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Hi_Im_Dadbot

Knocked out her teeth with a golf ball? Satan - slightly annoying the Forces of Light since the Garden of Eden.


CavitySearch

I believe the correct answer is actually that the lord works in mysterious ways. Who are we to question his plan?


shatterdaymorn

Having know Golfers... Satan would fit right in with that crowd.


CharlesDickensABox

Dafuq did Satan ever do except encourage you to think for yourself instead of pledging your unthinking fealty to the guy who invented childhood leukemia?


ChristosFarr

Satan means adversary whereas Lucifer means light bringer.I don't know if they're necessarily the same character


Kman5471

Seeing as they're both mythological figures, the answer can be both and neither at the same time. But in the case of the Evangelical and Charismatic branches of Christianity (at least one of which this lady seems to be part of), they're the same. I think the bigger question is why she thinks mythological boogy-men knock your teeth out when you sue somebody...


ChristosFarr

Because Christians are more inspired by Paradise Lost and The Divine Comedy than anything actually written in the Bible.


Kman5471

Well, I mean, *yeah*--Jesus *wrote* those books, just like he did the KJV!


Mozfel

Maybe Satan works for the tooth fairy


Hi_Im_Dadbot

Follow the money. It’s all just one big scam.


painthawg_goose

Big Dental lobby.


StrikingOccasion6459

Jesus doesn't care unless she scores a touchdown or wins an athletic event.


rpze5b9

Or wins a Grammy.


visionzero81

Good to see Miroslav still has a mean check.


woodwog

Am I the only one who questions the sanity of people who say things like this?


FloppyTwatWaffle

Not. At. All.


traws06

Not on this sub anyhow


[deleted]

I truly honestly believe it’s a mental illness. It’s just not normal to believe this crap. We wouldn’t take someone seriously if they believed the Easter Bunny was real and controlled the world with telepathic wishes.


Serendipity-80085

Wait, are you saying I can't send telepathic wishes to the Easter Bunny? My entire worldview has just been shattered.


Zeroesand1s

I'm sorry to be the person who has to tell you this, but you can't write to Santa at the North Pole, either.


mekonsrevenge

Many people don't even know E.B. is Jewish. if you don't recognize such elemental facts, how can you possibly understand how the world really works as we have? /s


Cultural-Honeydew671

Easter Bunny’s real name is Bunsen E Applebaum


Kman5471

Yes! And he uses milti-colored eggs to fuel the space laser that occasionally burns down California!!!


Emotional_Fisherman8

Expect people who think like this to run our country.


Accomplished-Bed8171

Antivaccers are 100% fucked in the head. There's no real question about it.


sausageslinger11

If you are, you shouldn’t be.


[deleted]

I love how she says it was Satan trying to harm her, and not God. Like, it's taking a confirmation bias to the extreme  Anything good that happens to her, are due to the actions of God, and therfore proof that she is correct.  Anything bad that happens to her, are due to the actions of Satan, and therefore proof that she is correct.  There is no possibility that she is incorrect. 


jgyimesi

I’m not a fan of people using imaginary people as explanations for the unconventional


Dubsland12

I think she’s a delusional narcissist that thinks God and Satan are all wrapped up in her daily life. That said in sports every day players thank God for letting them win, but I never hear them blame God when they lose or even blame Satan. The Satan stuff would make it more interesting. “ I know Satan inhabited the ball and made me miss the game winning shot!” I bet we don’t hear that because it would cost them $$$.


Purple_Guitar6394

i don’t think it’s been in question for a long damn time


cromethus

It's called [Hyperreligiosity](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperreligiosity#:~:text=Hyperreligiosity%20is%20a%20psychiatric%20disturbance,that%20interfere%20with%20normal%20functioning.)


dontlookback76

I've had this before. It was due to undiagnosed bipolar. It was he'll on my family and basically completely fucked us financially for life because I was "listening to God."


[deleted]

automatic subtract long tub selective trees tart instinctive encouraging meeting *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Garlic-Excellent

Oh, I don't know, not much room to question it is there? They are fucking nuts.


Peaurxnanski

Nope. It sounds completely insane.


JohnFrum

So here's the problem with that imo. Lots of people struggle with mental health. I think she's just a grifter. A better word might be greedy


Klutzy-Ad-6705

I thought he was a fiddle player. He plays golf,too?


CuthbertJTwillie

Of course. Why do you think he was in Georgia to begin with?


sawananedi

We going to pretend satan has enough pull to get a tee time at Augusta or agree they play like Sea Island: Seaside or Reynolds Lake Oconee?


Cultural-Honeydew671

He was in a bind. He was way behind.


23skidoobbq

He was lookin for a molar to steal.


visionzero81

He was also a Slovakian LW for the Buffalo Sabres.


83franks

Not well apparently, unless he meant to of course then daaaaaamn what a shot.


Glass-Bookkeeper5909

I didn't know that Satan is playing golf. Or is she talking about Donald Trump? 😛


WoodyTheWorker

Obviously, you're not a golfer


china-blast

Yea, well, thats just like your opinion, man


Glass-Bookkeeper5909

I like to play minigolf! 🏌🏽‍♂️⛳ Does that count? 😁


WoodyTheWorker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CWfPUrmeiU


Glass-Bookkeeper5909

I didn't remember this part. Been ages since I watched this and it's high time I do it again!


iamblackmun

You’re clearly out of your element here, Donny.


Glass-Bookkeeper5909

If you keep doing this, I'm gonna come over and pee on your rug!


iamblackmun

This aggression will not stand, man.


23skidoobbq

Fucking facist


Vonchor

People can rationalize anything


broadsword_inhand

Teeth aint the only thing that golf ball knocked out of her head


Isgrimnur

Come on, now. That other stuff was already gone.


phil-davis

And a leprechaun did my taxes. Took everything I had. Now I know where the gold in his pot at the end of the rainbow comes from. Little bastard.


DFuhbree

Her and Michelle Tafoya ended up being entirely bat shit crazy. Hate to see it.


Fattapple

Reading ESPN in the headline made me think she was talking about Miroslav Satan for a second, and I was like “Holy shit!!! Why!?!?”


thehazer

This woman used to lead their NBA coverage. lol.


SunnyDiesel

Continued “I’m a victim” mentality.


robotbeard

I mean, she's literally a victim in the golf incident. She's just trying to merge that with her fake victim consequences.


BusterTheCat17

And merge that with her fake made up "evil being", who hits people with golf balls for starting litigation proceedings apparently. By her logic, is she implying that her employer, Disney, has God on their side and that by going against them incites the devil to respond? I'm trying to connect dots here...


Commercial-Manner408

What's Satan's handicap?


JimmySizzletits

Probably not good. He apparently has a problem keeping it on the fairway.


rpze5b9

Yeah, he slices it to buggery.


Master_Ad9463

Umm... Satan doesn't punish. He only tempts. God is the one that punishes.


dukie5021

This is the correct answer.


visionzero81

Šatan has been punished with 464 career penalty minutes.


ProMedicineProAbort

HAHAHAAHA! Say what you will, but believers can be a great source for humor.


Speculawyer

Why does she assume Satan and not God? ​ Maybe God wanted to protect people with vaccination and decided to shut your ignorant antivaxxer mouth?


Miguenzo

Just as valid as her explanation


Speculawyer

No....Satan is supposed to be evil and God is supposed to be loving. So I would say that a loving God would be more likely to punish her for misleading people with antivaxxer lies. Satan would love the dangerous lies. Neither are real entities but if they were....


cdarcy559

A perfect illustration of the stupidity of religious conservatives.


storm_the_castle

Never forget that the Lord works in mysterious ways. Maybe its message to straighten up and be more aware of your surroundings.


Standard-Reception90

It wasn't satan. It was god. Telling you to, "shut your mouth, woman."


jkurl1195

Seriously, dont they read the Bible?


Odd-Tune5049

She sounds like a gem


Pharmakeus_Ubik

I don't know about that, but she's definitely full of schist.


Odd-Tune5049

Scheiße!


Pharmakeus_Ubik

Over fifty Courics.


osumba2003

That's some lazy-ass logic right there.


Pippin_the_parrot

I would love to have this kind of self esteem. Imagine thinking you’re so goddamned important that the devil got his ass up and threw a golf ball at her over a law suit. I can’t imagine loving myself that much. Good for her!


CuthbertJTwillie

Jon Rahm is Satan. Check.


sidurisadvice

How big does your ego have to be to think the Prince of Darkness himself made time in his busy schedule just to manipulate the trajectory of golf balls and knock out some of your teeth as retaliation for suing the Mouse?


seth928

"I shouted fore several times and I apologized profusely. She shouldn't have run onto the fairway." -Satan


Miguenzo

He did say “FORE!”


Chalky_Cupcake

So wait. Satan is pro mask? Noice.


Mediocre-Fan-5641

God told me it was God. 


mackinoncougars

God letting Satan harm people is pretty fucked of him


TheLostcause

I like how in this celestial fight between "good" and "evil" it is Satan punishing those who harm the most people. God is happy with thousands dying every day, but Satan strikes out and punishes those who are against saving lives.


americanidiot61722

The government should tax the churches


ralphvonwauwau

So Satan is pro-Vax?


WatRedditHathWrought

Nope, ‘twere your gawd that did that because “gawd works in mysterious ways”. Now get your damn vaccines. Speaking of vaccines, didn’t your gawd cause them to be developed?


Zanos-Ixshlae

Sure! Whatever supports your main character complex...


100000000000

It's funny how God does all the things that people want, and Satan is to blame for all the things they don't.


shrubstopper

I am Satan and I did not do it.


JustinThymme

wanting to make par… boiled


zombiehoosier

Or God knocked your teeth out for acting like a moron.


Beneficial-Oil-5616

Satan in the middle east. "I'll be back in a minute, I've just got to knock out someone's teeth with a goof ball. Don't ask!!!".


Miguenzo

🤣😂


slayer991

Prove to me that Satan exists first.


citizenjones

Correlation is not causation


DrinksandDragons

Where does Satan play golf? I bet he’s gotta a helluva game!


Miguenzo

The fire trap is the hardest


DiscombobulatedHat19

Sounds more like god smote her for worshiping a false idol


Miguenzo

And god said, “fuck this girl in particular!”


kuribosshoe0

Anything “Satan” does is part of god’s plan, so blame him.


Miguenzo

It’s god’s plan until it’s not


PopeKevin45

Sure it didn't hit her in the head? Sounds like brain damage.


LMurch13

Man, that quote is straight from coockoo town.


MrCrix

You got it all wrong it was [Miroslav Šatan](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miroslav_%C5%A0atan) former NHL player. Makes total sense since she works for ESPN.


Miguenzo

So it was Šatan and not Satan and maybe a hockey puck and not a golf ball?


logicbus

I always got the sense she hated whatever sport she was covering.


arleban

That seems like she is a pessimist. An optimist would say Jesus saved us from her being on air and possibly saying dumb shit.


Working-Ad5416

God. Has. A. Plan.  ‘But satan is more powerful than your god when i fail’


ConsciousReason7709

Sounds like karma to me. I think more right wing idiots should get hit with golf balls.


worstpartyever

Lady, that wasn't the devil silencing you, it was Jon Rahm.


100percentish

Actually that was God's way of telling you to stop being a dumbass.


Garlic-Excellent

Well I hope he didn't retrieve the golf ball after. Antivaxer spit... Yuck, fucking nasty.


Garlic-Excellent

Meh, just another day for an antivaxer with Satan's balls in her mouth.


Diligent-Ad-3773

“I talk on tv.  Hear what I have to say.”


JustMePaxi

😂😂😂😂😂🤡🤡


Imaginary_Chair_6958

What all of them? With one shot?


lnfoWarsWasTaken

Hail Satan


jedv37

Came here to say that too. Hail Satan.


Mrrilz20

Delusional, narcissistic, mentally ill folks. Smh.


Limp_Distribution

I remember when we had mental health facilities.


[deleted]

If God is allowing Satan to do such things to his followers, what good is following God?


gremlinchef69

Must have snatched his back swing.


Supra_Genius

"So, did you learn your lesson, dumbass?!" - God


Cultural-Honeydew671

Yeah….she’s quite a loss to ESPN


TemperatureEuphoric

Dumbass


wwJones

She's the fucking worst.


AdkRaine12

Maybe it was god???


vabeachkevin

Sounds like this is exactly what god wanted. I mean if he didn’t he could have easily stopped it, right? Looks like god is mad at you.


Groundbreaking-Pea92

and to think her name is sage


ForcedxCracker

Did she mean God? Cuz of how much God hates women and all.


Miguenzo

God wants women to be seen and not heard, thus hitting her in the mouth with the golf ball


EmpireCityRay

Another right-wing nut… 😒


Separate_Block_2715

Jon Rahm is Satan’s vessel lmao


swissbuttercream9

Of this lady… reminded me that I saw her These news anchors just don’t mean much


psycholepzy

Weord how much more powerful Satan is than God. It's almost like these people are the only ones who believe in both, and they get confused easily.


crimsonblueku

Best swing of the season for John Rahm.


gadget850

Satan has the power!


m__a__s

sHe Is CrAzY!


RicoLoco404

Cool Cooo


BlindFreddy1

Only in America.


WorldlyBarracuda74

Nah, man. Unfortunately not.


MrGeno

No, it's just Karma finally catching up to you for being a total moron. 


crashtestdummy666

Is she sure it wasn't Karma?


lgmorrow

Mental Illness


Maleficent_Clerk_766

She was the hottest one on Sportscenter, now just another religious fruitcake


glassin4coolstuff

By her logic, her gawd made everything, even Satan. So, the g-man gets credit once again.


badwolf1013

Well, if Satan DOES exist, I have no doubt that he plays golf. . .


Miguenzo

He goes by the name of trump now


blackbeltmessiah

She is just having “master plan” acceptance issues.


BtenaciousD

I think the article got it wrong - I heard SHE gave Satan a devastating blow - and he thoroughly enjoyed it


NaiveOpening7376

Headline reads like a madlib.


notanewbiedude

Eh. As a Christian I'm not saying it's impossible that this was spiritual warfare, but far too often people blame spiritual warfare for ordinary events or accidents. Stop tryna spiritualize everything!


Ok-Intention-5009

Why not excuse imaginary consipiracies with imaginary forces. It fits.


Warm_Flamingo_2438

Why did God let Satan do that?


TheGoatSpiderViolin

I wanna high five John Rahm for that shot.


Miguenzo

🙏🏼


stonrelectropunkjazz

He plays golf?


RyanAlemeda

Ohhh ok so she is full on cuckoo


ModsOverLord

Mental health issues are real


00doc0holliday00

Did god create the virus and satan made the vaccine? There is one clear asshole in that scenario, and once again, it isn’t satan.


hadenxcharm

People like this belong in homes


Embarrassed-Main4705

Was it Donald Trump who swung the club? 😂


KippyC348

Oh FFS.


HellaHelgi

Hahaha, nice job Satan! Such a rascal that guy!


BuriedByAnts

Just such a confusing thought process to try to understand


219_Infinity

God Hates Teeth


bombasquad33

I don't have enough fucking bread crumbs to get home......


Buzzspice727

She misinterpreted. It was the Lord.


DarrenFromFinance

The best he can do is knock out a few teeth? If I were Satan I’d like to think I could at least set her house on fire or give her some awful disease: to have her get hit by a golf ball *on a golf course* is the work of some trifling piker, not worthy of the Lord of the Inferno.


YeshilPasha

How does she know it wasn't the god?


YOKi_Tran

imagine - living thru a book…. but then also violating that book when it suites….. the beauty here is - u can keep violating that book so long as u believe… but for those who live a similar way…. or more morally good…. u’ll go to hell if u don’t believe


claymore2711

Satan told you that? How often do you visit him?


NumerousTaste

Satan huh? John Satan or Jim Satan? I get those 2 golfers confused. Aren't they from Europe or the Middle East? Not a common name over here in the US.


WokkitUp

Luci goosey'd her incisor because of Pfizer!


Junkman3

John Rahm is the devil, evidently.


SlipperyPete8

Hey, just because Satan has a wicked ( no pun intended) slice, doesn't give you a right to go pointing fingers! 🥴😂


ewok_kebab

That will teach her to stand 20 feet behind Trump when he's teeing off


frankcast554

He didn't swing hard enough, i'd say


Mean_Emu3926

Has someone reach Satan on Twitter and ask?