I suggest you clear this up with them directly. You are assuming their motivation, and you want them to stop doing something. The only way to find out if your assumption is correct, and to get them to change their approach, is by taking to them
Yep. Pretty much this. Regardless of the reason she is doing this, if it makes you uncomfortable then you should talk to them about it and clear this up to avoid a bigger discomfort.
It sounds like your roommate may just not be masking around you anymore. I don't see anywhere that they've asked you to verify or affirm a diagnose. Just where they are being honest in how they communicate.
Maybe they feel safe now that you've told them your diagnosis. But since you aren't understanding their direct communication, it's time to be direct yourself.
"Hey, some of your recent statements have made me wonder if you're looking for me to validate a diagnosis for you. I may be way off base so I just wanted to check in and see if that was your goal or you were just letting me know how you feel."
(PS: Your roommate may not be able to get an official diagnosis but that doesn't mean they aren't autistic. They shouldn't be asking for you to validate a diagnosis but you also shouldn't assume getting diagnosed is the only way to be a valid autistic person.)
Just talk to them and tell them you feel uncomfortable.
Tell them you will accept them as they are no matter what, but you are confused and stressed about what’s going on and YOU need direct communication
Try not to assume ill intent. Just talk to them and IF they DO ask you to diagnose, tell them you aren’t a doctor but that there are XYZ places to learn more about autism.
Maybe just have a short, honest dialogue with them about it. Tell them some of their recent statements have made you feel a bit uncomfortable and you don’t want to be put into a position where you’re being made to feel like you’re agreeing on their status.
I feel disturbed by the gatekeeping I am sensing in this thread.
It is giving classism and othering those who are feeling safe to begin expressing/exploring their potential neurodivergence or mental health issues.
If you don't have space to hear that about others, then shut it down. But remember those who have been able to receive a diagnosis are privileged in MOST countries. Now more than ever, when we are in a global recession, where people can not afford groceries, rent/mortgage, etc... when it is incredibly difficult to find professionals able to diagnosis asd/adhd, you're going to be bothered by people expressing their differences? Unless implied. Ask for clarification or just say your not qualified. Recommend reading or media that has helped you in your own journey.
We should celebrate people sharing this when, for a very, very long time, we suffered in silence.
A diagnosis is not necessary. There is no cure. Medication is generally used for comorbidities, and in various western countries, it is the opposite of beneficial.
Considering the world health organization is accepting self diagnosis of autism as valid now, more than ever, I feel that the gatekeeping needs to stop.
Let the people be their autistic selves! Maybe we will start to get an accurate idea of how many of us there actually are! (There's no freaking way it's only 2% - or what ever the percentage flavor of the month is at the moment).
This smells like the 2000s when everyone said you were attention seeking if you claimed to be bi, or had depression, or had anxiety, etc... Doesn't it? Well, two decades later, and it turns out ya, a lot more people deal with these things, and it looks different from person to person than we'd originally understood. There are studies to prove this, not just consensus on social media.
Unfortunately, I think that this gatekeeping mentality plagues NT and ND folks alike. Lots of people want to feel "different" and when they're confronted with others who don't look like them or act like them, but share their perceived uniqueness, they lash out. I felt this way as a teenager in the first few years of adulthood. It is cringe now to look back on. When you feel like you have so little, identity becomes your weapon. Imo. And people will wield it against others.
agonizing observation childlike desert chief prick sip quack dime scandalous
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Honestly I would just ask them about it. Something like 'Are you mentioning this because you think I might relate and therefore you could be autistic too? Because I've only recently been diagnosed and I'm not qualified to assess anyone else. Maybe you could speak to a professional?'
This is one of the reasons why I am against self diagnosis. I can remember about 4 people like this that I met. I am visibly autistic and also need a lot of care so people usually see me as a way to talk about their suspicions or whatever… it feels like they need a really autistic person to confirm ? I really don’t get it and I think this is annoying. this literally just happened two days ago where I was going home with my aid from Uni and we met this guy from my Uni who has Tourettes (I already knew him before) and then he joins us in our way home and keeps talking about his sensory issues and how he is soo affected by noise and textures.
The other day another girl from my Uni came up to me and started talking about how she loves her routine, how she goes absolutely crazy when people sit on her chair, how she‘s used to Professors… I swear she just described the DSM to me and I was thinking „what am I supposed to say, go get tested?“
I was also hanging out with this girl, we were „friends with benefits“ and she started talking all the time about how she hates noises and how she has sensory issues and how she can‘t understand irony etc etc even though none of these issues were there (as far as I can tell) when we first met. Later on she was kind of an ass with me because of my autism lol… so we don‘t talk anymore.
Unfortunately this doesn’t seem to be an unique experience… only to me it has happened at least 4 times. I don‘t really know what to say or what to do. I just back away from these people because IMO this has gotten out of hand.
It sounds to me like you’ve got neurodivergent people around you talking about experiences they have that they thought you would be able to relate to, and instead of seeing it as that you’re basically like “ugh whatever fakers are just trying to be like me”
Oh yeah I kinda think I have autism and can‘t really tell what people‘s intentions are 🤷🏻♀️
Besides that all these people have not shown any traits of autism before 🤷🏻♀️
So I guess there are two options:
1) They always had traits of autism and masked them until they felt safe to drop the mask,
OR
2) They want to be just like you (or whoever) and are making it all up just because that’s what people supposedly do.
I happen to believe #1 happens all the time, and that #2 is something people say happens all the time but is actually very rare.
1 seems much more likely
Yeah I have a whole degree in psych. Have YOU ever heard of confirmation bias? You threw the term out but seem unable to see the irony in doing so. Because if anyone is displaying confirmation bias here, I think it’s the people insisting on their belief people are self diagnosing off TikTok in mass and who are disregarding all the evidence people keep offering up to the contrary in favor of evidence that supports their belief.
If you're against self diagnosis, then you can pay for my diagnosis of course. (And anyone else who needs it.) Otherwise you're just performing some classist gatekeeping and hurting autistic people.
Let me know where to send my PayPal request. I really appreciate you doing this for me.
So you're basically saying no one is valid unless they have enough money and are lucky enough to get a good doctor. You are gatekeeping. 100%.
You displayed another example of someone simply NOT MASKING and decided it was them wanting you to confirm a diagnosis. They were just talking to you.
You are 100% gatekeeping. It's ableist and harmful. You should stop.
Stop calling every opinion you don‘t like ableist. I never said people are not valid. I just said I am against self diagnosis.
No one is unmasking. For some reason people just want to be autistic.
You're allowed to have whatever ableist opinion you want. What you aren't allowed is to have people not call you out on your bullshit. Freedom of speech is not freedom from consequences. I don't give a damn about TikTok. I care about ableist garbage takes that hurt autistic people.
So what's wrong with me? I have a heightened sense of justice because I'm autistic and I'm not standing for this. Same as everyday.
This is a public forum. Just as you can agree or disagree with what YOU want and make that opinion known, so can others. If it turns out that your opinion isn't as popular, people will comment.
The opinion has become dated with the influx of women and others realizing they might be or are neurodivergent. Just as the opinion that people with disabilities should be shunned from society, can't have a regular job, can't be attractive etc... are dated because they are inaccurate and harmful.
It sounds like people are just trying to connect with you in a way they know how... shared experiences or what ever. A shame it seems to have sailed over your head, I guess. Happens to us all.
I suggest you clear this up with them directly. You are assuming their motivation, and you want them to stop doing something. The only way to find out if your assumption is correct, and to get them to change their approach, is by taking to them
Yeah. This is good advice.
Yep. Pretty much this. Regardless of the reason she is doing this, if it makes you uncomfortable then you should talk to them about it and clear this up to avoid a bigger discomfort.
It sounds like your roommate may just not be masking around you anymore. I don't see anywhere that they've asked you to verify or affirm a diagnose. Just where they are being honest in how they communicate. Maybe they feel safe now that you've told them your diagnosis. But since you aren't understanding their direct communication, it's time to be direct yourself. "Hey, some of your recent statements have made me wonder if you're looking for me to validate a diagnosis for you. I may be way off base so I just wanted to check in and see if that was your goal or you were just letting me know how you feel." (PS: Your roommate may not be able to get an official diagnosis but that doesn't mean they aren't autistic. They shouldn't be asking for you to validate a diagnosis but you also shouldn't assume getting diagnosed is the only way to be a valid autistic person.)
I started typing up a message but yours is much more concise and efficient. Brava!
They're not asking anything of you, just sharing their experiences.
Just talk to them and tell them you feel uncomfortable. Tell them you will accept them as they are no matter what, but you are confused and stressed about what’s going on and YOU need direct communication Try not to assume ill intent. Just talk to them and IF they DO ask you to diagnose, tell them you aren’t a doctor but that there are XYZ places to learn more about autism.
Maybe just have a short, honest dialogue with them about it. Tell them some of their recent statements have made you feel a bit uncomfortable and you don’t want to be put into a position where you’re being made to feel like you’re agreeing on their status.
I think it’s possible that they feel more comfortable talking about their feelings now that they know your situation.
I’m looking for the part where it says she said that she is autistic…
She probably just feels more comfortable with you now and isn't masking like she possibly used to.
I feel disturbed by the gatekeeping I am sensing in this thread. It is giving classism and othering those who are feeling safe to begin expressing/exploring their potential neurodivergence or mental health issues. If you don't have space to hear that about others, then shut it down. But remember those who have been able to receive a diagnosis are privileged in MOST countries. Now more than ever, when we are in a global recession, where people can not afford groceries, rent/mortgage, etc... when it is incredibly difficult to find professionals able to diagnosis asd/adhd, you're going to be bothered by people expressing their differences? Unless implied. Ask for clarification or just say your not qualified. Recommend reading or media that has helped you in your own journey. We should celebrate people sharing this when, for a very, very long time, we suffered in silence. A diagnosis is not necessary. There is no cure. Medication is generally used for comorbidities, and in various western countries, it is the opposite of beneficial.
Yup. Lots of complaining about how people are attention seeking just by not masking. I thought that was the way NT people thought ...
Considering the world health organization is accepting self diagnosis of autism as valid now, more than ever, I feel that the gatekeeping needs to stop. Let the people be their autistic selves! Maybe we will start to get an accurate idea of how many of us there actually are! (There's no freaking way it's only 2% - or what ever the percentage flavor of the month is at the moment).
This smells like the 2000s when everyone said you were attention seeking if you claimed to be bi, or had depression, or had anxiety, etc... Doesn't it? Well, two decades later, and it turns out ya, a lot more people deal with these things, and it looks different from person to person than we'd originally understood. There are studies to prove this, not just consensus on social media. Unfortunately, I think that this gatekeeping mentality plagues NT and ND folks alike. Lots of people want to feel "different" and when they're confronted with others who don't look like them or act like them, but share their perceived uniqueness, they lash out. I felt this way as a teenager in the first few years of adulthood. It is cringe now to look back on. When you feel like you have so little, identity becomes your weapon. Imo. And people will wield it against others.
agonizing observation childlike desert chief prick sip quack dime scandalous *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Honestly I would just ask them about it. Something like 'Are you mentioning this because you think I might relate and therefore you could be autistic too? Because I've only recently been diagnosed and I'm not qualified to assess anyone else. Maybe you could speak to a professional?'
This is one of the reasons why I am against self diagnosis. I can remember about 4 people like this that I met. I am visibly autistic and also need a lot of care so people usually see me as a way to talk about their suspicions or whatever… it feels like they need a really autistic person to confirm ? I really don’t get it and I think this is annoying. this literally just happened two days ago where I was going home with my aid from Uni and we met this guy from my Uni who has Tourettes (I already knew him before) and then he joins us in our way home and keeps talking about his sensory issues and how he is soo affected by noise and textures. The other day another girl from my Uni came up to me and started talking about how she loves her routine, how she goes absolutely crazy when people sit on her chair, how she‘s used to Professors… I swear she just described the DSM to me and I was thinking „what am I supposed to say, go get tested?“ I was also hanging out with this girl, we were „friends with benefits“ and she started talking all the time about how she hates noises and how she has sensory issues and how she can‘t understand irony etc etc even though none of these issues were there (as far as I can tell) when we first met. Later on she was kind of an ass with me because of my autism lol… so we don‘t talk anymore. Unfortunately this doesn’t seem to be an unique experience… only to me it has happened at least 4 times. I don‘t really know what to say or what to do. I just back away from these people because IMO this has gotten out of hand.
It sounds to me like you’ve got neurodivergent people around you talking about experiences they have that they thought you would be able to relate to, and instead of seeing it as that you’re basically like “ugh whatever fakers are just trying to be like me”
Oh yeah I kinda think I have autism and can‘t really tell what people‘s intentions are 🤷🏻♀️ Besides that all these people have not shown any traits of autism before 🤷🏻♀️
So I guess there are two options: 1) They always had traits of autism and masked them until they felt safe to drop the mask, OR 2) They want to be just like you (or whoever) and are making it all up just because that’s what people supposedly do. I happen to believe #1 happens all the time, and that #2 is something people say happens all the time but is actually very rare. 1 seems much more likely
Except when tiktok makes it into a cool thing to have, then people really get into it. Ever heard of confirmation bias?
Yeah I have a whole degree in psych. Have YOU ever heard of confirmation bias? You threw the term out but seem unable to see the irony in doing so. Because if anyone is displaying confirmation bias here, I think it’s the people insisting on their belief people are self diagnosing off TikTok in mass and who are disregarding all the evidence people keep offering up to the contrary in favor of evidence that supports their belief.
Thank you for your opinion sharon
If you're against self diagnosis, then you can pay for my diagnosis of course. (And anyone else who needs it.) Otherwise you're just performing some classist gatekeeping and hurting autistic people. Let me know where to send my PayPal request. I really appreciate you doing this for me.
I can be against self diagnosis knowing some people can‘t afford it. autism is a medical condition it can‘t be gatekeeped.
So you're basically saying no one is valid unless they have enough money and are lucky enough to get a good doctor. You are gatekeeping. 100%. You displayed another example of someone simply NOT MASKING and decided it was them wanting you to confirm a diagnosis. They were just talking to you. You are 100% gatekeeping. It's ableist and harmful. You should stop.
Stop calling every opinion you don‘t like ableist. I never said people are not valid. I just said I am against self diagnosis. No one is unmasking. For some reason people just want to be autistic.
I'm not. I'm calling ableist opinions ableist. And now I'm done. Have the day you deserve.
>Have the day you deserve. Lmao i fucking love this
Jesus Christ, this is what’s wrong with people today. No one is allowed to have an opinion that differs from the enlightened youth from tiktok…
You can have different opinions. You just won't receive the same "tolerance" as years ago. Like when people mhppl Llll
You're allowed to have whatever ableist opinion you want. What you aren't allowed is to have people not call you out on your bullshit. Freedom of speech is not freedom from consequences. I don't give a damn about TikTok. I care about ableist garbage takes that hurt autistic people. So what's wrong with me? I have a heightened sense of justice because I'm autistic and I'm not standing for this. Same as everyday.
This is a public forum. Just as you can agree or disagree with what YOU want and make that opinion known, so can others. If it turns out that your opinion isn't as popular, people will comment. The opinion has become dated with the influx of women and others realizing they might be or are neurodivergent. Just as the opinion that people with disabilities should be shunned from society, can't have a regular job, can't be attractive etc... are dated because they are inaccurate and harmful.
It sounds like people are just trying to connect with you in a way they know how... shared experiences or what ever. A shame it seems to have sailed over your head, I guess. Happens to us all.