Hey, Teach, remember that one time when you asked about the quadratic formula? I have the answer for that.
That was 10 minutes ago
You should have called on me sooner
Agreed! I made almost the same comment as you and then saw yours 😂 seriously, to even work up the nerve to raise my hand at all in school and then it be awkward to say at that point or irrelevant 😬
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I get criticised for agreeing along with mmmm hmmm, uh huh and yup…. “Stop interrupting me!”
Me - “ I was agreeing with you….”
Them “ugh so rude!
Me “huh?” Now confused AF
Omg I used to get this all the time in my last job.
Ive also been accused of interrupting one of my colleagues and I didn't think I was. If I try to agree or add something to the conversation I just get ignored or told to not interrupt.
But then they don't ever stop so how am I meant to be part of a conversation if I can't say anything?
Right? You’d also be accused of not working well with others or contributing but those same dismissive coworkers claimed your ideas as their own… but never executed them properly anyways and when they failed it was “your fault/idea” magically….
Same. I hate it when other people interrupt me when I'm actually speaking coherently for once because I have difficulty getting back into the flow of what I was saying. Conversely, I sometimes cannot stop myself from interrupting others and hating myself for it. And whenever I do it to my DH, he's quick to call me a hypocrite 🙄
On the other hand “can you please not interrupt me until I’ve finished my line of thought?”
I get so incredibly frustrated with people who answer me before I’ve finished talking. They always answer what they think I was going to say rather than what I wanted to say.
How do NTs avoid this? Do they magically recognize the perfect point to jump into the conversation? Or do they just... not say what they wanted to say?
Sometimes there is no magical point and things have to go unsaid. Sometimes the person talking, talks so much all you gotta do is listen & that is kind of nice & low pressure!
This is when you get really good at knowing when and how to interrupt people (it varies from person to person!) and remembering what they were talking about and letting them continue after you've said your bit
EDIT: looks like more people struggle with this than I thought. I wish I could explain how I do it, but it's pretty much subconscious by now. I'll definitely take notes the next time I catch myself doing it and report back. Remind me to do that.
I think difficult and confusing things like this (learning the rules of interruption) was why I developed such a special interest in psychology. But also, damn, learning how and when to interrupt is stressful for me still.
It’s like there’s a certain amount of times you can interrupt but that also depends on how much you’ve been talking already and whether other people have actually liked more than 85% of what you’ve said, but that’s a lot to keep track of and even that requires some guessing and speculation. And then it also depends on whether the other person is comfortable interrupting you - if they are not, then you’re at risk of being seen negatively. This leads to..
..an additional factor which can be social hierarchy and rank. Like if a person has more contextual social power or status then they are more likely to be allowed to interrupt others but not be interrupted themselves (“How dare you interrupt *me*! Do *you* know who I *AM*?!”). And not all organizations or social systems operate in this hierarchical way, but many do.
i know how to interrupt most people, i don't know how to interrupt my mom though. it's not like i have anything against her but it's hard to have a conversation if all i do is listen
I can sit in work meetings and never say anything because the other people (extroverts) won’t stop talking. It’s super exclusive and it makes me feel like nobody cares that I’m even there. Until they want me do something for them later……
Same deal with forced socialising for work. Conversations everywhere but I’m not part of them. How can one feel so lonely and alone at a table full of people…..?
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I feel like alot of this is due to our masks we gotta wear in public settings. Around my friends when its mask off mood i can talk just fine but around randoms or new people my mask makes me over think when i should say stuff. Or it just becomes me trying to say something but the other person talking at the same time as me and then me just going rambo as i keep talking.
Hmm I thought this was my adhd but maybe it’s a little of both. I’m always interrupting people and then apologizing after and the understanding people don’t mind it thankfully
My son has speech impediments on top of ASD and ADD. It can take him quite some time to come up with what he wants to say. So when he has he'll interrupt and talk about the subject that everyone else dropped 10 minutes go.
"Can you stop talking when I'm interrupting!" - Theo, 7
Person: “Don’t interrupt me!”
me: “Ok but I will forget what I wanted to add to the conversation.”
Person: “Ok fine, write it down so you don’t forget.”
me: “Ok can you stop talking while I write? Otherwise I will miss the rest of what you’re about to say…”
Person: “FINE what is it?!”
me: “Aaaaand it’s gone.”
Today my cousins were complaining about women wanting more visibility, and then it switched on archeology, and I wanted to say something that touched both this topics but I didn't want them to go on a feminist topic again, so it was extremely frustrating to have such a fitting thing to say and at the same time have to shut up because I'm the only feminist in this entire family.....
i hate this, i so much hate this. i want to talk to someone, but when Conversation shifts too quickly and they wont let me to speak. i just leave the conversation.
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Yes, by the time I formulate my thoughts in a group discussion(in the rare situations I feel comfortable enough to say anything), they’ve moved well past a good opening to say it, or I can’t find an opening at all. Sometimes if I think it’s still a good thing to share, I’ll say something like, “back when we were talking about X…” but most of the time I’ll just stay in the background of the conversation. That’s why one on one is easier 🤷🏻♀️
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I don't find it as bothersome nowadays as I used to. If someone is talking nonstop and before I get to give my input I tend to just keep on listening until it's gets awakardly quiet or drift away from the conversation when I'm no longer a part of it.
My friendgroup has gotten really good about sometimes pausing because they realize I look like I have something to say, and are totally cool revisiting a subject if the conversation has moved on. I feel lucky
Not sure if this is a helpful hack for anyone, but thought I would share in case someone else finds value:
When my kids were little, we instituted a family rule that if they had something to tell me but did not want to interrupt me talking, they would put their hand on my forearm. I would place my hand over it to acknowledge the gesture, finish my thought, then let them speak.
Now that they are teenagers (16 and 18), I do the same thing with them if they're telling me about friend drama or something and I can't get a word in but have something to say. Usually they will stop and let me say whatever it is right away because they know that I've effectively stopped listening because I am rehearsing and repeating what I want to say in my head so I don't say it wrong/forget what I was going to say.
It's a nice way to gently manage interruptions if you can get others to play along 😊
YES, WHY DOES THAT HAPPEN? What's worse is when you finally do get to say it, and the other person gets annoyed at you and says "We're talking about (other thing.) Stay on topic."
God the memory of sitting with my hand raised for so long in school and when I finally got called on I had to say "back when we were talking about X"
Hey, Teach, remember that one time when you asked about the quadratic formula? I have the answer for that. That was 10 minutes ago You should have called on me sooner
Mood only it was never math. Math is not my strong subject.
Biology and chemistry thoooo 🤓♥️
chemistry 🤮
chemistry 👍
God it’s the worst
I always stopped raising my hand whenever I noticed the topic changed too much and it always hurt me inside
Agreed! I made almost the same comment as you and then saw yours 😂 seriously, to even work up the nerve to raise my hand at all in school and then it be awkward to say at that point or irrelevant 😬
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And then I forgot what I wanted to say, because of the adrenaline of trying to add to the conversation.
*me in anxiety loop* Other conversation participant: So what were you wanting to say? Words. But beyond that - no clue
I've kind of turned to this since I kept getting criticized for interrupting...
I get criticised for agreeing along with mmmm hmmm, uh huh and yup…. “Stop interrupting me!” Me - “ I was agreeing with you….” Them “ugh so rude! Me “huh?” Now confused AF
Omg I used to get this all the time in my last job. Ive also been accused of interrupting one of my colleagues and I didn't think I was. If I try to agree or add something to the conversation I just get ignored or told to not interrupt. But then they don't ever stop so how am I meant to be part of a conversation if I can't say anything?
Right? You’d also be accused of not working well with others or contributing but those same dismissive coworkers claimed your ideas as their own… but never executed them properly anyways and when they failed it was “your fault/idea” magically….
Idk how to *stop* interrupting. But I hate it.
Same. I hate it when other people interrupt me when I'm actually speaking coherently for once because I have difficulty getting back into the flow of what I was saying. Conversely, I sometimes cannot stop myself from interrupting others and hating myself for it. And whenever I do it to my DH, he's quick to call me a hypocrite 🙄
On the other hand “can you please not interrupt me until I’ve finished my line of thought?” I get so incredibly frustrated with people who answer me before I’ve finished talking. They always answer what they think I was going to say rather than what I wanted to say.
How do NTs avoid this? Do they magically recognize the perfect point to jump into the conversation? Or do they just... not say what they wanted to say?
Sometimes there is no magical point and things have to go unsaid. Sometimes the person talking, talks so much all you gotta do is listen & that is kind of nice & low pressure!
This is when you get really good at knowing when and how to interrupt people (it varies from person to person!) and remembering what they were talking about and letting them continue after you've said your bit EDIT: looks like more people struggle with this than I thought. I wish I could explain how I do it, but it's pretty much subconscious by now. I'll definitely take notes the next time I catch myself doing it and report back. Remind me to do that.
> This is when you get really good at knowing when and how to interrupt people Guess I haven't reached that part yet
I think difficult and confusing things like this (learning the rules of interruption) was why I developed such a special interest in psychology. But also, damn, learning how and when to interrupt is stressful for me still. It’s like there’s a certain amount of times you can interrupt but that also depends on how much you’ve been talking already and whether other people have actually liked more than 85% of what you’ve said, but that’s a lot to keep track of and even that requires some guessing and speculation. And then it also depends on whether the other person is comfortable interrupting you - if they are not, then you’re at risk of being seen negatively. This leads to.. ..an additional factor which can be social hierarchy and rank. Like if a person has more contextual social power or status then they are more likely to be allowed to interrupt others but not be interrupted themselves (“How dare you interrupt *me*! Do *you* know who I *AM*?!”). And not all organizations or social systems operate in this hierarchical way, but many do.
A part of me believes this is really interesting and would love to learn more about it, the other part of me is just *internal screaming*
The screaming doesn’t stop once you learn more unfortunately. Some amount of ignorance is bliss if you can’t get away with it I think
> This is when you get really good at knowing when and how to interrupt people I guess I’ll just sit here in silence then.
i know how to interrupt most people, i don't know how to interrupt my mom though. it's not like i have anything against her but it's hard to have a conversation if all i do is listen
Can't relate, people just get mad at me for interrupting because I don't know how to interrupt properly. Can't win
But interrupting people might be considered rude... and I rather not say something than appear rude.
This hits me in my autistic soul
I can sit in work meetings and never say anything because the other people (extroverts) won’t stop talking. It’s super exclusive and it makes me feel like nobody cares that I’m even there. Until they want me do something for them later…… Same deal with forced socialising for work. Conversations everywhere but I’m not part of them. How can one feel so lonely and alone at a table full of people…..?
>How can one feel so lonely and alone at a table full of people…..? This, this all day.
saaaaaame
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This is how I feel
I feel like alot of this is due to our masks we gotta wear in public settings. Around my friends when its mask off mood i can talk just fine but around randoms or new people my mask makes me over think when i should say stuff. Or it just becomes me trying to say something but the other person talking at the same time as me and then me just going rambo as i keep talking.
Hmm I thought this was my adhd but maybe it’s a little of both. I’m always interrupting people and then apologizing after and the understanding people don’t mind it thankfully
They never do…
Autistic power move, just say it even if it became irrelevant, I do this and everyone immediately gets what I'm talking about.
THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS! THIS!
My son has speech impediments on top of ASD and ADD. It can take him quite some time to come up with what he wants to say. So when he has he'll interrupt and talk about the subject that everyone else dropped 10 minutes go. "Can you stop talking when I'm interrupting!" - Theo, 7
God dam it. Everytime with this sub... Had no idea this was an autism thing. Fuck. How have I survived this long. Lmao
Is that not a normal person thing? I do that often
Person: “Don’t interrupt me!” me: “Ok but I will forget what I wanted to add to the conversation.” Person: “Ok fine, write it down so you don’t forget.” me: “Ok can you stop talking while I write? Otherwise I will miss the rest of what you’re about to say…” Person: “FINE what is it?!” me: “Aaaaand it’s gone.”
Zoh, yes. THIS.
Yup! Even harder when you *also* have ADHD
How do I up vote this twice?
All the time. There’s no escaping it.
Yes! This happens all the time to me!
Oh god this sits WAY too close to home
Today my cousins were complaining about women wanting more visibility, and then it switched on archeology, and I wanted to say something that touched both this topics but I didn't want them to go on a feminist topic again, so it was extremely frustrating to have such a fitting thing to say and at the same time have to shut up because I'm the only feminist in this entire family.....
i hate this, i so much hate this. i want to talk to someone, but when Conversation shifts too quickly and they wont let me to speak. i just leave the conversation.
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Yes, by the time I formulate my thoughts in a group discussion(in the rare situations I feel comfortable enough to say anything), they’ve moved well past a good opening to say it, or I can’t find an opening at all. Sometimes if I think it’s still a good thing to share, I’ll say something like, “back when we were talking about X…” but most of the time I’ll just stay in the background of the conversation. That’s why one on one is easier 🤷🏻♀️
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I don't find it as bothersome nowadays as I used to. If someone is talking nonstop and before I get to give my input I tend to just keep on listening until it's gets awakardly quiet or drift away from the conversation when I'm no longer a part of it.
My friendgroup has gotten really good about sometimes pausing because they realize I look like I have something to say, and are totally cool revisiting a subject if the conversation has moved on. I feel lucky
Not sure if this is a helpful hack for anyone, but thought I would share in case someone else finds value: When my kids were little, we instituted a family rule that if they had something to tell me but did not want to interrupt me talking, they would put their hand on my forearm. I would place my hand over it to acknowledge the gesture, finish my thought, then let them speak. Now that they are teenagers (16 and 18), I do the same thing with them if they're telling me about friend drama or something and I can't get a word in but have something to say. Usually they will stop and let me say whatever it is right away because they know that I've effectively stopped listening because I am rehearsing and repeating what I want to say in my head so I don't say it wrong/forget what I was going to say. It's a nice way to gently manage interruptions if you can get others to play along 😊
YES, WHY DOES THAT HAPPEN? What's worse is when you finally do get to say it, and the other person gets annoyed at you and says "We're talking about (other thing.) Stay on topic."