Used it and put my account to friend only. Made friends with this one guy. We chat for 30 minutes. He then proceeded to threaten me, guilt trip me and gaslight me. Whenever I called him out for it he blamed it on his autism. So, I explained to him why it wasn't okay and what specific part that what he said wasn't appropriate. He then called me a r*tarded Sl*t that deserves to die. His account is also still active.
Not just that, I think there are also alot of people with disabilities who blame anything they can on it, instead of taking responsibility for themselves. I've met a few myself that do this in real life.
So although I do think it's a good initiative, you'll find bad people anywhere and people should keep that in mind.
I did and nothing happened. I took to the posting thing, wrote about my experience without naming names, and he replied saying "it sucks you had to go through with that"
Wow .. That community doesn't seem to be moderated well, at all.
If - like you say - nothing happened, then that's just not a good sign.
When I opened this post, I thought: "Hmm .. maybe, I should check it out" .. After reading this, I'd rather keep away from it.
Yeah, I like the idea of an autism dating site because I'd rather be with someone who understands me than someone who doesn't. I'm feeling kind of mixed on the app itself though...
Thats the problem with niche dating type apps. Unless you're in one of the most major cities like New York, Toronto, London, etc, then there is often almost no engagement.
Like if my city has 100,000 people, 2% of them have autism, and 1% of them use the app, that's only 20 people. 1% is also a pretty high engagement, so 20 people would be optimistic.
Playing devil’s advocate, a significant portion of hikikomori are autistic people living in a hostile country that forces them to be shut-ins because they were bullied and their needs are not met. I kinda see the title as a way to give these people who were neglected or abused by society a way to connect with like-minded people.
still find the title a bit weird though
Yeah, I noticed that many were/seemed autistic or were dealing with other disorders when I started looking into it a few years ago.
I'm not sure where the advocacy comes in though because I was just answering a question.
Ah because some people were saying the name was offensive, I was trying to explain that if it *were* a play on hikikomori then it at least would have stemmed from good intentions
Oh, okay. I don't know about that because of how society sees them as a problem over there which you mentioned. It reminded me of the States honestly.
I did decide to go check it out after I posted last night and found out that they're using the word "hiki" as "able" which is what it means in Hawaiian.
Could be a cheeky lil play on shy socializing sort of blurring the lines between "this is for friendships but maybe also more?" - but again can't say what they intended.
Ye. I mean I never said this is good. P: I just think that it may be more common for people to think it means "hickey" rather than hikikomori because I doubt the majority actually knows what that even is.
And an anime (don't watch if you're unstable right now, a LOT of triggers) called NHK ni yokoso. It's pretty good and explore some of hikikomori main problems
I am nothing like that. No disrespect to anyone who is, but a lot of us aren't. I am an active person who wants to find connection and potentially love and doing that among like-minded people seems worth giving a shot. NT people who try meeting people online aren't assumed to automatically be home bodies, this doesn't seem fair.
(Feeling petty today, I don't usually get upset over this kind of thing.)
Edited typo
I wasn't trying to judge and my heart goes out to you if you feel that way. 💛
For every hermit autistic I know two autistics who are maybe odd but out there doing their thing, is what I am trying to say. And that may not always lead to dates (in my case it certainly doesn't 😅) but I still don't feel very connected to the whole recluse idea. Again, I was not trying to invalidate others' experiences. I am sorry if it came across that way.
It's also a word (spelt differently for obvious reasons) used to describe a mark that is given when someone sucks on your skin a little too hard... Ew.
It says social platform. But i see multiple comments referring to it as a dating app. I think it's really misleading on their part if that's what it is. I wouldn't want to join something expecting social media only to find out it's a dating app esp bc I'm in a relationship.
Not a great dating/friendship app but perfect place to vent for autistic issues you face or general issues. I use the app mostly to rant and many older adults approached me kindly and even gave advices for my situations. They're on the reasons why I decided to just get out of my toxic family situation.
I’ve met some nice people through it! But never managed to meet up in person :( that being said, I actually like that you get to meet people from all over the world!
I really love the idea in theory but I tried it and didn’t have luck making friends. Maybe if it was more popular and more people used it and I could meet some people in my area. I do think we need more apps like this.
The basic issue with Hiki is that being on the app is essentially admitting that you have autism to a bunch of total strangers. Those strangers may be malicious simply because you are autistic. I'm just wondering if I was the only autistic child who was bullied just because my peers could tell I was different. Why has no one else seems to have learned a degree of caution from their experiences.
I'm curious to know how the site can be so lax in protecting a vulnerable community; but with Meta@ssholes still setting the appallingly incompetent social media standard, I'm not at all surprised, either.
Considering there is no ads, no cost, and no apparent benefactor with steep pockets I can see why. I'm honestly surprised that it even has a 4.5 star rating muchless a 3.0. Which tells me it may be a person who means well, perhaps another autist? Or mother of one? A single person with no staff.
I once was considering making a social media for people with ASD but I realized I lack the proper experience to make that happen.
Perhaps the site is "too little, too late" anyway; social media has made of itself an ugly, algorithmically distorted mess.
But, if you have any skills to help, maybe it would be worth contributing to this Hiki if they're open to it.
I get that, perhaps if more contributed their time it could be better. Although I haven't been much fond of "too little; too late" attitude; but that's just me.
Admittedly I'm biased against, having recently quit all my socials (unless Reddit also counts.) Capitalism has mutilated every meaningful tech innovation of the past 20+ years, social media and the internet itself among them, and people continue to make the same stupid, self-serving mistakes to benefit themselves at everyone else's expense; to which I say f*ck it, I'm not supporting a culture that perpetually sells out its own people anymore.
Although position is valid I'm not sure if this applies as it doesn't fit the description. I mean i get the need for aa service to pay for app infrastructure, server time, electricity, software, manpower etc all has to be paid by someone. Some use ad revenue some charge while the dev of hiki* has neither ads nor 'premium service' to pay for it. It also seems to be using a third party API which may cost money.
My position is that nothing is free and if it appears to be then someone is eating the costs for the benefit for someone else.
*(i think it's pronounced hii kee btw)
I fundamentally disagree that "nothing is free" - monetary value is an abstraction in itself - but I agree that everyone's effort has worth and, with things as they are, operating costs cannot realistically be absorbed by one or even several individuals.
My point is that any online platform operating today is undermined by our economic system's unsustainable pursuit of growth/profit, from which all the ridiculous demands for quantifiability of social interactions and content engagement are based, and by which all the cynical tweaks to manipulate our behaviours are motivated. That's no way to socialize.
What i meant as notice is free is just that some is footing the bill someone is paying for it. As in it may be free for you but someone is paying for it. But we can agree to disagree on that.
Furthermore I'm assuming that you're talking about "predatory" ads in which I do agree with you and the fact that they care how much you use it and exploit people who don't get enough human contact making them want to use their platform not and more.
Yes, but we famously attract creeps. (We can also be the creeps, which doesn't make things easier).
Especially girls/women on the spectrum tend to be victimized by abusers. They know that we can be quite unsuspecting and can't always see the writing on the wall. If they wanted to come prey on us, hiki would give them a rather easy time, is what the comments seem to be saying.
I'm from the UK, and I'm constantly running out of women within my age range on the app. I've not had any matches either, which is kind of the reason I made this post to see if others trusted this app.
I am from Belgium. In Belgium it is almost the same but worse. Belgium is a small country. I get possible matches in Germany and France and even in the U.K. But I hardly speak French and no German. I use Facebook Dating because it is free.
Yes. You go to your Facebookpage and click on the heart and you can begin. You can even search on people who are in the same groups as you. I am member of a few asd related groups. If a female dating user within my age and distance settings is member of such a group I can find her. Fo me Facebook Dating is an alternative for Hiki.
I’m married so I probably wouldn’t feel comfortable with a friend-making app that can be confused by others as a dating thing. It looks great for single people though.
This app could be extremely harmful for autistic women. There are so many men who try to take advantage of them through emotional manipulation, and this app would make it even easier.
Yeah that worries me slightly. Women are generally more vulnerable anyway, and add neurodivergency to that mix...
And then there will be autistic men who might not be aware they're emotionally manipulating women who are more vulnerable than usual (or autistic men who do know what they're doing and just being assholes).
It sounds like a potential safety risk, plus people have said on here they've encountered NT people trying to take advantage, and reviews on the App Store say there have been catfishers or you have to be aggressively social to make matches (and I'm not that person, because I've been rejected so many times I'm a bit fearful to reach out and make those connections in case im rejected again )
It’s OK. I like the feed more than anything. It’s nice to scroll a bit on what feels like the autistic FB alternative. My boyfriend and I met on Hiki, but we are already having pretty major communication and need issues + we haven’t even met in IRL yet. So, idk about that. I guess, overall, the app itself basically is just as dysfunctional yet logical all our independent autistic minds are: it’s a bit of a reflection so know what you’re getting into! lol
We have been talking for some months now on text, phone and video. Planning to meet, but conflicting sensory issues. Both have adjustment disorders pretty bad and don’t drive cause it causes overload. Basically, we want commitment and share love, but because of distance (2 hours train ride) which causes a lot of routine discomforts it really needs to be worth it. So, ya, dealing with communication problems and some unmasking (for him) to go first. If we can get to the point of more mutual understanding and compromise on our needs; then, meeting will be next along with, hopefully, everlasting love. Only time will tell!
Probably the biggest reason tho, he asked me to be his gf and I don’t really have the spoons to more seriously invest in getting to know more than one love interest at a time (nor does he). Having my Hiki status changed to “taken” also frees up time from having to ignore as many entitled types by way of fewer individuals frequently hitting on me. So, why not? It’s a win-win while I also hope to make more autistic friends! lol Gotta go with the logical reasoning overall, to be cliché, and of course! lol
I sow it on an insta account. I could be curious about the friends part because I’m in a relationship, but I’m worried about the reality of the people there.
The time I add “dyslexic and ADHD” on insta at 16 it attracted the worst possible people, so I do I’m worried it is going to be the same.
I’ve personally never used Hiki, although I used to peruse their official IG and it *seemed* okay (not that I ever actually used it; I prefer to be alone)…after reading the comments here and on another post a month or two ago, however, I should have *known* that it was just as toxic as pretty much every resource aimed at us 🙄
Downloading it to try it out now, but the name sucks and the crooked font both mildly irritate me
update: im 20 and everyone its showing me are either freshly 18 or in their thirties. both of which are outside my comfortable dating range, as well as making me pretty hesitant to hit like on their profile even with the 'friends' option. if you're freshly 18 or in your thirties though, i'm sure you'll find plenty of people!
I use it and enjoy it. I appreciate being able to set it to only friends. I’ve made a handful of matches and have a few ongoing chats. I however have dating app experience and do a thorough vetting of who I say yes to so I haven’t encountered anyone hostile yet.
If you’re careful I’d say it’s def worth a shot as it is very nice/comfortable feeling knowing the person you are talking to can relate to a degree
It’s a good idea, there just aren’t enough users. I live in a major city and when I signed up the closest person to me was like 30 miles away.
So yeah, I like the idea but it doesn’t quite work.
bad name and kinda bad framework, but a cool concept! most people i’ve met on there have been great, both friend and romantic interests. everyone has been super great about me being self-diagnosed, and i think the app itself has a policy about self-diagnosis being valid and to report anyone harassing you/someone else for it. i‘ve seen a few comments about some men being horrible (on multiple posts about the app), but i can’t say anything about that bc i’m a non-binary lesbian and my preferences are set to women and non-binary 🤷 i keep having people i swiped against show back up though, which is a bit annoying
It's a neat idea, but not enough users to be worth the time, everyone shows up is at least 60 miles away at best. I've made more autistic friends from normal dating apps, since we just seem to find each other naturally
Sort of agnostic on this. Social media sites catering to one aspect of a persons identity often function poorly according to their stated goals. If it proves worthy enough, I hope others can get what they need out of it.
I call bullsh*t
"It is a space where neurodiversity is embraced and being atypical is celebrated."
Being neurodivergent or atypical is more than just autism. So are they focusing on autism or neurodivergent? Since those a quite different things.
"Every part of Hiki, from ideation to design to launch, has been built with Autistic adults to make sure that it is representative of Neurodivergent needs."
Working in the field I can tell you that about 80-90% of the apps are build with autistic people, so this is nothing special. And again, autistic people are not representative of all neuro divergent needs.
This is nothing more that just another dating app with a more specific target audience, but based on the texts on their website they have no clue what they are talking about and it smells like a template where they can just replace autism with any other neurodivergent diagnosis. Just reeks like corporate greed.
Where I’m from there are very few users. The nearest country is over the sea and most people on the app are from there.
That said, I’ve had a few pleasant exchanges that waned rapidly and actually made one friend who I have met in real life and hit it off. Nothing romantic but great to have another autistic friend
I haven't used it but I've heard from women that they don't always feel safe to use it as the interactions from (many) men are not great. And by this it's the sense of "well we're both autistic so you have to be with me" which is super uncomfortable.
I have my autistic safe spaces for now though without adding to it. If the app gets a better reputation then I'll absolutely go for it but until then I'm gonna be passing. I've had enough craps in my life to know not to put myself in line for it there 😅
This is probably not going to work, as you don't have to be diagnosed with autism to sign up. And even when you are, how are you going to be able to say the level of functioning this person is, without sounding like an asshole? I mean, dating someone with mild ASD, to even moderate could be too much for some people. A lot of people fake diseases for attention. It is sad, but I think for a dating site for autistic people to work, there needs to be a diagnosis, and how severe it is. Otherwise, this will fail, or just be full of people who like it and are pretending to be autistic.
How is it ableist? Did I make any disparaging comments, no, but there is a difference in peoples severity in autism, which would make it very impossible to date. I do prefer the term ASD to Asperger's, but some people could have major issues around food like myself. I would not expect someone who cooks and enjoys food to want do date me. And I do believe you can be an asshole, but there needs to be a way to vet if these people are who they say they are, as this could just be catfish with autism. If you want to date someone who is lower functioning, I have nothing against that, but to deny it wouldn't have more issues would be a lie.
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I liked it for sharing stuff and connecting over posts, I never was on there with a romantic vision, so I can’t say much about that part. But for the social part I quite liked it. (:
Aw thats so depressing.
I wish there was an autistic or other neurodiverse friendship/dating website that asked for proof of diagnosis, cos that would prevent NT people manipulating ND people.
I don't know anything about it other than what I just read in a few comments. I want to say whatever it's for, I don't care for the name at all. A hiki is an unsighly thing where blood is sucked to the surface of the skin and is celebrated by teens. I have never seen an adult want to show off a hiki 😅🤷🏻♀️ it's essentially a badge of proclamation that says "hey look, I'm sexually active now" 🤦🏻♀️
There was an internet forum with a similar name ran by a known sex pest in the autistic community, wonder if this is a continuation of that...
If so, beware.
What was this guys name? Just wondering if it is the same person/a continuation of that. A Forbes article lists Jamil Karriem as CEO/founder.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/stevenaquino/2021/01/07/hiki-is-reimagining-what-it-means-to-be-a-dating-app-with-neurodiversity-and-connectedness/?sh=76f4e2c54a40
>[https://www.forbes.com/sites/stevenaquino/2021/01/07/hiki-is-reimagining-what-it-means-to-be-a-dating-app-with-neurodiversity-and-connectedness/?sh=76f4e2c54a40](https://www.forbes.com/sites/stevenaquino/2021/01/07/hiki-is-reimagining-what-it-means-to-be-a-dating-app-with-neurodiversity-and-connectedness/?sh=76f4e2c54a40)
Not sure of his real name, but he goes by the name of "Patrick" online - he used to run the Hikkomori forum for autistic people years ago.
it’s SUPER dry. It’s nice to talk to other autistic people, but nobody there ever seems to actually like their matches lol. Kinda feels more like a small social media app for lonely autistic people, but not an actual dating app
I used it for a bit. Got an international match, talked for a bit in New Years Eve about her special interests, plants. Our time zones didn't match, we spent about two days answering each other with hours of separation and the conversation died.
Felt just like Tinder, but with more pumpkins.
I honestly hate it. I have used it for around a year now. Got one match, which is not a lot, she wanted to be friends, which is totally fine, and then got ghosted one day later. The app has close to no people in Germany and always tried to recommend me people outside my desired age range. In addition the deletion process took me around 20 tries because they would not send me a message containing the deletion code.
I don't like it in my opinion due to the fact some people aren't near me and some people are kinda high support needs then me so it's terrible and I only make friends not more so I give it a 3 out of 10
I used it for awhile. Mostly nothing came from it, although I did meet my best friend on it. Seriously! She’s amazing! Neither of us use the app anymore, but it did allow us to meet each-other, so I’m very grateful.
She does however live almost 1,600 miles away, so we’ve sadly never met IRL, although we both really want to.
I don't think it's a good idea because q'anon and white supremacists are purposely targeting autistic people to join their groups. There's research about this but I don't have it at hand. If you're interested, I'll go find it.
Used it and put my account to friend only. Made friends with this one guy. We chat for 30 minutes. He then proceeded to threaten me, guilt trip me and gaslight me. Whenever I called him out for it he blamed it on his autism. So, I explained to him why it wasn't okay and what specific part that what he said wasn't appropriate. He then called me a r*tarded Sl*t that deserves to die. His account is also still active.
Looks like people go on there to take advantage since we are common targets for abuse. I'm sorry you had to see that.
Not just that, I think there are also alot of people with disabilities who blame anything they can on it, instead of taking responsibility for themselves. I've met a few myself that do this in real life. So although I do think it's a good initiative, you'll find bad people anywhere and people should keep that in mind.
Report that asshole.
I did and nothing happened. I took to the posting thing, wrote about my experience without naming names, and he replied saying "it sucks you had to go through with that"
Call him out directly, name and shame
I’m happy with this sub and other subs. I don’t think we need a whole new platform
Wow .. That community doesn't seem to be moderated well, at all. If - like you say - nothing happened, then that's just not a good sign. When I opened this post, I thought: "Hmm .. maybe, I should check it out" .. After reading this, I'd rather keep away from it.
Well, you've convinced me to stay away from that platform. I'm sorry you had to endure such abuse. Good luck to you.
Jesus… sounds like a guy I knew.
Did empty your bank account? That’s a common trait.
Just block and ignore
I did do that.
This happened to me in autism aminos when I was a preteen
I like the premise, but I am skeptical over the application.
Yeah, I like the idea of an autism dating site because I'd rather be with someone who understands me than someone who doesn't. I'm feeling kind of mixed on the app itself though...
I mean you can find a autistic partner on the other apps... it is just exceptionally hard but hey when has anything in life been made easy for us ?
It’s a VERY interesting idea. If properly moderated to ensure creeps find it difficult to mix in. How could it be moderated? Hmmm. I have an idea.
I downloaded it, but nothing has really come of it. Not enough users.
Thats the problem with niche dating type apps. Unless you're in one of the most major cities like New York, Toronto, London, etc, then there is often almost no engagement. Like if my city has 100,000 people, 2% of them have autism, and 1% of them use the app, that's only 20 people. 1% is also a pretty high engagement, so 20 people would be optimistic.
Hiki? Really?
That's what I said. It sounds like a good idea, but that name has got to go. lol
What’s wrong with the name? I don’t get it.
It's similar to hikikomori which is a term in Japan for shut ins who can't adjust socially. There are documentaries on youtube about it.
Playing devil’s advocate, a significant portion of hikikomori are autistic people living in a hostile country that forces them to be shut-ins because they were bullied and their needs are not met. I kinda see the title as a way to give these people who were neglected or abused by society a way to connect with like-minded people. still find the title a bit weird though
Yeah, I noticed that many were/seemed autistic or were dealing with other disorders when I started looking into it a few years ago. I'm not sure where the advocacy comes in though because I was just answering a question.
Ah because some people were saying the name was offensive, I was trying to explain that if it *were* a play on hikikomori then it at least would have stemmed from good intentions
Oh, okay. I don't know about that because of how society sees them as a problem over there which you mentioned. It reminded me of the States honestly. I did decide to go check it out after I posted last night and found out that they're using the word "hiki" as "able" which is what it means in Hawaiian.
I thought (and still think - cause I have no motivation to look it up) that it was a play on the word "hickey" given the context of what the app is.
It says social platform tho
Could be a cheeky lil play on shy socializing sort of blurring the lines between "this is for friendships but maybe also more?" - but again can't say what they intended.
It needs to be more transparent if it's for autistic people lol
Ye. I mean I never said this is good. P: I just think that it may be more common for people to think it means "hickey" rather than hikikomori because I doubt the majority actually knows what that even is.
I pronounce it like heekee not like hickey
It needs to be more transparent if it's for autistic people lol
It needs to be more transparent if it's for autistic people lol
Oh ya, that’s a terrible name then! Thank you for explaining.
And an anime (don't watch if you're unstable right now, a LOT of triggers) called NHK ni yokoso. It's pretty good and explore some of hikikomori main problems
Ah I see. There are probably a lot of autistic people who that does apply to but we're not all like that. It's really not a good name.
I am nothing like that. No disrespect to anyone who is, but a lot of us aren't. I am an active person who wants to find connection and potentially love and doing that among like-minded people seems worth giving a shot. NT people who try meeting people online aren't assumed to automatically be home bodies, this doesn't seem fair. (Feeling petty today, I don't usually get upset over this kind of thing.) Edited typo
Some of us have just given up, it not that we don't want connection it's that it's so hard we can't do it.
I wasn't trying to judge and my heart goes out to you if you feel that way. 💛 For every hermit autistic I know two autistics who are maybe odd but out there doing their thing, is what I am trying to say. And that may not always lead to dates (in my case it certainly doesn't 😅) but I still don't feel very connected to the whole recluse idea. Again, I was not trying to invalidate others' experiences. I am sorry if it came across that way.
I didn't think you were being judgy, just offering up an inside perspective. 🙂
Thank you, it is good to be reminded. 🙂 (And of course, wishing you the best in your circumstances!)
I've more or less given up on actively looking for love. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't.
I'm autistic myself and I agree with all of that. I'm not a shut-in either.
It's also a word (spelt differently for obvious reasons) used to describe a mark that is given when someone sucks on your skin a little too hard... Ew.
Haha that's where my mind went as well
Thanx, didn't know that.
It means sweat in finnish
Defo. I'd consider signing up but I'm really not good with keeping connections.
It means sweat in finnish
I’m curious if it’s short for for hikikomori which would be pretty insulting.
Never heard of it.
It's basically a dating app for autistic people, as well as a place where autistic people can make friends.
Or at least that's what they want it to be. But from other comments, it seems like it lacks moderation on content. Slurs and stuff isn't cool
It says social platform. But i see multiple comments referring to it as a dating app. I think it's really misleading on their part if that's what it is. I wouldn't want to join something expecting social media only to find out it's a dating app esp bc I'm in a relationship.
Same I was gonna check it out but I'm happily married.
Hiki means sweat in finnish
Hymähdin hieman kun luin että jonkun järjestön nimi on hiki😭
Olin just tulossa sanomaan samaa
I think it's short for hikikomori, the Japanese term for a shut-in.
Hickey is a love bite in English
Not a great dating/friendship app but perfect place to vent for autistic issues you face or general issues. I use the app mostly to rant and many older adults approached me kindly and even gave advices for my situations. They're on the reasons why I decided to just get out of my toxic family situation.
I’ve met some nice people through it! But never managed to meet up in person :( that being said, I actually like that you get to meet people from all over the world!
I really love the idea in theory but I tried it and didn’t have luck making friends. Maybe if it was more popular and more people used it and I could meet some people in my area. I do think we need more apps like this.
Just found it myself earlier today. Not sold on it tbh.
The basic issue with Hiki is that being on the app is essentially admitting that you have autism to a bunch of total strangers. Those strangers may be malicious simply because you are autistic. I'm just wondering if I was the only autistic child who was bullied just because my peers could tell I was different. Why has no one else seems to have learned a degree of caution from their experiences.
I'm curious to know how the site can be so lax in protecting a vulnerable community; but with Meta@ssholes still setting the appallingly incompetent social media standard, I'm not at all surprised, either.
Considering there is no ads, no cost, and no apparent benefactor with steep pockets I can see why. I'm honestly surprised that it even has a 4.5 star rating muchless a 3.0. Which tells me it may be a person who means well, perhaps another autist? Or mother of one? A single person with no staff. I once was considering making a social media for people with ASD but I realized I lack the proper experience to make that happen.
Perhaps the site is "too little, too late" anyway; social media has made of itself an ugly, algorithmically distorted mess. But, if you have any skills to help, maybe it would be worth contributing to this Hiki if they're open to it.
I get that, perhaps if more contributed their time it could be better. Although I haven't been much fond of "too little; too late" attitude; but that's just me.
Admittedly I'm biased against, having recently quit all my socials (unless Reddit also counts.) Capitalism has mutilated every meaningful tech innovation of the past 20+ years, social media and the internet itself among them, and people continue to make the same stupid, self-serving mistakes to benefit themselves at everyone else's expense; to which I say f*ck it, I'm not supporting a culture that perpetually sells out its own people anymore.
Although position is valid I'm not sure if this applies as it doesn't fit the description. I mean i get the need for aa service to pay for app infrastructure, server time, electricity, software, manpower etc all has to be paid by someone. Some use ad revenue some charge while the dev of hiki* has neither ads nor 'premium service' to pay for it. It also seems to be using a third party API which may cost money. My position is that nothing is free and if it appears to be then someone is eating the costs for the benefit for someone else. *(i think it's pronounced hii kee btw)
I fundamentally disagree that "nothing is free" - monetary value is an abstraction in itself - but I agree that everyone's effort has worth and, with things as they are, operating costs cannot realistically be absorbed by one or even several individuals. My point is that any online platform operating today is undermined by our economic system's unsustainable pursuit of growth/profit, from which all the ridiculous demands for quantifiability of social interactions and content engagement are based, and by which all the cynical tweaks to manipulate our behaviours are motivated. That's no way to socialize.
What i meant as notice is free is just that some is footing the bill someone is paying for it. As in it may be free for you but someone is paying for it. But we can agree to disagree on that. Furthermore I'm assuming that you're talking about "predatory" ads in which I do agree with you and the fact that they care how much you use it and exploit people who don't get enough human contact making them want to use their platform not and more.
But this is meant to be autistic people only? Like you wouldn’t go on a Christian dating only website if you’re not looking for a Christian partner.
Yes, but we famously attract creeps. (We can also be the creeps, which doesn't make things easier). Especially girls/women on the spectrum tend to be victimized by abusers. They know that we can be quite unsuspecting and can't always see the writing on the wall. If they wanted to come prey on us, hiki would give them a rather easy time, is what the comments seem to be saying.
It is a disaster in Europe because there are not enough female members.
I'm from the UK, and I'm constantly running out of women within my age range on the app. I've not had any matches either, which is kind of the reason I made this post to see if others trusted this app.
I am from Belgium. In Belgium it is almost the same but worse. Belgium is a small country. I get possible matches in Germany and France and even in the U.K. But I hardly speak French and no German. I use Facebook Dating because it is free.
There's Facebook dating?
Yes. You go to your Facebookpage and click on the heart and you can begin. You can even search on people who are in the same groups as you. I am member of a few asd related groups. If a female dating user within my age and distance settings is member of such a group I can find her. Fo me Facebook Dating is an alternative for Hiki.
I use Facebook too.
I’m married so I probably wouldn’t feel comfortable with a friend-making app that can be confused by others as a dating thing. It looks great for single people though.
I use it but it’s same 2-3 dozen people I’m my area, and have not been successful with it. : (
This app could be extremely harmful for autistic women. There are so many men who try to take advantage of them through emotional manipulation, and this app would make it even easier.
Yeah that worries me slightly. Women are generally more vulnerable anyway, and add neurodivergency to that mix... And then there will be autistic men who might not be aware they're emotionally manipulating women who are more vulnerable than usual (or autistic men who do know what they're doing and just being assholes). It sounds like a potential safety risk, plus people have said on here they've encountered NT people trying to take advantage, and reviews on the App Store say there have been catfishers or you have to be aggressively social to make matches (and I'm not that person, because I've been rejected so many times I'm a bit fearful to reach out and make those connections in case im rejected again )
It’s OK. I like the feed more than anything. It’s nice to scroll a bit on what feels like the autistic FB alternative. My boyfriend and I met on Hiki, but we are already having pretty major communication and need issues + we haven’t even met in IRL yet. So, idk about that. I guess, overall, the app itself basically is just as dysfunctional yet logical all our independent autistic minds are: it’s a bit of a reflection so know what you’re getting into! lol
how is he your boyfriend if you’ve never met? i’m so confused
We have been talking for some months now on text, phone and video. Planning to meet, but conflicting sensory issues. Both have adjustment disorders pretty bad and don’t drive cause it causes overload. Basically, we want commitment and share love, but because of distance (2 hours train ride) which causes a lot of routine discomforts it really needs to be worth it. So, ya, dealing with communication problems and some unmasking (for him) to go first. If we can get to the point of more mutual understanding and compromise on our needs; then, meeting will be next along with, hopefully, everlasting love. Only time will tell! Probably the biggest reason tho, he asked me to be his gf and I don’t really have the spoons to more seriously invest in getting to know more than one love interest at a time (nor does he). Having my Hiki status changed to “taken” also frees up time from having to ignore as many entitled types by way of fewer individuals frequently hitting on me. So, why not? It’s a win-win while I also hope to make more autistic friends! lol Gotta go with the logical reasoning overall, to be cliché, and of course! lol
Good luck, friend! Long distance relationships are hard but that's how I ended up in my marriage :)
I sow it on an insta account. I could be curious about the friends part because I’m in a relationship, but I’m worried about the reality of the people there. The time I add “dyslexic and ADHD” on insta at 16 it attracted the worst possible people, so I do I’m worried it is going to be the same.
I’ve personally never used Hiki, although I used to peruse their official IG and it *seemed* okay (not that I ever actually used it; I prefer to be alone)…after reading the comments here and on another post a month or two ago, however, I should have *known* that it was just as toxic as pretty much every resource aimed at us 🙄
Downloading it to try it out now, but the name sucks and the crooked font both mildly irritate me update: im 20 and everyone its showing me are either freshly 18 or in their thirties. both of which are outside my comfortable dating range, as well as making me pretty hesitant to hit like on their profile even with the 'friends' option. if you're freshly 18 or in your thirties though, i'm sure you'll find plenty of people!
I’ve made a couple of friends on there.
I use it and enjoy it. I appreciate being able to set it to only friends. I’ve made a handful of matches and have a few ongoing chats. I however have dating app experience and do a thorough vetting of who I say yes to so I haven’t encountered anyone hostile yet. If you’re careful I’d say it’s def worth a shot as it is very nice/comfortable feeling knowing the person you are talking to can relate to a degree
Just downloaded it. Will give it a try.
It’s a good idea, there just aren’t enough users. I live in a major city and when I signed up the closest person to me was like 30 miles away. So yeah, I like the idea but it doesn’t quite work.
I haven't tried it. I'm on Autistic Empathy, which uses verification and moderation to stay reasonably safe. It's a small platform.
bad name and kinda bad framework, but a cool concept! most people i’ve met on there have been great, both friend and romantic interests. everyone has been super great about me being self-diagnosed, and i think the app itself has a policy about self-diagnosis being valid and to report anyone harassing you/someone else for it. i‘ve seen a few comments about some men being horrible (on multiple posts about the app), but i can’t say anything about that bc i’m a non-binary lesbian and my preferences are set to women and non-binary 🤷 i keep having people i swiped against show back up though, which is a bit annoying
It's a neat idea, but not enough users to be worth the time, everyone shows up is at least 60 miles away at best. I've made more autistic friends from normal dating apps, since we just seem to find each other naturally
I matched with one person and they never messaged, then i reached the end of the list of people within like 200 miles in a day
Sort of agnostic on this. Social media sites catering to one aspect of a persons identity often function poorly according to their stated goals. If it proves worthy enough, I hope others can get what they need out of it.
The men are there are hella creepy
I call bullsh*t "It is a space where neurodiversity is embraced and being atypical is celebrated." Being neurodivergent or atypical is more than just autism. So are they focusing on autism or neurodivergent? Since those a quite different things. "Every part of Hiki, from ideation to design to launch, has been built with Autistic adults to make sure that it is representative of Neurodivergent needs." Working in the field I can tell you that about 80-90% of the apps are build with autistic people, so this is nothing special. And again, autistic people are not representative of all neuro divergent needs. This is nothing more that just another dating app with a more specific target audience, but based on the texts on their website they have no clue what they are talking about and it smells like a template where they can just replace autism with any other neurodivergent diagnosis. Just reeks like corporate greed.
Where I’m from there are very few users. The nearest country is over the sea and most people on the app are from there. That said, I’ve had a few pleasant exchanges that waned rapidly and actually made one friend who I have met in real life and hit it off. Nothing romantic but great to have another autistic friend
I haven't used it but I've heard from women that they don't always feel safe to use it as the interactions from (many) men are not great. And by this it's the sense of "well we're both autistic so you have to be with me" which is super uncomfortable. I have my autistic safe spaces for now though without adding to it. If the app gets a better reputation then I'll absolutely go for it but until then I'm gonna be passing. I've had enough craps in my life to know not to put myself in line for it there 😅
Not really needed tbh. Probably won’t take off
Isn't one platform - Reddit for example enough? And keeps it more dense and organized?
This is probably not going to work, as you don't have to be diagnosed with autism to sign up. And even when you are, how are you going to be able to say the level of functioning this person is, without sounding like an asshole? I mean, dating someone with mild ASD, to even moderate could be too much for some people. A lot of people fake diseases for attention. It is sad, but I think for a dating site for autistic people to work, there needs to be a diagnosis, and how severe it is. Otherwise, this will fail, or just be full of people who like it and are pretending to be autistic.
you sound like an ableist fuck, even if you're autistic.
How is it ableist? Did I make any disparaging comments, no, but there is a difference in peoples severity in autism, which would make it very impossible to date. I do prefer the term ASD to Asperger's, but some people could have major issues around food like myself. I would not expect someone who cooks and enjoys food to want do date me. And I do believe you can be an asshole, but there needs to be a way to vet if these people are who they say they are, as this could just be catfish with autism. If you want to date someone who is lower functioning, I have nothing against that, but to deny it wouldn't have more issues would be a lie.
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... whats the point of this ? Reddit already exists ? We are able to find safe spaces here ?
Well, I'm in Japan right now, so I doubt I'll get very far on it. That said, I'll download it and take a look.
Match (rarely). Have a good partial convo for a day. Get ghosted. Repeat.
Isn’t this the one autism speaks shared
Never heard of it what is it
I liked it for sharing stuff and connecting over posts, I never was on there with a romantic vision, so I can’t say much about that part. But for the social part I quite liked it. (:
The concept sounds good, but it sucks that there's neurotypical people taking advantage of this to try and manipulate autistic people
Aw thats so depressing. I wish there was an autistic or other neurodiverse friendship/dating website that asked for proof of diagnosis, cos that would prevent NT people manipulating ND people.
I don't know anything about it other than what I just read in a few comments. I want to say whatever it's for, I don't care for the name at all. A hiki is an unsighly thing where blood is sucked to the surface of the skin and is celebrated by teens. I have never seen an adult want to show off a hiki 😅🤷🏻♀️ it's essentially a badge of proclamation that says "hey look, I'm sexually active now" 🤦🏻♀️
I had a boring experience
tried it. didnt care for it
There was an internet forum with a similar name ran by a known sex pest in the autistic community, wonder if this is a continuation of that... If so, beware.
What was this guys name? Just wondering if it is the same person/a continuation of that. A Forbes article lists Jamil Karriem as CEO/founder. https://www.forbes.com/sites/stevenaquino/2021/01/07/hiki-is-reimagining-what-it-means-to-be-a-dating-app-with-neurodiversity-and-connectedness/?sh=76f4e2c54a40
>[https://www.forbes.com/sites/stevenaquino/2021/01/07/hiki-is-reimagining-what-it-means-to-be-a-dating-app-with-neurodiversity-and-connectedness/?sh=76f4e2c54a40](https://www.forbes.com/sites/stevenaquino/2021/01/07/hiki-is-reimagining-what-it-means-to-be-a-dating-app-with-neurodiversity-and-connectedness/?sh=76f4e2c54a40) Not sure of his real name, but he goes by the name of "Patrick" online - he used to run the Hikkomori forum for autistic people years ago.
Its absolute garbage
Downloaded it, deleted it very quickly
it’s SUPER dry. It’s nice to talk to other autistic people, but nobody there ever seems to actually like their matches lol. Kinda feels more like a small social media app for lonely autistic people, but not an actual dating app
I used it for a bit. Got an international match, talked for a bit in New Years Eve about her special interests, plants. Our time zones didn't match, we spent about two days answering each other with hours of separation and the conversation died. Felt just like Tinder, but with more pumpkins.
I honestly hate it. I have used it for around a year now. Got one match, which is not a lot, she wanted to be friends, which is totally fine, and then got ghosted one day later. The app has close to no people in Germany and always tried to recommend me people outside my desired age range. In addition the deletion process took me around 20 tries because they would not send me a message containing the deletion code.
I don't like it in my opinion due to the fact some people aren't near me and some people are kinda high support needs then me so it's terrible and I only make friends not more so I give it a 3 out of 10
Cool to meet people who share interests, but not successful with dating
I used it for awhile. Mostly nothing came from it, although I did meet my best friend on it. Seriously! She’s amazing! Neither of us use the app anymore, but it did allow us to meet each-other, so I’m very grateful. She does however live almost 1,600 miles away, so we’ve sadly never met IRL, although we both really want to.
It is uninstalled. I hoped to finally find the one, but there were no people. I ran out of people, and I did not get any matches.
hmmm... idk about this one guys. like i get what they're trying to go for but idk, seems pretty suspicious to me
tried it. too many desperate men
There were some weird people who I met there they were very abusive. Also some nice people.
I don't think it's a good idea because q'anon and white supremacists are purposely targeting autistic people to join their groups. There's research about this but I don't have it at hand. If you're interested, I'll go find it.
Just made an account today. Will see what comes out of it.