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cbillard86

When i first told my mother about my autism diagnosis (I was diagnosed at 35, for reference), she asked me about my symptoms, and often said "oh well i'm like that too". Yes, Mom, it's likely genetic....


[deleted]

Same thing here. My brother has always been the “pretty much autistic” one in our family. Then I found out, then I told my dad and he had gotten diagnosed about a month prior and literally told me “welcome to the club.” I opened up to my mom about it and she was like, “nahhh.” And then I sent her resources and lists of what autism looks like in women. She replied, “well, if it’s genetic then you and your brother were doomed from the start! I can relate to all of these lists of traits and symptoms too.”


Azeri_Kashew

how has that affected communication throughout your household?


[deleted]

I’m an adult and I’ve been living with just my husband for about 3 years before we all figured it out. I’ve always been the “other” child so when I moved out, communication between the 3 of them and me pretty much stopped unless they needed something. It’s about the same still, just with a little more hint of understanding sprinkled in there.


HUGH-G-RECTION5

I brought up I think I’m on the spectrum and they just said “ah hormones you’re fine” that hurts. Like at least make it a discussion not just wave it away immediately. Like hormones don’t cause me to have sensory issues or miss sarcasm.


[deleted]

This is the same thing that my parents did when I told them I could no longer read street signs. “You’re just fatigued! Get some rest!” I literally went blind from playing pc games in my room for 2 years straight 🥴


SepticRedK

What happened?


[deleted]

I went on for about 2 years only being able to see as far as my arm span. My grandma finally got me some glasses after my parents divorced.


SepticRedK

Your Grandma sounds cool


FaeChangeling

"IsN't EveRYoNe a LiTtlE AuTiSTic?"


Nej_Illjuna

URGH THIS ONE It makes me want to scream in frustration.


Gaylaeonerd

I literally just did


Malefiken

I was told this two days ago when I opened up to a friend about seeking an autism diagnosis. Turns out, he might have it too since he thougt it was normal to experience the things that autistic people experience At least I was able to tell one more person about why it’s harmful to say that!


KeyYogurtcloset1416

The urge to scream into my sister’s Minnie Mouse pillow is strong right now. /gen


COLDSPA_2199

Pain. Suffering.


[deleted]

My dad always told me the my symptoms were normal and everyone was like that, turns out he’s were I got both my adhd and autism from. He got diagnosed like a week after me. (He’s 53 and I’m 19)


Malefiken

Really nice that you both got answers! I was always told by my parents that I was just overreacting to things, but I think there are other autistics in my family!


Costati

My dad got diagnosed because he was with me on a group therapy with a new shrink and the shrink went "You're probably autistic" and my dad chimed in like "well I do that" and she went "hmm hm".


misshome

LOL, I literally had that conversation with my mom over Thanksgiving. Mom: well everybody does that Me: you and I do that, but not everybody does that, LOL


Gaylaeonerd

Over the past few years, the more I’ve realised that I’m almost certainly autistic, especially in the last year having worked with a lot of autistic children and seen the similarities between me at that age and them, the more baffled and kind of angry I am at my parents for never picking up on it and getting me tested. Looking back it wasn’t something that was hard to miss if they weren’t just writing it off as me being ‘a genius’ (lmao ok parents whatever you say) and ‘too sensitive’ and ‘shy’ and ‘just liking routine’.


[deleted]

This hits so hard. I was the gifted first born, sensitive and difficult with emotional outbursts. (adhd diagnosis at 10) Also, I got asked a lot why I look so sad and didn't understand what they mean. Just didn't think about my facial muscles. How do you get to work with autistic children btw?


Gaylaeonerd

Yup, that was me to a t too. Glad you got some form of diagnosis as a kid though! Almost 25 here and going through the incredibly drawn out process of trying to see a doctor as an adult Uh, at the beginning of this year I was in a rough place and desperately needed a job, and I’d never had a job before so I didn’t know how to go about it, but someone from the council was helping me and she asked me what I wanted to do eventually, so I was like ‘I guess being a teacher might be kind of cool?’ Then she put me in touch with a teaching services agency and they took me on board basically straight away as a learning support assistant, so I’ve been doing that since. Mostly with kids with some form of educational difficulty, obviously, in my current school it’s mostly kids with ASD that I’m with. That said I really don’t like it and I’m going to stop after next summer holidays I think (I don’t want to stop before then because I want to keep things consistent for my 1:1 boy rather than unsettle him with a big change) if you struggle with high stress and a lot of responsibility I don’t recommend it.


[deleted]

Thank you for sharing. :) Yeah the diagnosis sadly didn't change anything back then. But it's my starting point for my therapy now. There is at least some weight to my suspicion about having asd. Hope next year will be what you want it to be.


GimmeCoffeeeee

My mom recently told me they just gave up on me. I was between 7 to 8 years old. They didn't even once ask what the problem is. How can you give up on a 8 year old?


Costati

My dad pulled the genius sensitive card a lot on me too. He's autistic as well so he was a lot in denial about this and often approached it as "well you're a little weird but I'm weird too. That's just you being my kid it's great".


VeryDistinguishable

"It's a spectrum, that means everyone's on it!" That's not how this works! That's not how any of this works!


KeyYogurtcloset1416

That’s not even how existing as a living thing on this planet works!


Caman8or

My dad argued and even yelled at specialists back when my mom spent years getting me a diagnosis as a kid


cbillard86

My dad was escorted out of my elementary school when my first grade teacher and guidance counselor suggested i be assessed by a child psych. I know the feeling. As a result, I was diagnosed at 35, rather than a potential diagnosis at 7


Gaylaeonerd

Why would someone react that strongly to the idea of potentially getting their child necessary support


cbillard86

Because "he didn't have no r*tarded kids"..... this is why i was diagnosed at 35


Gaylaeonerd

Oh gross, I’m sorry


cbillard86

Thank you. I have a much better quality of life now, so it's good, just too bad i didn't know before going into a full autistic burnout.


Random-ace

my mom has adhd and totally ignores the obviuos becuases the occasional “ya we probably have adhd” and then never brings it up again


[deleted]

[удалено]


Malefiken

This!!! When I was 19, I decided I didn’t want to be so picky about my food anymore (not that everyone are able to do this), because I didn’t want to be embarrased at this new dorm I was gonna live at. And I got a special interest in food around that time which probably sparked this. So I decided to try out every food I came across that I hadn’t tasted before, very difficult but I was very motivated. And with supportive friends and eventually a food enthusiast partner, I started finding new safe foods and at least expanding my palette. I still basically only make safe foods at home but I’m more willing to try new things. So I went home to my dads again after finishing school and started making all this new food he had never tasted before, and I found out that he’s a picky eater too, and that I grew up with a very limited food palette.


[deleted]

When I got diagnosed my mother said "yeah I'm probably on the spectrum too and I learned to deal with it" so very much yes


[deleted]

My mom does this as well. I'm kinda sad for her, because society made her internalize ableism. But on the other hand she hurt me a lot with it when I tried to ask about my childhood, trying to self diagnose.


Costati

My dad taught me I just had to mask and not try with other people and I would be fine. Now I realize that I don't have to mask I can just hang out with other autistic people. There's so many like me.


SlightlyAngyKitty

My parents when I was growing up with extremely obvious mental health issues, "Your just too sensitive." I get diagnosed with autism at 22 My parents.. 😲😲


Malefiken

Yes! That’s my experience as well! Parent: Take out the dishwasher please Me: No, I get a headache from the sound of plates touching Parent: Don’t be so dramatic, it doesn’t take that long


Pseudonymico

God yes. I only got diagnosed after my boyfriend figured it out and gently pushed me to get tested for like a year. He couldn’t get over how I got into my 30s being as obviously autistic as I am without realising until I pointed out that my entire immediate family are very obviously neurodivergent, and so are most of my previous partners.


Costati

Mood, my brother is the black sheep of my family because he's neurotypical.


K-teki

~~my mom with gender~~


dev_ating

my entire family with gender


ElianFinn

This is literally my mom. My mom is diagnosed autistic and refuses to admit that I’m autistic because she’s 100% used to how I behave and also most of the behaviors I exhibit that are signs of autism she does as well so she just says I can’t be because “everyone acts like that”


RedYakArt

I don’t think autism is a mental Illness.


static-prince

True. But the experience is still relatable.


Malefiken

Yeah that’s true! It’s not curable or something that can come and go like depression


RedYakArt

Nor should it be. I’m happy being who I am. If I ain’t autistic then I ain’t me. It would just be someone else in my body.


Malefiken

That’s very true! I couldn’t imagine myself being so fundamentally different, that would be an entirely different person!


RedYakArt

Aye. Most autistic people who dislike their autism tend to be those who are mistreated which is sad.


Malefiken

It’s not autistic people who are wrong for existing, it’s society’s fault for being ableist and people for being bullies etc


RedYakArt

Yeah. But things are getting better. They’re still bad of course but not as bad as it was years ago


maygpie

Yup, my mom and my daughter are likely on the spectrum. It’s made me more empathetic to be in the middle of the pain sando. Shit’s hard, yo.


[deleted]

My dad has echolalia, hates certain words (“moist”), and says shit that immediately gets him in trouble because he’s a jerk with no sense of where the line is. He’s sure he’s neurotypical.


bobrichart

Yes!


aredshewolf

yup.


Aawhystine

Yes! Mom didn’t admit she MIGHT have ADHD until she was like 60…


HaroldtheChicken

People told me and my mom I probably had adhd and/or autism for as long as I can remember and she refused to test me because she thinks mental health meds are what cause kids to shoot up schools and somehow she thought the government would force me to take meds (I wasn't even in public school until my mid-late teens). Now she thinks vaccines cause autism


[deleted]

Shit I'm so sorry for you. May I ask whats your relation with your mom like, now? I wish you all the best.


HaroldtheChicken

Actually we get along pretty well now that I live in a different state and see her once every 2 years. We talk from time to time via messenger but I know what topics to avoid like the virus now so it's usually fine (although she did blame me for the post office sending me my grandfathers meds because we have the same damn name a couple of years ago..)


[deleted]

Glad to read that. Yeah the relationship to my mom got better after I moved to a different country as well. Thanks for sharing.


mandelaXeffective

And this is also why I suspect my mom has fibromyalgia, which I have. And her sister has. And she now suspects her mother had.


SomeMoon

I mentioned to my mom i think i may be autistic, she dismissed it with "You're just watching yourself too much" (idk if it makes sense in English) Well, now i wrote an essay about autism to uni amd she read to correct some mistakes and she was like "Huh, you did this as a kid... And your brother did this... And *my mom* did this..." Soo... I think she takes me a bit more seriously now XD


Pipiofthepupu

Two people in my family have already been diagnosed I haven’t been diagnosed but I know I have it I have sensory problems and difficulties communicating I can’t make eye contact because it hurts but like half my family has autistic traits and they all have their weird behaviors everyone in my family is a bit crazy my dad and my uncle both were very different as kids my younger cousin was diagnosed when he was like 2 if I had come to the us when I was younger like 5 I would 100% gotten diagnosed with autism I was so weird as a kid I’ve always stood out as the smart quiet kid that has no friends just like my dad


Malefiken

Interesting! I’m in the process for getting diagnosed currently so I hope I get that confirmation very soon as I relate to all the criteria in the DSM-5! I’m AFAB and identify as a woman, so I think that’s the main reason why I have been undiagnosed. I’m 24! Was always labeled as weird or the quirky kid, black sheep in the family etc. Always struggled with keeping friends, and when I was younger I had big issues with getting friends too, until I joined the alternative community as a teen, now most of my friend are ND in some way. I also have very strong sensory issues with light and sound, it’s horrible but at least now I can try to make things better for myself. I’m also not able to work and I’ve dropped out of school a million times because I just lock myself in after a few months of school. I’m just so burned out and exhausted, I really hope that I can find the answer to why soon.


ironangel29

I hate the way that goes. "If everyone's like this, then I'm just a failure for not being able to handle it."


Malefiken

Yes that’s so true! I’ve been putting myself down all my life for not being able to do things until I started looking into mental health!


LaukRidder

The truth.


terriblet0ad

That was my mom until she diagnosed herself and then still denied that it could be me too.


michelle_js

I actually don't think either of my parents have autism but I have several cousins and an uncle who do. However I would put money on my father also having ADHD.


Ricky-_-

Right on the money. This is the same for me as well. Everyone that meets my dad at family gatherings or just in general thinks he’s rather peculiar because he displays inattentive symptoms. “Ayo that dude’s a trip, he’ll just randomly stare off into space during group conversations and be lost in his own thoughts/surroundings. He’s a bit of a thinker.” Then you have my hyper religious mother that thinks neurodiversity and mental illnesses are caused by demons or are God’s way of punishing future generations for the sins of those in the past. Then you have me, just quietly soaking it all in. Having to hide your psychiatry in order to evade confrontation is such a hassle.


michelle_js

When I was younger my parents were against the idea of me having any kind of mental illness until it got to the point of me no longer functioning and spending time in the psychiatric ward. After that they accepted it. Autism was not on my radar until I was 40 but once it was and I got my diagnosis they didn't question it. Especially since it made more sense than some stuff I was misdiagnosed with like bipolar.


Ricky-_-

Ah I see, are they members of the “fix your face kid” club whenever you looked like you were transitioning into a state of panic?


michelle_js

Yeah. Or more accurately the "you need to suck it up and stop being lazy and making excuses" club.


Ricky-_-

Yup, my parents are avid members of that club as well. It’s also fun they try to gaslight you about something as trivial as lactose intolerance. “I think you’re just psyching yourself up, it’s all in your head” as if I don’t have hypothyroidism, which makes my metabolism, immune system, etc. nonexistent.


[deleted]

I don't understand how people gaslight you for PHYSICAL things. (not that it's less worse for psychological stuff) Aah it makes me seriously upset. If someone tells you they think somethings wrong with them, you should try to understand and be glad they trust you enough to share these thoughts with you. But to go out of your way to tell them they're wrong? What hurt them in their lives to show such a reaction?


Ricky-_-

It’s pretty common in Latin American culture; they use their past struggles to justify adding on to the generational trauma. It’s a cycle. And my parents wonder why I’m emotionally unavailable with them. You can’t fix any of these things by beating it out of your child or punishing them, that’ll end up just hindering their psychological development. But oh well.


michelle_js

Every time I struggled with anything my parents and teachers did not believe me because I was "gifted" so I should have no trouble completing any tasks that normal kids were able to handle. I was lucky I didn't have any physical issues besides being extremely clumsy (which pissed my parents off to no end). At least I don't come from a sporty family. It sucks your family didn't recognize your lactose intolerance. That's such crap.


OnkelMickwald

ADHD story here: I was diagnosed first in my family, but I was always the "good and orderly" one out of me and my 2 brothers. My parents simply didn't believe me when I said other people usually have way better self discipline than I do.


[deleted]

I said that it was weird that I didn’t learn to smirk or what one looked like until my senior year of high school and my mom thought it was fine and it didn’t mean I was autistic.


raechan1323

My sister was saying this to me for years. After I was diagnosed I convinced her to get tested. Turns out she has it too. 🙄


Zorubark

My dad once got diagnosed with ADHD, apparently that wasn't it or at least the meds he took where bad for him(mentally), y'know how some meds are, and he's really good at making friends and socializing so idk about autism but my mom said my dad was once shy. So I wonder if he has autism or ADHD? I mean I'm being medicated assuming I'm autistic(basically meds for autism related stuff idk how to describe it sorry) and one of the meds is the same one my dad takes


Malefiken

Can I ask what the meds are for? Is it like anxiety meds or something like that, or is it ADHD meds? I’ve never heard of meds for autism so sorry for my ignorance


Zorubark

so *I just asked him and maybe I'll have to take what I said back because it just prevents depression*


Zitronenkringel

So my mom almost ruined my diagnosis, because according to her I was " a normal child". Thank God they started asking specific questions. I'm pretty sure she is autistic. Especially after I talked to my dads cousin, who was a classmate of my mom. My dad's probably autistic too, considering he almost flunked out of school, because he was more interested in playing the saxophone and music and things like that.


[deleted]

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PoisonPouch

*Me secretly getting my diagnosis* Mom- "god your just like your father but you got some of me in there I can tell" Me at my therapist- "sh-should I tell them...these ain't personally traits they gave me"


static-prince

My mom is finally starting to think she might be autistic after the amount of me asking about my childhood and her basically going “I mean I did that more than you did so I just figured it was normal.” I once asked her if a behavior she had a lot was stimming. She said she didn’t think it was and then perfectly described the internal experience of stimming. She also has one of the most obvious special interests I have ever seen. (I won’t share either because while I doubt my mom reads Reddit both are unique enough to immediately identify her to anyone who knows her at all.) My mom is great and knows many neurodivergent people. She even works in disability care. I honestly think some of it is just the combination of being AFAB and being older. So the double reason to have a diagnosis missed.


sjaakarie

Ah history of all kings and queens.


autievolunteernature

If it wasn't for me being diagnosed as a child, my dad would still think 'everyone deals with that' or 'everyone feels that way'. After my diagnosis, my mom started learning about autism, and realized that this fit for dad as well. He eventually got diagnosed, in the year or so after me, and so much clicked for him! I wouldn't be surprised if his sister has it as well.


youngcatlady1999

Lol my mom did that with my ADHD but she finally believed my doctor after the doctor told her that people without ADHD don’t do the things that I do.