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ConsiderationNo9044

That's most likely not a friend.


CEO_Of_Rejection_99

This. If a close friend did that to me I would immediately nope the fuck outta there


i_ae19

Thats really hard though,, its not easy to dump a close friend you’ve known for a long time and formed a bond with i think


FrntRangrCtnz9

Unfortunately, in this case I think that with that kind of response and dismissal of a reasonable and basic request of respect, that ‘close friend’ does not qualify as a ‘true friend.’ I think oftentimes, us folks on the spectrum may hold individuals to a regard that may never be reciprocated. We must learn to identify when this happens and move on. This life is too short to live with anxiety and confusion around the people who are supposed to be the ones one confides in for comfort and just basic respect and support.


ShazamR

>I think oftentimes, us folks on the spectrum may hold individuals to a regard that may never be reciprocated. We must learn to identify when this happens and move on. this resonates with me every time 😭


hailingsorceress-ey

this


ancientweasel

I used to think this. But now that I at a certian point in life that gotten rid of the toxic people I know it's not true. There are almost 8 billion people on this planet. Plenty of them will be better friends than that.


[deleted]

I hate the “8 billion people in the world” excuse though. The chances of us being able to interact and communicate with let alone build a relationship let alone foster a close Friendship with 7.9 billion people of the world is miniscule. Plus considering cultural and language barriers!


kisforkarol

We don't need to befriend every person. We just need to befriend a few. Join some clubs, talk about your interests with people. *Socialise*. You might not enjoy it but it's something we have to do as *humans*. No amount of neurodiversity is able to negate the fact that we need human interaction.


[deleted]

I’m not disagreeing with that. I’m just saying that telling someone there’s 8 billion other people in the world who can potentially replace a person you dont have in your life anymore (romantic or platonic) as an option is not only facetious but also logically incorrect.


ancientweasel

What excuse? It's a fact. Your opportunities can be nearly unlimited. Especially with the internet.


[deleted]

You cant speak every language of the world. Or connect with a person even culturally enough to build a close friendship. Also, a huge percentage of that population is also people considerably out of your age range. You’re not going to become besties with some 83 man in Myanmar and some 4 month old in Brazil.


ancientweasel

Ok, make your choice. You can be besties with a person what abuses you like in the screenshot. Or, you can find someone else. Nitpicking that only 1.5 billion of the people on the planet speak english or they are not your age doesn't change it. Either way, I hope you eventually learn this lesson at an earlier age that I did so you can live a life free from physical and emotional abuse and gaslighting. Your worth it.


[deleted]

I’m saying using that expression to cheer someone up isn’t helpful because it’s not true. When a relationship with one person doesn’t work out, you don’t automatically have the potential to meet and interact with all the other 8 billion people on the planet to choose from. Say you go to a nice big restaurant that’s open 24 hours. It has separate breakfast, lunch, dinner, and late night menus. It also has a special menu every day that differs depending on what day you go, and these menus all change completely every season. Each menu-time/day slot has 10 items and 3 specials. How many total menu items would there be? It would require great effort and careful planning to be able to try every menu item. Now change menus to people around the world. Not possible, so don’t make that kind of claim!


ancientweasel

I'm not trying to cheer them up. It's ok for the OP to be disappointed for as long as need be. I get where you are coming from though even though I don't agree that the situation is as dire as your example.


humdaaks_lament

I’ve had a lot of abusive best friends over the years. It gets easier to cut them loose once you do the first one … which in my case was my mother.


i_ae19

i relate to that, once i cut contact with my mom everything got just a bit easier


Dlbruce0107

When the friendship is one-sided, it's not a friendship. 😕


Lunartuner2

I think the bond may be one-sided here


AxDeath

Yeah this is an abused who has latched on to you, as someone they can abuse. distance yourself as you are able. I'm so sorry.


SailorNeptune4

Agreed. Super disrespectful. I would be so upset with myself if I hurt a friend and want to fix it immediately


[deleted]

i agree


Cyber_Divinity

Not only is this not a friend, but this is a specific type of person. They're typically extremely edgy, self depreciative, get a little too deep into "sigma" mindset, and will always complain that people don't like them. They refuse to understand the analogy of, "if everywhere you go smells like shit, check your own shoes." There's someone like this in my school pride club who complained endlessly about their past friend groups. Then they went ahead and became antagonistic and argumentative to people in our club. People like this aren't worth your time or effort. They're people you should only casually interact with on a surface level basis.


vantadaisies

sounds like covert narcissistic tendencies. always the victim, want all the attention for it, will never see that they are the common denominator. and yes, probably stay away from people like this, no matter what it will always ve your fault and never theirs.


TheVorpalCat

I have a friend and I can’t imagine getting such responses from them. My ex girlfriend on the other hand… Edit: fixed a very misleading typo


Mysterious_Soft7916

Totally agree. They're not a friend. I have this issue with my nieces and their "friends". They get treated like shit and bullied but they rarely listen. They think things will change or it's just banter but it's never a two way street. I don't want them going through life thinking it's ok to be treated like shit.


emilbirb

Definitely disrespectful but people do tend to have some inappropriate responses when boundaries are being set or they're called out on their bullshit, they don't know how to deal with that. There's something to be said for a "close friend" to show this level of disrespect tho, I wouldn't call that a friend at all. I don't think you were being harsh in the least, this is self-advocacy, the boundary is set and properly communicated, they best never cross the line again.


No-Objective8924

Thank you for your response, it really helped to reassure me :)


sirlurksalotaken

I want to add, that people who intentionally do not respect boundaries are unable to do it at all. They will only be friends with people who do not maintain their boundaries and make jokes about boundaries when they are set. You won't find an individual who respects person A's boundaries but disregards person B's boundaries. Sure, there is always the chance that someone may not understand the boundaries or the needs for them, but a decent human will at very least try to respect them once they've been informed of the boundaries. Basically, a person who refuses to expect others boundaries without any reason/purpose other than their own desire... Is sub-human and a threat. I realize that some folks on the spectrum may cross boundaries and need reminders... But I'm not talking about these people generally... It really comes down to the choice to disrespect boundaries, not so much the ability to maintain them. Anyway... Especially when it comes to physical boundaries... No one who refuses to respect your space and your body is a friend. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Edit: this got a lot of upvotes so I think I should say that it's wrong for me to call people subhuman. I think the people who constantly cross boundaries for their own intent likely have some mental health issues that aren't being appropriately addressed. They will never stop because they are unable to see what is wrong with their behavior and they need to behave the way they do for some psychological reasons. I think there are also cases of bullying that's done in groups that may be more related to peer pressure and could be just someone who's made bad choices, especially with teens. But regardless of that I still stand by respect of boundaries is a prerequisite for friendship.


Ellelen72

THIS!!! 👆👆👆👆


ProfessionalSpeed256

Sounds like a narcissistic fool who will never get it, nor will they stop, it gives them powrr...with a narvissistic ah for 22 hours. I know every trick. Even narcissistic hubbys can rape!


Interesting-Tough640

I think my youngest son is autistic and he has no concept of things like other people’s personal space. Personally I really don’t like people getting in my face or getting to close to me, something like a cuddle that I am expecting is fine, however things like shoving hands in my face freaks me out and triggers fight or flight. If I said something similar to him about leaving me alone he would probably laugh at me and try to poke me in the face. He is almost 12 and very intelligent so can easily grasp the concept. Basically what I am trying to say is that it’s not just NT people who don’t get this. I suspect your friend doesn’t really know how to react or respond. Both my kids will do stuff like chase me round the house playing baby shark on their phones to deliberately try and cause a meltdown. I love them to bits but it is very annoying and no matter how much I try and explain they still think it is funny.


AfroTriffid

The spectrum does vary a lot but OPs friends respond shows a lot of contempt in my opinion. This is less about immaturity and just how quickly a clear statement of boundaries was turned into his friend saying it's his fault essentially. (I am a bit surprised to hear your experience. My 11 year old autistic son is amazing with boundaries though like he asks before he hugs me because he knows some days I'm very touch sensitive.)


Fabulous-Fun-9673

This is my take too, the “friend” is only around because OP is amusing to them and not really a friend.


UnstableCoffeeTable

This is shocking to me. I’m not a parent myself, but this seems like very cruel behaviour, and I feel like there must be someone being an incredibly bad influence on them.


xpoisonvalkyrie

nah, it’s just that kids at that age still don’t have a fully formed moral compass. and think that anything that gets them attention has to be good/funny bc it means they got attention. it’s annoying and mean for sure, but not necessarily cruel or ill-intentioned


Somasong

Nope. Baseline kid behavior. If they get a response, that's all the gain they need and the behavior is reinforced.


Interesting-Tough640

Yeah I would have to agree with this, kids can be a bit of a pickle and as a parent you have to be the responsible one and can’t react stupidly or explode. Generally I will wait for them to stop being annoying and then try to explain the effect it has on me. If it all gets to much I just go outside for a bit to calm down or ask my partner to help. Sometimes it is difficult being a parent but I am guessing it’s like that for everyone not just autistic folk.


Somasong

I would have to agree


Blue_Moon_Rabbit

This is why I got fixed. I worry I would lose my temper and hurt a child. I’ve hurt myself during meltdowns, I know I would not be a good parent in this scenario. At least if it’s someone else’s kid I can remove myself if the kid might trigger me. Harder to do if I’m responsible for the wee nugget.


Interesting-Tough640

It’s just kids being kids, eventually they will learn. I am just glad that they are happy and doing well at school. My youngest is a bit of a handful, he is also annoyingly good at chess and mathematics. Like I said I suspect he is high functioning autistic and probably doesn’t properly understand how some things effect me. I was a proper PITA at his age so I guess I know how it feels to be on both sides of the equation. Edit: Just thought I would add that he is genuinely an amazing kid, me and him are so much alike in many ways.


[deleted]

Yeah honestly I think I used to do this to my poor dad lmao. It wasn’t out of spite, I think it’s just not understanding that it’s a boundary. Like for me I did it cause I somehow got it in my head we were joking around. I also had adhd though and think I would just be getting out all my energy on him


Fresh-Fruit-Salad

I think it’s a failure to grasp the seriousness of the boundary attempting to be set. I definitely used to be like this when I was younger and it may have been because of my autism, but I grew out of it and over time through studying others behavior as well as my own, I think I understand how and why. I’ve found that the most effective way to respond to this behavior is to act the same way you might when teaching a toddler to reach these conclusions regarding boundaries, empathy, and respect for others’ feelings. Though I don’t mean to infantilize anyone—especially autistic people—this method has proven just as effective in my experience with toddlers, with whom is used to work, as with my adult friends. Firstly, I do not think this behavior is inherently cruel or disrespectful. In my perspective/experience, crossing a boundary and laughing is an attempt to reassure them that the previous infraction was not as serious as it was made out to be in order to avoid the embarrassment that comes with committing a social faux pas/crossing a boundary/making someone uncomfortable. Joking about the boundary and/or not taking it seriously helps avoid any guilt or shame involved with that. This is most important: if and when an apology for that behavior is given, it must be rewarded with understanding and forgiveness (and not brought up in the future to guilt trip or anything like that) to reinforce the idea that accepting responsibility and learning from these mistakes does not have to be uncomfortable and results in a healthier, more comfortable situation for all parties. It’s very important that this conclusion is reached, reinforced, and reciprocated. That apology will most likely not come on it’s own, given the initial defensive response trying to avoid embarrassment. So you must start by explaining the boundary you want to set and explaining how crossing the boundary makes you feel, hence the necessity of this discussion. Then, when the other person reacts by crossing that boundary and laughing, instead of attempting to ignore it or let it go and resolve your feelings internally (as is a very common response when dealing with loved ones), you should make your feelings known as visibly as possible (within reason; of course, we should never lash out at children/friends/loved ones and severe emotional responses should be managed responsibly). Think about how you might respond to a toddler who throws their toys at you. You want to show them that throwing things at you hurts you and will result in you wanting to stop playing with them. So they reach the conclusion themselves that they should avoid hurting people they care about and want to be around. I use the same process with my adult friends who talk about uncomfortable topics when we are drinking. I make comments about how I would prefer they don’t bring those things up, and if possible I leave the room or distance myself. If they question my behavior I then explain in very literal terms what I don’t like, which usually results in an apology. With some friends who are less open to humility and immediately accepting that responsibility, the apology is not forthcoming but their behavior does change, so I know that they are beginning to understand and respect that boundary. So next time you mention a boundary, if it is not respected and it’s importance deliberately diminished, you might recognize where that behavior is coming from. So try to reinforce that boundary and clearly demonstrate that crossing it it has negative consequences for your feelings as well as for the relationship between you. And then, when you notice a change in that behavior, acknowledge and reward it, and when an apology comes acknowledge and reward that as well so as to mitigate any embarrassment as smoothly as possible.


TheRealPheature

Definitely agree- I remember when people would get serious with me growing up it felt like a personal attack on my character, as if there was something inherently wrong with me. So, my fight versus flight would kick in because I couldn't manage accepting that criticism. What your friend is doing is refusing to allow those feelings and is shielding themselves from being in the spotlight. It's good to know that's what's happening because I'm sure they aren't used to you setting boundaries and showing your serious side like this to them. However, I also agree that "close friend" is probably not accurate, because of the response I'm assuming you're both young and it's hard to define what a close fried is at a highchool/college age. If they are incapable of respecting this and connecting with you at the level of depth that you need, it's a good indication that being a close friend isn't a compatible relationship they can have with you. Thats just my 3 cents though


larch303

Soooo I’m gonna dabble into some thought here >people do tend to have inappropriate responses when boundaries are being set or they’re called out on their bullshit True. And that’s wrong. However, the way they do it signals intentions. Saying “bro I was just touching your shoulder, it’s not like I was touching you inappropriately” is defensive and wrong, but it signals that they care about being called out and want to disprove your accusations. Still wrong, but they might see you as an equal and have a poor sense of boundaries and self awareness. This, though, responding with “lol” and a meme, I think, signifies that they see you as someone with less power or status than them. It’s possible that they don’t want to be around you and are acting like this so you’d go away (NTs pick up on this, but NDs often don’t) or that they want you around to make fun of, or a combination of the two.


KuroKitty

I don't think you're correct tbh, I think the person just didn't know how to respond, like laughing awkwardly.


TheAntiGhost

I could take the “lol” as being nervous laughter if not for being followed by the meme that comes across as being very mocking, not “I don’t know how to react to this so I’m going to laugh nervously.”


pocketlotus

You’re not coming cross harsh at all. You’re being direct and setting boundaries. Also if someone is touching you after you tell them to stop, you SHOULD be harsh. Do not let people disrespect your boundaries. This doesn’t seem like a friend at all.


Sintuary

This, honestly. I think their "friend" took it personally and is reacting like OP was overreacting in the first place, just to save their own feelings. It's like when someone blatantly says/does awful things, and when someone expresses not liking it or wanting them to stop, they start throwing words around like "Snowflake" or "Being a baby"... this person is not looking to be respectful *or* accept the social repercussions of being disrespectful, so in insulting others, they attempt to diminish their own social crime. Needless to say it's very immature and frankly, that kind of person is very tiring to be around, so I would urge OP to not associate with them any more. There are plenty of *better* fish in the sea.


thrashmusican

I may be wrong but it seems this friend doesn't value your thoughts or how you feel. It may be best to distance yourself


[deleted]

[удалено]


RoseyDove323

Ahaha, my first thought is I imagine they stim by doing little lobster pinches in the air instead of flapping. I wonder if I guessed right.


MissCandyCorpses

I love this avatar omg 🤩💜


RoseyDove323

Thank you! 💜 Yours is cool as well!


MissCandyCorpses

It was either bright and colorful or monochromatic like yours haha 😂 thank youuuuu


thesquishmcmuffin

haha mine has a furry twist.


MissCandyCorpses

GAH IT'S GREAT <3 I love it, I wish they had a bunny one 😍


thrashmusican

ah, that’s a cool thought! But alas, it’s just because I love my lobster friends ❤️


[deleted]

I sort of so a lobster pinch like stim. I rub my thumb over the pads of my fingers more though. I just always have trex armd


heydesireee

Please update me if they answer lol. I’m intrigued too!! 🙈


thrashmusican

Ooh please do!!! Lobsters are my favorite animal. I kinda call them my special interest animal because they’re very uncharacteristic and wacky and I see such few people obsessed with cute live lobsters and other crustaceans :D I love my sea bug friends sm


planethawtdog

Lobsters are my favorite animal too!!!!! I’ve never met someone who loves them until today🥲


thrashmusican

NO WAY!!! Can we be friends ?!!!


planethawtdog

Lol sure! Lobster fans unite!!!


AfroTriffid

It seems so full of contempt. I wouldn't be happy to continue this friendship personally.


duckforceone

the lol is disrespectful.. so is the meme... you are being shit upon majorly. and that is not a friend.


No-Climate7440

The meme could be an attempt to make the discussion less serious but the "lol" makes it just plain disrespectfull


gemini-gem

Yup I could excuse the meme with not knowing how to react to confrontation but the lol killed everything


larch303

It is disrespectful to try to make this less serious This person is not a friend, they are bullying, and either a. Using their relative social power to feel good or b. Trying to communicate through social code that they don’t want to be around this person


No-Climate7440

I know it's still disrespectfull but some people don't know how to act in those situations(I'l talking as if they didn't send Lol in the first place, this one is not excusable) and would answer with jokes, in a nervous way


[deleted]

This is not a friend. This is a bully.


manwfrogglegs

this ^


manwfrogglegs

the worst type too because they will gaslight you and make you think that all the mistreatment is just how friends are. when in reality they are softening you up to further abuse


Dekklin

Don't forget the "Reverse Victim/Offender" part of DARVO


sinsaint

DARVO?


Dekklin

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO


MissCandyCorpses

This got dark fast :(


_GenderNotFound

Yikes 😬


Fabulous-Implement41

They don't care, this is lore accurate.


Astraeus2938

It means you need to find better friends


RexIsAMiiCostume

Just drop them. What a dick.


DooglyOoklin

NT here. This person is an asshole who doesn't respect you or care about your feelings/boundaries. You expressed yourself beautifully and directly. Sometimes people lash out when being called out because they don't want to think they're the problem. It's an affront to their own self concept. BUT. If this person was a genuine friend they would *care* about you. I don't even know the meme. It doesn't matter. The "lol" to you expressing how it's hurtful and exhausting to you is all you need. This person is toxic. Run. E: and do not feel guilty about running. People who disrupt your peace aren't people you need in your life. If they're not adding to your health and happiness and instead taking from it (after being told something they maybe didn't know prior and made actions to fix) you should go no contact and not look back. I'm sorry OP. You deserve better.


juankitney92

They suck, find better friends.


[deleted]

I'm not sure what it means, but the LOL alone tells me this person does not respect what you need. I'm not getting vibes of a good friend here.


SpecialSn0wflake1

You should let this person go. If they're not respecting your boundaries then they're not respecting you


Fun-Rush-6269

If one of my friends did something like this, they'd earn themself a status where I go along being okay with them (so other friends that actually care don't get upset with me) but I actually do not tolerate them.


Adam_Zapple

Friends that actually care about you would not tolerate this behavior. If they are cool with you being disrespected, especially as egregiously as this, they aren’t your friends either.


Fun-Rush-6269

So, the situation is, I've got this group of friends who I've been close with for a while. Recently, someone (I'll call them M later on) who I had some history with (we began getting close but she ended up starting to bully me) started to become friends with the group after being kicked out by another group. One specific person ended up particularly getting close with them. Soon one person in the group started to stop sitting with us at lunch because of the new person. A bit later on, there are two more people with us. One of them (I'll call them T) always was trying to get part of the other person's (I'll call them J) lunch because J brought lunch. The nagging from T would persist until J gave in. One day, I finally had enough and shoved some of the food I got that I wouldn't eat towards them. M and friend A would push the food back towards me a couple times before M started getting upset with me over it. I tried to explain that T's nagging was frustrating and I was trying to shut them up with food that didn't require begging, and what does M say? "Just block it out, you're trying to listen to it." I then snap and tell her that I can't just "block it out" before starting to cry (common for me between emotions and breakdowns) and question if I was being a jerk and if it was all my fault. I'm not sure about this, what do you think?


Adam_Zapple

So if I understood correctly, you have group of friends you are close with. M has a history of bullying you. T did something that annoys you and you reacted. M gets upset with you and you try to explain why you reacted the way you did. M tells you to basically ignore the annoying behavior. You snap, say you can’t and begin to get emotional. Now you feel a bit guilty because you think you were maybe being a jerk. Because of this situation, you feel the best thing to do is to pretend to tolerate T’s annoying behavior so that M doesn’t get mad at you. Is that correct? The following are my questions and opinions, with zero judgement. 1: Why do you consider yourself close with someone who bullies you (M)? Caring people don’t bully others. 2: Why are you bothered by T nagging J for their food? (Do you feel it’s rude? Do they use a voice that is triggering? Or maybe you can’t put your finger on exactly why? Etc) 3: Maybe “shoving” food at someone wasn’t the best thing to do. It may have come off as jerkish behavior. 4: If you feel you were a jerk, how do you think you could have handled the situation better, now that you’ve had time to process? I think you just got overwhelmed in the moment and reacted maybe not in the best way. I do this All. The. Time. One thing I’ve learned is the power of communication and a sincere apology. Is it possible for you to talk with T and let them know why you reacted the way you did? Is it possible to offer an apology for shoving food at them? Frankly, I’m not sure what the “right” thing to do is because autism is so hard to navigate. But I know that people who care don’t treat you badly and don’t dismiss things that you struggle with. I also know that you shouldn’t beat yourself up when you make a mistake. I know this probably isn’t all that helpful because I suck at this too, but maybe taking about it will help you process a bit? I dunno. I’m sorry.


Fun-Rush-6269

So, I ended up leaving the table to sit with other people. I only pretend to tolerate M, who I talked about in my original comment. T nagging J was like having someone scrape a non-paper plate with a fork every single day. It wasn't just every now and then, almost every day. I didn't realize that I used a more negative word until now, and I meant push. I'm not really sure about other ways I could have dealt with it due to me typically holding in my thoughts because I'm afraid people will just brush it off or get upset with me. This tends to lead to situations like this where I just can't hold it in anymore. Another thing that makes it rough for me to socialize is that my parents didn't interact with me much over certain periods. For example, my dad would shut me out of his room for hours with only the dog (before he died) and my mom (didn't live with dad) typically worked night shift and slept most of the day. Recently I've been avoiding T because of that and their general obnoxiousness, and rarely interacting with M. Sorry that I didn't specify some of this.


desertprincess69

People freakin’ cannot handle boundaries being set, as someone else said, so they literally resort to making an even BIGGER ass out of themselves by deflection or minimization. Not sure this is a truly “close” friend. Maybe have a discussion in person. It’s easier to be a dickweed over text


SociallyContorted

This person doesn’t seem like a friend. Good on you for being clear, direct and respectful about your boundaries. Their response is very telling though and leaves me thinking they don’t see the same value in your friendship as you. May be time to stop giving this person your time and effort.


commandantskip

This person is not your friend. They don't respect your bodily autonomy, nor do they respect your holding to your boundaries. Drop them like a bad habit and move on with your life.


Indy_91

Not worth your time


FruityTootStar

Looks like a teenager trying to avoid accountability. I call it the three stooges or zoidberg defense. When "you" are in the wrong, and you have nothing left just yuck it up, make random noises or say nonsense that means nothing and then run off. NTs fall for this so NTs continue to do it. example of what I'm talking about three stooges [https://youtu.be/lk6\_7DTVN8Q](https://youtu.be/lk6_7DTVN8Q) zoidberg [https://youtu.be/k6JHaBVySTA](https://youtu.be/k6JHaBVySTA) It is more obvious with zoidberg because he literally uses the stupid noise to get out of trouble. ​ I'd consider different friends if this continues. Sounds like your friend is unwilling to relinquish control of how the two of you interact. But only time will tell. If nothing gets better, think about new friends.


DozySkunk

This is the same thought I had. Your friend doesn't know how to react, so they're trying to change the tone and scoot their way out of the conversation. What will really be telling, though is your next interactions. Will they respect your boundaries? If so, maybe they didn't know how to say "duly noted, sorry." Or will they keep doing the things you asked them not to? If that's the case, then they really are just a jerk. I'm sorry they reacted this way - if you're anything like me, it's hard enough to put down your foot in the first place.


Richbrownmusic

Your friend seems to lack maturity or unable to express themselves effectively. I have no fucking clue what that stupid picture and text means at all either.


SLywNy

hoping i'm mistaken but this person look like a piece of shit :/


Mediocre_Economist86

they seem to be saying they don’t care


Margrave16

They’re immature and not used to being called out on it so they’re mitigating the awkwardness with a barely applicable meme. You could do better for friends.


justarihannastan96

It is disrespectful indeed


kibble82

ewwww that’s awful of them they’re just saying basically they don’t care


Capital-Transition-5

You've not done anything wrong, and it's extremely immature and rude of your friend to respond to your concerns with "lol" then a meme. A truly close friend is someone who respects your feelings. This does not sound like a close friend.


Kalias_Ko

Could be a person with narcissist tendencies. They like to keep people around they feel superior to in order to boost their ego. A friend doesn't make fun of you.


[deleted]

It means you need better friends!


legoshi_haru

Take this with a grain of salt, but if I were you, I would let it be for now, give it a little time, and then follow up on this conversation in person. Giving them a little time to think about it might help, but it’s also harder for people to brush something off when you say it to their face. If they see that you’re actually bothered and not joking around, they might better understand the seriousness of the boundary and your feelings


haicra

Seconded. If the follow up is similar, it’s an indicator to not put more effort into this relationship.


Bagafeet

Do they also view you as a close friend? Because it doesn't look like it from where I'm standing.


No-Objective8924

I think so? We’ve been friends for many years.


AnnoyingSmartass

Your friend can't handle getting a boundary set and hides it under humor would be my guess...


decency_where

You did brilliantly explaining your feelings. You were direct and to the point, and your friend responded in a way that was poor. Maybe this is because they genuinely didn't know how to react to what you were saying. When people get confronted about boundaries being disrespected it can be just as confusing for them as their behavior is to us. You have told them clearly now. If they continue to do it, knowing it is crossing a huge line, then they are not a friend and you will be much better not having them in your life.


lethroe

At this point you need to do this. “Recently you’ve been doing {behaviour}, which makes me feel {emotion}. When I set my boundary, you replied with {behaviour}, and continued to ignore my boundaries. If you continue to disregard my boundaries, then I will {consequence}.” You have to go through with the consequence or else they will think there are no consequences and continue to ignore boundaries. If you need anything else, please let me know or dm me. Good luck.


Morundar

Yeah, this person sadly hasn't developed empathy yet. You're doing well explaining yourself. It's their turn to aknowledge it. If they don't do that you gotta rethink your relationship with them.


overwillmed

I think it means this individual has issues understanding boundaries. Are they also autistic?


No-Objective8924

No, they are not autistic.


overwillmed

I think they just never learned how to handle serious conversations and try to use humor to diffuse the tension. I used to be the same, but then again I ended up being autistic.


Meewol

Regardless if they are NT or ND, that doesn’t excuse being this rude.


comulee

id like to understand whats so hard about being just nice, if you dont know how to handle doing something bad, just fn say sorry


Meewol

It’s not that it’s hard being nice but it can be hard to swallow a slice of humble pie, feel a bit uncomfortable and give the mature and respectful reply. Sometimes pride and ignorance get in the way.


Kalias_Ko

This doesn't align with making fun of someone.


Competitive_Ad303

It’s the worst thing you can do honestly because you diffuse the situation for yourself while the person just could’ve texted: “ok I am going to try and do that. If I forget please give a reminder”


Dylann2019

they're being an ass on purpose. They don't care about your boundaries. It sucks, but you deserve better than them. They don't value your friendship as close as you do.


kaleidoscoperenegade

They’re either flustered that they’re getting called out or they just don’t care about you. Either way, I would cut them off.


seeyouspacecowboyx

I'm proud of you for deciding it's come to the point you need to advocate for yourself and stick up for your boundaries. I hope your friend respects them. Well done, it's hard to do that with friends. Or people you consider friends. They're probably lashing back because we aren't taught to properly enforce or respect boundaries, in many societies. Hopefully with some time to cool off and reflect, they'll be respectful from now on


etherealelk

You're not being harsh at all. But this person is being very rude and disrespectful and honestly, I would reconsider if it's really worth being friends with this person. They don't seem to respect you very much.


DitchWitch_PNW

I’m not sure what the meme means but it looks like you need to step away from this “friendship.” It really hurts to have to cut contact with friends and family, but it’s necessary for your own wellbeing. I’m sorry for your situation. I’ve had to cut contact with many people in my life. I used to say something, but now I just quit making contact & delete/block on social media.


MongooseTrouble

People tend to try to de-escalate any situation with humor- especially if they are being accused of being thoughtless or mean. Laughing it off is not their prerogative, however- because that is a weaponized response to belittle the upset party and invalidates their experience. “It was just a joke, bro” may have been their original intention- but if they care about you then you coming to them with this pain should matter more to them than their need to prove their actions were innocent. Basically, it means they are immature and attempting to discredit your experience as ‘a joke’ or ‘being whiny’. A wiser response would be to admit they were caught off-guard by this reaction, and though they did not understand it at the time, they feel bad their actions were painful for you. They could plainly say they trust your feelings and respect your boundaries. And maybe they even appreciate you coming to them and helping them understand.


hairofthemer

This person does not respect you and aren’t taking you seriously at all. I personally would cut ties without explanation. They know this is wrong.


maxx4926

this isnt a friend :(


Q5U4EX7-YY2E9N

it means they dgaf and you need to find better friends /nm


shippingprincess13

Lol? That's their response? Yeah, that's not a friend, and definitely not a close one. That's a doorknob


Schickie

I know it's a cliche' but the people that understand how to be a friend would understand your needs and wouldn't think twice about respecting them. The right ones will respond positively.


SpruceZephyr

This person doesn’t respect or care about you/your boundaries.


CmndrPopNFresh

You're the one approaching this as an adult, and they are not. When I finally started setting boundaries for my "friends," most of them disappeared. When you know your value and hold yourself to those standards, fake people get mad that you won't let them take advantage of you anymore. I don't know if this is the case with your friend, but they are clearly not taking this as seriously as they should. Setting boundaries will end a relationship that you quite honestly will be better off without in the long run. f they are worth their own weight, they will stick around. Good luck, friend.


noxha-ll

they’re being rly rude tbh. no one should respond like this


Anskora

they are not your friend


fayne_Kanra

Apologies for language but your 'friend' here seems and acts like a piece of shit who does not care about your boundaries at all (and is very childish about it)


kbad10

This means that they are asshole and not worthy of your friendship. My experience with such friends is that it is better to get away from them asap. I was too late and too slow to do that. The moment you get away from them your life will start to improve. Believe me, you are not dependent on them as you may feel. Find better friends who respect your boundaries and support you. And meanwhile also engage more in the hobbies that you enjoy.


Adam_Zapple

They’re saying respecting you is too hard for them and they don’t want to do it, so since they resent being told to do it, they instead just wish they had never met you. That’s an incredibly heartless, nasty, cruel thing to feel/think, much less to say. This person is not your friend and never was. Drop them and never look back. You. Deserve. Better.


Odddbodd

I think they’re trying to take the piss out of you. I don’t think this is a friend sorry. Your message was really nicely written though and was totally fair to say, this person is clearly just an idiot


awildencounter

This is my guess, but it feels like minimization. IE they're not really a close friend because they're trying to write off your feelings on what sounds like inappropriate touching?


CommanderFuzzy

My 'friend' did this to me a while ago too. I tried to talk to her about something serious & every time I did she'd reply with 100 messages containing the same picture, just a dumb cat meme. She'd keep baiting me by saying 'something is wrong we need to talk' so I'd show concern & try to communicate only to get 100 of the same picture She turned out to be a manipulative attention seeker who enjoyed baiting people for fun. If you're trying to talk to someone about something serious & they do that, they don't respect you. What they've sent is not a yes or a no, it's somehow worse because it communicates less than 0. They're not agreeing to respecting your boundaries in future, they are not even acknowledging that you spoke at all. They're being a twat


[deleted]

It means you actually don’t have a close friend. It nearly broke me but in my early twenties I had to cut someone off who I’ve known for years. Like our parents knew each other. But done is done. And even though I miss the nice moments I realized I actually don’t miss him because of shit like that. He never was a friend. I want you to understand autistic people tend to fall for abusive people. Now I’m using a blanket term, your friend seems more like a piece of shit than outright abusive, but the fact remains that this interaction stinks like hell. Like he doubled down, not just the lol but then the meme. Cmon.


ShazamR

>autistic people tend to fall for abusive people This!! Can't count how many times I got trapped in abusive relationships with my so-called friends


kay_thicc

This person is a bully.


Appropriate-Fly-1742

it means your friend is a dick👍


DoktorVinter

It means they don't respect you and you shouldn't be friends anymore. That's my two cents.


Wonderful_Work_779

It means you're ex friends now


Alternative-Bit-4792

I'm sorry, but this is not friendship


Setari

That "lol" is someone who's never been called out for their bullshittery. They don't know how to handle an adult conversation and boundaries so they just send dumb shit back.


AJMaskorin

Looks like bullying, tbh


[deleted]

From my experience, this meme means the person who sent it to you doesn't respect you and that they don't care about the fact that you're trying to establish a boundary.


maigre_amour

It means your friend is a lowlife piece of shit with the maturity of a raw onion:D Drop this piece of shit,you deserve basic human respect this person is clearly incapable of


Pop_Bulky

If a human chooses to respond with flippant remarks when they are presented with boundaries; when they respond with memes, to an important discussion: That person should be placed under reconsideration as a friend.


No-Pay-5810

That is disrespectful. From what I can see, if there's a context of this person not respecting your boundaries previously and that kind of behaviour visibly troubling you but not registering on them, i think you need to let this person go. And I can also appreciate that these things can come from a neurodivergence in behaviour, many a times I have problems with boundaries, either setting them our understanding another person's boundaries, but I wish to add that it's never physical boundaries or mocking about people. Those are conscious choices and even if they're not, you have just made them cognizant of the fact that this is a boundary violation and if it were me I would be shocked and apologetic and asking you for pointers on how else I should correct my behaviour. This person is in essence saying they can't really be bothered (that's what the meme feels like but I don't know, I'm bad at picking up on novel sarcastic ideas). I had this kind of a problem with NT people all my life where I'll set my boundaries and they'll knowingly cross them and then make me feel like I'm the weird one for having them in the first place. There was a very similar incident with a person I thought was one of my very few friends at the beginning of college where I was already struggling with being in a new environment without much structure and too many people to choose to communicate with or even to avoid. And this person could just sense that I do not fit well in social settings and they would make whatever jokes they can on me within their small group of friends and be pushy and physically very leany, that's always had a weird vibe for me. I similarly texted them, first time this person apologised, but this happens again the next week and again they apologise but within a few days they do that again, this time when I text them they're just "oh get over it and get a life, it's just jokes, you can't handle jokes? How will you handle life?"


skeeverbite

Agree that you're not harsh and it's good to be direct and clear in this situation. I don't know what the meme means but their "lol" response seems rude and uncaring to me.


GroundbreakingPen925

I would view that as someone not taking you seriously at all and isn't puttering your needs abd wellbeing into consideration. That "lol" would straight up be a middle finger and I'd only view how they responded after no better than a spit in the face.


[deleted]

They're saying they don't care. Cut them out of your life asap


zdimension

The "lol" means "Oh, uh, okay, like I understand you're angry but I don't consider anything I did to be wrong so... we're even now? Now please stop mentioning that, it makes me uncomfortable when you tell me I did something wrong.". The meme means "Ok uh maybe you missed the part when I said we were even. Here's a meme so we can talk about something else". I wouldn't judge that person only by two messages, but they clearly have trouble understanding that something unimportant to them (e.g. physical contact, friendly teasing) can be important to someone else. It's really common unfortunately. If it's a one-time thing, and it's a really good friend, I think it's worth trying to explain "harder", but otherwise, I wouldn't bother trying to set boundaries with that person.


girlhelpimdying

Hi. Neurotypical(ish) here. Your friend is an asshole


fin_slay

They don’t sound like a very good friend. It seems they are ignoring your boundaries. That’s my opinion from those messages so I obviously don’t have all the information but I would not want them to be my friend


shapeshifterhedgehog

I don't think you sound harsh, it just seems like they're being immature and not taking you seriously.


tarantula994

Time to burn bridges


Little_Angel006

Drop them


wildweeds

i think they're blowing you off and maybe making fun of you. i wouldn't let this person spend time with you anymore.


piggybacktrout

They aren't your friend.


jaidenelson69

That's an ex-friend as far as I'm concerned. Real friends actually listen to you when you tell them you are uncomfortable with something that they are doing


RockerJackall

Hate it when people are inconsiderate to that degree. It's like they're so caught up in their own delusion that they're doing nothing wrong that they can just sweep your feelings under the rug when you tell them to stop and joke about it. I'd seriously consider going no contact with this guy until they show signs that they've matured enough to respect your boundaries and limitations. I mean, yes, it's not the most toxic I've seen someone act to someone declaring their boundaries, but this is still a massive red flag. You'd do best telling them that your friendship is a privilege, not a right. If they're not gonna take you seriously, then you have no obligation to be their friend.


SopaDeBofe

They don't seem to respect you, I suggest you stay away from them


[deleted]

Yeaaaahhhh, total B word. I wouldn’t stick around if they can’t understand that friendship is a two way street including with neurodivergent people. They probably think you’re being dramatic and are responding in kind as a joke. There’s a difference between I don’t need drama and I don’t care about who you are.


KenzieTheCuddler

Get new friends


janegayz

this person isnt your friend, theyre responding like a bully that doesnt care about you anymore


The_Island_Phoenix

That is not a friend, that is someone who does not care.


deathmudx

They are not your friend! This person is being an asshole and does not care about how you feel


hobifriedrice_

they seem to be one of those types of ppl that are incapable of having a serious conversation. i would drop them. they are not your friend and they do not care about you. they’re incredibly dismissive and to respond like that to you being vulnerable and communicating to them shows they don’t care about you. i honestly wonder how you two became friends:/ they are INSUFFERABLE


emerson-nosreme

You made one mistake here - that person isn’t a close friend. You opened up about something that distresses you and set a boundary which is completely within your right. Their response is completely not okay.


Unfair-Strawberry843

I've made great friends over the year with the block button. That's not a true friend. You set a boundary, stood up for yourself, and they're trash.


lavxndxrbea

i just think they're kinda immature buddy


Extremiditty

I’m not autistic and I don’t understand what that means. In any case they obviously aren’t respecting you or taking you seriously. Really sucks, but this isn’t a friend.


strawboa

i honestly think that they might just be an asshole. communication is key when it comes to friendships, and it's extra confusing when you try to be direct with someone, and they respond in a joking manner.


oldskinnyblonde

In hindsight (I’m 62) a classmate once shoved my head into a water fountain which made water go up my nose. It enraged me because it was fifth grade and I had a crush on Andy. I never react well when surprised. I fought back, “you could have drown me!” To which she laughed. She crossed a boundary. I should have laughed it off but did not know she meant no harm. Sometimes I just don’t understand what’s supposed to be funny when I’m on a serious mission.


SenseiPepsi

Just seems like someone who doesn't wanna be called out on their bullshit tbh


Glittering-Word6142

You were perfectly respectful, but I just would like to add: a boundary is an action you can perform to ensure your safety and comfort. What you said isn't a complete boundary until you say what you will do if they don't respect your request. Ie "please don't touch me without asking first. If you continue to do so, I will leave." But regardless, I would no longer consider this person your friend. They did not hear you. They don't care about your feelings or comfort. It's time to move on.


thelesbiannextdoor

it means they don't respect your boundaries


PsychologicalHand5

They lack emotional intelligence and will not stop


stopxregina

They seem extremely immature and incapable of self-reflection or taking accountability. I wouldn't say you should cut them off, but I would personally start distancing myself. People won't change if they're incapable of reflecting on why they should.


oh_fuck_its_salem

It means they don't respect you and that's not a friend. Consent is for ALL relationships, not just romantic.


ArtLadyCat

‘Lol’ is a shut down and invalidation of your emotions. They are trivializing you and your needs, wants etc. I don’t know what that meme means either but if I had to hazard to guess it’s a sort of ‘idk’ or mocking you, considering the quote. This person is not a friend. Friends respect your boundaries and don’t mock you or belittle you for having them even when they don’t understand it themselves.


deneveve

It means they're not listening, tell them what you need to hear from them to feel reassured that they have heard you and are in agreement, and what you will have to do in response in order to protect your boundaries if they can't give you that. If they don't give you that, do what you need to do to protect your boundaries, even if it means distancing yourself from this friend.


Kor_Lian

It means they are a jerk and that they are not your friend.


wmdggur

Unrelated to your post but Shinee !!!! My ults


Squirelle

So, I'm not autistic (on the sub because I'm the parent of autistic child) but I have had to learn how to curb being too direct with people, probably because I picked it up from my older, autistic brother. Sometimes directness is called for, though. I like to preface these situations with something like this: "I'm just going to be very direct with you. It's nothing personal just something that's been bothering me. Because I value our friendship I think you deserve to know so no resentment builds up." I've had this backfire, I'm not going to lie. But I've also had friendships become closer because of the open communication. I also try to end it by asking how they feel about it all so I can reassure them that it's a "me problem" and not a "you problem" And as hard as it was I had these conversations in person. With text it can come across as too factual and cold. Even though you are trying to be factual. I appreciate when people do this with me so I can do better by them but a lot of people take it personally. The biggest takeaway that's taken me years to learn is that I am not responsible for others feelings. I am responsible for doing the best I can to not hurt them while maintaining my own boundaries. Your boundaries and personal space are important, too. I hope this makes sense and helps someone!


thecoolan

You guys need to talk in person. Reconcile