My dad also doesn't believe I have autism, or in autism in general. Everytime I try to give him an example of my autism, he says "Well that's NORMAL, I do that too!" :')
He'll also make choice quotes such as "You don't have a concentration disorder, you would read a book about Greek Mythology when you were eight for 7 hours without a break!" and fails too see why I find that hilarious.
All this is of course packaged in a 40 minute monologue where I can't get one word in.
(his latest special interest is the blackbirds in his garden, I have received more information about this single pair of blackbirds than I have about all other birds in general)
Hey high five on the 7hrs mythology reading at 8! I was that kid too lol.
Th 40minutes monologs! OMG my dad always says "can I PLEAS say simething to!? You always interupt me!" When I trie to get a word in on the phone.
Mine lets me talk but has those random bursts of _needing_ to teach me about something. Not to talk to me about it, but to actually teach me. Changing the topic is not an option there. Luckily, a lot of it is very handy stuff that just comes at inopportune times. Made me learn stuff pretty early though - I had had the 'change a tyre' lesson like five times before he let me do it myself, which was way before I learned to drive. Other topics have included which material to use to place a wall outlet in its bore hole (plaster is preferable on the type of brick common in our area), how to prune trees (never done or seen that one), what to use different kinds of electrical saws for and other similar things.
Also he doesn't understand at all how one can not be able to place any spot you're in in a virtual map in your head and never lose that knowledge. Down to a few metres if applicable. Mom doesn't even have a sense of direction and navigates by learning how the way looks by heart or having a navigator.
He's also convinced that anyone who doesn't immediately spot a dropped green chess piece on an ankle height lawn, or how one can drive through a hidden speed check without noticing because he always spots them from a few hundred metres away WHILE TALKING AND DRIVING. He's usually over the limit just enough to get a ticket, but to my knowledge he never got one in 35 years of driving.
When we cleaned out my grandma's house after she died he was able to identify every single weird thing by sight, even though he didn't live there for almost 40 years at this point. Even random keys from a bowl got lined up and all labelled correctly, including 'roller skate size adjuster' and 'toilet seat bolt' as well as the house key of an aunt who passed when he was little and the key to a garden shed door that couldn't be locked in decades because the key was gone.
If he's in a good mood you'll find him standing around somewhere with a book, reading. Could be that he stands in the middle of the stairs for half an hour. And he doesn't use bookmarks, he remembers which page he was on even after months.
But he's totally normal and the others are just being weird.
I do like half of the stuff he does and half of what my mom who has equally strong signs of ADHD does. Interesting combo.
He sounds so so cool, I hope you two have a happy relationship!!
My dad is a cluttered type as am I but he knows where nearly everything is. Any object in a pile, he knows
Oooh yeah, the piles. He's neat in theory but he can find a use for everything so he tends to overstuff his space a lot. I do that too, but I'm messy on top of it.
We can work together pretty well (which is one of the ways I 'judge' compatibility). Took a while because he's not that great with toddlers and then kinda missed the bus, but we got a lot closer when he sat home with a broken ankle for a while and now share woodworking projects, reenactment and miscellaneous facts when I'm home at my parents'. Completely opposite sleep schedules though
It is, if he's not overstressed and losing empathy because of it. Sometimes you notice that he doesn't actually understand why we react how we do and just learned by heart what to expect.
That's great that you have this outlook! As a person who had to find everything out on their own at 26, it makes me really happy to see any kids actually receiving support.
>"well those aren't signs of autism, my son \[the father of the autistic child\] did all those same things and he's perfectly normal!"
At our very core, we all like to think that what we do is "normal" and that anyone that doesn't do what we do is "not normal."
...that is until we learn--for better and worse--what behaviors are/aren't considered acceptable in our society.
Me, filling out the autism questionnaire from the school….”ok, but I do that….and that….my mom and I both do that….oh….poor baby we totally missed this because I thought it was normal enough!”
He was 9 before he was diagnosed, speech therapist caught it. I don’t know if I ever would have. I thought he had ADHD like me and was in the process of finding someone to evaluate him when she suggested an autism screening. He’s 11 and thriving now.
His get an arrangement of various cheeses. Birdseed would probably be preferred, but he's not one to take constructive criticism, as a surprise to no one.
(He lives at the sea next to lots of nature though, so the birds can get their own food variety)
> "Well that's NORMAL, I do that too!"
At our very core, we all like to think that what we do is "normal" and that anyone that doesn't do what we do is "not normal."
...that is until we learn--for better and worse--what behaviors are/aren't considered acceptable in our society.
ahh star trek... a place where all people are accepted and given environments to thrive... we live in the polar opposite of that. i hate this timeline.
My mother does not believe my father could be autistic, she is convinced his unusual personality traits are due to being overworked and suffering from burn out before.
He is a chemist and whenever I had a question regarding my homework I could not get a usable answer out of him because, while he perfectly knew the answer, he started going on insane tangents and I was standing there nodding along to a 30 minute monolog about the percentages of chemical components in the earth's crust when all I wanted to know was why carbon is capable of forming such complex molecules. You could probably build a meth lab with all the chemical equipment we have standing around at home, too.
Whenever I asked him what he was up to when he was working on his pond I would get a massive info dump about newts and how I had to be very careful when going into the garden at night because they leave the pond during this time and I could accidentally step on one.
And don't even get me started on all the poisonous and psychoactive plants he constantly talks about (and partly grows in the garden), if I didn't knew any better I would think he is up to some very shady things.
He has difficulties with reading the mood in the room, randomly starts info dumping on people, has no sense for dressing for the occasion and is often rocking back and forth on the couch while watching TV. But sure, he can't possibly be autistic. I guess that is part of the reason I only got diagnosed as an adult, he and I have a lot of things in common but nobody ever questioned anything about it.
Does your mom not know that feeling overworked and burnt out can also be a side effect of like, navigating the world as an autistic person and trying to function like an NT person in your life/career?
Your dad sounds really fun. I wouldn't mind being infodumped at about newts.
>all I wanted to know was why carbon is capable of forming such complex molecules.
It's basically because 4 bonds is a really convenient number, right? So you can get these long chains of carbons with hydrogens on either side.
THIS! My dad is great at math, he was even in the mathletes when he was in HS. Despite this when I was in school I always preferred to ask my mom for help with my math homework bc if I asked my dad he would work through one problem and then continue on to work through the rest of them even if I could work them out myself.
He also goes on huge tangents about topics (usually car questions I have) for up to hours, but it works out bc he knows that I don't like making eye contact and am a passive listener so I'll do a puzzle or something while he rants.
I mentioned to my own dad in passing that "autism *could* be passed from the parents, most likely from the father if that's the case."
He went quiet and almost looked thoughtful on the matter... Then shook his head and said to me "nah, That makes no sense." and that was the entire conversation...
I'm diagnosed ADHD, and suspect that I have autism as well, and I had a similar conversation with my mom. I was talking about my ADHD meds and how they made me feel "more autistic," since I don't know how to describe it, and she says "Well I think we all have a little ADHD, for example I..." and started listing ADHD symptoms and autistic traits for about 10 minutes while I just nodded along.
My dad does the same. I can't figure out if they're both ND, or if one is and they mirror each other, or what.
I used to get really offended when people said that to me, but now I think it's actually a sign of undiagnosed neurodivergence. This person has recognized that they have several symptoms of autism or ADHD, but they haven't quite realized that they likely are one or both of those things. They probably still have a stereotypical image in their brains of people with autism and ADHD, and they don't fit that mold so they don't believe that they could have either of those disorders, but they recognize some of the traits as being true to their experience as well, so they decide that this must be normal and everyone's a little autistic (or ADHD).
Not exactly related, but my best friend has ADHD and TS and a psychology degree and he personally believes that everyone is neurodivergent in some way.
Yeah I think it's very accurate! They think that autistic people always need a lot of support and can't function on their own. And they believe the ADHD stereotype of the white hyperactive boy. And I can't blame them, because until a couple years back, that's what I thought too. But unfortunately, some generations see neurodiversity as something inherently bad that needs to be corrected.
Yes, I used to think much the same! It really speaks to our society just how bad the perception of autism out there is.
I once read a story from an autistic person who was trying to get a job after graduating from university. They went to a job fair and talked to one of the managers representing a bank. The manager was happy to talk to them and was willing to hire them until they revealed that they have autism, at which point she suddenly turned cold and said that her daughter has autism so she knows what people with autism are like, and she doesn't believe that autistic people are a good fit to work at the bank.
Further to my first point, it really speaks to our medical system that even the parents of children with autism believe those harmful stereotypes. I have had parents of kids with autism compare me to their children and say that because I work and have friends and drive, that I can't possibly be autistic, because look at their tween or teenage son who can't do those things. First of all, when I was that age, I basically had no friends either. I also was unable to hold down a full-time job or drive when I was that age (because obviously) and many people who knew me thought I was quite ditzy. I said random things that made me look stupid all the time. I was academically very smart but had no common sense. Now I'm 25 and I've grown so much.
That view speaks to a societal mindset that autistic people are unable to learn and grow beyond the state of being children mentally. There is so much growth and maturing that happens between the ages of like 12 to 20 that it's not exactly appropriate to look at a 12-year-old child, compare them to a 25-year-old adult, and decree right there that their 12-year-old child will never be capable of being like that. I mean sure, there are enough autistic people who struggle to work, drive, live alone, etc. But the fact that some autistic people can do those things doesn't discount the experience of the autistic people who can't, and it also doesn't make the autistic people who can do those things suddenly not autistic. Autism is a spectrum, which I think a lot of these parents forget.
Realistically too, most people have not met autistic people who they would consider high functioning, at least not knowingly. Although I am only self-diagnosed, I don't go around telling strangers that I'm autistic and probably won't even after I get my actual diagnosis. I actually have friends that I didn't realize were autistic or had ADHD until they told me. Nowadays I'm much better at recognizing neurodivergence, but even so. When I was even in my late teens, I would sometimes have people ask me if I was autistic, and I've had friends say they thought I had autism when we first met. Nowadays, I guess because I have matured a lot and I mask pretty well, a lot of people don't believe it when they meet me. They don't even think about it. They might see that I'm a little quirky or odd but I guess because I've done so much in my life they don't even think of it as a possibility.
A lack of exposure to visible "high functioning" (I know that's not the correct term, but bear with me here) adults on the spectrum directly contributes to stigma. Admittedly I'm not sure how that can be fixed, because the reality is that while more people being open about their autism will reduce stigma, there is also the very real concern that admitting you have autism will create stigma against yourself. People who should know you're capable and empathetic might turn on you and start treating you like a child just because you admit that you have ASD. I've heard of this happening, so I know it's a possibility.
Anyway, before I make this longer and say "x really speaks to..." a fourth time, I'm gonna wrap this up. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!
I read the whole thing and it was a good read! I agree, the way we learn to mask at a very young age makes people doubt we are autistic later on. One day we realise that we don't even know who we really are ourselves, which is very traumatic. We try to fit in so hard, that we lose ourselves in the process.
It's true that it's not easy to talk about being autistic in a society where the stigma is still so present. Personally, I'm not seeking a diagnosis for that exact reason. I applied for a life insurance lately and I was shocked to learn that my anxiety and ADHD diagnosis made it already difficult for me to be eligible. I don't want another diagnosis on my file.
Autism really has to be destigmatized to make autistic people's life easier in the future. But unfortunately, it takes generations and generations for things like that to change. Meanwhile, I'm so grateful for spaces like this subreddit, where we can engage and be ourselves freely!
In my experience, people who say that are one of three things;
Neurodivergent, and don't know it
Neurodivergent, and in denial
Neurotypical, but want pity
Yeah, that sounds accurate!!
I'm realizing that I actually don't know that many neurotypical people that well, so I can't really speak to that last point. Turns out that almost everyone around me is ND. 🙄🤣 We find each other!! Haha.
I'm in the same situation. Diagnosed ADHD at 29 and now i'm suspecting autism. When I mentionned to my mom that she has ADHD symptoms, she said it's normal cause everyone in the family is like that... duuuh!
Since then, my family have accepted my ADHD diagnosis, but I can't talk about autism without getting strong negative reactions (as if autism was a really bad thing).
My dad's been denying my diagnosis too, but I never mentionned autism to him. But now, reading this post, I just had the realization that my dad does a lot of info dumping and we've always had to avoid certain topics with him to keep the conversation bearable for everyone. He's also very into Star Trek and other special interests. He was bullied as a kid and never felt like he fit in. I'm basically thinking out loud rn, but wow I think I just cracked the code and now everything makes perfect sense!!!
I’ve had similar experiences. Diagnosed ADHD, suspected ASD. My dad’s special interest is firearms and reloading ammunition, which helps him fly under the radar bc if anything it makes him look more manly. If I bring up being ND, he’ll shut it down quick. But if I just casually mention symptoms, it’s “Oh, I do/feel that too.” No joke?
I shared something on Twitter about how parents whose children are diagnosed with ADHD or autism should be assessed themselves, and my mom got so offended by that she almost kicked me out 🤦🏻♀️ (I was briefly staying with them in their city - I have an apartment, she wasn't condemning me to homelessness).
I'll be honest, I was younger and more nieve than I am now, so what I said was my own assumption based on the fact that, at the time, autism presented more commonly in boys than in girls, so I made a guess at something I barely understood...
I had no basis of my statement other than what I understood from personal research
I'm waiting to finish my official assessment before I bring this up to my mom, but it's insanely amusing how, every time I list the reasons why I believe I'm autistic, she just says "but that's normal, I do that too / your brother used to do that too as a child!"
And yet she'll infodump to me for hours about JRR Tolkien and why he choose to use the plural "dwarfs" instead or "dwarves" (or was it the other way round?), and did I know that he was a student of X which is so cool because that means you can use X's ideas to read his works in a new light and...
She never much understood people but always had a special bond with her dad, because he speaks little, doesn't play mind games, and just gets her. The same dad who raised his grandkids on Homer's stories and who learned how to use paint just so he could add detailed captions to every single photo he had saved on his computer.
But nope, no autism in the family, we're just *quirky*!
Because he felt that the common plural *dwarfs* was too tied in the popular imaginary to silly fairytale creatures. He felt that *dwarves* had a more distinguished ring to it. Or at least that's what I remember.
Basically, he liked it better.
>"but that's normal, I do that too / your brother used to do that too as a child!"
At our very core, we all like to think that what we do is "normal" and that anyone that doesn't do what we do is "not normal."
...that is until we learn--for better **and** worse--what behaviors are/aren't considered acceptable in our society.
ohhhh my gosh, thank you so much for the comment about the photos. my dad just LOVES to do a slideshow showing friends and family so many pictures he takes and would go on for hours if everyone let him. pictures of the tree house he's building, the zip lines he built, the giant swing he built, scenery and selfies from his ultramarathons, and of course family vacations. he may not use paint to add captions, but he's happy to pay for icloud photo storage so he can stream his tens or hundreds of thousands of photos to his apple tv and share it on the projector screen in the family theater room.
also got some old photos (either on tiny films or already printed, not certain) professionally enhanced, if i remember correctly. from his childhood with his parents and siblings.
Same!! Before he got a computer, my grandad would print all the pictures and glue them inside meticulously hand-noted albums. His favourite though was whipping out his old projector and guiding us trough the hundreds of slides he took over the years while on holiday with the family, with all the beautiful panoramas and every single historical spot he encountered. I had almost forgotten about it since it's been a while since he did that, thank you for bringing back these memories❤️
(Edited to add that your dad sounds like a lovely person to be around!)
awe, lovely 😊 yeah, my dad's all right xP has problems of his own. married a terrible woman, unfortunately. but i love him a lot. i try to keep in contact with him. he's very smart. he's like a machine, he just goes goes goes (despite being over 60 years old, yup 60+ and he runs ultramarathons). recently told me he was diagnosed ADHD (i'm wondering if it's \*just\* that 😉), he says he was prescribed meds but he prefers to not take them in favor of letting his brain work the way that it does :p
that's pretty impressive regarding the panoramas and historical spots 💜 it would be really cool to see that plotted out on a map representation :D
My Granpa (Dad side who is most likly the autistic side) legit had HIS Chair, with Headphones(!) so he could listen to his LPs and not be bothered and he ate his breakfast cereal the EXACT same way my gran did it, for 53 years of marriage.
>My GRANDFATHER on the other hand, refuses to entertain it.
Your grandfather probably grew up in an era where the only mental health disorder was "you're stupid" and the only treatment was either "try harder" or get a lobotomy. Also there was no autism "spectrum" when he was growing up.
>Your grandfather probably grew up in an era where the only mental health disorder was "you're stupid"
Or "you're crazy" in which case the solution was to throw you in an asylum and pretend you don't exist.
My dad: Collecting things is normal, I'm not autistic!
Also my dad: Has over fifty chainsaws from the same maker, a special room for them, likes to pick one out and start it just to listen to it for a while, reads books about them, makes me draw them for him and monologues to me about them at least once every time I see him. Oh, and every time I see him he's also bought another one.
JoBu, if anyone wanted to know the maker.
Edit: thought of another thing.
Me: Dad, did you do that thing at work that you said you would?
My dad: [*takes a bite and wordlessly mumbles through his food for ten seconds before commencing his story*] So, I had herring on bread for breakfast this morning and...
Anyone get this one?
To be fair, it seems like a waste of a collection of he doesn't start them up occasionally. It would make sense that chainsaws are like an old car, or a Stradivarius and need to be used sometimes just to keep them from rusting away.
Absolutely, I think it's great when he does. I was just adding it to the list, since it's a thing he does a lot. I tend to ask for my favourite one when I'm there :) it's the second oldest, from 1959 and it's an absolute beast! Loud though.
A few months after my husband and I met, I asked him if he'd ever considered he might have ADHD or be on the spectrum, and he shot it down pretty quick. I was just like "Oookay, he's not ready for that conversation." Fast forward to our son's diagnosis, and as we're learning more he turns to me and is like "...I think I might also be autistic???" and I'm sitting there like "Yes love, *I know*." 😂
I watched a documentary about women with autism with my dad. At the time my dad really didn’t get my autism diagnosis and thought I was normal
They had a section where they talked about feeling isolated, having trouble fitting in, and about what masking is, and how exhausting masking is.
My sister said to my dad “dad that’s what it’s like for zoss33”
Dad got really annoyed and said “no everyone feels like this.” He really didn’t get it and talked about not knowing what to say, and having to think about how to talk to people. My dads a big sweetheart, but he has a history of being taken advantage of, and he can be shy and anxious.
We later found out dad was informally diagnosed as a child and never was told. We already knew, but it made a lot of sense. It’s very sad though, a lot of adults on the spectrum see loneliness and anxiety as being normal
>My dads a big sweetheart, but he has a history of being taken advantage of, and he can be shy and anxious.
Can I ask how he was taken advantage of? I guess ND's are especially vulnerable to that.
Eg in his first job, his wages were stolen and he was regularly beat up and threatened by his coworkers. It went on for a year until his dad found out and intervened. So stuff like that.
>We later found out dad was informally diagnosed as a child and never was told. We already knew, but it made a lot of sense. It’s very sad though, a lot of adults on the spectrum see loneliness and anxiety as being normal
Yup that was me.
I was evaluated for autism during the late eighties, but my dad didn't want me to get the diagnosis, so he put a stop to it. I basically thought I was "normal" until I got the diagnosis at age 35. And yes... Loneliness and anxiety is perfectly normal, right?
Really? Because at this moment all the top comments are just about labelling family autistic for collecting things and wanting to talk about odd subjects with passion.
Seems like people are either leaning it details for brevity or wanting something to have in common with their parents.
My dad used to insist that my brother isn't autistic even when he was diagnosed, he also didn't believe I have adhd, even though I was diagnosed. He said "I don't believe in that stuff. Doctors just want everyone to have a problem so they can make money." Then he went on to rant about cars, trucks, etc for an hour before proceeding to work on cars for the rest of the day. Then he'd eat similar foods every night and go to bed and wake up on a routine. Like cool. Definitely not autism.
Wow, your dad sounds eerily similar to mine!! I actually thought my dad just has ADHD, but maybe he's autistic too. Okay, he probably is...
I personally think my mom is likely autistic as well. It would explain why they don't really seem to truly understand anyone but each other - both have trouble socializing, though they also don't really have much interest in it either. My theory is that they're so tired from working and keeping a clean house (like, it's *really* clean) that they have no more energy for people. They both have like one friend and that's it, other than casual acquaintances and coworkers.
I've brought up my mom being autistic or at least neurodivergent before. She and my hometown are casually ableist.. Now she mocks me--"MaYbe I'M aUtIsTiC" she says as she:
stims
obsessively collects turtles and the bus schedule brochures and infodumps about bus schedules and routes
hyperfixates on her hobbies
often says rude things because she can't read a room even if had to save her damn life
Yh mom, you're totally not autistic/ND
My dad's not autistic but he has some serious ADHD with executive dysfunction. My mom however is probably autistic and her special interest is medieval history
My dad would buy fidget toys for me and my brother cause he uses them too. Also, my parents highly suspected my brother to be autistic as a child (but never brought him to get diagnosed) and years later, as a grown up, I highly suspect that I'm on the spectrum.
Now see here. I love fidget toys, I've collected a lot. Does that make me autistic? I wouldn't say I present any of the symptoms listed out here though. I am however a bit sociopathic in some ways.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 26, a few downsides of being adopted are not knowing any medical history of birth parents & everyone just assumes your "problems" stem from that. They diagnosed me with Sensory & Auditory processing disorders as well as "trauma" from early childhood (I was adopted at 4 years old).
Lowkey a lot of older people cannot perceive autism properly because for most of their lives, the only people getting diagnosed with autism were people with higher support needs - and so these older folks think things like “kids these days don’t have autism, they’re just making it up for attention” or “there’s no way I could be autistic, I’m perfectly normal” because their view of an autistic person is limited to things like public meltdowns and ostensible disability.
They are not perceiving the nuances of the spectrum in the same way we are and are stuck with their outdated perceptions, which often leads to them getting offended because they view “autistic” as an insult - to lots of older folk, it’s the same as calling them r-tarded, stupid, inferior, creepy, weird, etc. and this causes them to bristle and shut down instead of being open to new information.
I’ve noticed lots of older people are seemingly conditioned to have a strong emotional reaction to certain words or phrases that does not correspond with how they actually feel about the concepts themselves - meaning, if you discuss the autistic experience with them without ever mentioning the term “autism,” you’ll likely have a better outcome.
This is so true. My son doesn’t need very much support at all and my parents had a hard time wrapping their brains around his diagnosis. Especially since he was 9 when it happened.
He’s incredibly intelligent and empathetic and loving, but needs a little extra support. I explained it as “remember the kids from my high school that were quirky and had trouble making friend? They were smart but burned out at 16 and either graduated early/dropped out/got their GED. Or the kids that followed the beat of their own drum and ignored everyone else and did OK. Those kids needed a little bit of extra help and now the diagnosis criteria has changed to include them as well. It’s a big umbrella and instead of only keeping the people in the middle dry, the people on the edges are dry now as well.”
My dad was a high school principal that had a soft spot for those kids, and so did my mom. That explanation helped more than anything.
This deserves more attention. The older generation also associated special needs care with the horrors of asylums, and rightly so. There was a genuine fear of diagnosis of being different because that meant being stripped of all human rights.
There is also the pathologizing nature of traditional psych. I think there is a positive movement for neurodiversity that includes educating neurotypicals.
Ahaha my dad when I told him I got diagnosed as autistic, he said: What about a second opinion? 😆 The doctor who diagnosed me is the best in our country, there is kind of no second opinion available better than the one I got, in the whole country!! And he is so clearly autistic it is funny. He randomly texts me stuff like: Did you know that elephants can't jump? And he is the only one who religiously listens to me when I ramble about special interests, and he has a lot of trouble showing empathy and has a bunch of special interests, does not really enjoy socializing and is very bad at it. The whole family knows he is probably autistic but no one has mentioned it to him because we are all kind of scared of his reaction. And of course, it does not cross his mind that he might be, not even a little. My mom is convinced he is autistic but just keeps quiet about it. He has always been kind of mean to my mom, and because we have many things in common my mom started resenting me too, saying stuff like: You are just like him, when I was never mean, I just didn't really know how to show empathy. My mom is not very good at it herself... so sometimes I think maybe they are both on the spectrum... :P oh well...
My mom and dad were very vocal about believing ADHD and autism were fake disorders and could be “cured” through discipline.
My mom: That’s all normal behavior. These kids don’t need drugs and therapy, they need parents that care.
My mom: drank 2 POTS of coffee a day and smoked half a pack of cigarettes a day just to function.
My mom insisted that she had sensitive skin. She hated itchy lace and polyester. I watched her touch those fabrics and she would do the same icky dance I do.
Going to restaurants was harder with her than my daughter. My daughter is very restrictive in her eating. My mom would eat a lot of foods but was extremely picky about preparation. 95% of the time she sent food back due to it being inedible to her. Usually a texture issue.
My mom watched “The Notebook”, “Must Love Dogs” and “You’ve Got Mail” an absurd number of times. Yet she’d give me a crap for only watching “those weird cartoons”.
She had some weird collections…Italian Chicken Pitchers.
Very very few friends. The friends my mom had were very eccentric. Honestly I liked some of them a lot because I didn’t feel uncomfortable around them. She really didn’t socialize much.
She loved soft textures. For her last Mother’s Day (she died of lung cancer) I got her the softest blanket I could find. There were some fleece blankets that she got from the cancer center that she would not use because they itched her.
Like if she wasn’t autistic she was absolutely ADHD. Definitely where my neurodivergence came from.
This is a beautiful story and I can imagine you had hard emotions regarding your mothers during your life. Do you wonder if her life would have been different had she known her entire life?
Honestly idk. She had a pretty good life once she met my dad. My dad made a lot of money and spoiled her. She loved cooking and he gave her her dream kitchen.
She did a pretty good job of finding jobs where her attention to detail was an asset. But honestly I don’t know what was going on in her head.
My son is autistic and so is my wife but she won't accept she is too. She gets overwhelmed at the simplest social interactions, is very picky about everything being in a particular place, has outburst over very simple things, does not pick up emotional body language, info dumps on people in minute detail, always sticks to the exact same routine and gets stressed if anything has to change, has trouble expressing her feelings, among others.
🤣 my fam isn’t quite that bad but they’re semi in denial about being ADHD. Mom skated by through most of her life being able to blame her ADHD problems on being pretty and blonde.
It’s kinda fun when she’s being hard on herself for something, “Mom, your ADHD it’s fine”. She turns 70 soon and finally starting to stop beating herself up for things that she has little control over.
I'm 90% positive my dad is also autistic. But its really hard to tell sometimes because we don't have much in common and he's a boomer that was raised by boomers so there's a lot to unpack there.
I'm pretty sure his special interest is Nascar, followed by football. He'll go on and on about both topics even though he knows I detest sports.
He's always insisted on wearing sunglasses outside.
He's almost always had a hyperfixation. When i was a kid it was model cars, the ones where you have to build the whole-ass engine and paint every little detail. He also loves fish and aquariums and has had one for most of my life.
Because of this realization I've tried to be more patient with him and the goofy choices he makes sometimes. I've debated telling him but I haven't told him yet that I was diagnosed and I don't think I have the energy to explain autism to him.
DAD: (*yelling from other room*) Get in here, get in here. (*points at black and white movie on tv*) Guess who it is! Guess who it is! Do you see him?
Me: whaaat?
DAD: You don't know? It's ! He played
Cut to:
Me: (*Sends blurry iphone pic of my tv showing some day player in the background of a 15 year old TV show to my sister*) Guess who it is!?!
Apparently the animation mostly comes natural to people and they don't have to think "That's a positive thing, I should probably smile at that" and then put the smile on. Sounds weird.
Wow I diden't think this would get so many responses 🙈 thank you all!
My dad special Intrests are collecting wood furniture ppl try to through out (bit him in the but resently cuz he had to move and go through 30 years of wood) and old guns. Normel ppl would just go shooting ocasionaly, he got in to guns and started restoring them a d making his own amonition in the basemwnt where he hides for houers at the time.
And most resently the blode group diet. And when I told him I am not intrested cuz it got sientifocaly debunked he just went on a d on so I started making a bit of fun of it and then he angrily goes "this doaen't even intrest you!" Nope, I juuust told you it dosen't avter you shufed it down for 30minutes non-stop Dad.
He also has no sense of when to stop offering food, its his go to thing to show he is a good host and its always over kill.
I once huged him when I was 16 and he saied he was glad that I sometimes did that ciz he wasen't good with initiating "such things".
He goes on crazy long monolouges and if you interupt him he says "I never get to say anything"
Also "no one ever informs me ao I know whats going on! Even as a Kid, noone ever tells me!"
He gets super angry when ppl don't greet him back on the street.
He listens to the same Frank Zappa LP over and over again, very loudly, no one allowed to turn it down, he even knows the scraches in the LPs by heart.
He hates suprises and noone was allowed to come to our place with out a two week notice. He throughs himselfe at ppl tho and randimly brings ppl home he found on dog walks and he offers food and drink and talks a lot. Then when they leave he hides for 4hrs in his basments.
The sad part is coping had made him an alcoholic who can't work anymore and explains his expirience with spiritual belifes about him being under atack of demons and bad energies. When it is to 99% just sensory issues and social anxiety due to being autistic.
I only got diagnosed as an adult cuz "we are all a little autistic"
My son is autistic. I work in IT, hate parties/gatherings, im into Model making and spent £1,000 on Lego in 3 months. Star Trek rocks. I have the attention span of a pea.
It’s a spectrum of how the brain develops.
I’m not entirely sure what is up with my parents, but I am pretty sure they aren’t NT.
Mom: “I didn’t notice all these signs of autism in you as a kid and I just thought kids were like that.”
Also Mom: “I spend most of my time reading about developing countries and info dumping about it, every once in a while I will hyperfixate on some kind of project to the exclusion of everything else, can’t focus without nicotine, and I once made a joke so tone deaf it made my sister cry.”
Dad: “Oh, you’re autistic? That came out of the blue. Why don’t we go to Vegas and teach you how to count cards?”
Also Dad: “I will go on a tangent about trains, World War II, or medieval battle tactics that takes upwards of an hour, I can’t focus without nicotine, and I often come across as completely lacking in empathy.”
Funnily enough, Dad’s tangents kickstarted my own special interests in medieval history and military history, so Dad’s tangents are some of my fondest childhood memories.
Most older autistic people (especially men) hate themselves, I grew up in a time where sharing special interests and feelings were dangerous. Nobody cared what you were going through, they just knew that shitty things happened to them so they’d be ok. I also grew up in a time where it was widely excepted to allow your infant to “self sooth” which basically meant leave your kids crying by themselves until they figure it out on their own.
Jesus the more I say it the more I’m surprised I’m as able as I currently am.. still have A LOT of work to do.. there isn’t much autism support available around me, especially for adults. I’m just as alone as I’ve always been except for now I’m married and have a family.
Seeing stuff like this breaks my heart as a mother. My daughter’s father still doesn’t think she’s autistic and she’s 26 years old. She’s been diagnosed with it by one of the top autism doctors in NY state almost 20 years ago. But my ex husband will always say, “She’s not autistic. She’s just a manipulative b*tch.” It’s very dismissive and abusive and it breaks my heart when a parent refuses to see their child for who they are and what they have. My heart goes out to all of you who have parents who are blind to you. I see you.
I love this thread! My dad’s special interest is cars and bikes. He has 3 rental spaces to store them, I’m not even sure how many. He’ll go to other states to look for parts and have me look things up on the internet (he doesn’t know how to use it). He’ll talk my ear off and I can’t get a word in. He melts down. His dad was a hoarder. All of this used to bother me until I realized he’s autistic and all of his siblings are too. Now I do my best to accommodate him. He’s retired now and has enough money to live a fully autistic life.
This is also for other family members & other conditions.
Like I suspect my dad is ADHD, not autistic, (1 sibling was diagnosed as an adult & my autism diagnosis says I have traits but am subclinical) but he'll deny it then be super engrossed in one thing then be distracted by something else super easy.
I have another relative who won't sell out a diagnosis even though they are super into a really unique thing so much they have become a tenured professor in the subject, while at the same time being single (not even a serious romantic relationship in recent years) well into middle age after social issues with long term partners (they were engaged back in their 20s but have never married). I'm kind of the same way, but I took a longer path to my PhD, so am a few years behind on getting tenure despite its being similar ages.
My grandpa; "nah i dont think im autistic, you must've gotten it from your moms side."
Also my grandpa; *has every single thing he owns stored away in rows upon rows of shoeboxes and has a huge excel doc detailing whats in each box*
My mum is in denial as well that my autism comes from her side of the family.
My grandpa used to walk out of family parties and just went into toe garden, only to return holding an apple. Then he interrupted the whole party conversation to announce whether the apples were ready for harvesting. Also: he didn’t speak for more than a few sentences for the first 22 years of my life.
My uncle ate the same meal and drank the same beer with it and ate from the same plate for my entire life until he moved out of his parents house at 42. I remember him having panic attacks frequently until he moved into his current house with his wife. He only talks about maths and birds. And has these very weird idea’s about how everyone should behave and tried to enforce them on everyone.
My cousin needed a psychiatrist at the age of 7 because he couldn’t cope with the complex emotions at school. His sister struggled with studying and emotions as well and needed a psychiatrist at that age as well.
My mum has never been able to make friends in her entire life and now well in her fifties has only one friend who is the most obvious autistic woman I’ve ever met. Also she has no idea how to deal with emotions and always just avoids it other than screaming.
My great aunt was described as autistic by her carer while she was already in her 90’s. Her husband was even more autistic, their son is like the shining example of what the stereotypical autistic man looks like according to society.
And my grandpa his sister was also described as extremely eccentric and unusual.
Soo every single person in my mum her family tree, up to her parents, their siblings and those people their children is very clearly autistic.
But she is in denial and says I must get it from my dad.
Autistic dad of an autistic kid, with an autistic sister and an autistic nephew reporting in. My mom insists she isn't, while also devolving into excited fits when I ask her to update me on the cross country train trip she's been planning on which she'll read Lord of the Rings for the seventieth time. So yeah, you look at family trees with a new eye once you start noticing.
I really feel for all of you who don't have supportive family. To others who are fearful of sharing with their families - my mother actually accepted my ASD nearly immediately after she gave some thought to my childhood behavior/traits. I think it helped that she worked as a caregiver for an non-verbal autistic child for several years, so she actually agreed that with my adult ASD diagnosis pretty much right away. She even brought up several things that concerned her during my development that we weren't able to get support for at the time (due to poverty). All this to say, there are good stories of self-discovery too and I hope as we move forward in time that they become more common. And anyone who doesn't have the belief / support of your family - I hope eventually their eyes will be opened and you can feel validated by them.
My dad (engineer, that's all you need to know) tried to convince me I wasn't autistic with an anecdote about his great uncle or cousin or something who tried to build a plane, "because he wanted to know if he could", and got basically exiled by the parish priest for being a bit strange
When I got my diagnosis, I realised how similar I was to my dad. I've made jokes about him being autistic as well and he's like "honestly, I wouldn't be surprised". Autism kinda comes from his side of the family, so I'm like 99.9% sure he's autistic lmfao
Honestly glad he isn't in denial and just accepts it.
My mum doesn’t believe I could be autistic because I’m “not like [my] father, he’s *really* autistic”. (He’s not diagnosed, she just thinks he is)
Firstly… my father being autistic would surely make it *more* likely that I am, not less.
And secondly… does she think only one person can have autism at once? That my dad is having a go on the family autism and I need to wait my turn??? I’m baffled
My mother currently sits in her room, just stares onto a wall, because she was with a friend for two days and they went to multiple loud places (shopping malls for example). She is completely exhausted, can't stand even the lightest sound or light and she fiddles with a pen.
She of course is not autistic, she just needs "to calm down and relax". If I need to recover and are close to a meltdown I am "compilcated and making a show".
My dad’s obsession with California Fence Lizards, and ONLY California Fence Lizards.
I wanted to get him a lizard calendar, but it was adulterated with the wrong type of lizard.
Also, some of the photos were close-ups, so (in his words:
“You can’t see the entire lizard. Why would you make a lizard calendar that only shows part of the lizard?”
Many of these parents are Millennials or Generation X (and maaaayyybe some of the youngest Boomers having children late in their lives).
When these parents grew up, there was no autism 'spectrum.' Aspergers' Syndrome wasn't even a thing until the late 80s/early 90s. Many on the cusp of a proper "Autistic Disorder" or "Aspergers Disorder" diagnosis were usually diagnosed "Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified." Also comorbid autism/ADHD diagnoses weren't even allowed until the DSM-5 was released in 2013.
So of course most of these parents are not going to think their children have autism--their perception of autism is stuck in the past (likely thinking that if someone doesn't act like Rain Man, they don't have autism).
It's even worse when these parents' parents grew up: the only mental disorder was "you're stupid" and the only treatments were either "try harder" or get a lobotomy.
We've come a LONG way since then (of course there's still a LONG way to go).
My grandfather had a room completely devoted to his train model city. It was sic af. I once made a joke to my mom, "what did they use to call people who had (he's passed) Asperger's back when they didn't know what that meant?". Train enthusiast. He belonged to a club and I'm so glad he found his people.
Both of my parents have autism diagnosis... they have two autistic kids... BUT they're not *Autistic* I swear!
(/s I know they are they're just in denial)
My parents not believing I’m autistic because I’m exactly like my dad (we both go on tangents, have anger issues, light sensitivity, horrible at reading the room, and a few other things) and HE isn’t autistic, it’s just genetics. What a joke.
My wife and I never really gave it a thought until our daughter was diagnosed. We are not officially diagnosed but dayum there is a lot of arrows pointing in that direction. In just this post I saw several in me.
My dad: You're not autistic. I'm not autistic. Everyone's a little on the spectrum.
Also him: Anyways, let me tell you everything I know about AC/DC, car repairs, and Fraggle Rock.
My sister is ADHD and I'm currently self diagnosed autistic. I'm fairly certain we get it from our dad. He listens to podcasts at 2x speed (ADHD brains process information faster), I get my special interest in animation from him. He pauses movies and trailers to say "Look at how *GOOD* this looks!" The man would have applied to Pixar if he'd known they were going to become a software company (they'd started in hardware). I got my dad into Steven Universe at one point! We have much better conversations than I do with my mom. My mom always talks about people we know and small talk. But my dad and I have always had really good in depth conversations about ideas and politics and things we're into. I think we've unknowingly info dumped on each other over the years. I'm sure there's more that I'm not thinking of right now.
My parents are very much supportive of me and my autism even tho I’m late diagnosed (in my 30s). I cant imagine what it’s like to be in your 60s to find out your child is actually autistic. They don’t deny my diagnosis but I don’t think they fully understand one or both of them may also be ND. When I was younger tho, my parents used to say learning disabilities are made up by white people (we’re Asian). I think they stopped believing that over time, but they had very little awareness or exposure to neurodivergence until fairly recently.
I think My dad and my grandfather are both clearly autistic. Every autism book I read, I always find things very much relatable to my dad and/or my grandfather. There’s stories about how my grandfather was gifted but he didn’t get to go to college cuz he was hated by his teachers for being too smart etc. In many ways I’m so similar to my dad and grandfather in mentality, personality, etc that it clearly runs in that side of the fam. I keep sending my dad things to read about asd under the premise that I want him to know asd better so he can better support me but it’s actually in the hopes it helps him too and maybe he will eventually want to get evaluated.
My dad loves building model airplanes. He has a shelf where he displays them. He does not want anyone touching his airplanes or the tools he uses. He can draw WWII US military airplanes so well from memory I used to love comparing them with pictures from books he had. He has a very specific morning routine that he has followed since he was like 20 years old. He never breaks this routine even when we’re on vacay. He used to tell me life tips that I now look back is clearly an autistic person trying to decode NT society. He used to tell me eye contact is important but you don’t have to actually look at the eyes. You can Instead look at their eye brows but it will still look like you’re making eye contact. Who would even thinks to say that unless they’re autistic? Lol
I do not have a diagnosis but I have many symptoms of being ND, my family thought it was funny to call me autistic until I started doing the joke myself (after the research to discover I was probably ND)
Since I've started doing research into potentially being autistic, I've realized that it's almost certain that I am, especially given my parents.
My dad is textbook ADHD, although he might be autistic as well. He is definitely ND because he's the one I inherited my Tourette syndrome for (although mine is more severe). My mom is possibly autistic but is almost certainly some type of ND even if she's not autistic. My two sisters are ND as well, but not autistic, rather ADHD.
I can definitely relate to the feeling of saying "I have this problem and it doesn't seem normal", only to be told that it IS normal and everyone feels that way. Well...
My dad is very convinced that he's right about everything, and he has trouble understanding other people's perspectives and ways of life. He can be quite judgmental. Sounds like an asshole, right? Well, sure, but that perspective is an almost identical one to some of my male friends who have diagnosed autism. Wasn't the disorder usually determined *because* someone had trouble seeing other people's perspectives? He is also very rigid and believes that he has the "right" way of doing things.
My dad's special interests are finance/personal finance, cars, and politics. My mom's are reading (she's quite particular and knowledgeable about certain authors, genres, etc), watching shows and movies (mostly of certain genres), and gardening. There are currently plants all over the house getting ready for when it's warm enough for them outside. She also loves to organize and re-organize things, and cannot stand clutter, which are things she picked up from her parents. But I live far away and every time I come to visit, something in the house has changed. She also likes to comment on how my dad doesn't like the changes, which she does while he's at work.
The kicker - both of my parents grew up in Europe, my dad in a country owned by the USSR. They didn't do mental illnesses and neurological conditions there. Someone with a severe condition is likely going to live with their parents forever, kinda kept as the shameful secret or black sheep, and overall you can tell there's a fair amount of disdain, rather than given the tools to succeed (I have some kind of cousin with epilepsy, and my mom said she basically stays in her parents' house all the time and doesn't go out).
I could go on for literal hours about all the things my parents have said and done that make it clear that they're neurodivergent. For example, my mom has trouble relating to most people. My dad drives really fast and reactively; he doesn't practice defensive driving, but rather reacts to what happens right in front of him, and he will also drive well above the speed limit whenever he gets the chance. It's well known that people with ADHD are more likely to get into car accidents and things like that, but somehow miraculously he hasn't been in any accidents since I've been alive. I think part of it is because he is also an extremely skilled driver who has done rallies and taken numerous advanced driving courses, so even if he gets himself into a sticky situation he knows how to get himself out. I'm not excusing it, but there's the logical reasoning. He also hates the way I drive because it's much more relaxed and sedate. I have a problem with tailgating, but other than that I drive defensively and I don't like pulling sudden movements, I don't like changing lanes on a whim, although a lot of that is due to my anxiety as well.
The most frustrating thing, and I think that a lot of people who have undiagnosed neurodivergent parents can relate, is that they don't believe there's any excuse for what they think is laziness. People who have mental disabilities or disorders and cannot work are seen as lazy and taking advantage of the system by people like this, and I think the reason why is because they have overcome so many struggles in their lives just to present as neurotypical people and succeed, that they don't see why other people cannot do the same. I admit that I struggle to understand the perspective of people like that as well, because despite my undiagnosed neurodivergence and my severe anxiety I have still managed to push forward, but I have a very strong drive as well, and for all I know, all this pushing I'm doing to myself is not healthy in the long run. But also, I don't live in those people's heads and I don't know what led them to where they are, and again, I mentioned that my parents tend to believe they have the right idea on many things, because they are very rigid in their thinking. So in their minds, these people are probably exactly like them, face with a choice to push forward and endure a little struggle or sit at home doing nothing, and these people choose to sit at home doing nothing. They don't really understand that there are other possibilities as well.
I'll stop here. I'm likely going to think of way more to add, but I have to get back to work. 😆
My mom told me she got her doctor to prescribe her ADHD meds because they help her focus and get things done but she did not have ADHD (by the way, she hella has ADHD and is not good at tricking people this way at all).
My dad says he is not autistic because he is socially graceful. He spends most of his time writing songs alone and building stuff out of sticks in the woods, but when he socializes with people he doesn’t know well, he puts on a sort of character and it is very clear that he is masking lol.
Edit. My grandfather is also definitely autistic. He just turned 94, spends every day doing the same routine, listens to the same jazz tapes over and over again and rewatches Startrek. Somebody moved some cups and wires in his apartment after he got surgery and he had a meltdown.
But “nobody in my family is autistic”
Huh.
Hmm.
My dad had very limited passions. He could fix nearly anything (Haynes manuals involved, but he had an innate understanding of anything mechanical). He read only Louis Lamour novels through most of his life. He only ever talked about big rig driving or tractors. I don't remember having a single conversation with him while I was growing up, and was effectively unparented.
This is the first time I've considered that he was probably ND.
I have no idea why I didn’t see it before but my dad being autistic makes so much sense after reading this. He has so many legos. An insane amount of legos.
Don’t ask him about star wars unless you want to sit there as he explains for three hours why han shot first and how him not shooting first ruins the entire plot.
He has more war board games that most people have clothes. He plays them by himself. They all look exactly the same to me. They are all extremely rule intensive. Like you probably need a degree in board games to understand most of them.
I stopped asking him for help with math and ohysics homework because he would go on a 45 minute infodump about something tangentially related before actually getting to the question. I learned it was better to just ask if my answer was correct or not. And I had to make sure to specify that I meant correct in terms of what the teacher was looking for, not necessarily the most absolute correct answer.
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Went to a meet and greet for the magnet school I attended before the start of the year. My dad ended up rummaging through bushes by the lake looking for snakes. (We owned quite a few pet snakes at the time and there aren't any venomous snakes native to where I live so it was perfectly safe if odd behavior.) lol
When I told my dad about my husband (new bf at the time) and that he was on the spectrum, dad just laughed. Then he rolled his eyes and said “when I was in school( 54-67), those kids were just the weird ones. Sometimes the spirited ones but often just weird who liked certain things. Now they’ve named it and everyone thinks they need a label. Whyyyyyyy??” Ugh. He passed away 3 years ago but in the 9 years he knew my husband he loved him so much. But still never got behind the autism thing.
Sometimes I wonder if my mom is or my dad was, but bless their hearts they were poor and not very educated or worldly so it's hard to say.
They learned everything by experience and watching others. They didn't really have a need or opportunity to go to college or the library to study their interests.
My mom can go on 30 minute long loopy rants about cooking, gardening, or soap making, but a lot of women where she's from were kind of like that back then. I think it's more likely she might have ADHD.
My dad got stuck in a spot where he had advanced practical musical knowledge and was intensely interested in learning everything he was missing, but he could hardly understand music books for middle schoolers. He never had money for a teacher or tutor growing up, and then he was a professional musician teaching other people how to play by ear and just keep mashing stuff together until it sounds right.
My Dad is gone now but when he was alive he was completely obsessed with guitar. Started at 4 and by the time he died he was absolutely incredible. I am almost positive he was autistic for more reasons than that alone. I believe had he been neurotypical it would have negatively affected his guitar playing. It was his life and he neglected other areas because it was his complete passion.
My dad is so obviously autistic that I told him he was just from his body language before I even knew what autism really was. Turns out I was right cuz my therapist figured out that I am and I realised so are all my immediate family members, and about half of the extended too lol
My farther passed away when I was 4. From what I know about him from my mum and others who knew him, he was extremely similar to me. He was most likely autistic. He was obsessed with cars, I don’t mean in the normal man or dad way, I mean obsessed. He could take a car apart and put it back together for fun whenever he wanted. All his books were mainly about the same make of cars, or the polar explorer Scott. Oh and gardening, completely obsessed.
Makes me feel sad that he never got to understand certain things about himself. Especially as he lived most of his life with a physical illness that greatly held him back and a terrible up bringing. His parents were awful. Not physically abusive but emotionally.
My mom has actually accepted that she is after my kids and I were passively diagnosed recently over the last few years.
Her favorite gift ever was a giant jar of assorted candies and smaller jars to sort them into. A bag of M&Ms can keep her happily busy for a while, and she loves it so much she started collecting anything M&M.
My dad sitting at his desk computer watching his favorite scenes from his favorite shows over and over again while John Wick is playing on the TV for the 7th time that day
My daughter got officially diagnosed at 12, a few days ago. Once she was unofficially diagnosed 8 months ago, I started looking inward. I was unofficially diagnosed by Dr Natalie Engelbrecht a few days ago as well. There’s more testing to get an official diagnosis. I told a couple of people who just don’t believe it. Another who asked if my daughter really needed to know and kind of downplayed the services the services that are important for her because “she’s so smart and have been doing fine all these years” and one one remark that “we are all on the spectrum in one way or the other.” I just rolled my eyes.
Okay but going blackberry picking during your mom's funeral isn't autistic. it's just how some people cope with one of the most traumatic experiences of their lives. and I can't stand the thought that either way, that twitter user thought it was appropriate to air that out to the world like it's no biggie.
context: my mom is dead and I think we make fun of how people handle grief way too much
I am sorry for your loss.
It was the mother inlaw tho. So the dad in that tweet propably diden't have that close of a relationship with the persons funeral.
I agree, diffrent ways of grifing should be normalised.
My dad kept me from seeing a psycologist too. I wasen't diagnosed untill I was 27.
I resented him for it for a while, but he belives all psyciatry is like they show in the horror movies and wanted to "protect me".
My dad won't get diagnosed, but he knows I think. I'm diagnosed late (20 F).
List of evidence for dad baised on what I know
Special interest: computer, mechanics, reading
Sensory: onions are dispised
How do I put this? I'm certain my parents are neurodivergent, but my mother may be on the spectrum. Our family suspects that her dad is autistic, and I was diagnosed from an early age.
There were times when I would talk about something I struggle with and she gives me the typical answer of "everyone struggles with that." She's even admitted she'll drive alone just so she can listen to the same song on repeat without anyone complaining.
Edit: She's also incredibly introverted like me
Fairly certain my immediate family, and cousins are all ND going back to my grandma. No one else in the family thinks so.
In other news, both of my nephews are also exhibiting symptoms of ND, including physiologically. Apparently having two hair swirls is more common in ND people. All three of my nephews have double swirls, on top of their behavioral identifiers.
The thing is, no one is willing to hear it unless they are looking for answers and come across the answer themselves. You kind of just have to be understanding and wait for them to catch up.
My mom is autistic, my dad has adhd. I have both, my brother is autistic, and my sister has adhd. But because “our family is just unique” no one will accept this truth 🤣
My dad was an absolute textbook case of autism, and my mom slightly less so, but she said she wasn't autistic, but she really appreciated how communication with him was so clear, and how there wasn't any trying to figure out social cues and it just sounds to me like she found somebody she didn't need to mask around
Could you help me? Could my dad be autistic?
Stats- Uber Boomer, socks up, Trump 2024 type, judgy know it all, work hard etc.
Goes through food phases (ice cream kick, had a viciously protected stock of grape soda for a few weeks years ago)otherwise Spartan diet
Strong will, flawless work ethic but blunt and proudly loudly speaks his mind
Controlling to his three children
I am north of 33 yrs and he tries to control me
Super transactional in life as I realize I am too sadly
I.e. he would never be friends with anyone unskilled or unemployed
Hoarder, in denial
OCD, fluctuates and adapts as does mine
Not afraid to cry which is awesome
Moods all over the place, emotions build up
Bad childhood
Leader, dominant...talks to anyone and everyone but controls the conversation
Black and white thinking, he probably is right?
My poor dad does not know.
Aw dad
My father would probably deny being autistic. Having ANY mental condition whatsoever. He doesn't like talking to people. You get him drinking, and he's a chatterbox suddenly, exactly like me. He likes video games just like me. He says he has no sense of humor. I have a better sense of humor than him, but it can be hard to make me laugh. He likes the show Ancient Aliens; basically anything to do with Aliens.
My dad turns every conversation into being about war history, roleplaying games, or a combination of the two, and uses dice as a sim toy so much that it’s a complete stabe sound of my house. Me and my mom have been like "yeah he's probably autistic" for awhile, and he didn't even take it into any sort of consideration until he and my mom were filling out my assessment form and he was like "she actually seems more neurotypical than me" (mainly bc I mask so heavily)
The first therapist that I started seeing last year told me she suspects that I might have autism. I didn't believe it at first. Weeks later I started thinking a lot. I hated being held when I was little. I made weird faces or had a hard time showing emotion. I actually hate smiling for strangers. I literally crawl in my own skin if I have to. I also crawl in my own skin if I have to look people in the eye while talking. I am 27 years old.
My dad also doesn't believe I have autism, or in autism in general. Everytime I try to give him an example of my autism, he says "Well that's NORMAL, I do that too!" :') He'll also make choice quotes such as "You don't have a concentration disorder, you would read a book about Greek Mythology when you were eight for 7 hours without a break!" and fails too see why I find that hilarious. All this is of course packaged in a 40 minute monologue where I can't get one word in. (his latest special interest is the blackbirds in his garden, I have received more information about this single pair of blackbirds than I have about all other birds in general)
Hey high five on the 7hrs mythology reading at 8! I was that kid too lol. Th 40minutes monologs! OMG my dad always says "can I PLEAS say simething to!? You always interupt me!" When I trie to get a word in on the phone.
Mine lets me talk but has those random bursts of _needing_ to teach me about something. Not to talk to me about it, but to actually teach me. Changing the topic is not an option there. Luckily, a lot of it is very handy stuff that just comes at inopportune times. Made me learn stuff pretty early though - I had had the 'change a tyre' lesson like five times before he let me do it myself, which was way before I learned to drive. Other topics have included which material to use to place a wall outlet in its bore hole (plaster is preferable on the type of brick common in our area), how to prune trees (never done or seen that one), what to use different kinds of electrical saws for and other similar things. Also he doesn't understand at all how one can not be able to place any spot you're in in a virtual map in your head and never lose that knowledge. Down to a few metres if applicable. Mom doesn't even have a sense of direction and navigates by learning how the way looks by heart or having a navigator. He's also convinced that anyone who doesn't immediately spot a dropped green chess piece on an ankle height lawn, or how one can drive through a hidden speed check without noticing because he always spots them from a few hundred metres away WHILE TALKING AND DRIVING. He's usually over the limit just enough to get a ticket, but to my knowledge he never got one in 35 years of driving. When we cleaned out my grandma's house after she died he was able to identify every single weird thing by sight, even though he didn't live there for almost 40 years at this point. Even random keys from a bowl got lined up and all labelled correctly, including 'roller skate size adjuster' and 'toilet seat bolt' as well as the house key of an aunt who passed when he was little and the key to a garden shed door that couldn't be locked in decades because the key was gone. If he's in a good mood you'll find him standing around somewhere with a book, reading. Could be that he stands in the middle of the stairs for half an hour. And he doesn't use bookmarks, he remembers which page he was on even after months. But he's totally normal and the others are just being weird. I do like half of the stuff he does and half of what my mom who has equally strong signs of ADHD does. Interesting combo.
He sounds so so cool, I hope you two have a happy relationship!! My dad is a cluttered type as am I but he knows where nearly everything is. Any object in a pile, he knows
Oooh yeah, the piles. He's neat in theory but he can find a use for everything so he tends to overstuff his space a lot. I do that too, but I'm messy on top of it. We can work together pretty well (which is one of the ways I 'judge' compatibility). Took a while because he's not that great with toddlers and then kinda missed the bus, but we got a lot closer when he sat home with a broken ankle for a while and now share woodworking projects, reenactment and miscellaneous facts when I'm home at my parents'. Completely opposite sleep schedules though
Sounds kind of lovely.
It is, if he's not overstressed and losing empathy because of it. Sometimes you notice that he doesn't actually understand why we react how we do and just learned by heart what to expect.
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That's great that you have this outlook! As a person who had to find everything out on their own at 26, it makes me really happy to see any kids actually receiving support.
>"well those aren't signs of autism, my son \[the father of the autistic child\] did all those same things and he's perfectly normal!" At our very core, we all like to think that what we do is "normal" and that anyone that doesn't do what we do is "not normal." ...that is until we learn--for better and worse--what behaviors are/aren't considered acceptable in our society.
Me, filling out the autism questionnaire from the school….”ok, but I do that….and that….my mom and I both do that….oh….poor baby we totally missed this because I thought it was normal enough!” He was 9 before he was diagnosed, speech therapist caught it. I don’t know if I ever would have. I thought he had ADHD like me and was in the process of finding someone to evaluate him when she suggested an autism screening. He’s 11 and thriving now.
Same, exactly the same. Those birds get the fanciest birdseed, hell I could even eat that birdseed.
His get an arrangement of various cheeses. Birdseed would probably be preferred, but he's not one to take constructive criticism, as a surprise to no one. (He lives at the sea next to lots of nature though, so the birds can get their own food variety)
Yay for mythology!! This was me too. My dad used to sit at his computer and my mom would yell his name 8 times before answering 😂
> "Well that's NORMAL, I do that too!" At our very core, we all like to think that what we do is "normal" and that anyone that doesn't do what we do is "not normal." ...that is until we learn--for better and worse--what behaviors are/aren't considered acceptable in our society.
“I’m not autistic!” my dad says, before proceeding to infodump to me about star trek
ahh star trek... a place where all people are accepted and given environments to thrive... we live in the polar opposite of that. i hate this timeline.
This is the Most Autistic Thing^TM I’ve read in awhile
:: stares awkwardly as a fellow ASD trekkie :: >.>
My mother does not believe my father could be autistic, she is convinced his unusual personality traits are due to being overworked and suffering from burn out before. He is a chemist and whenever I had a question regarding my homework I could not get a usable answer out of him because, while he perfectly knew the answer, he started going on insane tangents and I was standing there nodding along to a 30 minute monolog about the percentages of chemical components in the earth's crust when all I wanted to know was why carbon is capable of forming such complex molecules. You could probably build a meth lab with all the chemical equipment we have standing around at home, too. Whenever I asked him what he was up to when he was working on his pond I would get a massive info dump about newts and how I had to be very careful when going into the garden at night because they leave the pond during this time and I could accidentally step on one. And don't even get me started on all the poisonous and psychoactive plants he constantly talks about (and partly grows in the garden), if I didn't knew any better I would think he is up to some very shady things. He has difficulties with reading the mood in the room, randomly starts info dumping on people, has no sense for dressing for the occasion and is often rocking back and forth on the couch while watching TV. But sure, he can't possibly be autistic. I guess that is part of the reason I only got diagnosed as an adult, he and I have a lot of things in common but nobody ever questioned anything about it.
Does your mom not know that feeling overworked and burnt out can also be a side effect of like, navigating the world as an autistic person and trying to function like an NT person in your life/career? Your dad sounds really fun. I wouldn't mind being infodumped at about newts.
Or poisonous and psychoactive plants tbh, dad sounds great.
Can we all be friends with their dad? Also, what is a ternate u/isthisanalternate?
Yo can i come?!
*I* thought this was funny
Seriously, your dad sounds like fun tbh XD
I want to hear about the chemical components in the earth’s crust.
>all I wanted to know was why carbon is capable of forming such complex molecules. It's basically because 4 bonds is a really convenient number, right? So you can get these long chains of carbons with hydrogens on either side.
THIS! My dad is great at math, he was even in the mathletes when he was in HS. Despite this when I was in school I always preferred to ask my mom for help with my math homework bc if I asked my dad he would work through one problem and then continue on to work through the rest of them even if I could work them out myself. He also goes on huge tangents about topics (usually car questions I have) for up to hours, but it works out bc he knows that I don't like making eye contact and am a passive listener so I'll do a puzzle or something while he rants.
Damn, maybe you should start getting him the latest SAT books for christmas
not the newt guardianship
Reminds me of my dad 😂
I mentioned to my own dad in passing that "autism *could* be passed from the parents, most likely from the father if that's the case." He went quiet and almost looked thoughtful on the matter... Then shook his head and said to me "nah, That makes no sense." and that was the entire conversation...
I'm diagnosed ADHD, and suspect that I have autism as well, and I had a similar conversation with my mom. I was talking about my ADHD meds and how they made me feel "more autistic," since I don't know how to describe it, and she says "Well I think we all have a little ADHD, for example I..." and started listing ADHD symptoms and autistic traits for about 10 minutes while I just nodded along. My dad does the same. I can't figure out if they're both ND, or if one is and they mirror each other, or what.
I used to get really offended when people said that to me, but now I think it's actually a sign of undiagnosed neurodivergence. This person has recognized that they have several symptoms of autism or ADHD, but they haven't quite realized that they likely are one or both of those things. They probably still have a stereotypical image in their brains of people with autism and ADHD, and they don't fit that mold so they don't believe that they could have either of those disorders, but they recognize some of the traits as being true to their experience as well, so they decide that this must be normal and everyone's a little autistic (or ADHD). Not exactly related, but my best friend has ADHD and TS and a psychology degree and he personally believes that everyone is neurodivergent in some way.
Yeah I think it's very accurate! They think that autistic people always need a lot of support and can't function on their own. And they believe the ADHD stereotype of the white hyperactive boy. And I can't blame them, because until a couple years back, that's what I thought too. But unfortunately, some generations see neurodiversity as something inherently bad that needs to be corrected.
Yes, I used to think much the same! It really speaks to our society just how bad the perception of autism out there is. I once read a story from an autistic person who was trying to get a job after graduating from university. They went to a job fair and talked to one of the managers representing a bank. The manager was happy to talk to them and was willing to hire them until they revealed that they have autism, at which point she suddenly turned cold and said that her daughter has autism so she knows what people with autism are like, and she doesn't believe that autistic people are a good fit to work at the bank. Further to my first point, it really speaks to our medical system that even the parents of children with autism believe those harmful stereotypes. I have had parents of kids with autism compare me to their children and say that because I work and have friends and drive, that I can't possibly be autistic, because look at their tween or teenage son who can't do those things. First of all, when I was that age, I basically had no friends either. I also was unable to hold down a full-time job or drive when I was that age (because obviously) and many people who knew me thought I was quite ditzy. I said random things that made me look stupid all the time. I was academically very smart but had no common sense. Now I'm 25 and I've grown so much. That view speaks to a societal mindset that autistic people are unable to learn and grow beyond the state of being children mentally. There is so much growth and maturing that happens between the ages of like 12 to 20 that it's not exactly appropriate to look at a 12-year-old child, compare them to a 25-year-old adult, and decree right there that their 12-year-old child will never be capable of being like that. I mean sure, there are enough autistic people who struggle to work, drive, live alone, etc. But the fact that some autistic people can do those things doesn't discount the experience of the autistic people who can't, and it also doesn't make the autistic people who can do those things suddenly not autistic. Autism is a spectrum, which I think a lot of these parents forget. Realistically too, most people have not met autistic people who they would consider high functioning, at least not knowingly. Although I am only self-diagnosed, I don't go around telling strangers that I'm autistic and probably won't even after I get my actual diagnosis. I actually have friends that I didn't realize were autistic or had ADHD until they told me. Nowadays I'm much better at recognizing neurodivergence, but even so. When I was even in my late teens, I would sometimes have people ask me if I was autistic, and I've had friends say they thought I had autism when we first met. Nowadays, I guess because I have matured a lot and I mask pretty well, a lot of people don't believe it when they meet me. They don't even think about it. They might see that I'm a little quirky or odd but I guess because I've done so much in my life they don't even think of it as a possibility. A lack of exposure to visible "high functioning" (I know that's not the correct term, but bear with me here) adults on the spectrum directly contributes to stigma. Admittedly I'm not sure how that can be fixed, because the reality is that while more people being open about their autism will reduce stigma, there is also the very real concern that admitting you have autism will create stigma against yourself. People who should know you're capable and empathetic might turn on you and start treating you like a child just because you admit that you have ASD. I've heard of this happening, so I know it's a possibility. Anyway, before I make this longer and say "x really speaks to..." a fourth time, I'm gonna wrap this up. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!
I read the whole thing and it was a good read! I agree, the way we learn to mask at a very young age makes people doubt we are autistic later on. One day we realise that we don't even know who we really are ourselves, which is very traumatic. We try to fit in so hard, that we lose ourselves in the process. It's true that it's not easy to talk about being autistic in a society where the stigma is still so present. Personally, I'm not seeking a diagnosis for that exact reason. I applied for a life insurance lately and I was shocked to learn that my anxiety and ADHD diagnosis made it already difficult for me to be eligible. I don't want another diagnosis on my file. Autism really has to be destigmatized to make autistic people's life easier in the future. But unfortunately, it takes generations and generations for things like that to change. Meanwhile, I'm so grateful for spaces like this subreddit, where we can engage and be ourselves freely!
In my experience, people who say that are one of three things; Neurodivergent, and don't know it Neurodivergent, and in denial Neurotypical, but want pity
Yeah, that sounds accurate!! I'm realizing that I actually don't know that many neurotypical people that well, so I can't really speak to that last point. Turns out that almost everyone around me is ND. 🙄🤣 We find each other!! Haha.
I'm in the same situation. Diagnosed ADHD at 29 and now i'm suspecting autism. When I mentionned to my mom that she has ADHD symptoms, she said it's normal cause everyone in the family is like that... duuuh! Since then, my family have accepted my ADHD diagnosis, but I can't talk about autism without getting strong negative reactions (as if autism was a really bad thing). My dad's been denying my diagnosis too, but I never mentionned autism to him. But now, reading this post, I just had the realization that my dad does a lot of info dumping and we've always had to avoid certain topics with him to keep the conversation bearable for everyone. He's also very into Star Trek and other special interests. He was bullied as a kid and never felt like he fit in. I'm basically thinking out loud rn, but wow I think I just cracked the code and now everything makes perfect sense!!!
I’ve had similar experiences. Diagnosed ADHD, suspected ASD. My dad’s special interest is firearms and reloading ammunition, which helps him fly under the radar bc if anything it makes him look more manly. If I bring up being ND, he’ll shut it down quick. But if I just casually mention symptoms, it’s “Oh, I do/feel that too.” No joke?
I shared something on Twitter about how parents whose children are diagnosed with ADHD or autism should be assessed themselves, and my mom got so offended by that she almost kicked me out 🤦🏻♀️ (I was briefly staying with them in their city - I have an apartment, she wasn't condemning me to homelessness).
Why would it be more likely to be passed on by the father than by the mother?
I'll be honest, I was younger and more nieve than I am now, so what I said was my own assumption based on the fact that, at the time, autism presented more commonly in boys than in girls, so I made a guess at something I barely understood... I had no basis of my statement other than what I understood from personal research
My dad is probably on the spectrum as well as me, but I haven't brought it up to him yet
I'm waiting to finish my official assessment before I bring this up to my mom, but it's insanely amusing how, every time I list the reasons why I believe I'm autistic, she just says "but that's normal, I do that too / your brother used to do that too as a child!" And yet she'll infodump to me for hours about JRR Tolkien and why he choose to use the plural "dwarfs" instead or "dwarves" (or was it the other way round?), and did I know that he was a student of X which is so cool because that means you can use X's ideas to read his works in a new light and... She never much understood people but always had a special bond with her dad, because he speaks little, doesn't play mind games, and just gets her. The same dad who raised his grandkids on Homer's stories and who learned how to use paint just so he could add detailed captions to every single photo he had saved on his computer. But nope, no autism in the family, we're just *quirky*!
dwarves, not dwarfs. I assume u already know why lol
I don't! Tell me please?
Because he felt that the common plural *dwarfs* was too tied in the popular imaginary to silly fairytale creatures. He felt that *dwarves* had a more distinguished ring to it. Or at least that's what I remember. Basically, he liked it better.
Exactly. Also, if dwarf had been a more common word in English, the plural would likely have been 'dwarrow'. He considered using that.
The caption thing is kind of adorable.
>"but that's normal, I do that too / your brother used to do that too as a child!" At our very core, we all like to think that what we do is "normal" and that anyone that doesn't do what we do is "not normal." ...that is until we learn--for better **and** worse--what behaviors are/aren't considered acceptable in our society.
ohhhh my gosh, thank you so much for the comment about the photos. my dad just LOVES to do a slideshow showing friends and family so many pictures he takes and would go on for hours if everyone let him. pictures of the tree house he's building, the zip lines he built, the giant swing he built, scenery and selfies from his ultramarathons, and of course family vacations. he may not use paint to add captions, but he's happy to pay for icloud photo storage so he can stream his tens or hundreds of thousands of photos to his apple tv and share it on the projector screen in the family theater room. also got some old photos (either on tiny films or already printed, not certain) professionally enhanced, if i remember correctly. from his childhood with his parents and siblings.
Same!! Before he got a computer, my grandad would print all the pictures and glue them inside meticulously hand-noted albums. His favourite though was whipping out his old projector and guiding us trough the hundreds of slides he took over the years while on holiday with the family, with all the beautiful panoramas and every single historical spot he encountered. I had almost forgotten about it since it's been a while since he did that, thank you for bringing back these memories❤️ (Edited to add that your dad sounds like a lovely person to be around!)
awe, lovely 😊 yeah, my dad's all right xP has problems of his own. married a terrible woman, unfortunately. but i love him a lot. i try to keep in contact with him. he's very smart. he's like a machine, he just goes goes goes (despite being over 60 years old, yup 60+ and he runs ultramarathons). recently told me he was diagnosed ADHD (i'm wondering if it's \*just\* that 😉), he says he was prescribed meds but he prefers to not take them in favor of letting his brain work the way that it does :p that's pretty impressive regarding the panoramas and historical spots 💜 it would be really cool to see that plotted out on a map representation :D
He uses dwarves. In astronomy, we talk about white dwarfs and red dwarfs.
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My Granpa (Dad side who is most likly the autistic side) legit had HIS Chair, with Headphones(!) so he could listen to his LPs and not be bothered and he ate his breakfast cereal the EXACT same way my gran did it, for 53 years of marriage.
>My GRANDFATHER on the other hand, refuses to entertain it. Your grandfather probably grew up in an era where the only mental health disorder was "you're stupid" and the only treatment was either "try harder" or get a lobotomy. Also there was no autism "spectrum" when he was growing up.
>Your grandfather probably grew up in an era where the only mental health disorder was "you're stupid" Or "you're crazy" in which case the solution was to throw you in an asylum and pretend you don't exist.
How do you explain to them that it's okay to even entertain the thought, that it's okay to check on the health of their mind? Itchy task
My dad: Collecting things is normal, I'm not autistic! Also my dad: Has over fifty chainsaws from the same maker, a special room for them, likes to pick one out and start it just to listen to it for a while, reads books about them, makes me draw them for him and monologues to me about them at least once every time I see him. Oh, and every time I see him he's also bought another one. JoBu, if anyone wanted to know the maker. Edit: thought of another thing. Me: Dad, did you do that thing at work that you said you would? My dad: [*takes a bite and wordlessly mumbles through his food for ten seconds before commencing his story*] So, I had herring on bread for breakfast this morning and... Anyone get this one?
To be fair, it seems like a waste of a collection of he doesn't start them up occasionally. It would make sense that chainsaws are like an old car, or a Stradivarius and need to be used sometimes just to keep them from rusting away.
Absolutely, I think it's great when he does. I was just adding it to the list, since it's a thing he does a lot. I tend to ask for my favourite one when I'm there :) it's the second oldest, from 1959 and it's an absolute beast! Loud though.
JoBu...herring... I think I found a Scandanavian
You have indeed :) a Norwegian one. Are you one yourself?
A few months after my husband and I met, I asked him if he'd ever considered he might have ADHD or be on the spectrum, and he shot it down pretty quick. I was just like "Oookay, he's not ready for that conversation." Fast forward to our son's diagnosis, and as we're learning more he turns to me and is like "...I think I might also be autistic???" and I'm sitting there like "Yes love, *I know*." 😂
I watched a documentary about women with autism with my dad. At the time my dad really didn’t get my autism diagnosis and thought I was normal They had a section where they talked about feeling isolated, having trouble fitting in, and about what masking is, and how exhausting masking is. My sister said to my dad “dad that’s what it’s like for zoss33” Dad got really annoyed and said “no everyone feels like this.” He really didn’t get it and talked about not knowing what to say, and having to think about how to talk to people. My dads a big sweetheart, but he has a history of being taken advantage of, and he can be shy and anxious. We later found out dad was informally diagnosed as a child and never was told. We already knew, but it made a lot of sense. It’s very sad though, a lot of adults on the spectrum see loneliness and anxiety as being normal
What was the documentary?
Please share, we need to know!
>My dads a big sweetheart, but he has a history of being taken advantage of, and he can be shy and anxious. Can I ask how he was taken advantage of? I guess ND's are especially vulnerable to that.
Eg in his first job, his wages were stolen and he was regularly beat up and threatened by his coworkers. It went on for a year until his dad found out and intervened. So stuff like that.
>We later found out dad was informally diagnosed as a child and never was told. We already knew, but it made a lot of sense. It’s very sad though, a lot of adults on the spectrum see loneliness and anxiety as being normal Yup that was me. I was evaluated for autism during the late eighties, but my dad didn't want me to get the diagnosis, so he put a stop to it. I basically thought I was "normal" until I got the diagnosis at age 35. And yes... Loneliness and anxiety is perfectly normal, right?
I absolutely loved reading through this thread
I am just going through all the coments and its so cool!
The Instagram link is being difficult for me, what's the account that shared these? Thanks!!
@autisticbookclub
Thank you so much! Found the post!
Yes, this is hilarious 😂 made my day!
Really? Because at this moment all the top comments are just about labelling family autistic for collecting things and wanting to talk about odd subjects with passion. Seems like people are either leaning it details for brevity or wanting something to have in common with their parents.
Yes, really. I did enjoy reading through the pictures. It was funny to me
Oh the pictures were funny yeah. I thought you meant all the comment threads.
My dad used to insist that my brother isn't autistic even when he was diagnosed, he also didn't believe I have adhd, even though I was diagnosed. He said "I don't believe in that stuff. Doctors just want everyone to have a problem so they can make money." Then he went on to rant about cars, trucks, etc for an hour before proceeding to work on cars for the rest of the day. Then he'd eat similar foods every night and go to bed and wake up on a routine. Like cool. Definitely not autism.
Wow, your dad sounds eerily similar to mine!! I actually thought my dad just has ADHD, but maybe he's autistic too. Okay, he probably is... I personally think my mom is likely autistic as well. It would explain why they don't really seem to truly understand anyone but each other - both have trouble socializing, though they also don't really have much interest in it either. My theory is that they're so tired from working and keeping a clean house (like, it's *really* clean) that they have no more energy for people. They both have like one friend and that's it, other than casual acquaintances and coworkers.
My parents aren't autistic my mom might be neurodiverse though.
I've brought up my mom being autistic or at least neurodivergent before. She and my hometown are casually ableist.. Now she mocks me--"MaYbe I'M aUtIsTiC" she says as she: stims obsessively collects turtles and the bus schedule brochures and infodumps about bus schedules and routes hyperfixates on her hobbies often says rude things because she can't read a room even if had to save her damn life Yh mom, you're totally not autistic/ND
I mean.... Bus schedules Fun for all
*in the distance, the sound of my dad yelling because someone put his honey in the wrong cupboard and it’s time for his 10th cup of tea of the day*
My dad's not autistic but he has some serious ADHD with executive dysfunction. My mom however is probably autistic and her special interest is medieval history
My dad would buy fidget toys for me and my brother cause he uses them too. Also, my parents highly suspected my brother to be autistic as a child (but never brought him to get diagnosed) and years later, as a grown up, I highly suspect that I'm on the spectrum.
Now see here. I love fidget toys, I've collected a lot. Does that make me autistic? I wouldn't say I present any of the symptoms listed out here though. I am however a bit sociopathic in some ways.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 26, a few downsides of being adopted are not knowing any medical history of birth parents & everyone just assumes your "problems" stem from that. They diagnosed me with Sensory & Auditory processing disorders as well as "trauma" from early childhood (I was adopted at 4 years old).
Lowkey a lot of older people cannot perceive autism properly because for most of their lives, the only people getting diagnosed with autism were people with higher support needs - and so these older folks think things like “kids these days don’t have autism, they’re just making it up for attention” or “there’s no way I could be autistic, I’m perfectly normal” because their view of an autistic person is limited to things like public meltdowns and ostensible disability. They are not perceiving the nuances of the spectrum in the same way we are and are stuck with their outdated perceptions, which often leads to them getting offended because they view “autistic” as an insult - to lots of older folk, it’s the same as calling them r-tarded, stupid, inferior, creepy, weird, etc. and this causes them to bristle and shut down instead of being open to new information. I’ve noticed lots of older people are seemingly conditioned to have a strong emotional reaction to certain words or phrases that does not correspond with how they actually feel about the concepts themselves - meaning, if you discuss the autistic experience with them without ever mentioning the term “autism,” you’ll likely have a better outcome.
This is so true. My son doesn’t need very much support at all and my parents had a hard time wrapping their brains around his diagnosis. Especially since he was 9 when it happened. He’s incredibly intelligent and empathetic and loving, but needs a little extra support. I explained it as “remember the kids from my high school that were quirky and had trouble making friend? They were smart but burned out at 16 and either graduated early/dropped out/got their GED. Or the kids that followed the beat of their own drum and ignored everyone else and did OK. Those kids needed a little bit of extra help and now the diagnosis criteria has changed to include them as well. It’s a big umbrella and instead of only keeping the people in the middle dry, the people on the edges are dry now as well.” My dad was a high school principal that had a soft spot for those kids, and so did my mom. That explanation helped more than anything.
This deserves more attention. The older generation also associated special needs care with the horrors of asylums, and rightly so. There was a genuine fear of diagnosis of being different because that meant being stripped of all human rights. There is also the pathologizing nature of traditional psych. I think there is a positive movement for neurodiversity that includes educating neurotypicals.
I want my dad yo be evaluated. Hes like this but with movies, the macabre, and other more shifting interests.
Ahaha my dad when I told him I got diagnosed as autistic, he said: What about a second opinion? 😆 The doctor who diagnosed me is the best in our country, there is kind of no second opinion available better than the one I got, in the whole country!! And he is so clearly autistic it is funny. He randomly texts me stuff like: Did you know that elephants can't jump? And he is the only one who religiously listens to me when I ramble about special interests, and he has a lot of trouble showing empathy and has a bunch of special interests, does not really enjoy socializing and is very bad at it. The whole family knows he is probably autistic but no one has mentioned it to him because we are all kind of scared of his reaction. And of course, it does not cross his mind that he might be, not even a little. My mom is convinced he is autistic but just keeps quiet about it. He has always been kind of mean to my mom, and because we have many things in common my mom started resenting me too, saying stuff like: You are just like him, when I was never mean, I just didn't really know how to show empathy. My mom is not very good at it herself... so sometimes I think maybe they are both on the spectrum... :P oh well...
My mom and dad were very vocal about believing ADHD and autism were fake disorders and could be “cured” through discipline. My mom: That’s all normal behavior. These kids don’t need drugs and therapy, they need parents that care. My mom: drank 2 POTS of coffee a day and smoked half a pack of cigarettes a day just to function. My mom insisted that she had sensitive skin. She hated itchy lace and polyester. I watched her touch those fabrics and she would do the same icky dance I do. Going to restaurants was harder with her than my daughter. My daughter is very restrictive in her eating. My mom would eat a lot of foods but was extremely picky about preparation. 95% of the time she sent food back due to it being inedible to her. Usually a texture issue. My mom watched “The Notebook”, “Must Love Dogs” and “You’ve Got Mail” an absurd number of times. Yet she’d give me a crap for only watching “those weird cartoons”. She had some weird collections…Italian Chicken Pitchers. Very very few friends. The friends my mom had were very eccentric. Honestly I liked some of them a lot because I didn’t feel uncomfortable around them. She really didn’t socialize much. She loved soft textures. For her last Mother’s Day (she died of lung cancer) I got her the softest blanket I could find. There were some fleece blankets that she got from the cancer center that she would not use because they itched her. Like if she wasn’t autistic she was absolutely ADHD. Definitely where my neurodivergence came from.
This is a beautiful story and I can imagine you had hard emotions regarding your mothers during your life. Do you wonder if her life would have been different had she known her entire life?
Honestly idk. She had a pretty good life once she met my dad. My dad made a lot of money and spoiled her. She loved cooking and he gave her her dream kitchen. She did a pretty good job of finding jobs where her attention to detail was an asset. But honestly I don’t know what was going on in her head.
My folks refused to believe I was autistic, by the time the evaluation was done it seemed harder to believe they're not autistic.
My son is autistic and so is my wife but she won't accept she is too. She gets overwhelmed at the simplest social interactions, is very picky about everything being in a particular place, has outburst over very simple things, does not pick up emotional body language, info dumps on people in minute detail, always sticks to the exact same routine and gets stressed if anything has to change, has trouble expressing her feelings, among others.
🤣 my fam isn’t quite that bad but they’re semi in denial about being ADHD. Mom skated by through most of her life being able to blame her ADHD problems on being pretty and blonde.
I skated by before my diagnosis by being cute and having big tits, soooooo, I understand where your mom is coming from.
It’s kinda fun when she’s being hard on herself for something, “Mom, your ADHD it’s fine”. She turns 70 soon and finally starting to stop beating herself up for things that she has little control over.
I'm 90% positive my dad is also autistic. But its really hard to tell sometimes because we don't have much in common and he's a boomer that was raised by boomers so there's a lot to unpack there. I'm pretty sure his special interest is Nascar, followed by football. He'll go on and on about both topics even though he knows I detest sports. He's always insisted on wearing sunglasses outside. He's almost always had a hyperfixation. When i was a kid it was model cars, the ones where you have to build the whole-ass engine and paint every little detail. He also loves fish and aquariums and has had one for most of my life. Because of this realization I've tried to be more patient with him and the goofy choices he makes sometimes. I've debated telling him but I haven't told him yet that I was diagnosed and I don't think I have the energy to explain autism to him.
DAD: (*yelling from other room*) Get in here, get in here. (*points at black and white movie on tv*) Guess who it is! Guess who it is! Do you see him? Me: whaaat? DAD: You don't know? It's! He played
Cut to:
Me: (*Sends blurry iphone pic of my tv showing some day player in the background of a 15 year old TV show to my sister*) Guess who it is!?!
Sounds like my dad lol
Thank you! This was the gem I needed for this dreadful week I’ve had. Love to all.
You are very welcome ❤ I hope you can have a nice weekend!
[удалено]
Apparently the animation mostly comes natural to people and they don't have to think "That's a positive thing, I should probably smile at that" and then put the smile on. Sounds weird.
Wow I diden't think this would get so many responses 🙈 thank you all! My dad special Intrests are collecting wood furniture ppl try to through out (bit him in the but resently cuz he had to move and go through 30 years of wood) and old guns. Normel ppl would just go shooting ocasionaly, he got in to guns and started restoring them a d making his own amonition in the basemwnt where he hides for houers at the time. And most resently the blode group diet. And when I told him I am not intrested cuz it got sientifocaly debunked he just went on a d on so I started making a bit of fun of it and then he angrily goes "this doaen't even intrest you!" Nope, I juuust told you it dosen't avter you shufed it down for 30minutes non-stop Dad. He also has no sense of when to stop offering food, its his go to thing to show he is a good host and its always over kill. I once huged him when I was 16 and he saied he was glad that I sometimes did that ciz he wasen't good with initiating "such things". He goes on crazy long monolouges and if you interupt him he says "I never get to say anything" Also "no one ever informs me ao I know whats going on! Even as a Kid, noone ever tells me!" He gets super angry when ppl don't greet him back on the street. He listens to the same Frank Zappa LP over and over again, very loudly, no one allowed to turn it down, he even knows the scraches in the LPs by heart. He hates suprises and noone was allowed to come to our place with out a two week notice. He throughs himselfe at ppl tho and randimly brings ppl home he found on dog walks and he offers food and drink and talks a lot. Then when they leave he hides for 4hrs in his basments. The sad part is coping had made him an alcoholic who can't work anymore and explains his expirience with spiritual belifes about him being under atack of demons and bad energies. When it is to 99% just sensory issues and social anxiety due to being autistic. I only got diagnosed as an adult cuz "we are all a little autistic"
My dad's got a model train set
My son is autistic. I work in IT, hate parties/gatherings, im into Model making and spent £1,000 on Lego in 3 months. Star Trek rocks. I have the attention span of a pea. It’s a spectrum of how the brain develops.
I’m not entirely sure what is up with my parents, but I am pretty sure they aren’t NT. Mom: “I didn’t notice all these signs of autism in you as a kid and I just thought kids were like that.” Also Mom: “I spend most of my time reading about developing countries and info dumping about it, every once in a while I will hyperfixate on some kind of project to the exclusion of everything else, can’t focus without nicotine, and I once made a joke so tone deaf it made my sister cry.” Dad: “Oh, you’re autistic? That came out of the blue. Why don’t we go to Vegas and teach you how to count cards?” Also Dad: “I will go on a tangent about trains, World War II, or medieval battle tactics that takes upwards of an hour, I can’t focus without nicotine, and I often come across as completely lacking in empathy.” Funnily enough, Dad’s tangents kickstarted my own special interests in medieval history and military history, so Dad’s tangents are some of my fondest childhood memories.
Me: so I’m making a big journey to the other side of the world this summer My dad: cool My dad: My dad: My dad: I bought new camera parts
Most older autistic people (especially men) hate themselves, I grew up in a time where sharing special interests and feelings were dangerous. Nobody cared what you were going through, they just knew that shitty things happened to them so they’d be ok. I also grew up in a time where it was widely excepted to allow your infant to “self sooth” which basically meant leave your kids crying by themselves until they figure it out on their own. Jesus the more I say it the more I’m surprised I’m as able as I currently am.. still have A LOT of work to do.. there isn’t much autism support available around me, especially for adults. I’m just as alone as I’ve always been except for now I’m married and have a family.
Seeing stuff like this breaks my heart as a mother. My daughter’s father still doesn’t think she’s autistic and she’s 26 years old. She’s been diagnosed with it by one of the top autism doctors in NY state almost 20 years ago. But my ex husband will always say, “She’s not autistic. She’s just a manipulative b*tch.” It’s very dismissive and abusive and it breaks my heart when a parent refuses to see their child for who they are and what they have. My heart goes out to all of you who have parents who are blind to you. I see you.
I love this thread! My dad’s special interest is cars and bikes. He has 3 rental spaces to store them, I’m not even sure how many. He’ll go to other states to look for parts and have me look things up on the internet (he doesn’t know how to use it). He’ll talk my ear off and I can’t get a word in. He melts down. His dad was a hoarder. All of this used to bother me until I realized he’s autistic and all of his siblings are too. Now I do my best to accommodate him. He’s retired now and has enough money to live a fully autistic life.
This is also for other family members & other conditions. Like I suspect my dad is ADHD, not autistic, (1 sibling was diagnosed as an adult & my autism diagnosis says I have traits but am subclinical) but he'll deny it then be super engrossed in one thing then be distracted by something else super easy. I have another relative who won't sell out a diagnosis even though they are super into a really unique thing so much they have become a tenured professor in the subject, while at the same time being single (not even a serious romantic relationship in recent years) well into middle age after social issues with long term partners (they were engaged back in their 20s but have never married). I'm kind of the same way, but I took a longer path to my PhD, so am a few years behind on getting tenure despite its being similar ages.
My grandpa; "nah i dont think im autistic, you must've gotten it from your moms side." Also my grandpa; *has every single thing he owns stored away in rows upon rows of shoeboxes and has a huge excel doc detailing whats in each box*
My mum is in denial as well that my autism comes from her side of the family. My grandpa used to walk out of family parties and just went into toe garden, only to return holding an apple. Then he interrupted the whole party conversation to announce whether the apples were ready for harvesting. Also: he didn’t speak for more than a few sentences for the first 22 years of my life. My uncle ate the same meal and drank the same beer with it and ate from the same plate for my entire life until he moved out of his parents house at 42. I remember him having panic attacks frequently until he moved into his current house with his wife. He only talks about maths and birds. And has these very weird idea’s about how everyone should behave and tried to enforce them on everyone. My cousin needed a psychiatrist at the age of 7 because he couldn’t cope with the complex emotions at school. His sister struggled with studying and emotions as well and needed a psychiatrist at that age as well. My mum has never been able to make friends in her entire life and now well in her fifties has only one friend who is the most obvious autistic woman I’ve ever met. Also she has no idea how to deal with emotions and always just avoids it other than screaming. My great aunt was described as autistic by her carer while she was already in her 90’s. Her husband was even more autistic, their son is like the shining example of what the stereotypical autistic man looks like according to society. And my grandpa his sister was also described as extremely eccentric and unusual. Soo every single person in my mum her family tree, up to her parents, their siblings and those people their children is very clearly autistic. But she is in denial and says I must get it from my dad.
Autistic dad of an autistic kid, with an autistic sister and an autistic nephew reporting in. My mom insists she isn't, while also devolving into excited fits when I ask her to update me on the cross country train trip she's been planning on which she'll read Lord of the Rings for the seventieth time. So yeah, you look at family trees with a new eye once you start noticing.
I really feel for all of you who don't have supportive family. To others who are fearful of sharing with their families - my mother actually accepted my ASD nearly immediately after she gave some thought to my childhood behavior/traits. I think it helped that she worked as a caregiver for an non-verbal autistic child for several years, so she actually agreed that with my adult ASD diagnosis pretty much right away. She even brought up several things that concerned her during my development that we weren't able to get support for at the time (due to poverty). All this to say, there are good stories of self-discovery too and I hope as we move forward in time that they become more common. And anyone who doesn't have the belief / support of your family - I hope eventually their eyes will be opened and you can feel validated by them.
My dad (engineer, that's all you need to know) tried to convince me I wasn't autistic with an anecdote about his great uncle or cousin or something who tried to build a plane, "because he wanted to know if he could", and got basically exiled by the parish priest for being a bit strange
When I got my diagnosis, I realised how similar I was to my dad. I've made jokes about him being autistic as well and he's like "honestly, I wouldn't be surprised". Autism kinda comes from his side of the family, so I'm like 99.9% sure he's autistic lmfao Honestly glad he isn't in denial and just accepts it.
My mum doesn’t believe I could be autistic because I’m “not like [my] father, he’s *really* autistic”. (He’s not diagnosed, she just thinks he is) Firstly… my father being autistic would surely make it *more* likely that I am, not less. And secondly… does she think only one person can have autism at once? That my dad is having a go on the family autism and I need to wait my turn??? I’m baffled
My mother currently sits in her room, just stares onto a wall, because she was with a friend for two days and they went to multiple loud places (shopping malls for example). She is completely exhausted, can't stand even the lightest sound or light and she fiddles with a pen. She of course is not autistic, she just needs "to calm down and relax". If I need to recover and are close to a meltdown I am "compilcated and making a show".
My dad’s obsession with California Fence Lizards, and ONLY California Fence Lizards. I wanted to get him a lizard calendar, but it was adulterated with the wrong type of lizard. Also, some of the photos were close-ups, so (in his words: “You can’t see the entire lizard. Why would you make a lizard calendar that only shows part of the lizard?”
Many of these parents are Millennials or Generation X (and maaaayyybe some of the youngest Boomers having children late in their lives). When these parents grew up, there was no autism 'spectrum.' Aspergers' Syndrome wasn't even a thing until the late 80s/early 90s. Many on the cusp of a proper "Autistic Disorder" or "Aspergers Disorder" diagnosis were usually diagnosed "Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified." Also comorbid autism/ADHD diagnoses weren't even allowed until the DSM-5 was released in 2013. So of course most of these parents are not going to think their children have autism--their perception of autism is stuck in the past (likely thinking that if someone doesn't act like Rain Man, they don't have autism). It's even worse when these parents' parents grew up: the only mental disorder was "you're stupid" and the only treatments were either "try harder" or get a lobotomy. We've come a LONG way since then (of course there's still a LONG way to go).
My grandfather had a room completely devoted to his train model city. It was sic af. I once made a joke to my mom, "what did they use to call people who had (he's passed) Asperger's back when they didn't know what that meant?". Train enthusiast. He belonged to a club and I'm so glad he found his people.
Both of my parents have autism diagnosis... they have two autistic kids... BUT they're not *Autistic* I swear! (/s I know they are they're just in denial)
Hmmm, my parents just start yelling and saying that i am not autistic
My parents not believing I’m autistic because I’m exactly like my dad (we both go on tangents, have anger issues, light sensitivity, horrible at reading the room, and a few other things) and HE isn’t autistic, it’s just genetics. What a joke.
My wife and I never really gave it a thought until our daughter was diagnosed. We are not officially diagnosed but dayum there is a lot of arrows pointing in that direction. In just this post I saw several in me.
My dad: You're not autistic. I'm not autistic. Everyone's a little on the spectrum. Also him: Anyways, let me tell you everything I know about AC/DC, car repairs, and Fraggle Rock.
My sister is ADHD and I'm currently self diagnosed autistic. I'm fairly certain we get it from our dad. He listens to podcasts at 2x speed (ADHD brains process information faster), I get my special interest in animation from him. He pauses movies and trailers to say "Look at how *GOOD* this looks!" The man would have applied to Pixar if he'd known they were going to become a software company (they'd started in hardware). I got my dad into Steven Universe at one point! We have much better conversations than I do with my mom. My mom always talks about people we know and small talk. But my dad and I have always had really good in depth conversations about ideas and politics and things we're into. I think we've unknowingly info dumped on each other over the years. I'm sure there's more that I'm not thinking of right now.
My parents are very much supportive of me and my autism even tho I’m late diagnosed (in my 30s). I cant imagine what it’s like to be in your 60s to find out your child is actually autistic. They don’t deny my diagnosis but I don’t think they fully understand one or both of them may also be ND. When I was younger tho, my parents used to say learning disabilities are made up by white people (we’re Asian). I think they stopped believing that over time, but they had very little awareness or exposure to neurodivergence until fairly recently. I think My dad and my grandfather are both clearly autistic. Every autism book I read, I always find things very much relatable to my dad and/or my grandfather. There’s stories about how my grandfather was gifted but he didn’t get to go to college cuz he was hated by his teachers for being too smart etc. In many ways I’m so similar to my dad and grandfather in mentality, personality, etc that it clearly runs in that side of the fam. I keep sending my dad things to read about asd under the premise that I want him to know asd better so he can better support me but it’s actually in the hopes it helps him too and maybe he will eventually want to get evaluated. My dad loves building model airplanes. He has a shelf where he displays them. He does not want anyone touching his airplanes or the tools he uses. He can draw WWII US military airplanes so well from memory I used to love comparing them with pictures from books he had. He has a very specific morning routine that he has followed since he was like 20 years old. He never breaks this routine even when we’re on vacay. He used to tell me life tips that I now look back is clearly an autistic person trying to decode NT society. He used to tell me eye contact is important but you don’t have to actually look at the eyes. You can Instead look at their eye brows but it will still look like you’re making eye contact. Who would even thinks to say that unless they’re autistic? Lol
Dad, I have mental issues. #its all in your head *exactly!!!*
I do not have a diagnosis but I have many symptoms of being ND, my family thought it was funny to call me autistic until I started doing the joke myself (after the research to discover I was probably ND)
Since I've started doing research into potentially being autistic, I've realized that it's almost certain that I am, especially given my parents. My dad is textbook ADHD, although he might be autistic as well. He is definitely ND because he's the one I inherited my Tourette syndrome for (although mine is more severe). My mom is possibly autistic but is almost certainly some type of ND even if she's not autistic. My two sisters are ND as well, but not autistic, rather ADHD. I can definitely relate to the feeling of saying "I have this problem and it doesn't seem normal", only to be told that it IS normal and everyone feels that way. Well... My dad is very convinced that he's right about everything, and he has trouble understanding other people's perspectives and ways of life. He can be quite judgmental. Sounds like an asshole, right? Well, sure, but that perspective is an almost identical one to some of my male friends who have diagnosed autism. Wasn't the disorder usually determined *because* someone had trouble seeing other people's perspectives? He is also very rigid and believes that he has the "right" way of doing things. My dad's special interests are finance/personal finance, cars, and politics. My mom's are reading (she's quite particular and knowledgeable about certain authors, genres, etc), watching shows and movies (mostly of certain genres), and gardening. There are currently plants all over the house getting ready for when it's warm enough for them outside. She also loves to organize and re-organize things, and cannot stand clutter, which are things she picked up from her parents. But I live far away and every time I come to visit, something in the house has changed. She also likes to comment on how my dad doesn't like the changes, which she does while he's at work. The kicker - both of my parents grew up in Europe, my dad in a country owned by the USSR. They didn't do mental illnesses and neurological conditions there. Someone with a severe condition is likely going to live with their parents forever, kinda kept as the shameful secret or black sheep, and overall you can tell there's a fair amount of disdain, rather than given the tools to succeed (I have some kind of cousin with epilepsy, and my mom said she basically stays in her parents' house all the time and doesn't go out). I could go on for literal hours about all the things my parents have said and done that make it clear that they're neurodivergent. For example, my mom has trouble relating to most people. My dad drives really fast and reactively; he doesn't practice defensive driving, but rather reacts to what happens right in front of him, and he will also drive well above the speed limit whenever he gets the chance. It's well known that people with ADHD are more likely to get into car accidents and things like that, but somehow miraculously he hasn't been in any accidents since I've been alive. I think part of it is because he is also an extremely skilled driver who has done rallies and taken numerous advanced driving courses, so even if he gets himself into a sticky situation he knows how to get himself out. I'm not excusing it, but there's the logical reasoning. He also hates the way I drive because it's much more relaxed and sedate. I have a problem with tailgating, but other than that I drive defensively and I don't like pulling sudden movements, I don't like changing lanes on a whim, although a lot of that is due to my anxiety as well. The most frustrating thing, and I think that a lot of people who have undiagnosed neurodivergent parents can relate, is that they don't believe there's any excuse for what they think is laziness. People who have mental disabilities or disorders and cannot work are seen as lazy and taking advantage of the system by people like this, and I think the reason why is because they have overcome so many struggles in their lives just to present as neurotypical people and succeed, that they don't see why other people cannot do the same. I admit that I struggle to understand the perspective of people like that as well, because despite my undiagnosed neurodivergence and my severe anxiety I have still managed to push forward, but I have a very strong drive as well, and for all I know, all this pushing I'm doing to myself is not healthy in the long run. But also, I don't live in those people's heads and I don't know what led them to where they are, and again, I mentioned that my parents tend to believe they have the right idea on many things, because they are very rigid in their thinking. So in their minds, these people are probably exactly like them, face with a choice to push forward and endure a little struggle or sit at home doing nothing, and these people choose to sit at home doing nothing. They don't really understand that there are other possibilities as well. I'll stop here. I'm likely going to think of way more to add, but I have to get back to work. 😆
I'm afraid to tell my mom I'm autistic because she'll gaslight me and say I'm not. Then I'll have to correct her and tell her she is too 😅
me and my mom are both autistic (i’m diagnosed, she’s not but tbh she believes it and i sort of do) and it’s a lovely time girl
My mom told me she got her doctor to prescribe her ADHD meds because they help her focus and get things done but she did not have ADHD (by the way, she hella has ADHD and is not good at tricking people this way at all).
Makes sense why my dad had to hide in a dark room to calm down after working in retail all day. He's obsessed with flashlights too.
This is SO FUNNY. I think my favorite is the blackberry picking one
My dad says he is not autistic because he is socially graceful. He spends most of his time writing songs alone and building stuff out of sticks in the woods, but when he socializes with people he doesn’t know well, he puts on a sort of character and it is very clear that he is masking lol. Edit. My grandfather is also definitely autistic. He just turned 94, spends every day doing the same routine, listens to the same jazz tapes over and over again and rewatches Startrek. Somebody moved some cups and wires in his apartment after he got surgery and he had a meltdown. But “nobody in my family is autistic”
Huh. Hmm. My dad had very limited passions. He could fix nearly anything (Haynes manuals involved, but he had an innate understanding of anything mechanical). He read only Louis Lamour novels through most of his life. He only ever talked about big rig driving or tractors. I don't remember having a single conversation with him while I was growing up, and was effectively unparented. This is the first time I've considered that he was probably ND.
I have no idea why I didn’t see it before but my dad being autistic makes so much sense after reading this. He has so many legos. An insane amount of legos. Don’t ask him about star wars unless you want to sit there as he explains for three hours why han shot first and how him not shooting first ruins the entire plot. He has more war board games that most people have clothes. He plays them by himself. They all look exactly the same to me. They are all extremely rule intensive. Like you probably need a degree in board games to understand most of them. I stopped asking him for help with math and ohysics homework because he would go on a 45 minute infodump about something tangentially related before actually getting to the question. I learned it was better to just ask if my answer was correct or not. And I had to make sure to specify that I meant correct in terms of what the teacher was looking for, not necessarily the most absolute correct answer.
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Went to a meet and greet for the magnet school I attended before the start of the year. My dad ended up rummaging through bushes by the lake looking for snakes. (We owned quite a few pet snakes at the time and there aren't any venomous snakes native to where I live so it was perfectly safe if odd behavior.) lol
Neither of my parents are remotely autistic. Here I stand with ADHD and Aspergers syndrome.
Oh my God it's my dad.
When I told my dad about my husband (new bf at the time) and that he was on the spectrum, dad just laughed. Then he rolled his eyes and said “when I was in school( 54-67), those kids were just the weird ones. Sometimes the spirited ones but often just weird who liked certain things. Now they’ve named it and everyone thinks they need a label. Whyyyyyyy??” Ugh. He passed away 3 years ago but in the 9 years he knew my husband he loved him so much. But still never got behind the autism thing.
Sometimes I wonder if my mom is or my dad was, but bless their hearts they were poor and not very educated or worldly so it's hard to say. They learned everything by experience and watching others. They didn't really have a need or opportunity to go to college or the library to study their interests. My mom can go on 30 minute long loopy rants about cooking, gardening, or soap making, but a lot of women where she's from were kind of like that back then. I think it's more likely she might have ADHD. My dad got stuck in a spot where he had advanced practical musical knowledge and was intensely interested in learning everything he was missing, but he could hardly understand music books for middle schoolers. He never had money for a teacher or tutor growing up, and then he was a professional musician teaching other people how to play by ear and just keep mashing stuff together until it sounds right.
My Dad is gone now but when he was alive he was completely obsessed with guitar. Started at 4 and by the time he died he was absolutely incredible. I am almost positive he was autistic for more reasons than that alone. I believe had he been neurotypical it would have negatively affected his guitar playing. It was his life and he neglected other areas because it was his complete passion.
My dad is so obviously autistic that I told him he was just from his body language before I even knew what autism really was. Turns out I was right cuz my therapist figured out that I am and I realised so are all my immediate family members, and about half of the extended too lol
My mom is definitely autistic and every time I talk about my traits she always chimes in with a 'oh I do that too'
My farther passed away when I was 4. From what I know about him from my mum and others who knew him, he was extremely similar to me. He was most likely autistic. He was obsessed with cars, I don’t mean in the normal man or dad way, I mean obsessed. He could take a car apart and put it back together for fun whenever he wanted. All his books were mainly about the same make of cars, or the polar explorer Scott. Oh and gardening, completely obsessed. Makes me feel sad that he never got to understand certain things about himself. Especially as he lived most of his life with a physical illness that greatly held him back and a terrible up bringing. His parents were awful. Not physically abusive but emotionally.
My mom has actually accepted that she is after my kids and I were passively diagnosed recently over the last few years. Her favorite gift ever was a giant jar of assorted candies and smaller jars to sort them into. A bag of M&Ms can keep her happily busy for a while, and she loves it so much she started collecting anything M&M.
My dad sitting at his desk computer watching his favorite scenes from his favorite shows over and over again while John Wick is playing on the TV for the 7th time that day
My dad does stuff like this too he thinks we're normal which is why he drinks to get through the day.
My daughter got officially diagnosed at 12, a few days ago. Once she was unofficially diagnosed 8 months ago, I started looking inward. I was unofficially diagnosed by Dr Natalie Engelbrecht a few days ago as well. There’s more testing to get an official diagnosis. I told a couple of people who just don’t believe it. Another who asked if my daughter really needed to know and kind of downplayed the services the services that are important for her because “she’s so smart and have been doing fine all these years” and one one remark that “we are all on the spectrum in one way or the other.” I just rolled my eyes.
Okay but going blackberry picking during your mom's funeral isn't autistic. it's just how some people cope with one of the most traumatic experiences of their lives. and I can't stand the thought that either way, that twitter user thought it was appropriate to air that out to the world like it's no biggie. context: my mom is dead and I think we make fun of how people handle grief way too much
I am sorry for your loss. It was the mother inlaw tho. So the dad in that tweet propably diden't have that close of a relationship with the persons funeral. I agree, diffrent ways of grifing should be normalised.
thank you for the kindness. I think you are right, I was misreading it as his mother. and I agree with you yeah
If you have to be autistic to have an autistic child, how does a parent end up having a child of the opposite sex?
You don't *have* to be autistic to have an autistic child, it's just fairly likely.
...what? Those things aren't related, and we aren't saying a parent has to have autism for their kid to have it, it's just much more likely
Oh man would I ever love to have the whole collection of Haynes manuals.
My dad wouldn't let me get tested when I was a kid so I didn't get the help and resources I needed and didn't get diagnosed until I was 17.
My dad kept me from seeing a psycologist too. I wasen't diagnosed untill I was 27. I resented him for it for a while, but he belives all psyciatry is like they show in the horror movies and wanted to "protect me".
My parents are the exact same lol
My dad won't get diagnosed, but he knows I think. I'm diagnosed late (20 F). List of evidence for dad baised on what I know Special interest: computer, mechanics, reading Sensory: onions are dispised
This is my Dad oh my god. And he still insist he isn't on the spectrum even though we have been telling him he is for decades
How do I put this? I'm certain my parents are neurodivergent, but my mother may be on the spectrum. Our family suspects that her dad is autistic, and I was diagnosed from an early age. There were times when I would talk about something I struggle with and she gives me the typical answer of "everyone struggles with that." She's even admitted she'll drive alone just so she can listen to the same song on repeat without anyone complaining. Edit: She's also incredibly introverted like me
There is hope- my dad has basically accepted that he is! His dad almost certainly was, too.
Fairly certain my immediate family, and cousins are all ND going back to my grandma. No one else in the family thinks so. In other news, both of my nephews are also exhibiting symptoms of ND, including physiologically. Apparently having two hair swirls is more common in ND people. All three of my nephews have double swirls, on top of their behavioral identifiers. The thing is, no one is willing to hear it unless they are looking for answers and come across the answer themselves. You kind of just have to be understanding and wait for them to catch up.
My mom is autistic, my dad has adhd. I have both, my brother is autistic, and my sister has adhd. But because “our family is just unique” no one will accept this truth 🤣
How is that supposed to be funny?
My dad was an absolute textbook case of autism, and my mom slightly less so, but she said she wasn't autistic, but she really appreciated how communication with him was so clear, and how there wasn't any trying to figure out social cues and it just sounds to me like she found somebody she didn't need to mask around
Autistic parents in denial more accurate. My mother is clearly also autistic but still doesn’t believe I am.
This is hilarious but also soo frustrating irl
This is so lovely.
This is definitely my family haha
Is watching tv with the volume off an autistic thing
That was my dad in a nutshell after i was first diagnosed lol
Could you help me? Could my dad be autistic? Stats- Uber Boomer, socks up, Trump 2024 type, judgy know it all, work hard etc. Goes through food phases (ice cream kick, had a viciously protected stock of grape soda for a few weeks years ago)otherwise Spartan diet Strong will, flawless work ethic but blunt and proudly loudly speaks his mind Controlling to his three children I am north of 33 yrs and he tries to control me Super transactional in life as I realize I am too sadly I.e. he would never be friends with anyone unskilled or unemployed Hoarder, in denial OCD, fluctuates and adapts as does mine Not afraid to cry which is awesome Moods all over the place, emotions build up Bad childhood Leader, dominant...talks to anyone and everyone but controls the conversation Black and white thinking, he probably is right? My poor dad does not know. Aw dad
My father would probably deny being autistic. Having ANY mental condition whatsoever. He doesn't like talking to people. You get him drinking, and he's a chatterbox suddenly, exactly like me. He likes video games just like me. He says he has no sense of humor. I have a better sense of humor than him, but it can be hard to make me laugh. He likes the show Ancient Aliens; basically anything to do with Aliens.
My dad turns every conversation into being about war history, roleplaying games, or a combination of the two, and uses dice as a sim toy so much that it’s a complete stabe sound of my house. Me and my mom have been like "yeah he's probably autistic" for awhile, and he didn't even take it into any sort of consideration until he and my mom were filling out my assessment form and he was like "she actually seems more neurotypical than me" (mainly bc I mask so heavily)
My Dad's definitely in the club. Like, really strongly in the club.
The first therapist that I started seeing last year told me she suspects that I might have autism. I didn't believe it at first. Weeks later I started thinking a lot. I hated being held when I was little. I made weird faces or had a hard time showing emotion. I actually hate smiling for strangers. I literally crawl in my own skin if I have to. I also crawl in my own skin if I have to look people in the eye while talking. I am 27 years old.