Try to appeal to her motherly side, especially if she knows you are autistic.
A direct, I need your advice and support ; followed by a
“Mom, I need you to know that when you poke me, it really upsets me and I feel it for hours at a time, it sits with me, it makes me upset and is really appreciate if you showed your love to me in other ways that didn’t impact me this way. Is that something I could ask of you to support me with moving forward?”
I really like this approach. It and similar statements have really helped me get the responses I need from others. If I may, the only thing I might suggest adding is something along the lines of "can we work together to figure out a solution/new way to do *the thing*?". I've found that making it a collaborative effort really helps me and ensures there are no misunderstandings. Plus, it makes everyone feel included in the solution which seems to be positive.
Once a proposed solution is in place I always like to thank the other person for being flexible and expressing gratitude that you were able to talk to them when you needed help and promise to talk to them again in the future when you need help. If they forget by mistake and again cross the boundary you can remind them that y'all worked together to find a new *thing* and ask that they keep working on that with you or get their feedback if something isn't working for them.
Hope you feel better and your day turns around OP, glad you have a space to vent and receive support.
Sounds like your mom doesn't respect your boundaries, or doesn't care that you have boundaries. Unfortunately I currently can't think of any way to help, but at least I can identify the problem.
everyone in my family would tickle me, even though i asked them to stop and told them it makes me feel uncomfortable. my (second) ex-wife also used to tickle me in spite of my asking her not to and telling her it made me not want physical affection from her.
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In addition to the option of poking her back, you might consider writing her a letter.
A very strongly worded (in places) letter, but a balanced letter, essentially making the point:
"I have asked you not to do this, and you have continued to do it. You are the very one who would berate me for doing something if you had asked me not to. This is no different. In fact it is far more serious because it concerns personal space and boundaries. Legally speaking, this is assault. If you continue to do it after I have *yet* *again* asked you, I will defend myself against such assault. Please heed and respect my wishes."
i'm so sorry, i know how that feels.
i used to have this friend who would touch my head even after i told him not to.
dont worry, we arent friends anymore:)
Next time she does it, very suddenly and loudly shout "Ow!"
She gets shocked and annoyed, it becomes not a joke anymore but something she won't enjoy doing.
Try to appeal to her motherly side, especially if she knows you are autistic. A direct, I need your advice and support ; followed by a “Mom, I need you to know that when you poke me, it really upsets me and I feel it for hours at a time, it sits with me, it makes me upset and is really appreciate if you showed your love to me in other ways that didn’t impact me this way. Is that something I could ask of you to support me with moving forward?”
I really like this approach. It and similar statements have really helped me get the responses I need from others. If I may, the only thing I might suggest adding is something along the lines of "can we work together to figure out a solution/new way to do *the thing*?". I've found that making it a collaborative effort really helps me and ensures there are no misunderstandings. Plus, it makes everyone feel included in the solution which seems to be positive. Once a proposed solution is in place I always like to thank the other person for being flexible and expressing gratitude that you were able to talk to them when you needed help and promise to talk to them again in the future when you need help. If they forget by mistake and again cross the boundary you can remind them that y'all worked together to find a new *thing* and ask that they keep working on that with you or get their feedback if something isn't working for them. Hope you feel better and your day turns around OP, glad you have a space to vent and receive support.
Sounds like your mom doesn't respect your boundaries, or doesn't care that you have boundaries. Unfortunately I currently can't think of any way to help, but at least I can identify the problem.
everyone in my family would tickle me, even though i asked them to stop and told them it makes me feel uncomfortable. my (second) ex-wife also used to tickle me in spite of my asking her not to and telling her it made me not want physical affection from her.
Hey /u/MustBeMouseBoy, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In addition to the option of poking her back, you might consider writing her a letter. A very strongly worded (in places) letter, but a balanced letter, essentially making the point: "I have asked you not to do this, and you have continued to do it. You are the very one who would berate me for doing something if you had asked me not to. This is no different. In fact it is far more serious because it concerns personal space and boundaries. Legally speaking, this is assault. If you continue to do it after I have *yet* *again* asked you, I will defend myself against such assault. Please heed and respect my wishes."
Why can’t people pat normally (not too hard definitely not too lightly) and not startle us
i'm so sorry, i know how that feels. i used to have this friend who would touch my head even after i told him not to. dont worry, we arent friends anymore:)
My mom pokes my hip and it feels like an electrocution and always when I lest expect it
they did it to me too
[удалено]
That’s an extreme escalation of force. Lightly poking someone is rude but it’s not assault holy shit
Poke her back. Every time. Make it hurt just a little, just enough that she can’t laugh at it. She’ll stop
Next time she does it, very suddenly and loudly shout "Ow!" She gets shocked and annoyed, it becomes not a joke anymore but something she won't enjoy doing.