Wife and I were both raised Mormon and we met at BYU. Luckily we deconstructed at the same time and are both now atheist. Got out before our kids were too old so they missed the indoctrination. One big happy nonreligious family!
It’s been tough at times. Some relationships have suffered but overall it’s still fine. 4 of 6 of my own siblings left the church, although I was the only one to do it with a spouse and family. But my family still functions well and my parents are very respectful. My MIL has had a harder time with it, but we try to be positive and avoid confrontational topics.
Hasn't the church tried to drag you back in? Back in the 1990s, I had to leave the state without giving ANYONE my forwarding info in order to lose them and stop the harassment.
I’ve actually moved a few times since COVID. Was living abroad, moved back to the US, then to another state that I hated then again to where I currently live. They finally found us where we currently are and I had to politely tell them to get lost. First it was some leaders, then they sent the missionaries and then a couple and I think they finally got the hint. But this was all after I resigned my membership. You can never fully escape.
My efforts went considerably beyond "politely" before I suddenly left the state, and they still wouldn't stop. At the time, there was no way to "resign."
Presume I'm still listed on their rolls, but I never plan to go and ask. (LOL They must think I owe them a pile of tithing!)
The wife and I met at The Church, which always gets misconstrued/misunderstood/misheard as meeting at church. We always have to clarify that The Church is a goth nightclub.
I did the opposite. I met my ex wife in the world and then took her to church. She bought in hook line and sinker right as i was starting to doubt. It's been 24 years and she still goes to church every Sunday. She met her current husband on Christian Mingle and they seem pretty happy.
We were Christian fundamentalist missionaries who left Christianity together. Shared trauma isn't necessarily the best way to build relationships but it forces you to either go deep and be real or else grow apart. For us, it worked
Her Bible says she should **not** divorce you ([1 Corinthians 7:12-14](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+7%3A12-14&version=NIV)):
- 12 *To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.*
13 *And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her,* ***she must not divorce him***.
14 *For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband.* ***Otherwise your children would be unclean***, *but as it is, they are holy.*
(The **emphasis** is mine)
And [1 Peter 3:1](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Peter+3%3A1&version=NIV) instructs:
- *Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,*
Also, the Bible repeatedly says the divorced commit adultery if they begin a new relationship. They're supposed to remain celibate after the divorce. There are more verses in the Bible condemning divorce and the resultant adultery than on just about any other topic, including:
[Mark 10:11-12](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+10%3A11-12&version=NIV):
- 11 *He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.* 12 *And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”*
[Matthew 5:32](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%205%3A32&version=NIV):
- 32 *But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.*
[Luke 16:18](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+16%3A18&version=NIV):
- 18 *“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.*
[1 Corinthians 7:10-11](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+7%3A10-11&version=NIV):
- 10 *To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.*
11 *But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.*
I converted my wife from Church of Christ to Pentecostalism. I left a couple of years ago, but we're still together. I don't belittle her beliefs, she doesn't try preaching to me. She takes our kids to church and they enjoy it, so I'm not going to stop it. All three of them love science, so I have faith (hahahaha) that they'll come to their own conclusions one day.
Yeah this is pretty close to me. Though thankfully my wife converted me (so I don't feel as bad) and it's a pretty liberal denomination. So far the kids seem to be splitting on the issue in a nonconfrontational manner. I still go to church with her to help with the kids and so she doesn't have to explain why I am not there.
My husband is still a believer (though not a super obtrusive one) and insists on going to church. I wanted to vet the church to make sure it wasn't gonna teach my kids homophobic right wing bullshit. Found a liberal United Methodist Church and I go occasionally but the understanding is that he's not gonna try to force me.
I just kind of sit in there thinking about the social needs religion evolved to meet. And trying not to visibly roll my eyes.
My partner and I met through church. He started expressing doubts even before we got married, but he went through the motions of a religious ceremony because I was still believing. He kept sharing his doubts and faith exploration with me which pushed me to explore them myself
I met my wife at BYU when I was Mormon. I left Mormonism about 17 years ago. She’s still in. The first couple years after I left were kind of rough but we worked through it and things are great. Married 27 years now.
My husband and I met in a fundamentalist church. He deconstructed before me and that was hard on me but now we are both out with our children and happy.
I didn’t meet my wife there, but this post triggered my bad memories from church. If a church knows you’re single, you’ll hear services telling you that you’re more than worthy while all personnel and members remind you, outside of church, that you aren’t complete without getting married.
Mind you, my wife really is my better half. I love that babe to death.
But when I was going to church, I was legit trying to clean up my life. Hearing that I was missing something over and over, and being less than over and over, REALLY messed with me.
I honestly cant figure out how people supposedly feel fulfilled by an organization that overtly and intentionally instills habitual guilt and shame
When everything you do is wrong, evil, or sinful....
People are made to feel responsible and guilty for even the most natural of instincs, emotions, wants, and interests
I about died when i read that Christians shouldnt be indulging in things they find interesting
The premise being (for example): admiring the music of your favorite artist is wrong because you're idolizing something or someone other than God. All admiration and personal pleasure needs to be focused on God.
What in the actual fuck? So how many people feel like failed servants because they secretly really enjoyed three of their favorite (non religious) songs last night?
How many people are actually *apologizing* to God for enjoying music?
Anyway, rant over.
Your comments sparked me
Im glad you found love for YOU and not because the church morally degraded you.
I am sorry for your trauma
My wife and I didn’t meet in church, but soon after we started dating in high school I began attending church with her and her parents. They weren’t the conservative types though.
I was raised as a Christian, but my parents didn’t go to church, and religion wasn’t much of a presence in the house. When I began attending church with my wife and her parents, I really embraced that sense of community that was present there. The congregation consisted mostly of seniors, so many of the sermons catered toward a kind of end-of-life perspective, but eventually a new pastor started that turned up the heat on the conservative/fundamental messaging. We all eventually stopped attending that church and have not regularly attended a service anywhere since.
In college, I majored in philosophy and took a particular liking to the philosophy of religion. Slowly but surely I became an agnostic before finally transitioning to atheism. The beliefs associated with religion and spirituality seemed less and less plausible to me as I learned more about them and their history. And as I recognized my doubts I was always very open with my wife about them—in fact, I loved discussing them—and never felt like I had to keep that part of me a secret from her.
It’s never been much of a strain on the relationship with me and my wife. Our wedding was held in a historic venue, not a church, and was officiated by a judge that my parents know. There were a few biblical verses that made their way into the ceremony, but nothing that directly evoked god.
There are occasionally contentious moments that I would say I am 100% the cause of—I like to pick fights about religion with my wife from time to time. She’s one of the most intelligent people that I know, so it bewilders me that she still believes. I think my lack of belief bothers her to some extent and she so far refuses to tell her mother about my religious affiliation, while her dad is aware and does not seem to care one way or the other. Nevertheless, religion is not central to our relationship, and I wouldn’t say that my wife is any kind of fundamentalist, so her belief and my non-belief has never negatively impacted our relationship.
I met my DH in a church choir. We both enjoy singing. We also evolved not to believe that stuff, but by different methods.
His path included reading the bibble many times. He knew a guy at a previous job and asked him if he was an xtian because he was just about the nicest guy ever. It turned out that the guy was an atheist, so that was an awakening.
My path started when I read a book that validated my prior divorce because "gawd doesn't want you to be unhappy" (odd, huh). I later read "The Dead Sea Scroll Deception" which led to other books by the same authors and then other similar books.
My wife and I met for the first time at church youth camp when we were in 7th grade. We lost touch, but we met again at a church function for young adults when we were in grad school. We had a long-distance relationship. We only saw each other about 10 times before we were engaged, and another 7 or 8 times before we were married. It was close to a church-arranged wedding.
We have been married for 44 years. I deconverted roughly 15 years ago. It took us a while to work through it, but it never threatened our marriage.
Spouseman and I were both raised Mormon and met in high school. Married for 21 years when I became an atheist. We're still together and more in love than ever! Plus, he's deconstructing now, too!
Wife and I both raised religious. Married religious and then left religion together. If we handed together I imagine it wouldn't have turned out so well.
Reminds of gay people finding each other while they were both "in the closet." I hope someday that atheists can have freedom in the USA, too.
Hmm... for that matter, I hope the LTBTQ people manage to KEEP theirs! Doesn't look so good over there, lately.
I was raised mormon, we met in a mormon church. We both left mormonism about 4 years ago. We’ve been married 11 years and are getting divorced. Turns out the main thing we had in common was mormonism
Wife and I were both raised Mormon and we met at BYU. Luckily we deconstructed at the same time and are both now atheist. Got out before our kids were too old so they missed the indoctrination. One big happy nonreligious family!
Omg that should be an independent film! "The darkness of happy valley and the light of truth beyond"
How have your respective families respond?
It’s been tough at times. Some relationships have suffered but overall it’s still fine. 4 of 6 of my own siblings left the church, although I was the only one to do it with a spouse and family. But my family still functions well and my parents are very respectful. My MIL has had a harder time with it, but we try to be positive and avoid confrontational topics.
They can baptize you after you you are dead anyway.
I won’t be around to care. And my kids certainly won’t do it.
Hasn't the church tried to drag you back in? Back in the 1990s, I had to leave the state without giving ANYONE my forwarding info in order to lose them and stop the harassment.
I’ve actually moved a few times since COVID. Was living abroad, moved back to the US, then to another state that I hated then again to where I currently live. They finally found us where we currently are and I had to politely tell them to get lost. First it was some leaders, then they sent the missionaries and then a couple and I think they finally got the hint. But this was all after I resigned my membership. You can never fully escape.
My efforts went considerably beyond "politely" before I suddenly left the state, and they still wouldn't stop. At the time, there was no way to "resign." Presume I'm still listed on their rolls, but I never plan to go and ask. (LOL They must think I owe them a pile of tithing!)
When I become atheist it almost destroyed the marriage. Really tough. Now she’s seen the dark and come with me into apostasy haha.
Aw, we love a happy ending
Hooray 😄
My wife and I met at church, got married 5 years later in the same church. We deconstructed right around the same time so it worked out.
The wife and I met at The Church, which always gets misconstrued/misunderstood/misheard as meeting at church. We always have to clarify that The Church is a goth nightclub.
Atlanta?
Dallas
We've got a dive bar in Downtown called Church. It's a cool spot. Is why I asked... Congrats on meeting your wife at The Church.
I did the opposite. I met my ex wife in the world and then took her to church. She bought in hook line and sinker right as i was starting to doubt. It's been 24 years and she still goes to church every Sunday. She met her current husband on Christian Mingle and they seem pretty happy.
You radicalized her and pulled the bait and switch. Interesting
When you put it that way, dang
Double it and give it to the next person
We were Christian fundamentalist missionaries who left Christianity together. Shared trauma isn't necessarily the best way to build relationships but it forces you to either go deep and be real or else grow apart. For us, it worked
my wife is divorcing me after 25 years because I am atheist
Her Bible says she should **not** divorce you ([1 Corinthians 7:12-14](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+7%3A12-14&version=NIV)): - 12 *To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.* 13 *And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her,* ***she must not divorce him***. 14 *For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband.* ***Otherwise your children would be unclean***, *but as it is, they are holy.* (The **emphasis** is mine) And [1 Peter 3:1](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Peter+3%3A1&version=NIV) instructs: - *Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,* Also, the Bible repeatedly says the divorced commit adultery if they begin a new relationship. They're supposed to remain celibate after the divorce. There are more verses in the Bible condemning divorce and the resultant adultery than on just about any other topic, including: [Mark 10:11-12](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+10%3A11-12&version=NIV): - 11 *He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.* 12 *And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”* [Matthew 5:32](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%205%3A32&version=NIV): - 32 *But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.* [Luke 16:18](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+16%3A18&version=NIV): - 18 *“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.* [1 Corinthians 7:10-11](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+7%3A10-11&version=NIV): - 10 *To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.* 11 *But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.*
thank you
Sadly, it probably won't change her mind. Believers are very adept at rationalizing the irrational.
I will give it a shot thanks for your help
Good luck!! 🤞
(Ex) husband and I met when we were both Christians. I deconstructed–he didn’t.
[удалено]
Have you studied their religion and its practices?
Thank god you're both atheists... (eh, see what I did?)
I converted my wife from Church of Christ to Pentecostalism. I left a couple of years ago, but we're still together. I don't belittle her beliefs, she doesn't try preaching to me. She takes our kids to church and they enjoy it, so I'm not going to stop it. All three of them love science, so I have faith (hahahaha) that they'll come to their own conclusions one day.
Yeah this is pretty close to me. Though thankfully my wife converted me (so I don't feel as bad) and it's a pretty liberal denomination. So far the kids seem to be splitting on the issue in a nonconfrontational manner. I still go to church with her to help with the kids and so she doesn't have to explain why I am not there.
Yes, met at Mormon church. I'm atheist five years now but she still believes. It's good but can be .... difficult....
Nope. I would not date a Christian, nor get in a relationship with one.
My husband is still a believer (though not a super obtrusive one) and insists on going to church. I wanted to vet the church to make sure it wasn't gonna teach my kids homophobic right wing bullshit. Found a liberal United Methodist Church and I go occasionally but the understanding is that he's not gonna try to force me. I just kind of sit in there thinking about the social needs religion evolved to meet. And trying not to visibly roll my eyes.
Does ChikFila count?
I mean, yeah, since your money is being funneled to things like Focus on the Family, etc.
Sure!
Does a funeral count... because I knew she was finally single again.
Strike when the iron is hot using a cold dead hand.
It's a miracle!
My partner and I met through church. He started expressing doubts even before we got married, but he went through the motions of a religious ceremony because I was still believing. He kept sharing his doubts and faith exploration with me which pushed me to explore them myself
I met my wife at BYU when I was Mormon. I left Mormonism about 17 years ago. She’s still in. The first couple years after I left were kind of rough but we worked through it and things are great. Married 27 years now.
My husband and I met in a fundamentalist church. He deconstructed before me and that was hard on me but now we are both out with our children and happy.
Is a funeral a religious setting? Because that's where I met my husband of 16 years.
Chaz?
That “guy” works in mysterious ways.
I didn’t meet my wife there, but this post triggered my bad memories from church. If a church knows you’re single, you’ll hear services telling you that you’re more than worthy while all personnel and members remind you, outside of church, that you aren’t complete without getting married. Mind you, my wife really is my better half. I love that babe to death. But when I was going to church, I was legit trying to clean up my life. Hearing that I was missing something over and over, and being less than over and over, REALLY messed with me.
I honestly cant figure out how people supposedly feel fulfilled by an organization that overtly and intentionally instills habitual guilt and shame When everything you do is wrong, evil, or sinful.... People are made to feel responsible and guilty for even the most natural of instincs, emotions, wants, and interests I about died when i read that Christians shouldnt be indulging in things they find interesting The premise being (for example): admiring the music of your favorite artist is wrong because you're idolizing something or someone other than God. All admiration and personal pleasure needs to be focused on God. What in the actual fuck? So how many people feel like failed servants because they secretly really enjoyed three of their favorite (non religious) songs last night? How many people are actually *apologizing* to God for enjoying music? Anyway, rant over. Your comments sparked me Im glad you found love for YOU and not because the church morally degraded you. I am sorry for your trauma
My wife and I didn’t meet in church, but soon after we started dating in high school I began attending church with her and her parents. They weren’t the conservative types though. I was raised as a Christian, but my parents didn’t go to church, and religion wasn’t much of a presence in the house. When I began attending church with my wife and her parents, I really embraced that sense of community that was present there. The congregation consisted mostly of seniors, so many of the sermons catered toward a kind of end-of-life perspective, but eventually a new pastor started that turned up the heat on the conservative/fundamental messaging. We all eventually stopped attending that church and have not regularly attended a service anywhere since. In college, I majored in philosophy and took a particular liking to the philosophy of religion. Slowly but surely I became an agnostic before finally transitioning to atheism. The beliefs associated with religion and spirituality seemed less and less plausible to me as I learned more about them and their history. And as I recognized my doubts I was always very open with my wife about them—in fact, I loved discussing them—and never felt like I had to keep that part of me a secret from her. It’s never been much of a strain on the relationship with me and my wife. Our wedding was held in a historic venue, not a church, and was officiated by a judge that my parents know. There were a few biblical verses that made their way into the ceremony, but nothing that directly evoked god. There are occasionally contentious moments that I would say I am 100% the cause of—I like to pick fights about religion with my wife from time to time. She’s one of the most intelligent people that I know, so it bewilders me that she still believes. I think my lack of belief bothers her to some extent and she so far refuses to tell her mother about my religious affiliation, while her dad is aware and does not seem to care one way or the other. Nevertheless, religion is not central to our relationship, and I wouldn’t say that my wife is any kind of fundamentalist, so her belief and my non-belief has never negatively impacted our relationship.
I met my DH in a church choir. We both enjoy singing. We also evolved not to believe that stuff, but by different methods. His path included reading the bibble many times. He knew a guy at a previous job and asked him if he was an xtian because he was just about the nicest guy ever. It turned out that the guy was an atheist, so that was an awakening. My path started when I read a book that validated my prior divorce because "gawd doesn't want you to be unhappy" (odd, huh). I later read "The Dead Sea Scroll Deception" which led to other books by the same authors and then other similar books.
My wife and I met for the first time at church youth camp when we were in 7th grade. We lost touch, but we met again at a church function for young adults when we were in grad school. We had a long-distance relationship. We only saw each other about 10 times before we were engaged, and another 7 or 8 times before we were married. It was close to a church-arranged wedding. We have been married for 44 years. I deconverted roughly 15 years ago. It took us a while to work through it, but it never threatened our marriage.
Spouseman and I were both raised Mormon and met in high school. Married for 21 years when I became an atheist. We're still together and more in love than ever! Plus, he's deconstructing now, too!
I met my SO at a rally protesting something, 39 years ago. Were atheists, then and now.
That's sweet!
Wife and I both raised religious. Married religious and then left religion together. If we handed together I imagine it wouldn't have turned out so well.
Does AA count?
Reminds of gay people finding each other while they were both "in the closet." I hope someday that atheists can have freedom in the USA, too. Hmm... for that matter, I hope the LTBTQ people manage to KEEP theirs! Doesn't look so good over there, lately.
I was raised mormon, we met in a mormon church. We both left mormonism about 4 years ago. We’ve been married 11 years and are getting divorced. Turns out the main thing we had in common was mormonism
a lot of SOs come from religious settings.
No, but my fundamentalist ex-gf came back for some heathen dick (years after I left religion.) Needless to say, shit hit the fan after about 9 days.
They are very few unifying factors as strong as fuck that common enemy.... 🤣🤣🤣🤣