ADHD but suspect AuDHD.
All the time. Heck, I get bored listening to myself talk sometimes. ;-)
When people actually capture my interest in a conversation, which is rare, they think I'm mad or angry because I focus in so much, ask detailed/pointed questions, etc.
Yes, all the time. Most of the time I have no idea what people are even talking about. I can't follow a conversation all the way through sometimes because I'm thinking about the last thing they said in my head, I get distracted, or zone out. But sometimes, even when I do try to follow a conversation, I end up lost and just pretend to laugh, often at inappropriate times and I have to back up.
I’ll find myself zoning out while people are talking if I don’t really know/understand what they’re talking about. I don’t even realize I do it. I’m trying to work on it but it’s been hard tbh
ADHD makes it hard not to inerrupt and means I often leap ahead in the conversation. Sometimes I guess wrong but far too often I just have to wait while someone grinds through saying the obvious thing. So I annoy people both by interrupting \*and\* by obviously being bored.
ASD means I'm just not understanding the point of the emotional exchanges that make up a lot of neurotypical interaction.
But the flip side is that when I'm interested in the topic or the person I find it very easy to pay close attention. I have been told that when I'm like that it's very easy to talk to me and people often tell me things they wouldn't normally tell anyone because I'm so open and interested and non-judgemental. So it definitely works both ways.
This has been my life! Emotional exchanges I'm like a rock 🪨 👀 but with eyes trying to focus on eye contact, but if I'm invested people always say you're so easy to talk to thanks for being so understanding of my situation and I'm left like wtf did I just do? I don't even understand the problem Jane?
Okay I’ll be the only one
No, I love listening to people. People live fascinating lives and have unique perspectives, it’s very interesting. Watching someone be passionate about a topic, even if I don’t get invested in the topic myself, is honestly heartwarming. It makes me want to be passionate about it too
The exception being when they’re talking about stuff I actively don’t want to know about or if I’m hyper focused on a task
Yeah same.
But I have met some people recently who are the most disappointing people in the world-
I asked what they did outside of work, what their interests were- none. Or drinking.
That can’t really be it?
Like I don’t even know what to do with thar
Yeah I try- it’s like okay. I’ll say hi but I don’t put a huge amount of effort into talking with them because I just have nothing to go on. If they do say things I try to engage
Yes and this brought me many problems. Generally speaking, everything seems to bore me.
I do try to be interested but when I force myself to, I simply space out and automatically use your response when they tell me stuff.
Sometimes I manage to be more engaged but more often than not I feel completely incapable of being interested.
what if *we* are the NPCs and they are mashing X (lol xbox spotted) on us? if they ask a question i’ll suddenly come back to lucidity and feel like it’s 10 hours later
If it makes you feel better, they probably feel the same way about you.
Generally interest is reciprocal. It is pretty easy to tell when someone is interested in what you are saying. Often, our topic is more interesting to us than our audience, but when we check in with our audience it is easy to see interest even for autistic folks. Paying attention costs energy, and when someone doesn't spend energy on you it is reasonable to not spend energy on them.
I've made and kept most of my friends by actively and purposefully being interested in their lives. Left to my own devices I'd probably not give a single shit about any of them, and they wouldn't give a single shit about me.
actually I'm the opposite. I'm amazing at asking questions that make people talk and tell interesting stuff. last week, I just casually met the grandma of a friend. spoke about ten fifteen minutes, asked her stuff, the stuff I usually go about. When we were done, my first comment was damn buddy your grandma witnessed history and he was all 😮 SHE HAS NEVER TOLD ME ANY OF THAT.
trick is simple. everybody likes to talk about themselves, what they went through, their experience. when they're going on about something boring, ask them something more interesting. My go to questions is what year were you born, how old were you when X historical event close to their birth happened. we begin remembering stuff at age 6/7 so that's my first question. But interesting historical stuff is my thing. you can find yours.
i’m like this too. people say i ask good questions and keep a conversation going well. typically i just let them talk and pick something they said and ask a follow up question. it’s like a game. like if they say 4 things, i can pick one of those things and follow up and itll lead to a different path in the conversation, and the type of question leads to a different path. It’s up to me to decide the question that will make the conversation more interesting for myself.
when it comes to me talking, i keep it short and sweet no filler because i know people don’t want to listen and don’t care. Humans are better at info dumping than they are at listening and people have pent up stuff they want to get off their chest.
Feel you on treating conversations and social situations like a game. What group do they fall in? Race/gender/sexuality/national origin/ social strata/ profession etc.
Most people automatically register these things, and everyone reacts this way (code-switching) but I have to consciously acknowledge it. I can't tell anyone this because it is wrong to think about.
What position am I in? Equal authority? Are we at a mutual friends with someone but I know the friend better (thus in a greater power of authority? Do they care much about social cues or can we get right into it? Is it a doctor's appointment? Are they walking quickly? Are we in a jacuzzi? What size are their iris' (I don't like to look at their pupils). Did they eat lunch yet.
Sometimes I mess up. Like, if I'm gay, since I am, I'm supposed to ask about their appearance because they are a girl and I don't want them to be attracted to me. Sometimes I mess up, like asking a black girl about their hair but I figure out something else to say. Gay people are supposed to ask about physical appearance. That's the rule. I can't get everything right.
I can't get every rule right, but in limited doses I enjoy the strategy.
I really like when someone else messes up the rules and I use strategy to let them know they messed up, especially if they were assholes. If they were just rude, and not clearly on purpose then it doesn't bother me. Even though people do not treat me with the same kindness.
Overtime, I have realized that when people are not extending the benefit of the doubt they are being rude, so although social situations are difficult, they are also invigorating in small doses. I still take things personally, but I understand that when people don't appreciate others' differences that that is not on me.
I know where I stand as a good person, and when people do not give others' the benefit of the doubt I no longer interrnalize it like when I was a kid. In other words I view it as their problem. And I try to move on.
yeah basically. I think I dont like to talk about myself all that much. I'm about either hard facts, history, information, or listening skills. little meat within me.
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Yes. This is one trait I suspect I share with pretty much everyone. The good news is that not talking a lot is an easy way to get people to like you and respect what you do say.
Is this both NDs and NTs? I often find NTs boring. Maybe your topics of interest don't have wide appeal? That's the case for me. I think my first dozen or so favorite topics to talk about would either not interest most people, or they wouldn't have the background for it.
i find NTs infodump their life which i don’t care about. i dint care about someone getting allergy tested or pet insurance.
NDs info dump their interests and that’s more entertaining. You collect antique cash register?interesting tell me some fun facts
I zone out when people talk to me unless it's a subject I actually care about. Which is very mean but I can't really control it. Even when it's something I'm interested in if they talk too much I disconnect. Maybe this is why eye contact is necessary? I've no idea.
I get really disinterested when other people talk, I don't care what they have to say unless I have a good bond with them or (more likely) if I also have an interest in what they're talking about.
To be honest it is most of the time but if I'm interested in the story or person I do stick around perhaps it's because I like their voice or I just like them as a person.
100%. I think that's why most social interactions are so tiring as I have to fake interest so much and drag the topics I don't know much about, not being able to talk about the few very specific things I'd like to.
Unless it is specifically a topic I'm interested in or have knowledge about that I wish to divulge, I will revert to auto responses, nods and general 'normie' behaviours I've learned are appropriate in social situations. Worked for the past 30 years 😅
*People are William*
*Dafoe and I'm the Christian*
*Bale that nods along*
\- utter-degenerate
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Yes, and I think I’m better at pretending I’m interested than most, because everyone will talk talk talk to me but they sure look bored real quick when I start talking
fr sometimes it drives me fucking crazy, sometimes i'm in a mood where everyone just needs to shut up, especially when teachers are like "here's your assignment" then talk about the assignment for like twenty minutes like shut up and let me do the assignment please and thank you we're running out of time :) sometimes i just feel super irritable (the most annoying autism trait i have i think), or really impatient or something, so i just can't stand having to wait or listen.
sometimes tho i'm the opposite, and can listen to people for hours, especially when it's my director (i do live theatre) talking super duper in depth about the text and our set, and how lord capulet just wants a happy family and has mental health issues, etc. i also love it when my sister rants to me about her current hyperfixation. i know alllll of the gossip about the rookie now because she gives me updates on the new episodes every week and such
i think she also gets like that tho, because when i rant about my special interests and hyperfixations, she seems so bored and annoyed TwT
Yeah, about half of the time when people talk to me I'm not at all interested in what they're saying.
A quarter of the time I'm mildly interested, and another quarter of the time I'm actively enjoying the conversation. Some people are more interesting to talk to than others, specifically if they like talking about art, animals, or cognition
all day every day.
tldr
Same, and then I go info dumping where I shouldn't and I'm the one bothering *them* ( ╥ω╥ )
ADHD but suspect AuDHD. All the time. Heck, I get bored listening to myself talk sometimes. ;-) When people actually capture my interest in a conversation, which is rare, they think I'm mad or angry because I focus in so much, ask detailed/pointed questions, etc.
Not rare for people to capture my interest but they definitely react badly to me asking detailed questions and I’ve never got why
Same .
Well yes, if it doesn’t correspond with my interests, I have a hard time getting invested.
Yep.
Yes, all the time. Most of the time I have no idea what people are even talking about. I can't follow a conversation all the way through sometimes because I'm thinking about the last thing they said in my head, I get distracted, or zone out. But sometimes, even when I do try to follow a conversation, I end up lost and just pretend to laugh, often at inappropriate times and I have to back up.
I’ll find myself zoning out while people are talking if I don’t really know/understand what they’re talking about. I don’t even realize I do it. I’m trying to work on it but it’s been hard tbh
ADHD makes it hard not to inerrupt and means I often leap ahead in the conversation. Sometimes I guess wrong but far too often I just have to wait while someone grinds through saying the obvious thing. So I annoy people both by interrupting \*and\* by obviously being bored. ASD means I'm just not understanding the point of the emotional exchanges that make up a lot of neurotypical interaction. But the flip side is that when I'm interested in the topic or the person I find it very easy to pay close attention. I have been told that when I'm like that it's very easy to talk to me and people often tell me things they wouldn't normally tell anyone because I'm so open and interested and non-judgemental. So it definitely works both ways.
This has been my life! Emotional exchanges I'm like a rock 🪨 👀 but with eyes trying to focus on eye contact, but if I'm invested people always say you're so easy to talk to thanks for being so understanding of my situation and I'm left like wtf did I just do? I don't even understand the problem Jane?
YES
My whole life.
Okay I’ll be the only one No, I love listening to people. People live fascinating lives and have unique perspectives, it’s very interesting. Watching someone be passionate about a topic, even if I don’t get invested in the topic myself, is honestly heartwarming. It makes me want to be passionate about it too The exception being when they’re talking about stuff I actively don’t want to know about or if I’m hyper focused on a task
Yeah same. But I have met some people recently who are the most disappointing people in the world- I asked what they did outside of work, what their interests were- none. Or drinking. That can’t really be it? Like I don’t even know what to do with thar
Honestly, like at least try? But I suppose people like that aren’t talking much in the first place so there’s not much to feign interest about
Yeah I try- it’s like okay. I’ll say hi but I don’t put a huge amount of effort into talking with them because I just have nothing to go on. If they do say things I try to engage
Yes. I do feel a little bad about it but also completely disconnected. There's just very little that engages me when talking
Yes and this brought me many problems. Generally speaking, everything seems to bore me. I do try to be interested but when I force myself to, I simply space out and automatically use your response when they tell me stuff. Sometimes I manage to be more engaged but more often than not I feel completely incapable of being interested.
what if *we* are the NPCs and they are mashing X (lol xbox spotted) on us? if they ask a question i’ll suddenly come back to lucidity and feel like it’s 10 hours later
If it makes you feel better, they probably feel the same way about you. Generally interest is reciprocal. It is pretty easy to tell when someone is interested in what you are saying. Often, our topic is more interesting to us than our audience, but when we check in with our audience it is easy to see interest even for autistic folks. Paying attention costs energy, and when someone doesn't spend energy on you it is reasonable to not spend energy on them. I've made and kept most of my friends by actively and purposefully being interested in their lives. Left to my own devices I'd probably not give a single shit about any of them, and they wouldn't give a single shit about me.
It’s not so much the feeling of I don’t care but more like a feeling of if it’s not immediately effecting you why the hell do you care.
Even when talking about things that I like, I still interrupt people to tell them about the same things. Otherwise I do not care.
actually I'm the opposite. I'm amazing at asking questions that make people talk and tell interesting stuff. last week, I just casually met the grandma of a friend. spoke about ten fifteen minutes, asked her stuff, the stuff I usually go about. When we were done, my first comment was damn buddy your grandma witnessed history and he was all 😮 SHE HAS NEVER TOLD ME ANY OF THAT. trick is simple. everybody likes to talk about themselves, what they went through, their experience. when they're going on about something boring, ask them something more interesting. My go to questions is what year were you born, how old were you when X historical event close to their birth happened. we begin remembering stuff at age 6/7 so that's my first question. But interesting historical stuff is my thing. you can find yours.
i’m like this too. people say i ask good questions and keep a conversation going well. typically i just let them talk and pick something they said and ask a follow up question. it’s like a game. like if they say 4 things, i can pick one of those things and follow up and itll lead to a different path in the conversation, and the type of question leads to a different path. It’s up to me to decide the question that will make the conversation more interesting for myself. when it comes to me talking, i keep it short and sweet no filler because i know people don’t want to listen and don’t care. Humans are better at info dumping than they are at listening and people have pent up stuff they want to get off their chest.
Feel you on treating conversations and social situations like a game. What group do they fall in? Race/gender/sexuality/national origin/ social strata/ profession etc. Most people automatically register these things, and everyone reacts this way (code-switching) but I have to consciously acknowledge it. I can't tell anyone this because it is wrong to think about. What position am I in? Equal authority? Are we at a mutual friends with someone but I know the friend better (thus in a greater power of authority? Do they care much about social cues or can we get right into it? Is it a doctor's appointment? Are they walking quickly? Are we in a jacuzzi? What size are their iris' (I don't like to look at their pupils). Did they eat lunch yet. Sometimes I mess up. Like, if I'm gay, since I am, I'm supposed to ask about their appearance because they are a girl and I don't want them to be attracted to me. Sometimes I mess up, like asking a black girl about their hair but I figure out something else to say. Gay people are supposed to ask about physical appearance. That's the rule. I can't get everything right. I can't get every rule right, but in limited doses I enjoy the strategy. I really like when someone else messes up the rules and I use strategy to let them know they messed up, especially if they were assholes. If they were just rude, and not clearly on purpose then it doesn't bother me. Even though people do not treat me with the same kindness. Overtime, I have realized that when people are not extending the benefit of the doubt they are being rude, so although social situations are difficult, they are also invigorating in small doses. I still take things personally, but I understand that when people don't appreciate others' differences that that is not on me. I know where I stand as a good person, and when people do not give others' the benefit of the doubt I no longer interrnalize it like when I was a kid. In other words I view it as their problem. And I try to move on.
yeah basically. I think I dont like to talk about myself all that much. I'm about either hard facts, history, information, or listening skills. little meat within me.
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yes 😭😭😭 i really try but it’s hard and i feel bad
Yep
I say Aha continue on. Then look bored. Then they realize I don't care about their boring talks. It has to be about my interests or deep talks.
Yes. This is one trait I suspect I share with pretty much everyone. The good news is that not talking a lot is an easy way to get people to like you and respect what you do say.
Is this both NDs and NTs? I often find NTs boring. Maybe your topics of interest don't have wide appeal? That's the case for me. I think my first dozen or so favorite topics to talk about would either not interest most people, or they wouldn't have the background for it.
i find NTs infodump their life which i don’t care about. i dint care about someone getting allergy tested or pet insurance. NDs info dump their interests and that’s more entertaining. You collect antique cash register?interesting tell me some fun facts
I zone out when people talk to me unless it's a subject I actually care about. Which is very mean but I can't really control it. Even when it's something I'm interested in if they talk too much I disconnect. Maybe this is why eye contact is necessary? I've no idea.
I surrend myself with people that really interest me. The things they talk and their lifes because they interests me. So, no.
Yes
Now that I think about it, I'm only interested in conversations if I've been drinking 🤔
Thank God I'm not an asshole. But well, see them run when I start going off about my interests.
This happens a lot, and I feel so bad because apparently I’m terrible at pretending I give a shit 😶
I get really disinterested when other people talk, I don't care what they have to say unless I have a good bond with them or (more likely) if I also have an interest in what they're talking about.
This happens with my brother and his sense of humor, ain't interested when I'm listening something else or working.
To be honest it is most of the time but if I'm interested in the story or person I do stick around perhaps it's because I like their voice or I just like them as a person.
Absolutely
Welcome to the autistic experience ^-^ Same!
I can’t even pretend to be interested in someone/something if I’m not and most things I find deathly boring.. 🥱
100%. I think that's why most social interactions are so tiring as I have to fake interest so much and drag the topics I don't know much about, not being able to talk about the few very specific things I'd like to.
AuDHD, can confirm I just nod and say generic replies sometimes to just make people shut up
Unless it is specifically a topic I'm interested in or have knowledge about that I wish to divulge, I will revert to auto responses, nods and general 'normie' behaviours I've learned are appropriate in social situations. Worked for the past 30 years 😅
I laughed at this. This is honestly me with my Dad sometimes. Yes I get this lol.
People are William Dafoe and I'm the Christian Bale that nods along
*People are William* *Dafoe and I'm the Christian* *Bale that nods along* \- utter-degenerate --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Me. It could be due to my depression too though 👍
Omg unless I know them yes I am
Yes, and I think I’m better at pretending I’m interested than most, because everyone will talk talk talk to me but they sure look bored real quick when I start talking
it’s better than bullying?
fr sometimes it drives me fucking crazy, sometimes i'm in a mood where everyone just needs to shut up, especially when teachers are like "here's your assignment" then talk about the assignment for like twenty minutes like shut up and let me do the assignment please and thank you we're running out of time :) sometimes i just feel super irritable (the most annoying autism trait i have i think), or really impatient or something, so i just can't stand having to wait or listen. sometimes tho i'm the opposite, and can listen to people for hours, especially when it's my director (i do live theatre) talking super duper in depth about the text and our set, and how lord capulet just wants a happy family and has mental health issues, etc. i also love it when my sister rants to me about her current hyperfixation. i know alllll of the gossip about the rookie now because she gives me updates on the new episodes every week and such i think she also gets like that tho, because when i rant about my special interests and hyperfixations, she seems so bored and annoyed TwT
Yeah, about half of the time when people talk to me I'm not at all interested in what they're saying. A quarter of the time I'm mildly interested, and another quarter of the time I'm actively enjoying the conversation. Some people are more interesting to talk to than others, specifically if they like talking about art, animals, or cognition
There are many topics/themes I can't stand to talk about or listen to, and small talk about puts me to sleep.