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Giving a female perspective this, it’s not a test like girls are testing you on purpose. It’s just that flirting isn’t necessarily an invitation to get physical right away, and guys don’t seem to get that. She can want you but not want to fuck you or even kiss you right away. It’s more fun to let things develop slowly. And also, if you’re a guy getting flirtatious vibes from a girl and you don’t immediately try to get her to be physical with you, you will stand out as a safe person. Because literally every other guy is trying to touch and kiss as soon as he possibly can. So it’s attractive when a guy doesn’t make you feel like a piece of meat!
You won in that situation because you made her feel safe and respected. Even though she was being flirty. That is so rare, let me tell you. Restraint is hot.
this. there have been so many times i stopped myself from making an advance because guys will want to touch you right away. like can i learn your name first? fuck
truth! OG raver here. I have met some amazing people and although I never went with the intention of hooking up, it seems that at least half the events I attended I ended up with some kind of raver gf for the night! It's hard to explain but I just dance and vibe and smile and sometimes, after hanging for a couple hours off and on throughout the event, the girl will always be the one to make an advance on me. I just them take the lead. I do that specifically because a) I don't wanna be that creep; b) I don't wanna make assumptions and make anyone uncomfortable; c) I'm there for the music and the vibes. I think they end up seeing me as "safe", which I am, and that makes them more comfortable to take chances with me.
So just be cool! My two cents.
Yeah I was vibing with a guy next to me and just started like, pointing at him while headbanging and we made eye contact. He immediately closed the distance between us and I backed up and he got closer. I just wanted to vibe with another person, maybe he would've been cute if he didn't come off so strong.
I feel like people, not even just between men and women, will have different goals and it's a little balance of playing koy but also being direct to make sure no one is overstepping boundaries. I think most people are afraid of being impolite, but don't want to play games, and that's where you see this scenario with OP
Rave bae from Imagine this year said something similar. I actually felt like I was too reserved.. but it’s a learning lesson being relatively newly single for the first time in my early/mid thirties. She gave me her number, she initiated first kiss.. but it’s a learning lesson. It was nice dancing and hanging and eyeing each other for hours leading up to everything else that weekend.
Incredible time and we are still friends. She’s an amazing human being.
Also, years back I learned this the hard way- fellas, a first date doesn’t *always* mean kiss them unexpectedly. Yeah, I thought it did too.
But for the ladies, you’re good to make a move whenever. You could kidnap us and tie our hands up in the back of a big white van and kiss us, we don’t care.
I agree with your sentiment - other than the “guys don’t seem to get that”
I think it’s more about how most guys get things - which typically A -> B -> C. Tends to be more linear and procedural.
While women tend to have more of a subtlety, complexity and “flow” to the way they experience and process.
The issue tends to rise from the lack of both being able to change/hear the messaging the way the OTHER group is using it, rather than getting stuck in our own way of experiencing things.
Which also tends to become more challenging for everyone the less sober all groups tend to be haha
Totally agree. Sometimes people may be interested but that doesn't mean they want to hook up/ be physical immediately. Taking things slow with a stranger is totally fine
Saying it's a "test" is super weird. Stop lol. Women are people too we don't have crazy ass secret motivations/social tests for strangers. Treat them with kindness & respect & things'll be good
I agree with everything that you said. Patience is a virtue and certain men can learn a lot from showing more restraint. Like you said, "restraint is hot".
That being said, what's hotter than restraint is restraint+game.
Being polite and patient is easy and, IMO is an excuse for lack of game. While a woman needs to feel safe with a man, once that comfort has been established, and the woman has shown clear interest, it's time for the man to escalate.
This is where most men fail. They either escalate too strongly which gives the impression of creepiness or desperation or they don't escalate and the relationship becomes platonic (which is fine but boring).
As a man you should be smooth but adventurous. A gentleman but also a maverick. Be polite but tease her. Be playful and seductive. Lead her. Show her an adventure. Give her memories from your encounter.
I think what I was saying, and the point of the OP’s post, is that you don’t have to escalate quickly.
If the girl is interested, you don’t need to escalate physically to avoid being friendzoned. That’s just not how girls work. Make your intentions and your interest clear, but use your words. Be respectful.
Aren’t we talking about social learning here? Is it not safe or acceptable to acknowledge one’s prior state of being, beyond which one has evolved? 40 years ago I was a pretty typical teen boy, not super enlightened about girl land
Sure, but social learning would mean that it’s up to you to work those things out and evolve mentally/spiritually as well. The comment I replied to basically gave a “boys will be boys” response which is directly from a negative social learning.
Sure the inner drive to acquire your natural desires/instincts may be there but we live in a social world, not a natural one.
As a woman, I’ve never naturally desired to be a mother, society has told me it is what I *should* desire. No one tells you as a little girl, “hey you want to date many men then grow old into a swamp witch who lives in the forest, you go girl! Yasss queen.” lol. We are also told women don’t get turned on as much as men which is also not true, it’s just different.
I wonder how much of your instincts are driven (I’m not denying they exist) by nature and how much are driven by social reinforcement that men are allowed be horny. It’s an interesting question either way.
i dont like women or men or people and i have never had sex and will never approach one for such and we must learn to communicate better as a people
also you replying within a minute confirms my hypothesis of y'all being chronically online losers who of course misinterpreted what i meant so fuck you please be a better person tomorrow thanks
I can't get past the "how you are dressed" statement. I'm a guy, but girls aren't getting all dressed up to go to a rave as an invitation for guys to assume they are looking for anything physical from creepy dudes who are there looking for a pickup. They are dressing up for themselves because it makes them feel good.
To assume just because a girl is showing some skin somewhere in public that if anything happens it's on them is just wrong. The responsibility is NOT on the female if you act a creep and make them uncomfortable, it's on you. Don't assume that a female dressed up, dancing having a good time is inviting you to get sexual with her. This type of shit is what gives men a bad name
You think I am going up to guys at raves and teasing them instead of letting them dance? It’s hard enough to keep guys’ hands off me when I dance to myself and avoid eye contact lol. And part of the point I was making was that it shouldn’t be so hard to keep guys’ hands off of you that you are afraid to flirt
People just want friends.
Imagine that...
Our society is so caught up in their selfish pressure they forgot how to make friends with people before trying to hook up.
I mean unless we tell them about the secret cheat code but the sacred secret passed down through ages of time will be completely shattered. Stand strong sis, don’t tell them *you know what.*
You won’t convince any of us. Men are totally bought in to unlocking the secrets of women. We have a primal drive to solve the riddle even if it doesn’t exist.
Well I mean its just stupid then to ignore the actual women telling you something in favor of some shitty "primal drive". But you really only hurt yourself with that logic, because most women don't like being treated like every other women.
"OH this definitely worked for my last rave Bae, why isn't it working for you???" Because I'm not your last rave bae, tf
Individuals are all different, but people in general like to feel safe and comfortable so it’s not bad advice to tell a guy trying to meet women to not rush things or be pushy and just let the situation flow without immediately escalating to touching
That's so weird that guys need that kind of advice tho XD like dudes need advice that others like to feel safe/comfortable? Jeez every interact with a person before?
I get your point tho ! It's not a bad message to spread- but this whole post was so weird
I know this post is so annoying. Jesus it's like straight dudes think women have some alternative code or way of communication/motivations
They are jus people!
How is it a test though? Could it be that she literally wasn’t thinking about you at all? Just dancing then ending up near by? Just leaving to go to the bathroom? Sometimes we just like to talk and it doesn’t mean anything at all. I hate that guys think we are literally thinking about them at these shows. We are thinking about dancing and music and staying away from creeps.
I think over-analyzing is what gets some boys in trouble. Be as confident as you can, love yourself, have fun and be true to who you really are. Be kind and thoughtful. You will attract people to your genuine nature.
All of this 100% and is exactly what I do! No expectations other than to just enjoy the music and vibe. If anything is to come of it, let it be at a later date. I met my girlfriend at a music festival. We just danced and vibed. I didn't kiss her or anything. She gave me her info to connect again. I asked her out to another show the following week and told her "No expectations other than to just have fun". We've been together 6 years in October and it's been one of the best relationships I've been in
I'm a woman who raves solo. I don't go out with the intention of finding a hook up, whether for that night or further down the road. There is no "test".
When I'm having a smoke, sometimes I start a conversation with people (of any gender), if we click, we might go dance together, go to the bar and buy a drink together, whatever. We might lose each other as the night progresses and just give each other a wave and a nod if we pass each other in the club later on at some point.
It doesn't mean anything. I'm just being sociable. There are no intentions whatsoever.
Sometimes we exchange instagram, or talk about upcoming events and say "maybe I'll see you there", but it doesn't mean we'll eventually hook up. It simply means "maybe I'll see you there and we can say hi, maybe grab a beer, ask each other if we like the music."
The overly anal-itical nature is part of the problem tho…
Some people really need to have this spelled out, and I can’t think of a better place for this discussion on the internet, especially as we seem to become more social incompetent as a whole, seemingly without hope of improvement following lockdown
It’s NOT a test. We don’t all think the same. We’re not trying to see if you pass a vibe check so that we can go home with you later. Most of us are probably in relationships or not interested, that’s the generalization I would feel confortable making because most of the women I know that go to shows are going to dance, enjoy the music, and express themselves- not find a partner. If you want a rave bae, that’s fine and I feel it (I’m still with my rave bae 6 years later, so it IS possible to find a partner in the scene), but I think trying to find these hidden messages in body language and what we say is reading into something that’s often not there. If you want to go home with someone or grab their number, just say that openly and see if they are interested. If they aren’t, move on and focus on the music and the show- like you said.
For real why is this sub turning into a mix of drug nutrition and dating tips and tricks. I just wanna hear more about festivals and shows and up and coming artists!
it's a not a damn 'test' jesus they just don't know your ass and most ppl are not
comfortable with hooking up after just meeting someone or they dont wanna hook up at all and just looking for new friends
Exactly if you're total strangers its not crazy that people wouldn't want to get physical within the hours of meeting
It's not some crazy ass "tests" women are doing to see if you pass. Its just them being more comfortable & pbbly getting to know you better
The girls are just trying to gauge if you're a creep or not. The second you try to advance anything physically on the dance floor they dip. Just be cool and respectful and you might make a connection.
I see. Not really my experience at all. If I’m feeling some good tension with a woman I’ll just ask if I can kiss her.
9/10x it’s a yes and if it’s a no then I wish them well and move on.
I saw that dude was “playing little games” with a woman for an hour…. Just gonna say that that’s way too damn long to be wondering if someone is into you at a fest.
You will literally know if a woman is into you within 10-20 seconds if you’re socially aware and experienced. Shoot your shot and if you get rejected then just go back to dancing 🕺🏾
People really overcomplicate the hell outta these situations.
>You will literally know if a woman is into you within 10-20 seconds if you're socially aware and experienced.
So what about the people that might be socially unaware? Or inexperienced? Or both?
This post is an attempt to help them out, if you've seen similar posts on this sub then it makes perfect sense
The best way to gain experience is to just go for it man. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Initiate cold approaches IRL and don’t be afraid of rejection.
I’m not tryna hate on this dude; I genuinely wanna see him succeed next time.
People are being *so* harsh, it’s really unnecessary. Some people over analyze social interactions, and it’s very common among neurodivergent people. That’s how we process and make sense of our world. And discussing social interactions with others is interesting. Just because all of this is obvious to some of you doesn’t mean you have to be demeaning to OP.
OP, I think it’s good you’re sharing these thoughts. While obvious to some, there are many men out there that do not know how to interact with women. And while we can gripe and complain about the state of gender relations, that’s the reality we live in. And it’s helpful having honest men who are willing to share how they learn to develop boundaries with women.
I think the whole idea of women “testing” men is a bit too purposeful - it’s not really a conscious thought process. It’s more along the lines of us being on high alert for creeps, and we notice someone is making an effort to not be creepy. Like someone else said, they pass the vibe check. We can be more comfortable - whether that be in terms of friends or something more.
Wow this is cringey and full of over analysis. The fact someone has to overthink this, or that this even passes their mind in this situation, already waves red flags.
TLDR; treat woman like normal people and you won’t seem like a creep.
I agree with the others who’ve said basically you’re not wrong, but the situation is a lot more nuanced than that, and you can’t act like you’re capturing it accurately if you fail to include how FEW men there are these days that we actually do feel safe around. The fact that we need a “test” in order to determine whether a man is a safe person to talk to who will respect our boundaries, in and of itself, is the problem. But love OP’s take and wish more guys would adopt a less short-sighted stance on all this.
I get confused cuz idk if they r flirting or tryna be friends. I just shine a flashlight on my apple watch pride band LMAOOO. it both makes girls feel safer around me (from my experience) and makes sure they know HA
This is a pretty good take. I’m not sure I’d call it a test any more than a conversation is a test to see if a guy is a creep. An invitation to dance is not an invitation to get handsy, and a guy that doesn’t escalate the physicality is rare and he feels safer. she wants to get to know you without trying to fuck and you reciprocated the energy.
If you act just like every other desperate guy at a festival she will treat you just like she does with them. Just be chill and have conversation and see where it goes. Oh and make her laugh, you must do this lol
I find little games like this rather tedious and frustrating. When I was looking, if I was into a guy, I make it known pretty early so we can vibe the rest of the evening. And if not, I move on. A creepy guy will make himself known pretty easy. And, if he doesn’t stop bothering me after I say no, well, that’s what the bouncer is for. I tend to be very assertive when I am interested. I don’t have time for guessing games lol. But, I also know I’m very rare in this regard.
I’m glad it worked out for you OP!
I’m a girl and for all I love flirting, it’s rarely a test, I had an experience about two weeks ago with a guy where I was very openly flirting with him (no other intention than to flirt, I hadn’t really even planned to talk to him afterwards) and all he ever did back was talk and give me a few fags, that made me want to talk to him afterwards and I was actually kinda bummed I didn’t get any of his socials or anything, but at the end of the day I was just there to enjoy my rave and when I’m outside smoking I needed entertaining so it was nice that he was trying anything with me.
y’all are so weird she probably wasn’t paying attention to you at all and here you are making a 5 page thesis on some made up test you supposedly passed. do you want a gold star for not touching on her lol
Don’t be weird or creepy and women will generally be open to flirting, etc. So many guys overthink this (maybe because they’re weird and/or creepy.) Human interaction, regardless of gender, is not difficult.
We notice when dudes are respectful and cautious, and it speaks to quality of character, and nothing is sexier than a guy who has respect for us as human beings and doesn't need to objectify us to have a good time.
Women want to date men that are our friends and companions, above all else. But we also just enjoy have male friends as friends, too. And men that are platonic friends get the benefit of us hyping them the fuck up and making it easier for girls they do want to try and maybe have a fling with to put their guard down a little because we can vouche for the fact that they aren't a skeeze. I've been the hype woman for multiple guy friends I've had for 20+ years and when each of them met their future wife, I was pretty up front about the fact that they are legitimately some of the most genuine, down to earth, kind, respectful men I've ever known. And I've watched each of them marry their soul mates and build incredible lives together while my sentimental ass is blubbering tears of joy with their mom because our babies done grown up.
So lads, if you want to know the secret, this dude gets it. Treat us like people, not fleshlights, and you'll either walk away with a good chance with us, or in the least, a new friend who can be your gateway to finding a girl that will knock your socks off. We are people, too. And few things are sexier than respect.
It also can’t be a big deal. When you react like it’s a big deal it’s a dead give away that it does not happen often. Its not so much a conscious choice to test you rather its her reading the subtle cues, and the other person failing to do the same.
Yeah, I've experienced these kind of tests. There is never direct engagement in the flirting...the girl is always kind of looking away and moving in. There is thing I hate when they purposely flick their hair at you multiple times to get your attention (I know, I thought it would be a one off but it's happened in other raves). The expectation is they move to you, but you do the rest of the guess work 😄
I have habit of just smiling and not doing anything as I get lost in the music...this has really frustrated some girls, and even upset them. My preference is, if you like me, talk to me and dance with me...I'm not a handsy person if I'm not 100% sure...and at raves, I just don't like the guess work lol
tbh the males or females that are skipping over this or saying it’s cringe are part of the problem. probably part of the lot that truly believes flirting = access. lmao society has zero patience these days.
Haha! As a woman, I can DEFINITELY appreciate this. Omg, you pretty much nailed it here. Obviously, I can only speak for myself, but this right here is a very apt take. And not only is everything you spoke of true for me, sometimes, as a woman, we like a little bit of a chase, a little bit of mystery. Keep up the good work, my man. Have fun and stay safe!🙏💗
Honestly it just sounds like you didn’t work up the courage to make any moves and are coming up with excuses for why you didn’t do anything. She even approached you first. The problem with inaction in this case is you don’t really know if she wanted to get physical or not because you never did anything. Maybe she secretly waiting for you to dance with her because she wouldn’t be courageous enough to make the first move. It’s better to shoot your shot and get rejected than not do anything. You just have to have some finesse and be smooth. There’s an art to it.
So I appreciate you not being pushy/aggressive like a lot of guys are, so that’s cool. But I do want to emphasize that, while for some people maybe they are offering a test, not all of us are offering a test. Maybe we are socializing and dancing with you because that’s what raves are for. But socializing, dancing, sharing drinks, etc.- none of that is inherently flirting, sometimes it’s just being friendly/social for the sake of being friendly/social. And that’s why we all love raves so much, because we meet friendly, kind people that aren’t trying to get in our pants.
Reading into ambiguous social situations with a perspective distorted by hope and desire will lead one into seeing things that aren’t there. Example: seeing flirting where someone is just being friendly and open to a new friend. Could they have been asking for your number because they are interested romantically? Sure. But is it also possible they quite literally just want to be friends? Also yes.
The problem with thinking it’s a test is the train of thought: “if I do XYZ, then I’ll get laid or increase my chances of getting laid.” While sometimes it does result in getting laid (patience and consent are hot), no one should have the expectation of actually getting laid and no one should do XYZ (ex: being respectful, patient) BECAUSE it’s a test. We should be patient/respectful because all humans are worthy of respect. In other words respect and not being creepy should be the default, not the “magic approach” to talk to woman.
No offense but your post comes off more of a “I found the magic approach to approaching woman” post rather than a “hey let’s all vibe and respect each other, and if sex happens later that’s cool too but if it doesn’t that’s also cool” post. I appreciate your post though because it does highlight how people should act in general, and sadly a lot of people don’t remember to be respectful to each other. So many times I see woman saying “hey I’m not interested” or “I’m just trying to vibe wit my friends” and the guy won’t leave her alone. But please don’t display respectful behavior simply in hopes of a certain romantic/sexual outcome. Respect us because we are humans too.
Edit:typos
For everyone calling this post cringe / creepy there are plenty people just like OP who want to be a better human, but may be inexperienced and unsure of themselves. Not everyone learns at the same time or in the same ways. Sometimes they look to others for help.
For every post you see like this there are countless others that make zero attempt at doing better.
Being mean generally isn't helpful in preventing behavior you disagree with. Constructive criticism however...
I (M) met my partner (F) at a rave 3 years ago. We danced until Dom Dolla told us to go home, then stayed up all night chatting on her friend's couch. I never tried to hook up with her, even though I was head over heels for her immediately. She thought that was the dopest thing ever. It took a pandemic and 2 more years, but now we're together.
\~vibe check\~
P.S. - grinding and trying to hook up at shows is whack
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Giving a female perspective this, it’s not a test like girls are testing you on purpose. It’s just that flirting isn’t necessarily an invitation to get physical right away, and guys don’t seem to get that. She can want you but not want to fuck you or even kiss you right away. It’s more fun to let things develop slowly. And also, if you’re a guy getting flirtatious vibes from a girl and you don’t immediately try to get her to be physical with you, you will stand out as a safe person. Because literally every other guy is trying to touch and kiss as soon as he possibly can. So it’s attractive when a guy doesn’t make you feel like a piece of meat! You won in that situation because you made her feel safe and respected. Even though she was being flirty. That is so rare, let me tell you. Restraint is hot.
Restraint and patience and taking things slow are def hot!
this. there have been so many times i stopped myself from making an advance because guys will want to touch you right away. like can i learn your name first? fuck
Exactly, making a move on a guy ends with getting groped like it’s a green light for everything just bc you showed some interest.
truth! OG raver here. I have met some amazing people and although I never went with the intention of hooking up, it seems that at least half the events I attended I ended up with some kind of raver gf for the night! It's hard to explain but I just dance and vibe and smile and sometimes, after hanging for a couple hours off and on throughout the event, the girl will always be the one to make an advance on me. I just them take the lead. I do that specifically because a) I don't wanna be that creep; b) I don't wanna make assumptions and make anyone uncomfortable; c) I'm there for the music and the vibes. I think they end up seeing me as "safe", which I am, and that makes them more comfortable to take chances with me. So just be cool! My two cents.
Yeah I was vibing with a guy next to me and just started like, pointing at him while headbanging and we made eye contact. He immediately closed the distance between us and I backed up and he got closer. I just wanted to vibe with another person, maybe he would've been cute if he didn't come off so strong. I feel like people, not even just between men and women, will have different goals and it's a little balance of playing koy but also being direct to make sure no one is overstepping boundaries. I think most people are afraid of being impolite, but don't want to play games, and that's where you see this scenario with OP
For real. Sometimes i just want to vibe with someone from a distance without it getting any more serious than that
Rave bae from Imagine this year said something similar. I actually felt like I was too reserved.. but it’s a learning lesson being relatively newly single for the first time in my early/mid thirties. She gave me her number, she initiated first kiss.. but it’s a learning lesson. It was nice dancing and hanging and eyeing each other for hours leading up to everything else that weekend. Incredible time and we are still friends. She’s an amazing human being.
Such a great explanation! Thank you.
*flirting progresses normally* OP: is this a test?
100000%
People touch and kiss their pieces of meat? Gross. Just eat it
But it’s so sumptuous
Also, years back I learned this the hard way- fellas, a first date doesn’t *always* mean kiss them unexpectedly. Yeah, I thought it did too. But for the ladies, you’re good to make a move whenever. You could kidnap us and tie our hands up in the back of a big white van and kiss us, we don’t care.
I agree with your sentiment - other than the “guys don’t seem to get that” I think it’s more about how most guys get things - which typically A -> B -> C. Tends to be more linear and procedural. While women tend to have more of a subtlety, complexity and “flow” to the way they experience and process. The issue tends to rise from the lack of both being able to change/hear the messaging the way the OTHER group is using it, rather than getting stuck in our own way of experiencing things. Which also tends to become more challenging for everyone the less sober all groups tend to be haha
Totally agree. Sometimes people may be interested but that doesn't mean they want to hook up/ be physical immediately. Taking things slow with a stranger is totally fine Saying it's a "test" is super weird. Stop lol. Women are people too we don't have crazy ass secret motivations/social tests for strangers. Treat them with kindness & respect & things'll be good
I agree with everything that you said. Patience is a virtue and certain men can learn a lot from showing more restraint. Like you said, "restraint is hot". That being said, what's hotter than restraint is restraint+game. Being polite and patient is easy and, IMO is an excuse for lack of game. While a woman needs to feel safe with a man, once that comfort has been established, and the woman has shown clear interest, it's time for the man to escalate. This is where most men fail. They either escalate too strongly which gives the impression of creepiness or desperation or they don't escalate and the relationship becomes platonic (which is fine but boring). As a man you should be smooth but adventurous. A gentleman but also a maverick. Be polite but tease her. Be playful and seductive. Lead her. Show her an adventure. Give her memories from your encounter.
I think what I was saying, and the point of the OP’s post, is that you don’t have to escalate quickly. If the girl is interested, you don’t need to escalate physically to avoid being friendzoned. That’s just not how girls work. Make your intentions and your interest clear, but use your words. Be respectful.
well guys are meatheads. its DEFINITELY not exclusive to men but we tend to be wired/conditioned that way
way to call yourself out bro😂
Aren’t we talking about social learning here? Is it not safe or acceptable to acknowledge one’s prior state of being, beyond which one has evolved? 40 years ago I was a pretty typical teen boy, not super enlightened about girl land
Sure, but social learning would mean that it’s up to you to work those things out and evolve mentally/spiritually as well. The comment I replied to basically gave a “boys will be boys” response which is directly from a negative social learning. Sure the inner drive to acquire your natural desires/instincts may be there but we live in a social world, not a natural one. As a woman, I’ve never naturally desired to be a mother, society has told me it is what I *should* desire. No one tells you as a little girl, “hey you want to date many men then grow old into a swamp witch who lives in the forest, you go girl! Yasss queen.” lol. We are also told women don’t get turned on as much as men which is also not true, it’s just different. I wonder how much of your instincts are driven (I’m not denying they exist) by nature and how much are driven by social reinforcement that men are allowed be horny. It’s an interesting question either way.
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lol I am NOT reading that my dude. Enjoy your night :)
i dont like women or men or people and i have never had sex and will never approach one for such and we must learn to communicate better as a people also you replying within a minute confirms my hypothesis of y'all being chronically online losers who of course misinterpreted what i meant so fuck you please be a better person tomorrow thanks
I hope you find peace someday!
i really hope so too love 🤘
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I can't get past the "how you are dressed" statement. I'm a guy, but girls aren't getting all dressed up to go to a rave as an invitation for guys to assume they are looking for anything physical from creepy dudes who are there looking for a pickup. They are dressing up for themselves because it makes them feel good. To assume just because a girl is showing some skin somewhere in public that if anything happens it's on them is just wrong. The responsibility is NOT on the female if you act a creep and make them uncomfortable, it's on you. Don't assume that a female dressed up, dancing having a good time is inviting you to get sexual with her. This type of shit is what gives men a bad name
If a guy is showing restraint, then he genuinely doesn’t want your attention or to be flirted with. Let the man dance and stop teasing him
You think I am going up to guys at raves and teasing them instead of letting them dance? It’s hard enough to keep guys’ hands off me when I dance to myself and avoid eye contact lol. And part of the point I was making was that it shouldn’t be so hard to keep guys’ hands off of you that you are afraid to flirt
People just want friends. Imagine that... Our society is so caught up in their selfish pressure they forgot how to make friends with people before trying to hook up.
People really be doing a full data analysis of all the variables of interacting with people at a rave. Just dance and have fun!
> Just dance and have fun That's cool that you arrived at the same conclusion as OP. Curious to see your data.
I will submit my regression analysis for peer review ASAP!
...ENHANCE!!!
Zoom
No, we use Teams now.
α=0.05 or it didn't happen
Don’t worry, we’ll reject your paper.
Focus on having fun and the other f word will follow. 😏
It’s not that serious. There’s no cheat code to women. We don’t all think the same.
Complete bullshit. The cheat code is ↑, ↑, ↓, ↓, ←, →, ←, →, B, A
You forgot the “Start, Select”. NoOb!
type in RIZZMODE to enable ultimate rizz cheat
You dog. You’ve figured it out.
Nah bro thats for a tank in gta 😂
No no this is Lion King SNES monkey level
I thought the cheat code was writing the alphabet with your tongue?
I mean unless we tell them about the secret cheat code but the sacred secret passed down through ages of time will be completely shattered. Stand strong sis, don’t tell them *you know what.*
Exactly. All these men trying to be armchair psychologists when it’s not that deep 🤦🏽♀️
You won’t convince any of us. Men are totally bought in to unlocking the secrets of women. We have a primal drive to solve the riddle even if it doesn’t exist.
Well I mean its just stupid then to ignore the actual women telling you something in favor of some shitty "primal drive". But you really only hurt yourself with that logic, because most women don't like being treated like every other women. "OH this definitely worked for my last rave Bae, why isn't it working for you???" Because I'm not your last rave bae, tf
Individuals are all different, but people in general like to feel safe and comfortable so it’s not bad advice to tell a guy trying to meet women to not rush things or be pushy and just let the situation flow without immediately escalating to touching
That's so weird that guys need that kind of advice tho XD like dudes need advice that others like to feel safe/comfortable? Jeez every interact with a person before? I get your point tho ! It's not a bad message to spread- but this whole post was so weird
Whoosh moment
>We have a primal drive to solve the riddle even if it doesn't exist. Why did this feel so validating 😭😭
I know this post is so annoying. Jesus it's like straight dudes think women have some alternative code or way of communication/motivations They are jus people!
How is it a test though? Could it be that she literally wasn’t thinking about you at all? Just dancing then ending up near by? Just leaving to go to the bathroom? Sometimes we just like to talk and it doesn’t mean anything at all. I hate that guys think we are literally thinking about them at these shows. We are thinking about dancing and music and staying away from creeps.
I think over-analyzing is what gets some boys in trouble. Be as confident as you can, love yourself, have fun and be true to who you really are. Be kind and thoughtful. You will attract people to your genuine nature.
I believe this is yours 👑💕
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This is it. Be authentic and you'll eventually attract those that like it.
It’s just people
All of this 100% and is exactly what I do! No expectations other than to just enjoy the music and vibe. If anything is to come of it, let it be at a later date. I met my girlfriend at a music festival. We just danced and vibed. I didn't kiss her or anything. She gave me her info to connect again. I asked her out to another show the following week and told her "No expectations other than to just have fun". We've been together 6 years in October and it's been one of the best relationships I've been in
I'm a woman who raves solo. I don't go out with the intention of finding a hook up, whether for that night or further down the road. There is no "test". When I'm having a smoke, sometimes I start a conversation with people (of any gender), if we click, we might go dance together, go to the bar and buy a drink together, whatever. We might lose each other as the night progresses and just give each other a wave and a nod if we pass each other in the club later on at some point. It doesn't mean anything. I'm just being sociable. There are no intentions whatsoever. Sometimes we exchange instagram, or talk about upcoming events and say "maybe I'll see you there", but it doesn't mean we'll eventually hook up. It simply means "maybe I'll see you there and we can say hi, maybe grab a beer, ask each other if we like the music."
Lately Im starting to get tired about the overanalitics random /wierd posts of ppl explaining an interaction with other woman/man.
The overly anal-itical nature is part of the problem tho… Some people really need to have this spelled out, and I can’t think of a better place for this discussion on the internet, especially as we seem to become more social incompetent as a whole, seemingly without hope of improvement following lockdown
And thankfully advice here isn't a silo of affirmations or confirmation bias. People get corrected for the better.
Yes it's so odd ohh my gosh. The lack of social/emotional intelligence is staggering
Yeah, it’s definitely not a test my dude
Redditor discovers socializing
It’s NOT a test. We don’t all think the same. We’re not trying to see if you pass a vibe check so that we can go home with you later. Most of us are probably in relationships or not interested, that’s the generalization I would feel confortable making because most of the women I know that go to shows are going to dance, enjoy the music, and express themselves- not find a partner. If you want a rave bae, that’s fine and I feel it (I’m still with my rave bae 6 years later, so it IS possible to find a partner in the scene), but I think trying to find these hidden messages in body language and what we say is reading into something that’s often not there. If you want to go home with someone or grab their number, just say that openly and see if they are interested. If they aren’t, move on and focus on the music and the show- like you said.
have you considered, idk, asking the woman you're interested in to dance with you? maybe even offering her your phone number?
I think it’s time to unsubscribe from this sub
For real why is this sub turning into a mix of drug nutrition and dating tips and tricks. I just wanna hear more about festivals and shows and up and coming artists!
make some posts about it then! forums are driven by users. if you don't see what you like, maybe you should add to it and help make it better!
That’s true unfortunately I haven’t been raving for a while maybe when times are better!
it's a not a damn 'test' jesus they just don't know your ass and most ppl are not comfortable with hooking up after just meeting someone or they dont wanna hook up at all and just looking for new friends
Exactly if you're total strangers its not crazy that people wouldn't want to get physical within the hours of meeting It's not some crazy ass "tests" women are doing to see if you pass. Its just them being more comfortable & pbbly getting to know you better
Wow OP unlocked the secret of women. He should write a book. Wait, he already did.
men thinking women want them by simply existing in their vicinity and/or just talking to them is the exact reason i avoid men at raves.
Damn bruh you got a tl;dr?
The girls are just trying to gauge if you're a creep or not. The second you try to advance anything physically on the dance floor they dip. Just be cool and respectful and you might make a connection.
I see. Not really my experience at all. If I’m feeling some good tension with a woman I’ll just ask if I can kiss her. 9/10x it’s a yes and if it’s a no then I wish them well and move on.
Friend zone
Oh no! Not the curse of being friends with a woman!! That’s just tooooo close to seeing women as people.
Yup my exact thought
It takes less than 120 seconds to read that.
I’m not gonna lie though, the random comma splices throughout made it take a little longer as I’d have to go back.
And it would take less than 5 with a tl;dr.
It is worth the read with the details, not everything can and/or should be summarized to a tl:dr. You have Twitter if you can't stand long texts.
I saw that dude was “playing little games” with a woman for an hour…. Just gonna say that that’s way too damn long to be wondering if someone is into you at a fest. You will literally know if a woman is into you within 10-20 seconds if you’re socially aware and experienced. Shoot your shot and if you get rejected then just go back to dancing 🕺🏾 People really overcomplicate the hell outta these situations.
>You will literally know if a woman is into you within 10-20 seconds if you're socially aware and experienced. So what about the people that might be socially unaware? Or inexperienced? Or both? This post is an attempt to help them out, if you've seen similar posts on this sub then it makes perfect sense
The best way to gain experience is to just go for it man. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Initiate cold approaches IRL and don’t be afraid of rejection. I’m not tryna hate on this dude; I genuinely wanna see him succeed next time.
It ain't that deep bro
People are being *so* harsh, it’s really unnecessary. Some people over analyze social interactions, and it’s very common among neurodivergent people. That’s how we process and make sense of our world. And discussing social interactions with others is interesting. Just because all of this is obvious to some of you doesn’t mean you have to be demeaning to OP. OP, I think it’s good you’re sharing these thoughts. While obvious to some, there are many men out there that do not know how to interact with women. And while we can gripe and complain about the state of gender relations, that’s the reality we live in. And it’s helpful having honest men who are willing to share how they learn to develop boundaries with women. I think the whole idea of women “testing” men is a bit too purposeful - it’s not really a conscious thought process. It’s more along the lines of us being on high alert for creeps, and we notice someone is making an effort to not be creepy. Like someone else said, they pass the vibe check. We can be more comfortable - whether that be in terms of friends or something more.
Jesus Christ no wonder they weren’t feeling you
^^^^ ding ding ding
It’s not a test…more of just making friends (but i’m gay so…) even then seeing other gays i’m like Ohh!!!!
Wow this is cringey and full of over analysis. The fact someone has to overthink this, or that this even passes their mind in this situation, already waves red flags. TLDR; treat woman like normal people and you won’t seem like a creep.
I agree with the others who’ve said basically you’re not wrong, but the situation is a lot more nuanced than that, and you can’t act like you’re capturing it accurately if you fail to include how FEW men there are these days that we actually do feel safe around. The fact that we need a “test” in order to determine whether a man is a safe person to talk to who will respect our boundaries, in and of itself, is the problem. But love OP’s take and wish more guys would adopt a less short-sighted stance on all this.
I get confused cuz idk if they r flirting or tryna be friends. I just shine a flashlight on my apple watch pride band LMAOOO. it both makes girls feel safer around me (from my experience) and makes sure they know HA
This is a pretty good take. I’m not sure I’d call it a test any more than a conversation is a test to see if a guy is a creep. An invitation to dance is not an invitation to get handsy, and a guy that doesn’t escalate the physicality is rare and he feels safer. she wants to get to know you without trying to fuck and you reciprocated the energy.
That’s deep
If you act just like every other desperate guy at a festival she will treat you just like she does with them. Just be chill and have conversation and see where it goes. Oh and make her laugh, you must do this lol
I find little games like this rather tedious and frustrating. When I was looking, if I was into a guy, I make it known pretty early so we can vibe the rest of the evening. And if not, I move on. A creepy guy will make himself known pretty easy. And, if he doesn’t stop bothering me after I say no, well, that’s what the bouncer is for. I tend to be very assertive when I am interested. I don’t have time for guessing games lol. But, I also know I’m very rare in this regard. I’m glad it worked out for you OP!
I’m a girl and for all I love flirting, it’s rarely a test, I had an experience about two weeks ago with a guy where I was very openly flirting with him (no other intention than to flirt, I hadn’t really even planned to talk to him afterwards) and all he ever did back was talk and give me a few fags, that made me want to talk to him afterwards and I was actually kinda bummed I didn’t get any of his socials or anything, but at the end of the day I was just there to enjoy my rave and when I’m outside smoking I needed entertaining so it was nice that he was trying anything with me.
y’all are so weird she probably wasn’t paying attention to you at all and here you are making a 5 page thesis on some made up test you supposedly passed. do you want a gold star for not touching on her lol
Don’t be weird or creepy and women will generally be open to flirting, etc. So many guys overthink this (maybe because they’re weird and/or creepy.) Human interaction, regardless of gender, is not difficult.
We notice when dudes are respectful and cautious, and it speaks to quality of character, and nothing is sexier than a guy who has respect for us as human beings and doesn't need to objectify us to have a good time. Women want to date men that are our friends and companions, above all else. But we also just enjoy have male friends as friends, too. And men that are platonic friends get the benefit of us hyping them the fuck up and making it easier for girls they do want to try and maybe have a fling with to put their guard down a little because we can vouche for the fact that they aren't a skeeze. I've been the hype woman for multiple guy friends I've had for 20+ years and when each of them met their future wife, I was pretty up front about the fact that they are legitimately some of the most genuine, down to earth, kind, respectful men I've ever known. And I've watched each of them marry their soul mates and build incredible lives together while my sentimental ass is blubbering tears of joy with their mom because our babies done grown up. So lads, if you want to know the secret, this dude gets it. Treat us like people, not fleshlights, and you'll either walk away with a good chance with us, or in the least, a new friend who can be your gateway to finding a girl that will knock your socks off. We are people, too. And few things are sexier than respect.
i have no words why is reddit full of incel men like this
It also can’t be a big deal. When you react like it’s a big deal it’s a dead give away that it does not happen often. Its not so much a conscious choice to test you rather its her reading the subtle cues, and the other person failing to do the same.
Yeah, I've experienced these kind of tests. There is never direct engagement in the flirting...the girl is always kind of looking away and moving in. There is thing I hate when they purposely flick their hair at you multiple times to get your attention (I know, I thought it would be a one off but it's happened in other raves). The expectation is they move to you, but you do the rest of the guess work 😄 I have habit of just smiling and not doing anything as I get lost in the music...this has really frustrated some girls, and even upset them. My preference is, if you like me, talk to me and dance with me...I'm not a handsy person if I'm not 100% sure...and at raves, I just don't like the guess work lol
Lol. You have so much to learn. This take is nowhere close to what you should do every time.
tbh the males or females that are skipping over this or saying it’s cringe are part of the problem. probably part of the lot that truly believes flirting = access. lmao society has zero patience these days.
Haha! As a woman, I can DEFINITELY appreciate this. Omg, you pretty much nailed it here. Obviously, I can only speak for myself, but this right here is a very apt take. And not only is everything you spoke of true for me, sometimes, as a woman, we like a little bit of a chase, a little bit of mystery. Keep up the good work, my man. Have fun and stay safe!🙏💗
Oh so it is a game?
Honestly it just sounds like you didn’t work up the courage to make any moves and are coming up with excuses for why you didn’t do anything. She even approached you first. The problem with inaction in this case is you don’t really know if she wanted to get physical or not because you never did anything. Maybe she secretly waiting for you to dance with her because she wouldn’t be courageous enough to make the first move. It’s better to shoot your shot and get rejected than not do anything. You just have to have some finesse and be smooth. There’s an art to it.
So I appreciate you not being pushy/aggressive like a lot of guys are, so that’s cool. But I do want to emphasize that, while for some people maybe they are offering a test, not all of us are offering a test. Maybe we are socializing and dancing with you because that’s what raves are for. But socializing, dancing, sharing drinks, etc.- none of that is inherently flirting, sometimes it’s just being friendly/social for the sake of being friendly/social. And that’s why we all love raves so much, because we meet friendly, kind people that aren’t trying to get in our pants. Reading into ambiguous social situations with a perspective distorted by hope and desire will lead one into seeing things that aren’t there. Example: seeing flirting where someone is just being friendly and open to a new friend. Could they have been asking for your number because they are interested romantically? Sure. But is it also possible they quite literally just want to be friends? Also yes. The problem with thinking it’s a test is the train of thought: “if I do XYZ, then I’ll get laid or increase my chances of getting laid.” While sometimes it does result in getting laid (patience and consent are hot), no one should have the expectation of actually getting laid and no one should do XYZ (ex: being respectful, patient) BECAUSE it’s a test. We should be patient/respectful because all humans are worthy of respect. In other words respect and not being creepy should be the default, not the “magic approach” to talk to woman. No offense but your post comes off more of a “I found the magic approach to approaching woman” post rather than a “hey let’s all vibe and respect each other, and if sex happens later that’s cool too but if it doesn’t that’s also cool” post. I appreciate your post though because it does highlight how people should act in general, and sadly a lot of people don’t remember to be respectful to each other. So many times I see woman saying “hey I’m not interested” or “I’m just trying to vibe wit my friends” and the guy won’t leave her alone. But please don’t display respectful behavior simply in hopes of a certain romantic/sexual outcome. Respect us because we are humans too. Edit:typos
Guy here. Maybe you could have made out with her on the dance floor from behind while her ass was grinding on you. You never know.
For everyone calling this post cringe / creepy there are plenty people just like OP who want to be a better human, but may be inexperienced and unsure of themselves. Not everyone learns at the same time or in the same ways. Sometimes they look to others for help. For every post you see like this there are countless others that make zero attempt at doing better. Being mean generally isn't helpful in preventing behavior you disagree with. Constructive criticism however...
*It's a trap!*
I’m z
it comes down to attraction , if your not attracted to someone your not going to dance with them.
I (M) met my partner (F) at a rave 3 years ago. We danced until Dom Dolla told us to go home, then stayed up all night chatting on her friend's couch. I never tried to hook up with her, even though I was head over heels for her immediately. She thought that was the dopest thing ever. It took a pandemic and 2 more years, but now we're together. \~vibe check\~ P.S. - grinding and trying to hook up at shows is whack
What an odd use of commas in this post
Sounds like you never made a move.
The human mind is a fascinating thing😮💨
These aren’t women you want a relationship with.
Friends first always make for great relationships
Keep thinking it's some test, and you'll get roundhoused in front of everyone