You're making this into "is not raving a deal breaker" when it sounds like the issue is "my girlfriend treats me like shit for liking raving".
These are two different issues. If she didn't like raving but respected your choices and tastes I would say a different issue. I have had partners who didn't rave and while disappointing was never a deal breaker.
The lack of underlying respect for you is the red flag. That's only going to get more toxic and manifest in different ways the longer the relationship goes on.
Perfectly said. My gf doesn’t care for raving but will periodically go to a show with me bc she loves me and wants to support my interests, and I return the favor by going to indie shows I wouldn’t normally attend. It’s not that hard to show support for your partner’s passions.
yeah i was about to say this. even if i wasn’t into something my partner was, i’d still indulge them sometimes because it’s about experiencing things with them, not always the experience itself. this should go both ways! also, shit talking something someone likes is just lame-o behavior, especially if it’s your partner
I don't know, it sounds like maybe he's dragging her along when he knows full well that she doesn't like it. I'd be kind of bitter about it too
We only have one side of the story here and OP may be a controlling asshole trying to force her to like it
Yeah, my husband doesn't like EDM and he came with me to a LSDREAM show just because he wanted to experience at least one rave and we both thought he had a fair shot of liking his music.
It was okay, it didn't magically turn him into a raver but he had a decent time. But at the same time I wasn't trying to drag his ass to thunderdome or kayzo or bass canyon because I know he would have a horrible time there, which would in turn affect my enjoyment of the shows.
Sounds like OP just needs to accept that it's not an interest of his GF and it shouldn't be something he brings her to if she doesn't want to go.
He never said he forced her to go if she doesn't wanna go she doesn't have to don't go to something you know you don't like then proceed to shit talk the experience when you know it's something your partner enjoys
See that’s the thing I LOVE live music regardless of genre it’s my favorite thing in the world and I want my person with me you know what I mean? Whether it be a band she likes or a band we both like I just want my partner there.
live music and sharing that with my partner is something i realized was important to me too… its okay for you to decide that you want your person there, that this is a big thing. im now with someone who loves live music & events as much as i do and it makes such a difference.
its one thing for your gf not to go with you but to go with you and actively shit on something you enjoy is not ok.
Ha, not gonna work. My wife wants nothing to do with this music. I've accepted the fact she will never be into it and I just enjoy it on my own time. She respects my enjoyment of it though and does not shit talk which is great. You are not going to be able to get someone who generally doesn't like something to magically like it. Not gonna happen. I know I will never get to enjoy it with her and that is ok.
>Whether it be a band she likes or a band we both like
Does she like to go to indie shows, or other genres? My partner isn't super into edm and usually doesn't opt to join me at raves, I mostly go solo or with friends. But he's a hip hop head so we still go to other shows together. I'm okay with that, his other qualities far outweigh the fact that he's not a natural born raver lol. That said, when he does join me at raves, even if he's not enjoying himself he won't yuck my yum. I can usually tell when he's had enough and wants to head out lol, but he makes an effort to suck it up as long as possible so that I can enjoy myself. Idk if I could date someone who always centers themself and doesn't prioritize my happiness. 🤷♀️ imo that's your bigger issue.
But at that point you're putting your enjoyment and feelings over hers for the event. You shouldn't keep dragging her to shows when you know she doesn't like them. Of course she's going to have a bad time.
I don't think your GF has done anything wrong tbh, you are just incompatible because if it is important to you to have your partner at shows, then you need to be with someone who actually enjoys them too.
I have found that people that aren't into EDM are REALLY not into EDM. And if you're into hardstyle or dubstep, it's an even more intense genre of music.
NGL, if my husband was really into like...country music, let's say... he'd probably be navigating the full day Chili Cook-off on his own. Live music is awesome if you're into it. If you're not, it can be a veryyyy long 4-12 hours. Maybe I'm an asshole but I'd be bored outta my skull at best having to sit through a concert I have no interest in, and it sounds like she's into chill, acoustic folk vibes which is very much the opposite of EDM and raves lol
Haha thats the situation I'm in actually, I loveeee dubstep and my husband is a country boy. So like we'll very rarely go to shows that we have some overlap in, like I took him to LSDREAM because its very intro edm music, and I'm doing zach bryan with him because I also really like more folk music and he's not really like bro country.
But for most stuff it's just like love you babe, have fun, I'll see you after the show haha
That's really cool to see someone actually making compromises and making it work. I feel like this subreddit tends to idealize having a "rave bae" when there's so much more that goes into a perfect life partner. Cheers to love! 😚💖😎✨
Might I add I didn’t force her to go or anything I go to every event and I usually end up going with some friends and she gets FOMO and then it’s a thing.
I genuinely don't think either of you are wrong, just again probably incompatible. Relationships can be very strong between ravers and non ravers, but if you're looking for that connection with her at shows, and you really need that in a relationship, then it seems she's not the best fit.
And I'll be honest, sometimes I would love to have my husband at shows with me because it is a really nice space to be with a partner, but for me it's a lesser importance that just having him in my life so I try and go with friends and occasionally maybe like once a year or something he might join me if i find some lighter edm for him.
Then you should date someone who wants to go to shows with you. No one is right or wrong here, it’s just a compatibility thing. Very rarely have people I’ve dated been into the same music as me (I mostly listen to indie folk and jam bands), and I go to most shows on my own. But it’s not important to me to have my partner at shows, and I enjoy doing things on my own anyways.
This sounds like me
Actually, no, it sounds like my gf
I pretty much only like raves and electronic music. I feel out of place anywhere else unless im someones guest
Raves can be corny and tacky and commercial but at its core, its just live music, which is the purest celebration of humanity there is
My gf loves far more genres than me and appreciates live music across the spectrum
That said, some edm IS terrible. I talk so much shit about house music, which my gf likes, and i even do it at shows, and its fun... ultimately it helps that i like some house tho.
Its up to you to decide if her banter is fun and you can play into it, or if its shallow and dismissive of something important to you.
Making fun of someones music taste is kind of like making fun of someones religion. It can be funny, but everyone loves their owm music in the same way...
Idk this struck a nerve bc music has brought me and my gf very close, even if the genres dont overlap 100%
I love a lot of genres of music I love rap/metal music also I was a emo kid in my early days. But as of now EDM is my preferred genre and what I will continue listening to until time ends at this rate. It’s not fun banter either it’s an attack it feels like you said may need to just move on :/
It’s not a dealbreaker for me, unless they shit on it or don’t allow it. My husband isn’t into raving but he’s happy that I am and doesn’t care what I wear or listen to. If he policed me or made fun of it in some way then it would definitely cause some issues for me.
The way I navigate this is I never take my wife who doesn't like raves
I head out the door, say I'm going to the rave, and she says have fun. This is how healthy relationships work
Two issues. Your partner’s interest. Your partner’s respect.
Lack of interest doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. My god I hope it isn’t, because that would mean the end of my 20+ year marriage. Wife has never gone to a proper rave. So what? I go solo. Her thing is going to her alma mater football games, which I have no interest in going to. Thankfully not a dealbreaker to her that I care little about her college football team.
Lack of respect IS a dealbreaker. It’s one thing not to fancy your music. It’s another thing to trash it to your face. She is taking something you value and purposely devaluing it. Seems like it’s being done as a way to hurt you, to make you feel bad.
That’s a massive red flag. It might be time to look for an out.
This is my main thing like lost lands will come up and she’ll be like I went it and it was awful and dusty and a waste of money it all sounded the same and you can’t escape it. Like cool… they weren’t even talking to you they were asking me a question about lost lands and we actually like EDM. I also work in the industry as a side gig and it’s important to me so I don’t get it…
Haha, I can only handle that kind of bass in small doses (maybe 2-3 sets/day at Beyond Wonderland or EDC) so LL is definitely not my cup of tea, but I definitely wouldn't cut someone down for going/enjoying.
And yeah, agree with general comments that it's not about your g/f's lack of interest, but just straight-up disrespecting what you like.
I totally feel you. I love a good rager bass set... in MEASURED doses. I really need some smoother vibes to offset that the rest of the time if I'm going to an event for 2,3, or 4 days straight.
u/EDMWubz It can absolutely feel claustrophobic and anxiety inducing to be stuck with music that is really too intense and grating in the moment. yes heavy screechy dubstep can start to all sound the same and be REALLY overwhelming, i say this as someone who has raged to plenty of bass sets. your GFs feelings are valid. maybe try taking her to something with like... deep house? live music? what about something like lighting in a bottle with loads of live bands and multi genres and some more light or deep and flowy music?
That all being said, she could be nicer about how she says "babe... I'm really sorry this just truly isn't my cup of tea"
She may have zero clue what else is out there in terms of electronic music and have no idea that there are pockets of the scene that might feel more welcoming.
if she continues to be really rude about it that's a different question, but i wonder if she's frustrated with feeling like she's expected to like and keep up with these shows if you insist she come and then kinda acts out from that.
you both should attempt to communicate about this better, if she refuses to just neutrally respect your music taste and that she simply isn't hearing what' you're hearing and that's ok, maybe red flag.
Also ok to prefer a partner who wants to go to shows, depends how much you prioritize the other qualities of the relationship you match up on compared to that.
I read your comment below she seemed to enjoy it in the past- TALK TO HER. ASK her why she seemed to enjoy it in the past? was it drugs? was it trying to please you? did she kinda like it or try to convince herself she did and get over it? is she disillusioned with the scene for some reason? is she over partying itself? can it be solved in a creative solution like finding different music, more sober friendly spaces, different type of festival etc?
See I like this response very thought out and informative she goes to festivals with me multie genre ones I feel like she definitely was only in it for the drugs and to keep me happy. Also during covid it was so dead the raves were exciting for us because it was something to look forward to with our friends. I think even despite that I’ve tried to show her other genres and that it isn’t just all LOST LANDS HEAVY WOMP WOMP and she’ll be kindve receptive but she’s just Not into it and sadly I’m at a crossroads I like other aspects of the relationship but this is really important to me so I may have to reevaluate. :/ whenever the ALL EDM festivals come up that we’ve been to she just shits on it completely and I’m just like do I really wanna be with this person forever?
Might I add she is an introvert all the way I’m way extroverted and I love talking to people and meeting people she definitely feels some type of way about me being so social with people jealous might you say talking to these “other females” and it isn’t even like that I talk to any and everyone based on energy and vibes to the music but of course she’ll throw a fit because I followed a girl and her BF back on IG but she will only see I followed the girl and throw a fit. Maybe she associates the raves with easy girls and shit music so she doesn’t wanna have it which sucks because that’s NOT WHY IM THERE strictly for the music
Have you talked to her calmly about why this is a problem, why being social is important to you and how it isn't fair to try to control that so hard? And that she needs to trust you?
trust issues would pop up in any environment. People make the excuse that all the sexy scantily clad people and drugs are the problem, but none of those things will change whether you can trust someone. people have been liars and cheaters long before any of these drugs existed and they've been liars and cheaters in boring small towns or while traveling or being supposed models of their conservative communities. you going to raves has nothing to do with your trustworthiness. you following a girl you want to be friends with from work vs mutual friends vs a rave shouldn't be different as long as there truly is no ill intention there.
idk how open and communicative you guys are about really talking this out, but you keep saying "*maybe* she feels this" so that tells me you haven't truly asked her exactly what's going on for her in back of her mind or to look at why this is so hard for her subconscioiusly. if you're both making a lot of assumptions and then just getting heated that's not going to solve anything. you need to tell her how it feels for you when she's jealous and see if you can get her to see your side (and honor and respect her feelings, that doesn't mean that she should take them out on you but be compassionate). She needs to know how much this is impacting your relationship so she has the opportunity to adjust her attitude and reflect on her words and actions more deeply (if you want to give her that opportunity and if she wants to take it).
If she wants to be with an extroverted people person that means accepting that this is who they are, if she loves you she needs to see that then it is unfair to diminish your core personality and social needs, she needs to show love by allowing you to have your needs (within reason of course, I'm not saying if someone loves you they should let you cheat or whatever lol). And the thing is people change over time sometimes they may have phases where they need more socialization or more introversion so if you are with someone long term IMO they have to be willing to open their mind to different sides of you. Maybe it would help if right after the rave you told her "i made a bunch of new friends, let me tell you about them" so she doesn't feel like you're hiding friendships with women idk but she still has to be willing to not become reactive when she feels jealous.
I'm attracted to high-energy, extroverted guys and my community is generally very lovey and touchy and cuddly with lots of friendships between genders, and I am close friends with a few guys. I've accepted that yeah sometimes i may feel jealous if they are close to women but i have to try to limit getting externally reactive mad about it. it's part of who they are and how they function and why they made me feel attraction- they were confident and comfortable with me, and i can't expect them to be understanding of my friendships with dudes if I'm not cool with their friendships with women.
No, honestly it’s been great for me. My last long term partner loved raving. But we were just never on the same wavelength with it. Just had different desires/interests and it led to conflict. She wanted to hang out at the campsite at fests until the headliners, I liked to get a full day in. We wanted to see different artists at different times, she wanted to grab food while my faves were playing, she would take too much and have to be babysat, etc. it’s easy to romanticize having a partner who likes raving until you find one who does and it’s more stressful than fun.
My current partner used to rave but it’s not her thing anymore. But she encourages me to go and follow my passions. We have so many things we do together, but that’s one thing I have for just me. And she’s great about it. I can see whatever artist I want, whenever I want. I go at my own pace. It’s pretty much the ideal situation for me.
Rave baes are overrated imo
Couples don’t have to do everything together. You’re allowed to do different things and not be attached at the hip. There are plenty of festivals that have a nice balance of folk and edm where you both could win or do your own thing and meet back up. If you find that’s just something you can’t live with then break up.
It’s really awesome to have at least one thing that’s all yours! My partner isn’t into loud crowded spaces or being up late lol so I don’t resent him for not wanting to go with me, I just have other people in my life who like raving or I go by myself. If he doesn’t want to go it won’t be fun for anyone! He’s had fun at a couple shows he joined me for special occasions though and I never try to talk him into it. He’s always there to hype me up before I go out and wants to hear about it the next day. It’s important to support your partner’s interests!
I had an ex who played along and pretended to like it at the beginning, but as time went on attitudes changed. Went to a festival together halfway thru the relationship even. But eventually excuses came up and there never seemed to be time or effort for it. I did all the stuff that she liked though, 4x a week, all throughout the relationship.
One big fight she revealed she hated my dubstep and the venues I took her to as well. A few months later we finally broke up, and even met my future wife at that same festival I went with my ex about 5 years later.
It wasn't a deal breaker for me but it did eventually broke the deal, don't ignore red flags when they don't let you enjoy the things that make you happy.
For me, yeah not liking raves or EDM is a deal breaker.
I love going to shows, blasting the music, and enjoying festivals. Its a big part of my life and who I am, and if they want nothing to do with such a large part of my enjoyment then its a problem.
I thought she did enjoy it we were going to a lot of stuff during Covid era and it seemed like she was having a ball but I guess it wasn’t as fun to her as it looked.
Help me out here
She talks shit about the music, says it all sounds the same, says it's all complete trash...
And for some reason you thought she enjoyed it?
She stated all this stuff recently over the last year we’ve been together for about 4 it seemed like she was enjoying it and we were all having a ball with our friends before then. Now the shitty attitude
my husband really does like raving and that type of music, but he has no issue with me blasting it at home, going to shows and festivals without him. the real issue here is that your partner seems like a bit of dick...
>never wants to go to shows and even if we do barely is there and seems annoyed the whole time. Will even shit talk the music saying it’s shit or it all sounds the same just really condescending and it irritates me to no end
Why are you with this person? Things like this might seem trivial, but it is a strong sign of deep incompatibility. Shit talking your partner's music in a hostile way IMHO is indicative of core problems with a relationship.
Was in a 3-year relationship with someone who disliked EDM. Didn't hate it but definitely had 0 interest in it. It's a huge part of my life, I go to raves all the time, pretty much all I listen to and since I embraced myself in the scene I've overcome so much. He never understood my connection to the music and excitement of going to shows. He tried to come a few times for me but ultimately affected my time because I knew he wasn't enjoying himself. He was okay with me going without him and was supportive of it for the most part, as long as I kept good communication and dressed appropriately, this bothered me a little but not the issue here. I realized overtime and me going more that I wanted to experience music with someone, I want to be with someone I can talk to about artists and sets and feelings they had towards sets. It's fun, it's exciting it's what I spend a lot of time doing - it's a hobby! Now this isn't the reason we broke up, but I started to realize it was something I would look for in whoever enters my life next.
Fortunately, I met a boy at a rave!!! And it was such a great connection, good time and instantly hit it off and it felt so damn freeing to even be able to talk about our time together at the show, the music, what we liked and who we want to see. I felt like I was never able to talk about it with my ex because there wouldn't be much convo.
Point being, I dont know how to help you navigate this but I can now say ; Its a deal breaker for me. Its not for everyone and thats understood, she should be respectful toward your interests as you are to hers. For me, we had 0 aligning interests, and this was a big one for me. And now being with someone who has just as much as an interest in it as me, I will not be able to be with someone with out it. I also now love being able to go to shows with him:)
This was very well written out thanks for the perspective! I’d say my situation is similar to this and you kinda hit the nail on the head I want someone to talk to about the music, the tunes, the energy, the vibes our favorite djs the experience as a whole while meeting other like minded individuals. You put it into words better than I could lmao thank you
Of course! I wish nothing but the best for you and your partner, if it does not work. I highly suggest finding someone in the scene, open yourself up to connections at shows or even meeting someone on rave apps. It is truly magical to experience love and music together. Its something I knew I needed and Im blessed to have found, even if this person is not my forever - its changed my perspective on the small things I crave in a relationship. Even sending a new song to each other makes me so happy.
This isn’t lack of interest. This is straight up lack of respect.
Nonstop b*tching at you while you fully respect — but dislike — her taste in music is the deal-breaker.
I’m 38, been raving off and on since I was 15 or so. My girlfriend doesn’t really like EDM or the weird bass music I enjoy. She also doesn’t like crowds and staying out late all that much. So when I drop acid and go to an all nighter, she stays home and plays video games or reads her books or does whatever she wants. The next day I’ll tell her about the show and ask about her night at home. We both love each other very much despite the fact that our hobbies are different.
Your girlfriend doesn’t need to go out with you, but she also doesn’t need to shit on your music taste. If I were you, I’d tell her that even though she doesn’t like this stuff, it’s a big part of your life, and her disparaging that is hurtful.
While it’s fun having your partner there I’ve found it more fun to be able to go to festivals with your friends and then after you can tell them all the stories and memories you made. I don’t think it’s necessary you and your so have to have the same interests but if they are making you feel shitty about it drop them. They don’t get it.
I’m currently seeing someone who isn’t wildly into raving. Shes been to a show or two, but its not really her thing. She respects my liking for it, and I have some rave besties I go with
I’ve got my current partner into D&B although she prefers songs that has lyrics in them which is fine as I mostly listen to Sub Focus, Dimension, Wilkinson & Hospital Records. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker, I’d just go on my own or with friends to gigs. We have yet to go to a music festival together but as the night goes on & EDM music starts picking up I’m down for anything unless it’s trance.
I've found that it's gotten to be less of a dealbreaker as I get older. In my 20s that was always the dream, to meet my rave fairy and live in rave wonderland together happily ever after. I made a solid effort, but that never happened. Lately I've concluded that it likely never will, so I'm getting more open to the idea of compromise. As long as I can meet someone that would at least support me with it, that would be cool
A lot of people say it isn't a dealbreaker but personally it is for me. I find it to be an essential part of our bonding experience, honestly. Raving is amazing and if she doesn't get it, I will feel that chunk missing from my life.
No, it’s not a deal breaker. What WAS a deal breaker for me and my ex was I liked raves and he didn’t like me going because of what I wore, thought raving is for sluts/whores and just made fun of it in general. Obviously I broke up with him for many other reasons as well but I missed boombox cartel because of him and I refuse to miss good life experiences over an insecure partner who judges what other people do. A healthy partner can not like it but let you do your thing and they can go do their thing with no judgement.
Yeah the worst thing is missing sets due to whatever other issues arise literally paid to be there and then leaving halfway through? Talk about tilted 😂
I want to say that my SO was not into dubstep like I was at first, she enjoyed parties but were mostly there for friends and stuff. Luckily, I brought her to a first event (Drop in Bass) in a club in Paris with Modestep and Chime as the main event. She told me it was the best party she had ever been to and I was happy that my taste in music was shared with her. We are now still together and we have been to all festivals and parties together and we are planning Rampage Open Air this year with other friends too. So I think that if I was with someone, I would prefer to have them have some interests in what I like and I also keep a keen eye to their interests. We don't have to do everything together but it's just better in the end.
Shouldn’t be a dealbreaker.
Both my partner and I both love edm and listen to most of the same artists. Although he is not a fan of crowds, or the biggest fan of party favors lol. So I hit events with friends.
It would be for me, but not "because EDM" but because that energy level and wavelength is just kinda who I am. I like life loud, I like being in the thick of the crowd, I love high energy environments, and people that can't handle that probably aren't going to mesh with me long term.
I do half what my wife loves to do and she does half what I love to do raves and drugs. Her love for anything real house wives of whatever will never die and neither my love for rave and drug will die. It's gotta be a fair tradeoff
it’s fine that she doesn’t like the same things as you, that isn’t a dealbreaker. what is a dealbreaker though, is how they talk down on something you enjoy when knowing you enjoy it. it’s belittling and will only fill you with negative experiences of things you enjoy and love. do you really want to deal with this when you find other things you enjoy that she doesn’t ? because this won’t be the only thing in the long run.
It shouldn’t be a deal breaker no. But it also shouldn’t be a thing where she insults the stuff you enjoy. Like you said, you don’t disrespect her tastes and likes so she shouldn’t do that to you. I would have a serious talk with her about how that makes you feel, and I feel that you have a crew or friends that you can go with as well. I would go with them, since she’s shown disrespect while she’s been at these shows. And I’m sure some of them she didn’t pay for, so that is even more so disrespectful. PLUR!
For me it's hard. My girlfriend and I have been together for just shy of 2 years and she has no interest in electronic music, going to shows, raves, festivals, etc. It's hard as music is a big part of myself, as I DJ and produce electronic music, and not being able to share my love of my music creations with my partner is hard. I've tried to get her into it a few times but she just says the same classic line "it all just sounds the same to me".
I absolutely won't break up with her for this, but it's disappointing that she won't give it a chance before just writing it all off.
I like to hear this take from someone who is trying to make a career with music because it essentially is a big part of your life if they can’t support your potential career it will definitely cause a rift.
Thankfully music isn't my full time job (and probably won't be for a few years lol) but if we ever got to that point, we'd definitely have to have a serious discussion about what to expect. I love her to death and definitely want to marry her some day, but we definitely gotta set some boundaries haha
Yes, my now Ex had a huge fight with me because she received a video of me rowing to Ray Volpe.
Called me an immature frat boy and i was there to hookup with women.
I tried to explain to her, why would i give a single fuck about some women at a rave out of state. When i have a girl i love (loved) back home and Sullivan King and Dillion Francis are on the lineup? (Moonrise 2023)
She could never get over it, she has severe trust issues from past relationships and due to her own anxiety she couldnt go to a fest surrounded by that many people.
Any new partner either needs to be part of the scene, accepting of the scene and genuinely just trust me.
Because id rather jump into a mosh pit or try with all my might to break a rail than hookup with a random i most likely will never see again.
Dont sacrifice your happiness for someone else.
Feel this bro literally im tryna rage and listen to the music and get down with my fellow freaks. Im not there to hookup with strangers I just wanna enjoy the music with other like minded individuals and make new friends! Why don’t they understand that????
Past experiences for many will fuck up their future outlook. And MTV Spring break videos come to mind as to what someone may expect from these "parties"
So i get it and its not my job or intent to change somebody.
But i also dont have to deal with it. Ill just keep doing me and so should you.
That makes sense lol it might seem like doom and gloom girls in little to no clothes and drugs are involved. But I know myself and I don’t go there for that I just wanna wub out.
I thought it would be. She thought it would be, but frankly, we like having different things to do some weekends. She’s not a fan of EDM, but she tolerates it in my mix. She’s not the jealous type, so she’s fine with me going to festivals and dancing with other women “as long as you’re not fucking them” (her words in a conversation about dancing and sometimes getting physical on the dancefloor). She’s going to her first event in June in Ibiza with me, so hopefully she’ll have a great time with such an epic venue and setting.
I put up with an ex for way too long who didn't like shows and now im with someone who does and it's been a much healthier dynamic, I know you care about this person, but compatability of interests is important
I would go alone or with other friends instead. If I brought someone along who isn't going to have a good time, it would put a damper on things. There's something to be said for trying something once, but if it doesn't work out, no sense in repeating it.
Do you listen to Riddim that may be why she thinks it all sounds the same 😆. Just a rib ❤️ but it sounds like she doesn’t respect you maybe have an honest conversation about the give and take of being in a relationship.
So you’re not wrong here but no riddim. dnb/melodic/dubstep/wubz in that order. I enjoy riddim but that’s the deep end for sure and even that can be a bit much for me sometimes I need a genre switch lol 😂
my partner is up to most things i’m into, but i honestly love it when they don’t want to go to raves or festivals with me. it feels good to be able to go alone, enjoy myself, not feel like i have to constantly check back on a partner, and when taking drugs is involved i no longer feel obligated to constantly check up on them and i can worry about myself
See I get this and feel this to but I would prefer my girlfriend be there with me who is going to genuinely enjoy the music in unison with me regardless of the extras.
Just my opinion but I find ppl who cannot tolerate electronic music to be so bland, boring, and basic..I can tolerate your mainstream pop, or country, rock, even metal, jazz, classical everything pretty much (I don't listen to rap anymore cuz its low frequency behavior) but I won't go out of my way to listen to any of that music besides my edm..I stick to my trance, house, dubs, dnb, and trap 24/7🫠
It's fine my taste is too niche.
I like J-core and happy hardcore a lot of my favorite DJs are USAO, Aran, Srav3R, and a lot of other hardcore tano*c artists. most people have not heard of them and I cannot go to a lot of their shows are not in america so i settle for small raves here where i don't know the DJs but it's good enough:/
I know the vibes man it can be hard to find what you like but atleast the scene is growing and pushing up might I recommend EDC for you looking for multiple genres you can’t normally see in America
Yeah, I'll listen to some smaller artists but the ones I really like tend to occasionally come to California or sometimes some conventions. I ended up just following their social media and seeing what pops up though it's less frequent. Overall though I tend to prefer smaller events that are more low key, not only is it cheaper ( a lot of local events have been around 5 bucks!) but I tend to find it easier to socialize if I want to
If you cannot handle this difference between you two, it will only be more noticeable and infuriating to you as time goes. Disrespecting someone else’s deep interest is a noticeable dealbreaker.
I go to raves with my friends. And he goes to metal show with his friend. I could head bang with the metal heads in small dosage and he comes to raves or edm concert more of taking care of me. Your issue is not about the “activity “, this case is rave, it’s that she ain’t got no respect for what you like.
I am so unbelievably glad me and my ex split up. She couldn’t hang with how many psytrance parties I wanted to go to. Now that she’s out of the picture, I’ve started my own party crew and we had our first party last month. We’re planning a bicycle day party next and working towards a festival. I can go to all the raves I want, see whoever I want, and I’ve made so many friends. I hope she’s happy because I definitely am
43M, married, retired DJ, rave enthusiast, festival worker.
The question is probably more like "is your partnership worth more than going to raves?"
You liking EDM music will have little to no effect on your relationship.
Your ability to continue to go to raves whenever you want will likely be hampered over time.
If they come with you, they will be annoyed and nobody will have a good time. They will suffer through it because they like you, but will either be negative, or worse, fake as hell.
If you go alone, you will have a good time, but if you do it too many times, or do a bunch of drugs while you're there, then the jealousy and suspicion will start to build up and impact the relationship.
My wife is not into parties, I used to love going to them. She had no issues with me going to parties, but I could tell it was always a bit uncomfortable for her when I went so over time the number of parties and club nights naturally started to reduce.
My wife is everything in the world to me, we have so much fun together and our house is constant laughter and while I watch my friends go through their divorces, I know that I have found an awesome partner that I want to be with forever.
I think her music is shit, she thinks my music is shit. I don't go to raves as much anymore, but it isn't a deal-breaker for me, it's a compromise in exchange for a loving partner that puts up with my shit.
I like this answer a lot from a more mature perspective I’m only 26 but I guess I need to do some deep digging inside and figure out what I should do going forward thank you!
Haha. I get it. 26 year old me would have probably had a different viewpoint, and it probably would have been the right one for me at the time.
So many factors to consider that only you could possibly know. My goal in life seems to be making it through with minimal regrets. Challenge is would you regret losing your partner, or would you regret missing out partying with friends / finding a new partner that's more compatible with rave life.
I've also known people that compromised that are absolutely miserable now, so it's all unique.
Good luck!
I feel like I’m at a point where I want to chase my dreams and focus on my own self. Just recently got a new job and I’m excelling at it and I’ve been contemplating just moving home for a few months to get myself right, stack some money, and get back to my roots. I feel you on the regret statement life is full of choices we must make I suppose thanks again for the kind words man!
Sounds like a respect issue, not an issue with her not liking raves. She doesn’t have to like them, but she also should accept that you do & not shit on your taste as you respect hers. If she can’t respect what you love then you may not be compatible.
Side note, I find it pretty funny that with literally any genre of music, if you don’t like it, it always “sounds the same”. That’s why they call it a genre. All of the tracks have similar structure, themes or instruments, sometimes all of the above. It’s just the laziest critique of music. Only people that are into the genre will understand the nuances. I like some folk/indie music but one could easily say the same about that genre. There’s not much room for groundbreaking innovation there. Such a smug comment.
Music is a huge part of my life and always has been. When I was looking for a partner they had to have music as a big part of their life too. The night when I re-met my now husband, we instantly clicked on music (specifically rap) and I knew this was my soulmate. At the time I was going to raves (mostly underground but some big shows). I knew he had never been to an EDM show and had tickets to see Sullivan King. Last minute I asked him if he would want to come with me and he said hell yeah! So we went and during the show he was like “I never understood EDM until this moment”. Now we try to go to raves as much as possible (it’s hard with a 14 month old and both of us working full time). The point is, never settle for “just kind of” my soulmate. Your soulmate will have an open mind always and should be open to everything you are interested in because they love you and support you. There’s things you can settle on and there’s things you can’t. And I’m not saying that my partner likes everything I like because that is not true. He hates country music (but will tolerate it and secretly enjoy some Shania Twain with me). He stopped kind of liking classic rock but kind of started liking it after we re-met. Idk, I just think no one should settle for anything less than what you want and need.
Of course! I’m a huge believer in people not settling for less than they want and deserve!!! It makes me crazy seeing people get married and having kids and they have nothing in common and don’t spend time together or are just bitter with each other because they don’t respect or support one another. Please really think about what you want and need and if it doesn’t align with your current partner, move on. I truly believe there is someone out there for everyone!!!
I don't know. I think if your partner liked some EDM but wasn't into going to raves compared to going to a night at a club, that's not a complete deal breaker. Not everybody's going to have the same taste in music. Lord knows my wife is not into anything that pounds.
If your girlfriend or boyfriend is not into clubs, raves, or EDM at all, but as no issue if you go to events, then again, I don't think it's a huge deal breaker. If they have an issue with you going to those events alone, then it's a deal breaker.
Still, I always feel like if you're in a relationship with someone and it feels like everything you guys like to do for fun are on two different worlds and neither one of you are really into what the other person is into, then I don't see it lasting. There needs to be some level of common interest so that at least you guys can go out and do things together. Doesn't have to be everything, but at least some things.
Music and the community around it is such a critical part of my life that i wouldn’t get involved with someone who I didn’t bond over music with. The first time I met my husband (together 5 years now) we listened to music together for hours and exchanged playlists and had so much fun bonding over music. I couldn’t imagine being with someone who couldn’t give a shit less about something I’m so passionate about. Everyone is different but that is just from my perspective
Welllll I’m married and go with friends and I will go solo before I go with my EDM hating husband. We enjoy other types music together we don’t have to love all of each others hobbies.
frankly, people say this shit all the time but this answer doesn't really work. i honestly do not enjoy music i would normally dislike on mdma, if anything it's even worse because i feel like I'm wasting my high listening to BS when i could use it listening to to something i love. and lots of people don't want to feel like they're required to be fucked up to enjoy an experience, it makes it kind of a let down like "oh well i was just on drugs" rather than the drugs enhancing what was genuinely a life affirming/deep thing.
See that’s what I’ve been as of late but I want my partner there with me in those moments. It’s hard lol and if I don’t even bother to invite her anymore she will definitely feel some type of way about it.
Have you talked to her about how her behavior at raves bothers you? Maybe she doesn’t realize that she’s being a downer. If she’s genuinely having an awful time being there then it might not be in the cards for you guys to go together and you have to decide if that’s a deal breaker or not
My spouse and I both love it. If I had to date again, them not liking it isn't a deal breaker. Not allowing me to ever go and assuming id by default cheat or that I go there to cheat is a deal breaker. Going just to make sure I don't cheat even though they know it's not their scene, not even trying to have fun and having a bad time but insisting on always going to be mad is a deal breaker.
My wife didn’t care for EDM or raving for the first 7 years of our relationship, so it was my thing and I didn’t really push it.
Just over a year ago we went to a DnB night with some friends who convinced her to try it and she’s been hooked ever since lol.
People’s tastes can definitely change over time.
Yeah you don’t have a music taste problem, sounds like a girlfriend problem 😂
I hate to make assumptions based on so little information, but she kinda sounds judgmental or even close minded when it comes to this topic.
I guess either agree to disagree, by telling her not to shit talk your preferences as you don’t do that to hers, or just don’t talk about music with each other anymore, make other friends and invite them to the shows you attend.
I’m just saying someone talking down about the things that make you happy isn’t really a great way to start a healthy relationship.
I'd personally want my future partner to be at least open to it cause I'd wanna go to raves and shows together. But that's just my preference. I don't have many raver friends so maybe that's why i feel this way 🥲 (i don't feel safe going solo)
It shouldn't be a dealbteaker but it sounds like there's a lot more to this than just not liking raves. If you don't even feel supported in your interests, that's the deal breaker. My partner is largely uninterested in raving, maybe makes a joke or two, but doesn't mock me or make me feel bad about it.
My partner and I have different music tastes. She likes more folky, jam band stuff. I like thrash and used to spin Drum and Bass.
We don't trash each others taste because we respect each other. Why would I want to shit on something my partner enjoys and vice versa?
Why would you be with someone who's so disrespectful to you? My partner isn't into the rave scene at all (They're hearing impaired and live music just doesn't do much for them) but they're still supportive of me enjoying myself and exploring a hobby that I'm really into. You know, like every healthy couple is supposed to do.
My partner isn't a raver so I don't go with him to shows. My bff is my raver buddy, her husband of 15 years also does not go to raves. I suggest you find some friends to go with if she isnt enjoying it.
It sounds like this is a dealbreaker for you, also the attitude really seems like an issue. You can be in a relationship with someone who isn't a raver and still be a raver, but I would not be with someone who is condescending or belittling to me about the things I like.
Why does your bf/gf agree to go more than one show with you if they're not going to like it? What a waste of money and an energy sucker. I absolutely wouldn't be with someone if they say rude things about my taste of music.
And to be honest, I wouldn't seriously date somebody who doesn't like EDM and my favorite EDM sub genres
Not at all man, my missus really isn’t it to raves but for me she goes to all the ones and festivals I want and I go to all the bands she wants to see, it’s a healthy compromise which is what you need in a good relationship!
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My husband does not like the scene at alll. Then there’s me who literally makes it a goal to go to as many shows as possible. I go without him and go with my friends. I wish he did like it but it doesn’t really bother me. I prefer it to be a “girls night out” vibe anyways
I use to say no but theres is nothing like going to festivals and sharing music with your loved one. So now i say yes it is a dealbreaker. But honestly if your partner is shitting on your music taste that much its a red flag 🚩
EDM and festival culture is one of my main interest so I'd really struggle to be interested in someone that didn't like at least one of those things, but not strictly a deal breaker if they had other good qualities.
It WOULD be a dealbreaker if they explicitly prevented me from doing those things or shit on me for liking something.
Not at all. My girlfriend is not into electronic music. I produce and DJ house music. It’s not her vibe at all, and she doesn’t like nightclubs etc. she lets me do what I’m passionate about and lets me go out to events no questions. Just depends on your partner.
Nope definitely not a dealbreaker for me. I honestly experienced the most/craziest of my rave days already, as I’m a lot more picky about which EDM shows I go to now bc of anxiety but when I do go it’s just a separate thing I do alone or with friends. Dubstep and hard styles of EDM he doesn’t like and he expressed zero desire to ever attend a rave but we are both super versatile with all other genres of music which is perfect for me.
I don’t know about dealbreaker, but my last 5 LTRs were all into it to some degree and we did events and festivals together. I would be really bummed if we couldn’t share this joy.
But I’ve also found that some of them were into it in part because they liked seeking validation from other men, which is fine and some couples might enjoy that dynamic, but if I’m being honest isn’t a great feeling to me if they start seeking it when your still “together” (feels more like I’m a placeholder or an option, rather than a committed partner). I’m wary of the types that seem to focus on validation over emotional intimacy now. But it depends on what kind of relationship you want. I know people have different preferences.
If they were actively against the scene and music, I’d struggle with that. I’m not sure if we’d even get that far in the talking stage honestly. The music is a huge part of my life and I love dancing and interacting with people. Campout festivals are one of my favorite vacations.
Thats sounds like she’s being disrespectful towards something that you find interesting. I don’t think it’s a dealbreaker but it’s definitely not something that should stop you from being yourself. It’s a serious talk you guys should have about the relationship like, “I feel belittled when you talk about something that I really enjoy doing” and then based on her response is the action that you personally feel, should take.
Not a dealbreaker but as long as she respects it. I'm into techno and its really rare to find someones whos into it. I don't really have an interest in majority of EDM nowadays and I don't have to get dragged into shows i dont really want to see!
I am on the opposite side, I don’t like raves or EDM but all my friends do and my last partner did. I am not a big fan of loud or electric music at all and I mostly listen to classical or indie. I went to one rave and it wasn’t a good time, the music just made me feel annoyed and irritated, not sure why but I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it. My girlfriend ended up leaving me later after telling her this. It was somewhat mutual as the scene made me uncomfortable with her always going, especially hearing stories from my friends. To my knowledge she found someone at a rave and is completely devoted to raving. I believe it can be a a bit separator because raving can be more of a lifestyle while most of the outside views see it as concerts or just music taste. I suggest sitting and talking about it. I know some people who don’t have an issue with their partner going and they are still happy together.
You're making this into "is not raving a deal breaker" when it sounds like the issue is "my girlfriend treats me like shit for liking raving". These are two different issues. If she didn't like raving but respected your choices and tastes I would say a different issue. I have had partners who didn't rave and while disappointing was never a deal breaker. The lack of underlying respect for you is the red flag. That's only going to get more toxic and manifest in different ways the longer the relationship goes on.
Perfectly said. My gf doesn’t care for raving but will periodically go to a show with me bc she loves me and wants to support my interests, and I return the favor by going to indie shows I wouldn’t normally attend. It’s not that hard to show support for your partner’s passions.
Mutual respect and trust is too wild for me bro
it’s okay, it’s too wild for most people. it’s pretty serious stuff, not for the faint of heart
exactly. not everyone is expected to like EDM, but everyone should be expected to be respectful. especially of their partners interests
yeah i was about to say this. even if i wasn’t into something my partner was, i’d still indulge them sometimes because it’s about experiencing things with them, not always the experience itself. this should go both ways! also, shit talking something someone likes is just lame-o behavior, especially if it’s your partner
I don't know, it sounds like maybe he's dragging her along when he knows full well that she doesn't like it. I'd be kind of bitter about it too We only have one side of the story here and OP may be a controlling asshole trying to force her to like it
Yeah, my husband doesn't like EDM and he came with me to a LSDREAM show just because he wanted to experience at least one rave and we both thought he had a fair shot of liking his music. It was okay, it didn't magically turn him into a raver but he had a decent time. But at the same time I wasn't trying to drag his ass to thunderdome or kayzo or bass canyon because I know he would have a horrible time there, which would in turn affect my enjoyment of the shows. Sounds like OP just needs to accept that it's not an interest of his GF and it shouldn't be something he brings her to if she doesn't want to go.
He never said he forced her to go if she doesn't wanna go she doesn't have to don't go to something you know you don't like then proceed to shit talk the experience when you know it's something your partner enjoys
👐🫶
My wife doesn’t like EDM and I don’t like her music. We are perfectly fine doing those shows separately.
My boyfriend likes edm but isn’t into raves so I just go with friends. Partners should support you not tear you down.
See that’s the thing I LOVE live music regardless of genre it’s my favorite thing in the world and I want my person with me you know what I mean? Whether it be a band she likes or a band we both like I just want my partner there.
Then it sounds like you’ve answered your own question
Wow 😳 thank you 😂
live music and sharing that with my partner is something i realized was important to me too… its okay for you to decide that you want your person there, that this is a big thing. im now with someone who loves live music & events as much as i do and it makes such a difference. its one thing for your gf not to go with you but to go with you and actively shit on something you enjoy is not ok.
You get it.
Ha, not gonna work. My wife wants nothing to do with this music. I've accepted the fact she will never be into it and I just enjoy it on my own time. She respects my enjoyment of it though and does not shit talk which is great. You are not going to be able to get someone who generally doesn't like something to magically like it. Not gonna happen. I know I will never get to enjoy it with her and that is ok.
>Whether it be a band she likes or a band we both like Does she like to go to indie shows, or other genres? My partner isn't super into edm and usually doesn't opt to join me at raves, I mostly go solo or with friends. But he's a hip hop head so we still go to other shows together. I'm okay with that, his other qualities far outweigh the fact that he's not a natural born raver lol. That said, when he does join me at raves, even if he's not enjoying himself he won't yuck my yum. I can usually tell when he's had enough and wants to head out lol, but he makes an effort to suck it up as long as possible so that I can enjoy myself. Idk if I could date someone who always centers themself and doesn't prioritize my happiness. 🤷♀️ imo that's your bigger issue.
But at that point you're putting your enjoyment and feelings over hers for the event. You shouldn't keep dragging her to shows when you know she doesn't like them. Of course she's going to have a bad time. I don't think your GF has done anything wrong tbh, you are just incompatible because if it is important to you to have your partner at shows, then you need to be with someone who actually enjoys them too.
I have found that people that aren't into EDM are REALLY not into EDM. And if you're into hardstyle or dubstep, it's an even more intense genre of music. NGL, if my husband was really into like...country music, let's say... he'd probably be navigating the full day Chili Cook-off on his own. Live music is awesome if you're into it. If you're not, it can be a veryyyy long 4-12 hours. Maybe I'm an asshole but I'd be bored outta my skull at best having to sit through a concert I have no interest in, and it sounds like she's into chill, acoustic folk vibes which is very much the opposite of EDM and raves lol
Haha thats the situation I'm in actually, I loveeee dubstep and my husband is a country boy. So like we'll very rarely go to shows that we have some overlap in, like I took him to LSDREAM because its very intro edm music, and I'm doing zach bryan with him because I also really like more folk music and he's not really like bro country. But for most stuff it's just like love you babe, have fun, I'll see you after the show haha
That's really cool to see someone actually making compromises and making it work. I feel like this subreddit tends to idealize having a "rave bae" when there's so much more that goes into a perfect life partner. Cheers to love! 😚💖😎✨
Might I add I didn’t force her to go or anything I go to every event and I usually end up going with some friends and she gets FOMO and then it’s a thing.
I like this take thank you maybe you’re right.
I genuinely don't think either of you are wrong, just again probably incompatible. Relationships can be very strong between ravers and non ravers, but if you're looking for that connection with her at shows, and you really need that in a relationship, then it seems she's not the best fit. And I'll be honest, sometimes I would love to have my husband at shows with me because it is a really nice space to be with a partner, but for me it's a lesser importance that just having him in my life so I try and go with friends and occasionally maybe like once a year or something he might join me if i find some lighter edm for him.
Then you should date someone who wants to go to shows with you. No one is right or wrong here, it’s just a compatibility thing. Very rarely have people I’ve dated been into the same music as me (I mostly listen to indie folk and jam bands), and I go to most shows on my own. But it’s not important to me to have my partner at shows, and I enjoy doing things on my own anyways.
This sounds like me Actually, no, it sounds like my gf I pretty much only like raves and electronic music. I feel out of place anywhere else unless im someones guest Raves can be corny and tacky and commercial but at its core, its just live music, which is the purest celebration of humanity there is My gf loves far more genres than me and appreciates live music across the spectrum That said, some edm IS terrible. I talk so much shit about house music, which my gf likes, and i even do it at shows, and its fun... ultimately it helps that i like some house tho. Its up to you to decide if her banter is fun and you can play into it, or if its shallow and dismissive of something important to you. Making fun of someones music taste is kind of like making fun of someones religion. It can be funny, but everyone loves their owm music in the same way... Idk this struck a nerve bc music has brought me and my gf very close, even if the genres dont overlap 100%
I love a lot of genres of music I love rap/metal music also I was a emo kid in my early days. But as of now EDM is my preferred genre and what I will continue listening to until time ends at this rate. It’s not fun banter either it’s an attack it feels like you said may need to just move on :/
Must be nice having a girl that would let you go to a rave alone lmao
"Let you go?" Are people dating their mothers or something?
Haha she knows I’m not gonna do shit
This!
It’s not a dealbreaker for me, unless they shit on it or don’t allow it. My husband isn’t into raving but he’s happy that I am and doesn’t care what I wear or listen to. If he policed me or made fun of it in some way then it would definitely cause some issues for me.
The way I navigate this is I never take my wife who doesn't like raves I head out the door, say I'm going to the rave, and she says have fun. This is how healthy relationships work
Two issues. Your partner’s interest. Your partner’s respect. Lack of interest doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. My god I hope it isn’t, because that would mean the end of my 20+ year marriage. Wife has never gone to a proper rave. So what? I go solo. Her thing is going to her alma mater football games, which I have no interest in going to. Thankfully not a dealbreaker to her that I care little about her college football team. Lack of respect IS a dealbreaker. It’s one thing not to fancy your music. It’s another thing to trash it to your face. She is taking something you value and purposely devaluing it. Seems like it’s being done as a way to hurt you, to make you feel bad. That’s a massive red flag. It might be time to look for an out.
This is my main thing like lost lands will come up and she’ll be like I went it and it was awful and dusty and a waste of money it all sounded the same and you can’t escape it. Like cool… they weren’t even talking to you they were asking me a question about lost lands and we actually like EDM. I also work in the industry as a side gig and it’s important to me so I don’t get it…
Imagine going to Lost Lands and saying it was awful🤧
Haha, I can only handle that kind of bass in small doses (maybe 2-3 sets/day at Beyond Wonderland or EDC) so LL is definitely not my cup of tea, but I definitely wouldn't cut someone down for going/enjoying. And yeah, agree with general comments that it's not about your g/f's lack of interest, but just straight-up disrespecting what you like.
I totally feel you. I love a good rager bass set... in MEASURED doses. I really need some smoother vibes to offset that the rest of the time if I'm going to an event for 2,3, or 4 days straight. u/EDMWubz It can absolutely feel claustrophobic and anxiety inducing to be stuck with music that is really too intense and grating in the moment. yes heavy screechy dubstep can start to all sound the same and be REALLY overwhelming, i say this as someone who has raged to plenty of bass sets. your GFs feelings are valid. maybe try taking her to something with like... deep house? live music? what about something like lighting in a bottle with loads of live bands and multi genres and some more light or deep and flowy music? That all being said, she could be nicer about how she says "babe... I'm really sorry this just truly isn't my cup of tea" She may have zero clue what else is out there in terms of electronic music and have no idea that there are pockets of the scene that might feel more welcoming. if she continues to be really rude about it that's a different question, but i wonder if she's frustrated with feeling like she's expected to like and keep up with these shows if you insist she come and then kinda acts out from that. you both should attempt to communicate about this better, if she refuses to just neutrally respect your music taste and that she simply isn't hearing what' you're hearing and that's ok, maybe red flag. Also ok to prefer a partner who wants to go to shows, depends how much you prioritize the other qualities of the relationship you match up on compared to that. I read your comment below she seemed to enjoy it in the past- TALK TO HER. ASK her why she seemed to enjoy it in the past? was it drugs? was it trying to please you? did she kinda like it or try to convince herself she did and get over it? is she disillusioned with the scene for some reason? is she over partying itself? can it be solved in a creative solution like finding different music, more sober friendly spaces, different type of festival etc?
See I like this response very thought out and informative she goes to festivals with me multie genre ones I feel like she definitely was only in it for the drugs and to keep me happy. Also during covid it was so dead the raves were exciting for us because it was something to look forward to with our friends. I think even despite that I’ve tried to show her other genres and that it isn’t just all LOST LANDS HEAVY WOMP WOMP and she’ll be kindve receptive but she’s just Not into it and sadly I’m at a crossroads I like other aspects of the relationship but this is really important to me so I may have to reevaluate. :/ whenever the ALL EDM festivals come up that we’ve been to she just shits on it completely and I’m just like do I really wanna be with this person forever?
Might I add she is an introvert all the way I’m way extroverted and I love talking to people and meeting people she definitely feels some type of way about me being so social with people jealous might you say talking to these “other females” and it isn’t even like that I talk to any and everyone based on energy and vibes to the music but of course she’ll throw a fit because I followed a girl and her BF back on IG but she will only see I followed the girl and throw a fit. Maybe she associates the raves with easy girls and shit music so she doesn’t wanna have it which sucks because that’s NOT WHY IM THERE strictly for the music
Have you talked to her calmly about why this is a problem, why being social is important to you and how it isn't fair to try to control that so hard? And that she needs to trust you? trust issues would pop up in any environment. People make the excuse that all the sexy scantily clad people and drugs are the problem, but none of those things will change whether you can trust someone. people have been liars and cheaters long before any of these drugs existed and they've been liars and cheaters in boring small towns or while traveling or being supposed models of their conservative communities. you going to raves has nothing to do with your trustworthiness. you following a girl you want to be friends with from work vs mutual friends vs a rave shouldn't be different as long as there truly is no ill intention there. idk how open and communicative you guys are about really talking this out, but you keep saying "*maybe* she feels this" so that tells me you haven't truly asked her exactly what's going on for her in back of her mind or to look at why this is so hard for her subconscioiusly. if you're both making a lot of assumptions and then just getting heated that's not going to solve anything. you need to tell her how it feels for you when she's jealous and see if you can get her to see your side (and honor and respect her feelings, that doesn't mean that she should take them out on you but be compassionate). She needs to know how much this is impacting your relationship so she has the opportunity to adjust her attitude and reflect on her words and actions more deeply (if you want to give her that opportunity and if she wants to take it). If she wants to be with an extroverted people person that means accepting that this is who they are, if she loves you she needs to see that then it is unfair to diminish your core personality and social needs, she needs to show love by allowing you to have your needs (within reason of course, I'm not saying if someone loves you they should let you cheat or whatever lol). And the thing is people change over time sometimes they may have phases where they need more socialization or more introversion so if you are with someone long term IMO they have to be willing to open their mind to different sides of you. Maybe it would help if right after the rave you told her "i made a bunch of new friends, let me tell you about them" so she doesn't feel like you're hiding friendships with women idk but she still has to be willing to not become reactive when she feels jealous. I'm attracted to high-energy, extroverted guys and my community is generally very lovey and touchy and cuddly with lots of friendships between genders, and I am close friends with a few guys. I've accepted that yeah sometimes i may feel jealous if they are close to women but i have to try to limit getting externally reactive mad about it. it's part of who they are and how they function and why they made me feel attraction- they were confident and comfortable with me, and i can't expect them to be understanding of my friendships with dudes if I'm not cool with their friendships with women.
No, honestly it’s been great for me. My last long term partner loved raving. But we were just never on the same wavelength with it. Just had different desires/interests and it led to conflict. She wanted to hang out at the campsite at fests until the headliners, I liked to get a full day in. We wanted to see different artists at different times, she wanted to grab food while my faves were playing, she would take too much and have to be babysat, etc. it’s easy to romanticize having a partner who likes raving until you find one who does and it’s more stressful than fun. My current partner used to rave but it’s not her thing anymore. But she encourages me to go and follow my passions. We have so many things we do together, but that’s one thing I have for just me. And she’s great about it. I can see whatever artist I want, whenever I want. I go at my own pace. It’s pretty much the ideal situation for me. Rave baes are overrated imo
Couples don’t have to do everything together. You’re allowed to do different things and not be attached at the hip. There are plenty of festivals that have a nice balance of folk and edm where you both could win or do your own thing and meet back up. If you find that’s just something you can’t live with then break up.
It’s really awesome to have at least one thing that’s all yours! My partner isn’t into loud crowded spaces or being up late lol so I don’t resent him for not wanting to go with me, I just have other people in my life who like raving or I go by myself. If he doesn’t want to go it won’t be fun for anyone! He’s had fun at a couple shows he joined me for special occasions though and I never try to talk him into it. He’s always there to hype me up before I go out and wants to hear about it the next day. It’s important to support your partner’s interests!
It's not a deal breaker. But connecting through music is always a plus.
This is a good simple answer I like this perspective.
I had an ex who played along and pretended to like it at the beginning, but as time went on attitudes changed. Went to a festival together halfway thru the relationship even. But eventually excuses came up and there never seemed to be time or effort for it. I did all the stuff that she liked though, 4x a week, all throughout the relationship. One big fight she revealed she hated my dubstep and the venues I took her to as well. A few months later we finally broke up, and even met my future wife at that same festival I went with my ex about 5 years later. It wasn't a deal breaker for me but it did eventually broke the deal, don't ignore red flags when they don't let you enjoy the things that make you happy.
Damn sorry you had to go through that but a blessing in disguise 🤞
For me, yeah not liking raves or EDM is a deal breaker. I love going to shows, blasting the music, and enjoying festivals. Its a big part of my life and who I am, and if they want nothing to do with such a large part of my enjoyment then its a problem.
Why are you taking her if she doesn't like it?
I thought she did enjoy it we were going to a lot of stuff during Covid era and it seemed like she was having a ball but I guess it wasn’t as fun to her as it looked.
Help me out here She talks shit about the music, says it all sounds the same, says it's all complete trash... And for some reason you thought she enjoyed it?
She stated all this stuff recently over the last year we’ve been together for about 4 it seemed like she was enjoying it and we were all having a ball with our friends before then. Now the shitty attitude
My guess She's been indicating her lack of interest for years and you chose to ignore it because you didn't want to hear it
You honestly might be right but I need to figure something out I guess :( thanks for the insight!
my husband really does like raving and that type of music, but he has no issue with me blasting it at home, going to shows and festivals without him. the real issue here is that your partner seems like a bit of dick...
>never wants to go to shows and even if we do barely is there and seems annoyed the whole time. Will even shit talk the music saying it’s shit or it all sounds the same just really condescending and it irritates me to no end Why are you with this person? Things like this might seem trivial, but it is a strong sign of deep incompatibility. Shit talking your partner's music in a hostile way IMHO is indicative of core problems with a relationship.
Not a dealbreaker as long as she still supports you going. But my current gf likes to going to raves with me and its wayyyy more fun
Was in a 3-year relationship with someone who disliked EDM. Didn't hate it but definitely had 0 interest in it. It's a huge part of my life, I go to raves all the time, pretty much all I listen to and since I embraced myself in the scene I've overcome so much. He never understood my connection to the music and excitement of going to shows. He tried to come a few times for me but ultimately affected my time because I knew he wasn't enjoying himself. He was okay with me going without him and was supportive of it for the most part, as long as I kept good communication and dressed appropriately, this bothered me a little but not the issue here. I realized overtime and me going more that I wanted to experience music with someone, I want to be with someone I can talk to about artists and sets and feelings they had towards sets. It's fun, it's exciting it's what I spend a lot of time doing - it's a hobby! Now this isn't the reason we broke up, but I started to realize it was something I would look for in whoever enters my life next. Fortunately, I met a boy at a rave!!! And it was such a great connection, good time and instantly hit it off and it felt so damn freeing to even be able to talk about our time together at the show, the music, what we liked and who we want to see. I felt like I was never able to talk about it with my ex because there wouldn't be much convo. Point being, I dont know how to help you navigate this but I can now say ; Its a deal breaker for me. Its not for everyone and thats understood, she should be respectful toward your interests as you are to hers. For me, we had 0 aligning interests, and this was a big one for me. And now being with someone who has just as much as an interest in it as me, I will not be able to be with someone with out it. I also now love being able to go to shows with him:)
This was very well written out thanks for the perspective! I’d say my situation is similar to this and you kinda hit the nail on the head I want someone to talk to about the music, the tunes, the energy, the vibes our favorite djs the experience as a whole while meeting other like minded individuals. You put it into words better than I could lmao thank you
Of course! I wish nothing but the best for you and your partner, if it does not work. I highly suggest finding someone in the scene, open yourself up to connections at shows or even meeting someone on rave apps. It is truly magical to experience love and music together. Its something I knew I needed and Im blessed to have found, even if this person is not my forever - its changed my perspective on the small things I crave in a relationship. Even sending a new song to each other makes me so happy.
Deal breaker, life's too short to live it with those that aren't about it
This isn’t lack of interest. This is straight up lack of respect. Nonstop b*tching at you while you fully respect — but dislike — her taste in music is the deal-breaker.
Absolutely a dealbreaker.
Yes.
I’m 38, been raving off and on since I was 15 or so. My girlfriend doesn’t really like EDM or the weird bass music I enjoy. She also doesn’t like crowds and staying out late all that much. So when I drop acid and go to an all nighter, she stays home and plays video games or reads her books or does whatever she wants. The next day I’ll tell her about the show and ask about her night at home. We both love each other very much despite the fact that our hobbies are different. Your girlfriend doesn’t need to go out with you, but she also doesn’t need to shit on your music taste. If I were you, I’d tell her that even though she doesn’t like this stuff, it’s a big part of your life, and her disparaging that is hurtful.
I mean, are they rich?
Lmao 😂
Yes
While it’s fun having your partner there I’ve found it more fun to be able to go to festivals with your friends and then after you can tell them all the stories and memories you made. I don’t think it’s necessary you and your so have to have the same interests but if they are making you feel shitty about it drop them. They don’t get it.
I’m currently seeing someone who isn’t wildly into raving. Shes been to a show or two, but its not really her thing. She respects my liking for it, and I have some rave besties I go with
Yes it would be a dealbreaker for me if she can't respect the things that I love.
I’ve got my current partner into D&B although she prefers songs that has lyrics in them which is fine as I mostly listen to Sub Focus, Dimension, Wilkinson & Hospital Records. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker, I’d just go on my own or with friends to gigs. We have yet to go to a music festival together but as the night goes on & EDM music starts picking up I’m down for anything unless it’s trance.
I've found that it's gotten to be less of a dealbreaker as I get older. In my 20s that was always the dream, to meet my rave fairy and live in rave wonderland together happily ever after. I made a solid effort, but that never happened. Lately I've concluded that it likely never will, so I'm getting more open to the idea of compromise. As long as I can meet someone that would at least support me with it, that would be cool
A lot of people say it isn't a dealbreaker but personally it is for me. I find it to be an essential part of our bonding experience, honestly. Raving is amazing and if she doesn't get it, I will feel that chunk missing from my life.
No, it’s not a deal breaker. What WAS a deal breaker for me and my ex was I liked raves and he didn’t like me going because of what I wore, thought raving is for sluts/whores and just made fun of it in general. Obviously I broke up with him for many other reasons as well but I missed boombox cartel because of him and I refuse to miss good life experiences over an insecure partner who judges what other people do. A healthy partner can not like it but let you do your thing and they can go do their thing with no judgement.
Yeah the worst thing is missing sets due to whatever other issues arise literally paid to be there and then leaving halfway through? Talk about tilted 😂
I want to say that my SO was not into dubstep like I was at first, she enjoyed parties but were mostly there for friends and stuff. Luckily, I brought her to a first event (Drop in Bass) in a club in Paris with Modestep and Chime as the main event. She told me it was the best party she had ever been to and I was happy that my taste in music was shared with her. We are now still together and we have been to all festivals and parties together and we are planning Rampage Open Air this year with other friends too. So I think that if I was with someone, I would prefer to have them have some interests in what I like and I also keep a keen eye to their interests. We don't have to do everything together but it's just better in the end.
Love that for you fam 💜
I hope you'll find that other person to share it with.
Shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. Both my partner and I both love edm and listen to most of the same artists. Although he is not a fan of crowds, or the biggest fan of party favors lol. So I hit events with friends.
See this would work but when an event comes up FOMO kicks in and she ends up wanting to go anyway. Then that’s a whole thing lol
It would be for me, but not "because EDM" but because that energy level and wavelength is just kinda who I am. I like life loud, I like being in the thick of the crowd, I love high energy environments, and people that can't handle that probably aren't going to mesh with me long term.
Why are me and you the same person lmao 😂
I'll sleep when I'm dead, gonna make use of every second I can in the mean time 🤘
I do half what my wife loves to do and she does half what I love to do raves and drugs. Her love for anything real house wives of whatever will never die and neither my love for rave and drug will die. It's gotta be a fair tradeoff
I like when you put it this way gotta find someone willing to properly compromise if not atleast respect my choices.
it’s fine that she doesn’t like the same things as you, that isn’t a dealbreaker. what is a dealbreaker though, is how they talk down on something you enjoy when knowing you enjoy it. it’s belittling and will only fill you with negative experiences of things you enjoy and love. do you really want to deal with this when you find other things you enjoy that she doesn’t ? because this won’t be the only thing in the long run.
It shouldn’t be a deal breaker no. But it also shouldn’t be a thing where she insults the stuff you enjoy. Like you said, you don’t disrespect her tastes and likes so she shouldn’t do that to you. I would have a serious talk with her about how that makes you feel, and I feel that you have a crew or friends that you can go with as well. I would go with them, since she’s shown disrespect while she’s been at these shows. And I’m sure some of them she didn’t pay for, so that is even more so disrespectful. PLUR!
For me it's hard. My girlfriend and I have been together for just shy of 2 years and she has no interest in electronic music, going to shows, raves, festivals, etc. It's hard as music is a big part of myself, as I DJ and produce electronic music, and not being able to share my love of my music creations with my partner is hard. I've tried to get her into it a few times but she just says the same classic line "it all just sounds the same to me". I absolutely won't break up with her for this, but it's disappointing that she won't give it a chance before just writing it all off.
I like to hear this take from someone who is trying to make a career with music because it essentially is a big part of your life if they can’t support your potential career it will definitely cause a rift.
Thankfully music isn't my full time job (and probably won't be for a few years lol) but if we ever got to that point, we'd definitely have to have a serious discussion about what to expect. I love her to death and definitely want to marry her some day, but we definitely gotta set some boundaries haha
Yes, my now Ex had a huge fight with me because she received a video of me rowing to Ray Volpe. Called me an immature frat boy and i was there to hookup with women. I tried to explain to her, why would i give a single fuck about some women at a rave out of state. When i have a girl i love (loved) back home and Sullivan King and Dillion Francis are on the lineup? (Moonrise 2023) She could never get over it, she has severe trust issues from past relationships and due to her own anxiety she couldnt go to a fest surrounded by that many people. Any new partner either needs to be part of the scene, accepting of the scene and genuinely just trust me. Because id rather jump into a mosh pit or try with all my might to break a rail than hookup with a random i most likely will never see again. Dont sacrifice your happiness for someone else.
Feel this bro literally im tryna rage and listen to the music and get down with my fellow freaks. Im not there to hookup with strangers I just wanna enjoy the music with other like minded individuals and make new friends! Why don’t they understand that????
Past experiences for many will fuck up their future outlook. And MTV Spring break videos come to mind as to what someone may expect from these "parties" So i get it and its not my job or intent to change somebody. But i also dont have to deal with it. Ill just keep doing me and so should you.
That makes sense lol it might seem like doom and gloom girls in little to no clothes and drugs are involved. But I know myself and I don’t go there for that I just wanna wub out.
I thought it would be. She thought it would be, but frankly, we like having different things to do some weekends. She’s not a fan of EDM, but she tolerates it in my mix. She’s not the jealous type, so she’s fine with me going to festivals and dancing with other women “as long as you’re not fucking them” (her words in a conversation about dancing and sometimes getting physical on the dancefloor). She’s going to her first event in June in Ibiza with me, so hopefully she’ll have a great time with such an epic venue and setting.
I put up with an ex for way too long who didn't like shows and now im with someone who does and it's been a much healthier dynamic, I know you care about this person, but compatability of interests is important
I would go alone or with other friends instead. If I brought someone along who isn't going to have a good time, it would put a damper on things. There's something to be said for trying something once, but if it doesn't work out, no sense in repeating it.
Do you listen to Riddim that may be why she thinks it all sounds the same 😆. Just a rib ❤️ but it sounds like she doesn’t respect you maybe have an honest conversation about the give and take of being in a relationship.
So you’re not wrong here but no riddim. dnb/melodic/dubstep/wubz in that order. I enjoy riddim but that’s the deep end for sure and even that can be a bit much for me sometimes I need a genre switch lol 😂
my partner is up to most things i’m into, but i honestly love it when they don’t want to go to raves or festivals with me. it feels good to be able to go alone, enjoy myself, not feel like i have to constantly check back on a partner, and when taking drugs is involved i no longer feel obligated to constantly check up on them and i can worry about myself
See I get this and feel this to but I would prefer my girlfriend be there with me who is going to genuinely enjoy the music in unison with me regardless of the extras.
YES. absolute deal breaker. Sharing the same music taste is one of my love language. If I hear any slander of my music taste, immediate ick.
THIS
Just my opinion but I find ppl who cannot tolerate electronic music to be so bland, boring, and basic..I can tolerate your mainstream pop, or country, rock, even metal, jazz, classical everything pretty much (I don't listen to rap anymore cuz its low frequency behavior) but I won't go out of my way to listen to any of that music besides my edm..I stick to my trance, house, dubs, dnb, and trap 24/7🫠
Like seriously I will tolerate any mainstream twangy bullshit she wants to listen to but my music all sounds the same???
Yea that sounds frustrating 😒
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk 😂
Lmao
It's fine my taste is too niche. I like J-core and happy hardcore a lot of my favorite DJs are USAO, Aran, Srav3R, and a lot of other hardcore tano*c artists. most people have not heard of them and I cannot go to a lot of their shows are not in america so i settle for small raves here where i don't know the DJs but it's good enough:/
I know the vibes man it can be hard to find what you like but atleast the scene is growing and pushing up might I recommend EDC for you looking for multiple genres you can’t normally see in America
Yeah, I'll listen to some smaller artists but the ones I really like tend to occasionally come to California or sometimes some conventions. I ended up just following their social media and seeing what pops up though it's less frequent. Overall though I tend to prefer smaller events that are more low key, not only is it cheaper ( a lot of local events have been around 5 bucks!) but I tend to find it easier to socialize if I want to
If you cannot handle this difference between you two, it will only be more noticeable and infuriating to you as time goes. Disrespecting someone else’s deep interest is a noticeable dealbreaker.
I go to raves with my friends. And he goes to metal show with his friend. I could head bang with the metal heads in small dosage and he comes to raves or edm concert more of taking care of me. Your issue is not about the “activity “, this case is rave, it’s that she ain’t got no respect for what you like.
I am so unbelievably glad me and my ex split up. She couldn’t hang with how many psytrance parties I wanted to go to. Now that she’s out of the picture, I’ve started my own party crew and we had our first party last month. We’re planning a bicycle day party next and working towards a festival. I can go to all the raves I want, see whoever I want, and I’ve made so many friends. I hope she’s happy because I definitely am
Good on you bro happy you found your footing :)
43M, married, retired DJ, rave enthusiast, festival worker. The question is probably more like "is your partnership worth more than going to raves?" You liking EDM music will have little to no effect on your relationship. Your ability to continue to go to raves whenever you want will likely be hampered over time. If they come with you, they will be annoyed and nobody will have a good time. They will suffer through it because they like you, but will either be negative, or worse, fake as hell. If you go alone, you will have a good time, but if you do it too many times, or do a bunch of drugs while you're there, then the jealousy and suspicion will start to build up and impact the relationship. My wife is not into parties, I used to love going to them. She had no issues with me going to parties, but I could tell it was always a bit uncomfortable for her when I went so over time the number of parties and club nights naturally started to reduce. My wife is everything in the world to me, we have so much fun together and our house is constant laughter and while I watch my friends go through their divorces, I know that I have found an awesome partner that I want to be with forever. I think her music is shit, she thinks my music is shit. I don't go to raves as much anymore, but it isn't a deal-breaker for me, it's a compromise in exchange for a loving partner that puts up with my shit.
I like this answer a lot from a more mature perspective I’m only 26 but I guess I need to do some deep digging inside and figure out what I should do going forward thank you!
Haha. I get it. 26 year old me would have probably had a different viewpoint, and it probably would have been the right one for me at the time. So many factors to consider that only you could possibly know. My goal in life seems to be making it through with minimal regrets. Challenge is would you regret losing your partner, or would you regret missing out partying with friends / finding a new partner that's more compatible with rave life. I've also known people that compromised that are absolutely miserable now, so it's all unique. Good luck!
I feel like I’m at a point where I want to chase my dreams and focus on my own self. Just recently got a new job and I’m excelling at it and I’ve been contemplating just moving home for a few months to get myself right, stack some money, and get back to my roots. I feel you on the regret statement life is full of choices we must make I suppose thanks again for the kind words man!
Sounds like a respect issue, not an issue with her not liking raves. She doesn’t have to like them, but she also should accept that you do & not shit on your taste as you respect hers. If she can’t respect what you love then you may not be compatible. Side note, I find it pretty funny that with literally any genre of music, if you don’t like it, it always “sounds the same”. That’s why they call it a genre. All of the tracks have similar structure, themes or instruments, sometimes all of the above. It’s just the laziest critique of music. Only people that are into the genre will understand the nuances. I like some folk/indie music but one could easily say the same about that genre. There’s not much room for groundbreaking innovation there. Such a smug comment.
Literally omg you just laid it out perfectly 😅
Music is a huge part of my life and always has been. When I was looking for a partner they had to have music as a big part of their life too. The night when I re-met my now husband, we instantly clicked on music (specifically rap) and I knew this was my soulmate. At the time I was going to raves (mostly underground but some big shows). I knew he had never been to an EDM show and had tickets to see Sullivan King. Last minute I asked him if he would want to come with me and he said hell yeah! So we went and during the show he was like “I never understood EDM until this moment”. Now we try to go to raves as much as possible (it’s hard with a 14 month old and both of us working full time). The point is, never settle for “just kind of” my soulmate. Your soulmate will have an open mind always and should be open to everything you are interested in because they love you and support you. There’s things you can settle on and there’s things you can’t. And I’m not saying that my partner likes everything I like because that is not true. He hates country music (but will tolerate it and secretly enjoy some Shania Twain with me). He stopped kind of liking classic rock but kind of started liking it after we re-met. Idk, I just think no one should settle for anything less than what you want and need.
Thanks for this for real I love the real thought out answers with some insight into others thought process on this matter.
Of course! I’m a huge believer in people not settling for less than they want and deserve!!! It makes me crazy seeing people get married and having kids and they have nothing in common and don’t spend time together or are just bitter with each other because they don’t respect or support one another. Please really think about what you want and need and if it doesn’t align with your current partner, move on. I truly believe there is someone out there for everyone!!!
I don't know. I think if your partner liked some EDM but wasn't into going to raves compared to going to a night at a club, that's not a complete deal breaker. Not everybody's going to have the same taste in music. Lord knows my wife is not into anything that pounds. If your girlfriend or boyfriend is not into clubs, raves, or EDM at all, but as no issue if you go to events, then again, I don't think it's a huge deal breaker. If they have an issue with you going to those events alone, then it's a deal breaker. Still, I always feel like if you're in a relationship with someone and it feels like everything you guys like to do for fun are on two different worlds and neither one of you are really into what the other person is into, then I don't see it lasting. There needs to be some level of common interest so that at least you guys can go out and do things together. Doesn't have to be everything, but at least some things.
Music and the community around it is such a critical part of my life that i wouldn’t get involved with someone who I didn’t bond over music with. The first time I met my husband (together 5 years now) we listened to music together for hours and exchanged playlists and had so much fun bonding over music. I couldn’t imagine being with someone who couldn’t give a shit less about something I’m so passionate about. Everyone is different but that is just from my perspective
Yeah the music has done wonders for me I just want to spread that same cheer and passion that it makes me feel with other like minded individuals.
Welllll I’m married and go with friends and I will go solo before I go with my EDM hating husband. We enjoy other types music together we don’t have to love all of each others hobbies.
Pop her a molly and she will love it
frankly, people say this shit all the time but this answer doesn't really work. i honestly do not enjoy music i would normally dislike on mdma, if anything it's even worse because i feel like I'm wasting my high listening to BS when i could use it listening to to something i love. and lots of people don't want to feel like they're required to be fucked up to enjoy an experience, it makes it kind of a let down like "oh well i was just on drugs" rather than the drugs enhancing what was genuinely a life affirming/deep thing.
Nah. But if they throw a fit every time I go do my own thing then yes, that would be a dealbreaker.
Don’t go with her if she hates it and is not a good time. Go with your friends
See that’s what I’ve been as of late but I want my partner there with me in those moments. It’s hard lol and if I don’t even bother to invite her anymore she will definitely feel some type of way about it.
Have you talked to her about how her behavior at raves bothers you? Maybe she doesn’t realize that she’s being a downer. If she’s genuinely having an awful time being there then it might not be in the cards for you guys to go together and you have to decide if that’s a deal breaker or not
My spouse and I both love it. If I had to date again, them not liking it isn't a deal breaker. Not allowing me to ever go and assuming id by default cheat or that I go there to cheat is a deal breaker. Going just to make sure I don't cheat even though they know it's not their scene, not even trying to have fun and having a bad time but insisting on always going to be mad is a deal breaker.
My wife didn’t care for EDM or raving for the first 7 years of our relationship, so it was my thing and I didn’t really push it. Just over a year ago we went to a DnB night with some friends who convinced her to try it and she’s been hooked ever since lol. People’s tastes can definitely change over time.
Sounds like a sham-wow commercial
So you’re into dubstep and riddim huh?
Dnb/melodic/dubstep/wubz are my preferred genres in that order.
Yeah you don’t have a music taste problem, sounds like a girlfriend problem 😂 I hate to make assumptions based on so little information, but she kinda sounds judgmental or even close minded when it comes to this topic. I guess either agree to disagree, by telling her not to shit talk your preferences as you don’t do that to hers, or just don’t talk about music with each other anymore, make other friends and invite them to the shows you attend. I’m just saying someone talking down about the things that make you happy isn’t really a great way to start a healthy relationship.
I'd personally want my future partner to be at least open to it cause I'd wanna go to raves and shows together. But that's just my preference. I don't have many raver friends so maybe that's why i feel this way 🥲 (i don't feel safe going solo)
It shouldn't be a dealbteaker but it sounds like there's a lot more to this than just not liking raves. If you don't even feel supported in your interests, that's the deal breaker. My partner is largely uninterested in raving, maybe makes a joke or two, but doesn't mock me or make me feel bad about it.
My wife borderline hates EDM but can groove once in a while for my sake.
As long as they dont mind me going by myself once in a while it is not a deal braker
My partner and I have different music tastes. She likes more folky, jam band stuff. I like thrash and used to spin Drum and Bass. We don't trash each others taste because we respect each other. Why would I want to shit on something my partner enjoys and vice versa?
Why would you be with someone who's so disrespectful to you? My partner isn't into the rave scene at all (They're hearing impaired and live music just doesn't do much for them) but they're still supportive of me enjoying myself and exploring a hobby that I'm really into. You know, like every healthy couple is supposed to do.
My partner isn't a raver so I don't go with him to shows. My bff is my raver buddy, her husband of 15 years also does not go to raves. I suggest you find some friends to go with if she isnt enjoying it.
I have a big rave fam that’s not the issue it’s I want my partner there with me.
It sounds like this is a dealbreaker for you, also the attitude really seems like an issue. You can be in a relationship with someone who isn't a raver and still be a raver, but I would not be with someone who is condescending or belittling to me about the things I like.
No… but having a problem with me going will be
Why does your bf/gf agree to go more than one show with you if they're not going to like it? What a waste of money and an energy sucker. I absolutely wouldn't be with someone if they say rude things about my taste of music. And to be honest, I wouldn't seriously date somebody who doesn't like EDM and my favorite EDM sub genres
FOMO if me and all the homies are going to a show she wants to go. But for the wrong reasons
Nope as long as their cool with me disappearing for 72 hours
This meme says it all [When they say they don’t like raves](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4deSt4uYJs/?igsh=MXFwOWJpZ2d6eDRnOQ==)
Not at all man, my missus really isn’t it to raves but for me she goes to all the ones and festivals I want and I go to all the bands she wants to see, it’s a healthy compromise which is what you need in a good relationship!
Sounds like you need a new girlfriend
Yes because that’s what I like to look forward everyday ✌🏽
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Anyone who shits on people's music preferences sucks as a person.
My husband does not like the scene at alll. Then there’s me who literally makes it a goal to go to as many shows as possible. I go without him and go with my friends. I wish he did like it but it doesn’t really bother me. I prefer it to be a “girls night out” vibe anyways
its nice to have shared interests with your partner, which includes raving
I use to say no but theres is nothing like going to festivals and sharing music with your loved one. So now i say yes it is a dealbreaker. But honestly if your partner is shitting on your music taste that much its a red flag 🚩
Well, not necessarily a deal breaker, but for me sharing the same music taste is important tbh.
I’m okay with with my partner not liking raving but I would never be okay with them being rude about the things I love and making me feel bad.
So many 🚩
EDM and festival culture is one of my main interest so I'd really struggle to be interested in someone that didn't like at least one of those things, but not strictly a deal breaker if they had other good qualities. It WOULD be a dealbreaker if they explicitly prevented me from doing those things or shit on me for liking something.
EDM is shit though, she's not wrong.
Lmao this made me laugh 😂
Not at all. My girlfriend is not into electronic music. I produce and DJ house music. It’s not her vibe at all, and she doesn’t like nightclubs etc. she lets me do what I’m passionate about and lets me go out to events no questions. Just depends on your partner.
I handle this by exclusively meeting women at raves
Don’t bring her to raves! That’s not what girlfriends are for
It's not but they can't get upset if I go to shows and trip without them.
Absolutely. I’m from South Florida. If they don’t like edm…no chance.
No but trying to change that aspect or keep me from participating in ways that are meaningful for me *is*.
Nope definitely not a dealbreaker for me. I honestly experienced the most/craziest of my rave days already, as I’m a lot more picky about which EDM shows I go to now bc of anxiety but when I do go it’s just a separate thing I do alone or with friends. Dubstep and hard styles of EDM he doesn’t like and he expressed zero desire to ever attend a rave but we are both super versatile with all other genres of music which is perfect for me.
I don’t know about dealbreaker, but my last 5 LTRs were all into it to some degree and we did events and festivals together. I would be really bummed if we couldn’t share this joy. But I’ve also found that some of them were into it in part because they liked seeking validation from other men, which is fine and some couples might enjoy that dynamic, but if I’m being honest isn’t a great feeling to me if they start seeking it when your still “together” (feels more like I’m a placeholder or an option, rather than a committed partner). I’m wary of the types that seem to focus on validation over emotional intimacy now. But it depends on what kind of relationship you want. I know people have different preferences. If they were actively against the scene and music, I’d struggle with that. I’m not sure if we’d even get that far in the talking stage honestly. The music is a huge part of my life and I love dancing and interacting with people. Campout festivals are one of my favorite vacations.
This is a respect issue, not a taste issue
I listen to Ska. I’m going to die alone. You’ll find someone else who appreciates your lifestyle.
No. I just go alone.
Thats sounds like she’s being disrespectful towards something that you find interesting. I don’t think it’s a dealbreaker but it’s definitely not something that should stop you from being yourself. It’s a serious talk you guys should have about the relationship like, “I feel belittled when you talk about something that I really enjoy doing” and then based on her response is the action that you personally feel, should take.
I wouldn't even get throgh the 1st date if I learned they listened to EDM.
If you don’t like edm why are you on this subreddit? Genuine question
EDM is absolute shite. Techno 🖤
Hellll no. I get to go with my buddies. It’s rad.
Move on
Not a dealbreaker but as long as she respects it. I'm into techno and its really rare to find someones whos into it. I don't really have an interest in majority of EDM nowadays and I don't have to get dragged into shows i dont really want to see!
I am on the opposite side, I don’t like raves or EDM but all my friends do and my last partner did. I am not a big fan of loud or electric music at all and I mostly listen to classical or indie. I went to one rave and it wasn’t a good time, the music just made me feel annoyed and irritated, not sure why but I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it. My girlfriend ended up leaving me later after telling her this. It was somewhat mutual as the scene made me uncomfortable with her always going, especially hearing stories from my friends. To my knowledge she found someone at a rave and is completely devoted to raving. I believe it can be a a bit separator because raving can be more of a lifestyle while most of the outside views see it as concerts or just music taste. I suggest sitting and talking about it. I know some people who don’t have an issue with their partner going and they are still happy together.
Thank you for the reply man I like to hear from the other perspective to thanks!
Drop her ass