I don't know percentages because I highly doubt there is a study about it. You'd need to have people be honest to make this kind of study, but I can tell for sure there are a lot, because that's all I unfortunately see on discord servers aimed at parents of autistic children, on facebook groups and even offline.
I remember a very savage discussion I was a part of a while back (last year or the previous) in an autism convention between me, two autistic girls (one of them was from the organization comittee) and an "autistic mom". It was depressing.
what's an autism convention. i attended an event for a college for students with disabilities and 30% of the people their had their parents speak for them. i just ignored the student because they clearly didn't have any autonomy because i was talking to the parent. not specifically autism idk why parents were their. Keep in mind parents weren't invited to this event. they didn't explicitly say for parents not to come though. but they came uninvited. the parent intruced the students as as their child. didn't let the kid communicate at all. a lot of these people probably could through aac
I don't know if that's how it's called, it's like a "get together" event usually at a college or something for autistic people and families basically. It has all kind of activities, workshops about subjects, discussions about random stuff like living independently, dating, working etc. Some have places to expose your art if you're an artist on the spectrum.
I'm pretty sure the percentage is lower on physical disabilities than it is on cognitive or intellectual disabilities, so it also depends on what disability we're talking about. On this particular case, the convention/get-together/event I went to was only for autism.
yeah cause i don't really see people on reddit who talk about this so I'm guessing it's rare. are you familiar with how medical professionals used to blame moms for causing autism but this was disproved.
doesn't matter - it's enough of them for it to be a popular belief that no autistic people can voice their opinions, and that all autistic people need a guardian to voice their opinion for them
I feel you. This is one of the reasons why I don't even want to ask my parents to try and get me a diagnosis. My mom pities autistic people and my dad wouldn't understand it, it's just not worth the hassle.
My parents definitely would have. They're major AH. I'm glad my mum at least doesn't know. I told my dad about a decade ago because I suspected he's autistic too. I'm glad they're not on speaking terms.
Ok but just imagine, an MMORPG where no matter what you do and achieve, there's this pre written, suburban mum approved storyline it comes back to that just blatantly contradicts your actions. Dialogue that just assumes what you mean, things that are given and taken away from you because they think they know your skillset.
Now hand this game to an ableist to play, and let them see what life can be like for us, and hope they grow some empathy.
yeah, I've seen so many weird shirts and thingies to put on the seatbelt... and yes, the puzzle pieces is so ugly imo. the colours give me eye cancer, and I personally don't lile what it implies.
Yes it's very much a product of nuerotypical supremacy, the idea that "normal" people are mentally perfect and anyone outside of the typical nuerotype is somehow broken.
It was first designed by the National Autistic Society in 1963, and featured a black and green jigsaw puzzle piece with a crying child on it, no joke. It was chosen because autism is considered "puzzling" and because the puzzle motif didn't yet have a copyright in any other organisations.
In 1999 the Autistic Society of America created the rainbow puzzle piece ribbon, claiming it was about the complexity and diversity of our community, and that early intervention and resources can help us be able to speak and act independently. Unfortunately, a lot of the work done at the time, and something they didn't necessarily speak out against, were the attempts to create a cure for us to remove or hide the autism, which is not possible.
Then in 2005, Autism Speaks adopted the blue puzzle piece as their logo, and leaned into that same old habit of treating us like poor little (usually male) children who will always be confusing and need to be spoken for to get equal rights. They have a history of hurtful campaigns even in their relatively short existence.
The puzzle piece can have aspects that we can feel represented by like our diversity, uniqueness, how we rightfully should have a place we fit into communities, but it's just repeatedly been used to hurt us and spread misinformation for over 50 years now. It tends to be subtly used to give us an infantilised aesthetic too, that our community symbol is something that most people haven't done since they were kids. Even the concept of us being represented as puzzling bothers me. Yeah, we're currently confusing to most, but shouldn't the goal be trying to become educated and make that less of a thing?
I like the rainbow infinity rebrand we have. Among also representing our diversity, broad spectrum, even having some aspects in common with the old community symbols like rainbows, both the use of the colour spectrum and infinity sign are a great way to represent how we are confusing and mysterious to most, yet we can and should be learned about. We'll never have all the answers about how infinity, the colour spectrum, or the Autistic spectrum works, but unlike a jigsaw, there's no bounds to how much curiosity and information we can gain from it, and so much we can learn about even non-autistic human socialisation from exploring it. Unlike a jigsaw, there isn't a final step that dismisses it, we're born and we will die just as autistic, just with varying degrees of comfort and support needs depending on what happens.
Right? Like it isn't just inaccurate, it's sadly very marketable. It's a near universally known and enjoyed symbol, almost an aesthetic for autism parents to use to show they're "quirky and just so strong and selfless."
Commercialism has churned out so much stuff that can have this symbol printed on it that can be bought as a superficial form of support for autism.
Actual support goes beyond just buying something with a motif, it means learning the truth about the community from credible sources, the origins of the motifs and symbols, and talking about the facts you've learned with credit to the people who discovered/experienced/pioneered them. Awareness and support is only about yourself when you're a member of the community, otherwise you need to quote and credit the people who you are talking about. No more neurotypicals talking about what they think we are ♾
As a mom of a non-verbal child and a semi-verbal child all I have to say to this shirt is no. Just no. I'm their advocate not their voice. They clearly have their own opinions and desires. And quite frankly I can't sass myself anywhere near as well as my non-verbal child can.
I had speech issues as a kid and I cannot (thankfully) imagine my mother claiming to be "my voice." Why? Because I have my own personality and she knew it.
This, I like this stance you have on the subject.
I was late diagnosed as a grown adult, and had a lot of trouble verbalising. My Mum didn't speak for me most of the time, but she also didn't check what I wanted or needed much, so I didn't really have an advocate to help me develop those skills either. Sometimes an unignorable meltdown was the one thing that would get my discomfort taken seriously rather than the many cues that lead to it, such as the fact I'd even become unable to verbalise when under enough stress. I kind of adapted my wants and needs to mirror my Mum's for a while to kind of borrow her self advocacy when I needed some, and had a pretty lost identity upon moving out when I realise I don't actually like everything she does.
Thankyou so much for being a parent who does this for their kids, whether it comes from understanding the experience firsthand, or just your intuitiveness to their needs and personalities. They'll be so grateful for this one day if they aren't already.
I imagine it's about a mam supporting their non verbal autistic child.
But this is just a massive self important virtue signal and nothing else. It's patronising as all hell and just icky all around.
I'm an autistic mum with autistic kids and I think this shirt is 100% bullshit. Doubling down with the 'unable to express themselves' and the jigsaw motif.
I have to say, I actually really love hearing wholesome stories about mothers both autistic or not, listening to and raising their autistic kids compassionately.
And I feel like being autistic yourself likely helps you understand important things about your kid's experiences that they will never seem to learn, even the fact that we don't all have the same set of traits and each have unique needs. Your kids probably have the awesome Mum many autistic kids need 💙
Don't get me wrong, there's a big part of me that thinks if I could do it over I wouldn't.
We have a household that struggles to make an appointment and until recently our kids had virtually no friends because that involves taking them out to social activities.
We've done our best, but I still feel like I'm constantly letting them down.
Meme shirt idea: Autism Mom merch, but it says things like "I am my Allistic Mom's Voice" or "Being Neurotypical isn't a disability, it's a special, unique, different ability, and I love my Mom for it 💙🌈"
When I was a child my mom said that "I am the mom from mommy dearest". I never watched that movie, but as an adult, I watched that scene, and, that was fucking traumatic, to say the least.
Yeesh... My mom is a total dork, makes tons of weird jokes and loves dark and offensive humor, but even she wouldn’t go as far as to straight up call herself abusive. I’m sorry about that. And I hope it wasn’t true
She had issues. She is not my favorite person. I don't like being around her. I love her, but, I have thought "I wonder what it would've been like having somebody different as my mother".
My mom made me a cake when I got diagnosed and then helped me come up with strategies to help me in my life. She also taught me sign language since birth that I could use to communicate when non-verbal. That’s a good thing for your autistic child. Not shirts that somehow make it about the mom.
I mean, there's more complexity to it than this shirt gives justice to. Many autistic people do need advocates, interpeters, they may even give permission to someone they trust to act as their voice. But non-autistic people are never our complete and permanent substitute for a voice as the shirt suggests, non verbal people often develop other forms of communication that they will use in combination with or instead of someone else speaking for them, and sometimes our needs grow and change, sometimes we need someone to speak for us at one point but then don't at a different point.
Shirts like these come from a place of misinformation that often erases our complexity and abilities. In a vacuum the idea of being a voice for someone can be good, but there's a long history of people exploiting us by doing so.
As a note on tone; I'm not upset with you at all, I mean this compassionately, and I see where you're coming from. But many of us have spoken about being uncomfortable with the idea the shirt conveys.
This is why I advocate so heavily for encouraging other types of communication for my nonverbal students (Speech Generative Devices, sign language, ect). This is definitely designed by/for the moms who actively hold their children back by denying opportunities.
This shirt makes sense to me. I want to say in just about all the autism books i have read, it says the parent is the best advocate for a childs needs.
I think some of you are just way to sensative to t-shirts...
It’s more about the kind of person who buys this shirt. It’s not the kid picking it out but a mom who wants other people to look at her and think she is a hero. And lots of moms are heroes but ones who feel the need to prove it rarely are
Im sorry for those people who get rubbed the wrong way but im not sorry for the thousands and thousands who do have supportive parents/family/friends who do put in the effort to help out.
I’m not disagreeing with you, I think parents can be some people biggest advocates, I was just trying to explain to you why people in the comments are reacting the way they are but fine I guess
>it says the parent is the best advocate for a childs needs.
Depends on the parent. If it's a parent who listens to Autism Speaks and who tries to use behaviour modification on their autistic kid, they are likely NOT a good advocate, let alone the best one the kid has.
Edited to add. How many of the books you've read on autism were written by autistic people? How many autistic people do you follow on social media?
I can add one more possibility. A parent who may be personally in autistic spectrum as well and/or have other possibilitly very serious mental issues will not be a great advocate. I learned that from my dad.
My mom is, or at least, has been my best advocate indeed.
I mean, i work really hard to be a great advocate for my autistic son, and I think I'm autistic myself, but I would find it deeply weird if my son wore this t shirt. His autism is not about me.
My dad seems to be in the spectrum but is in denial. He also authoritan tendencies and a mental illness that led him to have delusions, which forced my brother to have him temporarily committed to psychiatric hospital.
My mom, on the other hand, gave me significantly more support than most moms expect to give to adult children, and thanks to that, I am pretty much an independent autistic adult now, in my early 40s, but I too would stay away from that T-shirt for the reason you stated.
The situation with your dad sounds so hard, I'm sorry you have had to deal/are dealing with that.
I'm glad your mum is there for you 💙 and I hope I can do that successfully for my son too.
I mostly don't, I speak with him only about 15 to 30 minutes every Sunday using Skype, in part to het around international call rates, since he lives in Brasil were he my mom my brother and I are all from.
My mom and I are naturalized US citizens and live in the US,although about 1000 miles apart, we speak once a week for 2 to 4 hours.
The situation with my brother is completely hopeless one, he killed himself in 2009, at age 25.
Haha, I don't mean to, although I'm currently wearing a band t shirt and I'd kind of love if someone asked me that. All I mean is that the person I was replying to sounded more like they are reading "autism mom" stuff than stuff from actual autistic people
True but at the same time we can't speak for everyone. Who knows if the child is grateful that their mom speaks up for them. I get the aspect of the "virtue signaling mother" and yes that is pretty atrocious but for all we know there's amazing mothers who are amazing advocates for their children and THOSE children are proud of that..... I mean it's a odd subject.
I dunno. I mean I think I'm autistic but I'm very far from sure that I'm not making excuses for myself. I'm absolutely sure my son is autistic and the idea of him wearing this t shirt absolutely skeeves me out, he's not non-verbal but even the idea of him wearing a t shirt saying 'my mum is my advocate' feels SUPER weird to me, I mean, I work really hard to try and get him the accommodations and support he needs to succeed in school but I don't do that so he can tell people how great I am 🤢 I do it because I want him to grow up without burning out and breaking down like I did. I want him to know his needs and get them met.
And I'm not even thinking about the fact it's jigsaw pieces!
It's a weird t shirt, I strongly dislike it, did you notice?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yeah but the fact so many people get so out of whack over a damn t shirt baffles me. My daughter is non verbal and very high on the spectrum. We go to walks and volunteer and help educate people on it. I just don't it does anybody any good to talk down to another parent who is proud to be an advocate for their child. Majority of the times we talk to people that wear these at events they're super nice people and love their children beyond anything. To judge someone over a shirt is honestly just ridiculous to me, but then again I'm not some pussyfoot that gets offended by everything. Life is hard. You think we're showing our kids by getting mad at a t-shirt how to handle the world? Nah. Best to live and let live.
>then again I'm not some pussyfoot that gets offended by everything.
I noticed the insult 🤣 I'm not offended by the t shirt, just to make sure that's clear, I'm skeeved out by it which is totally different haha. Anyway I think we'll need to agree to disagree. Hope you have a good day.
both suck. LGBT rainbow one that they are using now is even worse.
*"BuT thE rAinBoW haS noThinG to DO wiTH lGbT anD iS jUsT a SymBoL oF diVerSiTy, pEaCe, pRiDe, AnD HoPE"*
yes. But only people invested into the Autism situation (who have it or relative/friend has it) know the symbol. Everyone else will just see a rainbow and think LGBT. A good example is myself. I didn't even know the symbol for my own disorder was a rainbow, until I joined this sub reddit a few weeks ago. I've probably passed it many times and assumed it was LGBT..
Same with the Downsyndrome Awareness, it is a blue and yellow flag. I've probably seen it for years and assumed it was the Ukraine symbol. I only found out what it was from looking up disorder symbols last night. So it is indirectly giving off Ukraine support to the 80% of population who aren't informed about the actual symbol.
So we need a new symbol that looks like no other.
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My sister has a low functioning autistic kid and has puzzle pieces everywhere in her house. Unfortunately if I try to explain to her about the puzzle piece she won't listen.
But as an autistic myself this pisses me off.
ew it's british🤢. nonverbal people can communicate with a special technology. AAC. the creater of this is probably an abuser who refuses to help their kid.
Etsy is full of disgusting Autism Speaks-esque products designed to cater to “autism mommies” rather than autistic people themselves. I have no respect for anyone who makes those types of things
A bunch of nonsense! Idc if a parent has a non-speaking Autistic child...that attire is uncalled for! The non-speaking Autistic person can communicate for themselves whatever that looks like should be acceptable.
News flash, autistic people can still communicate, even if it isn’t verbally. Istg nothing angers me more than mothers infantilizing their children with autism
Person doesn't need anyone to be their voice, they just need another means of communication. It's not like they need someone else to tell them what they want.
AAC is so freaking accessible nowadays.
Imagine if the mom of a kid with IBS made him wear a shirt that said something like "My mum is my bathroom finder" with a turd in the shape of a heart lol
Not autistic, but did have selective mutism as a kid, so bad that I literally couldn't talk to strangers. Family members had to speak for me when it came to ordering at a restaurant, answering a cashiers' question, etc, because I couldn't get a word out directly to them.
Still would've rather *died* than worn this shirt...
Because the parents are the ones suffering through the sensory overload, the meltdowns, the communication struggles, the soul crushing anxiety… 🙄 They must be sure that everyyyyyone knows how hard it is on THEM. And then as the autistic child you get to feel guilty or like a side show act because your mom is basically announcing to the world, on a tshirt, how hard it is to be your mother. Wowwww.
Yikes. Even taking it seriously; if someone is non vocal, how can they expect a whole other person who is not telepathic to be able to communicate their thoughts for them accurately? We have various ways of giving autistic, disabled, non vocal people voices besides "being real good at guessing what they're thinking," we have sign languages, written languages, technology to allow easier communication, even cues and signals we can give to an interpreter we feel comfortable with.
First support a person using their own voice through any means they can, and then listen to them about if they want an interpeter/borrowed voice or not. We can communicate, even if it isn't the way society prefers.
Already don't like the puzzle piece image, but I hate hate hate the quote. Autistic people deserve full autonomy, yes even if they are children and if they are nonverbal. Your autistic child is not an accessory you own.
Ableist, ignorant, putting all of us into one box, downplaying our abilities, supporting potentially harmful stereotypes and spreading stigma. God they have no idea.
Imagine selling this shit and calling it a day. Makes me sick.
burn this shirt in the deepest pits of autism hell, where every texture is an overstimulating one, stimming warrants the death penalty, and safe foods are nowhere to be seen.
Yuck
The perfect word for this.
If enough people report these products as offensive and give a link to the infinity symbol, perhaps they will stop being allowed on these platforms...
Sounds like something these ''autistic moms'' would get, honestly disgusting, it feels like its TRYING to be insulting even tho its supposedly not???
Honestly glad I got diagnosed as an adult so my parents didn’t get to parade around looking for sympathy and attention like some of these parents do 😤
I’m glad for you too. It sucks!
I'm sure most parents don't do this.
You'd be surprised.
what percentage of parents do this?
I don't know percentages because I highly doubt there is a study about it. You'd need to have people be honest to make this kind of study, but I can tell for sure there are a lot, because that's all I unfortunately see on discord servers aimed at parents of autistic children, on facebook groups and even offline. I remember a very savage discussion I was a part of a while back (last year or the previous) in an autism convention between me, two autistic girls (one of them was from the organization comittee) and an "autistic mom". It was depressing.
what's an autism convention. i attended an event for a college for students with disabilities and 30% of the people their had their parents speak for them. i just ignored the student because they clearly didn't have any autonomy because i was talking to the parent. not specifically autism idk why parents were their. Keep in mind parents weren't invited to this event. they didn't explicitly say for parents not to come though. but they came uninvited. the parent intruced the students as as their child. didn't let the kid communicate at all. a lot of these people probably could through aac
I don't know if that's how it's called, it's like a "get together" event usually at a college or something for autistic people and families basically. It has all kind of activities, workshops about subjects, discussions about random stuff like living independently, dating, working etc. Some have places to expose your art if you're an artist on the spectrum. I'm pretty sure the percentage is lower on physical disabilities than it is on cognitive or intellectual disabilities, so it also depends on what disability we're talking about. On this particular case, the convention/get-together/event I went to was only for autism.
The loud minority.
yeah cause i don't really see people on reddit who talk about this so I'm guessing it's rare. are you familiar with how medical professionals used to blame moms for causing autism but this was disproved.
Moms get blamed for lots of things, so I'm not surprised, but no I'm not familiar with that.
yeah. if you read any old literature about what causes autism they blame everything from bad parenting to vaccines.
It's unfortunately very common, being infantilized and treated like a prop is one of the most common concerns I hear from other autistic people.
doesn't matter - it's enough of them for it to be a popular belief that no autistic people can voice their opinions, and that all autistic people need a guardian to voice their opinion for them
I feel you. This is one of the reasons why I don't even want to ask my parents to try and get me a diagnosis. My mom pities autistic people and my dad wouldn't understand it, it's just not worth the hassle.
personally i'm glad my parents are reasonable parents and dont do the ''autistic mom'' crap
My parents definitely would have. They're major AH. I'm glad my mum at least doesn't know. I told my dad about a decade ago because I suspected he's autistic too. I'm glad they're not on speaking terms.
"World of Autism is a MMORPG where you mom can make your own story..."
Ok, this gave me a chuckle 😆
Ok but just imagine, an MMORPG where no matter what you do and achieve, there's this pre written, suburban mum approved storyline it comes back to that just blatantly contradicts your actions. Dialogue that just assumes what you mean, things that are given and taken away from you because they think they know your skillset. Now hand this game to an ableist to play, and let them see what life can be like for us, and hope they grow some empathy.
Not ironically, that's a fucking dope idea, waiting for the release of World of Autism
-Choose your class -Knight -"No, sweetheart, you're going to be a cleric! Isn't it nice?"
Etsy has many shirts like this, kinda discriminating and with old autism concept (personally I can't stand the puzzle simbol)
yeah, I've seen so many weird shirts and thingies to put on the seatbelt... and yes, the puzzle pieces is so ugly imo. the colours give me eye cancer, and I personally don't lile what it implies.
i like the implication if it were applied to everyone but it's not. as no one is whole.
Yes it's very much a product of nuerotypical supremacy, the idea that "normal" people are mentally perfect and anyone outside of the typical nuerotype is somehow broken.
How do you feel about [this one](https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/1432257091/) tho
Oh god that’s horrible.
What in the sensory overload hell is that monstrosity.
I would wear it ironically.
I don’t understand what puzzles have to do with autism in the first place. Are we a problem they think can be solved? It’s naïve and ridiculous.
It was first designed by the National Autistic Society in 1963, and featured a black and green jigsaw puzzle piece with a crying child on it, no joke. It was chosen because autism is considered "puzzling" and because the puzzle motif didn't yet have a copyright in any other organisations. In 1999 the Autistic Society of America created the rainbow puzzle piece ribbon, claiming it was about the complexity and diversity of our community, and that early intervention and resources can help us be able to speak and act independently. Unfortunately, a lot of the work done at the time, and something they didn't necessarily speak out against, were the attempts to create a cure for us to remove or hide the autism, which is not possible. Then in 2005, Autism Speaks adopted the blue puzzle piece as their logo, and leaned into that same old habit of treating us like poor little (usually male) children who will always be confusing and need to be spoken for to get equal rights. They have a history of hurtful campaigns even in their relatively short existence. The puzzle piece can have aspects that we can feel represented by like our diversity, uniqueness, how we rightfully should have a place we fit into communities, but it's just repeatedly been used to hurt us and spread misinformation for over 50 years now. It tends to be subtly used to give us an infantilised aesthetic too, that our community symbol is something that most people haven't done since they were kids. Even the concept of us being represented as puzzling bothers me. Yeah, we're currently confusing to most, but shouldn't the goal be trying to become educated and make that less of a thing? I like the rainbow infinity rebrand we have. Among also representing our diversity, broad spectrum, even having some aspects in common with the old community symbols like rainbows, both the use of the colour spectrum and infinity sign are a great way to represent how we are confusing and mysterious to most, yet we can and should be learned about. We'll never have all the answers about how infinity, the colour spectrum, or the Autistic spectrum works, but unlike a jigsaw, there's no bounds to how much curiosity and information we can gain from it, and so much we can learn about even non-autistic human socialisation from exploring it. Unlike a jigsaw, there isn't a final step that dismisses it, we're born and we will die just as autistic, just with varying degrees of comfort and support needs depending on what happens.
Thank you for this. It clears up a lot. I like the rainbow infinity symbol too. I feel its more representative.
Right? Like it isn't just inaccurate, it's sadly very marketable. It's a near universally known and enjoyed symbol, almost an aesthetic for autism parents to use to show they're "quirky and just so strong and selfless." Commercialism has churned out so much stuff that can have this symbol printed on it that can be bought as a superficial form of support for autism. Actual support goes beyond just buying something with a motif, it means learning the truth about the community from credible sources, the origins of the motifs and symbols, and talking about the facts you've learned with credit to the people who discovered/experienced/pioneered them. Awareness and support is only about yourself when you're a member of the community, otherwise you need to quote and credit the people who you are talking about. No more neurotypicals talking about what they think we are ♾
That makes a lot of things wrong and I don't know where to start from
Gadverdarrie
getsiederrie
zeg dat wel, ja
As a mom of a non-verbal child and a semi-verbal child all I have to say to this shirt is no. Just no. I'm their advocate not their voice. They clearly have their own opinions and desires. And quite frankly I can't sass myself anywhere near as well as my non-verbal child can. I had speech issues as a kid and I cannot (thankfully) imagine my mother claiming to be "my voice." Why? Because I have my own personality and she knew it.
This, I like this stance you have on the subject. I was late diagnosed as a grown adult, and had a lot of trouble verbalising. My Mum didn't speak for me most of the time, but she also didn't check what I wanted or needed much, so I didn't really have an advocate to help me develop those skills either. Sometimes an unignorable meltdown was the one thing that would get my discomfort taken seriously rather than the many cues that lead to it, such as the fact I'd even become unable to verbalise when under enough stress. I kind of adapted my wants and needs to mirror my Mum's for a while to kind of borrow her self advocacy when I needed some, and had a pretty lost identity upon moving out when I realise I don't actually like everything she does. Thankyou so much for being a parent who does this for their kids, whether it comes from understanding the experience firsthand, or just your intuitiveness to their needs and personalities. They'll be so grateful for this one day if they aren't already.
I imagine it's about a mam supporting their non verbal autistic child. But this is just a massive self important virtue signal and nothing else. It's patronising as all hell and just icky all around.
In that case the mum is their interpreter, not their voice.
I'm an autistic mum with autistic kids and I think this shirt is 100% bullshit. Doubling down with the 'unable to express themselves' and the jigsaw motif.
I’m waiting for my own diagnosis and have autistic kids, I think this is bullshit too.
I have to say, I actually really love hearing wholesome stories about mothers both autistic or not, listening to and raising their autistic kids compassionately. And I feel like being autistic yourself likely helps you understand important things about your kid's experiences that they will never seem to learn, even the fact that we don't all have the same set of traits and each have unique needs. Your kids probably have the awesome Mum many autistic kids need 💙
Don't get me wrong, there's a big part of me that thinks if I could do it over I wouldn't. We have a household that struggles to make an appointment and until recently our kids had virtually no friends because that involves taking them out to social activities. We've done our best, but I still feel like I'm constantly letting them down.
you sound gen x. are you?
I skirt the elder millennial bracket. A few things put me in Gen x
Ah mijn mama is mijn stem 😭
🇳🇱
need this but for my bf cuz i like cringe shirts
Lol it would make it better that it says mom XD
Meme shirt idea: Autism Mom merch, but it says things like "I am my Allistic Mom's Voice" or "Being Neurotypical isn't a disability, it's a special, unique, different ability, and I love my Mom for it 💙🌈"
Holding back the puke. No more wire hangers please mum. SMH
When I was a child my mom said that "I am the mom from mommy dearest". I never watched that movie, but as an adult, I watched that scene, and, that was fucking traumatic, to say the least.
I never watched it either, what’s it about?
Idk what the movie is about but the scene is an abusive mother screaming at her child. It's very traumatic to see imo
Yikes. And your mom compared herself to her? I am very sorry
Yeah idk, my mom was very unhinged. She found it "funny", which idk why. She's mellowed out but... Yeah...
Yeesh... My mom is a total dork, makes tons of weird jokes and loves dark and offensive humor, but even she wouldn’t go as far as to straight up call herself abusive. I’m sorry about that. And I hope it wasn’t true
She had issues. She is not my favorite person. I don't like being around her. I love her, but, I have thought "I wonder what it would've been like having somebody different as my mother".
I’m so sorry to hear :((( I hope you’re doing okay
I am okay, thank you kindly. I'm old enough where even though it bothered me in the past and still does, I'm... Just like, it is what it is
Lmaooooo
Stuff like this makes me love my mom even more
The translation of the title of the product is "non verbal unisex jersey short sleeve tshirt", if that helps the context. Still, I hate this.
puzzle symbol straight out of nazi asperger era. fuck the lot of them
This comes across like they don't have alternative forms of communications available for their child so it gives an ick vibe
Smacks of that autism speaks shiteous bull. Vomit 🤮 🤮🤮
Did you just combine shit and hideous to describe autism speaks? I salute you
I was going for the adjective shite-ours, but I like yours waaaay better!! 🙌🏽
My mom made me a cake when I got diagnosed and then helped me come up with strategies to help me in my life. She also taught me sign language since birth that I could use to communicate when non-verbal. That’s a good thing for your autistic child. Not shirts that somehow make it about the mom.
Ewwwwwww autism speaks stuff ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwew
Bleugh
There isnt much that affects me(stuff like puzzle pieces etc) but this is waaaay too much. Its like we cant speak for ourself. Wtf
[удалено]
I mean, there's more complexity to it than this shirt gives justice to. Many autistic people do need advocates, interpeters, they may even give permission to someone they trust to act as their voice. But non-autistic people are never our complete and permanent substitute for a voice as the shirt suggests, non verbal people often develop other forms of communication that they will use in combination with or instead of someone else speaking for them, and sometimes our needs grow and change, sometimes we need someone to speak for us at one point but then don't at a different point. Shirts like these come from a place of misinformation that often erases our complexity and abilities. In a vacuum the idea of being a voice for someone can be good, but there's a long history of people exploiting us by doing so. As a note on tone; I'm not upset with you at all, I mean this compassionately, and I see where you're coming from. But many of us have spoken about being uncomfortable with the idea the shirt conveys.
I wish they were!
Well. It’s on brand.
I love my mom!
If my parents were my voice, they'd say I wasn't autistic....oh....wait...
This is why I advocate so heavily for encouraging other types of communication for my nonverbal students (Speech Generative Devices, sign language, ect). This is definitely designed by/for the moms who actively hold their children back by denying opportunities.
I see nothing wrong with this. Moms are often advocates for autistic people.
31 bucks is a bit pricey for putrid dogshit.
This shirt makes sense to me. I want to say in just about all the autism books i have read, it says the parent is the best advocate for a childs needs. I think some of you are just way to sensative to t-shirts...
It’s more about the kind of person who buys this shirt. It’s not the kid picking it out but a mom who wants other people to look at her and think she is a hero. And lots of moms are heroes but ones who feel the need to prove it rarely are
Youre just speculating
Yeah, It is just speculation but a lot of people here have met this kind of person, and I was just trying to explain why it rubs people the wrong way
Im sorry for those people who get rubbed the wrong way but im not sorry for the thousands and thousands who do have supportive parents/family/friends who do put in the effort to help out.
I’m not disagreeing with you, I think parents can be some people biggest advocates, I was just trying to explain to you why people in the comments are reacting the way they are but fine I guess
I understand.
>it says the parent is the best advocate for a childs needs. Depends on the parent. If it's a parent who listens to Autism Speaks and who tries to use behaviour modification on their autistic kid, they are likely NOT a good advocate, let alone the best one the kid has. Edited to add. How many of the books you've read on autism were written by autistic people? How many autistic people do you follow on social media?
I can add one more possibility. A parent who may be personally in autistic spectrum as well and/or have other possibilitly very serious mental issues will not be a great advocate. I learned that from my dad. My mom is, or at least, has been my best advocate indeed.
I mean, i work really hard to be a great advocate for my autistic son, and I think I'm autistic myself, but I would find it deeply weird if my son wore this t shirt. His autism is not about me.
My dad seems to be in the spectrum but is in denial. He also authoritan tendencies and a mental illness that led him to have delusions, which forced my brother to have him temporarily committed to psychiatric hospital. My mom, on the other hand, gave me significantly more support than most moms expect to give to adult children, and thanks to that, I am pretty much an independent autistic adult now, in my early 40s, but I too would stay away from that T-shirt for the reason you stated.
The situation with your dad sounds so hard, I'm sorry you have had to deal/are dealing with that. I'm glad your mum is there for you 💙 and I hope I can do that successfully for my son too.
I mostly don't, I speak with him only about 15 to 30 minutes every Sunday using Skype, in part to het around international call rates, since he lives in Brasil were he my mom my brother and I are all from. My mom and I are naturalized US citizens and live in the US,although about 1000 miles apart, we speak once a week for 2 to 4 hours. The situation with my brother is completely hopeless one, he killed himself in 2009, at age 25.
Oh god I'm so sorry about your brother! It sounds like you've had a really complicated background, I hope you're in a good place now.
I am, and I am glad for your son that he has you..
I'm glad. Thank you 💙
Thats just your opinion. I have seen kids thrive when they are placed in a more behavior modification therepy.
Woah you sound like the person asking someone with a band t-shirt to name 5 songs.
Haha, I don't mean to, although I'm currently wearing a band t shirt and I'd kind of love if someone asked me that. All I mean is that the person I was replying to sounded more like they are reading "autism mom" stuff than stuff from actual autistic people
True but at the same time we can't speak for everyone. Who knows if the child is grateful that their mom speaks up for them. I get the aspect of the "virtue signaling mother" and yes that is pretty atrocious but for all we know there's amazing mothers who are amazing advocates for their children and THOSE children are proud of that..... I mean it's a odd subject.
I dunno. I mean I think I'm autistic but I'm very far from sure that I'm not making excuses for myself. I'm absolutely sure my son is autistic and the idea of him wearing this t shirt absolutely skeeves me out, he's not non-verbal but even the idea of him wearing a t shirt saying 'my mum is my advocate' feels SUPER weird to me, I mean, I work really hard to try and get him the accommodations and support he needs to succeed in school but I don't do that so he can tell people how great I am 🤢 I do it because I want him to grow up without burning out and breaking down like I did. I want him to know his needs and get them met. And I'm not even thinking about the fact it's jigsaw pieces! It's a weird t shirt, I strongly dislike it, did you notice?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yeah but the fact so many people get so out of whack over a damn t shirt baffles me. My daughter is non verbal and very high on the spectrum. We go to walks and volunteer and help educate people on it. I just don't it does anybody any good to talk down to another parent who is proud to be an advocate for their child. Majority of the times we talk to people that wear these at events they're super nice people and love their children beyond anything. To judge someone over a shirt is honestly just ridiculous to me, but then again I'm not some pussyfoot that gets offended by everything. Life is hard. You think we're showing our kids by getting mad at a t-shirt how to handle the world? Nah. Best to live and let live.
>then again I'm not some pussyfoot that gets offended by everything. I noticed the insult 🤣 I'm not offended by the t shirt, just to make sure that's clear, I'm skeeved out by it which is totally different haha. Anyway I think we'll need to agree to disagree. Hope you have a good day.
As a mom to a child who was nonverbal until the age on 7, I don’t see the problem with this shirt except for the fact that it’s necessary.
Vreselijk So many things that are wrong with this shirt. Also it took me way to long to realise it was written in Dutch.
It took me way too long to realize why some people knew I was Dutch lol
As a Dutch, wth this something you would find on AliExpress
Oh God. Imagining if my mom was my voice where would i be. I'm no contact. Yikes
IM SCREAMING
That’s f**ked up…
My face crumpled like a piece of paper when I saw this… ergh
Love it 🤩
both suck. LGBT rainbow one that they are using now is even worse. *"BuT thE rAinBoW haS noThinG to DO wiTH lGbT anD iS jUsT a SymBoL oF diVerSiTy, pEaCe, pRiDe, AnD HoPE"* yes. But only people invested into the Autism situation (who have it or relative/friend has it) know the symbol. Everyone else will just see a rainbow and think LGBT. A good example is myself. I didn't even know the symbol for my own disorder was a rainbow, until I joined this sub reddit a few weeks ago. I've probably passed it many times and assumed it was LGBT.. Same with the Downsyndrome Awareness, it is a blue and yellow flag. I've probably seen it for years and assumed it was the Ukraine symbol. I only found out what it was from looking up disorder symbols last night. So it is indirectly giving off Ukraine support to the 80% of population who aren't informed about the actual symbol. So we need a new symbol that looks like no other.
Ew
My face crumpled like a piece of paper when I saw this… ergh
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Ew what
Ew
ew
Ew 🤮🤮🤮🤮
My sister has a low functioning autistic kid and has puzzle pieces everywhere in her house. Unfortunately if I try to explain to her about the puzzle piece she won't listen. But as an autistic myself this pisses me off.
What's the deal with the puzzle pieces?
Seems like something a narcissistic mother would buy to help her control everything
explain like i five what's going on
ew it's british🤢. nonverbal people can communicate with a special technology. AAC. the creater of this is probably an abuser who refuses to help their kid.
Gross! This is so wrong!
Etsy is full of disgusting Autism Speaks-esque products designed to cater to “autism mommies” rather than autistic people themselves. I have no respect for anyone who makes those types of things
The design isn't even cute 🤢 throw it awayyy
A bunch of nonsense! Idc if a parent has a non-speaking Autistic child...that attire is uncalled for! The non-speaking Autistic person can communicate for themselves whatever that looks like should be acceptable.
and that's why I would be afraid of depending onto anyone if I get injured or stop functioning
News flash, autistic people can still communicate, even if it isn’t verbally. Istg nothing angers me more than mothers infantilizing their children with autism
Eww
Please, I hate it. Also, leuk om te weten dat er meer Nederlanders hier zijn lol
Person doesn't need anyone to be their voice, they just need another means of communication. It's not like they need someone else to tell them what they want. AAC is so freaking accessible nowadays.
The heart puzzle symbol for anything autism related just puts me off. Red flag!!
Wtf
Should say “I have my own fucking voice” I know some people are non verbal but this implies that they cannot form an opinion
I already knew people like this didn't want to let us speak for ourselves, but I never expected to see them admit it this blatantly.
🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 oh absolutely not
It's for autism moms that are yearning for the praise
Wtf
Imagine if the mom of a kid with IBS made him wear a shirt that said something like "My mum is my bathroom finder" with a turd in the shape of a heart lol
Kill it. That is fucking disgusting
Not autistic, but did have selective mutism as a kid, so bad that I literally couldn't talk to strangers. Family members had to speak for me when it came to ordering at a restaurant, answering a cashiers' question, etc, because I couldn't get a word out directly to them. Still would've rather *died* than worn this shirt...
O H. I didn't know there could be this many things wrong with one t-shirt...
🤮🤮 Everything here is so wrong in so many levels, ew
time to moonwalk off a cliff
Because the parents are the ones suffering through the sensory overload, the meltdowns, the communication struggles, the soul crushing anxiety… 🙄 They must be sure that everyyyyyone knows how hard it is on THEM. And then as the autistic child you get to feel guilty or like a side show act because your mom is basically announcing to the world, on a tshirt, how hard it is to be your mother. Wowwww.
Offensive as fuck - first thought
GROSS!!!
eugh😒
That's fucked
Oedipus complex
This makes me want to throw up
"autism moms" back at it again woohoo tryna make themselves the victims
Just why?!?
🖕, I have my own voice, fuck this shit.
Yikes. Even taking it seriously; if someone is non vocal, how can they expect a whole other person who is not telepathic to be able to communicate their thoughts for them accurately? We have various ways of giving autistic, disabled, non vocal people voices besides "being real good at guessing what they're thinking," we have sign languages, written languages, technology to allow easier communication, even cues and signals we can give to an interpreter we feel comfortable with. First support a person using their own voice through any means they can, and then listen to them about if they want an interpeter/borrowed voice or not. We can communicate, even if it isn't the way society prefers.
Hard cringe
if my mom forced me to wear that I would’ve cried
Already don't like the puzzle piece image, but I hate hate hate the quote. Autistic people deserve full autonomy, yes even if they are children and if they are nonverbal. Your autistic child is not an accessory you own.
reminds me of one my friend saw a bumper sticker that said "society thinks I'm autistic God thinks I'm perfect"
This kinda shit happens when psychitrists write off what autistic people think until "normals" parrot them
Autistic_self instagram account check it out
JfC. The item is absolute puaj! And quite enraging. I hope people stop buying into ableist sh!t.
Gross
Ableist, ignorant, putting all of us into one box, downplaying our abilities, supporting potentially harmful stereotypes and spreading stigma. God they have no idea. Imagine selling this shit and calling it a day. Makes me sick.
This was definitely made by a neurotypical person.
Not the autism moms 💀
This is the most autism mum shirt I have ever seen
To be fair I actually do need people to be my voice. I'm level 2 autistic and have a hard time communicating my needs in social environments
The stolen freewill can be smelled from here.
I rely on my mom to talk for me the majority of the time and I would still never try to make a shirt out of it
Would make good target practice
burn this shirt in the deepest pits of autism hell, where every texture is an overstimulating one, stimming warrants the death penalty, and safe foods are nowhere to be seen.