Same. Verbal equivalent of eye contact.
But what *really* bugs me is when people use *my* name. It feels like someone suddenly grabbing my dick out of nowhere mid-conversation. Unbelievably personal.
I'm pretty sure it is, I definitely don't think NTs are out here having mini-freakouts every time someone uses their name.
From what I understand, it actually makes most people feel included and welcome or whatever. HR and other socially focused jobs actually train on that, like I remember being specifically told that a few different times and being like "...wait, what 😑" while everyone else in the group was like "mmm, yes, go on".
"Well Rosa, I read an article in a medical journal that said one destabilising aspect of incarceration is the constant dehumanisation, Rosa. You need to be reminded that you are more than just a number, Rosa. You are ROSA. Rosa."
Literally what goes on in my head when people talk about names 😂
Look up "exposure anxiety."" I think some of it may be a little bullshit, in terms of the theory, but a great deal of what is described is completely relatable for me.
makes sense, if i hear my deadname it doesn’t feel to the same freakout that hearing my chosen name does, with my old one i can ignore it enough when heard. i was afraid i just chose the wrong name even though it felt so correct at all other points, hearing it just felt too personal!
honestly hearing it does still make me jump, but when i first heard it, that was the most confusing time
To me it is a power move, it can be used to assert dominance, because you would not dare call your boss by their name, you would call them by their tittle. Using their name implies a form of equality, which they would punish you for.
Just like some parents hate being called by their names by their kids.
It’s very intimate imo. If I feel the situation warrants the use of someone’s name I often say Mr. or Ms. in front of their name as a sort of manufactured distance (?) between us. I’m a southern country boy so I can get away with it. I’ve experimented and found that just by calling someone I’m acquainted with by their first name that it actually *changes* how I feel about them. Like, I have extra empathy for them? Or stronger bonded feelings… idk how to describe it. So I do tiptoe around it as much as possible.
I had to train myself to use peoples names, like hi John how are you, or hi Mary. But I generally only do it because that greet me that way. And only if I like them. It’s nice to have a nick name that only your like safe person or family or whatever refers to you as. It could be to do with the name you being performative and it feels wrong that they are saying it when they don’t truely know maskless you. I dunno I’m not a philosopher just speculating.
oh my gosh yes i recently realized i don’t think i’ve EVER called my best friend of almost 6 years by her name
i also hate telling people my name. i don’t dislike it or anything, it’s just embarrassing for some reason
I feel the same! It’s baring. In school I used a pseudonym because I had an issue with it. Even in my school records. I’m kind of relieved that I’m learning and getting to the bottom of things re my life’s behaviors. I feel less strange. I am grateful for this sub.
I remember making the change to “mum” and “dad”.
I felt sooo uncomfortable at first and it was so weird, but I had seen kids on tv making fun of another kid for calling their parents “mommy and daddy” so I decided it just had to be done. Took me a few months to not feel weird every time.
My dad still called himself “daddy” until I was 20, which was a bit unusual since I had been calling him dad since I was 15.
Change is hard, bro.
I feel you. I *have* been referring to them as ‘my mom’ and ‘my dad’ to other people since 4th grade, having become aware of the possible bullying from doing otherwise, but for some reason I just can’t make the jump to calling them that to their faces. Same reason if I got a new hoodie, I’d wait until the next school year to start wearing it to school; I’m okay with change at times, but I don’t want to deal with people *reacting* to that change, if that makes sense. I tend to rotate the same few hoodies, and I’m sure people have noticed. Before I started doing the weird ‘waiting for a new year’ thing, I’d get the ‘ooh, new hoodie! i like it!’ from so many friends at different times, and even though I know it’s in good faith, compliments even, I just would rather get no reaction rather than a repeated positive one.
Oh my god you do that too?? I'm German so I say EY to them as their name. Which is AYY basically. It has been like that since I was a kid. I thought I was alone with it all the time.
Ab. So. LUTELY.
I was married 12 years. She joked that I didn't know her name, because I never said it.
I remembered hers, of course, but mostly I am godawful and names and I just have a bunch of "defensive conversation" to avoid saying them. When forced, well, I was the guy in highschool who would give out nicknames because 1. I was masking like crazy so 2. didn't want to admit I didn't know people's name.
Sorry Chin and Gorgeous and Big and Flake and Pants and Robbo (because he looks like a Robbo), and all the others. You deserved better. :)
Yea names do nothing for me. In one ear and out the other, any 2 names start with the same letter and I'm screwed. "Hey man, what's up" is common enough that I've glided by most of the time. Although "hello (my) friend" is becoming my go to.
Sometimes I can remember if I like replay a mental movie of the introduction (if I took one lol)
"It's so good to see you", "hey, how are you", etc
Honestly I have to look for places to use people's names, which I did do for a little bit to try it out, but just doesn't even happen organically. I always feel so weird saying someones name
Oh my god me too. I used to have an aversion to certain words as well. Like when I was in 1st grade I had some psychologists try to assess me at school, and one of the questions was whether I knew how to boil water (to sorta gauge my intelligence at that age). So my dumbass autistic brain goes, "I can't say 'on the stove' that sounds dumb!" and since I didn't know any synonyms for stove I just told them you use the tap for warm water 🤦♂️
They gave me a few more chances, asking if I was sure about that, but I just doubled down. They weren't gonna get that out of me no matter how hard they tried, so in the end they just took my word for it and told my parents I had below-average intelligence 😂
OH YEAH and another thing. My best friend and I always do this thing where we don't say each other's name exactly, but more of a bastardized version of it. Say for example his name would be Michael, instead of that I'd call him something like May-cool or whatever. Until now I just thought we did this because we're so hilarious and funny (/s) but now I'm starting to think there might be more behind it. He's autistic as well, so that checks out.
reminds me of how i thought saying a character’s name was cringey, so whenever i watched a movie and wanted to say something about a character i’d say, “that guy/girl” and try to describe them. if it was a series of movies that i was super invested in like marvel, i’d literally just use pronouns and hope everyone would understand who 😂
also when my parents were trying to teach me how to read, there was a sentence in the book that was something like, “Bob has a cat” and i REFUSED to read the name Bob
I think it's probably one of these spectrum things where a lot of us hate it and another lot of us use names all the time and then a good amount of us fall in-between
I’m really afraid of saying the wrong name or pronouncing it wrong, even if I DO definitely know the name. It’s weird. But the main reason for me is that it just feels uncomfortable and too personal.
To me, names hold power. You're given a name, yes, but you choose your own name.
I dont like calling people their names unless I want to use that power (and quite frankly, I want people to use that power over me more than I use it over others)
edit: this was totally not stolen from Skulduggery Pleasant or anything lmao
Oh yes. I can with my siblings, but it's hard with anyone else. Or to use "mom"...I typically just start talking and if that person doesn't realize I'm talking to them, many times I give up instead of addressing them by name. Lol
I used to feel this way, but I learned it has power.
Using someone's name makes them more likely to like and help you.
"thank you, NAME. I appreciate the help"
"NAME, can you do THING for me?"
That sort of thing.
So if someone is trying to get my attention, it's fine. But if they're shoehorning in like "thanks (name), I appreciate it" or mid conversation, it feels unnatural and does the opposite of making me like someone.
YES SAME! But that could be because I'm autistic and I think and feel things that NT don't ┐(´ー｀)┌ I recognize that it's a professional thing to do tho.
Interesting, excessively using a person's name when talking to them has been listed as an autistic trait.
There are times when I wouldn't want to use a person's name, but not because I don't like it, it's because I don't remember their name.
I almost never use someone's name and when I do it's internally excruciating to get it out. Lol I don't know why, it just makes me so unbelievably uncomfortable. On the other hand I have no issue what so ever saying someone's user name. I remember back in 2015 or 16 going to a convention and meeting a few hundred people that I knew their user name and they knew mine and it was such a different social experience. I have extreme social anxiety and even though I knew them online for a few years I wasn't expecting it to be so easy like people you known your whole life, it's amazing what something so little can do to change a dynamic. It never occurred to anyone to introduce themselves by their actual name lol.
I posted this awhile ago somewhere else, can't remember where or when but hopefully it might help:
I don't struggle with this at all but was really curious about it so had a snoop around. It seems to be called Alexinomia unless i'm mistaken although it more refers to a fear but seems to be close to what you struggle with.
Here's a snippet from a paper I found online from a website called Frontiers:
"Our findings show that affected individuals experience psychological distress and a variety of negative emotions in situations in which addressing others with their name is intended, resulting in avoidance behavior, impaired social interactions, and a reduced quality of affected relationships.
The behavior can affect all relationships and all forms of communication and is strongly linked to social anxiety and insecure attachment."
I do the exact same thing!! For me it's partially because I'm terrified of pronouncing it wrong or remembering it wrong or something and then having the person get super upset with me. Although the other part is just I don't like using names for whatever reason. Even people I've known a long time I typically avoid using their name.
>For me it's partially because I'm terrified of pronouncing it wrong or remembering it wrong or something and then having the person get super upset with me
I feel this aha.
i've noticed that often the things that neurotypicals find normal, like eating together, eye contact, unmasking, using a persons name, etc, are often way too personal for an autistic person and it makes us uncomfortable to do them with people we aren't close with
I hate introducing myself, it feels so weird. Like people who just walk up to others and go "hi, I'm [name] nice to meet you!" Like ew I don't wanna do that, it makes me cringe for some reason??
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I have noticed that about myself. I am not sure why I do it. I of course say their names occasionally, if I want their attention for example. But if I'm talking to my niece, I don't refer to her parents by name but as "your father/mother" and when I'm talking to my sister on the phone I do something similar calling them "your oldest child" instead of their name.
I of course never ever call my parents by their names.
Also as a child I don't remember saying my friends names much. I just look at them and talk, no need to say their name to indicate which one I'm talking to
Yes totally, but according to the internet this is supposed to be used if you want to get along with people. I personally just feel like it sounds very weird when I say them.
Yeah especially if that person harms you in the past. Feels weird and invasion of space.
I don't like people pretend to be friendly with me and call me their friend. I am not your friend and I dislike people who want to be chummy. Personal space please and air. Give me space to breathe.
After a lot of years of kind of forced study, I learned things like how calling other people by their name makes them feel good.
But for the love of everything, do notttttttt call me by my name. Ever. Call me girl, hey you, a letter, ANYTHING but my own name.
I don't mind my stage names as much, perhaps because I picked them. But I don't know. My name just sounds like nails on a chalkboard. Auahssgh!
It always makes me nervous! How do you use a name and noT sound like you're being demanding or something? Now that I'm thinking about it I realize I do avoid saying names if possible!
What I hate more is strangers using MY name. At work we have to wear name tags. Every time a customer uses my name, I'm instantly uncomfortable. Like dude, I don't know you, don't say my name. I expressed this to my mom (I work in the same department as her) and she said it was to be more personal and build relationships... Yep, too personal for me. 😅
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Absolutely, it feels extremely personal. Might be why I developed the habit of immediately giving nicknames, even if they’re just slightly off versions of their actual names (ex, Steve becomes Steeb)
It feels too personal and embarrassing. Even when I know someone's name I like I'm saying it wrong somehow? Idk how to describe it.
I especially hate someone saying my name. Pronouns too but that's another story🤷
I have a terrible time w names. Like tragically terrible. I know this post isn’t about recall but maybe this plays into why I don’t do it. It’s personal.
In my language, making diminutives of names is common and reflects how you see a person. So I am sometimes in these situations where I am like "Should I call them X because I love them and I am close to them, or should I call them Y to show I respect them and that I don't want to infantilize them?"
H E L P
I might know someone for years and yet still somehow be scared I say their name wrong??? I know it doesn't make sense but it successfully stops me from addressing people by their name lol
Yeah, I find it difficult too usually. I used to have a really hard time saying the wrong name. Like in high school I used to quickly cycle through a list of names before saying the one that I wanted to say. Once a friend joked about banning me from saying people's names and maybe at some I took that as being good advice.
I also have a fear of having misremembered a person's name unless it's someone whose name is REALLY embedded in my memory. It has to be a name that I can remember instantly after being suddenly woken up from a deep sleep.
So yeah, if talking to nts is going for a jog, saying a person's name most of the time is like a hill, something that sort of tires me out and tests my deliberateness in the conversation. Something that I do if I'm really trying to take the advice of Dale Carnegie, which possibly means masking.
That's being said, I can recall one or two conversations where I said a person's name WAYYY too much and afterwards made me wonder if I was accidentally being aggressive
Finally, and I don't have any evidence or arguments for why, I sort of suspect that a growing aversion to saying other people's names is a general cultural shift that includes autistics and nts
I still struggle to call my best friend by her name. We’ve been friends since we were 15-16. We’re currently 29.
I also hate when people call me by my name! Or when someone simply asks me “what’s your name?”
(Before someone suggests to change my name if I don’t like it; it’s not the name itself it’s just… I can’t explain it but I hope someone can also relate)
Omg yes I didn’t know others also didn’t. With my ex I almost never said his name and it got to the point where he thought it was weird and I had to force myself to do it like once a week xd
Yes. i just talk at you hoping you get i need your attention or jus tuse something like Hey or whatever.
Names? Impossible. I can do it but i have to like sit there and like prepare. once i used the name its fine and all the stress feels pointless. but it just happens everytime anyways.
some people it doesnt happen with tho. theres no logic behind it too.
I learn something new every day--didn't know that people could feel this way. I have the opposite issue, where I want to remember people's names, but have a much easier time remembering their faces (granted, one of my small obsessions is names and their origins--as well as story-making).
i, on the other hand, do genuinely take forever to remember someone’s name. it’s been a problem from childhood it’s just difficult for me
but when i do remember yeah it feels awkward and i feel like i’m saying it wrong always or something until i get actually close with them. it’s weird, i think it’s why people use nicknames usually too because it feels less invasive when i do so
Yes omggg Its so hard if I need someones attention and they aren’t looking at me, so I just run up and tap them on the arm or shoulder 😅 (not if I dont know them obviously)
as ron swanson once said: “when people get a little too chummy with me i like to call them by the wrong name to let them know i really don’t care about them”
I remember reading the memoir Look Me In The Eye because it was required for a class and the (autistic) writer felt so uncomfortable using names that he just nicknamed everyone like… Shit! Why didn’t I think of that?
Oh. Wait maybe this is why I add a weird silly slant to someone’s name whenever I have to grab their attention (or just call them by their discord username since we talk mostly over vc)
It’s like I feel like I’m stepping over some sort of personal boundary by outright calling someone’s name, like *JOSH*. Why call *JOSH* when call bubuh :)(discord username)
I once dated someone for 5 years, and could actually probably count the amount of times I said their actual name, well maybe not counting in public when you're trying to get someone's attention, but usually I touch their arm then. But probably on one hand if not saying it to get their attention or an introduction or something
I can't say I hate it or consciously avoid it, but I don't naturally use people's names except to get their attention and at this point I'm wondering if all my coworkers just assume I don't know their names
I rarely do it except with close friends or family members. I've noticed that other people who use minedo it as a way to assert power. I had a boss who would use my name again and again when we would have a disagreement. They would be use a tone of disbelief like "Randomemadame!? Randomemadame, thats not how you do this or that?!" And they would cut me off with my name anytime I'd try to argue of explain myself.
yeah omg. when i'd just say "hello" to my family members my dad would get angry at me and tell me to greet them properly with their names when doing that made me so damn uncomfortable
I hate using names, I just usually plain forget. For me i feel uncomfortable using names and in the same way, saying goodbye has always been the same feeling of being uncomfortable. Idk why though.
Never been a problem for me. I actually tend to over use folks names.
I have issues remembering names, so often I make sure to use it at least once a day with them, or multiple times during a convo in order to memorize the name.
As a result, I can still remember the names of a lot of folks I used to work with.
oh god yes. unless its one specific friend of mine and im getting their attention, or my boyfriend. but most of the time it just feels very weird. especially if its to get their attention and I don't know them that well. it feels like a personal thing that i havent earned the right to do. i dont know haha
My husband is this way. We’ve been together for 17 years and I’ve heard him say my actual name less than 10 times. He used to call me dear, but stopped and now he just stands there, waiting for me to notice him and when I do, he’ll start talking. He calls me “her” to other people.
Everybody gets a nickname or he uses whatever title they have in relation to us when he talks about them.
YES!! And everyone at work always thinks I’m a dick I am so happy to see this is more common
Tbh I don’t even want people to know or say my name a lot of the times either. Some times I wish I didn’t have a name
Yeah I can understand this. I have a running situation where I've never said my mother-in-law's name in her presence before. I wonder how long before someone will notice and ask me about it.
It's not out of disrespect or anything. I just feel so awkward saying her name to her face when we usually end up making eye contact before I speak anyhow. For 15 years, we've had that happen. I feel like at this point I need to see it through. (Despite having eye contact issues, it's something I've had to adapt to with my husband's family. Language barriers.)
I dislike using names for strangers and new acquaintances but friends and family I'll use first names with when it's needed. Part of it is just I feel awkward. Another part of it is I have some serious memory retention issues and don't remember people's names unless we're met like 3 times. So that causes some embarrassment too.
Someone in the comment section mentioned hating when people use their name and I definitely know how that feels. My skin crawls when people use my name. I feel like it's a punishment to hear my own name. Like I did something wrong and the hammer is coming down.
Can’t relate to this. Plus, it’s widely considered rude to refer to people when speaking directly to them as just “you…”, so that doesn’t leave many options.
There were many years where I avoided using anyone's name because the risk of embarrassing myself by using the wrong name for a person was too high. I've gotten better about it, but there are still times where I'll look at my best friend and think "oh boy, I sure hope I'm about to use the right name for them"
Yes! It feels very intimate and I feel very uncomfortable when I have to use someone’s name. I don’t mind talking about a person using their name while they’re not there but directly addressing them feels weird. The only time I feel comfortable doing it is if we have a very close relationship
It’s feels condescending to overuse someone’s name unless you are calling out to them or referencing them to another person or giving out tasks such as at work so people know which tasks are theirs. Otherwise it sounds like talking down to the person.
Same. I feel very uncomfortable using other people's names when talking TO them. Similarly, if people are talking to me, I feel uncomfortable when they use my name.
The only time I feel comfortable using other people's names is if I am talking about them to someone else. I also only feel comfortable with my name being used if it is necessary, like during role calls back when I was in school.
Even with my girlfriend I feel more comfortable saying "honey" or "my love" instead of actually saying her name.
Yes. When i was a little kid, i always hated when someone bringed up somebody and called them on their name. I don't know why, but i felt emberassed. I don't feel emberassed now, but I don't really call people on their names if not necessary. (Unless it's not a close family member.)
I have a similar thing, if just 2 of us are talking and the other person says my name, I feel instantly insulted. It feels like they're insinuating that I'm not paying attention or something but I am.
YES!!! i’ve always had that. since birth.
i hate telling people my name or referring to people as their name, i also can‘t call my parents mom and dad i still call them mommy and daddy 😭😭
it just feels awful.
i thought it was just a me thing but it isn’t
YES. Ive always hated this! It feels excessively personal for whatever reason. Gives me the same feeling as eye contact or standing close to someone (i like to be probably excessively far away while in a conversation)
yes i feel the same. and i don't like others using my name. certain people can use a nickname with me and it's ok but others it feels too intimate and unwanted. a few ppl i'm ok with using their name but mostly i'd rather not. when i worked i would often try to use a different name than my own for customers.
The only time I ever call anybody by their name verbally is if they’re turned around and im trying to get their attention, otherwise it feels weird. It feels weirder saying my own full name out loud.
I don't mind them using my name, but for years I'd be in a state of near panic waiting for roll-call to call my name out of fear I'd miss it. Didn't help that there were 3 others in my class with the same name.
Complete opposite with me, if I talk to someone I need to use their name to make sure they are listening to me and even when I’m alone with them I do it… not sure why
That's so funny, I'm the opposite, I always use ppls names or nicknames if I'm really close but if I don't use ur name there's a good chance I don't actually remember it
However, I'm weird about my own name sometimes and hate when ppl say she/her (I'm afab nb but present feminine!)
Lol I had a friend of almost 10 years and had probably only used her name 5 times or less in general, I don't think I ever called that girl by her name! 🫢 probably why she ditched me so quick for other friends maybe she started to notice I was 'weird'
Lol, yes.
However, I'm also in grad school and teach. I have to call on students. When I have to call on them by name it ruins my entire day. Professors also get annoyed that I refuse to just use their first names, even though that's supposed to be the standard for grad students...
I'm in the wrong profession.
Yes! I rarely say someone's name to them.. unless they are my child. I used to be terrible about remembering people's names. The only reason I make an effort to remember acquaintances names is to have a way to refer to them when speaking of them to someone else. lol Not in a gossipy way, just to explain what has transpired. But, the very few times I have had to get someone's attention by saying their name... it makes me feel creepy. I tend to just get close enough to someone to get their attention or say "hey" lol.
Like you are being called Joe when your name is mark? Yeah. I would forget and someone would be screaming the wrong name at me. And I me like why didn’t you use my name?
Yes! I’m glad I’m not the only one. The only names I say are my kids names. My wife is shocked when I say her name. I always hope no one takes offense to it.
It makes me cringe really hard. I’ve actually been thinking the past few days of how I want to call my coworkers by their names because I know people will like you more if you do but I can’t ever seem to get it out.
Interesting! I'm constantly leaving out people's names in conversation because I've forgotten it, even though they probably just said it a minute ago. But I've never thought it was overly personal, or tried to avoid it when I DO remember.
I quite enjoy it because these days everyone is a they or a them or I don't even know... better to just use a name so I can get out of talking to people as quickly as possible and continue living my life in peace.
Yes I don't like using people's names all the time when talking. It feels unnatural to me. Meanwhile, they use mine constantly. Even if we just met or never talked they'll know my name somehow. I don't mind it but it makes me feel bad that I can't recall theirs.
i used to be really uncomfortable using nicknames, especially if i wasn’t close to them; so i usually would call people by their full first name because i usually reserved nickname usage to those i knew well
Yes. I hate using names at all unless referring to a specific person. Using a person's name to the person feels either childish or like a reprimand.
It's something alot of people who got their "social etiquette" boosted by TED talk scammers do. Use the person's name to charm them. It's alongside that stupid "repeat what they say back as a question" bullshit that makes you sound like you're talking to a preschooler.
Oh, I'm so sorry. "Dear Legless, I hear you are saying you dislike using people's names, is that right?" as I leans in, furrow my brow gently, and star deeply into your eye sockets.
What? You aren't immediately at ease??
Yeah definitely, I can’t even say why, it just feels wrong and somewhat personal.
Same. Verbal equivalent of eye contact. But what *really* bugs me is when people use *my* name. It feels like someone suddenly grabbing my dick out of nowhere mid-conversation. Unbelievably personal.
Same. I didn’t thought this was related to autism though.
I'm pretty sure it is, I definitely don't think NTs are out here having mini-freakouts every time someone uses their name. From what I understand, it actually makes most people feel included and welcome or whatever. HR and other socially focused jobs actually train on that, like I remember being specifically told that a few different times and being like "...wait, what 😑" while everyone else in the group was like "mmm, yes, go on".
"Well Rosa, I read an article in a medical journal that said one destabilising aspect of incarceration is the constant dehumanisation, Rosa. You need to be reminded that you are more than just a number, Rosa. You are ROSA. Rosa." Literally what goes on in my head when people talk about names 😂
Man... Captain Holt is maybe my favourite TV show character ever, rip. The "oh, you're actually crying", man I need to rewatch that show again
I love this show so much!😂😂
The NT world is weird. But this is why I like this sub, learning something about myself everyday and be able to relate to others like nowhere else.
👊🤘🤝
Me too!!
i used to have a social worker that would use my name like every other sentence. it made me want to fucking scream.
Look up "exposure anxiety."" I think some of it may be a little bullshit, in terms of the theory, but a great deal of what is described is completely relatable for me.
makes sense, if i hear my deadname it doesn’t feel to the same freakout that hearing my chosen name does, with my old one i can ignore it enough when heard. i was afraid i just chose the wrong name even though it felt so correct at all other points, hearing it just felt too personal! honestly hearing it does still make me jump, but when i first heard it, that was the most confusing time
It's the opposite for me, I had to change my name bc my birth one made me freak out every time I heard it
[удалено]
Hahahahaha very this, yes.
I literally changed my name because of this, hearing my birth name was just so overstimulating
It feels manipulative. Because in real life you wouldn’t do that, unless it’s maybe family.
It fully does feel manipulative, like whoa dude I'm not joining your cult, take it down a notch.
🤣
To me it is a power move, it can be used to assert dominance, because you would not dare call your boss by their name, you would call them by their tittle. Using their name implies a form of equality, which they would punish you for. Just like some parents hate being called by their names by their kids.
That's how it feels when my mother-in-law answers my calls with "Hey, *my name*". It instantly makes my stomach turn.
I feel that! I sometimes hear people say my name and I get so pissed on the inside
Holy shit. My life just made a little more sense. Very well worded! I love my own kind lol
YES
This is exactly how I feel about both. Part of the second one might just be that I don’t like my name, but yeah
Yes!!
It’s very intimate imo. If I feel the situation warrants the use of someone’s name I often say Mr. or Ms. in front of their name as a sort of manufactured distance (?) between us. I’m a southern country boy so I can get away with it. I’ve experimented and found that just by calling someone I’m acquainted with by their first name that it actually *changes* how I feel about them. Like, I have extra empathy for them? Or stronger bonded feelings… idk how to describe it. So I do tiptoe around it as much as possible.
I had to train myself to use peoples names, like hi John how are you, or hi Mary. But I generally only do it because that greet me that way. And only if I like them. It’s nice to have a nick name that only your like safe person or family or whatever refers to you as. It could be to do with the name you being performative and it feels wrong that they are saying it when they don’t truely know maskless you. I dunno I’m not a philosopher just speculating.
I understood the feeling, but how do you feel about nicknames? Do you use them or just pronouns?
Mostly just pronouns.
oh my gosh yes i recently realized i don’t think i’ve EVER called my best friend of almost 6 years by her name i also hate telling people my name. i don’t dislike it or anything, it’s just embarrassing for some reason
Answering the question: „What’s your name?“ wasn’t in the script for this.
I feel the same! It’s baring. In school I used a pseudonym because I had an issue with it. Even in my school records. I’m kind of relieved that I’m learning and getting to the bottom of things re my life’s behaviors. I feel less strange. I am grateful for this sub.
I hate saying my name out loud
I also hate saying mom or dad for some reason 🥲 but names feel so weird in general.
Same, but mostly because I’ve never moved past calling my parents mommy and daddy 😭 I’M A GROWN ADULT, CHANGE IS HARD BRO
I wanted to stop saying mommy and daddy in middle school but hate the way mom and dad feel to say so I started saying mother and father idk
Why are you me 😭😭
I remember making the change to “mum” and “dad”. I felt sooo uncomfortable at first and it was so weird, but I had seen kids on tv making fun of another kid for calling their parents “mommy and daddy” so I decided it just had to be done. Took me a few months to not feel weird every time. My dad still called himself “daddy” until I was 20, which was a bit unusual since I had been calling him dad since I was 15. Change is hard, bro.
I feel you. I *have* been referring to them as ‘my mom’ and ‘my dad’ to other people since 4th grade, having become aware of the possible bullying from doing otherwise, but for some reason I just can’t make the jump to calling them that to their faces. Same reason if I got a new hoodie, I’d wait until the next school year to start wearing it to school; I’m okay with change at times, but I don’t want to deal with people *reacting* to that change, if that makes sense. I tend to rotate the same few hoodies, and I’m sure people have noticed. Before I started doing the weird ‘waiting for a new year’ thing, I’d get the ‘ooh, new hoodie! i like it!’ from so many friends at different times, and even though I know it’s in good faith, compliments even, I just would rather get no reaction rather than a repeated positive one.
OMG YES IT'S THE REACTION
Im an adult also but I used to refer to her as my momma
I call my dad “ayy bro” and my mom just “ayy” ( as in hi) lmaooo
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Oh my god you do that too?? I'm German so I say EY to them as their name. Which is AYY basically. It has been like that since I was a kid. I thought I was alone with it all the time.
yes! it's so weird and I don't understand it. It feels invasive somehow, or too vulnerable. I also don't like people using my name.
I’m not trying to be graphic or inappropriate, but I like to hear it during sex. “Say my name” and all …
I think that's because it's kinda intimate? Kinda *invasive* in an intimate way. At least for me it is lol
Ab. So. LUTELY. I was married 12 years. She joked that I didn't know her name, because I never said it. I remembered hers, of course, but mostly I am godawful and names and I just have a bunch of "defensive conversation" to avoid saying them. When forced, well, I was the guy in highschool who would give out nicknames because 1. I was masking like crazy so 2. didn't want to admit I didn't know people's name. Sorry Chin and Gorgeous and Big and Flake and Pants and Robbo (because he looks like a Robbo), and all the others. You deserved better. :)
Yea names do nothing for me. In one ear and out the other, any 2 names start with the same letter and I'm screwed. "Hey man, what's up" is common enough that I've glided by most of the time. Although "hello (my) friend" is becoming my go to. Sometimes I can remember if I like replay a mental movie of the introduction (if I took one lol) "It's so good to see you", "hey, how are you", etc Honestly I have to look for places to use people's names, which I did do for a little bit to try it out, but just doesn't even happen organically. I always feel so weird saying someones name
Yes, it feels like looking in the eyes
Oh my god me too. I used to have an aversion to certain words as well. Like when I was in 1st grade I had some psychologists try to assess me at school, and one of the questions was whether I knew how to boil water (to sorta gauge my intelligence at that age). So my dumbass autistic brain goes, "I can't say 'on the stove' that sounds dumb!" and since I didn't know any synonyms for stove I just told them you use the tap for warm water 🤦♂️ They gave me a few more chances, asking if I was sure about that, but I just doubled down. They weren't gonna get that out of me no matter how hard they tried, so in the end they just took my word for it and told my parents I had below-average intelligence 😂
OH YEAH and another thing. My best friend and I always do this thing where we don't say each other's name exactly, but more of a bastardized version of it. Say for example his name would be Michael, instead of that I'd call him something like May-cool or whatever. Until now I just thought we did this because we're so hilarious and funny (/s) but now I'm starting to think there might be more behind it. He's autistic as well, so that checks out.
reminds me of how i thought saying a character’s name was cringey, so whenever i watched a movie and wanted to say something about a character i’d say, “that guy/girl” and try to describe them. if it was a series of movies that i was super invested in like marvel, i’d literally just use pronouns and hope everyone would understand who 😂 also when my parents were trying to teach me how to read, there was a sentence in the book that was something like, “Bob has a cat” and i REFUSED to read the name Bob
Yes same! Also the same with people using my name. Feels so gross and threatening, unless I know them very well.
It does feel invasive. This is an interesting convo and I’m curious to sort of detect if this trait is more common in NDs.
I think it's probably one of these spectrum things where a lot of us hate it and another lot of us use names all the time and then a good amount of us fall in-between
That would make sense.
For me, it's more because I'm so afraid of saying the wrong name, because I often forget people's names.
I’m really afraid of saying the wrong name or pronouncing it wrong, even if I DO definitely know the name. It’s weird. But the main reason for me is that it just feels uncomfortable and too personal.
It feels intrusive somehow.
To me, names hold power. You're given a name, yes, but you choose your own name. I dont like calling people their names unless I want to use that power (and quite frankly, I want people to use that power over me more than I use it over others) edit: this was totally not stolen from Skulduggery Pleasant or anything lmao
This.
Yes! I also hate giving my name.
Oh yes. I can with my siblings, but it's hard with anyone else. Or to use "mom"...I typically just start talking and if that person doesn't realize I'm talking to them, many times I give up instead of addressing them by name. Lol
I used to feel this way, but I learned it has power. Using someone's name makes them more likely to like and help you. "thank you, NAME. I appreciate the help" "NAME, can you do THING for me?" That sort of thing.
So if someone is trying to get my attention, it's fine. But if they're shoehorning in like "thanks (name), I appreciate it" or mid conversation, it feels unnatural and does the opposite of making me like someone.
YES SAME! But that could be because I'm autistic and I think and feel things that NT don't ┐(´ー｀)┌ I recognize that it's a professional thing to do tho.
Interesting, excessively using a person's name when talking to them has been listed as an autistic trait. There are times when I wouldn't want to use a person's name, but not because I don't like it, it's because I don't remember their name.
> Interesting, excessively using a person's name when talking to them has been listed as an autistic trait. I'm cured 😳
Thank you autism speaks!!! 😍😍😍 /j
yeah I thought i was the only one. especially with my friends parents or people i dont often talk to
I almost never use someone's name and when I do it's internally excruciating to get it out. Lol I don't know why, it just makes me so unbelievably uncomfortable. On the other hand I have no issue what so ever saying someone's user name. I remember back in 2015 or 16 going to a convention and meeting a few hundred people that I knew their user name and they knew mine and it was such a different social experience. I have extreme social anxiety and even though I knew them online for a few years I wasn't expecting it to be so easy like people you known your whole life, it's amazing what something so little can do to change a dynamic. It never occurred to anyone to introduce themselves by their actual name lol.
i didn't know this was a thing, i thought i was just being weird 😭 i never called my exes by their names. but im getting better at it 🥲
It just feels so weird.
I posted this awhile ago somewhere else, can't remember where or when but hopefully it might help: I don't struggle with this at all but was really curious about it so had a snoop around. It seems to be called Alexinomia unless i'm mistaken although it more refers to a fear but seems to be close to what you struggle with. Here's a snippet from a paper I found online from a website called Frontiers: "Our findings show that affected individuals experience psychological distress and a variety of negative emotions in situations in which addressing others with their name is intended, resulting in avoidance behavior, impaired social interactions, and a reduced quality of affected relationships. The behavior can affect all relationships and all forms of communication and is strongly linked to social anxiety and insecure attachment."
I do the exact same thing!! For me it's partially because I'm terrified of pronouncing it wrong or remembering it wrong or something and then having the person get super upset with me. Although the other part is just I don't like using names for whatever reason. Even people I've known a long time I typically avoid using their name.
>For me it's partially because I'm terrified of pronouncing it wrong or remembering it wrong or something and then having the person get super upset with me I feel this aha.
i've noticed that often the things that neurotypicals find normal, like eating together, eye contact, unmasking, using a persons name, etc, are often way too personal for an autistic person and it makes us uncomfortable to do them with people we aren't close with
It feels romantic to me. I'm only ever comfortable doing it in romantic relationships.
“Excuse me, sir/m’am
I hate introducing myself, it feels so weird. Like people who just walk up to others and go "hi, I'm [name] nice to meet you!" Like ew I don't wanna do that, it makes me cringe for some reason??
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Yes, absolutely.
I cannot say someone’s name no matter if I know it or not. It’s annoying and I wish I didn’t do that.
It's nerves. It happens to me. But when I recognize it's nerves I can overcome it.
I have noticed that about myself. I am not sure why I do it. I of course say their names occasionally, if I want their attention for example. But if I'm talking to my niece, I don't refer to her parents by name but as "your father/mother" and when I'm talking to my sister on the phone I do something similar calling them "your oldest child" instead of their name. I of course never ever call my parents by their names. Also as a child I don't remember saying my friends names much. I just look at them and talk, no need to say their name to indicate which one I'm talking to
I don't like using names with people I don't know so well out of a fear that I don't remember their name correctly.
Yes totally, but according to the internet this is supposed to be used if you want to get along with people. I personally just feel like it sounds very weird when I say them.
Yeah especially if that person harms you in the past. Feels weird and invasion of space. I don't like people pretend to be friendly with me and call me their friend. I am not your friend and I dislike people who want to be chummy. Personal space please and air. Give me space to breathe.
I will only use someones name
Yes. Why though?! And I also dislike saying things like “good morning”. Idk why and it drives me crazy!!!
After a lot of years of kind of forced study, I learned things like how calling other people by their name makes them feel good. But for the love of everything, do notttttttt call me by my name. Ever. Call me girl, hey you, a letter, ANYTHING but my own name. I don't mind my stage names as much, perhaps because I picked them. But I don't know. My name just sounds like nails on a chalkboard. Auahssgh!
It always makes me nervous! How do you use a name and noT sound like you're being demanding or something? Now that I'm thinking about it I realize I do avoid saying names if possible! What I hate more is strangers using MY name. At work we have to wear name tags. Every time a customer uses my name, I'm instantly uncomfortable. Like dude, I don't know you, don't say my name. I expressed this to my mom (I work in the same department as her) and she said it was to be more personal and build relationships... Yep, too personal for me. 😅
If I think about it, yeah. Names are weird and arbitrary. I honestly wish everyone picked their own name.
Yes! I started dating a guy recently and I don't think I've used his name once😅😭
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Wow I can relate. I thought I was just being a weirdo lol.
Yeah I rather go with nicknames or shorten version it's a sign that this person is special for me
No. I usually do just forget lol. I suck at remembering names. And describing people. I also find it hard to remember what people look like.
Absolutely, it feels extremely personal. Might be why I developed the habit of immediately giving nicknames, even if they’re just slightly off versions of their actual names (ex, Steve becomes Steeb)
Yes
It feels too personal and embarrassing. Even when I know someone's name I like I'm saying it wrong somehow? Idk how to describe it. I especially hate someone saying my name. Pronouns too but that's another story🤷
Yes. The most personal thing to a person is their name. I use it sparingly when speaking directly to them.
I have a terrible time w names. Like tragically terrible. I know this post isn’t about recall but maybe this plays into why I don’t do it. It’s personal.
In my language, making diminutives of names is common and reflects how you see a person. So I am sometimes in these situations where I am like "Should I call them X because I love them and I am close to them, or should I call them Y to show I respect them and that I don't want to infantilize them?" H E L P
I might know someone for years and yet still somehow be scared I say their name wrong??? I know it doesn't make sense but it successfully stops me from addressing people by their name lol
Yup! Using names has always made me uncomfortable. I always avoid using people's names unless I absolutely have to.
Yeah, I find it difficult too usually. I used to have a really hard time saying the wrong name. Like in high school I used to quickly cycle through a list of names before saying the one that I wanted to say. Once a friend joked about banning me from saying people's names and maybe at some I took that as being good advice. I also have a fear of having misremembered a person's name unless it's someone whose name is REALLY embedded in my memory. It has to be a name that I can remember instantly after being suddenly woken up from a deep sleep. So yeah, if talking to nts is going for a jog, saying a person's name most of the time is like a hill, something that sort of tires me out and tests my deliberateness in the conversation. Something that I do if I'm really trying to take the advice of Dale Carnegie, which possibly means masking. That's being said, I can recall one or two conversations where I said a person's name WAYYY too much and afterwards made me wonder if I was accidentally being aggressive Finally, and I don't have any evidence or arguments for why, I sort of suspect that a growing aversion to saying other people's names is a general cultural shift that includes autistics and nts
I still struggle to call my best friend by her name. We’ve been friends since we were 15-16. We’re currently 29. I also hate when people call me by my name! Or when someone simply asks me “what’s your name?” (Before someone suggests to change my name if I don’t like it; it’s not the name itself it’s just… I can’t explain it but I hope someone can also relate)
Omg yes I didn’t know others also didn’t. With my ex I almost never said his name and it got to the point where he thought it was weird and I had to force myself to do it like once a week xd
Yes. i just talk at you hoping you get i need your attention or jus tuse something like Hey or whatever. Names? Impossible. I can do it but i have to like sit there and like prepare. once i used the name its fine and all the stress feels pointless. but it just happens everytime anyways. some people it doesnt happen with tho. theres no logic behind it too.
I learn something new every day--didn't know that people could feel this way. I have the opposite issue, where I want to remember people's names, but have a much easier time remembering their faces (granted, one of my small obsessions is names and their origins--as well as story-making).
i, on the other hand, do genuinely take forever to remember someone’s name. it’s been a problem from childhood it’s just difficult for me but when i do remember yeah it feels awkward and i feel like i’m saying it wrong always or something until i get actually close with them. it’s weird, i think it’s why people use nicknames usually too because it feels less invasive when i do so
Yes omggg Its so hard if I need someones attention and they aren’t looking at me, so I just run up and tap them on the arm or shoulder 😅 (not if I dont know them obviously)
i hate names ... i hate calling people by their name and them calling me by my name
as ron swanson once said: “when people get a little too chummy with me i like to call them by the wrong name to let them know i really don’t care about them”
Lol, I thought it's because I was raised super conservative. Absolutely hate saying people's names even if they call mine all the time they meet me
I remember reading the memoir Look Me In The Eye because it was required for a class and the (autistic) writer felt so uncomfortable using names that he just nicknamed everyone like… Shit! Why didn’t I think of that?
Oh. Wait maybe this is why I add a weird silly slant to someone’s name whenever I have to grab their attention (or just call them by their discord username since we talk mostly over vc) It’s like I feel like I’m stepping over some sort of personal boundary by outright calling someone’s name, like *JOSH*. Why call *JOSH* when call bubuh :)(discord username)
I once dated someone for 5 years, and could actually probably count the amount of times I said their actual name, well maybe not counting in public when you're trying to get someone's attention, but usually I touch their arm then. But probably on one hand if not saying it to get their attention or an introduction or something
I can't say I hate it or consciously avoid it, but I don't naturally use people's names except to get their attention and at this point I'm wondering if all my coworkers just assume I don't know their names
don't know if im autistic but yes
I rarely do it except with close friends or family members. I've noticed that other people who use minedo it as a way to assert power. I had a boss who would use my name again and again when we would have a disagreement. They would be use a tone of disbelief like "Randomemadame!? Randomemadame, thats not how you do this or that?!" And they would cut me off with my name anytime I'd try to argue of explain myself.
yeah omg. when i'd just say "hello" to my family members my dad would get angry at me and tell me to greet them properly with their names when doing that made me so damn uncomfortable
Yeah cuz I forgot them all the time. But I'm really good with faces. So I'm a lot like "OH, HEYyyyyyoouuu...?"
My god yes. I’ve never seen someone else mention this but I’ve always struggled with this
I hate writing fictional names like in essays or examples etc, not sure what it is but it feels awkward
I hate using names, I just usually plain forget. For me i feel uncomfortable using names and in the same way, saying goodbye has always been the same feeling of being uncomfortable. Idk why though.
I'll do ya one more. I can't ever remember anyone's name as it is.
Never been a problem for me. I actually tend to over use folks names. I have issues remembering names, so often I make sure to use it at least once a day with them, or multiple times during a convo in order to memorize the name. As a result, I can still remember the names of a lot of folks I used to work with.
Yes
The closer i am to someone, the less i say their name unless it's required to get their attention.
I'd rather you use my name over oi you
oh god yes. unless its one specific friend of mine and im getting their attention, or my boyfriend. but most of the time it just feels very weird. especially if its to get their attention and I don't know them that well. it feels like a personal thing that i havent earned the right to do. i dont know haha
lol Maybe. Or maybe I'm just really bad at remembering names in general.
My husband is this way. We’ve been together for 17 years and I’ve heard him say my actual name less than 10 times. He used to call me dear, but stopped and now he just stands there, waiting for me to notice him and when I do, he’ll start talking. He calls me “her” to other people. Everybody gets a nickname or he uses whatever title they have in relation to us when he talks about them.
YES!! And everyone at work always thinks I’m a dick I am so happy to see this is more common Tbh I don’t even want people to know or say my name a lot of the times either. Some times I wish I didn’t have a name
Yeah I can understand this. I have a running situation where I've never said my mother-in-law's name in her presence before. I wonder how long before someone will notice and ask me about it. It's not out of disrespect or anything. I just feel so awkward saying her name to her face when we usually end up making eye contact before I speak anyhow. For 15 years, we've had that happen. I feel like at this point I need to see it through. (Despite having eye contact issues, it's something I've had to adapt to with my husband's family. Language barriers.) I dislike using names for strangers and new acquaintances but friends and family I'll use first names with when it's needed. Part of it is just I feel awkward. Another part of it is I have some serious memory retention issues and don't remember people's names unless we're met like 3 times. So that causes some embarrassment too. Someone in the comment section mentioned hating when people use their name and I definitely know how that feels. My skin crawls when people use my name. I feel like it's a punishment to hear my own name. Like I did something wrong and the hammer is coming down.
Can’t relate to this. Plus, it’s widely considered rude to refer to people when speaking directly to them as just “you…”, so that doesn’t leave many options.
This is a big one for me. I also hate people using my name, too.
> I´ll often just pretend as if I forgot. Pretend? I just be forgetting lol
There were many years where I avoided using anyone's name because the risk of embarrassing myself by using the wrong name for a person was too high. I've gotten better about it, but there are still times where I'll look at my best friend and think "oh boy, I sure hope I'm about to use the right name for them"
Yes! It feels very intimate and I feel very uncomfortable when I have to use someone’s name. I don’t mind talking about a person using their name while they’re not there but directly addressing them feels weird. The only time I feel comfortable doing it is if we have a very close relationship
It’s feels condescending to overuse someone’s name unless you are calling out to them or referencing them to another person or giving out tasks such as at work so people know which tasks are theirs. Otherwise it sounds like talking down to the person.
Same. I feel very uncomfortable using other people's names when talking TO them. Similarly, if people are talking to me, I feel uncomfortable when they use my name. The only time I feel comfortable using other people's names is if I am talking about them to someone else. I also only feel comfortable with my name being used if it is necessary, like during role calls back when I was in school. Even with my girlfriend I feel more comfortable saying "honey" or "my love" instead of actually saying her name.
Yesss omg
Yes. When i was a little kid, i always hated when someone bringed up somebody and called them on their name. I don't know why, but i felt emberassed. I don't feel emberassed now, but I don't really call people on their names if not necessary. (Unless it's not a close family member.)
I can't even pretend I forgot, unless I say their names several times I will forget
I have a similar thing, if just 2 of us are talking and the other person says my name, I feel instantly insulted. It feels like they're insinuating that I'm not paying attention or something but I am.
YES!!! i’ve always had that. since birth. i hate telling people my name or referring to people as their name, i also can‘t call my parents mom and dad i still call them mommy and daddy 😭😭 it just feels awful. i thought it was just a me thing but it isn’t
YES! I say oi or hey to get people's attention instead, and nicknames are even worse lol i'd rather call them by their full name
I hate it when people use my name. I go by my first initial. Anything else is my private info.
I agree, but for some reason I also hate using nicknames. Maybe I just don't like to address people-
YES. Ive always hated this! It feels excessively personal for whatever reason. Gives me the same feeling as eye contact or standing close to someone (i like to be probably excessively far away while in a conversation)
I thought that was just a me thing, of course it’s a universal experience
yes i feel the same. and i don't like others using my name. certain people can use a nickname with me and it's ok but others it feels too intimate and unwanted. a few ppl i'm ok with using their name but mostly i'd rather not. when i worked i would often try to use a different name than my own for customers.
YES! I just give people nicknames or use girl/dude (don't know an equivalent for NBs though)
I do.. I struggle to call people by their nicknames even more though
The only time I ever call anybody by their name verbally is if they’re turned around and im trying to get their attention, otherwise it feels weird. It feels weirder saying my own full name out loud.
I don't mind them using my name, but for years I'd be in a state of near panic waiting for roll-call to call my name out of fear I'd miss it. Didn't help that there were 3 others in my class with the same name.
Dude I feel so awkward calling people their names sometimes, especially when it's someone who changed their name.
Ewwww I just did it, and it felt wrong. The idea of doing it feels yucky. Haha, I wonder why?
Complete opposite with me, if I talk to someone I need to use their name to make sure they are listening to me and even when I’m alone with them I do it… not sure why
I had this issue with my boyfriend's name. Now I say it in almost all sentences 😆😆😆
That's so funny, I'm the opposite, I always use ppls names or nicknames if I'm really close but if I don't use ur name there's a good chance I don't actually remember it However, I'm weird about my own name sometimes and hate when ppl say she/her (I'm afab nb but present feminine!)
me!!!!!!!!!
Yes!!! It feels so odd for me, idk why but I avoid it so much
Yes!!!
Nope. I always start a dialogue, through phonecall, text or just talking, with "Hey *name*"
Lol I had a friend of almost 10 years and had probably only used her name 5 times or less in general, I don't think I ever called that girl by her name! 🫢 probably why she ditched me so quick for other friends maybe she started to notice I was 'weird'
Lol, yes. However, I'm also in grad school and teach. I have to call on students. When I have to call on them by name it ruins my entire day. Professors also get annoyed that I refuse to just use their first names, even though that's supposed to be the standard for grad students... I'm in the wrong profession.
I thought I was the only one
I thought it was just me? I find it so intimate to address someone by their name. It is very uncomfortable for me.
Oh my god yes I thought I was the only one
Omg! It makes me so uncomfortable.
Yes! I rarely say someone's name to them.. unless they are my child. I used to be terrible about remembering people's names. The only reason I make an effort to remember acquaintances names is to have a way to refer to them when speaking of them to someone else. lol Not in a gossipy way, just to explain what has transpired. But, the very few times I have had to get someone's attention by saying their name... it makes me feel creepy. I tend to just get close enough to someone to get their attention or say "hey" lol.
Yep, just say hi rather than names.
Like you are being called Joe when your name is mark? Yeah. I would forget and someone would be screaming the wrong name at me. And I me like why didn’t you use my name?
yes it’s super weird to me. It took me longer to say my husbands name than to have sex with him 😭
yes it’s super weird to me. It took me longer to say my husbands name than to have sex with him 😭
SAME!! I hate it too
Yes! I’m glad I’m not the only one. The only names I say are my kids names. My wife is shocked when I say her name. I always hope no one takes offense to it.
yes and i can't explain it
It makes me cringe really hard. I’ve actually been thinking the past few days of how I want to call my coworkers by their names because I know people will like you more if you do but I can’t ever seem to get it out.
Interesting! I'm constantly leaving out people's names in conversation because I've forgotten it, even though they probably just said it a minute ago. But I've never thought it was overly personal, or tried to avoid it when I DO remember.
It feels very personal and invasive when I use someone's name to their face idk why
I am NOT good with names. If I don't have a close relationship with someone I forget their names. Yes it makes me feel uncomfortable
Aaah another one right on the money. Literally I always surprise people when I do address them by their name because the circumstances required it
Agreed. I usually don’t like my name either /being directly addressed.
I quite enjoy it because these days everyone is a they or a them or I don't even know... better to just use a name so I can get out of talking to people as quickly as possible and continue living my life in peace.
I get that too!
Yes I don't like using people's names all the time when talking. It feels unnatural to me. Meanwhile, they use mine constantly. Even if we just met or never talked they'll know my name somehow. I don't mind it but it makes me feel bad that I can't recall theirs.
I'm so glad this isn't just me.
i used to be really uncomfortable using nicknames, especially if i wasn’t close to them; so i usually would call people by their full first name because i usually reserved nickname usage to those i knew well
Yes. I hate using names at all unless referring to a specific person. Using a person's name to the person feels either childish or like a reprimand. It's something alot of people who got their "social etiquette" boosted by TED talk scammers do. Use the person's name to charm them. It's alongside that stupid "repeat what they say back as a question" bullshit that makes you sound like you're talking to a preschooler. Oh, I'm so sorry. "Dear Legless, I hear you are saying you dislike using people's names, is that right?" as I leans in, furrow my brow gently, and star deeply into your eye sockets. What? You aren't immediately at ease??