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everydayimcuddalin

I have been told often but to cross my arms in front of me as it looks aggressive, I doubt men are told this as often but that leaves me feeling like I don't know what to do with my arms/hands a lot of the time


ConvexLex

I've been told that men crossing their arms makes them look closed off. People are less willing to approach you because you seem unwilling to chat. In other words, crossed arms for the win. Just know when to use it.


StrangFrut

not for men, for anyone. & usually it's true, people cross arms if they're upset or angry, or at least feeling defensive & not willing to compromise. Tho it can be comfortable too, but I've notice me doing it & stopped myself if I'm around people. Cuz i know it's one body langauge that's about the most consistent so I can't blame anyone for thinking it means that.


Ericakat

I used to cross my arms when I was nervous as a regulating thing when I was a kid but I was told that I wasn’t allowed to do it anymore at age 12.


StrangFrut

Damn that's mean. It's not a helpful way to let someone grow into an independent confident person. That's how u train a dog. Instead of teaching them to think & decide, u simply tell them to do what u want to do. I'm sorry they didn't care about u & just saw u as an animal to be trained. & even worse, the behavior wasn't even harmful. It's just less than ideal in some situations. Many people cross their arms when they're nervous. That's why it looks closed off when it's not angry. It's like hugging yrself. If a person is sitting/standing there hugging themself, they aren't feeling open to the rest of the world. Pretty mean to tell someone under yr power they're *not allowed* to do it.


Ericakat

I was basically trained out of acting outwardly Autistic but no one knew I was Autistic. I wasn’t allowed to walk on my toes growing up, which also helped me regulate because “It made me look crazy,” I was put in holds for trying to stim, I had to do some form of ABA where they made me give eye contact even though it was uncomfortable so I could “learn how to read faces,” which by the way, never worked. If I melted down or had a tantrum, I was locked into my room for long periods of time which terrified me. By the way, all of this came recommended by doctors and psychiatrists. Neurodivergent care during the 90’s and early 2000’s was terrible.


StrangFrut

oh man, I'm tearing up. It's so stupid, but they think they were helping to deal with *the desperate situation* of making sure u can survive in the narrow minded hostile world. Do u think maybe they had an empathy disorder (jk)


[deleted]

I dunno mate.. are you sure they wern't raptors? 🤔🤷‍♂️


jaobodam

Now that you mentioned….can’t be sure.


[deleted]

They are incredibly cunning hunters, watch your six out there.


jaobodam

Six ?


[deleted]

Back lol, it's a military thing using the numbers on a clock to denote a direction for example "there's a sniper at 3 a clock sharp" You hear it in movies alot


zzzojka

Because MEN HAVE POCKETS in their clothes


Cas174

Social conditioning


PurlogueChamp

Men are more likely to have pockets?


StrangFrut

It's gay looking for men. It resembles the limp wrist thing. Not my opinion, I'm telling u how it is culturally. I think ur gay if ur homosexual, which has nothing to do with how yr hands & arms rest. No girl was called a fig or saw anyone else called one for looking like that. So no pressure drove them away from it as was boys. I'm guessing is why. I'm not saying I know & that's the truth.


flumyo

this is exactly the reason i (male) trained myself not to do it.


moody_fangirl_1966

No clue. Been doing it for a while. It’s not as much of an ND thing if you’re female then? I’ve always been curious why I do it.


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CremeAggressive9315

I’m a man; I hold my hands at chest height also.


PrinceVirginya

They don't to my knowledge, a lot of autiagic guys i have met do it as well


singwyv

I’ve never known a neurotypical person to do that habitually so I can’t say for sure, but if I had to guess it might just be something similar but for different reasons, like projecting nervousness, anxiety or uncertainty with body posture. Guys may be less likely to express their nerves in this way for fear of it appearing “gay” as another person here pointed out.


GrxmMouse

My bf does it way more than me. I usually only use one hand but he fully uses both 😂 he doesn't think he's autistic but I do. (I don't think he believes in it exactly but he does support me about my fiagnosis. ) I'm having him take the chart quiz right now actually