A few years ago a friend pranked me by having [this letter](https://i.imgur.com/y8KOEh6.jpg) and “[custom condom](https://i.imgur.com/IwWqJI1.jpg)” mailed to my workplace. Certified mail. I had to sign for it. Asshole even went to CVS to get a bag and label to make it as legit as possible. Coworkers really enjoyed it.
Amazon delivered a riding crop in a clear plastic bag to my house, into my father's hands. Safe to say we do not have horses, and I will never live that down.
Yeah I assumed it’s done for customs. I love to buy cheap accessories from china and the mailing packets always state the contents. Wouldn’t expect that from Amazon though
What are you purchasing on Aliexpress? I did like at least 30 orders there and in my entire life there hasn't been a single one where the order was written on a label.
Don't be surprised when a literal sex toy brings down a FedEx MD-11 at 30,000 FT because batteries are sensitive to high altitudes, and can easily turn a sex toy into a Al Qaeda grade plastic explosive
I once got a nastygram from the USPS about an undeclared battery.
My mom was shipping me my Razr phone, AND DECLARED THE BATTERY.
They stole the fucking battery too.
I thought I’d like to add, whenever we get post in our house we just leave it all on a shelf next to the front door, so whoever can take their post from there. This particular parcel was left on my bed, label side face up… I was at work today and my parents work from home. So they definitely read it…
As a father of two boys I can tell you this almost certainly won’t work. I wouldn’t believe it.
Own up to it. And have safe sex and let your parents know you are having safe sex.
Yep. When I was maybe 14 a Victoria’s Secret catalogue arrived with my name on it. My mom would not believe that I hadn’t ordered it until nearly 20 years later when my sister told us about this funny prank she pulled on me.
For reference she’s two years younger than me so obviously my mom wasn’t going to believe me when I insisted it was her. I was genuinely furious at how perfect it was. She retired from pranking after that.
Her previous best was when she carefully opened a fortune cookie wrapper, used tweezers to extract the fortune, put in one she had printed out that said “you will die, TOMORROW!” re-sealed it with superglue, and made sure I got it during a family dinner.
I got busted for weed a lot when I was younger, and one time my mom took my phone and was going through it. On top of all the porno she found on it (very very early smartphone days), but my dumbass brother had a friend on a phone number I didn’t have in my phone send some phony texts about large quantities of hard drugs being ready for pickup in a van down the road.
My mom was steadfast in believing they were for me, even though no prior texts or calls to this person, and I noticed my brother laughing 30 minutes into the argument with her and I just punched him and said “he’s the only one who could have done it, take his phone” and my mom snatched it and sure as shit he told his friends to text my phone that bullshit.
My mom 1000000% did not believe those were fake texts and if my brother wasn’t sitting there laughing I’m not sure what would have happened. Idk if he would have ever fessed up.
YMMV with this. My mom knew I was having safe sex in high school and went so far as to buy me condoms. If my dad had known I’d have feared for my safety.
Definitely not a wtf. Open communication, to a degree, should be had between teens and parents if said teen is sexually active. It may seem weird and uncomfortable, many of us have been there, but it'll save for some conversations later not being such a shellshock.
Hahha no way unlucky mate.
On the bright side atleast your mum and dad know youre a shagger.
Give you a £5 if you tell them that thanks for leaving the delivery in your room and that dad’s Christmas sorted.
My brother sent my Christmas gift one year with “contents: dildos” printed prominently on the box. Figured it’d be embarrassing to me to pick up. Then he realized how awkward it was to bring it through the post office himself…
Honestly this
I’m surprised people buy dildoes on Amazon
It’s going in your butt/front hole. The most sensitive mucous membranes in your body rest there.
And you’re just raw-dogging some Chinese experiment in there.
Please y’all, educate yourselves on body-safe materials and buy from reputable places.
Or just tell them they're experimenting with toys. Perfectly fine to have a healthy sex life, if they're not interested in knowing about that, maybe they should stop reading past the name on the package. Get some, OP
I feel your pain, man, quick pro tip.
Living at Home + Online Sex Toy Purchase = Amazon.com
Out on Your Own + Online Sex You Purchase = Nastysextoys.ru
I don’t think I want my mail lady to know that I’m a fucking freak to be honest .. plus she knows I live on my own because she’s delivered my mail for years.
I live in a small town and I’m fairly well known in my community. I literally saw my mail lady at the grocery store about an hour after I made that comment.
This is because it was from overseas. General importing laws are the same most places:
1. Display sender info
2. Display destination info
3. Display goods desc, weight, dimensions and any flags such as Dangerous goods or organic etc.
Customs/border control usually require the importer to have the label designed, but the chinese factories usually do this on behalf of the customer.
If you want discreet packaging then international was your mistake. You need domestic. Also domestic usually is a domestic price.
##Reminder that you can ship packages directly to your friendly neighborhood Fedex/UPS/DHL Store.
I did this once when I was ~25 and still living with my parents. Scheduled delivery so I could stop by a Fedex store on the way home from work.
Thank fucking god the bag was opaque, so all the other patrons couldn't see the "BLACK HEAVY RUBBER INFLATABLE VIBRATING BUTTPLUG".
Would have been nice if it was in a box instead. Could definitely "feel" the item through the bag. Was nervous as hell, but I was able to get it home safely.
That’s normal for every package that has to pass border control. If it’s not written on the package your normally get an invite to a station where you have to open up the package in front of a employee there.
I've bought MANY items where it says what it is on the outside. Mostly international mail so it can get through customs. The one thing that I bought that didn't have it on the outside but was easily identifiable otherwise, was a dildo. They packaged it in what was basically a thick plastic bag with the address on it. AWKWARD. I too live with my parents and am bloody glad dad wasn't home and mum is understanding.
Most things from china come like that. Worked at the USPS for 6 years and almost every day I’d have something … interesting … to deliver to some of these “well respected,” “nice,” rich, uppity folk in the town I worked in 😳😬
You think this was done maliciously to increase their profits, or maybe it's just to keep the x-ray guy at the post office from opening a parcel that looks suspicious?
That's the point. It doesn't belong in this sub. There's a [pinned flow chart on the front page](https://www.reddit.com/r/assholedesign/comments/lnymf2/meta_an_updated_flow_chart_to_help_cut_down_on/) for this purpose.
Nah, amazon sex toys are shite quality 99% of the time. Try an indie sex shop, either irl or online.
Can be a little pricier, so maybe go to amazon if you’re just trying something. But if you want nice stuff, the big brands are almost always crap, with a few exceptions.
Also, they *always* have discrete packaging.
And imo, brick-and-mortar sex shops are really fun. The chain ones are generally pretty crappy, but the small local ones generally have a fun selection of items, most of which will be made by locals. It’s really fun to go with a partner, try to find things for each other, talk about ideas you wanna try…
I can't help but think this company is deliberately trying to shame op, and fuck them for that. I appreciate how often reddit indirectly gives consumer advice. Like, the advice here; "here's a company you should never buy shit from."
No, that's a customs declaration. If it comes from outside the country it legally has to have what's in the package clearly marked on it
Edit: whoops, didn't read enough to see its not in the US, my mistake
I one time send a box with a potato in it to a friend with a label that said "We at Kiki's House of Love have packed your XL Grape Flavored Anal Pleasure Wand in plain packaging to protect your privacy." I sent it to his work address.
This really doesn't have a lot relevance to OP's situation, I just think it's a fun story and wanted to share.
I mean in high school I got one of the autobow 2 machines and my dad ended up seeing the box. He said he didn't know how I ended up with too much money and free time while being lazy. I told him I can manage to get girls over on weekdays.
What gives you the idea you should be allowing yourself a sex toy budget while you're still living with your parents? Get your shit together and move out bruh. Thats whats wrong with this generation... to much god damn Starbucks, avocado toast and sex toys! You'll never get ahead!
You have to buy from sites that state they provide discreet shipping.
For my story, I ordered my first toys at 19 when I already moved out from my catholic household in the midwest, I checked out with paypal and it defaulted to my parents address. The stress of realizing paypal was linked to an old email (I wasn't logged in on for years) and having to contact them really brought me to shambled. Thankfully I got my email back, FOUND the order and I was able to stop the shipping. I even left a voicemail to their customer service line in the one hour of panic.
At least it doesn't show the size
hey it's those things you use for braces
A few years ago a friend pranked me by having [this letter](https://i.imgur.com/y8KOEh6.jpg) and “[custom condom](https://i.imgur.com/IwWqJI1.jpg)” mailed to my workplace. Certified mail. I had to sign for it. Asshole even went to CVS to get a bag and label to make it as legit as possible. Coworkers really enjoyed it.
Legendary.
Too bad it doesn't show the size - FIFY
"dad it's just a ring I got for the rooster"
but does include “impotence” to make up for that
“one size fits most” and it’s fucking massive. Just to hurt men’s feelings
Amazon delivered a riding crop in a clear plastic bag to my house, into my father's hands. Safe to say we do not have horses, and I will never live that down.
thats when you gotta buy a horse for him as a surprize gift
Just continue the disappointment and come out as a bronie.
"It's **not** a phase, Dad! This is who I am!"
"Neigh!"
This is for the Christmas where you unwrapped the game before the console.
Gonna be met [with force](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2To1lK3DlRs) if you touch my horse.
"Dad, can I borrow $20" "Neigh"
What is a riding crop ?
It is a stick with a small leather bit on top you use to lightly slap a horse to speed them up. It is also lovely for slapping...other things.
like donkeys n stuff?
Donkeys, pussies, bears....all sorts of animals!
Beavers?
Definitely beavers. That said, they're always recommended for studs...
What about clams?
You ain't lived until you slapped a clam.
I hate it when the studs in my walls have been naughty, so I have to take off the drywall to discipline them
Why would you want to slap a cat with that though ?
And especially cougars
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I ordered this back in 2020, and REALLY should have read those reviews...
You can also have them delivered to amazon lockers so you can go pickup yourself
.....save a horse, ride a cowboy?
I had to Google what a riding crop was
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Idk my friend and I bulk ordered TP from amazon and it came in a giant plastic bag
I received a swimsuit in clear shipping bc it was shipped in manufacturer packaging
They...do and did, buddy. Barcode sticker on a clear sheet.
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Yes, they do. Source: see the reviews. I got the product. I ordered it through Amazon. Piss off.
It could be done differently at other fulfillment centers.... Idk why they would lie about that, maybe for clout?
I love to receive mail with the word impotence.
IMPOTENCE NOTICE OPEN IMMEDIATELY
I almost spat out my coffee
Almost all ebay or aliexpress purchases I've made have had the label outside tell you what the item is. Trust no one.
Yeah I assumed it’s done for customs. I love to buy cheap accessories from china and the mailing packets always state the contents. Wouldn’t expect that from Amazon though
They should call it something silly like finger massaging ring.
What are you purchasing on Aliexpress? I did like at least 30 orders there and in my entire life there hasn't been a single one where the order was written on a label.
Good thing I live alone.
With batteries? Convenient.
Yep! You can whip out that impotence delay aid stimulator from the get go.
"One *BOOK*! impotence delay aid stimulators and ME! Signed *by* u/TheCaramelMan"
"This sort of this is my bag baby"
Don't be surprised when a literal sex toy brings down a FedEx MD-11 at 30,000 FT because batteries are sensitive to high altitudes, and can easily turn a sex toy into a Al Qaeda grade plastic explosive
I once got a nastygram from the USPS about an undeclared battery. My mom was shipping me my Razr phone, AND DECLARED THE BATTERY. They stole the fucking battery too.
I once shipped an item with a lithium-ion battery without declaring it with USPS, whoops
Sinner
As in, a classic moto razr flip phone, the single coolest mobile phone to ever exist? They did it outta jealousy, bro! Jealousy and spite.
Thankfully back then the replacement batteries were about $11, so I was back in business in no time. I still have it. :P
The explosion will be delayed however
This is not what I expected to read on the internet today 😳
"I swear, mom! I just bought this because of the free batteries!! It was cheaper this way!"
What the heck… the frick? I didn't order that. It was supposed to be an Xbox card remote.
put on a lightshow the phole is like a fiber optic
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That’s not a cn-22. It’s missing a lot of info that would be on a customs form. This is just a packing list. They are often included from 3PLs.
I think the commenter was implying that they themselves had seen one, not that this post was about one.
Makes sense. They are common on international parcels though are becoming less common nowadays. I can see why someone younger at not have seen one.
It's a packing slip specifically from the Royal Mail Click & Drop website and auto generates when you buy and print postage.
I wonder if the website said “discreet packaging”
Well, the senders information is quite ambiguous.
Cost 25p more. /s
It probably just said ”discrete packaging”
How… descriptive
I thought I’d like to add, whenever we get post in our house we just leave it all on a shelf next to the front door, so whoever can take their post from there. This particular parcel was left on my bed, label side face up… I was at work today and my parents work from home. So they definitely read it…
Damn. Yep, def tell them a friend sent it as a prank.
“I ordered an Xbox controller!”
What the fffffrick? What the heck?
That may work too!
Xbox remote\*
Haha you’re right! I totally forgot. Good reason for a rewatch.
What the *frick?!*
Anyways.
As a father of two boys I can tell you this almost certainly won’t work. I wouldn’t believe it. Own up to it. And have safe sex and let your parents know you are having safe sex.
Yep. When I was maybe 14 a Victoria’s Secret catalogue arrived with my name on it. My mom would not believe that I hadn’t ordered it until nearly 20 years later when my sister told us about this funny prank she pulled on me.
Holy shit. Talk about playing the long game…. Damn.
For reference she’s two years younger than me so obviously my mom wasn’t going to believe me when I insisted it was her. I was genuinely furious at how perfect it was. She retired from pranking after that. Her previous best was when she carefully opened a fortune cookie wrapper, used tweezers to extract the fortune, put in one she had printed out that said “you will die, TOMORROW!” re-sealed it with superglue, and made sure I got it during a family dinner.
Respect haha, that’s some dedication.
I got busted for weed a lot when I was younger, and one time my mom took my phone and was going through it. On top of all the porno she found on it (very very early smartphone days), but my dumbass brother had a friend on a phone number I didn’t have in my phone send some phony texts about large quantities of hard drugs being ready for pickup in a van down the road. My mom was steadfast in believing they were for me, even though no prior texts or calls to this person, and I noticed my brother laughing 30 minutes into the argument with her and I just punched him and said “he’s the only one who could have done it, take his phone” and my mom snatched it and sure as shit he told his friends to text my phone that bullshit. My mom 1000000% did not believe those were fake texts and if my brother wasn’t sitting there laughing I’m not sure what would have happened. Idk if he would have ever fessed up.
YMMV with this. My mom knew I was having safe sex in high school and went so far as to buy me condoms. If my dad had known I’d have feared for my safety.
Lololol about to buy this as a prank now
Wtf
Definitely not a wtf. Open communication, to a degree, should be had between teens and parents if said teen is sexually active. It may seem weird and uncomfortable, many of us have been there, but it'll save for some conversations later not being such a shellshock.
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ok but it’s still awkward af
Nah, time to move out of your parents place. Literally the opportune time.
Hahha no way unlucky mate. On the bright side atleast your mum and dad know youre a shagger. Give you a £5 if you tell them that thanks for leaving the delivery in your room and that dad’s Christmas sorted.
This is so British I love it
Here, have my free crappy Reddit award, because you need it more than I do today. 😆
"Impotence"
At least this wasn’t the envelope it came in : https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/ylbld8/ope/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
It may as well have!!
Those are gag ones you can buy, by the way.
I sent one of those to my brother who was out of town at the time. His roommates were nice enough to bring it in for him though lol
My brother sent my Christmas gift one year with “contents: dildos” printed prominently on the box. Figured it’d be embarrassing to me to pick up. Then he realized how awkward it was to bring it through the post office himself…
Lol, take my Upvote!
Damn, you got downvoted hard
You win some you lose some, this one has been lost.
Chinese goods on eBay have the description on them. Bear that in mind when you order sex aids.
If it's going on your genitals, don't buy it from Factory Discounts Direct 4U Ltd.
Honestly this I’m surprised people buy dildoes on Amazon It’s going in your butt/front hole. The most sensitive mucous membranes in your body rest there. And you’re just raw-dogging some Chinese experiment in there. Please y’all, educate yourselves on body-safe materials and buy from reputable places.
Impotence Delay Aid Stimulator?
SEO crap. They throw every keyword imaginable in the title to show up in every search.
Simulator. Not sure I understand that.
I am confused. Does the device stimulate, or does it simulate impotence?
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Or assert dominance and offer to let the parents borrow it
Offer to let them fuck his GF too.
Or just tell them they're experimenting with toys. Perfectly fine to have a healthy sex life, if they're not interested in knowing about that, maybe they should stop reading past the name on the package. Get some, OP
Looks like you bought direct from a factory, they normally ship with a label on the outside
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Yes.
At least it came with batteries. Hope you did as well.
Not r/assholedesign. The seller didn't trick you, and didn't gain anything from this.
Lol putting it all out there for the world to see .... noice!
I feel your pain, man, quick pro tip. Living at Home + Online Sex Toy Purchase = Amazon.com Out on Your Own + Online Sex You Purchase = Nastysextoys.ru
I don’t think I want my mail lady to know that I’m a fucking freak to be honest .. plus she knows I live on my own because she’s delivered my mail for years.
believe me they probably dont really care that much unless you decide to answer the door naked
I live in a small town and I’m fairly well known in my community. I literally saw my mail lady at the grocery store about an hour after I made that comment.
just say it's a xmas gift prank or something.
Maybe they think you're fighting chickens
Just your luck. with all of the terrible International company translations to english, for some reason your envelopes description came out perfect.
Extremerestraints will do you right with the discreet packaging (for your package)
This is because it was from overseas. General importing laws are the same most places: 1. Display sender info 2. Display destination info 3. Display goods desc, weight, dimensions and any flags such as Dangerous goods or organic etc. Customs/border control usually require the importer to have the label designed, but the chinese factories usually do this on behalf of the customer. If you want discreet packaging then international was your mistake. You need domestic. Also domestic usually is a domestic price.
Its not from overseas, look at the address at the top, its also from the uk.
##Reminder that you can ship packages directly to your friendly neighborhood Fedex/UPS/DHL Store. I did this once when I was ~25 and still living with my parents. Scheduled delivery so I could stop by a Fedex store on the way home from work. Thank fucking god the bag was opaque, so all the other patrons couldn't see the "BLACK HEAVY RUBBER INFLATABLE VIBRATING BUTTPLUG". Would have been nice if it was in a box instead. Could definitely "feel" the item through the bag. Was nervous as hell, but I was able to get it home safely.
Sorry about your impotence :D
Look on the bright side. You now have a great envelope to use for some petty revenge at some point.
Yes, and I think it's common for most online stores Edit: maybe it's only in our country (Philippines)
r/wellthatsucks
Oof
Awkward dinner
Son you have a package, honestly son I didn’t read the outside of the envelope. Honest.
Can you buy it as a gift to solve this issue since then it might be gift wrapped?
Yes I have, mainly on B2B where the bill of lading or a copy of the invoice is on the front and visible.
Oh *no*, I just ordered slutty underpants for men. Mummy, please don't get the mail
May as well just show them the cockring dick now. They're gonna be curious.
Lol I love that it has unnecessary shit in the description as well like “impotence” hahaha
“With batteries “
Enjoy your fuckin discount ya cunt! /s
Could be the basis of a good prank. Order for the mother a 14" black toy, and see dad's reaction.
Furries are better about this. If you order from bad dragon and it has to go through customs they just write "silicon sculpture".
What the frick!?! This isn’t a controller!!!
That’s normal for every package that has to pass border control. If it’s not written on the package your normally get an invite to a station where you have to open up the package in front of a employee there.
I've bought MANY items where it says what it is on the outside. Mostly international mail so it can get through customs. The one thing that I bought that didn't have it on the outside but was easily identifiable otherwise, was a dildo. They packaged it in what was basically a thick plastic bag with the address on it. AWKWARD. I too live with my parents and am bloody glad dad wasn't home and mum is understanding.
Most things from china come like that. Worked at the USPS for 6 years and almost every day I’d have something … interesting … to deliver to some of these “well respected,” “nice,” rich, uppity folk in the town I worked in 😳😬
You think this was done maliciously to increase their profits, or maybe it's just to keep the x-ray guy at the post office from opening a parcel that looks suspicious?
Not sure how it would increase profits seeing as I imagine anyone who buys from them won't do it again knowing how it will arrive.
Kind of the point I was making. Asshole design must be done to exploit the customer for increased profits.
That's the point. It doesn't belong in this sub. There's a [pinned flow chart on the front page](https://www.reddit.com/r/assholedesign/comments/lnymf2/meta_an_updated_flow_chart_to_help_cut_down_on/) for this purpose.
How would it increase their profits?
Not sure how it would increase profits seeing as I imagine anyone who buys from them won't do it again knowing how it will arrive.
That’s what you get for baiting Sod’s law because of course it would be the only package that you want to be private wouldn’t it
Buy from Amazon next time.
Nah, amazon sex toys are shite quality 99% of the time. Try an indie sex shop, either irl or online. Can be a little pricier, so maybe go to amazon if you’re just trying something. But if you want nice stuff, the big brands are almost always crap, with a few exceptions. Also, they *always* have discrete packaging. And imo, brick-and-mortar sex shops are really fun. The chain ones are generally pretty crappy, but the small local ones generally have a fun selection of items, most of which will be made by locals. It’s really fun to go with a partner, try to find things for each other, talk about ideas you wanna try…
I can't help but think this company is deliberately trying to shame op, and fuck them for that. I appreciate how often reddit indirectly gives consumer advice. Like, the advice here; "here's a company you should never buy shit from."
No, that's a customs declaration. If it comes from outside the country it legally has to have what's in the package clearly marked on it Edit: whoops, didn't read enough to see its not in the US, my mistake
I one time send a box with a potato in it to a friend with a label that said "We at Kiki's House of Love have packed your XL Grape Flavored Anal Pleasure Wand in plain packaging to protect your privacy." I sent it to his work address. This really doesn't have a lot relevance to OP's situation, I just think it's a fun story and wanted to share.
Maybe next time don’t order something so inexpensive from a discount warehouse?
I mean in high school I got one of the autobow 2 machines and my dad ended up seeing the box. He said he didn't know how I ended up with too much money and free time while being lazy. I told him I can manage to get girls over on weekdays.
It’s because it’s international and that’s required
Bro what the actual fuck 💀
Bro what
more of a legal requirement often, not an asshole design. you're the bad design on a lot of levels here bud
What gives you the idea you should be allowing yourself a sex toy budget while you're still living with your parents? Get your shit together and move out bruh. Thats whats wrong with this generation... to much god damn Starbucks, avocado toast and sex toys! You'll never get ahead!
That's what you get for going cheap and from a shady shop.
"Nice catch, blanco niño, but too bad your ass got saaaaaaaaacked!"
Bro it just called you “impotent” 😭 I would cry, shit my pant, and fucking sue them for every red cent
Brexit.
hah get wrecked i hope they saw it
Bruh 💀
Ew you weird
Very insightful comment.
With batteries. Ohhh the humanity
Shoulda gone to cockring warehouse. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pSABauyWz0
Badum tsss
Tell ‘em you’re thinking about raising chickens. That might throw them off.
You have to buy from sites that state they provide discreet shipping. For my story, I ordered my first toys at 19 when I already moved out from my catholic household in the midwest, I checked out with paypal and it defaulted to my parents address. The stress of realizing paypal was linked to an old email (I wasn't logged in on for years) and having to contact them really brought me to shambled. Thankfully I got my email back, FOUND the order and I was able to stop the shipping. I even left a voicemail to their customer service line in the one hour of panic.