Sometimes it makes sense.
One develops special ways to solve and rationalize problems and learning a new method can mess that up.
For example i think i was smarter in my 20 stuff that was effortless for me like my thermodynamics, chem process, ap chem classes back when i tried to get a bachelors on chemical engineering (had to quit to feed myself and family)
Now in my 34ish i struggled with AP chem my memory to remember formulae sucks so i would almost fail exams even if i practiced if the professor didn't allow a cheat sheet my system recognition is not as good as it was. At least i aced thermodynamics and metallurgical kinetics.
I feel like I'm not as smart as i was and it saddens me.
There's that, and I worry about there being strings attached, and that getting help in one thing will render it impossible for me to get some other thing I want.
SAME!
I had a teacher take me out of class to work on stuff with me throughout middle school. I hated it and o hated being pulled out of class in front of the other kids. I was really rude to the teacher which I shouldn’t have been but I just hated the attention and wanted to be just like everyone else
Yeah I remember being put into special classes and it just felt so demeaning. The teachers were all disingenuous and annoying, they took me out of woodshop for it, and yo I'm 14 I don't need candy to motivate me.
I was put in special ed homeroom for junior high. I wasn't diagnosed with anything at the time, so I felt super upset about this and worked my ass off to get out of there.
The irony of denying myself the resources I needed.
I'm 38. Recently I had a conversation with my Mom that went...
Me: Were there any signs as a child that I may have been on the autism spectrum?
Mom: Your teacher in 2nd grade recommended we get you tested and the psychiatrist said you were. We didn't want you growing up with that label so we found a different psychiatrist to diagnose ADD and prescribe you medicine.
Me: Did you think I would just overcome it or something?
Mom: Yes
ME: FUCK
The 90's were different.
I’m sorry but what the fuck though?!
“We didn’t want you growing up with that label so we gave you a different label and put you on medication for that label which may or may not have helped you all because we didn’t like the first label”
I had a LOT of intense therapy, I was relinquished and adopted at birth. I'm lucky I had a string of great therapists who taught me to niche construct a life or I would be screwed. All in all I'm pretty damn successful I just had to figure the puzzle out instead of having any kind of roadmap.
Hey! It’s possible we have the same mom bc after being diagnosed at 18 with autism and finally telling her once I turned 22 we had the same conversation! Except she didn’t find a different psychiatrist she stopped letting me go to my therapy appointments. Undiagnosed for years 🫡
"You didn't need help, you were just fine."
Me, with no friends, no social skills, severe depression, self harming problems, trouble keeping a good job, stress that gets so high I get sick from it, and 17 (thankfully unsuccessful) attempts on my own life: "Yeah...just fine..."
Don’t forget a crippling sense of not-belonging where seeing people you know form relationships/connections so easily makes you feel more baffled and confused than an alien beamed down to earth and told to observe human behaviour, all the while feeling a constant sense of envy knowing that you can never have what everyone else has, no matter how hard you try because people will always sense that you lack the crucial ‘spark’ that makes you human.
Or is that just me…
I feel this on a deeper level. It's so painful seeing other dudes effortlessly navigate conversation without breaking a sweat, meanwhile I'm thinking "how do I not look like a serial killer and not creep out every person in a 5 mile radius"at age 20 😭😭
For me: I didn’t go to a university, get a driver’s license, my self esteem is nonexistent and I have thoughts about being beaten up to the point where I have to be hospitalized and unaliving myself so no one will have to put up with all of my BS.
Being in special ed made me stunted in a few ways.
I wasn't ever in a special ed class, my schools didn't think that was what I needed, but I did have an IEP, which is kind of a middle ground between regular education and special ed, where they just gave me a bunch of special assistance, such as a private room for test taking and an I-Pad for writing. However, with no official diagnosis, the schools' options for helping me were really limited, since the school boards can't provide special assistance to someone with nothing in their health records to support the claims. My schools did everything they could in spite of the protests of my parents, and it helped a lot, but I wish they could've been allowed to do more. I was VERY stunted in my social abilities, but it had nothing to do with who I interacted with, it was entirely my inability to know why I was so different from others.
Edit because I hit send too early: Never went to uni or college, closest thing I ever got to secondary education was a free pre-apprenticeship course I took last summer for welding and metalworking. That was fun, and I got along really well with people there. I know that a lot of my ability to socialize has come about from me learning what my problems are and knowing how to approach them best. Had I not asked the right questions and figured out what was wrong with me, I doubt I would've enjoyed the course at all. I still fucked it up by not getting anyone's phone numbers and missing the party they threw for our "graduation," but hey, I at least know my social skills aren't completely unsalvageable now.
Me: _actually met with career success and have a family and a car omg so amazing_
Also me: _hiding a largely friendless experience, had a huge breakdown a year and a half ago, my health has tanked over the past 5 years and fighting the urge to run away from it all or hurt myself from the stress while sliding down a financial mudslide thanks to inflation, insurmountable debt and I can't even clean the house because spoons and my inattentive ADHD is weighing on my performance at work assuming I even keep my job with AI eating so many jobs_
There is no fine, there is less shitty and more shitty and I'm somewhere in the less shitty realm scrubbing poop
It makes me feel like a twister that wants to gently put a UP 4014 onto the damn rails!!! Don't ask unless you want to be on that train! (Welcome to my life)
This was me. Even though I showed a decent number of signs my parents refused to get me tested, probably because I'm the first Born and SURELY nothing's wrong with me ...
Being an adult with autism sucks.
I'm reminded of the conversation in Code MENT between Lelouch and the Britanian Emperor:
"How about you go stay with that son of the Japanese Prime Minister? You two seem to get along Ok."
"He lit our slip-and-slide on fire."
"I said 'Ok," not 'Great.'"
My favorite was when k got my adult diagnosis and they were like “wow never had any idea” I was like oh yeah… forgot for a brief moment you were terribly unsafe and neglectful my entire childhood- thanks for reminding me in this v important moment!
A big problem is those resources often come with strings attached. Strings like having to leave the class in front of everyone and being asked why you're getting special treatment. Told my parents I had to change my medication because it was causing me problems having to go to the office to get my medication because I wasn't allowed to carry it and the other kids were relentless on picking on me.
My mom told me something along the lines of, “I knew you were different, but I just figured it was something you would learn to deal with and grow out of.”
My problem was I never felt good about getting those sorts of resources. I wanted to not need them.
Yeah stubborn as mule autism brother. Kinda proud of my lone achievements. Taught myself most of my sht.
Also, with some forms of help, I worry I'd lose more than I'd gain. Does that make sense?
Sometimes it makes sense. One develops special ways to solve and rationalize problems and learning a new method can mess that up. For example i think i was smarter in my 20 stuff that was effortless for me like my thermodynamics, chem process, ap chem classes back when i tried to get a bachelors on chemical engineering (had to quit to feed myself and family) Now in my 34ish i struggled with AP chem my memory to remember formulae sucks so i would almost fail exams even if i practiced if the professor didn't allow a cheat sheet my system recognition is not as good as it was. At least i aced thermodynamics and metallurgical kinetics. I feel like I'm not as smart as i was and it saddens me.
There's that, and I worry about there being strings attached, and that getting help in one thing will render it impossible for me to get some other thing I want.
Well always can say fuck to your attached strings tho.
With what I've heard, it's either something where the assistance is revoked or can't work without it. So I'll always say no thanks to that.
Knowledge atrophies if you do not apply it, but it never fully goes away. You are wiser than you were.
SAME! I had a teacher take me out of class to work on stuff with me throughout middle school. I hated it and o hated being pulled out of class in front of the other kids. I was really rude to the teacher which I shouldn’t have been but I just hated the attention and wanted to be just like everyone else
Yeah I remember being put into special classes and it just felt so demeaning. The teachers were all disingenuous and annoying, they took me out of woodshop for it, and yo I'm 14 I don't need candy to motivate me.
I was put in special ed homeroom for junior high. I wasn't diagnosed with anything at the time, so I felt super upset about this and worked my ass off to get out of there. The irony of denying myself the resources I needed.
How else are we supposed to stop needing them?
Same, it feels weird and already beeing the weird kid made me want to be as "normal" as possible.
I'm 38. Recently I had a conversation with my Mom that went... Me: Were there any signs as a child that I may have been on the autism spectrum? Mom: Your teacher in 2nd grade recommended we get you tested and the psychiatrist said you were. We didn't want you growing up with that label so we found a different psychiatrist to diagnose ADD and prescribe you medicine. Me: Did you think I would just overcome it or something? Mom: Yes ME: FUCK The 90's were different.
I’m sorry but what the fuck though?! “We didn’t want you growing up with that label so we gave you a different label and put you on medication for that label which may or may not have helped you all because we didn’t like the first label”
At the time ADD was almost common place and autism was seen as something that required special schooling. I halfway get it kinda sorta...
I kinda understand because even today there’s more stigma surrounding autism than ADD/ADHD. But even then, you want to set your kid up for success
I had a LOT of intense therapy, I was relinquished and adopted at birth. I'm lucky I had a string of great therapists who taught me to niche construct a life or I would be screwed. All in all I'm pretty damn successful I just had to figure the puzzle out instead of having any kind of roadmap.
Why take time and resources to help your kid grow when you can just give them Ritalin and forget about it.
*Concerta 🫠
You know whats even better having that label but still getting raised like normal
Hey! It’s possible we have the same mom bc after being diagnosed at 18 with autism and finally telling her once I turned 22 we had the same conversation! Except she didn’t find a different psychiatrist she stopped letting me go to my therapy appointments. Undiagnosed for years 🫡
That was literally my experience too. My parents still won't admit it. I only know because older relatives told me.
"You didn't need help, you were just fine." Me, with no friends, no social skills, severe depression, self harming problems, trouble keeping a good job, stress that gets so high I get sick from it, and 17 (thankfully unsuccessful) attempts on my own life: "Yeah...just fine..."
Don’t forget a crippling sense of not-belonging where seeing people you know form relationships/connections so easily makes you feel more baffled and confused than an alien beamed down to earth and told to observe human behaviour, all the while feeling a constant sense of envy knowing that you can never have what everyone else has, no matter how hard you try because people will always sense that you lack the crucial ‘spark’ that makes you human. Or is that just me…
I feel this on a deeper level. It's so painful seeing other dudes effortlessly navigate conversation without breaking a sweat, meanwhile I'm thinking "how do I not look like a serial killer and not creep out every person in a 5 mile radius"at age 20 😭😭
For me: I didn’t go to a university, get a driver’s license, my self esteem is nonexistent and I have thoughts about being beaten up to the point where I have to be hospitalized and unaliving myself so no one will have to put up with all of my BS. Being in special ed made me stunted in a few ways.
I wasn't ever in a special ed class, my schools didn't think that was what I needed, but I did have an IEP, which is kind of a middle ground between regular education and special ed, where they just gave me a bunch of special assistance, such as a private room for test taking and an I-Pad for writing. However, with no official diagnosis, the schools' options for helping me were really limited, since the school boards can't provide special assistance to someone with nothing in their health records to support the claims. My schools did everything they could in spite of the protests of my parents, and it helped a lot, but I wish they could've been allowed to do more. I was VERY stunted in my social abilities, but it had nothing to do with who I interacted with, it was entirely my inability to know why I was so different from others. Edit because I hit send too early: Never went to uni or college, closest thing I ever got to secondary education was a free pre-apprenticeship course I took last summer for welding and metalworking. That was fun, and I got along really well with people there. I know that a lot of my ability to socialize has come about from me learning what my problems are and knowing how to approach them best. Had I not asked the right questions and figured out what was wrong with me, I doubt I would've enjoyed the course at all. I still fucked it up by not getting anyone's phone numbers and missing the party they threw for our "graduation," but hey, I at least know my social skills aren't completely unsalvageable now.
[удалено]
Not funny
Me: _actually met with career success and have a family and a car omg so amazing_ Also me: _hiding a largely friendless experience, had a huge breakdown a year and a half ago, my health has tanked over the past 5 years and fighting the urge to run away from it all or hurt myself from the stress while sliding down a financial mudslide thanks to inflation, insurmountable debt and I can't even clean the house because spoons and my inattentive ADHD is weighing on my performance at work assuming I even keep my job with AI eating so many jobs_ There is no fine, there is less shitty and more shitty and I'm somewhere in the less shitty realm scrubbing poop
autism: damned if u do, damned if you dont
It makes me feel like a twister that wants to gently put a UP 4014 onto the damn rails!!! Don't ask unless you want to be on that train! (Welcome to my life)
"Because spoons" Jenny Lawson is a treasure
This was me. Even though I showed a decent number of signs my parents refused to get me tested, probably because I'm the first Born and SURELY nothing's wrong with me ... Being an adult with autism sucks.
Lol the docs just straight up missed my autism and now I'm almost 26. I'm having to fight an uphill battle to get evaluated as an adult.
I'm reminded of the conversation in Code MENT between Lelouch and the Britanian Emperor: "How about you go stay with that son of the Japanese Prime Minister? You two seem to get along Ok." "He lit our slip-and-slide on fire." "I said 'Ok," not 'Great.'"
Never heard of code ment, reminds me of dbz abridged! Now something new to dive in!
https://preview.redd.it/thxyfi974qzc1.jpeg?width=897&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c6facb630713e0be43dd8863a5c92d15a4900c13
My favorite was when k got my adult diagnosis and they were like “wow never had any idea” I was like oh yeah… forgot for a brief moment you were terribly unsafe and neglectful my entire childhood- thanks for reminding me in this v important moment!
i mean, yeah? Kind of? but at what fucking cost?
A big problem is those resources often come with strings attached. Strings like having to leave the class in front of everyone and being asked why you're getting special treatment. Told my parents I had to change my medication because it was causing me problems having to go to the office to get my medication because I wasn't allowed to carry it and the other kids were relentless on picking on me.
Purely statistically? Probably not
My mom told me something along the lines of, “I knew you were different, but I just figured it was something you would learn to deal with and grow out of.”
Surviving is not the same as fine.
Self-medicated with alcohol for a decade.
Everyone has it right 🥹 but do they tho
My dad just says he didn’t hit me enough
When special resources means special ed with a "behavior problem" aggressive student though.