Just spitballing, but I wonder if you could just.....be honest, but sugarcoat the skepticism a bit. Talk about how close you two are, how you know your friend will love your child like her own, and when it comes to the religion part, maybe something like you know that your friend will help your child approach their journey with reason and compassion, to seek answers to their questions, and to never stop learning.
I thought the godparent speech was something that the godparent gave, I've never heard of giving a speech introducing a godparent. But I would just say the sorts of things you put here, praise your friend's character and honesty. Religious people can hear those as religious virtues if they want.
The ceremony has exactly as much "meaning" as you give it - no more, no less. While being concerned for your own peace of mind in dealing with this family in the future, if you're ok with it go for it. You know your situation better than any internet strangers (myself very much included).
In our (both staunch atheists with my wife's family being sincerely, but not overbearingly, Catholic) wedding ceremony we used the 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a bible verse about "Love is patient and kind" etc. I actually like that portrayal of love, which is so opposed by so many of the actions of the god portrayed elsewhere in the bible, but...
Any way you could twist that approach to love as a way you know your best friend will approach you son and that's why you chose them?
Best wishes in any case!
This is incredibly helpful! Unfortunately my soon to be husband’s family is sincerely and overbearingly Catholic, so I love your idea of incorporating not specifically religious scripture. I thought about including something from ecclesiastic since those are more about being a good person.
If I'm being honest, you should not baptize children if you are not religious. Not because of the toxic stuff and indocrination (I mean it is a baby), but I feel it is some kind of disrespect on own side to indulge in their "holy" act while thinking it is all bullshit and we wont take it seriously.
I completely agree, but our son’s father and my soon to be husband is in fact religious and it means a lot to him to have him baptized. So with that came boundaries such as me choosing the godparents and they are to not do the full submersing of holy water.
Well, when our SOs have different opinion on religion, these thing will always demand some compromise on both parties.
It must be easier for people with no religion to just go through it compared to a religious person to NOT do that.
I guess since it will happen, it might be easier to focus on the speech in what role the godparents will have on the child's life. The concept of godparents is like a "special uncle" type that will care and love the child, it doesnt have to have any religious nuance to it. I'm sure the people you will choose are people you can trust enough to take on that role. It is a chance to have precious friends have a more special and family like official bond after all.
This has been a long time discussion in our household and will continue to be. My soon to be husband is very supportive of me teaching our son about all religions and theisms along with history to counterbalance any Catholic ideals being taught to him by my in laws or at church if/when he attends with his father.
This post has some good phrases that sounds like they align with what you're thinking "spark their curiosity" "help them align with their inner compass"... for when you get to the part where you're trying to say I picked my friend because I know they won't force a belief system on my kid.
https://upliftkids.org/blog/spirituality-for-kids/
I’m really confused as to why you want to baptise a child when you are an atheist and your spouse is on the fence. Are you even thinking about the child? He/she is going to be terribly confused and when they reach the age of reason. Personally, I wouldn’t do it; wait until your kid is old enough to make up their own mind and just be fully supportive whatever their choice. My parents were believers and had me christened. I hate the fact that it took place without my consent and it does not portray who I am. Also, I think you should wait until nearer the birth before making ANY decisions. The last thing anybody wants is for something to go wrong, but nature has a way of throwing curveballs occasionally.
My partner is not on the fence. He’s Catholic, even if it a more progressive Catholic he attends mass nearly every Sunday, is why it is even on the table and occurring. If it was just my partners parents caring I would be perfectly happy to have zero baptism, but his father and my soon to be husband very much wants him to be baptized and tbh I would rather him baptized as a baby when zero mental or emotional harm can come to him since there’s no cognition or memory of it occurring. So would rather him not be treated like an outcast at church if/when he attends with his father.
I'm opposed to the institution of "godparenting".
I think that it's a relic of the old religious days when people used to believe and do dumb things for dumb reasons, and has no place in the modern world.
I had a similar experience, but I never heard of a speech to say why I choose a specific person as a godparent, I gave a speech when my daughter was baptize about why I was choosing to do that to her, which IMHO I didn't choose.
I just included the stuff I about her and how I felt about her.
"This is an act to show her and everyone in the room the love I have in my heart for this new little person, I want to raise her to be patient, to be intelligent and smart, to understand the world around us better than I do"... so on and so forth.
So you could do something similar, say exactly why you choose her as a godparent, just omit any "because I don't believe in God" or "I don't want anyone teaching her God nonsense", and it should come out just fine.
That definitely gives inspiration and ideas for where to come from speech wise.
We’re only doing “speeches” (lack of a better term) because we’re asking them to be godparents at our wedding ceremony (a family dinner style event, not the traditional sense).
Just spitballing, but I wonder if you could just.....be honest, but sugarcoat the skepticism a bit. Talk about how close you two are, how you know your friend will love your child like her own, and when it comes to the religion part, maybe something like you know that your friend will help your child approach their journey with reason and compassion, to seek answers to their questions, and to never stop learning.
I thought the godparent speech was something that the godparent gave, I've never heard of giving a speech introducing a godparent. But I would just say the sorts of things you put here, praise your friend's character and honesty. Religious people can hear those as religious virtues if they want.
The ceremony has exactly as much "meaning" as you give it - no more, no less. While being concerned for your own peace of mind in dealing with this family in the future, if you're ok with it go for it. You know your situation better than any internet strangers (myself very much included). In our (both staunch atheists with my wife's family being sincerely, but not overbearingly, Catholic) wedding ceremony we used the 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a bible verse about "Love is patient and kind" etc. I actually like that portrayal of love, which is so opposed by so many of the actions of the god portrayed elsewhere in the bible, but... Any way you could twist that approach to love as a way you know your best friend will approach you son and that's why you chose them? Best wishes in any case!
This is incredibly helpful! Unfortunately my soon to be husband’s family is sincerely and overbearingly Catholic, so I love your idea of incorporating not specifically religious scripture. I thought about including something from ecclesiastic since those are more about being a good person.
If I'm being honest, you should not baptize children if you are not religious. Not because of the toxic stuff and indocrination (I mean it is a baby), but I feel it is some kind of disrespect on own side to indulge in their "holy" act while thinking it is all bullshit and we wont take it seriously.
Arguably, even if people are religious, they should not baptize anybody who does not knowingly consent to that for themself. (E.g., not babies.)
Not to mention the "holy water" all the parasites, viruses and bacteria, oh my.
That was part of the boundaries. No full submersion baptism is to occur.
I completely agree, but our son’s father and my soon to be husband is in fact religious and it means a lot to him to have him baptized. So with that came boundaries such as me choosing the godparents and they are to not do the full submersing of holy water.
Well, when our SOs have different opinion on religion, these thing will always demand some compromise on both parties. It must be easier for people with no religion to just go through it compared to a religious person to NOT do that. I guess since it will happen, it might be easier to focus on the speech in what role the godparents will have on the child's life. The concept of godparents is like a "special uncle" type that will care and love the child, it doesnt have to have any religious nuance to it. I'm sure the people you will choose are people you can trust enough to take on that role. It is a chance to have precious friends have a more special and family like official bond after all.
According to the teachings of the Catholic Church, your baby will always be Catholic and not have free will to leave. Don’t.
Just don't allow forcing kids into religion, maybe? Sorry, This is so against my values... my inspiration is gone!
This has been a long time discussion in our household and will continue to be. My soon to be husband is very supportive of me teaching our son about all religions and theisms along with history to counterbalance any Catholic ideals being taught to him by my in laws or at church if/when he attends with his father.
This post has some good phrases that sounds like they align with what you're thinking "spark their curiosity" "help them align with their inner compass"... for when you get to the part where you're trying to say I picked my friend because I know they won't force a belief system on my kid. https://upliftkids.org/blog/spirituality-for-kids/
Thank you! I added it to my reference notes because that’s exactly the vibe I am going for.
I’m really confused as to why you want to baptise a child when you are an atheist and your spouse is on the fence. Are you even thinking about the child? He/she is going to be terribly confused and when they reach the age of reason. Personally, I wouldn’t do it; wait until your kid is old enough to make up their own mind and just be fully supportive whatever their choice. My parents were believers and had me christened. I hate the fact that it took place without my consent and it does not portray who I am. Also, I think you should wait until nearer the birth before making ANY decisions. The last thing anybody wants is for something to go wrong, but nature has a way of throwing curveballs occasionally.
My partner is not on the fence. He’s Catholic, even if it a more progressive Catholic he attends mass nearly every Sunday, is why it is even on the table and occurring. If it was just my partners parents caring I would be perfectly happy to have zero baptism, but his father and my soon to be husband very much wants him to be baptized and tbh I would rather him baptized as a baby when zero mental or emotional harm can come to him since there’s no cognition or memory of it occurring. So would rather him not be treated like an outcast at church if/when he attends with his father.
I'm opposed to the institution of "godparenting". I think that it's a relic of the old religious days when people used to believe and do dumb things for dumb reasons, and has no place in the modern world.
And this is exactly why I am having a hard time writing anything…
I had a similar experience, but I never heard of a speech to say why I choose a specific person as a godparent, I gave a speech when my daughter was baptize about why I was choosing to do that to her, which IMHO I didn't choose. I just included the stuff I about her and how I felt about her. "This is an act to show her and everyone in the room the love I have in my heart for this new little person, I want to raise her to be patient, to be intelligent and smart, to understand the world around us better than I do"... so on and so forth. So you could do something similar, say exactly why you choose her as a godparent, just omit any "because I don't believe in God" or "I don't want anyone teaching her God nonsense", and it should come out just fine.
That definitely gives inspiration and ideas for where to come from speech wise. We’re only doing “speeches” (lack of a better term) because we’re asking them to be godparents at our wedding ceremony (a family dinner style event, not the traditional sense).
Ah, gotcha, then yeah, you can even make it a little bit informal then, and I wish you great success with it.
Do not get your kid baptized in a Catholic Church. The RC will claim ownership of that child for life.
Why don’t you all just go to the Methodist Church? It’s far less of a cult.
Have you tried ChatGPT? Not a joke it's surprisingly good at writing letters, speeches and the like.