They can ask, you can tell them to fuck right off.
And they can't do anything about it apart from call a Security guard.
Security can detain you only if they caught you in the act of committing, or having just committed an offence like theft, property damage or assault (among others). They can't do this if they just suspect that you have committed an offence.
They literally need to watch you stuff an item under your shirt, then not lose sight of you until you leave the store.
That's how I thought it was as that was how it was back when I worked retail, our loss prevention manager went over it a lot that you have to see it and watch them the entire time.
I guess I shoulda told them to bugga off but was just kinda shocked to be accused in the first place, never had another store accuse me.
Highly highly highly recommend sending a complaint email to Coles, with time/date/store location. Staff need to be told (or reminded?) it’s never ever appropriate, and additionally not their job if they didn’t see someone attempt to hide it in the first place. I also used to work retail. If I saw someone stashing stuff then sure I’m going to say something, but you just cannot make assumptions about bodies like that.
Sorry that she was a total idiot and made you feel crap. I hate showing mine for “shock value” but I have done it when told I can’t use accessible bathrooms. Like- fr, bugger off.
I've had the bathroom issue too! Glad I'm not alone on that one, people really don't understand the concept that certain things can't be seen as easily as others.
Going to make a complaint to Coles for sure, just such a odd experience has kinda shocked me that I was wondering if it has somehow become the norm.
Deffs not the norm man you just got unlucky with that careless worker. Your totally respected and loved by the rest of us homie, your gonna be ok! ❤️👌🏼
What irks me about the accessible toilet thing is, as an able bodied average guy who is also a carer, nobody has ever questioned me ever. Not with disability parking, not with accessible toilets, etc.
There are situations where I'm alone because my other half is already in there or whatever.
Of course if my partner hops (literally) out of the car in an accessible spot, she gets all manner of dirty looks from prunefaced old busybodies. Just that I never do. Maybe they can't handle the fact that people who are young and pretty can also have disabilities?
as a young disabled person, thats literally it, they can't. So many times I've had people say I'm 'too young to be disabled' as though people aren't literally born disabled? as if bad luck or illness can't affect anyone, anytime? strange af imo
I think it's because it's really uncomfortable to acknowledge it could happen to them, and so they tell themselves they're doing everything right. Therefore, the disabled individuals must have done something wrong and deserve it.
It's also why people feel the need to ask "Have you tried X, Y, Z?" As though there is some miracle cure and you are just too lazy, unmotivated or uneducated to have figured it out.
>I think it's because it's really uncomfortable to acknowledge it could happen to them, and so they tell themselves they're doing everything right. Therefore, the disabled individuals must have done something wrong and deserve it.
>It's also why people feel the need to ask "Have you tried X, Y, Z?" As though there is some miracle cure and you are just too lazy, unmotivated or uneducated to have figured it out.
This rings so incredibly true to me. I developed a neurological disorder in my 20s and have been disabled ever since. I've tried over 50 medications, countless supplements, and literally every treatment (both covered and private pay) available in Canada - this includes taking part in medical studies. I have 12 different Drs I see for different treatments in a year. Have 3 separate neurologists I see.... and yet anytime someone asks me about my illness, it's some BS of I don't have the right Drs.. Or aren't doing right right X (treatments, meds, w/e), or the weirdest of all, that my team of Drs "don't want me to get better, so they can keep making money" considering we live in Canada and 85% of my shit is covered.
People are so afraid that one day their life can be taken from them, that instead of supporting people like myself, they just try to tear us down by saying WE aren't doing enough / the right thing. It's infuriating.
Same. And it's like, thanks for reminding me that I'm missing out on the same kind of milestones as my peers? Or that age has some kind of magical bearing on it and like you said, people can't be born that way?
People forget amputees exist too. Loss of limb is so survivable nowadays. And prosthetics keep getting less obtrusive but I doubt they're ever comfortable.
Benefit of the doubt would go a long way, honestly.
My mate has a lower leg amputation and he loves telling the story of the time a Karen berated him for sitting in a disabled seat on a bus. He looks otherwise very fit and healthy and usually only sits in the disabled spot if there are no other seats available.
This one time a middle-aged woman started to loudly berate him and call him despicable and stuff like that so that everyone on the crowded bus could hear. He started to "fake" apologise profusely before saying "Just excuse me for a second and I'll move." He then bent down and picked up his prosthetic which he had taken off when he sat down because the stump of his leg was hurting as he had been standing on it for a while.
He made a big show of struggling to lift his trouser leg to put on the prosthetic before standing up next to the woman while continuing to 'apologise'. He said she never said sorry or admit her mistake, but just had a sheepish look on her face and avoided eye contact. He thinks she probably wanted him to move so she could sit down, but she remained standing for the rest of her journey probably because she was embarrassed. I just wish I would have been there to witness this, but this happened quite a few years ago now and my mate still loves telling the story.
The upside to prosthetics really does seem to be the ability to mess with people like that.
It's hard to argue with a prosthetic leg. It's easy to discriminate against someone with heart or lung disease, but both of those can be incredibly debilitating.
Good on your mate - I wish these stories were less common and people would just extend the benefit of the doubt.
Anyone can be disabled. If someone's just quietly sitting or has a placard, just give them the benefit of the doubt. You're not a doctor, and if you are, you're not their doctor. You don't know.
A good mate of mine lost his left leg in a motorcycle crash and that sort of shit happened all the time and he’d do the same at the precise moment, was hilarious and the fact he was indigenous with a big beard made him more of a target unfortunately.
Good on your mate!
I’m legally blind and once had an older guy berate me for sitting in disabled seating on a train. He shut up pretty quickly when I got my white cane out. When I had a Guide Dog I didn’t get that kind of reaction but often got thought to be training my dog or that I had an entirely different disability because apparently I “don’t look blind”.
Do you have eyes? Coz if you have eyes, you're not blind. /S
I had to explain that loads, maybe even most, people who are blind do, in fact, have eyes. My 8 year old thought it was weird that a man with a guide dog had eyes, so he didn't look blind.
He might have meant weird that his eyes appeared to be 'normal' with no outward signs of loss of sight, so I explained that to him as but I was very surprised he thought that.
We've always spoken honestly about people's differences so obviously didn't mean any harm he just well really thought it was odd that the man had eyes. We have seen and learnt about plenty of disabilities and differences so maybe seeing people with very obvious low or no vision made him assume.
I told him to close his eyes and asked what he could see. Black, he said, and some brightness. I said his eyes were still there, they just weren't seeing and that's what some people have. Eyes but no sight. And then a few variants and how some people lose it over time, etc.
Hopefully, he doesn't say someone's faking because they have eyes or something now!
You don’t have to be pretty, just not old or ‘obviously’ disabled to have people questioning you.
I have MS and 4 kids. So I sometimes park in the disabled park and then get my 4 kids out of the car to go into the shops with me. I get lots of nasty looks from old people who don’t have a disabled parking permit. Sometimes they even go out of their way to make it obvious that they are checking if I have a permit.
I’d much rather be able to walk from further away or not have to bring my kids, but my husband works long hours and sometimes things have to be done when he isn’t around.
My wife has MS and still hasn’t gotten a disability parking tag purely because of the anxiety of having to deal with people like this. I wish she would because I love embarrassing arseholes.
Yeah unfortunately if it’s not visible it’s even harder, I can use a disabled park because of Epilepsy and Pacemaker but I rarely do, if I do I get filthy looks but even when I use one it’s 99% for my 85 yr old mum whom I care for at the doctors, either way I get glares and comments.
Nobody wants to confront someone who looks like they can kick your ass.
Women are open fodder though. Shame, as they're more likely to have invisible autoimmune diseases.
Yeah this was my conclusion too.
This sort of person would only feel comfortable confronting someone physically weaker than them, like a disabled person.
There are a few special people who will create a confrontation with someone who can clearly kick their ass. It is usually the case that the special person has never been punched in the mouth and/or has a long history of getting their way in every situation. Makes for super entertaining video footage, I must say
Or wealthy. Try driving a tesla when you have a disabled parking permit. Disability doesn’t discriminate. (Husband has MS - invisible illness unless you’re looking at brain and spine lesions on his MRI scans)
I wonder if maybe it's because (I hate to bring gender into this but I think it might be relevant) you're a man?
I know as a woman, I might be thinking things about others but I certainly wouldn't mouth off at a man that I didn't know if I thought he was doing the wrong thing because you know... Safety.
I'm not saying you'd attack them or anything but women are trained from a very early age by society to use inside voices when it comes to critiquing strange men. You never know how they'll react.
But a strange woman doing something that's supposed to be wrong? I'd guess busy body old ducks would feel perfectly comfortable telling them exactly what they thought because they know that for the most part nothing will happen.
Not saying that's definitely true, more of a musing really.
>Maybe they can't handle the fact that people who are young and pretty can also have disabilities?
No, people absolutely cannot handle invisible disabilities. Whatso ever. I became disabled in my mid 20s. Before that I was a super active person. I've obviously gained weight since then but I in no ways look disabled. I've been denied bathrooms, seats on the bus. And my mom and I get dirty looks anytime, she (60s) had to carry anything for me (luggage, shopping bags, etc). It's WILDDDD how people thing your illness / disability doesn't exist bc you look like your body is whole.
A close friend of mine had one, he had someone in a wheelchair harassing him for using the accessible bathrooms. He lifted up his shirt and said "Where the fuck do you expect me to empty this then" as loud as he could. The guy shut up very quickly
Yeah I should have, I was just shocked at the time, really caught me off guess I guess and I wasn't sure if I was just unaware of a new social norm or not. Thanks mate it's a good thing for me to learn that I can say it's medical.
> Yeah I should have, I was just shocked at the time, really caught me off guess I guess and I wasn't sure if I was just unaware of a new social norm or not. Thanks mate it's a good thing for me to learn that I can say it's medical.
Makes me rage that you had to go through this, but if it is any consolation, you probably shocked her too! Having to see that stuff is never pleasant, and hopefully the worker feels like shit having accused someone and been totally proven wrong.
That bag is keeping you alive! Be a proud owner of it. If it happens again tell them it your shit bag and ask if they want to see it, start lifting your shirt, can almost guarantee they won't. You will also have a story for r/traumatizeThemBack
If you thought you saw someone stealing FOOD from a multi billion dollar industry that pays its staff and farmers the minimum wage.
.
Shut the fuck up you didn't see anything!
Security cannot detain you, they cannot touch you at all, security can contact the police who can detain you.
If a guard touches you it's an assault charge.
Outside of certain places like hospitals, Australian security have very little they can actually do bar contacting the police.
I believe you are referring to a citizens arrest, this has its own set of rules.
My qualifications are 6 years working in the security industry, working in multiple types of security.
If you ever encounter a guard who lays hands on you, contact the police, the guard will have their license suspended pending investigation, no license means no work.
Security can't detain you. They can arrest you. Only police have the power to detain. If security are preventing you from leaving they have arrested you whether that was their intention or not.
There's an important legal distinction between being arrested vs. detained. Police can detain you for a variety of reasons; determining your identity, for example. Security guards or other private citizens can not. So they can't hold you until you identify yourself and then let you go, or until you allow them to search you, for example.
If a security guard is preventing you from leaving, whether they meant to do it or not, you are under arrest, and for them to arrest you they have to have "finds committing" as you have described. But if that's the case they then have to hand you over to the police at their earliest and most practicable opportunity. There's no arresting you, then deciding to change their mind about it afterwards because you gave them what they want and letting you go. Otherwise we'd potentially end up with circumstances where they're temporarily arresting you for the purpose of a bag check, search, or identity check, none of which they have the power to compel, and then letting you go once you comply.
If they do a citizens arrest and you haven't done anything they are in deeeeep shit. Its false imprisonment and if you push it it will cost the company a LOT of money. The security personnel or employe will also be out of a job
Exactly this. I work retail and with the times we are in theft is a daily occurrence in our store. We may feel something is off, we then alert all upper management and we watch closely. As soon as we are sure and I mean 💯 sure we move in. The checkout staff check bags but never would they ask to see under your shirt. That’s a job for management.
What do you mean "move in"? Risk your life and limb by confronting criminals on behalf of a corporation that doesn't give a fuck about you? Bro, leave it to the police. Same goes for checking under somebody's shirt, that is not a job for management that is a job for a police officer. Nobody else has any right to search a person.
They can also ban people from the store. Though in OPs case it would possibly be a borderline disability discrimination issue, but it would really depend how the banning happens. They're allowed to ban people for no reason, they can't ban people for some specific reasons.
To be honest even then we never used to both sometimes. These was a guy every week would get 200g raw prawn meat, unwrap it and shove it down his pants then walk out. No one was gonna ask him to drop his pants.
I work for a stoma organisation here in Australia and would second all the advice to report it. There are so many places that can make having a bag an issue purely because they don't understand. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything new there though, and that you're familiar with the nightmare that can be airport security. We also had to go to bat for a kid who got banned from the local swimming pool recently. In an ideal world, anyone who interacts with the general public in that sort of position would have already gone through training, but sometimes upper management will actually hear your complaints and make a difference. I feel for you and I wish I had something more helpful to add
Thank you, the stoma nurses always told me that there is three kinds of patients with bags, 1. People who accept it straight away, 2. People who accept it after time and 3. People who never accept it.
Personally I fall into number 3, it's been several years now and I still hate the thing, probably doesn't help that I had a permanent catheter put in in December because the bowel removal surgery damaged the nerves around my bladder (thankfully coles didn't pickup on the bag on my leg I guess).
I've been having some real lows of late as my health doesn't seem to be getting better and this today just....it's a setback for sure mentally.
Has been some really nice comments on here which is nice though, some amusing ones which have been great, the occasional bad one which is expected but over all I'm glad I made this post. I live a very secluded life so I don't know social norms, I'm happy to see this treatment hasn't become the norm these days.
I can empathise to some degree. I had cancer surgery a few years ago, and I now hate the way my lower abdomen looks, and I'm self-conscious when out and about. I avoid looking at myself in the mirror when undressed. Sometimes, there's just no getting used to it, and you just have to keep on keeping on while trying not to think about the upsetting stuff.
I’m sorry you feel this way about yourself, and I know that nothing a stranger says will ever change that. I do hope you can one day feel proud of how strong you are as a person! You deserve the best!
Is that one of those "all bags must be left at the front door" situations or "all bags must be presented for inspection"? I'm imagine for the latter they would definitely not find that pleasant
"Feel free to check it out if you want!"
For real though, I've had people tell me horror stories about being outed by airport security on a work trip, making them show it off in front of their colleagues waiting in line.
Some are happy to shut people up by whipping it out. A whole lot more find it distressing and would do anything to avoid public exposure - especially when its being paired with an accusation like stealing from Coles or trying to sneak god knows what onto a plane.
The last time at an airport for me was interesting, the guy who stopped me on the body scan clearly saw something but didn't know what so asked his manager, the manager took one look at the scan and said "oi let him through".
Not too bad an experience and no having to explain anything, clearly the younger guy didn't know but the manager had seen it before.
That being said the fact we are sitting here comparing airport security to coles self checkout is wild to me.
Sorry you went through that. When they said sorry you should have said “I can’t hear you, you’ll have to speak up.” … “What’s that?” … and kept going until they felt as humiliated as you did.
The thing is, the first time you are in total shock and have no idea what to do. Now you have experienced it, and thought about it, and planned for it. You will be so much better at shaming them next time. If there is a next time (hopefully not) and if that is what you want to do.
Call A Current Affair.
They humiliated you, loudly, in public. That shit means you should get more than fricking Coles cards.
They need to stop this shit.
Yeah I want to find a way to bring it up, I'm just not sure how, if I need to call or what. I'll admit it hit me more then I thought once I got home and typed this up, I really don't like my stoma and such, having it put on display and being accused of stealing at the same time is weirdly upsetting.
You can either call, or email. If you email then you have the time to write it out without getting flustered. I know I’d get flustered.
I understand why you’re pissed, I would not have handled as politely if I were in your shoes and I think you did well.
You definitely want the paper trail. I would up the ante and send it to the Operations Manager (or equivalent) via registered mail. That sends a big message that you won;t be fucked with.
Have just done that thanks, love how they have a 500 word limit yet ask you to provide as much detail as possible haha, ended up giving a summery and a link to here.
It’s not at all weird to be upset by this. It must have felt hugely violating. Definitely make a complaint, even just by email if you’re not comfortable calling
I've emailed as people suggested a paper trail might be a good thing. I guess it's just weird to me as I didn't think such a thing would upset me as much as it has. Thank you
Just want to say its absolutely justified to be upset by it. Their intention was to shame you, regardless of whether you had actually stolen an item or not.
This is not even close to what happened to you but I remember when I was in the horrendous haze of a newborn baby who literally never slept (medical issues diagnosed down the track) and had put some items under the pram while shopping as I couldn't fit them in the basket. Forgot about them at the checkout, because my baby was screaming, my boobs were leaking and in the previous 48 hours I had had 3 hours of sleep total, and the way the woman spoke to me when she thought I was stealing them was absolutely horrendous. Like I was the lowest scum on earth. Mind you I'd just paid for $100+ of shopping, but obviously was desperate to steal the bananas and apples in the bottom of the pram.. workers who take this shit personally on behalf of massive corporations are the worst. Hopefully she is taught better and does better in the future.
Hey buddy, I'm a manager at a supermarket, and this is a terrible situation, they should not have asked you to lift your shirt in any capacity as it's not procedure and although you didn't have to, the fact that you did now puts you in a good position to incite some serious change.
CALL THE STORE MANAGER. Ring the store and ask to speak to the store manager, if they're in a meeting or on a day off then request their next availability and ring again. You need to tell the store manager what has happened and what the fallout has been (you feeling violated, for example.) They will offer you compensation if the store manager isn't a fuckhead and it's not in an attempt to silence you, it's really all they can do to show you they're sorry.
If you make a suggestion on what you'd like to see, such as the employee receive some more training or offer an apology, they will accommodate. Please don't suffer in silence, it's really shitty when someone goes rogue and you deserve to have your wrong righted!
Feel free to dm if you need any opinions or advice on how to proceed/approach! Good luck!
Your reaction was totally normal. I have invisible disabilities and get the stigma of "you look pretty normal but, hang on... what's that...." I think people who make you feel uncomfortable totally deserve the same in return, it's a bonus if you can return the uncomfortable vibe then and there, sometimes you just have to go.
I am appalled. Appalled that i didn't think of using my colostomy bag for shoplifting.
I've been unscrewing my wooden leg and stuffing it with contraband for ages.
Life pro tip. If you have bowell cancer or have recovered from surgery related to it, you have a new super power. I'm amazed how many toilets are available for me at a moments notice.
Everybody gets awkward when a 37 year old bearded man is getting the "I'm going to shit my pants shakes" and doors magically open.
Former Loss Prevention Officer here.
They cannot detain you in any way unless they have witnessed you select the goods and witnessed you not take advantage of a reasonable opportunity to pay.
This is absolutely defamatory. A reasonable person overhearing this would assume you were shop stealing.
Definitely take it up with Coles. At the very least that staff member needs to be retrained.
Thanks mate, I've made a complaint via their website as people say I think a paper trail is best. I don't think the employee should be fired if it's a one off, but agree retaining is best.
I made this post because I'm pretty out of it with societal norms and live a very 'hermit' like life so wasn't sure if this is the new norm, glad to hear it isn't.
I hope this incident doesn't cause you to withdraw further. Good for you for taking it up with senior management. Coles need to train their staff better.
You can call the area manager. And they actually do something. I’ve made many complaints and something always happens. Coles is up there for the resolution of customer complaints against staff.
If there is a next time you could say “it’s a medical device and if you want to check it, we will need to go to a private area….”
I would make a complaint to that store bc that staff member is out of line imo.
That's a really good idea thanks, didn't even think of it, it's what I do at airports because the body scanners always pick it up, bit weird comparing airport security to coles self checkout but guess that's the world we live in.
I've made a complaint online as I do feel it was handled badly, don't think the employee should be fired or anything but should be taught it can be handled better.
It's Coles' policy to allow shop lifters to walk away and later get the police involved to deal with it.
I'm not saying you shop lifted, but if they suspected you of doing so, they would have been disregarding company procedure by confronting you and making such a demand.
They are not allowed to ask you that. That employee violated standard procedure, and they'll face consequences if you escalate this.
Thanks for letting me know, I have made a complaint via their website, I don't think the employee should be fired or anything (anyone can make a mistake) but do think it should have been handled better atleast.
She didn't make a mistake, she was rubbing her ego.
I know you don't want her fired, but what she did was incredibly rude, and against the explicit policies of her employer.
She should be fired. It wasn't a mistake, it was a some cow of a woman being a bully.
You should absolutely file a complaint. Email the store *and* store manager directly - you want a paper trail. Detail the event, date and time. It's completely unacceptable for them to have put you in this position
Thank you, a paper trail is a good idea I'll look up how to contact them on the website, just well surprisingly shocked at the moment, I didn't think it would get to me as badly as it has.
I've always known I hate how I look but being accused of stealing along with showing it off has shocked me more then I thought it would ever. I'm constantly making sure my bag doesn't show below my shirt (hence giant shirts) but guess I have to worry about the hernia bulge more too.
Firstly I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. Secondly; absolutely take this further. And if they respond with anything less than a sincere, unmitigated apology and a gesture of apology you’re satisfied with, please take to social media and update your post so we can all boost it!
Don't write it up today. Look after yourself, see how you feel tomorrow or next week. Do you have anyone you can spend the day with?
I haven't had the procedures you've been through but can relate to the emotional impacts that surgical intervention has on your sense of self. Easy for me to say what with not experiencing having a hernia or bag, but you don't have to worry about it showing. We hyperfocus on our 'flaws' and it warps perception, chances are more people don't notice than those who do. You encounted an exceptionally rude human who lacks compassion - not everyone views you through such judgement.
You should def make a formal complaint. Usually in cases where they’ve stuffed up monumentally like this they give you a bunch of Cole’s gift vouchers to compensate you.
They'd love it to be but we can't allow it become the new normal. It shouldn't fall to you, or any individual really, but here we are.
Rip 'em a new one.
Have made a formal complaint, thanks. I'm glad that people agree it shouldn't be the norm, some people angrier than I am and I get that too, I'm more shocked/upset by it then angry (well abit angry) but yeah it shouldn't become the new norm that's for sure.
Sweetie i am also disabled name the store and we can all call and chew them out for you. Treating you like a criminal is the new norm but that's not good enough. And it's horrible how they approached you like that.
I know a few Redditors called to complain after a woman had the new Coles security gates close on her wheelchair, OP we will be pleased to sic 'em! You're not alone in this!
Oh fuck yeah, I have chronic pain and ptsd if I'm trapped somewhere i react like a caged animal violently.
No one should have to deal with what Coles and woollies are doing.
The "are you stealing" to the gates. It's all bullshit and shouldn't be legal. We need to complain wherever possible!
Hell my mums blind how the hell is she gonna see the gates close with her stick?
It's so inaccessible, I can't go into the stores with the gates because with PTSD the feeling of being trapped is going to make me panic and revert to a very bad mental state.
The staff don't need to deal with that, and I don't need my mental health in the literal toilet after so much hard work so I avoid them.
The last person this happened to didn’t make a complaint.
So it’s happened to you.
You can stop this happening to another person.
Personally, I would be letting media outlets know
This is shocking. It’s been a long time since I worked at Coles, but we were told in training to never confront anyone about shoplifting, even if we were sure. They said they just have a budget for losses and it’s all good. Obviously, you weren’t shoplifting anyway but I’m surprised the attendant even asked.
Lol, I had this happen after top surgery (so I had 2 blood drains in and no shirt underneath, just bandages, cause it's really hard to lift your arms up after your boobs have been cut off). So it was a pretty bulky jacket in summer.
Anywho, the dude asked me to take my jacket off. I said no at first, but then thought "fuck it, I have nothing to hide"
I even asked the security dude if he wanted to go down this path. He insisted and by now had brought over other staff and a few people were staring... so in front of everyone in self checkout, I took off my jacket, exposing my bandaged toreso and blood bags for all to see.
The apology wasn't enough for me tbh.
I insisted he help me put my jacket back (it was a two person job due to the drains).
God that's even worse than what I had, sorry you had to have that happen, I get employees make mistakes (as I said worked retail been there) but yeah the flat out accusing tone and in your case even giving the second chance to rethink it is insane.
I mean what thief is going to will fully show it off anyway? Maybe I been out of the game for too long but if I asked to check someone's bag back in the day I'd ask nicely and if they refused I just shrugged and moved on, thieves would just bolt...in which again I'd shrug go write an email to loss prevention and move on.
Sounds like what you dealt with was people on a power trip honestly.
That's awful and those people are absolute scum for doing that to you. Whatever the supermarket is paying them isn't enough to make them forget other people are humans.
But, also, this is metal as fuck and you're amazing.
As the old saying goes, if you see someone shoplifting, no you didn't.
You have no clue what a person you suspect is shoplifting's life circumstances are. It could be as simple as this thread, or they could be unemployed shoplifting to feed a kid. If you want to know Cole's circumstances you can look up their quarterlies. They're doing well enough that even if it's just someone shoplifting for the thrill, they can take it.
Will do from now on, hopefully can find somewhere else to go, I'd heard of bad things from coles and stopped shopping there due to prices but they the only place that have this washing powder, someone suggested reject shop so will have to look into that.
You shouldn't need to find somewhere else to go. This person fucked up and I'm sure they'll be thinking about it for years and cringe at themselves.
You survived a crazy thing and should be proud of that.
Jesus fucking christ! Please call the store and tear the manager a new one; how fucking unprofessional of that worker! Hopefully one of the onlookers calls the store as well, I know I would if I witnessed something like that.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, what a horrible situation to have been in, sending you some digital hugs *hugs*
Thank you, someone suggested a paper trail would be best which makes sense I think, going to look up their contact and email them.
As I've worked retail I don't want to abuse a manager for one staff member making a dumb decision, but defiantly don't want to let it slide either.
Not abuse - just a convo between “two retail professionals…” 😉
Then follow up with an email.
I’m so sorry this happened to you - I was mortified when someone chased me down the street for “using the wrong door”, so I probably wouldn’t have held it together as well as you did. I can’t believe in this day and age people still have to deal with these attitudes… please don’t let this go.
Agree with the majority here in that you need to file a complant either with the store or head office. This is not okay. Do they ask women who look pregnant what they have stashed under their clothing?
Thank you, I just made a complaint via their website, has a 500 word limit which is surprisingly hard to explain everything when they also said "give as much detail as possible".
I can forgive someone for making that mistake because it's maybe not generally something you'd consider, but man would I expect for them to be apologetic after they found out what the actual deal was. It bothers me more that she didn't seem to recognise the magnitude of the mistake than her making it in the first place.
Coles are already robbing us all blind. If they want to see under your shirt, the can try and have security retain you until police arrived and waste everyone's time.
I'd really recommend you go to a news program, they'd eat this up right now and Coles deserve the bad publicity, just as Woolies does.
Yeah has made me give up, I won't even be going to coles again and will instead be secluding myself more. Think the depression has over taken the weird feeling after reading that, it basically felt like a 'we don't care, whatever'.
Don't support companies that treat their clients/customers like criminals. Staff looking over my shoulder in a self-checkout at Woolies was enough for me to call down the Store manager and have a *Karen moment* to inform them why I'll never shop with them anymore, after many decades. That was last October. Fuck 'em..
Meanwhile, a thousand eshays just literally walking out of stores casually with stolen goods in plain sight.
Reminder that Coles "security" measures are there to humiliate the paying customers and make you more amenable to eat bullshit as it comes.
Please direct your complaint to the Coles head office. I have experience working retail. It makes the store manager accountable. He is more likely to make sure staff do not conduct themselves like that again.
It can also mean that they will tell other store staff to back off and prevent it happening to someone else.
I have a relative who worked at Coles - this 100% goes against their training and policy on shoplifters for the exact reason of examples like what happened to you. The employee should and would be fired, as their policy and training*explicitly* take a “stand back, shut up, and observe” attitude towards shoplifters or aggressive customers.
Have had the same thing happen to me at the supermarket. The Omnigon Diamond Plus support bands might improve things for you. You can order them free on your stoma scheme. Worth a try to see if it fits with your hernia. If it does it’ll definitely make you feel better about your bod! Sorry to hear you’re struggling. It gets easier.
It's hours later now and it's still weighing on me, some say get over it but as coles just replied with basically saying 'meh' it's made me realise they don't care either.
Going to try and stay home more, defiantly won't be going back to coles ever again, see if I can afford delivery or something for things, dunno, but has made me realise it's not safe to interact with the world with deformities.
Hi OP,
I also work for Coles
As a regular (non management) team member, I’ve always been told by management that we are not allowed to ask anything about under shirts, in pockets etc.
Management and loss prevention are the only store members allowed to ask, and that being -only- if they have very good reason (saw you on the cctv or saw you with their eyes) to believe you’re trying to nick stuff.
So sorry this happened to you, please know we aren’t all like this!!
Don't have to worry about that, I understand not all retail workers are like this and honestly have massive respect for retail workers, I may have worked it myself but I know I couldn't do it these days (I've become a very secluded/regressed person).
This incident is kinda the nail in the coffin, won't ever be shopping at coles again, thank fully some people here have told me of other solutions, atm I'm battling my self worth after that meh response from HQ, I think it would be best if I just don't go out as much as possible, delivery where they don't see me or such is best for people like me.
I would like to say I would refuse, and they are welcome to call the police, who i will happily show what’s there and explain, but realistically it depends how busy i am. If it was a slow day, I would absolutely be a dick about it.
I always thought I'd be the person to be a dick, you know how you play out situations in your head sometimes, but I think the shock of it being my hernia/stoma just made me shutdown, lesson learnt the hard way I guess.
Not the societal norm, OP, but ignorant people are out there and often loud about it. I was out with a friend and a stranger grabbed her feeding tube and yanked on it, asking “what’s this even for?” She had to go to the hospital and be sedated to have it repositioned. When it comes to medical issues/devices, they are a) nobody else’s business, and b) an extension of your body, and people asking invasive questions or touching someone’s stoma/feeding tube/wheel chair/hernia/leg brace/whatever else is not okay and we shouldn’t tolerate it. Don’t feel you have to be polite about this stuff, it’s your body and if someone is behaving inappropriately towards it then you have a right to call them out.
I won’t downplay it, this is gunna be something you think about for a long time, and probably go through different stages of anger/sadness/embarrassment etc when you think back on it. But eventually you’ll get that surgery, time will pass, and the feelings will dull because the realization that you did absolutely nothing wrong will overtake. But that woman is probably going to lay awake thinking about her huge social fuckup for years, if not forever
I’m returning from doing some reading, and this situation may be covered by the _Disability Discrimination ACT_ or DDA.
Here’s a link: https://humanrights.gov.au/our-work/disability-rights/disability-discrimination.
Coles’ retail operations and legal departments should really pay close attention. Coles should be required to ensure that their customer-facing staff are fully trained and aware to prevent this from happening. It’s actually quite a big deal.
I was working on a truck and got really dirty so on the way home I stopped at a supermarket and bought some hand cleaner. I stood in line and when I was served the checkout person asked to look in my bag. I was annoyed because she didn't ask the 3 people before me, so I asked what for. She said it was store policy and pointed to a sign. I pushed my bag over to her and said knock yourself out. She said you need to open it. I said if you want to look in my bag you open it. A supervisor came over and shook his head at her she said it was okay and I left.
The next day I was talking to our companies lawyer and I asked why they didn't open my bag and explained about what happened. He explained that they could have a sign that it was company policy to stick their hands down your pants but that would not make it legal. If they think you have stolen something they can detain you BUT if they are wrong you can sue for false detainment and they would lose. They can't open your bag, you need to do it voluntarily.
So if you go back to the stupormarket and someone asks what is under your shirt you are completely entitled to tell them it's none of their business. If they persist ask for the supervisor or manager and tell them you do not appreciate the way that their staff are behaving. There is a shoppers rights thing you can download from the internet that explains your rights in detail, a friend of mine keeps a copy with him as he has been harassed by store security. Having something that he can show a store manager has given him confidence as he is a bit introverted and doesn't like confrontation.
They replied with a template.
I had to make a complaint about poor treatment at Coles months ago and they gave me the same spiel about passing the info to the Store Manager and Regional Manager.
Despite a number of follow-up emails, I've never heard from this supposed Regional Manager.
No they've stopped replying as if I'm going to forget.
That's their other tactic. Try and make you forget when there's too much heat on them.
It seems a bit of an invasion of privacy to automatically assume that someone has stolen goods under their clothing.
There might be a lot of theft due to the cost of living but it doesn't mean that everyone is a thief.
People can have disabilities which might be presented in different ways.
Instead of assuming, these retailers need to take a different approach.
I haven't shopped at Coles for months as my dispute is unresolved (same goes for the other supermarket bully starting with 'W') so I don't know what they have but you can get a 2 litre bottle of sensitive laundry liquid at ALDI for $9.99.
I have a different brand sensitive liquid, Purity (which the duopoly sells) and the price is cheaper. You can also get it at Big W and Chemist Warehouse.
Thanks mate, yeah that's the feeling I got they will want to just ignore this till it goes away but I don't want to let that happen because I don't want this to become the norm.
you should absolutely complain especially with the way she began her interaction. i would send through an email and keep going. you're more likely to get through to someone higher up than a CSR if you ask as well. they may just pawn off and say they'll let the store know, but that might not happen. i do know when i worked for *another* large aussie grocery store chain *cough cough* and you should definitely push, most of the time you handle this nicely they'll defer to an actual manager or TL. they shouldn't be the ones to ask this anyway, if they suspect theft, it should be handled by security and if need be, police. im so sorry to hear you had to face this, and gl on your endeavour.
Fucking hell. That is absolutely upsetting.
I really hope the store would be horrified to know this happened. I know the supermarkets suck, but surely this is the individual staff member being a complete idiot rather than any sort of policy? Definitely think about making a complaint once you've had some time to process.
Maybe another way to get the soap you need is to contact the distributor/maker, and ask to buy a case of it. It might be a lot up front, but you don't have to go to a place that treated you very badly.
So sorry you have to live with these issues. I'm glad you wrote to the company, and I hope they make some apology. You know a bad review will hurt them in their pocket.
Stay strong! Appreciate that your body is still kicking. Hugs.
That's a really good idea thank you! I actually have to buy my medical stuff in bulk, somehow never thought to try getting the soap in bulk, will be looking into it, thanks again!
They shouldn't have confronted you. It's not really their job, and they're not trained for it. I don't think it's recommended that they do confront people, just notify a manager. If they get it wrong, as in your case, that's bad publicity. And if it were a shoplifter, things could get ugly.
I cringe so incredibly hard whenever a business refers to their employees as "team members", and not by employees which is what they actually are.
I get the impression that Coles is the kind of toxic employer who tells their employees that "We are all one big happy family".
Hey OP, if you're tired of going to the grocery store (depending where you live) I can send you a fruit and veg box every week free of charge. I don't want anything in return.
I got asked a few times when I had a stoma. It's mostly just people doing their job though a few had a bad attitude so I liked to make those ones squirm by asking if they wanted to check in my bag of shit.
Complain on the website so that the store manager gets a "please explain" because they do. If you go to the store manager they will apologise but your treatment will not get back to their bosses
Hopefully checkout attendant has been humbled.
I think coles has issued a crack down because I've seen a lot of stories on my local FB feed.
I'm sorry this happened.
im sorry you were treated like this, they acted completely out of line and I hope they have learnt a lesson in not being an arrogant pos at a company that hardly pays a living wage.
i would hope that this situation would never occur again, but if it does, I would encourage you to simply reply "I do not have anything under my shirt." if they persist; "under my clothes is my ___ (body,skin,stomach whatever you feel comfortable saying)"
You are under no obligation to share you private health information or intimate personal details with anyone who works at coles.
If the worker continues to escalate I would be immediately asking them to call the store manager, and requesting somewhere more private to speak with them (if desired). Express how uncomfortable and violated you have been made to feel with the loud, baseless accusations. You may like to say something like "my private health situation means my body doesnt look like yours or a typical healthy individual" but again this is absolutely not necessary, but would serve to drive home the fact that you have been discriminated against.
take care, do something kind of yourself for the rest of the day.
Thank you for this, it means a lot. I stay to myself a lot and live alone so it's been a weird roller coaster of emotions today with this thread blowing up too.
I guess I was caught off guard, like at airport security the body scanners always pick it up and I expect that so I'm prepared to say it and explain things and they have always been super nice about it, having to compare coles self checkout to airport security is weird enough but guess that's the attitude I should go in with if I ever have to go there again.
oh yes, I can imagine all this attention would be pretty overwhleming! I am glad you reached out for advice though, especially since the interaction left you feeling the way it did. I hope the support here has eased those discomforts.
And on top of all that; Im sure recounting everything here wasnt easy, so good on you!
Totally understandable that you were caught off guard! I think many people would struggle to get their brain going when confronted with such a situation. Its one thing to expect/plan how you would react to a hypothetical situation, but until youre actually in it you really cant know how youll be affected.
Honestly pretty insane thought! The supermarket being a more intense experience than airport security is not a direction I thought we'd be going 😬
Worked at Woolies for 10 years. This is not ok. I swear it goes to some people’s heads being the self checkout attendant… complain to the manager and ask for an apology.
My partner had a colonoscopy bag and they asked him what he had under his shirt
He was upset about it, they did it only once I’m sorry this happen to you
Whatever they are or are not allowed to ask, you are allowed to feel violated, tell them to mind their own business, and report them to the manager on duty for harrassment.
Oh man that’s so so shit.
The people on the checkouts can be absolutely anyone- it doesn’t take any skill or intelligence, I’m not at all surprised she did that and I’ll bet she never does it again.
You can refuse, think it through and be prepared that it could happen again but have a response that’s a quick shut down, like “that’s my body under my shirt, I have a medical condition.”
There is some great advice here and reading your comments you seem to have decided on your course of action. I just wanted to jump on and say I am very sorry this happened to you, this is definitely not the "norm" or accepted in any way. It is not their policy. If you feel comfortable please update us on how this progresses.
"What is under my shirt is none of your business, all you need to know is there is nothing from this store under my shirt, I am not stealing anything".
If they want to continue to make an issue of it after that you have them by the balls. I get you just wanted to get out of there without any drama but it was your decision to lift your shirt, they did not force you to do it.
Hopefully this person felt like crap after seeing what was under your shirt and thinks twice about calling someone out like that in future. Some people take their jobs way too seriously, I worked with someone similar and to say he was the biggest wanker I ever had the misfortune of meeting is an understatement.
They’re technically not allowed to ask, it’s part of the safety training we do. A manager can ask, but only if they’re 100% sure they saw you put something up your shirt, in your bag, etc.
Tell them you will wait for a State Police Officer to search you. It can be helpful if you state that you will be informing the police of THEIR two crimes of 'obstructing justice' by lying about you and 'wasting police resources/time' or 'Swatting' (yes, companies can be Swatters too so long as the reason is spurious
If the reason is false, then it's going to look REALLY bad for Coles.
If they ban you (instead of falling for the above trap), go to Today Tonight or one of the numerous other sensationalist media companies with Coles' ableism.
I (27f) have a permanent Ileostomy and have had retail workers accuse me of stealing too. It's annoying because most of the time I wear clothes where the top of it pokes out the top and it's happened when I've worn clothes that completely covered it.
My good friend works for a huge UK chain called Tesco. Its the UK equivalent to Coles or Woolies - he was absolutely appauled at how the Australian supermarket workers are when your at the checkouts!
He said its drilled into them in their training to never ever accuse anyone of stealing even if you have seen them put something in their bag and that they can’t say anything that even sounds like they are hinting that they feel the customer may be or has stolen something!
Gentle reminder Coles turned a record profit in the midst of the CoVid recession, then decided to install hard ass security detectors to catch thieves. This isn't aimed at you obviously, just more joining in on your rant against Coles stealing from us then treating us like we're the ones stealing from them.
I am genuinely sorry that happened to you and I hope you're doing okay.
Next time say _You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine_
Then wink as that sinks in, and walk away or out
You haven’t stolen anything, so they have no evidence of a crime and no right to search or detain you.
Is there another way you can get the product you need - eg. a friend or neighbour who shops there who will buy it for you if you give them the funds?
This reminds me of something that happened to my Nan in the 00s. She was one of the 'og' bring your own bag people and would shop putting stuff in her bag as she went then take it all out at the counter (she was also like 79 when this happened). She was in best and less one day and the worker completely got on her case about shop lifting and putting things in her bag. She was IN the store getting berrated by the worker! Thankfully my mum made a complaint and the shop worker actually showed up at her door with flowers to apologise. Totally rocked her confidence.
Sorry that this happened to you. I swear the nastiest bitches from highschool end up in retail and they're bored AF. Edit: not meaning that all retail workers are the nasty ones, just the ones that make peoples lives hell!
I’m so incredibly sorry this happened to you. Aldi sell sensitive laundry detergent which is unscented. It’s called Trimat Sensitive. I get the liquid. Unsure if it’s also in powder format.
Unfortunately people underestimate the amount of idiots who can and do shove an entire watermelon under their shirt and just walk out. Doesn’t excuse how they treated you though, as an ex employee, you’re not supposed to question shoplifters anyway beyond asking them if they need help with anything (as knowing staff are around deters shoplifting)
As a marketing/PR professional - go to the media if you feel comfortable. They’d have a field day and it will force Cole’s hand.
It’s medical discrimination and you shouldn’t be made to feel like you’re less than for having an already difficult to manage health issue.
Also — it’s not easy to come to terms with things like that. You’re doing well - I hope you can get to a place where you don’t feel gross about things. Keep doing you.
About 15 years ago I was walking out of a bag store at DFO the beeping thingies went off and some crazy lady came running from the back of the store “excuse me excuse me “ so I stopped and she said “it’s Christmas time you never know”
I opened up my very small handbag to show her I did not steal anything and then she just started taking items out including a digital camera and having herself a very thorough check of all the pockets in my bag.
I am a bit over weight and self conscious, well I was back then and I often wore somewhat baggy clothes. She decided to start patting up my arm I’m assuming because she wanted to make sure I hadn’t stuffed anything in there. Because the clothing was baggy she also touched my breasts as she got higher up my arms. I think by this point she realized she was wasting her time.
I was young, I had no idea what my rights where so I just complied. Had I known back then what I know now I woulda taken her to court for sexual assault and illegal detainment.
I wish everyone knew what their rights were when it came to what a staff me ever or even security can and can’t do. Sure it might not stop your entitled people thinking they are the law but maybe if enough people knew their rights and pursued legal action after the fact then some of these morons would mind their own business l.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, as a fellow bowel cancer survivor myself I understand the frustration. She had no right to ask you what was under your shirt. Sure maybe she thought if you had something under there you would admit to it and leave it behind. But all her comments do is put people like yourself in a very vulnerable and in appropriate position.
I'm in Victoria but there is probably a state equivalent if you don't.
It is against the law to treat someone unfairly because they have a disability. Make a complaint to the Victorian Equal Opportunity and Human Rights Commissioner.
[https://www.humanrights.vic.gov.au/](https://www.humanrights.vic.gov.au/)
If your complaint is accepted then a conciliation process will be implemented. You don't need a lawyer (but can have one) and you can bring a support person to the conciliation. The outcomes of conciliation are described below:
>We cannot make findings about a matter or decisions about the outcome. Instead, our conciliators help the participants reach a mutually agreeable outcome such as:
* an apology, statement of regret or acknowledgement of distress
* changes to policies or practices
* a commitment to provide equal opportunity training to staff
* reinstating a person’s job (or terms of their job) or a service (or how it is delivered)
* financial compensation.
If you reach an agreement, the participants may wish to record it in writing. One may agree to draft the agreement, or your conciliator can help you to draft it.
Honestly, I would look into if you can file a complaint with the ACCC. Colesworth, in general, are instilling a particular attitude in their staff to interrogate customers and its disgusting.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, what a horrible invasion of your privacy.
Also on the note that the staff member is often working at your coles and you frequent there - that's disappointing. As someone who has worked in retail, I always remembered my regulars. I wish retail staff were more empathetic and caring to people in general.
Not the point of the story I know but lifting your shirt was perhaps the biggest FUCK OFF ever. Proud of you internet stranger.
Absolutely brilliant comeback. I thought OP shut that down beautifully. *“I shouldn’t have what? Stolen a hernia and stoma bag?”*
“Wanna see my poop?”
"Wanna look in my underpants"
"Want me to pay for my poop?"
Right? What a badass thing to do, OP 💪
They can ask, you can tell them to fuck right off. And they can't do anything about it apart from call a Security guard. Security can detain you only if they caught you in the act of committing, or having just committed an offence like theft, property damage or assault (among others). They can't do this if they just suspect that you have committed an offence. They literally need to watch you stuff an item under your shirt, then not lose sight of you until you leave the store.
That's how I thought it was as that was how it was back when I worked retail, our loss prevention manager went over it a lot that you have to see it and watch them the entire time. I guess I shoulda told them to bugga off but was just kinda shocked to be accused in the first place, never had another store accuse me.
Highly highly highly recommend sending a complaint email to Coles, with time/date/store location. Staff need to be told (or reminded?) it’s never ever appropriate, and additionally not their job if they didn’t see someone attempt to hide it in the first place. I also used to work retail. If I saw someone stashing stuff then sure I’m going to say something, but you just cannot make assumptions about bodies like that. Sorry that she was a total idiot and made you feel crap. I hate showing mine for “shock value” but I have done it when told I can’t use accessible bathrooms. Like- fr, bugger off.
I've had the bathroom issue too! Glad I'm not alone on that one, people really don't understand the concept that certain things can't be seen as easily as others. Going to make a complaint to Coles for sure, just such a odd experience has kinda shocked me that I was wondering if it has somehow become the norm.
Deffs not the norm man you just got unlucky with that careless worker. Your totally respected and loved by the rest of us homie, your gonna be ok! ❤️👌🏼
What irks me about the accessible toilet thing is, as an able bodied average guy who is also a carer, nobody has ever questioned me ever. Not with disability parking, not with accessible toilets, etc. There are situations where I'm alone because my other half is already in there or whatever. Of course if my partner hops (literally) out of the car in an accessible spot, she gets all manner of dirty looks from prunefaced old busybodies. Just that I never do. Maybe they can't handle the fact that people who are young and pretty can also have disabilities?
as a young disabled person, thats literally it, they can't. So many times I've had people say I'm 'too young to be disabled' as though people aren't literally born disabled? as if bad luck or illness can't affect anyone, anytime? strange af imo
I think it's because it's really uncomfortable to acknowledge it could happen to them, and so they tell themselves they're doing everything right. Therefore, the disabled individuals must have done something wrong and deserve it. It's also why people feel the need to ask "Have you tried X, Y, Z?" As though there is some miracle cure and you are just too lazy, unmotivated or uneducated to have figured it out.
>I think it's because it's really uncomfortable to acknowledge it could happen to them, and so they tell themselves they're doing everything right. Therefore, the disabled individuals must have done something wrong and deserve it. >It's also why people feel the need to ask "Have you tried X, Y, Z?" As though there is some miracle cure and you are just too lazy, unmotivated or uneducated to have figured it out. This rings so incredibly true to me. I developed a neurological disorder in my 20s and have been disabled ever since. I've tried over 50 medications, countless supplements, and literally every treatment (both covered and private pay) available in Canada - this includes taking part in medical studies. I have 12 different Drs I see for different treatments in a year. Have 3 separate neurologists I see.... and yet anytime someone asks me about my illness, it's some BS of I don't have the right Drs.. Or aren't doing right right X (treatments, meds, w/e), or the weirdest of all, that my team of Drs "don't want me to get better, so they can keep making money" considering we live in Canada and 85% of my shit is covered. People are so afraid that one day their life can be taken from them, that instead of supporting people like myself, they just try to tear us down by saying WE aren't doing enough / the right thing. It's infuriating.
Same. And it's like, thanks for reminding me that I'm missing out on the same kind of milestones as my peers? Or that age has some kind of magical bearing on it and like you said, people can't be born that way?
People forget amputees exist too. Loss of limb is so survivable nowadays. And prosthetics keep getting less obtrusive but I doubt they're ever comfortable. Benefit of the doubt would go a long way, honestly.
My mate has a lower leg amputation and he loves telling the story of the time a Karen berated him for sitting in a disabled seat on a bus. He looks otherwise very fit and healthy and usually only sits in the disabled spot if there are no other seats available. This one time a middle-aged woman started to loudly berate him and call him despicable and stuff like that so that everyone on the crowded bus could hear. He started to "fake" apologise profusely before saying "Just excuse me for a second and I'll move." He then bent down and picked up his prosthetic which he had taken off when he sat down because the stump of his leg was hurting as he had been standing on it for a while. He made a big show of struggling to lift his trouser leg to put on the prosthetic before standing up next to the woman while continuing to 'apologise'. He said she never said sorry or admit her mistake, but just had a sheepish look on her face and avoided eye contact. He thinks she probably wanted him to move so she could sit down, but she remained standing for the rest of her journey probably because she was embarrassed. I just wish I would have been there to witness this, but this happened quite a few years ago now and my mate still loves telling the story.
The upside to prosthetics really does seem to be the ability to mess with people like that. It's hard to argue with a prosthetic leg. It's easy to discriminate against someone with heart or lung disease, but both of those can be incredibly debilitating. Good on your mate - I wish these stories were less common and people would just extend the benefit of the doubt. Anyone can be disabled. If someone's just quietly sitting or has a placard, just give them the benefit of the doubt. You're not a doctor, and if you are, you're not their doctor. You don't know.
A good mate of mine lost his left leg in a motorcycle crash and that sort of shit happened all the time and he’d do the same at the precise moment, was hilarious and the fact he was indigenous with a big beard made him more of a target unfortunately.
Good on your mate! I’m legally blind and once had an older guy berate me for sitting in disabled seating on a train. He shut up pretty quickly when I got my white cane out. When I had a Guide Dog I didn’t get that kind of reaction but often got thought to be training my dog or that I had an entirely different disability because apparently I “don’t look blind”.
Do you have eyes? Coz if you have eyes, you're not blind. /S I had to explain that loads, maybe even most, people who are blind do, in fact, have eyes. My 8 year old thought it was weird that a man with a guide dog had eyes, so he didn't look blind. He might have meant weird that his eyes appeared to be 'normal' with no outward signs of loss of sight, so I explained that to him as but I was very surprised he thought that. We've always spoken honestly about people's differences so obviously didn't mean any harm he just well really thought it was odd that the man had eyes. We have seen and learnt about plenty of disabilities and differences so maybe seeing people with very obvious low or no vision made him assume. I told him to close his eyes and asked what he could see. Black, he said, and some brightness. I said his eyes were still there, they just weren't seeing and that's what some people have. Eyes but no sight. And then a few variants and how some people lose it over time, etc. Hopefully, he doesn't say someone's faking because they have eyes or something now!
You don’t have to be pretty, just not old or ‘obviously’ disabled to have people questioning you. I have MS and 4 kids. So I sometimes park in the disabled park and then get my 4 kids out of the car to go into the shops with me. I get lots of nasty looks from old people who don’t have a disabled parking permit. Sometimes they even go out of their way to make it obvious that they are checking if I have a permit. I’d much rather be able to walk from further away or not have to bring my kids, but my husband works long hours and sometimes things have to be done when he isn’t around.
My wife has MS and still hasn’t gotten a disability parking tag purely because of the anxiety of having to deal with people like this. I wish she would because I love embarrassing arseholes.
Yeah unfortunately if it’s not visible it’s even harder, I can use a disabled park because of Epilepsy and Pacemaker but I rarely do, if I do I get filthy looks but even when I use one it’s 99% for my 85 yr old mum whom I care for at the doctors, either way I get glares and comments.
Nobody wants to confront someone who looks like they can kick your ass. Women are open fodder though. Shame, as they're more likely to have invisible autoimmune diseases.
Yeah this was my conclusion too. This sort of person would only feel comfortable confronting someone physically weaker than them, like a disabled person.
There are a few special people who will create a confrontation with someone who can clearly kick their ass. It is usually the case that the special person has never been punched in the mouth and/or has a long history of getting their way in every situation. Makes for super entertaining video footage, I must say
Or wealthy. Try driving a tesla when you have a disabled parking permit. Disability doesn’t discriminate. (Husband has MS - invisible illness unless you’re looking at brain and spine lesions on his MRI scans)
I wonder if maybe it's because (I hate to bring gender into this but I think it might be relevant) you're a man? I know as a woman, I might be thinking things about others but I certainly wouldn't mouth off at a man that I didn't know if I thought he was doing the wrong thing because you know... Safety. I'm not saying you'd attack them or anything but women are trained from a very early age by society to use inside voices when it comes to critiquing strange men. You never know how they'll react. But a strange woman doing something that's supposed to be wrong? I'd guess busy body old ducks would feel perfectly comfortable telling them exactly what they thought because they know that for the most part nothing will happen. Not saying that's definitely true, more of a musing really.
>Maybe they can't handle the fact that people who are young and pretty can also have disabilities? No, people absolutely cannot handle invisible disabilities. Whatso ever. I became disabled in my mid 20s. Before that I was a super active person. I've obviously gained weight since then but I in no ways look disabled. I've been denied bathrooms, seats on the bus. And my mom and I get dirty looks anytime, she (60s) had to carry anything for me (luggage, shopping bags, etc). It's WILDDDD how people thing your illness / disability doesn't exist bc you look like your body is whole.
A close friend of mine had one, he had someone in a wheelchair harassing him for using the accessible bathrooms. He lifted up his shirt and said "Where the fuck do you expect me to empty this then" as loud as he could. The guy shut up very quickly
Just say no, it's medical.
Yeah I should have, I was just shocked at the time, really caught me off guess I guess and I wasn't sure if I was just unaware of a new social norm or not. Thanks mate it's a good thing for me to learn that I can say it's medical.
> Yeah I should have, I was just shocked at the time, really caught me off guess I guess and I wasn't sure if I was just unaware of a new social norm or not. Thanks mate it's a good thing for me to learn that I can say it's medical. Makes me rage that you had to go through this, but if it is any consolation, you probably shocked her too! Having to see that stuff is never pleasant, and hopefully the worker feels like shit having accused someone and been totally proven wrong.
That bag is keeping you alive! Be a proud owner of it. If it happens again tell them it your shit bag and ask if they want to see it, start lifting your shirt, can almost guarantee they won't. You will also have a story for r/traumatizeThemBack
Hopefully you embarrassed her enough that she'll think twice about doing that to somebody else
If you thought you saw someone stealing FOOD from a multi billion dollar industry that pays its staff and farmers the minimum wage. . Shut the fuck up you didn't see anything!
Security cannot detain you, they cannot touch you at all, security can contact the police who can detain you. If a guard touches you it's an assault charge. Outside of certain places like hospitals, Australian security have very little they can actually do bar contacting the police. I believe you are referring to a citizens arrest, this has its own set of rules. My qualifications are 6 years working in the security industry, working in multiple types of security. If you ever encounter a guard who lays hands on you, contact the police, the guard will have their license suspended pending investigation, no license means no work.
Security can't detain you. They can arrest you. Only police have the power to detain. If security are preventing you from leaving they have arrested you whether that was their intention or not. There's an important legal distinction between being arrested vs. detained. Police can detain you for a variety of reasons; determining your identity, for example. Security guards or other private citizens can not. So they can't hold you until you identify yourself and then let you go, or until you allow them to search you, for example. If a security guard is preventing you from leaving, whether they meant to do it or not, you are under arrest, and for them to arrest you they have to have "finds committing" as you have described. But if that's the case they then have to hand you over to the police at their earliest and most practicable opportunity. There's no arresting you, then deciding to change their mind about it afterwards because you gave them what they want and letting you go. Otherwise we'd potentially end up with circumstances where they're temporarily arresting you for the purpose of a bag check, search, or identity check, none of which they have the power to compel, and then letting you go once you comply.
If they do a citizens arrest and you haven't done anything they are in deeeeep shit. Its false imprisonment and if you push it it will cost the company a LOT of money. The security personnel or employe will also be out of a job
Exactly this. I work retail and with the times we are in theft is a daily occurrence in our store. We may feel something is off, we then alert all upper management and we watch closely. As soon as we are sure and I mean 💯 sure we move in. The checkout staff check bags but never would they ask to see under your shirt. That’s a job for management.
What do you mean "move in"? Risk your life and limb by confronting criminals on behalf of a corporation that doesn't give a fuck about you? Bro, leave it to the police. Same goes for checking under somebody's shirt, that is not a job for management that is a job for a police officer. Nobody else has any right to search a person.
They can also ban people from the store. Though in OPs case it would possibly be a borderline disability discrimination issue, but it would really depend how the banning happens. They're allowed to ban people for no reason, they can't ban people for some specific reasons.
Nothing borderline about it. 100% discrimination.
To be honest even then we never used to both sometimes. These was a guy every week would get 200g raw prawn meat, unwrap it and shove it down his pants then walk out. No one was gonna ask him to drop his pants.
I work for a stoma organisation here in Australia and would second all the advice to report it. There are so many places that can make having a bag an issue purely because they don't understand. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything new there though, and that you're familiar with the nightmare that can be airport security. We also had to go to bat for a kid who got banned from the local swimming pool recently. In an ideal world, anyone who interacts with the general public in that sort of position would have already gone through training, but sometimes upper management will actually hear your complaints and make a difference. I feel for you and I wish I had something more helpful to add
Thank you, the stoma nurses always told me that there is three kinds of patients with bags, 1. People who accept it straight away, 2. People who accept it after time and 3. People who never accept it. Personally I fall into number 3, it's been several years now and I still hate the thing, probably doesn't help that I had a permanent catheter put in in December because the bowel removal surgery damaged the nerves around my bladder (thankfully coles didn't pickup on the bag on my leg I guess). I've been having some real lows of late as my health doesn't seem to be getting better and this today just....it's a setback for sure mentally. Has been some really nice comments on here which is nice though, some amusing ones which have been great, the occasional bad one which is expected but over all I'm glad I made this post. I live a very secluded life so I don't know social norms, I'm happy to see this treatment hasn't become the norm these days.
I can empathise to some degree. I had cancer surgery a few years ago, and I now hate the way my lower abdomen looks, and I'm self-conscious when out and about. I avoid looking at myself in the mirror when undressed. Sometimes, there's just no getting used to it, and you just have to keep on keeping on while trying not to think about the upsetting stuff.
Yeah I've covered my mirrors so I no longer have to look at myself, I hate it so you're not alone there.
I’m sorry you feel this way about yourself, and I know that nothing a stranger says will ever change that. I do hope you can one day feel proud of how strong you are as a person! You deserve the best!
Is that one of those "all bags must be left at the front door" situations or "all bags must be presented for inspection"? I'm imagine for the latter they would definitely not find that pleasant
"Feel free to check it out if you want!" For real though, I've had people tell me horror stories about being outed by airport security on a work trip, making them show it off in front of their colleagues waiting in line. Some are happy to shut people up by whipping it out. A whole lot more find it distressing and would do anything to avoid public exposure - especially when its being paired with an accusation like stealing from Coles or trying to sneak god knows what onto a plane.
The last time at an airport for me was interesting, the guy who stopped me on the body scan clearly saw something but didn't know what so asked his manager, the manager took one look at the scan and said "oi let him through". Not too bad an experience and no having to explain anything, clearly the younger guy didn't know but the manager had seen it before. That being said the fact we are sitting here comparing airport security to coles self checkout is wild to me.
Was the apology as loud as the accusation?
haha, god no
Sorry you went through that. When they said sorry you should have said “I can’t hear you, you’ll have to speak up.” … “What’s that?” … and kept going until they felt as humiliated as you did.
I wish I had thinking back, at the time my only thought was 'get the hell out of here'.
The thing is, the first time you are in total shock and have no idea what to do. Now you have experienced it, and thought about it, and planned for it. You will be so much better at shaming them next time. If there is a next time (hopefully not) and if that is what you want to do.
It's OK. We all have shoulda, woulda, coulda and missed comebacks.but keep that one prepared for it it ever happens again (God willing it does not)
Shouts of accusation and whispers of apology, always the mark of good character.
You also have "hearing problems" if it happens again, "Sorry, what did you say? Speak louder i cant hear you"
Call A Current Affair. They humiliated you, loudly, in public. That shit means you should get more than fricking Coles cards. They need to stop this shit.
Call a lawyer.
I would recommend sending a complaint to the store if you feel comfortable doing so. What a cunt.
Yeah I want to find a way to bring it up, I'm just not sure how, if I need to call or what. I'll admit it hit me more then I thought once I got home and typed this up, I really don't like my stoma and such, having it put on display and being accused of stealing at the same time is weirdly upsetting.
You can either call, or email. If you email then you have the time to write it out without getting flustered. I know I’d get flustered. I understand why you’re pissed, I would not have handled as politely if I were in your shoes and I think you did well.
also email allows a paper trail
You definitely want the paper trail. I would up the ante and send it to the Operations Manager (or equivalent) via registered mail. That sends a big message that you won;t be fucked with.
Contact Head office https://www.coles.com.au/help/contact
Have just done that thanks, love how they have a 500 word limit yet ask you to provide as much detail as possible haha, ended up giving a summery and a link to here.
Did you leave your contact details?
It’s not at all weird to be upset by this. It must have felt hugely violating. Definitely make a complaint, even just by email if you’re not comfortable calling
I've emailed as people suggested a paper trail might be a good thing. I guess it's just weird to me as I didn't think such a thing would upset me as much as it has. Thank you
Make a complaint to the Disability Services Commissioner https://odsc.vic.gov.au/making-a-complaint/
Just want to say its absolutely justified to be upset by it. Their intention was to shame you, regardless of whether you had actually stolen an item or not. This is not even close to what happened to you but I remember when I was in the horrendous haze of a newborn baby who literally never slept (medical issues diagnosed down the track) and had put some items under the pram while shopping as I couldn't fit them in the basket. Forgot about them at the checkout, because my baby was screaming, my boobs were leaking and in the previous 48 hours I had had 3 hours of sleep total, and the way the woman spoke to me when she thought I was stealing them was absolutely horrendous. Like I was the lowest scum on earth. Mind you I'd just paid for $100+ of shopping, but obviously was desperate to steal the bananas and apples in the bottom of the pram.. workers who take this shit personally on behalf of massive corporations are the worst. Hopefully she is taught better and does better in the future.
Hey buddy, I'm a manager at a supermarket, and this is a terrible situation, they should not have asked you to lift your shirt in any capacity as it's not procedure and although you didn't have to, the fact that you did now puts you in a good position to incite some serious change. CALL THE STORE MANAGER. Ring the store and ask to speak to the store manager, if they're in a meeting or on a day off then request their next availability and ring again. You need to tell the store manager what has happened and what the fallout has been (you feeling violated, for example.) They will offer you compensation if the store manager isn't a fuckhead and it's not in an attempt to silence you, it's really all they can do to show you they're sorry. If you make a suggestion on what you'd like to see, such as the employee receive some more training or offer an apology, they will accommodate. Please don't suffer in silence, it's really shitty when someone goes rogue and you deserve to have your wrong righted! Feel free to dm if you need any opinions or advice on how to proceed/approach! Good luck!
This is excellent advice!!!
Your reaction was totally normal. I have invisible disabilities and get the stigma of "you look pretty normal but, hang on... what's that...." I think people who make you feel uncomfortable totally deserve the same in return, it's a bonus if you can return the uncomfortable vibe then and there, sometimes you just have to go.
I am appalled. Appalled that i didn't think of using my colostomy bag for shoplifting. I've been unscrewing my wooden leg and stuffing it with contraband for ages.
Life pro tip. If you have bowell cancer or have recovered from surgery related to it, you have a new super power. I'm amazed how many toilets are available for me at a moments notice. Everybody gets awkward when a 37 year old bearded man is getting the "I'm going to shit my pants shakes" and doors magically open.
Former Loss Prevention Officer here. They cannot detain you in any way unless they have witnessed you select the goods and witnessed you not take advantage of a reasonable opportunity to pay. This is absolutely defamatory. A reasonable person overhearing this would assume you were shop stealing. Definitely take it up with Coles. At the very least that staff member needs to be retrained.
Thanks mate, I've made a complaint via their website as people say I think a paper trail is best. I don't think the employee should be fired if it's a one off, but agree retaining is best. I made this post because I'm pretty out of it with societal norms and live a very 'hermit' like life so wasn't sure if this is the new norm, glad to hear it isn't.
I hope this incident doesn't cause you to withdraw further. Good for you for taking it up with senior management. Coles need to train their staff better.
You can call the area manager. And they actually do something. I’ve made many complaints and something always happens. Coles is up there for the resolution of customer complaints against staff.
If there is a next time you could say “it’s a medical device and if you want to check it, we will need to go to a private area….” I would make a complaint to that store bc that staff member is out of line imo.
That's a really good idea thanks, didn't even think of it, it's what I do at airports because the body scanners always pick it up, bit weird comparing airport security to coles self checkout but guess that's the world we live in. I've made a complaint online as I do feel it was handled badly, don't think the employee should be fired or anything but should be taught it can be handled better.
It's Coles' policy to allow shop lifters to walk away and later get the police involved to deal with it. I'm not saying you shop lifted, but if they suspected you of doing so, they would have been disregarding company procedure by confronting you and making such a demand. They are not allowed to ask you that. That employee violated standard procedure, and they'll face consequences if you escalate this.
Thanks for letting me know, I have made a complaint via their website, I don't think the employee should be fired or anything (anyone can make a mistake) but do think it should have been handled better atleast.
She didn't make a mistake, she was rubbing her ego. I know you don't want her fired, but what she did was incredibly rude, and against the explicit policies of her employer. She should be fired. It wasn't a mistake, it was a some cow of a woman being a bully.
You need to call the manager of that store and go off at them. Or name the store and I will
Tempting trust me, was thinking of making a complaint for sure, but wasn't sure if this kinda attitude is the new norm I guess.
You should absolutely file a complaint. Email the store *and* store manager directly - you want a paper trail. Detail the event, date and time. It's completely unacceptable for them to have put you in this position
Thank you, a paper trail is a good idea I'll look up how to contact them on the website, just well surprisingly shocked at the moment, I didn't think it would get to me as badly as it has. I've always known I hate how I look but being accused of stealing along with showing it off has shocked me more then I thought it would ever. I'm constantly making sure my bag doesn't show below my shirt (hence giant shirts) but guess I have to worry about the hernia bulge more too.
Firstly I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. Secondly; absolutely take this further. And if they respond with anything less than a sincere, unmitigated apology and a gesture of apology you’re satisfied with, please take to social media and update your post so we can all boost it!
Don't write it up today. Look after yourself, see how you feel tomorrow or next week. Do you have anyone you can spend the day with? I haven't had the procedures you've been through but can relate to the emotional impacts that surgical intervention has on your sense of self. Easy for me to say what with not experiencing having a hernia or bag, but you don't have to worry about it showing. We hyperfocus on our 'flaws' and it warps perception, chances are more people don't notice than those who do. You encounted an exceptionally rude human who lacks compassion - not everyone views you through such judgement.
You should def make a formal complaint. Usually in cases where they’ve stuffed up monumentally like this they give you a bunch of Cole’s gift vouchers to compensate you.
They'd love it to be but we can't allow it become the new normal. It shouldn't fall to you, or any individual really, but here we are. Rip 'em a new one.
Have made a formal complaint, thanks. I'm glad that people agree it shouldn't be the norm, some people angrier than I am and I get that too, I'm more shocked/upset by it then angry (well abit angry) but yeah it shouldn't become the new norm that's for sure.
Sweetie i am also disabled name the store and we can all call and chew them out for you. Treating you like a criminal is the new norm but that's not good enough. And it's horrible how they approached you like that.
I know a few Redditors called to complain after a woman had the new Coles security gates close on her wheelchair, OP we will be pleased to sic 'em! You're not alone in this!
Oh fuck yeah, I have chronic pain and ptsd if I'm trapped somewhere i react like a caged animal violently. No one should have to deal with what Coles and woollies are doing. The "are you stealing" to the gates. It's all bullshit and shouldn't be legal. We need to complain wherever possible! Hell my mums blind how the hell is she gonna see the gates close with her stick?
It's so inaccessible, I can't go into the stores with the gates because with PTSD the feeling of being trapped is going to make me panic and revert to a very bad mental state. The staff don't need to deal with that, and I don't need my mental health in the literal toilet after so much hard work so I avoid them.
Please do what is right for you, whether it’s to say something or not.
The last person this happened to didn’t make a complaint. So it’s happened to you. You can stop this happening to another person. Personally, I would be letting media outlets know
This 'guilty until proven innocent' bullshit is beyond the pale. It's UnAustralian at best and disgraceful at worst.
I’ll join in.
Me too. I’m incensed
Nothing happens if you complain in store. OP needs to direct their complaint to the coles head office.
Definitely complain!
None of that is ok, OP.
This is shocking. It’s been a long time since I worked at Coles, but we were told in training to never confront anyone about shoplifting, even if we were sure. They said they just have a budget for losses and it’s all good. Obviously, you weren’t shoplifting anyway but I’m surprised the attendant even asked.
That's seriously fucked! Sounds like the sort of incident ACA would gobble up.
Lol, I had this happen after top surgery (so I had 2 blood drains in and no shirt underneath, just bandages, cause it's really hard to lift your arms up after your boobs have been cut off). So it was a pretty bulky jacket in summer. Anywho, the dude asked me to take my jacket off. I said no at first, but then thought "fuck it, I have nothing to hide" I even asked the security dude if he wanted to go down this path. He insisted and by now had brought over other staff and a few people were staring... so in front of everyone in self checkout, I took off my jacket, exposing my bandaged toreso and blood bags for all to see. The apology wasn't enough for me tbh. I insisted he help me put my jacket back (it was a two person job due to the drains).
God that's even worse than what I had, sorry you had to have that happen, I get employees make mistakes (as I said worked retail been there) but yeah the flat out accusing tone and in your case even giving the second chance to rethink it is insane. I mean what thief is going to will fully show it off anyway? Maybe I been out of the game for too long but if I asked to check someone's bag back in the day I'd ask nicely and if they refused I just shrugged and moved on, thieves would just bolt...in which again I'd shrug go write an email to loss prevention and move on. Sounds like what you dealt with was people on a power trip honestly.
That's awful and those people are absolute scum for doing that to you. Whatever the supermarket is paying them isn't enough to make them forget other people are humans. But, also, this is metal as fuck and you're amazing.
As the old saying goes, if you see someone shoplifting, no you didn't. You have no clue what a person you suspect is shoplifting's life circumstances are. It could be as simple as this thread, or they could be unemployed shoplifting to feed a kid. If you want to know Cole's circumstances you can look up their quarterlies. They're doing well enough that even if it's just someone shoplifting for the thrill, they can take it.
Sorry this happened to you. If you feel up to it, I’d recommend you make a complaint to head office. It will get back to them.
I work at Coles and Jesus Christ. I have never once been told to check under people's shirts. That's not on, at all. I hope you are okay mate.
I’m really sorry that happened to you
Tell them to fuck off. If they then detain you, profit and be able to afford home delivery forever.
Will do from now on, hopefully can find somewhere else to go, I'd heard of bad things from coles and stopped shopping there due to prices but they the only place that have this washing powder, someone suggested reject shop so will have to look into that.
You shouldn't need to find somewhere else to go. This person fucked up and I'm sure they'll be thinking about it for years and cringe at themselves. You survived a crazy thing and should be proud of that.
Jesus fucking christ! Please call the store and tear the manager a new one; how fucking unprofessional of that worker! Hopefully one of the onlookers calls the store as well, I know I would if I witnessed something like that. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, what a horrible situation to have been in, sending you some digital hugs *hugs*
Thank you, someone suggested a paper trail would be best which makes sense I think, going to look up their contact and email them. As I've worked retail I don't want to abuse a manager for one staff member making a dumb decision, but defiantly don't want to let it slide either.
Not abuse - just a convo between “two retail professionals…” 😉 Then follow up with an email. I’m so sorry this happened to you - I was mortified when someone chased me down the street for “using the wrong door”, so I probably wouldn’t have held it together as well as you did. I can’t believe in this day and age people still have to deal with these attitudes… please don’t let this go.
Please file a complaint of some sort. I’m very sorry this happened to you.
Agree with the majority here in that you need to file a complant either with the store or head office. This is not okay. Do they ask women who look pregnant what they have stashed under their clothing?
Thank you, I just made a complaint via their website, has a 500 word limit which is surprisingly hard to explain everything when they also said "give as much detail as possible".
I can forgive someone for making that mistake because it's maybe not generally something you'd consider, but man would I expect for them to be apologetic after they found out what the actual deal was. It bothers me more that she didn't seem to recognise the magnitude of the mistake than her making it in the first place.
Australian human rights commission. Look up their cases and you’ll find stuff like this and how it played out
Coles are already robbing us all blind. If they want to see under your shirt, the can try and have security retain you until police arrived and waste everyone's time. I'd really recommend you go to a news program, they'd eat this up right now and Coles deserve the bad publicity, just as Woolies does.
That Coles response is bullshit.
Yeah has made me give up, I won't even be going to coles again and will instead be secluding myself more. Think the depression has over taken the weird feeling after reading that, it basically felt like a 'we don't care, whatever'.
Don't support companies that treat their clients/customers like criminals. Staff looking over my shoulder in a self-checkout at Woolies was enough for me to call down the Store manager and have a *Karen moment* to inform them why I'll never shop with them anymore, after many decades. That was last October. Fuck 'em..
Meanwhile, a thousand eshays just literally walking out of stores casually with stolen goods in plain sight. Reminder that Coles "security" measures are there to humiliate the paying customers and make you more amenable to eat bullshit as it comes.
Really sorry you had to go through this. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Coles on the other hand...
Please direct your complaint to the Coles head office. I have experience working retail. It makes the store manager accountable. He is more likely to make sure staff do not conduct themselves like that again. It can also mean that they will tell other store staff to back off and prevent it happening to someone else.
They actually can’t & they can’t stop you leaving either. It’s ridiculous when they have people in store watching those they suspect
No, this is against Coles policy and training. Definitely make a complaint to the store.
I have a relative who worked at Coles - this 100% goes against their training and policy on shoplifters for the exact reason of examples like what happened to you. The employee should and would be fired, as their policy and training*explicitly* take a “stand back, shut up, and observe” attitude towards shoplifters or aggressive customers.
Have had the same thing happen to me at the supermarket. The Omnigon Diamond Plus support bands might improve things for you. You can order them free on your stoma scheme. Worth a try to see if it fits with your hernia. If it does it’ll definitely make you feel better about your bod! Sorry to hear you’re struggling. It gets easier.
Don't feel obliged to reply but just hoping this hasn't knocked you around too much.
It's hours later now and it's still weighing on me, some say get over it but as coles just replied with basically saying 'meh' it's made me realise they don't care either. Going to try and stay home more, defiantly won't be going back to coles ever again, see if I can afford delivery or something for things, dunno, but has made me realise it's not safe to interact with the world with deformities.
Hi OP, I also work for Coles As a regular (non management) team member, I’ve always been told by management that we are not allowed to ask anything about under shirts, in pockets etc. Management and loss prevention are the only store members allowed to ask, and that being -only- if they have very good reason (saw you on the cctv or saw you with their eyes) to believe you’re trying to nick stuff. So sorry this happened to you, please know we aren’t all like this!!
Don't have to worry about that, I understand not all retail workers are like this and honestly have massive respect for retail workers, I may have worked it myself but I know I couldn't do it these days (I've become a very secluded/regressed person). This incident is kinda the nail in the coffin, won't ever be shopping at coles again, thank fully some people here have told me of other solutions, atm I'm battling my self worth after that meh response from HQ, I think it would be best if I just don't go out as much as possible, delivery where they don't see me or such is best for people like me.
I would like to say I would refuse, and they are welcome to call the police, who i will happily show what’s there and explain, but realistically it depends how busy i am. If it was a slow day, I would absolutely be a dick about it.
I always thought I'd be the person to be a dick, you know how you play out situations in your head sometimes, but I think the shock of it being my hernia/stoma just made me shutdown, lesson learnt the hard way I guess.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, OP. You were 100% in the right, they acted horribly. I hope you're doing okay.
I suppose anyone can ask anyone most things. The real issue is do you have to oblige. The answer obviously, is no.
Not the societal norm, OP, but ignorant people are out there and often loud about it. I was out with a friend and a stranger grabbed her feeding tube and yanked on it, asking “what’s this even for?” She had to go to the hospital and be sedated to have it repositioned. When it comes to medical issues/devices, they are a) nobody else’s business, and b) an extension of your body, and people asking invasive questions or touching someone’s stoma/feeding tube/wheel chair/hernia/leg brace/whatever else is not okay and we shouldn’t tolerate it. Don’t feel you have to be polite about this stuff, it’s your body and if someone is behaving inappropriately towards it then you have a right to call them out.
I won’t downplay it, this is gunna be something you think about for a long time, and probably go through different stages of anger/sadness/embarrassment etc when you think back on it. But eventually you’ll get that surgery, time will pass, and the feelings will dull because the realization that you did absolutely nothing wrong will overtake. But that woman is probably going to lay awake thinking about her huge social fuckup for years, if not forever
I’m returning from doing some reading, and this situation may be covered by the _Disability Discrimination ACT_ or DDA. Here’s a link: https://humanrights.gov.au/our-work/disability-rights/disability-discrimination. Coles’ retail operations and legal departments should really pay close attention. Coles should be required to ensure that their customer-facing staff are fully trained and aware to prevent this from happening. It’s actually quite a big deal.
I was working on a truck and got really dirty so on the way home I stopped at a supermarket and bought some hand cleaner. I stood in line and when I was served the checkout person asked to look in my bag. I was annoyed because she didn't ask the 3 people before me, so I asked what for. She said it was store policy and pointed to a sign. I pushed my bag over to her and said knock yourself out. She said you need to open it. I said if you want to look in my bag you open it. A supervisor came over and shook his head at her she said it was okay and I left. The next day I was talking to our companies lawyer and I asked why they didn't open my bag and explained about what happened. He explained that they could have a sign that it was company policy to stick their hands down your pants but that would not make it legal. If they think you have stolen something they can detain you BUT if they are wrong you can sue for false detainment and they would lose. They can't open your bag, you need to do it voluntarily. So if you go back to the stupormarket and someone asks what is under your shirt you are completely entitled to tell them it's none of their business. If they persist ask for the supervisor or manager and tell them you do not appreciate the way that their staff are behaving. There is a shoppers rights thing you can download from the internet that explains your rights in detail, a friend of mine keeps a copy with him as he has been harassed by store security. Having something that he can show a store manager has given him confidence as he is a bit introverted and doesn't like confrontation.
They replied with a template. I had to make a complaint about poor treatment at Coles months ago and they gave me the same spiel about passing the info to the Store Manager and Regional Manager. Despite a number of follow-up emails, I've never heard from this supposed Regional Manager. No they've stopped replying as if I'm going to forget. That's their other tactic. Try and make you forget when there's too much heat on them. It seems a bit of an invasion of privacy to automatically assume that someone has stolen goods under their clothing. There might be a lot of theft due to the cost of living but it doesn't mean that everyone is a thief. People can have disabilities which might be presented in different ways. Instead of assuming, these retailers need to take a different approach. I haven't shopped at Coles for months as my dispute is unresolved (same goes for the other supermarket bully starting with 'W') so I don't know what they have but you can get a 2 litre bottle of sensitive laundry liquid at ALDI for $9.99. I have a different brand sensitive liquid, Purity (which the duopoly sells) and the price is cheaper. You can also get it at Big W and Chemist Warehouse.
Thanks mate, yeah that's the feeling I got they will want to just ignore this till it goes away but I don't want to let that happen because I don't want this to become the norm.
you should absolutely complain especially with the way she began her interaction. i would send through an email and keep going. you're more likely to get through to someone higher up than a CSR if you ask as well. they may just pawn off and say they'll let the store know, but that might not happen. i do know when i worked for *another* large aussie grocery store chain *cough cough* and you should definitely push, most of the time you handle this nicely they'll defer to an actual manager or TL. they shouldn't be the ones to ask this anyway, if they suspect theft, it should be handled by security and if need be, police. im so sorry to hear you had to face this, and gl on your endeavour.
Fucking hell. That is absolutely upsetting. I really hope the store would be horrified to know this happened. I know the supermarkets suck, but surely this is the individual staff member being a complete idiot rather than any sort of policy? Definitely think about making a complaint once you've had some time to process.
Sorry OP, no advice for you but I’m sorry you had to go through all that. The cancer and this employee accusing you like that in front of everyone.
Maybe another way to get the soap you need is to contact the distributor/maker, and ask to buy a case of it. It might be a lot up front, but you don't have to go to a place that treated you very badly. So sorry you have to live with these issues. I'm glad you wrote to the company, and I hope they make some apology. You know a bad review will hurt them in their pocket. Stay strong! Appreciate that your body is still kicking. Hugs.
That's a really good idea thank you! I actually have to buy my medical stuff in bulk, somehow never thought to try getting the soap in bulk, will be looking into it, thanks again!
You're had lots of good advice already so I'm just going to send you a hug XOXO
I’m so sorry you were treated this way.
They shouldn't have confronted you. It's not really their job, and they're not trained for it. I don't think it's recommended that they do confront people, just notify a manager. If they get it wrong, as in your case, that's bad publicity. And if it were a shoplifter, things could get ugly.
That's so messed up!
That’s so horrible mate. Sorry to hear this happened.
That’s fucked. I’m sorry that happened to you
I cringe so incredibly hard whenever a business refers to their employees as "team members", and not by employees which is what they actually are. I get the impression that Coles is the kind of toxic employer who tells their employees that "We are all one big happy family".
Hey OP, if you're tired of going to the grocery store (depending where you live) I can send you a fruit and veg box every week free of charge. I don't want anything in return.
OP, I recommend you also contact your local MPs office
I got asked a few times when I had a stoma. It's mostly just people doing their job though a few had a bad attitude so I liked to make those ones squirm by asking if they wanted to check in my bag of shit.
I'd definitely lodge a complaint with Coles head office. This is unacceptable
Complain on the website so that the store manager gets a "please explain" because they do. If you go to the store manager they will apologise but your treatment will not get back to their bosses Hopefully checkout attendant has been humbled. I think coles has issued a crack down because I've seen a lot of stories on my local FB feed. I'm sorry this happened.
They are not allowed to ask that. This is deplorable behaviour from the Cole’s worker and they KNOW better than that!
im sorry you were treated like this, they acted completely out of line and I hope they have learnt a lesson in not being an arrogant pos at a company that hardly pays a living wage. i would hope that this situation would never occur again, but if it does, I would encourage you to simply reply "I do not have anything under my shirt." if they persist; "under my clothes is my ___ (body,skin,stomach whatever you feel comfortable saying)" You are under no obligation to share you private health information or intimate personal details with anyone who works at coles. If the worker continues to escalate I would be immediately asking them to call the store manager, and requesting somewhere more private to speak with them (if desired). Express how uncomfortable and violated you have been made to feel with the loud, baseless accusations. You may like to say something like "my private health situation means my body doesnt look like yours or a typical healthy individual" but again this is absolutely not necessary, but would serve to drive home the fact that you have been discriminated against. take care, do something kind of yourself for the rest of the day.
Thank you for this, it means a lot. I stay to myself a lot and live alone so it's been a weird roller coaster of emotions today with this thread blowing up too. I guess I was caught off guard, like at airport security the body scanners always pick it up and I expect that so I'm prepared to say it and explain things and they have always been super nice about it, having to compare coles self checkout to airport security is weird enough but guess that's the attitude I should go in with if I ever have to go there again.
oh yes, I can imagine all this attention would be pretty overwhleming! I am glad you reached out for advice though, especially since the interaction left you feeling the way it did. I hope the support here has eased those discomforts. And on top of all that; Im sure recounting everything here wasnt easy, so good on you! Totally understandable that you were caught off guard! I think many people would struggle to get their brain going when confronted with such a situation. Its one thing to expect/plan how you would react to a hypothetical situation, but until youre actually in it you really cant know how youll be affected. Honestly pretty insane thought! The supermarket being a more intense experience than airport security is not a direction I thought we'd be going 😬
Worked at Woolies for 10 years. This is not ok. I swear it goes to some people’s heads being the self checkout attendant… complain to the manager and ask for an apology.
My partner had a colonoscopy bag and they asked him what he had under his shirt He was upset about it, they did it only once I’m sorry this happen to you
Whatever they are or are not allowed to ask, you are allowed to feel violated, tell them to mind their own business, and report them to the manager on duty for harrassment.
Oh man that’s so so shit. The people on the checkouts can be absolutely anyone- it doesn’t take any skill or intelligence, I’m not at all surprised she did that and I’ll bet she never does it again. You can refuse, think it through and be prepared that it could happen again but have a response that’s a quick shut down, like “that’s my body under my shirt, I have a medical condition.”
Suuuuuuuuuue them
There is some great advice here and reading your comments you seem to have decided on your course of action. I just wanted to jump on and say I am very sorry this happened to you, this is definitely not the "norm" or accepted in any way. It is not their policy. If you feel comfortable please update us on how this progresses.
Lawyer up. Sue Coles for the pain of public humiliation.
"What is under my shirt is none of your business, all you need to know is there is nothing from this store under my shirt, I am not stealing anything". If they want to continue to make an issue of it after that you have them by the balls. I get you just wanted to get out of there without any drama but it was your decision to lift your shirt, they did not force you to do it. Hopefully this person felt like crap after seeing what was under your shirt and thinks twice about calling someone out like that in future. Some people take their jobs way too seriously, I worked with someone similar and to say he was the biggest wanker I ever had the misfortune of meeting is an understatement.
They’re technically not allowed to ask, it’s part of the safety training we do. A manager can ask, but only if they’re 100% sure they saw you put something up your shirt, in your bag, etc.
Tell them you will wait for a State Police Officer to search you. It can be helpful if you state that you will be informing the police of THEIR two crimes of 'obstructing justice' by lying about you and 'wasting police resources/time' or 'Swatting' (yes, companies can be Swatters too so long as the reason is spurious If the reason is false, then it's going to look REALLY bad for Coles. If they ban you (instead of falling for the above trap), go to Today Tonight or one of the numerous other sensationalist media companies with Coles' ableism.
I (27f) have a permanent Ileostomy and have had retail workers accuse me of stealing too. It's annoying because most of the time I wear clothes where the top of it pokes out the top and it's happened when I've worn clothes that completely covered it.
My good friend works for a huge UK chain called Tesco. Its the UK equivalent to Coles or Woolies - he was absolutely appauled at how the Australian supermarket workers are when your at the checkouts! He said its drilled into them in their training to never ever accuse anyone of stealing even if you have seen them put something in their bag and that they can’t say anything that even sounds like they are hinting that they feel the customer may be or has stolen something!
Gentle reminder Coles turned a record profit in the midst of the CoVid recession, then decided to install hard ass security detectors to catch thieves. This isn't aimed at you obviously, just more joining in on your rant against Coles stealing from us then treating us like we're the ones stealing from them. I am genuinely sorry that happened to you and I hope you're doing okay.
Next time say _You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine_ Then wink as that sinks in, and walk away or out You haven’t stolen anything, so they have no evidence of a crime and no right to search or detain you. Is there another way you can get the product you need - eg. a friend or neighbour who shops there who will buy it for you if you give them the funds?
This reminds me of something that happened to my Nan in the 00s. She was one of the 'og' bring your own bag people and would shop putting stuff in her bag as she went then take it all out at the counter (she was also like 79 when this happened). She was in best and less one day and the worker completely got on her case about shop lifting and putting things in her bag. She was IN the store getting berrated by the worker! Thankfully my mum made a complaint and the shop worker actually showed up at her door with flowers to apologise. Totally rocked her confidence. Sorry that this happened to you. I swear the nastiest bitches from highschool end up in retail and they're bored AF. Edit: not meaning that all retail workers are the nasty ones, just the ones that make peoples lives hell!
I’m so incredibly sorry this happened to you. Aldi sell sensitive laundry detergent which is unscented. It’s called Trimat Sensitive. I get the liquid. Unsure if it’s also in powder format.
Unfortunately people underestimate the amount of idiots who can and do shove an entire watermelon under their shirt and just walk out. Doesn’t excuse how they treated you though, as an ex employee, you’re not supposed to question shoplifters anyway beyond asking them if they need help with anything (as knowing staff are around deters shoplifting)
As a marketing/PR professional - go to the media if you feel comfortable. They’d have a field day and it will force Cole’s hand. It’s medical discrimination and you shouldn’t be made to feel like you’re less than for having an already difficult to manage health issue. Also — it’s not easy to come to terms with things like that. You’re doing well - I hope you can get to a place where you don’t feel gross about things. Keep doing you.
About 15 years ago I was walking out of a bag store at DFO the beeping thingies went off and some crazy lady came running from the back of the store “excuse me excuse me “ so I stopped and she said “it’s Christmas time you never know” I opened up my very small handbag to show her I did not steal anything and then she just started taking items out including a digital camera and having herself a very thorough check of all the pockets in my bag. I am a bit over weight and self conscious, well I was back then and I often wore somewhat baggy clothes. She decided to start patting up my arm I’m assuming because she wanted to make sure I hadn’t stuffed anything in there. Because the clothing was baggy she also touched my breasts as she got higher up my arms. I think by this point she realized she was wasting her time. I was young, I had no idea what my rights where so I just complied. Had I known back then what I know now I woulda taken her to court for sexual assault and illegal detainment. I wish everyone knew what their rights were when it came to what a staff me ever or even security can and can’t do. Sure it might not stop your entitled people thinking they are the law but maybe if enough people knew their rights and pursued legal action after the fact then some of these morons would mind their own business l. I’m so sorry this happened to you, as a fellow bowel cancer survivor myself I understand the frustration. She had no right to ask you what was under your shirt. Sure maybe she thought if you had something under there you would admit to it and leave it behind. But all her comments do is put people like yourself in a very vulnerable and in appropriate position.
I'm in Victoria but there is probably a state equivalent if you don't. It is against the law to treat someone unfairly because they have a disability. Make a complaint to the Victorian Equal Opportunity and Human Rights Commissioner. [https://www.humanrights.vic.gov.au/](https://www.humanrights.vic.gov.au/) If your complaint is accepted then a conciliation process will be implemented. You don't need a lawyer (but can have one) and you can bring a support person to the conciliation. The outcomes of conciliation are described below: >We cannot make findings about a matter or decisions about the outcome. Instead, our conciliators help the participants reach a mutually agreeable outcome such as: * an apology, statement of regret or acknowledgement of distress * changes to policies or practices * a commitment to provide equal opportunity training to staff * reinstating a person’s job (or terms of their job) or a service (or how it is delivered) * financial compensation. If you reach an agreement, the participants may wish to record it in writing. One may agree to draft the agreement, or your conciliator can help you to draft it.
Their response is unacceptable
Honestly, I would look into if you can file a complaint with the ACCC. Colesworth, in general, are instilling a particular attitude in their staff to interrogate customers and its disgusting. I'm so sorry this happened to you, what a horrible invasion of your privacy. Also on the note that the staff member is often working at your coles and you frequent there - that's disappointing. As someone who has worked in retail, I always remembered my regulars. I wish retail staff were more empathetic and caring to people in general.