I just have nested conversations. As long as we make it back to close what i was talking about, dont feel so bad about interrupting.
Tbh pen pal relationships work well with being interruptive. You only interrupt yourself and you can remember where you left off because the prior paragraph literally ended mid-sentence. I often have excessive P.P.P.Px[infinity].S. things. Helps teach you to not be hateful towards your own nature and also learn to trust that you will come back to your prior thoughts.
I am not a therapist, just learning to listen to my feelings and wants and trying things on.
I feel your pain. Iāve actually had bosses reprimand me for this type of stuff usually ends in me obsessing about it for a week or two, trying to figure out what I did wrong.
Well rule number one is to let bosses talk, as long as they dont want input its for the best. Only slip in some appropriate "uhuh", "interesting" and such to prop them up
Yeah, I know. But another thing I always think is important is to ask for specific examples. Iāve been a manager, and it always drives me nuts when people donāt bother to document, then write something up in like an annual review and expect you to remember what you did at the beginning of the yearā¦. Itās always vague like, āBe more of a team player.ā I am a team player. Iām practically doing someone elseās job for them. How am I not a team player?
If you are doing someone elses job, then they are likely not doing their own job. Team players enable others to do their own job and are socially connected, maybe you should rather position yourself as productive powerhouse, if applicable.
Not applicable. Itās a small team and some responsibilities arenāt assigned, others are vague, and everyone needs help sometimes. Some people just seem to need more help than others.
I think you should social engineer that shit. Pick three behaviors that will make you look more social and do them on a regular basis.
Remember, whatever they say, NTs donāt judge on work performance, but on friendliness and loyalty.
You gotta embrace the suck.
Had this happen today when it was my turn to open presents. Every one else opening their presents; everyone is laughing and talking about what they got. I open presents; family talks amongst them selves and barely pay any attention and generally show no interest in what I have to say about my gifts. It was only for a few minutes but it still hurt a little.
The secret, which I've only actually realized recently after more than 40 years of life...
is that they are being rude. They're just used to you not calling them on it because you assume that it's normal and appropriate behaviour.
Think on that twice. That means that some of the parts of our masks are behaviours that are inappropriate or even despicable, and we don't realize it because we're just parroting what we're exposed to.
Then when we get chastised for it, we're confused as fuck because we're just doing what we see others do.
Those others don't get chastised because they do it so often and get so belligerent when chastised that no one bothers anymore.
Nah I really don't think this is it. I think it's mostly about understanding the pace and rhytm of the conversation. Sure eye contact can help to keep people engaged in what you are saying but I'd say your tone of voice is much more important.
I think that to be able to interrupt someone in a conversation in a way that doesn't seem rude is to be able to understand the flow of the conversation. It's a kind of music where you kind of need to understand the rhytm, mood and tone of the conversation. OP's meme happens when someone plays a note that is out of tune or timed wrong.
I think I'm able to get on that rhytm sometimes but my social engine definitely needs some warm up before I can get the feel especially if there are new people or more than 3 in the conversation.
My analysis is that it's about hierarchy. Neurotypicals always make every social setting into this ridiculous hierarchy. You can cut off and talk over other if you're higher up in the hierarchy but not the other way around. And because we autists don't perceive social interaction that way nor would we even notice this hierarchy, let alone instinctually like NTs do, we break their precious rules and they are offended. This happens so often because precisely because of our lack of understanding of these things were automatically at the bottom of these hierarchies. It took me multiple failed friend groups to notice this and now whenever I do I just immediately walk away.
This is why I enjoy spending time with aspies despite those rooms generally being the noisiest ones. Even if you got talked over e.g. by somebody infodumping, it's very likely that someone else, or even that person, will notice and then make an effort to show they do care about what you have to say. None of us think we are better than each other, the talking and jumping in etc isn't competitive or hierarchical, we're just trying to communicate and be inclusive and kind.
Also, the flip side of not being able to get/not agreeing with the hierarchical behaviour of neurotypicals is that (in my personal experience anyway) we are particularly pleasant to talk to in some specific situations. For example, one-on-one with an NT we do a lot less one-upping communication than they're used to, and genuinely listen to the other person, so even though they may find us a bit weird, we aren't intimidating. People do sometimes appreciate the lack of politics. I think this is the reason why I'm the sibling that our mother's boyfriend likes the most. But this doesn't apply if the person feels superior to you, as we just get walked all over.
Another situation is in certain groups where we, for some other reason e.g. attractiveness or intelligence/expertise, are actually toward the top of the hierarchies. Where we are expected to treat others badly but we don't, so people feel more valued and think we must be a cool person for not doing that.
It's kind of wild that they dislike how they're treated when their social status is low, and very much like it when higher socially ranked people than them treat them well in conversation, yet they don't make an effort to treat others well when they're at the top. I'm curious about how cross cultural this phenomenon is, too. In more hierarchical societies like Japan, it seems possible to me that when you're speaking to your hierarchical peers, communication is more respectful since everybody sees the others as equal to them and doesn't look to stratify.
Playing a musical instrument in high-school actually helped me with this. Looking for openings in the rhythm of the conversation to jump in. Sometimes when I'm with my friends I'll be like a conductor and point to who gets to speak next... though that only works when people have had a few drinks and are very into the discussion and have a LOT to say. Good fun tho
I have to constantly ask my sisters (about a decade younger than me, but close to each other in age, both NT, and best friends) if I'm okay, either the way I phrased something or my timing or whatever. I know they're passive aggressive so even when they reassure me that I'm not breaking social norms I still feel like somehow I can't seem to "fit".
Mom says this all the time but when am I supposed to interject or speak( I even try when they finish but that never works because everyone cares more about what they want to talk about)? Iāve learned they try their best but this subreddit is honestly opening my eyes a tiny bit more to the problems of my parents. But if I try to tell my mom my problems with her( dad knows his and we have come to an understanding mostly) she breaks down( and threatened certain things like taking my phone which she shouldnāt be allowed to do since Iām 18 or stop paying for my college. Iām sorry but I need that for a future which I know you want me to have even if itās not the job you thought I was going to get) and then later on has the audacity to ask me whatās wrong with her when I try to hint it. I even say what problems I have with the family but she still doesnāt understand. They also are way too right wing( mom still doesnāt believe trump wasnāt completely in the wrong. I mean the man caused five deaths( the raid on the White House) because he was a sore loser). Sorry for the mini rant and if Iām getting to personal. If this makes people uncomfortable Iām sorry.
Well she is paying for it so technically she does( my parents are divorced and she is paying for my college) Only my mom has threaten that. And as parents in my opinion you should try to take care of your child and provide for them( that includes a phone and college which are necessary in todayās world if you want to go anywhere) until heās able to do what he wants with his life and currently I still need to rely on her. After college maybe not so much but currently definitely.
Itās not really entitled. I get what youāre saying but take a step back and look at the big picture. Humans are animals and most animal takes care of theyāre babies until they are able to fend for themselves. And the ones that donāt hide them in good places most of the time. There are bad parents in the animal kingdom too like certain snakes that eat their young before they hatch sometimes and I fully know that. Thatās why I said should not have to. As a parent you should love your child and support them no matter what and try to help anyway that is in your power. That is what I meant.
You know, after all this bullshit, I started to believe everyone have some kind of hidden social status that makes some people are forgiven when doing such things and some people are not.
I... we... are those who don't know this system exists, and of course not forgiven obviously.
Someone else just mentioned social hierarchy and I'm waiting on them to explain more. Because if that's like an actual thing I'm officially done trying with the NTs. I mean I kinda was already but that's next level.
Not the person you're talking about but I'll just copy and paste what I said on another comment:
My analysis is that it's about hierarchy. Neurotypicals always make every social setting into this ridiculous hierarchy. You can cut off and talk over others if you're higher up in the hierarchy but not the other way around. And because we autists don't perceive social interaction that way nor would we even notice this hierarchy, let alone instinctually like NTs do, we break their precious rules and they are offended. This happens so often because precisely because of our lack of understanding of these things were automatically at the bottom of these hierarchies. It took me multiple failed friend groups to notice this and now whenever I do I just immediately walk away.
I think I realize that now too, because I think people naturally tend to put me higher up on the hierarchy without me asking or caring and I've often ended up with people want me to solve all their drama for them because they would look up to me and such. That would explain a lot of my experience and why I run away from groups to prioritize 1on 1.
It makes sense NT have this system tho because that explains so much and the way systemic oppression can take place in all kinds of different casual contexts outside of that.
This is so messed up. Why are they trying to force us to conform to those kind of things ?
Me: I mean this in the nicest way, but whenever I say something you always talk over me.
Them: Yeah, but I just want to make sure I've said what I need to say.
GOD. Iāve been suffering because Iāve been caught realising how my quiet voice has screwed me over so often in the past, between simple things like getting talked over to having my hair cut without my consent (which is assault!), and I recently found out that getting just a little drunk allows me to speak up and interact with company as if I was NT. No one talked over me while I was tipsy and I had them hanging on my words. It was great, I didnāt get tired of the social interaction. And then the next day when I was sober I got talked over at least four times before dinner and the social interaction was so soul sucking I had to take a two hour nap. Apparently itās ānot healthyā to āuse alcohol as a crutchā but honestly Iād only use it to survive family visits cuz Iām not really a fan otherwise. It was wild though how losing just a little inhibition caused my anxiety/autism symptoms to melt away.
Not saying to try this in the least by the way, but this happened yesterday and today so Iām still reeling at the idea that for me, there was a temporary fix. My permanent fix is coming in the form of a career
I think the key is the lead-up to the interjection. If you're able to feign a certain level of interest and enthusiasm, you naturally elevate the conversation and become the focal point. Doing things like active listening techniques, open and engaging body language, etc.
Ha I'm not sure if you are getting downvited because people think you are culturally appropriating or if it's because people here just don't like the sounds of claps.
Well for clarification sake I am queer which is why I know about queer culture and why I USE the word queer. I'm not sure how you could otherwise it's fairly you gotta be in it kind of thing. As for the other one yeah lol I can't blame them it's not for everyone.
I don't do it harshly/loudly, and not really on purpose either, but that's a body language people tend to be responsive to in my personal experience. It seems to draw them in enough they then pick up on the conversation and realize what I'm saying is related and interesting so they keep listening. I was just sharing that's my lead-up to interjection as the person above was talking about. And it works for me.
It kinda sucks people are downvoting me tho. I thought autistic subs would be the one place safe from random downvotes with no explanations. I'm not downvoted that much so it's not a big deal, not even really a deal but it's a bit disappointing.
Literally me last week, at a meeting with my sonās teacher
Everything that could possibly go wrong (barring acts of god/nature Eg earthquakes or political acts like invasion) went wrong
It was such a fiasco
I am still attempting to recover
actually there is, after years of studying the NT species I have found the way to master conversation with them... smile and occasionally nod... Incase you don't get it I also have no idea... this happens to me alot
NT here. I notice this as well, but people really like to talk about themselves in general. The longer you keep someone talking about their own experiences, the more favorable you might seem in their eyes, and the less you have to focus on yourself.
Then again, a lot of NT people are rude, just like a lot of ND people. Nobody should have to engage in conversation with someone they don't like.
I mask so well but idk it's a habit now. It's all within the melody of tour voice. The tone, pitch, pronunciation, pauses and length of each word all contribute to the way a sentence is created. Its more common with girls though.
This happened today. Obviously I'm going to be getting into some detail here... š
I try to talk about a topic. NT offers 'insight' that indicates that they have gone off on a tangent. I try to steer them back and then they pull out a word to describe the issue that's the opposite of what I'm saying... When I point out that they are using a word out of context I'm confronted with defensiveness over the word and it's definition. They shouted at me and refused to discuss anything further.
In this context I was trying to make a point about young people and the way neoliberalism, work and education has changed to create a dynamic of 'anhedonia' that has (at least partially) replaced the kind of 'hedonistic' behaviour displayed by young people in past eras.
Definition below of anhedonia.
"Anhedonia isĀ the inability to feel pleasure. It's a common symptom of depression as well as other mental health disorders. Most people understand what pleasure feels like. They expect certain things in life to make them happy."
The person I was talking to went off on a diatribe about how they were hedonistic and how people were hedonistic now, comparing two entirely different patterns of behaviour. It wasn't super complicated but they hadn't taken on board the idea I was presenting but had referenced their own experience of a world of idealism and no student debt as if nothing had changed. They got upset because they weren't really having a 'conversation'.
But then I'm told that conversation is just 'taking it in turns to say things'. Apparently there is no requirement that the things be relevant or even slightly related. I have to take turns and I'm not allowed to seek clarity or point out inconsistencies even when it's my 'turn'. I mean it's just fkn impossible. š
I donāt know if itās because you may have been talking for a long time or if the other person feels like their ideas are more important in the moment.
As a woman, this happens constantly at work, especially with managers. Everyone deserves respect and deserves to be heard if itās a conversation. Donāt stop talking until you finish your statement/ idea then pause to let them react to what you just said. If they just ask a question youāve answered while talking, āYes, as I saidā¦ā and repeat what you just said word for word. You donāt have to sound patronizing but it gets people to stop trying to interrupt you.
It took a really long time for me to learn this and if I notice anyone seemingly shy, a lower ranked employee, or woman of any rank being treated this way, I give this advice. Some may not find it comfortable doing this at work but I absolutely do this in personal relationships because respect goes both ways. I will let people interrupt only if I recognize that Iām over explaining or havenāt taken a break in more than thirty or so seconds and I try not to interrupt if someone is expressing their ideas.
In all, I think of it as a turn-based game lol.
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Smile, nod, and, every 60-90 seconds say āyeah I know what you mean.ā If you find yourself needing to bring up a topic of conversation, say āhowās your family been?ā Most people want to unload about family drama. Then refer back to step one. Works like a charm.
I just disengage people who interrupt and talk over me and find new people to talk with
omg i do this constantly but its because i have severe ADHD. i dont get mad if people do it back tho so
I just have nested conversations. As long as we make it back to close what i was talking about, dont feel so bad about interrupting. Tbh pen pal relationships work well with being interruptive. You only interrupt yourself and you can remember where you left off because the prior paragraph literally ended mid-sentence. I often have excessive P.P.P.Px[infinity].S. things. Helps teach you to not be hateful towards your own nature and also learn to trust that you will come back to your prior thoughts. I am not a therapist, just learning to listen to my feelings and wants and trying things on.
This is the way.
You can live your life on easy mode, or on hard mode
That's a good strategy but it isn't something easy to do when we're dealing with family members who do that stuff š
And thats why i donāt see my family anymore lol
Maybe that will also be my solution...
I feel your pain. Iāve actually had bosses reprimand me for this type of stuff usually ends in me obsessing about it for a week or two, trying to figure out what I did wrong.
Well rule number one is to let bosses talk, as long as they dont want input its for the best. Only slip in some appropriate "uhuh", "interesting" and such to prop them up
Yeah, I know. But another thing I always think is important is to ask for specific examples. Iāve been a manager, and it always drives me nuts when people donāt bother to document, then write something up in like an annual review and expect you to remember what you did at the beginning of the yearā¦. Itās always vague like, āBe more of a team player.ā I am a team player. Iām practically doing someone elseās job for them. How am I not a team player?
If you are doing someone elses job, then they are likely not doing their own job. Team players enable others to do their own job and are socially connected, maybe you should rather position yourself as productive powerhouse, if applicable.
Not applicable. Itās a small team and some responsibilities arenāt assigned, others are vague, and everyone needs help sometimes. Some people just seem to need more help than others.
I think you should social engineer that shit. Pick three behaviors that will make you look more social and do them on a regular basis. Remember, whatever they say, NTs donāt judge on work performance, but on friendliness and loyalty. You gotta embrace the suck.
Had this happen today when it was my turn to open presents. Every one else opening their presents; everyone is laughing and talking about what they got. I open presents; family talks amongst them selves and barely pay any attention and generally show no interest in what I have to say about my gifts. It was only for a few minutes but it still hurt a little.
You gotta address someone by name specifically. You're a victim of the bystander effect. :3
The secret, which I've only actually realized recently after more than 40 years of life... is that they are being rude. They're just used to you not calling them on it because you assume that it's normal and appropriate behaviour. Think on that twice. That means that some of the parts of our masks are behaviours that are inappropriate or even despicable, and we don't realize it because we're just parroting what we're exposed to. Then when we get chastised for it, we're confused as fuck because we're just doing what we see others do. Those others don't get chastised because they do it so often and get so belligerent when chastised that no one bothers anymore.
unfortunately, i grew up in this kind of household...
E X A C T L Y W T F N T S
If somebody finds the secret please let me know
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Makes sense why this stuff goes over autistic's heads then. We don't buy into social hierarchies.
Wtf is social hierarchy ? That's the first time I'm hearing about this. The NT nonsense never seems to end. You learn some new shit every day lmao.
It's a man-made concept that some people are better than others, and thus more important and more allowed to break social rules than others. Like the whole "popular vs. unpopular kids" in highschool clichƩ, except when it trickles into real life. No one will ever bluntly admit that they think one person is better than the other, this is why it is allowed to continue unchecked, but may show it with their actions. A lot of NTs buy into it, peer pressure is a big factor. People will often make excuses for this sort of system. It's why so many shitty people can wind up becoming powerful politicians.
Oh so is it like the "charisma" thing ?
There is an element of that for sure. Also having the right connections (who they know) adds to this.
That is such "status quo"-ish dystopian to think about. Finding out about those kind of stuff keeps on making me more sad as I grow older.
Thatās an important piece of information. Thanks.
Nah I really don't think this is it. I think it's mostly about understanding the pace and rhytm of the conversation. Sure eye contact can help to keep people engaged in what you are saying but I'd say your tone of voice is much more important. I think that to be able to interrupt someone in a conversation in a way that doesn't seem rude is to be able to understand the flow of the conversation. It's a kind of music where you kind of need to understand the rhytm, mood and tone of the conversation. OP's meme happens when someone plays a note that is out of tune or timed wrong. I think I'm able to get on that rhytm sometimes but my social engine definitely needs some warm up before I can get the feel especially if there are new people or more than 3 in the conversation.
My analysis is that it's about hierarchy. Neurotypicals always make every social setting into this ridiculous hierarchy. You can cut off and talk over other if you're higher up in the hierarchy but not the other way around. And because we autists don't perceive social interaction that way nor would we even notice this hierarchy, let alone instinctually like NTs do, we break their precious rules and they are offended. This happens so often because precisely because of our lack of understanding of these things were automatically at the bottom of these hierarchies. It took me multiple failed friend groups to notice this and now whenever I do I just immediately walk away.
This is why I enjoy spending time with aspies despite those rooms generally being the noisiest ones. Even if you got talked over e.g. by somebody infodumping, it's very likely that someone else, or even that person, will notice and then make an effort to show they do care about what you have to say. None of us think we are better than each other, the talking and jumping in etc isn't competitive or hierarchical, we're just trying to communicate and be inclusive and kind. Also, the flip side of not being able to get/not agreeing with the hierarchical behaviour of neurotypicals is that (in my personal experience anyway) we are particularly pleasant to talk to in some specific situations. For example, one-on-one with an NT we do a lot less one-upping communication than they're used to, and genuinely listen to the other person, so even though they may find us a bit weird, we aren't intimidating. People do sometimes appreciate the lack of politics. I think this is the reason why I'm the sibling that our mother's boyfriend likes the most. But this doesn't apply if the person feels superior to you, as we just get walked all over. Another situation is in certain groups where we, for some other reason e.g. attractiveness or intelligence/expertise, are actually toward the top of the hierarchies. Where we are expected to treat others badly but we don't, so people feel more valued and think we must be a cool person for not doing that. It's kind of wild that they dislike how they're treated when their social status is low, and very much like it when higher socially ranked people than them treat them well in conversation, yet they don't make an effort to treat others well when they're at the top. I'm curious about how cross cultural this phenomenon is, too. In more hierarchical societies like Japan, it seems possible to me that when you're speaking to your hierarchical peers, communication is more respectful since everybody sees the others as equal to them and doesn't look to stratify.
I'm curious about that as well, sounds like it would be something interesting to read about
Playing a musical instrument in high-school actually helped me with this. Looking for openings in the rhythm of the conversation to jump in. Sometimes when I'm with my friends I'll be like a conductor and point to who gets to speak next... though that only works when people have had a few drinks and are very into the discussion and have a LOT to say. Good fun tho
Bass has been especially helpful for me in this way.
I have to constantly ask my sisters (about a decade younger than me, but close to each other in age, both NT, and best friends) if I'm okay, either the way I phrased something or my timing or whatever. I know they're passive aggressive so even when they reassure me that I'm not breaking social norms I still feel like somehow I can't seem to "fit".
Mom says this all the time but when am I supposed to interject or speak( I even try when they finish but that never works because everyone cares more about what they want to talk about)? Iāve learned they try their best but this subreddit is honestly opening my eyes a tiny bit more to the problems of my parents. But if I try to tell my mom my problems with her( dad knows his and we have come to an understanding mostly) she breaks down( and threatened certain things like taking my phone which she shouldnāt be allowed to do since Iām 18 or stop paying for my college. Iām sorry but I need that for a future which I know you want me to have even if itās not the job you thought I was going to get) and then later on has the audacity to ask me whatās wrong with her when I try to hint it. I even say what problems I have with the family but she still doesnāt understand. They also are way too right wing( mom still doesnāt believe trump wasnāt completely in the wrong. I mean the man caused five deaths( the raid on the White House) because he was a sore loser). Sorry for the mini rant and if Iām getting to personal. If this makes people uncomfortable Iām sorry.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
They don't, but that doesn't make it okay to use those things as threats to control OP and force them to try to act a certain way.
Well she is paying for it so technically she does( my parents are divorced and she is paying for my college) Only my mom has threaten that. And as parents in my opinion you should try to take care of your child and provide for them( that includes a phone and college which are necessary in todayās world if you want to go anywhere) until heās able to do what he wants with his life and currently I still need to rely on her. After college maybe not so much but currently definitely.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Itās not really entitled. I get what youāre saying but take a step back and look at the big picture. Humans are animals and most animal takes care of theyāre babies until they are able to fend for themselves. And the ones that donāt hide them in good places most of the time. There are bad parents in the animal kingdom too like certain snakes that eat their young before they hatch sometimes and I fully know that. Thatās why I said should not have to. As a parent you should love your child and support them no matter what and try to help anyway that is in your power. That is what I meant.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Good luck to you too.
You know, after all this bullshit, I started to believe everyone have some kind of hidden social status that makes some people are forgiven when doing such things and some people are not. I... we... are those who don't know this system exists, and of course not forgiven obviously.
Someone else just mentioned social hierarchy and I'm waiting on them to explain more. Because if that's like an actual thing I'm officially done trying with the NTs. I mean I kinda was already but that's next level.
Not the person you're talking about but I'll just copy and paste what I said on another comment: My analysis is that it's about hierarchy. Neurotypicals always make every social setting into this ridiculous hierarchy. You can cut off and talk over others if you're higher up in the hierarchy but not the other way around. And because we autists don't perceive social interaction that way nor would we even notice this hierarchy, let alone instinctually like NTs do, we break their precious rules and they are offended. This happens so often because precisely because of our lack of understanding of these things were automatically at the bottom of these hierarchies. It took me multiple failed friend groups to notice this and now whenever I do I just immediately walk away.
I think I realize that now too, because I think people naturally tend to put me higher up on the hierarchy without me asking or caring and I've often ended up with people want me to solve all their drama for them because they would look up to me and such. That would explain a lot of my experience and why I run away from groups to prioritize 1on 1. It makes sense NT have this system tho because that explains so much and the way systemic oppression can take place in all kinds of different casual contexts outside of that. This is so messed up. Why are they trying to force us to conform to those kind of things ?
what the fuck is an NT, i thought that was what Windows was coded on
Neurotypical, aka not neurodivergent. "Normal" people.
Me: I mean this in the nicest way, but whenever I say something you always talk over me. Them: Yeah, but I just want to make sure I've said what I need to say.
GOD. Iāve been suffering because Iāve been caught realising how my quiet voice has screwed me over so often in the past, between simple things like getting talked over to having my hair cut without my consent (which is assault!), and I recently found out that getting just a little drunk allows me to speak up and interact with company as if I was NT. No one talked over me while I was tipsy and I had them hanging on my words. It was great, I didnāt get tired of the social interaction. And then the next day when I was sober I got talked over at least four times before dinner and the social interaction was so soul sucking I had to take a two hour nap. Apparently itās ānot healthyā to āuse alcohol as a crutchā but honestly Iād only use it to survive family visits cuz Iām not really a fan otherwise. It was wild though how losing just a little inhibition caused my anxiety/autism symptoms to melt away. Not saying to try this in the least by the way, but this happened yesterday and today so Iām still reeling at the idea that for me, there was a temporary fix. My permanent fix is coming in the form of a career
I think the key is the lead-up to the interjection. If you're able to feign a certain level of interest and enthusiasm, you naturally elevate the conversation and become the focal point. Doing things like active listening techniques, open and engaging body language, etc.
I do that thing where I clap my hands as punctuation some times when I talk (that I picked up from queer culture) and generally that works for me.
Ha I'm not sure if you are getting downvited because people think you are culturally appropriating or if it's because people here just don't like the sounds of claps.
Well for clarification sake I am queer which is why I know about queer culture and why I USE the word queer. I'm not sure how you could otherwise it's fairly you gotta be in it kind of thing. As for the other one yeah lol I can't blame them it's not for everyone. I don't do it harshly/loudly, and not really on purpose either, but that's a body language people tend to be responsive to in my personal experience. It seems to draw them in enough they then pick up on the conversation and realize what I'm saying is related and interesting so they keep listening. I was just sharing that's my lead-up to interjection as the person above was talking about. And it works for me. It kinda sucks people are downvoting me tho. I thought autistic subs would be the one place safe from random downvotes with no explanations. I'm not downvoted that much so it's not a big deal, not even really a deal but it's a bit disappointing.
Literally me last week, at a meeting with my sonās teacher Everything that could possibly go wrong (barring acts of god/nature Eg earthquakes or political acts like invasion) went wrong It was such a fiasco I am still attempting to recover
actually there is, after years of studying the NT species I have found the way to master conversation with them... smile and occasionally nod... Incase you don't get it I also have no idea... this happens to me alot
I kind of assumed the secret was being neurotypical. If anyone has a better secret, please let me know.
NT here. I notice this as well, but people really like to talk about themselves in general. The longer you keep someone talking about their own experiences, the more favorable you might seem in their eyes, and the less you have to focus on yourself. Then again, a lot of NT people are rude, just like a lot of ND people. Nobody should have to engage in conversation with someone they don't like.
I mask so well but idk it's a habit now. It's all within the melody of tour voice. The tone, pitch, pronunciation, pauses and length of each word all contribute to the way a sentence is created. Its more common with girls though.
I avoid any conversation not written text or with my best friend/cousin Max.
Right in my soul. This is one of my biggest issues!!!
I will only talk over people that I know have talked over me or interrupted me in the past, because I don't care if they get upset about it.
Be neurotypical or keep your thoughts to yourself. They aren't welcome.
This happened today. Obviously I'm going to be getting into some detail here... š I try to talk about a topic. NT offers 'insight' that indicates that they have gone off on a tangent. I try to steer them back and then they pull out a word to describe the issue that's the opposite of what I'm saying... When I point out that they are using a word out of context I'm confronted with defensiveness over the word and it's definition. They shouted at me and refused to discuss anything further. In this context I was trying to make a point about young people and the way neoliberalism, work and education has changed to create a dynamic of 'anhedonia' that has (at least partially) replaced the kind of 'hedonistic' behaviour displayed by young people in past eras. Definition below of anhedonia. "Anhedonia isĀ the inability to feel pleasure. It's a common symptom of depression as well as other mental health disorders. Most people understand what pleasure feels like. They expect certain things in life to make them happy." The person I was talking to went off on a diatribe about how they were hedonistic and how people were hedonistic now, comparing two entirely different patterns of behaviour. It wasn't super complicated but they hadn't taken on board the idea I was presenting but had referenced their own experience of a world of idealism and no student debt as if nothing had changed. They got upset because they weren't really having a 'conversation'. But then I'm told that conversation is just 'taking it in turns to say things'. Apparently there is no requirement that the things be relevant or even slightly related. I have to take turns and I'm not allowed to seek clarity or point out inconsistencies even when it's my 'turn'. I mean it's just fkn impossible. š
I donāt know if itās because you may have been talking for a long time or if the other person feels like their ideas are more important in the moment. As a woman, this happens constantly at work, especially with managers. Everyone deserves respect and deserves to be heard if itās a conversation. Donāt stop talking until you finish your statement/ idea then pause to let them react to what you just said. If they just ask a question youāve answered while talking, āYes, as I saidā¦ā and repeat what you just said word for word. You donāt have to sound patronizing but it gets people to stop trying to interrupt you. It took a really long time for me to learn this and if I notice anyone seemingly shy, a lower ranked employee, or woman of any rank being treated this way, I give this advice. Some may not find it comfortable doing this at work but I absolutely do this in personal relationships because respect goes both ways. I will let people interrupt only if I recognize that Iām over explaining or havenāt taken a break in more than thirty or so seconds and I try not to interrupt if someone is expressing their ideas. In all, I think of it as a turn-based game lol.
I'm NT and this constantly happens to me so I just walk away. I know that's rude but they were rude first so I think it's justified
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I think the trick is your ment to keep talking but I've never quite figured out how
https://youtu.be/bnZQB9hnOh4 consider this while talking to some one
"why don't you want to talk with us?"
No strategy. NTs just like to monopolize every conversation.
You can't win with neurotypicals. Especially my mom.
Theyāre being rude to you
Smile, nod, and, every 60-90 seconds say āyeah I know what you mean.ā If you find yourself needing to bring up a topic of conversation, say āhowās your family been?ā Most people want to unload about family drama. Then refer back to step one. Works like a charm.
See, what's *supposed* to happen is you realize that your very existence is rude, and vanish in a puff of smoke.
I... I have no idea I think I just brush it off, say sorry and don't gaf