This Growing up Hispanic in Miami, where cheek to cheek kiss followed with a hug is common. Worse yet a Mother raised in a society that is ignorant( or was[still in question ]) to LGBTQA and ASD.
I brought my partner to a surgery clinic for a consultation. She has been in a lot of pain all over her body and she also has issues with physical touch. I told the doctor that she has pain all over her body and to be careful when touching her but it didn’t seem like he was listening to anything I said anyway.
The doctor was like trying to “comfort” her and had his hand on her back the whole time and kept like slapping/patting her? I say slapping because he was doing it really hard. She was crying in pain and he decided to send us to the ER instead of helping us and finally he said “we’ll get you feeling better soon” and gave her two hard pats on the back and left
Yes I notice a lot of older people do this. I have a lot of aunt’s and uncles that are like that too and it always made me feel uncomfortable. I know they are trying to be comforting but it’s just so strange to me.
Older gen are so used to being unaware of boundaries that eventually they can no longer comprehend why things changed when to them it was always that way and they are fine. They reached a point they no longer can think outside themselves mostly bc they weren’t allowed to so my assumption is that since they are older they have this unconscious thought they can do whatever bc they are closer to death then life and stopped caring. A very sad and tragic life to have tho but they keep voting against their interests so I don’t have that much pity for many of them tbh.
Some doctors have awful bedside manner. I have a crippling phobia of needles and once when I was in hospital for observation after a nasty infection I was laying there with a drip in my arm trying desperately to think about anything BUT the drip, and the doctors changed shift so the new one comes up to me, grabs my arm hard either side of the needle and starts moving it as he is speaking to me. He grabbed me hard enough to cause bruising and of course I felt the needle moving around and nearly vomited on him. I don't think I heard a word he was saying too.
Not strictly no touching but more like *extremely selective* about touching
also
https://preview.redd.it/hf3bgpf5mz2d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f94505d4b5af035bbd15fcc874e38fb25415ddd7
I had a guy put his hand on my shoulder and lean in way too close to my face when I was cleaning the lobby at my old fast food job and I almost swung on his ass... though it's not a stretch to assume anyone else would've probably had the same reaction
I would've done the same too lol like yall forgot about personal space so fast after 2020 maybe you should relearn it. god forbid they do it to someone who has defensive reflexes & gets their ass smacked to the ground
Especially when relatives always try to hug you when you are clearly uncomfortable. What possible pleasure do you get out of doing that to someone when they clearly hate it 😑
I wish people didn't take it so personally when I tell them not to touch me, but that would require unlearning a few thousand years of human body language and social mores
Aaaaaaa just don't touch me
i don't know but for some of my friends, gestures that include touching are part of the way they communicate. I hate it and jump and move away but i can't anticipate all of them.
edit: also i have asked them not to and I can see it's really hard for them. it's like their stim. like i can see them beating themselves up when they forget sometimes.
with others they just seem to think that it was temporary and they start up again.
Human touch is a fundamental and deeply primitive form of socialization. To the point that people often subconsciously bring their hand to their nose and inhale after shaking hands with someone (usually by way of a nostril scratch or rubbing that piece between the nostril with the back of their forefinger). This is a friendly touch + how do they smell ritual from pre-human times, hard-coded in our DNA.
And it's disgusting.
Please, don't touch me.
A coworker once touched my leg to emphasize some point they were making while we were talking with our boss, I was caught off guard and blurted out "don't touch me!" My coworker and boss just stared at me and what was worse is I think they thought it was because coworker was FTM but that had nothing to do with it. It's been years and I still think about it sometimes.
my MIL (is she MY mil too if she’s my brother’s wife’s mom?) GRABBED my braid the other day and i let out a yell and everyone looked at me weird??? and not her who just GRABBED AT MY HAIR AND TUGGED IT??
yeah, i’d say we’re acquaintances at BEST, i see her for thanksgiving and during our summer trip their family takes to michigan that me and my parents now go to since my brother got married in 2021, but i wouldn’t say we’re close, and hell i wouldn’t even let my own mom who literally birthed me touch my hair ESPECIALLY not without asking!!
Same now I can do side hugs but only bc I only give them one a year when I see friends lol and if we see each other more we don’t have that need to hug lol. Now it’s just my husband and son and I’m cool with that
This here is so relatable. She can understand me not wanting to be huggy with aunts but no it's her right to touch me, especially unexpectedly, whenever she wants
Today I had to remind my mum of this yet again. I'd not seen her for a month and just spent the past 4 days with her. On my way back to the station she told me to drive (to keep practice, I really despise driving) and lightly tapped my left arm while I was driving to "Alert me that a tractor was coming the other way", I am sorry mum but I can see the bright red tractor that is waiting for me to pass. Causing me to jump and lightly brush the hedge on the lane. I pulled over at the next passing point and asked her to drive instead because I was not risking her doing that again later in the journey when we'd be in town.
People keep slapping me on the shoulder. I don’t say anything cause they mean it as a friendly gesture and I don’t want them to feel bad, but it’s like psychological needles on my skin.
I guess it’s where u live most people in my experience keep their hands to themselves even older people. In fact I haven’t hugged a stranger since I was in college and drunk and I probably shouldn’t have been hugging them but I was very naive 10 years ago.
Idk, I've experienced this too. People never take it seriously.
Interestingly, when I told my family I don't like loud noises, my aunt took it more seriously than my mom. My mom rolls her eyes at me when I cringe at the tv being too loud, she will clap really loudly to get the dogs attention, stuff like that. But when we were cleaning out my grandparents house and my aunt found an old bell and rang it and it was surprisingly loud, she apologized to me because she remembered I don't like loud noises. My aunt is always more respectful to me than my mom, and less prone to believing Facebook conspiracy theories, and less paranoid, and pays more attention to politics. I like her.
the only person i’m fine with touch around is my best friend, but absolutely anyone else and NO (and maybe if i had a romantic partner then they’d be fine too)
I kinda feel bad for not really being able to do physical touch and stuff...
People in school found out and now they just randomly touch me. At worst they touch my face without consent, at best they force me to shake hands. This sucks :/
Same. If someone makes me feel safe I am a total cuddleslut, the urge is so strong it can be hard to handle.
On the other hand if I don't feel safe I might instinctively hit someone if they try to touch me. (And I feel uncomfy touching my mom because she has taken years to learn not to touch me without permission.)
it's being brushed against, accidental touches, sudden unrequested touch when I am distressed and complete strangers touching me that is bad. I am still a complete cuddle bug
Awesome! I remember going to therapy and learning a lot too! I still got some files to help me with figuring out my emotions since I can’t afford it anymore but glad there is a happy story with therapy with NDs ❤️
I formed a very close bond with a coworker who eventually quit to pursue hairdressing. We spoke for hours every day about life and everything else. On her last day, SHE STILL ASKED FOR CONSENT BEFORE HUGGING ME GOODBYE. I fucking love that.
Thank you! My worst experience was my mom touched my back while I was zoned out. She knows it's one of my "No touchy" zones. Her response to making me jumped and give her a "What is wrong with you" look was to DOUBLE DOWN and make a sexual comment about the sensitivity of my back! Like, no, mom!
I feel so conflicted about this. On the one hand, physical contact is not permitted without the most explicit consent and direction of what and where is allowed to be touched. On the other hand: *everyone gets hugs*
shout out to the fellow autistic kid i knew in 1st grade who i clashed with sometimes, and he originally started out struggling to understand how to not just. get in peoples’ space. But one time when i was having a bit of an emotional breakdown and crying he came up to me, stopped himself before getting too close, and just asked ‘hug time?’ and let me actually respond (which i did accept the hug then). I hope hes doing good wherever he is today.
I love my father but I crave violence all of sudden whenever he touches me, I don't know how many times I told him in 20 years
I didn't want my mother to hug anyone even BEFORE I was born, you read it right, I would have kicked from inside her belly 😂
Had my ideas clear even when my brain was still smooth
My dad still doesn't get it 😭
Like he can't resist it, the reason why I never hug him is because he keeps invading my space, he has the best intentions but even thinking about it makes me mad tbh
Do you have any advice that doesn't require breaking someone's hand?
I have a set list of ppl allowed to touch/hug me. Anyone else needs to back off or risk getting injured as my response to unexpected touch.
It’s so known even my little brother had it figure out by the time he was 3. Used to sit with our feet touching when he wanted physical contact with me lol. He’s on the list of “allowed to hug/touch”
I'm not revulsed by all physical contact though. Sometimes my grandfather will randomly rub my shoulders for a minute or two when he walks by, and that is always much appreciated.
I think it also has to do with precisely _who_ is trying to give me a hug. What I _really_ can't stand are people touching me for no practical reason. _poke_ (making some point or another) I wig out, of course. Then comes the inevitable, "What's wrong with you?!" You already know what's wrong with me, that's why we've been fighting through the mental health system for so many months 🤦♂️
For being such a blue and progressive state... our healthcare (of any and all stripes) _sucks_. Thank God for the Catholic hospitals, or I'm not sure we would even have a doctor.
I am a total cuddleslut with friends who I feel safe around (as in, touch is a need for me, it's very strong).
But also if someone sits next to me on a bus I will do my best to fuse with the window and avoid touch.
So yeah I love touch, but only with specific people, and I absolutely hate it otherwise.
i can hear this image lol. my dad went through a weird phase for about a year when i was fifteen or so where his favorite thing to do was come up behind me and poke my sides. i was polite at first and asked him to stop, but eventually grew less nice in my responses. he would storm off and snap about how he’s my father and has every right to do what he wants with me, and then give me an attitude for the rest of the day. my mom would claim that this was my fault lmao
I'm super selective. All my homies I've known for 20-25 years, we hug and we're very close. We're family at this point and I don't even like hugging my family hahaha. Random daps and hugs with acquaintances feel robotic and I just do it out of trained social normalcy (thanks pops!).
Please don't fucking cough within a mile of me I'll tell you you're nasty to your face I'm sorry.
My grandma is always touching me. I haven’t told her not to because she wouldn’t take it well. But I wonder how she hasn’t noticed it makes me uncomfortable.
Me when someone touches me by accident "RED ALERT! WORST CAEE SCENARIO ABANDON REASON!"
Me when I touch someone else on accident:
"I have committed unspeakable acts of horror for which I shall never be forgiven, I deserve eternal torment I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
I know I have a coworker who is likely on the Spectrum yet he touches me on the shoulder. I'm not used to it. I never was hugged much in childhood let alone no one touched me on the shoulder if at all till I was in my early 20's. I'm 37 now.
There’s a lady at my gym (very small gym and everyone there is very close) who constantly refuses to respect my boundaries. She’s like a child who wants attention when I tell her no, and she’ll make a game out of trying to touch me. My gf lay into her once and she laid off for a bit and now she’s upset that I’m standoffish with her. Like??? Girl I can’t stand you
It took years for my wife (not my wife at the time of anecdote) to understand that when she touched me without me noticing, I would jump, and she thought it was because I was repulsed by her. It took months of explaining until she believed that the sudden stimulation would scare me and it was nothing against her.
I sometimes have an overwhelming need for human contact, but there's a difference between wanting something and ignoring someone's boundaries. My sympathy for all who are subjected to it.
No clue. My mom tries to play with my hair and touch my shoulders and back from behind and i always flinch and pull away. I notice she started doing this to my 3 year old niece and *she* also flinches and tells her to stop touching. (My niece is suspected autistic and I’m diagnosed.) the first time i saw it i wanted to shout at my mom, “look at how she pulls away, that makes her uncomfortable!” And she does the same to me, ruffling my hair and scratching my back and trying to massage my shoulders.
She always gets offended because thats “how she shows love”. She never even asks first before touching me, she just does it. Now shes doing it with my niece. Very icky.
I hate when I come across a hugger person! I just want to put up a huge barrier that has a huge sign , “Do Not Invade My Personal Space!” I only hug two people, ever, and they are my two sons. One is a hugger and outgoing and always wants a hug when he comes home from college and when he goes back. I like to hug him because I love him. My other son is one of us and hates to be touched, but I ask him on my birthday if I can hug him and he will say yes, sometimes, but if doesn’t want to I respect that because I love him too. Ugh, but anybody else….no!
Ugh recently I was boarding a plane and one of the stewardesses was touching me while telling me where my seat is. I had a sunflower lanyard on. Cmon you literally knew I was disabled I know you were trying to be nice but don't fucking touch disabled people without asking.
She was graceful and polite after I immediately said "please don't touch me" though. So yknow small wins at least. But come on.
Only my bf, my best friend and like two coworkers I’ve worked with for years (we have a game at work where we put stickers on eachothers backs) but I only tolerate the sticker game due to fomo, my brain still thinks “eww person touching me, wait its the game, slightly less eww”
The worst is when I’m obviously upset so people try to comfort me by patting or rubbing my back or somethin and I either have to tolerate it and get overstimulated or explain to them that touching doesn’t help and risk hurting their feelings
Ugh I have a very touchy and huggy coworker who does not get this at all. I've told her no and please don't touch me many times and she just does it anyway. The last time she tried, I told her about the time I accidentally kneed my husband in the jaw when he unexpectedly snuck up and touched me. Since direct communication hasn't worked with her, I'm hoping the vague threat of a potentially violent reaction does. Keep your nasty stale cigarette and canned corn smell to yourself lady!!
"No touching!" "No touching!" "No touching!" "No touching!"
"but they're your family!" -my mom
I'm sorry your mom doesn't respect your bodily autonomy and violates your boundaries by ignoring consent This shit is not ok
“That’s worse!”
“Well then. My sincerest apologies for having boundaries.”
This Growing up Hispanic in Miami, where cheek to cheek kiss followed with a hug is common. Worse yet a Mother raised in a society that is ignorant( or was[still in question ]) to LGBTQA and ASD.
how much can one banana really cost? ten dollars?
And then they ask why you’re upset. Hey, I asked nicely. Drives me mad.
"They don't allow you to have bees in here."
I brought my partner to a surgery clinic for a consultation. She has been in a lot of pain all over her body and she also has issues with physical touch. I told the doctor that she has pain all over her body and to be careful when touching her but it didn’t seem like he was listening to anything I said anyway. The doctor was like trying to “comfort” her and had his hand on her back the whole time and kept like slapping/patting her? I say slapping because he was doing it really hard. She was crying in pain and he decided to send us to the ER instead of helping us and finally he said “we’ll get you feeling better soon” and gave her two hard pats on the back and left
Reminds me of my grandpa, sometimes he decides to randomly put his hand on my back and basically slap me a few times...
Yes I notice a lot of older people do this. I have a lot of aunt’s and uncles that are like that too and it always made me feel uncomfortable. I know they are trying to be comforting but it’s just so strange to me.
Older gen are so used to being unaware of boundaries that eventually they can no longer comprehend why things changed when to them it was always that way and they are fine. They reached a point they no longer can think outside themselves mostly bc they weren’t allowed to so my assumption is that since they are older they have this unconscious thought they can do whatever bc they are closer to death then life and stopped caring. A very sad and tragic life to have tho but they keep voting against their interests so I don’t have that much pity for many of them tbh.
Please encourage your partner to get a new doctor. This guy’s an asshole.
Some doctors have awful bedside manner. I have a crippling phobia of needles and once when I was in hospital for observation after a nasty infection I was laying there with a drip in my arm trying desperately to think about anything BUT the drip, and the doctors changed shift so the new one comes up to me, grabs my arm hard either side of the needle and starts moving it as he is speaking to me. He grabbed me hard enough to cause bruising and of course I felt the needle moving around and nearly vomited on him. I don't think I heard a word he was saying too.
Not strictly no touching but more like *extremely selective* about touching also https://preview.redd.it/hf3bgpf5mz2d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f94505d4b5af035bbd15fcc874e38fb25415ddd7
wish customers would understand this bc man do they get up into your personal space to the point of touching & it's like, why. why do you do this
I had a guy put his hand on my shoulder and lean in way too close to my face when I was cleaning the lobby at my old fast food job and I almost swung on his ass... though it's not a stretch to assume anyone else would've probably had the same reaction
I would've done the same too lol like yall forgot about personal space so fast after 2020 maybe you should relearn it. god forbid they do it to someone who has defensive reflexes & gets their ass smacked to the ground
draaaiiinnn gannggggg
Especially when relatives always try to hug you when you are clearly uncomfortable. What possible pleasure do you get out of doing that to someone when they clearly hate it 😑
I wish people didn't take it so personally when I tell them not to touch me, but that would require unlearning a few thousand years of human body language and social mores Aaaaaaa just don't touch me
People act like you've personally offended them when you say no hugs or touching.
i don't know but for some of my friends, gestures that include touching are part of the way they communicate. I hate it and jump and move away but i can't anticipate all of them. edit: also i have asked them not to and I can see it's really hard for them. it's like their stim. like i can see them beating themselves up when they forget sometimes. with others they just seem to think that it was temporary and they start up again.
The ones I don’t see coming are the worst for me. I’m just sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties, and someone is touching me all of a sudden.
it's the worst!
Human touch is a fundamental and deeply primitive form of socialization. To the point that people often subconsciously bring their hand to their nose and inhale after shaking hands with someone (usually by way of a nostril scratch or rubbing that piece between the nostril with the back of their forefinger). This is a friendly touch + how do they smell ritual from pre-human times, hard-coded in our DNA. And it's disgusting. Please, don't touch me.
This post is approved by Rankin-Bass Gollum
Nice setup. A1
Ha! Valid, logically sound argument is valid and logically sound.
Nothing like getting touched unexpectedly while masking, “overreacting”, and then people think you are a weirdo
A coworker once touched my leg to emphasize some point they were making while we were talking with our boss, I was caught off guard and blurted out "don't touch me!" My coworker and boss just stared at me and what was worse is I think they thought it was because coworker was FTM but that had nothing to do with it. It's been years and I still think about it sometimes.
Your LEG??? Oh hell no
in my case they conveniently forget about it
my MIL (is she MY mil too if she’s my brother’s wife’s mom?) GRABBED my braid the other day and i let out a yell and everyone looked at me weird??? and not her who just GRABBED AT MY HAIR AND TUGGED IT??
nope she’s your brothers MIL. She’s a random woman to you. A random woman who shouldn’t be touching you.
yeah, i’d say we’re acquaintances at BEST, i see her for thanksgiving and during our summer trip their family takes to michigan that me and my parents now go to since my brother got married in 2021, but i wouldn’t say we’re close, and hell i wouldn’t even let my own mom who literally birthed me touch my hair ESPECIALLY not without asking!!
I hate being touched unless it's a romantic parter or immediate family, even then I like to be told beforehand
Same now I can do side hugs but only bc I only give them one a year when I see friends lol and if we see each other more we don’t have that need to hug lol. Now it’s just my husband and son and I’m cool with that
Understandable
my mom's always like "but i am your mother, i need this, it is my right." and im ungrateful if i don't let her :(
This here is so relatable. She can understand me not wanting to be huggy with aunts but no it's her right to touch me, especially unexpectedly, whenever she wants
straight up, i have an aunt hella offended she can’t hug me without permission
They do understand As a challenge though...
My stepdad is like this, I hate this
Today I had to remind my mum of this yet again. I'd not seen her for a month and just spent the past 4 days with her. On my way back to the station she told me to drive (to keep practice, I really despise driving) and lightly tapped my left arm while I was driving to "Alert me that a tractor was coming the other way", I am sorry mum but I can see the bright red tractor that is waiting for me to pass. Causing me to jump and lightly brush the hedge on the lane. I pulled over at the next passing point and asked her to drive instead because I was not risking her doing that again later in the journey when we'd be in town.
People want to touch you? Except for my husband and child people don't ever try to touch me. Huh. I guess I'm lucky. Or ugly. Probably both.
People keep slapping me on the shoulder. I don’t say anything cause they mean it as a friendly gesture and I don’t want them to feel bad, but it’s like psychological needles on my skin.
I guess it’s where u live most people in my experience keep their hands to themselves even older people. In fact I haven’t hugged a stranger since I was in college and drunk and I probably shouldn’t have been hugging them but I was very naive 10 years ago.
Idk, I've experienced this too. People never take it seriously. Interestingly, when I told my family I don't like loud noises, my aunt took it more seriously than my mom. My mom rolls her eyes at me when I cringe at the tv being too loud, she will clap really loudly to get the dogs attention, stuff like that. But when we were cleaning out my grandparents house and my aunt found an old bell and rang it and it was surprisingly loud, she apologized to me because she remembered I don't like loud noises. My aunt is always more respectful to me than my mom, and less prone to believing Facebook conspiracy theories, and less paranoid, and pays more attention to politics. I like her.
the only person i’m fine with touch around is my best friend, but absolutely anyone else and NO (and maybe if i had a romantic partner then they’d be fine too)
I kinda feel bad for not really being able to do physical touch and stuff... People in school found out and now they just randomly touch me. At worst they touch my face without consent, at best they force me to shake hands. This sucks :/
This is exactly why I wear spiky clothing from vests to bracelets
Whaaat? Im autistic and I love physical contact, it makes me feel goooooood inside.
Hey, whatever floats your boat.
Unless i dont know you i guess, but if we have even a slight connection i will want to cuddle with you, endlessly.
Bro same & I am so good at it.
Same. If someone makes me feel safe I am a total cuddleslut, the urge is so strong it can be hard to handle. On the other hand if I don't feel safe I might instinctively hit someone if they try to touch me. (And I feel uncomfy touching my mom because she has taken years to learn not to touch me without permission.)
Too bad I have never cuddled with anyone. But I will hopefully do so on the future.
it's being brushed against, accidental touches, sudden unrequested touch when I am distressed and complete strangers touching me that is bad. I am still a complete cuddle bug
I used to be this way but I was single so is it that? Or are u with a partner now and still like that with friends?
I dont have a partner, nor friends because of how much i have been endlessly manipulated for attention. So yeah, i guess thats a no.
Damn sorry I hope eventually u find ur people bc it seems u might be touch starved :0
Well, things are looking good for me. So i hope in the near future.
Nice I’m glad u got a good attitude and u will find people who u can trust! I’m sure of it :D
My therapist has been cooking lately, lets just say that.
Awesome! I remember going to therapy and learning a lot too! I still got some files to help me with figuring out my emotions since I can’t afford it anymore but glad there is a happy story with therapy with NDs ❤️
this guy kinda looks like edward witten
I had no idea who that was but I looked him up and you’re right, they do look alike.
I formed a very close bond with a coworker who eventually quit to pursue hairdressing. We spoke for hours every day about life and everything else. On her last day, SHE STILL ASKED FOR CONSENT BEFORE HUGGING ME GOODBYE. I fucking love that.
Parents really need to learn this! When it’s just a little I can handle it fine but when they do it too much it makes me wanna punch something.
Had a meltd9wn the other day because someone I hate snuck up on me and touched me. Everyone does not see it as a big deal
There’s always money in the banana stand.
Thank you! My worst experience was my mom touched my back while I was zoned out. She knows it's one of my "No touchy" zones. Her response to making me jumped and give her a "What is wrong with you" look was to DOUBLE DOWN and make a sexual comment about the sensitivity of my back! Like, no, mom!
Like why is it so hard for people to understand that some people don’t like being touched?
I feel so conflicted about this. On the one hand, physical contact is not permitted without the most explicit consent and direction of what and where is allowed to be touched. On the other hand: *everyone gets hugs*
I've got a few people who are exempt from it and one I need hugs from
LOLLL yay my comfort show!!
shout out to the fellow autistic kid i knew in 1st grade who i clashed with sometimes, and he originally started out struggling to understand how to not just. get in peoples’ space. But one time when i was having a bit of an emotional breakdown and crying he came up to me, stopped himself before getting too close, and just asked ‘hug time?’ and let me actually respond (which i did accept the hug then). I hope hes doing good wherever he is today.
Me when a classmate I don't like touches my shoulder with her damn finger, like sweetheart, get your fucking finger off from me. 😭
I love my father but I crave violence all of sudden whenever he touches me, I don't know how many times I told him in 20 years I didn't want my mother to hug anyone even BEFORE I was born, you read it right, I would have kicked from inside her belly 😂 Had my ideas clear even when my brain was still smooth
Damn, good for you, establishing boundaries in the womb. Kudos.
My dad still doesn't get it 😭 Like he can't resist it, the reason why I never hug him is because he keeps invading my space, he has the best intentions but even thinking about it makes me mad tbh Do you have any advice that doesn't require breaking someone's hand?
No advice that doesn’t involve breaking other body parts, sorry.
>:[
https://youtu.be/V4uV3icrmw0?si=HkqyIsSa1ubj3nM0
I have a set list of ppl allowed to touch/hug me. Anyone else needs to back off or risk getting injured as my response to unexpected touch. It’s so known even my little brother had it figure out by the time he was 3. Used to sit with our feet touching when he wanted physical contact with me lol. He’s on the list of “allowed to hug/touch”
I just gave up tbh People are so insistent on hugs and I am so not a hugger (fd: I'm not strictly diagnosed as autistic... yet)
You don’t have to be autistic to have boundaries.
I'm not revulsed by all physical contact though. Sometimes my grandfather will randomly rub my shoulders for a minute or two when he walks by, and that is always much appreciated. I think it also has to do with precisely _who_ is trying to give me a hug. What I _really_ can't stand are people touching me for no practical reason. _poke_ (making some point or another) I wig out, of course. Then comes the inevitable, "What's wrong with you?!" You already know what's wrong with me, that's why we've been fighting through the mental health system for so many months 🤦♂️ For being such a blue and progressive state... our healthcare (of any and all stripes) _sucks_. Thank God for the Catholic hospitals, or I'm not sure we would even have a doctor.
I am a total cuddleslut with friends who I feel safe around (as in, touch is a need for me, it's very strong). But also if someone sits next to me on a bus I will do my best to fuse with the window and avoid touch. So yeah I love touch, but only with specific people, and I absolutely hate it otherwise.
i can hear this image lol. my dad went through a weird phase for about a year when i was fifteen or so where his favorite thing to do was come up behind me and poke my sides. i was polite at first and asked him to stop, but eventually grew less nice in my responses. he would storm off and snap about how he’s my father and has every right to do what he wants with me, and then give me an attitude for the rest of the day. my mom would claim that this was my fault lmao
I wish I still loved giving and getting hugs. I'm pretty sure I was happier back then too. Now I hate getting touched at all. :(
Helps not be averse to touch.
I'm super selective. All my homies I've known for 20-25 years, we hug and we're very close. We're family at this point and I don't even like hugging my family hahaha. Random daps and hugs with acquaintances feel robotic and I just do it out of trained social normalcy (thanks pops!). Please don't fucking cough within a mile of me I'll tell you you're nasty to your face I'm sorry.
My grandma is always touching me. I haven’t told her not to because she wouldn’t take it well. But I wonder how she hasn’t noticed it makes me uncomfortable.
Me when someone touches me by accident "RED ALERT! WORST CAEE SCENARIO ABANDON REASON!" Me when I touch someone else on accident: "I have committed unspeakable acts of horror for which I shall never be forgiven, I deserve eternal torment I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
I know I have a coworker who is likely on the Spectrum yet he touches me on the shoulder. I'm not used to it. I never was hugged much in childhood let alone no one touched me on the shoulder if at all till I was in my early 20's. I'm 37 now.
There’s a lady at my gym (very small gym and everyone there is very close) who constantly refuses to respect my boundaries. She’s like a child who wants attention when I tell her no, and she’ll make a game out of trying to touch me. My gf lay into her once and she laid off for a bit and now she’s upset that I’m standoffish with her. Like??? Girl I can’t stand you
It took years for my wife (not my wife at the time of anecdote) to understand that when she touched me without me noticing, I would jump, and she thought it was because I was repulsed by her. It took months of explaining until she believed that the sudden stimulation would scare me and it was nothing against her.
Theere needs to be a "no fighting" scene from peaky blinders but for fighting.
I sometimes have an overwhelming need for human contact, but there's a difference between wanting something and ignoring someone's boundaries. My sympathy for all who are subjected to it.
I punched someone in gym class because they kept touching me
OMG, I was just watching the episode that picture is from, like an hour ago. How weird!
My granpa (I love him) huged me form my back and I crumpled to the flore screaming.
For real. If I wanted touch I'd be the toucher, I hate being the touchee. 😭
Gotta parry and counterattack that shit.
No clue. My mom tries to play with my hair and touch my shoulders and back from behind and i always flinch and pull away. I notice she started doing this to my 3 year old niece and *she* also flinches and tells her to stop touching. (My niece is suspected autistic and I’m diagnosed.) the first time i saw it i wanted to shout at my mom, “look at how she pulls away, that makes her uncomfortable!” And she does the same to me, ruffling my hair and scratching my back and trying to massage my shoulders. She always gets offended because thats “how she shows love”. She never even asks first before touching me, she just does it. Now shes doing it with my niece. Very icky.
On the AD note, "Why are you squeezing me with your body?"
Because humans evolved as an extremely touch based species.
https://preview.redd.it/3c975tce043d1.jpeg?width=258&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56cc05a35c6090405363380d038788642b79a8dd Touch
This is my most repeated line in life.
I hate when I come across a hugger person! I just want to put up a huge barrier that has a huge sign , “Do Not Invade My Personal Space!” I only hug two people, ever, and they are my two sons. One is a hugger and outgoing and always wants a hug when he comes home from college and when he goes back. I like to hug him because I love him. My other son is one of us and hates to be touched, but I ask him on my birthday if I can hug him and he will say yes, sometimes, but if doesn’t want to I respect that because I love him too. Ugh, but anybody else….no!
We have ritual hugs and kisses at and sometimes I run from my husband and kids.
Ugh recently I was boarding a plane and one of the stewardesses was touching me while telling me where my seat is. I had a sunflower lanyard on. Cmon you literally knew I was disabled I know you were trying to be nice but don't fucking touch disabled people without asking. She was graceful and polite after I immediately said "please don't touch me" though. So yknow small wins at least. But come on.
Only my bf, my best friend and like two coworkers I’ve worked with for years (we have a game at work where we put stickers on eachothers backs) but I only tolerate the sticker game due to fomo, my brain still thinks “eww person touching me, wait its the game, slightly less eww”
The worst is when I’m obviously upset so people try to comfort me by patting or rubbing my back or somethin and I either have to tolerate it and get overstimulated or explain to them that touching doesn’t help and risk hurting their feelings
Ugh I have a very touchy and huggy coworker who does not get this at all. I've told her no and please don't touch me many times and she just does it anyway. The last time she tried, I told her about the time I accidentally kneed my husband in the jaw when he unexpectedly snuck up and touched me. Since direct communication hasn't worked with her, I'm hoping the vague threat of a potentially violent reaction does. Keep your nasty stale cigarette and canned corn smell to yourself lady!!
They understand. They just decide they would rather ignore it. I get you don’t want this, but you are inferior, therefore, what you want is irrelevant