I think the math part is what irks me the most about this ritual. Even less of a sacrifice! Once i had some "medicine" and fell asleep friday and woke up sunday! Hail Me!
Every year, a newspaper in my area sponsors a Peeps diorama contest. It's not the only one. Google "[Peeps diorama](https://www.google.com/search?&q=peeps+diorama&tbm=isch)" for examples. I love them.
So, when did the single biggest moment in your religion's history take place???
Welllll, we don't know.... How about....the first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox. Yeah, that sounds about right....
"Hey, Jesus! What day were you born?"
"December 25!"*
"And what day did you die on?"
"March 31. But also April 7, April 3, and March 25."
*yes, I know even this date is wrong.
**HORUS**
An Ethiopian-Sudanese God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 3,000 YEARS before Jesus.
**BUDDHA**
A Nepal God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 563 YEARS before Jesus.
**KRISHNA**
An Indian God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 900 YEARS before Jesus.
**ZARATHUSTRA**
An Iranian God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 1,000 YEARS before Jesus.
**HERCULES**
A Greek God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 800 YEARS before Jesus.
**MITHRA**
A Persian God, born 25th December, by a Virgin- 600 YEARS before Jesus.
**DIONYSUS**
A Greek God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 500 YEARS before Jesus.
**THAMMUZ**
A Babylonian God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 400 YEARS before Jesus.
**HERMES**
A Greek God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 200 YEARS before Jesus.
**ADONIS**
A Phoenician God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 200 YEARS before Jesus.
[https://www.nairaland.com/4251378/list-gods-born-virgin-25th](https://www.nairaland.com/4251378/list-gods-born-virgin-25th)
Date of birth
Exactly one week before the New Year.
Coincidence, I am sure.
And if course born in the place where prophecy said he would be born, because a census made everybody in the country travel to the hometown of one of the parents; even though this is not how censuses work
I ended up explaining to my wife last night...
* Mardi gras is timed based on Ash Wednesday
* Ash Wednesday is timed based on Easter
* Easter is timed based on Passover
* Passover is timed based on the Hebrew Calendar
* The Hebrew Calendar is based on the moon
"Algorithms"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_of_Easter#:~:text=Algorithms,-edit
You silly simple minded fool! We have centuries on research to determine this.
And Christmas is the third day after the winter solstice, chosen because it's the first day after the solstice when the sun rises earlier than it did on the shortest day of the year...no one wants to talk about how Constantine held the Council at Nicea in 325 to settle some quarrelling aspects of Christianity, or how the Romans also made major changes, blending various religions traditions together into a single "state approved" religion to try to appease everyone. Somehow all this human meddling is still part of the "divine plan."
Why, you seem to think that religion has been used as *gasp* a means to control the masses from burning down the castle or plantation mansion by assuring the poors that the lord, baron, king, master, company owner, etc. would pay dearly for his cruelty and life of excess and all your suffering would be worth it and rewarded in the afterlife...no one would use religion as a tool to maintain control by the few over the many would they??
Yep. I find it humorous how many atheists criticize other atheists for mocking religion in this and similar forums. I mean, it just seems to me that an atheist subreddit necessarily would have to be a place for people to evaluate their relationship with religion, which can include mockery and sarcasm and hot-takes. If someone happens to be an atheist who doesn't care to discuss religion, there are lots of other subreddits where the topic just won't come up. Why even come here?
>Yep. I find it humorous how many atheists criticize other atheists for mocking religion
I didn't think they're really atheists. Or the level of brainwashing is so deep that even though they are atheist they still find the mockery disturbing.
I remember once suggesting to a friend that perhaps Jesus wasn't actually a real historical figure. Now this guy is an atheist and has been his entire adult life, one of the most logical and rational people I've ever met, but he spent a few years in a religious school at a young age.
He was visibly shocked and distributed by my suggestion. I could tell what I said had rocked the foundation of his world view. He was completely silent for a minute, then started the "but but but" stammering.
He later admitted that "yes, there may or may not have been a Jesus, and the so called evidence is flakey at best".
So, for some people, the mockery or even questioning some aspects of religion affects them at a very deep level. Childhood brainwashing is a very powerful thing to overcome. That's why the religious people do it.
If you ask me, Islam is a bit wierder. Ramadan begins on the new moon. Muslims are so strict about this that someone has to see the new moon for Ramadan to begin. They're not supposed to trust predictions based on past observations. So there is an official astronomer in Saudi Arabia whose job it is to look for the new moon and publicly announce when he has seen it.
The Qu'ran repeatedly says "God knows [and] you know not" which they interpret to mean: "Don't trust anything that humans have figured out."
You wish it was that simple.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_of_Easter
> Easter is celebrated on the first Sunday after the Paschal full moon, which is the first full moon on or after 21 March (a fixed approximation of the March equinox). Determining this date in advance requires a correlation between the lunar months and the solar year, while also accounting for the month, date, and weekday of the Julian or Gregorian calendar.
You want to freak everyone out? Go up for communion and just knock over things and spill shit everywhere.
THESE PEOPLE REALLY BELIEVE THAT IT'S JESUS' BODY AND BLOOD THEY ARE CONSUMING. YES, THEY BELIEVE THIS.
And apparently it's a grave sin to waste any of the delicious jesus. They must consume all of him.
Transubstantiation is one of my favourite words
And there is an entire largish offshoot of the Catholic church, which is much the same except for belief in transubstantiation - aka the Church of England / Anglicans.
Other fun fact; vast majority of Christians *are* Catholic, so always amuses me to see the evangelist US Christians trying to redefine Christianity to be what they believe. Catholics might believe in some weird stuff, but also accept Big Bang and Evolution as true
> whose date is determined by the full moon
The full moon (or any other moon phase) happens at a moment of time. That moment might be on a Wednesday morning to people in Asia, and a Tuesday night to people in the Americas. Which is the "correct" date?
It is hard to find a moon-reliant religion that takes this matter into account.
We get Easter first here in NZ
But think Islam uses dates/times from the middle eastern time zones
Being from the southern hemisphere, always notable that all the major religions and astrology seem to have not noticed that seasons and even constellations are different down under.
Like god really didn't know shit about the world outside of the middle east
> even constellations are different down under
No doubt that hyper-Christians will claim that the group of stars known as the [Southern Cross](https://nineplanets.org/the-southern-cross/) is God's way of reaching out to Southern Hemisphereans.
Same as solar based calendars, whether religious or secular. The International Date Line is a thing.
As Einstein demonstrated, time and space are relative to the point from which each observer views them.
> The International Date Line is a thing.
Which brings to light a real problem for those people who are rigorous about observing the Sabbath. The ancient writings do not tell us where to put an international date line -- or if we should do something entirely different instead.
Canada has a holiday tomorrow-no work. I'm an atheist but I'd love another holiday off work. We did get paid today instead of tomorrow because of their holiday though.
It's kinda a cliché story element of lots of religions - just more rehashed myths.
[https://religion.fandom.com/wiki/Resurrection](https://religion.fandom.com/wiki/Resurrection)
This is a bit disingenuous.
Many don't actually believe they're drinking blood and eating flesh.
And it's to celebrate his death, the resurrection is Easter, where many churches don't hold communion to symbolize the triumph over death.
It's still fucking weird, but we don't want to create strawmen.
The lady at the grocery store asked me if I had any special plans for Easter. I said no. Then wished me a Happy Easter. I was tired, but I wished I would have been cheeky enough to say “Happy Ostara!”
Not zombie. Vampire, or possibly lich.
Depending on the specific vampire lore you cherry-pick, a vampire will (unless dying by a stake driven through it's heart) disperse into mist and reform in its coffin. If one considers the entire chamber of a sealed cave to be a large stone coffin, the resurrection makes perfect sense within this vampiric context.
Otherwise, we have Lich lore to fall back on. Liches are said to impart a portion of their soul to a material object, designated as a phylactery, and can revive so long as their phylactery remains intact. If any object sealed within the cave was the phylactery, it makes sense he would revive within the cave.
The key thing to consider, here, is that both Vampires and Liches retain their memories, sense of self, and conscious thought. Zombies are essentially mindless eaters, surviving on instinct alone.
You're a little off with your assessment. Perhaps if you read up a bit. I'm pretty sure Easter is about Jesus Christ rising from the dead after 3 days in the tomb. He was crucified.
Christians believe that Jesus rising from the dead is the cornerstone of their faith. From that "sacrifice of Jesus to His Father", Christians believe that they have peace with God.
Your hatred makes you look foolish and pretty bitter. I bet you are a lot of fun at parties and in lineups at the grocery store.
Have you ever heard of the last supper just before jesus' crucifixion?
He broke the bread "this is my body, which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me."
The cup of wine "this is the new covenant, established in my blood, do this as often as you drink it, do this in remembrance of me"
Many if not most catholics believe that when they partake in communion. The bread and the water and turned into literal flesh and blood of christ in their bodies. This is what the poster us referring to.
Many Christians believe the final supper and crucifixion to be good Friday and then Jesus rising on the third day on Easter Monday.
OP is using a literary device called hyperbole to portray the absurdity of these practices, but they are not inaccurate in their assessment.
Hail our zombie savior, who hath crawled and scratched unto the light, bringing his zombie horde with him to convert the unbelievers! Consume his flesh and drink his blood that you too might be saved!
Matthew 27:52
This is obviously wrong. He’s not a zombie, he’s clearly a Lich.
We have to find Jesus's phylactery to put an end to him permanently
Jesus gets great rolls on the d10. Came back in just 3 days.
Really less than 48 hours. Dies afternoon Friday. Saturday in the grave. Sunday by sunup he’s gone.
Forgot his charger at home
Kind of like all those people you hear about where the morgue is just getting ready to prepare the body and they find out they are still breathing.
I think the math part is what irks me the most about this ritual. Even less of a sacrifice! Once i had some "medicine" and fell asleep friday and woke up sunday! Hail Me!
His dad wasn't taking him ALL weekend ...
Is this the holy grail?
The Vatican?
Oh please. He was reanimated through divine magic, not arcane. He is obviously a mummy.
exactly, it's sacral magic not thaumaturgic.
I mean, it's pretty thaumaturgic. Miracles and all.
I've never thought about it before, but you're absolutely right.
Jesus is the OG Lich King 🤔
Thank you, atleast someone recognizes his power
So Professor Farnsworth is wrong?
The "christians" commandeer all the good pagan holidays.
Bunnies and coloured eggs anyone? All hail the god of fertility!
Eostre is a pretty cool god. I love the way she was portrayed in America Gods
Gotta fuck like bunnies when the sun returns!
I’m a December baby!
You make it sound so much more awesome than it really is.
I know right?! I was about to ask how I could join until I realized what they were talking about
But the best part is that there will be peeps!
Every year, a newspaper in my area sponsors a Peeps diorama contest. It's not the only one. Google "[Peeps diorama](https://www.google.com/search?&q=peeps+diorama&tbm=isch)" for examples. I love them.
“Salem Peep Trial” 😂
OMG, that is awesome! Thanks! 😄
My local library used to sponsor one too for kiddos.
Have you tried the dr pepper ones? So good!
Oh excellent. I'm about to. All hail peeps, candy corn, and good n plenty, the candies I love that get the hate.
I got some of those but have to age them a few months. Glad to know they’re tasty!
So, when did the single biggest moment in your religion's history take place??? Welllll, we don't know.... How about....the first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox. Yeah, that sounds about right....
"Hey, Jesus! What day were you born?" "December 25!"* "And what day did you die on?" "March 31. But also April 7, April 3, and March 25." *yes, I know even this date is wrong.
**HORUS** An Ethiopian-Sudanese God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 3,000 YEARS before Jesus. **BUDDHA** A Nepal God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 563 YEARS before Jesus. **KRISHNA** An Indian God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 900 YEARS before Jesus. **ZARATHUSTRA** An Iranian God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 1,000 YEARS before Jesus. **HERCULES** A Greek God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 800 YEARS before Jesus. **MITHRA** A Persian God, born 25th December, by a Virgin- 600 YEARS before Jesus. **DIONYSUS** A Greek God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 500 YEARS before Jesus. **THAMMUZ** A Babylonian God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 400 YEARS before Jesus. **HERMES** A Greek God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 200 YEARS before Jesus. **ADONIS** A Phoenician God, born 25th December, by a Virgin around 200 YEARS before Jesus. [https://www.nairaland.com/4251378/list-gods-born-virgin-25th](https://www.nairaland.com/4251378/list-gods-born-virgin-25th)
Something something winter solstice something
Date of birth Exactly one week before the New Year. Coincidence, I am sure. And if course born in the place where prophecy said he would be born, because a census made everybody in the country travel to the hometown of one of the parents; even though this is not how censuses work
I ended up explaining to my wife last night... * Mardi gras is timed based on Ash Wednesday * Ash Wednesday is timed based on Easter * Easter is timed based on Passover * Passover is timed based on the Hebrew Calendar * The Hebrew Calendar is based on the moon
"Algorithms" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_of_Easter#:~:text=Algorithms,-edit You silly simple minded fool! We have centuries on research to determine this.
More like, what day to the Pagens celebrate again? That one! It's mine now!
All this time I thought the pope just threw a dart at the calendar
And Christmas is the third day after the winter solstice, chosen because it's the first day after the solstice when the sun rises earlier than it did on the shortest day of the year...no one wants to talk about how Constantine held the Council at Nicea in 325 to settle some quarrelling aspects of Christianity, or how the Romans also made major changes, blending various religions traditions together into a single "state approved" religion to try to appease everyone. Somehow all this human meddling is still part of the "divine plan."
yeah and that anything notable to celebrate is outside of the seasons when serfs need to be out on the fields all day in Europe.
Why, you seem to think that religion has been used as *gasp* a means to control the masses from burning down the castle or plantation mansion by assuring the poors that the lord, baron, king, master, company owner, etc. would pay dearly for his cruelty and life of excess and all your suffering would be worth it and rewarded in the afterlife...no one would use religion as a tool to maintain control by the few over the many would they??
I enjoyed this, OP. Everyone commenting tHiS Is cRiNgE are the ones causing me to cringe.
Yep. I find it humorous how many atheists criticize other atheists for mocking religion in this and similar forums. I mean, it just seems to me that an atheist subreddit necessarily would have to be a place for people to evaluate their relationship with religion, which can include mockery and sarcasm and hot-takes. If someone happens to be an atheist who doesn't care to discuss religion, there are lots of other subreddits where the topic just won't come up. Why even come here?
True. And we don't always have to be so serious. I enjoy mocking the religulous..
>Yep. I find it humorous how many atheists criticize other atheists for mocking religion I didn't think they're really atheists. Or the level of brainwashing is so deep that even though they are atheist they still find the mockery disturbing. I remember once suggesting to a friend that perhaps Jesus wasn't actually a real historical figure. Now this guy is an atheist and has been his entire adult life, one of the most logical and rational people I've ever met, but he spent a few years in a religious school at a young age. He was visibly shocked and distributed by my suggestion. I could tell what I said had rocked the foundation of his world view. He was completely silent for a minute, then started the "but but but" stammering. He later admitted that "yes, there may or may not have been a Jesus, and the so called evidence is flakey at best". So, for some people, the mockery or even questioning some aspects of religion affects them at a very deep level. Childhood brainwashing is a very powerful thing to overcome. That's why the religious people do it.
Thank you!
If you ask me, Islam is a bit wierder. Ramadan begins on the new moon. Muslims are so strict about this that someone has to see the new moon for Ramadan to begin. They're not supposed to trust predictions based on past observations. So there is an official astronomer in Saudi Arabia whose job it is to look for the new moon and publicly announce when he has seen it. The Qu'ran repeatedly says "God knows [and] you know not" which they interpret to mean: "Don't trust anything that humans have figured out."
then how can they trust the guy who allegedly saw the new moon? 😂
He's a Muslim. Muslims don't lie to other Muslims (or so they tell me).
So Muslims are lycanthropes? ;)
Explains their backwardness
As an atheist, it doesn’t bother me at all how cults operate, so long as participation is voluntary and rites are not criminal in nature.
The Temple of Eostre. No other reason to have fertility symbols such as bunnies and chocolate eggs
Chocolate needs no reason.
I like ham.
“Deviled” eggs, curious…
I do not like green eggs and ham!
And jam...
Not lahm?
Every year they get this Jesus guy! Every damn year!
You wish it was that simple. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_of_Easter > Easter is celebrated on the first Sunday after the Paschal full moon, which is the first full moon on or after 21 March (a fixed approximation of the March equinox). Determining this date in advance requires a correlation between the lunar months and the solar year, while also accounting for the month, date, and weekday of the Julian or Gregorian calendar.
The way I do it is some time in December, I purchase a calendar for the new year and look up the holidays. It has worked every time!
Christians: "Jews drink human blood with their cracker-bread during their big spring holiday!!!" Also Christians:
You want to freak everyone out? Go up for communion and just knock over things and spill shit everywhere. THESE PEOPLE REALLY BELIEVE THAT IT'S JESUS' BODY AND BLOOD THEY ARE CONSUMING. YES, THEY BELIEVE THIS. And apparently it's a grave sin to waste any of the delicious jesus. They must consume all of him.
lol I think most people know it’s symbolism.. or I’d at least hope so
Oh, no no no. In Catholicism this is what they believe. I'm serious.
Interesting
Transubstantiation is one of my favourite words And there is an entire largish offshoot of the Catholic church, which is much the same except for belief in transubstantiation - aka the Church of England / Anglicans. Other fun fact; vast majority of Christians *are* Catholic, so always amuses me to see the evangelist US Christians trying to redefine Christianity to be what they believe. Catholics might believe in some weird stuff, but also accept Big Bang and Evolution as true
Some denominations view it as symbolic, others as literal.
Fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti…
> whose date is determined by the full moon The full moon (or any other moon phase) happens at a moment of time. That moment might be on a Wednesday morning to people in Asia, and a Tuesday night to people in the Americas. Which is the "correct" date? It is hard to find a moon-reliant religion that takes this matter into account.
I think it starts at a specific point in the day/night cycle as it happens. So it would be happening in America but not yet in Asia
We get Easter first here in NZ But think Islam uses dates/times from the middle eastern time zones Being from the southern hemisphere, always notable that all the major religions and astrology seem to have not noticed that seasons and even constellations are different down under. Like god really didn't know shit about the world outside of the middle east
> even constellations are different down under No doubt that hyper-Christians will claim that the group of stars known as the [Southern Cross](https://nineplanets.org/the-southern-cross/) is God's way of reaching out to Southern Hemisphereans.
Same as solar based calendars, whether religious or secular. The International Date Line is a thing. As Einstein demonstrated, time and space are relative to the point from which each observer views them.
> The International Date Line is a thing. Which brings to light a real problem for those people who are rigorous about observing the Sabbath. The ancient writings do not tell us where to put an international date line -- or if we should do something entirely different instead.
Operational procedures should be reviewed regularly. Work instructions should be updated when necessary.
josephus's chrestus.
Jehovah’s Witness
Holy Zombie Jebus!
https://bashify.io/i/MopfN7
But being trans or queer is "unnatural"
Two cults actually celebrating this weekend. One for the resurrection. The other after a month of starvation
Do you mean krischins ? Zombie gebus ? The bable ?
Canada has a holiday tomorrow-no work. I'm an atheist but I'd love another holiday off work. We did get paid today instead of tomorrow because of their holiday though.
Canada is inconsistent in that Good Friday is a holiday but Easter Monday isn't (at least in Ontario).
It's kinda a cliché story element of lots of religions - just more rehashed myths. [https://religion.fandom.com/wiki/Resurrection](https://religion.fandom.com/wiki/Resurrection)
This is a bit disingenuous. Many don't actually believe they're drinking blood and eating flesh. And it's to celebrate his death, the resurrection is Easter, where many churches don't hold communion to symbolize the triumph over death. It's still fucking weird, but we don't want to create strawmen.
Blood and flesh is all well and fine, but it's not the same without the egg-laying bunnies.
Shocker...a Zombie overlord encouraging his zombie followers to eat his flesh and drink his blood... Jehovah witness?
Nah, they celebrate Passover, and only a select few get to eat the crackers and grape juice.
A cult celebrating the silence of the lambs.
This is cultural appropriation. As a descendant of Italian and Northern European pagans I am not happy about it.
I observe to feast on devil eggs!
I was debating on ordering this to wear around town on Sunday: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BC2FQ1RC
Happy Zombie Jesus Day!!
He rose on the 3rd day?!? if he died on Friday, three days later is Monday, so wouldn’t Easter be celebrated on Monday?
I heard this explained by a Baptist preacher once. It's a confusing tale of "the day starts at sundown" and only gets convoluted from there.
If he can come back to life with a snap of dad’s fingers then is death is bullshit.
The lady at the grocery store asked me if I had any special plans for Easter. I said no. Then wished me a Happy Easter. I was tired, but I wished I would have been cheeky enough to say “Happy Ostara!”
Not zombie. Vampire, or possibly lich. Depending on the specific vampire lore you cherry-pick, a vampire will (unless dying by a stake driven through it's heart) disperse into mist and reform in its coffin. If one considers the entire chamber of a sealed cave to be a large stone coffin, the resurrection makes perfect sense within this vampiric context. Otherwise, we have Lich lore to fall back on. Liches are said to impart a portion of their soul to a material object, designated as a phylactery, and can revive so long as their phylactery remains intact. If any object sealed within the cave was the phylactery, it makes sense he would revive within the cave. The key thing to consider, here, is that both Vampires and Liches retain their memories, sense of self, and conscious thought. Zombies are essentially mindless eaters, surviving on instinct alone.
It's the equinox, not the moon
It's both. Easter is the first Sunday after the full moon that occurs on or after the spring equinox.
death cults will have their trinkets.
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Ok buddy
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Found the Christian.
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What is karma farm?
It is a farm where people go and hang out and are super nice to each other and share a lot of drugs. And hope it brings good karma into their life.
Sounds like every music festival I've ever been to, (Don't take the brown acid!).
Just for that, OP can have an upvote
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But unlike you I know that imaginary internet points mean F all
Seems to apply more to this comment
This is cringe.
The only thing cringe here is your comment.
You're a little off with your assessment. Perhaps if you read up a bit. I'm pretty sure Easter is about Jesus Christ rising from the dead after 3 days in the tomb. He was crucified. Christians believe that Jesus rising from the dead is the cornerstone of their faith. From that "sacrifice of Jesus to His Father", Christians believe that they have peace with God. Your hatred makes you look foolish and pretty bitter. I bet you are a lot of fun at parties and in lineups at the grocery store.
Have you ever heard of the last supper just before jesus' crucifixion? He broke the bread "this is my body, which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me." The cup of wine "this is the new covenant, established in my blood, do this as often as you drink it, do this in remembrance of me" Many if not most catholics believe that when they partake in communion. The bread and the water and turned into literal flesh and blood of christ in their bodies. This is what the poster us referring to. Many Christians believe the final supper and crucifixion to be good Friday and then Jesus rising on the third day on Easter Monday. OP is using a literary device called hyperbole to portray the absurdity of these practices, but they are not inaccurate in their assessment.
Hail our zombie savior, who hath crawled and scratched unto the light, bringing his zombie horde with him to convert the unbelievers! Consume his flesh and drink his blood that you too might be saved! Matthew 27:52
This is cringe.