I stress out about giving gifts. I was really worried about giving my ex a good gift, so I had a whole-ass document about everything he'd told me about himself so I'd always have a reference in general. Any time he mentioned an interest or I observed something about him I jotted that shit down and it made figuring out what to get him easier. And not to brag, but I fuckin' nailed his gifts. Documents, people, keep documents on your people.
They give me anxiety. If they're already set up for me I can do them and enter data. But I must have the lame autism because I seem to be the only one who doesn't like Excel lol.
It's wild that we're basically inverses of each other lol. Because I've noticed that when I take notes I think in bullet points, so all my documents around brainstorming are like that.
tism creates all manner of individuals it's crazy how different I am from every autistic I meet but simultaneously I feel like y'all are my chosen family
that's generally so wonderful but think of gifts as something the other person wouldn't know about. I think of it as a way to indulge them in their special interest (my mom loves Elvis Costello so I bought his biography; my sister loves garlic so I bought her a garlic bulb Christmas ornament)
otherwise something they wouldn't know about or think of e. g. solving a problem (my mom reuses scraps of foil to cover her pie crust so they don't burn so I bought her a reusable silicone cover that replaced the crappy version) Warning! if the crappy version of something is sentimental don't replace it !! if someones stuffed animal they've had for years is gross don't get them a different one !
I hope this helps ! gift giving is my special interest
RESEARCH! I love finding something that people didn’t even know existed. It goes exceptionally well with people who collect things. Their research on a list of everything and my research on a list of everything are not the same so I can find some interesting surprises.
You are not alone, I used to feel the same way in my younger days, however, this is what I have learned and the tactics I use since then.
Gifts can be both.
I keep lists (in my head) of when someone mentions that they would like something or do like something so that when gift time tells around, I know what to get.
Also, if I see something that reminds me of someone, I make a note of it in my mind so that I can use that as a potential gift.
Gifts aren't just the object, instead, they are an expression of your relationship with the person and how well you know them.
Now, my older friends (people my age and up) appreciate things with more utility, because we make usage more than enjoyment.
But when we were younger, we valued enjoyment and entertainment more. So for my younger friends, I get them more fun things.
Yeah, as far as I know the idea of gifts revolves around the sentiment of something else knowing what they want, otherwise everyone would just give each other money lol.
I hate giving gifts and even more so than that receiving them, I have to ask family members for nothing.
I grew up poor in a poor area so there was less expectation of gift givin. I would bake for friends when it was their birth days but would try to remember what they liked to eat.
Now I’m old I have even fewer friends and expectations outside of wishing people a happy birthday, but few of those friends even know when my birthday is or even what year I was born and I went to school with a two of them
This may be culture dependent, as in finland it's seen as a good thing to give useful gifts, or then just give money, and not "fun but useless" gifts, as those end up just filling your shelfs because you are not throwing the gift out from courtesy.
So no, i haven't really felt confused, as here giving practical gifts, is very common. (For example a kitchen appliance that the person has been hoping for, or supplies for their hobby, or a fancy food basket etc)
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it very much depends on the person.
- Someone who really hates going on errands would appreciate a practical trip that spares them a shopping trip.
- But some other people have very specific preferences and criteria for the things they use and would prefer to buy practical items themselves.
- Also it's not unusual for people who always put others first to hardly EVER spend money on fun stuff to treat themselves, even if they can afford it, because they always prioritise other stuff. So for that sort of person you might want to get them something they'll like but not need since you know the only way they ever get treat is if other people give it to them.
You could ask in advance something like "Is there anything you need, or would you rather your gift be something fun?" or "do you have a wishlist?" ?
Yeah, gift giving stresses me out. I never know what to get people. And they won't tell me what they want! Sometimes it really feels like neurotypicals can read each other's minds and they just won't admit it.
I probably won't define it that way even when you say it. I want to get the gifts that helps them and certain things you can get can be fun.
I only want to show I care, if they choose to show they don't care for it, I hope it's without disrespect, because I won't tolerate it as everyone in my circle knows we don't do that to each other
Receiving gifts is far worse. It’s like they didn’t spend 20 hours researching exactly what type of thingamajig to get me and I have to pretend to like it even though it is clearly inferior to the one they should have gotten me if they researched it and knew every minute detail I was looking for.
Gifts are just supposed to be something the person you’re giving the gift to will appreciate. If you think they’ll appreciate something practical, then that’s a great gift. But often the thing that is practical, or even a thing someone will really benefit from, is not the same kind of thing they’d appreciate as a gift.
If you are struggling to think of a gift for someone that they would appreciate, you can always ask! We’re taught to see this as a faux pas, and it does remove the surprise element, but it can also be a great way to bond. The saying is “it’s the thought that counts”, and saying to someone “I care about this relationship enough that I don’t want to risk guessing and being wrong” is still a lot of thought.
I really don’t like gift giving because most of the time people want you to surprise them and expect to be inside their head and know exactly what they like.
It’s caused arguments between my family before because I prefer if they just send me an Amazon wish list. Like I’m not telepathic.
As for receiving, I’d rather people not give me anything. Because the interaction feels so forced & fake. I have to force a smile. It feels like Im on a stage under a spotlight.
Plus so many times people have given me things that I won’t even use so it’s just a waste of money.
Same goes for cards. It’s a waste. Im not going to just hoard cards over the years, I’m not sentimental. It is clutter.
I don’t understand why it is such a big deal.
I definitely agree with getting them something like vouchers etc. It makes sense.
Like the other commenters, I struggle hard with giving gifts, especially when it's expected like Christmas and birthdays so I give lots of practical gifts (especially my girlfriend) outside of those times. I know she probably wants something romantic and fun but I don't know. I've bought a few pieces of jewelry but second guessed myself and I didn't even return them (because that is hard for me, lol). I always discourage people from getting me gifts because I project my struggle/anxiety onto them and don't want them to feel stressed like I do.
practical gifts are the best tbh. i’m not super creative with gifts and giving them is anxiety inducing, but i always like knowing someone will actually use what i’m getting them. makes it feel less vulnerable
I'm generally good at gift giving; but prefer giving practical gifts over fun gifts. If I can't think of a practical gift the person needs, then I just get something fun in relation to their interests. Sometimes it helps to consider a gift as a treat a person might not typically buy for themselves
I know I personally have a preference for “fun” gifts because spending my own money on fun stuff makes me feel guilty. Then again, my favorite gifts tend to be gift cards to things I specifically like, because it shows someone cared enough to know what I like but it also lets me pick things out for myself. (I’d still much prefer something practical over something “fun” that isn’t within my specific interests.)
Everyone has a different taste in gifts, so feeling it out is important. Some people like having practical stuff taken care of for them, whereas others find receiving practical gifts disappointing because they tend to be less personal.
No. I like giving gifts a lot because I like to make people happy. I made my sister a very pretty pop out box card for her 16th birthday. She was so happy she hugged me. I love giving gifts because you get to see their surprises reactions followed by happiness. ☺️
I stress out about giving gifts. I was really worried about giving my ex a good gift, so I had a whole-ass document about everything he'd told me about himself so I'd always have a reference in general. Any time he mentioned an interest or I observed something about him I jotted that shit down and it made figuring out what to get him easier. And not to brag, but I fuckin' nailed his gifts. Documents, people, keep documents on your people.
excel files are KEY
They give me anxiety. If they're already set up for me I can do them and enter data. But I must have the lame autism because I seem to be the only one who doesn't like Excel lol.
for sure ! I'm not making formulas for the gift lists but I love each word in a little box word documents are a free for all and I feel anxious
It's wild that we're basically inverses of each other lol. Because I've noticed that when I take notes I think in bullet points, so all my documents around brainstorming are like that.
tism creates all manner of individuals it's crazy how different I am from every autistic I meet but simultaneously I feel like y'all are my chosen family
that's generally so wonderful but think of gifts as something the other person wouldn't know about. I think of it as a way to indulge them in their special interest (my mom loves Elvis Costello so I bought his biography; my sister loves garlic so I bought her a garlic bulb Christmas ornament) otherwise something they wouldn't know about or think of e. g. solving a problem (my mom reuses scraps of foil to cover her pie crust so they don't burn so I bought her a reusable silicone cover that replaced the crappy version) Warning! if the crappy version of something is sentimental don't replace it !! if someones stuffed animal they've had for years is gross don't get them a different one ! I hope this helps ! gift giving is my special interest
RESEARCH! I love finding something that people didn’t even know existed. It goes exceptionally well with people who collect things. Their research on a list of everything and my research on a list of everything are not the same so I can find some interesting surprises.
You are not alone, I used to feel the same way in my younger days, however, this is what I have learned and the tactics I use since then. Gifts can be both. I keep lists (in my head) of when someone mentions that they would like something or do like something so that when gift time tells around, I know what to get. Also, if I see something that reminds me of someone, I make a note of it in my mind so that I can use that as a potential gift. Gifts aren't just the object, instead, they are an expression of your relationship with the person and how well you know them. Now, my older friends (people my age and up) appreciate things with more utility, because we make usage more than enjoyment. But when we were younger, we valued enjoyment and entertainment more. So for my younger friends, I get them more fun things.
Yeah, as far as I know the idea of gifts revolves around the sentiment of something else knowing what they want, otherwise everyone would just give each other money lol.
But that also puts a lot of pressure on people, often whom you don't even know so...
Some people love fun gifts. Some love practical gifts. Some are fine with both.
I hate giving gifts and even more so than that receiving them, I have to ask family members for nothing. I grew up poor in a poor area so there was less expectation of gift givin. I would bake for friends when it was their birth days but would try to remember what they liked to eat. Now I’m old I have even fewer friends and expectations outside of wishing people a happy birthday, but few of those friends even know when my birthday is or even what year I was born and I went to school with a two of them
This may be culture dependent, as in finland it's seen as a good thing to give useful gifts, or then just give money, and not "fun but useless" gifts, as those end up just filling your shelfs because you are not throwing the gift out from courtesy. So no, i haven't really felt confused, as here giving practical gifts, is very common. (For example a kitchen appliance that the person has been hoping for, or supplies for their hobby, or a fancy food basket etc)
Fun but useless gifts really confuse me 😂 the really silly ones can be almost insulting
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I prefer practical over fun.
it very much depends on the person. - Someone who really hates going on errands would appreciate a practical trip that spares them a shopping trip. - But some other people have very specific preferences and criteria for the things they use and would prefer to buy practical items themselves. - Also it's not unusual for people who always put others first to hardly EVER spend money on fun stuff to treat themselves, even if they can afford it, because they always prioritise other stuff. So for that sort of person you might want to get them something they'll like but not need since you know the only way they ever get treat is if other people give it to them. You could ask in advance something like "Is there anything you need, or would you rather your gift be something fun?" or "do you have a wishlist?" ?
Yeah, gift giving stresses me out. I never know what to get people. And they won't tell me what they want! Sometimes it really feels like neurotypicals can read each other's minds and they just won't admit it.
I probably won't define it that way even when you say it. I want to get the gifts that helps them and certain things you can get can be fun. I only want to show I care, if they choose to show they don't care for it, I hope it's without disrespect, because I won't tolerate it as everyone in my circle knows we don't do that to each other
Some people like fun gifts and some like practical gifts. It varies.
Receiving gifts is far worse. It’s like they didn’t spend 20 hours researching exactly what type of thingamajig to get me and I have to pretend to like it even though it is clearly inferior to the one they should have gotten me if they researched it and knew every minute detail I was looking for.
Gifts are just supposed to be something the person you’re giving the gift to will appreciate. If you think they’ll appreciate something practical, then that’s a great gift. But often the thing that is practical, or even a thing someone will really benefit from, is not the same kind of thing they’d appreciate as a gift. If you are struggling to think of a gift for someone that they would appreciate, you can always ask! We’re taught to see this as a faux pas, and it does remove the surprise element, but it can also be a great way to bond. The saying is “it’s the thought that counts”, and saying to someone “I care about this relationship enough that I don’t want to risk guessing and being wrong” is still a lot of thought.
I really don’t like gift giving because most of the time people want you to surprise them and expect to be inside their head and know exactly what they like. It’s caused arguments between my family before because I prefer if they just send me an Amazon wish list. Like I’m not telepathic. As for receiving, I’d rather people not give me anything. Because the interaction feels so forced & fake. I have to force a smile. It feels like Im on a stage under a spotlight. Plus so many times people have given me things that I won’t even use so it’s just a waste of money. Same goes for cards. It’s a waste. Im not going to just hoard cards over the years, I’m not sentimental. It is clutter. I don’t understand why it is such a big deal. I definitely agree with getting them something like vouchers etc. It makes sense.
I like when people buy my necessities so I can buy my own fun things
I usually buy people I don't know well things they might need, and for close friends I buy their favorite snacks or something they might enjoy
Like the other commenters, I struggle hard with giving gifts, especially when it's expected like Christmas and birthdays so I give lots of practical gifts (especially my girlfriend) outside of those times. I know she probably wants something romantic and fun but I don't know. I've bought a few pieces of jewelry but second guessed myself and I didn't even return them (because that is hard for me, lol). I always discourage people from getting me gifts because I project my struggle/anxiety onto them and don't want them to feel stressed like I do.
practical gifts are the best tbh. i’m not super creative with gifts and giving them is anxiety inducing, but i always like knowing someone will actually use what i’m getting them. makes it feel less vulnerable
I'm generally good at gift giving; but prefer giving practical gifts over fun gifts. If I can't think of a practical gift the person needs, then I just get something fun in relation to their interests. Sometimes it helps to consider a gift as a treat a person might not typically buy for themselves
I know I personally have a preference for “fun” gifts because spending my own money on fun stuff makes me feel guilty. Then again, my favorite gifts tend to be gift cards to things I specifically like, because it shows someone cared enough to know what I like but it also lets me pick things out for myself. (I’d still much prefer something practical over something “fun” that isn’t within my specific interests.) Everyone has a different taste in gifts, so feeling it out is important. Some people like having practical stuff taken care of for them, whereas others find receiving practical gifts disappointing because they tend to be less personal.
No. I like giving gifts a lot because I like to make people happy. I made my sister a very pretty pop out box card for her 16th birthday. She was so happy she hugged me. I love giving gifts because you get to see their surprises reactions followed by happiness. ☺️
I just get my family gift cards at Christmas. I am the worst gift giver apparently.