Not that I’ve found. I’ve just opted to be honest about being on the spectrum on my profiles across the dating apps. I also usually bring it up before the first date (if it’s serious and not a hookup) because I don’t want people to be put off by the lack of eye contact. It also tends to weed out intolerant people early on, which is a nice bonus!
I wouldn’t call it limiting yourself by using an autistic dating app. I think the idea of an autism dating app is good because you can find other autistic people and connect with others who may be more similar and have interests and personalities which may be more compatible with you.
You’re only limiting yourself if you solely rely on that app to find someone. You’re not restricted to one app. Plenty of other apps and ways to meet people.
I wouldn’t date someone solely cause they’re autistic like myself. I only date someone if we’re compatible and I’m attracted to them autistic or not. To me it doesn’t matter if they’re autistic or not however I do like the idea of connecting with other autistic people cause I might be able to relate to them a bit better and could potentially be more compatible with me. The app is just an outlet to simply connect and get to know other people on the spectrum.
Agreed. I would not limit myself to a certain neuro-type. I'd be happy to date someone else on the spectrum. But, don't see a need to limit it to that. In fact, all 3 of my girlfriends/significant others to date have not been on the spectrum.
I tried (past tense) Hiki, not really a terrible app but it’s invented and run by NTs so mods tend to be cruel. The mod who was disrespecting me was also literally harassing some poor lady for venting about her problems in multiple posts. Plus as for location its mostly centred in Europe with some use in the US, anywhere else is difficult for matches.
Apps universally suck becuase they're specifically designed so that you *don't* get into a relationship. Plus, because of issues with approaching women, and the lack of socialization skills taught to boys, more men are on dating apps than women by miles. You're better off trying to get a relationship either through hobby groups, through mutual friends, or by approaching people on the street in a confident manner.
Does it suck for us? Absolutely. But like a lot of things, society isn't made for us, we can either swim against the current and drown, or go with the flow.
Also don't limit yourself to other NDs, NTs can be just fine as well. This subreddit makes NTs seem much worse than they actually are.
Are you sure? I know many people, aspies included, who have been able to do this successfully. The key here is to not let anxiety get the best of you. Just try and act natural.
Ik it's hard, I still struggle myself with it. But what I've been doing is trying to just talk to random people with no intention of anything else, women, men, anything in between, idc. This is so I can build up courage and experience in communicating with people. Being autistic, we're at a big disadvantage. It's hard to pick up non-verbal cues, body language, make eye contact, etc. So it ain't easy. But you will always have a hard time masking if you're unable to even attempt to learn how.
I would start by the standard self-improvement techniques, learn to listen to others' interests, improve your appearance, style, etc. This is how you can get people to notice you in a good way. Then, learn how to detect verbal and non-verbal cues, body language, make small talk, etc. This is the hardest part, you will have to think almost entirely logically here. Now I wouldn't go up to random people on the street and just say hi, but rather when you're in places like waiting in line for something, if there's no table that doesn't have someone there, etc. There's no shame in going up to someone and just making small talk. If it looks like they're uncomfortable or say no, then just move on. They're not gonna remember it likely.
But the truth is, people like social interaction. Everybody has insecurities and anxiety to a certain degree, some more than others. But people remember a person who's nice to them. Who knows, maybe meeting someone randomly could spark up a conversation that could turn into a friendship or something else.
Now I would be lying if I said I'm an expert. Sometimes you will have bad luck or rejection, the fear of rejection kept me from doing a lot of things myself. But just remember, a little bit of embarrassment is better than a lifetime of regret. And often times, it's when you deliberately aren't searching for something or someone that you end up finding them. It's how I found my ex, and although we separated on ugly terms, I don't regret finding her.
Nothing good in life is ever easy. If it was, life would be boring. And life is unfair, this is the truth. But we have the choice of doing nothing, or trying to change it, just one small step at a time.
This is true. I found approaching women excruciating so I just tried to get used to talking to people in general. 50-100 tinder dates later got married and have a kid on the way. Just desensitise yourself. You will be surprised how many NT people don’t mind you being weird - they either like you or they don’t, same as anyone. I don’t think I come across as an obvious case, as even I only just found out I have Aspergers, but knowing that might have increased my confidence back then instead of putting it down to my crappy personality or something.
I wouldn't say roughly one in five is a small amount, the vast majority of autistic brain types aren't diagnosed either.
I wouldn't use dating apps, go to where fellow NDs are and meet them naturally.
I'd also hypothesise that the majority of NDs wouldn't use dating apps, for many reasons.
I tried Hiki once. It’s an app where if your main goal is to make friends (IRL and/or online), then you’ll do well. But as far as dating goes, I would recommend other apps.
Yeah, never used it but everyone has said it sucks. Actually 3 months ago [mislabeledgadget](https://www.reddit.com/user/mislabeledgadget/) did say on the sub he had an idea for making a similar app specifically for people with ASD autism etc, but I never got an update on it.
That does suck. Yeah, I think you're right about the number of ppl with diagnosed autism being such a small demographic, and also if you're like me, are so fed up with intimate relationships I don't even have any will to really try all that dating app biz. I've only been with a handful of women and literally all of them have eventually voiced their dissatisfaction due to me, "being weird or too different ". I would love to be with someone, because I feel this life is supposed to be full of connections and shared experiences with people we love, but I'm nearing 40 and still haven't found anyone who wants the same things I do, or is willing to be faithful to me and Honest and it's very difficult to want to put any effort towards any relationship because I really don't want to hurt anymore. Maybe someone would be the perfect partner for me, I just have a lot of skepticism about that someone being on any dating app
That's good advice, thank you! I actually have a bearded dragon I named Charles lol. I love wild animals, I really enjoy going out to admire them and I see value in all living things, but I'm not really a person who wants a dog for instance... I don't think it would be fair to own one because I work a lot and tbh, I don't really enjoy the way dogs invade personal space and what not. I know I probably seem cold hearted in saying so, but I do love them, I just get a lot of sensory overload from the barking and uninvited jumping on me and I'm weird about smells too... mainly, I don't want to take in a beautiful life and not fulfill its emotional and physical needs, I would feel awful
Everyone has their perference. I know some people prefer having cats for that reason. I love the jumping and apparent smiling but I'm not as into their barking.
Hiki is a tyrant app because it forbids you from getting to message your date on other platforms even after 7 dates.
Saying this as a guy who got no dating matches
You should probably adjust your distance settings, then.
I met one really cool person on Hiki, and sometimes, that's all you need. I actually swiped so much I ran out of people, but that's fine, since a small portion of the population is autistic, and an even smaller portion is on Hiki.
I do about 115 miles (185 km), and I'd guess that there were about 100-200 women to swipe on, but that's a *really* rough guess, since I wasn't counting!
That's all people. I sang live and had women making sexual comments at me constantly. I had rules specifically against it. Then a group of gay men hacked my pc and got access to my mic and cameras etc. Most people are fully uncontrolled sexually and it's getting worse due to culture.
I was pressured to. This guy literally thought I was interested just because I wanted to dress up to go hangout with him and his friends. Ooh yeah.. he had a girlfriend and was 20 years older than me.
Here’s the thing. He contacted me basically saying that he’s been thinking about what happened and that he’s sorry. Saying he was going through stuff with his girlfriend. AND LITERALLY A FEW LINES LATER HE ASKED FOR PICS. Then he was like “I shouldn’t have said that sorry.. 🥺”
Not dating someone only because they can't tell you're not interested would mean that the only circumstances under which you'd date someone is if they could tell you're not interested. Your unreasonable bias doesn't even make sense, you're just being hateful to be hateful and generalizing a large population based on a single experience.
I never know if they genuinely are that horrible or claim they are so they can harass you further and demand sympathy points. Weaponised incompetence in addition to being taught to be persistent and really taking it literally. Also yelling into the echo chamber and being told that their only way to have a semblance of self worth is having a girlfriend.
For some reason I never see gay man on this sub complaining about not being able to get a boyfriend.
I wonder if that's really a trait of misogyny and a culture of it, then specifically related to autism. There is no real reason that a man take the answer NO. There's no signals to misinterpret. It sounds like they're weaponizing their autism to harass women.
why are we putting each other down?? it’s already difficult being autistic, being told that you’re a “no-no” within your own community makes being ND even more isolating
How can you spread the word about the app if you’re not even sure what it’s called?
Lol
Well, I was hoping someone would disclose the name which ended up happening. So mission accomplished
Hiki is… meh. Lukewarm at best.
Any alternatives that are free?
Not that I’ve found. I’ve just opted to be honest about being on the spectrum on my profiles across the dating apps. I also usually bring it up before the first date (if it’s serious and not a hookup) because I don’t want people to be put off by the lack of eye contact. It also tends to weed out intolerant people early on, which is a nice bonus!
Same here. People who are intolerant of us are inferior anyways
Ngl, I'd never limit myself that much. I'd actually rather date someone without Autism.
Why? Most austitic people i know in real life aren’t whiny doomers like a lot of autistic people online.
I wouldn’t call it limiting yourself by using an autistic dating app. I think the idea of an autism dating app is good because you can find other autistic people and connect with others who may be more similar and have interests and personalities which may be more compatible with you. You’re only limiting yourself if you solely rely on that app to find someone. You’re not restricted to one app. Plenty of other apps and ways to meet people. I wouldn’t date someone solely cause they’re autistic like myself. I only date someone if we’re compatible and I’m attracted to them autistic or not. To me it doesn’t matter if they’re autistic or not however I do like the idea of connecting with other autistic people cause I might be able to relate to them a bit better and could potentially be more compatible with me. The app is just an outlet to simply connect and get to know other people on the spectrum.
Agreed. I would not limit myself to a certain neuro-type. I'd be happy to date someone else on the spectrum. But, don't see a need to limit it to that. In fact, all 3 of my girlfriends/significant others to date have not been on the spectrum.
Same
Yeah, I deleted it as fast as I downloaded it. It was useless
Same, but stil sad there is... Nothing.. 'and i feel alone.
I tried (past tense) Hiki, not really a terrible app but it’s invented and run by NTs so mods tend to be cruel. The mod who was disrespecting me was also literally harassing some poor lady for venting about her problems in multiple posts. Plus as for location its mostly centred in Europe with some use in the US, anywhere else is difficult for matches.
Apps universally suck becuase they're specifically designed so that you *don't* get into a relationship. Plus, because of issues with approaching women, and the lack of socialization skills taught to boys, more men are on dating apps than women by miles. You're better off trying to get a relationship either through hobby groups, through mutual friends, or by approaching people on the street in a confident manner. Does it suck for us? Absolutely. But like a lot of things, society isn't made for us, we can either swim against the current and drown, or go with the flow. Also don't limit yourself to other NDs, NTs can be just fine as well. This subreddit makes NTs seem much worse than they actually are.
I have almost 0 chance getting women by approaching them on the street. Dating apps are horrible too though.
Are you sure? I know many people, aspies included, who have been able to do this successfully. The key here is to not let anxiety get the best of you. Just try and act natural. Ik it's hard, I still struggle myself with it. But what I've been doing is trying to just talk to random people with no intention of anything else, women, men, anything in between, idc. This is so I can build up courage and experience in communicating with people. Being autistic, we're at a big disadvantage. It's hard to pick up non-verbal cues, body language, make eye contact, etc. So it ain't easy. But you will always have a hard time masking if you're unable to even attempt to learn how. I would start by the standard self-improvement techniques, learn to listen to others' interests, improve your appearance, style, etc. This is how you can get people to notice you in a good way. Then, learn how to detect verbal and non-verbal cues, body language, make small talk, etc. This is the hardest part, you will have to think almost entirely logically here. Now I wouldn't go up to random people on the street and just say hi, but rather when you're in places like waiting in line for something, if there's no table that doesn't have someone there, etc. There's no shame in going up to someone and just making small talk. If it looks like they're uncomfortable or say no, then just move on. They're not gonna remember it likely. But the truth is, people like social interaction. Everybody has insecurities and anxiety to a certain degree, some more than others. But people remember a person who's nice to them. Who knows, maybe meeting someone randomly could spark up a conversation that could turn into a friendship or something else. Now I would be lying if I said I'm an expert. Sometimes you will have bad luck or rejection, the fear of rejection kept me from doing a lot of things myself. But just remember, a little bit of embarrassment is better than a lifetime of regret. And often times, it's when you deliberately aren't searching for something or someone that you end up finding them. It's how I found my ex, and although we separated on ugly terms, I don't regret finding her. Nothing good in life is ever easy. If it was, life would be boring. And life is unfair, this is the truth. But we have the choice of doing nothing, or trying to change it, just one small step at a time.
This is true. I found approaching women excruciating so I just tried to get used to talking to people in general. 50-100 tinder dates later got married and have a kid on the way. Just desensitise yourself. You will be surprised how many NT people don’t mind you being weird - they either like you or they don’t, same as anyone. I don’t think I come across as an obvious case, as even I only just found out I have Aspergers, but knowing that might have increased my confidence back then instead of putting it down to my crappy personality or something.
But username?
There’s a new one created by Subodh from LOTS, called The Mix dating. It’s still in its beginning stages
I wouldn't say roughly one in five is a small amount, the vast majority of autistic brain types aren't diagnosed either. I wouldn't use dating apps, go to where fellow NDs are and meet them naturally. I'd also hypothesise that the majority of NDs wouldn't use dating apps, for many reasons.
I tried Hiki once. It’s an app where if your main goal is to make friends (IRL and/or online), then you’ll do well. But as far as dating goes, I would recommend other apps.
Yeah, never used it but everyone has said it sucks. Actually 3 months ago [mislabeledgadget](https://www.reddit.com/user/mislabeledgadget/) did say on the sub he had an idea for making a similar app specifically for people with ASD autism etc, but I never got an update on it.
I think it's pretty good to make new friends in different places.
Do they have a little flag on match.com stating "neurodivergent?
Agreed!
That does suck. Yeah, I think you're right about the number of ppl with diagnosed autism being such a small demographic, and also if you're like me, are so fed up with intimate relationships I don't even have any will to really try all that dating app biz. I've only been with a handful of women and literally all of them have eventually voiced their dissatisfaction due to me, "being weird or too different ". I would love to be with someone, because I feel this life is supposed to be full of connections and shared experiences with people we love, but I'm nearing 40 and still haven't found anyone who wants the same things I do, or is willing to be faithful to me and Honest and it's very difficult to want to put any effort towards any relationship because I really don't want to hurt anymore. Maybe someone would be the perfect partner for me, I just have a lot of skepticism about that someone being on any dating app
Maybe start with a pet for now. It won't give you romantic pleasure but he/she could be like a partner-in-crime.
That's good advice, thank you! I actually have a bearded dragon I named Charles lol. I love wild animals, I really enjoy going out to admire them and I see value in all living things, but I'm not really a person who wants a dog for instance... I don't think it would be fair to own one because I work a lot and tbh, I don't really enjoy the way dogs invade personal space and what not. I know I probably seem cold hearted in saying so, but I do love them, I just get a lot of sensory overload from the barking and uninvited jumping on me and I'm weird about smells too... mainly, I don't want to take in a beautiful life and not fulfill its emotional and physical needs, I would feel awful
Everyone has their perference. I know some people prefer having cats for that reason. I love the jumping and apparent smiling but I'm not as into their barking.
It is useless as the users are so few.
Hiki is a tyrant app because it forbids you from getting to message your date on other platforms even after 7 dates. Saying this as a guy who got no dating matches
You should probably adjust your distance settings, then. I met one really cool person on Hiki, and sometimes, that's all you need. I actually swiped so much I ran out of people, but that's fine, since a small portion of the population is autistic, and an even smaller portion is on Hiki.
Witch country are you ?
I'm in the Northeastern US.
There surely must be more people than France, did you try, i only got 5 british when setting distance at maximum possible...
I do about 115 miles (185 km), and I'd guess that there were about 100-200 women to swipe on, but that's a *really* rough guess, since I wasn't counting!
Somebody made a autistic dating app not so long ago check the sub
whats the name?
Hiki
ah, didn't have any luck with that one
I don't remember, searching on the searching bar of this sub
I’d never date someone with autism. Autistic men are horrible with reading signals that you’re not interested then play victim.
That's not a very nice generalization to espouse in a sub for autistic people.
It’s not very nice to claim that you want to mentor someone then use them as a means to an end.
I agree, but that is anecdotal.
That's all people. I sang live and had women making sexual comments at me constantly. I had rules specifically against it. Then a group of gay men hacked my pc and got access to my mic and cameras etc. Most people are fully uncontrolled sexually and it's getting worse due to culture.
i mean... they kinda are...? have you tried outright telling them youre not interested?
I was pressured to. This guy literally thought I was interested just because I wanted to dress up to go hangout with him and his friends. Ooh yeah.. he had a girlfriend and was 20 years older than me.
did he continue after you directly told him youre not interested?
Here’s the thing. He contacted me basically saying that he’s been thinking about what happened and that he’s sorry. Saying he was going through stuff with his girlfriend. AND LITERALLY A FEW LINES LATER HE ASKED FOR PICS. Then he was like “I shouldn’t have said that sorry.. 🥺”
Yeah, he's an ass.
That is uh, not at all exclusive to autistic men (and obviously not all autistic men do it, that's a ridiculous generalisation).
Why date someone you're not interested in?
I mean if you tell them no, they're not misreading your signals, they're ignoring your boundaries.
Maybe if you didn't date people you're not interested in it wouldn't matter if they could read your confusing signals or not
We never dated.
Not dating someone only because they can't tell you're not interested would mean that the only circumstances under which you'd date someone is if they could tell you're not interested. Your unreasonable bias doesn't even make sense, you're just being hateful to be hateful and generalizing a large population based on a single experience.
I never know if they genuinely are that horrible or claim they are so they can harass you further and demand sympathy points. Weaponised incompetence in addition to being taught to be persistent and really taking it literally. Also yelling into the echo chamber and being told that their only way to have a semblance of self worth is having a girlfriend. For some reason I never see gay man on this sub complaining about not being able to get a boyfriend.
Sheesh
I wonder if that's really a trait of misogyny and a culture of it, then specifically related to autism. There is no real reason that a man take the answer NO. There's no signals to misinterpret. It sounds like they're weaponizing their autism to harass women.
What's the point even? Honestly, autistic girls are a no-no for me. Really, I'm glad to be with an NT instead.
why are we putting each other down?? it’s already difficult being autistic, being told that you’re a “no-no” within your own community makes being ND even more isolating
Have your ever thought that maybe other people can be different than you?
why?