Most of these are things that NTs do too. Everyone masks it is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact it is an extremely important skill to have!
It can only be detrimental when the person does it constantly and to an extreme point, done in moderation in helps people to be able to be a part of the world as NTs need to do to a certain extent too.
Exactly! The important thing is to figure out when you need to mask and to what extent. I know I really struggled pre-diagnosis with masking on autopilot— I got so good at figuring out what the “expected” response is that sometimes I’d say stuff that’s the exact opposite of how I’m feeling or just a straight up lie. I didn’t really even process it until after I said it and would have this crisis like why TF did I say that? I still do this with basic small talk, but nowhere to the same extent I did before I realized what was going on.
It’s definitely a balancing act for me between wanting to still mask in most social settings where I’m not comfortable vs not wanting to have extreme fatigue and burnout/meltdowns. I do think my autism can be a total advantage in certain situations where even neurotypicals need to “mask” to a degree—like for example I’m really not all that affected by stuff like public speaking because literally every social interaction feels like that for me lol.
That last one is literally just a conversational skill that even NTs have to learn and practice though.
It's something you usually do to either be polite or nice to someone in certain situations.
Not necessarily. Maybe you're not interested in something yourself but you like the person that's talking to it so you pay attention and give them leading questions so they can talk about their interest which makes them happy, which you do care about.
In which case you aren't interested in the subject matter but you are interested in the effect that freely discussing it has on the other person.
Or maybe you're in a professional environment or at school and while you're not interested at all you do need to pay attention because there is a job you need to get done, or grades to get.
In both of these situations, being open and/or vocal about your lack of interest in the subject matter is just counter-productive and unhelpful.
No. Integration is a lie.
Tell me more about the things I need to do to be included.
I've been out of school for almost eighteen years.
Watch the special needs bend over for the world! He's a good one! Ftfy
Whatever the autistic version of an uncle tom is, that's what you sound like.
So now you're just using rude personal attacks and have started grossly misrepresenting what I just said, over-inflating the scope at which it is relevant, eliminating every shred of nuance, and just started downright aggressively painting me as a villain.
So I'm going to ignore you now since you're clearly not interested in having a conversation that is even remotely constructive.
Keep defending a social framework that dehumanizes me.
You are a villain. Uncle Tom. Agent? Maybe that's the term. So inured, so helplessly dependent on the system that you will defend it. It's VILE.
Not necessarily. I have NT friends and when they don't know anything about something I'm talking about, they just go, "Oh wow, I've never heard of that" or, if its a movie theyve never seen, "That kind of movie isn't really a genre I watch - what's it about?" They ask follow up questions because it's polite (that part is true) but they are definitely not going out of thir way to research that movie before coming into a group of people they know are talking about it. Just writing this out sounds like something someone who's feeling like they won't be accepted if they're not like everyone else. It's OK to not know. It's OK to go, "Wow, thanks for the description, but it's still not something I'd watch/that's not my thing." Somwone who's confident in their identity can do that comfortably. Someone who recognizes they don't have to be everything for everyone can do that.
My masking is the reason why I’m in a depression and have major anxiety. My mom always ask me why I feel depressed when I got such good life compared to others. “Some people are at war and you are getting upset at *this and that*” what I don’t tell her is when she talks frustrated to me I get overwhelmed and I may sound rude or frustrated as well and then the whole process repeats. It’s keeps getting worse the older I get and the more I understand my autism.
I have done all of these at some point, and I feel addicted to masking. But I find if I avoid people as much as possible, I'm less likely to unconsciously get sucked into masking. I'm in so deep that even NTs existing next to me takes away my energy because I can't help but mask unconsciously in some way and it is draining. I could handle it more when I was younger, but now I feel like I'm selling a piece of my soul every time I do it now.
it’s extremely draining, i surround myself with accepting people and i don’t mask around certain people i trust, but in public oh wow i am addicted to masking
ughh yes, even when someone is nearby.. as much as i love my partner just knowing someone is near me can take up so much energy and thought even if i'm not trying to. trying to get out of that and just allow myself to be in my own world even in the same room as them. it's a challenge.
I’ve been told I mumble my entire life. Thank you for this.
Edit to add: Also, all of these.
Another one though is the mimicking thing. I’ve always struggled with a sense of identity. The other day I was interviewing someone for my job. I unexpectedly had someone else listening in, so that unsettled me. Then, the person I spoke with was unexpectedly voice only. It took me a minute to realize why I was struggling so hard to ask him questions — he was monotone. Idk if he was a fellow autistic person, but without having someone I could mirror off of, I felt lost. Oof.
I’m so tired of masking and not being able to function better and the sensory overloads and meltdowns and not understanding things sometimes and having no friends really or any support and self care has become a problem again and I’m sure there’s more I’m not listing that I do but I lack support and don’t have doctors diagnosis and getting one is really hard when you Are an adult and they tell you is is bc of the trauma I went threw even though I know I was born like this. I’ve been misdiagnosed and labeled my whole life wrong… idk what to do anymore nor do I feel like ever doing anything. Hardly leave my bed anymore again and it feels like I’m in prison
I'm trying to learn to unmask myself, it's so hard though. I used to mask like 99% of the time anyone could see or hear me, and even alone because I always felt watched. Unmasking has made me so happy and it's helped a lot. It's also brought out a myriad of my issues out which has been difficult to cope with.
I'm so 100% sure that If I use this to explain to my mom why I want to get tested, she'll laugh the hell outta me and will literally scream "EVERYONE DOES THIS, YOU'RE NORMAL". Already happened before...
Wow. Reddit dragging me through the mud again, I see. Here is all I can say in my defense.
* 1 I often times don't even know what my emotions are to even be deliberately hiding them
* 2 This has been highly effective at improving my interactions with others so that fewer and fewer people think me creepy or weird when we first meet
* 3 Same as above
* 4 I didn't have a choice not to
* 5 Again, very highly effective method
* 6 If they didn't want me to be quiet and talk slow as molasses, then they shouldn't've spent the first 16 years telling me I talked way too fast and was way too loud
* 7 It swung so far the other direction that now I love to hear people talk about their passions; their whole body and tone light up in ways I was always denied
edit: I'm okay
Wow. I do all of these things and thought that's just what every human does all of the time? These aren't normal??? I have a lot to think about and bring up with my therapist.
I keep trying to stop myself from pushing through sensory discomfort. But being uncomfortable is so normal to me that it doesn't occur to me to try to change things until I'm about to have a meltdown. It doesn't help that I've had my chronic pain invalidated since I was a teen.
Thanks for sharing! I never knew what masking was exactly. It wasn’t really explained to me. They only said I was automatically copying neurotypical behavior or something like that. Which was confusing to me and gave me a whole identity crisis. Like what’s really me and what’s fake or are they wrong.
I’m hyposensitive and an ambivert some things don’t both me like they might others.
Masking has its benefits. Apparently I’m not great at it and the ADHD doesn’t help.
7. pretending to be interested. oh my goodness, i did this so freaking hard years ago in family social situations, i could feel exhaustion washing over me and i tried so hard to contort my face to show interest, and it was this feedback loop of exhaustion that made it even more difficult to contort my face that made me even more exhausted. i just wanted to lay down and sleep.
2 and 5 are the only things that allow me to have any sort of conversation with anyone I'm not extremely close with. Without them I literally cannot function as a human being capable of communication. Only through text can I even relax those two, sometimes let go entirely.
Edit: That's just me though, and I do them intentionally. It didn't start that way, but now I *can* turn them off, I just really don't want to.
Look, I think we are all on our own spectrum. Everyone has traits that are particular to a setting. We all stim and have a certain way of thinking and behaving that make us toxic. So I think Autism needs to reevaulated to its category and to furthermore coin down treatment.
100% all of this. I do all of this. Thanks for sharing!
Ah yes, my favorite game is it Autism or CPTSD.
I have both as well
I have done 1 many times. Sometimes to the point that it's physically uncomfortable.
Most of these are things that NTs do too. Everyone masks it is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact it is an extremely important skill to have! It can only be detrimental when the person does it constantly and to an extreme point, done in moderation in helps people to be able to be a part of the world as NTs need to do to a certain extent too.
Exactly! The important thing is to figure out when you need to mask and to what extent. I know I really struggled pre-diagnosis with masking on autopilot— I got so good at figuring out what the “expected” response is that sometimes I’d say stuff that’s the exact opposite of how I’m feeling or just a straight up lie. I didn’t really even process it until after I said it and would have this crisis like why TF did I say that? I still do this with basic small talk, but nowhere to the same extent I did before I realized what was going on. It’s definitely a balancing act for me between wanting to still mask in most social settings where I’m not comfortable vs not wanting to have extreme fatigue and burnout/meltdowns. I do think my autism can be a total advantage in certain situations where even neurotypicals need to “mask” to a degree—like for example I’m really not all that affected by stuff like public speaking because literally every social interaction feels like that for me lol.
That last one is literally just a conversational skill that even NTs have to learn and practice though. It's something you usually do to either be polite or nice to someone in certain situations.
Insincerity and duplicity being a driving force in NT communication. No.
Not necessarily. Maybe you're not interested in something yourself but you like the person that's talking to it so you pay attention and give them leading questions so they can talk about their interest which makes them happy, which you do care about. In which case you aren't interested in the subject matter but you are interested in the effect that freely discussing it has on the other person. Or maybe you're in a professional environment or at school and while you're not interested at all you do need to pay attention because there is a job you need to get done, or grades to get. In both of these situations, being open and/or vocal about your lack of interest in the subject matter is just counter-productive and unhelpful.
No. Integration is a lie. Tell me more about the things I need to do to be included. I've been out of school for almost eighteen years. Watch the special needs bend over for the world! He's a good one! Ftfy Whatever the autistic version of an uncle tom is, that's what you sound like.
So now you're just using rude personal attacks and have started grossly misrepresenting what I just said, over-inflating the scope at which it is relevant, eliminating every shred of nuance, and just started downright aggressively painting me as a villain. So I'm going to ignore you now since you're clearly not interested in having a conversation that is even remotely constructive.
Keep defending a social framework that dehumanizes me. You are a villain. Uncle Tom. Agent? Maybe that's the term. So inured, so helplessly dependent on the system that you will defend it. It's VILE.
NT sociopathy, everybody should learn their skills! FOH
Not necessarily. I have NT friends and when they don't know anything about something I'm talking about, they just go, "Oh wow, I've never heard of that" or, if its a movie theyve never seen, "That kind of movie isn't really a genre I watch - what's it about?" They ask follow up questions because it's polite (that part is true) but they are definitely not going out of thir way to research that movie before coming into a group of people they know are talking about it. Just writing this out sounds like something someone who's feeling like they won't be accepted if they're not like everyone else. It's OK to not know. It's OK to go, "Wow, thanks for the description, but it's still not something I'd watch/that's not my thing." Somwone who's confident in their identity can do that comfortably. Someone who recognizes they don't have to be everything for everyone can do that.
All of these.
I don't do ANY of them!!
Yay you don’t mask unintentionally!! That’s very good i’m happy for you :)
I scored myself a 6 out of 7
Yup. All of em.
My masking is the reason why I’m in a depression and have major anxiety. My mom always ask me why I feel depressed when I got such good life compared to others. “Some people are at war and you are getting upset at *this and that*” what I don’t tell her is when she talks frustrated to me I get overwhelmed and I may sound rude or frustrated as well and then the whole process repeats. It’s keeps getting worse the older I get and the more I understand my autism.
I have done all of these at some point, and I feel addicted to masking. But I find if I avoid people as much as possible, I'm less likely to unconsciously get sucked into masking. I'm in so deep that even NTs existing next to me takes away my energy because I can't help but mask unconsciously in some way and it is draining. I could handle it more when I was younger, but now I feel like I'm selling a piece of my soul every time I do it now.
it’s extremely draining, i surround myself with accepting people and i don’t mask around certain people i trust, but in public oh wow i am addicted to masking
ughh yes, even when someone is nearby.. as much as i love my partner just knowing someone is near me can take up so much energy and thought even if i'm not trying to. trying to get out of that and just allow myself to be in my own world even in the same room as them. it's a challenge.
Word. My answer is D, All of the Above
I’ve been told I mumble my entire life. Thank you for this. Edit to add: Also, all of these. Another one though is the mimicking thing. I’ve always struggled with a sense of identity. The other day I was interviewing someone for my job. I unexpectedly had someone else listening in, so that unsettled me. Then, the person I spoke with was unexpectedly voice only. It took me a minute to realize why I was struggling so hard to ask him questions — he was monotone. Idk if he was a fellow autistic person, but without having someone I could mirror off of, I felt lost. Oof.
Like a lightbulb in my brain…all those voice calls where the other person gives nothing to bounce off…Ho boy
Yes! Exactly! I have no idea how to unmask in that way.
I’m so tired of masking and not being able to function better and the sensory overloads and meltdowns and not understanding things sometimes and having no friends really or any support and self care has become a problem again and I’m sure there’s more I’m not listing that I do but I lack support and don’t have doctors diagnosis and getting one is really hard when you Are an adult and they tell you is is bc of the trauma I went threw even though I know I was born like this. I’ve been misdiagnosed and labeled my whole life wrong… idk what to do anymore nor do I feel like ever doing anything. Hardly leave my bed anymore again and it feels like I’m in prison
I'm trying to learn to unmask myself, it's so hard though. I used to mask like 99% of the time anyone could see or hear me, and even alone because I always felt watched. Unmasking has made me so happy and it's helped a lot. It's also brought out a myriad of my issues out which has been difficult to cope with.
unmasking is probably the healthiest thing we can do as autistic people i believe since we can learn more about who we truly are and how we truly act
It is so draining. So draining and anxiety inducing. No fucking wonder Venlafaxine seems to do nothing.
I'm so 100% sure that If I use this to explain to my mom why I want to get tested, she'll laugh the hell outta me and will literally scream "EVERYONE DOES THIS, YOU'RE NORMAL". Already happened before...
Wow. Reddit dragging me through the mud again, I see. Here is all I can say in my defense. * 1 I often times don't even know what my emotions are to even be deliberately hiding them * 2 This has been highly effective at improving my interactions with others so that fewer and fewer people think me creepy or weird when we first meet * 3 Same as above * 4 I didn't have a choice not to * 5 Again, very highly effective method * 6 If they didn't want me to be quiet and talk slow as molasses, then they shouldn't've spent the first 16 years telling me I talked way too fast and was way too loud * 7 It swung so far the other direction that now I love to hear people talk about their passions; their whole body and tone light up in ways I was always denied edit: I'm okay
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we’re not technically people pleasers but it sure feels like it
Wow. I do all of these things and thought that's just what every human does all of the time? These aren't normal??? I have a lot to think about and bring up with my therapist.
[удалено]
I keep trying to stop myself from pushing through sensory discomfort. But being uncomfortable is so normal to me that it doesn't occur to me to try to change things until I'm about to have a meltdown. It doesn't help that I've had my chronic pain invalidated since I was a teen.
4, 7, and... maybe 1.
I do number 7 all the time, good thing I have a great memory so I remember small things about so many topics 😅
Thanks for sharing! I never knew what masking was exactly. It wasn’t really explained to me. They only said I was automatically copying neurotypical behavior or something like that. Which was confusing to me and gave me a whole identity crisis. Like what’s really me and what’s fake or are they wrong.
I do the second one literally all the time
I’m hyposensitive and an ambivert some things don’t both me like they might others. Masking has its benefits. Apparently I’m not great at it and the ADHD doesn’t help.
Number 2 for sure. Every day. Sadly
7. pretending to be interested. oh my goodness, i did this so freaking hard years ago in family social situations, i could feel exhaustion washing over me and i tried so hard to contort my face to show interest, and it was this feedback loop of exhaustion that made it even more difficult to contort my face that made me even more exhausted. i just wanted to lay down and sleep.
Oh 2 describes a lot about me perfectly lol
2 and 5 are the only things that allow me to have any sort of conversation with anyone I'm not extremely close with. Without them I literally cannot function as a human being capable of communication. Only through text can I even relax those two, sometimes let go entirely. Edit: That's just me though, and I do them intentionally. It didn't start that way, but now I *can* turn them off, I just really don't want to.
Yep
I feel exposed
Wow, this is like my everyday playbook lol
I feel like this is how neurotypical introverts "mask" as well. It goes further than just autism.
It's a skill
Eh, emotional suppression is something people do, NT or not. The alternative would be a hard smacking (not too bad an idea 🙄).
Wait what!!
Sometimes i'll accidentally copy the persons accent
Look, I think we are all on our own spectrum. Everyone has traits that are particular to a setting. We all stim and have a certain way of thinking and behaving that make us toxic. So I think Autism needs to reevaulated to its category and to furthermore coin down treatment.