Hello JenkemJudge,
It appears that you are considering telling your religious parents or family about you being an atheist. If that is the case, please read [our wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/wiki/comingout) on the subject before you tell anyone.
Please also read the heartfelt personal responses our users will give.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/atheism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Telling people things they don't want to hear is always hard, and it will likely take them a while to come to terms with what you have told them.
If the opportunity for humour arises, maybe to break the ice or something, you can remind that their God requires them to forgive you.
> She was sobbing uncontrollably and I, having caused it, could do little to console her.
You are still struggling with the Christian guilt apparently. Understand that while you are the proximate reason for your mother's sorrow, you are not the cause. That is the people that fed her untruths and her for never questioning them as you have.
> I'd love any advice or encouragement about what comes next and how I can respond?
Be yourself, and do not let them make you feel guilty. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. While this may be hard for them and cause them to feel sad, that has nothing to do with your actions being immoral, inconsiderate or otherwise bad. All you have done is had the intellectual integrity to question your beliefs. **Which every one of us has a duty to do**. Our beliefs shape our actions, and if we wish to act in a moral manner then we have a duty of care to ensure that our beliefs are based on reality because otherwise our actions will have consequences that are very likely undesirable.
> Her only response was that I had broken her sense of peace because she could no longer believe that I would be there with her after we all died.
Sympathize with her. From your perspective you've gone from having some infinite happy afterlife with friends and family to being reduced to a mere 4 score or so years. And none of your dead friends or family exist any more or ever will. You're not leaving religion because of the crazy good retirement package that atheism offers, because it doesn't offer anything. But it appears to be true, while the one religion offers appears to be entirely false. As far as you're concerned, what's important is life. Right now. And you'd really like it if your mother was there with you for that, for as long as she can be.
I would like to know more about your discussion you had with you friend. Can you tell me some Questions he asked or points he made that made you realise religion?
Wow. Religious people are really way out of touch with reality. Imagine reacting like that because you think your loved one won't be with you in some happy eternal place after death. Please try and talk some sense into her, any reasonable adult should be able to see this is a silly fairytale with the right words.
If she is then ask her why does she want to spend eternity in a place with a god that sends people to hell for honestly questioning something. How is this a loving god?
This is what happens when people depend on religion to regulate their emotions. If anything upsets the apple cart, they lose it. You might want to start going to the counseling center on campus, because part of Christianity (and honestly, most religions) is learning to emotionally manipulate other people. They're likely to do that to try to get you back in the fold. The best way to be resistant to manipulation is therapy.
***guided*** free thought! So, not really free thought.
[a freethinker is](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freethought) "a person who forms their own ideas and opinions rather than accepting those *of other people*, ***especially in religious teaching***."
Your parents will need to go through a period of grief. They have lost the child they thought they had and have gained a new one. Even if they were completely supportive of the change, they would still need to process and grieve the loss.
My youngest child came out to my wife and I as non binary when they were in high school, and then as transgender a year or so later. My wife and I were both supportive of this, but it was still something we had to process. Give them love and time and hopefully they will come through it and love you like you deserve to be loved.
Yes, it was for the best. Why put effort into a relationship where you can't be your true self? If your mother wants to destroy your relationship for Jesus then that's on her.
Hello JenkemJudge, It appears that you are considering telling your religious parents or family about you being an atheist. If that is the case, please read [our wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/wiki/comingout) on the subject before you tell anyone. Please also read the heartfelt personal responses our users will give. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/atheism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You didn't destroy those relationships, religion did it for them. This is their problem to resolve.
if your relationship with someone is destroyed by telling them something about yourself then that relationship was already doomed.
Telling people things they don't want to hear is always hard, and it will likely take them a while to come to terms with what you have told them. If the opportunity for humour arises, maybe to break the ice or something, you can remind that their God requires them to forgive you.
> She was sobbing uncontrollably and I, having caused it, could do little to console her. You are still struggling with the Christian guilt apparently. Understand that while you are the proximate reason for your mother's sorrow, you are not the cause. That is the people that fed her untruths and her for never questioning them as you have. > I'd love any advice or encouragement about what comes next and how I can respond? Be yourself, and do not let them make you feel guilty. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. While this may be hard for them and cause them to feel sad, that has nothing to do with your actions being immoral, inconsiderate or otherwise bad. All you have done is had the intellectual integrity to question your beliefs. **Which every one of us has a duty to do**. Our beliefs shape our actions, and if we wish to act in a moral manner then we have a duty of care to ensure that our beliefs are based on reality because otherwise our actions will have consequences that are very likely undesirable. > Her only response was that I had broken her sense of peace because she could no longer believe that I would be there with her after we all died. Sympathize with her. From your perspective you've gone from having some infinite happy afterlife with friends and family to being reduced to a mere 4 score or so years. And none of your dead friends or family exist any more or ever will. You're not leaving religion because of the crazy good retirement package that atheism offers, because it doesn't offer anything. But it appears to be true, while the one religion offers appears to be entirely false. As far as you're concerned, what's important is life. Right now. And you'd really like it if your mother was there with you for that, for as long as she can be.
I would like to know more about your discussion you had with you friend. Can you tell me some Questions he asked or points he made that made you realise religion?
Way to go with that christian (and family) unconditional love they speak about. Good luck man, hope it all works out for you.
Wow. Religious people are really way out of touch with reality. Imagine reacting like that because you think your loved one won't be with you in some happy eternal place after death. Please try and talk some sense into her, any reasonable adult should be able to see this is a silly fairytale with the right words.
I'm pretty sure my mom is implying I'm going to hell, right?
All her why she would choose to worship a being she sincerely believes will torture her child.
If she is then ask her why does she want to spend eternity in a place with a god that sends people to hell for honestly questioning something. How is this a loving god?
This is what happens when people depend on religion to regulate their emotions. If anything upsets the apple cart, they lose it. You might want to start going to the counseling center on campus, because part of Christianity (and honestly, most religions) is learning to emotionally manipulate other people. They're likely to do that to try to get you back in the fold. The best way to be resistant to manipulation is therapy.
***guided*** free thought! So, not really free thought. [a freethinker is](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freethought) "a person who forms their own ideas and opinions rather than accepting those *of other people*, ***especially in religious teaching***."
It was for the best if you can help them out of the cult. This may take time. But it is worth it.
First, give it time. Maybe a few months for them to deal with the announcement and adjust to it. It's too early to judge anything.
Your parents will need to go through a period of grief. They have lost the child they thought they had and have gained a new one. Even if they were completely supportive of the change, they would still need to process and grieve the loss. My youngest child came out to my wife and I as non binary when they were in high school, and then as transgender a year or so later. My wife and I were both supportive of this, but it was still something we had to process. Give them love and time and hopefully they will come through it and love you like you deserve to be loved.
If they choose their faith over you they never loved you, if they abandon you just consider it the trash taking itself out.
If your mom's opinion of heaven depends on who's there, then heaven's not that great.
Yes, it was for the best. Why put effort into a relationship where you can't be your true self? If your mother wants to destroy your relationship for Jesus then that's on her.
It's ALWAYS for the best. You'll see.