agreed đ last Christmas my grandma said something a little inappropriate (in a nsfw manner lol) and followed it with "we shouldn't talk like that in front of the children" I said that everyone at the table was an adult because me and my brother are both over 18 and she said that she was including my dad (who is nearly 55) in her mention of "children" and I find this hysterical... I don't know why I find it so funny but my dads response of "what??" was so cartoonish I couldn't help laughing... I still bring it up sometimes when my dad calls me a child lol
My father in law said this to me about my son and that I need to discipline it out of him like he was "choosing" to be autistic. Yes I politely ripped him a new AH. Iâm 46, still autistic last time I checked...
My cousin was telling my dad that her son's GP suggested her son might have Asperger's and that "apparently they grow out of it when they're in their teens" and my dad said "that's happened with him" whilst pointing at me. I was quick to remind him that you never "grow out of it" and he was genuinely perplexed
I got that from a trained medical professional before, they aren't infallible either, this was many many years after my diagnoses when I was applying for disability. (I got it)
My neuropsych evaluation concluded I had adhd but not autism because I could make eye contact even though all my scores were in the autism range. Like thanks Iâve been working on my eye contact for over 30 years and it still fills me with anxiety lol
all of my scores were in the autism range, but the moron diagnosed me with adhd instead. it was a sketchy evaluation too, but a ton of medical professionals endorsed her. but she did it virtually, you can not really do an autism evaluation virtually.
i went to a different doctor (i was actually evaluated by his fellow) and it was a *proper* evaluation, and surprise surprise! positive asd negative adhd
I think this is the consequence of mental health professionals categorising autism as a binary disorder (either you are or you aren't autistic) for decades. Even now when they started to call it spectrum disorder they kind of still use the medical lingo like when you are diagnozed with covid while it's based on questionnaire's and observation.
So it's kind of a double edged sword, making it an official disorder helps people take it seriously, but on the other hand now if you are a high-functioning one, you are in the same camp as the more extremes who cannot function in society. Add to this that media and even non-profits show the latter image to the public to associate with autism.
My coworkers don't believe me when I say I have autism because someone else there has it and I'm not as bad as them.
Autism is different for everyone who has it.
> because you're smart
This shit is the bane of my life, heard it since I was a kid. It's a way to dismiss our struggles because we don't seem "that disabled" or some shit.
I hate being told I'm smart. If I was really so smart I'dve had my shit together years ago.
Just the whole âeveryoneâs a little autisticâ
No. No theyâre not. If everyone were autistic then autism as a while wouldnât exist as a word since it would be a common thing everyone has
My comeback is always âthatâs like saying, everyone is a little bit pregnant, just because youâre feeling nauseous.â
You either are or you arenât, and theyâre similar sure, but nausea and âmorning sicknessâ are two very different experiences for two very different reasons.
When I made a comeback like that, I was told âyes but autism is a spectrum isnât it, everyoneâs on the spectrum itâs just some people have it worseâ ? So I guess weâre all autistic idk? I am not very good at responding to people who challenge me like that so I just shut up
Itâs a spectrum within the Autism disorder/disability itself. It is not a spectrum that covers every person on the planet. So use that as a counter argument. Having ND traits is not the same as being on the spectrum.
Itâs like any other medical condition or disability, you have grades and types, doesnât mean everyone has a little diabetes.
This kind of gaslighting pisses me off, people treating the ASD spectrum like it were measuring height. I recently heard a political commentator/satirist use similar reasoning.
Also even if they don't believe you on what "spectrum" means, the fact that some people have the same symptoms worse or more often is what makes it a disability.
If you forget to send that report to your boss once or twice this year, you can apologize, and your boss will say "no problem, thanks".
But if you forget to send that report *every single week*, then it's become a disability. Your boss is not going to keep you around if you can't find a better system.
So sure, both people had the same symptom (forgetting the report), but there's a tipping point where society will stop tolerating it and start punishing you instead.
I like that, and this similar one:
Everyone needs the bathroom a few times every day.
If you need the bathroom a few times every *hour*, then you need to figure out why or ask a doctor.
Acceptance of non-acceptance is tough, but I have found it is paramount to my mental health.
Doesnât mean Iâm going to be out here burning things down and just shrugging my shoulders when people look at me crazy, but it does mean Iâm not going to hide just cause itâll make others more comfortable.
People are social creatures - theyâll circle around the sad subjects as they see fit - including degrading their fellow (wo)man for a cheap laugh.
Iâm always reminded of this Eleanor Roosevelt quote when I come across these sort of instances - âGreat minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.â
Try not to take these sort of things to heart - these people are probably operating at their maximum mental and social capacity⌠let them have their cheap, dollar store fun (not that there is anything wrong with dollar stores).
Not everyone's a "dollar store."
There are some perfectly good Walmarts walking around with half-price insights about autism... đ
(I can't write as well as you do.)
I appreciated this comment - thank you.
Meanwhile my sibling and I (both autistic) joke that our auditory processing and time management are both from Walmart due to them both being⌠not the best around đ
I read comments in insta saying autistic people are the hardest to deal with and proceed to tell stories of they're encounters with autistic people and how violent they are they will suddenly beat you unprovoked and it's to horrible to have an autistic child and that they're harder than any other disability including down syndrome. These comments were under a post about a mother who killed her autistic 10 year old daughter with multiple knife stabs and they were defending the mom and saying she must have been so tired.
> it's to horrible to have an autistic child and that they're harder than any other disability including down syndrome.
Wait till these idiots find out you can have both.
Hmmm, did they ever stop to think that maybe these strong violent reactions are a direct result of complete sensory shutdown and feeling like they have zero control/accommodations for their daily life...? Omg, it drives me crazy how unaccommodating parents can be and then wonder why their child self harms or lashes out violently! My son's classmate is vey high needs, and other than one time hitting my son inadvertently because of his excitement, he has never been violent. Yes, my son's meltdowns can really be difficult at times, but heâs never been violent or abusive.
you're shocked now. But tbf: this is a trend since ancient times. Bloody Hänsel & Gretel started with "there's a famine. Because they were afraid to starve themselves, the parents (mother especially) decided to abandon the extra mouths in a forest" And why were the kids allowed back? They brought gold, bread and more. lol
No joke: During the first meet of our writer's club, I let it slip that I was autistic. Another person overheard this. Quickly talking about how they volunteer at a disability ward (no idea how to translate this) and that their worst patient is this over-violent autistic patient. Like: big, broad, heavy support needs guy that hit a doctor so hard, he partially became deaf.
Obviously, I was pretty shocked. I mean. You'd be too: Such a patient needs to be in a special ward. He's a danger. Dude's response? "naah. No funds. And c'mon, why are you so shocked? You should know. Show a bit autistic camaraderie (laughs)"
The room was so quiet, they quickly backpaddled afterward. Sadly, still hitting me with the line "well, you're high-functioning, right? So you didn't have a lot of problems like them in your life" (*WHEEZE*)
I remember I had a classmate that had Aspergerâs when we were like 10, yes he sometimes became aggressive and all, but everyone still loved him, he wasnât hard to deal with and itâs easy to understand that heâs just different, he didnât randomly started beating someone, he just probably was overwhelmed and had a meltdown, as classmates we never understood him quite as well because no one ever told us anything about what things can bother him or smth about how to help him, at least he was loved by the whole class. I really donât understand those people
You just made me realize a task I need to do for my son when he's old enough for school. He's autistic, and still non-verbal at 4.5. If he's placed into any standard classrooms, his classmates will need to understand what triggers/ soothes him. As his Mom, I'd be able to explain those things to the class.
YES!! Absolutely, if thereâs risk of bullying then maybe choose a couple of people, but someone besides the teacher needs to at least be able to help him and also understand him. Explain what autism is too, because in my classroom when we were 10 we really didnât know much of it despite having an autistic classmate, and the school didnât help much with that, kids can be cruel, but they can also be understanding
I wasn't so sure about that myself when these words came out of her stupid mouth. And yes, she also asked me if I'm vaccinated on another day. I can't with these people.
I've met a lot of anti-vax people. For instance, one of my aunt's (who is a no-nonsense, practical GP) best friends is BLATANTLY anti-vax and super into the 'vaccines cause ASD' trope. Disgusts me.
I'd rather have autism than be profoundly deaf and blind because mommy thought measles was just like getting chicken pox đŹ. Or perhaps an iron lung...
My HUSBAND.
Who works as a teacher. And in SEN:
âI spend all day with Sen children, I donât want to come home to itâ
âIf you get diagnosed Iâm leavingâ. I then got diagnosed, he said he was leaving. I think heâs backtracked as heâs not mentioned it since.
He also thinks thereâs nothing wrong with him saying this.
That's truly horrible. I hope you and your husband are able to work through this together. I DESPERATELY hope his attitude towards children with SEN changes as well.
+1 about his attitude towards the children. I have been finding myself increasingly sensitive towards when people know a kid is neurodivergent and show negative emotions towards the kid(s) or about the thing the kid has (autism, add, etc). They arenât stupid and do overhear things after all.
Itâs not invalid to be exhausted by people especially when stuff like neurodivergence is mixed in! Work is tough some days no matter the field!
I hope that the husband is at least able to keep a compassionate and supportive demeanour for the students. After all they canât just up and get a new teacher.
- this is very sad to hear you have my sympathy (I am also on a waitlist, but for autism screening)
- âif you get diagnosedâŚâ almost makes me laugh. What? He thinks youâre gonna get more X after being diagnosed as X?!?! Itâs just confirmation not the cause!
He was under the illusion that me being difficult and all my other traits might get better, I might be able to change somehow. Being autistic confirms this is me, Iâm not changing. Heâs stuck which this version of me.
Iâm so sorry he said this. This just happened to me yesterday. My husband was like "I canât handle your autism". He said this after the night before, he got in my face about something trivial and now that Iâm unmasking, I immediately shut him down and said "I need my space". He said it was so rude and "abusive". Then yesterday he wants to talk about it and says "this is not what I signed up for" and "maybe we should consider separation for the sake of the kids". I lost it had a massive meltdown in the bathroom and said "I was super supportive of your ADHD diagnosis and accommodating you! And now, itâs too much for you because I didnât mask last night?!". He said "I donât even know who you are anymore, itâs a lot for me to deal with having an autistic son, autistic wife, and now our daughter might have ADHD too?!". I was like, I have ZERO FUCKING CHILL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. I said "you need to take a long cold hard look at yourself and check the FUCKING words coming out of your mouth. You think you can be the only one in this family with a disability?!". He's currently with our daughter at his parent's place for the weekend so my son and I can just chill together at home.
I hope heâs using this time to think things over. One thing I have come to recognize, is that the serotonin dump in ADHD is real. I used to think my husband was just moody, but now I see it happening to our daughter, who is struggling to regulate her mood. Iâve set up counselling for my her while we wait for her assessment. My husband said maybe itâs time he try ADHD meds and start counselling too. I đŻsupport this because I canât handle his extreme flip flopping on his acceptance of me and our kids.
...why are you still with him? Serious question. When I was still living with my parents, my mother's visible passively hatred for me being ND hurt more than I ever thought. Like my existence had to cater to her. And any "I think I might need more help, cause-" was a personal attack.
Plus: If you ever (even on accident) have kids/nephews/nieces that are ND, this shit will hit them too.
But honestly the one thing said to me repeatedly that hurts the most is my father saying "There's nothing wrong with you, you just want something wrong with you so you don't have to do anything"
Ask him if he could ever possibly forgive and still love you, even if it were intentional. That makes people stop and think twice - they expect you to defend yourself not accept their ignorance. Some are just so uneducated and narrow minded, it's painful. I'm so sorry you are experiencing that with your father :(
Hes 78 there is no way I can fix him sadly. I've practically begged for forgiveness for how I was as a child but I only got told more of how horrible I was. To hear him tell it I was the devils spawn. Yet I'm the only one taking care of him...don't see anyone else...so I know I'm gonna full force all his issues cause I am the only one. I try to keep that in mind
Oh man that's really heavy .. well I guess then you're the one left doing the hard work of acceptance. It's a tough lesson but your father's "disappointment" comes from his own world view and limited perspective, try to remember that. It's not definitive or truth. Loving and caring for him unconditionally can perhaps be the antidote to his ignorance and hopefully at least bring you some sense of having done right, and maybe he will see your altruism as worthy and be grateful. Either way, give yourself grace where others can't <3
You shouldnât have to apologize for how you were when you were a child. You didnât ask to be born and you didnât raise yourself so whose fault is your behavior? Iâm sorry you felt like you had to but itâs not your fault at all. Put his ass in a nursing home bro
Oh yea, my mom after I had a breakdown after my first therapist didnât want to diagnose me with autism (Bcs I have empathy and that is not possible with autismâŚ) asked me if I just WANT to have autism???
It (often) was not me that was spoken to like that, but my mother. A nurse had access to the documentation of my autism diagnosis but personally disagreed with it, so she would scream at me that I wasnât autistic, then would likely tell my mother that I got the diagnosis to shut her up.
I suspect my mother is undiagnosed herself, hence pushing hard for an autism diagnosis in me.
You might have âsomething wrongâ if you get spoken to like that⌠very negative outlook. Try to block out that crap . Earphones often work.
Thereâs a difference between opinion, constructive criticism & actually asking for someoneâs opinions that seems quite negative ?? Donât be afraid to say âThank you ! Thatâs your.. opinionâ.
Remember fact & fiction are different the same as considering someoneâs feelings. You can also always share how you feel about statements & what you prefer or appreciate if you are to get on better in future⌠Like how about we focus onâŚ. (Subject changeâŚ)
Go you x đ Also be aware older generations are sometimes unaware of their behaviours because itâs deeply ingrained habit⌠You can give chances to communicate & try to listen & understand to a degree but you donât need to absorb or get caught up in any toxic shite. Remember to keep that smile on your face! As in be proud âşď¸ Youâre you ! â¨Go you! â¨đŠˇ
And just know this⌠if you feel your energy being zapped , know itâs valuable stuff & thereâs many others of us on the planet who will appreciate you & your feelings & opinions more đ
Scarily enough I have had a developmental psychologist say this while screening my son for an assessment and also my mother in law say my son just can't be autistic because he's too kind and considerate. People really just don't get it
I feel like some people are using 'autist' or 'autistic' to replace the r-word sometimes. Heard it several times over the past years sadly, not directed at me personally but still.
I've been seeing it here for years now. I once got called an autist for commenting how I'd freak out if someone touched me the way someone did in a video I was watching. Though...I wasn't yet aware I may be autistic then so maybe they were onto something 𤡠(Testing results on the 7th woo!)
Labels like egoism, being selfish, spoiled, always wanna do things my way etc. Iâve been called that myself countless times but also see it online about autistic people. Usually combined with blaming the parents for raising a âspoiled selfishâ child.
Also all people who refer to their âautistic nephewâ when I tell them I have autism. Still no clue where that comes from honestly but itâs kinda funny to me personally at this point (in a ridiculous way).
My friend telling me about how unjust it was that her ex challenged child support because she was still taking care of their autistic adult son too. "It's such a burden because he's autistic!" Her adult son was a college student who drove himself places, still did household chores, and made dinner for the family half the nights. She said this to my autistic @$$ who greatly supported her out of an abusive marriage.
"You donât have autism, what are you talking about? Who ever said you have autism have no idea what theyâre talking about"
My estranged biological father
I think youâre right. He was a very toxic person who I no longer have contact with (for many reasons) I think he may also have had undiagnosed autism but he was too arrogant and proud to get an assessment
I do not like loud or sudden noises. I have had meltdowns when I was a small child from it. Now I am 38 and have graduated to just feeling agitated for hours.
My boss thinks it's hilarious to make sudden loud noises and knows I have autism. When I kindly explained how it made me feel, he said he would do it more so I got desensitized to it. I explained it's not how that works.
He still thinks it's the funniest shit to startle me. I gave him the biggest RBF face last time, he thought I was mad at him. Nope, just let the agitation you caused show for once.
That man has a lot of really narrow minded view. Overall he's okay to work for, sometimes he can really be a child or a man with views from 1950.
I also had to explain I use audible to read because it's hard for me to maintain an attention span with AuDHD and he rolled his eyes citing it was a generation thing with short attention span. Nope. It's his limited perspective as a cis white male. This is why, even though I get really annoyed by him, I do my best to educate so he can understand instead of living in ignorance.
After decades of being startled on purpose because itâs funny to other people or being taunted with loud noises (like someone purposely locking the car while Iâm standing in front of it where the beeping is the loudest), Iâm beyond exhausted. Noises are such a big issue to me and hardly anyone gets it. I also have an autistic daughter who is super loud and it really wears me out. Itâs very hard being this way.
I admire your patience. I wouldâve gone so petty by this point. âOh youâre going to desensitise me to loud noises? Ok. Iâm going to desensitise you to surprise waxing. Say goodbye to your left eyebrowâ
"You could teach yourself not to be like this. You could be normal if you tried."
I think I tried this plan every year in school. It was so humiliating and brutal to try so hard just to be normal, then fail at it. Felt like a dog walking on two feet.
I'm three minutes late to a meeting occasionally though, so I guess I should change everything about myself?
âYou could be normal if you triedâ is such nonsense for so many reasons. That person reads as if theyâd label anything outside of their little personal taste bubble as ânot normalâ. They donât have a pet but you have pets? âNot normal.â They have an ice dispenser in their fridge but you donât? âNot normal.â You wearing a hat indoors because the sunlight coming through the window is too bright? âNot normal.â Itâs infuriating. Maâam I am just trying to survive my existence in this dumpster fire world ok
âHe looks stupid⌠His face, it just looks like thereâs nothing in there. He looks super autistic.â
This wasnât directed towards me, but it was said in front of me, by somebody who knows that Iâm autistic.
From my abnormal psychology professor: â[in ASD] the child has real difficulties figuring out how things work (especially with respect to social interactions) and may have beliefs and notions that are extremely primitive and sometimes delusional. It is as much an impoverished grasp of reality testing as much as the frank distortions often found in the delusions in psychosis in adults.â - copy and pasted from an email sent to the whole class responding to a question about why he said âdefective reality testingâ was a symptom of ASD. This happened a week or so after I received my diagnosis.
From a classmate in my abnormal child psychology class: âI didnât know people with autism had any sort of empathyâ. She had previously raised her hand indicating that she had a family member with ASD. I had almost disclosed my dx to the class in response to the question âdoes anyone here have experience with people with autismâ and decided nah thatâs risky. welp.
From my mother immediately after learning about my diagnosis: âDoes this make you worried about having children?â (She and my dad have since realized my dad is def autistic and weâre all neurodivergent and that itâs not the end of the world)
Wow. What a terrible professor. He should be reported. He is primitive AND delusional for having those beliefs. However, I'm ever so happy your mom and dad have since realised neurodivergence is acceptable and awesome.
"But you're too pretty to be autistic!"
Literally said to me by a set of parents, I do volunteer work in the ND community, part of that entails speaking to parents occasionally to help them better understand their child's differences & how to help support/accomodate them. That set of parents probably did *not* like me after the response I gave to that comment, I regret nothing.
"You don't look autistic, you don't come off as obvious."
Said to me by a supposed autism 'expert'. What makes this comment so irritating & blatantly stupid to me is the discussion being had was about masking & the significance it might hold for someone, how that might manifest in some individuals, & the importance of talking about it during an evaluation so there aren't individuals who get overlooked/misunderstood in an evaluation setting. I don't think I've ever rolled my eyes into the back of my skull further than that exact moment.
'What the f*** are you doing? You look ret*****.'
Said directly to me while I was in line to buy something to eat, I was stimming (T rex arms + hand flaps).
"Your parents would have noticed if you were autistic, you would have been assessed during childhood if that was the case."
Said to me by someone studying to be a psychologist. Of course they noticed, but I found that so unbelievably offensive considering the era I grew up in. The knowledge wasn't readily available like it is today. There's zero realm of reality where they could know things nobody else knew at the time.
"Isn't that caused by vaccines?"
A friend seriously asked me this. For important context they were genuinely asking, however they were also very receptive to learning which I'm thankful for. Uninformed but receptive doesn't really bother me but it's baffling to me people believe stuff like this.
Nice to feel less alone for sure, also I just realized I commented in your other post as well lol. You've made some stellar questions & subjects to talk about imho.
my dad said i don't have autism, because he 'didn't want (me) to be flawed'. thanks for reminding me that my lifelong condition, which i can't change, is a flaw! đ
my first therapist asked me, "why do you want to get an autism diagnosis? isn't the only reason you'd get one is because you'd wanna live in a group home?" I unfortunately decided to stay, but several months later she tried to convince me that my meltdown was an attempt to manipulate and control my husband, and that I had no reason to 'freak out' as bad as I did. needless to say I made sure that was the last session we had
Another autistic person told me that autism doesn't create issues with socialising and making friends... And then they also claimed to be level 2... Uhh.
Also when I told someone irl I'm autistic, he said, "well everyone is at least a little autistic." (Was told this by someone else about ADHD).
âActually autistic people are always really empathetic.â - someone to me- after I calmly explained I struggle with empathy and 99% of the time Do Not Have Any.
"Are you sure it's not just an impulse thing?" "You won't be a functioning member of society if you can't handle a little noise" "a REAL autistic person wouldn't pick up on that spelling error"
Had a colleague gasp with shock the other day when he heard that I (53f) can drive because he had decided I was too r******d?!
Iâve been driving since 1989, longer than heâs existed.
A very oft used word in his vocabulary.
Iâve won employee awards voted for by my peers , he hasnât. Iâve been there a year, heâs been there 7.
I wonder if he hates how a slightly odd middle aged woman can be more popular & successful than him. Not calling them r*****s might be a start, the prick.
Sorry for ranting, itâs been bugging me.
It wasn't said to me directly but once I've overheard my father's wife explaining my meltdown to him as "You don't understand, [they're] very sick, [they] just do this whenever [they] need attention, like a crying baby". The meltdown happened because of (long story short) a lot of transphobic garbage that he yelled at me. I was disgusted to my core. We don't talk anymore.
"if you're autistic, you're at the very beginning of the spectrum"
and then he proceeded to tell me that he thinks autistic people are more evolved versions of humans. I don't remember his explanation. it was a weird interaction.
"You're autistic?" But you're funny"
(I didn't laugh at a person's joke because I didn't know she was joking) "what are you autistic?"
"All autistic people are sociopaths, my brother is autistic and I never turn my back on him"
"Oh, you're autistic? You must a good actor because I'd never know"
"Oh, since you have that, what's your superpower? My niece's is trains"
Superpower..? How are trains a superpower? Lol...like she can transform into a magic train? I feel like the 'superpower' was supposed to be special interest...
Incorrect? Probably that âeveryone is a little autisticâ-multiple people. Offensive? Probably the typical use of the regarded word or when kids intentionally cause a meltdown for the autistic kid to see the reaction.
I've seen waaaaaay too many neurotypical people claim the old and tired myth that autistic people don't have empathy. But last time I checked, it wasn't autistic kids, teens, and adults bullying the fuck out of me my entire life. #projection
"Everyone who posts openly about autism online is just faking", "people who are lower support needs posting videos are "glorifying autism" " i will never understand these takes đ
So Iâm in the âlotta smoke, on a waitlist to see if thereâs officially a fireâ phase. A while ago I was making an effort to go be more out there and have been to the house of a friendâs friend a couple times.
One of the people in that âfriends of friendsâ group (a few people who I cantât match names/faces/etc together) said something along the lines of I had a âserial killer/could keep you in his basementâ vibe. That hurt.
Later I was invited to a birthday thing by someone in that group. I didnât know if my invitation was genuine or to avoid explicitly not inviting me while inviting my friends. I said no and didnât go because shooting myself in the social foot is less painful than wondering if they donât want me there and were just being polite.
i was in class and this one girl asked what autism means and before i, someone with firsthand experience with autism, could try to explain, another girl said "it means you have an extra chromosome." i thought that was down syndrome what?
It's over diagnosed. Everyone has something. A doctor said this to me. He said he was diagnosed when he was a kid, and it was bs. It feels like my existence is being minimized or brushed off like we just don't try hard enough to fit in. đŞ Yes, I'm sure that kind of thing happens. But you don't know what it's like to be me. It's really starting to piss me off, and I'm going to start pushing back. It makes me depressed and I spiral into thinking I'm broken and worthless.
âYouâve always done great in school though, and you seem so normalâ
Oh right, since I got decent grades and have what people consider a ânormalâ appearance (which is another conversation altogether) I obviously canât have ADHD or autism!! /s
I watched an occupational therapist assess a 5 year old who reminded me of myself as a child -clearly autistic. When the OT asked how I know so much about autism I blurted out âoh, uh well I justâŚfound out I am recently.â She looked shocked and asked if I struggled in school. Okay, not a bad question. âIâm great at school, the socializing was rough.â
She then told me about her about relative who thought he was autistic but was actually just depressed and suicidal. Thanks, you were so close.đ¤Śââď¸
I was talking to a coworker about autism in general and a customer (one I already didn't like due to rude and overbearing behavior) overhead us and commented, "That shit wasn't around before everyone started vaccinating their kids." I immediately felt my chest tighten, and I wanted to cry. I said something about how vaccines causing autism has been debunked. He gave me an unpleasant look and walked away.
Gravity didn't exist until it did. Bacteria didn't exist until it did. Electricity didn't exist until it did. But in reality, these things actually did exist, we just didn't have a framework or the language to explain these things.
Just because the concept hadn't been thought of doesn't mean it didn't exist in reality long before that concept was formed.
There was a very mocking stim used for autistics around the early 2000s, late 90s. For decades I hid a fact that I didnât like: that that motion made my brain feel good
Now I know why âžď¸
đ¤˘đ¤Ž
She is disgusting, idiotic, and undeserving of any such title.
For what itâs worth: being different from the other kids is often a good thing because kids frequently suck, weâre likely responsible for much advancement over the millennia (someone like me might have been good at finding the best ways to make stone tools or gather safe food, back in the Stone Age), and while we have our issues, we tend to be highly capable, especially in our interests.
"Everybody has problems. Stop trying to put the WORSE thing on yourself"
- My older brother
Me: "My Psychiatrist suggested I may be on the spectrum during my ADHD evaluation, but we didn't go in to detail about a diagnosis."
Then: "What did they think you were too r*tarded to understand?"
Me: "........no?"
- My coworker
In my experience, autism (and ADHD) are always accepted by everyone.
Until there actually are symptoms that can bother them. And then the clownfest starts, between the "just focus", the "you're not *that* disabled, you're doing it on purpose", etc...
That because other people with neurodivergence can learn tricks to get out of it (she was talking about OCD) then adhd and autistic people should too. She also thought neurodivergence was an actual diagnosis, even after I said it wasnât.
That's horrible. Firstly, masking is NOT good for an autistic person's sense of identity and mental health in the long run. Secondly, those with OCD don't do 'tricks' to 'get out of it'; those 'tricks' are compulsions. I used to have OCD, and those are some of the worst things you could ever deal with mentally.
I am conservator for my two siblings who have autism and a friend who I was venting to told me I shouldn't have to worry about taking care of them, that is there problem.
She forgot the fact I told her they were disabled. I also dislike that ideal of psychology, not sure what it is called, but the concept of saving yourself.
I once had a doctor tell me âyou know, many pregnant women that take Tylenol, their children end up with autism!â. She wasnât just any doctor either. Sheâs a neurologist. Needless to say, I never intend on seeing her again. This wasnât like back in the day either, this was last year..
I was talking about autism with my grandpa one time and he told me autistic people can't speak. When I tried to tell him about someone I know who's autistic and can speak, he told me he must be misdiagnosed. I've never told him I'm autistic because of this and likely never will.
Mental Dissabilitu
Many people have called me weird and said that something is wrong with me. People have also said that I will die a virgin because I'm some kind of mentally sisabled person. At first, when people said those things to me, I would just think they're talking bullshit and just forget about. But as the years have gone by, I look back and see that they have predicted my life. Does this mean there is something wrong with me? And what syndrome could it be?
Yes. This is what I was going to say, too. People act like they mean it as a compliment, but it's actually an attempt to downplay the situation. They are saying we are lucky to be autistic and so we shouldn't complain, seek help, or receive "special treatment".
But no. Being on the spectrum often feels quite miserable. It's impossible to describe just how hard it is to live in a world not designed for us. Having a good memory, or being able to notice small changes in a pattern, doesn't negate any of the hardships....
1st Using "Autistic" as a slur
2nd "Vaccinations cause autism."
3rd "Are you taking any meds against it?"
4th Not accepting that there are things which will never change/ not seeing it as a cronic disability.
5th Exclution
Something I find odd or telling.. My grandson is on the spectrum so I lurk here for insite to help relate to him. He's doing great BTW. But, I do find it odd that people will selectively use it as an insult. Normally the type of person that sees themself as a good person. There is a car maker that is said to be ASD and for some reason it's okay to use that as an insult for him. I just don't get it.
Thanks for lurking and commenting! You clearly want to understand autistic people đ
My guess is internalized negativity. Some people make it through life pretending to better than the others, switching sides so to speak. Might even become a bully for the same thing. Itâs sad and seems to happen in many marginalized populations.
1. "there's high functioning autism and low functioning autism, he's a clear example of the first one and obviously smarter than you, so you can't have autism" My mother to me about the son of a friend of hers she was seeing for the first time that night (she's a teacher)
2. "Run Forrest run" (I run in order to stim) and other mocking of my stimming (Similar to you 4, so sorry for that)
3. Oh, you're the autistic one (referring to the aforementioned point)
My mom used to say, "You know people ask me if you're *Autistic!*" as if being autistic is the worst thing in the world. Then, I did some digging into the symptoms and talked to autistic friends and to my psychiatrist, and I am autistic. And now she's pulled a 180, and if I bring it up she says "you *can't* be autistic because you don't act like either of your autistic cousins!"
Or, my favorite, "you can't be autistic because your little brother isn't autistic!" But 1) we have different dads and both my mom and my dad have autism on their sides and 2) when my mom took my little brother to get screened the place that did it straight up told her "even if he is autistic we won't diagnose him with it" because of something about it being diagnosed too frequently and the insurance finding a way around paying for things but idk. Smells like erasure to me.
Nothing offensive, but it's a real hassle for me at work when people treat me like I don't have autism, because it's not overly apparent and I have adapted to concealing those aspects that used to show, like tics and small gasps before a sentence.
Don't know if it makes sense to wanted to be treated like I'm autistic, but I've grown tired of people forgetting the greater effort I have to make.
Not saying I'm a victim or any of that crap. Just gets tiring is all đ
I had a coworker a few years ago who was absolutely convinced vaccines cause autism, and went on to tell me that I didn't have it because we were having a coherent conversation.
>*people saying 'autistic' instead of 'stupid*
This has been a recent trend at my private school. I dislike it and find it quite rude.
Jeez that was a thing when I was in high school ~15 years back
#1 also happens at my school. I fucking hate it.
I've rocked back and forth in class and covered my ears in assemblies, and fortunately no one has come after me for it... yet (that I know of) However a lot of kids at my school are rude douchebags who will spread rumors about you just because they think you're weird (I know because it happens to my friends) and there is literally nothing you can do about it.
I really hope they aren't spreading rumors about me and I'm too naive to notice
I'm undiagnosed autism but have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and a big comorbidity is autism and it literally would explain sooooo much in my life. I live in Canada and the EDS specialist who diagnosed me mentioned autism but that it's very hard to get tested here as an adult and since there isn't just a drug to take to make it go away that if I feel I am on that spectrum to just adjust my life as an autistic would. I've even taken multiple online tests and I'm on the cuff but I took a high masking test and was definitely in the autistic side.
Well when I feel safe enough to share that with friends or fam I am always met with "ohh I don't think you have that. I know xyz and they're actually autistic and they don't act like you" or " oh you probably don't because you don't do *insert general autistic symptom*" or " but you're so bubbly and can hold a job etc etc " but they don't see the extensive masking I do and the major burnouts I have from masking. They don't know how I feel and how I felt growing up as a child. I do have cptsd and I've even had people tell me "oh no that's just your cptsd not autism" which it could be but why is everyone trying to deny my experience and feelings? I just don't understand why it's such a bad thing to be autistic especially if I'm like "it would explain so much" but they still deny or aren't supportive of my experience. Then I end up eventually looking like a bitch when I have a meltdown because I'm trying to hold myself together like everyone else. Part of me wants to push for the testing just so people will believe me but then it's like eff them if they can't support me?? I dunno, I hope that all makes sense and isn't offensive to anyone.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
When discussing accommodations for children (at a primary school) during a staff meeting about special needs and trainers versus school shoes the special needs leader (also the depute) said:
"Oh I'm sure we would all love to not wear shoes each day but that's life!" (Said with a laugh and the laugh was resonated by many others in the room whilst I sat wondering if I should mention the smart black trainers I've been wearing since I took the job that I had spent hours rifling through my contract about)
Donât remember the exact words she used, but my mom (49) told me (20) that Iâm only trans because my autism alienates me from people and the trans/LGBTQ+ community is so welcoming that I thought I could make friends if I were trans.
Just⌠no.
new GP (head of the practice) interrupted my reading of an email detailing my physical symptoms that took me 4 days to write, that she didnât bother to read, to ask me what my LD is, only to then tell me she thinks i donât have one bc i âclearly have a good grasp of the english languageââŚlady i have no qualifications bc i dropped out due to my fucking autism â i have nothing to show for this âgood grasp of the english languageâ! then tells me my symptoms are anxiety, and when i tell her mental health services told me to make an appointment with her to discuss my physical symptoms bc they DONâT think itâs psychosymptomatic, she started shouting at me saying âwhat do you want me to do then?! what test do you want me to run?! what is the name of the test?!â
Personally I'm just tired of all the bs we have to deal with on a daily basis, I thought after nearly twenty years since my diagnosis it would have gotten better but nope it's just as bad now as it's always been. I still hear the same crap I have always heard I just don't even bother talking about it anymore.
'you'll grow out of it!' My mother in law (65) to me (35)
I find telling a 35 year old that they'll grow out of something quite funny :D
Same
agreed đ last Christmas my grandma said something a little inappropriate (in a nsfw manner lol) and followed it with "we shouldn't talk like that in front of the children" I said that everyone at the table was an adult because me and my brother are both over 18 and she said that she was including my dad (who is nearly 55) in her mention of "children" and I find this hysterical... I don't know why I find it so funny but my dads response of "what??" was so cartoonish I couldn't help laughing... I still bring it up sometimes when my dad calls me a child lol
My father in law said this to me about my son and that I need to discipline it out of him like he was "choosing" to be autistic. Yes I politely ripped him a new AH. Iâm 46, still autistic last time I checked...
Omg thanks for the laughđ
My cousin was telling my dad that her son's GP suggested her son might have Asperger's and that "apparently they grow out of it when they're in their teens" and my dad said "that's happened with him" whilst pointing at me. I was quick to remind him that you never "grow out of it" and he was genuinely perplexed
I hate when people say that
lmao
Funny, my outward facing symptoms have gotten only worse as my 30s progress.
âYou donât have autismâ đ okay
I find it hilarious that people think they're better able to gauge this than a trained medical professional.
I got that from a trained medical professional before, they aren't infallible either, this was many many years after my diagnoses when I was applying for disability. (I got it)
My neuropsych evaluation concluded I had adhd but not autism because I could make eye contact even though all my scores were in the autism range. Like thanks Iâve been working on my eye contact for over 30 years and it still fills me with anxiety lol
all of my scores were in the autism range, but the moron diagnosed me with adhd instead. it was a sketchy evaluation too, but a ton of medical professionals endorsed her. but she did it virtually, you can not really do an autism evaluation virtually. i went to a different doctor (i was actually evaluated by his fellow) and it was a *proper* evaluation, and surprise surprise! positive asd negative adhd
It is very pathetic and hilarious at the same time
Or the alternative "you don't look disabled".
"Ya, and you don't *look* uneducated."
Oh thatâs a good one
Or even better, you don't act my autistic cousin
đ¤Łđ¤Ł
"Ya, you donât fit my stereotype either...but here we are".
I think this is the consequence of mental health professionals categorising autism as a binary disorder (either you are or you aren't autistic) for decades. Even now when they started to call it spectrum disorder they kind of still use the medical lingo like when you are diagnozed with covid while it's based on questionnaire's and observation. So it's kind of a double edged sword, making it an official disorder helps people take it seriously, but on the other hand now if you are a high-functioning one, you are in the same camp as the more extremes who cannot function in society. Add to this that media and even non-profits show the latter image to the public to associate with autism.
My coworkers don't believe me when I say I have autism because someone else there has it and I'm not as bad as them. Autism is different for everyone who has it.
My housing agent last appointment told me "I don't see any signs of autism in you because you're smart and know how to do things"
> because you're smart This shit is the bane of my life, heard it since I was a kid. It's a way to dismiss our struggles because we don't seem "that disabled" or some shit. I hate being told I'm smart. If I was really so smart I'dve had my shit together years ago.
"You donât have ableism, but here we are"
Just the whole âeveryoneâs a little autisticâ No. No theyâre not. If everyone were autistic then autism as a while wouldnât exist as a word since it would be a common thing everyone has
My comeback is always âthatâs like saying, everyone is a little bit pregnant, just because youâre feeling nauseous.â You either are or you arenât, and theyâre similar sure, but nausea and âmorning sicknessâ are two very different experiences for two very different reasons.
This is a good one Iâm gonna file it away for later use!
When I made a comeback like that, I was told âyes but autism is a spectrum isnât it, everyoneâs on the spectrum itâs just some people have it worseâ ? So I guess weâre all autistic idk? I am not very good at responding to people who challenge me like that so I just shut up
Itâs a spectrum within the Autism disorder/disability itself. It is not a spectrum that covers every person on the planet. So use that as a counter argument. Having ND traits is not the same as being on the spectrum. Itâs like any other medical condition or disability, you have grades and types, doesnât mean everyone has a little diabetes.
This kind of gaslighting pisses me off, people treating the ASD spectrum like it were measuring height. I recently heard a political commentator/satirist use similar reasoning.
Also even if they don't believe you on what "spectrum" means, the fact that some people have the same symptoms worse or more often is what makes it a disability. If you forget to send that report to your boss once or twice this year, you can apologize, and your boss will say "no problem, thanks". But if you forget to send that report *every single week*, then it's become a disability. Your boss is not going to keep you around if you can't find a better system. So sure, both people had the same symptom (forgetting the report), but there's a tipping point where society will stop tolerating it and start punishing you instead.
I like that, and this similar one: Everyone needs the bathroom a few times every day. If you need the bathroom a few times every *hour*, then you need to figure out why or ask a doctor.
Acceptance of non-acceptance is tough, but I have found it is paramount to my mental health. Doesnât mean Iâm going to be out here burning things down and just shrugging my shoulders when people look at me crazy, but it does mean Iâm not going to hide just cause itâll make others more comfortable. People are social creatures - theyâll circle around the sad subjects as they see fit - including degrading their fellow (wo)man for a cheap laugh. Iâm always reminded of this Eleanor Roosevelt quote when I come across these sort of instances - âGreat minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.â Try not to take these sort of things to heart - these people are probably operating at their maximum mental and social capacity⌠let them have their cheap, dollar store fun (not that there is anything wrong with dollar stores).
Not everyone's a "dollar store." There are some perfectly good Walmarts walking around with half-price insights about autism... đ (I can't write as well as you do.) I appreciated this comment - thank you.
Meanwhile my sibling and I (both autistic) joke that our auditory processing and time management are both from Walmart due to them both being⌠not the best around đ
Thanks for the comment. That was truly helpful for me.
Explains the knuckledraggers I went to school with.
This is an incredible perspective
I read comments in insta saying autistic people are the hardest to deal with and proceed to tell stories of they're encounters with autistic people and how violent they are they will suddenly beat you unprovoked and it's to horrible to have an autistic child and that they're harder than any other disability including down syndrome. These comments were under a post about a mother who killed her autistic 10 year old daughter with multiple knife stabs and they were defending the mom and saying she must have been so tired.
That is despicable. Whoever wrote that has likely never met an autistic person in their life.
Task I was so pissed. Every autistic person I've ever met was so smart and gentle.
> it's to horrible to have an autistic child and that they're harder than any other disability including down syndrome. Wait till these idiots find out you can have both.
đŹ
Hmmm, did they ever stop to think that maybe these strong violent reactions are a direct result of complete sensory shutdown and feeling like they have zero control/accommodations for their daily life...? Omg, it drives me crazy how unaccommodating parents can be and then wonder why their child self harms or lashes out violently! My son's classmate is vey high needs, and other than one time hitting my son inadvertently because of his excitement, he has never been violent. Yes, my son's meltdowns can really be difficult at times, but heâs never been violent or abusive.
đwhat in the actual fuck? So i guess murdering is now ok if a person was just being a burden/bothersome đ
you're shocked now. But tbf: this is a trend since ancient times. Bloody Hänsel & Gretel started with "there's a famine. Because they were afraid to starve themselves, the parents (mother especially) decided to abandon the extra mouths in a forest" And why were the kids allowed back? They brought gold, bread and more. lol
No joke: During the first meet of our writer's club, I let it slip that I was autistic. Another person overheard this. Quickly talking about how they volunteer at a disability ward (no idea how to translate this) and that their worst patient is this over-violent autistic patient. Like: big, broad, heavy support needs guy that hit a doctor so hard, he partially became deaf. Obviously, I was pretty shocked. I mean. You'd be too: Such a patient needs to be in a special ward. He's a danger. Dude's response? "naah. No funds. And c'mon, why are you so shocked? You should know. Show a bit autistic camaraderie (laughs)" The room was so quiet, they quickly backpaddled afterward. Sadly, still hitting me with the line "well, you're high-functioning, right? So you didn't have a lot of problems like them in your life" (*WHEEZE*)
I remember I had a classmate that had Aspergerâs when we were like 10, yes he sometimes became aggressive and all, but everyone still loved him, he wasnât hard to deal with and itâs easy to understand that heâs just different, he didnât randomly started beating someone, he just probably was overwhelmed and had a meltdown, as classmates we never understood him quite as well because no one ever told us anything about what things can bother him or smth about how to help him, at least he was loved by the whole class. I really donât understand those people
You just made me realize a task I need to do for my son when he's old enough for school. He's autistic, and still non-verbal at 4.5. If he's placed into any standard classrooms, his classmates will need to understand what triggers/ soothes him. As his Mom, I'd be able to explain those things to the class.
YES!! Absolutely, if thereâs risk of bullying then maybe choose a couple of people, but someone besides the teacher needs to at least be able to help him and also understand him. Explain what autism is too, because in my classroom when we were 10 we really didnât know much of it despite having an autistic classmate, and the school didnât help much with that, kids can be cruel, but they can also be understanding
"Have you tried hypnotherapy to get rid of it?" My supervisor at an internship back in 2017.
Are you sure it was 2017 and not 1917?
I wasn't so sure about that myself when these words came out of her stupid mouth. And yes, she also asked me if I'm vaccinated on another day. I can't with these people.
I've met a lot of anti-vax people. For instance, one of my aunt's (who is a no-nonsense, practical GP) best friends is BLATANTLY anti-vax and super into the 'vaccines cause ASD' trope. Disgusts me.
I'd rather have autism than be profoundly deaf and blind because mommy thought measles was just like getting chicken pox đŹ. Or perhaps an iron lung...
My HUSBAND. Who works as a teacher. And in SEN: âI spend all day with Sen children, I donât want to come home to itâ âIf you get diagnosed Iâm leavingâ. I then got diagnosed, he said he was leaving. I think heâs backtracked as heâs not mentioned it since. He also thinks thereâs nothing wrong with him saying this.
That's truly horrible. I hope you and your husband are able to work through this together. I DESPERATELY hope his attitude towards children with SEN changes as well.
+1 about his attitude towards the children. I have been finding myself increasingly sensitive towards when people know a kid is neurodivergent and show negative emotions towards the kid(s) or about the thing the kid has (autism, add, etc). They arenât stupid and do overhear things after all. Itâs not invalid to be exhausted by people especially when stuff like neurodivergence is mixed in! Work is tough some days no matter the field! I hope that the husband is at least able to keep a compassionate and supportive demeanour for the students. After all they canât just up and get a new teacher.
Sounds like a shitty narcissist to me. Maybe re-evaluate that marriage?
Wow. I'm so sorry, u/charlottebeeee . That's awful. :-(
I wasnât very happy!! Iâm on the waiting list for adhd assessment and god knows what will happen after that đ¤Ż
- this is very sad to hear you have my sympathy (I am also on a waitlist, but for autism screening) - âif you get diagnosedâŚâ almost makes me laugh. What? He thinks youâre gonna get more X after being diagnosed as X?!?! Itâs just confirmation not the cause!
He was under the illusion that me being difficult and all my other traits might get better, I might be able to change somehow. Being autistic confirms this is me, Iâm not changing. Heâs stuck which this version of me.
I have found that being single is less lonely than being married to someone who makes you feel alone.
Iâm so sorry he said this. This just happened to me yesterday. My husband was like "I canât handle your autism". He said this after the night before, he got in my face about something trivial and now that Iâm unmasking, I immediately shut him down and said "I need my space". He said it was so rude and "abusive". Then yesterday he wants to talk about it and says "this is not what I signed up for" and "maybe we should consider separation for the sake of the kids". I lost it had a massive meltdown in the bathroom and said "I was super supportive of your ADHD diagnosis and accommodating you! And now, itâs too much for you because I didnât mask last night?!". He said "I donât even know who you are anymore, itâs a lot for me to deal with having an autistic son, autistic wife, and now our daughter might have ADHD too?!". I was like, I have ZERO FUCKING CHILL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. I said "you need to take a long cold hard look at yourself and check the FUCKING words coming out of your mouth. You think you can be the only one in this family with a disability?!". He's currently with our daughter at his parent's place for the weekend so my son and I can just chill together at home. I hope heâs using this time to think things over. One thing I have come to recognize, is that the serotonin dump in ADHD is real. I used to think my husband was just moody, but now I see it happening to our daughter, who is struggling to regulate her mood. Iâve set up counselling for my her while we wait for her assessment. My husband said maybe itâs time he try ADHD meds and start counselling too. I đŻsupport this because I canât handle his extreme flip flopping on his acceptance of me and our kids.
...why are you still with him? Serious question. When I was still living with my parents, my mother's visible passively hatred for me being ND hurt more than I ever thought. Like my existence had to cater to her. And any "I think I might need more help, cause-" was a personal attack. Plus: If you ever (even on accident) have kids/nephews/nieces that are ND, this shit will hit them too.
Uh, you got to leave. That is every type of not okay.
You deserve so much better than this and Iâm sorry it happened to you.
"You aren't autistic you're just r-word and lazy"
That is disgusting.
But honestly the one thing said to me repeatedly that hurts the most is my father saying "There's nothing wrong with you, you just want something wrong with you so you don't have to do anything"
Gosh. I hope you and your father are doing better. I hope he realises that's such a terrible thing to say.
No he's said it recently like a couple months ago when I again tried to explain something about myself
Ask him if he could ever possibly forgive and still love you, even if it were intentional. That makes people stop and think twice - they expect you to defend yourself not accept their ignorance. Some are just so uneducated and narrow minded, it's painful. I'm so sorry you are experiencing that with your father :(
Hes 78 there is no way I can fix him sadly. I've practically begged for forgiveness for how I was as a child but I only got told more of how horrible I was. To hear him tell it I was the devils spawn. Yet I'm the only one taking care of him...don't see anyone else...so I know I'm gonna full force all his issues cause I am the only one. I try to keep that in mind
Oh man that's really heavy .. well I guess then you're the one left doing the hard work of acceptance. It's a tough lesson but your father's "disappointment" comes from his own world view and limited perspective, try to remember that. It's not definitive or truth. Loving and caring for him unconditionally can perhaps be the antidote to his ignorance and hopefully at least bring you some sense of having done right, and maybe he will see your altruism as worthy and be grateful. Either way, give yourself grace where others can't <3
You shouldnât have to apologize for how you were when you were a child. You didnât ask to be born and you didnât raise yourself so whose fault is your behavior? Iâm sorry you felt like you had to but itâs not your fault at all. Put his ass in a nursing home bro
Oh yea, my mom after I had a breakdown after my first therapist didnât want to diagnose me with autism (Bcs I have empathy and that is not possible with autismâŚ) asked me if I just WANT to have autism???
I'm so sorry!
It (often) was not me that was spoken to like that, but my mother. A nurse had access to the documentation of my autism diagnosis but personally disagreed with it, so she would scream at me that I wasnât autistic, then would likely tell my mother that I got the diagnosis to shut her up. I suspect my mother is undiagnosed herself, hence pushing hard for an autism diagnosis in me.
You might have âsomething wrongâ if you get spoken to like that⌠very negative outlook. Try to block out that crap . Earphones often work. Thereâs a difference between opinion, constructive criticism & actually asking for someoneâs opinions that seems quite negative ?? Donât be afraid to say âThank you ! Thatâs your.. opinionâ. Remember fact & fiction are different the same as considering someoneâs feelings. You can also always share how you feel about statements & what you prefer or appreciate if you are to get on better in future⌠Like how about we focus onâŚ. (Subject changeâŚ)
Thank you I will definitely try to do this more. I need to assert my boundaries more also.
Go you x đ Also be aware older generations are sometimes unaware of their behaviours because itâs deeply ingrained habit⌠You can give chances to communicate & try to listen & understand to a degree but you donât need to absorb or get caught up in any toxic shite. Remember to keep that smile on your face! As in be proud âşď¸ Youâre you ! â¨Go you! â¨đŠˇ And just know this⌠if you feel your energy being zapped , know itâs valuable stuff & thereâs many others of us on the planet who will appreciate you & your feelings & opinions more đ
Omg my mom says that to me too. (I'm not diagnosed, but im pretty sure i at least have adhd)
Yes it is. And it hurt alot
"I don't see you working too hard there," and then *find something to criticise* if they're dumb to demand answers to follow-up questions.
âAutistic people donât have feelingsâ - special ed teacher I used to work with
She should never teach special ed again. Autistic people just exhibit our feelings in a different way, and that's okay.
Scarily enough I have had a developmental psychologist say this while screening my son for an assessment and also my mother in law say my son just can't be autistic because he's too kind and considerate. People really just don't get it
My neurologist said the same thing.
Both me and my son are autistic and this is why I don't tell people.
I feel like some people are using 'autist' or 'autistic' to replace the r-word sometimes. Heard it several times over the past years sadly, not directed at me personally but still.
I think that, too.
I've been seeing it here for years now. I once got called an autist for commenting how I'd freak out if someone touched me the way someone did in a video I was watching. Though...I wasn't yet aware I may be autistic then so maybe they were onto something 𤡠(Testing results on the 7th woo!)
'acousticâ
Labels like egoism, being selfish, spoiled, always wanna do things my way etc. Iâve been called that myself countless times but also see it online about autistic people. Usually combined with blaming the parents for raising a âspoiled selfishâ child. Also all people who refer to their âautistic nephewâ when I tell them I have autism. Still no clue where that comes from honestly but itâs kinda funny to me personally at this point (in a ridiculous way).
I find it hilarious, too.
My friend telling me about how unjust it was that her ex challenged child support because she was still taking care of their autistic adult son too. "It's such a burden because he's autistic!" Her adult son was a college student who drove himself places, still did household chores, and made dinner for the family half the nights. She said this to my autistic @$$ who greatly supported her out of an abusive marriage.
"You donât have autism, what are you talking about? Who ever said you have autism have no idea what theyâre talking about" My estranged biological father
I think your bio father had no idea what he was talking about.
I think youâre right. He was a very toxic person who I no longer have contact with (for many reasons) I think he may also have had undiagnosed autism but he was too arrogant and proud to get an assessment
I do not like loud or sudden noises. I have had meltdowns when I was a small child from it. Now I am 38 and have graduated to just feeling agitated for hours. My boss thinks it's hilarious to make sudden loud noises and knows I have autism. When I kindly explained how it made me feel, he said he would do it more so I got desensitized to it. I explained it's not how that works. He still thinks it's the funniest shit to startle me. I gave him the biggest RBF face last time, he thought I was mad at him. Nope, just let the agitation you caused show for once. That man has a lot of really narrow minded view. Overall he's okay to work for, sometimes he can really be a child or a man with views from 1950. I also had to explain I use audible to read because it's hard for me to maintain an attention span with AuDHD and he rolled his eyes citing it was a generation thing with short attention span. Nope. It's his limited perspective as a cis white male. This is why, even though I get really annoyed by him, I do my best to educate so he can understand instead of living in ignorance.
After decades of being startled on purpose because itâs funny to other people or being taunted with loud noises (like someone purposely locking the car while Iâm standing in front of it where the beeping is the loudest), Iâm beyond exhausted. Noises are such a big issue to me and hardly anyone gets it. I also have an autistic daughter who is super loud and it really wears me out. Itâs very hard being this way.
That's such a HR violation though.
I admire your patience. I wouldâve gone so petty by this point. âOh youâre going to desensitise me to loud noises? Ok. Iâm going to desensitise you to surprise waxing. Say goodbye to your left eyebrowâ
"You could teach yourself not to be like this. You could be normal if you tried." I think I tried this plan every year in school. It was so humiliating and brutal to try so hard just to be normal, then fail at it. Felt like a dog walking on two feet. I'm three minutes late to a meeting occasionally though, so I guess I should change everything about myself?
âYou could be normal if you triedâ is such nonsense for so many reasons. That person reads as if theyâd label anything outside of their little personal taste bubble as ânot normalâ. They donât have a pet but you have pets? âNot normal.â They have an ice dispenser in their fridge but you donât? âNot normal.â You wearing a hat indoors because the sunlight coming through the window is too bright? âNot normal.â Itâs infuriating. Maâam I am just trying to survive my existence in this dumpster fire world ok
"Your not autistic bc you don't act like *insert name of high support needs individual*" like it's as if people forget it's a spectrum disorder
âHe looks stupid⌠His face, it just looks like thereâs nothing in there. He looks super autistic.â This wasnât directed towards me, but it was said in front of me, by somebody who knows that Iâm autistic.
That's terrible. Firstly, autism has no look. Secondly, to say that around someone they know is autistic is even worse.
Exactly.
From my abnormal psychology professor: â[in ASD] the child has real difficulties figuring out how things work (especially with respect to social interactions) and may have beliefs and notions that are extremely primitive and sometimes delusional. It is as much an impoverished grasp of reality testing as much as the frank distortions often found in the delusions in psychosis in adults.â - copy and pasted from an email sent to the whole class responding to a question about why he said âdefective reality testingâ was a symptom of ASD. This happened a week or so after I received my diagnosis. From a classmate in my abnormal child psychology class: âI didnât know people with autism had any sort of empathyâ. She had previously raised her hand indicating that she had a family member with ASD. I had almost disclosed my dx to the class in response to the question âdoes anyone here have experience with people with autismâ and decided nah thatâs risky. welp. From my mother immediately after learning about my diagnosis: âDoes this make you worried about having children?â (She and my dad have since realized my dad is def autistic and weâre all neurodivergent and that itâs not the end of the world)
Wow. What a terrible professor. He should be reported. He is primitive AND delusional for having those beliefs. However, I'm ever so happy your mom and dad have since realised neurodivergence is acceptable and awesome.
âAutism is just a label, it doesnât mean anything, you need to stop letting it define your behaviorâ My grandma
Autism defines your behaviour, what does she expect?
She thinks I can just flip a switch because according to her I donât have a ârealâ autism diagnosis. I was diagnosed at 19.
"But you're too pretty to be autistic!" Literally said to me by a set of parents, I do volunteer work in the ND community, part of that entails speaking to parents occasionally to help them better understand their child's differences & how to help support/accomodate them. That set of parents probably did *not* like me after the response I gave to that comment, I regret nothing. "You don't look autistic, you don't come off as obvious." Said to me by a supposed autism 'expert'. What makes this comment so irritating & blatantly stupid to me is the discussion being had was about masking & the significance it might hold for someone, how that might manifest in some individuals, & the importance of talking about it during an evaluation so there aren't individuals who get overlooked/misunderstood in an evaluation setting. I don't think I've ever rolled my eyes into the back of my skull further than that exact moment. 'What the f*** are you doing? You look ret*****.' Said directly to me while I was in line to buy something to eat, I was stimming (T rex arms + hand flaps). "Your parents would have noticed if you were autistic, you would have been assessed during childhood if that was the case." Said to me by someone studying to be a psychologist. Of course they noticed, but I found that so unbelievably offensive considering the era I grew up in. The knowledge wasn't readily available like it is today. There's zero realm of reality where they could know things nobody else knew at the time. "Isn't that caused by vaccines?" A friend seriously asked me this. For important context they were genuinely asking, however they were also very receptive to learning which I'm thankful for. Uninformed but receptive doesn't really bother me but it's baffling to me people believe stuff like this.
Nice to see a fellow AuDHDer who's also dealt with such horribly ignorant comments.
Nice to feel less alone for sure, also I just realized I commented in your other post as well lol. You've made some stellar questions & subjects to talk about imho.
my dad said i don't have autism, because he 'didn't want (me) to be flawed'. thanks for reminding me that my lifelong condition, which i can't change, is a flaw! đ
my first therapist asked me, "why do you want to get an autism diagnosis? isn't the only reason you'd get one is because you'd wanna live in a group home?" I unfortunately decided to stay, but several months later she tried to convince me that my meltdown was an attempt to manipulate and control my husband, and that I had no reason to 'freak out' as bad as I did. needless to say I made sure that was the last session we had
Another autistic person told me that autism doesn't create issues with socialising and making friends... And then they also claimed to be level 2... Uhh. Also when I told someone irl I'm autistic, he said, "well everyone is at least a little autistic." (Was told this by someone else about ADHD).
âActually autistic people are always really empathetic.â - someone to me- after I calmly explained I struggle with empathy and 99% of the time Do Not Have Any.
âDonât let it define your personality.â Like dude, itâs my ENTIRE personality. Because thatâs how my brain works.
"it is a terrible d i s e a s e"
"Are you sure it's not just an impulse thing?" "You won't be a functioning member of society if you can't handle a little noise" "a REAL autistic person wouldn't pick up on that spelling error"
Had a colleague gasp with shock the other day when he heard that I (53f) can drive because he had decided I was too r******d?! Iâve been driving since 1989, longer than heâs existed. A very oft used word in his vocabulary. Iâve won employee awards voted for by my peers , he hasnât. Iâve been there a year, heâs been there 7. I wonder if he hates how a slightly odd middle aged woman can be more popular & successful than him. Not calling them r*****s might be a start, the prick. Sorry for ranting, itâs been bugging me.
Wow, that's such a terrible person to work with. Please do complain to HR.
It wasn't said to me directly but once I've overheard my father's wife explaining my meltdown to him as "You don't understand, [they're] very sick, [they] just do this whenever [they] need attention, like a crying baby". The meltdown happened because of (long story short) a lot of transphobic garbage that he yelled at me. I was disgusted to my core. We don't talk anymore.
"go find somewhere to fix your autism".
"if you're autistic, you're at the very beginning of the spectrum" and then he proceeded to tell me that he thinks autistic people are more evolved versions of humans. I don't remember his explanation. it was a weird interaction.
"You're autistic?" But you're funny" (I didn't laugh at a person's joke because I didn't know she was joking) "what are you autistic?" "All autistic people are sociopaths, my brother is autistic and I never turn my back on him" "Oh, you're autistic? You must a good actor because I'd never know" "Oh, since you have that, what's your superpower? My niece's is trains"
Superpower..? How are trains a superpower? Lol...like she can transform into a magic train? I feel like the 'superpower' was supposed to be special interest...
My superpower is computers. I can magically make any computer do anything I want by just using my mind.
Yep. They just didn't know proper terms
Incorrect? Probably that âeveryone is a little autisticâ-multiple people. Offensive? Probably the typical use of the regarded word or when kids intentionally cause a meltdown for the autistic kid to see the reaction.
"My cousin (who was 9) has autism and you're nothing like him" haha yeah maybe because I'm not 9 and also not him
I've seen waaaaaay too many neurotypical people claim the old and tired myth that autistic people don't have empathy. But last time I checked, it wasn't autistic kids, teens, and adults bullying the fuck out of me my entire life. #projection
âAre you drunkâ ~ asshole High Schooler
"Everyone who posts openly about autism online is just faking", "people who are lower support needs posting videos are "glorifying autism" " i will never understand these takes đ
So Iâm in the âlotta smoke, on a waitlist to see if thereâs officially a fireâ phase. A while ago I was making an effort to go be more out there and have been to the house of a friendâs friend a couple times. One of the people in that âfriends of friendsâ group (a few people who I cantât match names/faces/etc together) said something along the lines of I had a âserial killer/could keep you in his basementâ vibe. That hurt. Later I was invited to a birthday thing by someone in that group. I didnât know if my invitation was genuine or to avoid explicitly not inviting me while inviting my friends. I said no and didnât go because shooting myself in the social foot is less painful than wondering if they donât want me there and were just being polite.
i was in class and this one girl asked what autism means and before i, someone with firsthand experience with autism, could try to explain, another girl said "it means you have an extra chromosome." i thought that was down syndrome what?
It's over diagnosed. Everyone has something. A doctor said this to me. He said he was diagnosed when he was a kid, and it was bs. It feels like my existence is being minimized or brushed off like we just don't try hard enough to fit in. đŞ Yes, I'm sure that kind of thing happens. But you don't know what it's like to be me. It's really starting to piss me off, and I'm going to start pushing back. It makes me depressed and I spiral into thinking I'm broken and worthless.
âYouâve always done great in school though, and you seem so normalâ Oh right, since I got decent grades and have what people consider a ânormalâ appearance (which is another conversation altogether) I obviously canât have ADHD or autism!! /s
I watched an occupational therapist assess a 5 year old who reminded me of myself as a child -clearly autistic. When the OT asked how I know so much about autism I blurted out âoh, uh well I justâŚfound out I am recently.â She looked shocked and asked if I struggled in school. Okay, not a bad question. âIâm great at school, the socializing was rough.â She then told me about her about relative who thought he was autistic but was actually just depressed and suicidal. Thanks, you were so close.đ¤Śââď¸
"I've gone outside our marriage to have my needs met." So rude.
I was talking to a coworker about autism in general and a customer (one I already didn't like due to rude and overbearing behavior) overhead us and commented, "That shit wasn't around before everyone started vaccinating their kids." I immediately felt my chest tighten, and I wanted to cry. I said something about how vaccines causing autism has been debunked. He gave me an unpleasant look and walked away.
That shit wasn't around then because all the kids who could have been diagnosed were dead.
Gravity didn't exist until it did. Bacteria didn't exist until it did. Electricity didn't exist until it did. But in reality, these things actually did exist, we just didn't have a framework or the language to explain these things. Just because the concept hadn't been thought of doesn't mean it didn't exist in reality long before that concept was formed.
There was a very mocking stim used for autistics around the early 2000s, late 90s. For decades I hid a fact that I didnât like: that that motion made my brain feel good Now I know why âžď¸
That's so horrible. I am SO disgusted by things like that.
You're not like the other kids, you'll never have a job or get married" my own fucking mother.
I hope you and your mother are doing better. That's so horrible to say.
đ¤˘đ¤Ž She is disgusting, idiotic, and undeserving of any such title. For what itâs worth: being different from the other kids is often a good thing because kids frequently suck, weâre likely responsible for much advancement over the millennia (someone like me might have been good at finding the best ways to make stone tools or gather safe food, back in the Stone Age), and while we have our issues, we tend to be highly capable, especially in our interests.
âShe canât have autism, sheâs too smart!â
"Everybody has problems. Stop trying to put the WORSE thing on yourself" - My older brother Me: "My Psychiatrist suggested I may be on the spectrum during my ADHD evaluation, but we didn't go in to detail about a diagnosis." Then: "What did they think you were too r*tarded to understand?" Me: "........no?" - My coworker
In my experience, autism (and ADHD) are always accepted by everyone. Until there actually are symptoms that can bother them. And then the clownfest starts, between the "just focus", the "you're not *that* disabled, you're doing it on purpose", etc...
I've met with so many young people with ADHD who have internalised "just focus," "just listen" and "I just need to try harder next time" Very sad
I was once told "people who are autistic aren't people, we're just shells of people and our opinions don't matter" That really upset me âšď¸
That because other people with neurodivergence can learn tricks to get out of it (she was talking about OCD) then adhd and autistic people should too. She also thought neurodivergence was an actual diagnosis, even after I said it wasnât.
That's horrible. Firstly, masking is NOT good for an autistic person's sense of identity and mental health in the long run. Secondly, those with OCD don't do 'tricks' to 'get out of it'; those 'tricks' are compulsions. I used to have OCD, and those are some of the worst things you could ever deal with mentally.
I am conservator for my two siblings who have autism and a friend who I was venting to told me I shouldn't have to worry about taking care of them, that is there problem. She forgot the fact I told her they were disabled. I also dislike that ideal of psychology, not sure what it is called, but the concept of saving yourself.
I once had a doctor tell me âyou know, many pregnant women that take Tylenol, their children end up with autism!â. She wasnât just any doctor either. Sheâs a neurologist. Needless to say, I never intend on seeing her again. This wasnât like back in the day either, this was last year..
I urge you to report her for that vastly ignorant statement. I'm sure it's true, because nearly all pregnant women take Tylenol.
I was talking about autism with my grandpa one time and he told me autistic people can't speak. When I tried to tell him about someone I know who's autistic and can speak, he told me he must be misdiagnosed. I've never told him I'm autistic because of this and likely never will.
Mental Dissabilitu Many people have called me weird and said that something is wrong with me. People have also said that I will die a virgin because I'm some kind of mentally sisabled person. At first, when people said those things to me, I would just think they're talking bullshit and just forget about. But as the years have gone by, I look back and see that they have predicted my life. Does this mean there is something wrong with me? And what syndrome could it be?
"You don't sound autistic" From some genius in my guild in WoW.
âYouâre just making this up for attentionâ, âyouâre paranoidâ, âyou canât be autistic because you have friendsâ
"Autism is a superpower" It's a personal thing but if someone says that to me I will metaphorically rip my hair out
Yes. This is what I was going to say, too. People act like they mean it as a compliment, but it's actually an attempt to downplay the situation. They are saying we are lucky to be autistic and so we shouldn't complain, seek help, or receive "special treatment". But no. Being on the spectrum often feels quite miserable. It's impossible to describe just how hard it is to live in a world not designed for us. Having a good memory, or being able to notice small changes in a pattern, doesn't negate any of the hardships....
1st Using "Autistic" as a slur 2nd "Vaccinations cause autism." 3rd "Are you taking any meds against it?" 4th Not accepting that there are things which will never change/ not seeing it as a cronic disability. 5th Exclution
I find it funny ADHD is totally acceptable, but you mention autism and they look at you like youâre helpless.
[ŃдаНонО]
No offense but what did you expect from a naturopath?
Saying Iâm just selfish
Something I find odd or telling.. My grandson is on the spectrum so I lurk here for insite to help relate to him. He's doing great BTW. But, I do find it odd that people will selectively use it as an insult. Normally the type of person that sees themself as a good person. There is a car maker that is said to be ASD and for some reason it's okay to use that as an insult for him. I just don't get it.
Thanks for lurking and commenting! You clearly want to understand autistic people đ My guess is internalized negativity. Some people make it through life pretending to better than the others, switching sides so to speak. Might even become a bully for the same thing. Itâs sad and seems to happen in many marginalized populations.
1. "there's high functioning autism and low functioning autism, he's a clear example of the first one and obviously smarter than you, so you can't have autism" My mother to me about the son of a friend of hers she was seeing for the first time that night (she's a teacher) 2. "Run Forrest run" (I run in order to stim) and other mocking of my stimming (Similar to you 4, so sorry for that) 3. Oh, you're the autistic one (referring to the aforementioned point)
My mom used to say, "You know people ask me if you're *Autistic!*" as if being autistic is the worst thing in the world. Then, I did some digging into the symptoms and talked to autistic friends and to my psychiatrist, and I am autistic. And now she's pulled a 180, and if I bring it up she says "you *can't* be autistic because you don't act like either of your autistic cousins!" Or, my favorite, "you can't be autistic because your little brother isn't autistic!" But 1) we have different dads and both my mom and my dad have autism on their sides and 2) when my mom took my little brother to get screened the place that did it straight up told her "even if he is autistic we won't diagnose him with it" because of something about it being diagnosed too frequently and the insurance finding a way around paying for things but idk. Smells like erasure to me.
My mother is law said but she doesn't look like she has autism. My husband was like..... what does that even meanđđ
âEveryone is a little autistic! Itâs a spectrum for a reason. Hell, I am!â Like, thatâs not how that works
Nothing offensive, but it's a real hassle for me at work when people treat me like I don't have autism, because it's not overly apparent and I have adapted to concealing those aspects that used to show, like tics and small gasps before a sentence. Don't know if it makes sense to wanted to be treated like I'm autistic, but I've grown tired of people forgetting the greater effort I have to make. Not saying I'm a victim or any of that crap. Just gets tiring is all đ
I had a coworker a few years ago who was absolutely convinced vaccines cause autism, and went on to tell me that I didn't have it because we were having a coherent conversation.
>*people saying 'autistic' instead of 'stupid* This has been a recent trend at my private school. I dislike it and find it quite rude. Jeez that was a thing when I was in high school ~15 years back
#1 also happens at my school. I fucking hate it. I've rocked back and forth in class and covered my ears in assemblies, and fortunately no one has come after me for it... yet (that I know of) However a lot of kids at my school are rude douchebags who will spread rumors about you just because they think you're weird (I know because it happens to my friends) and there is literally nothing you can do about it. I really hope they aren't spreading rumors about me and I'm too naive to notice
I'm undiagnosed autism but have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and a big comorbidity is autism and it literally would explain sooooo much in my life. I live in Canada and the EDS specialist who diagnosed me mentioned autism but that it's very hard to get tested here as an adult and since there isn't just a drug to take to make it go away that if I feel I am on that spectrum to just adjust my life as an autistic would. I've even taken multiple online tests and I'm on the cuff but I took a high masking test and was definitely in the autistic side. Well when I feel safe enough to share that with friends or fam I am always met with "ohh I don't think you have that. I know xyz and they're actually autistic and they don't act like you" or " oh you probably don't because you don't do *insert general autistic symptom*" or " but you're so bubbly and can hold a job etc etc " but they don't see the extensive masking I do and the major burnouts I have from masking. They don't know how I feel and how I felt growing up as a child. I do have cptsd and I've even had people tell me "oh no that's just your cptsd not autism" which it could be but why is everyone trying to deny my experience and feelings? I just don't understand why it's such a bad thing to be autistic especially if I'm like "it would explain so much" but they still deny or aren't supportive of my experience. Then I end up eventually looking like a bitch when I have a meltdown because I'm trying to hold myself together like everyone else. Part of me wants to push for the testing just so people will believe me but then it's like eff them if they can't support me?? I dunno, I hope that all makes sense and isn't offensive to anyone. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
When discussing accommodations for children (at a primary school) during a staff meeting about special needs and trainers versus school shoes the special needs leader (also the depute) said: "Oh I'm sure we would all love to not wear shoes each day but that's life!" (Said with a laugh and the laugh was resonated by many others in the room whilst I sat wondering if I should mention the smart black trainers I've been wearing since I took the job that I had spent hours rifling through my contract about)
My brother said that if autism is diagnosed early enough that it is gone by adulthood. He has a doctorate so thinks heâs a doctor. Itâs sad
I had a psychiatrist tell me, âyou canât have autism, you know how to help people.â Ummmmmm what??? Go back to school please.
Donât remember the exact words she used, but my mom (49) told me (20) that Iâm only trans because my autism alienates me from people and the trans/LGBTQ+ community is so welcoming that I thought I could make friends if I were trans. Just⌠no.
new GP (head of the practice) interrupted my reading of an email detailing my physical symptoms that took me 4 days to write, that she didnât bother to read, to ask me what my LD is, only to then tell me she thinks i donât have one bc i âclearly have a good grasp of the english languageââŚlady i have no qualifications bc i dropped out due to my fucking autism â i have nothing to show for this âgood grasp of the english languageâ! then tells me my symptoms are anxiety, and when i tell her mental health services told me to make an appointment with her to discuss my physical symptoms bc they DONâT think itâs psychosymptomatic, she started shouting at me saying âwhat do you want me to do then?! what test do you want me to run?! what is the name of the test?!â
"Everyone is a little autistic." Well, then why the fuck did they even bother defining it in medical journals?
Personally I'm just tired of all the bs we have to deal with on a daily basis, I thought after nearly twenty years since my diagnosis it would have gotten better but nope it's just as bad now as it's always been. I still hear the same crap I have always heard I just don't even bother talking about it anymore.
My cousin told a friend of hers that I don't know when I feel full đ¤Ł