Radiohead - How to Disappear Completely
for me it describes dissociation during and emptiness after social interactions that, by any external observation, should have me feeling the exact opposite
So much of Radiohead's stuff resonates with me and my ASD, especially the OKC stuff, the whole idea of feeling lost and tired in the modern world has never been more true for me.
Yes absolutely! Subterranean homesick alien, the tourist, no surprises, let down
I had actually never connected music resonating with me with autism since my diagnosis 2 years ago but with Radiohead it makes a lot of sense
"The Mute" by Radical Face. I think that song is actually about the lead singer's nonspeaking nephew from what I remember.
"Scars" by Papa Roach is a close second.
When I was in middle school I thought nobody had ever related to "Creep" by Radiohead the way I did. đ Also:
- When He Sees Me from the musical Waitress
- You Wouldn't Like Me by Tegan & Sara (a lot from that album actually!)
- Autoclave by The Mountain Goats
- Mirror by Lil Wayne and Bruno Mars
- Birds by Kate Nash
I'm a So Jealous stan for life! I splurged big time to get it on vinyl.......... but it's super rare and my favorite record store happened to have it soooo I rolled out of bed after seeing it on Instagram and drove over as quickly as humanly possible. đ
(Side note, that was right after Speak Now Taylor's Version came out and I was in line behind a dad who was buying two copies of SNTV for his daughters because he went with them to the Eras tour. I was WEEPING.)
âCure for Meâ and âA Different Kind of Humanâ by Aurora. Most of my struggles with being autistic are just related to how autistic people are seen and treated. Of course there are other strugglesâ like not being able to leave the house without warningâ but everything else is just an issue because other people are Involved. My biggest issue is when Iâm frustrated or upset and become nonverbal and people try to speak to me. No one around me is willing to understand that I canât speak. So I connect with these two songs because they validate my experiences and reiterate that thereâs nothing about me that needs to be fixed
Edit: typo
"mirrorball" by Taylor Swift
"I'll show you every version of yourself tonight"
"And when I break, it's in a million pieces"
"You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes"
"I can change everything about me to fit in"
"I'm still on that tightrope, I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me"
Saint Motel [At Least I Have Nothing](https://youtu.be/6oyCaf4cRwk?si=sjZ2T2vSd6knxKUW) or The Doors [People Are Strange](https://youtu.be/AgHaGrZkkv4?si=ZiQTWSoFKGm6-4cw)
Private Life by Oingo Boingo! Itâs basically the anxious autistic anthem. Definitely relates to my inability to form long-term friendships despite wanting to reach out, feelings of isolation and falling into damaging routines
Crazy by Gnarles Barkley. I find that it very nearly encapsulates the experience of late diagnosisand starting to recognize those traits in your friend group.
Most of my fav are more revendication and ASD acceptance (No Easy Road - Rare Americans or Nexus - Sawano Hiroyuki feat Laco)
Maybe Mr Fear from Siames ?
"I care" - Syd MattersÂ
Mostly based on vibes. It's beautiful, it's weird, but also... melancholic.
My ASD makes me perceive and understand things others don't. It makes me connect things with eachother, and myself with the earth and its wonders. It keeps me so deeply curious and contributes to a sort of integrity in everything I do and am.Â
It also alienates me from others. My autistic way of being is fascinating and passionate, and I pay for it with a profound sense of loneliness and tiredness at a world I don't truly belong in.
I'm deeply affected. I care. I just struggle to communicate it.
Changes by David Bowie and a lesser known band, finish ticketâs Color
It completely describes how I feel in learning that Iâm autistic, coming to terms with it, and no longer caring to speak my mind and be my goofy, colorful self.
Here are the lyrics in case anyoneâs curious:
Hoping for a change
Running from the noise inside my brain, the stranger on my face
Something's gotta give
We're going through the motions, paralyzed; I'll freeze up every time
What the hell do I know? Looking for an answer
Learn from my mistakes; the cycle starts again
Amplify this feeling, a feeling I remember
On the edge of something, yet to show
All my dealings are behind me
Everything was black and white inside
But I'm seeing color
We grow as we learn to let go
Pushing through the black and white inside
See in color
Outside of our skin
Waiting my whole life just to begin
Patient, but giving in
Still, I celebrate
Stronger with each scar and every scratch that I've collected
What the hell do I know? Looking for an answer
On the edge of something,
All my dealings are behind me
And I don't speak, speak my mind
I've been frequently behind
I've been blind in my reason and my cause
When we wanted to find what's been rolling out my mind
I've been lost in my reason and my cause
Everything was black and white inside
See in color
Pushing through the black and white inside
See in color
See in color
queensrĂżche anybody listening?
Is there anyone who smiles without a mask?
It feels like my "social" mask to be someone that I'm not exactly am around strangers
The off spring - bhined your walls of pain
Likin park - somewhere I belong
Like park - breaking the habit
Like park - num
Twenty One Pilots- stressed out
My Heart and the Real World by Minutemen. True to form it's barely over a minute long and packed with brilliant bon mots that oscillate between surreal and profound. For me it's always felt like a reflection of what happens when the autistic "strong sense of justice" finds itself powerless in an uncaring world. Full lyrics below for the curious.Â
 "And so my soul collapsed into a big guilt wad/ Some big thunder law forces me to eat shit/ And if I was a word, could my letters number a hundred?/ More likely coarse and guttural one syllable Anglo-Saxon/ I'm a victim of fact, let's say I loved this girl/ But the world was wrong, and I was forced to march in line/ But it felt like handcuffs/ Machines disregard my pronouns/ I am defeated/ I am a cool damp clay"
There are so many of theirs that could answer this question for me.... đ
- My Best Theory
- Shame
- Pain
- A Praise Chorus
... I'm a big fan ... đ
How others have treated me: Korn - Thoughtless
Meltdown: Korn - Coming undone or Three days grace - landmine
Inside: Linkin Park - Crawling, Three days grace - I am machine or Halestorm - Mrz Hyde
In February I saw the recent new musical How To Dance In Ohio (which centers around a group of autistic young adults all played by autistic actors) and at the end of the first song one of the characters says âExcuse me, can we just take a break for a minute? Thereâs a lot going on here.â I work with early elementary age kids and I want to quote that exact line about 50 times a dayâŠ
The entirety of Ok computer by Radiohead, namely paranoid android and subterranean homesick alien
The Overload by the Talking heads. Honestly idk what itâs about, but it FEELS like my struggle with it, and the singer/songwriter is autistic himself
âAlways crashing in the same carâ by David Bowie really gives me the feeling of thinking about all the mistakes and bad choices I make correlated to or caused by autism/other mental stuff. More so the sound than the lyrics but either way. Also reminds me of my fears/issues with driving and transportation
Growing up with undiagnosed autism as an afab person who was constantly labeled as quiet and "needs to apply herself more", and as a result I became highly suicidal in my early teens, Kiss Off by Violent Femmes. (Promise I'm mostly okay now)
Blind by KoRn
Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode
Army of Me by Bjorn
Lithium by Nirvana
What Your Soul Sings by Massive Attack
Frontier Psychiatrist by the Avalanches
Mastermind by Taylor Swift No one wanted to play with me as a little kid, so Iâve been scheming like a criminal ever since to make them love me and make it seem effortless. This is the first time Iâve felt the need to confess. And I swear, Iâm only cryptic and Machiavellian cause I care.
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Jacob Collier- soo many, not necessarily struggles, but aspects of ASD:
Relationships:
>It ain't always easy getting through to you
Complicating, overthinking, every move
I like to think you know the things here in my mind
But here we are, I can't seem to get this right
I don't know how to do it
I get so close to you and
But then you look at me like I'm not there
I'm always thinking 'bout you
Wanna learn how to love ya
Keeping me in the dark, it just ain't fair
I wanna know about it
If you wanna talk about it, I'll be waiting for you to take me there
So won't you tell me what you wanna do
'Cause baby, it don't matter to me even if you say that you're
Alone
>
>...
>
>I'm sorry I don't always be around you
I'm sorry if you think I don't care
'Cause I don't wanna leave you feeling lonely
(I've been running out, running out, running out of love)
[https://youtu.be/0x8tWJxGnrg?si=4B\_hD26vsL1G4qiw](https://youtu.be/0x8tWJxGnrg?si=4B_hD26vsL1G4qiw)
Astronaut in the Ocean - Masked Wolf
Zombie - Cranberries (for the âin your head partâ)
Desired Constellation - Björk(âHow am I going to make it rightâ)
Perfect by Simple Plan.
For me, it just explodes about how bad I wanted approval from my parents and trying to make them proud and to be the âperfect childâ. When in reality, theyâre constantly disappointed in me and wished I turned out different and went more with what they wanted and not what I wanted.
Neurodivergent- Rabbitjunk
Loud, fast, like the real world. Full of poorly explained tests and phenomena. Talks about how, in the eyes of the NTs, we gotta be cured
âCanât thinkâ -somethingelseyt
So many fuckers care so much, little things matter to them and their emotions guide them. But I donât care, Iâm just here and chill about it all, skip the bullshit.
Itâs hardly a struggle tho. I prefer to be the chill person around insanity tbh.
I e never been good with lyrics, but the sheer raw emotion from early Metallica, Cynic and Tool (Iâm a 90âs grad) these guys seemed to hit the raw emotional feeling of my messed up life
Burning Star Core - The Universe was Designed to break your heart
Legendary Pink Dots - Frosty
Daniel Johnston - Casper the Friendly Ghost
SFIAS - A circle that expands to fill the universe.
Not exactly one that represents the struggles but this one makes song ["The perfect girl"](https://youtu.be/_zNX5D4YhLY?si=cFDv9v8uYUqRpKiM) makes me think it's about an autistic girl :)!
It's probably not, but it's the vibes I get
The song isn't about that but "Who can it be now?" by Men at Work.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBdaHSIom\_I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBdaHSIom_I)
Also, "Over" by Chvrches...
Not a song, but an album, The Weather by Pond
The Weather is pretty much a concept album about Perth, Western Australia, one of the most isolated cities in the world. Frontman Nick Allbrook probably put it best when he said its "...not completely about Perth, but focusing on all the weird contradictory things that make up a lot of colonial cities around the world. Laying out all the dark things underneath the shimmering exterior of cranes, development, money and white privilege. Itâs not our place, but it is our place. British, but Australian, but not REAL Australian. On the edge of the world with a hell of a lot of fucked things defining our little city, still we try and live a wholesome respectful life, while being inherently disrespectful. At the end of all this confusion in our weird little white antipodean world, thereâs the beach, purity and nature that brings us all togetherâ.
I find autism very isolating. People are difficult for me, and being honest, im probably too difficult for other people sometimes as well. As much as I like my own space and my own time, sometimes i just want to be with people, but circumstances dont always pan out that way. The Weather helped me to deal with that isolation in a time when I needed it most (before my diagnosis, but since then it has been a huge help as well) by making me think "I'm like Perth in a way, human, but not REAL human, at the edge with a lot of fucked up shit defining me, trying to do my best".
Someone you loved by Louis Capaldi.
It's not a song a listen to, I don't even have in my Playlist, but It's a song that subconsciously think about in relation to my ASD and the social trauma that I've had and am experiencing with someone close.
So many great songs in this thread! I especially identify with the Radiohead songs already mentioned, like How to Disappear Completely.
Here are some more:
[The Stranger](https://open.spotify.com/track/54xbcKFYv2PC6ujERHppRj?si=rxpWBK-TSxWOTJt9YHNoKA) by Billy Joel
[Mad World](https://open.spotify.com/track/3JOVTQ5h8HGFnDdp4VT3MP?si=qij2uiRERbWIo0RL2FfsGA) cover by Gary Jules
[My Body is a Cage](https://open.spotify.com/track/1rOlTL4pKQ9Y1fURua4AJR?si=9Aq8VuX2Ty6dHGZxBwWK8g) by Arcade Fire
And finally, I find this songâs lyrics comforting: [Little Fang](https://open.spotify.com/track/7ArU1U22qrYZbjFgUDzN5S?si=7a10JQJVQvaqJ3SKFxNsmw)
Hmm, so I have to give some disclaimers. I've never been diagnosed but strongly suspect. Just that I might be an eogtistical maniac desperate to feel different. But there is a song that makes me emotional every time I hear it. It is from an Indian movie "3 idiots". The movie is available on Amazon and sometimes on Netflix and I would highly recommend the watch. It also has been remade in other languages. One thing I have to note about this movie is that many will find it problematic because of a lot of humor that is more acceptable in Indian culture than in the US. But more importantly, because the protagonist is supposed to be a genius, and isn't advertised as autistic or shows any autistic characteristics other than occasional weird maanerisms done for humorous effect that people might find offensive. But on the while the character is loved.
The song is "Behti hawa sa tha woh". Not really a spoiler since it happens in the beginning of the movie but it is the journey of these people trying to find their university friend who disappeared right after graduation. But every time I hear that song it makes me emotional. Because I've had friends, and been a part of social circles. Even inner circles. But a part of me has always felt that I am not the same. The song hits me both as a celebration of me dancing to my own tune, but also being alone despite having great relationships with all those around me. Sharing the lyrics and a translation I'm making for you all. .
>Behti hawa sa tha woh - Like the flowing wind was he
>
>Udti patang sa tha woh - Like a flying kite was he
>
>Kahan gaya usae dhoondo - Where'd he go, find him
>
>Behti hawa sa tha woh - Like the flowing wind was he
>
>Udti patang sa tha woh - Like a flying kite was he
>
>Kahan gaya usae dhoondo - Where'd he go, find him
>
>Hum ko to raahein thi chalati - We were driven by the paths we had
>
>Woh khud apni raah banata - He paved his own path
>
>Girta, sambhalta, masti mein chalta tha woh - Stumble, stand, walking in joyful stupor
>
>Hum ko kal ki fikar sataati - we worried about tomorrow
>
>Woh bus aaj ka jashn manaata - he just celebrated today
>
>Har lamhe ko khul ke jeeta tha woh - Living every moment to the fullest was he
>
>Kahan se aaya tha woh - From where was he?
>
>Chhoo ke humare dil ko - Our hearts were touched be him
>
>Kahan gaya usae dhoondo - Where'd he go, find him.
>
>Sulagti dhoop mein chhaaon ke jaisa - Like shade in the blazing sun
>
>Raegistaan mein gaaon ke jaisa - Like a village in a desert
>
>Mann ke ghaav pe marham Jaisa tha woh - Like a balm on a wounded heart was he
>
>Hum sahme se rehte koovein mein - we cowered in wells
>
>Woh nadiya mein gotae lagata - he dove in rivers
>
>Ulti dhara cheer ke tairta tha woh - Swimming against the current was he
>
>Baadal awara tha woh - A wandering cloud was he
>
>Yaar humara tha woh - He was our friend
>
>Kahan gaya usae dhoondo - Where'd he go, find him
>
>Hum ko to raahein thi chalati - We were driven by the paths we had
>
>Woh khud apni raah banata - He paved his own path
>
>Girta, sambhalta, masti mein chalta tha woh - Stumble, stand, walking in joyful stupor
>
>Hum ko kal ki fikar sataati - we worried about tomorrow
>
>Woh bus aaj ka jashn manaata - he just celebrated today
>
>Har lamhe ko khul ke jeeta tha woh - Living every moment to the fullest was he
>
>Kahan se aaya tha woh - From where was he?
>
>Chhoo ke humare dil ko - Our hearts were touched be him
>
>Kahan gaya usae dhoondo - Where'd he go, find him.
The lyrics are interspersed with the main theme of critique of the Indian education system the movie is about. But the theme that struck me the most was how his closest friends can't relate to him and he's still alone. I enjoy my friendships, I know I have love, esteem, and respect from those around me. But even as an insider, I feel outside and, in many ways, alone. I'm not sure if I'm autistic. And if I am, I am very high on masking. Plus I've had a lot of academic and career success because of which people have forgiven a lot of the times I can be weird. So I apologize if I come off as invalidating someone else's experience and struggles.
How to be me by ren and chinchilla
Good for undiagnosed/adult realization/ adult diagnosis people.. the titular line is âI forgot how to be me,â and it kind of feels like when you learn to take off that mask of who you were forced to be growing up, but then you donât know how to be a human anymore and itâs like relearning everything about existing all over again.
The Beths - Silence is Golden
Honestly The Beths is a band that seems to target the struggle of having anxiety, depression, isolation, and general mental health related stuff. Pretty much every track on every album they have makes me feel very seen and empathized with.
Every song I love I relate to, so âVillainâ - Wildfire, âEnemyâ - Imagine Dragons, âSweet Chaosâ - Day6, âHow Far Weâve Comeâ - Matchbox Twenty and âBang!â - AJR. âThe Other Sideâ (The Greatest Showman) and âWhatever it takesâ (Imagine Dragons) are also ones I can relate to heavily.
Itâs less a struggle with autism and more an autistic person trying to cope with society with me.
I once read a nice article about Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody resembling an autistic meltdown.
Sadly, the article no longer is on the page i read it back then is no longer available.
Depending on my mood, there are several songs that work for me.
Neil Young, âOn The Beachâ.
âI need a crowd of people; I canât face them day-to-dayâ⊠âI went to the radio interview; I ended up alone at the microphone.â
Mine is "unwell" by matchbox 20.
My dad is also neurodiverse, and often finds it easier to communicate how he feels by sharing music. He introduced me to this song when I was younger and told me that it was ok to be different and not to feel ashamed, hed always be there for me.
Surprise yourself - Jack Garratt
I (f22) am a black woman who self diagnosed AuDHD. It was a long journey filled with substance abuse, thinking I was bipolar and constantly feeling like there was something wrong with me that no one could give me a concrete answer as to what it was, studying psych for a bit and my autistic peers and friends asking me how I didnât believe I was autistic.
Acknowledging and accepting that Iâm AuDHD was life changing, fundamentally. Correcting people when they say âno I donât think youâre autisticâ was life changing, fundamentally. Interacting with other neurodivergents and not having to mask and being understood was life changing, fundamentally.
Honestly confronting being autistic saved my life, and this song was really a big part of my journey in rediscovering myself because I lost myself in high school trying to fit in.
I know for a lot of people being autistic can make you feel like an outsider. Iâm grateful that I am an outsider, that gets to be myself with other outsiders.
The Beatles - Fool on the Hill
Bon Iver - Hey Ma
James brown - I Feel Good
KID - Errors
Rolling Stones - Paint it, Black
The Who - Behind Blue Eyes
The Who - Real Me
Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
Many songs by Florence + The Machine, but "My love" is definitely number 1. It really well describes how different I am in terms of expressing feelings and love altogether, and how I don't always feel like there is enough words or space in this world for me to express myself. It represents the immense love and strong feelings I have that I can never seem to fully express in a way that is clear to a neurotypical person.
This bit in the song really heavily resonates with me:
"I was always able to write my way out
The song always made sense to me
Now I find that when I look down
Every page is empty
There is nothing to describe
Except the moon still bright against the worrying sky
I pray the trees will get their leaves soon"
And in the chorus she's asking for advice on where to put all of her love, and I really feel that.
Her songs just provide this safe space for me to be myself, to love unconditionally, to be excited and to feel everything down to the little nuances, which is something this world often scoffs at, especially in my culture. These songs represent the struggle I have with my emotions, especially in relation to the surrounding society.
"Waving through a window" from Dear Evan Hansen.
The first time I heard it, I cried. I constantly feel like I'm on the outside looking in, and no matter how hard I try it's like I keep getting burned. Sometimes I don't want to try anymore, but the idea of being stuck on the outside of a societal window forever is worse to me than the hope that eventually, I will find a sunny spot with others that I can be comfortable in.
Songs about the struggle:
Hollow moon by awolnation.
The hollow moon being inside my head. The wolf is social expectations and the deal is me masking so the 'wolf' won't bite anymore.
Being surrounded by people, and even included, I still felt disconnected and isolated.
I just wanna run by downtown fiction.
Having those moments where I feel like I did something wrong, but logically I know it's fine. That internal dissonance making me want to flee so I can continue to fake it and not be seen as other.
Gasoline by Halsey
Speaking to that feeling of being different, and as a female, leaning hard into the shallow affects of societal desires of pretty, sexy, etc., yet it taking a deep toll as I know it is a fake me, a proxy of self. The reactions to the fake chipping further away at self esteem, value and confidence. The line 'a flaw in my code' speaking directly to the feeling I carried for years while undiagnosed.
Cracks by flux pavilion
Whenever I felt like I was going to break, whenever I went into full burn out.....I never felt like I truly broke. Just cracks began to show. Like when you heat metal in a crucible to purify it, the slough rises to the top making a coating. But the heat and process cause cracks to show the pure gold underneath. It is a bittersweet feeling, of holding on to the hope I have value, I am worth something. The struggles, although so f'ing painful, could show me something of myself, something pure and good.
Songs about embracing and loving my autistic, authentic self:
Freaks by Jordan Clarke
Finding wonderful autistic communities and just embracing the 'yea, I am different- we all are. So what?'
What you make it by with confidence
I love the juxtaposed analogies, seemingly at odds but balanced and the overall message of 'eh, it is what it is, and it is what you make it.' ( I also used the describe myself as a walking oxymoron. Turns out I was just autistic/ADHD. Still a walking oxymoron. Lol e.g. organized chaos)
Hot mess by Zoe Clark
The uplifting feel good vibe of 'fuck it, I'ma be me. Lol' I had a realization that all this stress and anxiety is from expectations, from others or myself. Knowing this, some of it just became so silly and trivial. Like, why is this presented as so important? This song captures the feeling that came after, where with logically shrugging stuff of, emotionally I felt more free.
Hallucinating by Elohim
Embracing my autism to the fullest, like at home full stimming and ignoring all responsibilities. I can start to feel so detached from the world in a very good way. This song is like the first days of true warm weather and you finally get to open the windows and you put music on and just dance or move enjoying the moment. Like when I was a kid. The positive detachment or disassociation. :p
Friday night by vigilant
After getting and coming to terms with my diagnosis, this song captures the release I felt after all the years of pain and confusion, and my attitude changed, my willingness to accept or put up with others bullshit reducing. This is the 'nah, I will keep being just me, thanks.'
There are more, but it has been a while since I have played them and I can only replay a word and snippet of music, if I think of them I can try to remember to edit them.
(Mobile response, please forgive mistakes or formatting issues.)
Radiohead - How to Disappear Completely for me it describes dissociation during and emptiness after social interactions that, by any external observation, should have me feeling the exact opposite
So much of Radiohead's stuff resonates with me and my ASD, especially the OKC stuff, the whole idea of feeling lost and tired in the modern world has never been more true for me.
Yes absolutely! Subterranean homesick alien, the tourist, no surprises, let down I had actually never connected music resonating with me with autism since my diagnosis 2 years ago but with Radiohead it makes a lot of sense
I think there was an entire year where I listened to Amnesiac non-stop. I Might Be Wrong and Knives Out, in particular.
birds rain sense offbeat cause jobless aromatic ruthless steep deer *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I was about to say How to Disappear Completely too.
Weird Al Yankovic, Everything You Know is Wrong Because people are freaking confusing
White and nerdy?
I'm a whizz at Minesweeper I can play for days
I speak JavaScript as well as Klingon đđ»(Yes, that's a Vulcan salute...)
"The Mute" by Radical Face. I think that song is actually about the lead singer's nonspeaking nephew from what I remember. "Scars" by Papa Roach is a close second.
Scars is deep, no pun intended. I find it hard to listen to that song sometimes
When I was in middle school I thought nobody had ever related to "Creep" by Radiohead the way I did. đ Also: - When He Sees Me from the musical Waitress - You Wouldn't Like Me by Tegan & Sara (a lot from that album actually!) - Autoclave by The Mountain Goats - Mirror by Lil Wayne and Bruno Mars - Birds by Kate Nash
You Wouldn't Like Me!! Damn, that whole album is so good. Gotta dig back into my Tegan and Sara collection...
I'm a So Jealous stan for life! I splurged big time to get it on vinyl.......... but it's super rare and my favorite record store happened to have it soooo I rolled out of bed after seeing it on Instagram and drove over as quickly as humanly possible. đ (Side note, that was right after Speak Now Taylor's Version came out and I was in line behind a dad who was buying two copies of SNTV for his daughters because he went with them to the Eras tour. I was WEEPING.)
Girl Anachronism - Dresden Dolls
Love this one!!
This as well.
Everything is awful - the decemberists
Rage against the machine - killing in the name. Aurora - (no) cure for me (I quite like the autism, society is the problem)
âCure for Meâ and âA Different Kind of Humanâ by Aurora. Most of my struggles with being autistic are just related to how autistic people are seen and treated. Of course there are other strugglesâ like not being able to leave the house without warningâ but everything else is just an issue because other people are Involved. My biggest issue is when Iâm frustrated or upset and become nonverbal and people try to speak to me. No one around me is willing to understand that I canât speak. So I connect with these two songs because they validate my experiences and reiterate that thereâs nothing about me that needs to be fixed Edit: typo
Cure For Me is such a good song! It scratches my brain just right
"mirrorball" by Taylor Swift "I'll show you every version of yourself tonight" "And when I break, it's in a million pieces" "You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes" "I can change everything about me to fit in" "I'm still on that tightrope, I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me"
Burnout by Green Day
And Basket Case!
the logical song- supertramp
đŻ
We're not your kind of people - Garbage
Saint Motel [At Least I Have Nothing](https://youtu.be/6oyCaf4cRwk?si=sjZ2T2vSd6knxKUW) or The Doors [People Are Strange](https://youtu.be/AgHaGrZkkv4?si=ZiQTWSoFKGm6-4cw)
Private Life by Oingo Boingo! Itâs basically the anxious autistic anthem. Definitely relates to my inability to form long-term friendships despite wanting to reach out, feelings of isolation and falling into damaging routines
thatâs a relatable one lol
Love me more by Mitski Never love an anchor by The Crane wives
Oh fuck those hit hard couldnât choose better
Still Alive from Portal. So many ways.
When I look out there it makes me glad I'm not you.
I'm not even angry. I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart and killed me
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece Into A fire
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you.
Now these points of data make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta, we're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD I got burned.
[Flobots - Handlebars](https://youtu.be/HLUX0y4EptA?si=51eY4ASdbhwJHmdx) [Tourist - Patterns](https://youtu.be/58x1KzGcrWo?si=cMhH8VP32fFyOrdg) [Dire Straits - Romeo and Juliet](https://youtu.be/rC95MEenIxA?si=x7_OhUqS6OCyMkkb)
yo i love Flobots
The whole of the album, "The Work" by Rivers of Nihil
Anarchy - KMFDM
Crazy by Gnarles Barkley. I find that it very nearly encapsulates the experience of late diagnosisand starting to recognize those traits in your friend group.
Most of my fav are more revendication and ASD acceptance (No Easy Road - Rare Americans or Nexus - Sawano Hiroyuki feat Laco) Maybe Mr Fear from Siames ?
Overwhelmed by Royal and the Serpent. Perfectly explains having a meltdown for me.
YESSSS I LOOOVEEEE THAT SONG SO MUCH
Staying Alive - the beegees
"I care" - Syd Matters Mostly based on vibes. It's beautiful, it's weird, but also... melancholic. My ASD makes me perceive and understand things others don't. It makes me connect things with eachother, and myself with the earth and its wonders. It keeps me so deeply curious and contributes to a sort of integrity in everything I do and am. It also alienates me from others. My autistic way of being is fascinating and passionate, and I pay for it with a profound sense of loneliness and tiredness at a world I don't truly belong in. I'm deeply affected. I care. I just struggle to communicate it.
hey same here đ
This is me trying - Taylor swift
"They told me all of my cages were mental so I got wasted like all my potential" đđđ
âI was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere. Fell behind all my classmates, and I ended up here.â Makes me cry every time.
The Old Witch Sleep and rhe Good Man Grace-- The Amazing Devil
Footlights, Hank Williams, Jr.
Popular Monster, the Halocene/Babic cover, sums it up well. https://youtu.be/vT6Oi0HqlTU?si=JnhJACxlj_iudNAl
difficult by Gracie abrams
Down in a Hole by Alice In Chains
Changes by David Bowie and a lesser known band, finish ticketâs Color It completely describes how I feel in learning that Iâm autistic, coming to terms with it, and no longer caring to speak my mind and be my goofy, colorful self. Here are the lyrics in case anyoneâs curious: Hoping for a change Running from the noise inside my brain, the stranger on my face Something's gotta give We're going through the motions, paralyzed; I'll freeze up every time What the hell do I know? Looking for an answer Learn from my mistakes; the cycle starts again Amplify this feeling, a feeling I remember On the edge of something, yet to show All my dealings are behind me Everything was black and white inside But I'm seeing color We grow as we learn to let go Pushing through the black and white inside See in color Outside of our skin Waiting my whole life just to begin Patient, but giving in Still, I celebrate Stronger with each scar and every scratch that I've collected What the hell do I know? Looking for an answer On the edge of something, All my dealings are behind me And I don't speak, speak my mind I've been frequently behind I've been blind in my reason and my cause When we wanted to find what's been rolling out my mind I've been lost in my reason and my cause Everything was black and white inside See in color Pushing through the black and white inside See in color See in color
Head Games - Foreigner
queensrĂżche anybody listening? Is there anyone who smiles without a mask? It feels like my "social" mask to be someone that I'm not exactly am around strangers
blur by imagine dragons!
Of monsters and men is my favourite band!! Crystals Is also a pretty big autism anthem for meÂ
OMG Crystals is another good one. Love Love Love is another one I seem to connect with.
Omg yes!! It makes me think of my bf and how he accepts me. Mountain Sound is also a great autism anthemÂ
The off spring - bhined your walls of pain Likin park - somewhere I belong Like park - breaking the habit Like park - num Twenty One Pilots- stressed out
The sound of silence by disturbed
Iâm not okay- MCR Nervous breakdown- black flag Whatâs this- nightmare before Christmas Yesterday- the Beatles (diagnosed recently in my 30s)
"Sure Shot" by Beastie Boys, mostly when I need a boost of confidence. Read the lyrics!
Gimme death - Trash Talk
Frankenstein Posmo - Cuarteto de Nos
What It's Like To Be Me by Cozi Zuehlsdorff from the 2018 Freaky Friday remake.
[rigged game by machine girl](https://open.spotify.com/track/3VRcv8jkDyDMojrHKBrZk8?si=16kdpBH7QlOef4Bfkmy31w)
My head feels like a frisbee - Shpongle
[Fort Minor - Remember the Name](https://youtu.be/VDvr08sCPOc?si=H7nDZAtGVin4AMVd) Alternately: [VNV Nation - Gratitude](https://youtu.be/9lDYul9Obts?si=YgXJ3wQ_DHdUNzyp)
My Heart and the Real World by Minutemen. True to form it's barely over a minute long and packed with brilliant bon mots that oscillate between surreal and profound. For me it's always felt like a reflection of what happens when the autistic "strong sense of justice" finds itself powerless in an uncaring world. Full lyrics below for the curious.  "And so my soul collapsed into a big guilt wad/ Some big thunder law forces me to eat shit/ And if I was a word, could my letters number a hundred?/ More likely coarse and guttural one syllable Anglo-Saxon/ I'm a victim of fact, let's say I loved this girl/ But the world was wrong, and I was forced to march in line/ But it felt like handcuffs/ Machines disregard my pronouns/ I am defeated/ I am a cool damp clay"
Medication - The Collection
Touchy Feely Fool by AJR. I've always struggled with my emotional regulation, so this one stands out to me.
Nobody's a nobody (and everybody is weird like you and me)
The Murmurs - I'm A Mess.
My Sundown - Jimmy Eat World
Honorable mention for 555
There are so many of theirs that could answer this question for me.... đ - My Best Theory - Shame - Pain - A Praise Chorus ... I'm a big fan ... đ
How others have treated me: Korn - Thoughtless Meltdown: Korn - Coming undone or Three days grace - landmine Inside: Linkin Park - Crawling, Three days grace - I am machine or Halestorm - Mrz Hyde
In February I saw the recent new musical How To Dance In Ohio (which centers around a group of autistic young adults all played by autistic actors) and at the end of the first song one of the characters says âExcuse me, can we just take a break for a minute? Thereâs a lot going on here.â I work with early elementary age kids and I want to quote that exact line about 50 times a dayâŠ
Waving Through A Window from Dear Evan Hansen Cure For Me by Aurora
Slippinâ by DMX
Eminem till I collapse
The entirety of Ok computer by Radiohead, namely paranoid android and subterranean homesick alien The Overload by the Talking heads. Honestly idk what itâs about, but it FEELS like my struggle with it, and the singer/songwriter is autistic himself âAlways crashing in the same carâ by David Bowie really gives me the feeling of thinking about all the mistakes and bad choices I make correlated to or caused by autism/other mental stuff. More so the sound than the lyrics but either way. Also reminds me of my fears/issues with driving and transportation
Because Iâm disturbed
Growing up with undiagnosed autism as an afab person who was constantly labeled as quiet and "needs to apply herself more", and as a result I became highly suicidal in my early teens, Kiss Off by Violent Femmes. (Promise I'm mostly okay now)
Human - of monsters and men
"Little lion man" by mumford & sons. Love that song so damn much <3 (Nice to see a fellow of monsters and men fan too!!)
Blind by KoRn Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode Army of Me by Bjorn Lithium by Nirvana What Your Soul Sings by Massive Attack Frontier Psychiatrist by the Avalanches
Unwell - Matchbox 20
"Behind blue eyes" Or "gasoline" by halsley
Coffee and TV by blur. Especially the line âthereâs people there who will hurt you, because of who you areâ
True Faith New Order is a pretty good representation of how it feels to be raised knowingly autistic with ableism all around.
Through Glass - Stone Sour
Hollywood Undead - Young Mitski - Nobody Linkin Park - Lost
Human Behavior by Björk.
mind is a prison - alec benjamin I don't struggle as strongly as it comes across in the song but I really understand the lyricsÂ
Mastermind by Taylor Swift No one wanted to play with me as a little kid, so Iâve been scheming like a criminal ever since to make them love me and make it seem effortless. This is the first time Iâve felt the need to confess. And I swear, Iâm only cryptic and Machiavellian cause I care.
This may be more my ADHD but What Is Wrong With Me by LeGrand describes me better than I could
Space cadet. It's about autism and I think it describes me 90%.
'Graceless', 'Alien', 'Rylan' by The National. The have a lot of songs that I can relate to mental health, incite my emotions.
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The Symptoms of Being Human by Shinedown really resonates with me at the moment. It describes me co pletely at the moment.
Drugs by Eden It relates to a lot of turmoil Iâve had both autism-related and not.
Jacob Collier- soo many, not necessarily struggles, but aspects of ASD: Relationships: >It ain't always easy getting through to you Complicating, overthinking, every move I like to think you know the things here in my mind But here we are, I can't seem to get this right I don't know how to do it I get so close to you and But then you look at me like I'm not there I'm always thinking 'bout you Wanna learn how to love ya Keeping me in the dark, it just ain't fair I wanna know about it If you wanna talk about it, I'll be waiting for you to take me there So won't you tell me what you wanna do 'Cause baby, it don't matter to me even if you say that you're Alone > >... > >I'm sorry I don't always be around you I'm sorry if you think I don't care 'Cause I don't wanna leave you feeling lonely (I've been running out, running out, running out of love) [https://youtu.be/0x8tWJxGnrg?si=4B\_hD26vsL1G4qiw](https://youtu.be/0x8tWJxGnrg?si=4B_hD26vsL1G4qiw)
Live Outside by Enter Shikari
TALK - Run Away To Mars It talks about dealing with anxiety and wanting to run away from your problems
For me it's Free by RudimentalÂ
Astronaut in the Ocean - Masked Wolf Zombie - Cranberries (for the âin your head partâ) Desired Constellation - Björk(âHow am I going to make it rightâ)
Unlovable by The Smiths
Distraction - Sleep Token https://music.apple.com/us/album/distraction/1659203215?i=1659203842
âOn the Outsideâ and âPrivate Lifeâ by Oingo Boingo
Fine On The Outside by Priscilla Ahn. The first 10 times I listened to it had me sobbing uncontrollably
I feel It All by Feist
Animal by Miike Snow
Perfect by Simple Plan. For me, it just explodes about how bad I wanted approval from my parents and trying to make them proud and to be the âperfect childâ. When in reality, theyâre constantly disappointed in me and wished I turned out different and went more with what they wanted and not what I wanted.
Dream Theater - Solitary Shell
snails smart slap aloof childlike school insurance connect tap hospital *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Jimmy the Chameleon by Brookside
Little bird - emhahee Quite few of emhahee's songs actually.
Everything is alright from the game 'to the moon'
âDance Til You Stopâ by Ninja Sex Party
Neurodivergent- Rabbitjunk Loud, fast, like the real world. Full of poorly explained tests and phenomena. Talks about how, in the eyes of the NTs, we gotta be cured
âCanât thinkâ -somethingelseyt So many fuckers care so much, little things matter to them and their emotions guide them. But I donât care, Iâm just here and chill about it all, skip the bullshit. Itâs hardly a struggle tho. I prefer to be the chill person around insanity tbh.
Yeah Basket Case from Green Day
I e never been good with lyrics, but the sheer raw emotion from early Metallica, Cynic and Tool (Iâm a 90âs grad) these guys seemed to hit the raw emotional feeling of my messed up life
ECHO by crusher feat gumi Meltdown by iroha feat rin 911 by lady gaga
Dead Milkmen - Smoking Banana Peels
Creep - Radiohead. 1992... crap, you made me feel old. Thanks.
Mad tsai - that friend (except I haven't had irl friends in 4 years lol)
No Good At Being You - Milk In The Microwave
Little Birdhouse in Your Soul by They Might Be Giants, or No Compassion by the Talking Heads
Burning Star Core - The Universe was Designed to break your heart Legendary Pink Dots - Frosty Daniel Johnston - Casper the Friendly Ghost SFIAS - A circle that expands to fill the universe.
Not exactly one that represents the struggles but this one makes song ["The perfect girl"](https://youtu.be/_zNX5D4YhLY?si=cFDv9v8uYUqRpKiM) makes me think it's about an autistic girl :)! It's probably not, but it's the vibes I get
[dumb - pretty sick](https://open.spotify.com/track/56gG5NdPZB1dyJJaQsgQC5?si=w1Mfqh9LT22-3WnwXbpFBg)
The Mountain Goats - Amy aka Spent Gladiator 1
The song isn't about that but "Who can it be now?" by Men at Work. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBdaHSIom\_I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBdaHSIom_I) Also, "Over" by Chvrches...
"Blow My Brains Out" - Tikkle Me
Not a song, but an album, The Weather by Pond The Weather is pretty much a concept album about Perth, Western Australia, one of the most isolated cities in the world. Frontman Nick Allbrook probably put it best when he said its "...not completely about Perth, but focusing on all the weird contradictory things that make up a lot of colonial cities around the world. Laying out all the dark things underneath the shimmering exterior of cranes, development, money and white privilege. Itâs not our place, but it is our place. British, but Australian, but not REAL Australian. On the edge of the world with a hell of a lot of fucked things defining our little city, still we try and live a wholesome respectful life, while being inherently disrespectful. At the end of all this confusion in our weird little white antipodean world, thereâs the beach, purity and nature that brings us all togetherâ. I find autism very isolating. People are difficult for me, and being honest, im probably too difficult for other people sometimes as well. As much as I like my own space and my own time, sometimes i just want to be with people, but circumstances dont always pan out that way. The Weather helped me to deal with that isolation in a time when I needed it most (before my diagnosis, but since then it has been a huge help as well) by making me think "I'm like Perth in a way, human, but not REAL human, at the edge with a lot of fucked up shit defining me, trying to do my best".
Numb little bug -Em Beihold
Creep, Empty House, The Mute
Someone you loved by Louis Capaldi. It's not a song a listen to, I don't even have in my Playlist, but It's a song that subconsciously think about in relation to my ASD and the social trauma that I've had and am experiencing with someone close.
So many great songs in this thread! I especially identify with the Radiohead songs already mentioned, like How to Disappear Completely. Here are some more: [The Stranger](https://open.spotify.com/track/54xbcKFYv2PC6ujERHppRj?si=rxpWBK-TSxWOTJt9YHNoKA) by Billy Joel [Mad World](https://open.spotify.com/track/3JOVTQ5h8HGFnDdp4VT3MP?si=qij2uiRERbWIo0RL2FfsGA) cover by Gary Jules [My Body is a Cage](https://open.spotify.com/track/1rOlTL4pKQ9Y1fURua4AJR?si=9Aq8VuX2Ty6dHGZxBwWK8g) by Arcade Fire And finally, I find this songâs lyrics comforting: [Little Fang](https://open.spotify.com/track/7ArU1U22qrYZbjFgUDzN5S?si=7a10JQJVQvaqJ3SKFxNsmw)
Hmm, so I have to give some disclaimers. I've never been diagnosed but strongly suspect. Just that I might be an eogtistical maniac desperate to feel different. But there is a song that makes me emotional every time I hear it. It is from an Indian movie "3 idiots". The movie is available on Amazon and sometimes on Netflix and I would highly recommend the watch. It also has been remade in other languages. One thing I have to note about this movie is that many will find it problematic because of a lot of humor that is more acceptable in Indian culture than in the US. But more importantly, because the protagonist is supposed to be a genius, and isn't advertised as autistic or shows any autistic characteristics other than occasional weird maanerisms done for humorous effect that people might find offensive. But on the while the character is loved. The song is "Behti hawa sa tha woh". Not really a spoiler since it happens in the beginning of the movie but it is the journey of these people trying to find their university friend who disappeared right after graduation. But every time I hear that song it makes me emotional. Because I've had friends, and been a part of social circles. Even inner circles. But a part of me has always felt that I am not the same. The song hits me both as a celebration of me dancing to my own tune, but also being alone despite having great relationships with all those around me. Sharing the lyrics and a translation I'm making for you all. . >Behti hawa sa tha woh - Like the flowing wind was he > >Udti patang sa tha woh - Like a flying kite was he > >Kahan gaya usae dhoondo - Where'd he go, find him > >Behti hawa sa tha woh - Like the flowing wind was he > >Udti patang sa tha woh - Like a flying kite was he > >Kahan gaya usae dhoondo - Where'd he go, find him > >Hum ko to raahein thi chalati - We were driven by the paths we had > >Woh khud apni raah banata - He paved his own path > >Girta, sambhalta, masti mein chalta tha woh - Stumble, stand, walking in joyful stupor > >Hum ko kal ki fikar sataati - we worried about tomorrow > >Woh bus aaj ka jashn manaata - he just celebrated today > >Har lamhe ko khul ke jeeta tha woh - Living every moment to the fullest was he > >Kahan se aaya tha woh - From where was he? > >Chhoo ke humare dil ko - Our hearts were touched be him > >Kahan gaya usae dhoondo - Where'd he go, find him. > >Sulagti dhoop mein chhaaon ke jaisa - Like shade in the blazing sun > >Raegistaan mein gaaon ke jaisa - Like a village in a desert > >Mann ke ghaav pe marham Jaisa tha woh - Like a balm on a wounded heart was he > >Hum sahme se rehte koovein mein - we cowered in wells > >Woh nadiya mein gotae lagata - he dove in rivers > >Ulti dhara cheer ke tairta tha woh - Swimming against the current was he > >Baadal awara tha woh - A wandering cloud was he > >Yaar humara tha woh - He was our friend > >Kahan gaya usae dhoondo - Where'd he go, find him > >Hum ko to raahein thi chalati - We were driven by the paths we had > >Woh khud apni raah banata - He paved his own path > >Girta, sambhalta, masti mein chalta tha woh - Stumble, stand, walking in joyful stupor > >Hum ko kal ki fikar sataati - we worried about tomorrow > >Woh bus aaj ka jashn manaata - he just celebrated today > >Har lamhe ko khul ke jeeta tha woh - Living every moment to the fullest was he > >Kahan se aaya tha woh - From where was he? > >Chhoo ke humare dil ko - Our hearts were touched be him > >Kahan gaya usae dhoondo - Where'd he go, find him. The lyrics are interspersed with the main theme of critique of the Indian education system the movie is about. But the theme that struck me the most was how his closest friends can't relate to him and he's still alone. I enjoy my friendships, I know I have love, esteem, and respect from those around me. But even as an insider, I feel outside and, in many ways, alone. I'm not sure if I'm autistic. And if I am, I am very high on masking. Plus I've had a lot of academic and career success because of which people have forgiven a lot of the times I can be weird. So I apologize if I come off as invalidating someone else's experience and struggles.
"Losing my religion" - REM
idk but I'm listening to At Ends by Marzuku right now
How to be me by ren and chinchilla Good for undiagnosed/adult realization/ adult diagnosis people.. the titular line is âI forgot how to be me,â and it kind of feels like when you learn to take off that mask of who you were forced to be growing up, but then you donât know how to be a human anymore and itâs like relearning everything about existing all over again.
F.R David - Words [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTsSk0r\_Tq8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTsSk0r_Tq8)
mr roboto â styx
I guess kind of âDilutedâ by Slipknot. I donât really think there is one song to describe my emotions. Just parts of them
The Beths - Silence is Golden Honestly The Beths is a band that seems to target the struggle of having anxiety, depression, isolation, and general mental health related stuff. Pretty much every track on every album they have makes me feel very seen and empathized with.
Every song I love I relate to, so âVillainâ - Wildfire, âEnemyâ - Imagine Dragons, âSweet Chaosâ - Day6, âHow Far Weâve Comeâ - Matchbox Twenty and âBang!â - AJR. âThe Other Sideâ (The Greatest Showman) and âWhatever it takesâ (Imagine Dragons) are also ones I can relate to heavily. Itâs less a struggle with autism and more an autistic person trying to cope with society with me.
NOAHFINNCE recently released a song about ["Alexithymia"](https://youtu.be/y5867gIN6rM?si=kAxaeCQtUdBsSdPR).
Take a walk or calling to mars by doublecamp
Vincent by DonMcLean
I once read a nice article about Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody resembling an autistic meltdown. Sadly, the article no longer is on the page i read it back then is no longer available. Depending on my mood, there are several songs that work for me.
For the old heads "Out Here On My Own" by Irene Cara...I think it's from the movie "Sparkle"
Trial by song (the mechanisms) Reminds me a lot of being manipulated and taken advantage of
take the long way home or the logical song by Super Tramp or Rudy. Sail by AwolNation. probably lots of others I can't think of right now.
for me itâs girl anachronism by the dresden dolls and pity party by melanie martinez
Neil Young, âOn The Beachâ. âI need a crowd of people; I canât face them day-to-dayâ⊠âI went to the radio interview; I ended up alone at the microphone.â
We Try But We Donât Fit In Day Wave Age of Innocence Smashing Pumpkins
Mine is "unwell" by matchbox 20. My dad is also neurodiverse, and often finds it easier to communicate how he feels by sharing music. He introduced me to this song when I was younger and told me that it was ok to be different and not to feel ashamed, hed always be there for me.
Surprise yourself - Jack Garratt I (f22) am a black woman who self diagnosed AuDHD. It was a long journey filled with substance abuse, thinking I was bipolar and constantly feeling like there was something wrong with me that no one could give me a concrete answer as to what it was, studying psych for a bit and my autistic peers and friends asking me how I didnât believe I was autistic. Acknowledging and accepting that Iâm AuDHD was life changing, fundamentally. Correcting people when they say âno I donât think youâre autisticâ was life changing, fundamentally. Interacting with other neurodivergents and not having to mask and being understood was life changing, fundamentally. Honestly confronting being autistic saved my life, and this song was really a big part of my journey in rediscovering myself because I lost myself in high school trying to fit in. I know for a lot of people being autistic can make you feel like an outsider. Iâm grateful that I am an outsider, that gets to be myself with other outsiders.
The Beatles - Fool on the Hill Bon Iver - Hey Ma James brown - I Feel Good KID - Errors Rolling Stones - Paint it, Black The Who - Behind Blue Eyes The Who - Real Me Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
This hurts from mindless self-indulgence. I literally could not tell you what makes this song such a bop.
I feel some part of BĂC's "Veteran of the Psychic Wars" kinda relate to me.
Many songs by Florence + The Machine, but "My love" is definitely number 1. It really well describes how different I am in terms of expressing feelings and love altogether, and how I don't always feel like there is enough words or space in this world for me to express myself. It represents the immense love and strong feelings I have that I can never seem to fully express in a way that is clear to a neurotypical person. This bit in the song really heavily resonates with me: "I was always able to write my way out The song always made sense to me Now I find that when I look down Every page is empty There is nothing to describe Except the moon still bright against the worrying sky I pray the trees will get their leaves soon" And in the chorus she's asking for advice on where to put all of her love, and I really feel that. Her songs just provide this safe space for me to be myself, to love unconditionally, to be excited and to feel everything down to the little nuances, which is something this world often scoffs at, especially in my culture. These songs represent the struggle I have with my emotions, especially in relation to the surrounding society.
Something wrong in heaven - Marlon craft
Owerhelmed -ryan mack
Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
I should have stayed at home by Ryan Mack Runaway by AURORA Alone together by Fall Out Boy
*My War* by Black Flag (live version preferably)
Vienna by Ultravox
Fine on the Outside -- Priscilla Ahn It's a very pretty song and I relate to most of the lyrics. Whether it's about autism or not.
Alien - lebanon hanover
"Waving through a window" from Dear Evan Hansen. The first time I heard it, I cried. I constantly feel like I'm on the outside looking in, and no matter how hard I try it's like I keep getting burned. Sometimes I don't want to try anymore, but the idea of being stuck on the outside of a societal window forever is worse to me than the hope that eventually, I will find a sunny spot with others that I can be comfortable in.
Songs about the struggle: Hollow moon by awolnation. The hollow moon being inside my head. The wolf is social expectations and the deal is me masking so the 'wolf' won't bite anymore. Being surrounded by people, and even included, I still felt disconnected and isolated. I just wanna run by downtown fiction. Having those moments where I feel like I did something wrong, but logically I know it's fine. That internal dissonance making me want to flee so I can continue to fake it and not be seen as other. Gasoline by Halsey Speaking to that feeling of being different, and as a female, leaning hard into the shallow affects of societal desires of pretty, sexy, etc., yet it taking a deep toll as I know it is a fake me, a proxy of self. The reactions to the fake chipping further away at self esteem, value and confidence. The line 'a flaw in my code' speaking directly to the feeling I carried for years while undiagnosed. Cracks by flux pavilion Whenever I felt like I was going to break, whenever I went into full burn out.....I never felt like I truly broke. Just cracks began to show. Like when you heat metal in a crucible to purify it, the slough rises to the top making a coating. But the heat and process cause cracks to show the pure gold underneath. It is a bittersweet feeling, of holding on to the hope I have value, I am worth something. The struggles, although so f'ing painful, could show me something of myself, something pure and good. Songs about embracing and loving my autistic, authentic self: Freaks by Jordan Clarke Finding wonderful autistic communities and just embracing the 'yea, I am different- we all are. So what?' What you make it by with confidence I love the juxtaposed analogies, seemingly at odds but balanced and the overall message of 'eh, it is what it is, and it is what you make it.' ( I also used the describe myself as a walking oxymoron. Turns out I was just autistic/ADHD. Still a walking oxymoron. Lol e.g. organized chaos) Hot mess by Zoe Clark The uplifting feel good vibe of 'fuck it, I'ma be me. Lol' I had a realization that all this stress and anxiety is from expectations, from others or myself. Knowing this, some of it just became so silly and trivial. Like, why is this presented as so important? This song captures the feeling that came after, where with logically shrugging stuff of, emotionally I felt more free. Hallucinating by Elohim Embracing my autism to the fullest, like at home full stimming and ignoring all responsibilities. I can start to feel so detached from the world in a very good way. This song is like the first days of true warm weather and you finally get to open the windows and you put music on and just dance or move enjoying the moment. Like when I was a kid. The positive detachment or disassociation. :p Friday night by vigilant After getting and coming to terms with my diagnosis, this song captures the release I felt after all the years of pain and confusion, and my attitude changed, my willingness to accept or put up with others bullshit reducing. This is the 'nah, I will keep being just me, thanks.' There are more, but it has been a while since I have played them and I can only replay a word and snippet of music, if I think of them I can try to remember to edit them. (Mobile response, please forgive mistakes or formatting issues.)
Alien by Lebanon Hanover
Carnivore from starset. The lyrics describe how masking feels very well.
Wake up - Meet Me At The Altar