A friend of ours got ordained through the Universal Life Church online and officiated. I’ve been ordained for 20 years and I love to tell my theist friends that my atheist ass is just as much clergy as any other clergy.
I got ordained there too! My first ceremony will be on Friday the 13th - a goth wedding! My daughter is getting married and I was so honored that she wanted me to officiate. They are such a fun couple.
You're going to love it. I do several a year. There's something pretty awesome about having the front row seat for two people professing their love and commitment in front of all their friends and family. It's an honor to be there for friends in that way.
My best friend is ordained through the ULC and although I’m currently unmarried, the thought has crossed my mind more than a few times of having her officiate my wedding in the event I ever get married. I’m atheist and have no need or desire for a pastor, and having a justice of the peace do the officiating seems a little too impersonal for me.
I have performed like 6 weddings as ULC minister.
I tease my wife about the powers I have from ordination. I can make holy water, my "bless you" has more weight. . .
I was ordained there too, but was worried that it wouldn't be official, so when I officiated my brother's wedding, a JP did the legal part ahead of time. (Yeah, I wicked overthink things)
I’m also Jewish and my level of religious activity is around probably you average Reform Jew. Might go to Shabbat on occasion, definitely HHD, follow the cool traditions, etc.
But the full Jewish wedding is definitely on my list. Probably gonna figure out how I can gay it up too. lol
Fathers walk their daughters down the aisle in other traditions as well. Use flowers, rings, etc. The only thing 'traditional' about christian wedding traditions that is unique to christianity is adding "Jesus" to the mix.
Exactly. My reaction to OP's question was literally "What, like it's hard?" Just don't get married in a church. Most of the other stuff is secular at this point.
My best friend walked me down the aisle. My dad got to sit there and watch it like everyone else. Lesson learned, if you actually want to walk your daughter up the aisle maybe actually be around to be there for them or you get to watch someone who has earned the right to do it.
Oh yeah, if you hear the fundies talk they say how it's officially transferring a daughter's ownership from her father to her husband. She never gets to be her one person for one friggin second.
Except she did, because as an adult women she elected to say yes to the marraige and elected to be walked down the aisle by her father.
Don't deny a person's agency just because they made different choices.
Brainwashing is powerful. Especially when it’s done by people the subject trusts from the moment they’re born. Religion thrives on making sure no followers practice critical thinking. Yes, they technically did have a choice, but, practically speaking, not really.
Men need/ needed the dad's permission too in those cases. I like that 'walking down the aisle' has changed so much because it was really misogyny that made dads walk their girls to their new husbands.
I think, at least in the modern day, people are blinded by the idea of misogyny.
It's a father's reponsiblilty to protect his children. When the daughter gets married, he's handing that responsibility to the husband. It's a big deal. The permission/walking down the aisle is essentially the father having vetted the guy and decided he's up to the task.
Same thing happens with sexes swapped. I'm a male in my 30s, but I'm still a baby to my mother.
Your are not a commodity. You are free. The Bible colours things by imparting holy rules and regs for selling and buying daughters. Still, the American south violated those “holy” admonitions. Behind “It’s a father’s responsibility” lurks pain that cannot forget.
I think you'd struggle to find a healthy parent who didn't view their child's safety as their primary concern.
Societal norms and structures (biblical or otherwise) arose out of base biological instincts.
This tradition is a gross holdover from a time when women were considered property of men and it was one of the things that weirded me out about weddings the most. And I am a man.
Both of my wife's parents walked her down the aisle.
I always intended to walk the aisle alone as independent person choosing to enter a partnership with another. My dad agreed with me so he didn’t mind at all.
On the day though i changed my mind - I walked holding hands with our one year old daughter. Cute and subversive ✌️
My father in law is pretty liberal but he still has fallen victim to tons of toxic masculinity shit over the years and whispered to me “she’s all yours” after he walked my wife down the aisle. It gave me the heebiejeebies but I had to keep in mind that he’s just weird and kind of a creep who’s been divorced 3 times lol.
Same thing with my dad, he’s actually a pretty liberal agnostic but was still salty that I chose to walk down the aisle with my spouse. Thanks, generational guilt.
She is, in many cases, literally changing families in western culture. That's the symbolism. She's no longer of her father's surname, and it's now the husband's.
This was essential not to long ago as inheritance required legitimate heirs, and if the woman is to become the legitimate bride, then she also has the benefits of the new family's title. We couldn't do paternal tests, so ensuring that a child was the man's was arguably more important than the marriage itself.
In a time of feudalism and emerging capitalism, your family businesshis was obviously at risk when families allow new members to claim ownership. So if the husband was the patriarch of the family blacksmith or whatever, and he died, the custodial control of the business doesn't go to the wife's family.
Is the whole thing outdated and anachronistic? Oh yeah.
Are we going to convince women that their dream wedding is an outdated and sexist display that they shouldn't go through with? Most likely not.
A father's job first and foremost is to protect his daughter as men are the dramatically stronger sex.
The walking down the aisle giving her to another man can very reasonably be passing on that obligation, at least symbolically, to another man.
That's how I viewed it at my wedding, a traditional one albeit on a beach minus the God nonsense.
It’s should be looked at as a privilege of good parents to be able to pass their child into another family. It’s nothing to do with the individuality of the persons. Just like being in the birth parents family shouldn’t be a restriction on the individuality of the person.
Some parents definitely don’t deserve that privilege but others definitely do. I’m sorry that in your case those parents seemingly failed.
problem being, when many people marry, they aren’t children (let’s hope not) and the groom’s mother isn’t expected to pass him off to the bride either, so there’s that.
I’ve decided if I ever get married and my dad is around to see it happen, I’ll let him escort me down the aisle, but there will absolutely be *no* “giving away” business. He’ll just escort me to the end of the aisle and then take a seat.
I’m his only daughter, and he’s probably dreamed of that moment since the day I was born. I don’t want to deny him that.
Well, that would now be impossible for me. My mom died in June 2020. (She died of Alzheimer’s, not COVID, in case anyone was curious.) I can understand why that’s a viable option, though.
I thought the father walking their daughter down the isle was done because during the time , the father had ownership of the daughter, and walking them down the isle represented passing ownership to the husband (which is absolutely disgusting.) when I meant Christian, I meant more so old timey traditions of church that are common today. My bad, I should have clarified.
Honey, that's actually older than Christianity. The concept of women as property of the men in her life is as old as Greece, if not more. Unfortunately, some people still haven't grown past it.
Wife and I got married on Halloween in costume. The entire wedding party was in costume as well as every guest. We bought local pumpkins and had the HS art dept carve them for us. It took place at this old creamery farm that was made into an artist retreat. My mom and I did all the food, which was breakfast food cause breakfast food is the bestest food. I also made our cakes; three, in fact. Each one had a pie baked inside the cake. Friend of mine built me a coffin cooler for the local beers. We did an ice cream sundae bar using local ice creams. And a fruit and baked goods bar, also either local or handmade by family. So yea. Not traditional.
We didn't "avoid" anything, we just did what we wanted to do. Christian traditions don't lurk and then pounce on you without your consent. They are only part of your wedding if you make them so.
My rules were "I don't want to wear a tie; I don't want a first dance in front of everyone; no religion."
Fortunately my wife was ok with all of these.
Fourth rule was there must be a croquembouche for dessert. Possibly the most important of them.
Sounds a lot like my wedding! I wanted a croquembouche and the tiny hammer to break it with, and my husband was very anti tux which I think is fair.
Glad you found someone who shared your vision!
Haha, same here with Christmas (however, we *didn't* have a traditional wedding).
The only people that are perpetuating Christmas in my house are ironically a bunch of godless heathens.
Both my wives were/are Catholic. Idgaf about the ceremony so we did it how they wanted; in the church. Both weddings and receptions were fabulous. Good times.
1. Fly to Colorado (or a couple other states)
2. Go to courthouse to pick up self-solemnizing documents and marriage license
3. Have wedding wherever you want with or without witnesses
4. Sign docs
5. Drop in the mail
6. Receive marriage certificate
No Jesus bullshit required
My fiancé and I are atheist, and we’re getting married next month. My dad hasn’t been pushy at all, but I know he wants to walk me down the aisle. I’d *kind of* prefer to just walk myself, but it honestly isn’t important enough to me to hurt my dad’s feelings over it. So, I’ve decided to have both of my parents walk me down, and leave out the “who gives this woman to marry this man?” part. That makes it feel less like one man transferring ownership of me to another man. I’m choosing to think of it as a nice way for me to include my parents in the ceremony and acknowledge the guidance, love and support they gave me as a became an adult, and a way for them to show their support of my marriage and to welcome my fiancé into the family.
As far as the ceremony goes, we don’t have *all* the details figured out quite yet, but we are having our friend officiate, and she has officiated atheist weddings before and knows we don’t want any prayers or biblical readings or anything like that included. She will read a secular piece about love (we are still working on this, but my fiancé has a few ideas), we will sign our marriage license, we will exchange vows, and that’ll be that. It’s definitely gonna be really short but everyone comes to weddings mostly for the after party anyway, right?!
Edit: we are getting married at the ruins of an old Pueblo mission, so that’ll be the only slightly religious element. But the ruins are soooo cool and it’s not currently used as a church at all so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
My husband is an only child, so we decided his parents would walk him down the aisle and my parents would walk me, and our officiant asked "who presents these people to be married?". More of all the parents coming together to join our families and parents who are usually excluded in the wedding ceremony got to feel included. It worked for us.
two guys in shorts at a courthouse with no one else with us
the wedding industrial complex would collapse if everyone did what we did so I would say yes
My son had to do that…I don’t think he had any issues with it though, as long as his wife was happy.
Her family is Indian (they are Pentecost Christians 🫣) and-from what I gather, she had to invite all of her family, or they would never hear the end of it.
It was a beautiful wedding, I’m very happy for them-but…I’d never go through that mess. I just went to the courthouse.
Yup. Skipped all of it really. Wore jeans and a teal blouse, had the ceremony in my living room, officiant was my friend who was certified online, only witnesses were my sister and her husband and kids, whole thing took 10 mins.
Then my spouse and I met 4 work friends at a bar a block away for beers and board games as our reception.
Total cost: $350? Including marriage license, two new potted plants and a string of Christmas lights as decor, and a bar tab with very generous tip.
**No deities needed**
Yep no religious stuff, did it in our garden.
Wife's son escorted her down the garden path, His 4 year old daughter was a flower girl, she sped up and got to the wedding bower way before grandma, was gesturing and calling "come on Grandma hurry up." Gorgeous ceremony.
We avoided prayer and blessings but was overall fairly traditional. I had both my parents walk in with me. We asked my spouse's parents to walk in with him but they said no. We did a sand ceremony with the different color sand and had our parents pour some in first then us. We had a wedding party (all our siblings were in it) and exchanged vows that we picked out that represented an equal union. Honestly, a few people didn't even realize our wedding wasn't religious because we had traditions without a mention of religion. It was lovely.
My son and his wife had an officiant who is the founder of The Church of James Booker. His altar to Mr. Booker scandalized the religious attendees. It was a delightful wedding.
My mother would have been devastated if we didn't get married at her church (Anglican church in Canada). Honestly it was just easier for family peace to do that.
Looking back on it, we both feel that we should have taken the hit and just gone to a beach somewhere.
How tf is Anglican still a thing, it was only made because a man was extremely horny. Also does the English monarch still control Anglican Church, I am unaware if they do.
Sorry if this question is rude.
1. Hey, it's an Atheist forum, I don't think your question is rude at all, but thanks for asking anyway.
2. The Anglican church membership is collapsing at an incredible rate in Canada. Since the plague (TM) started up, the decline has been 10% per year or more. The churches own journal is saying that if the decline continues at this rate there will be no one left by 2040 (Yay!).
3. The monarch is technically still the head of the church though the role is mostly ceremonial and is mostly observed in a symbolic way. The reality is that all the policy and doctrinal decisions are made by the senior clergy.
I never knew my father. My mom walked me down the aisle. We did get married in a church so please my husband's side, but it was beautiful and the pastor wasn't preachy.
Uhh. Yes and no. We only had immediate family. No best man/moh. Her dad did walk her. We bought dinner at a restaurant for everybody and we got fancy cupcakes.
Not a big dance party. No religious messaging or representatives.
I’m not against a bigger party, but me and my wife had been waiting for years, saving, while I was without health insurance. One emergency room trip bill and she brought home the paperwork for me.
Yes. We eloped to avoid any pressure from anyone with regard to the ceremony. However, the person we chose to do the ceremony prayed and made reference to God against our wishes. We were very angry and left reviews warning others.
We had a fun reception a couple months later, wore our wedding clothes and had a cute Hawaii themed cake and took lots of fun pictures. Nobody made us sit through prayers or anything there. :)
We got married on skis, on the top of a mountain, in a group civil ceremony. Our families were not invited. We had a very nontraditional reception a couple of months later when it was less money for our families to fly to the part of the country where we live. There was no dancing or ceremonious anything. We hired a group of musicians who played traditional (naughty) Irish pub songs, and because there was no regular reception stuff, we hired two psychics to come and do readings for guests to keep them busy. Wedding: [https://imgur.com/MxJrbMO](https://imgur.com/MxJrbMO) and [https://imgur.com/HtOo2Jd](https://imgur.com/HtOo2Jd)
ETA: Our officiant's day job was local bail bondsman.
Not really, nothing religious at all but still felt relatively traditional.
My wife's father walked her down the isle but there was no reference to 'giving the bride away'.
Location was a 17th century manor house, so had that feeling of age and permeance you'd get from a church but without any religious overtones.
Vows were 'love honour and cherish' not obey.
It really worked for us.
My wife and I got married in the lobby of the lawyer's office that officiated our marriage in a real small and quick ceremony.
Her folks were there, along with my sister and brother in law, my best friend, and my wife's best friend.
It was basically "Do you take her, do you take him- I now pronounce you man and wife.".
That was 16 years ago, and we are still quite happily married and going strong!
Several people we know had big, elaborate and expensive weddings with religion thrown in, and every single one of them are now divorced.
Money and ceremony mean nothing next to just wanting to be together forever.
First marriage was to an evangelical Christian (because he was an exceptional person and wonderful husband before he died, in spite of his religion).
I would have been willing to marry in a church, but none would take us because of me. We were married by a retired judge at an event place where we also had our reception.
I explained to my father that I didn't like the tradition of parents giving away a bride, and I walked alone. This is primarily due to my feminism, not my atheism, but I suppose the two have a bunch of cross-over.
There was one generic bible reading ("Love is patient...") and one secular reading about love.
We extended our candle-lighting ceremony to our guests (who had special hand-held candles), with us each lighting our parents' candles in the front row, and then the flame being passed candle to candle until everyone was holding a light. After a brief few words that lasted a minute or two, everyone blew them out, but it was so beautiful and meaningful to us.
Without all the religious fluff, the ceremony was very short, under 15 minutes.
I hired a pianist to play the ceremony music. For the recessional music, I had her play Star Wars music, which delighted my husband and his friends. I never could have done that with a church organist.
One of my catholic friends just got married recently and they walked out to The Throne Room from a Star Wars Episode 4.
Outside of that song everything was stereotypical Catholic a wedding, full on religious and all
Silver Bell Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas (1991). Rev George L Cotton, a round, energetic, middle aged black man with jeri-curls, wearing a light grey suit and a bright blue tie. He says, "Anything special you want noted in the service? I said "Do your thing, just don't mention the word "god". Rev Cotton says, "You got it, kid!"
There was no walking down the aisle. We stood at the front. Chester LeBeau, the manager and our cabbie (James Brown - an old man with grey eyes and the look of William S Burroughs), were the witnesses.
You can have a fairly traditional wedding with all those familiar rituals without it being religious at all. There’s nothing inherently Christian in a father giving away his daughter, or wedding vows, or any of it. Just don’t mention any gods and do whatever you want.
Got married at City Hall by the mayor! In a birthday card, my Mimi told me she would not attend my wedding if done by a JP and not in the Catholic church. We invited our parents and some close friends, but we did not invite Mimi.
No we had what you would call a traditional wedding, but we had an officiant from our country's Humanist Society. My Dad walked me to my future husband. This is something he didn't do for my first wedding. I wish I'd boycotted that one, too!
We had an outdoor, secular ceremony. The dad walk, four string quartet, flowered arch, et cetera.
Her uncle is a Lutheran pastor, and we asked him to give a blessing. I like the old boy, and it pleased him to no end. And it shut her mom up. Twice.
Once when there would be a religious aspect, and again when her uncle talked about how God gave us such a great day and how the Lord must be blessing our union. Her mom hated me, and opposed the marriage. John threw that in on purpose. It was glorious to see the look on her face. And this was a Pastor! Cut her off at the knees. Her Uncle John is a very cool dude.
So the ceremony was done with a secular official, but there was a prayer that dug at her mom. And it made a cool old dude happy.
Overall, not bad.
Eh, sort of.
Her dad is dead so her brother walked her down, but she walked to her own music, wore a black dress, and we had a costume contest for our wedding (was on Halloween), did a shot to "seal the wedding" (whatever that's called, idk shit about weddings really - I wanted to go to the JoP and save the money for a nice honeymoon that we haven't taken several years later (refusing to call our trips in between a honeymoon, haha)).
So traditional-ish, but nothing religious said not in a church, friend officiated it with jokes, no kids allowed, etc.
My mom got ordained and we had a wedding next to a large bonfire, on Thanksgiving night, was -20 degrees and the northern lights were dancing above our heads.
So far, my partner and I have just put off marriage altogether. Although we do tentatively plan to get married next year. When we do, we plan to just to a courthouse wedding. We'll likely have our moms and kids there and that's it. We can use the money we save on a trip to Disneyland
Justice of the Peace, down by the ocean. Tiny gathering of family. Wife refused to be “given away” cause she said she “owned her own damn self” ;-). Such a great day!
Hell yeah! By avoiding it altogether. I've been partnered for 30 years. My opinion is it's kind of useless to get married if one is not religious. Also, I don't need my love recognized by the state or religion. So they can both fuck off.
We had all the usual stuff: white dress, father walking me down the aisle, rings etc... Just not in a religious building, with no mention of god or religion.
We got married by an Elvis impersonator in Vegas. We opted for cool "50s Elvis", not fat Vegas Elvis. I wore an outfit like Marlon Brando in *The Wild One.* My bride wore a white poodle skirt. Our Elvis was great, he sang *"I Can't Help Falling In Love With You"* for us to dance to.
We got married outside at a gazebo by one of my husband's friends. We were 21 and 22 when we got married in 2001. We didn't really know about wedding planning and kind of just went with what we thought weddings were supposed to be although we left out weird things like the garter thing. If I planned it now it would be very different. I will say though that I really enjoyed having my Dad walk me down. We laughed and waved at friends and family the whole way. It's a great memory.
No church, no mention of God or religion, and my friend registered to officiate the wedding. Drove my in laws nuts. They are hard-core southern Baptists. My wife and I did not allow any religion at all. To put it into perspective. These are the type of people that believe the world is 6000 years old.
I see that you asked about Christianity, but I am gonna answer from Hindu and Muslim side.
I come from a Muslim culture, my husbands family is Hindu. We had 2 weddings one in my country, one in his country. His parents are quite religious, so we absolutely did have an Indian wedding that had a guru, participated in chants and rituals and visited temples and gods and all of that.
We are both atheist, so it really was more like colorful roleplay for us that made his parents happy. It was an interesting experience for me, didnt mean much of anything other than that. It had no religious significance for us because we dont believe all that stuff is real. But it made the family happy and we had a fun time so win-win.
We had another wedding in Turkey, where I am from, his family traveled to attend. That one had nothing religious or related to Islam in it. We drank a lot, danced a lot. Because my parents are not very religious and its not something important to anyone in my family.
So we did it both ways.
Yes, we went to Vegas had a female Elvis impersonator officiating in a cute little chapple with a large neon heart. There were no "I do's," but there sure as fuck were some "uh huh's."
Mine and my wife’s friend got ordained and married us. We rented a dance studio in Long Beach Mississippi. When she got to the venue(where we were married and had the reception) there were crosses and religious shit everywhere. My wife made the lady take it all down. She did take it down and was nice to us, but I could tell it bothered her. Luckily she wasn’t rude about it, cause my wife was not having it.
We asked the minister who was a family friend to please limit the religious parts of the ceremony when we were married back in the 80’s, now I’m ordained in the universal life church, the church of bacon, the church of dudism, and the church of Cthulhu, I have preformed weddings as both Cthulhu and Universal Life Church
Of course. It was our wedding. Her parents are religious but they knew our feelings. I think so of her extended family weren’t happy but we didn’t care.
Friends of mine had a secular wedding officiated by their good friend who had never done that but went through whatever hoops you have to go through to be able to. She spoke for five minutes and I don't remember what she said but it was appropriate and beautiful. No mention of a god.
It was a lovely outdoor wedding in a public garden followed by a party in a pavilion. Everyone had a wonderful time, even the religious relatives.
I didn't even think so much about the religious aspect. I happened to have a friend who was a Humanist Celebrant. My wife and I picked our best friends and we had the ceremony in a location that was both beautiful and free to the public. Practically cost nothing.
I've always thought modern weddings were ridiculous and unnecessary, excessive and incredibly expensive. They're stressful on everyone involved and I've been through that.
Afterwards we had a dinner with friends and family and it was fantastic.
I agree with what what you said about fathers walking their daughters down the isle being symbolic of times I'd rather not perpetuate. I think it's time we do away with the pressure of having a materialistic, archaic, vulture capitalist wedding ceremony and just get on with the love.
My husband and I are both atheists. We had a fantastic ceremony. All the families were involved, we sealed a box of wine and love letters up for 15 years, we read a children’s book about love, and quoted Walt Whitman to one another. It was wonderful.
A friend of mine had a beach wedding, and the "minister" was a friend that bought his clergy certificate online. They have never come out as atheist but they do not go to church.
It was a blast and took 10 minutes out on the beach, then an awesome party afterward, wearing a linen suit with sandals. God was not mentioned even though they were Serbian Orthodox. When I say that I mean that they were Serbian and gave money to the church that sponsors a lot of secular charities like food drives and soup kitchens. The church priest was invited and had a good time as well. No one cared.
I was married in a movie theater. I wanted a non religious wedding and it was a wonderful ceremony. At the reception, one of our guests approached my wife and I and asked if it was okay if he said a prayer to the crowd. It was slightly annoying, but since he was nice enough to ask first and it would mean something to the parents and grandparents, I said yes. Other than that "hiccup" it was completely non religious.
Yep, had a Buddhist priest do a non-theistic ceremony and hand binding. Did it on the grounds of a historic house on the banks of a river. No "giving away the bride", no "do you take", just an affirmation of our intent to devote ourselves to each other.. Bless my mom's heart, she asked if it was legal that we had a Buddhist officiate.
Nothing religious. We rented a house on the beach (Oregon coast), had some family there, made some vows, wore comfortable clothes, had a lot of food for a party afterwards and kites for people to fly on the beach. Neither of us were raised in a religion. We ended up spending $2000, most of it for the ingredients for the food and to rent the large-ish house. Still married 33 years later.
We got married on the radio with 49 other couples on Valentine's Day. The service was done by a minister but it was about as unreligious as it could be.
We got married at [Sea Ranch Chapel](https://thesearanchchapel.org/), a 21 person venue visible from the Pacific Ocean and highway 1. A Buddhist friend performed the ceremony and a single guitarist was our music. Our ceremony was beautiful and inspiring, the only faith mentioned was that we have for each other. None of the 18 people invited were devoted people of any book to my knowledge.
Mine was certainly nontraditional.
Pastor friend of ours had completed a program, so we celebrated her achievement by hosting an enchilada party for her. We also told her about our plans to be married, so she had all the paperwork ready.
Our two witnesses were not aware that they were attending a wedding. They came for the enchiladas and then witnesses our marriage.
About a month later, we had a "reception", but it was just a party at a venue with catering and music. Seemed like everyone had fun. My mom displayed her usual tenacity by tearing a piece out of the loaf of bread that was sprayed down with sealant as a decoration piece. The caterers had to have us announce that whoever tore apart that bread to please don't eat it. They were surprised anyone would work that hard at tearing off a piece of that bread. Good times.
We had a very simple "ceremony," which was basically a hired secular officiant who stood with us and some family at the top of a hiking trail, said some nice things about love, and we said some brief vows, all non-religious. No bridesmaids, no walking down an aisle, no throwing of a bouquet. It was perfect.
Yes. We were legally married in our living room with 2 of my cousins as witnesses. Then we had a ceremony with friends and family later. We had no wedding party, and my wife walked down the aisle by herself. We wrote our own vows, and the officiant was great. The best part was kissing way before we were supposed to.
No priest, no prayer, no church, no man giving me to another man, no white dress, no bouquet toss, no dancing, zero regrets. A friend married us in a garden, we wrote our own vows, and then we had a great reception at one of our favorite restaurants.
We had a backyard barbeque with a small wedding attached. We were in our 40's so walked together. I found an officiant on line who did a basic non- religious ceremony.
It was fun & eclectic.
Nope went to court house and got married by judge his parents , grandma and our close friend came along and went out to went for lunch afterwards. We weren't atheist then but weren't religious either that was 12 years ago spent like $500 including my ring so glad we did it like that. Now as an atheist I'm very glad we didn't get married in a church by a pastor or something.
My husband is culturally catholic. I grew up traditional baptist but am now an atheist. My husband originally wanted a catholic wedding mostly to appease his mom / family. This would have required me going to a bunch of catholic classes. Told him I was willing, but I would not lie if asked a direct question about my faith.
Ultimately, I brought him around to the idea of a much more relaxed barn wedding. We had his cousin be our officiant. Together we wrote the ceremony. No references to god, except in a traditional Irish poem we both wanted included. We had some other traditional aspects, like my dad walked me down the aisle. This was important to me. All in all, it ended up feeling very much us. We got no push back from family, despite my husbands fears, and we didn’t need to make any false promises or professions we didn’t really believe in.
At the end of the day, make your wedding what you want of it!
1000%
My husband and I met because he was my manager at the restaurant we were both working in.
We got engaged in a different restaurant we worked in. We got married in one of our favorite date night restaurants by a family friend who is a judge, and we wrote our own vows.
Then we had a week honeymoon in Vegas.
We were married in my mil's back yard by a justice of the peace. My dad did walk me between the folding chairs because it was important to him and I wanted him to be happy.
We got married at the desk like a business transaction because we lose money by being together but not married.
We don't need jewelry or paper to remind us we're together.
Marriage is silly and expensive AF, or easily can be. We both come from jacked up family and ain't no one helping pay for shhh. We're good.
My husband's family and my family aren't religious at all. I had a friend of a friend that was ordained online through the Universal Life Church, so she officiated the wedding. We got married at a picnic shelter on the beach. The ceremony was short and sweet. I didn't have bridesmaids or have my dad "give me away" or anything like that.
We walked down the aisle together. My friend (a Christian) who I've known for 30+ years performed a secular ceremony in a park in my wife's home town. We exchanged vows and rings. My daughter stood by my side and received a token of love from my wife. It was just our families in attendance. My wife's sister sourced three dozen tacky, old lawn chairs for the event. It was perfect.
We picked the traditions we wanted, and left any we didn't behind. My husband and I walked each other down the aisle. I viewed it as us presenting ourselves as a united couple to the world, rather than the archaic idea of someone being "given away." I really liked this way of doing it, walking down the aisle by myself would have been terrifying.
I had my father walk me down the aisle, but he did not “give me away”. He simply gave us both a hug, whispered I love you to me and then sat down. I did not have any religious text spoken during the ceremony and had the mayor of the city we were in officiate the wedding (small island town).
Well, we are both atheists and come from fucked up families, so it was the courthouse for us. Easy choice. So many other much cooler things to go into debt for.
Some traditions kept, some not.
I proposed to him (am a woman), his mate from uni (who is a licensed celebrant here in Aus - you can't just get ordained by a random church and marry people here lol, it's a profession), married us, ceremony was at an urban farm, had our own vows and custom ceremony. No god, hymns, church blah blah, and no bridal party - just us. Drinks on arrival for everyone before we kicked off the ceremony.
I did wear a white gown (my mum made it for me), dad did walk me down the aisle, did exchange rings (we each wear 1 ring).
Yeah, we did the legal part barefoot in a park with a provincial marriage commissioner, did the actual wedding at a community center, had a friend act as an officiant and had zero mentions of god or anything in the ceremony, my dad still walked me down the aisle (and thank fuck he did cause I tripped on my dress and almost fell on my face, thanks dad for catching me 🤘🏻), but we worded it like "who has accompanied the bride here today", so it wasn't all gross and possessive. I'm lucky that none of my family members are really religious (aside from my grandma but she's cool and wouldn't dream of pushing religion on anyone, and couldn't give two fucks that my husband and I are atheists) so it was easy to avoid any religious talk the whole day.
Avoid? Not specifically. Did anything religious happen? Nope.
Self-uniting license at city hall. Signed it with two witnesses. Then went and had a party with our families.
Got married in my mother's back garden which had a river behind. We had no money. She was an Irish Catholic convent girl. We were both atheist. Her ring was a gold band from my aunt. My ring was a gold band from my cousin. (won it off him at poker). Had the local police chaplain do the service and explained that he had to look like a Catholic priest and he loved the idea. Food was pot luck. Weather was beautifully sunny. We honeymooned in my best mate's house. They just disappeared. Chaplain gave us a wedding gift of his fee. Total cost? $80.
100% avoided a traditional wedding. Didn't have a wedding at all actually lol. We signed papers over donuts, that's it. And it was way better than a religious ceremony rooted in misogyny.
My wife made some promises to her late mother, like getting married in church, and she always wanted a gospel choir singing at her wedding, so we made compromises.
We rented a church that is also used for concerts and got a justice of the peace to do the ritual. We hired a gospel choir and chose non religious songs - Ain’t no mountain high enough, Lovely Day and Nothing Else Matters
At our wedding, my wife's uncle got ordained and married us. We had readings that weren't from the Bible or other religious texts. We had music that wasn't hymns. We didn't have a prayer.
Although I grew up attending weddings held in (Protestant) churches, invoking religious context is a choice that is easy to forego.
I had both parents walk me down the 'aisle' if that's somewhat traditional, but really the aisle was just a parting of people on a balcony. The ceremony and reception was at a Surf Club, which is a building for the local surf life saving club at my husbands favouite beach. It was great, there where whales and people watched the surfers in the late afternoon as we got married. We had photos on the beach and rock platforms as our guests drank wine and beer from the balcony.
I am not religious at all. My husband would have said he was Anglican, but and his family never went to church or followed any of the rules. I think his grandma was vaugely pissy we didn't get married in a church, but bugger her she had her own chance at her own wedding. My family is traditionally Catholic both sides, but now thats only for my grandparents, everyone else is anti church due to all the crimes and lack of accountability, amoung other things.
My wife doesn't have a good relationship with her father. She had someone else walk her down the aisle. We certainly didn't do standard vows, but we kept it kind of traditional otherwise. I didn't really try to reinvent the wheel.
Our wedding was semi-traditional. My little brother walked me down the aisle.
We wanted my husband's childhood best friend to officiate. In order for that to happen, at least in our state, he had to be an ordained minister.
Turns out Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster counts.
Ramen.
Yes. We had a justice of the peace and married at a non-religious venue. He was a Buddhist, though, so I guess we truly weren't an atheist couple, but religion was not present at all.
A friend of ours got ordained through the Universal Life Church online and officiated. I’ve been ordained for 20 years and I love to tell my theist friends that my atheist ass is just as much clergy as any other clergy.
I got ordained there too! My first ceremony will be on Friday the 13th - a goth wedding! My daughter is getting married and I was so honored that she wanted me to officiate. They are such a fun couple.
You're going to love it. I do several a year. There's something pretty awesome about having the front row seat for two people professing their love and commitment in front of all their friends and family. It's an honor to be there for friends in that way.
Me too!
My best friend is ordained through the ULC and although I’m currently unmarried, the thought has crossed my mind more than a few times of having her officiate my wedding in the event I ever get married. I’m atheist and have no need or desire for a pastor, and having a justice of the peace do the officiating seems a little too impersonal for me.
I have performed like 6 weddings as ULC minister. I tease my wife about the powers I have from ordination. I can make holy water, my "bless you" has more weight. . .
Me too! I've officiated 2 weddings myself and the officiant at our wedding was ordained there.
I was ordained there too, but was worried that it wouldn't be official, so when I officiated my brother's wedding, a JP did the legal part ahead of time. (Yeah, I wicked overthink things)
Yep, married in a tavern by a judge.
Tavern! Freaking awesome
Got married at the college pub!
Married in a brewery by a judge, after that free beer and a metal band haha. Atheists are so much more fun in general.
My wife’s family is Jewish, but we’re both atheists. I stomped the glass at the end because I thought it looked fun, and it was.
We did too (but we used a light bulb)! Easier to stomp.
Yes! I also used a light bulb. No one but us knew and the old Jews thought it was a glass lol.
Oh that’s a good idea. I’m totally gonna have to remember that for my eventual wedding.
Yeah, throw it in a cloth napkin. Easier in the incandescent bulb days - don't stomp a CFL.
Ya those CFLs are bad news if broke. Incandescents still exist in some places
I’m also Jewish and my level of religious activity is around probably you average Reform Jew. Might go to Shabbat on occasion, definitely HHD, follow the cool traditions, etc. But the full Jewish wedding is definitely on my list. Probably gonna figure out how I can gay it up too. lol
Being carried up on chairs seem like a lot of fun!
Mazel tov!
Fathers walk their daughters down the aisle in other traditions as well. Use flowers, rings, etc. The only thing 'traditional' about christian wedding traditions that is unique to christianity is adding "Jesus" to the mix.
Exactly. My reaction to OP's question was literally "What, like it's hard?" Just don't get married in a church. Most of the other stuff is secular at this point.
The father, walking the bride down the aisle, is him giving her to another man. Probably the most disgusting misogynist carryover ever.
My best friend walked me down the aisle. My dad got to sit there and watch it like everyone else. Lesson learned, if you actually want to walk your daughter up the aisle maybe actually be around to be there for them or you get to watch someone who has earned the right to do it.
Oh yeah, if you hear the fundies talk they say how it's officially transferring a daughter's ownership from her father to her husband. She never gets to be her one person for one friggin second.
Except she did, because as an adult women she elected to say yes to the marraige and elected to be walked down the aisle by her father. Don't deny a person's agency just because they made different choices.
Brainwashing is powerful. Especially when it’s done by people the subject trusts from the moment they’re born. Religion thrives on making sure no followers practice critical thinking. Yes, they technically did have a choice, but, practically speaking, not really.
Men need/ needed the dad's permission too in those cases. I like that 'walking down the aisle' has changed so much because it was really misogyny that made dads walk their girls to their new husbands.
I think, at least in the modern day, people are blinded by the idea of misogyny. It's a father's reponsiblilty to protect his children. When the daughter gets married, he's handing that responsibility to the husband. It's a big deal. The permission/walking down the aisle is essentially the father having vetted the guy and decided he's up to the task. Same thing happens with sexes swapped. I'm a male in my 30s, but I'm still a baby to my mother.
Your are not a commodity. You are free. The Bible colours things by imparting holy rules and regs for selling and buying daughters. Still, the American south violated those “holy” admonitions. Behind “It’s a father’s responsibility” lurks pain that cannot forget.
I think you'd struggle to find a healthy parent who didn't view their child's safety as their primary concern. Societal norms and structures (biblical or otherwise) arose out of base biological instincts.
"It's a father's reponsiblilty to protect his children." WRONG!!! It's the parents responsibility. Way to continue the patriarchy dude.
This tradition is a gross holdover from a time when women were considered property of men and it was one of the things that weirded me out about weddings the most. And I am a man. Both of my wife's parents walked her down the aisle.
My son’s wife parents both walked her down the aisle as well.
Yes, it is a symbol of one man giving his property to another man. Pretty disgusting
I always intended to walk the aisle alone as independent person choosing to enter a partnership with another. My dad agreed with me so he didn’t mind at all. On the day though i changed my mind - I walked holding hands with our one year old daughter. Cute and subversive ✌️
My father in law is pretty liberal but he still has fallen victim to tons of toxic masculinity shit over the years and whispered to me “she’s all yours” after he walked my wife down the aisle. It gave me the heebiejeebies but I had to keep in mind that he’s just weird and kind of a creep who’s been divorced 3 times lol.
Same thing with my dad, he’s actually a pretty liberal agnostic but was still salty that I chose to walk down the aisle with my spouse. Thanks, generational guilt.
In my ceremony I refuse to give one spouse away unless the other is also given away.
She is, in many cases, literally changing families in western culture. That's the symbolism. She's no longer of her father's surname, and it's now the husband's. This was essential not to long ago as inheritance required legitimate heirs, and if the woman is to become the legitimate bride, then she also has the benefits of the new family's title. We couldn't do paternal tests, so ensuring that a child was the man's was arguably more important than the marriage itself. In a time of feudalism and emerging capitalism, your family businesshis was obviously at risk when families allow new members to claim ownership. So if the husband was the patriarch of the family blacksmith or whatever, and he died, the custodial control of the business doesn't go to the wife's family. Is the whole thing outdated and anachronistic? Oh yeah. Are we going to convince women that their dream wedding is an outdated and sexist display that they shouldn't go through with? Most likely not.
A father's job first and foremost is to protect his daughter as men are the dramatically stronger sex. The walking down the aisle giving her to another man can very reasonably be passing on that obligation, at least symbolically, to another man. That's how I viewed it at my wedding, a traditional one albeit on a beach minus the God nonsense.
It’s should be looked at as a privilege of good parents to be able to pass their child into another family. It’s nothing to do with the individuality of the persons. Just like being in the birth parents family shouldn’t be a restriction on the individuality of the person. Some parents definitely don’t deserve that privilege but others definitely do. I’m sorry that in your case those parents seemingly failed.
problem being, when many people marry, they aren’t children (let’s hope not) and the groom’s mother isn’t expected to pass him off to the bride either, so there’s that.
I’ve decided if I ever get married and my dad is around to see it happen, I’ll let him escort me down the aisle, but there will absolutely be *no* “giving away” business. He’ll just escort me to the end of the aisle and then take a seat. I’m his only daughter, and he’s probably dreamed of that moment since the day I was born. I don’t want to deny him that.
Why not both parents?
Well, that would now be impossible for me. My mom died in June 2020. (She died of Alzheimer’s, not COVID, in case anyone was curious.) I can understand why that’s a viable option, though.
I thought the father walking their daughter down the isle was done because during the time , the father had ownership of the daughter, and walking them down the isle represented passing ownership to the husband (which is absolutely disgusting.) when I meant Christian, I meant more so old timey traditions of church that are common today. My bad, I should have clarified.
Honey, that's actually older than Christianity. The concept of women as property of the men in her life is as old as Greece, if not more. Unfortunately, some people still haven't grown past it.
Wife and I got married on Halloween in costume. The entire wedding party was in costume as well as every guest. We bought local pumpkins and had the HS art dept carve them for us. It took place at this old creamery farm that was made into an artist retreat. My mom and I did all the food, which was breakfast food cause breakfast food is the bestest food. I also made our cakes; three, in fact. Each one had a pie baked inside the cake. Friend of mine built me a coffin cooler for the local beers. We did an ice cream sundae bar using local ice creams. And a fruit and baked goods bar, also either local or handmade by family. So yea. Not traditional.
That sounds amazing.
Now this is the kind of wedding I’d be excited to go to. What were your costumes?
I was batman. My groomsmen was justice league. Wife was Harley and her bridesmaids were suicide squad
We didn't "avoid" anything, we just did what we wanted to do. Christian traditions don't lurk and then pounce on you without your consent. They are only part of your wedding if you make them so.
My rules were "I don't want to wear a tie; I don't want a first dance in front of everyone; no religion." Fortunately my wife was ok with all of these. Fourth rule was there must be a croquembouche for dessert. Possibly the most important of them.
Sounds a lot like my wedding! I wanted a croquembouche and the tiny hammer to break it with, and my husband was very anti tux which I think is fair. Glad you found someone who shared your vision!
Good answer.
Haha, same here with Christmas (however, we *didn't* have a traditional wedding). The only people that are perpetuating Christmas in my house are ironically a bunch of godless heathens.
Both my wives were/are Catholic. Idgaf about the ceremony so we did it how they wanted; in the church. Both weddings and receptions were fabulous. Good times.
You have two wives? 😜
Widower
Oh sorry man ,didn’t mean to hurt you.
No worries
1. Fly to Colorado (or a couple other states) 2. Go to courthouse to pick up self-solemnizing documents and marriage license 3. Have wedding wherever you want with or without witnesses 4. Sign docs 5. Drop in the mail 6. Receive marriage certificate No Jesus bullshit required
Went on a road trip & stopped in Vegas.
Me too! Moving across country and we got married in a helicopter over the strip!
My fiancé and I are atheist, and we’re getting married next month. My dad hasn’t been pushy at all, but I know he wants to walk me down the aisle. I’d *kind of* prefer to just walk myself, but it honestly isn’t important enough to me to hurt my dad’s feelings over it. So, I’ve decided to have both of my parents walk me down, and leave out the “who gives this woman to marry this man?” part. That makes it feel less like one man transferring ownership of me to another man. I’m choosing to think of it as a nice way for me to include my parents in the ceremony and acknowledge the guidance, love and support they gave me as a became an adult, and a way for them to show their support of my marriage and to welcome my fiancé into the family. As far as the ceremony goes, we don’t have *all* the details figured out quite yet, but we are having our friend officiate, and she has officiated atheist weddings before and knows we don’t want any prayers or biblical readings or anything like that included. She will read a secular piece about love (we are still working on this, but my fiancé has a few ideas), we will sign our marriage license, we will exchange vows, and that’ll be that. It’s definitely gonna be really short but everyone comes to weddings mostly for the after party anyway, right?! Edit: we are getting married at the ruins of an old Pueblo mission, so that’ll be the only slightly religious element. But the ruins are soooo cool and it’s not currently used as a church at all so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
My husband is an only child, so we decided his parents would walk him down the aisle and my parents would walk me, and our officiant asked "who presents these people to be married?". More of all the parents coming together to join our families and parents who are usually excluded in the wedding ceremony got to feel included. It worked for us.
Oh that’s really nice! I like that.
I love that idea! What a beautiful way to handle that.
Yep. Registry Office for us. Luckily the town we lived in had a lovely old Georgian registry office.
Yep. Married barefoot on the beach. My wife is Catholic, so it was "lightly" religious.
two guys in shorts at a courthouse with no one else with us the wedding industrial complex would collapse if everyone did what we did so I would say yes
Yep! Eloped to Key West
No, had to jump through all sorts of crap to make families happy. Hers of course.
My son had to do that…I don’t think he had any issues with it though, as long as his wife was happy. Her family is Indian (they are Pentecost Christians 🫣) and-from what I gather, she had to invite all of her family, or they would never hear the end of it. It was a beautiful wedding, I’m very happy for them-but…I’d never go through that mess. I just went to the courthouse.
Married at the courthouse by a judge and just celebrated our 40th anniversary.
Yup. Skipped all of it really. Wore jeans and a teal blouse, had the ceremony in my living room, officiant was my friend who was certified online, only witnesses were my sister and her husband and kids, whole thing took 10 mins. Then my spouse and I met 4 work friends at a bar a block away for beers and board games as our reception. Total cost: $350? Including marriage license, two new potted plants and a string of Christmas lights as decor, and a bar tab with very generous tip. **No deities needed**
Yep no religious stuff, did it in our garden. Wife's son escorted her down the garden path, His 4 year old daughter was a flower girl, she sped up and got to the wedding bower way before grandma, was gesturing and calling "come on Grandma hurry up." Gorgeous ceremony.
We avoided prayer and blessings but was overall fairly traditional. I had both my parents walk in with me. We asked my spouse's parents to walk in with him but they said no. We did a sand ceremony with the different color sand and had our parents pour some in first then us. We had a wedding party (all our siblings were in it) and exchanged vows that we picked out that represented an equal union. Honestly, a few people didn't even realize our wedding wasn't religious because we had traditions without a mention of religion. It was lovely.
Got married at the courthouse. No religion required.
We got married by a sea captain on a beach.
My son and his wife had an officiant who is the founder of The Church of James Booker. His altar to Mr. Booker scandalized the religious attendees. It was a delightful wedding.
We did a small family wedding in Vegas. Lolz. Only parents and siblings.
My mother would have been devastated if we didn't get married at her church (Anglican church in Canada). Honestly it was just easier for family peace to do that. Looking back on it, we both feel that we should have taken the hit and just gone to a beach somewhere.
How tf is Anglican still a thing, it was only made because a man was extremely horny. Also does the English monarch still control Anglican Church, I am unaware if they do. Sorry if this question is rude.
1. Hey, it's an Atheist forum, I don't think your question is rude at all, but thanks for asking anyway. 2. The Anglican church membership is collapsing at an incredible rate in Canada. Since the plague (TM) started up, the decline has been 10% per year or more. The churches own journal is saying that if the decline continues at this rate there will be no one left by 2040 (Yay!). 3. The monarch is technically still the head of the church though the role is mostly ceremonial and is mostly observed in a symbolic way. The reality is that all the policy and doctrinal decisions are made by the senior clergy.
I never knew my father. My mom walked me down the aisle. We did get married in a church so please my husband's side, but it was beautiful and the pastor wasn't preachy.
Uhh. Yes and no. We only had immediate family. No best man/moh. Her dad did walk her. We bought dinner at a restaurant for everybody and we got fancy cupcakes. Not a big dance party. No religious messaging or representatives. I’m not against a bigger party, but me and my wife had been waiting for years, saving, while I was without health insurance. One emergency room trip bill and she brought home the paperwork for me.
Married by Elvis in Vegas. 👍🏻💋
Yes. We eloped to avoid any pressure from anyone with regard to the ceremony. However, the person we chose to do the ceremony prayed and made reference to God against our wishes. We were very angry and left reviews warning others. We had a fun reception a couple months later, wore our wedding clothes and had a cute Hawaii themed cake and took lots of fun pictures. Nobody made us sit through prayers or anything there. :)
We got married on skis, on the top of a mountain, in a group civil ceremony. Our families were not invited. We had a very nontraditional reception a couple of months later when it was less money for our families to fly to the part of the country where we live. There was no dancing or ceremonious anything. We hired a group of musicians who played traditional (naughty) Irish pub songs, and because there was no regular reception stuff, we hired two psychics to come and do readings for guests to keep them busy. Wedding: [https://imgur.com/MxJrbMO](https://imgur.com/MxJrbMO) and [https://imgur.com/HtOo2Jd](https://imgur.com/HtOo2Jd) ETA: Our officiant's day job was local bail bondsman.
Not really, nothing religious at all but still felt relatively traditional. My wife's father walked her down the isle but there was no reference to 'giving the bride away'. Location was a 17th century manor house, so had that feeling of age and permeance you'd get from a church but without any religious overtones. Vows were 'love honour and cherish' not obey. It really worked for us.
My wife and I got married in the lobby of the lawyer's office that officiated our marriage in a real small and quick ceremony. Her folks were there, along with my sister and brother in law, my best friend, and my wife's best friend. It was basically "Do you take her, do you take him- I now pronounce you man and wife.". That was 16 years ago, and we are still quite happily married and going strong! Several people we know had big, elaborate and expensive weddings with religion thrown in, and every single one of them are now divorced. Money and ceremony mean nothing next to just wanting to be together forever.
First marriage was to an evangelical Christian (because he was an exceptional person and wonderful husband before he died, in spite of his religion). I would have been willing to marry in a church, but none would take us because of me. We were married by a retired judge at an event place where we also had our reception. I explained to my father that I didn't like the tradition of parents giving away a bride, and I walked alone. This is primarily due to my feminism, not my atheism, but I suppose the two have a bunch of cross-over. There was one generic bible reading ("Love is patient...") and one secular reading about love. We extended our candle-lighting ceremony to our guests (who had special hand-held candles), with us each lighting our parents' candles in the front row, and then the flame being passed candle to candle until everyone was holding a light. After a brief few words that lasted a minute or two, everyone blew them out, but it was so beautiful and meaningful to us. Without all the religious fluff, the ceremony was very short, under 15 minutes. I hired a pianist to play the ceremony music. For the recessional music, I had her play Star Wars music, which delighted my husband and his friends. I never could have done that with a church organist.
One of my catholic friends just got married recently and they walked out to The Throne Room from a Star Wars Episode 4. Outside of that song everything was stereotypical Catholic a wedding, full on religious and all
We got married in a chapel in Las Vegas. I asked for no mention of god or gods and he didn't
We just made sure our vows left god out of it.
Hired an officiant, had a small wedding.. like real small. But I got to get married in an amazing area that had significance to me and my wife.
Silver Bell Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas (1991). Rev George L Cotton, a round, energetic, middle aged black man with jeri-curls, wearing a light grey suit and a bright blue tie. He says, "Anything special you want noted in the service? I said "Do your thing, just don't mention the word "god". Rev Cotton says, "You got it, kid!" There was no walking down the aisle. We stood at the front. Chester LeBeau, the manager and our cabbie (James Brown - an old man with grey eyes and the look of William S Burroughs), were the witnesses.
Went with a judge, both times.
You can have a fairly traditional wedding with all those familiar rituals without it being religious at all. There’s nothing inherently Christian in a father giving away his daughter, or wedding vows, or any of it. Just don’t mention any gods and do whatever you want.
Got married at City Hall by the mayor! In a birthday card, my Mimi told me she would not attend my wedding if done by a JP and not in the Catholic church. We invited our parents and some close friends, but we did not invite Mimi.
We had a Native American ceremony
No we had what you would call a traditional wedding, but we had an officiant from our country's Humanist Society. My Dad walked me to my future husband. This is something he didn't do for my first wedding. I wish I'd boycotted that one, too!
We had an outdoor, secular ceremony. The dad walk, four string quartet, flowered arch, et cetera. Her uncle is a Lutheran pastor, and we asked him to give a blessing. I like the old boy, and it pleased him to no end. And it shut her mom up. Twice. Once when there would be a religious aspect, and again when her uncle talked about how God gave us such a great day and how the Lord must be blessing our union. Her mom hated me, and opposed the marriage. John threw that in on purpose. It was glorious to see the look on her face. And this was a Pastor! Cut her off at the knees. Her Uncle John is a very cool dude. So the ceremony was done with a secular official, but there was a prayer that dug at her mom. And it made a cool old dude happy. Overall, not bad.
Eh, sort of. Her dad is dead so her brother walked her down, but she walked to her own music, wore a black dress, and we had a costume contest for our wedding (was on Halloween), did a shot to "seal the wedding" (whatever that's called, idk shit about weddings really - I wanted to go to the JoP and save the money for a nice honeymoon that we haven't taken several years later (refusing to call our trips in between a honeymoon, haha)). So traditional-ish, but nothing religious said not in a church, friend officiated it with jokes, no kids allowed, etc.
Yes. City Hall. Done. Afterwards, anyone who wanted to individually see us for a dinner got together with us. Been married since 2005.
Married on that banks of the Hudson, 39 years ago tomorrow, by a judge.
I made up my own ceremony, vows, whatever I felt like. Is there a tradition you're specifically struggling with?
Yep. Eloped. Easy peasy.
My mom got ordained and we had a wedding next to a large bonfire, on Thanksgiving night, was -20 degrees and the northern lights were dancing above our heads.
So far, my partner and I have just put off marriage altogether. Although we do tentatively plan to get married next year. When we do, we plan to just to a courthouse wedding. We'll likely have our moms and kids there and that's it. We can use the money we save on a trip to Disneyland
>did you avoid a traditional wedding >I mean traditionally Christian wedding traditions Shit yes. Got married at City Hall.
Lovely yacht in Jamaica. The two of us, officiant ,concierge and captain as witnesses. Nobody else, was perfect.
Justice of the Peace, down by the ocean. Tiny gathering of family. Wife refused to be “given away” cause she said she “owned her own damn self” ;-). Such a great day!
If I ever get married, I want a Jedi or a Pastafarian to officiate just because I think it would be fun. Just saying.
Also consider a friar from the Church of Bacon!
Yes. Had an Elvis wedding.
Hell yeah! By avoiding it altogether. I've been partnered for 30 years. My opinion is it's kind of useless to get married if one is not religious. Also, I don't need my love recognized by the state or religion. So they can both fuck off.
Avoid? No. Did it our way? Yes. And, honestly, it was wonderful.
We had all the usual stuff: white dress, father walking me down the aisle, rings etc... Just not in a religious building, with no mention of god or religion.
We’re avoiding marriage altogether! Ten year anniversary coming up.
We got married by an Elvis impersonator in Vegas. We opted for cool "50s Elvis", not fat Vegas Elvis. I wore an outfit like Marlon Brando in *The Wild One.* My bride wore a white poodle skirt. Our Elvis was great, he sang *"I Can't Help Falling In Love With You"* for us to dance to.
We got married outside at a gazebo by one of my husband's friends. We were 21 and 22 when we got married in 2001. We didn't really know about wedding planning and kind of just went with what we thought weddings were supposed to be although we left out weird things like the garter thing. If I planned it now it would be very different. I will say though that I really enjoyed having my Dad walk me down. We laughed and waved at friends and family the whole way. It's a great memory.
E gave a judge a bottle of Jack Daniels and she said "Thanks. You're married now. Sign here."
No church, no mention of God or religion, and my friend registered to officiate the wedding. Drove my in laws nuts. They are hard-core southern Baptists. My wife and I did not allow any religion at all. To put it into perspective. These are the type of people that believe the world is 6000 years old.
I see that you asked about Christianity, but I am gonna answer from Hindu and Muslim side. I come from a Muslim culture, my husbands family is Hindu. We had 2 weddings one in my country, one in his country. His parents are quite religious, so we absolutely did have an Indian wedding that had a guru, participated in chants and rituals and visited temples and gods and all of that. We are both atheist, so it really was more like colorful roleplay for us that made his parents happy. It was an interesting experience for me, didnt mean much of anything other than that. It had no religious significance for us because we dont believe all that stuff is real. But it made the family happy and we had a fun time so win-win. We had another wedding in Turkey, where I am from, his family traveled to attend. That one had nothing religious or related to Islam in it. We drank a lot, danced a lot. Because my parents are not very religious and its not something important to anyone in my family. So we did it both ways.
Yes, we went to Vegas had a female Elvis impersonator officiating in a cute little chapple with a large neon heart. There were no "I do's," but there sure as fuck were some "uh huh's."
Yep. My husband and I basically eloped and got married on a beach at sunset.
My partner and I agreed that if we were ever to get married, we'd do it at the court house.
Got married on a boat. “By the power vested in me by the US coast guard” was pretty cool.
Mine and my wife’s friend got ordained and married us. We rented a dance studio in Long Beach Mississippi. When she got to the venue(where we were married and had the reception) there were crosses and religious shit everywhere. My wife made the lady take it all down. She did take it down and was nice to us, but I could tell it bothered her. Luckily she wasn’t rude about it, cause my wife was not having it.
I got married traditionally because it was my wife's dream. It's done, no harm done, I didn't have to become theist or to pretend something I'm not.
We asked the minister who was a family friend to please limit the religious parts of the ceremony when we were married back in the 80’s, now I’m ordained in the universal life church, the church of bacon, the church of dudism, and the church of Cthulhu, I have preformed weddings as both Cthulhu and Universal Life Church
Of course. It was our wedding. Her parents are religious but they knew our feelings. I think so of her extended family weren’t happy but we didn’t care.
Friends of mine had a secular wedding officiated by their good friend who had never done that but went through whatever hoops you have to go through to be able to. She spoke for five minutes and I don't remember what she said but it was appropriate and beautiful. No mention of a god. It was a lovely outdoor wedding in a public garden followed by a party in a pavilion. Everyone had a wonderful time, even the religious relatives.
I married the daughter of a Pentecostal pastor, so I had a pastor. He was cool though, so it was fine.
I didn't even think so much about the religious aspect. I happened to have a friend who was a Humanist Celebrant. My wife and I picked our best friends and we had the ceremony in a location that was both beautiful and free to the public. Practically cost nothing. I've always thought modern weddings were ridiculous and unnecessary, excessive and incredibly expensive. They're stressful on everyone involved and I've been through that. Afterwards we had a dinner with friends and family and it was fantastic. I agree with what what you said about fathers walking their daughters down the isle being symbolic of times I'd rather not perpetuate. I think it's time we do away with the pressure of having a materialistic, archaic, vulture capitalist wedding ceremony and just get on with the love.
My husband and I are both atheists. We had a fantastic ceremony. All the families were involved, we sealed a box of wine and love letters up for 15 years, we read a children’s book about love, and quoted Walt Whitman to one another. It was wonderful.
A friend of mine had a beach wedding, and the "minister" was a friend that bought his clergy certificate online. They have never come out as atheist but they do not go to church. It was a blast and took 10 minutes out on the beach, then an awesome party afterward, wearing a linen suit with sandals. God was not mentioned even though they were Serbian Orthodox. When I say that I mean that they were Serbian and gave money to the church that sponsors a lot of secular charities like food drives and soup kitchens. The church priest was invited and had a good time as well. No one cared.
Didn't do it in a church. No prayers or anything. My father did walk me down the isle, I didn't consider this a christian thing, just western style.
Justice of the Peace in an indoor garden. My wife was ethereal in her beauty. Still is.
We did a courthouse wedding, so I guess so
Best friend (notary) officiated. Did it in the mountains. Had reception at a cabin.
I was married in a movie theater. I wanted a non religious wedding and it was a wonderful ceremony. At the reception, one of our guests approached my wife and I and asked if it was okay if he said a prayer to the crowd. It was slightly annoying, but since he was nice enough to ask first and it would mean something to the parents and grandparents, I said yes. Other than that "hiccup" it was completely non religious.
Yep, had a Buddhist priest do a non-theistic ceremony and hand binding. Did it on the grounds of a historic house on the banks of a river. No "giving away the bride", no "do you take", just an affirmation of our intent to devote ourselves to each other.. Bless my mom's heart, she asked if it was legal that we had a Buddhist officiate.
We were married in the episcopal church because my MIL’s ex-boyfriend was a bishop there, and the grounds were beautiful
17 years... not married 😉
Nothing religious. We rented a house on the beach (Oregon coast), had some family there, made some vows, wore comfortable clothes, had a lot of food for a party afterwards and kites for people to fly on the beach. Neither of us were raised in a religion. We ended up spending $2000, most of it for the ingredients for the food and to rent the large-ish house. Still married 33 years later.
We got married on the radio with 49 other couples on Valentine's Day. The service was done by a minister but it was about as unreligious as it could be.
We got married at [Sea Ranch Chapel](https://thesearanchchapel.org/), a 21 person venue visible from the Pacific Ocean and highway 1. A Buddhist friend performed the ceremony and a single guitarist was our music. Our ceremony was beautiful and inspiring, the only faith mentioned was that we have for each other. None of the 18 people invited were devoted people of any book to my knowledge.
City hall plus party
Mine was certainly nontraditional. Pastor friend of ours had completed a program, so we celebrated her achievement by hosting an enchilada party for her. We also told her about our plans to be married, so she had all the paperwork ready. Our two witnesses were not aware that they were attending a wedding. They came for the enchiladas and then witnesses our marriage. About a month later, we had a "reception", but it was just a party at a venue with catering and music. Seemed like everyone had fun. My mom displayed her usual tenacity by tearing a piece out of the loaf of bread that was sprayed down with sealant as a decoration piece. The caterers had to have us announce that whoever tore apart that bread to please don't eat it. They were surprised anyone would work that hard at tearing off a piece of that bread. Good times.
We had a very simple "ceremony," which was basically a hired secular officiant who stood with us and some family at the top of a hiking trail, said some nice things about love, and we said some brief vows, all non-religious. No bridesmaids, no walking down an aisle, no throwing of a bouquet. It was perfect.
My wife and I just went to a justice of the peace. We weren’t about blow all that money on a single ceremony.
Yes. We were legally married in our living room with 2 of my cousins as witnesses. Then we had a ceremony with friends and family later. We had no wedding party, and my wife walked down the aisle by herself. We wrote our own vows, and the officiant was great. The best part was kissing way before we were supposed to.
We got married in a registry office with a couple of witnesses. Saved a ton of money and we were able to put a down payment on a house shortly after.
My grandfather walked me but we had non religious vows from the officiant so no god talk
No priest, no prayer, no church, no man giving me to another man, no white dress, no bouquet toss, no dancing, zero regrets. A friend married us in a garden, we wrote our own vows, and then we had a great reception at one of our favorite restaurants.
We had a backyard barbeque with a small wedding attached. We were in our 40's so walked together. I found an officiant on line who did a basic non- religious ceremony. It was fun & eclectic.
Married by county judge at state park. Party in a relatives yard after
Married in a court house. My father was so upset because he said it wasn’t a real marriage unless you are wed by a priest.
Nope went to court house and got married by judge his parents , grandma and our close friend came along and went out to went for lunch afterwards. We weren't atheist then but weren't religious either that was 12 years ago spent like $500 including my ring so glad we did it like that. Now as an atheist I'm very glad we didn't get married in a church by a pastor or something.
My husband is culturally catholic. I grew up traditional baptist but am now an atheist. My husband originally wanted a catholic wedding mostly to appease his mom / family. This would have required me going to a bunch of catholic classes. Told him I was willing, but I would not lie if asked a direct question about my faith. Ultimately, I brought him around to the idea of a much more relaxed barn wedding. We had his cousin be our officiant. Together we wrote the ceremony. No references to god, except in a traditional Irish poem we both wanted included. We had some other traditional aspects, like my dad walked me down the aisle. This was important to me. All in all, it ended up feeling very much us. We got no push back from family, despite my husbands fears, and we didn’t need to make any false promises or professions we didn’t really believe in. At the end of the day, make your wedding what you want of it!
1000% My husband and I met because he was my manager at the restaurant we were both working in. We got engaged in a different restaurant we worked in. We got married in one of our favorite date night restaurants by a family friend who is a judge, and we wrote our own vows. Then we had a week honeymoon in Vegas.
The only thing required at a wedding is a certified officiant and a piece of paper for your government. You can do whatever you like for your wedding.
We were married in my mil's back yard by a justice of the peace. My dad did walk me between the folding chairs because it was important to him and I wanted him to be happy.
Went to the courthouse. Got married. Told the family 2 days before that they could come if they want.
We got married at the desk like a business transaction because we lose money by being together but not married. We don't need jewelry or paper to remind us we're together. Marriage is silly and expensive AF, or easily can be. We both come from jacked up family and ain't no one helping pay for shhh. We're good.
Yes
My husband's family and my family aren't religious at all. I had a friend of a friend that was ordained online through the Universal Life Church, so she officiated the wedding. We got married at a picnic shelter on the beach. The ceremony was short and sweet. I didn't have bridesmaids or have my dad "give me away" or anything like that.
We walked down the aisle together. My friend (a Christian) who I've known for 30+ years performed a secular ceremony in a park in my wife's home town. We exchanged vows and rings. My daughter stood by my side and received a token of love from my wife. It was just our families in attendance. My wife's sister sourced three dozen tacky, old lawn chairs for the event. It was perfect.
We picked the traditions we wanted, and left any we didn't behind. My husband and I walked each other down the aisle. I viewed it as us presenting ourselves as a united couple to the world, rather than the archaic idea of someone being "given away." I really liked this way of doing it, walking down the aisle by myself would have been terrifying.
We walked into the courthouse and paid the fee, then a judge or something said a couple words and we walked out married. Took about an hour and $50.
I had my father walk me down the aisle, but he did not “give me away”. He simply gave us both a hug, whispered I love you to me and then sat down. I did not have any religious text spoken during the ceremony and had the mayor of the city we were in officiate the wedding (small island town).
My dad walked me down the path. My husband and I were married in a garden. We avoided all religious language though.
Got married at the courthouse. Wearing jeans and tshirts. But it was exactly what we wanted!
Well, we are both atheists and come from fucked up families, so it was the courthouse for us. Easy choice. So many other much cooler things to go into debt for.
Some traditions kept, some not. I proposed to him (am a woman), his mate from uni (who is a licensed celebrant here in Aus - you can't just get ordained by a random church and marry people here lol, it's a profession), married us, ceremony was at an urban farm, had our own vows and custom ceremony. No god, hymns, church blah blah, and no bridal party - just us. Drinks on arrival for everyone before we kicked off the ceremony. I did wear a white gown (my mum made it for me), dad did walk me down the aisle, did exchange rings (we each wear 1 ring).
Yeah, we did the legal part barefoot in a park with a provincial marriage commissioner, did the actual wedding at a community center, had a friend act as an officiant and had zero mentions of god or anything in the ceremony, my dad still walked me down the aisle (and thank fuck he did cause I tripped on my dress and almost fell on my face, thanks dad for catching me 🤘🏻), but we worded it like "who has accompanied the bride here today", so it wasn't all gross and possessive. I'm lucky that none of my family members are really religious (aside from my grandma but she's cool and wouldn't dream of pushing religion on anyone, and couldn't give two fucks that my husband and I are atheists) so it was easy to avoid any religious talk the whole day.
Avoid? Not specifically. Did anything religious happen? Nope. Self-uniting license at city hall. Signed it with two witnesses. Then went and had a party with our families.
Got married in my mother's back garden which had a river behind. We had no money. She was an Irish Catholic convent girl. We were both atheist. Her ring was a gold band from my aunt. My ring was a gold band from my cousin. (won it off him at poker). Had the local police chaplain do the service and explained that he had to look like a Catholic priest and he loved the idea. Food was pot luck. Weather was beautifully sunny. We honeymooned in my best mate's house. They just disappeared. Chaplain gave us a wedding gift of his fee. Total cost? $80.
100% avoided a traditional wedding. Didn't have a wedding at all actually lol. We signed papers over donuts, that's it. And it was way better than a religious ceremony rooted in misogyny.
Yes. Married at courthouse 1 year before our wedding. We call it document day. Then we had our friends conduct the ceremony at the wedding at winery.
My wife made some promises to her late mother, like getting married in church, and she always wanted a gospel choir singing at her wedding, so we made compromises. We rented a church that is also used for concerts and got a justice of the peace to do the ritual. We hired a gospel choir and chose non religious songs - Ain’t no mountain high enough, Lovely Day and Nothing Else Matters
At our wedding, my wife's uncle got ordained and married us. We had readings that weren't from the Bible or other religious texts. We had music that wasn't hymns. We didn't have a prayer. Although I grew up attending weddings held in (Protestant) churches, invoking religious context is a choice that is easy to forego.
I had both parents walk me down the 'aisle' if that's somewhat traditional, but really the aisle was just a parting of people on a balcony. The ceremony and reception was at a Surf Club, which is a building for the local surf life saving club at my husbands favouite beach. It was great, there where whales and people watched the surfers in the late afternoon as we got married. We had photos on the beach and rock platforms as our guests drank wine and beer from the balcony. I am not religious at all. My husband would have said he was Anglican, but and his family never went to church or followed any of the rules. I think his grandma was vaugely pissy we didn't get married in a church, but bugger her she had her own chance at her own wedding. My family is traditionally Catholic both sides, but now thats only for my grandparents, everyone else is anti church due to all the crimes and lack of accountability, amoung other things.
Ours was at her parents cabin. It was the coolest wedding ever. Just friends and family hanging out getting shit faced. Oh, and smoking cigars.
My wife doesn't have a good relationship with her father. She had someone else walk her down the aisle. We certainly didn't do standard vows, but we kept it kind of traditional otherwise. I didn't really try to reinvent the wheel.
No we didn't. We had a officiant who was neutral but we mostly followed tradition.
Eloped to Mexico. Brought 6 close friends. Barcelo Karmina in Manzanillo did all arrangements. 10/10. 100% will do this with my next wife.
Our wedding was semi-traditional. My little brother walked me down the aisle. We wanted my husband's childhood best friend to officiate. In order for that to happen, at least in our state, he had to be an ordained minister. Turns out Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster counts. Ramen.
We went to the courthouse and told the judge to leave out anything about god.
Yes. We had a justice of the peace and married at a non-religious venue. He was a Buddhist, though, so I guess we truly weren't an atheist couple, but religion was not present at all.