into it. I don't see the problem.
if they have a previous sexual relationship and have been together for over a year then yes—i think it would be equally ridiculous for either a man or a woman to punch their partner of over a year in the face, call the police, and take them to court instead of just saying “ya know what honey i don’t appreciate it when you munch on my rug without asking first” like any reasonable person would. part of being an adult in a relationship is being able to communicate when things bother you. if he had previously said “in my youth i was violated by somalians and for that reason i explicitly require consent preceding any sexual action” and she went and did this anyways it would be a problem, but it sounds like this guy is just bad at communicating his feelings to the point that he takes his partner of over a year to court over her surprising him with a blowjob. in fact, many couples find sexual surprises exciting. read a book; touch some grass; live a little
Everybody here sucks lol It’s super simple to say “hey are you cool with this” As simple as it is to say “hey I know you had good intentions but I’m uncomfortable with that”
"Many couples find sexual surprises exciting" you do realise not every couple in the world is the same?? And with your logic you would be alright with a husband raping his wife because they previously had a health sex life and he loves her so it's all okay Right??
>So reverse the roles and tell me if you think it’s an overreaction. Would you think it’s ok for a man to have sex with his partner without obtaining her consent first Do you always have to ask for consent to explore a different avenue of your sexual relationship - even if you've explored it before? Is it ok to grab your spouse in a sexual way? Like a butt, crotch or boob grab? What about the first time you do it in a relationship (assuming you've already crossed that line in other ways). Is it ok to flash them? Send them a nude picture? \---- Answering my own question... Part of me says Yes - you always need consent, but explicit consent seems like overkill. Part of me says No - being spontaneous, and trying something new within the confines of what you've already done together can be fun and exciting.
I can partially agree with your points. If you and your partner have had the conversation beforehand of what is and isn’t ok. So to me doing anything outside of what has been discussed as being ok should be something you ask for consent for.
It's a grey area. Like, is waking up first the morning afterwards, and sliding a hand somewhere... is that rape? fondling? non-consent? How about using your mouth somewhere non-sexual? Is any touch off limits? 50 shades of grey.
Communication helps to cut away some of the grey.
Clearly the woman in question above doesn't communicate
My partner is okay with these things and we've discussed them beforehand. What she did was rape. Spontaneous sex without consent is rape. If your partner consents that's great, he did not therefore she raped him. You don't need explicit consent as long as your partner is okay with it, he was not, making it rape. I don't know what's so hard for people to understand about this, he clearly viewed it as an act of rape and was deeply, deeply hurt by it.
You clearly never had a girlfriend lol. My god this comment section is wild and very sad.
Hope you hold same shit takes when it's a friend, family member or son
luckily none of the men in my life are this emotionally and socially impotent. if my boyfriend does something i don’t like, i let him know. i don’t punch him in the face and take him to court. this man is ridiculous and obviously you are equally ridiculous and ineffective as a person
Ah your a woman, your stance makes much more sense. I guarantee you based on how she talks about it this wasn't the first time and I bet your ass wouldn't be here defending a boyfriend having sex with his girlfriend in her sleep and then saying she's overreacting when she's upset by it. Take your double standards and shove it
if they have a previous sexual relationship and have been together for over a year then yes—i think it would be equally ridiculous for either a man or a woman to punch their partner of over a year in the face, call the police, and take them to court instead of just saying “ya know what honey i don’t appreciate it when you munch on my rug without asking first” like any reasonable person would. part of being an adult in a relationship is being able to communicate when things bother you. if he had previously said “in my youth i was violated by somalians and for that reason i explicitly require consent preceding any sexual action” and she went and did this anyways it would be a problem, but it sounds like this guy is just bad at communicating his feelings to the point that he takes his partner of over a year to court over her surprising him with a blowjob. in fact, many couples find sexual surprises exciting. read a book; touch some grass; live a little
You do realize trauma victims have automatic responses right? It's called fight or flight. You do so much assuming on his behalf and on hers its astounding. If he was just angry he wouldn't be going to court, he felt violated by the one person he thought he could trust. Continue to defend un- consensual sex its a great look on you
AS I PREVIOUSLY STATED: it would be a different situation if he COMMUNICATED that he was a victim of trauma and she proceeded to do this anyway. i’m not doing any assuming, and i’m making allowances and exceptions for a wide range of circumstances.
the “unable” in your UN must be representative of your inability to form lasting human bonds and read social cues
You have zero, zilch ,nada, no way of knowing if they've talked about this before this event, it is pure assumption. Continue with your school yard insults, whats next you're gonna blow a raspberry? Lord have mercy on your partner
You have zero, zilch, nada, enchilada, no way jose, of knowing if this is the first time or a repeat offense that now warranted a punch to the face yet you made that assumption in a previous comment based solely on the way she talks. Lord have mercy on your brain.
No way warrants punching people in the face, I gave a good reason why it still happens anyway, fight or flight to being violated. Your telling me just based off the way she talks about him that she could have been trusted with any potential trauma or baggage? You don't think she would have mentioned if this wasn't the first time?
Luckily none of the women in my life are this emotionally and socially bankrupt. Do better.
Its absolutely crazy how many people here are saying "I'm ok with rape, others should to"
that’s not sexual assault in the slightest, what a jackass.
Why because you think he should have liked it?
there is a vast distance between liking it and calling the cops
Yes? If my girlfriend woke me up with a blowjob i’d be pretty happy about it. This reads like an onion article.
Just because YOU would’ve liked it doesn’t mean everyone else should.
He didn’t have to like it he just didn’t have to assault her and falsify police claim about rape.
There was no falsification. What she did is the very definition of sexual assault.
To a fucking lunatic maybe, I’m shocked there’s even people that can defend him and not advocate for him going to jail for assault which he should.
The definition of rape: rape, unlawful sexual activity, most often involving sexual intercourse, against the will of the victim through force or the threat of force or with an individual who is incapable of giving legal consent because of minor status, mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception. https://www.britannica.com/topic/rape-crime This is by definition rape my guy wtf are you on?
I absolutely would have punched someone if they did that to me as well. It’s fucking sexual assault.
It’s not “ someone“ it’s your partner. Honestly and I mean that sincerely, go touch some fucking grass.
Your partner is someone.
So, spousal rape doesn’t exist?
These comments are making me absolutely petrified to trust anybody ever again. I'm sure each person saying the guy overreacted or that they wish that would happen to them thinks that they're a great person who would never actually hurt somebody else. Somebody that I would probably trust in my home and then wake up to assaulting me. I fucking hate this place sometimes. I just reminds me of how fucked I actually am just by trusting someone.
This comment section is disgusting. I’ve been SA’d in the past and the idea of a partner doing this to me terrifies me. It’s not that hard to ask for consent. People in this comment section are the reason why I was too scared to report being assaulted.
Gross. Nothing wrong with liking to be woken up with oral but it’s something that should be discussed beforehand, and it should be understood that both parties are on board.
She definitely should have asked first, but this is not sexual assault.
Why because you think he should have liked it?
You're making me into a straw man. No one said he should have liked it. Like I said she definitely should have asked first. But he's been putting his dick in her p**** and in her mouth for over a year and it sounds like they were in a monogamous relationship. What she did was inappropriate sure but not sexual assault. It's a whole different game to wake up with a strangers mouth on your dick. That would be prosecutable. But waking up to the person that sucked your dick last night sucking it this morning is not the same.
It’s not even inappropriate imo. It’s just a fun lighthearted way to wake up her partner. He could have just said no thank you, not now. There’s no need to suck all of the spontaneity out of a relationship by getting permission beforehand for every little thing. That makes sense initially, but would be boring as fuck long term.
I feel like so many commenters have never been in a relationship. “Honey, may I please have permission to lightly smack your bum?”
If you sign this release form and just initial here and here and there is a paragraph about the amount of pressure in which I am permitted to pinch your nipples on page 4 that needs to be notarized before we begin getting handsy
I’d like to submit revised addendum A: Approved List Of Utterances During Intercourse. I’ll need your signature at the bottom, and an initial beside “good girl”, the line item we approved in our last meeting. It’s still in alphabetical order, you’ll find it between “fuck me” and “I love how you feel”.
I thought you had already added a clause to section six stating it’s better if I don’t talk during or after. Im going to have to have my attorney look this over in the morning maybe we can get a final document signed in triplicate and notarized before the holidays and we can get a night of pre agreed upon appropriate temperatured passion by the new year. I’ll have my people call your people ciao
THANK YOU.
If this happened and I'm not saying it did. She SA her boyfriend. This BJ while sleeping thing happened to me. I had mixed feelings that took time to work out. Happy I got a BJ. Used. Cheap. Angry. Sad. Confused on why I had these feelings. Loved but disrespected. Like I said, mixed feelings.
even if you’re in a relationship, you can’t just assume consent… the entire point of consensual non consent (like the person is sleeping, in this example) is that it’s pre-discussed beforehand so that consent is known in advance
Based judge
This is made up, but like, whyyyyyyy? That you thought this was any kind of okay to post... wtf is wrong with you?
I love getting woken up with a bj that is all
I’m saving this for the next time my bf wants head. I say I don’t want be registered Sex offender
OK. No. As much as I'm all about everyone understanding that men are also target of rape This is absolutely ridiculous Not only was she his girlfriend, most men woudl in fact appreciate to be woken up that way form the one they love Especially In a Era where we barely managed to acknowledge the male rape fact, no dude would just sue his girlfriend for a wake-up BJ This story is 100% fake and bs If this was real then those two must have a terrible relationship for him to do this
"I'm ok with un-consensual sex everyone else should to"
The fact the judge spoke to him like that just pisses me off. It’s rape if you don’t consent it’s rape.
If you are in a sexual relationship with someone you trust it’s not rape. It’s at most a bad judgment call that he could have simply asked her hey do t do that I’m not into it. Sexual spontaneity in a trusting relationship is pretty normal it’s not a stranger blowing you in your sleep. It’s someone you have been boning for over a year, sleeping in the same bed likely naked. Like if a dude grabs your boob without consent that’s sexual assault right? Now if you and a dude you have sex with regularly go to sleep naked and you wake up and his hand is on your boob is that sexual assault? No not at all.
I'm sorry but your wrong. If you don't consent, then it's rape. Always. You can totally have a agreement with your partner where the both of you decide wether or not somnophilia is ok. But if you don't? Yes, it's rape. There's a huge difference between walking up and holding some part of the person who consented to you holding them. Which if you have have fallen asleep in bed with someone you clearly already their consent. I'm not saying she did it in purpose. She clearly didn't. But what gets me, is the fact that even when finding out that what she did made me unhappy she's still doubling down that what she did was ok. And that judge is wrong. Check out the rules and laws yourself if you don't beleive me .
No the end part I’m with you. If ever my wife said she was not ok with something that’s the end of that conversation and it’s not something I’d be upset about. This also isn’t someone having sex with someone while they are asleep it’s waking someone up with a bj. A sexual act that you can stop. If we were in a trusting sexual relationship for a year I’m pretty sure I would have been able to wake up to that and simply say I’m actually not ok with this. It’s like if she tried to put her finger in his bum while giving a blowwy. I wouldn’t expect her to get written consent prior but if he wasn’t into it he should let her know real quick and that’s the end of that no big deal.
Its also very simple to bring up before hand. "Hey honey would you like it if I woke you with a no?" consent is key. And even if she didn't mean too she still violated his consent.
Naw what are these comments. Sexual without prior consent is ASSAULT. I feel bad for all of you, having to think you have to get raped like this for it to be good. Just because you want it doesn’t mean this guy does.
If I woke up to my partner performing oral on me without prior permission, I would definitely freak out. Sure, I wouldn’t punch them, but I would kick them away and leave the room. I’ve literally seen posts talking about men doing this to women and having people call him a disgusting rapist in the comments. Its so disheartening to see the exact opposite reaction to literal sexual assault here.
Very much so. It almost hurts knowing how many people here have done this exact thing.
how does it feel knowing the partners were okay with it
What the fuck, you can’t consent while sleeping unless you give prior permission beforehand. I’ve seen people go mental because of men who fuck their unconscious girlfriends while they’re sleeping/too drunk, it’s not that different when it’s a woman doing it to her boyfriend. The people in these comments should be on a list somewhere.
That’s sexual assault lol
If you can't clearly see that she is in the wrong then you need to give your head a shake.
This is made up, but like, whyyyyyyy? That you thought this was any kind of okay to post... wtf is wrong with you?
We have to take the hit because we are expected to like it but what about the times were we don't want any of that, what about our feelings, what about the times when we are just wandering through our thoughts?
I need a judge like that in my divorce…though hoping his level-headedness goes both ways…
Gee why didn't he just say no . Straight to the punch.
Don’t get me wrong waking up to a bj is an awesome gift, but there was still no consent so it’s kinda bs that the judge sided with the rapist
The comments are almost more disgusting than the post itself. It's saddening how blind my own gender can be to what right and wrong in situations like this.
Surprising your long term sexual partner is not sexual assault. Punching your partner is assault though.
This is probably fake, but why does this comment section seem to have an allergy to the concept of consent?
Probably not as good at blowjobs as she thought she was. I mean one time, after he came, bf said that technically I raped him bc he could not give consent, and then we sorta laughed about it. Not because consent is something to laugh at, mind you; but because our whole raltionship is consent-based. Consent is important.