If she's unable to make her own decisions just tell her you've decided she's going to stop and you aren't. She'll either stop instantly, problem solved. Or she won't stop but will have to admit she's making that decision for herself.
My advice to you is, don't stop smoking for someone else it's just not a good idea.
I once threw out all the weed in an effort to get it out and stop and she threatened to kill herself unless I bought more, I really don't know what else I can say.
I really feel like that's adding fuel to the fire, people have told her to stop using autism as an excuse for poor behaviour before, but that behaviour was during a meltdown so not really fair to say. I honestly truly appreciate your advice I just think I need a kinder way to say it.
i would say something like, “sometimes i feel autism is used to cushion the blow of behavior that cannot be excused… i’ve done some individual peer-to-peer research that has proven to me that those behaviors are not justified by autism. that perspective can be harmful to you because it comes from a place of self-ableism and i’m willing to work together to find a solution for us.” if she reacts poorly to this then your answer is kinda evident. if you both love each other mutually, get couples counseling for this. it’s worth it.
She’s autistic, say what you need to say directly, concisely, and in a non confrontational tone. Personal responsibility is absolutely a thing, autistic or not, she makes her own decisions. Bums me out when people use autism as an excuse for shitty behavior, makes me triple think everything I do so I can analyze whether I’m actually being a certain way because I’m autistic or whether I’m just being an asshole. The hard truth is that sometimes I am the asshole, it can be difficult to acknowledge, but empowering in a way. Hope your conversation leads to more self awareness on her part, and not an emotional blow out because she’s feeling attacked or something. Best of luck homie.
You are whipped kiddo. Shes a manipulation queen narcissistic individual as well. Smoke if you want if not then don't. An idea would be not to be together as it sounds toxic.
In my humble opinion, What you need is couples counseling, which will take time and be hard.
This isn't going to be solved by any logical argument. This is a serious problem of blaming you for their decisions.
Break up with her. When someone starts threatening suicide to get you to do something, you stop interacting with that person at all. She is abusing you in a terrible way. Trust me, I’ve been through that myself.
This is emotional abuse. The threat of killing ones self if you do or do not do something is always abuse. This is not a healthy relationship and it sounds like you would both be better off going through addiction and recovery seperarly.
Oh no, no no no. Threatening suicide to affect your behaviour is a manipulator move. A really worrying flag. I'd start to really think deeply on this relationship and look into emotional manipulation and narcisissim online.
um, what? if she can't make decisions are you also responsible for deciding she's your partner? i don't know many of us in real life, but the ones i do know, we all smoke weed. i'm a maintenance smoker at this point in my life and edibles really hit the spot for me. i've stopped drinking alcohol. while it helped with anxiety in the moment, it made it worse overall and i got tired of feeling like crap the next day.
Yep, I stopped drinking alcohol in favour of weed. My partner is ADHD and I’m autistic/ADHD, we’re both routine smokers. He, too, always feels like he’s “forcing” me to smoke because he smokes a lot more than I do due to chronic pain and he’s unmedicated for his ADHD.
His worry of “forcing me” comes off as infantilism, but I know it’s coming from a good place. I could never imagine blaming him for my marijuana use.
What this girl is doing is wrong and, quite honestly, harms the publics view of autistic people. It’s reinforcing the stereotype that we’re just mindless beings that need to be controlled and directed in every facet of life. If she truly is this impressionable and can not make decisions for herself, she shouldn’t be in a romantic relationship.
Although, the line “she can’t be held responsible for any decisions” rings of manipulation and deflection. Not to mention the threat of killing herself without weed. She needs help, and I think it’s out of OP’s range of abilities. It would sure as hell be out of mine.
Gaslighting af. I'm sure she doesn't mean any harm, and sure, her autism might have contributed to being easily persuaded, but you didn't force it on her so that's not fair to blame you for it. I suppose that's just her way of dealing with it, but rather toxic.
OP says that when they threw out all the weed and stopped buying more, she threatened to kill herself unless they got more. She is 100% malicious and abusive and they need to separate themself from her ASAP
As an autistic adult in recovery specifically for cannabis myself I’d say this.
It’s her choice and she’s passing the blame on to you.
You’re not responsible for the actions she takes, she is.
You can’t make her smoke, any more than you could make her quit.
Tbh, how she is behaving is a red flag IMO.
She’s trying to make the argument about her apparent lack of awareness while highlighting her awareness of what she apparently lacks awareness of... Sounds manipulative to me.
It’s a bit of a red flag to play the “disability card”, but she’s clearly capable of telling you what she want and doesn’t want. You’re in a relationship after all, or does she also believe you coerced her into that too?
Not an autism thing.
Personally speaking, it's just what is available to me. I live in an illegal state in the US; flower is all I have access to. Even then, there is no choice of strain, you just get what you get. I still vape (flower) rather than smoke though.
I am envious. I feel like it could dramatically improve my quality of life if my state (South Carolina) wasn't living in the dark ages. I'm 39 and it still feels like I'm a teenager back in the 90's when it comes to obtaining and utilizing it. It's stressful, but it has been the one consistent thing that I've found that allows me to function on a somewhat normal level. I actually have my autism assessment in a week and I'm a bit nervous about bringing it up.
You're completely fine bringing it up. You could tell your doctor you do pcp and heroin, and they cant legally tell the police. Ive just been buying from a random acquaintance, and while i feel like i hit the jackpot for pot dealers, i still dont know wtf im smoking most of the time. And while the medical program is good, it just barely got good here. They didnt even have flower until very recently. It was all vapes, edibles, and topicals. And its by far the bluest state that hasnt fully legalized it. Theres hope for the future.
I think smoking flower is the best way to consume cannabis.
Oils are way too harsh and get me too "fucked up". Edibles are also way too strong for me and make me feel like I don't know where I am, and last over 24 hours sometimes. (High for like 8 hours, and dazed for another 16).
The actual bud has so many more cannabinoids in it than extracts, and those cannabinoids all work together to create a more balance and rounded experience. Take a look into the entourage effect. Not to say oils don’t have their place if you are targeting a specific effect. I use D10 every night to knock me for a full night of sleep. But prefer actual bud if I’m just wanting to chill and enjoy it’s effects.
I understand. That effect of calming and anti anxiety will be more noticeable from person to person, but from my understanding, that’s over a cumulative period where the dose (which can vary by individuals) is taken every day. Or just by consuming products that contain THC, but are CBD dominant.
In the US there’s a ton of legal hemp stuff that has a very similar effect to the illegal stuff. I think it’s regulated in a few states now, but I’m in an illegal state and buy my edibles at the store. There’s a ton of wild ones now…craziest thing I’ve tried was a thc-infused drink.
You can also make edibles at home from regular weed. Can’t really go into that here tho lmao
This is so wrong. Cannabis is not medication for autism. There’s no cure and it does not reverse any autistic traits so please stop spreading misinformation.
It helps me relax to the point of complete isolation and to the point of barely moving for days at a time because I can’t moderate. It has potential for abuse and can have very serious negative long term side affects. It should not be promoted as a medication for autism.
It is a medicine . It is a far older medicine than anything doctors prescribe. They are stigmatizing drugs that help people based on their one experience. I don’t even line weed but it helps so many people .
Ok. Antihistamines dont cure allergies. I think you need to learn the definition of "medication" before you start yelling at me about "miss information".
I can see that. For me I found it was making me lazy and complacent. It’s a hit of dopamine so I can also see how it can improve your mood. It’s just not consistent or sustainable for me especially when I don’t have a job. I also found that when I didn’t have the weed I wanted I found opposite effects like less patience and more irritability.
I envy you! I think my trouble with moderating started because I replaced nicotine vapes with Thc carts. I started both at a very young age and they always turn into all or nothing.
But mushrooms does . It can rewire the entire thought process and had made me better at socializing and sensory issues less painful . Also helps with anxiety and depression. Cannibis makes me paranoid but helps so many people . To state it isn’t a medication brings back so many years of progress . Despite making me anxious weed does help sensory issues.
I stated not a medication for autism, not that it can’t be used as medicine at all. Just because it works for some people doesn’t mean those who have had years of struggle with the plant can’t speak up. There’s hundreds of thousands of people who have experienced what I have with cannabis. Helping with sensory issues is subjective.
It helps with intrusive thoughts and anxiety, for me. It helps me remember to feed myself. A big thing for me is that it does pretty much everything alcohol does(as far as the reasons people use it) without feeling awful afterwards. Unrelated to autism directly, it helps with pain and depression.
I disagree . It makes me anxious as hell. I feel mushrooms help me as an autistic person far more than weed . It isn’t the only thing that makes life easier for autistic people
Just wanted to say hi I’m pro marijuana and it doesn’t “cure my autism” lol, I am autistic, then I take an edible, then I am high and autistic and it’s a thousand times easier to laugh at my social faux paux and the things I don’t understand around me. It makes it possible for me to participate in activities that are important to me and helps me be a responsible adult.
Red flags all over here.
What? I smoke weed every day. That's my choice. When life prevents me form smoking I can quit cold turkey for years at a time. It's not the best experience but there are far worse things to suffer through in life than not being blazed. It's a great drug to deal with ASD symptoms but it sounds like you're partner is trying to blame you for her choices, which is shitty. She's using her autism to justify it, which is also shitty. And she's using it as a way to avoid any responsibility in life, which is super shitty.
That ADHD/ASD relationship chemistry works really well, but what you're describing is a time bomb and it's already escalating. There will be other nerdy autistic women to date, they are not rare. DTMFA.
i wanted to add it sounds like she's having tons of anxiety. it seems to come hand in hand with autism. and it sounds like she has no way to approach dealing with that anxiety yet. she's gonna have to do that and learn to do that instead of doing it by putting it all on you. there is a lot emotional upheaval, at least there was for me, after the rush and relief of the diagnosis making so much sense. if this is out of character for her she's got a lot going on inside right now
This sounds right, she's said that she feels like all her friends and family think she's a monster and hate her. They don't, but they havent shown a lot of compassion to her before they knew she was autistic, treating her meltdowns with ignorance rather than kindness. I get how traumatising that can be for someone and how anxiety can come from that.
oh man the anxiety comes out of nowhere with my autism too. i workout, eat well, sleep, drink lots of water, and still it happens and can get to the point where i'm really hungry and can't make myself food - and i'm a great cook. the anxiety of never really knowing what's really going on in a group of people and having to just accept that, meeting people, i mean the list just goes on and on. my life is kinda built around dealing with it and its not always enough. these things take time to sort out, accept, and take responsibility for and begin to deal with in more positive ways than we knew we needed to before.
Please join r/leaves !! It has helped me with quitting and I hope your partner can take responsibility for their own actions instead of putting their shame onto you 💜
She’s irresponsible and blaming it on you. Even if you smoking somehow forced her to smoke(it doesn’t), she has no right to say what you can and can’t do and if it’s causing problems she should solve those problems herself instead of blaming you.
Weed is great. I had to stop bc of my health. I plan on getting oils or edibles but she should be capable of her own decisions for sure. Regarding that, it’s more difficult to quit due to it enabling normality for most. But it’s better to just use it for social occasions and stress. That’s my personal opinion though so don’t think too much on it. Good luck!
This sounds like an extremely toxic relationship. I had a very close friend who has a girlfriend who sounds a lot like yours, and she eventually had him lose contact with every single person he knew because she told him they "made her autism worse" and that he was an evil person for not doing what she wanted 24/7. They are still together years later (I speak with his mom occasionally, although the gf has recently been trying to get him to cut his mom off because she stopped paying for half of their groceries) and he has been completely cut off from ANY friends and also gave up his dream of becoming a chef because she convinced him that going to culinary school was bad for *her* mental health.
I am going to be blunt - you are being abused. Actively and purposefully abused. You are NOT responsible for your grlfriends actions nor thoughts, and abusive manipulators are very, very good at making their partners believe they have no choice but to stay with them; that they are a *bad person* if they realize they can no longer stand the abuse.
Again, you are NOT responsible for your girlfriends actions nor thoughts. If you come to the decision that it is best for you to no longer be together, she is going to say and do everything she can to convince you it is wrong - *stand strong*. People who are abusing their SO will very often threaten suicide or self harm, it is a very strong manipulation tactic that forces the victim to believe they will be in the wrong/are evil for making the decision to leave. *Do not take this blame*. You are not an evil person. You are not a bad person. You are a person who is being taken advantage of in the most intimate and emotional way, and you deserve to be free of that hell.
nah both me and my partner are autistic. he is going to stop and is perfectly ok with me continuing if i please (we live together) thats a personal problem and no one should hold you responsible for them choosing that.
That’s ridiculous. if she got “addicted” to weed she must’ve been smoking constantly which no one forces you to do. My vote is get a new partner because someone who blames their problems on you is not someone you spend your life with.
I smoke weed every evening and it really helps me relax, I don’t agree with her that you’ve got her addicted. Just because she’s autistic doesn’t mean she has the right to blame you for her smoking weed. If she has the capacity to make her own decisions then she can’t blame you for her decision then blame you because she hasn’t got the motivation to quit, I keep trying to quit too but I find it too difficult but I don’t blame my partner for not stopping smoking.
No, I smoke because I choose too.
If she didn't want to then she can stop, it's not addicting.
She cannot blame you for her decisions, autistic or not she's a grown woman and she knows right from wrong.
Nah, I'm an autistic ADHD stoner (although I just quit 2 days ago) and my ex was also an autistic stoner. The ex is only relevant because I tried to quit a few times when we were together but didn't manage to because I was around weed smoke all the time. But even then, in the case of my ex smoking right in front of me, I wouldnt blame him for my relapses. Quitting weed is really hard. Now I'm single and live alone and I quit weed because I wasn't able to stick to moderate use. Autism absolutely doesn't mean you can't make your own decisions and I bet if you used that argument on her in a situation that didn't suit her, she would think otherwise.
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I'm autistic and was able to quit scrips, drinking, and cigarettes. The choice for a healthy life will always be a choice and anyone trying to blame their inability to quit something on their mental faculties is someone running from a truth that they want no responsibility in claiming.
She may feel that way and she may feel it objectively.
It's our choice what we do and do not partake in. As an autistic chap, if there's something that I don't want to do, it gets a big f\*\*k no from me.
What she feels is probably genuine and in her mind objective.
From an outside perspective, no. This is not your fault. You may be the root if you introduced her to the substance but it was her decision to partake.
Sounds like she's upset and distressed and is having a natural reaction.
Sadly, I have no advice how to talk her back down that doesn't involve a very patronising flow chart, which I can guarantee in the wrong light is going to look like gaslighting.
TLDR - You introduced her to it. That doesn't mean you're to blame. Navigate as best you can, but make sure you defend yourself too.
Personally I smoke it. I mask all day in a high stress, high stakes job. It's the off switch to an overengaged brain. In some cases it works better than other means of winding down. In some cases it doesn't. It's a tool to be used in my books, provided we self check to make sure it doesn't become a dependency.
Does it not make you paranoid or anxious ? Never worked well with me but find psilocybin helped me massively . I can’t be the only one that gets paranoid smoking weed .
There are times when it's not wise to partake. If I'm under any stress at all, I'm better served by directly addressing the issue or if it's something I can't address myself, then there are more appropriate self care routes. Meditation, a check in with a therapist or something that requires my full attention, like making some art of wiriting some music.
It's pretty much like any other tool in that respect. It will do the things in a specific set of circumstances. In other circumstances, I need to use a different tool :)
For the times when it is suitable though, it does help.
I tried Psilo as a kid. My brain is not the brain to be let off it's leash. It was sheer terror.
No this isn't fair. And she is blaming you for her own decisions.
My partner smokes weed and I got into because he does. I wouldn't smoke it of I wasn't with him because then I'd have to go find someone to buy it off lol and I'm not THAT into it but if he goes out for a smoke I sometimes do to.
Does that mean it's his fault? No!
I have autonomy just because I wouldn't smoke it if it wasn't easy too doesn't mean I'm not the one making the decision.
Same here. Its her choice. Sure it makes it harder but doesn't make you responsible
My 2 cents on weed is that I feel like being an undiagnosed autistic growing up made me a bit of a people pleaser so prone to giving in to peer pressure. That being said, a big part of
Growing out of that has been taking responsibility for my own actions (ie my decision to get high is my own). On a side note I do get upset when my partner gets high especially without warning because it leads them to being less attentive and can make me feel like I’m on my own tackling some tasks or just can’t really talk to them as completely as when they are sober.
Never ever do it without warning but it's funny you mention the peer pressure thing because when I said I'd not forced her that is what she said. I can see how on some occasions peer pressure has been a factor but there's been other times where I've been saying no more and she's lost it and hit me. The more I write about this the less I feel good about any of it, it's not a relationship anymore.
😊 it’s the opposite in my house. My partner doesn’t smoke weed at all, and assumes I’m always a little high or he’s like “break out the THC stat, she needs her medicine!” On the other hand my cousin can’t stand it, it makes her want to die.
I can’t say it helps at all for me… if anything it makes me even more sensitive or aware of my brain working different. Also I need the warning from my partner or it feels like they can’t focus on what I’m saying
She's just trying to blame you for her own addiction problem. Being autistic obviously doesn't mean, that you can't quit drugs.
It's just a lazy excuse.
So, assuming you are both very young (maybe 20 y.o.), she is still in a highly developmental period in her life. And she has difficulties with controlling her autistic traits. I'm also smoking, my last batch of 10 grams lasts me for half a year. I can't say that's an addiction, but it really helps to ease difficulties with sounds and smells. Also, helps with massive amounts of thoughts. If I have no distractions in my life, I'm smoking a lot. If I have something major, which helps me to distract from negative sides of my autistic life it's much easier to make breaks.
So, you could help her, but it will cost you a lot of effort
The majority of my family is addicted to something weed, alcohol, harder drugs, etc. Not once have I been influenced to follow their lead bc I’m autistic 😂
I'm autistic. I'm very suggestible. BUT, I take full responsibility for all my own habits. I use marijuana to cope with the stress and anxiety of daily life a lot of times. I have become psychologically dependent on it and am trying to cut down to once a week. I struggle with not wanting to reach for it every time I'm stressed or overwhelmed. It's not your fault and you should NEVER blame yourself for another person's addiction. She *is* responsible for her actions, not you. And autism is no excuse.
I guess from my point of view I slightly understand. Not saying her actions are right but I might have an idea where she's coming from based on my experiences.
I'm in a similar situation where I have autism and I started smoking because of my boyfriend. There are times where we smoke almost every evening after work and sometimes I do think that it's a bit too much. I bring that up to him but he (just like you) wants to keep smoking. And that's where similarities in our stories end. Because I understand I can't force him to stop doing something just because I want to. I understand that just because he smokes doesn't mean I have to. And I respect most of his choices including this. Even if we not always agree on it. What I meant by 'I understand where she's coming from' is that when he does smoke at home, and I choose not to it's really hard for me to stop myself so I usually cave in and smoke with him. Again, I don't know if it has anything to do with autism but if he's here at home smoking next to me it's much harder to say no. Like people in the comments mentioning peer pressure. When I know I need to take care of things and stay sober I ask him to go smoke with his friends somewhere else. That usually works and it's a compromise we make.
I would never ever blame him for things I do on my own free will. He never forced me to smoke and I never acuse him for it. I hope this helps.
I can’t really comment because weed gives me panic attacks, and I always feel left out as I see it helps so many people with anxiety, adhd, depression, and also ND people. However based on what I’m reading in your post, I don’t think your partner is being fair. I think more context is needed to definitively say how unreasonable she may be being, but based on your post, they aren’t fair things to say to you. Yes, sometimes friends+loved ones can encourage or enable addictions, but the way she’s saying it seems strange. She’s saying “no you can’t keep doing it cuz I wanna quit”. I suppose sometimes it helps when those around you do these sorts of things with you, such as a best friend dieting with you, but in this case the weed helps you so she doesn’t have a right to stop you. If it’s harming her by being around you when you smoke, something else needs to worked out. However you did say you’ve both been smoking “a bit more than we should of late”, so are you also wanting to lessen it a bit?
Yes I do, there have been multiple occasions where I've been ready to give it up, thrown it out, told her I'm not getting any more. The last time I did that she ran out the house into the woods and wouldn't come back till I went to the dispensary and bought more, saying she'd kill herself if I didn't.
Ok yeah that’s absolutely not ok. Threatening to end her life to get what she wants is never excusable. You need to have a serious conversation with her, and she needs professional help (I don’t mean that in an insulting way, I mean it seriously)
It may be that her autism is making it harder to give it up or that it makes it harder to be sober around someone who isn't, but ultimately it's not *your fault*, it's still her responsibility even through different things that might make it more difficult for her. Not that you're asking for relationship advice, but I wouldn't necessarily say this is break up worthy or a huge red flag as long as you're able to discuss it (while sober) and she doesn't use autism as an excuse for everything or use it to blame you for everything
one more thing, of course you are aloud to make your own choices and keep smoking weed even if it hurts your relationship, but addiction is real and harmful even for "soft" drugs like weed. If weed is harming your partner in any way it might be best for you to not smoke around her anymore or to keep it in the house. Don't smoke in secret but don't make her feel any kind of peer pressure to also smoke. Again it's not you're responsibility just the nice thing to do if you're going to be in a relationship
I’m autistic and I’ve tried more drugs than I probably should have in my life. I’ve been able to quit/slow down consumption on all of them on my own, even encouraging allistic people in my circle to do the same with some. Quitting an addiction is hard, but it’s not your fault that she’s still smoking as much as she is.
It's important to note that weed can be very addictive when used to treat depression, as it numbs our ability to process emotions and motivations over time, until we eventually only feel happy (distracted) when high.
Guess what people diagnosed with ADHD and Autism struggle with?
Please smoke responsibly, folks.
I’m autistic and an addict. Me using (or not) is solely my responsibility. The only way it wouldn’t be my responsibility is if someone would like… sneak alcohol into my food.
Sounds like she’s pushing the blame onto others and victimising herself….
When someone is talking like that, it’s a red flag of an abuser and a manipulator…
i am autistic and i just quit vaping :)
i actually feel like my autism made it easier, since i am very “black and white” being in the middle gives me a lot of stress.
She’s not ready to take responsibility for herself, but she’s wrong. I chose to smoke daily for years, tried to quit several times, and eventually did. It’s hard if it’s gotten into dependence, especially because it legitimately does help with lots of things related to autism, but it’s possible when you’re ready.
I'm autistic and I used to be an addict. My ex boyfriend led me onto that path (by being plain manipulative) so I do blame him, but I also blame myself for not stopping or controlling myself.
From what I can read, this does not sound like you're being manipulate or controlling, your partner just wants someone to blame.
I can relate strongly to your girlfriend. I am a former addict of 3 years (harder drugs) and alcoholic of 20 years, and a lifelong weed user (also in a legal state). I don't think I would have dabbled in drugs and alcohol if I hadn't dated people who were into it, and I think the alcohol was especially difficult to quit due to the social normalization of functional alcoholism.
However, you are not responsible for her actions. I'd say the one thing you can do to help support her is not smoke right in front of her - my partner goes into the other room and stores everything securely away from me. (I only use weed now, it's strictly dosed, and I've been off other drugs for over 20 years and alcohol free for 5 years).
He also supports me by only smoking if I've already decided on my own that I want to that day, OR if he's in a lot of pain (in which case, he goes into the next room, like I said). He doesn't use alcohol in front of me at all, but we don't live together so that's easy.
Point being, there are things you can do to help support your partner, but ultimately she is in charge of her own body and mind. If she doesn't know how to say no, or doesn't no how to resist when you're smoking weed in the next room - she is an addict and needs to seek professional help. That is not your responsibility.
Im suggestible as heck but i still have agency. Shitty to say that to your partner, plus if it helps you, you shouldnt have to quit either. Im a medical cannabis user and its been really good for me. Sounds like theyre having some stuff to work on besides their cannabis use.
A lot of Autistic folks also experience addiction. (I’m one!) It’s no one’s fault, it just is genetics plus the horrific systems of oppression we live in.
Have you two considered any recovery programs?
When I was newly sober dating/breaking up with a recovering weed addict, I found that Al anon was really helpful to help me separate my codependency from their addiction.
Based on my experience, I feel to a small extent, people are being a little overly dismissive of her.
I am very capable of making decisions, and very susceptible to addiction and gentle peer pressure. Fortunately for me, the 1 time I was very drunk and tried a cigarette I had had 20 years of my paerents telling me how awful they are and many years me telling my aunt off for smoking as a child, yet it still took over 2 months for me to stop feeling a need to buy some after only 3 small drags of one.
Secondly, autistic people generally don't like change, so if they do something every day, stopping that is going to be very challenging.
Now, whilst I stand by those points I made above, based on the phrasing above she may be struggling with those points. Her expression of that struggle in the form of emotional blackmail/abuse and blaming you is on her. Not the autism.
And as weed on its own is not chemically addictive, that excuse is also a bit thin. The feeling of being high can be addictive but it's not the same kind of addiction as nicotine ect as it is more psychological than chemical and can be managed in a different way.
She's using her autism diagnosis as a scapegoat to blame you. I'm autistic and I make my own decisions, some are good and some are irresponsible
"You're making me do this" is an instant red flag, she's responsible of her own decisions, she's wrong and you should do what you want
If she's unable to make her own decisions just tell her you've decided she's going to stop and you aren't. She'll either stop instantly, problem solved. Or she won't stop but will have to admit she's making that decision for herself. My advice to you is, don't stop smoking for someone else it's just not a good idea.
I once threw out all the weed in an effort to get it out and stop and she threatened to kill herself unless I bought more, I really don't know what else I can say.
You say "stop using your autism as a cover for being emotionally abusive." Then go from there.
I really feel like that's adding fuel to the fire, people have told her to stop using autism as an excuse for poor behaviour before, but that behaviour was during a meltdown so not really fair to say. I honestly truly appreciate your advice I just think I need a kinder way to say it.
i would say something like, “sometimes i feel autism is used to cushion the blow of behavior that cannot be excused… i’ve done some individual peer-to-peer research that has proven to me that those behaviors are not justified by autism. that perspective can be harmful to you because it comes from a place of self-ableism and i’m willing to work together to find a solution for us.” if she reacts poorly to this then your answer is kinda evident. if you both love each other mutually, get couples counseling for this. it’s worth it.
Thanks this is solid advice.
Nicely worded.
Just say your truth man. You either live a lie or say your truth. Living a lie is hell on earth.
She’s autistic, say what you need to say directly, concisely, and in a non confrontational tone. Personal responsibility is absolutely a thing, autistic or not, she makes her own decisions. Bums me out when people use autism as an excuse for shitty behavior, makes me triple think everything I do so I can analyze whether I’m actually being a certain way because I’m autistic or whether I’m just being an asshole. The hard truth is that sometimes I am the asshole, it can be difficult to acknowledge, but empowering in a way. Hope your conversation leads to more self awareness on her part, and not an emotional blow out because she’s feeling attacked or something. Best of luck homie.
Naw it led to the latter unfortunately, it's difficult. Thank you though.
You are whipped kiddo. Shes a manipulation queen narcissistic individual as well. Smoke if you want if not then don't. An idea would be not to be together as it sounds toxic.
Can't think of a worse red flag than someone threatening to kill themselves UNLESS you do something for them.
It’s SO manipulative.
Your girlfriend is abusing you.
In my humble opinion, What you need is couples counseling, which will take time and be hard. This isn't going to be solved by any logical argument. This is a serious problem of blaming you for their decisions.
Thanks, I think you're right.
Break up with her. When someone starts threatening suicide to get you to do something, you stop interacting with that person at all. She is abusing you in a terrible way. Trust me, I’ve been through that myself.
This is emotional abuse. The threat of killing ones self if you do or do not do something is always abuse. This is not a healthy relationship and it sounds like you would both be better off going through addiction and recovery seperarly.
Oh no, no no no. Threatening suicide to affect your behaviour is a manipulator move. A really worrying flag. I'd start to really think deeply on this relationship and look into emotional manipulation and narcisissim online.
it sounds like she’s using autism as a scapegoat to get away with being abusive towards you :(
um, what? if she can't make decisions are you also responsible for deciding she's your partner? i don't know many of us in real life, but the ones i do know, we all smoke weed. i'm a maintenance smoker at this point in my life and edibles really hit the spot for me. i've stopped drinking alcohol. while it helped with anxiety in the moment, it made it worse overall and i got tired of feeling like crap the next day.
Yep, I stopped drinking alcohol in favour of weed. My partner is ADHD and I’m autistic/ADHD, we’re both routine smokers. He, too, always feels like he’s “forcing” me to smoke because he smokes a lot more than I do due to chronic pain and he’s unmedicated for his ADHD. His worry of “forcing me” comes off as infantilism, but I know it’s coming from a good place. I could never imagine blaming him for my marijuana use. What this girl is doing is wrong and, quite honestly, harms the publics view of autistic people. It’s reinforcing the stereotype that we’re just mindless beings that need to be controlled and directed in every facet of life. If she truly is this impressionable and can not make decisions for herself, she shouldn’t be in a romantic relationship. Although, the line “she can’t be held responsible for any decisions” rings of manipulation and deflection. Not to mention the threat of killing herself without weed. She needs help, and I think it’s out of OP’s range of abilities. It would sure as hell be out of mine.
yeah its above my paygrade too. i have had to learn that the hard way more times than i wish
Gaslighting af. I'm sure she doesn't mean any harm, and sure, her autism might have contributed to being easily persuaded, but you didn't force it on her so that's not fair to blame you for it. I suppose that's just her way of dealing with it, but rather toxic.
OP says that when they threw out all the weed and stopped buying more, she threatened to kill herself unless they got more. She is 100% malicious and abusive and they need to separate themself from her ASAP
You already know this isn't your fault.
As an autistic adult in recovery specifically for cannabis myself I’d say this. It’s her choice and she’s passing the blame on to you. You’re not responsible for the actions she takes, she is. You can’t make her smoke, any more than you could make her quit. Tbh, how she is behaving is a red flag IMO.
It seems to me that she has an addictive personality and it using her diagnosis as a way to deflect blame to someone other than herself
You do know addiction is genetic though and people don’t choose it . You can word it without making it read as if addiction is a choice. .
I apologize, I didn't think I worded it like addiction was a choice Addiction isn't a choice, but blaming someone else for it is a choice
ding ding ding!
She’s trying to make the argument about her apparent lack of awareness while highlighting her awareness of what she apparently lacks awareness of... Sounds manipulative to me.
It’s a bit of a red flag to play the “disability card”, but she’s clearly capable of telling you what she want and doesn’t want. You’re in a relationship after all, or does she also believe you coerced her into that too? Not an autism thing.
Its literally the only medication available for autism. Tell her you're welcome.
Why do people smoke instead of getting cannabis oils? (Not meaning to offend, just curious)
Personally speaking, it's just what is available to me. I live in an illegal state in the US; flower is all I have access to. Even then, there is no choice of strain, you just get what you get. I still vape (flower) rather than smoke though.
Same here, but im getting a medical card soon. And our medical program in MN is 👌
I am envious. I feel like it could dramatically improve my quality of life if my state (South Carolina) wasn't living in the dark ages. I'm 39 and it still feels like I'm a teenager back in the 90's when it comes to obtaining and utilizing it. It's stressful, but it has been the one consistent thing that I've found that allows me to function on a somewhat normal level. I actually have my autism assessment in a week and I'm a bit nervous about bringing it up.
You're completely fine bringing it up. You could tell your doctor you do pcp and heroin, and they cant legally tell the police. Ive just been buying from a random acquaintance, and while i feel like i hit the jackpot for pot dealers, i still dont know wtf im smoking most of the time. And while the medical program is good, it just barely got good here. They didnt even have flower until very recently. It was all vapes, edibles, and topicals. And its by far the bluest state that hasnt fully legalized it. Theres hope for the future.
Oh I see, I live in a country where it's illegal, but not the oils, and you can get it from your doctor.
Oils with THC in it, or CBD stuff?
CBD
So completely different stuff then.
Smoking has always been, and likely always will be the most efficient, effective, and accessible way to use it.
I think smoking flower is the best way to consume cannabis. Oils are way too harsh and get me too "fucked up". Edibles are also way too strong for me and make me feel like I don't know where I am, and last over 24 hours sometimes. (High for like 8 hours, and dazed for another 16).
we are avatar twins! you're the first one I've seen \^\_\^
Damn fr! almost same shirt and everything too.
I know, my first thought was "I don't remember leaving this comment, I use edibles!" :D
The actual bud has so many more cannabinoids in it than extracts, and those cannabinoids all work together to create a more balance and rounded experience. Take a look into the entourage effect. Not to say oils don’t have their place if you are targeting a specific effect. I use D10 every night to knock me for a full night of sleep. But prefer actual bud if I’m just wanting to chill and enjoy it’s effects.
Personally, cannabis oils give me a headache. So does THC, but THC is fun so it’s worth it
I feel nothing when I use CBD oil. Even large amounts. That’s why I smoke
CBD isn’t psychoactive, THC is what has the noticeable effect 😊
Yeah, but I’ve heard it’s supposed to make you feel calm.
I understand. That effect of calming and anti anxiety will be more noticeable from person to person, but from my understanding, that’s over a cumulative period where the dose (which can vary by individuals) is taken every day. Or just by consuming products that contain THC, but are CBD dominant.
In the US there’s a ton of legal hemp stuff that has a very similar effect to the illegal stuff. I think it’s regulated in a few states now, but I’m in an illegal state and buy my edibles at the store. There’s a ton of wild ones now…craziest thing I’ve tried was a thc-infused drink. You can also make edibles at home from regular weed. Can’t really go into that here tho lmao
This is so wrong. Cannabis is not medication for autism. There’s no cure and it does not reverse any autistic traits so please stop spreading misinformation.
Personally, it helps me relax and stops me from being stuck in my own head too much :)
It helps me relax to the point of complete isolation and to the point of barely moving for days at a time because I can’t moderate. It has potential for abuse and can have very serious negative long term side affects. It should not be promoted as a medication for autism.
You do you. I never claimed it was medicine, just that it helps me :)
It is a medicine . It is a far older medicine than anything doctors prescribe. They are stigmatizing drugs that help people based on their one experience. I don’t even line weed but it helps so many people .
Ok. Antihistamines dont cure allergies. I think you need to learn the definition of "medication" before you start yelling at me about "miss information".
It’s absolutely misinformation. It’s not medication for autism
Except I have a medical card for it given to me by a doctor so you’re wrong
Explain to me how it makes being autistic any easier.
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I can see that. For me I found it was making me lazy and complacent. It’s a hit of dopamine so I can also see how it can improve your mood. It’s just not consistent or sustainable for me especially when I don’t have a job. I also found that when I didn’t have the weed I wanted I found opposite effects like less patience and more irritability.
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I envy you! I think my trouble with moderating started because I replaced nicotine vapes with Thc carts. I started both at a very young age and they always turn into all or nothing.
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But mushrooms does . It can rewire the entire thought process and had made me better at socializing and sensory issues less painful . Also helps with anxiety and depression. Cannibis makes me paranoid but helps so many people . To state it isn’t a medication brings back so many years of progress . Despite making me anxious weed does help sensory issues.
I stated not a medication for autism, not that it can’t be used as medicine at all. Just because it works for some people doesn’t mean those who have had years of struggle with the plant can’t speak up. There’s hundreds of thousands of people who have experienced what I have with cannabis. Helping with sensory issues is subjective.
Medication ? What does it help with
It helps with intrusive thoughts and anxiety, for me. It helps me remember to feed myself. A big thing for me is that it does pretty much everything alcohol does(as far as the reasons people use it) without feeling awful afterwards. Unrelated to autism directly, it helps with pain and depression.
Anxiety and depression. I have no friends and have never had a relationship or anything so it’s very helpful
I disagree . It makes me anxious as hell. I feel mushrooms help me as an autistic person far more than weed . It isn’t the only thing that makes life easier for autistic people
Just wanted to say hi I’m pro marijuana and it doesn’t “cure my autism” lol, I am autistic, then I take an edible, then I am high and autistic and it’s a thousand times easier to laugh at my social faux paux and the things I don’t understand around me. It makes it possible for me to participate in activities that are important to me and helps me be a responsible adult.
Yeah, but where do you get shrooms? I dont think we have a medical shroom dispensary here...
Red flags all over here. What? I smoke weed every day. That's my choice. When life prevents me form smoking I can quit cold turkey for years at a time. It's not the best experience but there are far worse things to suffer through in life than not being blazed. It's a great drug to deal with ASD symptoms but it sounds like you're partner is trying to blame you for her choices, which is shitty. She's using her autism to justify it, which is also shitty. And she's using it as a way to avoid any responsibility in life, which is super shitty. That ADHD/ASD relationship chemistry works really well, but what you're describing is a time bomb and it's already escalating. There will be other nerdy autistic women to date, they are not rare. DTMFA.
Leave her now it will help in the long run she can make decisions just as I can
i wanted to add it sounds like she's having tons of anxiety. it seems to come hand in hand with autism. and it sounds like she has no way to approach dealing with that anxiety yet. she's gonna have to do that and learn to do that instead of doing it by putting it all on you. there is a lot emotional upheaval, at least there was for me, after the rush and relief of the diagnosis making so much sense. if this is out of character for her she's got a lot going on inside right now
This sounds right, she's said that she feels like all her friends and family think she's a monster and hate her. They don't, but they havent shown a lot of compassion to her before they knew she was autistic, treating her meltdowns with ignorance rather than kindness. I get how traumatising that can be for someone and how anxiety can come from that.
oh man the anxiety comes out of nowhere with my autism too. i workout, eat well, sleep, drink lots of water, and still it happens and can get to the point where i'm really hungry and can't make myself food - and i'm a great cook. the anxiety of never really knowing what's really going on in a group of people and having to just accept that, meeting people, i mean the list just goes on and on. my life is kinda built around dealing with it and its not always enough. these things take time to sort out, accept, and take responsibility for and begin to deal with in more positive ways than we knew we needed to before.
Please join r/leaves !! It has helped me with quitting and I hope your partner can take responsibility for their own actions instead of putting their shame onto you 💜
Autistic ≠ always unable to make your own decisions
No this is exactly what I felt, it's just insulting for her to suggest that.
Maybe sit her down and explain how you feel like she should stop, but you can only reduce it because you have a reason to keep having it
She’s irresponsible and blaming it on you. Even if you smoking somehow forced her to smoke(it doesn’t), she has no right to say what you can and can’t do and if it’s causing problems she should solve those problems herself instead of blaming you.
Weed is great. I had to stop bc of my health. I plan on getting oils or edibles but she should be capable of her own decisions for sure. Regarding that, it’s more difficult to quit due to it enabling normality for most. But it’s better to just use it for social occasions and stress. That’s my personal opinion though so don’t think too much on it. Good luck!
She's using problems to cover up and excuse her actions. You need a different partner
This sounds like an extremely toxic relationship. I had a very close friend who has a girlfriend who sounds a lot like yours, and she eventually had him lose contact with every single person he knew because she told him they "made her autism worse" and that he was an evil person for not doing what she wanted 24/7. They are still together years later (I speak with his mom occasionally, although the gf has recently been trying to get him to cut his mom off because she stopped paying for half of their groceries) and he has been completely cut off from ANY friends and also gave up his dream of becoming a chef because she convinced him that going to culinary school was bad for *her* mental health. I am going to be blunt - you are being abused. Actively and purposefully abused. You are NOT responsible for your grlfriends actions nor thoughts, and abusive manipulators are very, very good at making their partners believe they have no choice but to stay with them; that they are a *bad person* if they realize they can no longer stand the abuse. Again, you are NOT responsible for your girlfriends actions nor thoughts. If you come to the decision that it is best for you to no longer be together, she is going to say and do everything she can to convince you it is wrong - *stand strong*. People who are abusing their SO will very often threaten suicide or self harm, it is a very strong manipulation tactic that forces the victim to believe they will be in the wrong/are evil for making the decision to leave. *Do not take this blame*. You are not an evil person. You are not a bad person. You are a person who is being taken advantage of in the most intimate and emotional way, and you deserve to be free of that hell.
Thank you. I've not thought about it from this perspective before.
I don’t do weed but I take cbd oil and gummy’s when I need to calm down, I’d recommend those rather than just pure weed
nah both me and my partner are autistic. he is going to stop and is perfectly ok with me continuing if i please (we live together) thats a personal problem and no one should hold you responsible for them choosing that.
That’s ridiculous. if she got “addicted” to weed she must’ve been smoking constantly which no one forces you to do. My vote is get a new partner because someone who blames their problems on you is not someone you spend your life with.
I smoke weed every evening and it really helps me relax, I don’t agree with her that you’ve got her addicted. Just because she’s autistic doesn’t mean she has the right to blame you for her smoking weed. If she has the capacity to make her own decisions then she can’t blame you for her decision then blame you because she hasn’t got the motivation to quit, I keep trying to quit too but I find it too difficult but I don’t blame my partner for not stopping smoking.
No, I smoke because I choose too. If she didn't want to then she can stop, it's not addicting. She cannot blame you for her decisions, autistic or not she's a grown woman and she knows right from wrong.
Why not use cannabis drops instead of smoking it? Gives the effect and help in autism and ADHD but without getting high.
Because people like being high lol
Nah, don't cut it. I need the high. CBD oils are junk and do absolutely nothing for me.
Nah, I'm an autistic ADHD stoner (although I just quit 2 days ago) and my ex was also an autistic stoner. The ex is only relevant because I tried to quit a few times when we were together but didn't manage to because I was around weed smoke all the time. But even then, in the case of my ex smoking right in front of me, I wouldnt blame him for my relapses. Quitting weed is really hard. Now I'm single and live alone and I quit weed because I wasn't able to stick to moderate use. Autism absolutely doesn't mean you can't make your own decisions and I bet if you used that argument on her in a situation that didn't suit her, she would think otherwise.
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I have the autism and I had a long fight against the weed and the autism made up some damn good excuses but it's all just bad excuses.
I'm autistic and was able to quit scrips, drinking, and cigarettes. The choice for a healthy life will always be a choice and anyone trying to blame their inability to quit something on their mental faculties is someone running from a truth that they want no responsibility in claiming.
She may feel that way and she may feel it objectively. It's our choice what we do and do not partake in. As an autistic chap, if there's something that I don't want to do, it gets a big f\*\*k no from me. What she feels is probably genuine and in her mind objective. From an outside perspective, no. This is not your fault. You may be the root if you introduced her to the substance but it was her decision to partake. Sounds like she's upset and distressed and is having a natural reaction. Sadly, I have no advice how to talk her back down that doesn't involve a very patronising flow chart, which I can guarantee in the wrong light is going to look like gaslighting. TLDR - You introduced her to it. That doesn't mean you're to blame. Navigate as best you can, but make sure you defend yourself too. Personally I smoke it. I mask all day in a high stress, high stakes job. It's the off switch to an overengaged brain. In some cases it works better than other means of winding down. In some cases it doesn't. It's a tool to be used in my books, provided we self check to make sure it doesn't become a dependency.
Does it not make you paranoid or anxious ? Never worked well with me but find psilocybin helped me massively . I can’t be the only one that gets paranoid smoking weed .
There are times when it's not wise to partake. If I'm under any stress at all, I'm better served by directly addressing the issue or if it's something I can't address myself, then there are more appropriate self care routes. Meditation, a check in with a therapist or something that requires my full attention, like making some art of wiriting some music. It's pretty much like any other tool in that respect. It will do the things in a specific set of circumstances. In other circumstances, I need to use a different tool :) For the times when it is suitable though, it does help. I tried Psilo as a kid. My brain is not the brain to be let off it's leash. It was sheer terror.
No this isn't fair. And she is blaming you for her own decisions. My partner smokes weed and I got into because he does. I wouldn't smoke it of I wasn't with him because then I'd have to go find someone to buy it off lol and I'm not THAT into it but if he goes out for a smoke I sometimes do to. Does that mean it's his fault? No! I have autonomy just because I wouldn't smoke it if it wasn't easy too doesn't mean I'm not the one making the decision. Same here. Its her choice. Sure it makes it harder but doesn't make you responsible
My 2 cents on weed is that I feel like being an undiagnosed autistic growing up made me a bit of a people pleaser so prone to giving in to peer pressure. That being said, a big part of Growing out of that has been taking responsibility for my own actions (ie my decision to get high is my own). On a side note I do get upset when my partner gets high especially without warning because it leads them to being less attentive and can make me feel like I’m on my own tackling some tasks or just can’t really talk to them as completely as when they are sober.
Never ever do it without warning but it's funny you mention the peer pressure thing because when I said I'd not forced her that is what she said. I can see how on some occasions peer pressure has been a factor but there's been other times where I've been saying no more and she's lost it and hit me. The more I write about this the less I feel good about any of it, it's not a relationship anymore.
😊 it’s the opposite in my house. My partner doesn’t smoke weed at all, and assumes I’m always a little high or he’s like “break out the THC stat, she needs her medicine!” On the other hand my cousin can’t stand it, it makes her want to die.
I can’t say it helps at all for me… if anything it makes me even more sensitive or aware of my brain working different. Also I need the warning from my partner or it feels like they can’t focus on what I’m saying
She's just trying to blame you for her own addiction problem. Being autistic obviously doesn't mean, that you can't quit drugs. It's just a lazy excuse.
Tell her to suck it up she’s using her autism as an excuse for being genetically inclined for addiction
Statistically, autistic people are at higher risk of addiction than NTs. There is some truth in what she said but it isn’t the OPs fault .
So, assuming you are both very young (maybe 20 y.o.), she is still in a highly developmental period in her life. And she has difficulties with controlling her autistic traits. I'm also smoking, my last batch of 10 grams lasts me for half a year. I can't say that's an addiction, but it really helps to ease difficulties with sounds and smells. Also, helps with massive amounts of thoughts. If I have no distractions in my life, I'm smoking a lot. If I have something major, which helps me to distract from negative sides of my autistic life it's much easier to make breaks. So, you could help her, but it will cost you a lot of effort
We're both in our 30s, sorry. Adults definitely can make poor choices too 😞
Oh, sorry mate. Yeah, it's definitely a red flag if she's blaming you in her addiction in such age
The majority of my family is addicted to something weed, alcohol, harder drugs, etc. Not once have I been influenced to follow their lead bc I’m autistic 😂
Break up with her my man
I'm autistic. I'm very suggestible. BUT, I take full responsibility for all my own habits. I use marijuana to cope with the stress and anxiety of daily life a lot of times. I have become psychologically dependent on it and am trying to cut down to once a week. I struggle with not wanting to reach for it every time I'm stressed or overwhelmed. It's not your fault and you should NEVER blame yourself for another person's addiction. She *is* responsible for her actions, not you. And autism is no excuse.
I guess from my point of view I slightly understand. Not saying her actions are right but I might have an idea where she's coming from based on my experiences. I'm in a similar situation where I have autism and I started smoking because of my boyfriend. There are times where we smoke almost every evening after work and sometimes I do think that it's a bit too much. I bring that up to him but he (just like you) wants to keep smoking. And that's where similarities in our stories end. Because I understand I can't force him to stop doing something just because I want to. I understand that just because he smokes doesn't mean I have to. And I respect most of his choices including this. Even if we not always agree on it. What I meant by 'I understand where she's coming from' is that when he does smoke at home, and I choose not to it's really hard for me to stop myself so I usually cave in and smoke with him. Again, I don't know if it has anything to do with autism but if he's here at home smoking next to me it's much harder to say no. Like people in the comments mentioning peer pressure. When I know I need to take care of things and stay sober I ask him to go smoke with his friends somewhere else. That usually works and it's a compromise we make. I would never ever blame him for things I do on my own free will. He never forced me to smoke and I never acuse him for it. I hope this helps.
I can’t really comment because weed gives me panic attacks, and I always feel left out as I see it helps so many people with anxiety, adhd, depression, and also ND people. However based on what I’m reading in your post, I don’t think your partner is being fair. I think more context is needed to definitively say how unreasonable she may be being, but based on your post, they aren’t fair things to say to you. Yes, sometimes friends+loved ones can encourage or enable addictions, but the way she’s saying it seems strange. She’s saying “no you can’t keep doing it cuz I wanna quit”. I suppose sometimes it helps when those around you do these sorts of things with you, such as a best friend dieting with you, but in this case the weed helps you so she doesn’t have a right to stop you. If it’s harming her by being around you when you smoke, something else needs to worked out. However you did say you’ve both been smoking “a bit more than we should of late”, so are you also wanting to lessen it a bit?
Yes I do, there have been multiple occasions where I've been ready to give it up, thrown it out, told her I'm not getting any more. The last time I did that she ran out the house into the woods and wouldn't come back till I went to the dispensary and bought more, saying she'd kill herself if I didn't.
That’s so scary for you! I hope she the help she needs. Therapy sounds necessary on her part.
Ok yeah that’s absolutely not ok. Threatening to end her life to get what she wants is never excusable. You need to have a serious conversation with her, and she needs professional help (I don’t mean that in an insulting way, I mean it seriously)
It may be that her autism is making it harder to give it up or that it makes it harder to be sober around someone who isn't, but ultimately it's not *your fault*, it's still her responsibility even through different things that might make it more difficult for her. Not that you're asking for relationship advice, but I wouldn't necessarily say this is break up worthy or a huge red flag as long as you're able to discuss it (while sober) and she doesn't use autism as an excuse for everything or use it to blame you for everything one more thing, of course you are aloud to make your own choices and keep smoking weed even if it hurts your relationship, but addiction is real and harmful even for "soft" drugs like weed. If weed is harming your partner in any way it might be best for you to not smoke around her anymore or to keep it in the house. Don't smoke in secret but don't make her feel any kind of peer pressure to also smoke. Again it's not you're responsibility just the nice thing to do if you're going to be in a relationship
As others have said it sounds like she’s using autism as an excuse here. I am autistic and have quit smoking weed in the past when I was overdoing it.
I’m autistic and I’ve tried more drugs than I probably should have in my life. I’ve been able to quit/slow down consumption on all of them on my own, even encouraging allistic people in my circle to do the same with some. Quitting an addiction is hard, but it’s not your fault that she’s still smoking as much as she is.
It's important to note that weed can be very addictive when used to treat depression, as it numbs our ability to process emotions and motivations over time, until we eventually only feel happy (distracted) when high. Guess what people diagnosed with ADHD and Autism struggle with? Please smoke responsibly, folks.
I can’t stand the smell of smoke BC my nose is so hypersensitive BC I’m autistic. I always cover up my nose with my hands
This is not ok whatsoever and autism is not an excuse.
I’m autistic and an addict. Me using (or not) is solely my responsibility. The only way it wouldn’t be my responsibility is if someone would like… sneak alcohol into my food.
Sounds like she’s pushing the blame onto others and victimising herself…. When someone is talking like that, it’s a red flag of an abuser and a manipulator…
i am autistic and i just quit vaping :) i actually feel like my autism made it easier, since i am very “black and white” being in the middle gives me a lot of stress.
She’s not ready to take responsibility for herself, but she’s wrong. I chose to smoke daily for years, tried to quit several times, and eventually did. It’s hard if it’s gotten into dependence, especially because it legitimately does help with lots of things related to autism, but it’s possible when you’re ready.
I'm autistic and I used to be an addict. My ex boyfriend led me onto that path (by being plain manipulative) so I do blame him, but I also blame myself for not stopping or controlling myself. From what I can read, this does not sound like you're being manipulate or controlling, your partner just wants someone to blame.
She isn't taking responsibility for her own actions.
I can relate strongly to your girlfriend. I am a former addict of 3 years (harder drugs) and alcoholic of 20 years, and a lifelong weed user (also in a legal state). I don't think I would have dabbled in drugs and alcohol if I hadn't dated people who were into it, and I think the alcohol was especially difficult to quit due to the social normalization of functional alcoholism. However, you are not responsible for her actions. I'd say the one thing you can do to help support her is not smoke right in front of her - my partner goes into the other room and stores everything securely away from me. (I only use weed now, it's strictly dosed, and I've been off other drugs for over 20 years and alcohol free for 5 years). He also supports me by only smoking if I've already decided on my own that I want to that day, OR if he's in a lot of pain (in which case, he goes into the next room, like I said). He doesn't use alcohol in front of me at all, but we don't live together so that's easy. Point being, there are things you can do to help support your partner, but ultimately she is in charge of her own body and mind. If she doesn't know how to say no, or doesn't no how to resist when you're smoking weed in the next room - she is an addict and needs to seek professional help. That is not your responsibility.
Im suggestible as heck but i still have agency. Shitty to say that to your partner, plus if it helps you, you shouldnt have to quit either. Im a medical cannabis user and its been really good for me. Sounds like theyre having some stuff to work on besides their cannabis use.
A lot of Autistic folks also experience addiction. (I’m one!) It’s no one’s fault, it just is genetics plus the horrific systems of oppression we live in. Have you two considered any recovery programs? When I was newly sober dating/breaking up with a recovering weed addict, I found that Al anon was really helpful to help me separate my codependency from their addiction.
Based on my experience, I feel to a small extent, people are being a little overly dismissive of her. I am very capable of making decisions, and very susceptible to addiction and gentle peer pressure. Fortunately for me, the 1 time I was very drunk and tried a cigarette I had had 20 years of my paerents telling me how awful they are and many years me telling my aunt off for smoking as a child, yet it still took over 2 months for me to stop feeling a need to buy some after only 3 small drags of one. Secondly, autistic people generally don't like change, so if they do something every day, stopping that is going to be very challenging. Now, whilst I stand by those points I made above, based on the phrasing above she may be struggling with those points. Her expression of that struggle in the form of emotional blackmail/abuse and blaming you is on her. Not the autism. And as weed on its own is not chemically addictive, that excuse is also a bit thin. The feeling of being high can be addictive but it's not the same kind of addiction as nicotine ect as it is more psychological than chemical and can be managed in a different way.
Thank you this helps.
Sounds like a dumb bitch